Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

en
00:00:39 On the count of three.
00:00:41 One, two, three!
00:00:46 Try the ring toss. Three for a quarter.
00:00:49 There you go, a winner!
00:00:52 And now, for my shocking finale.
00:00:56 Not for the squeamish.
00:00:58 Not for the faint of heart.
00:01:02 I call my trick "The Jaws of Death."
00:01:08 Now. Say it. Say it.
00:01:11 Harold, use your awesome might
00:01:15 No harm will come to you.
00:01:25 Help me! Help me!
00:01:40 I'm going to be an actress.
00:03:33 Hard to believe it was last Christmas...
00:03:35 ...that me and Harmony
00:03:37 And we didn't mean to.
00:03:41 A thing like that can't.
00:03:43 Now that I'm in L.A., I go to parties.
00:03:47 ...she spells it J-Y-L-L-E,
00:03:50 That's me there. My name's
00:03:54 Welcome to L.A.
00:03:56 Welcome to the party.
00:04:11 The guy smoking, that's Dabney Shaw,
00:04:15 The man with him is Perry Van Shrike,
00:04:19 Honest-to-God private eye,
00:04:23 He's bigtime. Also, he's gay.
00:04:25 Don't start, Perry, huh?
00:04:27 I seen you play ball. You're tough.
00:04:30 ...your brain says, "I want that."
00:04:32 I don't make that leap. It's like,
00:04:35 ...let's drain its blood
00:04:38 It's just that that's not the first thing
00:04:41 L.A.
00:04:43 By now you may wonder
00:04:46 Maybe you wonder how Silly Putty
00:04:50 Point is, I don't see another
00:04:53 How did I get here? See for yourself.
00:05:03 Chloe, just run the name by me
00:05:06 ...because I must be
00:05:08 I'm going nuts.
00:05:11 Cyber Agent. C-Y-B-E
00:05:13 ...an employee or something?
00:05:18 "Protocop, protector of man."
00:05:22 Uncle Harry, look around.
00:05:25 That show was cancelled two years ago.
00:05:30 Yeah, it's holiday hours. Look...
00:05:33 ...I gotta go, but I'll find this.
00:05:39 - Great.
00:05:41 - Give me the gun!
00:05:43 Freeze!
00:05:46 - You gotta be fucking kidding me.
00:05:50 Drop the gun. We didn't do anything.
00:05:54 - Hey, lady, gun is not loaded...
00:05:58 Richie!
00:05:59 Shit!
00:06:06 Oh, boy.
00:06:19 Take it easy.
00:06:21 Jesus. Oh, no, no.
00:06:25 - Go wait with the others.
00:06:28 - He's ready. You're ready?
00:06:30 Okay, come on.
00:06:32 You know the setup?
00:06:34 He's got no questions.
00:06:37 Let's read.
00:06:41 - Where is he? Where's Raphael?
00:06:44 Where's...?
00:06:51 Beat up on me all night. You want me
00:06:58 Quit acting like the good guy,
00:07:01 You got your partner killed.
00:07:03 He was in over his head,
00:07:06 You may as well
00:07:08 You killed him!
00:07:13 No, I didn't... I didn't kill him.
00:07:18 Why...?
00:07:20 Why?!
00:07:22 I didn't want him to come in on it.
00:07:24 I said, "Stay at home." But he doesn't
00:07:30 I killed him, didn't I?
00:07:31 Oh, fuck, this is my fault. I'm sorry.
00:07:42 Sorry.
00:07:44 Hey, good luck.
00:07:48 See, this is what I'm talking about.
00:07:51 - Studio.
00:07:54 Get Gay Perry on the phone.
00:07:56 Now, get this, they're screen-testing me.
00:07:59 One minute, I'm boosting Xboxes
00:08:02 ...the next,
00:08:05 - Hi.
00:08:07 So, what do you do?
00:08:08 I'm retired.
00:08:12 - How about you?
00:08:19 I'm gonna see who else is here.
00:08:21 Anyway, that's how I got to the party.
00:08:25 Now, Harmony, different story.
00:08:27 Some will tell you she got here
00:08:31 I'll show you that in a minute.
00:08:32 But for me, robot-schmobot,
00:08:36 Jeez, look at those stems, will you?
00:08:38 Not that that's what constitutes
00:08:41 Yes, racist. I'm serious.
00:08:43 The other reindeer laughed at him.
00:08:47 He's as good as a fog light
00:08:49 You know what, so you tell me,
00:08:52 "Don't talk to Reggie, he's black.
00:08:54 Oh, wait, he can play basketball.
00:08:58 Rudolph, Reggie.
00:09:02 Harmony Faith Lane was your typical
00:09:05 She grew up in a burg
00:09:08 "When in doubt, cut up a pig."
00:09:11 Like most soon-to-be-fucked-up girls,
00:09:15 Of course, credit where credit's due...
00:09:18 ...she had a terrific mentor.
00:09:20 Him.
00:09:23 "'Go to hell, Jonny Gossamer!'
00:09:25 She poured herself
00:09:28 From the looks of it,
00:09:30 Jonny spoke from the pages
00:09:33 ...and told of a promised land
00:09:36 ...and a magical city
00:09:41 As the years progressed,
00:09:44 Wished that he would come to Indiana
00:09:50 You see, Papa was at her
00:09:54 But Jonny never showed.
00:09:56 And then the guy
00:09:59 Age 16, she split.
00:10:01 Took the bus to L.A.,
00:10:04 She'd get rich and famous
00:10:07 Before he died...
00:10:09 ...the guy who wrote the books
00:10:11 He wrote it for money,
00:10:14 Harmony ignored this. She knew better.
00:10:18 He was just a writer.
00:10:19 And that's how she got
00:10:22 Oh, shit. I skipped something.
00:10:24 Damn it. This robot bit.
00:10:27 Fuck, bad narrating.
00:10:29 "Oh, wait, back up. I forgot to tell you
00:10:33 I don't know if you want to see it now,
00:10:37 Can I say "fuck" more?
00:10:39 Now back to Protocop,
00:11:07 What the...?
00:11:12 Oh, my God.
00:11:15 Hey!
00:11:23 Sources close to Neal, who has not
00:11:27 ...say he seemed despondent
00:11:29 ...during a rerun of Protocop.
00:11:31 The actor, who still retains a costume
00:11:34 ...allegedly dressed up...
00:11:36 ...stumbled down the bike path and
00:11:40 ...where aspiring actress Harmony Faith
00:11:45 I'd jog by, "Hi, hello, " you know,
00:11:49 - Who's this?
00:11:50 This city can't get enough
00:11:53 Like putting a whoopee cushion
00:11:56 - Like that.
00:11:58 You can never see below the waist.
00:12:02 It was always behind the bedpost
00:12:06 What am I telling you for?
00:12:09 And there it was. Bingo.
00:12:13 Destiny.
00:13:18 You know what,
00:13:21 Walk away. Don't think, just do it.
00:13:23 What, are you her brother or something?
00:13:29 - I will fuck you up.
00:13:32 And that little experiment
00:13:35 So again, for the cheap seats,
00:13:39 Or let's you and me
00:13:41 It's past my bedtime.
00:13:44 Make a choice.
00:14:02 Asshole.
00:14:08 You all right?
00:14:10 Yeah.
00:14:13 Thanks, bro.
00:14:14 One day,
00:14:17 - Perry Van Shrike.
00:14:20 I heard about you. You're
00:14:24 - You must be... Anyway...
00:14:28 Yeah. Right.
00:14:31 - I guess you guys are old buddies.
00:14:34 Wow, five years.
00:14:36 - Still gay?
00:14:38 I'm knee-deep in pussy. I just like the
00:14:43 You should know better than to fall
00:14:50 Dabney wants you
00:14:52 - Come again?
00:14:55 I've got surveillance tomorrow.
00:14:57 What's the person like? Crime lord?
00:14:59 Please. I'm guessing some sad,
00:15:02 ...who single-handedly haunts his own
00:15:05 That was incredibly gay.
00:15:08 - Good God. Ouch.
00:15:11 Harry, this is our generous host,
00:15:15 Ah, yes, of course. You're Dabney's
00:15:20 I hope it isn't past your bedtime.
00:15:21 No, sir. My mom used to say
00:15:24 When the neon lights came on,
00:15:26 I'm afraid I'm similarly afflicted.
00:15:31 She says it is heaven
00:15:35 If you'll excuse me, apparently I'm
00:15:41 Mom's gone, so it's just him
00:15:45 - Born-again? That's precious.
00:15:47 Three months ago, she was suing him
00:15:50 He called her a... Well, a bad word.
00:15:54 Cunt. Welcome to Hollywood.
00:15:57 Okay, I apologize.
00:16:00 That is a terrible scene.
00:16:04 Gee, you think maybe
00:16:07 I hate that. A TV's on,
00:16:10 Wonder where the climax will happen.
00:16:12 Or that shot of the cook in
00:16:16 Hi, thank you for coming.
00:16:18 Hey, do you know that blond gal
00:16:21 Oh, the one with the guy
00:16:25 Bye, have a better night.
00:16:27 She had something, that gal,
00:16:30 Like the girl from high school...
00:16:31 ...the one that got away. You know
00:16:35 - Yeah, I had that.
00:16:37 Bobby Mills.
00:16:41 Well, maybe you should
00:16:44 I got 5 bucks says
00:16:46 Really? That's funny.
00:16:49 I got two quarters harmonizing on
00:16:52 - What?
00:16:55 - A talking monkey?
00:16:57 Came here from the future.
00:17:02 Detective lessons tomorrow.
00:17:04 - Don't forget.
00:17:05 And Harry...
00:17:07 Come here.
00:17:09 That girl, I know her.
00:17:12 Try the Domino Room.
00:17:14 Where's that?
00:17:33 - Hey there. I'm Flicka.
00:17:36 - How are you?
00:17:40 - I'm a private detective. And you?
00:17:44 - Really?
00:17:46 - Well, nice to meet you.
00:17:48 - Yeah.
00:17:57 Could I have a Jack and soda? Thanks.
00:18:01 Evening. Harry.
00:18:05 God, I'm sore.
00:18:07 I mean, physically, not like a guy
00:18:15 - Didn't I see you at a party hours ago?
00:18:19 - Why what?
00:18:21 Seriously, why not the girl over there?
00:18:26 Which one?
00:18:27 On the left,
00:18:30 Oh, that's a bit of a reach.
00:18:32 I'm interrupting. I feel badly.
00:18:35 - Bad.
00:18:37 - You feel bad.
00:18:39 "Badly" is an adverb. To say you
00:18:43 - ... which allows you to feel is broken.
00:18:48 Between... Oh, God, nix, nix. That's...
00:18:50 - The blond. The blond's pathetic.
00:18:53 For starters, she's been fucked
00:18:58 I heard. It was neck and neck,
00:19:01 - Worst thing, though...
00:19:03 Worst thing is she's 35 years old
00:19:06 I see her at auditions all the time.
00:19:09 - It's over, baby. You missed.
00:19:12 May I ask how old you are?
00:19:15 - Go for it.
00:19:17 - Thirty-four.
00:19:18 - I'm a baby.
00:19:22 - The guy you left the party with?
00:19:26 I just needed a ride.
00:19:28 - I know. It's okay.
00:19:30 - No.
00:19:33 Probably an actor.
00:19:37 Go away, Mr. Fly.
00:19:39 - I was talking to your friend.
00:19:43 Sunshine, she'll be back to you
00:19:45 She doesn't have a minute.
00:19:50 Tell you what, if you change your mind
00:19:53 ...I'll be over there
00:20:00 - You are so...
00:20:02 Why are you humoring him? Stop it.
00:20:04 You know what,
00:20:07 I hear it's a recommended
00:20:11 Your mouth is a recommended place
00:20:13 Princess. Scary friend.
00:20:17 Goddamn it.
00:20:18 Harry Lockhart, are you gonna
00:20:23 God! Embrey, Indiana!
00:20:27 Loves snakes, afraid of spiders.
00:20:32 Come on, remember?
00:20:34 - No, no, no. Harold the Great.
00:20:37 You cut me in half, remember?
00:20:39 Oh, shit. Oh, my God. How are you?
00:20:43 Okay, I was a bad narrator again...
00:20:45 ...because the kid at the beginning,
00:20:48 I don't want to put this on you...
00:20:50 ...but if you've been paying attention,
00:20:54 Great. No wonder. Ma and Pa Kettle.
00:20:56 Why not put these two lame-o extras
00:21:00 Boo. Scat. Fat lady, leave.
00:21:02 See there? "Harold."
00:21:05 Remember how I said
00:21:07 How seeing Harmony made me
00:21:10 That's because it was her.
00:21:14 How I was the one she confided in.
00:21:17 While she was doing every other guy.
00:21:20 It was the first time I felt
00:21:23 ...and wanting to fuck them
00:21:26 Overwhelming sadness.
00:21:29 Is that sick? I think...
00:21:34 Leaving my sister back home,
00:21:41 Hardest thing I ever did.
00:21:46 Do you remember
00:21:50 ...and a movie crew came to town?
00:21:53 That mystery flick with the guy,
00:21:57 - Gossamer.
00:21:59 Your mom went nuts,
00:22:02 - That was... God, that was forever ago.
00:22:08 Harry...
00:22:10 ...I didn't get famous.
00:22:14 Yet.
00:22:20 I did...
00:22:21 ...get to do this one commercial.
00:22:24 You're shitting me. Which one?
00:22:26 Well, you know the one with the bear?
00:22:29 And it goes... Well, this is funny.
00:22:32 - "I prefer Genaros, but..."
00:22:35 I suck heads off fish." That was you?
00:22:37 - Oh, my God.
00:22:40 - That's awesome.
00:22:42 Come on, that's a big deal.
00:22:44 - That's a national commercial.
00:22:46 It's nothing. There was actually this
00:22:50 ...to sort of do the wave.
00:22:55 "I prefer Genaros."
00:22:57 - Whatever, it's nothing.
00:22:59 - It's nothing special at all.
00:23:03 Punk-rock Steven Seagal
00:23:06 Right there, at your 11 o'clock.
00:23:08 That's dead-on, right?
00:23:10 That's all right.
00:23:14 Come back to the hotel for a little while,
00:23:18 It'd just be a drink. You'll be home faster
00:23:22 I don't know about that. I can say...
00:23:26 - ..."Jack Robinson" pretty fast.
00:23:31 Jack Robinson.
00:24:01 - Do you have any idea what time it is?
00:24:04 God, you still look great.
00:24:07 - Why are you here?
00:24:09 Sounds crazy, but I don't remember
00:24:12 ...between the hours of 2 and 5,
00:24:14 - Really? Where's Marleah?
00:24:16 - The girl you...
00:24:19 ...and I didn't see you leave...
00:24:21 I left when you had your tongue
00:24:23 - I did?
00:24:25 God. No, wrong throat, wrong woman.
00:24:27 Yeah, that's bad.
00:24:30 Oh, boy, pressure, pressure.
00:24:32 ...because I think
00:24:35 That's plenty. Stop. Oh, my God!
00:24:38 ...to tell me you like me
00:24:41 That's just it, I didn't.
00:24:44 What? You said you don't remember!
00:24:46 If I don't remember because I was drunk,
00:24:49 I know this is outrageous
00:24:51 I'm not pretending that I'm normal.
00:24:56 Moron. Why? Why? Why?
00:25:29 And the plots, they all have this thing,
00:25:33 Seriously, I would go through one
00:25:35 - A whole book in one day. Wow.
00:25:39 ...two cases
00:25:41 One's normal
00:25:44 ...then you'd find out
00:25:46 That it's all one case.
00:25:48 That's the essence of the...
00:25:50 Yeah, I get that all the time. Would
00:25:55 It's tiny. is this real?
00:25:57 Yeah, it's a derringer. It's loaded.
00:26:00 - I call it my faggot gun.
00:26:04 It's only good for a couple shots, then
00:26:09 You asked, chief.
00:26:13 On with our lesson.
00:26:15 - My client is one Allison Ames. A-M-E-S.
00:26:20 Female. She hired me
00:26:23 - is she a looker?
00:26:25 She opens the door,
00:26:29 invites me to sit down,
00:26:31 - ... fires up a smoke.
00:26:33 No. idiot.
00:26:36 She hired me over the phone.
00:26:38 - Paid for it with a credit card.
00:26:41 Rule number one:
00:26:47 - Do you have to smoke?
00:26:50 Yeah, soon as you find a large, brown
00:26:54 So you knew Harmony in high school.
00:26:58 No, not really.
00:27:01 No, that's not true.
00:27:03 She agreed not to fuck my best friend,
00:27:06 He was my best friend,
00:27:08 - Well, that was nice of her.
00:27:12 Stay put. Be quiet.
00:27:15 "Chook Chutney"? Yeah, he's gay.
00:27:34 - What's wrong with his car?
00:27:40 - Are we gonna follow him?
00:27:43 He was right in front of us,
00:27:50 What the hell. He's gotta be somewhere.
00:28:00 - Jesus!
00:28:02 Harry, come back.
00:28:04 Harry.
00:28:06 - There's no one in the car. Harry.
00:28:09 Harry, stop.
00:28:12 - I think it's going down.
00:28:14 - Check the back seat.
00:28:16 The keys! Get the keys!
00:28:24 Perry.
00:28:27 Perry?
00:28:30 Shit.
00:28:35 Perry!
00:28:40 Where'd she come from?
00:28:43 She was in the trunk.
00:28:47 Oh, Jesus.
00:28:49 God, what did they do to her face?
00:28:53 - is she dead?
00:28:57 Of course she's fucking dead.
00:29:13 - Hey, what the hell's going on?
00:29:17 - Hey, we got a dead girl here!
00:29:20 Two guys in masks,
00:29:22 What the fuck is going on?
00:29:24 We gotta roll before the cops come.
00:29:26 - Nix. We go right to the cops.
00:29:29 ...who'll believe that she broke her neck
00:29:33 What?
00:29:35 - Come on, we gotta go.
00:29:37 - We gotta go. Go, go, go.
00:29:40 Oh, God.
00:29:42 - All right, we're out of here.
00:29:45 Where's my gun?
00:29:46 - No, I...
00:29:48 - I got rid of it.
00:29:50 Threw it in the lake.
00:29:52 I got priors in New York,
00:29:55 - You threw it away?
00:29:57 - Watch it. Relax.
00:30:00 - I got a little nonplussed there.
00:30:03 - What is that? Is that a clue?
00:30:06 - Do you see that?
00:30:08 What were you thinking?
00:30:10 My $2000 ceramic Vektor
00:30:13 ...you threw next to the car.
00:30:16 You think they'll find my pistol?
00:30:18 Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary.
00:30:22 - A picture of me?
00:30:24 ...the definition of the word "idiot,"
00:30:29 Bitch client.
00:30:31 Hires me, has me witness a murder.
00:30:34 - Can I use a dry towel? This towel's wet.
00:30:36 - This towel is wet.
00:30:38 This was for your shoes.
00:30:41 - This is wet. Can I use a dry...?
00:30:44 - Can I...?
00:30:47 Shit better be improving your acting.
00:31:02 - Get out.
00:31:04 Whatever. Out.
00:31:06 Go. Sleep badly.
00:31:09 Any questions, hesitate to call.
00:31:11 - Bad.
00:31:13 Sleep bad.
00:31:15 Otherwise, it seems like
00:31:18 What, fuckhead? "Badly" is an adverb.
00:31:24 - I'll give you a buzz.
00:31:36 That's all right, don't apologize.
00:31:38 - Blow me. You forgot this.
00:31:42 - Hello?
00:31:45 - Speaking.
00:31:47 Mind answering a question or two?
00:31:49 Of course, no problem.
00:31:51 Are you familiar with a woman
00:31:55 Yeah, what's this...?
00:31:56 Are you aware of giving your number
00:31:59 - On a slip of paper, perhaps?
00:32:01 - Are you sure?
00:32:05 We're required by law to treat every
00:32:09 Harmony Lane shot herself, sir.
00:32:11 - Suicide?
00:32:14 Hello?
00:32:15 Hello?
00:32:20 - I'll be goddamned.
00:32:27 Don't blame yourself. Listen...
00:32:29 - ... sometimes these things just happen...
00:32:32 For a reason? Fuck that.
00:32:36 Why? Because I fall off a building,
00:32:40 ...survive a bus crash?
00:32:42 Swell, they're enjoying Baltimore.
00:32:47 I've been to Baltimore, you win.
00:32:51 Listen...
00:32:55 - ... I'm really sorry. I gotta go.
00:33:01 I gotta go.
00:33:05 I have to go.
00:33:21 Genaros. Pure drinking pleasure.
00:33:24 I prefer Genaros.
00:33:27 I suck the heads off fish.
00:33:32 Genaros.
00:33:36 I was tired. I was pissed. I was wetter
00:33:41 I needed a hot bath, a warm bed.
00:33:46 But the night had other plans for me.
00:33:49 - Oh, you did?
00:33:51 - You got the Cyber Agent.
00:33:54 You got Protocop coming too.
00:33:56 It's gonna be worth more too
00:34:01 Son of a bitch!
00:34:03 See, I forgot, old Jonny,
00:34:07 How are you?
00:34:09 Hey.
00:34:13 She's gone, Harry.
00:34:15 - Yeah.
00:34:18 I know. Who?
00:34:21 Fact is, she stole not only
00:34:25 We're very sorry about
00:34:27 So are you willing to positively identify
00:34:31 - My sister! Yes!
00:34:33 Oh, God!
00:34:35 She's never forgiven me
00:34:38 - I'm just gonna get you a blanket.
00:34:41 - But you're shivering.
00:34:43 You're freaking me out.
00:34:45 - Oh, God.
00:34:47 ...but now, I don't know, you're
00:34:51 - Okay.
00:34:52 Yesterday, Jenna,
00:34:56 She must have been broke,
00:34:58 She swiped 200 bucks, a credit card,
00:35:02 - Right.
00:35:04 - No more lies, Harry.
00:35:05 No.
00:35:07 Are you a detective?
00:35:12 - Are you a detective?
00:35:14 Flicka. Flicka.
00:35:17 She told me you were a detective.
00:35:19 - If you are, then I really need your help.
00:35:21 That's empty, honey.
00:35:23 Okay, I know this sounds crazy,
00:35:28 - My sister's been living out here...
00:35:32 What was she even doing here?
00:35:35 This was two corpses in three hours.
00:35:39 Yeah, looking back,
00:35:42 ...I wasn't really a nipple... Detective.
00:35:44 Detective. Sorry. I should've said
00:35:48 The card she stole from me
00:35:50 Right before she died, she charged over
00:35:55 Sentron something.
00:35:59 Red flag, Harry. She took her
00:36:02 Why would she even bother
00:36:05 She was murdered, Harry.
00:36:08 Honey, all right.
00:36:11 Are you gonna help me, Harry?
00:36:13 - I gotta check my schedule...
00:36:16 ...I need to get out of here,
00:36:19 - I just gotta check my schedule.
00:36:21 If you're not gonna help me,
00:36:24 - My caseload is pretty...
00:36:56 Yuck, come on.
00:37:10 - It was nothing. I didn't do anything.
00:37:13 - I didn't do anything.
00:37:16 No, there was a spider.
00:37:19 - Oh, please, whatever.
00:37:22 Look, I'll find it. I'll find the thing.
00:37:27 - Whatever. It's okay, I believe you.
00:37:30 Look, Harry, you grabbed my tit.
00:37:35 No biggie? Guy grabs your tit,
00:37:40 I mean, what kind of talk is that?
00:37:43 No, you tell me. What kind of talk
00:37:46 I can't believe that
00:37:54 See there?
00:37:56 Yeah.
00:37:58 - I trust you.
00:38:02 What is your problem? I'm letting you
00:38:05 No, but you thought I did.
00:38:07 Do you get it? I'm on the hook. The hook
00:38:11 Listen to me. I grab your tit,
00:38:15 That came out wrong.
00:38:18 ...you act like, "Oops, it's an okay lapse.
00:38:23 What the fuck kind of guys
00:38:25 I mean, are you the kind of girl
00:38:28 Who what, Harry?
00:38:31 Who what?
00:38:35 Forget it.
00:38:38 I'm sorry, just relax.
00:38:40 Okay, we'll start on your case
00:38:45 - Afternoon good?
00:38:47 - I'm going.
00:38:48 - I'm taking some sweats, all right?
00:38:52 - I'll give them back.
00:38:55 If it's in the drawer, it's clean.
00:38:58 Night, Harry.
00:39:02 Harry?
00:39:05 This is...
00:39:07 - This is really great.
00:39:10 - I'm leaving.
00:39:14 Bye.
00:39:16 Fuck off...!
00:39:18 Say again? They gave her back?
00:39:21 Yes. She's in my shower.
00:39:24 That's impossible.
00:39:27 You're right. The body can't be here.
00:39:31 - Shut up. How did they get in?
00:39:34 How am I supposed to know?
00:39:36 Okay, first things first. We gotta move
00:39:40 - Excuse me?
00:39:42 You have to move her. If it's a frame-up,
00:39:46 Do this: Wrap up the body
00:39:49 - Okay, any particular kind of gloves?
00:39:53 Will you fucking hurry?
00:39:54 - Perry?
00:39:56 - I peed on it.
00:39:58 I peed on the corpse.
00:40:01 - I'm sorry, you peed on...?
00:40:04 No, my question. I get to go first.
00:40:06 Why in poo-perfect hell
00:40:09 It's not like I did it for kicks.
00:40:11 You said this doesn't happen.
00:40:14 Shut up and listen.
00:40:17 Second, you've got to find the gun.
00:40:19 - Say this with me, "Find the gun."
00:40:22 Damn it, I threw it in the lake.
00:40:24 Not my gun, idiot. They dropped
00:40:27 Then they also have planted a gun,
00:40:30 I'll be there in four minutes.
00:40:51 Caller specified room 714, some sort of
00:40:57 Yeah, 714. Lockhart.
00:41:00 - Let me get you the key.
00:41:04 I was just up there,
00:41:07 - Let's get the key.
00:41:21 - Don't answer that.
00:41:24 - That it?
00:41:26 ...from the last guy who stayed here.
00:41:28 Fuck off. Was there a gun?
00:41:30 Yeah, it's right here. Perry,
00:41:33 I'm in town for two days, they know
00:41:36 - That's impossible.
00:41:42 I forgot to tell you, Harmony's alive.
00:41:46 - Come again?
00:42:03 See, these dudes tonight,
00:42:06 - What do they think?
00:42:09 They panic. They got a body,
00:42:12 In my shower?
00:42:14 - They were setting you up, dummy.
00:42:19 You change your tune
00:42:21 - Kiss me.
00:42:27 Check out Doris and Lucinda
00:42:38 These lessons suck.
00:42:40 I quit. This is not being a detective.
00:42:43 ...people kissing people. This is wrong.
00:42:47 Somebody wanna fill me in?
00:42:51 She thinks I'm a detective,
00:42:53 - What?
00:42:55 Hey.
00:42:57 Do you know the cops
00:43:00 - They are?
00:43:02 I sent them to the wrong room.
00:43:05 You did fine.
00:43:08 - Hiya, Perry.
00:43:11 Perry, what do you call it?
00:43:12 The old Bring Them In and Push
00:43:17 What's going on?
00:43:18 Why are you and Perry nacking
00:43:25 I sent her home believing, A, we'd meet
00:43:29 ...and, B, I wasn't actually gay.
00:43:31 Do not ask me how I did B.
00:43:34 Why didn't we just leave it there?
00:43:36 Think, dummy.
00:43:38 ...all of a sudden,
00:43:41 Speaking of bad ideas, what's this
00:43:45 Of all the dipshit things to do.
00:43:47 Killed herself, by the way.
00:43:49 Killed herself.
00:43:51 - Harmony's convinced...
00:43:54 - Little sis punched her own ticket.
00:43:58 All right, this looks good up ahead.
00:44:09 Sorry, sweetheart.
00:44:11 You deserved better.
00:44:24 Before I left,
00:44:26 I've never told you just how awful he
00:44:30 I'll tell you what,
00:44:33 ...so if you're just real specific,
00:44:38 I remember only lying to her one time.
00:44:41 I said to her:
00:44:42 "Maybe the man who is living here
00:44:46 You told your sister
00:44:49 No, I did one better.
00:44:51 I told her, her real father
00:44:53 ...who was in the movie
00:44:56 - Jonny Gossamer...
00:44:59 I told Jenna one day she'd go
00:45:02 ...and she'd meet her famous,
00:45:18 She believed me, Harry,
00:45:21 Okay, this is a bunch.
00:45:24 - ... process, I guess.
00:45:27 I'm on the case. Here is my card.
00:45:31 - It's a magic card, so...
00:45:34 - Just say "abracadabra."
00:45:38 It used to be "alakazam"
00:45:41 And, not to be picky,
00:45:43 No, I used to be great,
00:45:49 Hi, it's me. You hear anything?
00:45:51 No, there's nothing
00:45:53 I'm busy working on Harmony's case.
00:45:56 What case? Leave her alone.
00:45:58 News on Channel 5, just starting.
00:46:02 ...a kidnapping gone wrong.
00:46:05 ...was subsequently murdered
00:46:07 ...for she was almost certainly killed
00:46:11 Veronica Dexter was reported missing
00:46:14 ...when she failed to greet
00:46:17 Miss Dexter recently made headlines
00:46:20 ...and withdrew her multimillion-dollar
00:46:23 ...actor-turned-entrepreneur
00:46:26 Mr. Dexter owns
00:46:29 His wife died last spring,
00:46:32 ...and a father-daughter reconciliation
00:46:36 Veronica Dexter,
00:46:41 We were just at that party.
00:46:43 ...that the girl in the lake,
00:46:46 Positive ID, scars, dental records.
00:46:48 - You talked to your police guy?
00:46:51 The lab report came back,
00:46:54 Boils down to this:
00:46:56 Veronica Dexter, yesterday afternoon
00:47:00 Went off to the airport, pick up
00:47:04 - That was the last anybody saw of her?
00:47:08 Police ever find the car?
00:47:09 No, genius, that was us. Remember?
00:47:12 Oh, yeah, right.
00:47:14 - The killers were at the party, Harry.
00:47:16 - The killers were at Dexter's?
00:47:20 It's getting too scary. You gotta bail.
00:47:23 But I got my screen test Tuesday.
00:47:26 - You're not getting the part.
00:47:29 - I know it's a long shot.
00:47:32 You're not listening to me.
00:47:35 You're not gonna get the part, okay?
00:47:40 Do you get me now?
00:47:42 Dabney, he unearths a discovery.
00:47:46 Flies him out here,
00:47:49 ...screen tests,
00:47:52 You were just being used.
00:47:53 Shave a couple million
00:47:58 Sorry, chief. There it is.
00:48:01 I'm not gonna lie to you anymore.
00:48:05 I understand if you wanna
00:48:08 You sissy bitch!
00:48:10 Stop.
00:48:12 Don't bother asking Harmony out
00:48:14 She wasn't very happy to find out that
00:48:19 - You told her?
00:48:21 Pick them up.
00:48:24 Why did you tell her?
00:48:27 - I am an idiot. I thought we were friends.
00:48:30 - I was in trouble, you were there for me.
00:48:33 I was there protecting
00:48:36 He pays me to insulate him
00:48:44 I'm not a nice man, Harry.
00:48:47 Go home before something bad
00:48:50 - What, are you threatening me?
00:48:52 Go home before the bad guys
00:48:55 Right, I get it. Fine.
00:48:58 Merry Christmas.
00:49:00 No problem. Don't quit your gay job.
00:49:15 Arriving passengers
00:49:19 ...may retrieve their baggage
00:49:26 Hey, Flicka. Hey, it's me, Harry.
00:49:29 Remember me?
00:49:32 - She doesn't want to talk to you.
00:49:34 Did you ever think maybe
00:49:37 I just saw your really distinctive ears.
00:49:40 You look different,
00:49:42 - Maybe it's you I'm interested in.
00:49:44 Not really. Look, she must have
00:49:48 - Forget it. This is between you two.
00:49:51 I'm going back to the East Coast,
00:49:54 No? Come on,
00:49:57 Just anything before I split.
00:50:01 - I'm gonna regret this.
00:50:03 ...and that is a very smart suit,
00:50:08 - It's not here, that's funny.
00:50:11 Nothing.
00:50:13 Oh, God. Everyone's got a stage name.
00:50:16 Ames. Allison Ames.
00:50:19 Okay, well, I'll just write it down
00:50:22 Hey! Say that name again.
00:50:24 - Allison Ames.
00:50:27 - That's her stage name.
00:50:30 That's the name on her credit cards.
00:50:31 - How am I supposed to know?
00:00:02 Later.
00:00:04 You have reached the offices
00:00:09 Newsflash, Perry. Your client, Ames,
00:00:12 Repeat, the little sister.
00:00:14 That's where Harmony's
00:00:16 It's in your bank,
00:00:18 Her kid sister hired you.
00:00:20 Do you get this? Your case and my case
00:00:26 - Come on!
00:00:29 I'm at the airport, right,
00:00:34 - Did I just cut off your finger?
00:00:36 It's on the floor, to my periph... I don't
00:00:41 Thanks.
00:00:49 You're a genius, Harry.
00:00:51 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry I had to bail
00:00:54 I am going nuts here.
00:00:57 What's my sister's connection
00:01:00 She predicted that murder, Harry. She
00:01:04 That whole thing is wild. You know what
00:01:08 Oh, God, Harry,
00:01:12 It's fine. It's all shut up.
00:01:15 - Where's Perry? We gotta find him.
00:01:18 I'm working a party on Sunset Plaza.
00:01:20 Remember you said the killer may have
00:01:24 - Well, that whole bunch is here tonight.
00:01:28 I'll see if I can stir up the kettle, stick
00:01:32 Maybe you could put the hat
00:01:35 ...and if they shoot at it, it'll ricochet.
00:01:39 Give me the address. I'm coming.
00:01:43 I showed up mildly whacked
00:01:45 ...thinking Harmony's theory
00:01:48 Hi.
00:01:50 What if little sis had been murdered
00:01:53 ...who offed Veronica Dexter?
00:01:54 Remember?
00:01:57 Then and there, I made a decision.
00:01:58 If it fucking killed me,
00:02:02 ...until I got, like, two more Demerol.
00:02:05 No, seriously, I was on the case.
00:02:28 - I got it.
00:02:30 Just now. My friend Tiff
00:02:35 - "Lord of the Cock Rings."
00:02:38 Copyright infringement, she'd get fired.
00:02:42 If Jenna was hunting her mystery dad,
00:02:46 - Jesus, don't patronize me!
00:02:48 - You're patronizing me.
00:02:52 I don't know if this guy's
00:02:55 ...but when you were in the bathroom,
00:02:58 What? What is it out here
00:03:02 Please, they're no different
00:03:05 They are. These are damaged goods,
00:03:09 Take a guy who sleeps with 100 women
00:03:12 ...dollars to doughnuts,
00:03:15 Now, you take one of these gals
00:03:19 ...and I bet you
00:03:22 ...there's something rotten in Denver.
00:03:24 - Denmark.
00:03:26 ...it's abuse. It's, "My uncle
00:03:29 Then they all come out here.
00:03:31 It's like someone took America
00:03:34 ...and all the normal girls
00:03:36 Okay, everybody who hates Harry
00:03:41 - See that? Obedient little bitches too.
00:03:45 Hey.
00:03:47 Okay, you've got 30 of my
00:03:53 All right, guys, cast list.
00:03:54 Catch. That's the credit card
00:03:58 So who's in this cinematic milestone?
00:04:00 - We got a Michael Beck, whoever that is.
00:04:05 - ... Olivia Newton-John and Gene Kelly.
00:04:09 - What?
00:04:11 Perry, listen up. I know this is
00:04:14 We gotta lose the hat.
00:04:17 - God, I'm working!
00:04:19 Seriously, don't jump all over me.
00:04:23 - That's Harlan Dexter.
00:04:25 - Who's Har...? What?
00:04:27 He's 20 years younger,
00:04:30 Always sees the inside of a police van.
00:04:34 No way.
00:04:37 This kind of makes sense. He had
00:04:40 Used to be an actor.
00:04:42 I remember him now. 1980.
00:04:46 - Young.
00:04:48 In Indiana. He was there
00:04:50 Remember, I told you he looked familiar.
00:04:55 And your sister has to have seen this,
00:04:59 You tell your sister a fairy tale
00:05:02 And 20 years later, she comes out
00:05:09 I've got a surveillance
00:05:12 I gotta follow some chick around
00:05:16 This is not a book. This is not a movie.
00:05:18 We got it. Do you think I'm stupid?
00:05:20 You wouldn't know where
00:05:23 ...if you didn't flap your mouth so much.
00:05:28 Harry, don't listen to a word he says,
00:05:32 I'll call you tomorrow.
00:05:35 Good.
00:05:53 - Excuse me.
00:05:56 - I'm just gonna...
00:05:58 Great, this is fucking rich.
00:06:02 Well, now, here we all are:
00:06:05 - Ike, Mike and Mustard.
00:06:09 I'm with him on this one.
00:06:12 - I hear that all the time.
00:06:14 - Yeah, sure.
00:06:17 - Just because you didn't get it...
00:06:21 This is bullshit. What will you do,
00:06:24 - Keep talking. Keep talking.
00:06:28 I'm the frying pan, see?
00:06:31 He's Mustard.
00:06:33 - Sure.
00:06:35 - Fuck you, Mr. Mustard.
00:06:38 Now, me and my man, we're puzzled
00:06:42 Such as why is a savvy, stand-up cat
00:06:49 Frolicking in the lake together.
00:06:51 You're the guys
00:06:54 - You don't ask the questions.
00:06:57 God, you just tore up my fucking
00:07:01 I bet there's a doctor in New York,
00:07:04 Clear it right up.
00:07:10 L.A. don't want you no more,
00:07:13 All right?
00:07:17 - How much further to the hospital?
00:07:19 Talk to me. Our mascot,
00:07:23 Come on, Harry, stay with me.
00:07:26 Whitey, the white knight. Whitey.
00:07:28 I guess it's better
00:07:31 Then it'd be Knighty Knight. Soon
00:07:35 - It's very emasculating.
00:07:39 You said it's a black guy
00:07:41 You're right.
00:07:43 - Let me find a pen.
00:07:47 Are we slowing down?
00:07:48 - No, I'm getting a pen.
00:07:51 - Tell me you're not following them.
00:07:55 - Oh, shit. They're turning.
00:07:59 Holy shit.
00:08:01 Perry's stakeout. It's a setup. They're
00:08:06 Wait a second! My finger's hanging off.
00:08:09 We're gonna go save Perry,
00:08:12 Then we'll go fix your finger.
00:08:13 It'll be like, "Hey, Perry, look out."
00:08:17 - Cool?
00:08:21 Bingo. All right. All right, Harry.
00:08:24 Twelve o'clock, that's them.
00:08:31 God, Harry. Shit, if I leave the keys,
00:08:36 - Oh, yeah, sure.
00:08:38 - I got the gun you gave me.
00:09:37 Perry!
00:09:40 Now, where you going?
00:09:46 No, no, no. Don't fight it.
00:09:49 Let it happen, baby.
00:10:25 Perry!
00:10:33 Perry, watch out!
00:10:47 Son of a bitch!
00:10:57 How about that, you fucking animals!
00:11:23 - Perry.
00:11:25 - He got away.
00:11:28 - I couldn't shoot him, Perry. Oh, God.
00:11:31 We gotta go now.
00:11:49 Hello?
00:12:02 Anyone home?
00:12:11 Hello?
00:12:14 Anyone home?
00:12:19 All right, first things first.
00:12:23 I know, I know. I've...
00:12:25 I know you said that there was
00:12:30 I saw him shot to death.
00:12:32 - I was scared.
00:12:38 We can absolutely
00:12:42 Thank you. Thank you so much.
00:12:44 It's nothing against your boss.
00:12:47 I spoke to him.
00:12:49 You'll never have to go through anything
00:12:52 I swear.
00:12:54 Promise?
00:12:56 Yep.
00:13:08 Who are you?
00:13:10 Who are you?
00:13:14 Who...?
00:13:59 Well, hey.
00:14:04 So you still here, huh, tough guy?
00:14:09 Oh, you got a gun, I see.
00:14:12 Well, damn, you are tough.
00:15:03 Sorry.
00:15:18 Fuck.
00:15:32 Hey. Hey!
00:15:34 Sit.
00:15:43 - Yeah? What?
00:15:45 I'm with one of the kidnappers. One of
00:15:49 Come here, you fuck.
00:15:50 Wipe the place clean
00:15:53 I want to, but I can't.
00:15:54 - So do it.
00:15:58 - No one's gonna dust the fucking dog.
00:16:02 - ... with the print part.
00:16:06 Hang on.
00:16:08 Shit. Well, I think...
00:16:12 I think we're safe.
00:16:14 Harry?
00:16:16 - Harry?
00:16:20 I never did that before.
00:16:24 Harry, listen...
00:16:35 ...link to the items found
00:16:38 ...to the kidnap-murder
00:16:41 Police theorize a falling out
00:16:43 ...resulting in at least two deaths,
00:16:47 So this evening,
00:16:50 To tell you the truth, Jonny Gossamer
00:16:54 There's always the part
00:16:56 Yeah, tortured, sure. Then he usually
00:17:01 Yeah, 16 guys. It's always 16.
00:17:08 So this thing, it's over, right? They say
00:17:13 Well, Harry, I'd be lying to you
00:17:15 ...that I still didn't have
00:17:18 Harmony's sister.
00:17:20 If she stumbles on a murder plot,
00:17:23 - Why not simply go to the police?
00:17:26 ...this Veronica Dexter
00:17:30 So the whole reconcilement thing?
00:17:33 "Reconciliation," idiot.
00:17:35 She comes back to the States, drops
00:17:39 - Suddenly they're inseparable?
00:17:42 We're gonna, like, probe deeper?
00:17:45 - Absolutely not.
00:17:46 What are you talking about?
00:17:49 - What, you're gonna bail?
00:17:51 ...do you want your sister's
00:17:54 In the meantime, back off.
00:17:56 Before you get me and Harry killed.
00:18:12 Pardon me.
00:18:14 Hey, I lucked out.
00:18:16 - Lucky you.
00:18:19 No, I don't wanna come up.
00:18:22 - They cleaned it.
00:18:30 You know what, Harry? Stop.
00:18:33 Why'd you lie to me?
00:18:37 It was an excuse to stay around you.
00:18:41 You are such a dumb-ass.
00:18:44 - I am so not who you think I am, Harry.
00:18:48 You think I'm... You think I'm amazing.
00:18:51 You do. You think I'm so amazing...
00:18:54 ...because that's who
00:18:56 Yeah, that was the game plan.
00:18:58 - You know what? It worked.
00:19:01 - My opinion doesn't count?
00:19:04 Because you're new here.
00:19:06 Look around,
00:19:08 I don't want younger and better,
00:19:10 I'm such a moron. I'm sorry.
00:19:13 - It doesn't matter, I'm going. Look, just...
00:19:19 I steal shit.
00:19:25 - Come again?
00:19:27 I steal audio-visual components.
00:19:29 I steal. I robbed a house.
00:19:32 It's a cool watch. It's got this
00:19:36 ...from the lobby,
00:19:40 I've never finished anything
00:19:47 Not school, not marriage, nothing.
00:19:50 And I have this thing where,
00:19:54 ...and I cut and run.
00:19:56 Like the other night
00:19:59 ...and you gave up
00:20:01 Prime example. I switched to the ugly
00:20:05 She's homely.
00:20:09 Don't go. Please.
00:20:12 Not yet.
00:20:14 This isn't finished.
00:20:25 - Turn around.
00:20:26 - Just turn around.
00:20:29 - This dump have a bar?
00:20:33 - Call me "Slick" from here on out.
00:20:36 You snagged a ton of gum.
00:20:38 - I mean, petty theft...
00:20:41 I really didn't need
00:20:45 Oh, God.
00:21:02 I just had a weird thought.
00:21:04 Veronica Dexter. I saw the body
00:21:08 Both times, the dress was soaked
00:21:12 God, Harry,
00:21:15 No, no, no. It's just...
00:21:17 Perry said this chick was deep
00:21:20 ...so it's probably nothing,
00:21:26 ...I didn't see any.
00:21:32 - I guess I'm taking the couch.
00:21:35 Or you can sleep here.
00:21:42 If that's gonna frustrate you.
00:21:45 Let's see.
00:21:54 Oh, Harry.
00:21:59 So long ago.
00:22:03 Didn't really turn out
00:22:08 I guess if I racked my brain,
00:22:17 - Is that so, Whitey?
00:22:21 - Calling me a knight?
00:22:23 Except for the boner.
00:22:26 The hell it isn't.
00:22:36 Fuck it, I'm not a knight. I'm sorry.
00:22:38 I'm thinking...
00:22:40 - ... the couch is good.
00:22:43 Or I can keep drinking
00:22:45 Harry, seriously,
00:22:48 ...I am more than happy
00:22:50 - For chrissake, no.
00:22:52 I don't want you to offer it as...
00:22:55 - You're so anal.
00:22:58 "Let me just give you a hand here"...
00:23:01 ...as a kind of, like,
00:23:27 You're gonna stop calling me.
00:23:30 No. You know, that's crazy.
00:23:32 I swear to God, this is it.
00:23:34 You are the dream girl.
00:23:37 This is destiny.
00:23:40 Okay.
00:23:47 Before we do this...
00:23:50 ...I have a little confession to make.
00:23:53 My best friend! You said you were going
00:23:58 I was leaving for L.A.
00:24:01 - He looked sad.
00:24:02 - Yes, he did.
00:24:05 Fuck. For chrissake, Harry,
00:24:08 Come on,
00:24:10 - You slept with Chook. Excuse me.
00:24:12 - Watch your hand.
00:24:55 - Yeah.
00:25:00 The Dexter girl, was she raped?
00:25:03 No, the ME's report showed no
00:25:07 You slept with Chook Chutney.
00:25:26 Wake up. Harry, wake up.
00:25:32 - Get up.
00:25:34 Harmony's in trouble. Get dressed.
00:25:37 Let's go.
00:25:40 Perry, it's me. Listen,
00:25:44 I'm gonna go
00:25:46 Call me. If I'm right, you'll shit.
00:25:49 - What did you say to her?
00:25:51 - I don't get what's happening.
00:25:54 That sly little minx of yours has solved
00:25:59 - You're worried.
00:26:01 Of course. If you are, I should be.
00:26:03 Now, what did you say? Think.
00:26:05 - You said something about the case.
00:26:08 What?
00:26:16 I tell him about destiny.
00:26:18 About dream girls, he doesn't care.
00:26:22 ...he has a fucking conniption.
00:26:24 And you?
00:26:28 Have you solved the case
00:26:31 Times Square audiences,
00:26:34 And stop picking at that,
00:26:39 - This won't take a second.
00:26:55 Hi. How are you doing tonight?
00:26:58 They gave away my crickets.
00:27:04 Excuse me, you wouldn't, by chance,
00:27:08 No. I don't like him.
00:27:12 Of course. That's sad.
00:27:14 Ma'am, I hope you won't be offended
00:27:17 ...if you're wearing anything at all
00:27:21 Any undergarments. It's important.
00:27:37 That's the clue.
00:27:40 Private mental clinic,
00:27:44 How could she be here and meanwhile,
00:27:47 Think. First she hates her dad, then loves
00:27:51 - I'll tell you why.
00:27:58 Oh, my God.
00:28:00 He stashed his daughter in here,
00:28:04 He needs someone who looks like her
00:28:08 - It's been 10 years.
00:28:10 - It's right out of a Gossamer book.
00:28:12 ...because the guy who planned
00:28:15 He's read them all. They're in his house.
00:28:20 ...movie.
00:28:23 You're telling me the girl imposter...
00:28:25 A desperate man needs
00:28:27 Along comes a girl, Harmony's sister.
00:28:29 - Fresh off the bus, looking for her dad.
00:28:33 Let's get out of here.
00:28:37 - So where did she go from here?
00:28:40 By the way, this thing:
00:28:42 Single gayest thing you've ever done.
00:28:44 - Evening, gentlemen.
00:28:47 Mr. Van Shrike, hello.
00:28:49 You look chilly. Come back inside.
00:28:52 I'm from back East.
00:28:54 - Fuck! He's the one who said it.
00:29:02 Harry, I was thinking some more
00:29:06 Like in the movies, when a guy sticks
00:29:11 - "Let's take a walk." He's got a hostage.
00:29:14 In reality, the pros like about
00:29:18 That's so the schmuck doesn't take
00:29:25 Doesn't that suck?
00:29:27 Watch it.
00:29:35 - Tell us where Harmony is.
00:29:38 You don't get it, do you?
00:29:41 This is fag and New Yorker.
00:29:45 For chrissake, who are you protecting?
00:29:49 - Down.
00:29:52 I know Dexter was facing ruin.
00:29:55 Which, for God's sake, actually
00:29:59 - Then he had to kill her, huh?
00:30:02 - I'm asking a question.
00:30:04 ...then it seems like
00:30:07 And for the record, it was the boyfriend,
00:30:10 He would've spotted the fake and said,
00:30:14 - Fuck you!
00:30:16 So Dexter had Veronica killed,
00:30:19 ...dumped the body and walked away
00:30:23 - Underpants.
00:30:26 Yeah.
00:30:28 You think that's funny, huh?
00:30:32 I want you to picture a bullet inside
00:30:36 Fuck you.
00:30:38 - Anyway, that's ambiguous.
00:30:41 He means when you say,
00:30:44 ...is that "a bullet
00:30:46 - ... or "picture it in your head"?
00:30:49 I don't know anything about a girl,
00:30:53 - I think that you are bluffing right now.
00:30:57 What I'm doing for the guy
00:31:00 ...is I'm playing a little game called
00:31:05 Where the fuck is Harmony?
00:31:08 Where is the girl?
00:31:11 What did you just do?
00:31:13 - I just put in one bullet, didn't I?
00:31:17 Yeah, there was like
00:31:20 - Eight? Who taught you math?
00:31:24 Shit!
00:31:26 - Hello?
00:31:28 - Hey, it's me.
00:31:31 - What's going on?
00:31:33 - At home.
00:31:34 I just got back. I was in the Hills
00:31:37 - You don't sound so good.
00:31:41 Oh, forget it. It's just crazy.
00:31:43 No, it's not crazy. Listen...
00:31:45 - It's right out of a Gossamer book.
00:31:49 - Eight percent.
00:31:51 No, not you. Listen, call downtown...
00:31:54 ...see if Veronica Dexter's body
00:31:57 If it has, see if there's
00:32:00 - Wait, Perry.
00:32:05 Look, he was gonna kill you anyway.
00:32:12 Cover him up. I'll get the car.
00:32:16 - All right, that's pretty much all done.
00:32:20 I got an idea. I say we take
00:32:26 To the racetrack and buy
00:32:30 What do you say, Perry?
00:32:35 Aurelio, give Mr. Van Shrike
00:32:46 Fucking maricôn.
00:32:52 Toss it here. Let's see who it is.
00:32:57 We're in trouble. Dexter's got us.
00:33:03 He just asked a carpet-cleaning service
00:33:07 Sorry, kid. Good hands, though.
00:33:09 Thanks. Used to be a magician.
00:33:13 And for 39.99 we'll carpet
00:33:18 That's a $40 value. Act today.
00:33:24 That chick in the casket,
00:33:27 ...ringer you been toting around.
00:33:31 He did, Harry.
00:33:35 Yeah, you ready?
00:33:38 Speak of the devil. Gotta go.
00:33:41 Perry, nice to have known you.
00:33:46 - Harry.
00:33:47 Harry from New York.
00:33:49 I hope you don't judge Los Angeles
00:34:01 I'm kind of scared here, Perry.
00:34:04 Aurelio, why don't you give
00:34:06 Do unto others and all that.
00:34:09 - Who else knows?
00:34:11 I'm not even from here, you fuck-up.
00:34:26 Mr. Dexter, the coffin's good to go.
00:34:28 Okay, let's burn the bitch.
00:34:34 You could zap his chest.
00:34:36 But we know why you gotta do
00:34:39 You like looking at his johnson,
00:34:41 Admit it, dude, you got it in you.
00:34:46 Enough! Look me in the eyes and
00:34:51 - Fuck you, maricôn! Fuck you!
00:34:54 - You want to fuck me.
00:34:58 - If you are not gay, just say so.
00:35:01 - Look at him. He can't even say it.
00:35:05 - Can't wait to have you as a patient.
00:35:07 - This is what you want. Here.
00:35:09 Take a look. You want some of this
00:35:13 Just shut up!
00:35:18 Yeah!
00:35:22 Homophobes never check there.
00:35:26 Thank God you had a gun in there.
00:35:30 ...like somehow
00:35:33 - Are you okay?
00:35:36 Gentlemen, let's wrap it up
00:35:41 - Who's driving?
00:35:44 All right.
00:35:51 - This way, come on.
00:35:59 - Yeah.
00:36:02 Oh, God, how did you get away?
00:36:04 I shot him with a small revolver
00:36:07 I can't get to my car. We're near Olive
00:36:11 I'm in a van with the body.
00:36:14 All right, be where I can see you.
00:36:18 Shit, they're on my tail. I gotta go.
00:36:32 Right there. She's right there! Shit.
00:36:43 Harmony!
00:37:02 Harmony!
00:37:20 - Harmony!
00:37:51 Come on, we gotta go. They're coming
00:37:57 Perry, what's wrong?
00:38:02 Come on, breathe.
00:38:19 Harry.
00:38:27 Harold.
00:38:53 Harold...
00:38:55 ...use your awesome might.
00:38:59 Save me from this hopeless plight.
00:39:04 Harold...
00:39:57 Harmony!
00:40:11 Captain Fucking Magic.
00:40:20 Come on!
00:40:34 No.
00:40:43 There, all done.
00:40:48 Finished.
00:40:59 Harry.
00:41:03 - Did you call me?
00:41:07 No, no. Look, you want
00:41:12 Cool! This stopped the bullet, Harry.
00:41:23 No, not really.
00:41:26 Oh, Harry.
00:41:27 Oh, God, Harry.
00:41:33 Harry.
00:41:44 - Hi. Welcome back.
00:41:51 - How many fingers?
00:41:56 You feeling okay? How's your...?
00:41:59 - My what?
00:42:01 - Everything down there.
00:42:07 It's Christmas,
00:42:10 Your present is you're not in jail,
00:42:12 Yeah, boo, hiss, I know.
00:42:15 In movies where the studio gets all
00:42:19 ...so the guy shows up, he's magically
00:42:23 I mean, shit,
00:42:27 But the point is, in this case,
00:42:31 Perry, like, lived.
00:42:34 ...but what do you want me to do,
00:42:37 So you found something out?
00:42:38 Yeah. But you're not gonna like it.
00:42:43 Dexter didn't murder your sister.
00:42:46 That's crazy. He was using my sister
00:42:50 Never happened.
00:42:54 The ringer was a girl named Mia Frye,
00:43:01 When she wasn't impersonating
00:43:03 ...she wore a pink wig.
00:43:08 But my sister sent you up
00:43:14 Your sister was convinced
00:43:18 ...so she started following him,
00:43:20 Do you see where I'm going with this?
00:43:23 One day your sister came calling,
00:43:26 ...in bed with the pink-haired girl.
00:43:29 What she thought
00:43:31 Remember,
00:43:34 It was too much for her.
00:43:35 First the old father,
00:43:40 She couldn't handle it,
00:43:46 What she hired me to film
00:43:52 I'm sorry.
00:43:54 So much for unreality.
00:43:57 I said goodbye...
00:43:58 ...watched Jonny's world
00:44:02 But while it lasted, brother...
00:44:06 ...it was one for the books.
00:44:09 You should've told me
00:44:12 I should be pissed.
00:44:14 You should have told me that when you
00:44:18 - That's cross-dressing, imbecile.
00:44:20 Half those guys are straight.
00:44:24 How about you?
00:44:26 Sometimes. You know, when I dressed
00:44:30 Well, he used to beat me in Morse code,
00:44:33 ...but he never
00:44:36 - Harry.
00:44:38 Don't steal any more shit.
00:44:42 You're not a punk.
00:44:47 You bet I'll turn around.
00:44:49 You like that, huh?
00:44:50 I saw him in the commissary twice.
00:44:54 He doesn't know he's gay.
00:44:57 So that's pretty much that.
00:44:59 We went back to Indiana,
00:45:04 Don't worry,
00:45:06 I won't have the movie end 17 times.
00:45:08 There is, though, one final scene
00:45:21 Do I know you?
00:45:27 No. Just in town for the funeral.
00:45:30 What do you want?
00:45:31 The zoo was closed, so I thought
00:45:36 Son of a...
00:45:37 Who do you think you're talking to?
00:45:40 I buried my daughter today.
00:45:43 No.
00:45:45 You buried her 20 years ago.
00:45:48 Harmony was right,
00:45:53 You pulled the trigger. It just took
00:45:58 Who are you?
00:46:01 I loved my girl.
00:46:04 You fucker!
00:46:07 Yeah? Well, you can't.
00:46:12 You bastard!
00:46:17 An old man that can't defend himself.
00:46:20 Big tough guy.
00:46:22 Yeah, that's right.
00:46:25 Big tough guy.
00:46:41 I prefer Genaros, but what do I know?
00:46:55 That's it. That's the true story
00:46:59 That was some pretty harsh shit
00:47:02 But whatever, he's creepy.
00:47:06 Anyhow, so...
00:47:08 Thanks for coming.
00:47:10 Thanks for taking the trip to L.A.
00:47:14 If I had to sum it up,
00:47:16 Because, you know,
00:47:19 ...I would say that this movie is about...
00:47:24 - Friendship is sacred.
00:47:26 I'm trying to wrap up the movie...
00:47:28 ...and leave the people
00:47:31 I've got a message for you.
00:47:34 Sorry. I work for Perry now.
00:47:37 - And stop narrating.
00:47:39 That's it.
00:47:41 If you're wondering who the best boy is,
00:47:45 Don't forget to validate your parking.
00:47:47 For all of you good people
00:47:49 ...sorry we said "fuck" so much.
00:47:51 - Say good night.
00:47:53 Now, go. Vanish.