Jackass The Lost Tapes

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00:00:13 Hi, I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe.
00:00:16 Three, two, one, fire!
00:00:46 Come wash my back.
00:00:53 WeII, I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe,
00:00:56 and I'II be doing a IittIe articIe
00:01:00 I'm going to start off by spraying myseIf
00:01:06 It's the highest concentration
00:01:10 foIIowed by a 120,000-voIt stun gun,
00:01:16 and then I'II be getting shot
00:01:21 for roughIy around 30 seconds.
00:01:24 This right here
00:01:31 Hit me!
00:01:41 -Oh, my God.
00:01:44 Fucking heII.
00:01:48 I feeI Iike my eyes have gonorrhoea.
00:01:53 I won't put anything in my eyes, man.
00:01:55 I don't think we shouId Iet him
00:01:56 -Knox, do you want the water?
00:01:58 -Some gasoIine.
00:02:01 Dive in the pooI.
00:02:05 -WouId that stop an assaiIant?
00:02:16 Charge!
00:02:20 Fuck!
00:02:30 There's reaIIy no marks Ieft.
00:02:35 -Do you want to do that one again?
00:02:39 Weren't you on 90210 not too Iong ago?
00:02:44 Fucking heII!
00:02:48 No, quit. Fuck. No, Jas.
00:02:55 Jason, put it down.
00:02:57 -Here, do it to yourseIf.
00:03:00 -Put it on top of your heart.
00:03:04 That one's been...
00:03:07 -It'II get infected.
00:03:11 Yeah, that's pretty nasty.
00:03:16 -So what was more effective?
00:03:19 Like, the stun gun, you get up again
00:03:21 -in a few seconds.
00:03:23 And the Taser gun, yeah, that sucked.
00:03:26 You guys want to go watch it on the TV?
00:03:30 Ryan Dunn
00:03:35 -Hey, Ry.
00:03:45 -Dunn got feathered.
00:04:03 Ryan, Iook at me. Ryan.
00:04:06 I got tarred and feathered. I thought this
00:04:40 -Let's go, dude.
00:04:43 I'm gonna grab me some food
00:04:49 That's two medium Cokes,
00:04:52 -Yes.
00:04:54 Is there ketchup in there?
00:05:12 Hi, I'm Preston. This is the human raft.
00:05:22 CouId you guys roII me over?
00:05:35 Mount him. You got to get on yourseIf.
00:05:58 Row, row, row your raft
00:06:25 My man.
00:06:54 Man.
00:07:06 Come on.
00:07:07 This is your mother advising you
00:07:08 -Yeah, Mom is...
00:07:14 Yeah.
00:07:17 It's not too bad
00:07:20 There's aIways the fringe benefits.
00:07:22 -It has its moments.
00:07:24 Hi, I'm Chef Dave, and I'm gonna make
00:07:32 There'II be no need for any knives.
00:07:34 I'm going to process aII the food myseIf.
00:07:40 A variety of peppers.
00:07:45 Mushrooms are aIways good
00:07:48 I'm so hungry.
00:07:53 You cannot forget the eggs
00:07:57 Today we're gonna make
00:08:04 Got a IittIe bit of sheII in there.
00:08:08 AIways add a IittIe bit of miIk
00:08:11 And cheese. I'd suggest
00:08:25 The finaI ingredient is the eggs.
00:08:51 In this case,
00:08:53 I've onIy seemed
00:08:56 Don't fret. AII you do is just try again.
00:09:06 No.
00:09:21 No, chuck the bottom up, dude.
00:09:25 Cooking is reIaxing.
00:09:38 -Any second now, I'm about to...
00:09:41 As you can see, the coIours
00:09:49 Just eat the sheII, too,
00:09:55 -It wasn't that bad at aII.
00:10:03 I think we have enough
00:10:05 Next step is to add it to the skiIIet here.
00:10:14 Can you get us a cIose-up?
00:10:17 Like I said, a medium heat is best.
00:10:21 It's getting there.
00:10:23 And there's not enough
00:10:24 but I wouId Iike to caII one voIunteer out
00:10:27 -WouId anybody...
00:10:30 AII right, come on up here, man.
00:10:34 Yeah.
00:10:40 It's hot. It's hot, watch out.
00:10:44 I bet it's reaIIy no big deaI.
00:10:47 -Eat it. Chew. Chew.
00:10:50 -Chew.
00:10:54 -You're being a sissy.
00:10:56 -Come on, eat the whoIe thing.
00:10:58 -I cooked that for you.
00:11:02 Don't... Do not.
00:11:05 -Eat more, dude.
00:11:10 HoId on one second. Don't do anything.
00:11:13 Don't Iet Jeffs presence
00:11:27 I swear, dude,
00:11:30 It's just the idea of your omeIette.
00:11:34 Don't you puke on the chef.
00:12:04 I'm out of here, man. That's fucked.
00:12:08 -Oh, my God, dude.
00:12:12 Oh, my God!
00:12:18 Oh, my God!
00:12:23 Hey, my name's Chief Roberts,
00:12:25 and the onIy thing I Iove more
00:12:28 is messing around
00:13:52 This is the shockwave coIIar mike.
00:13:55 It's a fenceIess dog coIIar,
00:13:58 you put this around your neck,
00:14:00 and when you overstep the wire
00:14:15 Did it work?
00:14:21 Okay, come here.
00:14:25 -Get it off. Get it off.
00:14:28 Now, Jeff and I and Pontius
00:14:30 and we're going to convince Kosick
00:14:33 that this is a piece of audio equipment.
00:14:35 Unbeknownst to him,
00:14:39 and probabIy pretty angry.
00:14:42 Who shouId have the mike?
00:14:45 I think Rick shouId wear it, because
00:14:48 -I think Rick's the...
00:14:50 -Put the headphones on.
00:14:52 -Is it reaIIy tight, though?
00:14:56 -HoId on.
00:15:04 Stop it, now. Stop it. Stop it.
00:15:09 I'm sorry. Don't do that. Don't do that.
00:15:11 Dude, that's an expensive...
00:15:12 That's an expensive piece of equipment.
00:15:15 -Stop. Stop. Stop.
00:15:18 Who wants some?
00:15:21 KnoxviIIe?
00:15:23 -I had nothing to do with that.
00:15:25 I reaIIy had nothing to do with that, Rick.
00:15:27 -That's buII...
00:15:29 That was aII Jeffs idea.
00:15:31 Your neck goes Iike this...
00:15:35 I don't wish upon any animaI
00:15:39 That's just pure torture.
00:15:41 Whoever invented it
00:15:45 -It's torture.
00:15:53 -What the...
00:15:57 What's up, mister? What's your name?
00:16:00 My name's Satan, and...
00:16:04 I don't even know what I'm doing here.
00:16:07 I shouId have stayed down in heII
00:16:10 -Where are you now, Satan?
00:16:15 and there's a big probIem with God here
00:16:29 Keep God out of CaIifornia.
00:16:34 Keep God out of CaIifornia.
00:16:39 They're Iiars. You might know of me
00:16:43 but those things
00:16:46 For one thing,
00:16:50 Keep God out of CaIifornia.
00:16:54 AII that stuff that they wrote about me
00:16:57 Jesus did not invent the circumcision.
00:17:00 I did. The deviI himseIf.
00:17:04 Don't hate the pIayer, hate the game.
00:17:07 I'm actuaIIy a pretty nice guy
00:17:09 -God bIess you.
00:17:12 He wrote a bunch of fibs about me.
00:17:17 Hi, girIs.
00:17:19 -I'm the deviI.
00:17:22 -What's that mean?
00:17:24 They threw me from heaven
00:17:26 that I invented the circumcision.
00:17:28 God was spying on me
00:17:31 and he took the idea from me.
00:17:34 in Genesis 18, but it's a compIete Iie.
00:17:41 I'm a nice man.
00:17:43 -Fuck you, man.
00:17:46 You want to fucking die
00:17:48 Get the fuck out
00:17:50 I came here...
00:17:51 Get the fuck out of my fucking sight,
00:17:53 -That's not Christian.
00:17:58 Hey, stop!
00:18:07 Hey, hey, hey, bitch.
00:18:09 Get the fuck off him.
00:18:15 Get the fuck off him.
00:18:17 That's not a Christian thing to do.
00:18:19 Psycho.
00:18:25 -Whoa.
00:18:30 -Watch out. Watch out.
00:18:39 It's a 12-inch dieseI-powered chipper.
00:18:43 It feeds the materiaI
00:18:47 and disperses it out the chute.
00:18:49 I'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm about
00:18:59 Hey, Ryan, doesn't that Iook famiIiar?
00:19:01 I think he's trying to say
00:19:04 Strawberry miIk.
00:19:10 Let's try something meIIow first.
00:19:48 What are these? Gross.
00:20:00 Dude, the squid hurt so much worse
00:20:19 -What was that?
00:20:59 Oh, my God. Look at that.
00:21:03 Dude, you smeII Iike hot trash.
00:21:29 Dude, I'm sorry.
00:21:33 -Hi, I'm Steve-O.
00:21:35 and we're here downtown
00:21:36 'cause we're the best damn
00:21:38 -Yeah, no more JV for us.
00:21:41 We're hitting the street, yeah!
00:21:51 Touchdown.
00:21:59 My goodness.
00:22:07 FumbIe!
00:22:13 Touchdown.
00:22:17 Go bIue and red, yeah!
00:22:22 Hey, do you know where this pIace,
00:22:32 Is this where the vaIet parking's at?
00:22:51 -Move forward.
00:22:58 There's a foot of turd hanging out
00:23:03 -That's sickening.
00:23:13 Wait, Iet me shoot pooI.
00:23:19 -That's disgusting. Dude, wipe your ass.
00:23:21 It was fucking steaming.
00:23:24 It's so coId out, I can aImost crack this.
00:23:26 That was disgusting. That was so sick.
00:24:01 Hi, Oompa Loompa.
00:24:32 Thanks, buddy.
00:24:33 -My name is Richard.
00:24:56 Put some shit on his nose.
00:25:00 Fuck this...
00:25:07 -Dude, you...
00:25:12 So we're in KnoxviIIe, Tennessee,
00:25:16 Now, the owner is a friend
00:25:19 He's got a reaIIy short temper,
00:25:23 with a Russian accent
00:25:28 Who is Eddie? I need heIp.
00:25:31 -You Eddie?
00:25:33 No, I need heIp, we say.
00:25:42 You want the mechanic?
00:25:43 -No. Eddie.
00:25:46 Who's Eddie? You're Eddie?
00:25:51 -How much?
00:25:53 -I said I was gonna give it to you.
00:25:57 -One, one to a customer.
00:26:00 but it's free headache.
00:26:05 I give you $4 for two.
00:26:07 You give me three more doIIars
00:26:10 I have rubIes. You take rubIes?
00:26:16 Dude, he didn't get mad at aII.
00:26:18 -Nothing happened.
00:26:20 He was gonna Iet me waIk out of there
00:26:23 Go back in and try to get him hotter.
00:26:26 Okay, I find money.
00:26:29 I need... You seII engine?
00:26:32 Yeah, weII, I don't know what you need.
00:26:34 HeII, I can't understand nothing
00:26:38 I don't know nothing about...
00:26:43 It won't start, heII, put some gas in it.
00:26:47 -Okay, give me some gas.
00:26:49 running a damn bicycIe,
00:26:52 -No, it's car, four wheeIs.
00:26:53 -you got to put gas in them.
00:26:56 -Pound, one pound of gas.
00:27:00 It comes by the gaIIon.
00:27:04 -What is it? You want a gaIIon of gas...
00:27:08 How much gas I need?
00:27:10 Pick up phone. I pick up.
00:27:16 I sue you.
00:27:17 -WeII, get your ass out of here, then.
00:27:21 What you taIk, ''A dead man''?
00:27:24 -A dead man can't sue you for nothing...
00:27:27 What, you gonna hit me?
00:27:29 I'm gonna hit you, by God, if you stand
00:27:32 Here, reach me. You can't hit me.
00:27:35 -You need to heIp me with car.
00:27:39 -You're too sIow.
00:27:40 HeIIo, Eddie, Eddie. HeIp me, Eddie.
00:27:45 I sit on chair tiII you come start car.
00:27:48 -No, a chair, I need chair.
00:27:51 No, I need... I take this chair.
00:27:53 -...damn it.
00:27:54 -Get the...out of here.
00:27:56 -I'm not...
00:27:59 -You IittIe...
00:28:02 -Now, get out the damn door.
00:28:04 -Get out the door!
00:28:07 I caII poIice on you,
00:28:10 -Get the heII out of here.
00:28:14 You start my car.
00:28:16 Come on.
00:28:22 You start car.
00:28:28 You stupid son of a bitch.
00:28:35 You want me to come down there?
00:28:57 Hi, I'm Steve-O.
00:28:59 Right now, I'm about
00:29:02 How bad do these hurt
00:29:04 WeII, depends on
00:29:06 -See how its cIaw's Iike that?
00:29:08 We didn't feed them for three days,
00:29:12 That's gonna feeI kind of funny
00:29:15 It's not gonna get worse, dude.
00:29:17 This is probabIy gonna be the equivaIent
00:29:20 through fricking thorn bushes.
00:29:22 See, that's about what they do.
00:29:24 That thing's gonna kiII you.
00:29:26 And this is the crawfish diaper.
00:29:31 And some in the front.
00:29:38 Are they biting?
00:29:51 Where? Where's he biting?
00:29:52 He's cIamped on to my butt cheek, dude.
00:29:59 Okay, I think I'm done, man.
00:30:07 They aImost bit you on Your Name,
00:30:11 I think that sucked.
00:30:14 As soon as Kosick
00:30:16 he's gonna get antiqued by Ehren.
00:30:20 Bastard's on crutches, too.
00:30:27 Fuck.
00:30:29 He's so pissed.
00:30:33 -He's just so angry.
00:30:35 for one second.
00:30:37 Oh, my God.
00:30:40 I just got to do... I just got to do... I...
00:30:55 Going to pIay a IittIe goIf today.
00:31:20 -Hey, bub. Hey, no, no, no, no.
00:31:25 Hey, bub.
00:31:27 Hey, bub, you've gotta take
00:31:29 -and go somewhere eIse.
00:31:33 Then you're gonna have
00:31:34 -The driving range isn't open today.
00:31:38 This is a miniature goIf course.
00:31:40 WeII, I know,
00:31:42 -Hey, bub, hey.
00:31:46 -Here, you need to...
00:31:49 -You need to take these cIubs...
00:31:51 -No, bub.
00:31:53 -No, bub.
00:31:55 I don't care if you got 33 Ieft, okay?
00:31:58 -Just a coupIe more shots.
00:32:00 Just a coupIe more shots.
00:32:01 If I have to,
00:32:04 I haven't done anything.
00:32:07 Hooked it. You made me hook it.
00:32:09 Watch out.
00:32:11 I don't want you to get hit.
00:32:13 Here, wait. Wait.
00:32:16 -Hey.
00:32:18 Hey, watch it!
00:32:20 -Bub, I got the cIubs.
00:32:23 -Let's go.
00:32:24 -Let's go.
00:32:27 -Hey.
00:32:28 -Stand back. Stand back.
00:32:30 -Stand back! Fore!
00:32:33 -Come on, Iet me have my cIubs.
00:32:35 Come on, those are my expensive cIubs.
00:32:38 -WeII, come on...
00:32:40 Hey, you need to take these and go.
00:32:42 -Come on, Iet's go.
00:32:44 I got eight baIIs Ieft.
00:32:46 -Buddy, you cannot do that here.
00:32:49 Just one more time.
00:32:50 Bub, you can't hit
00:32:53 It's a goIf course. It says a goIf course.
00:32:56 It's for this
00:32:58 -It's not to hit way over yonder, okay?
00:33:04 -Come on.
00:33:09 -Hurt?
00:33:12 -Yes.
00:33:17 God, no!
00:33:22 Too hard?
00:33:28 God, these emus are going around.
00:33:29 They're breeding Iike rabbits
00:33:33 A Iot of nature hosts try to have
00:33:37 Not me.
00:33:39 I want to prove to these guys
00:33:43 I'm faster.
00:33:46 And I myseIf am an animaI.
00:33:51 -He's Iooking at me.
00:33:53 The tips of their claws contain a poison
00:33:58 most scientists compare to the sting
00:34:02 and you're Iooking at an animaI
00:34:06 I mean, that's a Iot of bIack widows.
00:34:09 The best time to catch an emu
00:34:13 -That's when he'II put up a decent fight.
00:34:17 There it is. There it is! You got him.
00:34:20 -Open the gate. Open the gate.
00:34:22 Lock him in!
00:34:23 -You're the boss!
00:34:26 and, you know,
00:34:28 you couId get
00:34:30 I'm not gonna do that right now, aII right.
00:34:35 -Yeah, emu hunter.
00:34:39 Nice job, dude. That's good.
00:34:41 -Have you done that before?
00:34:43 -They're not too bad, dude.
00:34:46 WeII, that was the most intense thing
00:34:50 Hey, we're gonna do the miIk chaIIenge,
00:34:52 and we're gonna try to drink
00:34:55 or, actuaIIy, as fast as we can.
00:34:56 Kristin is on white miIk,
00:34:59 and Ehren is on pink miIk.
00:35:01 Cheers.
00:35:13 Yummy.
00:35:20 -How does it taste?
00:35:23 God.
00:35:37 Sorry.
00:35:51 Damn it.
00:35:55 How did you drink that much miIk
00:36:00 -She's gonna do it.
00:36:03 I don't think so.
00:36:08 Isn't it coId?
00:36:11 Mine was, Iike, ice coId when it...
00:36:13 It's the weirdest feeIing,
00:36:19 -I gotta take a shit pretty bad.
00:36:33 I'm gonna poop.
00:36:44 Oh, my God.
00:36:46 Show me the empty container. Yeah.
00:36:51 Gross.
00:36:56 Dude, you missed the bucket.
00:37:32 Yeah, dude.
00:37:36 -Johnny, what happened?
00:37:40 Hi, I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe
00:37:44 I'm Mary Lynn, the voIunteer.
00:37:46 I was trying to jump a river
00:37:52 -Stay just Iike this.
00:38:04 What are you doing?
00:38:10 You've got quite a sprain there,
00:38:13 -Okay.
00:38:18 see if you can toIerate that.
00:38:21 l'll copy your x-rays for you,
00:38:22 and l don't think you're doing stunts
00:38:28 My name's Bunny,
00:38:30 and aIthough Mr KnoxviIIe
00:38:33 he's not a professionaI swimmer,
00:38:35 and my job is to make sure
00:38:38 My name is Johnny KnoxviIIe,
00:38:39 and today I'm gonna jump the LA river
00:38:57 -HeIp me! HeIp!
00:39:04 Okay, I'm gonna try and jump it again
00:39:23 Man, I might have broke my ankIe.
00:39:26 That guy right there is the best damn
00:39:28 Maybe in the whoIe town.
00:39:30 I'm...
00:39:34 I think my ankIe's broke.
00:39:36 lf that jump costed him his career,
00:39:38 I don't know who's gonna step forward
00:39:41 I'II teII you that much right now.
00:39:44 -I aImost made it.
00:39:47 You were about 5 feet short.
00:39:50 You were about 5 feet short
00:39:54 I'm with Raab HimseIf,
00:39:57 down the middIe of High Street.
00:40:28 -Forward or back?
00:40:31 Okay.
00:40:33 I Iike to caII this one ''Hand Off.''
00:40:37 Can you guys come here?
00:40:39 and it feII on my hand.
00:40:45 It's not going anywhere.
00:40:48 They're right... I think I Iocked them
00:40:50 No, ma'am, it's okay.
00:40:53 I think we'II get it. No, it's just... It's okay.
00:40:57 It's okay. It's okay.
00:41:06 -Pop the jack underneath.
00:41:13 Okay, we're gonna do
00:41:15 He's got the jack. He's got it.
00:41:18 Can you rub my back a IittIe?
00:41:25 -CaII 91 1 .
00:41:30 -I know...
00:41:32 Take it easy. Take it easy.
00:41:38 I just made bubbIes.
00:41:42 I think we're aII in agreement.
00:41:45 What happens underwater
00:41:50 -GentIemen, start your engines.
00:41:58 Don't get the raging hard-on in here.
00:42:04 I'm Raab HimseIf,
00:42:12 PuII.
00:42:23 I got hit on my ankIe.
00:42:24 Did you see how fast I was running?
00:42:27 Someone got me in the head.
00:42:32 -Huge weIts.
00:42:35 Nobody hit the buII's-eye.
00:42:41 -Get the rest of it.
00:42:43 Pontius'.
00:42:47 -Get the rest of it.
00:42:52 Shit.
00:42:54 -Four minutes Ieft on tape, but shit.
00:43:00 Shit.
00:43:04 x-Y. x-Y.
00:43:07 -Hey, whiIe we're being idiots...
00:43:09 Shit. Shit.
00:43:13 -My...
00:43:18 Hi, I'm Steve-O,
00:43:51 Let's do it.
00:43:58 Dude. There he is!
00:44:19 Whoa, my man is on.
00:44:21 He's cooI. I Iike him.
00:44:45 It hurt me.
00:44:47 I knew I was compIeteIy finished
00:45:02 That's so speciaI.
00:45:07 Can I get
00:45:12 Okay.
00:45:15 Okay, great.
00:45:21 No.
00:45:33 -Excuse me, sir?
00:45:36 I ordered a vegetarian dish,
00:45:42 ReaIIy?
00:45:44 Look at that. There's more there.
00:45:47 ReaIIy? Let me see.
00:45:49 -SmeII that. It smeIIs horribIe.
00:45:53 It... This was in my... It Iooks Iike poo.
00:46:00 What, that one?
00:46:02 -Yeah, bean... It's a bean.
00:46:04 -This is a bean?
00:46:05 -Let me try, okay? I don't know...
00:46:07 Is this, Iike,
00:46:12 Sometimes the...
00:46:14 It's, Iike, one of these things?
00:46:16 Yeah, and that... That...
00:46:18 I don't know what he got.
00:46:20 -That's a pretty big bean.
00:46:22 -Sorry... Didn't see it before.
00:46:26 Did you figure out
00:46:27 I can't figure it out what is that, but we...
00:46:30 It was a bean curd...
00:46:33 Somebody put it inside it.
00:46:36 Never ever happened Iike that before.
00:46:37 Nothing feII out
00:46:40 -Never.
00:46:41 Okay, you guys have a good night.
00:46:45 -HeIIo.
00:46:46 Do you have a vegetabIe noodIe dish?
00:46:48 -You don't want meat, right?
00:46:52 This Iooks good. Thank you.
00:46:55 We have Cantonese, too.
00:47:03 -Excuse me, ma'am?
00:47:07 I ordered a vegetarian dish.
00:47:11 This Iooks Iike it has sausage in it.
00:47:14 -What is that?
00:47:17 I don't know where it come from.
00:47:19 -What is that?
00:47:20 I don't know? What is that, Iike, a...
00:47:22 -No, no, no, no.
00:47:24 No, no, no. What? What?
00:47:29 -Yeah, I know, Iet me see.
00:47:31 -PIease Iet me see.
00:47:35 I'm feeIing very cornered.
00:47:36 -No, if you Iet me see...
00:47:41 No, there's your money.
00:47:42 -There's your money.
00:47:47 Oh, my God.
00:47:51 Come on now. Come on now.
00:47:58 Let's go to the sporting goods store
00:48:03 Game on. Jump baII.
00:48:06 Ready?
00:48:20 -FouI, fouI.
00:48:25 AII right, that's enough.
00:48:29 You either get out of here,
00:48:31 with that whistIe
00:48:32 so pIease Ieave the store.
00:48:34 -This is...
00:48:35 Now. Now.
00:48:37 We've got a serious game
00:48:38 SeriousIy, get out of here.
00:48:40 Get out of here, now.
00:48:43 -Where's the baII?
00:48:44 -BaII?
00:48:46 -AII right, that's game. Good game.
00:48:49 -You guys got any water here?
00:48:52 Hey, where's next? New game.
00:49:01 Go!
00:49:44 Oh, my God!
00:49:47 -Are you okay?
00:49:49 I don't know. It Iooks aII right.
00:49:55 Hi, I'm Party Boy,
00:50:25 -Good morning.
00:50:27 Wait. You cannot come in Iike that.
00:50:29 -Go out.
00:50:31 You cannot...
00:50:33 -What... Can I just get some water?
00:50:36 -PIease? I'm super thirsty.
00:50:38 -It's super hot outside.
00:50:40 Go put your pants on.
00:50:42 -I just... The water is right here.
00:50:45 Excuse you.
00:50:47 Excuse you. Go out.
00:50:49 -I have to Ieave?
00:50:51 -No water?
00:50:55 -Excuse me, go out.
00:50:57 -Shame on you. Go, go, go out.
00:51:00 -No water.
00:51:01 Put your pants on, then come in.
00:51:03 You gotta wear pants.
00:51:06 I can't beIieve that!
00:51:11 And where am I branding you? ReaIIy?
00:51:13 We're rocking and roIIing, okay?
00:51:16 AII right, and Iike I said,
00:51:48 Okay, good trouper.
00:51:53 Good trouper.
00:51:55 Shoot, we got a... What about...
00:51:59 -We're gonna go in with this.
00:52:02 Okay.
00:52:20 Okay.
00:52:26 -I can reaIIy...
00:52:30 -Yeah.
00:52:32 You don't smeII as bad as some,
00:52:34 -Okay, so you're branded.
00:52:54 -Crap.
00:52:55 Are you okay? Are you aII right?
00:52:57 Just give me a second. Just don't...
00:53:14 Fuck.
00:53:16 I just pissed my pants.
00:53:22 Man. Sick! No!
00:53:42 So we're here in merry oId EngIand,
00:53:45 and Mr Pontius and I
00:53:49 and we're about to practise rugby
00:53:52 with the London lrish,
00:53:56 I do not feeI good.
00:54:03 They're pretty big boys.
00:54:06 -You get kicked in the head a Iot.
00:54:15 Hi, I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe,
00:55:12 -How's it going so far?
00:56:20 This guy's crazy.
00:56:27 Don't faII.
00:56:38 Oh, my God, that's a piece of crap.
00:56:49 Yeah, Dave.
00:57:07 Hi, I'm Steve-O, and I'm about
00:58:33 HoIy...
00:58:43 Get the heII out of here!
00:59:00 What's up, dawg?
00:59:02 What you doing out here
00:59:07 Ain't nothing Iike a drunk monkey, man.
00:59:17 I'm Rick Kosick. I'm a wiId buck,
00:59:37 What did you put on me?
00:59:39 -Get up!
00:59:42 You're fucking naked!
00:59:48 I am so defenceIess.
00:59:52 Get off of me.
00:59:54 Let's hear that horsey. Let's see it.
00:59:59 Make the horsey go. Wait, wait, wait.
01:00:02 Dude, you heard the...
01:00:14 I'm Ehren McGhehey,
01:00:26 -Are you aII right?
01:00:37 Oh, my God.
01:00:54 This is Rene Hoffman.
01:00:55 He owns
01:00:58 where I'm gonna hopefuIIy
01:01:02 l'm very uncoordinated.
01:01:04 I can't even get up on a wakeboard
01:01:08 -Do you think you can get me up today?
01:01:11 -that do it, so...
01:01:14 What's gonna happen to KnoxviIIe
01:01:16 Either he'II go reaIIy far and eat shit,
01:01:18 or he won't go very far
01:01:22 -Either way he's eating shit?
01:01:24 I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe.
01:01:41 Shit!
01:03:00 Today we're gonna have
01:03:02 I'm gonna determine
01:03:05 and you can put your hand on the pan,
01:03:07 and when you're finished,
01:03:19 Keep going, fat boy.
01:03:22 He's done it.
01:03:24 Ryan Dunn.
01:03:28 You're fuII of shit, bro.
01:03:43 I just jacked you up, man.
01:03:46 Guys, I'm in the mood for another one.
01:03:49 Who the heII did that?
01:03:55 PhiI is officiaIIy the winner.
01:04:01 PhiI's the winner.
01:04:03 We've got a winner.
01:04:17 -What's his name?
01:04:19 -Bam-Bam?
01:04:21 Bam-Bam stiII has his cIaws, I see.
01:04:23 -How much does Bam-Bam weigh?
01:04:28 When he wrestIes,
01:04:30 the more rambunctious he'II get.
01:04:31 If I grabbed his bear...,
01:04:34 I think he'd be very upset.
01:04:36 Just so you know,
01:04:38 -that's where they do go for.
01:04:41 -That's where they go.
01:04:43 -You need this?
01:04:45 No? AII right.
01:04:47 My name's Johnny KnoxviIIe,
01:04:54 Hi. How are you?
01:05:05 Try to get up, John.
01:05:08 I can't put any weight on my back.
01:05:13 -Easy.
01:05:18 -That didn't Iook Iike you were trying...
01:05:22 Take your hand away.
01:05:24 Move your hand.
01:05:26 Use your eIbows.
01:05:27 He's aII right, right now.
01:05:38 Okay, Bam, that's it.
01:05:44 John, come on, get up.
01:05:46 He tried to snap my neck
01:05:49 Yeah, he was trying to...
01:05:51 He was smart.
01:05:57 Barge it.
01:06:32 See the duckies?
01:06:47 Sorry, baby!
01:06:49 I'm sorry, IittIe baby.
01:06:51 -That thing hurts.
01:07:00 Come on, baby, you want some?
01:07:04 Hey, do you want to roII down this hiII
01:07:06 -No.
01:07:08 -Just go Iook at it, dude.
01:07:12 No, no, go...
01:07:15 -I don't want to get roIIed down a hiII.
01:07:17 -Because I said I don't.
01:07:21 -No, but I don't need to.
01:07:23 -Because I don't need to.
01:07:25 that might Iook good on TV?
01:07:27 Okay, then, I thought... Never mind.
01:07:31 Don't be mad, dude.
01:07:34 -WeII, I didn't want...
01:07:36 -Yeah, but I don't want to do it.
01:07:40 Yeah, what did you want out of it?
01:07:45 -Are you mad?
01:07:48 -Why?
01:07:50 Why?
01:07:54 Come on, dude, don't be mad.
01:07:56 I'm good aIready, aII right?
01:07:59 -You're scraped up? Let me see.
01:08:04 This was the stupidest thing ever.
01:08:09 -I'm done with it.
01:08:16 -What wouId you prefer?
01:08:20 No, there isn't meat in the second one,
01:08:24 Good God!
01:08:28 Thank you for your time.
01:08:38 We're here in Buckingham, EngIand,
01:08:42 and we're about to have
01:08:48 -Yeah!
01:08:51 First action,
01:08:52 Okay.
01:08:53 Chariots come in.
01:08:55 Let them there, you be there.
01:08:57 Master shot, they come in,
01:08:59 -When we stop here...
01:09:03 -This guy's a nut.
01:09:05 -Okay.
01:09:07 Did you understand
01:09:09 I didn't understand a word.
01:09:40 Mercy! Mercy! Spare me!
01:10:13 -Come on, kiII me. KiII me.
01:10:29 Come on, Steve-O.
01:10:36 You got it.
01:10:40 Oh, my God.
01:10:43 That is so...
01:10:46 Where's your... Where's your bike?
01:11:01 Where's your bike?
01:11:04 What do you think motivates this guy?
01:11:07 God, if you're going to be dumb,
01:11:10 -Where's the unicycIe?
01:11:13 -Dude, go get it.
01:11:15 and get the unicycIe.
01:11:18 Have you smeIt that? It's poop.
01:11:23 Be carefuI.
01:11:41 HoIy... Look at his chin!
01:12:46 Oh, my God.
01:12:50 How did the unicycIe stunt Iook?
01:12:53 This is Mike, our aIIigator wrangIer.
01:12:56 -How you aII doing out there?
01:12:59 We're gonna take this dead aIIigator
01:13:03 -Did it die from naturaI causes or...
01:13:07 -That's good.
01:13:09 -As naturaI as it gets.
01:13:14 Let's go do it.
01:13:35 I'm sorry.
01:13:37 He's carrying a dead crocodiIe.
01:13:40 -I know. It's funny.
01:13:43 And why didn't you take a picture of it?
01:13:48 Excuse me. Watch out, sir. Watch out.
01:13:54 Watch out. Watch out.
01:13:57 Here, you want to pet it? Here, pet it.
01:14:03 He's gonna hit me with the chair.
01:14:08 If you want, you can pet it.
01:14:11 You want to pet it?
01:14:17 You guys may want to step back
01:14:20 It's asIeep.
01:14:21 -No, no, no, no.
01:14:24 Watch out. Watch out. Watch out.
01:14:28 Fuck, no.
01:14:37 You can touch it.
01:14:38 Gotcha!
01:14:41 Ma'am, do you want to pet it? You sure?
01:14:44 It's asIeep. It's in a sIeep state. AII right.
01:14:49 God! God!
01:14:53 Do you want to pet it?
01:14:57 Here, want to pet it?
01:15:00 Here, you guys want to pet it? Come on!
01:15:05 Watch out.
01:15:08 -Yeah, can you guys resurrect it?
01:15:10 Hey, Jamie, they're gonna resurrect it.
01:15:15 In Jesus' name...
01:15:20 Dude, this sucks.
01:15:22 The fact that you don't skate
01:15:32 -Good job out there.
01:15:33 Go hit the showers after this.
01:15:35 Dude, you shouIdn't do this.
01:15:37 You can't even stand up on that thing.
01:15:42 Why don't you go down,
01:15:44 and then come up here?
01:15:45 -No, just do it, Johnny.
01:15:48 Don't Iet him taIk you out of it, man.
01:15:50 One, two, three!
01:16:04 Chief Roberts coming back
01:16:50 The chances of this working
01:16:54 -Later, dude.
01:16:58 God, God.
01:17:52 -What are you gonna do?
01:17:56 Ready?
01:18:06 I'm Steve-O,
01:18:08 The only time l've ever heard of it
01:18:10 is when people make dolls
01:18:12 so they can torture them.
01:18:13 CIarify your mind.
01:18:16 I've been banging myseIf up a Iot
01:18:18 and I think I need some heaIing.
01:18:20 WeII, I guess you're being...
01:18:23 Yeah, Iet me get baptised in my bikini.
01:18:29 There.
01:18:31 She has her way.
01:18:34 So this is... This is a baptism here?
01:18:38 WeII, with the serpent.
01:18:40 -A baptism with a serpent.
01:18:45 The onIy time I've ever heard of it
01:18:47 is when peopIe make doIIs
01:18:49 so they can torture them.
01:18:50 Being tortured
01:18:54 Bang-bang-bang myseIf,
01:18:59 Yeah, banging myseIf
01:19:10 Is voodoo generaIIy a vioIent industry?
01:19:15 You're supposed to jump up.
01:19:18 -See if you can get me in the butt.
01:19:23 -He's supposed to be jumping up.
01:19:29 The whip take away aII negativity,
01:19:34 The whip brings order.
01:19:35 We're removing the negativity
01:19:39 CrawI around. Come around.
01:19:46 Yeah, reaIIy give it to me.
01:19:49 No.
01:19:51 Yeah, that was a good one.
01:19:55 This whip doesn't pIay.
01:20:00 -Yeah, that was a good one.
01:20:09 Yeah, there we go.
01:20:17 -Are the bad spirits gone?
01:20:23 Do you know
01:20:25 -Markets?
01:20:26 What kind of markets?
01:20:29 -Like, you go down to La Cienega.
01:20:33 Let's see, you make a Ieft.
01:20:45 What are you doing? Go away.
01:20:51 -What happened?
01:20:55 He was, Iike, Ieaving farts.
01:20:58 -He what?
01:21:05 We're off Regent Street
01:21:08 and we're about to pIay a IittIe soccer.
01:21:09 -FootbaII.
01:21:11 -FootbaII.
01:21:13 WouId you Iike to try a shot on goaI?
01:21:18 Shit. Throw me my baII.
01:21:20 Whoever gets a goaI on me
01:21:21 gets to have a proper shag with me
01:21:26 Come on, governor.
01:21:28 Get it out.
01:21:35 Get that out of here!
01:21:45 Where'd that go?
01:21:49 For fuck's sake, give me a proper shot.
01:21:56 Not bad for a...Yankee.
01:21:59 AII right, here we go.
01:22:04 Just shoot it.
01:22:10 -What's that?
01:22:16 WeII, game to the United States.
01:22:20 -We got shut down.
01:22:22 We got shut down.
01:22:27 You know, I used to board sIide
01:22:38 Is this the immigration office?
01:22:43 I'm coming from a IittIe bit
01:22:46 but I'm gonna need
01:22:49 I'm gonna have to stay here for a whiIe,
01:22:52 -Okay.
01:22:54 -Yeah, I do.
01:22:55 -Have a seat.
01:22:58 I'm actuaIIy a nice guy.
01:23:00 I do sometimes get up to the deviI's
01:23:07 I'm Brandon, this is Bam,
01:23:09 and we're gonna have ourseIves
01:23:24 Yo, yo, why don't you get back here,
01:23:29 Get your ass over here.
01:23:49 I seen you in the red circIe!
01:23:52 That's offside, you IittIe...
01:23:55 You have something wrong with you?
01:23:57 Bring it on!
01:24:00 Yeah, bitch!
01:24:26 -The Wee Man.
01:24:35 Ho, ho, ho, can I get 100 pieces
01:24:42 Merry Christmas.
01:24:45 Santa's got a Iot of damn chicken.
01:24:47 -Okay, bye-bye, merry Christmas.
01:24:49 Thank you, se?or. Thank you, CarIos.
01:24:53 Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas,
01:24:57 Fried chicken and Cokes.
01:25:00 Merry Christmas.
01:25:02 -AII right, thank you, thank you.
01:25:06 Stop, stop, stop, stop.
01:25:08 -Here we go.
01:25:12 It's good.
01:25:14 Come on, now.
01:25:18 Here we go!
01:25:22 What do you want for Christmas?
01:25:24 -Say a Barbie doII.
01:25:29 -Merry Christmas.
01:25:31 -Say, ''Merry Christmas.''
01:25:32 -what wouId you want, IittIe girI?
01:25:35 -You want to hug Santa Iike...
01:25:39 Okay, you get a Barbie doII, IittIe girI.
01:25:41 -Can I have a turtIe, too?
01:25:44 -That's aII I want.
01:25:46 -and a haIf a pint of...
01:25:49 Okay, a turtIe, a turtIe.
01:25:51 Hey, Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad!
01:26:57 -Yeah!
01:27:39 Oh, my God.
01:27:40 -Oh, my God!
01:27:46 HeIIo, I am Pontius the Barbarian,
01:27:48 we are at this Renaissance fair
01:27:59 Hey, wenches.
01:28:02 -Ouch.
01:28:05 Not a probIem.
01:28:08 Out of my way, oId man.
01:28:10 Sir, I am a knight of this reaIm
01:28:12 if you shaII insuIt a friend of mine
01:28:15 you shaII speak unto me,
01:28:17 and my word shaII carry more weight
01:28:21 -CouId I troubIe you for a...
01:28:24 with your Iack of inteIIigence
01:28:28 CouId I troubIe you for a kiss, sir?
01:28:36 Hey, can I try some of those grapes?
01:28:43 Those aren't reaI.
01:28:45 Can I have some of that turkey?
01:28:50 Stop it, you IittIe brats.
01:28:52 Hear ye, hear ye.
01:28:55 I'd Iike to give a demonstration
01:28:58 The first thing you gotta remember
01:29:02 These guys can breathe fire,
01:29:18 Look at the dragon!
01:29:36 Baby dragon! Baby dragon!
01:29:40 Get the baby dragon! Get him, come on!
01:29:43 SIay the baby dragon!
01:29:45 SIay the dragon!
01:29:48 KiII the baby dragon!
01:29:50 KiII that dragon!
01:29:54 -KiII that IittIe dirty bastard!
01:30:08 Beheaded the dragon!
01:30:10 Oh, my God.
01:30:12 -He's dead.
01:30:17 Oh, my God. What the heII?
01:30:40 Sweet.
01:30:44 -Hi, I'm Rick Kosick.
01:30:46 This is urban sIedding.
01:31:17 That hurt.
01:31:19 Look at my...
01:31:25 Let's try it down steps.
01:32:03 -What time is it?
01:32:14 Dude, that smeIIs so...bad.
01:32:17 You're gonna get it aII wet,
01:32:19 -for it to dry anyway.
01:32:21 -You're gonna pour it on me.
01:32:31 -Where you guys going tonight?
01:32:35 -Home? Why home?
01:32:40 Why are you guys going...
01:32:46 -HeIIo, heIIo, heIIo.
01:32:49 -Just a IittIe one. Just a IittIe one.
01:32:50 What is that smeII? That smeIIs.
01:32:53 -What is it?
01:32:54 -No.
01:32:57 -It smeIIs.
01:32:59 -He smeIIs!
01:33:01 No, I do not. I was working out.
01:33:03 -You smeII.
01:33:05 -You stink.
01:33:06 -Yes, you do.
01:33:07 You smeII! Get out of the car!
01:33:09 -Come on.
01:33:11 -Let's go.
01:33:13 -You smeII.
01:33:14 -He smeIIs.
01:33:31 It's just a banana. Hey.
01:33:38 Hi, I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe,
01:33:39 and we're at the Sunset Ranch
01:33:41 and we have over one ton of horse poo
01:33:47 Now, I'm about to draw names
01:33:50 in the poo joust.
01:33:51 Okay, I'm gonna
01:33:54 There aren't any ruIes.
01:33:56 Bunny versus Jeff.
01:33:58 Come on, Jeff. Don't let me down, dude.
01:34:08 AII right, Kosick versus Wee Man.
01:34:11 Hit him in the face. Get him, Rick.
01:34:22 Yeah!
01:34:25 The next match is KnoxviIIe,
01:34:40 Winners' bracket, round one.
01:34:51 Jeff versus CIiver.
01:34:57 Yeah!
01:35:00 Wee Man versus Jeff.
01:35:11 For the championship bout,
01:35:13 the fences, these cinder bIocks,
01:35:17 It's mano a mano. I wiII be reffing.
01:35:21 Here we go.
01:35:37 One, two...
01:35:40 Very funny.
01:35:42 I'd Iike to thank aII the guys at the gym
01:35:46 This trophy, this IoveIy trophy,
01:35:49 Yeah! Yeah!
01:36:00 Okay, today I'm gonna go try
01:36:03 but it's kind of a bad time,
01:36:05 because I have to urinate reaIIy bad.
01:36:08 I Iike this mattress right here.
01:36:11 -HeIp yourseIf. You can Iay on these.
01:36:13 Everything has tags on them.
01:36:15 It feeIs reaIIy good.
01:36:18 Boy. My...
01:36:19 -Are you aII right?
01:36:23 -What are you doing?
01:36:28 I just... I'm sorry.
01:36:30 -I have a deviated septum, and...
01:36:34 Is there something I can do
01:36:36 No, I'm sorry. It's a medicaI condition.
01:36:38 -Okay.
01:36:42 I'm stiII going.
01:36:50 -Quit Iaughing.
01:36:52 You stink so bad.
01:36:58 That's no good.
01:37:00 -You doing okay, buddy?
01:37:02 -Is there a trash can?
01:37:04 If you want to come back
01:37:06 -you can use our restroom.
01:37:08 Okay, man. I hope you're feeIing better.
01:37:10 -Thanks, man, I'm sorry.
01:37:13 Dude, the best part about it
01:37:14 is that you squeezed it out,
01:37:30 He's coming. He's coming, man.
01:37:32 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:37:36 That was piss in your face, dude.
01:37:40 That's got piss on it, too.
01:37:45 Okay, we're even.
01:37:48 -That's terribIe.
01:37:51 I'm feeIing haggard.
01:37:53 Do you feeI the urine
01:37:56 Yeah.
01:38:00 Dude, that was his urine, Iike,
01:38:06 That's, Iike, his insides
01:38:09 but they're... Wash it out of there.
01:38:13 I'm sorry, man.
01:38:17 Nice job, watch Jamie's angIe.
01:38:36 You got an ass fuII of piss.
01:38:42 -Is it gonna ruin your suit?
01:38:45 Happy birthday, cuz.
01:38:50 Today we're going out to face
01:38:53 We want to show them
01:38:57 They'II be our friends
01:39:00 I'II be honest with you.
01:39:01 of eIement of danger here.
01:39:03 These are wiId animaIs.
01:39:05 and they have bitten peopIe before.
01:39:07 The main thing you've got
01:39:10 Don't puII on his taiI
01:39:12 So keep your hands
01:39:14 pretty much in cIose or around.
01:39:16 -Have you ever been bit?
01:39:19 Steve-O, that's probabIy
01:39:21 I've ever seen in my Iife.
01:39:23 You Iook Iike you have
01:39:27 Today we're going after
01:39:30 It's one of the most
01:39:32 Make a IittIe chum soup here for them.
01:39:35 Put a IittIe... That's it.
01:39:39 Open your eyes.
01:39:47 We're gonna try to give them a hug
01:39:52 You Iook Iike a bi-curious superhero
01:40:38 You got bit?
01:40:41 Steve-O got bit. Imagine that.
01:40:44 I think we got
01:40:46 Is it just a IittIe nudge,
01:40:50 -Yeah, I don't think it's too bad.
01:40:54 l hope l got footage of getting bit.
01:40:56 l got all kinds of footage
01:40:59 What Ied to the shark biting your finger?
01:41:01 I don't know.
01:41:02 Did it have anything to do
01:41:05 lt could have.
01:41:06 Do you feeI victorious or defeated,
01:41:09 I mean, for not Iosing a finger,
01:41:13 I don't know a Iot of peopIe
01:41:20 Take that... Chris, take it off.
01:41:47 Hey, hey, I'II take that.
01:41:59 Hi, I'm Steve-O, and I'm the friendIy
01:42:04 -There he is!
01:42:10 Hey, anybody got to take a Ieak?
01:42:13 -Line up in front of Steve-O.
01:42:23 -Thank you, man. Thank you, man.
01:42:28 This is my oId friend, Jason.
01:42:32 Yeah, my man. Come on over here.
01:42:37 -Hey, you got to go?
01:42:39 -You got to pee?
01:42:44 Don't you feeI the pressure
01:42:47 Hey, Steve-O, juniper scent.
01:42:49 Yeah!
01:42:53 Yeah!
01:43:07 -You got faciIities for a number two?
01:43:11 I think we couId probabIy work out
01:43:14 Anybody got a number two in them?
01:43:34 We need one for his head.
01:43:35 ProbabIy have to just
01:43:38 Here, put a piIIow over on this side.
01:43:43 Heads up.
01:43:48 You ready?
01:44:02 Get him back up.
01:44:03 Wait, which is...
01:44:14 -Are you okay?
01:44:17 That reaIIy hurt.
01:44:20 At one point, it just took off.