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00:03:32	It didn't work.
00:03:34	It didn't work.
00:03:37	In the middle there...
00:03:40	It's on amidst...
00:03:42	The window didn't
00:03:45	and it is very difficult for me
00:03:49	You know, I'm 47 years old...
00:03:56	Just because he brought
00:03:58	doesn't mean he can rub my dick
00:04:05	He still thinks
00:04:10	Not using a gun symbolizes
00:04:20	The purity...
00:04:33	This isn't about adults...
00:04:36	We're talking about a child,
00:04:39	an environment...
00:04:42	My client...
00:04:45	is aware...
00:04:48	of the responsibility
00:04:51	She leads a quiet,
00:04:53	On the other hand,
00:04:55	who's obviously disgruntled.
00:04:58	Whose known past problems
00:05:01	are less than ambiguous.
00:05:03	And whose entire
00:05:06	is with films
00:05:08	no responsible
00:05:10	would ever want to
00:05:12	including myself, Your Honor.
00:05:18	Violence...
00:05:20	that's all on film,
00:05:22	The legitimacy
00:05:24	How this actor
00:05:27	Let me count
00:05:32	Mangled under the wheels
00:05:35	Strangulation...
00:05:37	Fracturing the skull...
00:05:41	Taking out
00:05:45	They were low budgets. Every one
00:05:50	Laceration...
00:05:53	Crushed under
00:05:55	Death by strangulation...
00:05:58	I make money with this!
00:06:02	- Please be seated, Mr.
00:06:04	- Allez, one more! Again.
00:06:07	Kicks to the groin...
00:06:08	Can I go to the
00:06:12	Crushed under the
00:06:15	Gauging out the eyes...
00:06:17	Crushing the skull...
00:06:33	Shit.
00:06:36	- Take off! Immediately! Take off!
00:06:44	See the Arab in the film?
00:06:46	See that beard? Ever seen one
00:06:50	You think I look like him?
00:06:54	The movie's from 1986...
00:06:56	Haven't you ever had an idea just
00:07:00	Chuck Norris giving Ben Laden
00:07:04	But Chuck Norris
00:07:06	Yesterday it was Schwarzy...
00:07:08	Seen how the Arabs in "True Lies"
00:07:12	Action films need bad guys.
00:07:14	Exactly! In the 70's,
00:07:19	Stallone in "Rambo 3",
00:07:22	Bruce Willis in "The Siege",
00:07:23	Steven Seagal in
00:07:26	And what's his name,
00:07:29	- Van Damme!
00:07:32	Dummy, Van Damme's outside!
00:07:33	Hey, Mr Van Damme! Wait!
00:07:37	- How are you?
00:07:38	- What's this? Lost in Schaerbeek?
00:07:41	A quick snap for the store?
00:07:44	Thanks, sir!
00:07:46	Hello!
00:07:47	Don't hello him.
00:07:50	Yeah!
00:07:52	Your turn, now.
00:07:58	Good?
00:08:00	Wait, my grandma
00:08:02	In five minutes!
00:08:04	Thanks, sir. Wow!
00:08:07	He's cool! I pictured him taller,
00:08:11	He's cool! Classy and all!
00:08:14	He's all tanned.
00:08:15	He'll be right back.
00:08:17	- He cured cancer or what?
00:08:19	- No, but nobody kisses my ass.
00:08:22	He left this shithole,
00:08:24	He fought to be
00:08:26	You've never left town!
00:08:28	Whether you're a star or a dog,
00:08:31	Then why are you waiting for him?
00:08:34	He's just a regular guy.
00:08:39	Calm down, ma'am!
00:08:40	Move back!
00:08:45	- Help me, sir.
00:08:46	- Only 10 minutes!
00:08:49	- Who's the idol?
00:08:51	- Who?
00:08:53	Get outta here!
00:08:54	"Aware!"
00:08:56	Look, we have pictures.
00:08:59	- How is he?
00:09:00	He's just a regular guy, sir.
00:09:03	I don't think so.
00:09:05	He left this shithole
00:09:08	He fought to get
00:09:10	You've never even left town!
00:09:13	So what?
00:09:17	What'd you say?
00:09:18	I was talking to them.
00:09:20	I was talking to
00:09:22	You have a flat here.
00:09:24	- Oh, come on!
00:09:26	- Don't ruin my day, please!
00:09:29	- I always get the crap, thanks!
00:09:33	You owe me big time!
00:09:38	Shut up!
00:09:45	For once, it's not my fault!
00:09:48	Please, ma'am. Shut up!
00:09:54	Stop now.
00:10:02	Don't stay here!
00:10:05	Get lost!
00:10:07	You heard me!
00:10:10	Shit...
00:10:21	Open! What's going
00:10:23	What's going on!
00:11:23	On the ground!
00:11:40	Central to Unit 27.
00:11:42	Jean-Claude Van Damme's robbing
00:11:46	Possible hostage situation.
00:11:49	possible hostage situation.
00:11:53	1. The Answer
00:11:59	He's in court
00:12:02	and he can't approach
00:12:05	He picked up!
00:12:06	He picked up!
00:12:14	Please, move, convince...
00:12:18	Mr Van Damme?
00:12:24	This is Commissioner Bruges.
00:12:30	It could be better.
00:12:32	OK, let me ask you first,
00:12:34	is anyone injured?
00:12:38	Hello?
00:12:40	No, no.
00:12:42	A man's unconscious
00:12:45	Jean-Claude,
00:12:48	I'm Commissioner Christian Bruges.
00:12:52	You have to release
00:12:54	It's not in your interest, nor mine,
00:13:10	Will you release him?
00:13:12	No, no one leaves.
00:13:21	What if I came with
00:13:24	Jean-Claude?
00:13:25	What if I came with a doctor?
00:13:27	Fine, but unarmed.
00:13:29	I give you my word.
00:13:31	Commissioner Bruges?
00:13:32	Call me a doc please!
00:13:34	- Lieutenant Perthier, SWAT team.
00:13:38	So, I'm going inside and then,
00:13:42	- I'd like to deploy my men.
00:13:45	Could I borrow a vest?
00:13:47	I'll give it back.
00:13:48	Jackie.
00:13:50	A doctor, please.
00:13:54	I asked for a doc!
00:13:56	Get me a doc!
00:13:57	Eric went to med school.
00:13:58	- OK, let's go.
00:14:05	Hello? Jean-Claude?
00:14:08	No!
00:14:10	You have my word that...
00:14:14	Jean-Claude,
00:14:23	What?
00:15:00	We see the chief of police
00:15:01	exiting the video store,
00:15:04	and going towards the post office
00:15:08	Is Van Damme
00:15:11	In any case,
00:15:15	as the public
00:15:18	in spite of today's events.
00:15:21	The shorts! The shorts!
00:16:02	Don't shoot, I'm a hostage!
00:16:32	Drop the kit.
00:16:37	Slide it over.
00:16:42	Check the kit.
00:17:01	Go to the back room.
00:17:09	Hurry! He's bleeding!
00:17:12	No tricks, Jean-Claude.
00:17:21	Van Damme's fame
00:17:23	They're clearly fans,
00:17:26	and the slightest move
00:17:30	yelling out his name.
00:17:32	We 've heard a few snide remarks,
00:17:36	who went out in his shorts.
00:17:43	Sir, don't move.
00:17:47	What am I doing here?
00:17:51	Calm down, sir.
00:17:53	- Don't move.
00:17:56	What the fuck...
00:17:58	No, Jean-Claude!
00:18:15	Don't move!
00:18:17	Calm down, Jean-Claude!
00:18:20	Get outta here!
00:18:25	The curtain!
00:18:38	Right on!
00:18:39	Gimme five! Awesome!
00:18:42	Seriously! What a pro!
00:18:44	What's this?
00:18:45	See what he did?
00:18:46	This isn't a movie!
00:18:48	Take him with the others!
00:18:51	Listen, smart-ass,
00:18:53	you better think of something
00:18:57	How do you do it Jean-Claude?
00:18:58	You got him in the balls
00:19:02	You're too fast for
00:19:06	Sit down, you deserve it.
00:19:29	Hey!
00:19:30	Can't you see he
00:19:33	He saved all of us!
00:19:35	Jean-Claude!
00:19:38	What a fag.
00:19:43	Find a way to get
00:19:45	or I'll shoot 1 per hour,
00:19:47	They're clueless.
00:19:50	We can ask anything...
00:19:54	like a ransom
00:19:56	Let's ask for a million!
00:19:58	A million?
00:20:00	Have you even seen a million?
00:20:03	Where are you?
00:20:05	He's a star!
00:20:08	They expect more than a mill.
00:20:15	We leave
00:20:16	So the hostages can go to the cops
00:20:25	Talkin' about a brain...
00:20:27	You almost got me killed!
00:20:30	- You realize?
00:20:32	I'd be dead!
00:20:33	You're not the FBI!
00:20:35	- I'm still the boss.
00:20:38	I work, here!
00:20:39	Fuck your action men in black!
00:20:42	Let's just shoot him.
00:20:44	That's not our job!
00:20:47	- So maybe that's what it takes.
00:20:51	You're telling me
00:20:53	Can't you just shut up?
00:20:55	The gendarmes are gonna show up.
00:20:59	Yeah, get outta here.
00:21:06	What are you laughing at?
00:21:11	And the kid?
00:21:14	The kid...
00:21:16	we take him with us.
00:21:18	Know anyone that would want to have
00:21:23	Yes.
00:21:35	Boss!
00:21:40	- The blood...
00:21:42	It's because of your crap.
00:21:44	No, I have nothing to do with this.
00:21:48	I swear, I wouldn't have...
00:21:49	- I have a list of demands.
00:21:52	You have to do something
00:21:53	about the kid first.
00:21:55	The kid,
00:21:57	you have to release him.
00:21:59	Negative.
00:22:01	- You have enough hostages!
00:22:03	- You want the list or not?
00:22:05	You have enough hostages!
00:22:07	I want a million euros
00:22:11	Unmarked,
00:22:14	I want a bus for the airport,
00:22:16	a jet with a full tank. Destination
00:22:22	Then, I'll release
00:22:24	You're asking a
00:22:26	Honestly, you realize that...
00:22:33	- It won't work.
00:22:35	I'm Jean-Claude Van Damme.
00:22:39	It should be less realistic.
00:22:41	Like what?
00:22:43	Wait, I have an idea.
00:22:45	I'll also need
00:22:50	Yeah.
00:22:52	...to be delivered by noon.
00:22:54	To the firm Bernstein,
00:23:01	He hung up.
00:23:03	What's that? A code?
00:23:04	No, it makes more sense.
00:23:06	Who are those guys?
00:23:07	- My attorneys in LA.
00:23:09	Dumbass.
00:23:11	Shut up!
00:23:15	- Change the tone.
00:23:17	- Watch it, OK?
00:23:19	- I'm not your baby brother!
00:23:22	Look, Carradine,
00:23:24	Go back, your idol's coming.
00:23:27	I'm staying.
00:23:30	Now, I'm going.
00:23:31	OK, then go!
00:23:32	He's right. A movie star
00:23:35	it's ridiculous.
00:23:37	But a star asking for money
00:23:40	sounds desperate.
00:23:42	Not bad, not bad at all.
00:23:45	Go back with the others.
00:23:46	I said, beat it!
00:23:59	Look at those idiots!
00:24:03	So: 1 + 1 = 1.
00:24:06	- It's love.
00:24:07	But for us:
00:24:11	Then we're 'selfish',
00:24:15	But if 1+1 = 1...
00:24:19	That's beautiful!
00:24:20	I just got back
00:24:23	I was at my mother's and...
00:24:25	What was the name he said,
00:24:27	- Bernstein.
00:24:29	Leon Bernstein.
00:24:35	We don't think horizontal,
00:24:38	We stand straight in life.
00:24:40	We don't think in hours
00:24:43	The snake, Adam and Eve,
00:24:46	A snake is nice.
00:24:50	It's good for cholesterol.
00:24:52	Can an apple hurt a woman?
00:24:54	Some people failed,
00:24:57	because they're not 'aware'.
00:25:00	They don 't acknowledge
00:25:04	Poor things, they don 't know.
00:25:08	What's "aware"?
00:25:09	You wake up
00:25:13	No, it's fine.
00:25:15	Dolphins use wave-lengths too,
00:25:19	We live in the earth.
00:25:20	They communicate,
00:25:27	Gloria, would you rather live
00:25:30	or with your daddy?
00:25:37	I don't wanna live with Dad.
00:25:39	Why, Gloria?
00:25:44	Every time my dad is on a TV Show,
00:25:49	- But you love your daddy?
00:25:52	But you rather stay
00:25:58	I want them to stop
00:26:03	Thank you, Gloria.
00:26:26	I think it's November
00:26:35	There's no special
00:26:38	you don't have to
00:26:40	You don't have to be in
00:26:41	They'll put you in
00:26:45	- The commission?
00:26:47	- What's your commission?
00:26:49	No, no. The one I was...
00:26:51	10%...
00:26:54	They'll kill my career,
00:26:57	You get good money, they send me
00:27:01	They're making the movie for what?
00:27:03	No, no!
00:27:05	With the 30% sales fee...
00:27:07	You're exaggerating that.
00:27:09	I know,
00:27:12	Foreign, 30%: 1.8
00:27:15	producing fee:
00:27:19	Why do you do this shit to yourself?
00:27:20	I get paid 4 million dollars,
00:27:23	Come on, man! That is my job.
00:27:25	I would take less money
00:27:29	If they get me for free,
00:27:32	It's worth at least
00:27:35	They pay me scale,
00:27:36	at least I would be in a big movie
00:27:39	And you have those
00:27:41	What's going on here?
00:27:42	Wait a minute, you're not
00:27:45	No, the big picture,
00:27:47	Yeah, but some there's
00:27:49	and there's a cinematographer
00:27:52	Jeff, how many years you've known me?
00:27:55	Once in your life,
00:27:59	Are you bullshitting
00:28:00	I mean, I've never done bad by you!
00:28:04	And that's no bullshit.
00:28:06	Look... You're an international
00:28:09	Name me another
00:28:12	You work all the time,
00:28:19	I lost my daughter.
00:28:23	You're gonna get over that.
00:28:26	Remember Shakespeare:
00:28:27	"The time and the hours
00:28:30	...everything passes "
00:28:33	You've gotta believe me
00:28:36	Especially in this town...
00:28:38	Stop it.
00:28:41	Stop it.
00:28:46	You want to
00:28:56	Jean-Claude, come on,
00:28:58	Look, can't you take a joke?
00:29:00	Don't forget: you start
00:29:03	I love you, baby!
00:30:14	...the check
00:30:16	- What do you mean?
00:30:19	It's impossible!
00:30:22	If I don't get the money by noon,
00:30:26	Ok, don't drop
00:30:28	I promise you,
00:30:32	- You've been told...
00:31:00	Hey, I'm a great
00:31:03	- How are you?
00:31:04	- What's this? Lost in Schaerbeek?
00:31:07	A quick snap for the store?
00:31:09	Thanks, sir!
00:31:12	Don't hello him.
00:31:23	Thanks guys.
00:31:24	Wait, my grandma
00:31:26	I'll be back in five minutes!
00:32:18	Name's Van Damme.
00:32:22	Hello.
00:32:25	No, no, you can't,
00:32:28	- Closed?
00:32:29	But it's not six yet?
00:32:32	Please, it's very important.
00:32:37	Yes, but we can't...
00:32:39	No, seriously!
00:32:41	A computer problem.
00:32:42	Seriously? This can't be.
00:32:46	Tomorrow, we'll let you in.
00:32:48	No, I need to go in today.
00:32:52	I need this money
00:32:56	Let me speak to the boss.
00:32:58	- Quickly, then.
00:33:16	Hello, ma'am, how are you?
00:33:19	I'm here for a transfer.
00:33:21	The name's Jean-Claude
00:33:23	Not my stage name Van Damme.
00:33:27	I'm sorry,
00:33:30	I told you, Mr Van Damme!
00:33:32	No, you told me
00:33:35	Is it a cash or a computer problem?
00:33:42	Listen, please give
00:33:44	I have no money, my credit cards
00:33:50	We're out of cash.
00:33:52	It's impossible.
00:33:54	This is a bank!
00:33:56	I'm broke, I have no money
00:34:00	C'mon, sir.
00:34:01	Wait, what's your name?
00:34:04	Arthur.
00:34:05	Listen, I haven't
00:34:08	jet lag, the Los
00:34:11	the planes, a toy store,
00:34:15	the tip...
00:34:18	I have a solution.
00:34:20	Then, collect some money.
00:34:22	I'm a good client here.
00:34:25	Why don't you ask people here
00:34:29	And tomorrow take it
00:34:33	But, I can't!
00:34:36	- You don't give a shit, uh?
00:34:42	I want my fucking money!
00:34:45	I'm sick of this,
00:34:48	It's like this
00:34:50	I have no cash on me.
00:34:54	Hey, I haven't slept,
00:34:58	I just got back from
00:35:02	Look, I'm exhausted, guys.
00:35:05	First the cab, then the toys...
00:35:09	- OK, c'mon now.
00:35:17	Camera?
00:35:18	Camera?
00:35:20	Is this candid camera?
00:35:22	Sorry, guys, sorry!
00:35:24	Listen, I've had a bad day,
00:35:28	Cut this one,
00:35:33	Put him with the others!
00:35:34	Are you nuts?
00:35:38	C'mon! Get up now!
00:35:41	I said, get up!
00:35:44	Faster! Move faster!
00:35:54	Come and sit over here.
00:36:00	Shit, what did he do to you!
00:36:11	Wow! How do you
00:36:14	I can't.
00:36:15	Watch out!
00:36:35	Get up! Get up!
00:36:37	The curtain!
00:36:40	- What?
00:36:42	Don't move! Shut up!
00:36:48	You too, shut up!
00:36:53	Gimme a hand, here.
00:36:55	Gimme a hand! Come!
00:37:03	What's going on?
00:37:04	Don't stay here! Get lost!
00:37:11	Open up!
00:37:16	What's going on?
00:37:20	Open up!
00:37:22	Look down.
00:37:23	You too, look down.
00:37:25	What are you looking at?
00:37:27	Look over there!
00:37:31	Open up!
00:38:04	What are you doing?
00:38:24	- Are you crazy?
00:38:26	How are we gonna get out now?
00:38:29	Maybe, but I'm not
00:38:32	I'm not in Belgium to be jailbait!
00:38:37	Don't do that again!
00:38:39	I just wanted to see
00:38:43	- Shit, I almost shot him!
00:38:49	Robbing a bank in Belgium
00:38:52	Shit! What are we
00:38:55	Leave now, while
00:38:59	- He's right!
00:39:02	Turn yourselves in.
00:39:03	In any case, we all saw
00:39:07	If I want some stretching tips,
00:39:11	Well done!
00:39:13	You can insult me all you want
00:39:16	but I'm not
00:39:19	We gotta block the exits.
00:39:21	You keep an eye on them
00:39:24	You're saying that
00:39:27	and then you say
00:39:30	We gotta be clear
00:39:33	otherwise,
00:39:36	If you say he was drunk,
00:39:38	I won't know for sure
00:39:43	It's as simple as that.
00:39:44	Boss, guess who's robbing
00:39:47	Who?
00:39:48	I liked how you pressured
00:39:52	It wasn't for them.
00:39:54	You heard Karate Kid.
00:39:56	Listen up, brainiac.
00:39:58	Who said it was a
00:40:00	that post offices
00:40:02	and that we'd catch
00:40:04	But, the moron...
00:40:05	The moron's your pal,
00:40:08	So, if you wanna be
00:40:25	If you wanna be the boss
00:40:28	you'd better start growin' some balls
00:40:32	And I don't mind
00:40:46	Commissioner! Please!
00:40:47	Hey, it's
00:40:50	Is Van Damme the perp?
00:40:52	Wait. No declaration yet.
00:40:53	Has anyone been shot?
00:40:57	How many hostages
00:41:02	- Enough.
00:41:04	No, please!
00:41:10	Be careful with the seats.
00:41:14	Careful! You know how much
00:41:26	No, nothing's moving.
00:41:29	Can he turn that off?
00:41:31	- The whining thing?
00:41:38	- Is that him?
00:41:40	Did he dye his hair?
00:41:56	He's in shock.
00:41:58	- What?
00:42:01	Once in the film
00:42:03	I took a shot from a blank.
00:42:06	It took salts to
00:42:08	"Hard Target"! John Woo!
00:42:11	- What an ass!
00:42:13	C'mon, Jean-Claude,
00:42:15	He's the one who brought him
00:42:18	Without him, he'd still be
00:42:22	And then what?
00:42:25	At least, he did "Face Off".
00:42:27	So what?
00:42:30	On the other hand, when you see
00:42:36	Got any new projects?
00:42:38	Not for now.
00:42:39	I saw a thing on the web,
00:42:44	Purple.
00:42:48	What about it?
00:42:49	- Steven Seagal got the part.
00:42:51	He got the part.
00:42:53	Steven Seagal?
00:42:54	You're ten times better!
00:42:58	Well, he cut off his couette.
00:43:00	His what?
00:43:02	His couette.
00:43:04	His ponytail!
00:43:06	For the first time!
00:43:08	Oh, I see...
00:43:13	Hey you! What's that?
00:43:16	- Me?
00:43:17	- Hey!
00:43:19	No. You're disturbing us!
00:43:20	I think he just coughed.
00:43:22	- He coughed!
00:43:24	- No.
00:43:26	No.
00:43:28	- Oh, is he funny?
00:43:30	So, I see.
00:43:33	- Who are you?
00:43:35	No, wait!
00:43:38	You're 40
00:43:41	Yeah.
00:43:42	Who do you think you are?
00:43:44	No, no, no! Shut up, OK?
00:43:47	He's tired, you know.
00:43:49	- Tired?
00:43:50	I'm not tired, are you?
00:43:53	So, shut up!
00:43:58	Get up.
00:44:03	- Got a smoke?
00:44:07	Does anyone have a smoke?
00:44:33	- So?
00:44:36	- No one?
00:44:38	Forget it, then.
00:44:40	Go get me a screamo-phone,
00:44:44	To shout at the public.
00:44:46	The day had started out fine!
00:44:48	But now, I'm exhausted, I'm fed up.
00:44:52	- Sir, let's stop...
00:44:54	I'm Commissioner Bruges.
00:44:55	Sir, I'm freaking out!
00:44:58	There's been a hold-up
00:45:00	across the street...
00:45:02	But look at my cab!
00:45:03	That's what I'm saying,
00:45:07	Look at my cab!
00:45:09	A few questions, first.
00:45:10	I picked him up at
00:45:13	Did he have any
00:45:17	Man, I can't.
00:45:18	Please! Only once!
00:45:20	I don't want to.
00:45:23	Open your mouth.
00:45:26	Be cool, just once!
00:45:28	I'm exhausted.
00:45:29	Do me a favor!
00:45:32	Show me the move,
00:45:36	Please, Jean-Claude!
00:45:53	Let's all applaud!
00:45:59	Nice, Jean-Claude!
00:46:01	Told you he was the best!
00:46:04	Who told you to move?
00:46:07	Faster!
00:46:10	Where's my ciggy?
00:46:16	Open your mouth!
00:46:31	Move back a bit.
00:46:32	A bit lower.
00:46:38	- Jean-Claude?
00:46:39	- It's been years...
00:46:42	Just once!
00:46:53	He shows up and says "Go!".
00:46:56	He said that?
00:46:57	Yes, sir.
00:46:59	I did what he told me to,
00:47:07	- What's this?
00:47:09	And what are you doing?
00:47:11	Come here now!
00:47:14	- He needs a doc.
00:47:16	Mr Van Damme!
00:47:19	This is...
00:47:20	Commissioner Bruges,
00:47:23	so we can talk.
00:47:25	Is this a joke?
00:47:27	No, Jean-Claude.
00:47:29	They saw you with
00:47:31	- Moving a cabinet is robbing a bank?
00:47:34	If you need anything,
00:47:39	I'm your contact.
00:47:42	Bruges.
00:47:46	Here's our ticket out!
00:47:49	I have enough problems...
00:47:51	I said, shut up!
00:47:56	Go ahead, big shot!
00:48:07	Are we having fun, here?
00:48:12	Can't believe it!
00:48:23	- You read English?
00:48:36	If you tell them,
00:48:41	- What do I say?
00:48:45	What's "custody"?
00:48:46	He picked up!
00:48:52	Mr Van Damme.
00:48:56	Bruges. How's it
00:49:02	It could be better.
00:49:04	OK, let me ask you first,
00:49:12	A man's unconscious
00:49:15	OK, good.
00:49:18	I'm Commissioner Bruges.
00:49:20	You can call me Christian.
00:49:23	You must release
00:49:25	Neither one of us
00:49:29	Of course.
00:49:30	Will you release him?
00:49:34	No, no one leaves.
00:49:44	What if I came with a doctor?
00:49:49	Hey, if there's a murder,
00:49:58	- And if I come with a doc?
00:50:01	I give you my word.
00:50:02	Bruges...
00:50:06	- Whoever walks in is dead.
00:50:09	Heard me earlier?
00:50:11	Well, they could come naked.
00:50:15	In hostage movies, the bad guys
00:50:18	naked, so they know
00:50:21	How about naked?
00:50:29	Fine, tell them.
00:50:54	Where's Petrucciani?
00:50:57	3. Stone falls on Egg,
00:50:59	Egg breaks.
00:51:23	Sorry, man!
00:51:31	Speak.
00:51:32	Hey, Jeff, how are you?
00:51:34	Hey, dog!
00:51:36	Good, good, good...
00:51:38	I need some money.
00:51:40	Listen,
00:51:41	Can the producers
00:51:44	Listening Jean-Claude,
00:51:47	...right after your
00:51:49	They took
00:51:51	Who?
00:51:52	Steven...
00:51:54	Steven?
00:51:56	He promised to cut
00:51:59	It hurts,
00:52:00	i know.
00:52:02	Ok, ok, can you... Can I borrow
00:52:06	Hello!
00:52:10	Hey, man! You're breaking
00:52:13	You must be in a
00:52:16	Cut the bullshit!
00:52:19	All right.
00:52:21	What's next?
00:52:22	No Limit Injury.
00:52:25	We've done this
00:52:27	We did?
00:52:28	What's next?
00:52:29	No Limit Injury 2!
00:52:34	who fights to pay
00:52:38	- Is it good?
00:52:41	- Did you read it?
00:52:49	Call the producers... and...
00:52:54	- Hey, man, I can't do that!
00:53:03	Aren't you Van Damme?
00:53:05	You're Jean-Claude Van Damme,
00:53:08	Listen...
00:53:11	I'm really tired and I...
00:53:14	Don't start acting
00:53:17	Mr Hero of the century!
00:53:20	I can finally talk to you
00:53:24	Let me talk to you.
00:53:27	Close your eyes,
00:53:30	Anyway, when I see
00:53:34	well, you're really
00:53:36	Really?
00:53:37	I think you look much better
00:53:40	And you're much nicer too,
00:53:43	I can tell you that...
00:53:44	- No, it's just that...
00:53:48	I like you better on screen.
00:53:50	- You hurt my feelings.
00:53:53	I always thought
00:53:56	Everyone worships you
00:54:01	You represent us
00:54:03	Get used to having a driver
00:54:06	OK.
00:54:06	- Please!
00:54:08	Yes, sorry! Yes!
00:54:10	What's that?
00:54:12	You don't need to show off!
00:54:15	- You're doing it on purpose or what?
00:54:21	But you're nice.
00:54:23	You too, but even
00:54:25	It's hot in here!
00:54:26	- Should I open?
00:54:28	Then sleep, but let me talk.
00:54:30	All cab drivers in
00:54:33	You better get used to it
00:54:38	No, seriously!
00:54:40	Star, star, star.
00:54:44	I surely didn't expect
00:54:47	Ma'am, I didn't mean to...
00:54:51	Well you hurt me anyway,
00:54:55	I'm sorry.
00:54:56	I saw all your films.
00:54:58	How can you be so rude?
00:55:02	I'm sorry, I'm tired...
00:55:05	- I still want a picture with you!
00:55:08	- Promise?
00:55:09	- And you'll sign it?
00:55:11	- It's for my son!
00:55:14	Jean-Claude!
00:55:40	It's been over an hour and a half now
00:55:44	has taken refuge in the Schaerbeek
00:55:49	She looks better on TV.
00:55:52	We can't really say
00:55:55	After using a gun
00:55:58	an anonymous source says...
00:55:59	So tell the source
00:56:03	If anyone blabs,
00:56:07	Yes, chief.
00:56:10	Thank you, chief.
00:56:15	No, he was here
00:56:19	OK, the Prefect authorized
00:56:22	And the ransom?
00:56:24	- That'll have to calm him down.
00:56:26	There's no attack.
00:56:32	He picked up!
00:56:37	Good news!
00:56:38	- The transfer's authorized.
00:56:41	It will
00:56:42	if you cooperate...
00:56:47	And the money?
00:56:48	Same thing, it'll
00:56:51	You're gonna have
00:56:54	It's...
00:56:55	What do you want?
00:56:57	The kid. Let him go.
00:57:03	I'll call you back.
00:57:06	The crowd's agitated.
00:57:10	What's the commotion?
00:57:11	Let's go.
00:57:15	a car is trying to
00:57:19	- Who is it?
00:57:20	- Who is it?
00:57:21	- Who?
00:57:23	Why don't you escort them?
00:57:28	Please! Please!
00:57:32	Mrs Van Damme!
00:57:35	My son's a good man!
00:57:37	No comment!
00:57:38	What do you think you're doing?
00:57:41	- You're nuts or what?
00:57:44	- I'm not saying that.
00:57:47	- They gave in.
00:57:50	He's right. They gave in.
00:57:51	Hey, who's doing the hold-up?
00:57:53	They gave in to him.
00:57:56	Get back, I told you!
00:57:58	For the second
00:58:00	- Watch your tone.
00:58:01	- Get on back!
00:58:04	- Lower your gun.
00:58:06	You lower yours first.
00:58:07	- Go on back.
00:58:10	- Go on back.
00:58:12	They'll break negotiations.
00:58:14	And I'll break your neck.
00:58:19	If it's not the kid,
00:58:22	Just don't shoot, man.
00:58:25	Don't shoot.
00:58:27	Stop it.
00:58:29	He's right.
00:58:32	If we let one go,
00:58:34	Not the one I'm thinking of.
00:59:17	Tell them we'll release one.
00:59:18	- Your maniac son hurt someone.
00:59:23	He's Jean-Claude.
00:59:25	He's Camille.
00:59:27	He's François.
00:59:28	He's Van Damme or
00:59:31	But he's not a maniac!
00:59:38	Get outta here.
00:59:42	He's on the line, boss.
00:59:47	Gotta do something
00:59:51	Help me convince your son
01:00:01	OK for a hostage,
01:00:06	Someone wants to talk to you.
01:00:14	Honey?
01:00:16	Mom?
01:00:20	What are you doing, son?
01:00:23	Nothing.
01:00:25	Nothing!
01:00:27	Please talk to me, dear.
01:00:30	Nothing, mom.
01:00:33	Mom, give me the...
01:00:34	son of a bitch!
01:00:36	Get my lawyer on the phone.
01:00:39	Tell them I'm releasing a hostage.
01:00:47	Hurry up!
01:00:53	Take them away.
01:01:03	It was my mother.
01:01:06	I don't give a shit
01:01:09	Wanna hear about mine?
01:01:11	- Last time I saw her...
01:01:14	...was when I was born.
01:01:18	He tries to screw me,
01:01:21	You come with me.
01:01:24	- Why?
01:01:28	So, let's go.
01:01:29	No, he stays here.
01:01:30	C'mon, mister.
01:01:31	Make the transfer
01:01:38	Rule number 1.
01:01:40	It's the maniac
01:01:44	C'mon.
01:01:49	C'mon.
01:01:54	- Why do I have to go?
01:01:57	Why do you want to keep him?
01:01:59	- He stays here. You come with me.
01:02:03	Not without me.
01:02:05	Not without my son!
01:02:20	Hello?
01:02:21	Wait.
01:02:28	Hi, Sir.
01:02:30	Mister...
01:02:33	One moment...
01:02:35	Mr. Bernstein,
01:02:37	We need you to talk the voice
01:02:40	Get him on the phone!
01:02:41	Stand up, up you go!
01:02:44	Let me go!
01:02:47	- You sure are lucky.
01:02:50	- With your gun.
01:02:53	You're really lucky.
01:03:01	Let me go!
01:03:07	Damien, I'll be back.
01:03:13	Move.
01:03:20	Move. Get up.
01:03:24	When I say get up,
01:03:26	One word
01:03:28	Hello?
01:03:29	Jean-Claude, What the hell
01:03:31	You've got money?
01:03:33	Yes, of course, but...
01:03:35	So then, do your job!
01:03:40	If you open your mouth,
01:03:45	I'll take care of him.
01:03:48	What? You can't even take care
01:03:52	It's all your fault!
01:03:53	They're raising the curtain!
01:04:30	Stand back.
01:04:32	Please, ma'am.
01:04:53	Over there.
01:04:56	Over there, I said.
01:05:02	OK, so we put it
01:05:04	I'm gonna keep
01:05:07	I like this one.
01:05:08	It's a little beauty.
01:05:09	This way, we 'II remember
01:05:14	Our minds crossed.
01:05:18	Yeah, and St. Valentine 's Day
01:05:23	Dimitri's so romantic!
01:05:24	It's our 1,500th show today!
01:05:35	This movie is for me.
01:05:39	There we are, you and me.
01:05:49	Why did you do that?
01:05:51	Or why did I do that?
01:05:55	You made my dream come true.
01:05:57	I asked you for it.
01:05:59	I promised you something in return
01:06:05	You win, I lose.
01:06:10	Unless...
01:06:12	the path you've set for me
01:06:15	is full of hurdles
01:06:17	where the answer
01:06:21	Yeah, I do that.
01:06:24	Now I know why.
01:06:27	It's the cure,
01:06:31	It all makes sense.
01:06:34	It makes sense
01:06:39	So... America,
01:06:42	poverty,
01:06:45	stealing to eat...
01:06:47	Stalking producers,
01:06:52	going to clubs
01:06:55	with my pictures,
01:06:59	It's all I had.
01:07:04	But I did 20 years of karate.
01:07:06	'Cause before I wasn't like that.
01:07:09	This... This is me today.
01:07:12	I used to be small
01:07:15	And I took up karate.
01:07:19	thou shall believe
01:07:23	"Oss!"
01:07:25	It's Samurai code.
01:07:27	It's honor, no lies.
01:07:29	So this guy in the US,
01:07:31	it's not the same thing.
01:07:33	No one says "Oss" to you.
01:07:35	Sometimes people
01:07:43	I believed in
01:07:46	I was blessed
01:07:50	I always believed in love.
01:07:53	It's hard for a woman
01:07:57	"Which one do I love more?"
01:07:59	A mother...
01:08:01	If you have 5, 6, 7
01:08:05	they've all got
01:08:08	but no one cares about that
01:08:10	in the so-called media.
01:08:15	What about drugs?
01:08:17	When you got it all,
01:08:21	When you've been in
01:08:22	you're the prima donna
01:08:27	And in all hotels the world over,
01:08:31	you want something more.
01:08:35	And because of a woman...
01:08:37	Well, because of love,
01:08:39	I tried something
01:08:43	Van Damme, the beast,
01:08:47	the tiger in a cage,
01:08:49	the "Bloodsport"
01:08:52	I was wasted mentally
01:08:57	To the point that
01:09:04	I got out of it.
01:09:07	But...
01:09:09	It's all there.
01:09:12	It's all there.
01:09:16	It was really tough.
01:09:20	I saw people worse
01:09:24	I went from poor to rich and thought,
01:09:28	Why all the privileges?
01:09:30	I'm just a regular guy.
01:09:32	It makes me sick to
01:09:35	who don't have what I've got.
01:09:37	Knowing that
01:09:39	they have qualities, too.
01:09:43	Much more than I do!
01:09:46	It's not my fault
01:09:49	I asked for it.
01:09:51	I asked for it,
01:09:53	When you're 13,
01:09:55	Well, it came true for me.
01:09:57	But I still ask myself today
01:10:00	what I've done on this earth.
01:10:03	Nothing!
01:10:05	I've done nothing!
01:10:09	And I might just die
01:10:14	hoping to start all over
01:10:18	in my country,
01:10:22	Start all over with my parents
01:10:27	pick up again.
01:10:30	nobody's gonna pull a trigger
01:10:35	It's so stupid to kill people.
01:10:40	So, today, I pray to God.
01:10:45	I truly believe
01:10:47	it's not a movie.
01:10:49	It's real life.
01:10:53	Real life.
01:11:00	I've seen so many things.
01:11:03	I was born in Belgium,
01:11:05	but I'm citizen of the world.
01:11:08	I've travelled a lot.
01:11:10	It's hard for me to
01:11:14	and it's hard for them...
01:11:19	not to judge me.
01:11:21	Easier to blame me.
01:11:25	Yeah, something like that.
01:11:39	Dimitri's so romantic!
01:11:41	It's our 1,500th show today!
01:11:43	And I'm giving out rare items
01:11:45	like the red wig
01:11:49	We don't know why!
01:11:50	It's the hat full of ideas
01:11:55	Say, Arthur?
01:11:59	- That's your name, right?
01:12:04	We've gotta free
01:12:07	I can't do that, Jean-Claude.
01:12:09	Yes, you can. It's easy.
01:12:12	We just go there,
01:12:14	raise the curtain
01:12:17	and split!
01:12:20	4. Egg falls on Stone,
01:12:23	Egg breaks.
01:12:25	7 hostages left!
01:12:27	- It's OK. We need time.
01:12:31	The cops question her,
01:12:33	- They count the dough.
01:12:35	Hey, what dough?
01:12:37	You're waiting for them
01:12:40	You crazy? What's a million?
01:12:43	How are you gonna get out?
01:12:46	No, we've got the kid.
01:12:48	I tell you,
01:12:50	You can't kill anyone.
01:12:51	I'll kill whoever I like.
01:12:54	The next one out is dead.
01:12:57	Whoever you want, you got it?
01:12:59	We'll obtain more that way
01:13:04	What are you doing?
01:13:06	What?
01:13:09	Let's wait for the bus...
01:13:10	What the bus?
01:13:13	Why not on the subway!
01:13:17	Hey, it's the
01:13:21	I'm pissing.
01:13:22	- Pissing?
01:13:24	You piss silently?
01:13:26	Yeah, don't you?
01:13:27	- You piss white?
01:13:28	You piss invisible!
01:13:31	Why? Are you sick?
01:13:33	Do you piss yellow? Red?
01:13:35	At least, there's color.
01:13:37	- You're sick.
01:13:39	- I'm sick?
01:13:43	Wait, I'm going
01:13:48	Where the fuck are they?
01:14:01	Back in the room, faster!
01:14:12	Let her through, she's the mother!
01:14:27	Move back.
01:14:32	What do you want?
01:14:33	You wanna screw me
01:14:36	I was just trying to help...
01:14:38	Move back!
01:14:41	I said, move back!
01:14:43	- Don't shoot.
01:14:46	Don't fucking shoot!
01:14:50	- What are you doing?
01:14:53	What I'm doing?
01:14:56	Whose side are you on?
01:14:58	- Who are you with?
01:15:02	Let him go!
01:15:10	We want information!
01:15:13	I said, get the
01:15:16	You, motherfucker!
01:15:17	Let go.
01:15:23	Sir!
01:15:24	My son, Jean-Claude...
01:15:26	- What's going on?
01:15:30	Answer me, damn it!
01:15:33	Make her stop crying!
01:15:37	I said, let go!
01:15:47	What?
01:15:49	Go ahead, shoot!
01:15:52	You too, get lost!
01:15:57	Back to our correspondent
01:16:00	where it seems Van Damme's
01:16:05	We represented Mr. Van Damme
01:16:09	which is a lot of time, a lot of
01:16:13	It is with the
01:16:15	I had to prepare the
01:16:18	"Because of Mr. Van Damme's behavior
01:16:20	my firm and myself hereby,
01:16:22	immediately cease to represent
01:16:25	Go, over there!
01:16:28	Bang!
01:16:29	Like in movies.
01:16:43	What the hell are you doing?
01:16:45	Whose side are you on, you dork?
01:16:49	Oh yeah, I'm the dork?
01:16:52	Yeah, a 32-year-old
01:16:55	And who gets softened up
01:16:58	- A beginner?
01:16:59	Robbing a post office at my age,
01:17:03	Yeah, right! 52 years old!
01:17:06	You owe me some respect.
01:17:09	My father?
01:17:11	No, because I fucked
01:17:16	Sure!
01:17:28	Are you happy now?
01:17:31	Did you ever go to school?
01:17:33	You'd know that
01:17:37	breaks egg
01:17:39	and egg which...
01:17:42	an egg which falls...
01:17:54	Because we can't...
01:17:56	You can't save...
01:17:59	the world.
01:18:12	What?
01:18:15	We said, "Not the mothers!"
01:18:24	I don't wanna die.
01:18:26	I don't wanna die.
01:18:31	I don't wanna die.
01:18:44	It's over, it's over.
01:18:53	Don't worry, Jean-Claude.
01:18:56	Aren't we better
01:19:13	- He shot him in the head.
01:19:35	Jean-Claude?
01:19:38	I wanted to ask you...
01:19:42	Could you sign me
01:19:48	For Arthur.
01:19:52	Promise?
01:19:56	Thanks.
01:20:17	The cops.
01:20:20	- No!
01:20:26	Arthur?
01:20:28	Don't shoot!
01:20:30	Police!
01:20:43	Police! Don't move!
01:21:21	I'm a hostage!
01:21:27	I'm a hostage!
01:21:35	I need a doctor, now!
01:21:36	- Drop the gun!
01:21:40	Get out or I'll smoke him!
01:21:44	- Drop the gun!
01:21:52	Get outta here or
01:21:56	It's not him!
01:22:03	It's not Jean-Claude!
01:22:14	- Get outta here!
01:22:16	I'm gonna smoke him!
01:23:53	I didn't do anything!
01:24:07	What the hell is
01:24:11	You're a criminal!
01:24:13	Extortion of 465,000 dollars
01:24:16	- Extortion?
01:24:19	There's no extortion!
01:24:21	You're an asshole.
01:25:17	A few months later
01:25:21	During the trial,
01:25:26	and wishes to remain silent...
01:25:30	Mr Van Damme, a statement?
01:25:32	Do you agree
01:25:50	The results are in.
01:25:51	Jean-Claude Van Damme has been convicted
01:25:55	two years probation...
01:25:58	Jean-Claude Van Damme,
01:26:02	will serve 1 year
01:26:05	He should serve his sentence
01:26:09	And this ends
01:26:14	We just heard
01:26:21	If the knee is lower than the foot,
01:26:25	You won't have any strength.
01:26:28	I'm gonna kick like this,
01:26:32	Knee too low...
01:26:33	If I put my knee high,
01:26:36	Then I go... Bam!
01:26:37	- It's something moving.
01:26:40	Harder!
01:26:41	And what if somebody come at me
01:26:43	- Van Damme, visit...
01:26:44	Then I keep my distance,
01:26:46	You have a knife,
01:26:48	or I can go above
01:26:50	Van Damme!
01:26:53	I'm coming.
01:26:56	It's my mother.
01:26:58	See you, guys.
01:27:15	How are you, Mom?
01:27:18	Aren't you cold?
01:27:19	No, no. I just gave the
01:27:23	- You teach karate?
01:27:25	That's nice.
01:27:27	Your father asked
01:27:30	wanted to tell you stuff...
01:27:32	Is he OK?
01:27:33	I'll be right back.
01:27:36	- Excuse me?
01:27:39	- I've had plenty of surprises.
01:27:42	We don't have much time.

JCVD