|
American Pie 7 Book Of Love
|
| 00:00:19 |
MAN 1 ON COMPUTER: Mistress, |
| 00:00:22 |
Please, spank my bottom! |
| 00:00:24 |
- That is unpleasant. |
| 00:00:27 |
WOMAN ON COMPUTER: Lick my nipples. |
| 00:00:28 |
No, thank you, pregnant lady. |
| 00:00:31 |
MAN 2 ON COMPUTER: Strip, soldier! |
| 00:00:32 |
You're gonna find out |
| 00:00:35 |
(WHIP CRACKS) |
| 00:00:37 |
(SIGHS) |
| 00:01:24 |
That's... That's nice, baby. |
| 00:01:31 |
No, Frizzy! No! |
| 00:01:32 |
(GROANING) |
| 00:01:34 |
(GASPING) |
| 00:01:37 |
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! |
| 00:01:40 |
Frizzy. |
| 00:01:41 |
(PHONE BEEPS) |
| 00:01:42 |
No, no, no, wait! Cody! No. |
| 00:02:05 |
ROB ON PHONE: No, no, no, Frizzy! No! |
| 00:02:06 |
Don't worry about it, man. |
| 00:02:09 |
Please. |
| 00:02:10 |
Yeah, except they're having sex with people. |
| 00:02:13 |
- (GRO ANING) Frizzy. |
| 00:02:14 |
It's not technically incest |
| 00:02:18 |
So, are you getting close with Dana yet? |
| 00:02:19 |
The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge. |
| 00:02:22 |
No sex? She was your sure thing. |
| 00:02:24 |
- Faith-camp propaganda, man. |
| 00:02:28 |
I thought she had sex with six guys. |
| 00:02:35 |
What? |
| 00:02:37 |
Get to class. |
| 00:02:39 |
No cell phones in the hall, Alyson. |
| 00:02:40 |
You can pick this up from my office |
| 00:02:43 |
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy! |
| 00:02:47 |
Well, I've seen worse. |
| 00:02:50 |
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! |
| 00:02:51 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 00:02:53 |
Miss Johnson. Lunch today? |
| 00:02:56 |
I'll have to check my calendar, perv... Pete. |
| 00:03:03 |
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy! |
| 00:03:06 |
Look. Look. Look at that. |
| 00:03:08 |
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy! |
| 00:03:12 |
(CHEERLEADER EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) |
| 00:03:14 |
- Hey, just ignore them. |
| 00:03:19 |
- Just so you know, it's not at all... |
| 00:03:21 |
Frizzy's a good-looking dog. |
| 00:03:25 |
So, do you wanna do it? Are we on? |
| 00:03:30 |
Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period? |
| 00:03:33 |
Yeah. I... I'll... |
| 00:03:36 |
- I'll meet you over there. |
| 00:03:40 |
- Doggy style! |
| 00:03:42 |
Is that your girlfriend? |
| 00:03:44 |
No, we're just... We're just... We're friends. |
| 00:03:46 |
Just friends? How sweet. |
| 00:03:49 |
Well, she seems awful ripe. |
| 00:03:54 |
STIFLER: Hey, beautiful. |
| 00:04:00 |
STIFLER: Wow! |
| 00:04:01 |
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING) |
| 00:04:02 |
CHARLES ON PA: Good morning, |
| 00:04:05 |
Don't forget about the big game |
| 00:04:08 |
and the Aloha Dance this Friday |
| 00:04:12 |
Hawaiian shirts and leis |
| 00:04:16 |
(CHARLES GIGGLES) |
| 00:04:17 |
- PRINCIPAL ON PA: Charles, knock that off. |
| 00:04:39 |
(MR O'DONNELL CLEARS THROAT) |
| 00:04:42 |
Let's focus on the quiz, please. |
| 00:04:54 |
Douche bag. |
| 00:05:23 |
I'm serious about this pledge, you know. |
| 00:05:25 |
I know. |
| 00:05:26 |
- So just dancing tonight. |
| 00:05:29 |
The horizontal hula. |
| 00:05:31 |
Nathan. |
| 00:05:40 |
Poor Nathan. |
| 00:05:41 |
His willy must be hard enough |
| 00:05:43 |
Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me. |
| 00:05:46 |
Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl |
| 00:05:50 |
And, B, well, what about you? |
| 00:05:52 |
You must be feeling |
| 00:05:56 |
Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit, |
| 00:05:58 |
but I really feel like I'm connecting |
| 00:06:01 |
Yes, I know, and that is totally fab, |
| 00:06:03 |
but I know I couldn't do it. |
| 00:06:07 |
Ask Richard. |
| 00:06:09 |
Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay? |
| 00:06:12 |
Sex is a really big deal, |
| 00:06:14 |
then I think you should wait. |
| 00:06:18 |
DANA: But... |
| 00:06:19 |
No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea |
| 00:06:26 |
Text me later. |
| 00:06:34 |
- Hey, Rob. |
| 00:06:36 |
- Can I ask you something? |
| 00:06:39 |
Well, it's kind of personal. |
| 00:06:42 |
Okay. |
| 00:06:44 |
I've been thinking. |
| 00:06:49 |
It's just... I don't know. |
| 00:06:50 |
Everyone's already done it |
| 00:06:53 |
and I know I don't have a boyfriend |
| 00:06:57 |
But sometimes I feel like I should just |
| 00:06:59 |
You know? I mean, |
| 00:07:04 |
What does that even mean, anyway? |
| 00:07:06 |
So I've never had a penis in my vagina, |
| 00:07:10 |
Why do I have to label everything? |
| 00:07:13 |
"She can't handle it." I'm not that innocent. |
| 00:07:16 |
I've seen Showgirls and Blue Lagoon. |
| 00:07:20 |
Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it. |
| 00:07:25 |
Yeah. I think you should definitely |
| 00:07:31 |
(LAUGHS) Thanks. |
| 00:07:35 |
Let's get back to work. |
| 00:07:38 |
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:07:48 |
(WHOOPS) |
| 00:07:56 |
Stifcam coming at you live |
| 00:07:59 |
here at the East Great Falls... |
| 00:08:02 |
This chick just grabbed my ass. |
| 00:08:03 |
She wants to play |
| 00:08:06 |
Let go find some of that |
| 00:08:33 |
Hey, check it out. There's Heidi. |
| 00:08:35 |
LUBE: All right, all right. |
| 00:08:38 |
All right, so what's the game plan here? |
| 00:08:40 |
I don't know. Ask her to dance, I guess. |
| 00:08:42 |
You need a plan, all right? |
| 00:08:46 |
See, right now, |
| 00:08:49 |
You need to break that paradigm. |
| 00:08:51 |
Remember, friends don't let friends |
| 00:08:54 |
- Right. |
| 00:08:57 |
All right, take it easy. |
| 00:09:01 |
Wait. Aren't you forgetting something? |
| 00:09:06 |
Oh. Oh. Oh. |
| 00:09:07 |
Here, don't forget these. |
| 00:09:10 |
You only need those when you're alone. |
| 00:09:13 |
Right. Right. Okay. |
| 00:09:26 |
- (EXCLAIMS) Okay! |
| 00:09:28 |
I can't. |
| 00:09:30 |
- But it's only second base. |
| 00:09:33 |
then we're gonna wanna go further. |
| 00:09:36 |
But Adam and Eve did it. |
| 00:09:38 |
(GASPS) |
| 00:09:39 |
I'm sorry. Hey, hey. |
| 00:09:41 |
I love you. Do you know that? |
| 00:09:47 |
Come here. |
| 00:09:52 |
Is God okay with a blow job? |
| 00:09:54 |
(GASPS) |
| 00:09:56 |
I thought you understood |
| 00:09:58 |
I told you, it's important for me |
| 00:10:01 |
You've had sex with seven guys. |
| 00:10:02 |
(GASPING) |
| 00:10:06 |
And it was six, not seven! |
| 00:10:09 |
Well, one was a black guy, |
| 00:10:12 |
Dana. |
| 00:10:15 |
- Dana, come on. |
| 00:10:17 |
Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana! |
| 00:10:20 |
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:10:27 |
Hey, girls. |
| 00:10:31 |
I need you to kiss one time, okay? |
| 00:10:34 |
I don't know. |
| 00:10:35 |
Come on. |
| 00:10:39 |
(LAUGHS) Okay. |
| 00:10:42 |
(BOYS CHEERING) |
| 00:10:45 |
Okay, we're gonna go again, |
| 00:10:46 |
but this time, |
| 00:10:49 |
Okay. |
| 00:10:53 |
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) |
| 00:10:55 |
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) |
| 00:10:59 |
(BOYS CHEERING) |
| 00:11:01 |
Stifmeister strikes again! |
| 00:11:05 |
Dude. |
| 00:11:07 |
You're gonna love this. Check this out. |
| 00:11:12 |
Yeah. So? |
| 00:11:13 |
Watch and learn. |
| 00:11:18 |
"You're hot. |
| 00:11:21 |
"Give me your number |
| 00:11:29 |
I throw this at a hot girl, |
| 00:11:31 |
and she's so impressed |
| 00:11:35 |
that she wants to hook up with me. |
| 00:11:37 |
Yeah. Good luck with that. |
| 00:11:40 |
- I'm gonna go find Dana. |
| 00:12:05 |
Oh, no. |
| 00:12:08 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:12:13 |
Excuse me. Excuse me. |
| 00:12:16 |
(DANCE SONG PLAYING) |
| 00:12:18 |
So, I was thinking about what |
| 00:12:22 |
- Yeah. Yeah, I remember. |
| 00:12:27 |
Right? I mean, you might as well, |
| 00:12:30 |
What? Like, here? At the dance? |
| 00:12:32 |
Well, there's always the library. |
| 00:12:34 |
- Yeah, the library. |
| 00:12:37 |
- Yeah. I know. |
| 00:12:40 |
I don't know if you... |
| 00:12:43 |
- What are you doing? |
| 00:12:47 |
- C-note thing? |
| 00:12:49 |
- Lose your money? |
| 00:12:51 |
Ooh. |
| 00:12:56 |
And we're back. What's up, dude? |
| 00:13:01 |
I don't know. |
| 00:13:04 |
- She was here a second ago. |
| 00:13:07 |
- Yeah, maybe. |
| 00:13:10 |
Dude, you gotta play along |
| 00:13:12 |
Well, that's easy for you to say. |
| 00:13:14 |
You haven't exactly |
| 00:13:15 |
Dude, I've been getting to third base |
| 00:13:18 |
I can't go back to jacking off now. |
| 00:13:20 |
Dude, just use your left hand. |
| 00:13:25 |
- I'm gonna go find Heidi. |
| 00:13:52 |
BOY: (LAUGHS) No! Dude, |
| 00:14:03 |
Heidi? |
| 00:14:12 |
LUBE: No, no, no, no! |
| 00:14:15 |
Wait. |
| 00:14:18 |
Dude, yo. |
| 00:14:20 |
(LAUGHS) Sluts. |
| 00:14:30 |
(FARTING) |
| 00:14:45 |
What the hell? |
| 00:14:48 |
(LUBE GRUNTS) |
| 00:14:50 |
Relax, dude. |
| 00:14:55 |
(ALL EXCLAIMING) |
| 00:14:58 |
Get off me, you freak! |
| 00:15:05 |
Hey, a hundred bucks! |
| 00:15:25 |
What are you doing? |
| 00:15:27 |
Rob? You said... |
| 00:15:30 |
Rob! |
| 00:15:31 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:15:33 |
Dude, nice cock block. |
| 00:15:38 |
(SHRIEKS) |
| 00:15:39 |
I'm on fire. |
| 00:15:42 |
- I'm on fire. |
| 00:15:43 |
There's a fire. There's a fire, and it's on me. |
| 00:15:52 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:15:54 |
HEIDl: Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off |
| 00:15:59 |
Oh, God! |
| 00:16:00 |
(SHRIEKS) Come on! |
| 00:16:03 |
(SHRIEKS) |
| 00:16:04 |
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| 00:16:07 |
Hurry, Rob, come on. |
| 00:16:10 |
Get it out! Get it out! |
| 00:16:14 |
(FIRE ALARM RINGING) |
| 00:16:15 |
(SHRIEKS) |
| 00:16:16 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:16:21 |
What the hell is going on in here? |
| 00:16:29 |
Two months seems like an awfully long time |
| 00:16:32 |
We're supposed to clean up the library. |
| 00:16:35 |
Do you guys know where the vacuum is? |
| 00:16:37 |
Nope. |
| 00:16:40 |
What were you doing in the library anyway? |
| 00:16:43 |
I wasn't doing anything. |
| 00:16:45 |
- I was just looking for her. |
| 00:16:48 |
Cody! Well, I don't know |
| 00:16:52 |
if you're still on detention. |
| 00:16:53 |
Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it. |
| 00:16:56 |
I heard you were the fluffer. |
| 00:16:58 |
- Cody. |
| 00:17:00 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:17:02 |
Well, we'll see. |
| 00:17:04 |
All right. I have to go get ready. |
| 00:17:09 |
Maybe it's in the garage. |
| 00:17:14 |
Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you. |
| 00:17:17 |
Do we have to? |
| 00:17:18 |
Honey, I know that you're growing older, |
| 00:17:22 |
and I don't know what your father |
| 00:17:25 |
but I think it's important to discuss |
| 00:17:28 |
Like about sex. |
| 00:17:32 |
- Are you having sex? |
| 00:17:34 |
No, well, it's just that I found |
| 00:17:39 |
Oh, God, Mom. Put that away. |
| 00:17:44 |
And, also, |
| 00:17:50 |
ROB: No, no, no, Frizzy! No. |
| 00:17:52 |
- Mom, just turn it off! |
| 00:17:53 |
Your brother made it my start-up screen. |
| 00:17:55 |
- Okay, I can... I can fix that. |
| 00:17:57 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:17:58 |
- No, no, no, Frizzy! No! |
| 00:18:00 |
- Okay. |
| 00:18:01 |
Well, honey, please. |
| 00:18:04 |
Masturbation is perfectly natural. |
| 00:18:05 |
I mean, boys your age |
| 00:18:09 |
and trying new things with animals. |
| 00:18:13 |
I mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for... |
| 00:18:16 |
(STAMMERS) Hey, I'm late. |
| 00:18:29 |
- You're tardy. |
| 00:18:32 |
You can start by cleaning off |
| 00:18:34 |
and separating the ruined ones. |
| 00:18:40 |
Heidi. Look, about last night... |
| 00:18:44 |
I don't wanna talk about it. |
| 00:18:46 |
- Well, I just wanted to tell you... |
| 00:18:51 |
I'm gonna go empty this bucket. |
| 00:19:41 |
Do you have any idea what I found here? |
| 00:19:43 |
- This is the bible. |
| 00:19:46 |
No. This is real. This goes back decades. |
| 00:19:48 |
Okay. So what? |
| 00:19:50 |
This is exactly what we need |
| 00:19:53 |
How is this thing gonna help us get laid? |
| 00:19:56 |
You can't even read most of it. |
| 00:19:58 |
This book has helped one lucky guy |
| 00:20:01 |
And this year, that lucky guy is us. |
| 00:20:04 |
Even with the damage, it still has |
| 00:20:09 |
"February 1st, 1977. The G-spot." |
| 00:20:15 |
- I can dig it. |
| 00:20:18 |
"1991. How to shave your pubes |
| 00:20:22 |
Dad showed me that one. |
| 00:20:23 |
"2003. I just had |
| 00:20:27 |
Something I can't read. |
| 00:20:32 |
A breath mint? For what? |
| 00:20:35 |
You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and |
| 00:20:40 |
Everyone knows that. |
| 00:20:42 |
Dude, I don't know. This sounds pretty weak. |
| 00:20:45 |
Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff |
| 00:20:47 |
No, this is different. |
| 00:20:50 |
Plus, it's custom-tailored to Great Falls girls. |
| 00:20:52 |
Since when does punani have a zip code? |
| 00:20:54 |
What have we got to lose? Nathan, |
| 00:20:57 |
Like six months? Only to find out that |
| 00:21:03 |
And, Lube, how have all your schemes |
| 00:21:06 |
Minus $100. |
| 00:21:07 |
Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting |
| 00:21:12 |
Heidi's gonna fall madly in love with me. |
| 00:21:15 |
And this is it, staring us right in the face. |
| 00:21:19 |
- I'm in. |
| 00:21:21 |
I'm in. |
| 00:21:22 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:21:23 |
(ALL WHOOPING) |
| 00:21:24 |
- Yeah! |
| 00:21:26 |
Hey, easy. Guys, it's old. |
| 00:21:28 |
"May 1st, 1990. |
| 00:21:31 |
"The simplest way into a girl's pants |
| 00:21:36 |
That's it? Just flatter her? |
| 00:21:39 |
- That's it. |
| 00:21:41 |
How many times do you actually do it? |
| 00:21:43 |
Walk up to a girl and say, |
| 00:21:46 |
Like, never. It's telling us the only proven |
| 00:21:50 |
'cause the guys that actually spew |
| 00:21:54 |
Check it out. Twelve o'clock. |
| 00:21:56 |
(NATHAN EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:21:59 |
(CHATTERING) |
| 00:22:26 |
(WHISTLES) |
| 00:22:28 |
- All right. Let's put this bible to a test. |
| 00:22:32 |
- You go talk to her. |
| 00:22:35 |
Why don't you go talk to her, |
| 00:22:39 |
- I'm eating. |
| 00:23:12 |
Hey, Ashley. |
| 00:23:14 |
Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend? |
| 00:23:16 |
No... This is... It's for my mom. |
| 00:23:21 |
She's dating again. |
| 00:23:34 |
(NERVOUS LAUGH) |
| 00:23:35 |
Well, you know, I... |
| 00:23:40 |
you know, |
| 00:23:49 |
Hey. Come with me. |
| 00:23:56 |
Jealous? He's making a move |
| 00:23:59 |
Unlike you, I don't mind sharing my women. |
| 00:24:02 |
(LAUGHS) And what are |
| 00:24:05 |
- (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Cheerio. |
| 00:24:06 |
Word to your mumsie. |
| 00:24:08 |
Just waiting for some ladies |
| 00:24:10 |
You nancy boys couldn't get laid |
| 00:24:12 |
with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio. |
| 00:24:18 |
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) |
| 00:24:20 |
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) |
| 00:24:22 |
- Hold this. |
| 00:24:37 |
How does this look? |
| 00:24:41 |
Great, I'll take it. |
| 00:24:43 |
Stand up. |
| 00:24:48 |
Wait, what... What's... Wait, hold... Hold on. |
| 00:24:52 |
Oh. |
| 00:24:56 |
(GROANS) |
| 00:24:59 |
(GASPING) |
| 00:25:05 |
Should I call you? |
| 00:25:08 |
Just walk out of the store |
| 00:25:13 |
Act natural. |
| 00:25:38 |
(INAUDIBLE) |
| 00:25:41 |
Can I help you? |
| 00:25:42 |
No. No. I'm... I'm just browsing. |
| 00:25:48 |
Okay, then. |
| 00:25:50 |
- Have a nice day. |
| 00:25:58 |
(ALARM SOUNDING) |
| 00:25:59 |
I'm sorry! I wasn't stealing. |
| 00:26:02 |
I am so sorry. |
| 00:26:05 |
Please come back to the register. |
| 00:26:19 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:26:23 |
Sorry, I... I got excited. |
| 00:26:25 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 00:26:30 |
(WHISPERS) |
| 00:26:31 |
That'll be 149.90. |
| 00:26:34 |
- How much? |
| 00:26:37 |
But they're so small. |
| 00:26:45 |
- Madeleine? |
| 00:26:54 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:27:03 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:27:06 |
Come again. |
| 00:27:16 |
What took you so long? Did you get it? |
| 00:27:17 |
Sure did. I even stole you a bag so |
| 00:27:21 |
Great. Thanks. |
| 00:27:23 |
Hey. What's up, Ashley? |
| 00:27:25 |
What are you pillow biters doing here? |
| 00:27:27 |
Stifler. |
| 00:27:29 |
Don't eat that. You're gonna get fat. |
| 00:27:31 |
I'm super horny. |
| 00:27:34 |
Okay. |
| 00:27:38 |
(GIGGLING) |
| 00:27:43 |
(CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING) |
| 00:27:50 |
(WHISPERING) Dana. |
| 00:27:54 |
Didn't mean to disrupt the... |
| 00:27:56 |
(WHISPERING) What are you doing here? |
| 00:27:59 |
I wanted to say I'm sorry. |
| 00:28:01 |
Did you really think that |
| 00:28:05 |
Well, you weren't answering any of my texts. |
| 00:28:07 |
(SHUSHING) |
| 00:28:09 |
- I'll be right back, okay? |
| 00:28:11 |
PRIEST ON PA: What is faith? |
| 00:28:13 |
When you flip the light switch |
| 00:28:16 |
you know that the light will turn on. |
| 00:28:18 |
Some might call that faith, but I tell you, |
| 00:28:24 |
Okay, so what is so important that |
| 00:28:27 |
I don't really get why |
| 00:28:29 |
Because you don't respect me. |
| 00:28:33 |
You know what? You're right, |
| 00:28:37 |
Just like your little stint on yearbook. |
| 00:28:38 |
You stuck with that for, what, |
| 00:28:41 |
Why is it so hard for you to believe |
| 00:28:43 |
(ON PA) wait until marriage? |
| 00:28:44 |
NATHAN ON PA: |
| 00:28:46 |
and Scott Thompson on the same night. |
| 00:28:48 |
DANA: That doesn't count. I was drunk. |
| 00:28:50 |
(WHISPERING) Is that Dana? |
| 00:28:51 |
As soon as you get bored |
| 00:28:54 |
you're just gonna jump right back |
| 00:28:56 |
And when you get to college, |
| 00:28:58 |
that you won't be experimenting |
| 00:29:01 |
having three-ways, trying anal. |
| 00:29:03 |
(ALL GASPING) |
| 00:29:04 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:29:05 |
That's what I'm talking... |
| 00:29:06 |
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Fine. Just relax. |
| 00:29:08 |
- Do something! |
| 00:29:09 |
- She's your daughter. |
| 00:29:10 |
PRIEST: Faith is the rock-solid... |
| 00:29:12 |
DANA: You don't think I'm committed to this? |
| 00:29:15 |
NATHAN: (LAUGHS) My dad |
| 00:29:18 |
He said she blew the whole football team |
| 00:29:19 |
and had to have her stomach pumped. |
| 00:29:21 |
(ALL GASPING) |
| 00:29:22 |
DANA: Don't be gross, okay? |
| 00:29:24 |
Plus, your dad was a Beta. |
| 00:29:25 |
Those guys are notorious poon slayers. |
| 00:29:28 |
Fuck it! This is bullshit! |
| 00:29:30 |
(PEOPLE MUTTERING) |
| 00:29:32 |
You know you want this. |
| 00:29:35 |
Did we miss communion? |
| 00:29:37 |
(STUDENTS CHEERING) |
| 00:29:38 |
COMMENTATOR 1 ON PA: |
| 00:29:39 |
East Great Falls Blazers in this game... |
| 00:29:40 |
CHEERLEADERS: |
| 00:29:42 |
... which is surprising, since this is |
| 00:29:45 |
You'd think they'd really |
| 00:29:47 |
Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy! |
| 00:29:49 |
Even though it's close to a tie, |
| 00:29:53 |
Oh, my gosh, wait. |
| 00:29:56 |
He said if he ever sees Nathan |
| 00:29:58 |
he's gonna castrate him |
| 00:30:00 |
Oh, no. So what? |
| 00:30:04 |
I don't know. |
| 00:30:05 |
Well, if you ever want to try a ménage, |
| 00:30:10 |
- No. |
| 00:30:11 |
COMMENTATOR 1: Please don't say |
| 00:30:13 |
COMMENTATOR 2 ON PA: |
| 00:30:15 |
- What about you, missy? |
| 00:30:16 |
How's your sex life? |
| 00:30:18 |
You guys, I'm gonna go through with it. |
| 00:30:20 |
You're so boring. |
| 00:30:24 |
after your striptease in the library. |
| 00:30:26 |
Yeah, I'm... |
| 00:30:32 |
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white, |
| 00:30:38 |
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Blazers! |
| 00:30:43 |
Fight, win. |
| 00:30:46 |
(CAMERA CLICKING) |
| 00:31:13 |
I think that is quite enough pictures |
| 00:31:16 |
How about we get some of the game? |
| 00:31:27 |
(CAMERA CLICKING) |
| 00:31:34 |
(GRUNTS) |
| 00:31:36 |
As you were. |
| 00:31:42 |
Douche bag. |
| 00:31:44 |
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white... |
| 00:31:46 |
COMMENTATOR 1: |
| 00:31:47 |
He passes it off to Scott Stifler. |
| 00:31:56 |
(STUDENTS EXCLAIM) |
| 00:31:57 |
Central takes a charge from Shearson. |
| 00:32:00 |
Time out, Blazers. |
| 00:32:03 |
COMMENTATOR 2: |
| 00:32:04 |
I think these guys |
| 00:32:06 |
Get your head in the game, doggy style. |
| 00:32:09 |
- I'm sorry. |
| 00:32:11 |
Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec? |
| 00:32:13 |
- Are you nuts? I'm in the middle of a game. |
| 00:32:16 |
(GIGGLES) |
| 00:32:17 |
Really gotta get their act together. |
| 00:32:18 |
(WHISTLE BLOWS) |
| 00:32:19 |
Tie game, 89 all, 3.9 seconds left. |
| 00:32:23 |
- Central's got the ball. |
| 00:32:25 |
They have the advantage. |
| 00:32:28 |
Looks like... Double screen! |
| 00:32:30 |
Shearson gets the ball. |
| 00:32:33 |
(BUZZER BUZZING) |
| 00:32:34 |
The game's over. |
| 00:32:37 |
This is incredible, folks! |
| 00:32:41 |
Unbelievable! It's exciting. |
| 00:32:44 |
What a chain of events |
| 00:32:51 |
(KNOCKING AT DOOR) |
| 00:32:53 |
Honey, I need to talk to you. |
| 00:32:56 |
Yeah, sure. |
| 00:32:58 |
Is... Is that a Bible? |
| 00:33:00 |
What? No. No, it's... |
| 00:33:02 |
Well, honey, it's okay to read the Bible. |
| 00:33:05 |
I caught you reading pornography. |
| 00:33:06 |
(FORCED LAUGH) |
| 00:33:08 |
What did you wanna talk about? |
| 00:33:09 |
Well, I just got |
| 00:33:12 |
And here on your card |
| 00:33:16 |
Yeah, I'm... |
| 00:33:21 |
Is there a girl you're seeing? |
| 00:33:22 |
No. Mom, it's complicated. |
| 00:33:26 |
- Did you buy something for yourself? |
| 00:33:29 |
Because it's a very normal area |
| 00:33:31 |
My book says that most fetishes are not |
| 00:33:34 |
and, well, you know, boys, they tend to... |
| 00:33:36 |
Yes, Mom, that's it. You figured it out. |
| 00:33:40 |
Thongs, G-strings, |
| 00:33:42 |
It's so soft and silky smooth. |
| 00:33:45 |
Sexy. |
| 00:33:46 |
Oh, God! Come on. |
| 00:33:48 |
Gotcha. |
| 00:33:49 |
(HUMMING) |
| 00:33:51 |
(HISSING) |
| 00:33:54 |
So it was for a girl. |
| 00:33:57 |
Yeah, Mom. |
| 00:33:59 |
Great. |
| 00:34:14 |
So, you know that thing |
| 00:34:17 |
Yeah. |
| 00:34:18 |
Right, well, |
| 00:34:20 |
So, what about it? |
| 00:34:22 |
I was just thinking, you know, |
| 00:34:27 |
I know. You know, I've thought about it, too, |
| 00:34:31 |
but I still feel like |
| 00:34:33 |
into, like, this huge deal. I mean, |
| 00:34:39 |
(SIGHS) |
| 00:34:41 |
I don't know, Rob. |
| 00:34:42 |
I still feel like it's best |
| 00:34:46 |
Yeah. I can see that. |
| 00:34:52 |
ROB ON PHONE: You figured it out. |
| 00:34:54 |
Thongs, G-strings, |
| 00:34:57 |
It's so soft and silky smooth. |
| 00:34:59 |
What is up with this crap, butt nugget? |
| 00:35:02 |
That was taken completely out of context. |
| 00:35:07 |
That means he wasn't being serious. |
| 00:35:10 |
I know what facetious means, dick face. |
| 00:35:13 |
Are you trying to repel |
| 00:35:15 |
- No... |
| 00:35:16 |
You cock is on the clock. |
| 00:35:19 |
Excuse me. Take notes. |
| 00:35:25 |
- Hey, lmogen. |
| 00:35:29 |
The word for the day is "legs." |
| 00:35:32 |
So? |
| 00:35:33 |
So, why don't we go back to my place |
| 00:35:37 |
Well, how about you save your breath? |
| 00:35:40 |
You're gonna need it |
| 00:35:46 |
Gentlemen, it is time we got laid. |
| 00:35:49 |
Really? And what is it |
| 00:35:51 |
No, no. We need to get laid. |
| 00:35:57 |
Can you give us the executive summary? |
| 00:36:00 |
No, not that. This. |
| 00:36:05 |
LUBE: We are going on a road trip. |
| 00:36:26 |
How long do you intend |
| 00:36:29 |
Just a couple of hours. |
| 00:36:32 |
What's the nature of your visit? |
| 00:36:33 |
We've driven many miles |
| 00:36:37 |
(BOYS LAUGHING) |
| 00:36:39 |
We use kilometres here. |
| 00:36:43 |
Then we've driven many clicks |
| 00:36:49 |
LUBE: Yes! |
| 00:36:50 |
- That works, right? |
| 00:36:52 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:36:54 |
Fucking Americans. |
| 00:36:57 |
(BOYS CHEERING) |
| 00:36:59 |
You know, the exchange rate on the dollar |
| 00:37:01 |
Yeah. |
| 00:37:02 |
Okay, up ahead, turn right. |
| 00:37:04 |
- You sure? |
| 00:37:23 |
Okay, boys. Let's do this. |
| 00:37:25 |
Are you sure this is a good idea? |
| 00:37:27 |
Come on, you pussy. Let's get laid. |
| 00:37:32 |
The bible says to ask for Monique. |
| 00:37:42 |
(SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:37:44 |
Hi. Are you Monique? |
| 00:37:46 |
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) No, moi, no, no, no. |
| 00:37:51 |
Come. Come, boys. |
| 00:37:52 |
(SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:37:55 |
(POP SONG PLAYING) |
| 00:37:59 |
Boys, entrez chez nous. |
| 00:38:03 |
C'est magnifique, no? I will get Monique. |
| 00:38:08 |
She will be so happy to see you. |
| 00:38:12 |
In the meantime, make yourselves at home. |
| 00:38:15 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:38:18 |
Jesus, tits. We came to the right place. |
| 00:38:21 |
Is that a moose? |
| 00:38:23 |
Condom? |
| 00:38:25 |
Why, thank you. |
| 00:38:29 |
Gentlemen. |
| 00:38:33 |
Thank you. |
| 00:38:35 |
Very much. |
| 00:38:36 |
Thank you. |
| 00:38:40 |
LUBE: Can't wait to see Monique. |
| 00:38:44 |
(DOOR OPENING) |
| 00:38:45 |
(ALL GASP) |
| 00:38:56 |
(STAMMERING) We're here to see Monique. |
| 00:38:59 |
(SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:39:01 |
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) I am Monique. |
| 00:39:06 |
Well, that's... That's okay. |
| 00:39:10 |
Come, come. I make you a nice drink. |
| 00:39:19 |
(BONE CRACKS) |
| 00:39:20 |
(GRUNTING) |
| 00:39:36 |
Could you just give us just one minute? |
| 00:39:43 |
Okay. Let's go. |
| 00:39:46 |
(STAMMERING) |
| 00:39:48 |
Let's just talk about this for a second here. |
| 00:39:50 |
- Yeah, I mean, it can't be that bad, right? |
| 00:39:53 |
Listen, I put a lot of mileage on my mom's |
| 00:39:57 |
The bible says she's got a lot of experience. |
| 00:40:04 |
- This could be very educational for all of us. |
| 00:40:16 |
- He's up. |
| 00:40:19 |
NATHAN: It was your idea. |
| 00:40:20 |
Don't... Don't insult Monique. |
| 00:40:23 |
Come on, you're going to have a nice time. |
| 00:40:25 |
LUBE: (LAUGHS) |
| 00:40:36 |
(WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:40:42 |
(SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:40:48 |
And welcome. |
| 00:40:53 |
So... So, how does this work? |
| 00:40:57 |
No, no, no. Not yet. |
| 00:40:59 |
(SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:41:03 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:41:06 |
I see. |
| 00:41:10 |
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:41:53 |
(UNZIPPING PANTS) |
| 00:41:55 |
(MOANING) |
| 00:41:56 |
(MOANING) |
| 00:42:00 |
You've got one active imagination, boy. |
| 00:42:04 |
(GASPS) |
| 00:42:07 |
How long was I out? |
| 00:42:09 |
Only about eight seconds that time. |
| 00:42:14 |
(SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:42:16 |
(BONE CRACKING) |
| 00:42:17 |
(GROANS) |
| 00:42:28 |
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 00:42:32 |
Yes. Yes. |
| 00:42:35 |
(MOANING) |
| 00:42:38 |
(ROB MOANING LOUDLY) |
| 00:42:40 |
ROB: Monique! That's really nice. |
| 00:42:46 |
(CLACKING) |
| 00:42:57 |
ROB: That's it. |
| 00:43:04 |
I'm so sorry. I usually last a lot longer. |
| 00:43:10 |
Hey. |
| 00:43:11 |
Hey, was I supposed to |
| 00:43:17 |
Oh, no. No. |
| 00:43:20 |
Help! Help! Help, help, help! |
| 00:43:24 |
NATHAN: Go, go, go! Go! |
| 00:43:28 |
- Jesus. Dude. |
| 00:43:29 |
What, do you need an audience? |
| 00:43:31 |
No, no. Wait, guys. I think she's dead! |
| 00:43:33 |
Excuse me? |
| 00:43:34 |
Oh, my God. This is not good. |
| 00:43:36 |
I can't get her off. |
| 00:43:39 |
Help! She's got lockjaw. Get her off of me! |
| 00:43:41 |
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. |
| 00:43:43 |
Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw, |
| 00:43:46 |
- Okay. |
| 00:43:48 |
(ALL CLAMOURING) |
| 00:43:51 |
I'm sorry! |
| 00:43:53 |
(SCREAMING) |
| 00:43:55 |
Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear! |
| 00:44:00 |
Shit. What am I doing? |
| 00:44:02 |
Clear, clear! |
| 00:44:04 |
(SCREAMING) |
| 00:44:07 |
Okay. Come down here. |
| 00:44:13 |
Forget it. It's totally screwed up. Oh, God. |
| 00:44:17 |
(DOOR OPENING) |
| 00:44:18 |
(MAN SPEAKING FRENCH) |
| 00:44:19 |
What you do to maman? |
| 00:44:22 |
(SHRIEKS) |
| 00:44:25 |
(BOYS SCREAMING) |
| 00:44:29 |
(CRYING) Maman! You killed maman! |
| 00:44:33 |
(ROARING) |
| 00:44:49 |
Fucking Americans! Come back here. |
| 00:44:57 |
ROB: I killed her. |
| 00:44:58 |
I killed her with my sperm! |
| 00:45:00 |
Hey, man, when it's your time to go, |
| 00:45:03 |
How do you know that? |
| 00:45:04 |
Man, what do you want me to say? |
| 00:45:06 |
I can't believe that was the woman |
| 00:45:10 |
Right here. "September 9th, 1995." |
| 00:45:14 |
Let me see that. |
| 00:45:16 |
No. No, that's a seven! |
| 00:45:22 |
- I thought it was a nine. |
| 00:45:25 |
- I didn't do anything! |
| 00:45:29 |
I don't wanna be here. |
| 00:45:30 |
(THUDS) |
| 00:45:31 |
Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel. |
| 00:45:36 |
LUBE: Well, that went well. |
| 00:45:39 |
ROB: Guys, I think it's time |
| 00:45:41 |
Look, Nathan, you've been trying to |
| 00:45:44 |
instead of just listening to her. |
| 00:45:46 |
Trying to see things from her point of view? |
| 00:45:49 |
Just a little respect. |
| 00:45:51 |
And you, you're still trying |
| 00:45:54 |
instead of just being honest. |
| 00:45:56 |
And you're still too much of a pussy |
| 00:46:08 |
You going to Stifler's house tonight? |
| 00:46:11 |
Yeah. I'll probably go with Dana. |
| 00:46:13 |
So any luck losing that thing you were |
| 00:46:16 |
- Rob. |
| 00:46:19 |
Maybe you should mind your own business. |
| 00:46:25 |
What's with you today? |
| 00:46:36 |
I wanna tell you something that |
| 00:46:40 |
Okay. |
| 00:46:46 |
I really like you. |
| 00:46:48 |
I really like you, too. |
| 00:46:51 |
No, not like that. I really like you. |
| 00:46:58 |
Oh. |
| 00:47:01 |
- Rob... |
| 00:47:02 |
You have a great personality. |
| 00:47:07 |
Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great. |
| 00:47:13 |
I don't know. I'm just... |
| 00:47:16 |
Now, I don't know if you feel the same way, |
| 00:47:18 |
Let's not waste any more time. Right? |
| 00:47:21 |
see where our feelings take us. |
| 00:47:27 |
I feel the same way. |
| 00:47:30 |
- You do? |
| 00:47:32 |
This is great. |
| 00:47:35 |
Why didn't you? |
| 00:47:37 |
(LAUGHING) |
| 00:47:38 |
(CELL PHONE BUZZING) |
| 00:47:40 |
It's about that time, so I gotta go. |
| 00:47:46 |
Yes. |
| 00:48:06 |
- DANA: Dad? |
| 00:48:08 |
There she is. |
| 00:48:17 |
(GASPING) They saw me! |
| 00:48:23 |
- Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. |
| 00:48:25 |
It's cool. It's cool. |
| 00:48:28 |
Nathan, look, I've been thinking. |
| 00:48:32 |
Maybe I've been too hard on you. |
| 00:48:34 |
You have? |
| 00:48:36 |
You obviously love my daughter, |
| 00:48:40 |
- We should? |
| 00:48:43 |
Honey, it is not right |
| 00:48:47 |
If you want boys to like you, you gotta |
| 00:49:03 |
This is so not cool. |
| 00:49:05 |
I mean, fantasising about |
| 00:49:08 |
(SCREAMING) Oh, my God! |
| 00:49:11 |
- Dad! Stop! Stop. |
| 00:49:34 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:49:38 |
All right, girls. |
| 00:49:41 |
- Party looks good. |
| 00:49:42 |
Uh-huh. |
| 00:49:44 |
All right, listen to me. Stay focused. |
| 00:49:47 |
Be honest, show respect |
| 00:49:50 |
Stop, jerk. |
| 00:49:51 |
I can't even get near Dana. |
| 00:49:52 |
She'll be here. She's coming with Heidi. |
| 00:49:54 |
Just try and think of things |
| 00:49:56 |
Yeah, and I might as well just crack |
| 00:49:59 |
Just get her some frankincense and myrrh. |
| 00:50:01 |
That's a great idea. |
| 00:50:02 |
I'll just pick up some roofies for you |
| 00:50:04 |
You need a prescription for that, |
| 00:50:07 |
Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too. |
| 00:50:09 |
All right. |
| 00:50:14 |
All right, Oprah. |
| 00:50:18 |
(POP MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:50:35 |
(BOY EXCLAIMING) |
| 00:50:38 |
So, here is my sister getting undressed. |
| 00:50:44 |
And this one is my cousin in the shower. |
| 00:50:49 |
And this one is |
| 00:50:55 |
I love Grandma's work. |
| 00:50:57 |
(LAUGHING) |
| 00:50:58 |
So, anyway, every time I'm in the hardware |
| 00:51:03 |
they always go off. |
| 00:51:05 |
(MOCK LAUGHING) |
| 00:51:06 |
(WHOOPING) |
| 00:51:16 |
(GIRLS EXCLAIMING) |
| 00:51:18 |
Fuck! |
| 00:51:21 |
(SHUDDERING) |
| 00:51:23 |
(RETCHING) |
| 00:51:29 |
Hey. Isn't that that chick from Central? |
| 00:51:33 |
Yeah. |
| 00:51:35 |
Hey, Stifler. |
| 00:51:36 |
Oh, hey, there... |
| 00:51:38 |
Katie. |
| 00:51:40 |
Katie, right. I knew that. |
| 00:51:43 |
Can I talk to you for a second, |
| 00:51:48 |
Yeah, sure, you know what? |
| 00:51:49 |
Let me just grab another beer |
| 00:51:52 |
Don't you flake on me. |
| 00:51:56 |
Dude, you been working out? |
| 00:51:59 |
You two, stay amazing. My God. |
| 00:52:02 |
(GIGGLES) |
| 00:52:05 |
Hey, what's up, beautiful? |
| 00:52:07 |
You know, I got so drunk last weekend |
| 00:52:09 |
that I nailed my cock to a table, |
| 00:52:12 |
Wanna check it out? |
| 00:52:14 |
The table or your cock? |
| 00:52:16 |
God, I love that accent. |
| 00:52:18 |
Could you do me a favour and just say, |
| 00:52:20 |
"Spank me, Stifler. |
| 00:52:25 |
How did you know I like to be spanked? |
| 00:52:28 |
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Awesome! |
| 00:52:31 |
So where's this boyfriend Richard you keep |
| 00:52:35 |
He doesn't attend high-school parties. |
| 00:52:38 |
Sounds like you might be in the market |
| 00:52:42 |
Sorry, I'm vegan. |
| 00:52:45 |
Cheers. |
| 00:52:49 |
What if I use a cucumber? |
| 00:52:51 |
Jackie, Sarah, and Krissi with an "I," |
| 00:52:56 |
Every time you get a question wrong, |
| 00:53:00 |
- Hey, I've played this game before. |
| 00:53:03 |
do you believe that new drugs should be |
| 00:53:07 |
Absolutely not. Wait... |
| 00:53:10 |
(IMITATING GAME SHOW BUZZER) |
| 00:53:11 |
Poppy toppy! If only you listened better. |
| 00:53:18 |
All right, boys. Tonight's the night. |
| 00:53:20 |
Good luck, buddy. |
| 00:53:22 |
Good luck, dude. |
| 00:53:24 |
That's it. Tonight, I'm getting laid! |
| 00:53:27 |
- Yeah, buddy! Yes! |
| 00:53:29 |
- Yes! |
| 00:53:30 |
Just give it to her nice and slow at first. |
| 00:53:32 |
Then speed her up. |
| 00:53:34 |
Dana! |
| 00:53:36 |
Dana! |
| 00:53:42 |
Yeah! |
| 00:53:43 |
(WHOOPS) |
| 00:53:44 |
Sarah, have you ever made out |
| 00:53:48 |
- What? |
| 00:53:51 |
(GIRLS LAUGHING) |
| 00:54:00 |
- I can't find Heidi anywhere. |
| 00:54:03 |
No, no. Her car is outside. |
| 00:54:06 |
How you making out? |
| 00:54:07 |
Check it out. |
| 00:54:10 |
Don't you think maybe Ashley's |
| 00:54:14 |
I don't know. I'm just saying, you know, |
| 00:54:18 |
Maybe it's just not in the cards for you. |
| 00:54:20 |
I'm a man of refinement. |
| 00:54:22 |
Why settle for a six |
| 00:54:28 |
Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck. |
| 00:54:31 |
Right. I'm gonna do it. |
| 00:54:35 |
Hey, what's up, Ashley? |
| 00:54:37 |
Hey, Lube. |
| 00:54:38 |
You want a beer? |
| 00:54:40 |
Got a beer. |
| 00:54:41 |
Right. |
| 00:54:44 |
So... |
| 00:54:48 |
You obviously know that I'm, |
| 00:54:51 |
Yeah. I've seen the shrine. |
| 00:54:54 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:54:55 |
All right. |
| 00:54:58 |
Okay, so I'm just gonna be honest with you. |
| 00:55:01 |
No tricks, no hidden agenda at all. |
| 00:55:05 |
I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover. |
| 00:55:08 |
(GIRLS LAUGHING) |
| 00:55:13 |
I can guarantee that I will satisfy you |
| 00:55:16 |
and I shall not stop until I'm certain |
| 00:55:19 |
that you are completely happy |
| 00:55:26 |
Okay. |
| 00:55:33 |
(SIGHS) |
| 00:55:35 |
Look, that was a really interesting speech, |
| 00:55:40 |
and I don't really wanna embarrass you |
| 00:55:45 |
But it's not gonna happen. |
| 00:55:47 |
I mean, I think that you're, |
| 00:55:50 |
and you're really funny in class |
| 00:55:52 |
but I don't wanna have sex with you. |
| 00:55:55 |
Okay? |
| 00:55:57 |
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay. |
| 00:56:00 |
- So are we cool? |
| 00:56:03 |
All right. |
| 00:56:04 |
Well, I'm gonna go get another beer. |
| 00:56:05 |
No, no. I'm... I'm good. I'm good. |
| 00:56:13 |
- Hey. |
| 00:56:15 |
(CLEARS THROAT) What you said just now? |
| 00:56:18 |
Yeah? |
| 00:56:19 |
Was that true? |
| 00:56:21 |
Guaranteed satisfaction and you won't stop |
| 00:56:27 |
Yeah. |
| 00:56:30 |
All right. Well, what the hell. |
| 00:56:33 |
Meet me upstairs |
| 00:56:39 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:56:49 |
NATHAN: The truth is, yes, |
| 00:56:52 |
because I really, really wanna have sex. |
| 00:56:55 |
But I really wanna have sex with you. |
| 00:56:59 |
And, also, I mean, with us, |
| 00:57:05 |
I wanna forget myself for once |
| 00:57:09 |
Like, maybe try and make you feel |
| 00:57:20 |
So Stifler tells me |
| 00:57:23 |
Ja, ja. |
| 00:57:24 |
My cousin, Nadia, was student here |
| 00:57:27 |
Not Nadia, Nadia. |
| 00:57:29 |
Ja, ja. |
| 00:57:30 |
You mean the Nadia? The legendarily hot... |
| 00:57:32 |
I mean, really academically gifted Nadia? |
| 00:57:36 |
Ja, ja. |
| 00:57:38 |
Well, how do I know for sure? |
| 00:57:46 |
(GASPING) |
| 00:57:50 |
You are Nadia's cousin. |
| 00:57:55 |
Oh! |
| 00:58:07 |
(PHONE BEEPS) |
| 00:58:08 |
Oh. |
| 00:58:11 |
You shouldn't... You shouldn't... |
| 00:58:13 |
Don't read my phone. |
| 00:58:15 |
What's this supposed to mean? |
| 00:58:19 |
Well, I don't... What does that... |
| 00:58:20 |
I don't know what that... |
| 00:58:22 |
"I'm getting laid"? |
| 00:58:25 |
You're advertising this |
| 00:58:27 |
- No. |
| 00:58:28 |
You must be some special kind of asshole. |
| 00:58:31 |
No. No, no, no! No. I didn't... It was... |
| 00:58:33 |
(GRUNTS ANGRILY) |
| 00:58:34 |
Later, loser. |
| 00:58:40 |
Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes. |
| 00:58:45 |
Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes. |
| 00:58:47 |
Oh, God, the man in the boat is out. |
| 00:58:50 |
Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl. |
| 00:58:52 |
Back to the bunny. That's it. |
| 00:58:56 |
More to the left! |
| 00:58:58 |
- My left or your left? |
| 00:59:00 |
All right. |
| 00:59:02 |
Hey, have you seen Heidi? |
| 00:59:05 |
Thanks. |
| 00:59:08 |
Hey, Rob. |
| 00:59:11 |
Heidi? |
| 00:59:13 |
Hey, doggy style. |
| 00:59:16 |
So unless you want mop-up duty, |
| 00:59:20 |
(STIFLER GIGGLES) |
| 00:59:30 |
STIFLER: Hey, where are you going? |
| 00:59:31 |
This was a horrible idea. |
| 00:59:40 |
Rob? Excuse me. |
| 00:59:43 |
Excuse me. Rob. Rob. |
| 00:59:47 |
- Go away. |
| 00:59:49 |
I don't wanna see your face right now. |
| 00:59:52 |
Rob. |
| 00:59:58 |
(GASPING) |
| 01:00:00 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 01:00:06 |
Whoa, whoa. |
| 01:00:08 |
What are you doing? |
| 01:00:09 |
What happened to forgetting about yourself |
| 01:00:14 |
But I thought I just... |
| 01:00:16 |
What? You thought that what, Nathan? |
| 01:00:17 |
That you could just pretend that you cared |
| 01:00:21 |
and then just go |
| 01:00:23 |
No. You don't get it. I... |
| 01:00:26 |
No. No, you're the one |
| 01:00:39 |
Dude, you need to slow down. |
| 01:00:42 |
Yeah, seriously. Let's just go home. |
| 01:00:44 |
You, sir... |
| 01:00:48 |
Because assholes get laid! |
| 01:00:51 |
(BOYS CHEERING) |
| 01:00:52 |
Yes. |
| 01:00:55 |
No. No, no, dude. You were right. |
| 01:00:58 |
- There's something to it. |
| 01:01:01 |
We tried the nice guy thing |
| 01:01:04 |
Well, the nice guy vibe got me |
| 01:01:08 |
Hey. |
| 01:01:13 |
Well, gentlemen, you failed, |
| 01:01:20 |
So I will see you later, nice guys. |
| 01:01:26 |
- Hey. |
| 01:01:28 |
I know you want me. |
| 01:01:30 |
I'm gonna let you take me upstairs |
| 01:01:33 |
- Really? |
| 01:01:36 |
Kiss me. |
| 01:01:41 |
STIFLER: Y'all ready for some pain? |
| 01:01:47 |
Hey, ladies. |
| 01:01:51 |
(GIRLS SCREAMING) |
| 01:01:58 |
GIRL: Oh, my God. |
| 01:02:00 |
STIFLER: Oh, my God! |
| 01:02:02 |
Look at those taters! |
| 01:02:12 |
Do me from behind. |
| 01:02:14 |
What? |
| 01:02:17 |
I thought you liked it doggy style. |
| 01:02:23 |
ROB: Huh? |
| 01:02:25 |
What are you doing back there? Let's go. |
| 01:02:29 |
You're not putting your dick in that, |
| 01:02:32 |
(SCREAMS) |
| 01:02:34 |
Are you kidding me? Gross. |
| 01:02:39 |
(THUDS) |
| 01:02:56 |
(GROANS) |
| 01:02:58 |
Here. This'll help. |
| 01:02:59 |
Thanks. |
| 01:03:02 |
Honey, I know that I can't stop you |
| 01:03:05 |
but I can insist that you are safe. |
| 01:03:08 |
Did you drink and drive? |
| 01:03:10 |
No. John Costello drove me home. |
| 01:03:13 |
Well, I want you to know that if |
| 01:03:18 |
that you... You will use protection. |
| 01:03:21 |
What do you mean by carnal? |
| 01:03:26 |
This. |
| 01:03:30 |
(GROANS) |
| 01:03:31 |
GIRL: Are you kidding me? Gross. |
| 01:03:33 |
Is there no such thing as privacy any more? |
| 01:03:35 |
I will tell your father that |
| 01:03:39 |
You're not feeling well. |
| 01:03:42 |
Thanks. |
| 01:03:46 |
How was she? |
| 01:03:49 |
- How was who? |
| 01:03:52 |
How do you know about that? |
| 01:03:53 |
Who do you think is forwarding |
| 01:04:01 |
ROB: I'm ready to give up. |
| 01:04:03 |
I thought I had the answers. |
| 01:04:04 |
It's too bad that 99% of the bible's |
| 01:04:09 |
That's it. |
| 01:04:11 |
We need to reconstruct the bible. |
| 01:04:13 |
Why? |
| 01:04:15 |
The secrets are in there. |
| 01:04:16 |
I mean, there's no one single answer |
| 01:04:19 |
Right? We need the whole book |
| 01:04:21 |
Probably has a lot of crap in there |
| 01:04:23 |
like positions, techniques, |
| 01:04:26 |
Exactly. That's what the bible was |
| 01:04:30 |
And we owe it to the others. |
| 01:04:33 |
I owe it to future generations |
| 01:04:36 |
Dude, I'm all for it, but how? |
| 01:04:44 |
Where do we start? |
| 01:04:48 |
From the beginning. |
| 01:04:50 |
LUBE: This must be the guy |
| 01:04:53 |
(RINGING) |
| 01:04:57 |
Hello? |
| 01:04:58 |
ROB: Hi. May I speak |
| 01:05:01 |
Speaking. |
| 01:05:02 |
Are you the one who created the bible? |
| 01:05:05 |
No, that would be God. |
| 01:05:08 |
No, no, no. Hold on. |
| 01:05:10 |
I'm referring to the bible. |
| 01:05:14 |
I'm calling from |
| 01:05:19 |
NOAH: It was the summer |
| 01:05:23 |
and my buddies and I, |
| 01:05:25 |
where we run into a group |
| 01:05:29 |
who were willing to trade their bodies |
| 01:05:33 |
Well, needless to say, we had ourselves |
| 01:05:38 |
sexually speaking, if you get my drift. |
| 01:05:41 |
But the sad news was, |
| 01:05:44 |
We had no technique. |
| 01:05:46 |
And then one day, we were out sight-seeing, |
| 01:05:49 |
and we run into this Dutch hooker |
| 01:05:52 |
and she tells us about this book. |
| 01:05:55 |
It was a sex manual, evidently written |
| 01:06:00 |
Well, we read that thing cover to cover, |
| 01:06:02 |
and then when we got back |
| 01:06:05 |
I had the bright idea to write my own book |
| 01:06:08 |
and add my own observations |
| 01:06:11 |
and leave it in the library for some |
| 01:06:15 |
But I had no idea it had been |
| 01:06:19 |
Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein. |
| 01:06:24 |
Do you have it here? |
| 01:06:26 |
Yeah. |
| 01:06:27 |
May I see it? |
| 01:06:32 |
Oh. |
| 01:06:34 |
Oh, my. |
| 01:06:36 |
Boys. |
| 01:06:39 |
This is a real piece of history here. |
| 01:06:42 |
What happened to it? |
| 01:06:44 |
Well, that's why we're here. |
| 01:06:46 |
The bible kinda got ruined, |
| 01:06:47 |
so we wanna call everyone on the list |
| 01:06:52 |
Oh. |
| 01:06:54 |
Well, I think you boys might need |
| 01:07:00 |
Well, girls have the advantage, |
| 01:07:04 |
and don't kid yourself, |
| 01:07:07 |
Penis size, penis shape, |
| 01:07:10 |
Whether it winks at you. They talk. |
| 01:07:12 |
Now, to really make love to a woman, |
| 01:07:16 |
But... Hey, sex is great, but sex with |
| 01:07:20 |
Dude, that is so profound. |
| 01:07:21 |
Telling you. |
| 01:07:23 |
Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road. |
| 01:07:25 |
Sure, I made love to all kinds |
| 01:07:27 |
Did you ever try making love |
| 01:07:29 |
Nothing comes close. |
| 01:07:31 |
What? |
| 01:07:32 |
Well, maybe a deboned ham hock, |
| 01:07:36 |
Bend your knees. |
| 01:07:37 |
Next time you spank it, sit Indian-style. |
| 01:07:40 |
You won't come, not in a million years. |
| 01:07:42 |
MAN: Our sex organs |
| 01:07:45 |
Sure, you can have any technician |
| 01:07:47 |
but to place your instrument into |
| 01:07:50 |
That, my young friend, is true harmony. |
| 01:07:52 |
NOAH: Guys don't talk to each other |
| 01:07:54 |
because they view each other |
| 01:07:56 |
which I think is crazy. You know? |
| 01:07:58 |
Because men need to help each other |
| 01:08:02 |
NO AH: Noah Levenstein, class of '70. |
| 01:08:04 |
ROB: Pete Sambrelli? |
| 01:08:06 |
ROB: Do you have a number for him? |
| 01:08:07 |
Hi. This is regarding his advice |
| 01:08:10 |
We found the tongue tornado in Regina. |
| 01:08:13 |
(BOYS CHEERING) |
| 01:08:14 |
You said bros befo' hos. |
| 01:08:16 |
Isn't that what you said? Bros befo' hos. |
| 01:08:20 |
Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito. |
| 01:08:23 |
I married her, you asshole! |
| 01:08:26 |
- Noah Levenstein. |
| 01:08:29 |
Jessica. |
| 01:08:31 |
Well, congratulations! |
| 01:08:34 |
Look at the time. Gotta go. |
| 01:08:39 |
It's all about chemistry, |
| 01:08:47 |
MAN: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, |
| 01:08:49 |
Boys, we got another confirmation. |
| 01:08:51 |
MAN: You gotta treat your lady right. |
| 01:08:53 |
You've got to be gentle, kind |
| 01:08:58 |
- Who are you talking to? |
| 01:09:00 |
This is how you get her really excited. |
| 01:09:02 |
Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me. |
| 01:09:05 |
Was that two fingers or one? |
| 01:09:08 |
LUBE: I'm sorry. |
| 01:09:11 |
NOAH: Phone, phone. Okay. |
| 01:09:13 |
LUBE: Then what happened? |
| 01:09:14 |
Hello. Yeah. Class of '77. |
| 01:09:17 |
Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen. |
| 01:09:19 |
Pete O'Donnell, please. |
| 01:09:21 |
Who is this? |
| 01:09:23 |
Mr O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski. |
| 01:09:26 |
I just wanted to talk to you about |
| 01:09:29 |
You know, about having anal sex |
| 01:09:35 |
(ALL CLAMOURING) |
| 01:09:44 |
...very much! Mark S. |
| 01:09:49 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 01:09:58 |
This is not a sex manual. |
| 01:10:01 |
It is a life manual. |
| 01:10:05 |
Now, I've been married for 35 years |
| 01:10:08 |
and not just because |
| 01:10:11 |
who knows how to satisfy a woman. |
| 01:10:14 |
I've been married 35 years |
| 01:10:18 |
and I respect my wife. |
| 01:10:21 |
And whether it's Amsterdam |
| 01:10:23 |
it all comes down to this. |
| 01:10:25 |
If you're honest and treat a girl with respect, |
| 01:10:30 |
then whatever happens is meant to happen, |
| 01:10:40 |
Boys, I've prepared you for this quest. |
| 01:10:43 |
And before you lies |
| 01:10:55 |
This book is a powerful weapon, |
| 01:11:00 |
so use it for good, |
| 01:11:03 |
not evil. |
| 01:11:52 |
Yes. |
| 01:11:53 |
(SIGHS) |
| 01:11:54 |
(DOOR CLOSING) |
| 01:11:59 |
ROB: You still looking for the vacuum? |
| 01:12:01 |
No. I found it in Cody's room. So strange. |
| 01:12:04 |
I mean, I just don't remember |
| 01:12:07 |
(LAUGHS) Losing my mind, clearly. |
| 01:12:09 |
Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip? |
| 01:12:13 |
Yes. |
| 01:12:15 |
But no drinking, |
| 01:12:19 |
Don't worry. If I do anything wrong, |
| 01:12:22 |
Call you when I get there. |
| 01:12:39 |
(CHATTERING) |
| 01:12:40 |
(ALL WHOOPING) |
| 01:12:43 |
Drinking round! |
| 01:12:53 |
- Deal me in. |
| 01:12:55 |
Katie. |
| 01:12:56 |
I know. But what are you doing here? |
| 01:12:59 |
- I wanna play. |
| 01:13:01 |
Just deal her in, Stifler. What's the big deal? |
| 01:13:03 |
AMY: Yeah, deal her in. |
| 01:13:11 |
Hi, Nathan. |
| 01:13:15 |
Thanks for the flowers. |
| 01:13:17 |
I'm sorry about being a jerk. |
| 01:13:20 |
I'm ready to respect you |
| 01:13:23 |
Really? But why? |
| 01:13:28 |
I'm in this for you. |
| 01:13:31 |
Well, I realised that I'm in this for you, |
| 01:13:34 |
and if the pledge gets in the way of that, |
| 01:13:38 |
Sounds like a good basis for the two of us |
| 01:13:43 |
Look. I bought a book. |
| 01:13:46 |
I was thinking that we could |
| 01:13:48 |
start on page one |
| 01:13:52 |
The first three chapters are foreplay. |
| 01:13:54 |
Wow. |
| 01:13:56 |
You know, I've actually been |
| 01:13:59 |
Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado? |
| 01:14:03 |
Okay, let's go. |
| 01:14:09 |
This is supposed to be fun. |
| 01:14:11 |
This isn't fun. |
| 01:14:13 |
Just you wait. You possess wisdom now. |
| 01:14:16 |
Trust in the book. |
| 01:14:22 |
I mean, what does that mean, anyway? |
| 01:14:26 |
No. No, of course not. |
| 01:14:29 |
Do you even know how to play poker? |
| 01:14:31 |
KATIE: I know the game. |
| 01:14:32 |
And I tell you what, |
| 01:14:35 |
(ALL EXCLAIMING) |
| 01:14:38 |
AMY: Snap. |
| 01:14:39 |
And if I lose? |
| 01:14:41 |
You apologise to me. |
| 01:14:44 |
- For what? Blowing you off? |
| 01:14:46 |
If it's not enough, it was my first time. |
| 01:14:49 |
I deserve better. |
| 01:14:50 |
(GASPS) |
| 01:14:52 |
But if I win, |
| 01:14:56 |
you gotta run through the snow naked. |
| 01:14:58 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 01:15:00 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:15:10 |
Start stripping, sweetheart. |
| 01:15:12 |
It's not over yet. |
| 01:15:17 |
Feeling lucky? |
| 01:15:20 |
You better hope for a five on the river, baby. |
| 01:15:31 |
ASHLEY: She got the five! Unbelievable. |
| 01:15:33 |
(SCREAMING) |
| 01:15:34 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:15:37 |
- Strip. |
| 01:15:39 |
- Strip. |
| 01:15:40 |
ALL: (CHANTING) |
| 01:15:43 |
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! |
| 01:15:48 |
You want me to strip? |
| 01:15:52 |
It's time to get it going, baby! |
| 01:15:55 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 01:15:56 |
All right, let's go! Here we go, baby. |
| 01:16:01 |
STIFLER: Wait, let's talk this over. |
| 01:16:05 |
Shit. It's freezing out here. |
| 01:16:08 |
Now apologise. |
| 01:16:10 |
- I'm sorry. |
| 01:16:12 |
I'm sorry for not calling you afterwards. |
| 01:16:14 |
And what else? |
| 01:16:16 |
I'm sorry for being a dick, okay? |
| 01:16:18 |
Now, open the stinking door. |
| 01:16:21 |
GIRLS: Oh! |
| 01:16:23 |
(EXCLAIMING) |
| 01:16:31 |
Open the door! |
| 01:16:33 |
Now, tell everyone how you cry |
| 01:16:37 |
I cry like a girl after I come, okay? |
| 01:16:40 |
It's a very intense experience for me. |
| 01:16:44 |
(MOOSE BELLOWING) |
| 01:16:48 |
Call 911. |
| 01:16:49 |
(SCREAMING) |
| 01:16:53 |
(SNORTING) |
| 01:16:55 |
(GRUNTING) |
| 01:16:57 |
(SCREECHING) |
| 01:17:22 |
Lube, get the rifle. |
| 01:17:27 |
(DANA SCREAMING) |
| 01:17:28 |
Oh, my God! |
| 01:17:31 |
- Was that a moose? |
| 01:17:34 |
(DANA SIGHING) |
| 01:17:38 |
Go get 'em. |
| 01:18:16 |
Hey, I'll meet you at the lodge later. |
| 01:18:18 |
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go. |
| 01:18:20 |
ROB: Heidi. Wait up. |
| 01:18:30 |
Do you mind if I ride up with you? |
| 01:18:33 |
Okay. |
| 01:19:02 |
Hey. What's up? |
| 01:19:05 |
We... We're in the same gondola. |
| 01:19:09 |
Yeah, look at that. |
| 01:19:16 |
(GROANING) |
| 01:19:21 |
Oh, God. |
| 01:19:39 |
I didn't sleep with Stifler. |
| 01:19:40 |
Yeah. I heard. |
| 01:19:43 |
- But you still hate me? |
| 01:19:46 |
No. Why would you say that? |
| 01:19:48 |
You haven't said a word to me |
| 01:19:52 |
I know. I'm sorry. |
| 01:19:55 |
I guess I just... |
| 01:20:03 |
And? What did you decide? |
| 01:20:10 |
Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on |
| 01:20:13 |
And he says they're talking about |
| 01:20:17 |
Gibbs is a liar. |
| 01:20:20 |
That's too bad. I got an A in Shop. |
| 01:20:27 |
(SNORTS) |
| 01:20:28 |
Oh, my. Was that a snort? |
| 01:20:44 |
Come to gloat? |
| 01:20:46 |
No. Just looking for a fag. |
| 01:20:48 |
Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass |
| 01:20:51 |
Very funny. How's your bum? |
| 01:20:54 |
Feels like I gave birth to a mayonnaise jar, |
| 01:20:59 |
Hey, I heard about your boyfriend. |
| 01:21:02 |
Yeah. I thought only high school boys |
| 01:21:05 |
It turns out they never outgrow it. |
| 01:21:07 |
Imogen, no offence, |
| 01:21:11 |
but a 24-year-old dude isn't gonna take |
| 01:21:15 |
I suppose not. |
| 01:21:17 |
You wanna sit down? |
| 01:21:20 |
What for? |
| 01:21:21 |
I just thought we could both use |
| 01:21:36 |
Stifler. |
| 01:21:37 |
My bad. Reflex. |
| 01:21:39 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 01:21:41 |
ROB: I'm sorry. |
| 01:21:43 |
You have to make your own decisions. |
| 01:21:45 |
You know, I just... |
| 01:21:48 |
We did. |
| 01:21:51 |
We do. |
| 01:21:54 |
I was scared. |
| 01:21:56 |
Of what? |
| 01:22:01 |
I really like you. |
| 01:22:04 |
And I want it to be special. |
| 01:22:07 |
I guess I just wanted to be ready. |
| 01:22:12 |
So you almost had sex with Stifler |
| 01:22:18 |
Yeah. |
| 01:22:20 |
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. |
| 01:22:24 |
Well, I heard you got some practise. |
| 01:22:27 |
You know, the truth is, |
| 01:22:31 |
I didn't want it to be random like that. |
| 01:22:34 |
And... |
| 01:22:38 |
I couldn't picture my first time |
| 01:23:02 |
What was that? |
| 01:23:04 |
I don't know. |
| 01:23:08 |
- Looks like we're stuck. |
| 01:23:16 |
You know, we could be up here for a while. |
| 01:23:19 |
Yeah. |
| 01:23:45 |
LUBE: Hey, can I ask you a question? |
| 01:23:47 |
Yeah, sure. Whatever. |
| 01:23:49 |
Why do you hook up with assholes |
| 01:23:51 |
Excuse me, but you don't know me. |
| 01:23:54 |
(SCOFFS) You know, |
| 01:23:57 |
I'm just some sort of trophy to you. |
| 01:23:58 |
You don't care about me. |
| 01:24:00 |
because you think |
| 01:24:03 |
Sorry. |
| 01:24:06 |
(ASHLEY SIGHS) |
| 01:24:07 |
God. |
| 01:24:09 |
How long are we gonna be up here? |
| 01:24:13 |
I'll get help. |
| 01:24:16 |
ASHLEY: What are you doing? |
| 01:24:18 |
It's not that far down, |
| 01:24:20 |
What, is this supposed to impress me? |
| 01:24:22 |
The thought had crossed my mind. |
| 01:24:24 |
Absolutely not. First of all, it's just wrong. |
| 01:24:27 |
Second of all, |
| 01:24:29 |
And third, it's just really dangerous, okay? |
| 01:24:33 |
Right. What was I thinking? |
| 01:24:39 |
Whoa! |
| 01:24:40 |
(ASHLEY SCREAMING) |
| 01:24:44 |
Are you okay? |
| 01:24:45 |
I think I hurt my leg. |
| 01:24:46 |
(SIGHS) |
| 01:24:48 |
Idiot. |
| 01:25:04 |
Are you okay? |
| 01:25:06 |
Are you crazy? |
| 01:25:09 |
Are you okay? |
| 01:25:11 |
Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. |
| 01:25:14 |
About what you said |
| 01:25:17 |
and you're just a trophy, |
| 01:25:20 |
I really like you. |
| 01:25:25 |
I remember when you sang Hey Ya! |
| 01:25:28 |
I remember when you fell off the pyramid |
| 01:25:32 |
You were so embarrassed, but I didn't care. |
| 01:25:35 |
I just liked how you played it off |
| 01:25:38 |
I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe, |
| 01:25:47 |
Look, this may be a shock to you, |
| 01:25:49 |
but I have no idea what I'm doing with girls. |
| 01:25:55 |
But I really wanna learn. |
| 01:25:59 |
That's all I'm asking. |
| 01:26:01 |
And I guarantee that |
| 01:26:05 |
to satisfy you in every way possible. |
| 01:26:44 |
- Let's go back to the... |
| 01:27:41 |
Dude. You forgot to sign it. |
| 01:27:51 |
You sure we can't just keep it |
| 01:27:54 |
No, guys, it's someone else's turn. |
| 01:28:37 |
ROB ON COMPUTER: |
| 01:28:40 |
and this is what he does |
| 01:28:45 |
No! Hey! No! |
| 01:28:47 |
COD Y: Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off! |
| 01:28:50 |
(COD Y GRO ANING) |
| 01:28:51 |
Help! Help! It's stuck. |
| 01:28:54 |
(LAUGHS) Gotcha. |
| 01:28:57 |
COD Y: Help! |
| 01:29:01 |
No! |
| 01:29:05 |
She was using me. I... That was really bad. |
| 01:29:10 |
Father, why hast Thou forsaken me? |
| 01:29:13 |
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage? |
| 01:29:16 |
Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey? |
| 01:29:21 |
He's like an inch away from the real McCoy. |
| 01:29:24 |
Did you bring condoms? |
| 01:29:26 |
What? |
| 01:29:27 |
I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay? |
| 01:29:31 |
You nancy boys couldn't get lucky |
| 01:29:33 |
with a fistful of backstage passes. |
| 01:29:35 |
Faith in God and His promise of eternal life. |
| 01:29:41 |
Now, put the condom on the banana. |
| 01:29:44 |
Who didn't see that coming? |
| 01:29:49 |
I think that is quite enough pictures |
| 01:29:52 |
How about we get some of the game? |
| 01:29:55 |
We're eating. |
| 01:29:56 |
(FARTS) |
| 01:29:58 |
You've been fucking Americans or... |
| 01:30:01 |
Watching, loving... |
| 01:30:06 |
Bear with me. |
| 01:30:07 |
If she's down, bring her flowers. |
| 01:30:10 |
If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne. |
| 01:30:12 |
Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you, |
| 01:30:15 |
I'm talking a tight, tight ass |
| 01:30:19 |
Is that cream-filled? You rock. |
| 01:30:22 |
Oh. Don't mention that, okay? |
| 01:30:25 |
And whenever it comes to making out, |
