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All That Jazz en
00:00:11	OK, one more time. From the top.
00:00:15	One, two, three, four. One, two...
00:01:13	To be on the wire is life.
00:01:17	- That's very theatrical, Joe.
00:01:21	- Did you make it up?
00:01:25	- Do you like it?
00:01:30	It's showtime, folks!
00:02:08	They say the neon lights
00:02:16	They say there's always magic in the air
00:02:24	But when you're walkin' down that street
00:02:28	And you ain't had enough to eat
00:02:32	The glitter rubs right off
00:02:48	They say the women
00:02:56	But lookin' at them just gives me the blues
00:03:04	Cos how you gonna make some time
00:03:09	When all you got is one thin dime?
00:03:13	And one thin dime
00:03:37	They say that I won't
00:03:45	I'll catch a Greyhound bus for home,
00:03:54	But they're dead wrong, I know they are
00:03:58	Cos I can play this here guitar
00:04:03	And I won't quit till I'm a star
00:04:05	On Broadway
00:06:05	They say that I won't last too long
00:06:12	Bozo?
00:06:14	- Is that your real name?
00:06:17	- You sure you don't wanna change that?
00:06:22	But they're dead wrong, I know they are
00:06:26	Cos I can play this here guitar
00:06:30	And I won't quit till I'm a star...
00:06:34	Victoria Porter.
00:06:39	... till I'm a star
00:06:43	On Broadway
00:06:47	No, no, no, no, no...
00:06:49	- You were in The Wiz?
00:06:53	I had to put something on the card.
00:06:56	It's all right, Rima. I lie all the time myself.
00:06:59	Oh, fuck him! He never picks me!
00:07:02	Honey, I did fuck him,
00:07:05	- You were in Traffic Jam?
00:07:08	- Who was the director of Traffic Jam?
00:07:11	- Oh. How was I?
00:07:14	- And who was the choreographer?
00:07:17	- How was I?
00:07:20	That's how you get a job.
00:07:23	God, I hope he doesn't pick her.
00:07:27	The expression is "colder than a witch's tit. "
00:07:30	- You've never seen a woman's tit in your life.
00:07:35	OK, thank you all very much.
00:07:43	Now that's what I call a real drinker's nose.
00:07:46	And you should know, because
00:07:50	- Yeah.
00:07:53	- Yeah.
00:08:01	- Real turnoff, huh?
00:08:06	I'll make up my mind about the men later.
00:08:09	Candy, Casey, Rima,
00:08:13	- The one in the shocking-pink leotard?
00:08:17	- She's tone-deaf.
00:08:20	Oh, Joey, I know you're in a hurry,
00:08:23	- Same as always.
00:08:31	- Joey...
00:08:34	- You left me without a soprano again!
00:08:39	- What about Diane?
00:08:42	I've had her in three shows. She's wonderful.
00:08:44	At least she can sing. You left me
00:08:49	Gentlemen, Mr. Gideon...
00:08:51	The tall dancer with the blue eye shadow -
00:08:58	The five Murray is talking to,
00:09:02	The tall girl, Victoria - I like her, Daddy.
00:09:05	Hm, she's all right.
00:09:09	I really screwed up that marriage.
00:09:13	Because I cheated. Oh, man,
00:09:19	OK with you, Audrey?
00:09:21	Sure. Fine with me.
00:09:25	Oh, Jesus... I forgot.
00:09:29	Oh, Joe! You promised her.
00:09:32	I know I promised, but what am I gonna do?
00:09:35	That's OK.
00:09:37	- I'm sorry, Michelle.
00:09:43	If you want me, I'll be in the cutting room.
00:09:46	He promised me.
00:09:51	- Some fucking father.
00:09:54	- Screwed up.
00:09:56	All there is.
00:10:00	If I were God, man...
00:10:07	Depends on the shit you're smoking...
00:10:10	OK. If I were God, man,
00:10:16	No death, man.
00:10:21	Well, a couple of people, like my agent,
00:10:26	Why is he mumbling like that?
00:10:28	I'll tell you why. Cos I'm the dummy
00:10:33	- Try it.
00:10:38	So far, I've managed to avoid one of them.
00:10:41	You know, man,
00:10:44	But we all have
00:10:47	For instance, to a Catholic,
00:10:53	Excuse me, Stacy.
00:10:54	Women?
00:11:00	Hope?
00:11:01	All this bullshit about "death with dignity. "
00:11:04	You know what death with dignity is?
00:11:06	Change-of-pace time. Request.
00:11:11	Beauty?
00:11:18	- Oh, you're a flirt.
00:11:21	Death is in, death is in
00:11:23	Hear them church bells ring
00:11:27	I love it, I love it, I love it!
00:11:30	Books, magazine articles, TV shows, Ken and
00:11:35	Oh, man, how many times
00:11:39	Until he gets it the way he wants it.
00:11:41	There's a lady in Chicago, man,
00:11:46	This chick, man, without
00:11:51	has broken the process
00:11:55	Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and
00:12:02	"Good morning. Anger, Denial,
00:12:05	Anger.
00:12:10	Jesus Christ! Goddamn
00:12:16	Oh, pooh!
00:12:19	Bargaining. What did I say? Anger, denial,
00:12:24	All right, if you happen
00:12:30	"No, that's not me, man. No. Oh-ho...
00:12:35	"Oh, no. You got the wrong...
00:12:39	"She's old, I'm weaned, I'm toilet-trained.
00:12:44	- But not me!
00:12:48	Kinda chubby. And jolly.
00:12:50	And sexy.
00:12:52	Bargaining. Remember her?
00:12:58	"Can we sit down and talk
00:13:01	"A negotiation, OK? No more hard drugs.
00:13:07	"OK, all right, look, man, I promise
00:13:11	Cat drives a hard bargain. Depression...
00:13:16	- Hi, Katie.
00:13:20	"Oh, God, am I dying?!"
00:13:24	Wanna have dinner together
00:13:27	- I can't.
00:13:30	- Should I come over to your apartment later?
00:13:33	- Father?
00:13:37	Wait a minute. I don't know.
00:13:41	- That's OK.
00:13:47	"At those prices, man,
00:13:50	So... acceptance.
00:13:56	- "I accept!"
00:13:58	- Hold it.
00:14:00	No, I do not want to run it again,
00:14:05	- Anybody have any ideas?
00:14:09	Who asked you, Stacy?
00:14:11	It's too long... I don't know.
00:14:16	Do you suppose
00:14:19	- Do you wanna work tonight, Joe?
00:14:44	You have really got something... special.
00:14:49	All right...
00:14:52	All right!
00:14:55	I want so to be a movie star.
00:14:59	Oh?
00:15:01	Ever since I was a little kid,
00:15:04	I wanted to see my face
00:15:10	Oh, yeah?
00:15:23	I have always depended
00:15:28	You're looking at my nose,
00:15:39	It goes to the left. See?
00:15:41	I mean, like, I could always
00:15:46	Do you think I could be?
00:15:51	You know. A movie star.
00:15:57	Well, that's...
00:16:01	I don't know anybody
00:16:05	It's... it's a very freaky business, you know?
00:16:10	Yeah, I know all about that,
00:16:16	Do you think I could be a movie star?
00:16:23	No.
00:16:25	Even with a nose job?
00:16:31	Well, that's fair.
00:16:39	Like you said, it is a freaky business, though.
00:16:44	Right.
00:16:47	I don't dance so hot either, do I?
00:16:50	You will. I promise you.
00:16:56	You wanna go to bed?
00:17:00	Yeah.
00:18:00	I'm sorry. Oh, am I sorry.
00:18:04	- Katie!
00:18:09	Oh, shit.
00:18:13	- Did I, like, screw anything up?
00:18:20	Oh, I meant to call her.
00:18:28	Oh, boy, you are really something.
00:18:47	I'm Joey's mother.
00:18:50	Ever since he was so high,
00:18:55	I've always been fond of Joe, too.
00:18:57	Of all the children, he was the least worry.
00:19:00	He worked in all those
00:19:04	Always around stark-naked girls!
00:19:08	But did it bother him? No.
00:19:10	He never paid any attention.
00:19:15	Amatis, you love. Amant, they love.
00:19:19	Amo, amas, amat, amamus, amatis, amant.
00:19:23	Hey, kid, what kind of language is that?
00:19:27	Oh, it's not a language. It's just some
00:19:40	"Pu... Pu... "
00:19:46	Puella. Girl.
00:19:52	"First Year Latin"?
00:19:55	It's my kid brother's.
00:19:58	- How old are you?
00:20:01	Uh-huh. What year were you born?
00:20:04	Uh, 1930...
00:20:07	- Try 1934.
00:20:10	1935?
00:20:14	1935, yeah.
00:20:16	Now try 1492.
00:20:20	See you around, kid.
00:20:24	Maybe we could have
00:20:28	Oh, sure.
00:20:34	You notice we have small waitresses here.
00:20:39	That's my favorite one.
00:20:42	I got problems, too.
00:20:45	I told him I have suicidal tendencies.
00:20:50	Look, I don't have to do this for a living.
00:20:56	No, I make a lot of money.
00:20:59	I just have trouble passing it. Is this on?
00:21:03	First-year Latin!
00:21:05	It's three o'clock in the morning.
00:21:11	I don't look for big laughs. I'll settle
00:21:16	You better stop lying, or your nose will grow!
00:21:20	Ooh! Something's growing!
00:21:24	The drummer's not really with the band,
00:21:28	14 years, no children! Strict mother-in-law.
00:21:32	Let's continue on. Right now, ladies
00:21:36	- may we present Mr. Joe Gideon!
00:22:20	Joey's never done anything to disappoint me.
00:22:45	It's showtime, folks.
00:22:53	- You believe in love?
00:22:56	Helps you concentrate.
00:22:58	Joe, they've asked me
00:23:01	How long?
00:23:03	Six months. What do you think?
00:23:08	- And you say it all the time.
00:23:12	- When?
00:23:14	You know, I love you, Katie, but I think
00:23:18	- Just what do you mean, Joe?
00:23:25	I mean, for your sake, I think you should go.
00:23:42	Hello, Michael? It's Katie.
00:23:47	So, um, did you mean it about dinner?
00:23:51	Wally's at 11?
00:23:54	You're surprised? I'm a little surprised.
00:23:58	Thank you. OK, Michael. Bye-bye.
00:24:05	I'm a little surprised too. Isn't that nice?
00:24:12	- Who was that?
00:24:15	- Who is Michael Graham?
00:24:18	Straight or gay?
00:24:20	What do you mean?
00:24:23	I mean is he looking to get laid,
00:24:28	He's straight.
00:24:31	And tall.
00:24:39	Michael Graham is a very tall name.
00:24:47	Oh, goddammit!
00:24:50	How dare you use my phone, my telephone,
00:24:55	I see. You can go out
00:24:59	That's right. I go out with any girl in town.
00:25:05	I stay in with you.
00:25:07	Joe, it's not fair...
00:25:10	It's all wrong. Everything is all wrong.
00:25:17	That's some set of rules you had for her.
00:25:19	Yeah, I know. I know.
00:25:21	But as long as you could
00:25:26	Right.
00:25:27	I don't wanna go out with Michael Graham.
00:25:33	I don't wanna fool around, I don't wanna
00:25:38	I just want to love you.
00:25:56	Katie...
00:26:00	I try to give you everything I can give.
00:26:04	Oh, you give, all right. Presents, clothes...
00:26:08	I just wish
00:26:10	you weren't so generous with your cock.
00:26:19	That's good.
00:26:28	Maybe I can use that some time.
00:26:39	Katie! About the goddamn tour...
00:26:45	Wrong reading.
00:26:51	Softly and with feeling.
00:26:56	Don't go.
00:27:04	Please?
00:27:08	- Why do you suppose she put up with it?
00:27:11	- for wanting to be with you.
00:27:19	Take off with us, take off with us
00:27:23	We're warmin' up, so take off with us
00:27:26	NY to LA-A-A
00:27:30	Goin' all the way-ay-ay
00:27:33	Won't you climb aboard?
00:27:35	You'll ride as smooth as glass
00:27:40	- It's perfect. Didn't I tell you?
00:27:45	You're as close to heaven as you'll ever be
00:27:48	Lean back, relax, here come the snacks
00:27:51	Drop your diet, have a fall
00:27:55	Don't stop with one, try 'em all
00:28:00	Music's ready to begin
00:28:04	Take out your headset, plug it in
00:28:07	What's your answer, chu-hu-hum?
00:28:10	Are you gonna co-o-ome?
00:28:14	On the coolest, hottest trip
00:28:17	That's ever been
00:28:22	Oh, it's very, very good!
00:28:24	I think we might even get
00:28:28	- You think so? Great.
00:28:33	Well, ask...
00:28:39	Yeah, it's OK.
00:28:43	Let me see what I can do with it.
00:28:46	I think it's just what the show needs.
00:28:50	- Oh, yeah, very bouncy and catchy.
00:28:53	- I'd love to hear it again.
00:28:57	Turn. Some fuckin' music.
00:29:00	- Turn back.
00:29:04	Ease your partner down gently.
00:29:08	Slide!
00:29:12	Have you ever slept with another woman?
00:29:15	I once tried living with two girls.
00:29:20	- We lived together.
00:29:23	- Drank together.
00:29:27	Slept together.
00:29:33	Woke up one morning...
00:29:37	On the bureau, she left a note.
00:29:39	I'm sorry. I cannot share you anymore.
00:29:43	I want you all to myself, or not at all.
00:29:48	Please, please try to understand.
00:29:52	I not only understood, I was flattered.
00:29:55	I was flattered that she felt
00:29:58	How did you know the note was to you?
00:30:09	No. No, that's not me, man. No.
00:30:12	Somebody else, maybe, but not me.
00:30:14	- What is this, Eddie?
00:30:18	Joey, I gotta talk to you
00:30:22	Three weeks now we've been on triple time.
00:30:27	You shot 82 days on a 65-day schedule.
00:30:30	On a four-month editing schedule,
00:30:33	We're already 2.2 million
00:30:36	Joey, God made the entire world in six days.
00:30:41	You can't even cut an hour-and-a-half movie
00:30:47	Joey, I hate to do this.
00:30:50	but this whole thing
00:30:54	I must put my foot down.
00:30:57	It has to stop. It's got to stop!
00:31:00	It just simply must stop!
00:31:02	Josh, I made changes in the monologue.
00:31:08	At those prices, who can afford to live?
00:31:11	- Nice talking to you, Josh.
00:31:17	Oh, my God. It is better.
00:31:21	- God help us all.
00:31:26	It's better.
00:31:28	OK, that looks pretty good. I like it.
00:31:32	Move down, move down.
00:31:35	- And sing it out. Here we go.
00:31:38	And any seat you grab will be first class
00:31:44	Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight...
00:31:58	Uh, double that.
00:32:00	- Which button?
00:32:10	Ah, that stinks. Let's play something else.
00:32:15	- What's that?
00:32:19	- Can I have one?
00:32:23	Let me try this.
00:32:25	Here, you stand over there,
00:32:29	Oh, God, you're getting heavy.
00:32:32	All right, put your leg in an arabesque.
00:32:35	- How are things at home?
00:32:39	All right, watch your back now.
00:32:42	- Anything you wanna tell me?
00:32:45	But you're gonna bring it up anyway.
00:32:48	Sit down. You can tell me
00:32:50	Gimme your wrists. Ready? And jump.
00:32:54	- It's just that I keep wondering, Dad...
00:32:57	What is it you keep wondering?
00:32:59	Why don't you get married again?
00:33:02	Do a head roll.
00:33:07	I don't get married again because
00:33:12	to inflict that kind of torture on.
00:33:15	Hey, why don't you marry Katie?
00:33:18	Keep rolling your head.
00:33:20	Straighten your leg. Yeah, you're right.
00:33:24	She's terrific. That's exactly
00:33:30	Run off to the corner.
00:33:33	And Victoria? You're not too crazy about her.
00:33:36	Just run and jump.
00:33:41	- What about the blonde?
00:33:44	The one in Philadelphia with the TV show?
00:33:49	Oh, yeah, that blonde.
00:33:52	Jump up and wrap your legs around me.
00:33:55	Wrap around, that's it.
00:33:59	Why is it so important to you that...
00:34:02	Why is it so important to you
00:34:05	Cos then you'd stop screwing around.
00:34:08	Hey! Watch your language.
00:34:12	- Oh, shit! Look at the time.
00:34:15	- No, your mother will kill me.
00:34:18	No, no, absolutely. Come on.
00:34:24	- Oh, please?
00:34:27	Besides, if you got married again, maybe
00:34:32	I'll call Hertz and rent you a brother.
00:34:34	- Oh, very funny.
00:35:52	Showtime, folks.
00:35:55	Showtime.
00:35:57	Five, six, seven, eight.
00:36:00	Stop smiling. Lay back. Lay back.
00:36:04	Hold it, hold it, hold it.
00:36:08	You're gonna do it again, Victoria.
00:36:12	Stop smiling. It's not
00:36:15	Five, six, seven, eight.
00:36:17	Hold it.
00:36:23	Stand on your right foot.
00:36:26	Point your left toe.
00:36:28	Drop that shoulder.
00:36:34	Again.
00:36:39	Five, six, seven, eight.
00:36:43	Lay back, Victoria. Lay back.
00:36:46	Lay back!
00:36:49	Hold it, hold it.
00:37:01	- Sorry.
00:37:05	I know I'm terrible. I look
00:37:10	Maybe I should quit. I... I just
00:37:16	Listen, I can't make you a great dancer.
00:37:22	I don't even know
00:37:25	But if you keep tryin' and don't quit,
00:37:31	I know I can make you a better dancer.
00:37:35	And I'd like very much to do that.
00:37:41	Stay?
00:37:45	Are you gonna keep yelling at me?
00:37:50	Probably.
00:37:52	Five, six, seven, eight. One and two,
00:38:00	One, two, three, four, five,
00:38:12	Better.
00:38:19	Breathe deep. Again.
00:38:22	Hold it.
00:38:24	All right, you can turn around now.
00:38:30	Breathe deep.
00:38:33	Again.
00:38:36	All right, you can put your shirt on now.
00:38:40	Well, Doctor? Does he pass?
00:38:44	Good. Now I'm worth a million dollars.
00:38:46	That's only if you die before February 1st.
00:38:50	Schedules, Goldie, always schedules.
00:38:53	Can we take you to lunch, Doctor?
00:38:59	And any seat you grab
00:39:04	One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:39:08	Nah, that's no good either. Let's try this.
00:39:13	- Measure 412.
00:39:16	Yeah, same thing, only I'll be behind you.
00:39:19	And any seat you grab will be first class
00:39:25	Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:39:28	All right, let's everybody try it.
00:39:33	OK, here we go. Ready?
00:39:36	Five, six, seven, eight.
00:39:38	And any seat you grab will be first class
00:39:44	Five, six, seven...
00:39:49	- Do it again.
00:39:54	Ready? Five, six, seven...
00:39:57	And any seat you grab will be first class
00:40:02	One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:40:25	OK.
00:40:28	- OK, here we go. Once more, everybody.
00:40:36	- How does this look, Paul?
00:40:41	No. It's too cute.
00:40:48	Ah! Oh, shit.
00:40:56	I can't go back to that room.
00:41:01	I'm stuck. They keep staring at me,
00:41:05	- Oh, boy, the number's lousy.
00:41:09	No, not the song. Me, me,
00:41:15	- Maybe we should cut it.
00:41:19	Paul, sit right there. Go back to bar 17.
00:41:27	And...
00:41:34	Did you hear what I said?
00:41:37	Don't worry, Paul, he always says the same
00:41:44	Now how the hell do you know
00:41:47	- It would be better if I stepped outside.
00:41:53	I'm only doing this goddamn show because
00:41:58	Oh, I knew sooner or later you'd say that.
00:42:01	You do think I'm too old for the part.
00:42:05	Well, you're wrong.
00:42:07	I can play 24 years old,
00:42:12	You wanna quit the show? Quit the show.
00:42:15	You don't have to do anything for me.
00:42:17	Just don't kid yourself that you're doing this
00:42:25	Guilt? What guilt?
00:42:29	For never going one day
00:42:33	Oh, that guilt.
00:42:36	Faithful, faithful... You're always
00:42:40	Audrey, why do you think so small?
00:42:46	Besides, how do I know
00:42:50	- You know I was.
00:42:55	- Oh, you meant to do that.
00:42:58	You kept me working all the time.
00:43:03	What is this big hang-up about fidelity?
00:43:06	What makes being faithful
00:43:10	Excuse me.
00:43:11	Well, it is a great deal better
00:43:14	than the meaningless affairs
00:43:18	Those Stacys, those Victorias...
00:43:21	You're not even fooling Michelle
00:43:24	- Straighten that leg.
00:43:29	Oh, the Bonnies, the Wendys,
00:43:33	I can't even remember
00:43:37	Keep playing, Paul.
00:43:40	Bet you can't either. Quick, tell me, what
00:43:46	The blonde with the television show?
00:43:51	Oh, the blonde with the television
00:43:55	I remember that girl's name.
00:43:59	The blonde with the television show,
00:44:07	- Honey?
00:44:10	Baby?
00:44:13	I can't remember her name.
00:44:16	Dorothy.
00:44:19	- Dorothy.
00:44:21	I can't remember her name.
00:44:29	The number's lookin' good.
00:44:31	Keep working.
00:44:38	- Is he gonna cut the number?
00:44:43	He's gonna cut it. He's gonna cut it.
00:44:48	Oh, God, that man.
00:45:08	It's showtime, folks.
00:45:15	It's... it's not quite ready yet.
00:45:19	And, Paul, it's not exactly
00:45:23	- Hm?
00:45:26	- Mind doing that somewhere else?
00:45:28	If you wanna come in, I'll show it
00:45:32	I wanna get a drink of water.
00:46:06	Take off with us
00:46:12	Take off with us
00:46:17	We're warmin' up so
00:46:19	We're warmin' up
00:46:21	NY to LA
00:46:24	Going all the way
00:46:27	Won't you climb aboard
00:46:30	You'll ride as smooth as glass
00:46:36	Glass
00:46:40	Meet our friendly, eager crew
00:46:46	They only live to service you
00:46:49	Service, service, service you
00:46:53	This flight, this flight comes complete
00:46:57	With your choice of seat
00:47:00	And any seat you grab will be first class
00:47:12	Up there, where the clouds are pillowy
00:47:16	You're as close to heaven
00:47:19	Lean back, relax
00:47:22	Here come the snacks
00:47:25	Drop your diet, have a fall
00:47:28	Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop with one
00:47:36	Try 'em all
00:47:39	Try 'em all
00:47:43	The music's ready to begin
00:47:51	Take out your headset, plug it in
00:47:55	What's your answer, chum?
00:47:58	Are you gonna come?
00:48:01	On the coolest, hottest
00:48:04	Coolest, hottest
00:48:07	Coolest, hottest trip that's ever been
00:48:22	Lean back, relax
00:48:27	Thanks, thanks a lot, but it's
00:48:32	Smoke, smoke.
00:48:34	Smoke... Smoke...
00:48:39	The lights go down
00:48:43	Welcome. Welcome aboard Air Rotica.
00:48:48	Take off with us
00:48:52	Flying not only coast to coast...
00:48:55	...but anywhere your desires
00:48:59	Take off with us
00:49:04	Let us all get to know one another.
00:49:07	- Remember, we can take you anywhere.
00:49:12	Mm-hm.
00:49:14	Just reach out your hand
00:49:19	- My name is Sandahl.
00:49:24	- My name is Jennifer.
00:49:27	- Gary.
00:49:51	Uh-oh. I think we just lost
00:51:14	- My name is Candace.
00:51:16	- My name is Rima.
00:51:18	- My name is Otto.
00:51:20	- My name is John.
00:51:26	And don't forget about
00:52:40	Now Sinatra will never record it.
00:53:33	Then an actor comes out
00:53:39	- "Not once, during any of our flights... "
00:53:42	- See you around.
00:53:44	"... of any real human communication. "
00:53:48	- Well, uh...
00:53:50	"Our motto is: We take you
00:54:02	Boy, I hate to hurt his feelings,
00:54:09	Take five.
00:54:17	Well?
00:54:20	Yeah, it's, um... it's, uh...
00:54:26	interesting.
00:54:28	Yes, very interesting.
00:54:30	Did you like it?
00:54:33	- It's unusual.
00:54:48	Oh, I don't think they liked it.
00:54:54	What do you think?
00:54:57	I don't know about the audiences, but
00:55:08	You son of a bitch.
00:55:13	Jesus Christ! Sex, sex, sex - can't he
00:55:19	That's his sickness.
00:55:25	Nah, nothin' I ever do is good enough.
00:55:29	It's not beautiful enough, it's not
00:55:34	It's not anything enough.
00:55:37	Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect.
00:55:42	I mean, that's perfect. I wanna look up to God
00:55:47	- "And why the hell can't I do that?"
00:55:53	Yeah, it is. But that
00:55:57	If I were God...
00:55:59	Sometimes I think I am...
00:56:03	Depends on the shit you're smoking...
00:56:06	if I were God, man,
00:56:10	No death, man. No pennies
00:56:15	You know, man, death
00:56:18	Death is in.
00:56:20	Books, magazine articles, TV shows, Ken
00:56:25	Buried them in a little shoebox.
00:56:27	Knew a guy who bought a pair of them.
00:56:33	If it cuts...
00:56:36	- All right, little thing. Oooh!
00:56:39	There's a lady in Chicago, man,
00:56:45	This chick, man, without
00:56:50	has broken the process
00:56:53	Anger, denial, bargaining,
00:56:56	- That's it.
00:56:58	- Got time to make some changes?
00:57:03	- I cannot believe people are gonna see this.
00:57:07	- It's a bomb.
00:57:10	Yeah, really. You'll have to make a speech.
00:57:15	- Tell 'em any excuse you can think of.
00:57:18	- I'm not gonna be there.
00:57:22	Hiding someplace, probably
00:57:26	We'll start recutting Monday morning.
00:57:30	They bought that love story?
00:57:32	Oh, I'm sorry.
00:57:36	I think they told me they liked it.
00:57:38	Just wasn't answering the phone...
00:57:43	No, I don't believe you either.
00:57:46	I'll have her home by 10:30, don't worry. Bye.
00:57:52	Oh, shit.
00:57:57	Hello. Stacy? Oh, listen,
00:58:02	Just don't panic on the staircase.
00:58:04	At least three people said
00:58:10	One was my producer, one was
00:58:14	Oh, Joe, everybody loved it. We tried to
00:58:18	You know, that was the first R-rated
00:58:22	- Did you understand it?
00:58:26	except the part where the two girls
00:58:30	What was that supposed to mean?
00:58:32	- Is dinner ready yet?
00:58:35	- What was that supposed to mean?
00:58:40	there are certain women who...
00:58:42	- Who...?
00:58:47	There are certain women
00:58:51	I think lesbian scenes are a big turnoff.
00:58:58	I shoulda cut it.
00:59:01	- What's goin' on here?
00:59:06	- Couldn't I be doin' somethin'?
00:59:12	- Turn on the phonograph when we tell you.
00:59:17	Oh, no, don't...
00:59:22	- Where'd you get those hats?
00:59:25	That's for us to know and for you to find out.
00:59:28	- Oh, the lights, lights, lights.
00:59:34	Now turn on those whachamacallit lights.
00:59:38	Yes, ma'am.
00:59:47	Crash!
00:59:49	Ladies and gentlemen, in honor
00:59:54	of Joe Gideon's new film, The Standup,
00:59:57	we are proud to present those two
01:00:02	- Gideon and Jagger.
01:00:06	Give us our music, Joe.
01:00:10	- Sit down, Joe, sit down.
01:00:17	And... go!
01:00:21	- I'm nervous.
01:00:28	Let's go, let's go.
01:00:41	When trumpets... were mellow
01:00:45	And everyone only had one fellow
01:00:49	No need to remember when
01:00:52	Cos everything old is new again
01:00:55	I said everything old is new again
01:00:58	Dancin' at your... Long Island
01:01:03	Waiter, let me have some more Bacardis
01:01:06	Let's order now what they ordered then
01:01:09	Cos everything old is new again
01:01:13	- Get out your white suit, tap shoes and tails
01:01:17	- Let's go backward when forward fails
01:01:20	Movie stars that you thought are long-dead
01:01:24	- Now are framed beside your bed
01:01:29	Don't throw the past away
01:01:31	You might need it some rainy day
01:01:35	Dreams can come true again
01:01:38	Cos everything old is new again
01:01:41	I said everything old is new again
01:01:44	Get out your white suit,
01:01:49	Let's go backward when forward fails
01:01:52	Leave Greta Garbo alone
01:01:55	- Go get him!
01:01:58	And don't throw... don't throw the past away
01:02:03	Oh, we're all gonna need it some rainy day
01:02:07	Dreams can come true again
01:02:09	Well, everything old is new again
01:02:13	I said everything old is new again
00:00:05	I might fall
00:00:09	- In love...
00:00:13	In love
00:00:17	With...
00:00:21	You again!
00:00:30	- Can we do it again?
00:00:56	It's showtime, folks.
00:01:00	And these two columns
00:01:03	And over here on the other side,
00:01:07	There's two staircases down here and
00:01:11	Oh, yeah, and this centerpiece
00:01:16	and up there, that's Stan.
00:01:20	You'll get familiar with it when we start.
00:01:23	OK, now, all I wanna do now
00:01:29	and, frankly, I'm not too
00:01:36	So if we go through it, then you'll give Paul
00:01:41	OK, no acting.
00:01:47	All right, lights up.
00:01:49	Audrey, you have your first number,
00:01:55	You see, Sammy, in California,
00:01:58	I got a friend who bought a Mercedes
00:03:37	I guess only in America can a 24-year-old girl
00:03:48	Thank you all very much.
00:03:51	Take an hour and a half for lunch.
00:04:22	Excuse me.
00:04:33	There's no use to panic till
00:04:36	Do stop that.
00:04:39	Dr. Ballinger is looking at him now.
00:04:44	- Dr. Hyman, we just left him. He seemed fine.
00:04:49	Well, he called. He said he had
00:04:53	I'm a little bewildered myself.
00:04:58	All right, who's in charge of this all-important
00:05:03	I guess I am.
00:05:05	Mr. Gideon is having attacks of angina
00:05:09	Oh, shit! I gotta get to rehearsals.
00:05:13	About angina, a little more
00:05:15	If you wanna leave, fine,
00:05:19	Dr. Hyman.
00:05:24	The pain is gone. Nothing wrong
00:05:28	- Couple of good jokes is what I need.
00:05:32	- Yes, I can.
00:05:35	Didn't you hear what the doctor just said?
00:05:46	- Joey, I've been talking to Dr. Ballinger...
00:05:50	Let me talk to the star here. If I stay,
00:05:55	At least two or three weeks.
00:05:58	You've got to be kidding!
00:06:02	Jonesy, for Chrissakes, will you talk to these
00:06:07	- Oh, Jesus...
00:06:10	- Miss Collins. All right, easy.
00:06:13	You guys are doin' this to me.
00:06:17	- What's wrong with him?
00:06:24	You're lying to me.
00:06:27	Yes.
00:06:32	Uh, no. No, I'm not a member
00:06:35	I'm, uh... I'm his girlfriend.
00:06:38	Well, can I leave a message for him, please?
00:06:47	It was just simply exhaustion.
00:06:50	He just tried to do too much.
00:06:53	Anyway, we've made a decision
00:06:59	- The doctors assure us Joe will be fine.
00:07:03	Therefore the show will
00:07:09	Now, we're aware of the financial burdens...
00:07:14	I gave up a TV series. What a dummy.
00:07:18	We're prepared to try to get you
00:07:25	Jonesy, Jonesy, easy on
00:07:29	All right, Larry, all right, OK.
00:07:33	We don't have a lot of cash available, but...
00:07:36	what I'd like to say to you is,
00:07:39	I... we... think of you all as family.
00:07:45	- Bullshit.
00:07:47	we possibly can to keep you all together.
00:07:51	I was with him last night.
00:07:55	I just left him an hour ago.
00:07:59	Making jokes, making passes
00:08:02	And he told me to tell all of you, he has
00:08:08	Hold it, Audrey, hold it.
00:08:12	Just give me a minute.
00:08:15	- How does the title "Hospital Hop" grab you?
00:08:19	Great, great.
00:08:23	- I think I got it. I got it!
00:08:26	Stan, help me out, please.
00:08:29	Clap your hands.
00:08:37	Cheer up.
00:08:39	Let's go! Everybody.
00:08:53	And, Lucas, they are without question
00:08:59	Now we gotta wait around for four months.
00:09:04	I can see where it'd be difficult to hold
00:09:11	And, of course, even after
00:09:16	There's no guarantee
00:09:19	None.
00:09:21	Jules, it's still too bright.
00:09:25	- Take number seven down five.
00:09:32	And, Lucas, I think we have a sure hit.
00:09:36	A sure hit.
00:09:39	Reads like a dream.
00:09:42	- I'd love to read it sometime.
00:09:47	Oh, I forgot. Wait a minute.
00:09:51	I've got one right here with me.
00:09:55	Dimmer five up to three.
00:09:58	Hold that, hold that. That's good.
00:10:01	Of course, I know you couldn't
00:10:05	What do you think about this, Lucas?
00:10:07	Is it any better?
00:10:11	No. No, no. It needs to be more... shadowy.
00:10:15	We talked about this, Jules.
00:10:20	All right, take the shadow lights to half.
00:10:24	How much... is Joe getting?
00:10:28	5°/° of the gross until payoff,
00:10:32	20°/° of all subsidiary rights,
00:10:42	Well, of course
00:10:51	You know how I feel about you, Jonesy.
00:10:54	- You've been like a father to me.
00:11:00	I always look for the worst in people.
00:11:03	- A piece of you in them?
00:11:08	And, generally, I find it.
00:11:10	Well, it may take you years, but you'll find it.
00:11:14	Oh, you're cute. You are cute.
00:11:25	It's looking better. I think we'll move you
00:11:30	Oh, yeah.
00:11:32	But you'd better rest.
00:11:36	Oh, I will, doctor.
00:11:39	I promise. I will.
00:11:58	Mr. Gideon.
00:12:08	Mr. Gideon, what are you doing?
00:12:11	Oh, this? I was just getting rid of it.
00:12:14	I caught someone smoking,
00:12:17	shouldn't even be around smoke.
00:12:28	I'm telling ya, Gideon,
00:12:32	There's a deep-rooted fear
00:12:35	Right.
00:12:42	Your blood pressure is higher than we hoped.
00:12:47	Now, if you don't give a damn,
00:13:00	Mr. Gideon!
00:13:03	I'll leave these menus with you. Please check
00:13:09	Monday, I'll have roast beef,
00:13:12	Thursday, I plan to be dead,
00:13:16	Mr. Gideon!
00:13:25	She wrote a little note on the back.
00:13:28	"Dear loving, giving, generous" -
00:13:34	I hear nurses are nice people, hint, hint.
00:13:42	Joe, what does it mean?
00:13:45	It means she's inherited her mother's
00:14:02	Oh, no... Thank you, thank you. No, no...
00:14:08	The word superstar is greatly
00:14:12	But for my next guest, the word
00:14:16	Whenever I do a benefit-
00:14:21	all for very worthy causes - I can always
00:14:27	I feel humbled in his presence.
00:14:30	From deep, deep in here, ladies
00:14:35	- A great entertainer.
00:14:37	- A great humanitarian.
00:14:40	- And my dear friend for 25 years.
00:14:45	- You missed by five years.
00:14:50	- Joey, you love show business.
00:14:54	I'll go either way.
00:15:07	I got insight into you, Gideon.
00:15:10	You know what's underneath?
00:15:15	not special.
00:15:18	Right.
00:15:21	Oh, I think...
00:15:24	I think...
00:15:27	- I'm getting an erection.
00:15:32	That sex thing, Jesus. Listen,
00:15:38	but you do have a lot
00:15:46	Right.
00:15:55	You are foolishly and childishly
00:15:59	Joey, you're really crazy!
00:16:08	Dr. Ballinger told me to get a little exercise.
00:16:13	Everything he does seems
00:16:16	Dr. Ballinger, every time I've seen him,
00:16:19	I get the impression that
00:16:23	Yes, I know. But I think he cares a lot.
00:16:26	OK, we'll limit his visitors
00:16:29	Joe, I wish you could have been there.
00:16:32	9:30 this morning,
00:16:35	the line at Cinema One was around the
00:16:41	This broke every first-day record.
00:16:49	And those guys in California...
00:16:53	"Congratulations," they say. "We're glad
00:16:59	They said "Every dollar that we put
00:17:04	I'm telling you, they're talking about
00:17:08	3.5 million dollars! I'm sorry. Excuse me.
00:17:12	Do you believe that? 3.5 million dollars. This
00:17:17	Right through... the roof.
00:17:21	Look at those reviews. See it?
00:17:26	Where are the bad ones?
00:17:29	There are no bad ones.
00:17:31	Josh...
00:17:33	Well, there were a couple that
00:17:37	Josh, I want you to do me a favor -
00:17:41	Never. How were the television reviews?
00:17:44	I think we got Leslie Perry.
00:17:49	Following Gideon's triumphant directorial
00:17:55	when he won every possible award,
00:17:57	it would be nice to report that
00:18:02	starring Davis Newman, was a better film.
00:18:05	Oh, boy, here it comes.
00:18:10	Joey, turn it off, please.
00:18:12	... falls into his characteristic weakness
00:18:17	- Josh, no. I wanna hear it.
00:18:22	- What does she know?
00:18:25	That woman is totally unqualified
00:18:30	- She doesn't know a damn thing about film.
00:18:33	She's not even reviewing a film.
00:18:37	... where the has-been comic,
00:18:41	demonstrates his former
00:18:45	where clearly director Gideon
00:18:50	Rising above rather commonplace material,
00:18:55	I guarantee this picture
00:18:59	- One of you better get somebody.
00:19:03	I think I'm in trouble.
00:19:05	... chopping off the ends of scenes
00:19:09	left this reviewer with bewilderment
00:19:15	Using my four-balloon rating system,
00:19:25	- How are you feeling?
00:19:39	Roll 'em.
00:19:41	Action. Oh, my God...
00:19:52	Ladies and gentlemen, the doctors.
00:19:56	I'm Dr. Hyman, the internist.
00:19:58	I'm Dr. Garry, the surgeon.
00:20:01	- I'm Dr. Ballinger, the cardiologist.
00:20:04	The heart is the viscous that maintains
00:20:18	That means he had total blockage in...
00:20:22	two arteries.
00:20:27	This is the man who would be
00:20:32	When I was in those marches, like Selma,
00:20:34	this brother was shufflin'
00:20:37	long before those cats who thought
00:20:41	and jumped on the blackwagon.
00:20:45	The blackwagon! Oh, ladies
00:20:51	- A great entertainer.
00:20:53	- A great humanitarian.
00:20:56	- And my dearest friend.
00:20:59	- Blah-blah.
00:21:01	- Ladies and gentlemen...
00:21:04	- I'm afraid you've learned too much from me.
00:21:08	This is one of my A1,
00:21:12	That's it. Good luck tomorrow.
00:21:18	What did you mean, I learned too much?
00:21:21	You're gonna make it. I'm hardly ever wrong.
00:21:24	Thanks.
00:21:31	Remember last Tuesday night?
00:21:34	It was raining... very hard.
00:21:38	Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was raining. What about it?
00:21:43	I called you at midnight.
00:21:46	I must have been walking the dog.
00:21:53	I don't have time for this sort of thing.
00:21:56	You were with someone.
00:21:59	Yes.
00:22:03	And you made love to him.
00:22:07	Yeah.
00:22:11	Well, that's it, huh? We're finished?
00:22:16	I don't know.
00:22:19	How do you feel about me?
00:22:22	I love you.
00:22:24	Then I guess we're not finished.
00:22:29	Because I really do love you, Katie.
00:22:34	- You mean that?
00:22:37	I was pissed off at her.
00:22:40	I don't know. Yeah, I did mean it.
00:22:43	Sort of. Sometimes I don't know where
00:22:49	I just wanted to say something nice to her.
00:22:52	Why?
00:22:55	In case...
00:22:59	In case...
00:23:09	In case.
00:23:21	If I die, I'm sorry for all
00:23:28	And if I live, I'm sorry for all
00:23:40	...as stated in the declarations,
00:23:44	sickness, death of, or permanent disability...
00:23:47	Excuse me, Mr. Clark.
00:23:51	Larry, give me our figures.
00:23:55	Well, on an estimated
00:24:01	with a contingency of 59,000
00:24:06	so far we're in for
00:24:09	Design, 8,000, costumes, 8,000,
00:24:14	We're in for the full director-choreographer,
00:24:21	Construction of scenery, where more than
00:24:29	Stage manager's about 8,000.
00:24:32	Press agent 1500, musicians about... two.
00:24:38	Assistants, secretaries, etc, 3,000.
00:24:42	Rehearsal halls and auditions... 9500.
00:24:47	Script and administrative, 1500.
00:24:49	Managers, I'd say... ten.
00:24:53	Advertising and printing, about 20,000.
00:25:02	Legal, 10,000, auditing, 2,000,
00:25:06	payroll taxes... maybe seven.
00:25:10	Well, seven. Author's advances, 10,000,
00:25:15	Rehearsal salaries, and we've made some
00:25:21	We're in for about...
00:25:24	$480,500.
00:25:27	Yes. That's the figure I had here.
00:25:30	And change.
00:25:34	Let me try to understand.
00:25:37	Of that figure, how much do we recoup?
00:25:40	Yeah, I'm confused too. Do we
00:25:44	Simply, here are the options.
00:25:48	and you resume production within the
00:25:53	Two, if Mr. Gideon should die and you resume
00:25:57	within the 180 days, we are still not liable.
00:26:02	Three, however, if Mr. Gideon
00:26:08	and you abandon production,
00:26:11	we are liable for the full million dollars.
00:26:14	This means, gentlemen,
00:26:20	$519,500.
00:26:26	You could be the first show on Broadway
00:26:35	Well...
00:26:38	it's all very clear to me.
00:26:51	All this bullshit about death with dignity.
00:26:54	You know what death with dignity is, man?
00:26:58	Change-of-pace time. Request.
00:27:03	Death is in, death is in, my dear
00:27:05	Death is the thing
00:27:08	Oh, that's very theatrical, Joe.
00:27:10	Please don't try to talk.
00:27:15	- You wanna shoot it now?
00:27:18	- I can't understand him. I think he said "OK."
00:27:23	There's a lady in Chicago, man,
00:27:28	This chick, man, without
00:27:33	has broken the process
00:27:36	Anger, denial, bargaining,
00:27:40	Playback.
00:27:52	After you've gone
00:27:55	And left me cryin'
00:27:57	After you've gone
00:27:59	There's no denyin'
00:28:01	You'll feel blue
00:28:03	You'll feel sad
00:28:06	You'll miss the bestest pal ya
00:28:08	Ever had
00:28:10	There'll come a time
00:28:13	Don't forget it
00:28:15	There'll come a time
00:28:17	When you'll regret it
00:28:19	Some
00:28:21	Day
00:28:22	When you grow lonely
00:28:24	Your heart will break like mine
00:28:29	After you've gone
00:28:31	After you've gone
00:28:54	After you've gone
00:28:57	After you've gone...
00:29:05	Away
00:29:06	Away
00:29:09	Cut!
00:29:13	Wanna print it?
00:29:15	Jesus, Joe, you're way behind schedule.
00:29:20	Next setup.
00:29:23	Katie, take two.
00:29:27	Listen, huh?
00:29:29	Playback.
00:30:05	You'd better change your way o' livin'
00:30:08	- And if that ain't enough
00:30:11	You'd better change the way
00:30:14	Cos nobody wants you
00:30:19	You better change your way today
00:30:23	You better change your way
00:30:26	Can you hear me, Joe? I'm talkin' to ya.
00:30:28	- Ya gotta lay off the booze, Joe.
00:30:31	You gotta stop screwin' around, Daddy.
00:30:33	Ya better stop
00:30:35	Ya better change
00:30:38	Ya better stop
00:30:40	Ya better change
00:30:42	Ya better stop, ya better change,
00:30:46	Ya better stop and change your ways today
00:30:50	I said stop, change, stop!
00:30:54	Please.
00:30:56	Cut!
00:31:04	- Print it.
00:31:07	Playback.
00:31:40	Who's sorry now?
00:31:43	Who's sorry now?
00:31:47	Whose heart is aching?
00:31:50	- Just look at you, Daddy.
00:31:54	- All those broken vows.
00:31:59	Who's crying too?
00:32:03	Just like we cried over you?
00:32:07	- And we cried a lot.
00:32:12	- Me too.
00:32:17	Right to the end
00:32:20	- It's getting close, Joe.
00:32:23	- Where were ya, Joe? Where were ya?
00:32:29	Somehow
00:32:31	You didn't listen, Daddy. You didn't listen.
00:32:38	You had your way
00:32:42	Now you must pay
00:32:48	We're glad that you're sorry now
00:33:00	Cut!
00:33:06	You blew it. You forgot your line.
00:33:08	At the end you're supposed to say, uh...
00:33:12	He's supposed to say
00:33:20	Well, if you can't say it, you can't say it.
00:33:24	Cut it. Take me up. Next setup.
00:33:53	Some of these days
00:33:59	You're gonna miss me, Daddy
00:34:04	Some of these days
00:34:08	You're gonna feel so lonely
00:34:13	You'll miss her huggin'
00:34:17	You'll miss her kissin'
00:34:21	You'll miss me, Daddy
00:34:25	If you go away
00:34:30	I'll feel so lonely
00:34:34	Just for you only
00:34:38	For you know, Daddy
00:34:42	You had your way
00:34:46	- A lot.
00:34:52	You know, you know, you're gonna, gonna,
00:34:57	You're gonna miss your sweet,
00:35:05	- Some of these days
00:35:10	Some of these days
00:35:11	You can't leave this poor
00:35:15	- Some of these days
00:35:19	Some of these days
00:35:30	Oh! Oh, no.
00:35:33	You don't have any lines here.
00:35:39	Real dead body. Real dead body.
00:35:43	End sticks.
00:35:47	Please don't try to talk. If you wanna
00:35:57	No, no. Come on, not now.
00:36:02	Please leave. Please.
00:36:07	- Are you sure?
00:36:10	Am I alive?
00:36:12	All right, Joe.
00:36:17	Yes, you are alive.
00:36:20	Now, this is gonna hurt a little...
00:36:25	Hm. That came out nice.
00:36:29	Miss Paris, would you like
00:36:32	Oh, that is beautiful!
00:36:37	That is an absolutely beautiful scar, Dr. Garry.
00:36:41	- Thank you.
00:36:45	Well, he's out of intensive care,
00:36:48	The doctor says it's just a matter of rest.
00:36:53	Oh, you know Joey. This morning
00:36:58	Said he had a lot of new ideas.
00:37:01	And not all that sex stuff, either.
00:37:03	Now, that's terrific.
00:37:06	You must feel really good about that, Jonesy.
00:37:09	Relieved. We're all relieved.
00:37:13	- Check, please.
00:37:16	and I made a few notes.
00:37:19	Oh, my.
00:37:21	Use them, don't use them...
00:37:26	I hate to bother you,
00:37:31	- Yes.
00:37:33	No, no. Not at all.
00:37:36	I'm an actress and, next to Joe Gideon,
00:37:43	I'm so sorry your show was a flop.
00:37:49	- Best of luck with your career.
00:37:54	Lucas, you put in an awful lot
00:37:59	For somebody to do something like this
00:38:07	Listen, what are friends for?
00:38:10	I'm just pleased that Joe is well again.
00:38:13	- Hey, let me get this.
00:38:18	I said I'll get this.
00:38:23	- I can't believe it.
00:38:28	- I'm having a heart attack.
00:38:32	I just gave you your medication.
00:38:34	Goddamn it, he knows the symptoms.
00:38:39	He can't be in pain.
00:38:41	Well, let me take his pulse.
00:38:43	- How can it be?
00:38:46	But I just gave you your medication 20
00:38:51	At least you're getting use
00:38:54	That's funny, Doctor. I gotta tell you,
00:39:00	Miss Briggs, two milligrams of morphine.
00:39:03	- What's this?
00:39:06	You can send my check there.
00:39:10	Feeling any pain now?
00:39:12	Bitch!
00:39:13	No. But something is...
00:39:17	- something is breaking up in there.
00:39:22	Somethin's gone wrong.
00:39:25	All wrong.
00:39:28	No... No...
00:39:32	Oh, my God... Where's Mr. Gideon?
00:39:35	Anger, denial, bargaining,
00:39:39	- Anger.
00:39:43	Jesus Christ! Goddamn son-of-a-bitch,
00:39:48	Not now.
00:39:50	I don't know. We were busy
00:39:53	and the next thing I notice, he was gone.
00:39:57	Denial. Denial.
00:40:01	"No. No, that's not me, man, no.
00:40:06	"Oh, no. You got the wrong...
00:40:10	"She's old. I'm weaned. I'm toilet-trained. "
00:40:12	"I don't need her anymore. Bye, Ma.
00:40:19	Oh, Jesus, don't take me out now.
00:40:24	What's the matter?
00:40:31	- Bargaining.
00:40:34	Yes, I'd like to run it again.
00:40:37	I'd like to run the whole thing again.
00:40:42	"Look, man. Come here, come here. "
00:40:44	"Can we sit down and talk
00:40:47	"A negotiation, OK?"
00:40:49	"Look, I don't wanna haggle.
00:40:53	"The blonde, the one on East 63rd Street
00:40:57	"Gone. Finished. I'll never
00:41:01	"Right, no more hard drugs.
00:41:07	"All right, look, man, I promise
00:41:11	"We got a deal, huh? Huh?
00:41:16	What are you staring at? I told you guys
00:41:20	too much boozing, too much
00:41:28	I'll be back.
00:41:30	Well, goddammit, find him.
00:41:35	- Damn fools.
00:41:38	And here he is, ladies and germs,
00:41:42	- Oh, my God!
00:41:46	- If I were God...
00:41:48	- And sometimes I think I am...
00:41:52	- Depends on how much morphine I've had...
00:41:57	- I would spare this terrific tap-dancer!
00:42:02	He's alive in Florida, and I'm dying!
00:42:06	No pennies on the eyes for me.
00:42:12	Please.
00:42:13	Right away, sir. Bye.
00:42:19	- Come on, we better try to find this guy.
00:42:23	"I'm dying!"
00:42:26	"I'm paying $240 a day for the hospital room!"
00:42:32	"At those prices, man,
00:42:36	So... acceptance.
00:42:43	Oh, God...
00:42:58	I think you're the most
00:43:06	I love you.
00:43:49	Just a cut on the head.
00:43:52	Oh, man, I won't have any trouble
00:43:55	He just wants to sit around
00:43:59	Oh, don't hurry, baby.
00:44:04	- Now, Mr. Gideon, where were we?
00:44:08	Just found out. They're comin'
00:44:12	I knew they would.
00:44:14	- Can I have another?
00:44:20	Could you do it one more time? Just for me?
00:44:23	Oh, yeah, I'd love to.
00:44:26	Five, six, seven, eight.
00:44:29	Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag
00:44:33	And smile, smile, smile
00:44:37	Hey, pack up your troubles
00:44:42	Smile, boys, that's the style
00:44:44	Here we go.
00:44:46	What's the use of worrying?
00:44:49	It never was worthwhile
00:44:56	Juicy!
00:44:59	So, pack up your troubles...
00:45:17	- You got it.
00:45:21	Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag
00:45:25	And smile, smile, smile
00:45:28	OK, mister, you come along with us.
00:45:31	Nice and quiet, now. Don't cause no trouble.
00:45:34	- Everything's going to be fine, all right?
00:45:39	Later, Gideon.
00:45:41	This is just a rough cut, you know?
00:45:44	I don't have the titles in yet,
00:45:49	It's not really finished.
00:45:51	I need more time.
00:46:44	Thank you. Wonderful, wonderful.
00:46:48	Folks, what can I tell you
00:46:52	This cat allowed himself
00:46:56	And his success in show business
00:46:59	in his personal-relationship bag.
00:47:03	And he came to believe that work,
00:47:08	even himself, and all that jazz, was bullshit.
00:47:11	He became numero uno game player,
00:47:14	to the point where he didn't know
00:47:19	Like, to this cat, the only reality...
00:47:24	Ladies and gentlemen, let me lay
00:47:28	not much of a humanitarian,
00:47:33	In his final appearance on the great stage
00:47:37	Mr. Joe Gideon.
00:48:43	Bye-bye, life
00:48:51	Bye-bye, happiness
00:48:59	Hello, loneliness
00:49:06	I think I'm gonna die
00:49:13	I think I'm gonna die
00:49:31	Bye-bye, love
00:49:33	Bye-bye, sweet caress
00:49:35	Hello, emptiness
00:49:37	I feel like I could die
00:49:39	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:49:41	Bye-bye, my life, goodbye
00:49:43	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:49:45	Two, three, four, five, six.
00:49:59	Bye-bye, life
00:50:01	Bye-bye, happiness
00:50:03	Hello, loneliness
00:50:05	I think I'm gonna die
00:50:07	I think he's gonna die
00:50:09	I think he's gonna die
00:50:11	I think I'm gonna die
00:50:26	There goes his baby
00:50:30	With someone new
00:50:38	She sure looks happy
00:50:42	- I sure am blue
00:50:45	- I sure am blue
00:50:46	- I sure am blue
00:50:49	- I sure am blue
00:50:51	I sure am blue
00:51:08	I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna,
00:51:12	Bye-bye, life
00:51:17	Bye-bye, happiness
00:51:21	Hello, loneliness
00:51:25	I think he's gonna... die
00:51:30	Die
00:51:32	A one, a two, a three, four.
00:51:44	Bye-bye, love
00:51:46	Bye-bye, sweet caress
00:51:49	Hello, emptiness
00:51:50	I feel like I could die
00:51:52	Bye-bye, my life, goodbye
00:51:54	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:51:56	Bye-bye, my life, goodbye
00:52:01	I'm through with romance
00:52:03	- I'm through with love
00:52:05	I'm through with counting the stars above
00:52:08	Forget the stars
00:52:10	And here's the reason that he's so free
00:52:13	His lovin' baby
00:52:17	She's through with me
00:52:42	Bye-bye, life
00:52:48	Bye-bye, happiness
00:52:56	Hello, loneliness
00:53:02	I think he's gonna die
00:53:06	I think he's gonna die
00:53:10	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:53:12	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:53:14	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:53:16	Bye-bye, my life, goodbye
00:53:18	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:53:20	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:53:54	This must have cost a fortune!
00:54:40	Oh, give it to me!
00:54:42	Oh, give it to me!
00:54:46	At least I won't have to lie to ya anymore.
00:54:48	Oh, give it to me!
00:54:54	Oh, give it to me!
00:55:01	Bye-bye
00:55:02	Bye-bye
00:55:04	Bye-bye, happiness
00:55:07	Hello... Hello...
00:55:09	- I think he's gonna die
00:55:13	Bye-bye, life
00:55:16	Bye-bye, happiness
00:55:19	Hello, emptiness
00:55:21	I think he's gonna die
00:55:23	La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
00:55:26	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:55:28	La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
00:55:31	I think he's gonna die
00:55:34	La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
00:55:37	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:55:39	La, la, la, la, la, la, la
00:55:42	La, la, la, la, la, la
00:55:48	Bye-bye
00:55:52	My life
00:55:54	Oh, yeah!
00:55:56	Goodbye
00:57:10	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:57:12	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:57:14	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:57:16	Bye-bye, your life, goodbye
00:57:30	There's no business like show business
00:57:34	Like no business I know
00:57:38	Everything about it is appealing
00:57:42	Everything the traffic will allow
00:57:46	Nowhere could you get that happy feeling
00:57:49	When you are stealing that extra bow
00:57:53	There's no people like show people
00:57:57	They smile when they are low
00:58:01	Yesterday they told you
00:58:05	That night you open, and there you are
00:58:09	Next day on your dressing room,
00:58:12	Let's go on with the show
00:58:19	The costumes, the scenery,
00:58:23	The audience that lifts you
00:58:27	The headaches, the heartaches,
00:58:32	The sheriff who escorts you out of town
00:58:36	The opening when your heart
00:58:42	The closing, when
00:58:50	There's no business like show business
00:58:54	Like no business I know
00:58:58	You get word before the show has started
00:59:02	That your favorite uncle died at dawn
00:59:06	On top of that your Pa and Ma have parted
00:59:09	You're brokenhearted, but you go on
00:59:13	There's no people like show people
00:59:17	They smile when they are low
00:59:21	Even with a turkey that you know has fold
00:59:25	You may be stranded out in the cold
00:59:29	But still you wouldn't change it
00:59:33	Let's go on with the show
00:59:38	Let's go on with the show

All That Jazz