|
Idiocracy
|
| 00:00:41 |
[ Man Narrating ] |
| 00:00:44 |
human evolution was |
| 00:00:48 |
Natural selection, the process by which |
| 00:00:53 |
the fastest reproduced |
| 00:00:56 |
a process which had once |
| 00:01:00 |
now began to favor |
| 00:01:03 |
[ Reporter] |
| 00:01:05 |
Most science fiction of the day |
| 00:01:09 |
and more intelligent. |
| 00:01:11 |
But as time went on, things seemed |
| 00:01:15 |
A dumbing down. |
| 00:01:17 |
How did this happen? |
| 00:01:19 |
Evolution does not necessarily |
| 00:01:23 |
With no natural predators |
| 00:01:25 |
it began to simply reward those |
| 00:01:29 |
and left the intelligent |
| 00:01:34 |
Having kids is such |
| 00:01:39 |
We're just waiting |
| 00:01:40 |
It's not something you want |
| 00:01:43 |
No way. |
| 00:01:45 |
Oh, shit, |
| 00:01:47 |
Shit! |
| 00:01:50 |
- I thought you was on the pill or some shit! |
| 00:01:54 |
Shit! I must've been |
| 00:01:56 |
Brittany? |
| 00:01:58 |
- There's no way we could have a child now. |
| 00:02:01 |
Not with the market |
| 00:02:03 |
God, no. That just |
| 00:02:06 |
Come on over here, bitch! |
| 00:02:09 |
Yeah? Well, there must be |
| 00:02:11 |
- She don't mean nothin' to me, baby! |
| 00:02:15 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:02:18 |
Well, we finally decided |
| 00:02:21 |
and I'm not pointing fingers, |
| 00:02:25 |
And this is helping. |
| 00:02:27 |
I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, |
| 00:02:31 |
It's always me, right? |
| 00:02:33 |
Well, it's not |
| 00:02:36 |
Yeah! Yeah! |
| 00:02:39 |
That's my boy! |
| 00:02:41 |
Whoo! Whoo! |
| 00:02:45 |
Clevon is lucky |
| 00:02:47 |
He attempted to jump |
| 00:02:49 |
into a swimming pool |
| 00:02:53 |
But thanks to recent advances |
| 00:02:55 |
and the fine work of Doctors Krinski |
| 00:02:58 |
Clevon should regain |
| 00:03:00 |
Get your hands |
| 00:03:06 |
Unfortunately, Trevor passed away |
| 00:03:10 |
while masturbating... |
| 00:03:12 |
to produce sperm |
| 00:03:15 |
But I have |
| 00:03:17 |
so just as soon as the right guy |
| 00:03:23 |
[ Clevon Shouting ] |
| 00:03:25 |
[ Narrator] |
| 00:03:28 |
although few, if any, |
| 00:03:30 |
But in the year 2005, in a military base |
| 00:03:36 |
A simple army librarian |
| 00:03:40 |
about to change the entire course |
| 00:03:44 |
Come on, asshole! |
| 00:03:50 |
Hey, Bauers. |
| 00:03:52 |
This is Peterson, |
| 00:03:55 |
- My what? I'm gettin' replaced? |
| 00:03:59 |
- No. |
| 00:04:01 |
They're being all weird |
| 00:04:03 |
I don't want a new assignment. |
| 00:04:06 |
- I'm good at this. |
| 00:04:10 |
No one ever comes in here. |
| 00:04:13 |
Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me. |
| 00:04:16 |
If I can just stay in here another eight years, |
| 00:04:19 |
I'm all set. Can you just |
| 00:04:23 |
No way. Not this time. |
| 00:04:25 |
Jesus. I don't understand. |
| 00:04:30 |
Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow, |
| 00:04:34 |
When he says that, you're not supposed |
| 00:04:37 |
It's supposed to embarrass you |
| 00:04:41 |
That doesn't |
| 00:04:43 |
Look, Joe. |
| 00:04:45 |
You're just gonna |
| 00:04:47 |
Like, follow me upstairs, |
| 00:04:50 |
Right now? |
| 00:04:54 |
I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass |
| 00:05:05 |
[ Man ] |
| 00:05:08 |
our first subject for the Human |
| 00:05:12 |
Now, as you know, |
| 00:05:14 |
many of our best pilots, |
| 00:05:16 |
often go their entire careers |
| 00:05:18 |
With the Human Hibernation Rroject, |
| 00:05:23 |
frozen in their prime, |
| 00:05:26 |
Joe, here, is not |
| 00:05:30 |
Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily |
| 00:05:35 |
Extremely average in every |
| 00:05:40 |
The most average person |
| 00:05:43 |
Additionally, he has no family, |
| 00:05:45 |
is an only child, |
| 00:05:48 |
making him an ideal candidate, |
| 00:05:51 |
should something go wrong |
| 00:05:53 |
We had a little less luck in finding a female |
| 00:05:58 |
and were forced to look |
| 00:06:02 |
This is Rita. LikeJoe, |
| 00:06:06 |
Rita agreed to participate |
| 00:06:09 |
in exchange for dropping |
| 00:06:13 |
We did, however, have to come |
| 00:06:17 |
a gentleman who goes by the name |
| 00:06:22 |
With two D's, as he says, |
| 00:06:27 |
Upgrayedd agreed |
| 00:06:29 |
and keep quiet on the matter, |
| 00:06:32 |
with the local authorities |
| 00:06:36 |
First, however, there was |
| 00:06:41 |
Collins, could we skip |
| 00:06:44 |
Sure. |
| 00:06:46 |
You see, a pimp's love is very different |
| 00:06:51 |
Collins! |
| 00:06:54 |
Fine. We'll move on. |
| 00:06:57 |
It is a fascinating |
| 00:07:12 |
Jesus, Collins. |
| 00:07:16 |
Yeah, that's- |
| 00:07:20 |
Anyway, the experiment |
| 00:07:23 |
are to be placed |
| 00:07:25 |
for exactly one year |
| 00:07:28 |
As you know, |
| 00:07:30 |
However, if successful, we believe humans |
| 00:07:42 |
So this is kinda crazy, huh? |
| 00:07:45 |
- What unit are you with? |
| 00:07:49 |
Oh, private sector. |
| 00:07:52 |
- So, uh, what do you do? |
| 00:07:57 |
Wow, that's great. |
| 00:07:59 |
You know, I really envy people |
| 00:08:02 |
doing a little of this |
| 00:08:04 |
I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen. |
| 00:08:09 |
and then he'd sell 'em |
| 00:08:11 |
Yeah. |
| 00:08:15 |
So, uh, you an artist |
| 00:08:19 |
- Uh, yeah. |
| 00:08:22 |
- Yeah, paintings. |
| 00:08:26 |
- Mm-hmm. |
| 00:08:30 |
I don't know, just... |
| 00:08:35 |
Wow. Well, must be great to be able |
| 00:08:40 |
[ Scoffs ] |
| 00:08:43 |
- [ Door Opens ] |
| 00:08:45 |
Me. |
| 00:08:52 |
- [ Machinery Whirring ] |
| 00:08:55 |
Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that |
| 00:08:59 |
- What's the matter? |
| 00:09:02 |
in no damn coffin |
| 00:09:05 |
Oh, no, don't worry about it. |
| 00:09:08 |
Who's Upgrayedd? |
| 00:09:09 |
He's my boyfriend. |
| 00:09:13 |
Man, how do you know |
| 00:09:15 |
These guys know what they're doing. |
| 00:09:17 |
They've tested it on dogs |
| 00:09:20 |
What happens is, the drugs will kick in, |
| 00:09:23 |
we wake up in a year, |
| 00:09:25 |
- It'll be fine. |
| 00:09:27 |
Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name. |
| 00:09:32 |
See, 'cause I knew this, |
| 00:09:35 |
His name was Untgrad. |
| 00:09:37 |
Okay, my niggas, |
| 00:09:39 |
Just go ahead |
| 00:09:43 |
[ Equipment Beeping ] |
| 00:09:51 |
See you in a year. |
| 00:09:53 |
[ Narrator] |
| 00:09:56 |
was one of the army's most |
| 00:09:59 |
and one of its most secretive. |
| 00:10:02 |
But it was not immune |
| 00:10:07 |
Freeze! |
| 00:10:09 |
[ Groans ] |
| 00:10:18 |
Soon after Collins's arrest |
| 00:10:22 |
the base was closed. |
| 00:10:25 |
It hadn't even been a year, |
| 00:10:32 |
Things looked bleak forJoe, |
| 00:10:36 |
As Joe and Rita lay dormant, |
| 00:10:39 |
and mankind became stupider |
| 00:10:52 |
Some had high hopes |
| 00:10:55 |
would correct this |
| 00:10:58 |
But sadly, the greatest minds |
| 00:11:01 |
were focused on conquering hair loss |
| 00:11:06 |
[ Orangutan Chattering ] |
| 00:11:08 |
Meanwhile, the population exploded, |
| 00:11:14 |
until humanity was incapable |
| 00:11:19 |
Like garbage, which had been stacked |
| 00:11:24 |
leading to the Great Garbage |
| 00:11:29 |
which would set in motion the events |
| 00:11:34 |
[ Backup Warning Beeping ] |
| 00:12:08 |
- Hold on. |
| 00:12:11 |
an all-new Owl My Ballsl |
| 00:12:19 |
[ Screaming ] |
| 00:12:26 |
- All right. [ Chuckling ] |
| 00:12:30 |
- [ Snarling ] |
| 00:12:32 |
[ Chuckling ] |
| 00:12:34 |
[ Groans ] |
| 00:12:36 |
[ Man Watching TV] |
| 00:12:39 |
Ow, my balls! |
| 00:12:42 |
- [ Groans ] |
| 00:12:46 |
Huh? |
| 00:12:48 |
[ Groaning ] |
| 00:12:51 |
- [ TV. : Tires Squealing, Man Screaming ] |
| 00:12:55 |
- [Joe] Where's- |
| 00:13:00 |
[ Man Laughing ] |
| 00:13:02 |
[ Tires Squealing ] |
| 00:13:10 |
- Where's Officer Collins? |
| 00:13:13 |
[ Man On TV] Next week on Ow! My Balls! , |
| 00:13:16 |
- Are we on base? |
| 00:13:21 |
In your face, ass! |
| 00:13:25 |
I'm sorry. It's just- |
| 00:13:27 |
Shut up! |
| 00:13:29 |
[ Flushes ] |
| 00:13:36 |
Yeah! Wouldn't shut up! |
| 00:13:40 |
Come in here |
| 00:13:41 |
Yeah, you were like, |
| 00:14:00 |
[ Narrator] |
| 00:14:03 |
Joe wandered the streets, |
| 00:14:06 |
But the English language |
| 00:14:08 |
into a hybrid ofhillbilly, valley girl, |
| 00:14:13 |
- Joe was able to understand them... |
| 00:14:17 |
But when he spoke |
| 00:14:20 |
he sounded pompous |
| 00:14:39 |
[ Man On R.A.] |
| 00:14:46 |
Report to, uh- |
| 00:14:49 |
Dr. Lueboo... |
| 00:14:54 |
uh, report. |
| 00:14:55 |
- Your floor-Your floor is now clean. |
| 00:14:58 |
Your floor- |
| 00:15:00 |
Your floor- |
| 00:15:03 |
Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment, |
| 00:15:08 |
I think it might have been |
| 00:15:11 |
I've been hallucinating. |
| 00:15:13 |
My head is just killin'me. |
| 00:15:16 |
My-My-My joints |
| 00:15:20 |
Is this a hospital or- |
| 00:15:22 |
- Actually, I don't even know where I am. |
| 00:15:27 |
[ Electronic Voice] Rlease proceed |
| 00:15:29 |
- and have a healthy dayl |
| 00:15:33 |
Thank youl |
| 00:15:46 |
Uh, 'scuse me. I think this |
| 00:15:50 |
- I was just looking for some regular water. |
| 00:15:53 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:15:57 |
You know, just to drink. |
| 00:16:01 |
[ Laughing ] |
| 00:16:04 |
[ Continues Laughing ] |
| 00:16:08 |
- ** [ Electronic Tune] |
| 00:16:10 |
Oh, is someone not |
| 00:16:13 |
Your illness |
| 00:16:16 |
- [ Man ] Next. |
| 00:16:19 |
- powered byJormi Technology. |
| 00:16:21 |
This one goes in your ear. |
| 00:16:29 |
Come on. |
| 00:16:31 |
- Hurry up, assholel |
| 00:16:35 |
- [ Beeping ] |
| 00:16:39 |
This one- No. |
| 00:16:42 |
- Hey, come on. |
| 00:16:44 |
- Hurry up! |
| 00:16:50 |
Come on! |
| 00:16:57 |
[ Electronic Voice] Thank you for waiting. |
| 00:17:06 |
That's a weird misprint. |
| 00:17:10 |
Hey. |
| 00:17:14 |
Yeah. Right. |
| 00:17:17 |
I don't really know what's going on, |
| 00:17:21 |
I think it might be because of |
| 00:17:24 |
But, if you could, uh, just get me |
| 00:17:27 |
Right. Kick ass. |
| 00:17:30 |
Well, don't wanna sound |
| 00:17:33 |
but, uh, it says on your chart |
| 00:17:36 |
You talk like a fag, |
| 00:17:40 |
What I'd do is just like, |
| 00:17:44 |
like, you know what I mean? Like- |
| 00:17:48 |
- No, I'm serious here. |
| 00:17:52 |
Now there are plenty of'tards |
| 00:17:55 |
My first wife was 'tarded. |
| 00:17:59 |
I need for you to be serious |
| 00:18:03 |
There's that fag talk |
| 00:18:05 |
All right, so that'll be... |
| 00:18:09 |
And if you could just go ahead and, |
| 00:18:13 |
That's weird. This thing has the same |
| 00:18:17 |
- What are the odds of- |
| 00:18:21 |
Why don't you have this? |
| 00:18:27 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:18:31 |
- Where's your tattoo? |
| 00:18:34 |
Why come you don't |
| 00:18:38 |
- [Joe] Oh, my Godl |
| 00:18:42 |
Oh, my God! |
| 00:18:44 |
- You're unscannable. |
| 00:18:48 |
- Unscannable! |
| 00:18:51 |
You gotta let me talk |
| 00:18:53 |
They're all dead. |
| 00:18:56 |
Oh, my God! Oh! |
| 00:18:58 |
- [ Screaming ] |
| 00:19:00 |
- No! Stop! Calm down! |
| 00:19:04 |
- How'd this happen? |
| 00:19:06 |
- [ Alarm Continues ] |
| 00:19:09 |
Your floor is now clean. |
| 00:19:32 |
[ Narrator] |
| 00:19:36 |
The economy was |
| 00:19:39 |
A great dust bowl |
| 00:19:43 |
And the number one movie |
| 00:19:48 |
[ All Laughing ] |
| 00:19:49 |
And that's all it was |
| 00:19:53 |
[ Movie. : Farting ] |
| 00:19:55 |
It won eight Oscars that year, |
| 00:20:04 |
[ Electronic Voice ] |
| 00:20:07 |
You didn't gimme no fries. |
| 00:20:10 |
Would you like another |
| 00:20:13 |
I said I didn't get any. |
| 00:20:15 |
[ Electronic Voice] |
| 00:20:17 |
Your balance is zero. |
| 00:20:19 |
- What? Oh, no. No! |
| 00:20:22 |
- [ Beeping ] |
| 00:20:24 |
- Come on! My kids are starvin'. |
| 00:20:27 |
[ Buzzes ] |
| 00:20:29 |
This should |
| 00:20:32 |
Please come back when you |
| 00:20:35 |
Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. Believes |
| 00:20:40 |
You are an unfit mother. Your children |
| 00:20:45 |
Carl's Jr. |
| 00:20:50 |
Welcome to Carl's Jr. |
| 00:20:52 |
Would you like to try |
| 00:20:55 |
now with more molecules? |
| 00:20:58 |
Heyl Is this particular |
| 00:21:01 |
- Me? No. |
| 00:21:09 |
Listen, I can explain, okay? |
| 00:21:14 |
Wait a second. There's the other pod |
| 00:21:16 |
There was a girl. |
| 00:21:19 |
- Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir. |
| 00:21:22 |
[ Narrator] Joe was arrested for not |
| 00:21:24 |
and not having |
| 00:21:28 |
He would soon discover that |
| 00:21:33 |
but had become |
| 00:21:37 |
You shut up! Now- |
| 00:21:42 |
I'm fixin' to commensurate |
| 00:21:45 |
We gonna see if we can't |
| 00:21:49 |
Now, since y'all |
| 00:21:54 |
we have "proprietarily" |
| 00:21:57 |
one of them |
| 00:22:01 |
So, put your hands together |
| 00:22:06 |
You're my lawyer? |
| 00:22:08 |
Says here you, uh, |
| 00:22:13 |
- Why'd you do that? |
| 00:22:15 |
- That's not what the other lawyer said. |
| 00:22:18 |
Listen, you gotta get me |
| 00:22:20 |
I can explain everything. We can take 'em |
| 00:22:23 |
Shut upl Shut upl Shut upl |
| 00:22:25 |
Now, prosecutor, |
| 00:22:29 |
Okay, number one, Your Honor, |
| 00:22:32 |
[ All Laughing ] |
| 00:22:35 |
- He talks like a fag too. |
| 00:22:38 |
And "B," we've got all this, |
| 00:22:42 |
of how, like, this guy didn't |
| 00:22:45 |
And I heard that he doesn't |
| 00:22:48 |
- [ Crowd Grumbling ] |
| 00:22:50 |
And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." |
| 00:22:54 |
Judge should be like, "Guilty." |
| 00:22:57 |
[ Crowd Cheering ] |
| 00:23:02 |
- Objection! |
| 00:23:05 |
- Come on. Just get me on the stand. |
| 00:23:08 |
- Um, Your Honor? |
| 00:23:11 |
I object... |
| 00:23:13 |
that this guy also broke |
| 00:23:17 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:23:19 |
And you know what else? I object that |
| 00:23:24 |
after he pays back all the money |
| 00:23:27 |
Don't say I stole. |
| 00:23:29 |
And I object. |
| 00:23:31 |
I object that he interrupted me |
| 00:23:35 |
- [ All Booing ] |
| 00:23:40 |
Your Honor, I'm pretty sure |
| 00:23:42 |
- I'm gonna mistrial my foot up |
| 00:23:46 |
- Please, listen. |
| 00:23:48 |
- [ All Laughing ] |
| 00:23:50 |
I was part of an army |
| 00:23:52 |
[ Narrator] |
| 00:23:55 |
but his perceived effeminate voice |
| 00:24:01 |
- Guilty! |
| 00:24:02 |
Without adequate legal representation, |
| 00:24:07 |
Meanwhile, Rita had awakened |
| 00:24:12 |
was a lot easier when the world |
| 00:24:15 |
Was a lot easier when the world |
| 00:24:16 |
[ Female Voice ] Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, |
| 00:24:20 |
Please say the name |
| 00:24:22 |
Upgrayedd. |
| 00:24:25 |
There are 9,726 listings |
| 00:24:30 |
Please deposit $2,000 |
| 00:24:32 |
- Man, what? |
| 00:24:34 |
Hey, look, can you just- |
| 00:24:37 |
Oh, yeah, baby. |
| 00:24:42 |
Really? |
| 00:24:46 |
Think, uh-You think maybe |
| 00:24:48 |
Baby, I can wait two days. |
| 00:24:50 |
Huh. That's good, |
| 00:24:55 |
Oh, yeah? Well, you gonna be glad |
| 00:24:59 |
Thank you very much, |
| 00:25:03 |
What the fuck? |
| 00:25:05 |
Goddamn, shit's changed |
| 00:25:10 |
What are we doin' here? |
| 00:25:12 |
Okay, sir, we're engaged |
| 00:25:17 |
[ Electronic Voice ] Welcome to |
| 00:25:20 |
Please insert your forearm |
| 00:25:26 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:25:28 |
Please speak your name as it appears |
| 00:25:32 |
- Document number G24L8. |
| 00:25:36 |
You have entered the name "Not Sure." |
| 00:25:40 |
- No, it's not correct. |
| 00:25:42 |
Thank you. "Not" is correct. |
| 00:25:45 |
- No, it's not. My name is Joe- |
| 00:25:48 |
You've already confirmed |
| 00:25:50 |
- Rlease confirm your last name, "Sure." |
| 00:25:53 |
- My last name is not Sure. |
| 00:25:56 |
- Thank you, Not Sure. |
| 00:25:58 |
Confirmation is complete. Please wait |
| 00:26:06 |
- Wait a second. Can we start over? |
| 00:26:09 |
Can we cancel this and just go back |
| 00:26:11 |
They're gonna tat- |
| 00:26:15 |
- Ow! |
| 00:26:19 |
- [ Whirring ] |
| 00:26:27 |
Oh, that's fuckin' great. |
| 00:26:32 |
Okay, sir... |
| 00:26:34 |
now we will begin to proceed |
| 00:26:39 |
What for? |
| 00:26:41 |
Okay, sir, this is to figure out |
| 00:26:45 |
and get you a jail job while |
| 00:26:50 |
[ Electronic Voice ] |
| 00:26:53 |
and another bucket |
| 00:26:56 |
how many buckets |
| 00:27:01 |
Two? |
| 00:27:03 |
Thank you. |
| 00:27:13 |
** [ Man Singing ] |
| 00:27:25 |
** [ Continues ] |
| 00:27:45 |
'Too. |
| 00:27:53 |
** [ Continues ] |
| 00:27:58 |
[ No Audible Dialogue ] |
| 00:28:06 |
** [ Ends ] |
| 00:28:09 |
[ Narrator] |
| 00:28:12 |
Joe used his superior |
| 00:28:15 |
to come up with the best |
| 00:28:18 |
Hi. Excuse me. I'm actually supposed |
| 00:28:25 |
Yeah. |
| 00:28:27 |
You're in the wrong line, |
| 00:28:30 |
I'm sorry. I am being |
| 00:28:33 |
Hey, uh, |
| 00:28:37 |
[ Beeping ] |
| 00:28:42 |
[ Warning Buzzer Buzzing ] |
| 00:28:45 |
[ Door Closes ] |
| 00:28:52 |
- 'Too. |
| 00:28:55 |
[ Beeping ] |
| 00:28:57 |
Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here. |
| 00:29:03 |
Could you check again? |
| 00:29:05 |
'Cause, I was, you know- |
| 00:29:08 |
I got sat on my face and everything. |
| 00:29:18 |
- [ Alarm Blaring ] |
| 00:29:23 |
"Excape." "Excape." |
| 00:29:25 |
"Excape." "Excape." |
| 00:29:32 |
** [ Man Singing ] |
| 00:29:42 |
** [ Ends ] |
| 00:29:47 |
[ Man ] |
| 00:29:49 |
Keepin' America 'batin' |
| 00:29:52 |
- And now, Sweet Bang Tube. |
| 00:29:55 |
- Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece. |
| 00:30:00 |
- Oh, yeah, that's- |
| 00:30:02 |
Go away! 'Batin'! |
| 00:30:04 |
[ Knocking Continues ] |
| 00:30:06 |
Damn it. |
| 00:30:08 |
- [ Knocking ] |
| 00:30:13 |
Hey. Hey, get out of here. |
| 00:30:16 |
No, wait, listen. You let me, |
| 00:30:20 |
So? Shut up, |
| 00:30:23 |
Hey, I could have you disbarred- |
| 00:30:26 |
Then maybe you'd go to jail |
| 00:30:29 |
Oh, really? |
| 00:30:31 |
Yeah, really. Now, look. |
| 00:30:35 |
I've been thinking. |
| 00:30:37 |
Someone has to have invented a way |
| 00:30:40 |
You know, I think they were pretty close |
| 00:30:43 |
- With Einstein and guys like that? |
| 00:30:45 |
- You know, scientists? You know? |
| 00:30:49 |
A time machine, |
| 00:30:51 |
- Do they have one? |
| 00:30:56 |
[ Tires Squealing, |
| 00:30:58 |
Jesus. I knew that was |
| 00:31:03 |
No, no, they got |
| 00:31:05 |
- They do? |
| 00:31:07 |
- Are-Are-Are you sure? |
| 00:31:09 |
- Can it get me back to 2005? |
| 00:31:13 |
And it breaks all the time 'cause |
| 00:31:16 |
I don't care. |
| 00:31:19 |
- Well- |
| 00:31:20 |
Listen, l- l- |
| 00:31:24 |
but didn't you go to jail |
| 00:31:26 |
Okay, how about this? You get me |
| 00:31:31 |
I open a savings account |
| 00:31:33 |
That way, 500 years later, |
| 00:31:35 |
- Billionsl |
| 00:31:37 |
'Cause of the interest, |
| 00:31:40 |
- Oh, l- I like money. |
| 00:31:43 |
- How many billions? |
| 00:31:46 |
Yeah, suck one. |
| 00:31:49 |
Yeah? Okay. |
| 00:31:52 |
Thirty billion dollars. |
| 00:31:55 |
Thirty billion. |
| 00:32:00 |
and the time machine's 20- |
| 00:32:02 |
What's the minus |
| 00:32:04 |
Uh, it's, uh- |
| 00:32:07 |
It's $80 billion. |
| 00:32:09 |
- Yeah. I like money though. |
| 00:32:13 |
- [ Banging On Door] |
| 00:32:15 |
- This particular individual's name is Not Sure. |
| 00:32:19 |
Oh, um, he- |
| 00:32:23 |
- You got something I can wear? |
| 00:32:28 |
[ Roliceman ] |
| 00:32:30 |
Seemed to be heading |
| 00:32:33 |
- [ Banging ] |
| 00:32:35 |
- No, you can't come in. |
| 00:32:38 |
- Come on! |
| 00:32:40 |
[ Banging Continues ] |
| 00:32:42 |
Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find |
| 00:32:46 |
- Is she bangin'? |
| 00:32:49 |
That wasn't really |
| 00:32:51 |
- Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another |
| 00:32:55 |
Okay, her pod's up here on the right. |
| 00:32:58 |
Mmm, girl. Oh, yeah? |
| 00:33:03 |
'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, |
| 00:33:07 |
Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. |
| 00:33:11 |
Why don't you |
| 00:33:13 |
- Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! |
| 00:33:16 |
When I finally utilize you, |
| 00:33:19 |
That's right. |
| 00:33:23 |
- Hey, you still on the clock! |
| 00:33:26 |
- Thank you! |
| 00:33:29 |
Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment. |
| 00:33:33 |
Oh, yeah! |
| 00:33:35 |
Just get in the car. |
| 00:33:37 |
- Where we going? |
| 00:33:40 |
- Trust me. |
| 00:33:45 |
- [ Siren Blaring ] |
| 00:33:47 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:33:51 |
Frito, take a right here. |
| 00:33:54 |
Into that dust storm, |
| 00:34:02 |
[Joe] |
| 00:34:04 |
[ Rita ] |
| 00:34:08 |
Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad |
| 00:34:12 |
So, you owe |
| 00:34:14 |
Well, yeah, |
| 00:34:17 |
You know, he helps me sell |
| 00:34:21 |
Look, Rita, you gotta understand that |
| 00:34:26 |
- Yeah, man, but you said there |
| 00:34:29 |
Yeah, there's a time machine |
| 00:34:33 |
but there was no |
| 00:34:35 |
Upgrayedd don't care where |
| 00:34:38 |
He will find a way |
| 00:34:41 |
- All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it- |
| 00:34:44 |
Last time you told me not to worry |
| 00:34:47 |
when you were trying to tell me |
| 00:34:50 |
- Look, Rita, I don't know |
| 00:34:52 |
But I'm doing everything I can |
| 00:34:55 |
[ Electronic Voice] You are harboring |
| 00:34:59 |
Please, pull over and wait for the police |
| 00:35:02 |
- Hell, no. You know what? Let me outta here. |
| 00:35:05 |
If you don't have one of these, |
| 00:35:08 |
You don't want to get thrown in the jails here. |
| 00:35:11 |
They're bad. You're better off being with us, |
| 00:35:14 |
- What are you doing? Why are we slowing down? |
| 00:35:22 |
Look, how far is it? |
| 00:35:26 |
[ Machine-gun Fire] |
| 00:35:29 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:35:37 |
[ Explosion ] |
| 00:35:39 |
Oh! Oh, shit! |
| 00:35:41 |
- [ Cheering ] |
| 00:35:44 |
What the hell's wrong |
| 00:35:48 |
[ Frito ] |
| 00:35:52 |
Come on! |
| 00:36:03 |
[ Rita ] |
| 00:36:07 |
Uh, it's, like, far. |
| 00:36:10 |
Man, I could really |
| 00:36:13 |
Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time |
| 00:36:20 |
** [ Singing ] |
| 00:36:22 |
Man, he don't seem too bright. |
| 00:36:26 |
I sure hope so. |
| 00:36:28 |
- ** [ Continues ] |
| 00:36:32 |
He's my lawyer. |
| 00:36:36 |
[Joe] |
| 00:36:39 |
There's a shuttle down in the Costco. |
| 00:37:02 |
Jesus Christ. |
| 00:37:05 |
He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars |
| 00:37:09 |
So if he mentions anything about |
| 00:37:13 |
Yeah, what if this |
| 00:37:15 |
Then I'll spend |
| 00:37:23 |
Welcome to Costco. I love you. |
| 00:37:30 |
Welcome to Costco. |
| 00:37:32 |
- [ Goats Bleating ] |
| 00:37:34 |
Shuttle's down there in electronics, |
| 00:37:46 |
[ Rita ] We've been walking forever. |
| 00:37:49 |
Yeah, I know this place pretty good. |
| 00:37:52 |
In Costco? |
| 00:37:54 |
Yeah. I couldn't |
| 00:37:57 |
Luckily, my dad was an alumnus |
| 00:38:02 |
Hey, come on, Joe. |
| 00:38:05 |
we'd all like a hand job, |
| 00:38:18 |
[ Woman ] |
| 00:38:20 |
Wanna go out, honey? |
| 00:38:29 |
Shuttle comes every few minutes. |
| 00:38:32 |
- Do I got time to use the bathroom? |
| 00:38:35 |
[ Imitates Farting, Chuckles ] |
| 00:38:38 |
- [ Frito ] Uh, the toilet. |
| 00:38:41 |
Yeah, |
| 00:38:44 |
- Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe? |
| 00:38:46 |
- I like having sex with chicks. |
| 00:38:48 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:38:50 |
Not like I do. Like when you |
| 00:38:53 |
Then you just, like, |
| 00:38:56 |
- That's real good. |
| 00:38:58 |
Stop! You're gonna |
| 00:39:01 |
- [ Alarm Blaring ] |
| 00:39:03 |
Costco has detected a dangerous |
| 00:39:05 |
Hey! What about Rita? |
| 00:39:08 |
I don't care. |
| 00:39:10 |
- [ Sirens Wailing ] |
| 00:39:15 |
Wait, okay, I know. |
| 00:39:17 |
We go to the time machine, |
| 00:39:20 |
I tell her not |
| 00:39:22 |
- Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right? |
| 00:39:24 |
- No, wait. |
| 00:39:26 |
She already is here. That must mean |
| 00:39:29 |
- Uh- |
| 00:39:32 |
Okay, so I go back and I tell |
| 00:39:35 |
Then I won't have to do it either |
| 00:39:38 |
- Then I won't have to |
| 00:39:40 |
- But then, wait. Why am I still here? |
| 00:39:43 |
Goddamn, how does |
| 00:39:45 |
- Rlease stand clear. |
| 00:39:49 |
- Put your hands up! |
| 00:40:02 |
Look, if you guys are |
| 00:40:05 |
just go ahead and shoot me, |
| 00:40:08 |
Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow! |
| 00:40:11 |
- What? |
| 00:40:16 |
- [ Roliceman ] What? |
| 00:40:18 |
- [Joe] Owl Godl Hey, stopl |
| 00:40:22 |
- [Joe] What is this? |
| 00:40:26 |
- What are we doing at the White House? |
| 00:40:28 |
- [ Spraying ] |
| 00:40:31 |
[ Narrator] It turned out the results |
| 00:40:34 |
had caught the attention |
| 00:40:38 |
Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy |
| 00:40:43 |
The I.Q. Test you |
| 00:40:45 |
You got the highest score in history. |
| 00:40:48 |
Yeah, dumb ass, you're even smarter |
| 00:40:51 |
That's how come he's making |
| 00:40:54 |
Okay, so who are you? |
| 00:40:56 |
I'm the secretary of energy. |
| 00:40:58 |
He won a contest. |
| 00:41:00 |
I'm the secretary of state. |
| 00:41:04 |
- Why do you keep saying that? |
| 00:41:08 |
It's a really good way to make money. |
| 00:41:12 |
[ All Chuckling ] |
| 00:41:13 |
- He's the secretary of defense. |
| 00:41:16 |
And, uh, funbags over there |
| 00:41:19 |
[ Whispers ] |
| 00:41:21 |
And that's |
| 00:41:26 |
He's kinda stupid, but he's |
| 00:41:29 |
Still, he does |
| 00:41:31 |
You know, I think there's been |
| 00:41:35 |
'cause the test I took |
| 00:41:39 |
I'm not the smartest guy |
| 00:41:47 |
Okay, even if that were true, |
| 00:41:51 |
- I don't even know what it is. |
| 00:41:55 |
- Sit down. It's President Camacho. |
| 00:41:58 |
I gotta take care of some "bidness,"baby, |
| 00:42:02 |
[ Narrator] Dwayne Elizondo Camacho, |
| 00:42:07 |
porn superstar, and president |
| 00:42:11 |
had called a special summit |
| 00:42:14 |
- So you smart, huh? |
| 00:42:20 |
- I thought your head would be bigger. |
| 00:42:27 |
Goddamn. |
| 00:42:29 |
- It look like a peanut. |
| 00:42:31 |
Let's get you sworn in. |
| 00:42:41 |
** [ Rock Instrumental ] |
| 00:42:48 |
[ Announcer] |
| 00:42:52 |
[ Crowd Cheering ] |
| 00:42:55 |
[ Announcer] |
| 00:42:59 |
[ Laughing ] |
| 00:43:01 |
- Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. |
| 00:43:06 |
Chill out. |
| 00:43:11 |
Shit. |
| 00:43:15 |
I know shit's bad right now |
| 00:43:18 |
And the dust storms. And we runnin' |
| 00:43:20 |
And the dust storms. And we runnin' |
| 00:43:23 |
[ Man ] |
| 00:43:25 |
- But I got a solution. |
| 00:43:28 |
I got a solution. |
| 00:43:30 |
- South Carolina, "whassup?" |
| 00:43:40 |
That's what I thought! |
| 00:43:46 |
Now, I understand everyone's |
| 00:43:49 |
but listen up. |
| 00:43:52 |
I got a three-point plan |
| 00:43:55 |
[ Man ] |
| 00:43:56 |
Number one, |
| 00:44:02 |
- Number two, he's got a higher |
| 00:44:07 |
- And number three, he's gonna fix everything. |
| 00:44:11 |
I give you my word |
| 00:44:14 |
He'll fix the problems |
| 00:44:17 |
He's gonna |
| 00:44:19 |
- Crops? |
| 00:44:25 |
** [ Electric Guitar] |
| 00:44:26 |
He's gonna fix |
| 00:44:31 |
I give you my word. |
| 00:44:34 |
He's gonna |
| 00:44:38 |
** [ Electric Guitar Continues ] |
| 00:44:40 |
And he's so smart... |
| 00:44:43 |
- he's gonna do it all in one week. |
| 00:44:48 |
[ Narrator] Rresident Camacho stood before |
| 00:44:51 |
thatJoe would solve |
| 00:44:55 |
He would not only end the dust bowl |
| 00:44:59 |
but he would cure acne |
| 00:45:02 |
And ifhe didn't... |
| 00:45:05 |
Rresident Camacho |
| 00:45:07 |
He would kick Joe's smart balls |
| 00:45:11 |
- And then, he would throw |
| 00:45:19 |
I should, uh, be honest |
| 00:45:22 |
I don't know how to be |
| 00:45:24 |
I mean, I've never |
| 00:45:26 |
I don't know what the secretary |
| 00:45:28 |
Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy. |
| 00:45:33 |
Besides, |
| 00:45:38 |
you get a full |
| 00:45:40 |
- No jail time. [ Laughing ] |
| 00:45:42 |
Fuck, yeah! |
| 00:45:46 |
And get you one too. |
| 00:45:50 |
[ Laughing ] |
| 00:45:54 |
Shit! |
| 00:45:56 |
Hold on, vatol |
| 00:45:58 |
- Whool |
| 00:46:00 |
[ Laughing ] |
| 00:46:21 |
- Do somethin' smart. |
| 00:46:24 |
Uh, okay. |
| 00:46:28 |
- I'll, uh- |
| 00:46:31 |
- Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted. |
| 00:46:35 |
Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh, you know, |
| 00:46:40 |
You understand? |
| 00:46:42 |
Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff, |
| 00:46:45 |
- Hopefully get it worked out |
| 00:46:50 |
Wait here, okay? |
| 00:46:52 |
Dude, this is trepidatious. |
| 00:46:55 |
Everyone gets laid at the White House. |
| 00:46:57 |
- Yeah? |
| 00:46:59 |
I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito, |
| 00:47:02 |
I don't know the first thing |
| 00:47:05 |
much less |
| 00:47:08 |
Econ-Economy. |
| 00:47:10 |
Let's see. |
| 00:47:13 |
No, I just need you to tell me |
| 00:47:16 |
Oh, that's easy. |
| 00:47:21 |
It's, like- |
| 00:47:23 |
sort of, but, well, |
| 00:47:26 |
More like- But on the street. You go, um- |
| 00:47:30 |
Okay, you know |
| 00:47:32 |
Hey. Just draw me |
| 00:47:35 |
You still want the money? |
| 00:47:38 |
Oh. If I had some money |
| 00:47:41 |
- I would be like, "It's mine, all night!" |
| 00:47:46 |
Listen, I told these people |
| 00:47:49 |
- So act smart! |
| 00:47:51 |
[ With Effeminate Voice] "Oh, I gotta go |
| 00:47:55 |
- I don't talk like that. |
| 00:47:58 |
Shit, I thought |
| 00:48:00 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:48:02 |
[ Secretary of Defense] |
| 00:48:04 |
Okay. Let's go take a look |
| 00:48:07 |
Especially the ones, uh, you know, |
| 00:48:13 |
All right? |
| 00:48:18 |
Now, you either lead, follow, |
| 00:48:22 |
Whoa. |
| 00:48:26 |
Yes, I did. |
| 00:48:29 |
I also need help finding this girl named Rita, |
| 00:48:32 |
- and Frito will give you a hand with it. |
| 00:48:36 |
Well, because, uh, you know, |
| 00:48:41 |
you know, for our team, |
| 00:48:47 |
[ All Laughing ] |
| 00:48:52 |
Utilize her! |
| 00:48:55 |
[ Secretary of State] |
| 00:48:58 |
- [ Laughing ] |
| 00:49:01 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:49:04 |
[ All Laughing ] |
| 00:49:06 |
- [ Secretary of Defense] Utilize herl |
| 00:49:14 |
Dang! May I approach |
| 00:49:23 |
Uh, yeah. |
| 00:49:26 |
Frito, why don't you come over here and, |
| 00:49:29 |
Come on. Hustle over here, buddy. |
| 00:49:32 |
See, uh, just not a lot of moisture. |
| 00:49:36 |
- Oh, yeah. |
| 00:49:42 |
- It's right there. |
| 00:49:45 |
Stand up with me. |
| 00:49:48 |
Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure. |
| 00:49:52 |
Hey, that may be how you refer |
| 00:49:55 |
No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy |
| 00:49:59 |
Don't worry though. |
| 00:50:01 |
on a work-release whorin' license |
| 00:50:05 |
Get your hands off me. What do you think |
| 00:50:08 |
What the fuck |
| 00:50:11 |
- Joe? |
| 00:50:13 |
- Secretary Not Sure. |
| 00:50:17 |
Say, would you guys mind if we had |
| 00:50:21 |
You know, |
| 00:50:28 |
Oh, man. |
| 00:50:31 |
[ All Laughing ] |
| 00:50:38 |
- Fuck her, Joe! |
| 00:50:42 |
No, thanks. |
| 00:50:44 |
I thought you was in jail. |
| 00:50:47 |
Just keep walking. |
| 00:50:58 |
Okay. |
| 00:51:03 |
- What? |
| 00:51:05 |
Way to go, Frito. You know what? |
| 00:51:08 |
We'll ask for directions |
| 00:51:10 |
No way. I spent the last two days |
| 00:51:14 |
Damn it. I can't go back to jail, |
| 00:51:17 |
All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd |
| 00:51:20 |
Listen to me. Upgrayedd |
| 00:51:23 |
- Oh, yeah? |
| 00:51:26 |
could somehow magically |
| 00:51:28 |
we got secret service guys with huge guns |
| 00:51:32 |
So don't worry. |
| 00:51:34 |
And you know what? It's none of my business, |
| 00:51:37 |
you and Upgrayedd should seriously think |
| 00:51:40 |
And you should also think about maybe finding |
| 00:51:44 |
Heyl |
| 00:51:49 |
Uh, no, she is. |
| 00:51:53 |
Yeah. He was great. |
| 00:51:58 |
Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys |
| 00:52:01 |
if we'd go family-style |
| 00:52:06 |
Uh, yeah, |
| 00:52:09 |
We should focus on the crops. |
| 00:52:20 |
What the hell is this? |
| 00:52:25 |
- Tastes like Gatorade. |
| 00:52:29 |
[Joe] They're watering crops |
| 00:52:34 |
[ Narrator] Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator |
| 00:52:37 |
virtually everywhere. |
| 00:52:39 |
Water, the basic component |
| 00:52:41 |
had been deemed a threat |
| 00:52:45 |
The solution came during |
| 00:52:48 |
when the Brawndo Corporation |
| 00:52:53 |
And the F.C. C... . |
| 00:52:55 |
Enabling them to say, |
| 00:52:57 |
anything they wanted. |
| 00:53:04 |
Joe didn't know |
| 00:53:07 |
but he did see a problem |
| 00:53:11 |
- [ Indistinct ] |
| 00:53:15 |
He would not |
| 00:53:18 |
This time, he would lead. |
| 00:53:21 |
For the last time, |
| 00:53:23 |
what's killing the crops |
| 00:53:26 |
But Brawndo's got what plants crave. |
| 00:53:29 |
So wait a minute. |
| 00:53:31 |
is that you want us |
| 00:53:35 |
- Yes. |
| 00:53:38 |
Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be |
| 00:53:42 |
- But Brawndo's got what plants crave. |
| 00:53:45 |
Okay, look. |
| 00:53:48 |
The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure |
| 00:53:51 |
Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know |
| 00:53:56 |
Well, I've never seen no plants |
| 00:54:00 |
Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't |
| 00:54:03 |
- [ Chuckling ] |
| 00:54:07 |
So why don't we just try it, okay, |
| 00:54:11 |
Brawndo's got |
| 00:54:14 |
- Goddamn it. |
| 00:54:16 |
What are electrolytes? |
| 00:54:19 |
It's what they use |
| 00:54:22 |
Yeah, but why do they |
| 00:54:25 |
'Cause Brawndo's |
| 00:54:30 |
[ Narrator] After several hours, |
| 00:54:35 |
and simply told the cabinet |
| 00:54:38 |
and that they wanted water. |
| 00:54:42 |
He made believers |
| 00:54:44 |
Joe didn't know it, |
| 00:54:48 |
were salts that had been |
| 00:54:52 |
killing plants |
| 00:54:55 |
As secretary of the interior, |
| 00:55:00 |
promising that, over time, plants would grow |
| 00:55:06 |
He was on the fast track |
| 00:55:10 |
- Or so it seemed. |
| 00:55:14 |
Man, I hope somethin' |
| 00:55:18 |
Yeah. So we can haul |
| 00:55:20 |
Man. You really think those people |
| 00:55:25 |
I don't know. I mean, how did the world |
| 00:55:30 |
You know things are bad |
| 00:55:34 |
- It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone. |
| 00:55:37 |
- I'm not used to it. |
| 00:55:42 |
You think Einstein walked around thinkin' |
| 00:55:46 |
Yeah. |
| 00:55:48 |
- Now you know why he built that bomb. |
| 00:55:55 |
Hey, Joe, listen. |
| 00:55:57 |
- Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that. |
| 00:56:00 |
They said that |
| 00:56:03 |
You know, if you hadn't done that, |
| 00:56:07 |
I guess I owe you one. |
| 00:56:12 |
You know, you don't have to sleep |
| 00:56:17 |
Oh. No. I'm- |
| 00:56:21 |
Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd |
| 00:56:25 |
You in bed with a stranger. |
| 00:56:29 |
- [ Snickers ] |
| 00:56:31 |
[ Laughing ] |
| 00:56:34 |
I know. I know. |
| 00:56:36 |
[ Laughing Continues ] |
| 00:56:38 |
[Joe] |
| 00:56:51 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:56:53 |
[Joe] |
| 00:56:56 |
[ Narrator] Given enough time, |
| 00:56:58 |
But when the Brawndo stock |
| 00:57:01 |
leaving half the population |
| 00:57:03 |
dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, |
| 00:57:07 |
and screaming |
| 00:57:09 |
An emergency cabinet meeting |
| 00:57:12 |
with the C.E.O. |
| 00:57:14 |
How come nobody's buying |
| 00:57:17 |
Aw, shit. Half the country |
| 00:57:19 |
Not anymorel |
| 00:57:22 |
and the computer did |
| 00:57:25 |
- We're all unemployed! |
| 00:57:27 |
- Why is this happening? |
| 00:57:31 |
- You mean this is all your fault? |
| 00:57:34 |
Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started |
| 00:57:38 |
Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you |
| 00:57:45 |
[ Announcer] |
| 00:57:50 |
He tried taking water |
| 00:57:53 |
but it's Secretary Not Sure |
| 00:57:57 |
And as history |
| 00:57:59 |
and prepares to lower its ass |
| 00:58:02 |
it will be DaddyJustice |
| 00:58:06 |
We now go live to Violence Channel |
| 00:58:11 |
at the Extreme Court |
| 00:58:17 |
Thank you, Velveeta. |
| 00:58:21 |
with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone |
| 00:58:25 |
[ With Effeminate Voice] |
| 00:58:29 |
[ Normal Voice] |
| 00:58:31 |
But then, the chief"J" |
| 00:58:34 |
He said, "Man, whatever. |
| 00:58:36 |
The guy's guilty as shit. |
| 00:58:39 |
And he sentenced his ass |
| 00:58:43 |
Hey, rehabilitation? |
| 00:58:45 |
Doesn't sound so bad. |
| 00:58:47 |
Not so bad, huh? |
| 00:58:49 |
Here's some highlights |
| 00:58:53 |
[ Crowd Cheering ] |
| 00:58:57 |
[ Engine Revving ] |
| 00:59:04 |
[ Formica ] |
| 00:59:07 |
by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones? |
| 00:59:09 |
[ Chuckling ] |
| 00:59:13 |
Word is that Beef Supreme himself |
| 00:59:18 |
Wow. Thank you, Formica. |
| 00:59:22 |
So you think you can escape again |
| 00:59:25 |
- No. They pretty much fixed that. |
| 00:59:28 |
They chained me |
| 00:59:32 |
- [ Rita ] Oh. |
| 00:59:34 |
Look, Rita, get Frito. |
| 00:59:36 |
Get him to take you back to the time machine |
| 00:59:39 |
No. You could have split on me before, |
| 00:59:43 |
Look, you wanna pay me back? |
| 00:59:47 |
Tell people to read books. |
| 00:59:49 |
Tell people to stay in school, |
| 00:59:52 |
Tell people to just |
| 00:59:55 |
I think maybe the world got like this |
| 00:59:59 |
I never did anything with my life. |
| 01:00:03 |
- So just go back and- |
| 01:00:09 |
And Rita, whatever you do, |
| 01:00:14 |
Good luck, Joe. |
| 01:00:21 |
[ Groans ] |
| 01:00:23 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:00:26 |
Are you ready for a monster-truck duel |
| 01:00:30 |
Yeahl Let's give it up |
| 01:00:33 |
** [ Rock ] |
| 01:00:35 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:00:38 |
But first, to lead us |
| 01:00:41 |
the star of Ow! My Balls! |
| 01:00:46 |
Thank you. Thank you. |
| 01:00:49 |
- [ Man ] Heyl Come herel |
| 01:00:54 |
- Come here! |
| 01:00:57 |
- [ Groans ] |
| 01:00:59 |
- [ All Laughing ] |
| 01:01:04 |
[ Announcer] This execution is brought to you |
| 01:01:09 |
- After you've killed someone... |
| 01:01:11 |
- your body needs electrolytes. |
| 01:01:13 |
So, my car's out front... |
| 01:01:16 |
whenever you want me |
| 01:01:19 |
to the time machine. |
| 01:01:21 |
Thanks, Frito. |
| 01:01:23 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:01:25 |
That's a real bummer |
| 01:01:28 |
- [ Announcer] I can't hear youl |
| 01:01:31 |
Ohl Can you turn this up? |
| 01:01:48 |
[ Announcer] Okay. Let's meet |
| 01:01:53 |
With a combined record |
| 01:01:56 |
please welcome Vinny Mawumba |
| 01:02:07 |
And his brother Bobby Mawumba |
| 01:02:13 |
I get a truck too, right? |
| 01:02:15 |
Yeah. |
| 01:02:17 |
[ Engine Sputtering ] |
| 01:02:22 |
[ Guards Chuckling ] |
| 01:02:27 |
Get in. |
| 01:02:33 |
You still got |
| 01:02:38 |
- [ Guard ] Door won't shut. |
| 01:02:41 |
- We could break it. |
| 01:02:43 |
- I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk. |
| 01:02:50 |
- [ Guard ] Who's smart now? |
| 01:02:54 |
He tried to ruin the country |
| 01:02:57 |
He cost millions of people |
| 01:02:59 |
Let's get ready |
| 01:03:04 |
[ All Laughing ] |
| 01:03:15 |
Never would have guessed |
| 01:03:17 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:03:20 |
Yes. |
| 01:03:23 |
- I can't watch this. |
| 01:03:26 |
This is gonna be so sad. |
| 01:03:32 |
Holy shit! |
| 01:03:36 |
He was right. |
| 01:03:39 |
Frito, can you |
| 01:03:43 |
Yes. |
| 01:03:45 |
No, you fuckin' moron. |
| 01:03:48 |
- Uh, this way. |
| 01:03:54 |
Come on, Frito. |
| 01:03:56 |
[ Announcer] And now the dude that |
| 01:04:00 |
- Yeah! |
| 01:04:03 |
coming out of retirement |
| 01:04:07 |
driving the biggest, hugest correctional |
| 01:04:12 |
bigger than the Dildozer, |
| 01:04:16 |
bigger and huger than everything |
| 01:04:20 |
the brand-new Assdozerl |
| 01:04:23 |
- Give it up for Beef Supremel |
| 01:04:29 |
Oh! |
| 01:04:37 |
Oh! |
| 01:04:54 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:04:57 |
We seem to be |
| 01:05:00 |
some "techmological" |
| 01:05:03 |
so, uh, shit. |
| 01:05:05 |
Frito, look! |
| 01:05:08 |
- It's working everywhere! |
| 01:05:11 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:05:15 |
- Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was- |
| 01:05:18 |
- Hey! |
| 01:05:20 |
- Get this shit started! |
| 01:05:23 |
Let the rehabilitation beginl |
| 01:05:36 |
- [ Engine Stalls ] |
| 01:05:39 |
- Come on. Come on. |
| 01:05:42 |
[ Rita ] |
| 01:05:47 |
- Oh! |
| 01:05:54 |
Goddamn it. |
| 01:05:58 |
- Yeah! |
| 01:06:04 |
Mr. President! Mr. President, |
| 01:06:07 |
You gotta stop this thing. |
| 01:06:10 |
We passed some crops |
| 01:06:13 |
I didn't see no crops. |
| 01:06:16 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:06:17 |
They're gonna do |
| 01:06:23 |
- This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody. |
| 01:06:47 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:06:52 |
- [ Announcer] You gotta be shittin'me. |
| 01:06:58 |
Uh-oh. Look. |
| 01:07:02 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:07:06 |
** [ Rock ] |
| 01:07:13 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:07:15 |
Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember |
| 01:07:19 |
- right by the Starbucks? |
| 01:07:22 |
- Hey. Wanna make some money? |
| 01:07:40 |
Hey, um, the, uh- the main |
| 01:07:45 |
and they gonna need you |
| 01:07:50 |
There's a bunch of whores |
| 01:07:57 |
Come on, Frito. |
| 01:08:00 |
Can't believe |
| 01:08:02 |
- We should hang out. |
| 01:08:30 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:08:34 |
- Yes! Yes! |
| 01:08:38 |
- He's behind the fucking truck! |
| 01:08:41 |
[ Announcer] |
| 01:08:53 |
Look! |
| 01:08:57 |
Shit. |
| 01:09:00 |
- [ Frito ] Extra foam. |
| 01:09:05 |
- Forgot what it was for. |
| 01:09:09 |
- You think it was for lattes? |
| 01:09:13 |
- [ Frito ] You like money and sex? |
| 01:09:19 |
- Yeah! |
| 01:09:31 |
- Just hold on, okay? |
| 01:09:35 |
Can I just |
| 01:09:40 |
I don't even know |
| 01:09:43 |
I never said that I was the smartest person |
| 01:09:47 |
I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs |
| 01:09:50 |
and I'm very sorry |
| 01:09:53 |
But I'm tellin'you... |
| 01:09:55 |
if you put water on the crops, |
| 01:09:57 |
No, it will work. |
| 01:10:00 |
You just have to believe me. |
| 01:10:05 |
So you can try and shoot me. |
| 01:10:10 |
But I just want you to ask yourselves |
| 01:10:14 |
Do you really want to live |
| 01:10:17 |
where you try to blow up the one person |
| 01:10:27 |
[ All Laughing ] |
| 01:10:31 |
Hold on. Just hold on. |
| 01:10:47 |
[ Indistinct ] |
| 01:10:55 |
Oh, man. |
| 01:10:57 |
Hey, was I wearing pants |
| 01:11:01 |
Shit. What do I look like, |
| 01:11:05 |
Wait. |
| 01:11:08 |
Uh, "Rehabil-Rehabilate- |
| 01:11:11 |
- Rehabilation." |
| 01:11:14 |
- You a fag? |
| 01:11:26 |
- Come on, Frito. |
| 01:11:31 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 01:12:15 |
This guy just got |
| 01:12:19 |
[ All Cheering ] |
| 01:12:27 |
[ Laughing ] |
| 01:12:29 |
** [ Rock ] |
| 01:12:43 |
Man, Rita. I mean, |
| 01:12:47 |
You saved my life. |
| 01:12:50 |
Yeah, well... |
| 01:12:52 |
you were looking out for the whole world so, |
| 01:12:55 |
- I thought someone should look out for you too. |
| 01:13:01 |
I can't believe I'm even |
| 01:13:03 |
even though these people |
| 01:13:05 |
- you know, I think I'm actually gonna |
| 01:13:09 |
Frito- he's gonna give us |
| 01:13:12 |
I just, uh- |
| 01:13:16 |
It's you. Oh, man, |
| 01:13:20 |
Thank you so much. |
| 01:13:22 |
- Uh, Joe, I'm not going. |
| 01:13:29 |
I had some pretty bad habits back there |
| 01:13:33 |
Maybe it's time |
| 01:13:35 |
Besides, they offered me |
| 01:13:39 |
- I'm gonna be a C.E.O. |
| 01:13:42 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:13:47 |
Yeah. Sure. |
| 01:13:50 |
I guess this is |
| 01:13:54 |
[ Camacho ] |
| 01:13:56 |
I got a couple |
| 01:13:59 |
I got a couple |
| 01:14:00 |
Not Sure, get your ass up here, |
| 01:14:05 |
[ Crowd Cheering ] |
| 01:14:07 |
Let me get that little |
| 01:14:10 |
Yo. Yo. |
| 01:14:12 |
I have decided... |
| 01:14:15 |
to make this man- |
| 01:14:17 |
the man who solved |
| 01:14:21 |
I have decided to make him... |
| 01:14:24 |
my new vice president. |
| 01:14:27 |
[ All Cheering ] |
| 01:14:29 |
Mr. President, thanks. |
| 01:14:32 |
- but I can't accept it, sir. |
| 01:14:36 |
- You know, I gotta get home. |
| 01:14:41 |
Look, you know, you're just gonna |
| 01:14:44 |
- How? |
| 01:14:47 |
You're just gonna have to figure it out |
| 01:14:50 |
But how are we gonna figure out about |
| 01:14:55 |
And what about the nuc- |
| 01:15:01 |
It's broke and leaky |
| 01:15:03 |
- I thought it was in Georgia. |
| 01:15:09 |
Hey. Hey, I know. |
| 01:15:12 |
- Yeah! |
| 01:15:15 |
- [ Minister of Defense] Like we did on the crops. |
| 01:15:18 |
Hey, you can't leave. |
| 01:15:20 |
Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow, |
| 01:15:37 |
I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore, |
| 01:15:41 |
- Forget about the time machine. |
| 01:15:44 |
[ All Cheering ] |
| 01:15:48 |
That ride sucks anyways. |
| 01:15:52 |
Ride? |
| 01:15:57 |
[ Male Voice] |
| 01:16:00 |
We are going to take you back, |
| 01:16:05 |
when Charlie Chaplin |
| 01:16:07 |
enslaved Europe and tried |
| 01:16:10 |
So you knew this thing |
| 01:16:13 |
Yeah. You thought you could really |
| 01:16:17 |
- Yeah, I guess I did. |
| 01:16:19 |
For the smartest guy in the world, |
| 01:16:22 |
- So why didn't you tell us? |
| 01:16:27 |
But if it's not a real time machine, |
| 01:16:31 |
You know, 'cause I can't go back in time |
| 01:16:35 |
Uh, uh, uh- |
| 01:16:38 |
Yeah. Don't worry about it. |
| 01:16:42 |
Well, |
| 01:16:44 |
[ Male Voice] But then an even |
| 01:16:49 |
And the "UN" |
| 01:16:53 |
And the "UN" |
| 01:16:54 |
[ Narrator] And so, after serving a short |
| 01:16:57 |
Joe was elected |
| 01:17:01 |
Frito became vice president... |
| 01:17:03 |
and Rita, the former prostitute, |
| 01:17:06 |
Today I step into the shoes |
| 01:17:10 |
a man by the name |
| 01:17:14 |
Mountain Dew |
| 01:17:18 |
[ Narrator] Under Rresident Not Sure's |
| 01:17:23 |
You know, there was a time |
| 01:17:26 |
when smart people |
| 01:17:31 |
Well, maybe not cool, |
| 01:17:34 |
like build ships and pyramids, |
| 01:17:38 |
[ Man ] |
| 01:17:42 |
And there was a time |
| 01:17:46 |
when reading wasn't |
| 01:17:48 |
and neither was writing. |
| 01:17:51 |
Reople wrote books and movies, |
| 01:17:55 |
so you cared whose ass it was |
| 01:17:59 |
And I believe that time |
| 01:18:03 |
[ All Cheering ] |
| 01:18:15 |
[ All Chanting ] |
| 01:18:22 |
[ Narrator] |
| 01:18:24 |
the three smartest kids |
| 01:18:28 |
Vice Rresident Frito |
| 01:18:31 |
and had a total of 32 kids- |
| 01:18:33 |
thirty-two of the dumbest kids |
| 01:18:42 |
Okay, so maybeJoe |
| 01:18:45 |
but he got the ball rolling... |
| 01:18:48 |
and that's pretty good |
| 01:23:51 |
I'm gonna go find this ho. |
