Johnny English

en
00:01:27 Ah, the Heckler & Koch G-36.
00:01:30 Quite deadly
00:01:53 Ah, Agent One.
00:01:58 I have been so looking forward
00:02:01 Well, in that case,
00:02:06 You overestimate your power
00:02:12 I'd say that would be
00:02:27 Sir? Sir?
00:02:32 - Sir! Have you got them?
00:02:35 - Hmm?
00:02:38 Yes, the mission documents.
00:02:46 Agent One.
00:02:48 Gentlemen.
00:02:54 I'm here for my documents.
00:02:57 Bough, Agent One's
00:03:04 - Thank you.
00:03:06 Your mission documents,
00:03:08 Including the codes for the submarine
00:03:12 Thank you.
00:03:15 So, is it just France tonight,
00:03:20 If I told you that,
00:03:24 Oh.
00:03:28 Oh, yes, yes.
00:03:33 Cheerio, Agent One.
00:03:35 Bonne chance.
00:03:40 Such class.
00:03:45 To: Ml7 All Depts. Urgent
00:03:49 Submarine hatch failed to open.
00:03:53 The greatest secret agent England's
00:03:58 Terrible.
00:04:01 Do you know what makes us envied
00:04:05 - That there's always another
00:04:09 And every last one of them
00:04:12 It is our honour and privilege
00:04:17 Their lives
00:04:29 Everything in order, English?
00:04:32 I think you'll find it's rather more
00:04:36 You're now entering the most secure
00:04:47 Pegasus,
00:04:49 Agent One was clearly onto something,
00:04:53 I need another agent on this.
00:04:56 No one, Prime Minister.
00:05:00 All of them?
00:05:02 Well, luckily there is
00:05:05 Who?
00:05:06 ## One eye on the shadows ##
00:05:08 ## Protecting his fellows ##
00:05:11 - ## From sunup
00:05:14 - ## Sendin' villains to Hades
00:05:18 ## A stallion in the sack ##
00:05:21 - ## You can't get your life back
00:05:25 ## The more you see
00:05:29 ## When others would leak it
00:05:33 ## Plays God
00:05:37 ## Hey, fellas
00:05:40 ## When they made him
00:05:43 ## So charismatic
00:05:47 ## Never prematurely
00:05:50 Hah!
00:05:52 ## Queen and country
00:05:54 ## With villains
00:05:56 ## And no one knows 'cause
00:05:59 ## Of a man for all seasons ##
00:06:01 ## Loves 'em
00:06:04 ## So alone ##
00:06:07 ## And you and I wouldn't have a clue
00:06:11 ## Up a creek with no canoe
00:06:13 ## For the man
00:06:16 ## Loves 'em
00:06:19 ## So alone ##
00:06:21 - ## But safe at home ##
00:06:26 - ## Oh, yeah, yeah ##
00:06:29 ## But safe at home
00:06:37 ## Then you and I wouldn't have a clue
00:06:40 ## Up a creek with no canoe
00:06:43 ## For the man
00:06:46 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em
00:06:49 ## But safe at home ##
00:06:55 Right.
00:06:57 Johnny English.
00:07:01 Still, no sense
00:07:07 There are some items you need
00:07:10 This is your new
00:07:13 and this is your level nine
00:07:16 Sign and date, please.
00:07:20 Ah.
00:07:22 Oh, reminds me of the old
00:07:26 I remember every agent would carry
00:07:29 Completely innocent to the untrained
00:07:36 Ah, English, there you are.
00:07:38 Have you seen my secretary?
00:07:41 Um... she went out.
00:07:46 Um... shall we?
00:07:52 Now, Agent One believed that there was
00:07:56 They've recently been through
00:07:59 largely paid for
00:08:02 They're due to be unveiled
00:08:05 The queen is insisting that the ceremony
00:08:12 Hah! Who... Who...
00:08:15 Who is the sponsor, sir?
00:08:18 Pascal Sauvage.
00:08:20 What, that flouncy Frenchman
00:08:23 Sauvage's £7 billion empire,
00:08:27 operates over 400 prisons
00:08:30 - He's built 25 of them here.
00:08:32 The man's related to the royal family,
00:08:35 As far as the prime minister's
00:08:40 Now, English, I want you at the Tower
00:08:46 Any chink in security,
00:08:48 however slight,
00:08:51 Do we understand each other?
00:08:54 - Perfectly, sir.
00:08:56 - Oh, yes.
00:08:58 we can't afford any mistakes...
00:09:02 The word "mistake," sir, is not one
00:09:07 THE TOWER OF LONDON
00:09:12 Fantastic car, sir!
00:09:23 Mr English, Colonel Sir Anthony
00:09:28 Ah, Colonel,
00:09:30 - Snipers posted on the roof
00:09:33 - Windows?
00:09:39 I shall now mingle
00:09:43 - Let me know when Her Majesty arrives.
00:09:46 Shall I mingle
00:09:49 Oh, yes, Bough.
00:10:13 Help! Help!
00:10:15 Well, hello.
00:10:18 Hello yourself.
00:10:20 Johnny English.
00:10:23 Lorna Campbell.
00:10:26 A Bloody Mary, please,
00:10:29 So, are you here
00:10:32 I worked on the restoration
00:10:35 - Intriguing.
00:10:38 If I told you that,
00:10:42 I'd like to see you try.
00:10:49 Monsieur Sauvage,
00:10:53 may I welcome you
00:10:55 Merci, monsieur.
00:10:57 So, are you here alone,
00:10:59 That's how I choose
00:11:02 Women want safety, security.
00:11:07 Some women find danger
00:11:10 Women like you,
00:11:15 Women like me
00:11:18 to find that out
00:11:20 Hmm.
00:11:23 Madame.
00:11:26 Oh, it's for me, actually. Could your
00:11:30 Now, where were we?
00:11:33 You obviously haven't met
00:11:36 No, thank God.
00:11:38 You know, I think I'd rather have
00:11:43 than exchange pleasantries
00:11:45 As far as I'm concerned, the only thing
00:11:50 Sorry, can I help?
00:11:54 Pascal Sauvage,
00:11:58 Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking
00:12:01 - Enchanté.
00:12:04 But of course! You're Johnny English.
00:12:07 And between you and me,
00:12:10 But please
00:12:13 Let me go and search
00:12:17 - No, no, no. L...
00:12:21 - The best in the world.
00:12:23 - Wait here, and I will wait on you.
00:12:26 No. Please, please, please!
00:12:31 Hmm. Les Français.
00:12:33 Ils sont very...
00:12:53 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:12:57 bienvenus, welcome tonight
00:13:01 As we stand here
00:13:05 the most famous prison
00:13:07 where these wonderful
00:13:11 under lock and key,
00:13:13 I want to thank you...
00:13:16 for giving me
00:13:19 to contribute to the restoration
00:13:24 It was, as we say in France,
00:13:28 - And what a beautiful...
00:13:51 It's Colonel Chevenix! He's got
00:13:55 The assailant.
00:13:59 Bough, you guard the door.
00:14:01 Aha!
00:14:08 For God's sake, Bough, don't come in.
00:14:11 - You don't frighten me!
00:14:14 -
00:14:44 -
00:14:48 The panic's over.
00:14:52 -
00:14:56 Thank you. And now,
00:14:59 we should compose ourselves
00:15:02 and return to the site
00:15:05 magnificently restored
00:15:13 I know.
00:15:15 The very symbols
00:15:18 so close we could almost
00:15:22 - Pray silence
00:15:27 Oh, where are the jewels?
00:15:30 It's an unmitigated disaster, English.
00:15:32 I couldn't agree more, sir.
00:15:35 Well, we need to get these
00:15:42 Tell me about this assailant.
00:15:47 Well, the man was clearly
00:15:50 He must have escaped while
00:15:53 But he's the only lead we've got.
00:15:56 Come in. This is...
00:16:00 Please sit down. He'll produce
00:16:03 So tell us,
00:16:06 Um... well...
00:16:09 he was... big.
00:16:13 - Hair colour?
00:16:18 - Orange?
00:16:22 Well, frizzy, actually.
00:16:25 - Frizzy.
00:16:28 Broken nose.
00:16:31 Two, I would say,
00:16:34 And a scar on his cheek...
00:16:37 in the shape... of a banana.
00:16:41 - Which cheek?
00:16:45 They sort of met
00:16:56 Are you sure
00:16:58 Oh, yes, that's him.
00:17:02 Why, it's just as if
00:17:11 Wow! Look at this, sir.
00:17:16 Never mind about the gadgets.
00:17:26 Oh, uh...
00:17:34 Good morning, gentlemen.
00:17:37 Now, the question that faces us
00:17:42 Namely, how did the thieves gain access
00:17:46 and then escape
00:17:50 A simple question, but one
00:17:55 - Actually, sir...
00:17:58 Now, what you must grasp, gentlemen,
00:18:01 sees not a room
00:18:05 Should I go in
00:18:07 Possibly.
00:18:09 - Should I drop down from the ceiling?
00:18:14 There's one thing I think
00:18:18 that is that they didn't
00:18:20 I've got you, sir.
00:18:22 That's all right.
00:18:25 - That'll bring me
00:18:32 Can you see
00:18:34 Not yet, sir. The shaft
00:18:37 I'm just a little bit worried
00:18:40 Trust me, Bough. You won't
00:18:44 Yes, sir.
00:18:47 I'm okay, sir.
00:18:50 Are you at the bottom
00:18:53 No, I am in fact
00:18:55 Oh, for God's sake, Bough.
00:18:59 Uh, I'm not especially sure
00:19:02 Don't worry.
00:19:05 Be careful, sir!
00:19:10 Gently does it.
00:19:13 - Sir?
00:19:20 - Are you all right, sir?
00:19:22 - That was me, sir.
00:19:26 What now?
00:19:29 There's no way back
00:19:31 But this must lead
00:19:33 I'm slightly uncomfortable
00:19:36 There's nothing
00:19:38 - It may be pitch black,
00:19:42 The Bedouin monks of
00:19:45 developed a system
00:19:47 - I see, sir.
00:19:50 would bounce back
00:19:52 and using their
00:19:54 they could paint a mental picture
00:19:57 - Brilliant, sir.
00:20:03 # E-flat, E-flat, E-flat #
00:20:07 # Thank you for the music
00:20:12 - Is it working, sir?
00:20:15 # Thanks for all
00:20:17 -
00:20:19 You all right, sir? I think
00:20:22 Oh, yeah. Come on.
00:20:43 Here is the long one.
00:20:45 It is a long one.
00:20:47 Careful.
00:20:53 - I knew it.
00:20:56 What? And watch some fat-bottomed
00:21:00 I don't think so.
00:21:04 Good morning, gentlemen.
00:21:08 Observe, Bough, the dull
00:21:13 It can never hope to match
00:22:03 - You've got it.
00:22:06 Watch and learn, Bough.
00:22:12 - They're too far ahead of us.
00:22:25 - There they are, sir!
00:22:31 - Hang on tight, Bough.
00:22:41 - We're never gonna catch them in this.
00:22:44 - Take the wheel, Bough.
00:22:50 Change places, Bough.
00:22:54 Sir?
00:23:16 Set, Bough.
00:23:26 Swing me out, Bough!
00:23:32 - Whoa.
00:23:40 - Up! Up!
00:23:45 Sorry!
00:23:50 Bough, pull out!
00:23:57 Ow! Ow!
00:24:00 Those idiots
00:24:27 Uh-huh.
00:24:52 Drop me here, Bough!
00:24:58 Ow! Oh.
00:25:01 No! No! No!
00:25:05 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:25:42 They're turning into
00:25:45 Get here as soon as you can.
00:25:56 In a wheelchair. But Geoffrey
00:26:00 with that simple resilience
00:26:04 that so warmed
00:26:07 spending the rest of his life
00:26:10 of the poor and disabled
00:26:12 It's very good.
00:26:17 No, no, please go on.
00:26:19 - It's very entertaining.
00:26:22 That priest act of yours should keep the
00:26:27 Oh, I'm so sorry. Where are
00:26:30 British Secret Service,
00:26:33 I must say you've done
00:26:36 The attention to detail
00:26:38 You, the grieving granny,
00:26:42 Oh, look. Real tears.
00:26:46 Ahh, what
00:26:49 I know! Why don't we
00:26:53 -
00:26:58 Why would you do that?
00:27:00 I know you're gonna come back
00:27:07 Now, what are you playing in this
00:27:12 I'm the hearse driver.
00:27:14 - You're the hearse driver?
00:27:19 - You're the hearse driver?
00:27:22 Ah! Aha!
00:27:25 There you are... Gunther.
00:27:28 Uh, I do hope he hasn't
00:27:32 I'm Doctor, um...
00:27:38 Bough, of the Lunatic
00:27:43 I'm afraid Gunther here wasn't
00:27:47 Isn't that right, Gunther?
00:27:49 Yes, yes, there's been
00:27:54 Um, if you'll excuse me,
00:27:58 utmost sympathy.
00:28:00 Uh, he hasn't urinated
00:28:03 - No.
00:28:05 That's a blessing. Are you
00:28:15 There. That wasn't
00:28:18 - Are you going to come home now?
00:28:27 Oh... in the van!
00:28:31 Yes, yes.
00:28:34 - Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.
00:28:37 - Yes. He's waving good-bye.
00:28:41 - Good-bye.
00:28:44 Mind the nice dead people.
00:28:52 Oh, we'll just go to the path
00:28:56 It's a graveyard. It's
00:28:59 Yes, all right.
00:29:01 - For appearances,
00:29:05 In fact, run, run, run!
00:29:13 I can't believe
00:29:17 I mean, I really
00:29:25 You see, 200 years ago,
00:29:29 my family should have inherited
00:29:34 but they were cast aside.
00:29:36 Well, in a few
00:29:40 it will be back
00:29:45 With me.
00:29:48 Shall I try it on?
00:29:53 To make you king, we need
00:29:57 The archbishop of Canterbury...
00:30:00 is being taken care of
00:30:04 TARGET LOCKED
00:30:15 There's only one thing, sir.
00:30:22 If I were you, I wouldn't worry
00:30:26 He is no threat to us.
00:30:56 Clearly, the aptly named
00:30:59 He might be a fool, but he's
00:31:03 Well, the next time
00:31:07 eliminate him.
00:31:09 Thank you.
00:31:11 Dieter Klein
00:31:14 Released from prison six months ago.
00:31:17 Armed robbery,
00:31:20 and combined parking fines
00:31:22 Uh, yes, all right. Thank you, Bough.
00:31:25 The point is, sir,
00:31:28 are both in the employ
00:31:32 - Pascal Sauvage?
00:31:35 But you're not suggesting
00:31:38 I think he's more
00:31:40 I'm convinced he's
00:31:42 Don't be absurd. Sauvage
00:31:46 Just because two of them
00:31:49 I want him discounted from this
00:31:52 Yes, sir.
00:31:57 All right. Tonight I shall be
00:32:02 Any developments,
00:32:05 Apart from that, I don't want you
00:32:08 Absolutely, sir.
00:32:11 Requisition order: Ml7 quartermasters
00:32:14 one military transport plane,
00:32:18 two night camouflage parachutes,
00:32:23 I've never liked the navy blue.
00:32:25 And a 40-inch chest for me
00:32:29 - Morning, Felch.
00:32:30 Oh, and two Special Forces
00:32:33 primed and colour-coded.
00:32:35 - What's all this for?
00:32:37 We're going to break into
00:32:40 - But Pegasus said...
00:32:42 I know that Sauvage
00:32:47 - Is something wrong, sir?
00:33:18 Bough...
00:33:35 You, upstairs.
00:33:51 Ow.
00:34:24 Can you see him, Bough?
00:34:26 He's on the upper level, sir.
00:34:35 Got him.
00:34:43 And like a coiled viper...
00:34:56 So what you're saying, sir,
00:34:59 Oh, at least, Bough.
00:35:01 I wonder why
00:35:03 You mustn't dwell
00:35:06 - You must learn from them, then move on.
00:35:09 - So where were you, sir?
00:35:17 - Aah! What is it, sir?
00:35:22 You get things
00:35:39 Well, well, we meet again.
00:35:42 Mr English.
00:35:44 I wondered when
00:35:47 On the contrary, Miss Campbell. It is
00:35:51 Do you like sushi?
00:35:54 Hmm?
00:35:57 Oh, sushi! I practically
00:36:00 You might say the mysteries
00:36:13 - Sake?
00:36:18 Cheers.
00:36:20 May all your daughters
00:36:32 Now then, perhaps
00:36:35 that I run into you
00:36:38 and then can't find any record of you
00:36:41 Shouldn't you ask
00:36:44 I am the government
00:36:50 Let me.
00:36:54 Mmm. You're brave.
00:36:56 They say that sea urchin's
00:36:59 Hmm. It's a personal
00:37:07 I think people are put off
00:37:11 Would you excuse me
00:37:32 Excuse me. Sorry. I'm from Ml7.
00:37:53 - Everything set, Bough?
00:37:56 Actually, sir, do you mind if I
00:38:01 - No, no.
00:38:03 This one is our target, Sauvage's
00:38:07 I jump first and land
00:38:11 abseil down 14 floors and
00:38:14 I then land on the east side
00:38:18 Where you wait for my signal
00:38:21 - Yes.
00:38:24 work your way along the secure corridor
00:38:26 - Yes, yes.
00:38:29 It's been okay ever since
00:38:37 Oh, I nearly forgot, sir.
00:38:40 - My what?
00:38:43 It'll guide you
00:38:45 Your dependence on hardware
00:38:49 I've been dropped
00:38:52 carrying nothing more than a toothbrush
00:38:56 and I still found my way
00:39:00 So thank you, Bough,
00:39:07 - Bough, go!
00:39:09 Geronimo!
00:39:38 - Fandango!
00:40:03 Ugh! Ai-yi-yi.
00:40:12 Right.
00:40:30 - Alarm's disabled, sir.
00:40:33 Roger that, Bough.
00:41:11 This is worse
00:41:14 Sauvage has got some kind
00:41:18 God knows what kind
00:41:34 My God, what
00:41:37 They've taken
00:41:40 - Bastards!
00:41:43 Of course it is.
00:41:46 Let's get you out of here
00:41:57 Ah! Good evening,
00:42:01 This way, please.
00:42:03 Come on.
00:42:06 And you,
00:42:09 About turn.
00:42:12 Come On, come On.
00:42:14 Come on. Over there. I know
00:42:18 Come on. Quicker. Quicker.
00:42:22 Now then,
00:42:25 perhaps you could direct me
00:42:28 - What are you talking about?
00:42:33 Where is the office
00:43:00 Are you coming over here
00:43:06 I'm from Ml7.
00:43:07 This has been a test of your
00:43:10 and I have to say
00:43:14 Right.
00:43:17 And, uh, get well soon.
00:43:24 Oh, God!
00:43:46 Sir. Sir.
00:43:55 Did you just land
00:43:58 I did a precautionary sweep
00:44:02 Right.
00:44:05 - And everything was fine.
00:44:08 Okay, let's go.
00:44:15 I will be downstairs
00:44:26 - That's far enough.
00:44:30 - Perhaps you'd like this as well.
00:44:33 - Let me show you.
00:44:36 Well executed, Bough,
00:44:38 - How do you mean, sir?
00:44:41 When he wakes up, he'll be
00:44:51 What's this?
00:45:07 That's the face of
00:45:13 What are they doing?
00:45:20 What's this got to do
00:45:44 Bough.
00:46:03 English.
00:46:05 A people whose empire
00:46:08 one quarter of the surface
00:46:11 Alas, no longer.
00:46:14 My friends ask me, "Pascal,
00:46:17 in such a backward,
00:46:21 My answer is simple:
00:46:24 The queen has more power
00:46:28 than any other head of state
00:46:31 She can declare war
00:46:34 and most intriguingly...
00:46:36 she can seize any piece of land
00:46:41 Of course,
00:46:45 the enormous power
00:46:47 But imagine someone
00:46:52 Imagine, say, me.
00:46:55 But how could he do that, sir?
00:47:00 The archbishop.
00:47:02 -
00:47:11 Ow.
00:47:14 Hands up.
00:47:18 Heavily armed for a late night
00:47:20 You fool, English. You'll never
00:47:24 I'd save your breath
00:47:26 I'm not telling you
00:47:28 Incorrect.
00:47:31 Sodium pentothal.
00:47:33 - I won't lie to you. It's a truth serum.
00:47:37 Now then, why does Sauvage
00:47:41 You have no idea
00:47:44 It would be funny
00:47:48 What?
00:47:55 - He's talking gibberish, sir.
00:48:00 - He's collapsed onto me, sir.
00:48:03 - You don't think you could've
00:48:06 Given the guard outside truth serum
00:48:09 Aah!
00:48:11 Don't be ridiculous, Bough.
00:48:16 - Sir?
00:48:20 Bough, take "flodd."
00:48:22 - Take what, sir?
00:48:26 - I'm not quite getting
00:48:30 - Write it down, sir.
00:48:32 Yes!
00:48:36 "C." C-A... Uh...
00:48:38 Car! Take the car!
00:48:42 Bugger off!
00:48:45 - Hold it right there.
00:48:47 - What's wrong with them?
00:48:51 Wrong answer.
00:48:54 What is it with you two?
00:48:56 Huh?
00:49:00 Let's get outta here.
00:49:01 Sorry, but who are you,
00:49:03 Special Agent Campbell.
00:49:06 We've been watching Sauvage
00:49:08 Why?
00:49:10 Because every major convict released
00:49:13 has been employed
00:49:16 We believe he's recruiting them
00:49:18 - We just don't know what yet.
00:49:22 - What did he say?
00:49:24 We have to report
00:49:27 Oh, no, sir.
00:49:29 - How do we get out of here?
00:49:32 What you did to me
00:49:35 Yeah. Sorry about that. How do we
00:49:39 Okay.
00:49:42 Left by the fountain, right by the fire
00:49:45 - Thank you.
00:49:48 Nice job, Bough.
00:49:50 - Left, sir. Left!
00:49:52 Sir, you can't go
00:49:55 The effect of the drug
00:49:58 I'm "fline"...
00:50:00 "schline"...
00:50:12 - Monsieur.
00:50:19 - Would you like another?
00:50:27 Thank you.
00:50:34 What in God's name...
00:50:36 Ah, Foreign "Sebretarary."
00:50:38 Um...
00:50:41 Aah!
00:50:42 - Shall we dance?
00:51:34 Excuse me, sir.
00:51:37 Pascal, how nice
00:51:39 - Enjoying the party?
00:51:41 I was until I was informed
00:51:46 and his curious boyfriend here
00:51:49 breaking into my office
00:51:53 - Is this true, Bough?
00:52:06 What do you think
00:52:08 - Sir, if I could just offer...
00:52:11 Now!
00:52:13 I gave you direct orders
00:52:15 What do you do? Break into his office
00:52:19 Then you march in here,
00:52:23 I haven't encountered such
00:52:26 - But...
00:52:29 You're off the case. Your security
00:52:32 After a three-month leave of absence,
00:52:36 And I hope never
00:53:29 English has seen too much.
00:53:32 We go to plan "B."
00:53:34 Get rid of
00:53:37 and green-light
00:53:40 Then this pathetic country
00:53:43 by crowning me officially.
00:53:57 THE QUEEN'S RESIDENCE
00:54:11 That's a letter
00:54:13 renouncing your claims
00:54:15 and the claims
00:54:18 Sign it.
00:54:28 Never.
00:54:40 - Yes?
00:54:44 Prime Minister, sorry to call so late,
00:54:47 What?
00:54:49 Abdicated?
00:54:53 I only wish that were true.
00:54:55 - Let me talk to her. Maybe she just...
00:54:59 My people have spent
00:55:02 trying to track down
00:55:05 and they've come up with a name,
00:55:09 Who is it?
00:55:11 - It's you.
00:55:18 In the wake
00:55:21 to a police station
00:55:23 Pascal Sauvage has requested
00:55:26 take place
00:55:29 In the House, the prime minister said he
00:55:32 and he believed that Monsieur Sauvage
00:55:35 and will bring all that is
00:55:47 Get your car keys.
00:55:50 - Miss Campbell.
00:55:53 He's invited 13 of
00:55:57 I'm sorry, Miss Campbell.
00:56:01 It's been reassigned.
00:56:02 I know.
00:56:08 - I want you with me.
00:56:11 Are you gonna sit here in this
00:56:15 Or are you gonna get out there
00:56:19 I'm gonna sit in the flat.
00:56:21 - Johnny, this is ridiculous.
00:56:27 Spent, my ass.
00:56:34 Ow.
00:56:37 Will... you...
00:56:52 I'll just be a minute.
00:57:12 NORTHERN FRANCE
00:57:37 It'll be nightfall in an hour.
00:57:41 The fact is, the moment Sauvage
00:57:44 he'll be able to do whatever he likes
00:57:47 and that is why you and I
00:57:52 - Relishing the thought?
00:57:58 I suppose you've made love
00:58:03 Uh...
00:58:08 one does one's best.
00:58:12 It's just...
00:58:14 Well, it's been three years
00:58:19 and since then I haven't
00:58:23 But then I met you...
00:58:26 and I felt this...
00:58:29 deep down inside.
00:58:32 I wanted to say things to you,
00:58:35 that I haven't wanted to do
00:58:43 What, uh...
00:58:46 What sort of things
00:58:49 Things like
00:58:52 kicking you in the backside for being
00:58:55 But then I started to see beyond
00:58:59 I started to see
00:59:02 who was determined to do his duty,
00:59:06 And I began to feel
00:59:10 to want to do
00:59:15 Things...
00:59:17 involving plastic toys
00:59:21 - What?
00:59:26 You're toying with me.
00:59:30 No. N-N-No...
00:59:32 You're such a special person...
00:59:34 not to take advantage of me
00:59:37 - N-No... Well...
00:59:39 for being such a gentleman.
00:59:44 Not at all.
01:00:07 I know what you're thinking,
01:00:10 If we don't pull this off, God knows
01:00:13 Actually, I was thinking there must be
01:00:17 Well, there isn't.
01:00:19 I've analysed it from every angle,
01:00:22 I'll go in first, and if it's a clear
01:00:28 Johnny.
01:00:30 - Be careful.
01:00:33 Ohh.
01:01:22 - Gentlemen.
01:01:26 In a few hours time...
01:01:28 I will become
01:01:47 Oh, no.
01:02:04 Hyah...
01:02:06 - How did you get here?
01:02:09 Pull yourself together.
01:02:15 Oh! Oh, it's cold!
01:02:19 What is the one commodity...
01:02:21 the world never seems
01:02:25 Criminals, gentlemen.
01:02:28 -
01:02:30 Every nation in the world
01:02:33 with the issue
01:02:36 So, what do we do
01:02:41 Find the solution
01:02:44 and the governments of the world
01:02:50 Fortunately,
01:02:55 We empty every prison
01:02:59 we take the resulting
01:03:04 and we put it here.
01:03:10 The moment
01:03:13 I will turn England
01:03:16 in the history
01:03:20 210,000 square miles...
01:03:23 of prime real estate...
01:03:25 conveniently separated
01:03:29 by 20 miles of ocean...
01:03:31 - and soon to be available...
01:03:34 For the entire world
01:03:39 According to
01:03:41 we will not run out of prison space
01:03:47 So, tonight one,
01:03:51 will leave here
01:03:56 of this venture.
01:03:59 So that's his little game.
01:04:03 But how, Johnny?
01:04:06 You're young, Miss Campbell,
01:04:09 What you seem to
01:04:11 Nobody knows we are here.
01:04:14 At our disposal we have
01:04:18 Now, my plan is simple
01:04:21 I shall drop from the gallery
01:04:25 You will then enter from the far door,
01:04:30 Then, using Sauvage as a hostage,
01:04:42 Get 'em up,
01:04:45 But, Mr English,
01:04:49 What an unexpected surprise.
01:04:52 Surprises are very much
01:04:56 I think we've seen
01:04:59 I know exactly what you're planning,
01:05:06 My bottom will be king of England
01:05:10 Wrong again.
01:05:12 Perhaps you'd care
01:05:15 Oh, please.
01:05:21 Lorna!
01:05:25 I'm sorry, Johnny.
01:05:27 Well, I'm afraid
01:05:31 conclude the floor show
01:05:34 Not so fast, Sauvage.
01:05:36 You may have taken me,
01:05:40 Not as long as I have
01:05:43 or a bullet in my gun.
01:05:54 You know, Mr English,
01:05:58 You're very entertaining.
01:06:01 Take them away.
01:06:07 Good morning, everybody,
01:06:09 and welcome to
01:06:13 As the crowds are gathering here for
01:06:16 since the year 1066,
01:06:18 call here at London FM with the top ten
01:06:23 We haven't had
01:06:26 but the lines are still open
01:06:30 0- 2-0-7...
01:06:36 This is not good,
01:06:38 We've got to think
01:06:41 Wait a minute. I've got an idea.
01:06:45 Hop! Hop!
01:06:46 And hop! And hop!
01:06:50 Now, are you familiar...
01:06:52 with the shaman throat warblers
01:06:56 What?
01:06:57 It has long been
01:06:59 that a whistle pitched at the precise
01:07:03 will vibrate the levers in such a way
01:07:07 Unbelievable.
01:07:09 - And kneel.
01:07:15 Right. Here goes.
01:07:29 - I can't hear anything.
01:07:33 Will you just stop all this
01:07:36 We've failed. The only thing
01:07:46 It worked!
01:07:48 - Ohh!
01:07:58 I don't know why you hauled yourself up
01:08:01 when there was a perfectly good ladder
01:08:05 Now, Sauvage may have
01:08:07 with his fake archbishop
01:08:10 but he hasn't fooled me.
01:08:14 - So, here's the plan.
01:09:10 ## Let all good people
01:09:14 ## Rejoice ##
01:09:17 - ## Rejoice ##
01:09:20 ## Let all good people
01:09:26 ## Rejoice ##
01:09:27 ## Rejoice ##
01:09:30 ## Rejoice ##
01:09:32 ## Rejoice ##
01:09:35 ## Rejoice ##
01:09:37 ## And sing ##
01:09:43 Sirs, you are hereby called
01:09:47 of your one true lord
01:09:53 Pascal, are you willing
01:09:57 I am willing.
01:10:01 Then be thou anointed...
01:10:04 with this holy oil.
01:10:08 And do you, the chosen bishops
01:10:14 ascent to this anointing?
01:10:17 For Scotland, I do.
01:10:20 For Wales, I do.
01:10:22 For England, I do not!
01:10:25 -
01:10:31 That man must not be crowned king
01:10:35 a fraudster, a charlatan
01:10:38 No, please.
01:10:43 It is this man,
01:10:46 who stole the Crown Jewels,
01:10:50 who forced the queen
01:10:52 and who would kill anyone
01:10:56 It is the end,
01:10:59 He has cheated,
01:11:03 this great country
01:11:05 He's fooled you all!
01:11:09 What's more,
01:11:13 because that man
01:11:16 is not the archbishop
01:11:22 English, a word of advice:
01:11:26 Shut it, Frenchy. I'll go
01:11:30 - Now take it off.
01:11:33 Your face
01:11:38 Remove it at once.
01:11:40 I have no idea
01:11:43 Right. I'll just have to
01:11:47 Come On!
01:11:51 - Maybe it pulls up from the front.
01:11:54 Come on, you!
01:12:11 - Aaah!
01:12:15 Must be a join here
01:12:17 Fascinating performance
01:12:20 but I'm afraid
01:12:23 Nobody's moving anywhere until I'm
01:12:27 Do you or do you you not...
01:12:30 have tattooed on your bottom
01:12:33 "Jesus is coming...
01:12:36 -
01:12:40 Well, let's find out,
01:12:42 Go on, over.
01:12:54 - Excellent!
01:13:05 All right, so I was wrong
01:13:11 - But there's more.
01:13:13 Sergeant, please
01:13:16 - But be gentle with him.
01:13:19 You think I don't have
01:13:22 My loyal subordinate
01:13:25 which shows Sauvage's
01:13:29 Get him out!
01:13:31 - Play it, Bough! Play the disk!
01:13:50 - ## You're so hot teasing me ##
01:13:54 ## So you're blue, but I can't
01:14:00 ## It's somethin'
01:14:05 ## Well, I can dance with you, honey
01:14:08 ## Does your mother know
01:14:11 ## And I could shout with you, baby
01:14:14 ## Does your mother know
01:14:17 - ## Take it easy ##
01:14:20 ## Better slow down, girl
01:14:22 ## Does your mother know ##
01:14:33 - Oi!
01:14:43 Well, shall we?
01:14:51 Then as Solomon was anointed king...
01:14:55 by Zadok the priest
01:14:59 so be thou anointed...
01:15:02 and consecrated king...
01:15:06 over all the peoples...
01:15:09 whom the Lord thy God...
01:15:11 hath given thee to govern...
01:15:15 and of all your possessions,
01:15:18 wherever they may be.
01:15:20 And so,
01:15:24 and of the Son...
01:15:26 and of the Holy Ghost,
01:15:30 I crown you...
01:15:35 Damn it!
01:15:38 - Give it back!
01:15:40 - That is my crown!
01:15:42 - Give it back!
01:15:46 - Give it to me!
01:15:48 Merde!
01:15:53 Give it back!
01:15:56 - Stop!
01:15:59 All this stupid little country
01:16:03 and do what it's told
01:16:08 But can it do that?
01:16:10 My fragrant French ass,
01:16:17 Merde!
01:16:21 - Aah!
01:16:25 Give it! The crown, eh?
01:16:32 And so, in the name
01:16:35 and of the Son
01:16:38 I crown you...
01:16:43 king.
01:16:45 What...
01:17:12 Arrest that man...
01:17:15 and lock him away.
01:17:22 # God save the king
01:17:26 ## God save the king ##
01:17:33 ## Amen, amen, amen, amen
01:17:43 ## Ahh, amen, amen
01:17:49 ## Amen ##
01:18:00 ## God save the king ##
01:18:03 Words can hardly express just how much
01:18:08 Nothing more
01:18:10 And in return, is there anything that
01:18:15 Well,
01:18:17 since one is asking,
01:18:21 In celebration
01:18:24 the queen has declared August 5
01:18:27 and has conferred a knighthood
01:18:32 responsible for foiling the plot
01:18:36 Mr Sauvage is now awaiting trial
01:18:39 a crime which still
01:18:41 If found guilty, he's asked that his
01:18:45 to further research into the causes
01:18:49 Meanwhile, the unnamed English agent
01:18:52 and has already embarked
01:18:57 SOMEWHERE
01:19:00 Sir Johnny English.
01:19:03 Her Majesty
01:19:07 She's not the only one.
01:19:17 Mmm. You are
01:19:25 Aaaah!
01:19:28 - Johnny!
01:19:32 ## One eye on the shadows ##
01:19:34 ## Protecting his fellows ##
01:19:36 ## From sunup
01:19:39 ## Sendin' villains to Hades
01:19:43 ## A stallion in the sack ##
01:19:47 ## You can't get your life back
01:19:51 ## The more you see
01:19:55 ## When others would leak it
01:19:58 ## Plays God
01:20:01 ## Hey, fellas
01:20:06 ## When they made him
01:20:09 ## So charismatic
01:20:12 ## Never prematurely
01:20:17 ## Queen and country
01:20:19 ## With villains
01:20:21 ## And no one knows 'cause
01:20:24 ## Of a man for all seasons ##
01:20:26 ## Loves 'em
01:20:30 ## So alone ##
01:20:32 ## And you and I
01:20:34 ## Who's doin' what, why
01:20:36 ## Up a creek with no canoe ##
01:20:38 ## Watch out for
01:20:41 ## Loves 'em
01:20:44 ## So alone
01:20:47 ## But safe at home
01:20:55 ## Queen and country
01:20:56 ## With villains
01:20:58 ## And no one knows 'cause
01:21:01 ## Of a man for all seasons ##
01:21:03 ## Loves 'em
01:21:07 ## So alone ##
01:21:09 ## And you and I
01:21:11 ## Who's doin' what, why
01:21:13 ## Up a creek with no canoe ##
01:21:15 ## Watch out for
01:21:18 ## Loves 'em
01:21:21 ## So alone
01:21:24 ## Queen and country
01:21:26 ## With villains
01:21:28 ## And no one knows 'cause
01:21:31 ## Of a man for all seasons ##
01:21:33 ## Loves 'em
01:21:36 ## So alone ##
01:21:39 ## And you and I
01:21:41 ## Who's doin' what, why
01:21:43 ## Up a creek with no canoe ##
01:21:45 ## Watch out for
01:21:48 ## Loves 'em
01:21:51 ## So alone ##
01:21:52 ## But safe at home ##
01:21:57 ## Oh-Oh-Ohh, yeah ##