Jackass Number Two

en
00:02:54 Holy shit!
00:03:05 Oh, fuck!
00:03:10 No, no, no!
00:03:22 Oh, shit!
00:03:43 Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
00:03:59 All right, boys and girls.
00:04:03 Once upon a time,
00:04:07 and a lonely field mouse
00:04:11 Hello, Mr. Serpent.
00:04:14 My name is Mr. Mousey.
00:04:18 Yeah, just make sure my
00:04:21 How about if I tickle him on the tail?
00:04:30 That's not nice.
00:04:32 That's not the way we play back home.
00:04:34 That was not nice.
00:04:37 Dude.
00:04:39 He's like an inch away.
00:04:44 Here we go. Give me a little kissy.
00:04:48 A little kiss.
00:04:58 Oh, God!
00:05:01 Oh, God, that hurts!
00:05:15 It's got its tooth stuck in his dick!
00:05:21 I guess the puppet show's over then.
00:05:25 Oh, my God.
00:05:30 "Hi, Jackass guys.
00:05:32 "I heard you were staying at this hotel."
00:05:36 - What the fuck is that?
00:05:38 It's like... Someone like...
00:05:40 Look at it. What is this?
00:05:45 Read it out loud.
00:05:46 "Hi, Jackass guys.
00:05:49 "My name is Stephanie
00:05:53 "Some of you actually hooked up
00:05:56 "I don't care about that."
00:05:58 Oh! You fucking dick.
00:06:07 Oh, my God.
00:06:08 I was wondering
00:06:11 Did you see this?
00:06:12 Fucking fans just wrote this, like,
00:06:17 And it says...
00:06:22 - Read it out loud for the camera.
00:06:26 "Some of you actually hooked up
00:06:30 It was probably you.
00:06:33 "And I don't care about that.
00:06:34 "Me and my friends
00:06:38 "I wanna fuck you all."
00:06:54 It's the fucking stupidest thing
00:06:57 Fans actually put that...
00:07:13 Get Wee Man's little ass up here
00:07:18 - Just, like, Bam. He's selling it so good.
00:07:21 Wee Man, dude,
00:07:25 Dude, you got to read this.
00:07:29 Dude, stand on this.
00:07:30 Read it out loud for the camera.
00:07:34 "Hi, Jackass guys.
00:07:37 "My name is Stephanie
00:07:41 "Some of you actually hooked up
00:07:46 "I don't care about that.
00:07:47 "Me and my friends..."
00:07:57 Oh, my God, that was amazing.
00:08:01 He actually stood on the chair.
00:08:04 Why would there ever be a chair
00:08:09 I'm Dave England,
00:08:19 Fucking hell!
00:08:22 God damn it!
00:08:33 Oh, shit!
00:08:46 - Bravo, homo.
00:08:54 My ass hurts so fucking bad!
00:08:59 - Hey, is it bleeding?
00:09:01 Man, you are bleeding.
00:09:03 - My ass is bleeding?
00:09:06 Another first for Jackass.
00:09:11 Get back here, you little bastard!
00:09:36 Now it's time
00:09:50 - All right.
00:09:52 Hear ye, hear ye.
00:10:00 This is really going to suck.
00:10:03 Why would anybody ride this shit?
00:10:06 It's like, what's the reasoning?
00:10:08 Why wouldn't they just make
00:10:19 Oh, fuck.
00:10:23 - You all right?
00:10:26 You didn't land it.
00:10:27 My head stopped my body
00:10:33 Oh, fuck.
00:10:35 See, we have a weight going up
00:10:38 but I'd prefer to have, like,
00:10:42 and then, instead of the nuts,
00:10:47 That's the way to do it.
00:10:48 Could somebody
00:10:54 Today's debate.
00:10:58 You be the judge.
00:11:11 Now, Bam just took a golden dildo
00:11:16 That's what happened.
00:11:22 My name is Gloria and I'm 90 years old.
00:11:26 And I'm a slut.
00:11:29 Okay, I'm going to go
00:11:32 - Bye, Mama. Thank you.
00:11:39 Go ahead. I'm fine.
00:11:53 Excuse me, sir.
00:11:58 What's the number?
00:11:59 I don't know what number. It's the driver.
00:12:01 - Oh, yes. Could you dial it for me?
00:12:03 What is the number?
00:12:05 I don't know.
00:12:07 This happens every time I go to brunch.
00:12:12 - Is this okay for now?
00:12:24 I'm Danger Ehren, here with Thor,
00:12:35 He can barely ride it.
00:12:40 Fuck.
00:12:41 Fuck!
00:12:43 All right, let Thor try it.
00:12:52 Come on.
00:12:57 I hit my head pretty hard.
00:13:00 Good thing I'm wearing that helmet.
00:13:04 I love that confidence.
00:13:05 I'm not gay but I...
00:13:24 - Come on, Danger, get on it.
00:13:26 Bike's good.
00:13:28 He's mocking the loop.
00:13:45 After this movie comes out, you're
00:13:49 - You almost pulled it off.
00:13:53 Here we are
00:13:56 and this is the Brand.
00:13:58 And it's gonna suck.
00:14:03 - Drop them.
00:14:05 Christ!
00:14:06 - You have no hair on your ass.
00:14:08 - You ready?
00:14:10 - You better get ready quick.
00:14:14 Try not to move around. You don't want
00:14:17 Oh, dear God.
00:14:20 Okay.
00:14:21 If I take it off,
00:14:23 I have to keep it on
00:14:25 Fuck.
00:14:27 All right.
00:14:31 Clean him off.
00:14:33 - All right, you ready?
00:14:34 Don't move.
00:14:36 - Go, go, go!
00:14:39 Press it hard, you idiot!
00:14:43 Fuck! It's good.
00:14:46 No, it's not, dude. You got to hold it to it.
00:14:51 Oh, fuck!
00:14:54 Well, if you didn't jump out of the way,
00:14:57 - You should've pressed, you asshole!
00:15:03 Fuck! Oh, God damn, that hurt so bad.
00:15:06 Turn around.
00:15:08 I'm not going to burn you again.
00:15:11 - Three of them.
00:15:15 There's three solid dicks,
00:15:19 and then you gave me a set of balls.
00:15:21 - But a sweet set of balls.
00:15:23 I'd rather rip my dick off
00:15:26 than to do that again.
00:15:28 God damn.
00:15:32 We're at Ape and Phil's house
00:15:34 and I'm gonna present them
00:15:38 Let me rephrase that. Dicks.
00:15:41 - Well, I gave him a present.
00:15:43 He loved it.
00:15:45 - What?
00:15:47 - What? What am I looking at?
00:15:50 Oh, my God! What is that?
00:15:54 - I branded his ass.
00:15:56 but he did it six times,
00:15:58 - Is that permanent?
00:16:01 - What is that, a tattoo?
00:16:05 Bam, that is so infected!
00:16:07 That does not look good. Oh, my God,
00:16:11 - You're going to have that for life.
00:16:14 If you have one on there, you should've
00:16:18 - That puny thing's embarrassing.
00:16:21 I know, and you had the cutest butt ever
00:16:24 - No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.
00:16:27 I tried to do it good. He jumped around.
00:16:30 Why would you burn him
00:16:32 - Because it was funny.
00:16:35 Get ready to be happy,
00:16:38 Johnny Knoxville is going to jump
00:16:41 He's amazing.
00:16:55 What happened? You were going about
00:16:59 then, all of a sudden, 60.
00:17:00 I thought you were gonna hang on.
00:17:02 There is no holding on
00:17:04 Oh, my God.
00:17:06 Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Zupan
00:17:11 Mark, give our regards
00:17:23 I thought they forgot to set it off
00:17:28 - I don't know what happened.
00:17:30 - All I know is he almost made it.
00:17:33 We're here in England
00:17:35 and he's about to jump
00:17:39 Good luck, Mat.
00:17:54 That was fucking great.
00:17:56 What was so great about that?
00:17:59 Oh, my God.
00:18:03 It's a lovely day for a swim
00:18:06 I'm Steve-O, and this is the Fish Hook.
00:18:29 Oh, man, that's gone through. I got you.
00:18:38 - Oh, dude.
00:18:41 That hurt to do that to you.
00:18:45 Yeah, it looks great.
00:18:48 - Oh, my God.
00:18:51 Now it's time for some man-fishing.
00:18:56 - The hammerhead's right there.
00:18:59 Thank God we brought Manny
00:19:02 He's coming to get you, Steve-O.
00:19:06 Look at that fin right behind him.
00:19:09 Dude, isn't this movie
00:19:16 I can't believe I'm fishing for sharks
00:19:20 It's like a dream come true.
00:19:22 Oh, my God.
00:19:24 - Here comes a mako!
00:19:30 Oh, my God.
00:19:35 - I am the fuck out of here.
00:19:37 Stay in there.
00:19:40 The shark's coming right at you!
00:19:44 Oh, shit.
00:19:48 - Come on, stay out there, O!
00:19:51 I want to hear Manny scream.
00:19:53 Dude, I fucking kicked the thing
00:19:56 Get up here.
00:19:59 Steve-O, do you know
00:20:00 A mako almost bit your foot off.
00:20:02 I've been so lucky today.
00:20:09 Fuck!
00:20:13 You are lucky.
00:20:15 Fuck, that hurts. Damn it.
00:20:20 You bastard.
00:20:36 This is champion card-thrower
00:20:38 He's come to throw cards
00:20:41 What Wee Man doesn't realize is that
00:20:49 God, I hate picking on Wee Man.
00:20:59 - Wee Man, I'd say you're up.
00:21:03 All right, on three
00:21:05 You might feel it a little bit, all right?
00:21:07 - On three. Ready?
00:21:10 One,
00:21:11 two...
00:21:15 Fuck! That fucking...
00:21:19 Did it hit a nerve?
00:21:20 - Dude, it hit, like, right in there.
00:21:24 Try one more. It didn't stick.
00:21:30 On three. One,
00:21:32 two,
00:21:34 three.
00:21:37 I don't fucking like that, dude.
00:21:40 That fucking hurts, dude.
00:21:42 Tell the camera
00:21:44 All right, every time this dude
00:21:47 it fucking jolts me, so I jump off.
00:21:49 I'm not going to fucking sit there.
00:21:51 - Let me do a pickup shot.
00:21:52 The pickup shot is,
00:21:55 - Just stick it in there so it's sticking out.
00:21:57 - Okay, go.
00:22:05 It's still in there.
00:22:11 - Jump back up.
00:22:15 - Wait...
00:22:18 No, there's a machine in here
00:22:21 you fucking fuckers.
00:22:23 Where's the fucking
00:22:29 Where's the fucking
00:22:37 Show him what it is.
00:22:40 Oh, the fucking chair's rigged!
00:22:47 Oh, my God.
00:22:55 There's a card-throwing machine
00:22:58 Dude, Wee Man, I would never use
00:23:36 That couldn't have gone any better.
00:23:38 I didn't know that
00:23:40 It was, like, a front flip.
00:23:43 - Where do yaks come from?
00:23:49 So that's why Eskimos
00:23:51 Yeah.
00:23:55 Tell me about your
00:23:58 See, when I come up with my ideas,
00:24:01 I just draw a picture
00:24:05 I just drew a picture of a fat-ass
00:24:07 and a little guy
00:24:11 Jason, how do you compare this
00:24:15 You guys are
00:24:17 and a lot crazier, too.
00:24:20 Dude, look how nervous he is.
00:24:23 We're here in Miami Beach
00:24:26 and this is the Bungee Jump.
00:24:31 - Are you ready, Preston?
00:24:33 Three, two, one...
00:24:43 Yes!
00:24:44 Yes! Yes! Yes!
00:24:46 Oh, my God.
00:24:50 - Preston.
00:24:55 - Did I yank you?
00:24:57 Okay, I went down, I'm upside-down,
00:25:01 Once he was past me,
00:25:05 - So, like, I slammed the water.
00:25:07 Yeah, I felt the full pressure
00:25:11 That was intense. Really intense.
00:25:15 but pretty intense.
00:25:19 - What's your name again?
00:25:22 - Irving, yeah.
00:25:31 Hey, can we get some fries, please?
00:25:38 Sometime today.
00:25:45 There you go. Take a sip.
00:25:54 That'll put lead in your pencil, kid.
00:26:02 You got a light?
00:26:04 Shit.
00:26:12 Hey, little guy, is that a real cigarette?
00:26:15 - Piss off, man.
00:26:17 He said, "Piss off!"
00:26:19 Jesus.
00:26:21 Here, Gramps.
00:26:23 Thank you.
00:26:30 Don't hog it all, you little prick.
00:26:34 Give me that.
00:26:36 - This is LA.
00:26:38 - This is LA.
00:26:40 - Don't do what?
00:26:42 - You don't drink out in public?
00:26:44 - Well, maybe you should start, bub.
00:26:49 - We're from your face.
00:26:53 - Mind your own business, asshole.
00:26:56 I said,
00:26:58 - Okay, you'd better be quiet, buddy.
00:27:01 - You wanna step outside?
00:27:06 He asked me if I wanted to step outside.
00:27:11 - You are from LA, ain't you, boy?
00:27:15 Yeah, we'll go around the block.
00:27:16 We'll go around the block
00:27:20 This is bullshit.
00:27:22 All right, kid.
00:27:27 You get massages
00:27:28 That's right.
00:27:29 - Say goodbye to the hippies.
00:27:33 - Don't get beat up out here.
00:27:36 I don't have to worry about that in LA.
00:27:40 Okay, Old Man River.
00:27:44 I hear a lot of talking.
00:27:46 You're letting that bulldog mouth
00:27:53 Look at him. Look how tough he is.
00:27:54 You allow your nine-year-old son
00:27:56 - It's my grandson.
00:27:58 Wow, now you swear in front of him?
00:28:02 What kind of role model are you?
00:28:04 Get the fuck out of here
00:28:05 Step over this line.
00:28:08 - Oh! You stepped over the line!
00:28:11 You stepped over the line.
00:28:13 That long hair
00:28:18 Piss off!
00:28:20 - Let's go.
00:28:25 What the fuck is that?
00:28:29 We're sledding.
00:28:30 - Bam, what the hell are you doing?
00:28:34 - Give me a ten!
00:28:43 - How's your belly feeling, dude?
00:28:47 - Is it like a baby? Is it kicking?
00:28:50 - Is it kicking?
00:28:52 Seriously, I'm not joking. Seriously.
00:28:54 Are you gonna shit?
00:28:57 We have a whole wardrobe van.
00:28:59 I don't want a new wardrobe.
00:29:01 So, the boys think they're
00:29:04 but little do they know,
00:29:05 we have a shitload of bees
00:29:08 And we rigged the locks
00:29:10 And when they do get out,
00:29:13 This is the Beehive Limo.
00:29:16 Last movie, you shit in a damn van
00:29:19 Yeah, you're stepping it up.
00:29:28 Oh, this isn't good.
00:29:30 Dude, close that fucking sun roof, dude!
00:29:32 Fuck! Fuck! We're locked in!
00:29:56 Oh, my God, that sucks!
00:30:02 They're fucking stinging my legs!
00:30:07 Get the fuck off of me, dude!
00:30:35 You guys are fucking dicks, man. Fuck.
00:30:39 They're on my feet!
00:30:47 The poor driver's running around,
00:30:51 That's so good.
00:30:53 Sorry, bros.
00:30:55 I pissed myself.
00:30:56 One just got me, right now,
00:30:59 Fuck.
00:31:01 - That was real funny, fuckers.
00:31:07 We're here with the Three 6 Mafia,
00:31:12 Do it!
00:31:20 What an idiot.
00:31:23 I'm going to pay this motherfucker
00:31:26 it's not counterfeit, it's real,
00:31:31 But it's all furry, though.
00:31:32 - Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
00:31:37 Really eat it, though.
00:31:39 Swallow it!
00:31:40 - Put your shades up!
00:31:43 - Come on, soldier!
00:31:47 It's so dry!
00:31:50 Don't even think about it!
00:31:52 - Swallow it!
00:31:55 Don't you even think about it.
00:31:57 - He ain't soft!
00:32:00 Give him a beer, give him a beer.
00:32:04 Really eat it, though.
00:32:08 - I'm watching you.
00:32:11 Here, man.
00:32:14 Dude, your breath smells like shit!
00:32:46 We're here with Daniel Alvarez
00:32:51 Why don't you explain what this is
00:32:53 Well, this is the 460 Stingmore Mine.
00:32:56 It has approximately 700
00:32:59 They'll fly out of there
00:33:02 They use these charges
00:33:06 to protect the gates
00:33:09 - Looks like it's gonna suck.
00:33:12 Fire in the hole.
00:33:17 - Fuck that, dude.
00:33:21 That is great!
00:33:24 I'm about to, like,
00:33:27 I just can't do this one.
00:33:31 Dude, Knoxville is...
00:33:33 If Knoxville goes in there, dude,
00:33:37 I'll French kiss him.
00:33:39 - Are you insane?
00:33:42 Yeah, and get killed. Look at that thing.
00:33:44 It's just loud. It's loud. It's going to hurt
00:33:48 You're nuts.
00:33:49 - No, no, no. Come on. It's footage.
00:34:07 Son of a... Fuck you.
00:34:11 Holy shit!
00:34:14 All you guys are fucking assholes.
00:34:18 - You all right, Bam?
00:34:20 My God.
00:34:22 - Are you crying?
00:34:25 Can we give Bam some water?
00:34:28 Maybe a Shirley Temple.
00:34:30 I'm crying. I'm a fucking skateboarder
00:34:33 They all went for my stomach.
00:34:36 I got hit in the legs worse.
00:34:38 Those... Did any get me in the face?
00:34:41 You got hit in the stomach pretty good.
00:34:44 - That was great.
00:34:47 - Thanks, fellows.
00:34:49 Hey, is this okay?
00:34:51 Then we're good.
00:34:57 Do you like painting models?
00:35:00 Yeah, but I don't need models
00:35:02 Okay.
00:35:04 - It looks very vaginal and feminine.
00:35:08 - And sexual.
00:35:09 - Yes, thank you. It's beautiful.
00:35:14 It's time to play a game
00:35:17 And they're heavy as shit.
00:35:20 It's on!
00:35:23 - This is Medicine Ball Dodgeball.
00:35:54 Can't see anything.
00:36:14 - What did you think?
00:36:18 Ever!
00:36:23 Three, two, one!
00:36:28 Holy...
00:36:30 Who'd want to do that?
00:36:33 - Who's going first?
00:36:35 Fun.
00:36:37 - Ready, sailor?
00:36:40 - This is dumb.
00:36:44 Oh, my gosh.
00:36:46 Oh, my God. Oh, jeez.
00:36:48 Get me out of this!
00:36:50 You're a fucking dick.
00:36:52 That was mean.
00:36:53 He needs help.
00:36:54 That was so mean.
00:36:55 You are an asshole.
00:36:57 That was totally not me.
00:37:00 You pulled it down!
00:37:02 I didn't!
00:37:04 Oh, my God, my hip. I think I gave birth.
00:37:08 Hi, I'm John Waters,
00:37:11 We're gonna make Wee Man disappear.
00:37:22 Where'd he go?
00:37:30 Very nice.
00:37:32 That's great.
00:37:35 You're the best magician ever, John.
00:37:38 Thank you so much. Thank you.
00:37:46 Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville
00:37:47 and I'm here with Mat Hoffman
00:37:49 and this is the Gauntlet.
00:38:24 I just gave him a chest pass!
00:39:25 Open the windows!
00:39:30 This is the Toro Totter.
00:39:32 It's me and Pontius Vs. Dunn and Bam
00:39:35 and the last man on the teeter-totter
00:39:39 It's gonna be a bloodbath.
00:39:42 Oh, yes!
00:39:57 What did I do?
00:40:00 What did I do?
00:40:14 Dunn, stay there!
00:40:16 So why did I agree to do this one?
00:40:28 Ryan, run! Ryan, run!
00:40:30 My God.
00:40:34 Shit.
00:40:37 Bam, where are you going?
00:40:39 I am not doing that.
00:40:41 Fuck that.
00:40:43 Down to two!
00:40:46 I got hit in the back good.
00:40:51 Hey, Knoxville. Oh, shit!
00:40:54 God damn it. Fucking shit. Fuck.
00:40:58 - You all right?
00:41:00 What do you mean, "Hold on"?
00:41:06 Oh, my fucking leg!
00:41:19 Oh, God.
00:41:20 I'm not out!
00:41:22 Oh, my God.
00:41:25 I'm still not out!
00:41:34 All right, that's it. That's it.
00:42:07 Oh, my God.
00:42:09 Keep God out of California!
00:42:12 Tell Charlie Daniels
00:42:15 God is out! He can have the other 48.
00:42:19 Or 49, whatever.
00:42:21 God, I landed straight on my head.
00:42:27 Dude, I'm fucked.
00:42:33 I'm Steve-O and sorry, Dad,
00:42:36 but nobody's going to miss this
00:42:38 This is the Butt Chug.
00:42:42 Oh, no.
00:42:44 - I'll hold this while you bulldog it.
00:42:46 - Ram it in there.
00:42:56 - Open wide!
00:43:01 Take it.
00:43:02 Just relax. Relax. Yeah, do your little...
00:43:06 I'm staring right down Main Street.
00:43:12 You're starting to enjoy that, aren't you?
00:43:13 - Oh, shit.
00:43:16 - Keep it going.
00:43:19 Chug, chug it!
00:43:21 - Take it all!
00:43:23 - Take it.
00:43:25 You got it! You got it!
00:43:28 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
00:43:38 You got this! Keep on going!
00:43:40 Come on, you've almost got it!
00:43:42 Two more sips left.
00:43:50 - Oh, my God.
00:43:55 He's peeing like a girl!
00:43:58 Steve-O, if your asshole
00:44:00 then the camera can't see your asshole.
00:44:04 - The camera's over here!
00:44:08 Look at Lance!
00:44:15 He's doesn't know how to face
00:44:21 Oh, my God.
00:44:24 - I think we broke Lance.
00:44:28 I think I still have beer in my ass,
00:44:31 Use the bottle.
00:44:33 - Use the plunger!
00:44:37 You'd better shit piss, asswipe!
00:44:56 All right, let's go to the bar.
00:45:10 Perfect.
00:45:12 Fuck.
00:45:15 I'm Ryan Dunn,
00:45:17 Five, four, three, two, one...
00:45:22 Bye-bye.
00:45:35 - I think I broke my tailbone.
00:45:41 Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville
00:45:45 Oh, fuck!
00:45:48 I have on a cup and that still hurts.
00:45:56 Anacondas are expert at camouflage.
00:46:00 - So, what does that mean?
00:46:03 I don't know
00:46:05 You guys got to catch these guys, man.
00:46:12 Yeah, I know. I know.
00:46:15 - Something in your mike?
00:46:18 I'm on your team.
00:46:24 You got him.
00:46:28 Get the other camera.
00:46:31 Grab him.
00:46:34 Fuck!
00:46:37 Oh, man.
00:46:38 - Dude, he is bleeding a lot.
00:46:40 He's starting to smell you guys.
00:46:42 Dude, you guys are doing excellent.
00:46:45 Real good. You guys got it.
00:46:47 Get him. You got him.
00:46:52 Got him! You guys got him.
00:46:54 Oh, no, Dunn's getting coiled. Oh, shit.
00:46:57 Get your fucking hands off me!
00:47:07 You guys have been doing good.
00:47:09 - Where'd his head go?
00:47:15 - You got him!
00:47:18 - I have seized the snake.
00:47:23 It's fucking wrapped around my arm.
00:47:30 Just take him to Manny.
00:47:32 Hey, Manny, come here a minute.
00:47:37 I got him.
00:47:42 Oh, my God, you got nailed.
00:47:43 I didn't do anything. He did all the work.
00:47:46 All right. We seized the snake.
00:47:49 Run, Ryan, run.
00:47:53 Oh, shit.
00:00:03 See if your balls will stick to the horse.
00:00:06 - Come on!
00:00:08 For the bros.
00:00:09 It's for the bros. Come on.
00:00:11 - It's not gonna stick.
00:00:14 You just need a little water.
00:00:16 Anybody got some water?
00:00:20 - Great.
00:00:22 Don't think about it. Just do it.
00:00:24 You are assholes.
00:00:28 God, your legs are white.
00:00:30 Here. You've got to really
00:00:35 Oh, that's horrible-looking!
00:00:50 It's yanking my hair!
00:00:54 Are you done?
00:00:57 - What an ass!
00:01:00 It ripped my skin off.
00:01:03 Look at the blister.
00:01:05 Look at him gallop.
00:01:07 Hey! There's poop, hair and more poop!
00:01:14 I'm Wee Man,
00:01:34 Holy shit, dude. You all right?
00:01:35 What? I can't hear, kind of.
00:01:37 "I can't hear, kind of"!
00:01:39 You skipped across the water
00:01:41 Dude, you were at least
00:01:45 Oh, my God.
00:01:47 When you step into this suit,
00:01:53 Today, we're in Carmen de Arrico
00:01:55 with our friend Serg,
00:01:59 how to milk a horse.
00:02:00 The way we're gonna do that is,
00:02:02 they're gonna bring over a stallion
00:02:06 And they're gonna have the mare here.
00:02:08 And as soon as the stallion
00:02:11 we're going to grab the stallion's penis
00:02:13 and put it into this fake horse vagina.
00:02:16 The old switcheroo.
00:02:18 What a mean trick.
00:02:21 - Here we go.
00:02:24 He's got the craziest look in his eye.
00:02:26 I've seen that same look
00:02:30 It's game on, guys.
00:02:34 Oh, boy. Here we go. Here we go.
00:02:37 Oh, boy.
00:02:40 Okay. We got the penis
00:02:44 I think I feel the tip of it.
00:02:47 Somebody cradle the balls.
00:02:57 He lasts longer than you, Steve-O.
00:03:01 Success!
00:03:04 - Oh, my God.
00:03:09 Is it okay to drink?
00:03:13 Yeah.
00:03:14 No problem.
00:03:16 If I do this, this gives me an out
00:03:20 I'm going to do in the future.
00:03:21 Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:03:22 - All right. It's on video.
00:03:25 That is such a huge load.
00:03:27 I don't know, man.
00:03:34 Can you test that out?
00:03:47 That's semen, all right.
00:03:52 I never puke, ever,
00:03:57 I'm ashamed of myself.
00:03:59 I really am.
00:04:00 I'm completely ashamed of myself.
00:04:04 - Ready?
00:04:07 You're not going to
00:04:14 Pontius, you think
00:04:15 Yeah.
00:04:16 What's Bruce Lee do?
00:04:20 I think I got it.
00:04:28 Oh, my God!
00:04:35 I was so not ready for that!
00:04:40 We're at the Widowmaker
00:04:41 and this is the Big Tire Race.
00:04:47 - I can't get in this thing.
00:04:49 I guarantee you're getting in it.
00:04:52 Oh, crap.
00:04:54 - On your mark!
00:04:56 Get set! Go!
00:04:57 - You are fucked.
00:05:23 I'm stuck in here!
00:05:24 Dude.
00:05:25 We got you, buddy.
00:05:29 I hate that. I hate it so bad!
00:05:32 Fucking sucky.
00:05:34 - Why do you hate it?
00:05:38 - You got it, Ehren.
00:05:42 - Jesus Christ, you got a fat fucking ass.
00:05:49 Oh, fuck!
00:05:53 We're here in India
00:05:55 and these boys need a little healing.
00:05:57 - Doc, can you help us?
00:06:09 That sounds good.
00:06:16 Well, don't hand it to me.
00:06:19 All right, gentlemen.
00:06:20 That's the biggest leech I ever saw.
00:06:22 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
00:06:31 - Oh, my God.
00:06:34 No!
00:06:40 He's on. He's on.
00:06:42 He's on. He's on.
00:06:44 Fuck! Shit!
00:06:46 Help.
00:06:49 You got to leave it on for a while.
00:06:53 Fuck this.
00:06:55 You got to leave it on.
00:06:58 You got to let...
00:07:00 Fucking shit.
00:07:02 Please, take it off me.
00:07:04 - Please, will you take it off me?
00:07:07 Please.
00:07:08 - Don't worry about a thing.
00:07:09 - Just get it off me.
00:07:11 Just get it the fuck off me.
00:07:19 Wait, let's see what you got.
00:07:22 Fuck you!
00:07:24 Fuck!
00:07:28 And now for the grand finale,
00:07:34 Thanks, Doc.
00:07:35 - Jesus Christ.
00:07:38 Okay, this is the mouth.
00:07:41 Here we go.
00:07:44 Get him on there.
00:07:46 Come on, leech.
00:07:55 Oh, he's eyeballing you.
00:07:57 I think we'd...
00:07:58 He's on my eyeball!
00:07:59 No, wait, wait!
00:08:02 Okay, stand up and keep your eye open.
00:08:05 Keep your eye open.
00:08:08 Steve-O, keep your eye open! Open!
00:08:10 Open! Open, toward... No!
00:08:12 Look!
00:08:13 Relax. Relax.
00:08:26 Does it look cool?
00:08:27 Yeah. It got you about right there.
00:08:30 I just had a leech chomp my eyeball.
00:08:32 Yes!
00:08:34 Way to go.
00:08:39 Are these all for sale today?
00:08:40 Yeah. $5.
00:08:42 Oh, why, they're beautiful shirts.
00:08:45 They're beautiful colors.
00:08:47 This one's really nice.
00:08:57 - Do you think that...
00:08:59 I'd like to buy, maybe, the one...
00:09:01 Hey, your titty out.
00:09:03 - What's that?
00:09:06 Put this shirt on?
00:09:08 No, your shirt...
00:09:09 Your thing is hanging out of your
00:09:12 Put your shirt back on.
00:09:14 Which one was the one you thought
00:09:16 Leave me alone!
00:09:20 Bam is absolutely terrified of snakes,
00:09:22 so we brought David Weathers here
00:09:25 King cobra.
00:09:27 Jesus...
00:09:30 Oh, my God.
00:09:31 It's cool. It's been devenomized.
00:09:40 I'm Bam Margera
00:09:55 Oh, my God. What?
00:10:03 Bam, cock out. Cock out.
00:10:05 No, no, no! No, no!
00:10:09 A fucking cobra, dude?
00:10:14 Yo, yo, yo, I don't like him
00:10:17 Oh, dude, you guys
00:10:23 - Are you crying?
00:10:25 Oh, yeah!
00:10:29 He's on to you.
00:10:37 I'm done.
00:10:39 Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
00:10:42 Dave, Dave!
00:10:50 Yo, that is coolest shit
00:10:54 White boy don't like snakes.
00:10:56 Eh?
00:10:59 What's your strategy up there?
00:11:01 My strategy is staying up on the fucking
00:11:04 I should have thought about it more,
00:11:07 I was like, "Why the fuck is snake dude
00:11:11 Then I do my bit
00:11:12 a king cobra comes
00:11:14 I'm like... Dude, I'm staying up here.
00:11:19 You fuckers are asses.
00:11:23 And you made me waste my beer.
00:11:34 - Fucking hell.
00:11:38 I'm Steve-O, and this is the Fart Mask.
00:12:08 I took a fucking shit in it!
00:12:15 There's shit in there.
00:12:18 I got a shitty ass. I got to go wipe it out.
00:12:20 That's like, the perfect poop.
00:12:24 I'm Dave England
00:12:39 I need you to put baby powder
00:12:42 in my butt hole.
00:12:44 You need me to put...
00:12:47 - Put a lot in there.
00:13:10 Who was that?
00:13:14 Did it go "poof"?
00:13:16 Did it go "poof"?
00:13:18 It did?
00:13:38 Sorry.
00:13:47 Oh, sorry.
00:13:56 Do you have these in size 11?
00:14:07 Let me just see.
00:14:09 These are good.
00:14:19 - Sir!
00:14:24 You come on in here.
00:14:30 You go that way. I don't care, dude.
00:14:33 Police!
00:15:21 He's a frisky little bugger!
00:15:23 I am so sorry!
00:15:25 Oh, my God!
00:15:31 It's the middle of the night.
00:15:33 We're gonna wake up Phil
00:15:37 and Ape's gonna lose her mind.
00:15:39 This is the Switcheroo.
00:15:45 It's all right.
00:16:44 Don't be afraid to get frisky.
00:17:25 I'm gonna kill you in a minute.
00:17:28 Phil, back up.
00:17:31 Back up!
00:17:34 Back up.
00:17:36 Oh, my God. What are you doing?
00:17:41 Are you all right? Jesus Christ.
00:17:45 Are you...
00:17:48 Phil?
00:17:49 Phil?
00:17:51 Phil?
00:17:52 What are you doing?
00:17:55 - What?
00:17:57 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
00:18:00 Oh, my God!
00:18:03 Who is that? Who is that?
00:18:06 Who is that?
00:18:07 That's not your dad. Who is that?
00:18:11 - How you doing, ma'am?
00:18:16 I went to get a drink. What's going on?
00:18:21 Oh, my God!
00:18:24 Man, I just felt like
00:18:26 Phil, he copped a feel.
00:18:28 He got away with it, then.
00:18:31 Have you ever been
00:18:35 Did he feel fatter?
00:18:37 Did he feel fatter?
00:18:40 You can answer. I won't be mad.
00:18:42 I just assaulted you!
00:18:45 No, you felt shorter.
00:18:47 - No, you can say anything you want.
00:18:52 That's it. I'm going to bed now.
00:19:12 Oh, Jesus.
00:19:15 Oh, shit.
00:19:17 What was that shit?
00:19:24 What the fuck was that?
00:19:26 Oh, my...
00:19:28 I fucking don't understand.
00:19:30 What the fuck did you do to me?
00:19:32 What the fuck was that?
00:19:35 That fucked me up, man.
00:19:36 Let's go inside, man.
00:19:42 - Are you okay?
00:19:43 Let's get inside. We got a medic inside.
00:19:55 It's moments like these when you know
00:20:03 I'm so glad
00:20:07 Knoxville's gonna see
00:20:12 He is gonna go definitely 60 feet up
00:20:16 He's gonna get annihilated.
00:20:18 You're gonna be just fine!
00:20:21 Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
00:20:25 Five, four, three, two, one...
00:20:29 Go.
00:20:36 What the fuck was that?
00:20:41 Holy shit!
00:20:42 Oh, my God, he almost died
00:20:45 Usually, rockets fail backwards
00:20:49 but there was a rocket
00:20:51 If it had been, like, right here,
00:20:54 that would have been a picture wrap
00:20:58 And now we're trying it again.
00:21:01 I'm scared just watching.
00:21:03 - I want a Lance helmet.
00:21:07 Even if the rocket doesn't blow up
00:21:11 there's really not a lot of great ways
00:21:16 - This isn't the best idea ever.
00:21:19 I'm Johnny Knoxville,
00:21:22 Five, four, three, two, one...
00:21:27 Later!
00:21:39 Are you okay?
00:21:41 Give us a thumbs-up!
00:21:59 So what's going on, Preston?
00:22:02 We're playing a prank on Danger Ehren.
00:22:05 I think that we're gonna
00:22:08 with full makeup and wardrobe,
00:22:10 and him and Dimitry
00:22:13 the idea being to play a prank
00:22:17 that they wanna go to the airport,
00:22:18 I guess to commit
00:22:20 - So, Ehren, where are you going?
00:22:22 I'm going to Burbank Airport.
00:22:25 And, meanwhile, we've substituted
00:22:30 And he is going to punch Ehren in
00:22:34 If he tries to say we're filming,
00:22:35 just go, "Don't talk to me anymore!"
00:22:38 And slap him like this.
00:22:43 I don't know how he'll handle this.
00:22:46 And I don't think
00:22:50 All right, so here I am
00:22:51 trying to contribute
00:22:55 And I hope he knows that I skipped
00:22:58 just to make this a little bit more gross.
00:23:02 Sorry, Ehren.
00:23:10 Look at the mane on him!
00:23:14 Someone's got to pick that
00:23:18 I'd be so bummed
00:23:21 You, like, put powder in there?
00:23:22 Yeah, I put a little Gold Bond on
00:23:25 Tickles!
00:23:27 One of the most toxic concoctions
00:23:30 It's a disease nest.
00:23:34 Mine, you don't need a lot of.
00:23:37 It's like just a little bit of
00:23:39 Is that the whole patch?
00:23:41 Wait, I'm just wondering.
00:23:44 - What's that white speck on top?
00:23:47 That's a crab.
00:23:48 Mike's got crabs.
00:23:50 Hey, guys! Guys! Mike's got crabs!
00:23:54 What's that?
00:23:55 This? Spirit gum. It's like, the adhesive
00:23:57 that's gonna keep the beard on.
00:23:59 How's the dialog? I mean,
00:24:03 - It's a game, you know.
00:24:06 - This is fucked, dude.
00:24:08 All right, Ehren, the main thing,
00:24:10 you cannot tell him you're
00:24:12 This is such a good bit.
00:24:15 Close your mouth. Relax.
00:24:17 We're making you look like
00:24:18 what we think this guy
00:24:20 You're not making fun of anybody.
00:24:23 I kind of already know that.
00:24:25 Father. Hello, Father.
00:24:27 You shut up.
00:24:29 - I'm sorry, Father.
00:24:33 I have disgraced you.
00:24:34 Where have you been,
00:24:35 - I have been making a number two.
00:24:40 Ehren, you are king.
00:24:42 Thank you very much.
00:24:46 What are you laughing at?
00:24:50 Bam Margera and shit.
00:24:52 Look how sweet the beard is, Jeff.
00:24:54 Hello.
00:24:57 - Hello. Nice to meet you.
00:25:01 I look creepy, man.
00:25:07 You sound like schtick now.
00:25:10 No, very good. I know what to do now.
00:25:12 No, I think there's gonna be some...
00:25:14 So, we have two cameras following...
00:25:16 Excuse me.
00:25:17 Hello?
00:25:19 I'd like to say, for not ever having
00:25:22 I feel pretty...
00:25:24 I feel like I'm eating pubes right now.
00:25:27 I got this shit all in my mouth.
00:25:30 - Is it on the corner?
00:25:33 - Is this real hair?
00:25:35 I'm going to get it out of your mouth.
00:25:37 Okay. Does that feel better?
00:25:39 Well, I still got it
00:25:42 There. Out?
00:25:44 Yeah, very good.
00:25:46 - Very expert.
00:25:49 Hello, my name is Ehren McGhehey
00:25:56 Now I shall call to taxi.
00:25:59 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:26:10 The cab's here. We're on. We're on.
00:26:12 - He has no clue.
00:26:18 - We get to listen the whole time?
00:26:23 Oh, my God.
00:26:26 He's feeling the part so hard
00:26:30 It's all downhill from here.
00:26:37 To the Burbank Airport, please.
00:26:43 Okay.
00:26:45 - Where are you guys from?
00:26:52 You got any luggage or...
00:26:54 No, no luggage where we going.
00:26:57 I do not like this country
00:27:00 I like the countryside, though.
00:27:04 And the breasts.
00:27:06 Yeah, I'm married.
00:27:08 What size is your wife's breasts?
00:27:10 Yeah, well, let's just leave my wife
00:27:12 Very good, very good.
00:27:14 Are they bigger than a D?
00:27:17 I love Ds.
00:27:18 Do you want me to fucking pull over?
00:27:21 No. I'm very sorry. I will not talk.
00:27:26 There's an airplane, there!
00:27:27 We are very, very close.
00:27:30 Boom! We are very, very close.
00:27:33 What does that mean, "Boom"?
00:27:34 Boom! Like, "Boom! Kaboom!"
00:27:38 There is the airport back there.
00:27:40 Where you going? Where are
00:27:43 Where are you going, man?
00:27:46 Do not go down the alleyway.
00:27:49 Fuck you! Fuck you!
00:27:52 Fuck you! Asshole!
00:27:54 Shit fucker! Shit fucker! Asshole!
00:27:57 Fucking money, I give you money,
00:27:59 Boom! Boom! Boom!
00:28:03 Right now! Right now I'll blow you up!
00:28:06 What the fuck is up, man?
00:28:07 What the fuck is going on?
00:28:08 What the fuck is going on?
00:28:10 I got a bomb, dude!
00:28:12 Fuck you! I got a fucking bomb, dude!
00:28:15 Dude, get the fuck off of me!
00:28:17 Get the fuck off me!
00:28:19 We're just filming a skit!
00:28:22 Get the fuck off of me!
00:28:27 - What do you want me to do?
00:28:28 - What do you want me to do?
00:28:30 Just get on the floor, dude.
00:28:32 Lay down.
00:28:34 This is fucked.
00:28:35 Lay down on your face.
00:28:37 What the fuck, dude? I mean, come on!
00:28:39 I fucking knew it, dude. He fucking
00:28:42 Just do what he says.
00:28:46 Stay there.
00:28:49 This guy's got a fucking gun, dumbshits!
00:28:52 Come on! Get the fuck out here!
00:28:54 Don't fucking move!
00:28:56 Don't point the gun at me anymore,
00:28:57 Then lay down!
00:28:59 - Fuck!
00:29:01 Fuck, it's a gun, dude.
00:29:02 Fuck!
00:29:03 - What the fuck do you want from us?
00:29:05 Get up, Ehren. Get the fuck up.
00:29:06 Why? Why should I get up?
00:29:09 Ehren, he has a fucking gun.
00:29:11 Just get the fuck up, dude.
00:29:14 - Get in there.
00:29:15 - Just do what he says, dude.
00:29:19 He's got a fucking gun pointed at me,
00:29:22 - Get in the fucking trunk!
00:29:25 If you fuck me up, I will fucking find you,
00:29:28 - Just get in.
00:29:30 Why am I getting in the fucking back
00:29:32 - He's got a fucking gun!
00:29:35 Dude, just fucking put the gun down!
00:29:36 You shut the fuck up!
00:29:39 - Oh fuck, dude!
00:29:40 - What the fuck, dude?
00:29:44 I'm fucking serious!
00:29:48 I'm bleeding.
00:29:49 No, no! Dude, we're filming.
00:29:52 - Fuck you! Get the fuck out of here!
00:29:54 That's Bam Margera, dumbshit!
00:29:57 Look, there's cameras,
00:29:59 We're filming a fucking movie, dude.
00:30:01 This guy's got a dynamite vest on!
00:30:05 Hey, put the gun down, dude!
00:30:10 What the fuck?
00:30:12 He shot me!
00:30:13 Preston, you fucking idiot!
00:30:16 - Fuck this!
00:30:18 - Fuck! Fuck!
00:30:20 - Please! Stop!
00:30:22 What the fuck?
00:30:24 Dude, get me out of here!
00:30:26 Oh, shit!
00:30:28 Oh, shit!
00:30:29 Oh, God, no!
00:30:31 Oh, fuck. I'm going to fucking die.
00:30:33 Why the fuck did I agree to do this shit?
00:30:49 Fucking fuck.
00:30:55 Oh, my God, dude.
00:30:57 I can't believe that shit, dude.
00:30:59 What the fuck, are you an actor
00:31:01 - Come on.
00:31:04 I almost shit my pants.
00:31:07 Dude, that was so awesome.
00:31:09 Oh, God, dude, I'm so happy
00:31:12 Oh, my God. I was so worried.
00:31:15 Fuck.
00:31:16 I get it. It's a prank on a prank, yeah.
00:31:19 He fucking pulled out
00:31:21 Look where your beard came from.
00:31:24 Look, look! I'll show you!
00:31:27 Look at my patch!
00:31:30 Look! That's all our pubes.
00:31:34 You should try and get that off.
00:31:37 Oh, my God, dude, that sucks.
00:31:39 Every time it gets
00:31:43 You guys didn't fucking superglue that,
00:31:45 No!
00:31:47 That sucks! I told you not to do that!
00:31:50 Ehren, come on!
00:31:53 I got your dick hair all over
00:31:56 This sucks, dude!
00:32:00 This shit was in my mouth!
00:32:02 How are you going to explain
00:32:04 This shit was all over my fucking mouth!
00:32:06 It wasn't from my dick.
00:32:11 Oh, God, this is so bad.
00:32:13 Look at this. This is from Derek.
00:32:16 "Okay, who brought crabs to the party?
00:32:21 One of the guys had crabs!
00:32:29 Seriously, like,
00:32:33 Absolutely.
00:32:35 Like, was that the big payoff?
00:32:37 Like, "Ha, ha,
00:32:41 - Is it itching?
00:32:44 Why'd you put it in your mouth?
00:32:48 I'm Johnny Knoxville
00:32:52 The best of times is now
00:32:55 What's left of summer but a faded rose?
00:33:00 The best of times is now
00:33:02 As for tomorrow, well
00:33:09 Get it off!
00:33:11 Get it off! Get it off!
00:33:29 The best of times is now
00:33:35 What's left of summer but a faded rose?
00:33:41 The best of times is now
00:33:45 As for tomorrow, well
00:33:59 So hold this moment fast
00:34:04 And live and love
00:34:10 And make this moment last
00:34:14 Because the best of times is now
00:34:18 Is now, is now
00:34:20 Fuck!
00:34:22 Now
00:34:26 Not some forgotten yesterday
00:34:34 Now, tomorrow is too far away
00:34:43 So hold this moment fast
00:34:48 And live and love
00:34:53 And make this moment last
00:34:58 Because the best of times is now
00:35:06 So hold this moment fast
00:35:12 And live and love as hard
00:35:18 And make this moment last
00:35:23 Because the best of times is now
00:35:28 Is now
00:35:30 Is now
00:35:43 I'll Jackass Two your ass.
00:35:46 And you wonder why I drink?
00:35:49 I was so steady,
00:35:52 I had vodka and prune juice.
00:35:55 I'll be okay.
00:36:22 Please, God, don't let there
00:36:26 Please, please, God, don't let there
00:36:30 I don't even like doing Two.
00:36:33 Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
00:36:34 Welcome to India!
00:36:39 Can I get off his dick...
00:37:19 Way to go.
00:38:05 I don't like this at all!
00:38:15 Sorry, bro. I didn't see you there.
00:38:17 I was headed over to Produce.
00:38:20 You knocked out my tooth again!
00:38:22 Look at Rick!
00:38:25 He fucking swallowed it?
00:38:32 Horse cum!
00:38:35 I'm not getting paid to be on camera,
00:38:48 That was great.
00:38:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:52 Yeah, what have you got?
00:39:30 Marker.
00:39:32 Don't drop your shit.
00:39:42 Just act like it hurts, okay?
00:39:47 Wow. I actually feel energized after that.
00:39:53 Oh my God, look!
00:39:56 Into the sink!
00:39:58 In the sink!
00:39:59 - In the sink!
00:40:11 - Are you lubed up?
00:40:13 Hey, they're ready to go.
00:40:27 You all right, buddy?
00:40:29 I'm all right, man.
00:40:36 Water-based lubricants. Friend or foe?
00:40:39 You be the judge.
00:40:59 Okay, I can't breathe.
00:41:15 Can you take it off, please?
00:41:32 - Oh, is this your fruit?
00:41:34 Oh, these are beautiful!
00:41:39 - How much is the oranges?
00:41:42 Okay.
00:41:50 I accidentally cut myself.
00:41:54 Doctor!
00:41:56 - We're supposed to catch these?
00:41:58 You are fucking kidding!
00:42:00 Oh, my God!
00:42:34 Don't do that.
00:42:36 The snake is attracted to the heat.
00:42:37 Yeah, we got to get the mousey warm
00:42:41 But not too warm!
00:42:42 - Look at his face.
00:42:45 A couple of them.
00:43:32 Shit!
00:43:35 What the fuck happened?
00:43:37 - Medic!
00:43:41 Someone said cut.
00:43:47 What's up, Bam?
00:43:50 I hate the fact that I had to fucking
00:43:54 hang out with alligators
00:43:58 I have dicks branded on my ass...
00:44:02 Everything fucking sucks.
00:44:11 Like, everybody's
00:44:17 And my Misfits sock.
00:44:22 It's not even funny anymore.
00:44:24 I want to go home.