American High School

en
00:00:01 Man imitating James Brown:
00:00:02 I say ummmm-ahh!
00:00:04 Good afternoon, Pussycats!
00:00:06 I say good afternoon, Pussycats!
00:00:09 I am here to introduce... Ha ha...
00:00:12 ...my best friend
00:00:15 Jonny Awesome!
00:00:17 Thank you, Matt.
00:00:21 What the fuck is up,
00:00:24 Yes!
00:00:31 #Ain't this the last time #
00:00:34 #I can feel like you #
00:00:38 #Well, you go from
00:00:41 #And everybody knows
00:00:43 Boy:
00:00:45 #Mmm, how do you do? #
00:00:48 #How do you do? #
00:00:49 All right, guys. Ahem.
00:00:51 Unfortunately, we have to
00:00:55 ...and bring up... You know her
00:00:59 ...and the ordinary...
00:01:01 ...and incredibly
00:01:04 - Er...
00:01:06 Yeah, she's... Okay,
00:01:09 Get up here!
00:01:11 Man, is she ordinary?
00:01:13 Soaky Gwen.
00:01:15 I'm just kidding.
00:01:18 She's a good fuck too, by the way.
00:01:20 There you go.
00:01:22 Thank you.
00:01:23 I would...
00:01:25 - This must be really difficult for you.
00:01:27 - Wow. You're definitely...
00:01:30 ...unpopular.
00:01:31 Boy:
00:01:33 I mean, if this was MySpace,
00:01:38 Boy #2:
00:01:40 Oh yes, sir!
00:01:43 Ha ha ha ha!
00:01:49 That's me,
00:01:51 ...that I am incredibly unpopular.
00:01:53 But it's not my fault, though.
00:01:55 There are plenty of
00:01:58 For starters, instead of having a cool
00:02:02 ...my dad just tries to sleep with them.
00:02:04 He used to be an actor.
00:02:07 ...on the hit '80s TV show,
00:02:09 ...and a lot of Japanese
00:02:13 It'd be nice to have a strong older
00:02:16 Maybe this'll kill me.
00:02:19 Too bad I don't.
00:02:21 Don't even ask where
00:02:24 Having the coolest boyfriend
00:02:29 Yeah, not when you marry him.
00:02:33 We'll get to that later.
00:02:34 Girl singing:
00:02:36 My husband's an exhibitionist...
00:02:39 ...and made it his mission to have
00:02:41 ...at every landmark in school.
00:02:43 We've never been caught.
00:02:45 Lastly, this...
00:02:48 ...is Hilary Weiss!
00:02:50 Hilary is a devil with a vagina.
00:02:53 Hey, Holden.
00:02:54 She wanted Holden
00:02:58 I want you to take me
00:02:59 Gwen: She's been trying to steal
00:03:02 We hate each other,
00:03:08 I'm running for prom queen...
00:03:10 ...to beat out Hilary.
00:03:12 Not like I really care about
00:03:15 But I want to be the one
00:03:18 ...for bringing down Satan.
00:03:21 Ugh!
00:03:24 Oh, and I'm 10 days
00:03:30 Ahh, late for school.
00:03:45 #Everyone is always
00:03:50 Boy:
00:03:52 Gwen:
00:03:53 I uploaded a video
00:03:56 ...shirtless and flexing.
00:03:59 - Mad views?
00:04:00 - Nice.
00:04:02 So awesome!
00:04:03 Gwen: They hold the world record
00:04:05 ...whatever that means.
00:04:07 - Awesome. You got a lighter?
00:04:10 Gwen: Oh, here comes Dixie,
00:04:14 Together they've slept
00:04:16 ...twice.
00:04:17 You're a chauvinist pig!
00:04:23 Hey, Holden.
00:04:26 How about you and I
00:04:28 Gwen: God, she's such
00:04:31 If there was an award
00:04:33 ...she'd be undefeated.
00:04:37 Oh!
00:04:39 - Cat fight!
00:04:42 "Ooh, I'm gonna save the day.
00:04:45 - Bye, Holden.
00:04:48 Walk away, walk away.
00:04:50 What the fuck is
00:04:52 Who the fuck gets married
00:04:54 It's all right.
00:05:06 California...
00:05:08 ...you will never find a more
00:05:12 Gwen: This is our history teacher,
00:05:14 Rumor has it his über hot wife
00:05:17 She's our art teacher
00:05:20 You can see from
00:05:21 ...she's extremely qualified.
00:05:23 California...
00:05:26 ...where certain parts of Anaheim
00:05:29 - Kip Dick.
00:05:31 Kip Dick, out!
00:05:35 Seuss, I'm just here to
00:05:37 Yeah, but what you're trying to teach
00:05:40 Move it.
00:05:41 Fine fine. You know, your class
00:05:45 Well, thank you.
00:05:46 But you know, this is only for students
00:05:49 Okay. Quietly...
00:05:51 ...as we continue our exciting
00:05:54 Ooh! My dad works in porn;
00:05:57 ...he works in the state of California
00:06:01 What the fuck?
00:06:03 Did you get high?
00:06:06 - Totally, dude.
00:06:09 Oh, what the... Oh!
00:06:11 And that'll be enough for
00:06:14 Make sure you've all read
00:06:15 ...one through six, due...
00:06:20 Yo yo yo!
00:06:24 I need all my seniors
00:06:26 I repeat, I need all my seniors down
00:06:33 Ooh, Principal Mann.
00:06:34 Ooh, yeah!
00:06:38 That was another
00:06:40 Oh, you were fabulous, sir.
00:06:45 To the gymnasium.
00:07:14 Yo.
00:07:16 Dad, what are you doing here?
00:07:18 Just hanging out with my bros,
00:07:21 Yeah.
00:07:22 By the way, your dad
00:07:25 Totally awesome.
00:07:27 It's Essence of Apple.
00:07:29 Well, I'm gonna skedaddle.
00:07:32 - Mr. D.
00:07:34 Call me Kip!
00:07:36 All right, Kip.
00:07:41 Nice.
00:07:43 I don't even know.
00:07:44 - Awesome.
00:07:46 Shh.
00:07:49 Why don't you guys swing by
00:07:51 We'll throw around the pigskin,
00:07:53 - Honey, bring some of your friends.
00:07:55 I know. I know.
00:07:58 Hey.
00:08:01 How come we never
00:08:03 That's 'cause I'm ashamed of you.
00:08:07 What the fuck, Dad?
00:08:10 I told you never
00:08:12 You never loved me.
00:08:14 Oh my God.
00:08:17 Now you're supposed to be a Dick.
00:08:19 Look at yourself.
00:08:21 Do some push-ups, get a girlfriend,
00:08:24 No more jerking off.
00:08:26 Yeah, well maybe if I had a Dick
00:08:28 I wouldn't be such a pussy,
00:08:30 Talk to the hand.
00:08:32 - Real mature. Real mature.
00:08:34 - Fuck you, Dad!
00:08:36 - Cheesy-looking motherfucker.
00:08:39 You know, Jonny's still
00:08:44 Dad, I'm married.
00:08:48 Yeah, well, it's never too late
00:08:56 Girl: Quiet. Quiet!
00:09:00 Boy: It is with pride
00:09:02 ...the cornerstone
00:09:05 Assistant Principal Becky Apple.
00:09:09 Boy: Look at those!
00:09:13 As seniors on
00:09:16 ...a ritual is often performed.
00:09:18 I am of course
00:09:21 Man:
00:09:22 Prom is the be-all, end-all
00:09:26 On that note, I'd like to hand you over
00:09:30 Man:
00:09:34 Totally. I want to bite
00:09:37 Thank you, Miss Apple.
00:09:40 - Boy: Fucking suck!
00:09:42 ...and dedication, our prom
00:09:45 You guys are so awesome!
00:09:48 - Boy: Cocksucker!
00:09:51 And on a more serious note...
00:09:53 ...when prom comes,
00:09:56 Hilary Weiss.
00:09:57 I mean, I'm the prettiest girl
00:10:01 Where'd you go?
00:10:03 Holden: We hit the jackpot, Gwen...
00:10:05 - You, me, now. It's unlocked.
00:10:09 Come on, this'll leave
00:10:12 Ow.
00:10:14 Plus, I want to let
00:10:17 - That I'm a freak in the sheets.
00:10:27 I can't believe
00:10:30 Come here.
00:11:14 Holden: Are we almost done?
00:11:17 Holden: I can't do this.
00:11:19 Oh God. Oh God.
00:11:23 Oh my God. Oh fuck.
00:11:27 - So last year...
00:11:29 Thank you.
00:11:30 - Thanks!
00:11:36 Oh, Gwen.
00:11:39 Oh my God, Gwen.
00:11:41 What's going on here?
00:11:43 I think they were
00:11:45 Yes, Alice,
00:11:48 - But, sir...
00:11:50 I ain't cleaning this shit up.
00:11:52 Oh, you'll clean it up, Grandpa.
00:11:55 Do you two understand this is
00:11:57 Where are you going?
00:11:59 Sit down!
00:12:06 Big deal... we banged on
00:12:12 Look, I'm... I'm sorry.
00:12:15 I really am, but...
00:12:17 Gwen:
00:12:18 Alice, where's my popcorn?
00:12:27 Oh, sir, that's my breast.
00:12:30 I know.
00:12:41 I'm Zoey...
00:12:45 ...the new girl.
00:12:48 I enjoy long walks on the beach...
00:12:50 I'm a Pisces
00:12:53 Oh.
00:12:57 You do realize the school year's
00:12:59 I heard about
00:13:01 ...for young hot blondes
00:13:04 I had to try it out.
00:13:07 Um, the position's
00:13:10 - We'll see about that.
00:13:15 #I don't care just what
00:13:17 You know we have class,
00:13:19 Oh, I think that can wait.
00:13:23 Ah, Miss Hilary Weiss.
00:13:25 Ahh!
00:13:28 #I don't want to
00:13:31 #I don't want to notice you... #
00:13:34 Change of plans:
00:13:37 ...and I'll talk to
00:13:39 Wait... what was she
00:13:41 Now move!
00:13:43 You can't punish her during prom-queen
00:13:46 #Run to you #
00:13:49 #I want to run to you... #
00:13:52 Looks like you're
00:13:55 If you don't get an A on the final,
00:14:00 That was done perfectly, sir.
00:14:03 Of course, Alice. Now I want that desk
00:14:06 ...so clean that I can
00:14:09 ...if I choose to.
00:14:22 How am I ever gonna
00:14:25 I'm the school slut.
00:14:27 That spot was reserved
00:14:32 We have never been caught...
00:14:36 And we've pulled off
00:14:40 ...here at Mr. Seuss's classroom;
00:14:42 ...here at the 50-yd line
00:14:44 ...and not to mention
00:14:48 Bleacher sex!
00:14:50 That is still the single-most
00:14:53 ...to ever get it on.
00:14:55 I still have splinters from that.
00:14:58 Lunch is almost over.
00:15:02 Please please please...
00:15:04 ...don't make me go back
00:15:08 Boy: Gwen Adams, report to the nurse's
00:15:13 That is all.
00:15:17 Gwen: Oh God, what if I'm pregnant?
00:15:20 Again.
00:15:24 Excuse me.
00:15:30 Oh, boy.
00:15:36 First patient of the day.
00:15:44 Hi.
00:15:46 - Welcome to my office.
00:15:48 I just need to pick up
00:15:52 Okay, I think we...
00:15:55 ...since you're in my office and
00:15:58 I'm Nurse Doogie.
00:16:00 I'm Gwen. Can I just have
00:16:03 You're Gwen.
00:16:04 I heard about you... You had
00:16:06 Was it good?
00:16:09 I, uh, heard it while I was in
00:16:13 Can we not talk
00:16:15 - No no, I...
00:16:18 Uh, put this robe on.
00:16:20 Let's get started
00:16:21 - What?
00:16:23 Can you just get me
00:16:27 Uh, I don't have anything for
00:16:30 ...well, me, if you're into that.
00:16:32 I could lay under a glass table
00:16:35 - I love it.
00:16:37 Ooh. Um, okay.
00:16:40 Uh, um, I'm gonna
00:16:43 You should... You should get
00:16:46 - I'm on the table.
00:16:49 - I'm gonna miss my class.
00:16:52 I love him!
00:16:55 I don't know. It's like
00:17:01 I just give so much, you know?
00:17:04 And I'm just afraid
00:17:06 Have you even talked
00:17:08 I can't!
00:17:09 He gets frustrated
00:17:12 I mean, I want to
00:17:14 ...but he doesn't care.
00:17:16 I didn't want to do
00:17:19 I did it for him.
00:17:20 Do you want to do
00:17:22 - What?
00:17:25 Um...
00:17:26 I- I-I think you're really nice, Gwen.
00:17:28 - And I want to help you.
00:17:30 I don't want you to get
00:17:32 So... So I did
00:17:35 I- I-I peed in a cup for you.
00:17:37 And that way you won't get
00:17:40 - Thank you!
00:17:43 You're the best friend I have.
00:17:47 So that's why you should use
00:17:51 Gwen. Class, what have we learned
00:17:57 To be more discreet when
00:18:00 - Who are you?
00:18:03 I just transferred
00:18:05 I enjoy long walks on the beach,
00:18:08 ...and I'm perfect.
00:18:10 I don't like you.
00:18:11 That's probably because you
00:18:15 I'm hot, I know.
00:18:19 Talk back to me again and you'll have
00:18:24 - Leave me...
00:18:27 Bitch.
00:18:28 Go on and paint.
00:18:31 Excuse me, Miss Apple?
00:18:40 Paint it.
00:18:46 Well, this is disturbing.
00:18:48 - I didn't even do anything yet.
00:18:51 What? You think you can
00:18:53 - No, I just...
00:18:55 Gwen: Abso-fucking-lutely.
00:18:57 No, I wouldn't say...
00:19:01 What?
00:19:07 What are you looking at?
00:19:10 You're looking at
00:19:12 Yeah, she's new.
00:19:16 She's hot too. I'm gonna fuck her.
00:19:23 Holden, you gotta
00:19:26 You can't let her
00:19:28 - Yeah, but have you seen the new girl?
00:19:30 I always kinda thought
00:19:32 This class is great...
00:19:34 - I love Mrs. Apple so much.
00:19:37 She looked
00:19:39 ...and said I did a good job.
00:19:41 Wow, that is really good, Holden.
00:19:43 You know, I'm not gonna lie.
00:19:45 ...negative and positive space,
00:19:47 ...rhythm, symmetry.
00:19:50 - Who the fuck are you?
00:19:51 Yeah, who the fuck are you?
00:19:53 Pff! Whatever.
00:19:54 I used to bang a chick that
00:19:57 Holden:
00:19:58 That... if I'm gay, then that's
00:20:01 - Are those real?
00:20:02 - Oh, God. Oh, crap.
00:20:04 Oh, she's picking it up.
00:20:11 You know something?
00:20:13 - I don't even know him anymore.
00:20:17 Like, I am serious; I am jealous of
00:20:19 Come on.
00:20:23 Miss Apple?
00:20:25 Um, I just wanted to thank you...
00:20:28 ...for the best class
00:20:30 I mean, the way you convey art...
00:20:33 ...and what it feels like and...
00:20:36 - Yeah yeah yeah. Okay.
00:20:39 - There you go.
00:20:40 ...wish I would've showed up
00:20:42 - Get along.
00:20:45 - Miss Apple.
00:20:47 Bye.
00:20:49 Man, that guy's a yapper.
00:20:51 - Go.
00:20:53 Go!
00:20:54 I love you.
00:20:58 I'm sorry, I...
00:21:00 ...it was a big mistake and...
00:21:03 Look, I'm...
00:21:06 Ahh.
00:21:09 Tough break, baby.
00:21:11 What did you say to
00:21:13 Just two little
00:21:16 "b" and "j. "
00:21:21 - Oh.
00:21:22 Mmm.
00:21:23 But you still like me, right?
00:21:25 - No.
00:21:27 - Say it.
00:21:30 I'm in love with Gwen.
00:21:31 - Holden, tell me you want me.
00:21:35 Uhh!
00:21:38 You're a fucking whore.
00:21:40 You guys are all
00:21:43 You know you love us.
00:21:45 - Bye.
00:21:46 - Toodles.
00:21:48 What the fuck is
00:21:49 You can be a real bitch
00:21:51 Oh, come on, you're not gonna leave me.
00:21:54 - Really? Why am I such a bitch, huh?
00:21:57 For starters, you can keep
00:21:59 You want me to walk? I don't even know
00:22:02 - Why don't you go do Hilary?
00:22:09 What the fuck?
00:22:12 - Hey there, gorgeous.
00:22:14 You want a ride?
00:22:17 - Um...
00:22:19 Yeah, please.
00:22:24 Just take me anywhere
00:22:26 You got it.
00:22:35 - Thank you.
00:22:45 Problem?
00:22:48 Just a little bit.
00:22:53 So you want to
00:22:55 I can't go with you.
00:22:57 Please.
00:23:03 Please.
00:23:09 #So long, we never
00:23:13 #Your love I want to
00:23:17 #So long we never
00:23:21 #Your love I want to
00:23:25 #So long
00:23:29 #Your love I want
00:23:32 #So long we never
00:23:37 #I want to live and die #
00:23:43 #in LA. #
00:23:49 I got ice.
00:23:52 G- Gwen?
00:23:54 - I assume you're staying in tonight?
00:23:57 I gotta go.
00:23:58 No, I'm waiting for
00:24:00 ...which I thought was you.
00:24:02 You're, uh... You're not
00:24:06 - No.
00:24:09 I mean, if I wanted a discreet
00:24:11 I'd just ask.
00:24:13 Can I just stay?
00:24:15 Uh, I said no.
00:24:18 Oh, I gotta take that.
00:24:19 - Bubbles? Yeah, did you get the lube?
00:24:22 Are you... Dad, it's only
00:24:26 Sometimes I feel like you like me,
00:24:29 And Jenny... You know, that big
00:24:31 ...you know, she wore that little black
00:24:34 ...anyway, she told me that you really
00:24:38 And I feel you sometimes...
00:24:39 ...you know how they say you can feel
00:24:41 And I kinda sometimes feel like
00:24:43 ...but then I don't really know.
00:24:46 - And I want you to like me back...
00:24:49 Hi.
00:24:51 - What did you say?
00:24:55 How many girls
00:24:58 Ya!
00:25:00 This girl here...
00:25:04 - Bye.
00:25:05 Bye.
00:25:06 - No!
00:25:08 Okay.
00:25:09 'Kay. Bye.
00:25:11 So anyways, I am so hungry.
00:25:14 I'm so glad you took me
00:25:16 ...because that way we can really get
00:25:18 And, you know, talk.
00:25:22 Are you gonna eat that?
00:25:27 Today I went to the mall and my daddy
00:25:31 ...and I told him, "Daddy, I just don't...
00:25:34 He almost bought me the whole mall.
00:25:37 He loves me and
00:25:39 Guess what? This summer, he's gonna
00:25:42 And I'm really excited
00:25:45 ...all those Spanish classes
00:25:47 You remember when we took Spanish
00:25:49 Woman: And I was thinking maybe
00:25:54 Excuse me.
00:25:56 Actually, they speak
00:25:59 Um, sweetie, I think
00:26:03 They speak Spanish in Brazil.
00:26:05 You must have had to sleep with
00:26:08 Oh, yeah?
00:26:11 ...nasty little girl.
00:26:13 Woman:
00:26:15 Who do you think you are?
00:26:18 I can't take this.
00:26:20 Let's go.
00:26:25 Adioso!
00:26:27 Come on.
00:26:29 Woman:
00:26:32 - Say something to me in Oriental.
00:26:35 Mmm, I said Oriental.
00:26:36 Yes, I don't know Oriental.
00:26:38 Well, just pretend, can you?
00:26:41 You're an Asian prostitute.
00:26:45 Yes, I am.
00:26:47 I'm gonna get my
00:26:49 - Yes, you are.
00:26:51 This is a nice house, Kip.
00:26:53 I really like your cheekbones.
00:26:55 Well, I just want you guys
00:26:57 Mi casa es tu casa.
00:26:59 Yo tambiano.
00:27:00 Kip, I want to be just like you
00:27:04 - You want to go upstairs?
00:27:06 - Show us the way.
00:27:07 - Nice.
00:27:09 ...learn the techniques.
00:27:14 God, I gotta get
00:27:17 Oh, wow! This place just got
00:27:19 I thought you guys were
00:27:22 - Hey, Gwen. Good to see you.
00:27:25 Come on. I don't want to fight anymore.
00:27:28 Now look,
00:27:30 - Now what do you need?
00:27:32 - Money?
00:27:34 Of course.
00:27:37 No, Dad.
00:27:40 Are you pregnant?
00:27:41 Gwen: Yes, Dad!
00:27:43 I'm so pregnant right now,
00:27:45 - No!
00:27:46 'cause your husband's gay!
00:27:49 Like a homosexual!
00:27:52 - Okay. You done?
00:27:54 - Let's talk.
00:27:55 No, we can talk.
00:27:57 I'm gonna go to my room.
00:27:59 Stop!
00:28:01 I don't think so.
00:28:02 - Share your feelings.
00:28:05 You know, for... whoa.
00:28:08 ...like, when me and him are...
00:28:10 I don't know if you realized this,
00:28:12 ...and you just kind of
00:28:13 It's not your fault,
00:28:15 Yeah.
00:28:17 - Hey, what the fuck?
00:28:20 Buzz, who is that?
00:28:22 What? I'm getting laid. I thought
00:28:25 Yeah, well, you know,
00:28:28 That's a...
00:28:30 This is my girlfriend, all right?
00:28:34 You're not spending my money for
00:28:37 Hey, listen, I can't
00:28:40 You want me to fuck;
00:28:42 - What's it gonna be?
00:28:44 ...you've got to pick
00:28:46 Hey, they don't have any
00:28:48 - That's right.
00:28:49 - Yeah, she teaches me things...
00:28:51 ...I don't even need to know, buddy.
00:28:53 - Okay, she can stay.
00:28:56 You know what?
00:28:58 Yes. I want to put Mr. Dickie in...
00:29:01 See, it's all one big
00:29:03 - Right. I'm going to my room.
00:29:06 - Wait... wait a second.
00:29:08 - Honey?
00:29:10 I show up to art class for
00:29:13 Mrs. Apple gets naked.
00:29:15 I would have showed up every day
00:29:18 Miss Apple is
00:29:21 ...teacher I've ever seen.
00:29:23 She makes me never
00:29:26 Yeah, well, I'm afraid I've been
00:29:30 Awesome!
00:29:32 - Whoo! Wait a sec...
00:29:34 - That's not awesome.
00:29:36 That's the most unawesome thing
00:29:39 Wait. You're not gonna let one bad
00:29:42 ...a bunch of great guys.
00:29:44 Thank you for the drinks.
00:29:46 I'm go... I'm going home.
00:29:48 Say it's not true, Kip.
00:29:50 I'm sorry.
00:29:51 Hey, Matt! Matt. Jonny?
00:29:54 Wait. Wait now...
00:29:56 Matt:
00:29:58 Jonny?
00:30:01 Eh, he'll walk it off.
00:30:05 Kip'll make it better. So...
00:30:08 Oh hi, girl.
00:30:11 So let's get the party going, huh?
00:30:13 Okay, group kiss.
00:30:15 'Kay!
00:30:19 - Jonny!
00:30:32 I enjoyed that.
00:30:34 I'm glad.
00:30:35 So let's go inside
00:30:37 I'm not gonna
00:30:39 Gwen's gone.
00:30:41 Let's look at the facts:
00:30:44 Let's make a baby.
00:30:46 It's just me and you...
00:30:49 ...and endless nights of
00:30:53 Fuck.
00:30:55 ...and I had so much fun tonight.
00:30:58 I haven't done anything
00:31:01 You know, people... People think
00:31:04 ...but it's really not...
00:31:07 ...especially at
00:31:09 Like, you think
00:31:11 You know you want to like me.
00:31:13 She'll understand.
00:31:16 Ow.
00:31:18 God, why are you
00:31:20 I'll see you tomorrow.
00:31:23 #Let it come true #
00:31:26 #Come true #
00:31:28 #Let it come true... #
00:31:31 Purple.
00:31:32 What does purple mean?
00:31:35 Shhhh...
00:31:37 Okay, we'll disregard this one.
00:31:40 Okay, last one.
00:31:42 Come on, negative negative negative...
00:31:45 Aww!
00:31:51 Ew, that's so gross.
00:31:56 Come on.
00:32:02 Eww.
00:32:04 Ooh! Another negative.
00:32:07 So that makes three positive...
00:32:09 ...three negative...
00:32:11 ...and three inconclusive.
00:32:14 I thought these things were supposed
00:32:31 People, please!
00:32:34 Order? I will not have my daughter
00:32:38 Man: For this,
00:32:41 Yeah, we must police
00:32:43 He can't do his job!
00:32:45 We need a new principal!
00:32:47 All:
00:32:48 - Get out!
00:32:49 - Outrageous!
00:32:51 - Out!
00:32:52 - Get out of here.
00:32:54 - We don't want you here anymore.
00:32:55 We don't need sexual
00:33:00 Mann: Attention, maggots. Due to
00:33:04 ...of that cunt... Er, I mean Gwen...
00:33:06 ...your senior trip
00:33:08 ...and I will also be
00:33:10 ...leaving Tits Mc...
00:33:13 ...as acting principal.
00:33:14 I will be available via video chat
00:33:19 Mr. Mann.
00:33:20 Principal Mann.
00:33:22 - I am acting as principal now.
00:33:24 - I'm acting as principal now.
00:33:27 - I'm acting as principal now.
00:33:29 - I'm acting as principal now.
00:33:42 What a bitch.
00:33:44 Yeah... A bitch.
00:33:53 Oh, girls, look who's crying.
00:33:56 Oooh!
00:33:57 - Little girl wanna cry?
00:33:59 - You're pathetic!
00:34:01 You know, I'm so happy...
00:34:03 ...that I get to be
00:34:05 ...but Holden's going with me to prom.
00:34:09 Did I stutter?
00:34:11 I said your husband,
00:34:14 - is going with me, Hilary Weiss.
00:34:18 Congratulations.
00:34:19 Thanks.
00:34:21 ...it's been my dream
00:34:24 But guess who's gonna
00:34:26 It's gonna be me.
00:34:31 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:34:33 Take one, pass it back.
00:34:35 ...until after you've failed.
00:34:37 Boy: Guys, remember what
00:34:39 "No pass, no play. "
00:34:41 Let's get a break for good luck.
00:34:50 - Hey.
00:34:52 What are you mad about now?
00:34:54 Hilary, prom... Hello.
00:34:56 - You know?
00:34:59 - Um, I'm not really sure about it.
00:35:02 Why wouldn't you
00:35:05 Look, I'm sorry.
00:35:16 But guess who's gonna
00:35:18 It's gonna be me!
00:35:20 It's gonna be me... Be me...
00:35:25 Let's make a baby... Be me...
00:35:29 ...ha ha ha... Be me...
00:35:34 #I've been waiting for
00:35:37 #So the lights can
00:35:40 #Wonderin' if I'll ever change #
00:35:43 #Or if I'll stay the same #
00:35:44 #I'm not afraid of what
00:36:04 Yo...
00:36:06 What, did your fucking
00:36:08 How bad did you do?
00:36:11 Check out mine.
00:36:13 All you did was draw
00:36:17 Duh!
00:36:20 Have fun in Lameville.
00:36:23 Why did he slap me?
00:36:28 I'm sorry.
00:36:43 I didn't write anything.
00:36:45 Oh. Then you fail. Goodbye.
00:36:48 - What?
00:36:49 That's how it works:
00:36:52 - No.
00:36:55 - I don't like to see crying.
00:36:57 Yeah, babe?
00:36:58 There's something I've
00:37:00 - What's that, pumpkin?
00:37:02 We're getting a divorce.
00:37:04 T- T-t-this is ludicrous,
00:37:07 We're happily married.
00:37:09 Well...
00:37:11 ...let me figure out a way
00:37:14 ...and I'll get back to you.
00:37:50 #Oh, no... #
00:38:05 Whooo!
00:38:19 #I heard you cry... #
00:38:28 Gwen?
00:38:31 Gwen?
00:38:35 Gwen:
00:38:47 Hey, it's me.
00:38:49 I'm not feeling too good.
00:38:52 Yeah?
00:38:56 I love you.
00:38:58 If I was going to college, um...
00:39:01 I'd want to go single.
00:39:05 Gwen...
00:39:08 ...you're saying some pretty
00:39:13 I want to take a break.
00:39:16 We're married!
00:39:20 - We have a cool life together...
00:39:24 I'm sorry.
00:39:29 I think we need to
00:39:32 #The sky turns gray #
00:39:37 #As we drive away #
00:39:42 #And we still #
00:39:46 #Break and then fall away #
00:39:52 #When the sea... #
00:39:55 Hello, child.
00:39:58 You look lovely tonight.
00:40:03 Don't walk away from me.
00:40:05 I didn't move.
00:40:07 I know.
00:40:10 I can see you better than
00:40:18 I'll bring you
00:40:22 Oh, my seed...
00:40:25 ...your aura looks pained...
00:40:29 ...but I can bring a smile
00:40:33 I have a surprise for you.
00:40:36 Come, let me
00:40:43 Get a drink.
00:40:46 I'm only 18.
00:40:49 So Jell-O shot?
00:40:51 No!
00:40:52 Show me the surprise.
00:40:55 Oh, want your surprise?
00:40:57 Okay.
00:40:59 Okay, I realize that...
00:41:02 ...well, I haven't been
00:41:06 I've had this epiphany.
00:41:09 I finally...
00:41:12 And when you see this surprise,
00:41:16 Close your eyes, sweetheart.
00:41:19 Stay right there. Okay?
00:41:23 Okay, open them.
00:41:26 - Surprise!
00:41:28 We're getting married.
00:41:35 That's not a pony.
00:41:36 Yeah, but I'm gonna ride it
00:41:39 Yes!
00:41:40 Oh my God,
00:41:43 Oh, let me join this beautiful circle
00:41:47 Please do.
00:41:48 - We're missing you, man.
00:41:51 Come here. I am so so glad
00:41:55 I mean, you have so many things
00:41:58 ...and I've been really
00:42:00 - Oh.
00:42:01 Just lay your head down.
00:42:03 ...and that's the biggest thing, man.
00:42:05 God. What if me and Gwen
00:42:10 - We could be like a big family.
00:42:13 It would be amazing.
00:42:15 - I...
00:42:17 - That's so hot that you just did that.
00:42:19 I think about you a lot...
00:42:21 Look, we could get together,
00:42:25 ...and maybe I could learn
00:42:27 I don't know. Just maybe
00:42:29 I think it's the best thing
00:42:32 'Cause it's all about family, right?
00:42:34 - It is.
00:42:35 - Absolutely.
00:42:37 God, you are just something else.
00:42:39 - Oh, so are you!
00:42:41 We should let the girls talk...
00:42:43 - We should.
00:42:44 Let's go do some drugs...
00:42:47 Dad!
00:42:48 Oh, son!
00:42:52 Okay? This is gonna be great.
00:42:54 - I'll miss you!
00:42:55 Don't go anywhere.
00:42:57 I'm gonna get you some drinks because
00:42:59 - Okay?
00:43:00 All right. And you... I'm gonna
00:43:03 You're just... You little vixen you.
00:43:05 You're the best.
00:43:06 You are the best. Ow!
00:43:11 I don't think so.
00:43:13 You answer to me, bitch.
00:43:15 You like me like that?
00:43:17 Uh-huh, uh-huh.
00:43:20 You are great. Yes.
00:43:23 - Come on, boy.
00:43:27 Harder, baby. Harder.
00:43:29 - Yes, there you go.
00:43:31 By the way, I'm pregnant.
00:43:35 Fuck it, it's not my kid.
00:43:40 Hello?
00:43:46 If I stomp my foot
00:43:48 ...it means come with!
00:43:50 Jonny, I am not a lamp post...
00:43:53 Well, I don't care if
00:43:56 All right? If I snap my fingers,
00:43:59 ...come with me, because I am the man
00:44:02 Snap fingers, come with...
00:44:04 I am sick of your...
00:44:07 I'm so sweet! I wear tank tops
00:44:09 ...and get a pedicure every
00:44:10 I hope you go prematurely bald!
00:44:15 That Rogaine is not mine!
00:44:19 Oh, fine then!
00:44:21 Go!
00:44:24 Just leave.
00:44:26 Go! Go!
00:44:30 Stupid, lying, stupid!
00:44:38 Messed up again and stupid.
00:44:42 Oh, God!
00:44:45 Ahhh, no!
00:44:50 You guys are still here.
00:44:54 Gwen:
00:44:56 - I'm gonna go.
00:45:12 So let's recap:
00:45:15 I'm the youngest
00:45:17 I'm failing history class;
00:45:18 I'm an unpopular whore who
00:45:21 ...and got Principal Mann fired;
00:45:24 I might be pregnant; some chick from
00:45:27 ...and my ex is taking
00:45:33 Don't think you're gonna see
00:45:41 Should I hang myself?
00:45:45 "Definitely yes. "
00:45:48 You had to add the "definitely. "
00:45:52 Kip: Yeah, things just aren't the same
00:45:56 ...marital problem. I don't even know
00:45:58 I mean, my God.
00:46:00 I mean, what do you need
00:46:02 It's all about fornication.
00:46:03 Who needs a piece
00:46:05 I gotta get out of the house, Apple.
00:46:08 Meet me tomorrow
00:46:12 Let's get trashy.
00:46:14 Thanks, Dad.
00:46:16 I think I actually have a plan.
00:46:23 Principal Mann?
00:46:26 - Who are you?
00:46:28 What do you want?
00:46:30 I think I can help you
00:46:33 ...if you'll help me graduate.
00:46:37 What's your plan?
00:46:38 Meet me by
00:46:41 And bring Mr. Seuss.
00:46:43 Me and Seuss will meet you
00:46:54 Kip:
00:46:56 Tiffany.
00:46:58 Well, I have one rule:
00:47:01 ...no fat chicks.
00:47:02 Are you not convinced yet?
00:47:04 Maybe they're looking for something.
00:47:07 Oh, I love it when
00:47:09 Yeah, he's looking for something:
00:47:12 Your name may be Apple but
00:47:15 This is the perfect opportunity
00:47:18 You'll get your life back and
00:47:22 This is what we're gonna do:
00:47:23 We're gonna tape them
00:47:26 ...we're gonna watch them
00:47:28 I still love her.
00:47:29 - Mmmmm!
00:47:32 I gotta get a better screening
00:47:37 Come to Papa!
00:47:45 Please explode and kill me.
00:47:51 I don't like coffee;
00:47:53 She likes a lot of other things.
00:47:58 - Hey, Mr. Seuss.
00:48:01 I need you to
00:48:03 Sure sure.
00:48:05 Well, they're divorce papers
00:48:09 She doesn't even have the guts
00:48:11 - She sends her little pet fembot!
00:48:13 We had a love story
00:48:17 You tell her that I will not
00:48:20 10 minutes after I'm dead,
00:48:23 Right. Of course.
00:48:26 - I'll be back.
00:48:28 You have a great day.
00:48:31 See ya.
00:48:34 Seuss, Seuss,
00:48:37 - You're not even faculty!
00:48:40 I have a little gift from
00:48:42 - Oh, I can guess what this is!
00:48:46 Hey, we wash our
00:48:48 You know, I also don't appreciate
00:48:51 - A few minutes ago.
00:48:53 Everybody saw that. My principal
00:48:57 Did your wife use to be a gymnast?
00:48:59 You don't even go here.
00:49:02 Seuss, Seuss, Seuss, Seuss,
00:49:04 Do you know what?
00:49:07 You're now set free. The whole
00:49:10 Making love to my wife
00:49:14 Aren't women impossible?
00:49:16 Don't worry, buddy. You're gonna
00:49:19 Hang in there.
00:49:22 ...you can find me.
00:49:25 - I'll find you. I'll find you.
00:49:27 Put your severed head on...
00:49:43 Hilary: And I decided we
00:49:46 All right. Whoo!
00:49:48 - Are you ready?
00:49:51 Okay.
00:49:53 Get your dad's cell phone and text
00:49:58 - Consider it done.
00:50:00 This better work.
00:50:08 Dad?
00:50:10 - Dad?
00:50:11 - Dad!
00:50:13 - Gwen? What do you want?
00:50:15 I just need to
00:50:17 Oh. What, are you calling
00:50:21 - No.
00:50:23 - Dad, it's...
00:50:25 Look, if you need it that bad, it's in
00:50:28 Jonny:
00:50:35 Jonny:
00:50:38 - He's sexy. Isn't he sexy?
00:50:40 Jonny: Man, I would fuck... Okay.
00:50:43 ...let's move the... Oh, Kip Dick!
00:50:46 - Kip Dick! Whoo!
00:50:47 Yo, Awesome,
00:50:50 No, Kip, you the man.
00:50:53 I tell you, Awesome, you ever thought
00:50:56 - You should marry my daughter.
00:50:59 I do.
00:51:01 Hey, let's give it up again
00:51:03 Awesome!
00:51:07 Gwen: By setting up Miss Apple, I was
00:51:11 ...helping Mann get his job back...
00:51:13 ...getting a little retribution
00:51:16 ...not to mention
00:51:18 This was supposed to
00:51:20 Goddamn Alice.
00:51:22 Last time I was in
00:51:25 - Oh, yeah, the gang-bang.
00:51:28 You guys, we gotta hurry.
00:51:29 Great plan, Mann...
00:51:32 Shh!
00:51:34 Everyone hide!
00:51:36 Hey, I bet they're doing it
00:51:38 - Thank you.
00:51:40 Hide!
00:51:53 Whoo! Oh!
00:52:07 Apple?
00:52:14 I got what you want.
00:52:26 Ah, there you are.
00:52:31 Come to Papa.
00:52:36 You make me feel like a princess.
00:52:40 Well, good.
00:52:43 ...lose the skirt.
00:52:46 I had no idea you were into
00:52:49 ...but whatever works
00:52:52 Yeah.
00:52:54 Oh, baby.
00:52:57 You've been a bad girl.
00:53:06 Miss Apple:
00:53:09 - Ooh!
00:53:11 - Yeah!
00:53:13 I'm gonna ride you into
00:53:16 Oh oh, yes!
00:53:20 Oh yeah, oh yeah!
00:53:22 Oh, pull my hair.
00:53:25 Yes. Oh, yes.
00:53:28 Kip: You gotta spank me too, baby.
00:53:30 I love that.
00:53:33 Oh, yes yes yes yes yes!
00:53:35 Oh, yeah, baby!
00:53:42 Candi: Kip, you were supposed to
00:53:44 Hey, what are you... Oh!
00:53:47 Oh, bag shot! Oh!
00:53:48 God, oh, Jeez!
00:53:50 God, someone's pussy smells.
00:53:53 God! God!
00:53:56 - Jesus.
00:53:58 I asked you if there was anyone else
00:54:01 I don't like it when
00:54:04 Well, honey...
00:54:08 ...are we cool now?
00:54:11 Yeah, we're cool.
00:54:13 Franklin's gonna buy Candi
00:54:15 ...while we talk about
00:54:18 And after that, we're gonna have hot
00:54:27 - Can I watch?
00:54:30 But I love Candi and Apples.
00:54:32 Wait, I got a KD Lang CD.
00:54:34 Halt. Hey, Gwen,
00:54:37 Awesome.
00:54:39 ...with everything that's going on...
00:54:42 - Your man's out mingling with...
00:54:44 ...every other... whatever.
00:54:47 I got to thinking and I thought,
00:54:49 - Maybe me and you should go.
00:54:52 Prom.
00:54:54 - Ha! Duh!
00:54:56 We could. Yeah.
00:54:59 - No.
00:55:03 'Cause I'm not gonna go to prom
00:55:07 Mann: Attention, munchkin turds...
00:55:09 Miss Apple has a few
00:55:15 Yes, spank me!
00:55:20 Mann: Now with that being said...
00:55:22 Miss Apple,
00:55:25 Principal Mann?
00:55:28 Hold on, Alice.
00:55:30 - We make a great team.
00:55:33 I couldn't have got the school
00:55:35 Aww!
00:55:37 Looks like we won't
00:55:40 Thank God.
00:55:50 First I need a date...
00:55:52 ...but there's only two viable options:
00:55:57 Jonny...
00:55:59 Matt.
00:56:00 Ech!
00:56:03 Jonny, Matt.
00:56:06 Jonny.
00:56:09 Matt.
00:56:12 Jonny, Matt.
00:56:14 Jonny, Matt... Matt, Jonny.
00:56:16 Jonny, Matt. Matt Matt Matt.
00:56:18 Jonny, Matt.
00:56:20 Jonny, Jonny... Jonny, Jonny.
00:56:23 Jonny.
00:56:28 Hey, Jonny.
00:56:29 Imitating Chinese voice:
00:56:32 I'm not crying.
00:56:34 Oh, you wanna go
00:56:37 - You want...
00:56:40 He give you fruity wooty...
00:56:42 ...which is Chinese for
00:56:49 And now I need
00:56:54 #Whoa-oh whoa-oh #
00:56:58 #Whoa-oh whoa-oh #
00:57:01 #Another Friday night,
00:57:03 #You're hanging with your friends... #
00:57:05 No?
00:57:07 #I'm better off alone #
00:57:08 #Yeah, we had plans tonight,
00:57:12 #And you think I'd go... #
00:57:15 I wonder where Holden is.
00:57:18 Nope. Over it!
00:57:20 #But boy, I've been feeling this way #
00:57:23 #So long,
00:57:27 #Climb on #
00:57:30 #It's all your fault,
00:57:34 #I'm not leaving,
00:57:39 #So long #
00:57:45 #Whoa-oh whoa-oh #
00:57:47 #By tomorrow night,
00:57:51 #'Cause I got lots of friends
00:57:55 #Don't try to call me now,
00:57:59 #And all I have to say is
00:58:03 #If I were you,
00:58:07 #'Cause boy, you're gonna
00:58:09 #So long #
00:58:12 #You should have seen me
00:58:16 #It's all your fault,
00:58:20 #I'm not leaving,
00:58:25 #So goodbye, good luck to you #
00:58:28 #You can't hurt me anymore!
00:58:32 #Already out the door... #
00:58:40 So Hilary might have
00:58:42 ...but I have brains.
00:59:06 - Oh, yeah!
00:59:10 - I'm so excited! It's prom! It's prom!
00:59:14 Goin' to prom!
00:59:16 Yeah!
00:59:18 Aren't you gonna close the door?
00:59:20 Oh.
00:59:33 You're welcome.
00:59:35 I'm just messing with you.
00:59:37 You look... Good.
00:59:40 What's with the Sith Lord thing?
00:59:44 I'm just kidding.
00:59:46 Not yet. Let's wait.
00:59:49 Raar! I just want to bite
00:59:51 Aren't you excited?
00:59:55 - Is that my boy Jonny?
00:59:57 Love the vest.
01:00:00 - Ooh, big night tonight.
01:00:03 - Ha!
01:00:07 Yoink. Mr. Dick!
01:00:10 Whoo! What's up, man?
01:00:12 Let's do it.
01:00:14 Come on.
01:00:16 - Yes!
01:00:19 Yeah.
01:00:22 Whoo! Well, come on, honey.
01:00:25 - Get inside.
01:00:28 Ah, yes!
01:00:30 - Whoo-hoo!
01:00:32 You know, if you need a little
01:00:35 Come on, baby.
01:00:41 Hey!
01:00:42 What the fuck?
01:00:44 Fuckin' cocksuckers.
01:00:58 #Everyone is always on the go #
01:01:02 #Gotta get to school
01:01:07 #Barely made the bus,
01:01:12 #If I don't get there in time,
01:01:17 #Yeah, it's a good social program #
01:01:20 #Where all the kids can
01:01:22 #Yeah, it's a new way
01:01:25 #Everything's okay #
01:01:27 #Barely made the bus,
01:01:32 #If I don't get there on time,
01:01:36 #Yeah, it's a good
01:01:39 #Where all the kids
01:01:41 #Yeah, it's a new way
01:01:44 #Everything's okay #
01:01:47 #Ooh, it doesn't
01:01:49 #Never thought I'd ever
01:01:51 #Everything I need's in
01:01:56 #Oh, Lord, it doesn't
01:01:59 #Never thought I'd ever
01:02:01 #Everything I need... #
01:02:03 Hell of a party, huh?
01:02:05 Doogie, what are you
01:02:07 Me? I'm on call.
01:02:09 Any of the girls drink too much,
01:02:12 I brought something
01:02:15 Listen, I see kids like you
01:02:17 ...you don't know if
01:02:19 I know I haven't come in a long time.
01:02:22 But you don't know if
01:02:24 You need to have more confidence.
01:02:26 - I know.
01:02:29 Whoa, wait a minute.
01:02:31 I see your guy dancing
01:02:34 Yeah, you know why he's with
01:02:37 - Why?
01:02:39 There's a lot of reasons.
01:02:41 One of them come to mind:
01:02:43 ...and you're sitting here with
01:02:46 ...and a two-inch penis.
01:02:48 - Oh!
01:02:50 Lower.
01:02:53 Yeah.
01:02:55 You need to go
01:02:58 Thanks.
01:03:00 Listen, I'm not
01:03:03 There are no sides, okay?
01:03:05 There's one thing
01:03:08 What's that?
01:03:09 The penis. Yeah.
01:03:12 Let me ask you this: What does a guy
01:03:15 I don't know.
01:03:17 Let's see, this morning
01:03:19 ...uh, some jelly on some toast.
01:03:21 But listen, you need to
01:03:23 - You've got to stop looking backward.
01:03:25 You need more confidence.
01:03:27 I know you have it.
01:03:29 - Okay?
01:03:31 You're welcome.
01:03:34 Gwen: Doogie's the best, isn't he?
01:03:36 - You want to fuck or not?
01:03:38 God!
01:03:40 #They got me thinking naughty #
01:03:42 #And I want to put my hands
01:03:47 #Not trying to offend you #
01:03:49 #But I want to
01:03:52 #I can't hold it back,
01:03:56 Good evening, boys and girls!
01:03:57 All:
01:04:00 Thank you.
01:04:02 Man, you rock!
01:04:04 Right back at ya, sweet pea.
01:04:08 All right, this is the main part
01:04:11 It's the climax of the prom.
01:04:14 And that means it's
01:04:22 So let's have those ladies
01:04:36 With that being said...
01:04:38 ...our prom queen is...
01:04:44 Gwen Adams!
01:04:46 Thattagirl!
01:04:48 Let's give it up for Gwen Adams.
01:04:51 Gwen: Oh, I almost feel bad.
01:04:53 Yeah, right!
01:04:55 At this point, you probably think
01:04:57 I mean, I didn't even
01:05:00 But you're wrong:
01:05:02 Well, almost.
01:05:04 Don't judge me.
01:05:05 You would have done
01:05:19 I'm proud of you, kiddo.
01:05:24 All right, with that being said...
01:05:26 ...it's time for our prom king!
01:05:28 What you mean, "prom king"?
01:05:31 Oh, come on, man.
01:05:34 - And a queen.
01:05:38 All right, I can't help that you guys
01:05:41 ...votin' on the hos.
01:05:43 So with that, I'm gonna invoke
01:05:46 Varsity champion,
01:05:49 Jonny Awesome!
01:05:56 Awesome! Ahh!
01:06:02 Fifth year in a row, baby.
01:06:04 Whoo! Ha ha! Whoo!
01:06:09 Whoo!
01:06:14 Wow. Ha ha!
01:06:18 - Totally unexpected.
01:06:21 - Didn't expect it.
01:06:23 - It's a shocker... Capital S.
01:06:25 Uh, first I would
01:06:29 - Like to thank...
01:06:30 ...all the bitches.
01:06:33 - Hos.
01:06:36 - Thirdly, I just want to thank...
01:06:38 ...all the bitches
01:06:41 - You're a ho.
01:06:44 And I don't know why
01:06:47 ...but I want to preach to you!
01:06:48 Who's gonna pledge $100?
01:06:52 #Because we're awesome! #
01:06:54 - Ho!
01:06:58 Uh, Gwen? Ahem...
01:07:04 Ha ha.
01:07:07 Uh, now me and
01:07:10 - Shall dance, shall we?
01:07:13 Yeah, I think we're supposed to.
01:07:15 Awesome.
01:07:18 Mann: Let me get your attention.
01:07:21 Allow me to introduce to you
01:07:25 ...international recording artist
01:07:30 "La Bamba!"
01:08:00 You too.
01:08:02 You too. You too.
01:08:05 I'm sorry, my lips are really tired.
01:08:11 Come here.
01:08:13 Jonny shouldn't treat you like that.
01:08:16 Uh-oh!
01:08:20 I got it, I got it.
01:08:22 I got it.
01:08:23 I got it, I got it.
01:08:26 I always have a problem
01:08:28 Okay.
01:08:30 I'm good, buddy.
01:08:32 Me? I'm stoned.
01:08:35 Hey, you want my advice?
01:08:37 - Not really.
01:08:40 I know you're not gonna take it.
01:08:42 Listen to me.
01:08:44 No, it doesn't hurt.
01:08:46 - Is there a problem here?
01:08:49 - Huh? Is there a problem here?
01:08:51 - Adams?
01:08:53 - He's my bitch.
01:08:54 Sounds like you come from
01:08:57 - It's amazing, Doogie.
01:08:59 - Doogie?
01:09:00 Look at Gwen.
01:09:03 I'm gonna be real with you
01:09:06 I want to lick her up and down
01:09:09 Oh.
01:09:14 - You know...
01:09:17 ...I'm telling you,
01:09:20 - Isn't it best?
01:09:23 Hey, Brian.
01:09:25 - Hi.
01:09:27 - Hello.
01:09:31 Hello, lovely.
01:09:54 Awesome people don't do drugs,
01:09:57 Gwen, what are you doing?
01:10:00 - What the fuck are you doing?
01:10:04 - Ow!
01:10:06 - Seriously, ow.
01:10:08 - You are so high-strung.
01:10:10 I'm sick of it. You're so awesome
01:10:13 I'm not good-looking
01:10:15 - I know, baby. I know.
01:10:17 I know, I know. Come here.
01:10:20 - Just come on, let it out.
01:10:21 I'm not and look!
01:10:25 - Ow! You always hit me.
01:10:27 - Oh, ow! Ow!
01:10:29 - Ow ow!
01:10:31 - Ow!
01:10:33 - My crown!
01:10:35 I will fuck you in the ass so fucking
01:10:44 I'm just kidding.
01:10:45 - Yeah. Yeah. Awkward.
01:10:47 - I'm gonna leave now.
01:10:49 Whew! Wow.
01:10:53 I mean, he's not
01:10:55 Hey.
01:10:57 - What?
01:11:00 I will uppercut your face,
01:11:03 That's right. I'll do a fucking ollie
01:11:06 ...with your fucking dick-ass
01:11:10 Yeah!
01:11:12 - Get away from me!
01:11:15 Stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:11:19 I love you.
01:11:20 - Really? When is that?
01:11:22 When you're dancing with Hilary or
01:11:24 She's nothing! She's nothing!
01:11:26 Don't ruin my night.
01:11:29 She's nothing!
01:11:32 #I gotta tell you that
01:11:36 Ooh! There you are!
01:11:38 You have ruined everything.
01:11:40 This is my prom, okay?
01:11:42 You see that band over there?
01:11:44 This whole entire prom is mine.
01:11:46 Everybody here is
01:11:49 And you are ruining it!
01:11:50 Listen, the only reason
01:11:53 ...that you are even in this place
01:11:56 ...is because I want to be
01:11:58 And it's not because of me,
01:12:01 It's all about me and me...
01:12:04 Fuck you, slut!
01:12:06 Oh my God.
01:12:08 Did you see that?
01:12:10 Of course I saw it.
01:12:12 - You just got hit in your face.
01:12:14 I'm gonna throw my peanuts at you
01:12:19 - Let's go kick a puppy.
01:12:33 That's it... Just mess with it a little.
01:12:40 I haven't seen
01:12:42 He's with Zoey.
01:12:44 Oh!
01:12:48 Awesome!
01:12:50 Why do you always say "awesome"?
01:12:53 Yeah, you're so awesome.
01:12:55 "Ooh, awesome!
01:12:57 Awesomeness, man!"
01:12:58 You're a bitch. Yeah.
01:13:01 No wonder Holden divorced you.
01:13:03 Suck a dick for crying out loud.
01:13:06 You're sucking my dick,
01:13:08 ...all of a sudden
01:13:10 You be all like, "Thank you, Jonny.
01:13:14 And I'll be like, "No problem.
01:13:17 And then you'll be like,
01:13:18 And I'll be like, "No problem.
01:13:21 And it'll be great!
01:13:23 And you'll be like...
01:13:25 ...on account of my great girth.
01:13:27 - Yeah!
01:13:28 See, look. Yeah.
01:13:31 Look, you're going through
01:13:34 ...which, by the way, sucks!
01:13:37 I mean, you graduate high school like,
01:13:40 ...and I'm boring
01:13:41 Nobody wants to eat that cake.
01:13:43 The point is,
01:13:46 ...it's prom night;
01:13:48 - We both got crowns.
01:13:50 - Now come on.
01:13:52 Let's have some fun.
01:13:55 Okay.
01:14:07 Awesome!
01:14:09 Ow.
01:14:11 - What!
01:14:13 You were, like, practically
01:14:16 Where... why are you leaving?
01:14:19 Oh... Ho!
01:14:21 Ha! Yeah, leave.
01:14:23 Ha. Ha.
01:14:27 I'm so stupid!
01:14:30 Oh, no!
01:14:35 #You're feeling kinda sad #
01:14:38 #You've been a little bad #
01:14:40 #To the girl who
01:14:46 #And now she's gone away #
01:14:48 - # And never gonna stay... #
01:14:51 Get it together, man.
01:14:53 I'm cheering you up.
01:14:55 Look at you:
01:14:58 Hey, look at me, look at me,
01:15:01 - Can't!
01:15:03 What is your name?
01:15:06 J... What's your name?
01:15:08 - Jonny.
01:15:26 Students, parents and faculty...
01:15:28 ...welcome to the commencement
01:15:32 Principal Mann
01:15:34 ...but something very important
01:15:37 So now I ask you to stand up
01:15:40 Gwen: So I actually made it to
01:15:44 Doogie was right:
01:15:46 ...all I needed was
01:15:48 I may not have aced Seuss's class,
01:15:51 ...about who I am
01:15:56 Seuss: I enjoyed your brave
01:15:58 Jonny? Jonny, I say.
01:16:01 - Wha' is it, Matt?
01:16:04 ...prom was so much fun, I think it's
01:16:07 And the littl' things like
01:16:10 ...were very very excitin'
01:16:12 I think that the fact that
01:16:16 - is totally fantabulous.
01:16:19 I must've drunk me about
01:16:23 I don' know what you're sayin',
01:16:26 - Prom was awesome, I got a crown...
01:16:28 Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
01:16:31 ...of American High School!
01:17:25 Well, I'm glad it's finally over.
01:17:28 Closure can be
01:17:32 I really don't think
01:17:34 I was talking about
01:17:40 Hey. Hey, don't be so
01:17:42 You gave it
01:17:45 You know what I don't
01:17:49 I mean, people look at me...
01:17:51 ...they seem to forget that
01:17:54 I mean, all I ever wanted was
01:17:58 You know what?
01:18:01 ...that you were the one.
01:18:02 Gwen: And even more surprisingly...
01:18:04 ...my dad stuck up for me
01:18:06 He may have actually
01:18:08 To be honest, I never thought
01:18:12 Are you really gonna
01:18:16 Are you serious?
01:18:22 Sometimes you just gotta
01:18:24 Who says life is fair, huh?
01:18:28 I'm gonna go munch me
01:18:32 I want a little pussy.
01:18:34 I got a dick; I could stick it in,
01:18:37 Fuck!
01:18:40 What kind of a classless whore
01:18:44 One that I'm in love with?
01:18:48 Maybe this'll kill me.
01:18:53 Hilary, Hilary, Hilary.
01:18:56 - Hey, bitch.
01:18:58 - Hey, loser.
01:19:00 ...a lack of something up here...
01:19:04 Lack of brains. I think you
01:19:08 Gwen: After Hilary lost prom queen...
01:19:10 ...things kind of started
01:19:12 I guess she finally learned
01:19:15 quit being such a whore!
01:19:21 We are so not friends anymore.
01:19:24 I've always hated you.
01:19:26 - Always.
01:19:27 I wouldn't bang you
01:19:30 Yeah, bitch.
01:19:32 - Bitch.
01:19:33 And you got a fat ass, whore.
01:19:35 - And big arms.
01:19:38 - Huge!
01:19:40 Hey, I don't want to interrupt
01:19:44 ...but... You know, I'm no math
01:19:46 ...but there's one of me, two of you.
01:19:49 - And have a foursome?
01:19:51 - I love it!
01:19:53 - I am awesome!
01:19:56 You know, now that you're not hanging
01:19:59 I thought maybe we could...
01:20:01 - Just the two of us.
01:20:03 - Yeah.
01:20:04 Wh-what? No.
01:20:08 Don't tell anybody about this, TeePee,
01:20:14 Ooh, a gummy worm.
01:20:15 That teeth thing
01:20:21 I put 'em in!
01:20:23 So that's me:
01:20:25 ...man-eating, Satan-slaying...
01:20:27 ...independent me.
01:20:29 And this time, I'm in charge.
01:20:33 Oh, and I almost forgot...
01:20:35 I'm not pregnant!
01:20:36 Sometimes life really blows.
01:20:40 ...relax, and enjoy the blowjob.
01:20:46 So after graduation...
01:20:48 Hilary started her own
01:20:50 ...to teach young girls
01:20:53 ...and aim.
01:20:55 It was very successful.
01:21:03 It would have it that Jonny,
01:21:07 Three guesses what
01:21:10 Shocking, I know.
01:21:12 ...is that their record
01:21:15 Worst records ever!
01:21:17 Candi cleaned up Kip's act...
01:21:19 ...and the two of them opened up
01:21:22 They're both very happy.
01:21:26 Principal Mann and Miss Apple ended up
01:21:30 ...and found love...
01:21:35 Don't feel bad for Mr. Seuss, though.
01:21:40 And as for me,
01:21:42 That's kind of the great part.
01:21:46 ...or oyster or whatever.
01:21:49 ...it's to go after what I want
01:21:52 And as I recently discovered,
01:21:56 #One, two #
01:21:58 #Now it's true, you gotta go
01:22:02 #You gotta be free,
01:22:05 #You know I owe it
01:22:09 #One, two,
01:22:12 #Well, I fought off my demons #
01:22:15 #I've saved the world
01:22:18 #I'm so sick of screaming #
01:22:20 #That I'm weak in the knees #
01:22:24 #Now I know what
01:22:28 #But you should know
01:22:30 #I'm so moving on #
01:22:33 #'Cause you'll never
01:22:38 #Now I can turn
01:22:41 #Relax, put down my hair #
01:22:44 #I can do it
01:22:47 #I can make you
01:22:51 #You gotta go, go
01:22:54 #You gotta be free,
01:22:57 #You know I owe it
01:23:01 #One, two,
01:23:04 #You gotta go, go
01:23:07 #You gotta be free,
01:23:10 #You know I owe it
01:23:14 #One, two,
01:24:07 #go, go get out on your own #
01:24:10 #You gotta be free,
01:24:13 #You know I owe it
01:24:16 #One, two,
01:24:20 #You gotta go, baby, go
01:24:23 #You gotta be free,
01:24:26 #You know I owe it
01:24:29 #One, two,
01:24:32 #You gotta go, go
01:24:35 #You gotta be free,
01:24:39 #You know I owe it
01:24:42 #One, two,
01:24:45 #You gotta go, baby, go
01:24:48 #You gotta be free,
01:24:51 #You know I owe it
01:24:55 #One, two,
01:25:28 #Everyone is always on the go #
01:25:33 #Gotta get to school
01:25:38 #Barely made the bus,
01:25:42 #If I don't get there in time,
01:25:47 #Yeah, it's a good social program #
01:25:50 #Where all the kids can
01:25:52 #Yeah, it's a new way
01:25:54 #Everything's okay #
01:25:57 #Barely made the bus,
01:26:02 #If I don't get there on time,
01:26:06 #Yeah, it's a good
01:26:09 #Where all the kids
01:26:11 #Yeah, it's a new way
01:26:14 #Everything's okay #
01:26:16 #Ooh, it doesn't
01:26:19 #Never thought I'd ever
01:26:21 #Everything I need... #