|
American Pie 5 The Naked Mile
|
| 00:00:14 |
Oh, honey, you don't look so good. |
| 00:00:17 |
You should stay home from brunch. |
| 00:00:19 |
- Are you sure? |
| 00:00:20 |
I really want to go. |
| 00:00:22 |
You stay and rest. |
| 00:00:24 |
You can see Grandma when we get back. |
| 00:01:03 |
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster. |
| 00:01:31 |
Wanna fuck me, baby? |
| 00:01:34 |
Oh, yes. Yeah. |
| 00:01:35 |
You wanna fuck me? |
| 00:01:41 |
Hey, Erik. Do you know if your dad |
| 00:01:44 |
I have no idea, Mr. Williams. |
| 00:01:47 |
All right. Go back to what you were doing. |
| 00:01:53 |
You wanna fuck me, baby? |
| 00:02:00 |
Yeah. |
| 00:02:11 |
Yeah. Fuck me, baby. |
| 00:02:14 |
Yes, please. |
| 00:02:17 |
Oh, do me, baby. |
| 00:02:19 |
Honey. |
| 00:02:20 |
Yeah, just like that. |
| 00:02:22 |
Oh, yeah! So good, so good, baby. |
| 00:02:25 |
Oh, yeah! |
| 00:02:29 |
I told you I was paying. |
| 00:02:31 |
So what's the difference |
| 00:02:33 |
Honey, she doesn't like to waste money. |
| 00:02:35 |
There's no way I'm letting you pay full price |
| 00:02:37 |
when there's a two-for-one coupon |
| 00:02:41 |
I'll be right out. |
| 00:02:42 |
I'm coming, too. Now I gotta pee. |
| 00:02:44 |
I'll check on Erik. |
| 00:02:45 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:02:46 |
Oh. Oh, that's good. |
| 00:02:48 |
- You like that? I like that, too. |
| 00:02:51 |
Here we go. |
| 00:02:52 |
Okay, Mom. |
| 00:02:53 |
- Harder. |
| 00:02:55 |
Oh, yeah! So good. |
| 00:02:56 |
- Like this? |
| 00:02:58 |
- Like this? Like this? |
| 00:02:59 |
Baby, do me just like that. |
| 00:03:02 |
Okay, attagirl. |
| 00:03:05 |
- From behind? |
| 00:03:07 |
- Okay. |
| 00:03:08 |
- You wanna cum for me, baby? |
| 00:03:10 |
- Yeah? Cum for me, baby. |
| 00:03:12 |
We're almost there. |
| 00:03:13 |
You're gonna cum for me? |
| 00:03:14 |
I'm about to. I'm about to. |
| 00:03:16 |
That's it, baby. |
| 00:03:29 |
Grandma. Grandma. |
| 00:03:33 |
Grandma. |
| 00:03:37 |
And that's the day |
| 00:03:39 |
And it's pretty much the story of my life. |
| 00:03:49 |
That's me. Not exactly the life of the party. |
| 00:03:55 |
That's my buddy, Mike Coozeman. |
| 00:03:57 |
Everybody calls him Cooze |
| 00:04:00 |
Cooze is a self-proclaimed ladies' man |
| 00:04:03 |
Sometimes his methods are... |
| 00:04:06 |
questionable. |
| 00:04:09 |
Very smooth. |
| 00:04:11 |
Oh, please. I consider that foreplay. |
| 00:04:13 |
Where's Ryan? |
| 00:04:15 |
I don't know. |
| 00:04:16 |
Last time I saw him, |
| 00:04:22 |
That's my best friend, Ryan Grimm. |
| 00:04:25 |
I don't know how he does it. |
| 00:04:29 |
See, I told you there was enough |
| 00:04:32 |
He moved here in second grade. |
| 00:04:34 |
Believe it or not, back then, |
| 00:04:37 |
Now he's the quarterback |
| 00:04:39 |
and the coolest guy in school. |
| 00:04:41 |
Hey, I brought you a vodka and ginger ale |
| 00:04:44 |
Oh, thanks. |
| 00:04:47 |
That's my girlfriend, Tracy. |
| 00:04:50 |
We met in Biology, junior year. |
| 00:04:52 |
Now make the first |
| 00:04:55 |
Cut along the ventral side from the pelvic |
| 00:05:00 |
Oh! |
| 00:05:03 |
I don't know what she saw in me, |
| 00:05:05 |
but when I finally got up the nerve |
| 00:05:10 |
And for some reason, |
| 00:05:14 |
It's like she totally gets me. |
| 00:05:18 |
And I try my best to get her. |
| 00:05:27 |
Come on. Take the low one. It's easy. |
| 00:05:32 |
Screw it. |
| 00:05:39 |
Oh! |
| 00:05:43 |
Are you all right? |
| 00:05:46 |
I don't know. |
| 00:05:49 |
Okay, I promise I'll never make you |
| 00:05:53 |
Looks like she's perfect, right? |
| 00:05:59 |
Tracy's not ready to have sex yet, |
| 00:06:05 |
Now, being one of the only virgins in school |
| 00:06:08 |
but it's even worse for me. |
| 00:06:12 |
Yup. |
| 00:06:14 |
I'm a Stifler. |
| 00:06:15 |
My cousins are the legendary Stifler boys. |
| 00:06:18 |
Steve, his brother, Matt, |
| 00:06:24 |
You see, with my last name |
| 00:06:26 |
a reputation that I'm supposed to live up to. |
| 00:06:29 |
Unfortunately, I've let down the family name |
| 00:06:32 |
What's your problem, Erik? |
| 00:06:34 |
Your cousin would've helped me |
| 00:06:36 |
Dude, a real Stifler |
| 00:06:40 |
If you were really a Stifler, |
| 00:06:44 |
Stifler. |
| 00:06:46 |
My name, my legacy, my curse. |
| 00:06:54 |
I can't believe you killed your grandmother |
| 00:06:57 |
The coroner's findings were inconclusive. |
| 00:06:59 |
Why are you still whacking it |
| 00:07:01 |
Yeah, why don't you just go on the Internet |
| 00:07:04 |
Well, because my mom |
| 00:07:06 |
after you spent the entire night looking up |
| 00:07:09 |
Man, you are pathetic. |
| 00:07:12 |
You know who I blame for this? Tracy. |
| 00:07:14 |
What? Why? |
| 00:07:16 |
Because, if she would just give up |
| 00:07:18 |
then maybe you wouldn't be killing |
| 00:07:24 |
Erik, you cannot graduate a virgin. |
| 00:07:36 |
Hey, sweetie. How was your math class? |
| 00:07:39 |
It was all right. How was English? |
| 00:07:41 |
Pretty interesting, actually. |
| 00:07:43 |
You know that kid |
| 00:07:45 |
- He was doing that pencil thing all... |
| 00:07:49 |
You okay? |
| 00:07:50 |
Yeah, I'm fine. |
| 00:07:53 |
Erik, we've been dating for two years. |
| 00:07:57 |
Nothing's wrong. |
| 00:07:59 |
I don't know why you think |
| 00:08:01 |
Because I do. What is it? |
| 00:08:05 |
You're gonna think I'm an asshole. |
| 00:08:08 |
Come on, Erik, you know you can talk to me |
| 00:08:13 |
All right. |
| 00:08:19 |
It's the sex. |
| 00:08:22 |
I mean, |
| 00:08:23 |
we've been together for two years. |
| 00:08:26 |
I mean, when we were juniors, |
| 00:08:28 |
but we're seniors now, |
| 00:08:30 |
is starting to have |
| 00:08:33 |
I mean, people are dying. |
| 00:08:36 |
I told you, I'm not ready yet. |
| 00:08:37 |
I am so ready. |
| 00:08:40 |
Can't I be ready enough for the both of us? |
| 00:08:42 |
It doesn't work that way. |
| 00:08:44 |
It should. |
| 00:08:46 |
I'm sorry, Erik. |
| 00:08:48 |
I know. It's just sometimes... |
| 00:08:51 |
What? |
| 00:08:52 |
Well, you're a girl. |
| 00:08:56 |
because the longer you stay a virgin, |
| 00:08:59 |
The longer I stay a virgin, |
| 00:09:01 |
the more I become the laughingstock |
| 00:09:05 |
I'm sorry, but... I mean... |
| 00:09:07 |
I'm sorry I brought it up. |
| 00:09:11 |
I gotta go. I'll see you after school. |
| 00:09:15 |
Okay. |
| 00:09:18 |
Bye. |
| 00:09:25 |
I'm telling you, his dick was this big. |
| 00:09:30 |
What about Erik? |
| 00:09:32 |
Well, Tracy wouldn't know. |
| 00:09:34 |
Whatever. |
| 00:09:36 |
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard |
| 00:09:39 |
Brooke, that's mean. |
| 00:09:40 |
Just because I don't have a catalog |
| 00:09:43 |
doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two. |
| 00:09:45 |
Okay, so how big is Erik's? |
| 00:09:51 |
See? Told you. |
| 00:09:52 |
Come on, Brooke. |
| 00:09:53 |
It's not like that with us. |
| 00:09:55 |
I mean, Erik's different. |
| 00:09:57 |
Well, you better give that boy |
| 00:09:59 |
or he's gonna find a girl |
| 00:10:02 |
Erik would never do that. |
| 00:10:03 |
Yeah, that's what you said about Trent. |
| 00:10:05 |
He broke up with you over sex, |
| 00:10:08 |
Yeah, this just isn't gonna |
| 00:10:12 |
God, Trent is cute, |
| 00:10:16 |
Look, Tracy, we love you, and we love Erik, |
| 00:10:21 |
He's a guy, and guys have certain needs. |
| 00:10:23 |
They really do. |
| 00:10:27 |
Yeah, I can't believe |
| 00:10:31 |
Hey, Erik, guess who I just talked to? |
| 00:10:34 |
Who? |
| 00:10:35 |
Your cousin Stifler up at Michigan. |
| 00:10:37 |
Why are you talking to my cousin Dwight? |
| 00:10:38 |
Oh, we talk all the time. |
| 00:10:40 |
What? We have a lot in common. |
| 00:10:42 |
What's that crazy bastard up to? |
| 00:10:43 |
He's in some fraternity, |
| 00:10:47 |
And it just so happens that they're throwing |
| 00:10:50 |
for the Naked Mile. |
| 00:10:51 |
What's the Naked Mile? |
| 00:10:52 |
Oh, dude, it's this thing |
| 00:10:54 |
run naked through campus. |
| 00:10:55 |
It's the way of blowing off |
| 00:10:58 |
Thousands of naked chicks? |
| 00:10:59 |
Stifler says that this party is gonna be epic. |
| 00:11:02 |
Bottom line is, this place is played out. |
| 00:11:04 |
High school's over for us. |
| 00:11:06 |
It's time to plant our flag in a new land. |
| 00:11:08 |
Porn, cumshot, dead grandmother, |
| 00:11:12 |
Don't worry. |
| 00:11:13 |
Just tell your parents that, you know, |
| 00:11:16 |
- I don't know, man. |
| 00:11:18 |
Your mom cried when you told her |
| 00:11:20 |
She'll probably help you pack |
| 00:11:23 |
I'll help you pack. |
| 00:11:25 |
I'll make sandwiches. |
| 00:11:26 |
Chicken salad? |
| 00:11:27 |
Of course. |
| 00:11:28 |
Are you gonna get a chance |
| 00:11:30 |
Yeah. We might stop by and say hello. |
| 00:11:33 |
Now, there's someone you |
| 00:11:36 |
I bet he doesn't have time |
| 00:11:38 |
- Harry, please. |
| 00:11:40 |
When I was your age, |
| 00:11:44 |
I didn't have time to spank my monkey. |
| 00:11:46 |
Thank you for that very |
| 00:11:49 |
I mean, Stiflers do not fake |
| 00:11:53 |
We cut class to get ass. |
| 00:11:54 |
Yes, I know. |
| 00:11:56 |
Oh, don't let me forget |
| 00:11:58 |
You know, just in case you get diarrhea. |
| 00:12:00 |
- Mom. |
| 00:12:02 |
Aren't you excited, Harry? |
| 00:12:03 |
I'm very excited. |
| 00:12:05 |
Don't you get excited. |
| 00:12:07 |
It worked |
| 00:12:08 |
She's helping me pack, |
| 00:12:11 |
- Chicken salad? |
| 00:12:13 |
Sweet. |
| 00:12:14 |
See, I told you. Never doubt me. |
| 00:12:16 |
Man, this weekend is gonna be tits. |
| 00:12:20 |
Hey, how come you never call me Stifler? |
| 00:12:23 |
You're more of an Erik. |
| 00:12:26 |
Hold on. |
| 00:12:28 |
That's Tracy. I'd better take it. |
| 00:12:29 |
All right, later. |
| 00:12:33 |
Hey, sweetie. |
| 00:12:35 |
Erik, I wanna have sex. |
| 00:12:38 |
Excuse me? |
| 00:12:40 |
I wanna have sex. |
| 00:12:42 |
Are you serious? |
| 00:12:43 |
Absolutely. |
| 00:12:45 |
Do you have me on a conference call? |
| 00:12:48 |
Erik, this isn't a joke. |
| 00:12:50 |
I want to have sex. |
| 00:12:54 |
Yes! Yes, yes. |
| 00:12:57 |
Tonight. |
| 00:12:58 |
What? |
| 00:12:59 |
Tonight. I wanna have sex tonight. |
| 00:13:02 |
How am I supposed to get out of my house? |
| 00:13:04 |
That's up to you. |
| 00:13:05 |
But at midnight, I'll be in my basement |
| 00:13:09 |
waiting to be ravished. |
| 00:13:11 |
I'll be there. |
| 00:13:33 |
Hypocrite. |
| 00:13:37 |
So you get the beer and the weed, |
| 00:13:39 |
You got it. What's Erik bringing? |
| 00:13:41 |
Sandwiches. |
| 00:13:42 |
Nice. Chicken salad and college pussy. |
| 00:13:46 |
My favorite combination. |
| 00:13:48 |
Yeah, well, at least you'll get to taste |
| 00:13:49 |
Ow. |
| 00:13:51 |
Hey, what do you think Erik's doing |
| 00:13:52 |
Probably beating off to dumpster porn. |
| 00:13:55 |
No more beating off to dumpster porn. |
| 00:13:59 |
Tonight, Erik Stifler becomes a man. |
| 00:14:37 |
- Hi. |
| 00:14:46 |
- All right, listen. |
| 00:14:48 |
No talking. |
| 00:15:15 |
Wait. |
| 00:15:16 |
What? |
| 00:15:17 |
Did you hear something? |
| 00:15:18 |
No. Don't worry, my parents are passed out. |
| 00:15:24 |
Are you sure? |
| 00:15:28 |
Here, I'll help you relax. |
| 00:15:44 |
You brought something, right? |
| 00:15:48 |
Oh, shit. I left it at home. |
| 00:15:52 |
I can run back and get it. |
| 00:15:54 |
No, no, don't worry. I've got one. |
| 00:16:00 |
Do you wanna put it on or should I? |
| 00:16:03 |
Let's put it on together. |
| 00:16:22 |
Are you ready? |
| 00:16:24 |
Yeah. |
| 00:16:26 |
Shit. Someone's coming. |
| 00:16:41 |
Honey, what are you still doing up? |
| 00:16:44 |
Yoga. |
| 00:16:46 |
I ate too much at dinner. |
| 00:16:47 |
Why don't you take an Alka-Seltzer? |
| 00:16:49 |
Alka-Seltzer is for babies. |
| 00:16:50 |
I just need a nightcap. |
| 00:16:55 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:16:56 |
Sounds like you could use an Alka-Seltzer. |
| 00:16:59 |
Daddy. Here, let me get you your drink. |
| 00:17:01 |
No, that's okay, honey. |
| 00:17:03 |
No, Daddy, I really want to. |
| 00:17:04 |
Sweetie, I'm a grown man. |
| 00:17:22 |
What was that? |
| 00:17:24 |
What was what? |
| 00:17:25 |
I didn't hear anything. |
| 00:17:27 |
There was a noise |
| 00:17:59 |
I must be hearing things. |
| 00:18:00 |
See, Daddy? I told you. |
| 00:18:06 |
What the... |
| 00:18:23 |
You all right, baby? |
| 00:18:25 |
I'm fine, Daddy. |
| 00:18:39 |
Oh, that sick bastard took |
| 00:18:44 |
I'm calling the police. |
| 00:19:00 |
Ryan? Ryan? |
| 00:19:03 |
Ryan, get up man. Ryan! |
| 00:19:05 |
What the fuck? |
| 00:19:06 |
It's me. It's Erik. |
| 00:19:08 |
Dude, why are you naked in my room? |
| 00:19:12 |
And with a rubber on your dick. |
| 00:19:14 |
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. |
| 00:19:17 |
Look, I'm in serious trouble, okay? |
| 00:19:22 |
What's that smell? |
| 00:19:24 |
Did you step in dog shit? |
| 00:19:26 |
Yeah. |
| 00:19:29 |
Hey, man, thanks for the clothes. |
| 00:19:32 |
No, thanks. Why don't you just burn them? |
| 00:19:36 |
Wonder if I get a reward for turning you in. |
| 00:19:39 |
If the alleged |
| 00:19:41 |
it could be devastating for the White House. |
| 00:19:43 |
Sources near the |
| 00:19:45 |
confirm nor deny the allegations. |
| 00:19:47 |
And in local news, a masked burglar broke |
| 00:19:51 |
defecated in the family dryer, |
| 00:19:55 |
Police are continuing the search, |
| 00:19:56 |
but the whereabouts and |
| 00:19:59 |
What is wrong with these people? |
| 00:20:01 |
And now, Dakota Snow |
| 00:20:03 |
I don't know. |
| 00:20:12 |
You scared me. |
| 00:20:13 |
Sorry. |
| 00:20:15 |
Listen, about last night... |
| 00:20:16 |
Yeah, you know, |
| 00:20:19 |
I really think that we should. |
| 00:20:22 |
Erik, you took a crap in my dryer. |
| 00:20:25 |
Your dad scared the shit out of me. |
| 00:20:28 |
- Wait. |
| 00:20:29 |
Let's forget about it, okay? |
| 00:20:34 |
Okay, but what about the other thing? |
| 00:20:39 |
The sex? |
| 00:20:41 |
I'm taking last night as a sign from above. |
| 00:20:43 |
But maybe... |
| 00:20:45 |
Erik, I love you. I'm just... |
| 00:20:49 |
I'm not ready yet. |
| 00:20:51 |
Really? |
| 00:20:53 |
Really. |
| 00:20:55 |
But I also realized just how ready you are. |
| 00:20:59 |
I don't wanna break up over sex. |
| 00:21:01 |
I don't think we have to. |
| 00:21:04 |
I'm not ready. You are. |
| 00:21:10 |
So, this is what I'm proposing. |
| 00:21:13 |
A guilt-free pass for this weekend. |
| 00:21:16 |
That means you can do |
| 00:21:19 |
with no consequences. |
| 00:21:23 |
You're sure about this? |
| 00:21:25 |
I don't think love and sex |
| 00:21:29 |
so I'm okay with this. |
| 00:21:31 |
One weekend. Get it out of your system, |
| 00:21:36 |
and come back to me. |
| 00:21:39 |
Is this some kind of a test? |
| 00:21:42 |
Not at all. |
| 00:21:50 |
and one of bomb beer. |
| 00:21:52 |
See, this is perfect. |
| 00:21:54 |
Hey, we all set? |
| 00:21:56 |
I don't know. |
| 00:21:57 |
I told you he'd puss out. |
| 00:21:58 |
Tell me you at least |
| 00:22:01 |
What's the problem? |
| 00:22:03 |
There is no problem. |
| 00:22:05 |
Tracy just gave me |
| 00:22:07 |
which means I can do anything I want. |
| 00:22:10 |
Anything? |
| 00:22:12 |
You mean... |
| 00:22:13 |
Yeah, she said |
| 00:22:17 |
She wants me to get it out of my system. |
| 00:22:19 |
Dude, your girlfriend just went from |
| 00:22:24 |
You guys think it could be, like, |
| 00:22:26 |
- No, no. |
| 00:22:29 |
Tracy's a smart girl. |
| 00:22:30 |
She's mature enough to see |
| 00:22:32 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:22:34 |
You think so? |
| 00:22:35 |
Absolutely. |
| 00:22:38 |
You're driving. |
| 00:22:39 |
Now get in the car |
| 00:22:42 |
Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon, |
| 00:22:46 |
a quarter ounce of weed, |
| 00:22:48 |
a ten-pound tank of nitrous, |
| 00:22:50 |
And I am too drunk to drive. |
| 00:22:54 |
Hit it. |
| 00:23:16 |
You sure this shit's safe? |
| 00:23:18 |
It's as safe as any other chemical |
| 00:23:25 |
Look at the size of that fucking chicken. |
| 00:23:26 |
Where? |
| 00:23:30 |
Whoa, what the fuck? |
| 00:23:33 |
Relax, he's hallucinating. |
| 00:23:36 |
Are you out of your fucking mind? |
| 00:23:38 |
Yeah, Tracy. What were you thinking? |
| 00:23:41 |
But you guys told me |
| 00:23:44 |
Yeah, you give him a reason, |
| 00:23:45 |
not give him a free pass |
| 00:23:48 |
You've got to stop this. |
| 00:23:49 |
If he has sex this weekend, |
| 00:23:53 |
That it will get it out of his system. |
| 00:23:54 |
Oh, yeah. That's how it works. |
| 00:23:56 |
He's gonna go from |
| 00:23:58 |
It's pretty risky, Tracy. |
| 00:24:00 |
Risky? It's a fucking Pandora's box, literally. |
| 00:24:04 |
And once he's felt |
| 00:24:08 |
he's not gonna go back |
| 00:24:12 |
Never thought of it like that. |
| 00:24:13 |
Tracy, men are like dogs |
| 00:24:16 |
that run around and hump |
| 00:24:18 |
Now go and get your dog back on its leash. |
| 00:24:43 |
Come on, Erik. |
| 00:24:51 |
I knew it was too good to be true. |
| 00:24:58 |
Sorry, kids. It's for the best. |
| 00:25:27 |
Tracy? |
| 00:25:29 |
Oh, Mr. Levenstein. |
| 00:25:30 |
- Hi. |
| 00:25:31 |
You're back for more yoga. |
| 00:25:33 |
Well, my wife is hooked on it, |
| 00:25:35 |
and she thinks if I can be |
| 00:25:41 |
Have you ever heard of a book |
| 00:25:46 |
No. |
| 00:25:48 |
Oh, well, my wife just got it, |
| 00:25:50 |
and there's some stuff in there that requires |
| 00:25:53 |
if you know what I mean. |
| 00:25:56 |
Are you okay, honey? |
| 00:26:00 |
Oh, you know, just some boyfriend stuff. |
| 00:26:03 |
Oh, boyfriend stuff. |
| 00:26:05 |
Well, if there's anything I can do. |
| 00:26:09 |
No offense or anything, |
| 00:26:13 |
Oh, I see. |
| 00:26:15 |
You know, my son had his fair share |
| 00:26:17 |
of relationship/sexual/ |
| 00:26:22 |
pastry-related difficulties, |
| 00:26:25 |
and I think my advice |
| 00:26:30 |
Well, do you have any advice for a girl |
| 00:26:34 |
a guilt-free pass for the weekend? |
| 00:26:37 |
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass? |
| 00:26:40 |
That means he could do whatever he wants |
| 00:26:43 |
Oh my! |
| 00:26:46 |
Well, that certainly sounds progressive, |
| 00:26:49 |
and a safe bet on what is probably gonna be |
| 00:26:56 |
He's at the Naked Mile this weekend. |
| 00:26:58 |
You gave your boyfriend a guilt-free pass |
| 00:27:02 |
Tracy, the Naked Mile is insane. You... |
| 00:27:06 |
From what I hear. |
| 00:27:09 |
because I, you know, |
| 00:27:13 |
But, look, Tracy, |
| 00:27:16 |
even if your boyfriend is at this Naked Mile, |
| 00:27:19 |
it doesn't mean he's gonna do anything. |
| 00:27:23 |
Really? |
| 00:27:24 |
Well, just because he can, |
| 00:27:29 |
Relationships are all about trust. |
| 00:27:35 |
Yeah, I guess you're right. |
| 00:27:38 |
Well, namaste. |
| 00:27:41 |
Namaste. |
| 00:27:59 |
Hey, have you seen my phone? |
| 00:28:01 |
No. |
| 00:28:03 |
Maybe you left it back at school. |
| 00:28:05 |
No, no, I thought I put in my backpack. |
| 00:28:10 |
Hey, you wanna pull over |
| 00:28:13 |
Just piss in a can or something. |
| 00:28:17 |
Man, I could cut my dick on the lip. |
| 00:28:19 |
Well, piss out the window. |
| 00:28:46 |
Love that breeze off the lake. |
| 00:29:01 |
This place is incredible. |
| 00:29:04 |
Just think, next year |
| 00:29:07 |
Yeah, thanks to Daddy |
| 00:29:10 |
Fuck off. |
| 00:29:12 |
You scored five points |
| 00:29:17 |
Whatever. Still got in. |
| 00:29:20 |
Hey, why does it smell like piss back here? |
| 00:29:25 |
This is it. Beta Delta Xi. |
| 00:29:27 |
This is the house? |
| 00:29:29 |
Cool. |
| 00:29:32 |
Whoa. |
| 00:29:39 |
What's going on here? |
| 00:29:41 |
I have no idea. |
| 00:29:50 |
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink. |
| 00:29:58 |
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink. |
| 00:30:00 |
Hold your drink! |
| 00:30:05 |
Whoa. |
| 00:30:12 |
Okay. |
| 00:30:14 |
Yeah. |
| 00:30:19 |
How you feeling there, Stretch? |
| 00:30:22 |
Little dizzy? |
| 00:30:25 |
'Cause guess what? |
| 00:30:26 |
Stifler can drink this shit all day long. |
| 00:30:35 |
Stifler! |
| 00:30:38 |
Your cousin is my hero. |
| 00:30:43 |
- All right, everybody freeze! |
| 00:30:46 |
Campus security. |
| 00:30:48 |
Nobody takes another drink... |
| 00:30:54 |
...till I got my bet down. I got $200 on Stifler! |
| 00:31:01 |
Spanky, you had me going, |
| 00:31:04 |
Let's do it. Do it! |
| 00:31:06 |
Yeah. |
| 00:31:23 |
You got steel nuts, my man. |
| 00:31:26 |
But you're no match for the Stif-man. |
| 00:31:30 |
Fuck you, Stifler. |
| 00:31:33 |
Yeah. |
| 00:31:36 |
Yeah. |
| 00:31:42 |
What's the matter, Boy Band? |
| 00:31:44 |
You need a little something |
| 00:31:56 |
Yeah, take in the Stifler essence. |
| 00:31:59 |
Mighty pungent. |
| 00:32:10 |
Yeah! |
| 00:32:12 |
And still Heavyweight Drinking Champion |
| 00:32:15 |
Dwight "The Iron Liver" Stifler! |
| 00:32:22 |
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby! |
| 00:32:33 |
He's okay. He's okay. |
| 00:32:41 |
Hey, cousin. |
| 00:32:44 |
How you doing? |
| 00:32:46 |
I'm fine, Dwight. Are you okay? |
| 00:32:50 |
Oh, yeah, I'm fine. |
| 00:32:52 |
I'm fine. |
| 00:32:54 |
Hey, I heard that you killed |
| 00:32:59 |
That sucks, man. |
| 00:33:06 |
Should we take him to the hospital? |
| 00:33:07 |
No, he'll be fine. |
| 00:33:09 |
He told me he does this, like, once a month. |
| 00:33:12 |
Okay, well, you guys keep an eye on him. |
| 00:33:33 |
So, when are we gonna start partying? |
| 00:33:35 |
Oh, someone's feeling a little frisky. |
| 00:33:38 |
Let's just say I finally decided |
| 00:33:43 |
Stifler? We got a serious problem, man. |
| 00:33:47 |
Mike and the guys just got arrested |
| 00:33:52 |
So what's the problem? |
| 00:33:54 |
They're almost half our football team. |
| 00:33:57 |
We gotta put a team |
| 00:33:59 |
- Why? |
| 00:34:02 |
We gotta participate in every intermural event |
| 00:34:05 |
or we're kicked off campus, man. |
| 00:34:07 |
We're four guys short. |
| 00:34:13 |
I play football. |
| 00:34:15 |
I played freshman year. |
| 00:34:19 |
What about you? |
| 00:34:21 |
A little Nerf here and there. |
| 00:34:22 |
Good enough. Stifler? |
| 00:34:25 |
Mmm? |
| 00:34:26 |
Can you play? |
| 00:34:34 |
Don't ever |
| 00:34:38 |
ask if Stifler can play. |
| 00:34:50 |
I'm good. |
| 00:34:54 |
The team we're playing's |
| 00:34:58 |
These guys must be pretty serious. |
| 00:35:01 |
Fucking-A-right, they're serious. |
| 00:35:03 |
Lambda Pi Gamma. |
| 00:35:05 |
They're our arch rivals in everything: |
| 00:35:09 |
These guys are fucking evil. |
| 00:35:14 |
Get ready! |
| 00:35:15 |
Come on! |
| 00:35:17 |
Down! |
| 00:35:19 |
Blue 42. |
| 00:35:21 |
They're midgets. |
| 00:35:22 |
Hut, hut! |
| 00:35:27 |
Don't let their size fool you. |
| 00:35:29 |
These guys are fucking animals. |
| 00:35:33 |
Did I do too much nitrous? |
| 00:35:36 |
Those rich midgets from those infomercials |
| 00:35:40 |
and started a school |
| 00:35:44 |
And this is where every midget |
| 00:35:47 |
Hot feet! |
| 00:35:48 |
That's right. |
| 00:35:49 |
Breakdown. |
| 00:35:50 |
These guys are the best of the best. |
| 00:35:54 |
Well, well, well. |
| 00:35:56 |
If it isn't the regular-size retards |
| 00:36:00 |
You ready to get your ass |
| 00:36:02 |
Get back to Oz there |
| 00:36:06 |
Toto was the dog, you fucking idiot. |
| 00:36:10 |
Lick my balls, big-wheel-riding, |
| 00:36:13 |
It's little person, fuck-nut. |
| 00:36:15 |
This year, I'm gonna take |
| 00:36:19 |
You little... |
| 00:36:24 |
- You want it? You want it? Come on. |
| 00:36:27 |
Whoa. Whoa. |
| 00:36:29 |
Out of my way, assholes. |
| 00:36:34 |
What's that guy's problem? |
| 00:36:36 |
That's Rock. He's fucking crazy. |
| 00:36:38 |
- He plays dirty. |
| 00:36:40 |
Last year, he bit a chunk out of my thigh. |
| 00:36:42 |
Jesus! |
| 00:36:44 |
Hey, his girlfriend's pretty hot. |
| 00:36:47 |
Yeah. And what's with that regular-size guy? |
| 00:36:51 |
Oh, it's Rock's cousin. |
| 00:36:57 |
What a douchebag. |
| 00:37:01 |
Can he play? |
| 00:37:03 |
No, he sucks. |
| 00:37:16 |
Hey, keep your head up. |
| 00:37:18 |
Whatever, they're midgets. |
| 00:37:34 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:37:44 |
Keep your head up, bitch. |
| 00:37:51 |
I told you, man. |
| 00:37:57 |
Down! |
| 00:37:58 |
Set! |
| 00:38:00 |
Hut! |
| 00:38:20 |
Yeah! |
| 00:39:01 |
- Beta! |
| 00:39:02 |
Let's go, fellas. Get on the line. |
| 00:39:05 |
Down! |
| 00:39:08 |
How you feeling, Stifler? |
| 00:39:09 |
I'm 6'1", Frodo. How about you? |
| 00:39:16 |
Hut! |
| 00:39:21 |
The little fucker's biting me again. |
| 00:39:29 |
Not in my eye! |
| 00:39:39 |
Funny, you don't look 6'1" from here, |
| 00:40:10 |
God, |
| 00:40:12 |
I hate that fucking guy. |
| 00:40:14 |
I'm getting killed out there. |
| 00:40:16 |
I can't get loose. |
| 00:40:17 |
They're so fast and small. |
| 00:40:20 |
Quit crying, you bunch |
| 00:40:22 |
I just got a hunk taken out of my leg. |
| 00:40:26 |
All right, then, let's put |
| 00:40:28 |
Let's go out there and show these little sons |
| 00:40:32 |
- You understand what I'm saying, fellas? |
| 00:40:34 |
All right, Beta on three. |
| 00:40:36 |
- One, two, three, Beta! |
| 00:40:39 |
- Down! |
| 00:40:41 |
Hut! |
| 00:40:47 |
Go! |
| 00:40:52 |
Go! |
| 00:41:37 |
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys. |
| 00:41:40 |
All right, we got five seconds left, guys. |
| 00:41:42 |
If you're about to get |
| 00:41:45 |
It's our only chance. |
| 00:41:47 |
All right, let's go now. |
| 00:41:50 |
- Beta on three. |
| 00:41:51 |
- One, two, three, Beta! |
| 00:42:01 |
Down! |
| 00:42:06 |
Set! |
| 00:42:21 |
Hut! |
| 00:43:26 |
We kicked your ass! |
| 00:43:29 |
You're still my bitch, Stifler. |
| 00:43:44 |
I can't believe we lost to midgets. |
| 00:43:46 |
Don't let those Oompa Loompa |
| 00:43:49 |
Right now, we have more important matters |
| 00:43:54 |
From what I understand, |
| 00:43:56 |
my cousin has a guilt-free pass |
| 00:43:59 |
to bang all the girls he can find. |
| 00:44:03 |
That I do. |
| 00:44:04 |
Oh, that is good news. |
| 00:44:08 |
Christ, for a while |
| 00:44:21 |
Gentlemen, |
| 00:44:24 |
welcome to paradise. |
| 00:44:35 |
Boys and girls, |
| 00:44:36 |
we have a celebrity in our midst. |
| 00:44:39 |
The Heavyweight Drinking Champion |
| 00:44:43 |
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler! |
| 00:44:56 |
All right, you pussy-wipes, |
| 00:44:59 |
Try not to blow your wad |
| 00:45:05 |
There is no way Allison's |
| 00:45:08 |
You're nuts. Jimmy's party had two kegs |
| 00:45:10 |
and those two theater chicks |
| 00:45:14 |
in front of everybody. |
| 00:45:15 |
What the hell are you two talking about? |
| 00:45:17 |
What? |
| 00:45:18 |
Two kegs, theater chicks. Well, guess what? |
| 00:45:21 |
We're in a college bar |
| 00:45:24 |
and we're sitting |
| 00:45:34 |
Ryan? Ryan! What's your problem? |
| 00:45:37 |
That Great Falls attitude. |
| 00:45:39 |
All you guys do is talk about Great Falls |
| 00:45:41 |
like it's the end-all and be-all of existence. |
| 00:45:43 |
The place is a fucking trap, |
| 00:45:47 |
I'm not gonna get stuck like the rest of them. |
| 00:45:48 |
Yeah, I know. I think that's great. |
| 00:45:49 |
Yeah, but don't you see? |
| 00:45:53 |
- What do you mean? |
| 00:45:55 |
If I can start over |
| 00:45:59 |
Ryan, it's just a weekend, man. |
| 00:46:00 |
Maybe to you, but to me |
| 00:46:05 |
Man, I sound like a chick. |
| 00:46:07 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 00:46:08 |
I really need to go get some pussy. |
| 00:46:10 |
Yeah. |
| 00:46:14 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:46:15 |
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. |
| 00:46:17 |
- No, no, no, no. It's fine. |
| 00:46:20 |
Here, come with me. |
| 00:46:24 |
Quick, take off your shirt. |
| 00:46:25 |
Excuse me? |
| 00:46:26 |
- Well, I just... I wanna get the stain out. |
| 00:46:29 |
I knew that. |
| 00:46:34 |
Are we allowed to be back here? |
| 00:46:35 |
Oh, yeah, don't worry. I used to bartend here. |
| 00:46:37 |
Cool. |
| 00:46:39 |
Look, I'm really, |
| 00:46:44 |
Accidents happen. |
| 00:46:46 |
- I'm Brandy, by the way. |
| 00:46:48 |
You know, any other |
| 00:46:51 |
if I spilled a drink on him. |
| 00:46:52 |
I'm... |
| 00:46:55 |
I'm not in a fraternity. |
| 00:46:57 |
Oh, you're not? So you're independent? |
| 00:46:59 |
What's that? |
| 00:47:00 |
You know, a student who's not Greek. |
| 00:47:02 |
No, I'm just visiting for the weekend. |
| 00:47:06 |
High school? |
| 00:47:07 |
Yeah. |
| 00:47:11 |
Really? Most girls slap me |
| 00:47:14 |
Why? It's hysterical. |
| 00:47:16 |
That's what I say. What are your names? |
| 00:47:18 |
I'm Jill and this is Alexis. |
| 00:47:20 |
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan. |
| 00:47:23 |
- Hey, Ryan. |
| 00:47:24 |
Hey, ladies. |
| 00:47:26 |
Amnesty International. |
| 00:47:30 |
It's an organization that works to protect |
| 00:47:34 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:47:35 |
Hey, get away |
| 00:47:38 |
Down here, asshole. |
| 00:47:40 |
What the hell do you want? |
| 00:47:41 |
Just what he said. |
| 00:47:42 |
For you two to get away from our dates. |
| 00:47:45 |
In your dreams, Willow. |
| 00:47:47 |
There is no way these girls are here with you. |
| 00:47:52 |
Are you? |
| 00:47:55 |
- But why? |
| 00:47:57 |
And sexy. |
| 00:47:59 |
You gotta be fucking kidding me. |
| 00:48:02 |
Ain't nobody kidding around here, punk. |
| 00:48:04 |
If you got a problem, |
| 00:48:06 |
Oh, I would love to. |
| 00:48:07 |
Okay, stop it, you guys. |
| 00:48:10 |
Listen, it was really nice meeting you two, |
| 00:48:15 |
Come on, baby, let's dance. |
| 00:48:28 |
That did not just happen. |
| 00:48:34 |
Time for a Stifler blowjob! |
| 00:48:41 |
Oh, get sexy, ladies, I love it. |
| 00:48:51 |
You've gotta meet my roommate. |
| 00:48:54 |
I would love to. |
| 00:48:57 |
Dude, the fucking midgets |
| 00:48:59 |
Yeah, those fuckers are |
| 00:49:01 |
I told you guys, |
| 00:49:06 |
That midget quarterback |
| 00:49:12 |
Slut! |
| 00:49:13 |
Out of my goddamn way. |
| 00:49:17 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:49:19 |
I thought this place had a no-loser policy. |
| 00:49:22 |
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse. |
| 00:49:24 |
Man, don't take it out on me |
| 00:49:27 |
rather than tall and skinny. |
| 00:49:33 |
Rock, don't you know, baby? |
| 00:49:36 |
Yeah, it has a height requirement, |
| 00:49:38 |
- and I'm afraid you just don't measure up! |
| 00:49:43 |
- Easy! Easy! Easy! |
| 00:49:46 |
This isn't over, Shitler. |
| 00:49:47 |
Oh, you got that right! |
| 00:49:51 |
Never get in my way, woman. |
| 00:50:01 |
What's up? |
| 00:50:08 |
Bitch. |
| 00:50:11 |
That did not happen. |
| 00:50:12 |
I swear to God, I was running |
| 00:50:16 |
and the condom still on. |
| 00:50:18 |
I can't believe I just told you that story. |
| 00:50:20 |
I think it's great. |
| 00:50:21 |
I mean, think of it this way, |
| 00:50:25 |
Well, it wasn't... |
| 00:50:26 |
Technically... |
| 00:50:28 |
Oh, no, wait. |
| 00:50:29 |
- You mean you didn't even get to... |
| 00:50:33 |
Thank you. |
| 00:50:37 |
I think you're a sweetheart. |
| 00:50:42 |
This is me. |
| 00:50:45 |
So, are you guys |
| 00:50:47 |
I don't know. There's something about |
| 00:50:50 |
while you're still a virgin... |
| 00:50:52 |
Didn't stop you before. |
| 00:50:53 |
Touché. |
| 00:50:55 |
You never know, that virgin thing, |
| 00:50:58 |
it could totally change |
| 00:51:04 |
Thanks for walking me home. |
| 00:51:27 |
What the hell happened to you last night? |
| 00:51:31 |
What's up, fellas? |
| 00:51:32 |
What's up? |
| 00:51:33 |
What's up is we got |
| 00:51:37 |
Cooze, never mind that. |
| 00:51:40 |
Well, Mother, |
| 00:51:48 |
Bullshit. What girl? |
| 00:51:50 |
Her name is Brandy. |
| 00:51:52 |
and I'm supposed to meet her |
| 00:51:55 |
Dude, I don't get it. |
| 00:51:57 |
We come to college, |
| 00:52:01 |
and you're hanging out with a sorority girl? |
| 00:52:04 |
What the fuck is going on here? |
| 00:52:07 |
So, what are you gonna do? |
| 00:52:10 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:52:14 |
Aren't you? |
| 00:52:16 |
What? |
| 00:52:19 |
Yeah. |
| 00:52:21 |
Yeah, of course I will. |
| 00:52:24 |
Why the hesitation, man? |
| 00:52:27 |
- Oh, shit! You're not gonna do it. |
| 00:52:30 |
Erik, you've been given a gift from above. |
| 00:52:34 |
I won't. |
| 00:52:35 |
Yes, you will. |
| 00:52:36 |
No. |
| 00:52:38 |
I... I gotta get out of here. |
| 00:53:00 |
Hello? |
| 00:53:02 |
Hey, it's me. |
| 00:53:05 |
Calling to see how you're doing. |
| 00:53:07 |
I'm fine, |
| 00:53:08 |
- I'm just studying. |
| 00:53:12 |
Cool. |
| 00:53:13 |
So, did you guys decide |
| 00:53:17 |
No, not yet. |
| 00:53:21 |
I mean, you don't have to. |
| 00:53:23 |
Yeah, I know. |
| 00:53:25 |
Are you okay? |
| 00:53:28 |
I'm fine. |
| 00:53:30 |
I'm fine. I just wanted to call and say hello. |
| 00:53:32 |
Thanks, but you don't need to check in. |
| 00:53:37 |
That's what this weekend's all about. |
| 00:53:41 |
You're the greatest. |
| 00:53:53 |
Erik Stifler. |
| 00:53:58 |
- Hey, Mr. Levenstein. |
| 00:54:00 |
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you |
| 00:54:04 |
Yes, well, your folks really, |
| 00:54:08 |
Look, I'm sorry about my dad |
| 00:54:12 |
Well, your dad's been doing |
| 00:54:15 |
and strangely enough, I enjoy it. |
| 00:54:20 |
So, what are you doing up here? |
| 00:54:24 |
Oh, well, I went to school here |
| 00:54:26 |
and, you know, I like to come |
| 00:54:30 |
and check out the campus. |
| 00:54:32 |
That's the only reason I'm here. |
| 00:54:36 |
And what about you? |
| 00:54:39 |
Actually, it's kind of personal. |
| 00:54:41 |
- Oh. Well, say no more. |
| 00:54:44 |
Okay, listen, good seeing you. |
| 00:54:45 |
Yeah, for sure. |
| 00:54:52 |
Mr. Levenstein, you were a counselor |
| 00:54:54 |
at Tall Oaks Band Camp |
| 00:54:56 |
Yes. Yes, I was. And your cousin Matt |
| 00:55:00 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:55:04 |
Advice. Do you think I could |
| 00:55:09 |
confide something in you? |
| 00:55:11 |
Well, sure. Yes, Erik, anything. Anything. |
| 00:55:14 |
Okay. |
| 00:55:16 |
I'm a virgin. |
| 00:55:17 |
Okay, can I stop you there? |
| 00:55:18 |
You're a Stifler and a virgin? |
| 00:55:23 |
Yeah. |
| 00:55:26 |
Well, so you're a virgin. What's the big deal? |
| 00:55:30 |
Well, the other night, my girlfriend and I... |
| 00:55:36 |
Right. But her father |
| 00:55:40 |
So she changed her mind |
| 00:55:42 |
but she gave me a guilt-free |
| 00:55:45 |
You got the guilt-free pass? |
| 00:55:49 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:55:50 |
Well, I mean, |
| 00:55:55 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:55:57 |
I didn't think people your age |
| 00:55:59 |
I believe I know more |
| 00:56:04 |
Good, because I just |
| 00:56:07 |
I mean, I've got |
| 00:56:11 |
Well, you know, my son Jim |
| 00:56:14 |
went through kind of a similar dilemma. |
| 00:56:16 |
He was going out with this very attractive |
| 00:56:18 |
foreign-exchange student named Nadia. |
| 00:56:20 |
Right, right, yeah. That's the one he blew his |
| 00:56:24 |
- Yes. |
| 00:56:25 |
- Yes. |
| 00:56:26 |
- Yes, that's the one. |
| 00:56:28 |
Well, blowing loads aside... |
| 00:56:31 |
Yeah. |
| 00:56:32 |
The next summer Nadia came |
| 00:56:35 |
and he turned her down |
| 00:56:36 |
because he had fallen in love with Michelle, |
| 00:56:40 |
who he later married, |
| 00:56:45 |
So you're saying |
| 00:56:49 |
I'm saying I think |
| 00:56:55 |
Well, gotta run. |
| 00:56:59 |
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear |
| 00:57:21 |
Last night was amazing. |
| 00:57:23 |
Yeah, it was. |
| 00:57:25 |
The three of us should |
| 00:57:28 |
Definitely. |
| 00:57:32 |
Definitely. |
| 00:57:40 |
Hey, buddy. |
| 00:57:44 |
Oh, yeah, man. |
| 00:57:48 |
What the... |
| 00:57:51 |
What is this? Enter the Midget? |
| 00:57:53 |
It's little people, asshole. |
| 00:57:57 |
Come get some. |
| 00:57:59 |
Come get some, baby! |
| 00:58:11 |
Midgets jumped Stifler. |
| 00:58:13 |
- What? |
| 00:58:15 |
The midgets jumped Stifler. |
| 00:58:18 |
He's in the hospital right now. |
| 00:58:24 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:58:26 |
Holy shit. |
| 00:58:28 |
Man, he is fucked up. |
| 00:58:31 |
First Grandma, and now this. |
| 00:58:33 |
All right, we gotta get |
| 00:58:34 |
Yeah, man. |
| 00:58:35 |
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down, will you? |
| 00:58:39 |
We thought this guy was you. |
| 00:58:42 |
Fuck, no. |
| 00:58:44 |
I don't know what happened to that pussy. |
| 00:58:46 |
Hey, man, what the hell happened? |
| 00:58:48 |
Rock and his boys jumped me, |
| 00:58:51 |
Like I wouldn't know it was them. |
| 00:58:53 |
Are you all right? |
| 00:58:56 |
Doesn't look like it. |
| 00:58:58 |
Doc says the Stif-man's gonna be laid up |
| 00:59:01 |
Hey, don't worry. |
| 00:59:04 |
No. I appreciate it, okay? |
| 00:59:09 |
Now you guys are up here |
| 00:59:12 |
and run naked |
| 00:59:14 |
with hundreds of hot, |
| 00:59:18 |
You understand? |
| 00:59:20 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:59:21 |
Good. Now get the fuck |
| 00:59:29 |
Hey, Erik, stick around for a second. |
| 00:59:32 |
Yeah. |
| 00:59:34 |
Listen, I know what you're going through. |
| 00:59:36 |
- You do? |
| 00:59:40 |
when I was in middle school. |
| 00:59:42 |
But living up to |
| 00:59:45 |
Yeah. What did you do? |
| 00:59:50 |
Well, I whipped out |
| 00:59:54 |
and then I fucked a lunch lady. |
| 00:59:56 |
Oh. |
| 00:59:57 |
But, hey, that's me. |
| 00:59:59 |
What do you think I should do? |
| 01:00:01 |
It's not for me to decide or advise. |
| 01:00:06 |
But I will say this. |
| 01:00:10 |
and it's nice having a guy like you around. |
| 01:00:16 |
Now, seriously, go. |
| 01:00:28 |
All I have to say is, |
| 01:00:30 |
thank you, Dad, |
| 01:00:39 |
Gentlemen, we have officially |
| 01:00:52 |
Look who decided to show up. |
| 01:00:55 |
I didn't think you guys |
| 01:00:57 |
I guess I was right. |
| 01:00:58 |
Check it out. They still got their clothes on. |
| 01:01:04 |
Where is old Shitler? I guess the king of |
| 01:01:10 |
Nobody starts this fucking |
| 01:01:25 |
The king has arrived! Bring out your titties! |
| 01:01:32 |
You really think that little beating |
| 01:01:36 |
You and the Lollypop Guild |
| 01:01:39 |
This is my fucking school. |
| 01:01:44 |
Guys. |
| 01:01:47 |
Right, screw those guys. |
| 01:01:50 |
Oh, fucking-A-right, |
| 01:01:53 |
Hey, why the hell |
| 01:01:57 |
Listen, Stifler, we were talking and... |
| 01:01:59 |
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs. |
| 01:02:03 |
Hello, ladies. |
| 01:02:06 |
Looking sexy as always. |
| 01:02:08 |
Heard you were in the hospital. |
| 01:02:10 |
Just a little beating by a bunch of midgets. |
| 01:02:12 |
Hey, Cooze. |
| 01:02:14 |
Jill the Thrill. Back on the Cooze radar. |
| 01:02:22 |
Hey, Erik. |
| 01:02:24 |
Hey, Brandy. |
| 01:02:25 |
- Ryan. |
| 01:02:27 |
So, you ladies ready to run this Mile |
| 01:02:29 |
and get extra fucking sexy? |
| 01:02:32 |
- Hell, yeah! |
| 01:02:33 |
What about you guys? |
| 01:02:35 |
Yeah, what are you guys doing still dressed? |
| 01:02:37 |
Well, we figured we'd just watch the Mile |
| 01:02:39 |
and then meet you guys |
| 01:02:41 |
That's too bad 'cause this |
| 01:02:44 |
Really crazy. Right, Brandy? |
| 01:02:47 |
Absolutely out of control. |
| 01:03:05 |
Yeah! That's what |
| 01:03:08 |
Set the cocks free! |
| 01:03:11 |
Let's huddle up over here. Come on, fellas. |
| 01:03:14 |
Cock huddle. |
| 01:03:15 |
All right, bitch tits. |
| 01:03:17 |
I got a little surprise for you fuckers. |
| 01:03:19 |
What do you got? |
| 01:03:22 |
Just a little pharmaceutical delight for later. |
| 01:03:26 |
Stifler! You uncircumcised twat! |
| 01:03:28 |
Jackson, you little-dicked motherfucker. |
| 01:03:31 |
What is this? |
| 01:03:32 |
It looks like some kind of E. |
| 01:03:33 |
- Should we take it now? |
| 01:03:35 |
Fuck that! |
| 01:03:38 |
I need all the drug-induced courage |
| 01:03:43 |
I'm so glad you guys decided to run. |
| 01:03:44 |
You must work out. |
| 01:03:46 |
Yeah, well, I play football. |
| 01:03:48 |
I love football players. |
| 01:03:50 |
Did anybody ever tell you |
| 01:03:53 |
That guy's a prick! |
| 01:03:55 |
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed |
| 01:03:57 |
What E? |
| 01:03:59 |
The pills you gave us. |
| 01:04:02 |
Oh, shit! You retards. |
| 01:04:03 |
That's not E. |
| 01:04:06 |
- Oh, shit. |
| 01:04:08 |
I thought you limp-dicked |
| 01:04:11 |
- Oh, God. |
| 01:04:13 |
Holy shit! |
| 01:04:15 |
I don't think I can talk this one down, man. |
| 01:04:19 |
Hey, do not run behind me. Okay? |
| 01:04:22 |
It's... It's just that we thought that it was... |
| 01:04:25 |
Honey, don't apologize. |
| 01:04:27 |
Yeah, you guys are running with us. |
| 01:04:29 |
Oh, man! |
| 01:04:33 |
Good evening... |
| 01:04:38 |
Who is that guy? |
| 01:04:39 |
That is big, bad Noah Levenstein. |
| 01:04:44 |
The craziest bastard |
| 01:04:48 |
My bad. My bad. Welcome to the Naked Mile. |
| 01:04:55 |
Yes, you know, when I started this race |
| 01:04:58 |
Christ, he started this whole |
| 01:05:00 |
...many years ago. |
| 01:05:03 |
Just a way to "stick it |
| 01:05:08 |
Right on. Right on. |
| 01:05:10 |
But over the years, |
| 01:05:14 |
And now, it's just |
| 01:05:18 |
some sort of Roman orgy, |
| 01:05:20 |
which I'm down with, by the way. |
| 01:05:23 |
But let's keep one thing in mind. |
| 01:05:26 |
This is about |
| 01:05:30 |
and your unabashed commitment |
| 01:05:34 |
and having fun while you're doing it, |
| 01:05:36 |
which is where the naked part comes in. |
| 01:05:40 |
Yeah! |
| 01:05:45 |
And being completely naked is, of course, |
| 01:05:48 |
a perfectly natural thing. |
| 01:05:50 |
There's not one part of one's body |
| 01:05:54 |
one should be ashamed of, |
| 01:05:56 |
be it one's pubic region |
| 01:06:01 |
or one's breasts, |
| 01:06:03 |
as in the case with you young ladies... |
| 01:06:10 |
...and a couple of you young men. |
| 01:06:16 |
But you should all just revel |
| 01:06:19 |
as the people you are. |
| 01:06:21 |
Incidentally, if anyone has anything... |
| 01:06:23 |
Come on, let's fucking do this! |
| 01:06:28 |
I second that motion, young man. |
| 01:06:30 |
Okay, everybody ready. |
| 01:06:34 |
Get set... |
| 01:07:05 |
Still going? |
| 01:07:06 |
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah! |
| 01:07:09 |
You love the Boss Hogg! |
| 01:07:27 |
All right, yeah. Look at this. |
| 01:07:30 |
I'm adrift in a sea of boobies, |
| 01:07:35 |
Oh, heads up. |
| 01:07:39 |
Look, its the boner guys. |
| 01:07:42 |
Nice cocks. |
| 01:07:44 |
Oh, you got that right, sexy. |
| 01:07:46 |
Dude, you have serious issues. |
| 01:08:29 |
Hey, naked people only! |
| 01:09:04 |
Are you all right? |
| 01:09:06 |
I'm fine. |
| 01:09:07 |
Come on, sweetie. Let's finish this thing. |
| 01:09:19 |
I'm standing at the finish |
| 01:09:22 |
called the Naked Mile. |
| 01:09:23 |
Ever year after exams |
| 01:09:25 |
hundreds of students |
| 01:09:27 |
in nothing more than their birthday suits. |
| 01:09:33 |
This is the greatest thing ever! |
| 01:09:36 |
Hell, yeah! |
| 01:09:38 |
I can't believe we did this! |
| 01:09:40 |
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby! |
| 01:09:44 |
Beta House fucking rules! |
| 01:09:53 |
Come on, marathon men. |
| 01:09:58 |
I did it. I really did it. |
| 01:10:01 |
Way to go, Coz. That's my cousin. |
| 01:10:06 |
Yeah, buddy! |
| 01:10:08 |
Some people call it lewd behavior, |
| 01:10:10 |
but the students say it's just |
| 01:10:13 |
And maybe, |
| 01:10:18 |
find love. |
| 01:10:20 |
This is Hal Michaels, |
| 01:10:57 |
Stifler has arrived! |
| 01:11:09 |
Yeah! Yeah! |
| 01:11:11 |
Holy shit! Is this even the same house? |
| 01:11:18 |
I think I had a wet dream |
| 01:11:21 |
It's those guys. |
| 01:11:28 |
And ended like that. |
| 01:11:29 |
Wow, taking those pills |
| 01:11:30 |
might just be the best thing |
| 01:11:33 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 01:11:35 |
You wanna dance? |
| 01:11:36 |
Is my dick hard? |
| 01:11:43 |
Are you gonna dance, sexy? |
| 01:11:44 |
Or are you one of those |
| 01:11:47 |
Oh, baby, they don't call me |
| 01:11:55 |
Come on, cutie. |
| 01:11:57 |
What a bastard. |
| 01:11:58 |
I told you to call off |
| 01:12:02 |
I'm so sorry, honey. |
| 01:12:04 |
Is there anything we can do for you? |
| 01:12:07 |
No, I think I just want to be alone. |
| 01:12:09 |
No way. We are not leaving you alone |
| 01:12:12 |
Yeah, but I told him to do it. |
| 01:12:15 |
Would you quit being so logical, Tracy? |
| 01:12:18 |
Boys should know better |
| 01:12:20 |
It's not in our nature. |
| 01:12:21 |
It's really not. |
| 01:12:23 |
So, you are going to get dressed. |
| 01:12:26 |
Then, we're going to Allison's party. |
| 01:12:29 |
That will get your mind off of Erik. |
| 01:12:31 |
I don't want to. |
| 01:12:32 |
Well, you don't have a vote in this. |
| 01:12:48 |
Check out our boy. |
| 01:12:51 |
Nope. Bet he screws it up |
| 01:12:55 |
I'll bet 20 bucks says he nails her. |
| 01:12:57 |
Oh, you're on. |
| 01:13:02 |
Hey, hard-on brothers. |
| 01:13:04 |
Do you guys have any idea how much |
| 01:13:07 |
I was getting that feeling. |
| 01:13:09 |
Yeah! |
| 01:13:11 |
Okay, listen up, 'cause I got a plan |
| 01:13:13 |
that's gonna make you guys legends. |
| 01:13:23 |
Ladies and gentlemen! |
| 01:13:25 |
Give a big Beta House welcome |
| 01:13:29 |
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman! |
| 01:13:34 |
Yeah, Cooze! |
| 01:13:40 |
Tonight is the dawning of a new era |
| 01:13:43 |
in meaningless male competition. |
| 01:13:45 |
The Heavyweight Hard-On |
| 01:13:55 |
For the first phase of the competition, |
| 01:13:57 |
a bucket will be hung |
| 01:14:01 |
That bucket will be filled |
| 01:14:04 |
First person to drop the bucket is the loser. |
| 01:14:10 |
So let the penis games begin! |
| 01:14:23 |
Commence the pouring! |
| 01:14:32 |
You like that? |
| 01:14:33 |
Oh, yeah, baby! |
| 01:14:52 |
Oh, I am so sorry about that! |
| 01:14:59 |
Still good. |
| 01:15:17 |
Next competition. |
| 01:15:21 |
The ring toss. |
| 01:15:23 |
- Let's have it, girls. |
| 01:15:30 |
That's right! On that penis! |
| 01:15:32 |
Come on, baby, just like Six Flags. |
| 01:15:37 |
Wrong head! |
| 01:15:42 |
Ring around the cocksy. |
| 01:15:46 |
You needed an extra inch on that one. |
| 01:15:57 |
Can you believe this? |
| 01:16:00 |
Do not let Cooze win. |
| 01:16:06 |
Next competition! |
| 01:16:14 |
I got a nine-inch strike zone, baby. |
| 01:16:16 |
- You cocky prick. |
| 01:16:24 |
It's a hardball, son! |
| 01:16:25 |
Hey, boner, boner, boner. |
| 01:16:27 |
Swing, boner! |
| 01:16:29 |
Deep center, baby! |
| 01:16:36 |
Foul ball! |
| 01:16:51 |
Bunt. |
| 01:17:02 |
That is it. We're calling it a tie. |
| 01:17:05 |
Your Co-Hard-on Champions of the World, |
| 01:17:08 |
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm |
| 01:17:27 |
Fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine... |
| 01:17:37 |
Who's the fuckin' champ, baby? |
| 01:18:55 |
Boys are a bad influence. |
| 01:18:56 |
I mean, you have no idea |
| 01:18:59 |
This guilt-free pass thing? |
| 01:19:02 |
The bottom line is this. You two will never be |
| 01:19:06 |
You're a virgin and he's not. |
| 01:19:10 |
So, what? |
| 01:19:12 |
No, but you need to get back |
| 01:19:16 |
You need to sleep with somebody. Tonight. |
| 01:19:19 |
- Brooke. |
| 01:19:21 |
It's the only way. |
| 01:19:23 |
you decide to do it with Erik. |
| 01:19:25 |
All you're going to be thinking is that he's |
| 01:19:29 |
The relationship will not be |
| 01:19:32 |
Oh, look. There's Trent. |
| 01:19:40 |
Perfect. |
| 01:19:51 |
Hey, cool. A pool table. Do you play? |
| 01:19:55 |
Sometimes. |
| 01:19:57 |
Well, what do you want to play? |
| 01:19:58 |
I don't care. |
| 01:20:00 |
Okay. Well, how about nine-ball? |
| 01:20:04 |
It's... It's easy. You just have to get the balls |
| 01:20:08 |
I'll show you. I'll break right now. |
| 01:20:15 |
- Erik. |
| 01:20:19 |
Come here. |
| 01:20:35 |
This is special to you, right? |
| 01:20:40 |
- Erik? |
| 01:20:42 |
This is sex, not Shakespeare. |
| 01:20:46 |
Are you sure you want to? |
| 01:20:49 |
Don't worry. |
| 01:20:53 |
Guys like me? |
| 01:20:54 |
Virgins. |
| 01:20:56 |
I can take care of virgins. |
| 01:21:00 |
You mean, I'm not your first virgin? |
| 01:21:02 |
I have a bit of a confession. |
| 01:21:06 |
Some girls like blonds, some like muscles. |
| 01:21:10 |
I like virgins. |
| 01:21:13 |
Are you ready for a special night? |
| 01:21:31 |
Hey there, beautiful. |
| 01:21:35 |
I came to apologize. |
| 01:21:38 |
and I wanted to let you know |
| 01:21:42 |
You're not just here to set me up? |
| 01:21:44 |
I would never want |
| 01:21:50 |
You sure you're supposed |
| 01:21:53 |
I dance where I want, with who I want. |
| 01:21:58 |
I like your style. |
| 01:22:02 |
And your ass. |
| 01:22:16 |
You know, I don't usually go for |
| 01:22:18 |
suburban, jock, Abercrombie clones, |
| 01:22:22 |
- but there is something about you. |
| 01:22:24 |
Well, I tend to have |
| 01:22:38 |
This guy's got good taste. |
| 01:22:41 |
You sure you're up for this |
| 01:22:44 |
They don't call me "Everhard" because |
| 01:22:49 |
But just to be sure... |
| 01:22:51 |
Should you be taking more of that? |
| 01:22:53 |
More? I didn't take it the first time. |
| 01:22:59 |
- You mean... |
| 01:23:01 |
We're gonna have a good time tonight. |
| 01:23:05 |
Now get your worthless ass |
| 01:23:10 |
Excuse me? |
| 01:23:12 |
I said, get on the bed |
| 01:23:14 |
you worthless peasant! |
| 01:23:17 |
What is your problem? |
| 01:23:20 |
- Oh, God! |
| 01:23:23 |
and I meant it. |
| 01:23:27 |
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it. |
| 01:23:31 |
And I'm into it. |
| 01:23:33 |
Shut up! |
| 01:23:38 |
All right! All right! All right! |
| 01:23:57 |
Brandy. |
| 01:24:00 |
Look, I can't do this. I'm really sorry, okay? |
| 01:24:04 |
I mean, you're really gorgeous |
| 01:24:06 |
and I'm sure that every single |
| 01:24:08 |
would love to sleep with you, including me. |
| 01:24:11 |
But I just can't. |
| 01:24:15 |
I'm in love. |
| 01:24:20 |
I hope this girl knows how lucky she is. |
| 01:24:22 |
I seriously doubt that. |
| 01:24:35 |
Got to say it again. It's a very nice surprise. |
| 01:24:39 |
What can I say? I'm full of them. |
| 01:24:40 |
So, what about Erik? |
| 01:24:42 |
We're on a weekend guilt-free pass. |
| 01:24:45 |
We can do anything we want. |
| 01:24:48 |
Anything? |
| 01:24:50 |
Anything. |
| 01:24:51 |
I like the sound of that. |
| 01:25:09 |
Is this your room? |
| 01:25:10 |
Why, yes, it is, my diminutive goddess. |
| 01:25:14 |
Good, because we are going to need |
| 01:25:18 |
a little bit of privacy. |
| 01:25:30 |
That's it, you pathetic slave. Keep doing that. |
| 01:25:34 |
Don't you think this is |
| 01:25:36 |
Oh, you haven't even seen |
| 01:25:39 |
I didn't mean we had to stop. |
| 01:25:41 |
Oh, we're not stopping. |
| 01:25:45 |
You ready to get kinky? |
| 01:25:47 |
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet? |
| 01:25:50 |
Not even close. |
| 01:25:56 |
What is that noise? |
| 01:26:04 |
What the hell? |
| 01:26:12 |
You got to be kidding me. |
| 01:26:42 |
So, you wanna go upstairs? |
| 01:26:47 |
Yeah, I do. |
| 01:27:03 |
Hi, Mr. Sterling. Is Tracy home? |
| 01:27:07 |
Hello, Erik. No, she's not. |
| 01:27:09 |
She's gone to a party |
| 01:27:12 |
Oh. |
| 01:27:14 |
Okay. Well, sorry to disturb you, then. |
| 01:27:17 |
Have a good night! |
| 01:27:23 |
Crazy little fucker. |
| 01:27:30 |
We gotta find Tracy. We gotta find Tracy. |
| 01:27:32 |
We gotta find Tracy. |
| 01:27:35 |
I don't think sex has to be just one-on-one. |
| 01:27:39 |
What the hell? |
| 01:27:43 |
Tracy! |
| 01:27:47 |
Hey! |
| 01:27:51 |
Trace! |
| 01:27:53 |
What the hell are you doing here? |
| 01:27:54 |
And on a horse! |
| 01:27:56 |
Where's Tracy? I have to see her. |
| 01:27:58 |
We think it's best if you just leave her alone. |
| 01:28:01 |
What? Why? |
| 01:28:03 |
Because we know about |
| 01:28:05 |
- What are you talking about? |
| 01:28:10 |
Shit. Wait a second. So what? |
| 01:28:13 |
Wake up, Erik. There is no such thing. |
| 01:28:17 |
Where is Tracy? |
| 01:28:18 |
Oh, we gave Tracy a guilt-free pass, |
| 01:28:26 |
Tracy! Trace! |
| 01:28:32 |
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling. |
| 01:28:35 |
I think she went upstairs with Trent a little... |
| 01:28:38 |
Tracy! |
| 01:28:41 |
Tracy. |
| 01:28:48 |
Trace, can you hear me? Are you in there? |
| 01:28:51 |
Trace, if you can hear me, I am sorry. |
| 01:28:54 |
I am really sorry about everything, okay? |
| 01:28:56 |
I know you gave me this pass, |
| 01:28:59 |
I mean I did use it, |
| 01:29:02 |
I couldn't go through with it, |
| 01:29:05 |
Look, I don't care about the sex. |
| 01:29:09 |
It's not the most important thing. You are. |
| 01:29:12 |
Trace, I love you. |
| 01:29:15 |
Can you hear me? I love you! |
| 01:29:17 |
Do you mind? I'm trying to get laid here. |
| 01:29:22 |
You rode |
| 01:29:33 |
When I heard her, I thought... |
| 01:29:37 |
I couldn't do it, either. |
| 01:29:43 |
I love you, too. |
| 01:30:11 |
Should we? |
| 01:31:19 |
I'm telling you, man. |
| 01:31:21 |
Well, obviously, you didn't, |
| 01:31:26 |
Where the hell is Erik? |
| 01:31:27 |
Dude, I don't even know |
| 01:31:32 |
Somebody call a taxi? |
| 01:31:34 |
Where the fuck did you go? |
| 01:31:35 |
To get some breakfast. |
| 01:31:36 |
Oh, sweet. I'm starving. |
| 01:31:45 |
I take it you guys had a good night. |
| 01:31:47 |
Oh, completely out of hand, bro. |
| 01:31:49 |
Where are the girls? |
| 01:31:51 |
They all split this morning. Said they had to |
| 01:31:54 |
That must make you feel pretty special. |
| 01:31:56 |
"Special"? Who cares about special? |
| 01:31:58 |
All I care about is the sex. |
| 01:32:01 |
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah. |
| 01:32:05 |
And just how out of hand |
| 01:32:08 |
I don't wanna talk about it. Ever. |
| 01:32:12 |
Speaking of which, |
| 01:32:19 |
No. |
| 01:32:21 |
I told you. Pay up. |
| 01:32:23 |
But I did have sex with Tracy last night. |
| 01:32:30 |
What are you talking about? |
| 01:32:31 |
Tracy. |
| 01:32:33 |
I drove home |
| 01:32:35 |
stole a horse, rode over to Allison's party... |
| 01:32:39 |
- We had sex in the guest room. |
| 01:32:41 |
- You stole a horse? |
| 01:32:42 |
A real horse? |
| 01:32:44 |
Yeah, a real horse. |
| 01:32:46 |
That's fucking fantastic. |
| 01:32:47 |
I didn't think you had the |
| 01:32:49 |
- Neither did I. |
| 01:32:51 |
Are there horses in Great Falls? |
| 01:32:56 |
Proud of you, |
| 01:32:58 |
Stifler. |
| 01:33:01 |
Thanks, man. I appreciate it. |
| 01:33:12 |
So, how do you feel? |
| 01:33:15 |
See you in a year, |
| 01:33:33 |
Mail call, bitches. |
| 01:33:36 |
Scooter. |
| 01:33:38 |
Scratchy. |
| 01:33:40 |
Tripod. |
| 01:33:47 |
What the hell? |
| 01:33:48 |
What is it, man? |
| 01:33:50 |
I don't know. |
| 01:34:03 |
Smile for the camera, baby. |
| 01:34:13 |
Oh, man. That is fucked up. |
| 01:34:18 |
Stifler! |
