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Knocked Up en
00:00:04	(SHIMMY SHIMMY YA PLAYING)
00:00:29	(YELLING)
00:00:46	Light your nuts on fire.
00:00:47	Fuck! Fuck! My hands!
00:00:50	Too hot for Jonah!
00:00:52	I got fucking water
00:01:00	(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
00:01:07	(WHOOPS)
00:01:10	(SCREAMING)
00:01:13	Oh, my God!
00:01:21	I got to get off! I got
00:01:26	(ALARM BEEPING)
00:01:42	Sadie, wake up!
00:01:44	Oh, my gosh!
00:01:46	Daddy, wake up!
00:01:51	Okay, I'm up.
00:01:59	Is that my genius over here?
00:02:02	(PETE IMITATING AIRPLANE)
00:02:03	(GRUNTING)
00:02:06	I need you to take the kids
00:02:08	I would, but I'm supposed
00:02:11	Yeah. I got an appointment
00:02:15	You didn't tell me that.
00:02:17	Last week I told you.
00:02:19	I did. And then I wrote it
00:02:21	No, you didn't tell me.
00:02:23	I did tell you.
00:02:24	but what are we gonna do,
00:02:27	So you're taking
00:02:30	Don't use the baby
00:02:33	I can drive them.
00:02:36	Thank you very much.
00:02:38	You turned my sister
00:02:40	I don't mind.
00:02:41	(BLOWING)
00:02:43	(LAUGHING)
00:02:46	(GIGGLING)
00:02:48	What are you giggling about?
00:02:51	Be quiet.
00:02:56	Poo poo.
00:02:59	You know what
00:03:00	I googled "murder."
00:03:03	Yeah.
00:03:05	I mean, what did it say?
00:03:06	It didn't say anything.
00:03:08	of people lying dead
00:03:14	That was just ketchup.
00:03:16	Who wants to hear some music?
00:03:19	I want to hear Green Day!
00:03:21	No, we're listening to Rent!
00:03:23	Well, I want to listen
00:03:24	I got your baby!
00:03:26	Don't taunt her. Come on.
00:03:29	Sadie! Why did you just
00:03:32	She hit me.
00:03:33	Did you hit her?
00:03:36	Make her happy. It's okay.
00:03:38	It won't make her happy.
00:03:40	She spilled all the
00:03:41	Well, give her
00:03:43	All right? Are you sure
00:03:46	Because this is serious.
00:03:48	Martin, all right, listen.
00:03:50	You don't shave your beard
00:03:53	and if you can do that,
00:03:56	But if you shave,
00:04:00	Thanks for
00:04:01	Hey, Martin, was it weird
00:04:03	being American
00:04:05	Like when you see
00:04:07	Just watch your back, Serpico.
00:04:10	(ALL LAUGHING)
00:04:11	Okay, all right. You guys
00:04:13	But, Martin, it's a competition.
00:04:17	We're gonna make fun of you
00:04:19	That's the rules.
00:04:20	You're supposed to be
00:04:21	Your face looks
00:04:23	(LAUGHING)
00:04:25	You guys aren't allowed
00:04:27	Martin, why didn't you
00:04:30	You just looked
00:04:32	It was like talking
00:04:35	(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
00:04:37	BEN: Okay, guys, are you ready?
00:04:39	So, " Only at
00:04:44	"exactly how long
00:04:49	MARTIN: Nice.
00:04:50	Pretty good, right?
00:04:51	Yeah. Yeah, ka-ching.
00:04:53	All right, guys,
00:04:55	Charles Manson?
00:04:57	Good, awesome,
00:04:59	Jamie Lee Curtis. I got
00:05:03	Both chesticles.
00:05:04	(LAUGHING)
00:05:07	I got Julianne
00:05:10	Short Cuts, two hours,
00:05:14	Julianne Moore special.
00:05:16	I've seen that,
00:05:17	and from the look of her bush,
00:05:20	Nice.
00:05:23	Her bush looks like
00:05:26	and without
00:05:28	(ALL LAUGHING)
00:05:30	Red Bush.
00:05:33	Red Bush.
00:05:36	SEACREST: So if you want that
00:05:39	We'll be right back
00:05:41	Okay.
00:05:44	Let me check. Let me see.
00:05:46	Is she on her way?
00:05:48	Okay, let me know
00:05:50	She's about to pull in.
00:05:51	Is she camera-ready?
00:05:53	If she's gonna be in hair
00:05:56	I'm not gonna be here.
00:05:58	It's live. I got to do it.
00:06:00	What are we gonna
00:06:02	No personal questions.
00:06:04	Don't ask her about her sister
00:06:06	No plastic surgery questions.
00:06:07	No personal questions.
00:06:08	She doesn't want to talk about
00:06:12	Great. We'll talk about
00:06:16	Maybe she has a good pitch.
00:06:17	Should I ask her about Korea?
00:06:19	Maybe have her point it
00:06:22	I don't understand
00:06:24	It doesn't make any sense.
00:06:27	Hell, I'm more famous
00:06:29	No one stands up.
00:06:31	No one has the balls
00:06:32	and say,
00:06:33	But everybody works for them.
00:06:34	They're all on the payroll.
00:06:36	Nobody sits them down,
00:06:41	And all these stars
00:06:42	That's what they do.
00:06:44	And it pisses me off.
00:06:46	Okay, you want to...
00:06:48	You want us to just come
00:06:49	You want to head to
00:06:51	Just chill out? Okay.
00:06:53	Want us to bring you anything?
00:06:54	You want a cookie?
00:06:56	Okay, we'll get you a cookie.
00:06:58	ALLISON: What do we got?
00:07:00	Allison?
00:07:01	Jack and I need
00:07:03	Okay.
00:07:05	Thanks for coming in, Allison.
00:07:08	Well, we wanted
00:07:10	because we had a little debate
00:07:15	You... About me?
00:07:18	We were wondering
00:07:22	whether or not you would
00:07:25	What'd you decide?
00:07:28	They... They decided
00:07:31	and they would like
00:07:35	Really?
00:07:38	Oh, my God.
00:07:41	This is great!
00:07:43	Thank you.
00:07:46	Absolutely. I'm so excited!
00:07:49	It's a lot of work. Can't wait
00:07:51	It's gonna be tough.
00:07:53	About the work,
00:07:55	there's gonna be
00:07:58	ALLISON: Okay.
00:08:00	One of them, gym membership.
00:08:02	You want me to lose weight?
00:08:04	(LAUGHING) No, I don't
00:08:06	No. We can't legally
00:08:08	We didn't say lose weight.
00:08:12	Tight.
00:08:13	A little tighter?
00:08:16	Just like toned and smaller.
00:08:18	Don't make everything smaller.
00:08:22	Tighter.
00:08:23	We don't want you
00:08:26	Okay.
00:08:29	We would just like it
00:08:33	and write down
00:08:37	Twenty.
00:08:40	Just remember,
00:08:43	and everybody's gonna
00:08:46	Yay! That's so exciting!
00:08:51	Hey!
00:08:52	Huh?
00:08:53	I got a promotion.
00:08:55	Oh, congratulations!
00:08:56	Hey, maybe you can
00:08:58	Let's not get ahead
00:09:00	Yay!
00:09:01	Okay. Let's do it.
00:09:03	Pete'll watch the kids?
00:09:05	We can watch
00:09:07	What are you gonna do?
00:09:08	(BOTH SCREAMING)
00:09:10	I'm so excited!
00:09:13	I walked in on him
00:09:15	Did he get the
00:09:17	(LAUGHING)
00:09:19	No, he tried to pretend
00:09:23	(BOTH LAUGHING)
00:09:26	Oh, no!
00:09:27	I buy these nice towels,
00:09:31	Deb and Pete, forever.
00:09:33	And once he does that
00:09:40	I can always tell if I'm
00:09:45	Ladies?
00:09:47	If I didn't get in,
00:09:49	How long you gonna
00:09:51	What the fuck?
00:09:52	(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
00:09:57	You know what movie I just
00:10:00	mind-blowing,
00:10:03	Oh, Munich!
00:10:04	Oh, man, Munich fucking rules.
00:10:07	That movie was Eric Bana
00:10:10	Dude, every movie with Jews,
00:10:12	Munich flips it on its ear.
00:10:15	Not only killing but fucking,
00:10:17	If any of us get laid tonight,
00:10:19	I agree with that.
00:10:21	You know what is not
00:10:22	is the shoe bomber,
00:10:25	BEN: I don't like your shoes.
00:10:28	Fuck you guys.
00:10:31	So are we.
00:10:33	Yeah. Fine, screw it.
00:10:35	You werert chosen
00:10:40	It's like everyone
00:10:45	(EXCLAIMS)
00:10:46	Am I too old to be here?
00:10:48	Am I too old to be here?
00:10:50	Does it look weird
00:10:51	No, not at all.
00:10:53	Am I hotter than
00:10:55	Yes! You look amazing.
00:10:57	Guys in here would
00:10:59	That's weird to say,
00:11:02	You look hot.
00:11:03	Okay. I believe you.
00:11:05	Okay. I'm getting us drinks.
00:11:07	Yo, a beer over here, please?
00:11:09	You're gonna be embarrassed
00:11:12	God.
00:11:16	Hey, hey! Excuse me!
00:11:18	He's literally ignoring
00:11:20	Don't even bother.
00:11:22	Yeah, awesome.
00:11:24	A beer over here, please?
00:11:27	He looked at us!
00:11:29	Oh, my God. And if
00:11:33	Great. It's gonna be
00:11:35	Okay, you want a beer?
00:11:37	Well, I'm... Watch this.
00:11:40	Okay? Just observe.
00:11:43	There you go.
00:11:44	Here you go. For your trouble.
00:11:47	Thank you.
00:11:48	Are you sure?
00:11:50	I tried that once before
00:11:53	Thanks a lot.
00:11:54	Oh, fuck, fuck!
00:11:57	Oh, here, take mine.
00:12:00	Please, I very rarely
00:12:05	Thank you. Awesome.
00:12:07	I'm Allison.
00:12:12	Well, have a great night.
00:12:14	Thanks for the beer.
00:12:16	Bye. Thanks again.
00:12:19	No, I won't
00:12:24	What's up, Ben?
00:12:26	That girl. She totally
00:12:30	I just want to get
00:12:32	I'll just jerk it later.
00:12:33	Are you fucking crazy, man?
00:12:38	Who's that she's sitting with?
00:12:40	Her sister?
00:12:41	Dude, it's the dream.
00:12:44	Let's go. Come on, follow me.
00:12:46	Why?
00:12:49	Dick!
00:12:50	Hey, which one's
00:12:54	Hey, Crockett,
00:12:58	Come on, man. I'm getting
00:13:00	I don't like it anymore.
00:13:02	Was it weird when you changed
00:13:06	Yeah, it was really awkward.
00:13:07	All right, man.
00:13:09	See you, Scorsese-on-coke.
00:13:11	(GRUNTING)
00:13:14	What's that?
00:13:15	Chewbacca.
00:13:17	Oh, another beard joke.
00:13:19	Fucking hilarious!
00:13:22	Hey.
00:13:24	Hi, this is my friend, Jason.
00:13:26	I just wanted to see
00:13:29	This is my sister, Debbie.
00:13:31	Oh, hi, I'm Ben.
00:13:32	Hi. Ben?
00:13:33	Nice to meet you.
00:13:34	How you doing?
00:13:37	Just trying not to stare.
00:13:38	She's married.
00:13:39	Why do you have to say that?
00:13:41	What?
00:13:43	You're beautiful.
00:13:44	Thank you.
00:13:45	She has two kids, too.
00:13:47	Shut up!
00:13:48	What? It's nothing
00:13:49	You think that's gonna
00:13:51	It's not at all.
00:13:53	I love kids.
00:13:54	Really?
00:13:56	(CELL PHONE RINGING)
00:13:57	Excuse me.
00:14:00	Hello?
00:14:02	Yeah, she's got
00:14:03	What? Is it a rash,
00:14:07	I don't know! Google it.
00:14:09	Okay. All right, bye.
00:14:11	I got to go. Sadie might
00:14:15	I had the chicken pox
00:14:18	BEN: We don't have the heart
00:14:20	It's not herpes
00:14:22	Are you coming?
00:14:27	You know, I'm all dressed,
00:14:30	Really?
00:14:35	Okay. Be safe.
00:14:37	I will. Yeah.
00:14:40	Bye, lovely.
00:14:44	All right, I'm gonna let you
00:14:48	(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
00:14:50	Cheers.
00:14:52	To you.
00:14:55	No, no. You know, the, like,
00:14:59	E!
00:15:03	Dude, I think he's doing
00:15:07	That's really all he's got.
00:15:11	I love your curly hair!
00:15:14	Do you, like,
00:15:16	No, that's...
00:15:21	You wanna get out of here?
00:15:23	You wanna come back
00:15:25	Yes.
00:15:26	Yeah. Wicked.
00:15:28	It's really funny.
00:15:31	Let's go.
00:15:32	(STAMMERING)
00:15:34	We could get a cab up,
00:15:38	This is a big yard.
00:15:40	(SHUSHING)
00:15:41	Let's go swimming right now.
00:15:44	(BEN WHOOPS)
00:15:46	(EXCLAIMS)
00:15:48	I know. It feels so right.
00:15:52	Oh, man. Oh, man.
00:15:57	(LAUGHS)
00:15:59	(MOANING)
00:16:07	Do you have a condom?
00:16:08	Okay.
00:16:11	Okay. Okay.
00:16:22	Come on.
00:16:25	Hurry up.
00:16:27	(MOANS)
00:16:29	What are you doing?
00:16:32	Oh, God, just do it already!
00:16:34	Okay.
00:16:44	(MOANING)
00:16:48	God.
00:16:51	Oh, that's great!
00:16:53	This is lasting forever.
00:16:55	I just doubled my record time.
00:16:57	Oh, yeah. You did.
00:16:59	I'm sorry,
00:17:06	(SNORING)
00:17:19	Fuck off, Martin.
00:17:22	I said, fuck off, Martin.
00:17:28	Hi.
00:17:30	Oh. Hey.
00:17:33	Hey.
00:17:37	I'm naked.
00:17:38	Yeah.
00:17:40	(WHISPERING) Did we have sex?
00:17:41	Yes.
00:17:43	Nice.
00:17:49	What time is it?
00:17:51	7:30.
00:17:52	Why the fuck are we awake?
00:17:54	I have to go to work.
00:17:55	Really?
00:17:57	Do you need to get
00:18:00	No, I'm... No work today.
00:18:03	(LAUGHS)
00:18:08	Do you wanna get breakfast?
00:18:10	Okay.
00:18:23	Morning.
00:18:24	Good morning, Allison.
00:18:26	I'm Ben.
00:18:28	Ben.
00:18:30	How's it going?
00:18:31	Ah, to be young.
00:18:32	Stop it.
00:18:34	You stop it.
00:18:36	Okay, see you later.
00:18:38	All righty.
00:18:39	See you later. Enjoy the day.
00:18:43	Never do what they did.
00:18:45	I'm gonna do it.
00:18:46	You are? Uh-oh. Someone's
00:18:54	(SIGHS)
00:18:56	I just yacked something nasty.
00:18:59	I feel way better, though.
00:19:03	I mean, once you're hung-over,
00:19:06	It feels so... Did you puke?
00:19:07	No.
00:19:09	You can. I won't think
00:19:10	Oh, that's okay, I'm fine.
00:19:12	Okay.
00:19:14	You know, the best thing
00:19:15	Do you smoke...
00:19:17	You don't?
00:19:18	At all?
00:19:20	Like in the morning?
00:19:23	No, I just don't.
00:19:24	You know, it's like...
00:19:28	Because it fixes everything.
00:19:29	Jonah broke his elbow once.
00:19:31	He just got high,
00:19:36	Right.
00:19:39	Last night was great,
00:19:42	Right, yeah.
00:19:43	Yeah, no, it was fun.
00:19:45	Yeah.
00:19:46	So what do you do?
00:19:48	I work at E!
00:19:49	The television channel?
00:19:51	Remember?
00:19:52	We had this
00:19:54	I told you about my promotion.
00:19:58	No?
00:20:00	I don't remember that at all.
00:20:02	Yeah. I'm super
00:20:03	I'm actually doing my first
00:20:05	With who?
00:20:07	Matthew Fox from Lost?
00:20:09	You know what's interesting
00:20:10	Nothing.
00:20:11	Will you tell him
00:20:13	Someone needs to.
00:20:15	Well, I hope a lot of people,
00:20:19	is making sure people care
00:20:21	I'm interviewing him.
00:20:23	Maybe it's just me. Maybe
00:20:24	I'm just saying
00:20:27	Actually, it's sort
00:20:29	but what do you do for work?
00:20:31	Me and my roommates
00:20:35	Oh, cool. What is it?
00:20:37	I'll give you the virtual
00:20:39	You're at your computer.
00:20:41	Who's an actress you like?
00:20:42	Mary Tyler Moore?
00:20:45	That does not work at all.
00:20:46	No.
00:20:47	Let's say you love Meg Ryan.
00:20:51	Great. Who doesn't?
00:20:52	Let's say you like her so much
00:20:54	you wanna know every movie
00:20:58	And not just that,
00:21:01	You come to our
00:21:06	In the Cut, 38 minutes in,
00:21:11	She's, like, naked
00:21:13	She does full frontal
00:21:15	They should've called her
00:21:17	I'll show it to you.
00:21:19	Okay.
00:21:21	Yeah, I actually need
00:21:23	Well, could...
00:21:27	We had fun, right?
00:21:31	I'm gonna give you my card
00:21:35	Well, I mean, if you want
00:21:40	because of
00:21:42	But, I mean, you can e-mail me
00:21:45	It's just Ben
00:21:49	Yeah.
00:21:50	Okay.
00:21:52	All right, then.
00:21:55	Yeah. Okay.
00:21:58	See you.
00:22:01	Bye!
00:22:03	That was fucking brutal.
00:22:06	Yeah, that was brutal.
00:22:08	It was a huge mistake.
00:22:12	(GIGGLING)
00:22:14	Nothing. Nothing that we need
00:22:18	Why did you do it?
00:22:21	Aunty Allison drank
00:22:25	And I was feeling weird
00:22:29	I think that's enough.
00:22:30	(CHARLOTTE HUMMING)
00:22:31	Did he wear a condom?
00:22:33	Thank God.
00:22:38	Do you think
00:22:39	She was totally
00:22:42	What?
00:22:44	Like, she wasrt laughing at my jokes.
00:22:47	Fucking funny as balls.
00:22:49	I'm giving her the A shit.
00:22:52	What?
00:22:54	Yeah, I think so, too.
00:22:56	I think it's awesome
00:22:57	If a goofy guy like you
00:23:01	I was so drunk.
00:23:11	Hi, I'm Allison Scott.
00:23:15	How are you?
00:23:16	Thanks for coming.
00:23:18	Tell me, were you
00:23:21	I'm sorry,
00:23:23	Tell me, were you a big fan
00:23:25	No, actually,
00:23:27	I didn't read any of
00:23:31	(BREATHING HEAVILY)
00:23:33	Are you okay?
00:23:34	Yeah, just what about
00:23:37	Just keep talking.
00:23:39	Like I said,
00:23:42	but now that I did
00:23:46	(RETCHING)
00:23:49	Shit.
00:23:52	What the fuck?
00:23:58	Is that the sound
00:24:00	If this is one of those
00:24:03	We should put this on YouTube.
00:24:05	This is hilarious.
00:24:07	Look how sweaty you are.
00:24:09	I don't need to see it again.
00:24:11	You look like
00:24:14	(GRUNTING)
00:24:17	You're such an asshole.
00:24:19	I'm just jerking your chain.
00:24:21	I'll fix this. No problem.
00:24:22	Yeah, maybe if you can just
00:24:27	We can reshoot my questions.
00:24:32	What's up?
00:24:34	Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:24:36	Not on the mix board,
00:24:39	(RETCHING)
00:24:43	Are you okay?
00:24:44	Oh, my God.
00:24:48	Oh, my God.
00:24:49	Are you sick?
00:24:51	What'd you eat?
00:24:54	You haven't...
00:24:56	Here, here.
00:24:59	What, do you have,
00:25:01	I don't know.
00:25:02	God, I hope
00:25:05	It's impossible. You have
00:25:11	B.K. It's Brent Master Five.
00:25:14	Allison just puked.
00:25:17	Dude, that's what I said.
00:25:19	Oh, shit.
00:25:21	She looks like
00:25:24	No, I can't be
00:25:26	I mean that was, what?
00:25:29	Eight weeks ago?
00:25:31	Did you miss your period?
00:25:33	No. Wait.
00:25:35	I don't know.
00:25:37	I was... I mean, I've been
00:25:39	I can't remember
00:25:41	Are you the lady who doesn't
00:25:43	till she's sitting
00:25:45	Can you not joke right now?
00:25:47	This is really serious.
00:25:49	Yeah. You know, he was
00:25:51	sort of chubby.
00:25:55	With the man-boobs.
00:25:56	Here, I have this thing
00:26:00	Hey! I live in your phone!
00:26:02	Oh.
00:26:04	This is the best
00:26:07	I gotta pee.
00:26:09	Yeah.
00:26:12	How did this happen?
00:26:15	Well, there's only
00:26:20	They're here!
00:26:23	Oh, no.
00:26:24	Okay, here we are.
00:26:26	Okay. All right.
00:26:28	(POLICE ON MY BACK PLAYING)
00:26:39	Oh, no. Give me more!
00:26:41	Did you try the Ova-Sure?
00:26:44	I'm dripping,
00:26:47	Oh, good! A smiley face!
00:26:50	Oh, I think that's bad.
00:26:52	How long does this one take?
00:26:54	These can't all be positive.
00:27:03	God, you really had to pee.
00:27:07	What is this?
00:27:11	I think you picked up
00:27:13	Oh, fuck.
00:27:15	That scared me.
00:27:17	That would suck. I'm sorry.
00:27:22	That scared me.
00:27:24	It's gonna be fine. Right?
00:27:28	Right?
00:27:29	Of course it will be fine.
00:27:32	You just need to call him.
00:27:34	Maybe I don't need to call him
00:27:36	You need to call.
00:27:38	I don't need to call him.
00:27:39	I can't call him anyway.
00:27:42	He didn't even have
00:27:43	He doesn't have a phone?
00:27:44	Said he had some
00:27:46	He can't afford a phone?
00:27:49	Oh, shit, you're right.
00:27:52	I don't know. I'm gonna
00:27:54	What kind of website
00:27:57	DEBBIE: He spelled "coming"
00:28:00	Yeah.
00:28:02	Just go to "Contact Us."
00:28:05	Ben?
00:28:06	(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
00:28:08	"What is your number?
00:28:12	Send?
00:28:13	You're sure?
00:28:15	Yeah.
00:28:18	I love weed.
00:28:20	JONAH: I could smoke weed
00:28:23	(IN DEEP VOICE)
00:28:26	(LAUGHING)
00:28:28	(LAUGHING)
00:28:34	Hey, Benjamin?
00:28:36	Flesh of the Stars
00:28:39	Would you like me
00:28:41	"Ben, what is your number?
00:28:44	"I need to speak to you
00:28:47	ALL: Oh! Shit!
00:28:51	Someone wants seconds, mama!
00:28:53	Oh, man!
00:28:54	"Looking forward
00:28:56	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:00	Fucking-A. Those are sexy.
00:29:03	(CELL PHONE DIALING)
00:29:06	(CELL PHONE RINGING)
00:29:08	(ALL EXCLAIMING)
00:29:09	Somebody wants another piece!
00:29:11	(SHUSHING)
00:29:13	(WHISPERING) Booty-booty call.
00:29:14	Yeah, hello?
00:29:16	Hey, Ben, this is...
00:29:20	Oh, yeah, Allison. What's up?
00:29:22	She like the way
00:29:25	Yeah, I actually was
00:29:29	wanted to get together,
00:29:32	I've been meaning
00:29:34	You know what I'm saying?
00:29:36	Let's meet up maybe
00:29:39	Yeah. Why not?
00:29:43	What do you say Geisha House,
00:29:47	Sure, sure. That's cool.
00:29:48	Can we make it
00:29:50	BEN: 6:00. Beat the rush.
00:29:54	Dessert. Sweet.
00:29:57	Okay, great.
00:29:58	So, yeah. I'll just meet
00:30:01	Yeah.
00:30:03	(BREATHING HEAVILY)
00:30:04	Okay, take care. Peace.
00:30:06	(ALL GRUNTING)
00:30:09	Oh, shit.
00:30:11	I'm gonna get laid,
00:30:14	(ALL SHOUTING)
00:30:15	Yes! Yes!
00:30:19	BEN: Nice place, huh?
00:30:21	Sorry it took so long to
00:30:24	Oh, no, that's okay.
00:30:26	So how's work?
00:30:27	How's E!?
00:30:28	That's awesome.
00:30:30	Have you ever met him?
00:30:31	I really feel like
00:30:35	I feel like we'd, like,
00:30:37	I feel like he'd like me.
00:30:38	I'm sure a lot of guys
00:30:41	but I really think he would
00:30:44	I'm sure he would. Yeah.
00:30:46	You look very pretty, though.
00:30:47	By the way.
00:30:49	I don't know, I thought
00:30:50	to hang out
00:30:51	We didn't really get
00:30:53	That we didn't.
00:30:57	I thought maybe we'd
00:31:00	Cool. Okay.
00:31:02	I'll start. I'm Canadian.
00:31:06	From Vancouver. I live
00:31:09	Don't tell anyone.
00:31:10	But it works out
00:31:13	'Cause I don't have
00:31:15	So financially that's helpful
00:31:18	'Cause I don't have
00:31:21	You know, I mean,
00:31:25	So, you know, the web page
00:31:29	Do you have a real job?
00:31:31	Well, that is our job.
00:31:32	We don't technically get money
00:31:36	but it is our job.
00:31:37	So, how do you... Right.
00:31:39	When I was in high school,
00:31:41	Oh, my God.
00:31:43	It was my foot
00:31:44	But I got like 14 grand from
00:31:48	Right.
00:31:50	I mean, until now.
00:31:52	It's been almost 10 years.
00:31:54	So that should last me for,
00:31:57	but like another
00:31:59	Yeah.
00:32:00	So I have something
00:32:02	It's kind of why I called you.
00:32:05	Here goes. Um...
00:32:08	I'm pregnant.
00:32:09	Fuck off.
00:32:11	What?
00:32:13	With emotion?
00:32:15	With a baby.
00:32:19	I'm the father?
00:32:20	How the fuck
00:32:22	I don't know. I mean,
00:32:24	No.
00:32:25	I wasrt.
00:32:27	Because you told me not to.
00:32:28	What are you talking about?
00:32:29	What am I talking about?
00:32:31	I did not tell you
00:32:34	Here's what happened, okay?
00:32:35	I will give you a play-by-play
00:32:38	I almost had
00:32:39	It was on the cusp,
00:32:43	I didn't mean do it
00:32:44	I meant "do it"
00:32:46	like "Get fucking going!"
00:32:47	Well, I assumed
00:32:50	or one of those
00:32:52	What the hell is a dental dam?
00:32:54	It's disgusting, okay?
00:32:56	Why the fuck didn't you
00:32:58	I don't know! I couldn't tell
00:33:01	Obviously, I was drunk!
00:33:02	Was your vagina drunk?
00:33:04	Did you think
00:33:06	I'm a fucking inventor?
00:33:08	He hollowed out
00:33:11	What the fuck?
00:33:13	You are unbelievable.
00:33:17	Okay, you know what? Maybe
00:33:23	So what happens now?
00:33:26	I am going to
00:33:28	and I thought you could
00:33:32	So you haven't seen him,
00:33:33	So you don't know
00:33:35	Well, I'm not 100% sure.
00:33:39	I bet you're not pregnant.
00:33:41	(BABY CRYING)
00:33:44	No, they're not.
00:33:47	No, they're all in the bag.
00:33:54	(BABIES CRYING)
00:34:00	Allison Scott?
00:34:01	Yeah. Come on.
00:34:03	I'm supposed to come?
00:34:09	Hello. My name is
00:34:12	I'm... I'm Ben Stone.
00:34:14	Hi, there, champ.
00:34:16	And you must be
00:34:17	Alice.
00:34:19	Hi. How are you?
00:34:21	So, what can
00:34:24	I took a home pregnancy test,
00:34:27	so here we are.
00:34:29	Okay. Let's have a look.
00:34:34	Legs up.
00:34:40	(SIGHS)
00:34:42	Nice office.
00:34:43	Thank you.
00:34:48	Well, you do look
00:34:56	This is gonna be cold.
00:34:58	(CHUCKLING)
00:35:08	Okay, there is
00:35:12	See that?
00:35:14	That dark sac there,
00:35:18	And right there
00:35:21	Do you see that flicker?
00:35:23	Yeah, that's a heartbeat.
00:35:26	Yeah, it looks like
00:35:27	About eight or nine weeks,
00:35:30	Congratulations.
00:35:34	That... That's it?
00:35:36	Yep.
00:35:37	Take good care of it.
00:35:41	Now the fun part starts.
00:35:44	Let me... Let me make
00:35:47	That'll be fun.
00:35:49	(SOBBING)
00:35:51	Okay. Well, I'll...
00:35:56	Okay.
00:35:57	(SOBBING)
00:35:59	I'll give you
00:36:03	(DOOR CLOSES)
00:36:05	Oh, God.
00:36:09	It's okay.
00:36:11	I can't fucking believe
00:36:13	Who does that?
00:36:14	Why did we go to Costco
00:36:16	if you werert gonna
00:36:18	I can't believe you did this.
00:36:20	JASON: Look, the real point
00:36:22	That's what
00:36:23	You gotta know
00:36:25	Like, for example,
00:36:27	It's just gravity.
00:36:29	What goes up must come down.
00:36:31	I think it's awesome that
00:36:34	Think about it like this.
00:36:38	You know what
00:36:40	Take care of it.
00:36:42	Tell me you don't want him
00:36:44	Yes, I do, and I won't say it
00:36:47	but it rhymes
00:36:49	I'm just saying...
00:36:52	You should get
00:36:56	Ben, you cannot let
00:36:59	All right? I'm gonna be
00:37:02	You hear that, Ben?
00:37:04	(LAUGHING) He wants
00:37:06	I just have a quick question.
00:37:08	Do you use that Canadian
00:37:11	How many points do you get if you hit
00:37:14	Jonah, I am a patriot.
00:37:16	This is a tribute to my
00:37:19	I always aim right.
00:37:21	Right into a dude's ass.
00:37:26	Please, guys.
00:37:27	Ben, come on, man.
00:37:30	Oh, great. Now he's upset.
00:37:32	Allison, just take care of it.
00:37:35	Take care of it. Move on.
00:37:37	What's gonna happen
00:37:38	How are you gonna tell them?
00:37:39	I'm not gonna tell them
00:37:41	I have a while
00:37:43	How could you not tell them?
00:37:45	I mean, I'm only gonna start
00:37:47	I don't know,
00:37:49	Three months.
00:37:51	Three months. Fat in the face,
00:37:55	Debbie didn't get fat.
00:37:56	Debbie is a freak of nature.
00:37:58	Mom, you know,
00:38:02	I cannot be supportive
00:38:06	Now, think about
00:38:08	Now, you remember
00:38:09	She had the same
00:38:13	And you know what?
00:38:16	Honey, this is not the time.
00:38:19	I'm gonna be a grandfather.
00:38:20	You happy about that?
00:38:21	Absolutely. Delighted.
00:38:23	This is a disaster.
00:38:24	No, this is not a disaster.
00:38:26	It is...
00:38:28	Your grandmother
00:38:30	she doesn't even know
00:38:33	This is a good thing.
00:38:35	I have a vision
00:38:39	and this definitely is not it.
00:38:41	Wait. Is this your vision?
00:38:43	I am kind of living
00:38:45	Well, that is sad,
00:38:47	Life doesn't care
00:38:49	Stuff happens.
00:38:52	You roll with it.
00:38:55	I just don't get how I tell
00:38:58	I'll feel like a hypocrite.
00:38:59	Well, remember what I told you
00:39:02	What did you say?
00:39:04	That's right, that's right.
00:39:06	Right. If it grows
00:39:08	I mean, I guess it worked.
00:39:11	and then I found out
00:39:14	Not the whole time.
00:39:16	Just in the evenings
00:39:19	Not that much.
00:39:21	Honestly, though,
00:39:26	"You know,
00:39:28	"I would have avoided
00:39:31	Absolutely not.
00:39:33	I love you totally
00:39:35	You're the best thing
00:39:37	I'm the best thing
00:39:39	Yeah.
00:39:42	(LAUGHS)
00:39:50	(PHONE RINGING)
00:39:52	BEN. ; Hello?
00:39:54	Oh. Hey, Allison.
00:39:58	How's it going?
00:39:59	You know,
00:40:03	To let you know that I've
00:40:06	I'm keeping it.
00:40:08	Oh.
00:40:09	Yeah. So, that's
00:40:14	Good. That's good. That's what
00:40:16	So, awesome.
00:40:19	Yeah. Yeah, it is good.
00:40:23	Okay, I know
00:40:25	and, you know,
00:40:28	but life is like that,
00:40:29	you can't plan for it.
00:40:31	And even if we did plan,
00:40:32	life doesn't care about
00:40:35	And you just kind of have
00:40:38	I know my job is to just
00:40:42	and, I'm in, you know.
00:40:44	So whatever you wanna do,
00:40:46	I'm gonna do,
00:40:49	I'm on board. Yay!
00:40:53	I really appreciate
00:40:54	No problem.
00:40:58	you know, maybe if you could
00:41:01	one thing that I am
00:41:04	(BOTH LAUGHING)
00:41:05	Because I literally have
00:41:08	I have no idea, either.
00:41:10	(LAUGHING)
00:41:11	So, do you want to, like,
00:41:16	Yeah, sure.
00:41:18	(LAUGHING) Yeah.
00:41:25	(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
00:41:28	Hey.
00:41:30	You look beautiful.
00:41:32	No problem. Come on in.
00:41:35	BEN: Everyone,
00:41:37	Ally. Hey. Jason,
00:41:40	You look beautiful.
00:41:42	Your body's responding
00:41:45	Thank you.
00:41:46	It's amazing
00:41:48	Oh.
00:41:49	How's your sis?
00:41:50	She's good.
00:41:52	Oh, good. Tell her,
00:41:54	All right, I'm gonna go make
00:41:58	And this beautiful
00:42:01	ALLISON: Hi.
00:42:05	Okay, that's Martin
00:42:08	ALLISON: Hi.
00:42:10	I'm gonna grab my shirt.
00:42:12	Okay.
00:42:21	WOMAN ON TV. ;
00:42:30	Just another day
00:42:36	JONAH: Do you have
00:42:38	No. Uh-huh.
00:42:40	How's it going?
00:42:42	No. I'm good.
00:42:45	Hi.
00:42:46	I'm Jodi.
00:42:48	I heard you were pregnant.
00:42:50	Oh, aren't you scared?
00:42:52	The way it's gonna
00:42:54	It's gonna hurt a lot, I bet.
00:42:57	(LAUGHING) That's so sick.
00:43:00	I don't know.
00:43:01	Are you hungry?
00:43:02	No, I'm okay right now.
00:43:04	You must be angry
00:43:07	"Oh, it's mine, not yours."
00:43:09	But, you know,
00:43:13	Right.
00:43:15	Man, my balls are shaved.
00:43:18	I'm ready to fucking
00:43:20	JONAH: What the fuck, man?
00:43:21	If I go in there and see
00:43:25	I'm gonna fucking
00:43:27	Last time I went
00:43:28	I took a shit and my shit looked
00:43:31	You're embarrassing me
00:43:33	You embarrass yourself.
00:43:35	Oh, great. I hope you have
00:43:38	All right. Let's go.
00:43:40	BEN: See you guys later.
00:43:43	(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)
00:43:44	The funny thing is I really
00:43:48	Yeah.
00:43:50	I don't think I would have
00:43:53	I don't know,
00:43:56	God, I mean, honestly,
00:43:59	notion that someone would even
00:44:02	I didn't think
00:44:05	Get ready.
00:44:06	This will be coming out of you
00:44:08	(LAUGHING)
00:44:09	This is exactly what
00:44:11	It's a beautiful picture, Ben.
00:44:14	Hello, Mommy.
00:44:15	Our baby's gonna be
00:44:17	With a little hint
00:44:18	(LAUGHING)
00:44:21	BEN: Baby books.
00:44:23	"What to Expect
00:44:25	What can we expect?
00:44:26	Well, you can't eat sushi.
00:00:01	You can't smoke.
00:00:03	You can't smoke marijuana.
00:00:06	You can't jump on trampolines.
00:00:08	This is basically a giant list
00:00:11	Yeah, it sounds thrilling.
00:00:12	I'm gonna be sitting there
00:00:14	(LAUGHING)
00:00:15	And you're not gonna have
00:00:18	But I can't wait
00:00:19	Seriously, I put these
00:00:21	they'll be read
00:00:23	Do you want me
00:00:24	You like it?
00:00:26	No problem.
00:00:27	(LAUGHING) These are heavy.
00:00:41	(BRUSHING)
00:00:43	So what do you think?
00:00:44	(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
00:00:46	Sounds awful.
00:00:50	I'm just really constipated.
00:00:53	Do you really want to?
00:00:55	Well, now...
00:00:56	Shut up.
00:00:57	It's pretty crazy,
00:00:59	We have to help her.
00:01:01	I think they'll be fine.
00:01:04	We'll help her raise the baby.
00:01:06	Well...
00:01:09	Fuck!
00:01:16	At least we don't have
00:01:21	But we can. I don't...
00:01:24	I don't have VD or anything.
00:01:27	It's not that.
00:01:28	You know, it's just...
00:01:29	I thought maybe we could get
00:01:34	Okay, first of all,
00:01:37	I know, of course,
00:01:38	And just because I'm pregnant,
00:01:40	and all romance
00:01:42	Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
00:01:45	It's just...
00:01:48	I like you a lot.
00:01:55	I like you, too.
00:01:56	Sweet.
00:01:57	A little, so far.
00:01:59	I mean, we have seven months
00:02:01	We don't have to rush it.
00:02:03	We should really just try
00:02:06	and give this a real shot.
00:02:08	You know, we got ourselves
00:02:11	For the baby, right?
00:02:16	Okay, if this was our second
00:02:20	B.J., if I'm just being
00:02:25	I told my roommates
00:02:29	You know what?
00:02:30	For the sake of getting
00:02:33	Yeah, I can do that.
00:02:37	I'm nervous, too.
00:02:39	Yeah.
00:02:52	You're a sweet guy, right?
00:02:55	I think I am. Yeah.
00:02:57	Don't fuck me over, okay?
00:03:00	I wouldn't do that.
00:03:02	Just so you know,
00:03:06	I'm that guy.
00:03:08	Okay?
00:03:09	I couldn't take it.
00:03:29	Who's he?
00:03:30	I'm Ben Stone.
00:03:33	He's my boyfriend.
00:03:37	That's nice.
00:03:38	I've never met him before.
00:03:40	Well, he's a new boyfriend.
00:03:42	But a boyfriend.
00:03:43	So he came over
00:03:46	DEBBIE: Yeah.
00:03:48	Drove over to our house
00:03:50	because he thought
00:03:53	so he drove his car
00:03:57	Because he likes
00:04:00	I love breakfast.
00:04:02	You guys wanna hear something neat?
00:04:06	SADIE: What?
00:04:08	Well, you're not married.
00:04:09	Arert you supposed
00:04:12	You don't have to be.
00:04:13	But they should be
00:04:15	and people who love each other
00:04:19	Mmm-mmm.
00:04:20	Do you love each other?
00:04:22	Yes, they love each other.
00:04:25	When you love each other,
00:04:29	Where do babies come from?
00:04:31	DEBBIE: Where do you think
00:04:33	Well, I think a stork,
00:04:37	and then a hole goes
00:04:39	and there's blood everywhere,
00:04:41	and then you push
00:04:45	and then you hold your butt
00:04:48	and you'll find a little baby.
00:04:50	That's exactly right.
00:04:52	Feed the teddy bear.
00:04:54	Okay, I feed
00:04:59	Okay.
00:05:01	You know what your bear
00:05:04	(LAUGHING) Smoke it.
00:05:06	What do you think of him?
00:05:09	Mmm-hmm.
00:05:10	Fetch.
00:05:12	All right, bring it back.
00:05:15	He's playing fetch
00:05:17	He's treating my kids
00:05:18	No, he's not.
00:05:20	Go get it! Fetch!
00:05:21	DEBBIE: Who plays fetch
00:05:23	ALLISON: He's trying.
00:05:25	BEN: Bring it back.
00:05:28	Where does that end?
00:05:29	How old is he?
00:05:31	Looks 33.
00:05:33	He can barely get in and out
00:05:36	Imagine how much bigger
00:05:38	That means he has bad genes.
00:05:40	Your kid is gonna
00:05:43	Shit.
00:05:44	I'm gonna get you!
00:05:46	I'm gonna get...
00:05:48	(GROANS)
00:05:49	(KIDS LAUGHING)
00:05:51	Just give him a break.
00:05:53	(EXCLAIMS)
00:05:56	Okay. I'll try.
00:06:05	They seem to love bubbles.
00:06:07	Oh, God. They go
00:06:10	They're really going ape shit.
00:06:11	I mean, that's an incredible
00:06:15	I mean, what's so great
00:06:16	They float. You can pop them.
00:06:19	I wish I liked anything as much
00:06:23	That's sad.
00:06:25	Their smiling faces just
00:06:30	Am I gonna be okay, man?
00:06:33	Oh, who knows?
00:06:36	Is anybody okay? I'm not okay.
00:06:38	You're asking the wrong guy.
00:06:40	Just don't ask me to lend you
00:06:43	Can I just have some?
00:06:46	No.
00:06:50	I have 15 years
00:06:53	And 12 years
00:06:56	So?
00:06:57	I can't ref the next games,
00:06:59	I got to go meet
00:07:02	She doesn't like
00:07:04	JAY: You think she likes you?
00:07:08	She's entertaining
00:07:11	Yeah, well, see,
00:07:13	She must like you.
00:07:15	You know who
00:07:18	Ever since Transamerica, I can't
00:07:21	Okay, guys. I hate to
00:07:23	but it's kind of
00:07:25	I need moolah.
00:07:28	When do you think
00:07:30	Look, man. You can't rush this.
00:07:32	You know what happens
00:07:34	and they don't function well?
00:07:35	Seriously, guys, let's say
00:07:39	Let's start. Let's use that
00:07:42	Let's make this happen.
00:07:44	Look, man, I didn't go
00:07:47	I thought you went
00:07:48	I went where I went, Jason.
00:07:50	BEN: I'm not asking you
00:07:52	I mean, you guys watch movies
00:07:55	I'll tell you what, man.
00:07:58	Thank you. Yes! Three months.
00:07:59	JONAH: Come on, Jason!
00:08:01	Fuck off!
00:08:03	Yeah, well, you still have
00:08:07	Do you have mints?
00:08:08	I see what you're saying.
00:08:10	I don't get how
00:08:12	when they're doing
00:08:14	First guy...
00:08:16	Oh, there that shit is.
00:08:19	The first guy,
00:08:22	"Sorry, man, it's the job"
00:08:27	I mean, get in and get out.
00:08:30	That's the closest
00:08:34	Really?
00:08:35	If you had to do a threesome
00:08:37	who would it be?
00:08:39	Um...
00:08:41	I'm gonna have to go with Jay.
00:08:42	Oh, no.
00:08:43	Yeah.
00:08:44	I'm really turned on by his
00:08:48	and his hot little Mohawk.
00:08:51	You two are never allowed to be in
00:08:54	If we ever had a three-way
00:08:57	(ALLISON LAUGHING)
00:08:58	Do you smoke cigarettes?
00:09:01	Do you smoke cigarettes?
00:09:04	I have on occasion.
00:09:05	On occasion? When? When was
00:09:08	You know, one, you know, little...
00:09:09	I need to know,
00:09:13	How you doing?
00:09:15	I'm breathing like James
00:09:19	Slow down, man.
00:09:22	How long you kids
00:09:24	We're not.
00:09:25	You're single?
00:09:26	She's not single.
00:09:29	Are you two together?
00:09:32	Hey, you wanna
00:09:34	(LAUGHS)
00:09:35	Just kidding. Kind of.
00:09:40	(EXCLAIMS)
00:09:42	That is not your vagina.
00:09:47	That happens
00:09:49	Are you sure you don't
00:09:51	Have fun, guys. Seriously.
00:09:54	See you, guys.
00:09:55	I don't wanna go.
00:09:59	I wanna see Breathless
00:10:03	Boobs! Boobs, boobs, boobs!
00:10:05	Hold on, pause it,
00:10:07	Boobs and bush!
00:10:08	Good boobs.
00:10:10	We're like
00:10:12	Right in
00:10:14	You never get
00:10:17	No.
00:10:20	You got me.
00:10:22	You got me.
00:10:24	How many doctors are there
00:10:26	Just 'Cause I'm sort of
00:10:29	I wanna make sure
00:10:32	Yeah, I understand.
00:10:34	We have three other doctors
00:10:39	I don't take vacations.
00:10:42	I went to the Caribbean
00:10:44	(ALL LAUGHING)
00:10:46	I feel really good about this.
00:10:49	Really?
00:10:50	All right.
00:10:51	Are you serious right now?
00:10:54	Wow.
00:10:55	You look relieved.
00:10:57	I can't imagine meeting
00:11:01	You're being dramatic.
00:11:11	Do they know?
00:11:12	Pardon?
00:11:15	The belly.
00:11:17	Oh, yeah. The donuts,
00:11:20	Hey, Allison. Great job.
00:11:25	You're pregnant, aren't you?
00:11:28	I mean, you've put on like,
00:11:31	It's all in your uterus.
00:11:34	Oh, shit.
00:11:36	I haven't told them.
00:11:39	I'm, like, really
00:11:41	It's okay. We can hide this.
00:11:44	We'll dress you in black,
00:11:47	Awesome.
00:11:49	I mean, your boobs
00:11:51	And then they're
00:11:54	But then they'll go down.
00:11:57	Just... Just don't
00:12:00	Oh, no, I won't, I won't.
00:12:05	Everybody loves
00:12:10	Did you see
00:12:12	These are all the sex
00:12:15	Looks like your computer
00:12:18	Those are sex offenders.
00:12:20	These people live
00:12:22	Well, I'll skip their houses
00:12:24	What do you want me to do?
00:12:27	Got your six-shooter on you?
00:12:29	You shouldn't take it
00:12:31	I don't take it lightly.
00:12:32	You know, I'm not gonna
00:12:35	"Hey, do you mind...
00:12:37	If I didn't care about
00:12:39	you wouldn't
00:12:40	Care more.
00:12:42	You're so concerned
00:12:44	"Don't let them eat fish.
00:12:47	Jesus, how much
00:12:49	I know we're supposed
00:12:52	but I'm having
00:12:53	I'm struggling
00:12:55	'Cause I want to rip your
00:13:00	This is scary.
00:13:03	You fucking dipshit.
00:13:07	I literally am at a point where
00:13:10	So I'm the bad guy
00:13:11	because I'm trying to protect
00:13:14	And you're cool
00:13:17	Yeah.
00:13:19	Pretty much.
00:13:22	Don't do this in front of Ben.
00:13:24	I don't give a shit about Ben.
00:13:27	Sorry, Ben.
00:13:28	It's okay. I didn't think
00:13:30	Okay, come on! Let's go.
00:13:32	Oh, I can't go.
00:13:33	This band is doing a showcase
00:13:36	It's Saturday.
00:13:39	I got to go.
00:13:41	DEBBIE: You don't want to know
00:13:43	That's no fun.
00:13:45	Ben knows, but I've
00:13:48	I'll get it out of him.
00:13:50	No.
00:13:58	Hey.
00:13:59	Think we'll ever be as happy
00:14:02	We are that happy.
00:14:04	Yeah. You look happy.
00:14:06	Which is awesome,
00:14:09	You keep saying that. I know.
00:14:11	This is it. This is perfect.
00:14:14	Nice.
00:14:15	Holy shit! It's 1,400 bucks.
00:14:17	We can just borrow yours.
00:14:19	No. You need your own crib.
00:14:21	You know, there's one
00:14:24	We could just grab that.
00:14:26	You know what? Let me buy it.
00:14:28	I need to get you
00:14:30	And I would love
00:14:32	I'm serious. I want to.
00:14:33	No. It's too much.
00:14:35	(SHUSHING)
00:14:37	Yes. We'll take it.
00:14:39	Obviously, I mean,
00:14:42	Right.
00:14:43	Wanna buy me some new shoes?
00:14:46	Xbox 360. Xbox 360.
00:14:50	So hot in the Valley.
00:14:51	ASHLEY: Hey! Oh, Allison!
00:14:55	How are you?
00:14:56	It's so good to see you.
00:14:59	We've been watching you on E!
00:15:01	Yeah, it's been super
00:15:03	I'm so sorry I haven't called.
00:15:05	GIRL: Oh, it's fine.
00:15:06	This is my friend, Ben.
00:15:07	I went to school with Allison.
00:15:09	Okay, so, is Debbie
00:15:11	No. Allison is.
00:15:13	What? I just saw you
00:15:16	It was a big surprise.
00:15:18	It's actually... It's a really
00:15:20	If you guys... If you got
00:15:22	It's not really funny.
00:15:24	Let them be the judge, okay?
00:15:27	You know they say
00:15:28	BEN: Don't drink and bone!
00:15:31	Okay.
00:15:34	Yeah, I mean,
00:15:35	and I really think
00:15:37	you know, I haven't made
00:15:39	She's carrying my bastard child.
00:15:42	That's what I did.
00:15:44	You think she's, like,
00:15:45	Like, she's, like, embarrassed
00:15:48	Probably. I'd hide you.
00:15:50	How much do wedding rings cost?
00:15:52	I mean, it really depends,
00:15:53	I think you're supposed to spend,
00:15:57	That'll be easy.
00:15:59	Really? I thought there was
00:16:01	God, it's not porn, okay?
00:16:03	All we do is we show you
00:16:07	Oh, like Mr. Skin?
00:16:09	Who's Mr. Skin?
00:16:10	Dude, Mr. Skin.
00:16:13	Mr. Skin?
00:16:15	JONAH: No!
00:16:17	JONAH: We've wasted
00:16:19	This is exactly
00:16:22	How the fuck did this happen?
00:16:23	Mr. Skin. That's even
00:16:25	Fuck me in the beard.
00:16:27	Dude, they got the top 10
00:16:29	Why didn't you think
00:16:30	Don't put this on me!
00:16:32	God damn it!
00:16:33	Well, shit, I saw it online
00:16:37	What are we gonna do now?
00:16:39	All we need to do is think
00:16:41	that no one else
00:16:42	Oh, dude, Spider-Man 3
00:16:45	JONAH: Don't worry, man.
00:16:54	You know what?
00:16:56	I think just because
00:16:59	doesn't mean our site
00:17:02	Good things come
00:17:03	Oh, for sure.
00:17:05	Volcano, Dante's Peak,
00:17:08	Wyatt Earp, Tombstone.
00:17:10	Panda Express,
00:17:13	Exactly. We can work together.
00:17:14	This can help us,
00:17:17	We're fine. We're golden.
00:17:20	Look, Allison, I'm sure
00:17:24	and it's not
00:17:26	but that is why I'm presenting
00:17:29	It's a promise, Allison.
00:17:31	It's a promise
00:17:34	I will fill this box
00:17:38	And I can't afford it yet.
00:17:40	I've picked it out already,
00:17:44	So basically I'm asking you,
00:17:49	Because I'm in love with you.
00:17:53	I love you, too.
00:17:55	Really?
00:17:57	Oh, man,
00:17:59	That's the first time a girl's
00:18:04	But here's the thing.
00:18:06	There's a thing?
00:18:08	I don't really know yet what
00:18:12	Just 'Cause it's so new,
00:18:17	I don't know. We've only
00:18:20	Okay.
00:18:22	Honestly, I mean, I thought...
00:18:25	I thought you felt weird
00:18:27	and we're not
00:18:29	I'm gonna get off my knee.
00:18:30	It's hurting a little bit.
00:18:32	No, I'm okay with that.
00:18:33	You know, we're just doing
00:18:36	We're making the best of it,
00:18:38	to put any more pressure
00:18:41	Okay. Yeah.
00:18:42	Are you okay? I don't want
00:18:44	No, no, no.
00:18:47	So if you don't want to,
00:18:50	Okay.
00:18:52	I really do love you.
00:18:54	I know. Thanks.
00:18:55	You mentioned that. It's nice.
00:19:05	Ben proposed to me.
00:19:08	What?
00:19:09	It was really sweet.
00:19:13	He was, like, wearing
00:19:15	He tucked his shirt in.
00:19:19	He didn't have
00:19:22	But, you know,
00:19:25	he's gonna buy me
00:19:28	The box was just empty?
00:19:30	I mean, he can't
00:19:32	So he got down on one knee
00:19:36	Yes.
00:19:37	(LAUGHING) I'm sorry.
00:19:39	Get over it. It was sweet.
00:19:41	I'm telling you,
00:19:43	You need to train him.
00:19:45	Oprah said that
00:19:50	they are forced
00:19:54	I thought you were supposed
00:19:57	You criticize them a lot,
00:19:59	and then they get
00:20:02	Really? You don't think
00:20:04	That'd be, like, naggy.
00:20:05	And then in the end,
00:20:08	DEBBIE: You can't commit
00:20:11	You don't even know him.
00:20:15	What?
00:20:17	He's miserable.
00:20:19	Why do you say that?
00:20:20	I think he's cheating on me.
00:20:22	He's always going off
00:20:26	And then I try to call him
00:20:28	and he says that he's in bad
00:20:31	when he's in good
00:20:34	Maybe he's working late.
00:20:35	You know, I mean, maybe
00:20:37	to sign a new great band
00:20:39	I can't imagine Pete doing
00:20:41	There's no part of you
00:20:46	No. Mmm-mmm.
00:20:48	I think he might be.
00:20:50	DEBBIE: " Memory Spy,
00:20:53	"Locate history files,
00:20:55	"hidden downloads, searches,
00:21:00	(DEBBIE SIGHS)
00:21:01	Let's see you hide
00:21:12	PETE: So you're not even
00:21:14	ALLISON: No. You know,
00:21:17	It's illegal for them
00:21:20	and I get three months
00:21:23	so I'm just, you know,
00:21:25	That's a good plan.
00:21:27	It is a good plan until
00:21:31	(IN DEEP VOICE) " My shoes!
00:21:35	"These shoes? On these shoes?
00:21:38	"Did you puke on my shoes?"
00:21:40	"Did your water break
00:21:42	ALLISON: (LAUGHING)
00:21:44	Isn't it weird, though,
00:21:47	just go right out the window?
00:21:49	What changed for you?
00:21:52	You do everything
00:21:54	No, I mean, I love
00:21:56	Okay, say, you know,
00:22:00	you wanna go live
00:22:02	You can do it.
00:22:05	You wanna go live in India?
00:22:07	Do you want to go to India?
00:22:11	What about you?
00:22:12	I'm not going to India.
00:22:14	I get what he's talking about.
00:22:16	You know, honestly, like,
00:22:19	I totally, like, I just had this flash
00:22:25	and I'm just hauling ass
00:22:28	The chopper's taping
00:22:31	I bust through the border
00:22:33	That's all I kept thinking, man.
00:22:35	You know what I'm saying?
00:22:36	Wait. What do you mean?
00:22:38	We can talk
00:22:40	I mean, honestly, like,
00:22:44	(IMITATES DOOR OPENING)
00:22:45	Open the door, he's like,
00:22:46	"Hey, Allison, come on. I got
00:22:49	No part of your brain would have been,
00:22:52	"to that night and I would maybe
00:22:57	You never got that flash?
00:22:59	And I don't know
00:23:01	"Where we're going,
00:23:04	BEN: (LAUGHING) Exactly.
00:23:06	I don't know who Doc Brown is.
00:23:09	What are you talking about?
00:23:10	Doc Brown is the guy
00:23:12	He invented the DeLorean,
00:23:14	He's the one who made
00:23:15	PETE: It's the time machine.
00:23:18	Hey. I have
00:23:21	Why don't the two of you
00:23:25	go back in time
00:23:28	Who needs a time machine?
00:23:30	This is my time machine!
00:23:31	I'm gonna throw you
00:23:35	(IMITATING ENGINE REVVING)
00:23:38	You are a funny motherfucker,
00:23:40	How can you fight with him?
00:23:44	I think he's cute.
00:23:45	I like the way you move.
00:23:49	This is fun! We should
00:23:52	I mean, this is, like,
00:23:56	(MOANING)
00:24:03	Come on, harder.
00:24:05	Why? Come on.
00:24:08	I can't.
00:24:10	I'll poke the baby
00:24:13	Please, don't yell at me,
00:24:15	What? The doctor and Debbie
00:24:18	Look, can we... I'm sorry,
00:24:20	What?
00:24:23	This is ridiculous!
00:24:25	There's no shell in there,
00:24:27	Millions of people have sex
00:24:29	I don't know how it works.
00:24:31	All I'm thinking of
00:24:34	Just get over it!
00:24:37	All I see is our baby
00:24:41	Trust me,
00:24:43	Come on, fine.
00:24:47	Ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:24:49	That's okay.
00:24:51	Okay. Oh, good.
00:24:53	I can't. I can't.
00:24:55	I can't. I can't do this,
00:24:59	I look disgusting
00:25:02	I know I look gross.
00:25:04	Your chin looks so skinny.
00:25:05	And my boobs are all,
00:25:07	I can feel it,
00:25:09	It's all National Geographic.
00:25:11	Okay. Can we do...
00:25:14	No. I do not want you
00:25:17	I'm not fucking you
00:25:20	It's just the style.
00:25:23	It's not like a dog.
00:25:28	Here we go.
00:25:32	Okay, is it good?
00:25:33	Should I go slower?
00:25:35	Okay, faster?
00:25:37	Just tell me
00:25:38	Okay.
00:25:41	Oh, God.
00:25:43	Oh, fuck!
00:25:44	What happened?
00:25:45	The baby, it kicked my hand.
00:25:48	No, no, no. Not like this.
00:25:51	It was a warning kick.
00:25:52	No, no, it's fine.
00:25:54	Look, my dick must be like
00:25:57	and it's coming,
00:25:59	What if it kicked
00:26:00	I can't do that to our baby.
00:26:04	What are you talking about?
00:26:06	It's having the baby between,
00:26:08	you know, us,
00:26:10	It just freaks me out a bit.
00:26:12	I have totally lost it.
00:26:13	You've totally lost it?
00:26:15	Okay.
00:26:17	Great, you know what?
00:26:18	Okay. Okay, fine.
00:26:22	Don't worry. I won't
00:26:25	Shit.
00:26:33	(LOUD RUMBLING)
00:26:42	Fuck me!
00:26:44	Oh, my God. It's the Russians!
00:26:48	Jodi, I'll protect you!
00:26:51	ALLISON: Ben!
00:26:53	Oh, my God.
00:26:55	Oh, God. Oh, no!
00:26:57	JAY: Oh, God, that was horrible!
00:27:00	When will it be light out?
00:27:02	Okay, you're fine, man.
00:27:03	Hey, did anybody
00:27:05	Oh, motherfucker.
00:27:08	JONAH: Hey, Marty.
00:27:09	This is my friend, Alex.
00:27:11	Okay. Nice to meet you.
00:27:14	Whoa, dude! Not cool, Martin.
00:27:17	That's... That wasrt...
00:27:19	JONAH: Hey, are you serious,
00:27:21	JODl: What happened?
00:27:23	Come on.
00:27:26	Look, I forgot
00:27:28	Yeah, 'Cause you're getting
00:27:31	How am I supposed
00:27:33	with the idea that you can
00:27:34	if you are always
00:27:37	You want me to stop smoking pot
00:27:38	'Cause there's an earthquake
00:27:40	That makes no sense, Allison.
00:27:44	Just relax, okay?
00:27:46	(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
00:27:47	Oh, shit, the cops.
00:27:51	California, eh?
00:28:11	You know, it's times like this
00:28:16	It's a big mess,
00:28:19	And that's kind of the good thing.
00:28:21	You know, my dad told me,
00:28:23	But you figure, like, what are
00:28:26	What is this?
00:28:28	It's a ninja weapon.
00:28:31	I hope this place
00:29:06	(PHONE RINGING)
00:29:14	Hello?
00:29:16	You!
00:29:19	Will you do me a big favor?
00:29:20	Debbie wants us to come over
00:29:22	She thinks Pete is cheating on her.
00:29:24	Really?
00:29:26	Well, she saw
00:29:28	Oh, man.
00:29:30	That sounds terrible.
00:29:31	Ben, come on.
00:29:33	He's not cheating on her.
00:29:34	How do you know?
00:29:36	Are you sure?
00:29:39	Are you really?
00:29:41	No.
00:29:42	It actually kind of makes sense
00:29:44	Why?
00:29:45	'Cause Debbie's a pain in the ass
00:29:47	Why don't you just come over
00:29:52	I'm just saying the music industry
00:29:54	You can't...
00:29:57	Well, maybe it's 'Cause
00:30:00	They're incredible.
00:30:02	Old Steely Dan.
00:30:03	If I ever listen to Steely Dan,
00:30:05	I want you to slice my head
00:30:07	(LAUGHING)
00:30:10	Oh, I should get going.
00:30:11	I'm supposed to see this
00:30:14	Actually, they're playing
00:30:16	so I'll call you 'Cause
00:30:19	Okay.
00:30:20	And I don't want you to worry
00:30:23	I'm just gonna jump
00:30:24	It would be terrible if I smelled
00:30:27	Okay. Have fun.
00:30:30	PETE: All right.
00:30:33	You guys are crazy.
00:30:50	She doesn't have a gun,
00:30:52	No. I don't think so.
00:31:08	Looks like no one's home.
00:31:10	(WHISPERING)
00:31:12	Wait here.
00:31:27	I kind of feel bad for Pete.
00:31:29	What?
00:31:30	This isn't a good way,
00:31:32	If you're gonna
00:31:36	Well, maybe he should've
00:31:40	(LOUDLY) Pete!
00:31:41	I coughed.
00:31:44	There's nobody up there.
00:31:46	Thank you.
00:31:48	I guess I was wrong.
00:31:50	(WHISPERING) I told you.
00:31:51	Can we get out of here,
00:31:53	PETE: Suck it!
00:31:56	What?
00:32:15	Carlos Delgado.
00:32:17	Too bad I got him
00:32:19	Oh, shit!
00:32:21	We need a name.
00:32:23	PETE: Hideki Matsui.
00:32:24	CHARLIE: You just took
00:32:26	What is this?
00:32:28	Debbie.
00:32:29	What the fuck is this?
00:32:32	It's our fantasy baseball draft.
00:32:34	We said no wives.
00:32:35	Your fantasy what?
00:32:37	It's our draft
00:32:40	I told you all about this.
00:32:43	Got Matsui.
00:32:47	Shit!
00:32:49	Hey, Pete, don't let
00:32:52	MAN 1: Come on, who's going?
00:32:55	I should have told you.
00:32:56	What else have you
00:32:59	(CHUCKLING) That guy said,
00:33:00	"Don't let the door hit you
00:33:03	Yeah, I heard him.
00:33:05	That was hilarious.
00:33:06	It's just that I know you've
00:33:09	and I didn't want
00:33:11	I wouldn't be mad.
00:33:13	It's a fantasy baseball draft.
00:33:17	No, this is worse.
00:33:19	How is this worse?
00:33:20	This is you wanting
00:33:25	Look, the reason I make
00:33:28	you would just get mad.
00:33:30	So you think I'm seeing
00:33:36	Well, what'd you do last
00:33:40	I went to the movies.
00:33:41	With who?
00:33:43	What'd you see?
00:33:45	Spider-Man 3.
00:33:46	Why do you want
00:33:49	Because I needed
00:33:51	With work and you
00:33:54	I need time for myself.
00:33:57	You're not the only one.
00:33:59	It's not that big of a deal.
00:34:02	(SOBBING) I like Spider-Man.
00:34:05	Okay, so let's see
00:34:07	I don't wanna go see it now.
00:34:10	I don't wanna have
00:34:13	I want you to just come up
00:34:16	I don't even know what to say.
00:34:19	You just think because
00:34:25	I'm not being mean.
00:34:27	You're telling me
00:34:28	No, you're not. You're lying.
00:34:30	I'm doing it because I need to
00:34:36	You know what?
00:34:41	Come on.
00:34:44	Shit, she's coming back.
00:34:47	BEN: How come we go to
00:34:49	I bet we have to go so much
00:34:54	I cannot stop thinking
00:35:01	That's a little strong,
00:35:03	Really?
00:35:05	'Cause that had to be
00:35:09	It's understandable,
00:35:11	(LAUGHS)
00:35:12	What's funny about it?
00:35:14	Well, you won't laugh now,
00:35:17	but, you know, the situation.
00:35:20	We break into this stranger's house
00:35:22	thinking we're gonna find him
00:35:25	and it's a bunch of nerds
00:35:28	If you saw that, like,
00:35:30	Is that what you think?
00:35:34	(LAUGHING) I don't even
00:35:36	I'm just saying,
00:35:40	you have responsibility,
00:35:43	And I get that.
00:35:46	Why do guys always go
00:35:48	"We miss male camaraderie."
00:35:50	Go hang out with your bearded
00:35:53	You wanna hang out with guys
00:35:56	What the fuck
00:35:58	You should just support me!
00:35:59	You know, you should just
00:36:02	because at this juncture in my life,
00:36:04	So if you're wrong,
00:36:06	I can't tell you that
00:36:08	No.
00:36:09	That's helpful.
00:36:12	I've sacrificed
00:36:14	You haven't
00:36:16	I've had to sacrifice my job,
00:36:20	You've sacrificed your vagina?
00:36:21	Yes! It will never look
00:36:26	Well. Fine. I'm sorry,
00:36:30	You can't pay for shit!
00:36:33	You're right! Fine! Okay.
00:36:35	You know what?
00:36:38	You know what? How...
00:36:39	Why don't you not threaten me?
00:36:41	You should just get out
00:36:43	I'm not gonna get out of the car
00:36:45	Get out of the car!
00:36:46	I own this car!
00:36:49	Get out of my car!
00:36:50	Get out of my fucking car!
00:37:00	(SIGHS)
00:37:04	Can you let me back
00:37:06	Have you calmed down?
00:37:12	I have no clue where we are!
00:37:15	Fine. Go.
00:37:22	Great.
00:37:41	Okay.
00:37:43	Maybe I should take
00:37:48	NURSE: Don't worry
00:37:49	Your baby wants you to gain
00:37:52	Are you fucking kidding me?
00:37:53	Why don't you take off
00:37:56	They're made out of moon rocks,
00:37:57	Do not make fun of me.
00:38:00	I am terrified,
00:38:02	so stop treating everything
00:38:05	Okay, I'm sorry
00:38:06	but I just walked
00:38:10	Sorry if I'm trying
00:38:12	Well, don't, okay?
00:38:13	You can't take anything seriously!
00:38:15	You know, you didn't even
00:38:17	I didn't read the baby book!
00:38:20	How did anyone ever give birth
00:38:22	That's right. The ancient
00:38:26	What to Expect
00:38:28	I forgot about that!
00:38:30	Who gives a flying fuck
00:38:33	It just shows your lack
00:38:35	That you're not in this with me!
00:38:38	Did you just say " my lack
00:38:41	It almost seems as though
00:38:46	And you said no to me!
00:38:48	If you feel that way,
00:38:50	Really. Just go.
00:38:52	Because we didn't mean
00:38:55	And... And we tried
00:38:59	But it doesn't work.
00:39:01	Because we are two
00:39:03	And I think it would just be
00:39:07	You know, I know
00:39:09	but I would just like to say,
00:39:12	You are a crazy bitch,
00:39:17	Fuck them! It's a girl!
00:39:20	Nice. You are such an asshole.
00:39:23	You know what?
00:39:26	I will fuck my bong.
00:39:30	(EXCLAIMS)
00:39:33	Are you ready?
00:39:38	I'm really sorry about all that.
00:39:41	Oh, no, that's okay.
00:39:43	Oh, good, okay,
00:39:47	I totally know what
00:39:49	Like, if I wrote out
00:39:53	like, it would be endless.
00:39:57	"Don't have illegal grow
00:39:59	I mean, like,
00:40:02	Have I told her to stop
00:40:05	Marriage is like that show,
00:40:07	but it's not funny.
00:40:09	All the problems are the same,
00:40:12	You know, instead of
00:40:14	everybody's just really
00:40:18	Marriage is like an unfunny,
00:40:22	But it doesn't last 22 minutes.
00:40:26	It lasts forever.
00:40:29	Let's get out of here, man.
00:40:33	Let's go to Vegas.
00:40:35	Yeah.
00:40:37	(CHATTERING ON TV)
00:40:42	Get up.
00:40:44	We're not gonna do this.
00:40:45	Seriously.
00:40:49	What are you doing?
00:40:50	We have to go do something
00:40:55	I'm just so tired.
00:40:56	I know you're tired.
00:40:57	But we're gonna be untired!
00:41:01	(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
00:41:02	I hate you so much sometimes.
00:41:04	We're gonna be positive.
00:41:06	Positive, positive, positive! Up!
00:41:08	How many Red Bulls have you had?
00:41:10	I've had about three Red Bulls
00:41:13	And I feel fabulous!
00:41:14	We're gonna create a new life
00:41:18	(LAUGHING)
00:41:22	Since when do we lock
00:41:30	We can't go, dude. Sorry.
00:41:32	Holy crap! What happened?
00:41:34	We got pink eye.
00:41:36	What, you giving each other
00:41:38	Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
00:41:40	You get it from poo particles
00:41:44	Hey, Ben. How's it going?
00:41:46	I farted on Jasors pillow
00:41:49	He farted on Jonah's,
00:41:51	and then eventually
00:41:55	I'm not proud of any of this,
00:42:01	But we can't go anywhere.
00:42:02	You can get pink eye
00:42:05	Totally.
00:42:06	That's awesome!
00:42:07	Yeah, but you got
00:42:09	Jesus, Martin got it bad!
00:42:11	What, did someone take a dump
00:42:13	No. No pink eye for me.
00:42:17	I'm just really high.
00:42:21	Well, stay back, guys.
00:42:25	(IMITATING RETCHING)
00:42:26	BEN: Fuck you.
00:42:30	Are you Debbie's husband?
00:42:31	Yeah.
00:42:37	This is fun!
00:42:38	It's just fun, man.
00:42:41	We make a good team, man.
00:42:43	It's like, I can't come here
00:42:45	She wouldn't understand it.
00:42:47	She wants to hold me in,
00:42:50	She thinks she could train me?
00:42:51	Yeah, like you're running
00:42:53	She can't train this!
00:42:56	You think I'm trained. I'll...
00:42:58	I'll bite
00:43:00	In front of a crowd, baby.
00:43:02	This is better. Besides,
00:43:06	My God! Are these mushrooms?
00:43:07	Uh-huh. I got them from
00:43:09	I'm eating them.
00:43:10	No, no, no. Save it!
00:43:13	You do? No, you don't.
00:43:14	I swear to God, man.
00:43:16	Holy shit!
00:43:18	See? I see the beam of light.
00:43:20	BEN: There it is, baby! Whoo-hoo!
00:43:22	PETE: You're so money
00:43:25	You're money, baby!
00:43:28	(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
00:43:32	I love Vegas, man.
00:43:35	This is the greatest place
00:43:36	It's really amazing here.
00:43:40	This is awesome!
00:43:44	Now, that's how you get pink eye.
00:43:49	(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
00:43:53	Hey, what's up? Baby girl.
00:43:56	Hi.
00:43:58	What's up?
00:44:00	Really?
00:44:03	Oh, come on.
00:44:05	Look, we're at capacity, okay?
00:44:08	We'll let some people in
00:44:10	You'll get right in if you go
00:44:13	We come here all the time.
00:44:15	It doesn't really look
00:44:17	Hey, look.
00:44:19	Please?
00:44:20	No.
00:44:22	Hey, what's up, shorty?
00:44:27	See y'all when y'all get out.
00:44:30	Watch yourself.
00:00:03	What the fuck was that?
00:00:05	Now can you step
00:00:06	You don't need
00:00:08	Maybe you should
00:00:09	No, you don't need
00:00:10	All right, you want to come in,
00:00:13	to the end of the line
00:00:15	I'm not gonna go to
00:00:17	Who the fuck are you?
00:00:18	I have just as much of
00:00:21	as any of these
00:00:23	What, am I not
00:00:25	You want me to hike up
00:00:26	What the fuck is your problem?
00:00:30	You're just some roided out
00:00:33	And your stupid little fucking
00:00:36	You may have power now,
00:00:39	You're a doorman! Okay?
00:00:41	You're a doorman, doorman,
00:00:46	So, fuck you, you fucking fag
00:00:50	with your fucking little
00:00:59	(WHISPERING) I know.
00:01:03	You're right. I'm so sorry.
00:01:06	I fucking hate this job.
00:01:08	I don't want to be the one to pass
00:01:12	This shit makes me sick
00:01:14	I get the runs from the stress.
00:01:17	It's not 'Cause you're not hot.
00:01:20	I would tear that ass up.
00:01:23	I can't let you in
00:01:27	not, you know, for the Earth.
00:01:30	What?
00:01:31	You old. She pregnant.
00:01:33	Can't have a bunch of old,
00:01:36	That's crazy.
00:01:38	I'm only allowed to let in
00:01:42	That mean if there's
00:01:44	I get to let in one-and-a-quarter
00:01:47	So I got to hope there's a black midget
00:01:50	Now I feel guilty. I'm sorry.
00:01:52	Why y'all wanna be in here anyway?
00:01:54	Y'all need to be
00:01:56	What the fuck is she doing at the club?
00:01:58	That's not even
00:02:00	Your old ass should know better than that.
00:02:03	Oh, God.
00:02:09	BEN: Have the mushrooms
00:02:11	(BOTH LAUGHING)
00:02:27	(CROWD APPLAUDING)
00:02:29	(CHEERING)
00:02:36	This was a great idea, man.
00:02:39	This is the best idea
00:02:46	What are they gonna do?
00:02:48	What in the world
00:02:55	If I shaved my stomach
00:03:00	Those guys are
00:03:03	"What'd you do today?"
00:03:06	(CROWD APPLAUDING)
00:03:08	No. Don't applaud. He'll fall.
00:03:14	I'm freaking out
00:03:17	The mushrooms are turning on me.
00:03:21	(LAUGHING)
00:03:23	(SCREAMING)
00:03:25	Papa.
00:03:27	I'm not your papa!
00:03:29	MAN: Papa!
00:03:31	(PETE LAUGHING)
00:03:33	BEN: I can't deal
00:03:38	Hold up. Hold up.
00:03:46	It's over.
00:03:48	What's over?
00:03:49	My youth.
00:03:50	Oh, don't say that.
00:03:52	It's true.
00:03:55	I just wanna dance.
00:03:59	I can't dance.
00:04:01	I should be embarrassed.
00:04:03	I'm a fucking whale,
00:04:08	No, you look beautiful.
00:04:10	And you're young
00:04:12	and you got the good lips
00:04:16	(SOBBING) I'm gonna be alone.
00:04:18	Debbie, no, you're not.
00:04:19	Yes, I am.
00:04:23	Oh, God!
00:04:26	Fucking men!
00:04:30	I get worse-looking
00:04:34	and it's so fucking unfair.
00:04:37	Oh, fuck.
00:04:40	We should go.
00:04:43	My babysitter always gets mad
00:04:48	She's such a pissy
00:04:53	(YELLING)
00:04:54	Let's move, gang!
00:04:56	Jessica,
00:04:58	and put them
00:04:59	That guy has 12 kids.
00:05:01	WOMAN ON TV. ; Now I get
00:05:03	This is sick.
00:05:05	That's a lot of responsibility to be
00:05:09	I got to turn this off.
00:05:12	There are five different types
00:05:14	Holy fuck. What are they
00:05:16	These are five
00:05:18	Get them out of here, man.
00:05:21	There's a guy that works
00:05:24	Look at this one. Look at it.
00:05:25	It's gold and red,
00:05:27	Shiny thread? Unbelievable.
00:05:29	It is beautiful
00:05:32	The tall one's gawking at me
00:05:35	I don't like them.
00:05:36	Oh, wow.
00:05:38	It's weird that chairs even exist
00:05:41	I'm up high!
00:05:44	I should've read
00:05:47	Why didn't you read
00:05:48	'Cause then it's real,
00:05:50	Dude, it's real whether
00:05:52	That baby's coming.
00:05:55	Oh, man!
00:05:57	Think they'll take us back?
00:05:59	Yes.
00:06:01	But I don't know why.
00:06:04	Do you ever wonder how somebody
00:06:06	All the time, man. Like every day.
00:06:09	How can Debbie like me?
00:06:14	The biggest problem
00:06:17	She loves me so much
00:06:18	that she wants me
00:06:20	That's our biggest problem.
00:06:23	Like that upsets me?
00:06:25	What?
00:06:26	She's the one. She loves me.
00:06:28	You can't believe
00:06:31	I love you, man!
00:06:34	I don't think I can accept her love.
00:06:36	There's something wrong with me.
00:06:37	You can't accept love?
00:06:41	I don't know what it is.
00:06:42	Love? The most beautiful,
00:06:45	You can't accept it?
00:06:46	I have to go to this other chair.
00:06:50	Oh, this is a better energy.
00:06:51	You can't accept pure love?
00:06:55	She's chosen
00:06:57	She's picked you
00:07:00	But you play fantasy baseball
00:07:03	(BURPS)
00:07:04	(GROANS)
00:07:05	I could accept it, man.
00:07:08	And Debbie's amazing, man.
00:07:10	She's cool and she's funny
00:07:13	and she's nice and her hair
00:07:16	She's too good for you, man.
00:07:18	Tastes like a rainbow.
00:07:20	You're disgusting.
00:07:23	And she busts your balls
00:07:25	You're a filthy bitch!
00:07:29	(GROANS)
00:07:30	Debbie wants to give her life
00:07:34	And it makes me sad all day.
00:07:38	I want to go home.
00:07:40	I wanna go home, too.
00:07:44	Everything looks beautiful.
00:07:47	I went kind of overboard, huh?
00:07:48	No. It's great.
00:07:49	Your daughter only turns eight once.
00:07:52	Is Ben gonna come?
00:07:55	I don't think so.
00:08:11	Oh, hey. What up, dawg?
00:08:13	Where have you been?
00:08:15	Around. You know?
00:08:16	Just kind of doing my thing.
00:08:18	Why is everybody
00:08:20	I don't know. Are they mad?
00:08:22	They've been saying, like,
00:08:26	They said that?
00:08:27	A lot.
00:08:29	That sucks.
00:08:30	What does it mean?
00:08:33	Penis. It means penis.
00:08:35	Oh.
00:08:38	(CHUCKLING) Penis.
00:08:41	Babe, we're running
00:08:43	Hey, Ben! What's up, man?
00:08:45	What's happening, man?
00:08:46	Hey, Ben.
00:08:48	How are you?
00:08:50	Hi.
00:08:52	Did you just get pink cupcakes
00:08:55	I just got yellow cupcakes.
00:08:56	I thought I said
00:08:58	I can run out.
00:09:00	I don't mind.
00:09:02	You sure?
00:09:04	All right.
00:09:07	Well, that was fast,
00:09:10	You're the one that got
00:09:16	How are things
00:09:19	You look like Babe Ruth's
00:09:23	Well played, sir. That was good.
00:09:26	You gonna talk to Allison?
00:09:27	Yeah, I was just about to.
00:09:29	Right on.
00:09:31	It's a doll.
00:09:32	(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
00:09:36	I just don't think
00:09:39	We can get back on track,
00:09:42	You're just being nice,
00:09:45	and just because we're two
00:09:50	I don't want this baby
00:09:54	Me not wanting to do this alone
00:09:56	to drag you into a relationship
00:10:01	And don't repeat this, but God,
00:10:06	But Debbie's happy.
00:10:07	Yeah, she's happy today.
00:10:09	But every day is
00:10:11	because they're not
00:10:13	You know? And they have
00:10:16	I don't want to force you
00:10:20	That's wrong of me
00:10:22	You really are. You're great
00:10:26	I mean, you like to get high,
00:10:30	I didn't do shrooms in Vegas.
00:10:33	Who am I to tell you that
00:10:36	It's what you enjoy
00:10:38	I'm not that guy anymore.
00:10:42	I mean, we can be friends.
00:10:44	And you can be there
00:10:48	and in the baby's life
00:10:50	I hope you will be.
00:10:52	I just...
00:10:55	I don't know. If you give me a shot
00:10:58	DEBBIE: Excuse me?
00:11:00	Can you grab the video camera?
00:11:01	We're gonna sing
00:11:04	I'm sorry. I got to go.
00:11:07	I'm sorry.
00:11:08	I'll be right back,
00:11:09	We'll finish talking.
00:11:17	What happened?
00:11:18	Thanks for warning me, man.
00:11:19	I just walked into a fucking
00:11:22	'Cause you,
00:11:25	told Debbie that I did
00:11:27	She gets mad 'Cause I smoke pot!
00:11:29	Now I'm upping it to fucking
00:11:31	Really? I thought she'd take you back.
00:11:33	You know why she just rejected me?
00:11:35	'Cause you're such a shitty husband,
00:11:36	she thinks I'm gonna turn
00:11:45	(SINGING)
00:11:49	Happy Birthday to you
00:11:54	MAN: Jessica! Right here!
00:11:57	When are you due?
00:11:59	Really?
00:12:00	Wow, you're so big already.
00:12:03	When is that baby popping out?
00:12:06	Really? Are you dilated yet?
00:12:09	You look fantastic.
00:12:13	Wow, you're about
00:12:16	You know what?
00:12:17	You don't need to lie to me.
00:12:19	I know I look like a fat cow.
00:12:21	And I'm sweating profusely.
00:12:23	No, you don't look like
00:12:27	So, I have to get going in.
00:12:29	Steve, hey. Help me out.
00:12:31	Well, I just need to run in.
00:12:32	You know what? Just say
00:12:35	Congratulations.
00:12:36	No, Steve, don't be
00:12:38	I'm not being an asshole.
00:12:41	Wow, you managed to turn
00:12:44	No easy feat.
00:12:47	You screwed me, Dad, okay?
00:12:49	You said everything was gonna
00:12:52	Nothing is fine.
00:12:53	HARRIS. ; Ben, I've been
00:12:57	Because you were the only one
00:12:59	And it was terrible advice!
00:13:01	You can go around blaming everyone
00:13:05	until you take responsibility
00:13:10	I don't know how to take
00:13:13	I didn't read the baby books!
00:13:15	I just smoke less pot.
00:13:17	What... Tell me what to do!
00:13:20	I don't know. I don't know.
00:13:22	Ben, I love you.
00:13:25	Just tell me what to do.
00:13:28	(WE ARE NOWHERE AND IT'S NOW
00:13:31	Stone, you settling in okay?
00:13:33	Best job I ever had.
00:14:43	Allison, thank you
00:14:45	I don't want to shock you
00:14:52	You're pregnant,
00:14:54	From my count, you're right
00:14:57	And I don't know why you felt
00:15:00	I'm really sorry.
00:15:02	This is Hollywood.
00:15:05	I just...
00:15:08	I didn't know how to handle it,
00:15:11	I'm really sorry.
00:15:13	It's unfortunate
00:15:17	you would've found out
00:15:19	Really?
00:15:21	So we did some research.
00:15:23	And turns out,
00:15:28	Oh, my God!
00:15:29	The bigger you are,
00:15:31	(GASPS)
00:15:32	I was surprised
00:15:35	We're gonna do a whole maternity
00:15:43	You're gonna interview
00:15:46	Really?
00:15:48	Scary!
00:15:49	You're pregnant, they're pregnant,
00:15:54	It just grosses me out when
00:15:58	'Cause I think about the birth.
00:16:01	And everything that goes into it.
00:16:03	But you know, hopes, dreams,
00:16:08	Oh, my God.
00:16:10	Thank you so much.
00:16:12	And then,
00:16:17	JILL: Tight.
00:16:19	And please don't
00:16:21	'Cause maybe someday
00:16:24	Okay. I won't. I'm sorry.
00:16:27	I just don't like secrets.
00:16:30	You know, it's a rare thing
00:16:33	your wildest dreams come true.
00:16:35	I mean, what is there left to want?
00:16:39	Shut up, Pete.
00:16:40	Legoland!
00:16:41	Legoland!
00:16:43	Don't get them all riled up
00:16:45	I shouldn't have given them
00:16:47	DEBBIE: We'll be back
00:16:49	Or Saturday. You never know.
00:16:51	Sunday. Let's go.
00:16:53	Guess what? I'm scared
00:16:55	You can trust me.
00:16:57	You are gonna
00:16:59	Oh, for Christ's sake.
00:17:01	You are.
00:17:03	(GROANS)
00:17:08	Ow, ow, ow.
00:17:14	(PHONE RINGING)
00:17:17	Hello?
00:17:18	Hey, what's up, Daddy?
00:17:21	Just smoking a joint, drinking
00:17:25	We're about to go
00:17:27	No. I'm gonna pack
00:17:30	What's he doing?
00:17:32	He says he's gonna
00:17:33	Dude, it's like 8.;15, man.
00:17:35	Yeah, I know. I'm just tired.
00:17:38	Is he depressed?
00:17:40	No, I feel great. I like it.
00:17:42	He says no.
00:17:44	Ask him if he's
00:17:45	You gonna kill yourself?
00:17:47	No, I'm not. Okay? Thank you.
00:17:49	Tell him not to jerk off
00:17:52	You shouldn't jerk off with
00:17:55	Okay. Very good.
00:17:56	And tell him if he has to,
00:18:00	Right. And if you do,
00:18:04	Great.
00:18:05	He says your mom's already there.
00:18:08	Uncool, man.
00:18:15	(PHONE RINGING)
00:18:17	Okay, okay.
00:18:19	Okay.
00:18:21	Hi, Dr. Howard?
00:18:22	No, this is Dr. Angelo.
00:18:24	How can I help you?
00:18:25	I'm a patient of Dr. Howard's,
00:18:28	and I'm going into labor
00:18:30	I actually don't know
00:18:32	But I've made myself available
00:18:35	and I'd be happy to help you.
00:18:37	Can you help me find him?
00:18:39	Oh, no. You know what? Actually,
00:18:41	not to give out his number,
00:18:44	No, no. No, no, no.
00:18:45	I want to speak to my own doctor.
00:18:48	Because this is my first baby,
00:18:52	and I need you to give me...
00:18:54	Dr. Howard's not available tonight.
00:18:56	But everything's gonna be okay,
00:18:59	No, I don't want you to help me
00:19:03	I want my own goddamn doctor!
00:19:07	Oh, shit. Okay.
00:19:11	Oh, shit!
00:19:14	(PHONE RINGING)
00:19:16	(GROANS)
00:19:25	Hello?
00:19:26	Ben, it's me. Can you come?
00:19:29	Oh, God. Allison.
00:19:33	I have so many thing's
00:19:35	I wanna apologize for things.
00:19:38	No, listen. Wait. Listen.
00:19:39	I need you to come help me, okay?
00:19:42	So can you come help me?
00:19:43	Wait. The baby's coming
00:19:45	Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:19:47	Is it happening? It's happening now?
00:19:51	(BREATHING HEAVILY)
00:19:53	Breathe like this...
00:19:54	You need to come now because
00:19:57	and they really hurt
00:20:01	And he said he was gonna
00:20:04	Okay, okay,
00:20:06	Nobody's here.
00:20:08	...not anywhere,
00:20:10	Please, please hurry.
00:20:11	I'll meet you
00:20:12	No! Don't meet me at the
00:20:16	I can't drive like this.
00:20:18	I'll get gas
00:20:19	You have to get gas?
00:20:21	No. Don't get cash. Just come.
00:20:23	I need to get cash because
00:20:26	No, just come right now.
00:20:30	This is serious and I'm alone.
00:20:31	It's the last thing you need to do is...
00:20:35	Look, if you keep yelling
00:20:37	You just need to calm down
00:20:46	Don't run out of gas.
00:20:54	Hello?
00:20:56	Please be in there.
00:21:03	Allison?
00:21:11	Hello?
00:21:12	Ben?
00:21:15	What is this,
00:21:16	What are we doing? Should we go?
00:21:19	Just relax, okay?
00:21:24	Because if it gets
00:21:26	then the baby is born
00:21:28	and then he's wired for stress
00:21:33	(EXHALES)
00:21:34	Just be calm.
00:21:36	Okay.
00:21:39	(WHISPERING)
00:21:43	Do you want
00:21:44	I feel really bad about, like,
00:21:47	I can't believe
00:21:48	That's all I think about
00:21:49	I don't wanna talk about it.
00:21:51	But maybe we could bring
00:21:54	No. I don't wanna go there.
00:21:57	Don't go there. Okay?
00:22:00	So, what should I do?
00:22:02	You need to call Dr. Howard.
00:22:05	WOMAN. ; Hello?
00:22:06	Hello, yes, this is Ben Stone.
00:22:11	We need Dr. Howard.
00:22:13	Yeah. He's at San Francisco
00:22:16	He's at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco?
00:22:19	In three days.
00:22:22	Do you have his cell number,
00:22:27	Hey! Good news.
00:22:30	I got his number right here.
00:22:33	Oh, great. Thank you so much.
00:22:37	I'm glad I'm here, too.
00:22:39	I shouldn't have told you
00:22:41	I shouldn't have said that.
00:22:44	No, it's okay.
00:22:47	I'm sorry I told you
00:22:48	It's okay. I didn't.
00:22:51	Let's just drop it now.
00:22:54	I'm gonna call him right now.
00:22:57	Hello, it's Dr. Howard.
00:23:01	Hey, Doc Howard.
00:23:05	Guess what the fuck's up?
00:23:07	Allisors going into labor
00:23:10	Now, where are you? You're at
00:23:13	you motherfucking piece of shit!
00:23:15	And you know
00:23:17	I'm gonna have to kill you.
00:23:18	I'm gonna have to
00:23:21	You're dead! You're Tupac!
00:23:22	You are fucking Biggie,
00:23:24	I hope you fucking die
00:23:26	or drop the fucking chair
00:23:29	Hope your plane crashes.
00:23:38	Hey.
00:23:39	Did you talk to him?
00:23:41	I didn't talk to him directly.
00:23:45	And... Okay.
00:23:48	What I'm about to tell you
00:23:51	You should know that going in.
00:23:52	We can get through this,
00:23:55	but everything will be fine. Okay?
00:23:57	Do you trust me when I say
00:23:59	I can deal with it.
00:24:02	So, Dr. Howard is at a bar mitzvah.
00:24:05	A bar mitzvah?
00:24:07	It's a Jewish rite of passage.
00:24:08	And he's gonna be there
00:24:12	so he will not be able
00:24:16	Oh, no.
00:24:19	It's okay.
00:24:21	What do you think
00:24:23	Okay. I know
00:24:24	All we do is we'll get in
00:24:27	and on the way, we will call
00:24:30	Someone will be available.
00:24:33	Okay. I can do that.
00:24:35	I mean, we still have time.
00:24:38	I think, like, seven minutes.
00:24:40	See? Not until four minutes
00:24:42	And has your water broken, even?
00:24:44	I don't know. I'm in the tub.
00:24:47	That's a good point.
00:24:49	What? What's that?
00:24:50	It's, it's... I mean, it's
00:24:53	But it only comes out right before
00:24:55	so if that hasn't happened,
00:24:57	We can make it to the hospital.
00:25:00	You read the baby books.
00:25:02	Yeah. I did. I read
00:25:06	Thank you.
00:25:08	(GROANING)
00:25:12	Hey. Hey, you okay?
00:25:14	(EXHALING)
00:25:17	Okay.
00:25:20	(ALLISON GROANING)
00:25:23	ALLISON: Wait.
00:25:25	It's okay. I stole this
00:25:29	Oh, that was really
00:25:34	Okay, here we go. Here we go.
00:25:37	Okay. Inches away.
00:25:39	Okay.
00:25:41	Home stretch. Hello.
00:25:46	Dr. Kuni said he would let you
00:25:48	Oh, he did.
00:25:50	Samuel?
00:25:52	This is Allison Scott.
00:25:55	Hi.
00:25:56	Hey.
00:25:58	You're our nurse?
00:25:59	That's why I'm holding
00:26:02	So, what else is up
00:26:06	I'm just joking.
00:26:09	Yeah.
00:26:12	Jeez, I'm sorry it took me so long
00:26:15	That little guy really
00:26:19	Is that the baby
00:26:21	Yeah.
00:26:22	So we can tell how the little
00:26:24	Okay.
00:26:26	Hello, Allison. Ben.
00:26:30	We really, really appreciate
00:26:32	What else do I have to do,
00:26:36	What happened to your doctor?
00:26:37	He's at a bar mitzvah
00:26:39	He didn't tell us, though.
00:26:41	Nice.
00:26:42	Lucky for you, I don't have
00:26:46	Dr. Kuni, I really wanna do this
00:26:49	Okay, let's just take a look
00:26:53	Foetal heart rate is good.
00:26:55	SAMUEL: Four centimeters.
00:26:58	Dilated?
00:27:00	Pay attention, okay?
00:27:04	I wanna get
00:27:06	What?
00:27:07	I just wanna get
00:27:09	Okay. Just relax,
00:27:11	Oh, man, I don't fucking
00:27:12	I know, but, Jonah,
00:27:15	I just think you need to relax
00:27:20	We're having a baby.
00:27:23	I'm not having shit besides
00:27:26	There's probably a fucking room
00:27:30	You guys wanna be here
00:27:32	and just fucking coughs
00:27:36	Jesus.
00:27:39	BEN: Is that good?
00:27:41	Oh, yeah, get in there.
00:27:44	I could do this all day.
00:27:45	Cool.
00:27:46	(BEEPING)
00:27:47	What was that?
00:27:55	What's happening?
00:27:57	Well, boys and girls,
00:28:00	Decels.
00:28:02	Okay, Allison, I need you to
00:28:05	The baby's heart rate
00:28:07	It's gonna be okay.
00:28:09	It's gonna be fine.
00:28:12	You'll feel a little bit of
00:28:16	Oh.
00:28:18	I'm turning the baby so I can take
00:28:22	Oh, my God.
00:28:24	Okay, we're good.
00:28:26	The heartbeat's stronger,
00:28:28	We need to get
00:28:29	I think the cord is wrapped
00:28:32	So I'm gonna give you
00:28:35	I don't wanna leave the baby
00:28:36	and we can give you
00:28:38	ALLISON: No, no, no, no.
00:28:40	I don't... I don't want the baby to
00:28:42	It's not my birth plan.
00:28:43	Now, things change.
00:28:45	What? No. But no, I'm not
00:28:49	No. Would you please
00:28:51	Fine. Do what you want to do.
00:28:53	Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
00:28:55	Do you want to be the doctor?
00:28:58	No. What we want is to take
00:29:01	That's all we want.
00:29:03	to tell me how to do my job.
00:29:04	My job is to get
00:29:07	Or I can go home.
00:29:11	Can we talk outside
00:29:14	That woman is a control freak,
00:29:16	and she needs to let go
00:29:18	Look, she's just having
00:29:20	because her and our doctor had
00:29:23	And they wanted it to be
00:29:25	If you want a special experience,
00:29:28	We have a new birth plan.
00:29:32	Look, man, will you help us out?
00:29:37	You can be as big a dick to me
00:29:41	That's all I ask.
00:29:44	(STOMACH GROWLING)
00:29:50	Are you okay?
00:29:52	I think so.
00:29:54	I'm sorry. Let's start fresh.
00:29:56	Thank you, man. Thanks.
00:29:57	This is healthy. This is good.
00:30:01	(DOOR OPENING)
00:30:08	Allison, I apologize for being
00:30:14	it's rather important
00:30:16	and give you some medicine
00:30:18	Because once the bag is broken,
00:30:22	Whatever.
00:30:28	Oh, my God.
00:30:32	I know, I know.
00:30:34	I think he'll be more cool now.
00:30:40	I'm so sorry
00:30:43	You really don't need to be.
00:30:45	And, you know, I knew
00:30:49	I figured it'd be a lot sooner
00:30:52	I was just in such
00:30:56	And watching Debbie
00:31:00	And my ass got so fat.
00:31:02	It did.
00:31:04	I just never, for one minute,
00:31:07	would actually be
00:31:10	Me, either.
00:31:12	Yeah.
00:31:16	All right, Martin, who am I?
00:31:21	(IN ELECTRONIC VOICE) " People
00:31:26	Stephen Hawking.
00:31:27	"I fuck my nurse
00:31:34	(LAUGHING)
00:31:35	MARTIN: All right.
00:31:37	Come here!
00:31:39	Stay down!
00:31:42	Hi.
00:31:44	Hi.
00:31:45	I can't believe I go
00:31:47	I know.
00:31:50	Screw Legoland.
00:31:51	Hey, how do you want this?
00:31:54	You know, I can do whatever
00:31:56	Kind of Spike Lee angles.
00:31:58	No, you can shoot the waiting
00:32:01	Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you.
00:32:06	Debbie.
00:32:07	Can I talk to you
00:32:10	DEBBIE: Why?
00:32:13	I'd like to be in there
00:32:17	Okay.
00:32:19	I understand how you feel
00:32:23	Look, Debbie, you are high
00:32:28	If you take one step towards
00:32:32	there's a crazy chick in a pink
00:32:35	So don't even try to come into
00:32:39	That little area with the Pepsi
00:32:42	My room. Your area. Stay in your area.
00:32:47	Back the fuck off.
00:32:59	What are you doing here?
00:33:01	He just kicked me out.
00:33:06	Oh.
00:33:08	But I guess it's good, right?
00:33:11	He said he's gonna
00:33:13	He really seems on his game.
00:33:16	I think he's gonna be a good dad.
00:33:19	I think I like him.
00:33:21	Thank God.
00:33:24	(SIGHS)
00:33:25	I wish I'd gotten
00:33:29	Go! Holy shit, almighty!
00:33:32	Oh, shit, this really hurts!
00:33:34	I see we're well on our way.
00:33:36	I want the...
00:33:38	Give me the epidural!
00:33:40	Give it to her now.
00:33:42	We're past the point of an epidural.
00:33:46	No, seriously,
00:33:49	We can't give you
00:33:51	I'll make sure it doesn't come out!
00:33:53	We have time.
00:33:55	I'll stop.
00:33:56	I'm sorry. We have no time.
00:33:58	We're gonna just have to do
00:34:00	The way you wanted to do it.
00:34:02	Okay? Ready?
00:34:04	Here comes another contraction, okay?
00:34:09	(SCREAMING)
00:34:10	Good, good, good.
00:34:12	Oh, my God! It's happening!
00:34:14	Okay, maybe we can
00:34:16	I think you're gonna scare
00:34:18	Are you fucking kidding me?
00:34:20	Are you kidding me?
00:34:22	(SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)
00:34:24	Jesus.
00:34:26	This is messed up.
00:34:28	Yeah.
00:34:30	I mean, granted, gynecology's
00:34:31	but it sounds to me like she's
00:34:34	Yeah. That's what it sounds
00:34:35	Everyone goes through this.
00:34:37	No, I disagree with you.
00:34:42	I'm gonna go sneak a peak,
00:34:46	(SCREAMING)
00:34:50	Okay! It's crowning!
00:34:52	Oh, God.
00:34:53	What does it look like, Ben?
00:34:55	What?
00:34:57	No, I wanna see it!
00:34:59	No, I want to see it!
00:35:02	Okay, we're almost home!
00:35:05	You okay in here? Jesus!
00:35:07	Get out!
00:35:10	ALLISON: Oh, no!
00:35:11	(SCREAMING)
00:35:14	You all right, buddy?
00:35:17	JAY: It's okay.
00:35:20	What did it look like?
00:35:21	I shouldn't have gone in there.
00:35:23	Don't go in there.
00:35:26	Me, go in there? That's the last
00:35:28	Like I'm gonna go in there.
00:35:30	Try getting a boner now.
00:35:32	What's up, Deb?
00:35:33	Hey.
00:35:37	Push. One, two, three.
00:35:41	You've passed the shoulders.
00:35:45	(SCREAMING)
00:35:46	Good.
00:35:49	(BABY CRYING)
00:35:53	I did it.
00:35:55	Okay. Oh, my God. It's out.
00:35:58	Oh, my God, you did it.
00:36:03	BEN: Oh, God.
00:36:07	I love you, Ben.
00:36:10	Oh, my God.
00:36:11	Congratulations, you two.
00:36:14	You did so great.
00:36:18	Okay, pretty baby.
00:36:20	You got out.
00:36:22	You made it out. Welcome.
00:36:26	You ever get so bored
00:36:30	I bet you do, late John Lennon.
00:36:32	(LAUGHING)
00:36:35	Here we are again.
00:36:36	(WHISPERING) Who is that?
00:36:38	Is he the one
00:36:41	I think it's Matisyahu.
00:36:44	(CHUCKLING)
00:36:45	Awesome.
00:36:46	You want out of the bet?
00:36:48	You know what you have to say.
00:36:53	Jason, you're the master.
00:36:56	You heard it, right?
00:36:57	All right. You're out of the bet.
00:37:00	Oh, my gosh.
00:37:02	Your face smells
00:37:04	Thank you. Thank you.
00:37:08	BEN: Hey.
00:37:14	Oh, my God.
00:37:16	Oh, hello.
00:37:18	Oh, my goodness.
00:37:21	She's beautiful.
00:37:26	Hello.
00:37:27	Oh. I love you, Ben.
00:37:30	We're gonna have another baby.
00:37:34	Hello, baby.
00:37:35	Gentlemen, it's a girl!
00:37:37	(ALL CHEERING)
00:37:42	We got a daughter!
00:37:44	Congratulations, Daddy!
00:37:47	Let's meet her! She's awesome!
00:37:50	And then your mommy said,
00:37:55	which was very confusing
00:37:57	So I listened to the most
00:38:02	What would you do?
00:38:04	Don't tell Mommy,
00:38:05	but it was the smartest thing
00:38:10	Isn't that nice?
00:38:18	Hi, you.
00:38:24	I hope your apartment is big enough
00:38:26	BEN: Oh, it definitely is.
00:38:28	That's why I got one in East LA,
00:38:31	The only thing is
00:38:32	if we're gonna be Crips
00:38:34	Well, I look good in red.
00:38:37	The fighting continues.
00:38:38	(LAUGHING)
00:38:40	We could just throw off everyone
00:38:42	Yeah.
00:38:43	We both look good in gold.
00:38:44	(LAUGHING) Yeah.
00:38:47	Good choice.
00:38:48	(CARS HONKING)
00:38:52	No, these guys can honk all they want.
00:38:55	It might take us around three
00:38:57	(ALLISON LAUGHING)
00:38:59	(DAUGHTER PLAYING)
00:40:51	(GREY IN L.A. PLAYING)

Knocked Up