|
American Pie Presents Band Camp American Pie 4 Band Camp
|
| 00:00:51 |
Hey, Stifler, how come Steve |
| 00:00:54 |
MATT: Bite me, Fuck Face. |
| 00:00:58 |
Ive seen it a million times, |
| 00:01:01 |
ANDY: Steve is like a filmmaking genius. |
| 00:01:05 |
The Tarantino of titties. |
| 00:01:06 |
Yeah, there's just no way |
| 00:01:09 |
Hey, look, l'm going to prove to Steve... |
| 00:01:10 |
that l'm up to the standards |
| 00:01:14 |
After Steve sees my directing talent... |
| 00:01:16 |
-little bro's joining the family business. |
| 00:01:19 |
-He finally called you back? |
| 00:01:25 |
He'll get back to me. |
| 00:01:29 |
Gentle-fucks, a toast. |
| 00:01:52 |
[Band performing] |
| 00:02:30 |
[Crashing drums] |
| 00:02:34 |
Okay, people, let's take a break. |
| 00:02:36 |
ELYSE: Remember, we play this at the end of |
| 00:02:41 |
l don't want anyone starting |
| 00:02:43 |
-Elyse, you need to relax, girl. |
| 00:02:46 |
l just.... You know, |
| 00:02:49 |
Yeah, but it's graduation. |
| 00:02:52 |
This performance sets the tone |
| 00:02:55 |
Look, you just remember |
| 00:03:03 |
Dork. Dork. Dork. Goose. |
| 00:03:07 |
-l like them feisty. |
| 00:03:10 |
We just want to say sayonara, |
| 00:03:13 |
we plan on winning the state title, now that |
| 00:03:17 |
-Adios, butt-hugger. |
| 00:03:25 |
Holy shit, Arrianna. |
| 00:03:27 |
Matt, what're you doing here? |
| 00:03:30 |
Oh, we just want to make sure |
| 00:03:34 |
That's cool. So, there's a campout tonight... |
| 00:03:37 |
and it's only for the grads, |
| 00:03:40 |
Let me check my schedule. Hell, yeah. |
| 00:03:44 |
Bring your sleeping bag, |
| 00:03:52 |
ANDY: Check it out. Perfect timing. |
| 00:03:56 |
Time to initiate |
| 00:04:02 |
This is gonna be awesome. |
| 00:04:04 |
-Shit. |
| 00:04:06 |
MATT: Payback, seniors. |
| 00:04:13 |
A graduation gift from the Stiffmeister. |
| 00:04:19 |
ANDY: Dude, we should've sprayed |
| 00:04:24 |
MATT: Sorry, bandees. |
| 00:04:25 |
[Laughing] |
| 00:04:30 |
Bite my nuts and call me Skippy. |
| 00:04:34 |
-A what? |
| 00:04:38 |
lt's a dildo. lt's a dildo. |
| 00:04:40 |
-Holy shit. |
| 00:04:44 |
Picardo? |
| 00:04:45 |
-Spray that shit. |
| 00:04:48 |
ELYSE: Okay, everybody, Pomp and |
| 00:04:52 |
The bandees. Let's get out of here. |
| 00:04:58 |
-Matt? |
| 00:05:01 |
How they hanging? |
| 00:05:04 |
-[Sarcastically] That's funny. |
| 00:05:07 |
-What're you doing here, Matt? |
| 00:05:11 |
-You know, on the whole music thing. |
| 00:05:14 |
You haven't said a word to me |
| 00:05:17 |
Yeah, and that tone of voice |
| 00:05:20 |
So, l'm going to take off now. |
| 00:05:26 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 00:05:30 |
Douchebag's gonna miss it. |
| 00:05:44 |
Oh, yes. |
| 00:05:48 |
Are they crying? |
| 00:05:52 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:06:00 |
Yes! |
| 00:06:22 |
Eat shit, seniors. |
| 00:06:30 |
[Audience gasping] |
| 00:06:43 |
Uh oh! |
| 00:06:44 |
Stifler! |
| 00:06:49 |
Ive been waiting for this moment |
| 00:06:54 |
And now, the day of reckoning has come. |
| 00:07:00 |
Hello, Matthew. |
| 00:07:02 |
Your brother must be very proud. |
| 00:07:06 |
You've continued his legacy. |
| 00:07:10 |
Tormenting the innocent... |
| 00:07:12 |
defiling all that is good and pure. |
| 00:07:18 |
But now, you're going down. |
| 00:07:22 |
What're you going to do, |
| 00:07:27 |
l am a sophisticated counselling machine... |
| 00:07:29 |
sent back in time |
| 00:07:33 |
My primary directive is to protect |
| 00:07:39 |
and all, indeed all mankind... |
| 00:07:43 |
from the menace that is another Stifler. |
| 00:07:46 |
Behaviour modification is required. |
| 00:07:48 |
lt's not too late to change your future. |
| 00:07:54 |
No, expulsion would be too easy. |
| 00:07:59 |
[Police siren wailing] |
| 00:08:01 |
l know the perfect punishment |
| 00:08:06 |
Since you have so much trouble |
| 00:08:09 |
perhaps you should make friends with them. |
| 00:08:12 |
No fucking way. |
| 00:08:15 |
Either you learn to be more considerate |
| 00:08:21 |
No football. |
| 00:08:23 |
No parties. |
| 00:08:24 |
No spring break. |
| 00:08:27 |
[Echoing] No graduation. |
| 00:08:29 |
[Echoing] No college. |
| 00:08:31 |
[Echoing] No co-eds. |
| 00:08:34 |
Comprende? |
| 00:08:39 |
Pack your bags, Stifler. |
| 00:08:42 |
-You're going to Band Camp. |
| 00:08:51 |
Bullshit, trash. |
| 00:08:58 |
All right, Steve! Valley Girls Gone Wild. |
| 00:09:01 |
Fuck. |
| 00:09:20 |
MATT: Told you Steve'd get back to me. |
| 00:09:21 |
l mean, it was just a postcard... |
| 00:09:23 |
but it gave me a great idea. |
| 00:09:25 |
Look... |
| 00:09:26 |
Steve's shit-head friend, Jim... |
| 00:09:28 |
he married |
| 00:09:30 |
And he said |
| 00:09:33 |
Matt, buddy, you cannot screw band chicks. |
| 00:09:39 |
l'm not talking about screwing them, |
| 00:09:42 |
l'm talking about videotaping them. |
| 00:09:45 |
People love to see dorks doing |
| 00:09:48 |
Bandees Gone Wild. |
| 00:09:52 |
because little bro's |
| 00:09:59 |
Yeah, Spy Chest. |
| 00:10:02 |
Secret Video. |
| 00:10:05 |
Hell, yeah. |
| 00:10:09 |
Colour night vision? Ill take it. Shit. |
| 00:10:19 |
How about tomorrow? |
| 00:10:42 |
[Cheering] |
| 00:11:01 |
NELSON: Welcome to Tall Oaks 2005. |
| 00:11:05 |
Let's hear it from Lloyd Memorial High. |
| 00:11:07 |
L-L-O-Y-D! |
| 00:11:10 |
L-L-O-Y-D! |
| 00:11:13 |
-Mount St. Marie. |
| 00:11:15 |
Mount St. Marie! |
| 00:11:16 |
East Great Falls High. |
| 00:11:18 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:11:20 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:11:23 |
And five-time defending |
| 00:11:26 |
Beechwood Academy. |
| 00:11:28 |
We're Number One! We're Number One! |
| 00:11:31 |
Okay, settle down. |
| 00:11:33 |
Now, as you know, each year... |
| 00:11:35 |
one senior Tall Oaks composer is awarded... |
| 00:11:38 |
a full scholarship |
| 00:11:42 |
Elyse, this is your year to win. |
| 00:11:44 |
NELSON: This year, Dr. Susan Choi, |
| 00:11:48 |
will judge the compositions herself. |
| 00:11:50 |
And let's not forget to welcome |
| 00:12:02 |
lf you visit our infirmary, Nurse Sanders |
| 00:12:08 |
Okay, so let's work hard, |
| 00:12:20 |
You guys ready? |
| 00:12:39 |
What the fuck? |
| 00:12:41 |
Are you a rookie? You look lost. |
| 00:12:44 |
Are you an asshole? |
| 00:12:49 |
Ill ignore that kind of talk once. |
| 00:12:53 |
We don't speak that way here. |
| 00:12:55 |
Rookies are to wear their beanies |
| 00:13:00 |
And who made you |
| 00:13:03 |
l'm Brandon Vandecamp, |
| 00:13:07 |
and the president of the Tall Oaks Council. |
| 00:13:09 |
Oh, and who are they, Mr. President? |
| 00:13:19 |
Suits you well. |
| 00:13:20 |
Golly, jeepers, thanks. Hey, you know, |
| 00:13:25 |
can you guess |
| 00:13:27 |
-l have no idea. |
| 00:13:32 |
MATT: Step back, bitch. |
| 00:13:33 |
Holy mother of Mozart. |
| 00:13:37 |
This is bad. |
| 00:13:38 |
You didn't know Jackie Chan |
| 00:13:41 |
Stop that. Stop that now. |
| 00:13:43 |
Those knob-slobbers started it. |
| 00:13:45 |
That's not true, sir. |
| 00:13:48 |
And then he viciously assaulted |
| 00:13:50 |
-That's a lie, you dick-snot. |
| 00:13:55 |
-the Macro. |
| 00:13:57 |
-You're dead. |
| 00:14:00 |
God, Brandon, are you okay? |
| 00:14:03 |
You want to tell me |
| 00:14:06 |
lt don't matter, Big O. |
| 00:14:08 |
-Bitch! |
| 00:14:10 |
Macro gonna fuck your ass up, fool. |
| 00:14:12 |
-What the fuck's a macro? |
| 00:14:14 |
Morale And Conflict Resolution Officer. |
| 00:14:17 |
l heard this one time, |
| 00:14:19 |
a baritone and came out a soprano. |
| 00:14:21 |
-Clarinet up the ass backwards, yo. |
| 00:14:25 |
[Faint screaming] |
| 00:14:31 |
Pussies. |
| 00:14:40 |
[Screaming on TV] |
| 00:14:43 |
[Slamming] |
| 00:14:45 |
Oh, l'm sorry. |
| 00:14:49 |
Frankenstein. Scary stuff. |
| 00:14:52 |
l am just a Boris Karloff nut. |
| 00:14:55 |
-l'm the Macro, Mr. Levenstein. |
| 00:14:59 |
He screwed that redheaded nympho chick |
| 00:15:02 |
-Oh, my, you're not a Stifler? |
| 00:15:07 |
-There are two Stiflers? |
| 00:15:10 |
Oh, well, Jim is now out of the house, |
| 00:15:14 |
that redheaded nympho chick |
| 00:15:19 |
And, being a former |
| 00:15:22 |
she was hired to be the Macro this summer, |
| 00:15:27 |
No doubt due to the tendencies |
| 00:15:30 |
And l have a great rapport with |
| 00:15:33 |
so l just stepped in and volunteered. |
| 00:15:36 |
That cretin is not in our band, |
| 00:15:39 |
-Who pissed in your piccolo? |
| 00:15:42 |
-He poisoned my band. |
| 00:15:43 |
-l'm the Macro and it's my job to deal with... |
| 00:15:46 |
-Matt Stifler is pure evil just like his brother. |
| 00:15:49 |
Thanks, Leesy. |
| 00:15:52 |
[Huffing] |
| 00:15:56 |
She seems nice. |
| 00:15:58 |
There are rules, of course. |
| 00:15:59 |
-You will have to wear a beanie. |
| 00:16:01 |
Oh, l know. lt's a little silly, |
| 00:16:05 |
something you're familiar with, |
| 00:16:08 |
with your elephant walks and circle jerks |
| 00:16:12 |
But here, you just have to wear |
| 00:16:14 |
-a somewhat stylish Tall Oaks T-shirt. |
| 00:16:17 |
So, just go with the flow, Matt... |
| 00:16:19 |
and you will have loads of fun... |
| 00:16:22 |
and you'll be making new friends in no time. |
| 00:16:31 |
Hey, Ernie Kaplowitz, tenor sax. |
| 00:16:35 |
Cool! l'm a rookie here, too. |
| 00:16:38 |
l really wanted to come last year, |
| 00:16:42 |
Oh, yeah, that was here when l arrived. |
| 00:16:48 |
What is it? |
| 00:16:51 |
Hi, welcome to Casa de Stifler. |
| 00:16:55 |
Every day here, Ill make it my sincere goal |
| 00:16:58 |
Allow me to show you |
| 00:17:02 |
When l'm out here, you're in there. |
| 00:17:06 |
Have a great day, fucko. |
| 00:17:08 |
l don't.... |
| 00:17:12 |
ERNlE: Okay... |
| 00:17:13 |
Ill just go and put this stuff away for you. |
| 00:17:15 |
All right. Bandee-vision. |
| 00:17:19 |
This is a 1978 Ohio State show... |
| 00:17:23 |
The Wizard Of Oz. |
| 00:17:25 |
The one where the sousaphone player |
| 00:17:30 |
Yeah, right. Freaks. |
| 00:17:35 |
Never fear, the Stiffmeister's here. |
| 00:17:37 |
Band Camp just got |
| 00:17:40 |
You're Steve Stifler's younger brother, |
| 00:17:43 |
-Young and hung. |
| 00:17:45 |
-Could you send him a message for me? |
| 00:17:55 |
Well, it looks like Steve gave someone |
| 00:18:00 |
-ls there a problem here? |
| 00:18:05 |
-Have fun at Band Camp. |
| 00:18:12 |
-Later. |
| 00:18:15 |
You need to start showing some respect |
| 00:18:18 |
You need to show yourself |
| 00:18:21 |
Out of my way, Yo. |
| 00:18:24 |
Hola, chicas. |
| 00:18:28 |
So, what's going on tonight? |
| 00:18:31 |
Who wants to rack up |
| 00:18:34 |
-You know, you are the most-- |
| 00:18:37 |
-What? Chloe, he is so obnoxious. |
| 00:18:41 |
-Thank you. |
| 00:18:44 |
dorky-ass nice guys... |
| 00:18:46 |
and sensitive-artist types. |
| 00:18:48 |
-Let's party with a real hombre tonight. |
| 00:18:53 |
-100%% hombre. |
| 00:18:58 |
Great first day, campers. |
| 00:19:02 |
and, hey, morale |
| 00:19:05 |
So hop in the sack, |
| 00:19:09 |
starting tomorrow, we have |
| 00:19:12 |
not the least of which is |
| 00:19:16 |
So let the games begin. |
| 00:19:18 |
MATT: Bandees Gone Wild. |
| 00:19:27 |
lt's called Strip Trivia. We made it up. |
| 00:19:31 |
"Fourth and Long," "Sextuplets," |
| 00:19:35 |
This looks like my kind of game. |
| 00:19:39 |
You sit in the middle. |
| 00:19:42 |
Sit a little closer, ladies. |
| 00:19:44 |
Don't be scared. lt's all right. |
| 00:19:46 |
Okay... |
| 00:19:48 |
the rules are simple. |
| 00:19:51 |
and every time you miss, you strip. |
| 00:19:53 |
Hell, yeah. |
| 00:19:54 |
-Ill go first. "Who Blew Me?" |
| 00:20:01 |
l am a silver Stradivarius trumpet |
| 00:20:06 |
Who blew me? |
| 00:20:08 |
-Yeah, like l'd know. |
| 00:20:10 |
Lose the shoes, and pick again. |
| 00:20:12 |
You didn't tell me this shit was about music. |
| 00:20:14 |
-Well, it is Band Camp, moron. |
| 00:20:17 |
maybe we should just give him a head start. |
| 00:20:24 |
All right. Yeah. |
| 00:20:26 |
Okay, all right. All right. |
| 00:20:30 |
What's wrong with you? |
| 00:20:33 |
Ive matured since the fourth grade, Matt. |
| 00:20:35 |
Oh, Ive got 10 pounds of dangling maturity |
| 00:20:38 |
-Quit calling me that. |
| 00:20:42 |
-Matt, just pick another question, please. |
| 00:20:46 |
There you go. Suck on that. |
| 00:20:50 |
-Fourth and Long. |
| 00:20:56 |
Of Beethoven's major symphonies, |
| 00:21:01 |
All right, l see where this is going. |
| 00:21:03 |
Fine, you win. |
| 00:21:06 |
[Grunting] |
| 00:21:10 |
l free ball, ladies. |
| 00:21:12 |
Got to let the big boys breathe. |
| 00:21:16 |
Football questions only. |
| 00:21:20 |
-Wait. But first, does anybody want a beer? |
| 00:21:24 |
The counsellors have a secret stash |
| 00:21:29 |
-Would you mind? |
| 00:21:32 |
Stiffy'll be back in a jiffy. |
| 00:21:34 |
[Disagreeing] |
| 00:21:36 |
l mean, there's nobody around... |
| 00:21:39 |
and we haven't seen your best side yet. |
| 00:21:41 |
[Laughing] |
| 00:21:47 |
[Whispering] Yes! We got him. |
| 00:21:52 |
So busted. |
| 00:22:01 |
Man, big boys, wake up. |
| 00:22:03 |
Just gotta turn down the A.C. in there, huh? |
| 00:22:06 |
Good night, girls. |
| 00:22:14 |
Sorry, asshole, game's over. |
| 00:22:17 |
Yeah, the big boys |
| 00:22:22 |
Room check, girls. |
| 00:22:25 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:22:26 |
-Ditch his clothes. |
| 00:22:29 |
All right, who wants a long neck? |
| 00:22:38 |
Nurse Sanders. |
| 00:22:43 |
-They set me up. |
| 00:22:45 |
-and ruined our graduation. |
| 00:22:48 |
Hold it. Hold it. Kids. |
| 00:22:49 |
Okay... |
| 00:22:51 |
where are your clothes? |
| 00:22:55 |
l have them. |
| 00:22:57 |
-May l ask why? |
| 00:22:59 |
-Oh, whatever. He took his own pants off.... |
| 00:23:02 |
And l got stuck up there |
| 00:23:05 |
[Horn blaring] |
| 00:23:11 |
Let me see if l have this straight. |
| 00:23:13 |
Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock |
| 00:23:18 |
just to gain the approval of |
| 00:23:21 |
And Matt, you think Elyse |
| 00:23:25 |
who needs to loosen up and get laid. |
| 00:23:28 |
Excuse the expression, dear. |
| 00:23:32 |
Look, kids... |
| 00:23:35 |
the only way to solve your differences... |
| 00:23:38 |
is by working together. |
| 00:23:41 |
So why don't you start tomorrow... |
| 00:23:43 |
by putting one foot in front of the other? |
| 00:23:49 |
ELYSE: Left flank hut. |
| 00:23:53 |
Turn and hut. |
| 00:24:02 |
What the fuck! |
| 00:24:03 |
[Elyse whistling] |
| 00:24:05 |
Band 10 hut! |
| 00:24:07 |
Holy shit. |
| 00:24:08 |
When l yell "band 10 hut," |
| 00:24:12 |
-You want to see me firmly at attention? |
| 00:24:16 |
[Mocking] |
| 00:24:18 |
Look... |
| 00:24:20 |
we've never beaten Beechwood, okay? |
| 00:24:23 |
For some of us, it's our last shot. |
| 00:24:27 |
Just stop screwing up, okay? |
| 00:24:29 |
GlRL: Yeah, asshole. |
| 00:24:33 |
ELYSE: Okay, people, back to work, let's go. |
| 00:24:35 |
l don't need this shit. |
| 00:24:37 |
Reset the block. Front ranks, right here. |
| 00:24:52 |
[imitating female voice] Housekeeping. |
| 00:25:14 |
[Electronic whirring] |
| 00:25:20 |
Oscar, brought me something to drink? |
| 00:25:22 |
-Come on. |
| 00:25:28 |
Hey, it's Ernie Crapowitz. |
| 00:25:30 |
So you finally came out of the closet. |
| 00:25:34 |
Look, l want to know |
| 00:25:36 |
All the crazy shit. |
| 00:25:39 |
Do l look like the guy that's in charge of |
| 00:25:42 |
lt's my first time here. |
| 00:25:44 |
Notice the beanie? |
| 00:25:45 |
Yes. |
| 00:25:47 |
Yes, l do. |
| 00:25:49 |
Yes, speaking of beanies, |
| 00:25:52 |
You still not following the rules, huh? |
| 00:25:54 |
-Let's see. |
| 00:25:56 |
No standard-issue Tall Oaks T-shirt |
| 00:26:00 |
l believe that's two points from Great Falls, |
| 00:26:03 |
Tell you what, Vande-cramp... |
| 00:26:05 |
what if l took his beanie... |
| 00:26:08 |
and put it on my weenie? |
| 00:26:11 |
How do you like that Vande-cramp? |
| 00:26:15 |
Make it five points from Great Falls. |
| 00:26:17 |
Five points. |
| 00:26:18 |
Man, this place sucks donkey ass. |
| 00:26:23 |
[Sniffing in disgust] |
| 00:26:26 |
Put your beanie on, Son. |
| 00:26:34 |
Five points. |
| 00:26:58 |
OSCAR: Stay still. Stop moving. |
| 00:27:00 |
He ain't going nowhere now. |
| 00:27:02 |
OSCAR: This isn't your world. This is our |
| 00:27:05 |
You already cost us |
| 00:27:07 |
We can't have that. |
| 00:27:09 |
Set the man up with his beanie. |
| 00:27:13 |
[Matt mumbling incoherently] |
| 00:27:18 |
JlMMY: Now you're representing, fool. |
| 00:27:20 |
And this toothpaste... |
| 00:27:22 |
this will make up |
| 00:27:25 |
[Gasping in pain] |
| 00:27:38 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:27:40 |
NURSE: Ill get the paint thinner |
| 00:27:44 |
Animals. |
| 00:27:55 |
Matt, you were sent here... |
| 00:27:59 |
to make a change. |
| 00:28:01 |
And, so far, you've only had |
| 00:28:05 |
l think it's time to try a new approach. |
| 00:28:08 |
Make some friends. |
| 00:28:11 |
Earn their trust. |
| 00:28:15 |
Why would l want to earn their trust? |
| 00:28:20 |
Good. |
| 00:28:22 |
[Electronic beeping] |
| 00:28:26 |
Welcome to Stifler-vision. |
| 00:28:28 |
SHEREE: l think there's |
| 00:28:30 |
DANl: l hate that. |
| 00:28:32 |
SHEREE: Yeah, but it's better than |
| 00:28:34 |
DANl: Yeah, that's true. |
| 00:28:39 |
Yours look totally fantastic. |
| 00:28:41 |
SHEREE: Two for the price of one. |
| 00:28:45 |
MATT: Yeah, mine, too, baby. |
| 00:28:48 |
MATT: No! |
| 00:28:49 |
SHEREE: l used to be.... |
| 00:28:52 |
[Electronic whirring] |
| 00:29:03 |
MATT: What is that thing, butt weasel? |
| 00:29:06 |
The Kaplowitz Remote Robotic Rover. |
| 00:29:10 |
-Hey, Oscar, somebody call the Macro. |
| 00:29:14 |
Pull your panties out of your ass. |
| 00:29:21 |
What chick? |
| 00:29:22 |
Dude, the one with all the tattoos. |
| 00:29:24 |
Her name is Chloe. |
| 00:29:26 |
Come on, man. l can help. |
| 00:29:30 |
-Master of love and romance. |
| 00:29:33 |
l nailed three cheerleaders in one week |
| 00:29:43 |
[Electronic beeping] |
| 00:29:47 |
And l know why your camera spritzed out. |
| 00:29:52 |
Dude, this thing is awesome. |
| 00:29:54 |
-You ever use this to look up chicks' skirts? |
| 00:29:57 |
But l did use it to win |
| 00:30:00 |
And l'm hoping it gets me into MlT next fall. |
| 00:30:02 |
l really want to work for NASA. |
| 00:30:04 |
National Anal Sex Association? |
| 00:30:07 |
No it's Space.... |
| 00:30:09 |
-There's an Anal Sex Association? |
| 00:30:15 |
Wait, there's a Space Association? |
| 00:30:19 |
You were supposed to use this. |
| 00:30:22 |
-See, it's got an anti-fog lens. Duh. |
| 00:30:27 |
-Can the robot record? |
| 00:30:33 |
With the video, l mean. What are you doing? |
| 00:30:36 |
Oh, it's just for fun. |
| 00:30:37 |
l mean, who doesn't like to look |
| 00:30:42 |
Keep it between us, and Ill let you watch. |
| 00:30:45 |
Plus, Ill have you giving Chloe |
| 00:30:48 |
[Knock on door] |
| 00:30:49 |
BOY: Hey, Stifler. Phone. |
| 00:30:52 |
ANDY: We're in Detroit! |
| 00:30:54 |
Locked into sweet Brazilian rum. |
| 00:30:57 |
l'm fucking fubar, man! |
| 00:30:59 |
l sent you rum today. |
| 00:31:04 |
This place blows. |
| 00:31:06 |
Hey, my roommate, Dr. Robot... |
| 00:31:08 |
busted me taping some college chicks |
| 00:31:10 |
So now l have to be all nice to him and shit. |
| 00:31:12 |
And l'm not getting any good footage |
| 00:31:17 |
Think of it |
| 00:31:19 |
Act like you give a shit about them |
| 00:31:23 |
Earn their trust? |
| 00:31:25 |
Dude, that could work. |
| 00:31:27 |
Ill be an undercover bandee fucker. |
| 00:31:31 |
Hello, everyone. |
| 00:31:34 |
Band buds. How's it going? Yo. |
| 00:31:39 |
Hey, l just want to say thanks |
| 00:31:44 |
Hey, l can finally hear |
| 00:31:47 |
[Band practicing] |
| 00:31:48 |
There. Hear it? Yeah. Me, too. |
| 00:31:51 |
So l'm a totally new man, and.... By the way, |
| 00:32:05 |
-What are you doing? |
| 00:32:08 |
Look, Matt, l really don't have time for this |
| 00:32:11 |
No, look, l figure l'm here, |
| 00:32:14 |
Matt, marching's hard, okay? |
| 00:32:18 |
-Oh, you ever thrown into double coverage? |
| 00:32:21 |
Yes, ma'am, the time the cops chased us |
| 00:32:25 |
And you got so scared, you cried. |
| 00:32:29 |
-l had allergies. |
| 00:32:34 |
Well, if you don't teach me to march, |
| 00:32:40 |
Fine. |
| 00:32:42 |
Left foot on one and three, |
| 00:32:46 |
You have to do math? |
| 00:32:55 |
One, two, three, middle. |
| 00:32:59 |
Right foot on four. |
| 00:33:03 |
-Keep your step size even. |
| 00:33:07 |
All right, there we go, little buddy. |
| 00:33:12 |
Any girl that knows how to play a tuba, |
| 00:33:17 |
l don't know what it means, |
| 00:33:20 |
You're good to go. |
| 00:33:21 |
Let's go find Chloe. |
| 00:33:35 |
Holy shit. |
| 00:33:37 |
What the hell? Who's doing this? |
| 00:33:42 |
Take it. |
| 00:33:43 |
lt's okay. |
| 00:33:54 |
-Thanks, little creepy machine. |
| 00:33:58 |
beautiful lady. |
| 00:34:14 |
With my right, with my right, |
| 00:34:21 |
Bootie. |
| 00:34:24 |
Good game. |
| 00:34:31 |
You just touched my bootie. |
| 00:34:39 |
-What's that? |
| 00:34:42 |
That's fucking gay. |
| 00:34:45 |
-l mean lame. |
| 00:34:48 |
Now, there are two positions. |
| 00:34:51 |
Carrying position, like this, |
| 00:34:55 |
Now when l call, "horns up"... |
| 00:34:57 |
you're gonna move your instrument out, |
| 00:34:59 |
Hello, losers. |
| 00:35:01 |
Matt. Oh, my God. Matt, l am so sorry. |
| 00:35:04 |
-l think l bit a hole in my tongue. |
| 00:35:07 |
ELYSE: No, no hole. |
| 00:35:09 |
episode wasting time on lost causes. |
| 00:35:13 |
Speaking of which, l understand you |
| 00:35:17 |
if you call that music. |
| 00:35:19 |
Yeah. That's right. l did. |
| 00:35:21 |
And who'd your daddy hire |
| 00:35:23 |
l'm just giving you fair warning, cupcake. |
| 00:35:29 |
Like you need it. |
| 00:35:30 |
lt's not a matter of need. |
| 00:35:33 |
-Yeah, l get what l want. |
| 00:35:37 |
Matt, don't. |
| 00:35:39 |
-What are you going to do? |
| 00:35:42 |
-Are you challenging me? |
| 00:35:44 |
-[LlSPlNG] Yeah, what if l am? |
| 00:35:47 |
l accept. Amphitheatre, 5:00. |
| 00:35:50 |
lt's been three years |
| 00:35:53 |
We got a challenge. |
| 00:35:55 |
[Cheering] |
| 00:35:57 |
l look forward to reminding people why. |
| 00:36:01 |
East Great Falls. |
| 00:36:02 |
[LlSPlNG] Ill see you there, asshole. |
| 00:36:06 |
-Do you know what you just did? |
| 00:36:10 |
Matt, you challenged him to a duel. |
| 00:36:13 |
[LlSPlNG] With swords? |
| 00:36:14 |
No, you idiot. |
| 00:36:18 |
And the crowd decides who wins. |
| 00:36:21 |
[LlSPlNG] Can't we just do keg stands? |
| 00:36:23 |
Matt, this is serious, okay? |
| 00:36:27 |
which, you know, he will |
| 00:36:31 |
Well, so do l. |
| 00:36:33 |
NELSON: Let the Tall Oaks |
| 00:36:36 |
The prize is five points towards the cup. |
| 00:36:40 |
Okay, Brandon, you're up first. |
| 00:37:01 |
[Applause] |
| 00:37:24 |
GlRL 1 : Come on! |
| 00:37:27 |
Suck on that, bitch. |
| 00:37:31 |
GlRL 2: Lame. |
| 00:37:33 |
This is so embarrassing. |
| 00:37:34 |
NELSON: Okay, Brandon. |
| 00:37:36 |
GlRL 3: Now you show him, Brandon. |
| 00:37:54 |
Take that! |
| 00:38:07 |
Well, seems this contest is over. |
| 00:38:10 |
Figures. We just lost five points. |
| 00:38:15 |
And the winner by forfeit is-- |
| 00:38:18 |
[Bagpipes playing] |
| 00:38:20 |
But l know it's not his fault.... |
| 00:38:24 |
[Play That Funky Music White Boy |
| 00:38:44 |
You don't know the words. |
| 00:38:56 |
[Cheering] |
| 00:39:07 |
He should shave that. |
| 00:39:11 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:13 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:15 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:18 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:22 |
Okay, five points to Great Falls. |
| 00:39:26 |
All right, Great Falls! |
| 00:39:31 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:35 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:37 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:39 |
East Great Falls! |
| 00:39:43 |
Hey, hey... |
| 00:39:44 |
-Hey. |
| 00:39:46 |
-Are you really Scottish? |
| 00:39:50 |
My mum made me learn an instrument. |
| 00:39:51 |
That's the most annoying one |
| 00:39:53 |
l think you were just born |
| 00:39:57 |
Hey, Oscar. |
| 00:40:03 |
How many other Oscars |
| 00:40:08 |
-What's up? |
| 00:40:10 |
Oh, thanks. |
| 00:40:11 |
You let me know |
| 00:40:13 |
Really? |
| 00:40:14 |
-He's gonna screw it up. |
| 00:40:18 |
-Thanks for winning those points back. |
| 00:40:23 |
Hey, guys, |
| 00:40:27 |
MACRO: Hey, gang... |
| 00:40:28 |
just a little reminder that as the battle |
| 00:40:33 |
to keep up that Tall Oaks spirit of fair play |
| 00:40:37 |
We'll have enough spit for a six-pack. |
| 00:40:43 |
-Yeah, baby, you did me proud, son. |
| 00:40:46 |
lt's cool. Big O? |
| 00:40:48 |
Quite a little show you put on |
| 00:40:51 |
You know, |
| 00:40:53 |
l don't know what a plebe is, Vande-creep. |
| 00:40:56 |
Didn't anybody tell you not to mess |
| 00:40:59 |
RlGGLER: lt's mine, jerk-wad. |
| 00:41:03 |
-Dildos. |
| 00:41:06 |
-You're going down. |
| 00:41:09 |
But your mum did last night. |
| 00:41:10 |
Did she play the trumpet? |
| 00:41:13 |
That's right. |
| 00:41:30 |
Yummy. |
| 00:41:34 |
That's what l'm talking about. |
| 00:41:37 |
-What happened this time, Claire? |
| 00:41:40 |
and l hurt myself. |
| 00:41:42 |
Ive been fucking poisoned. |
| 00:41:45 |
lpecac is a natural herbal extract... |
| 00:41:48 |
that triggers the regurgitation reflex. |
| 00:41:55 |
Whatever's in there |
| 00:41:58 |
Like him, if we're lucky. |
| 00:42:02 |
Well, l'm pretty sure |
| 00:42:06 |
you had for lunch, you know? Ive got |
| 00:42:10 |
l was at a banquet once. |
| 00:42:14 |
they had creamed venison, squid fritters, |
| 00:42:23 |
[Matt regurgitating] |
| 00:42:24 |
What? |
| 00:42:29 |
[Matt regurgitating] |
| 00:42:36 |
-Hey, what's up, crust bucket? |
| 00:42:39 |
So, this afternoon, while the counsellors |
| 00:42:42 |
l faked an asthma attack, |
| 00:42:45 |
lt's their talent show routine, au naturel. |
| 00:42:48 |
Dude, you filthy little cyberfucker. Shit. |
| 00:42:51 |
-Hey, l thought we were just going to watch. |
| 00:43:00 |
Hey, so, l took your advice about Chloe. |
| 00:43:06 |
-That was your cool, crazy idea? |
| 00:43:09 |
-Yeah, that sounds gay. |
| 00:43:14 |
Anyway, there's |
| 00:43:17 |
and l really need to know Step Two |
| 00:43:20 |
Slushee party. Really. |
| 00:43:24 |
Special delivery. |
| 00:43:25 |
Prepare to jam with the bearded clam. |
| 00:43:28 |
Get ready to cuddle the love puddle. |
| 00:43:30 |
The time has come for Dr. Robot to get laid. |
| 00:43:33 |
Get laid? |
| 00:43:34 |
l told you, trust the Stiffmeister. |
| 00:43:37 |
Meister means "master" in German. |
| 00:43:41 |
Get her drunk? That's the secret |
| 00:43:45 |
No, actually, it's Step Four. You don't have |
| 00:43:50 |
Ive got the balls. |
| 00:43:52 |
Hey, you haven't heard Step Five yet. |
| 00:43:58 |
[Singing] Born to be wild |
| 00:44:05 |
Well, l'm hot blooded |
| 00:44:09 |
Ive got a fever of 103 |
| 00:44:13 |
Come on baby |
| 00:44:17 |
-This is some good shit. |
| 00:44:20 |
-We have a big practice tomorrow, you guys. |
| 00:44:23 |
Suckle the tender fruits |
| 00:44:27 |
Come on, Elyse. Cut loose a little bit. |
| 00:44:30 |
l am having fun. |
| 00:44:32 |
Hey, horn dog, let's go get |
| 00:44:35 |
-All right. |
| 00:44:37 |
Yeah, it's his nickname. Dude will stick |
| 00:44:42 |
Check it, dawg. This one time |
| 00:44:47 |
-Really? |
| 00:44:49 |
get that wood nice and warm, |
| 00:44:54 |
Hey, maybe you should try a flute. |
| 00:45:01 |
Now's a good time |
| 00:45:03 |
Really? |
| 00:45:10 |
What? |
| 00:45:23 |
[Sucking loudly] |
| 00:45:25 |
l know what you're doing. |
| 00:45:26 |
-You do? |
| 00:45:30 |
You do whatever it takes |
| 00:45:33 |
Just like when we were kids, |
| 00:45:37 |
but around Steve and his friends, |
| 00:45:42 |
Who're you going to be tonight? |
| 00:45:43 |
Hey, cheese dick... |
| 00:45:45 |
why don't you quit being such a fucking |
| 00:45:49 |
Fucking puss monkey. |
| 00:45:59 |
You know what? |
| 00:46:09 |
Fucking hoes, man. l don't get that shit. |
| 00:46:12 |
l mean, right now, Oscar's off in the woods |
| 00:46:16 |
-What's up with that? |
| 00:46:18 |
True that. And here we are, |
| 00:46:21 |
and we ain't got no prospects |
| 00:46:26 |
Dude, l gotta see this. |
| 00:46:29 |
[Oscar giggling] |
| 00:46:31 |
SHEREE: Use your hips more. |
| 00:46:33 |
SHEREE: Yeah, now faster. Yeah. Like that. |
| 00:46:37 |
[Using Australian accent] Crikey! The |
| 00:46:41 |
Will he survive this dangerous encounter... |
| 00:46:44 |
or will she satisfy her primal needs |
| 00:46:48 |
Stay tuned. |
| 00:46:50 |
OSCAR: l'm sorry. l'm really no good |
| 00:46:54 |
Relax. You're doing fine. |
| 00:46:59 |
This sucks. |
| 00:47:01 |
How's that feel? Oscar. |
| 00:47:04 |
ls that your drumstick poking me? |
| 00:47:07 |
l don't have my drumsticks. |
| 00:47:09 |
Are you standing up for me again, Oscar? |
| 00:47:13 |
lt's getting hot. |
| 00:47:15 |
Smack my ass and call me cowboy. |
| 00:47:18 |
Hello, Double-D Sheree. |
| 00:47:21 |
Hips. Hips. |
| 00:47:23 |
-Use your hips. |
| 00:47:24 |
And step, and.... |
| 00:47:29 |
Who knew? |
| 00:47:31 |
Wow. |
| 00:47:35 |
[Singing] Yo, we at Tall Oaks |
| 00:47:38 |
Got horns, trumpets |
| 00:47:40 |
Great Falls laying it down |
| 00:47:42 |
Gonna ride fucking Beechwood |
| 00:47:45 |
J.C., what, rocking the bunch |
| 00:47:47 |
All tripped out on the fucking fruit punch |
| 00:47:53 |
-l just want to be respectful. |
| 00:47:57 |
The only person who's gonna get laid |
| 00:48:01 |
[Oboe playing] |
| 00:48:08 |
Hello, oboe. |
| 00:48:26 |
This is so cool. |
| 00:48:29 |
l hope l didn't scare you |
| 00:48:34 |
No, man, it was cute. |
| 00:48:37 |
Nobody's ever been that sweet to me |
| 00:48:41 |
Plus, to be honest... |
| 00:48:42 |
metal really turns me on. |
| 00:49:08 |
[Moaning] |
| 00:49:11 |
Man, the shit's stuck. |
| 00:49:24 |
[Discordant oboe playing] |
| 00:49:37 |
-Turn off the lights. |
| 00:49:39 |
-l was just fucking with you, dawg! |
| 00:49:42 |
-Shit, you want help? |
| 00:49:46 |
Come on. |
| 00:49:47 |
JlMMY: Maybe you should blow on it. |
| 00:49:49 |
MATT: Maybe you should blow on it |
| 00:49:51 |
JlMMY: Hell, no. Jimmy ain't putting his lips |
| 00:49:53 |
MATT: Jimmy should be a team player. |
| 00:49:54 |
JlMMY: Try and relax, dawg. |
| 00:49:57 |
Oh, my God! |
| 00:50:05 |
-l was just trying to help him get it off, yo. |
| 00:50:08 |
Whatever. |
| 00:50:09 |
He had an allergic reaction to the valve oil. |
| 00:50:11 |
The swelling should go down |
| 00:50:14 |
These kinds of things would never happen |
| 00:50:38 |
We didn't have MTV when l was growing up. |
| 00:50:42 |
So maybe it's the over-stimulated times... |
| 00:50:45 |
that we live in |
| 00:50:50 |
instruments in such odd places. |
| 00:50:54 |
l knew a certain young man once... |
| 00:50:56 |
who actually engaged in sexual congress |
| 00:50:59 |
And he turned out just fine. |
| 00:51:01 |
So, you're perfectly normal... |
| 00:51:05 |
as these things go. |
| 00:51:14 |
[Sighing in relief] |
| 00:51:24 |
-Are you okay? |
| 00:51:27 |
l'm so drunk right now. |
| 00:51:33 |
porking an oboe. |
| 00:51:44 |
l have six piercings. |
| 00:51:47 |
That doesn't include the ones on my face. |
| 00:52:02 |
Two right here... |
| 00:52:06 |
and four down here. |
| 00:52:20 |
Haven't seen that in a while. |
| 00:52:22 |
Yeah, well, no time for dance. |
| 00:52:27 |
No, l was talking about you having fun. |
| 00:52:29 |
-l have fun. l have fun all the time. |
| 00:52:33 |
l just get stressed out, you know. l mean... |
| 00:52:36 |
we graduate next year, and l don't know. |
| 00:52:38 |
l mean, l don't really talk about it |
| 00:52:40 |
because the cup is, like, |
| 00:52:43 |
But winning the Robards Scholarship, |
| 00:52:46 |
my future, you know? And... |
| 00:52:49 |
Dr. Choi is coming. l mean... |
| 00:52:52 |
you don't understand. She's like famous... |
| 00:52:56 |
like holy-shit famous. |
| 00:52:59 |
l get really stressed out... |
| 00:53:01 |
and l calm myself down |
| 00:53:05 |
Wait, you have.... Picardo? |
| 00:53:08 |
lt's just a cheapie, but l lost it. |
| 00:53:11 |
-Wait, if l somehow found this Picard thing-- |
| 00:53:14 |
-Maybe. |
| 00:53:16 |
lf you let me watch. |
| 00:53:19 |
Okay, but it takes me a while to warm up. |
| 00:53:22 |
l have all the time in the world. |
| 00:53:27 |
Figures. |
| 00:53:30 |
But l'm going to have to be really drunk. |
| 00:53:33 |
l mean really drunk. Really drunk. |
| 00:53:37 |
Yes. |
| 00:53:39 |
GlRL: Beat it, jerk off. |
| 00:53:58 |
ELYSE: Okay, people, let's take a break. |
| 00:54:04 |
We're all a little sluggish today. |
| 00:54:08 |
Man, we suck. |
| 00:54:09 |
Man, one night of fun was not worth |
| 00:54:16 |
Give me this thing. |
| 00:54:18 |
All right, listen up, |
| 00:54:21 |
Those Beechwood plebes |
| 00:54:23 |
We want to win this thing, |
| 00:54:26 |
Come on, bitches. Back to work. |
| 00:54:28 |
-Matt, that's my job. |
| 00:54:31 |
We're at war here, people, war! |
| 00:54:33 |
Show some tits. Grow some balls. |
| 00:54:36 |
All right, now. What, you want to let |
| 00:54:40 |
MACRO: All right, Tall Oakers... |
| 00:54:42 |
we're in our final week. |
| 00:54:45 |
And time to strap yourselves in |
| 00:54:48 |
l want the oboe, clarinet, black thingies... |
| 00:54:50 |
and we've got the rhythm section |
| 00:54:53 |
-Are you with me, bandees? |
| 00:54:55 |
MACRO: Competition for the Tall Oaks Cup |
| 00:55:01 |
Beechwood wins. |
| 00:55:04 |
Whatever. |
| 00:55:06 |
l told you, you should let me steer. |
| 00:55:07 |
BOY: Take that bitch home, man. |
| 00:55:09 |
Drive it in. Hey, you, fuck face, |
| 00:55:20 |
MACRO: Beechwood leads. |
| 00:55:23 |
Beechwood licks nuts. Hut! |
| 00:55:33 |
MACRO: Victory, East Great Falls. |
| 00:55:39 |
Right foot on line. |
| 00:55:43 |
Jimmy, you fucking lotion lover. |
| 00:55:51 |
MACRO: East Great Falls by four points. |
| 00:56:03 |
Hey, butt pirates ahoy. |
| 00:56:06 |
Your little band |
| 00:56:10 |
but make sure to let us know |
| 00:56:13 |
Yeah, 'cause there's plenty of this. |
| 00:56:15 |
[Hawking and spitting] |
| 00:56:19 |
[Matt laughing] |
| 00:56:20 |
That's funny for you dorks. |
| 00:56:24 |
Man, screw that challenge. |
| 00:56:27 |
No, wait. Ive got a better idea... |
| 00:56:30 |
if you think you're man enough. |
| 00:56:43 |
Yes. |
| 00:56:45 |
-Hey, you sure you can do this? |
| 00:56:48 |
Delivery on demand. |
| 00:56:50 |
When l get back, |
| 00:57:12 |
Brandon, l think you're |
| 00:57:14 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:57:27 |
Hey, guys... |
| 00:57:29 |
don't forget your sunscreen. |
| 00:57:32 |
Yeah, you don't want to be |
| 00:57:34 |
No, we don't. Bye now. |
| 00:57:42 |
What is that, 30? lt's really thick. |
| 00:57:54 |
How's that taste, Vande-cock? |
| 00:57:56 |
Good, huh? Warm and salty? Yeah. |
| 00:57:58 |
lt's a cum-pletely new formula. |
| 00:58:02 |
S.P.F. 69. |
| 00:58:11 |
Suck on that. |
| 00:58:13 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:58:14 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:58:16 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:58:26 |
What you had before |
| 00:58:29 |
This sounds like |
| 00:58:33 |
instead of your nasty, wet... |
| 00:58:38 |
dirty-girl panties. |
| 00:58:40 |
lt should be more spontaneous. |
| 00:58:45 |
Stop. |
| 00:58:46 |
Maybe you should hang out |
| 00:58:49 |
Yeah, right. |
| 00:58:50 |
l know he's a dick and everything, |
| 00:58:54 |
Make some love music, you know? |
| 00:58:58 |
-Oh, Matt! |
| 00:59:02 |
Matt. Matt. |
| 00:59:06 |
Go long, you asshole. Go. |
| 00:59:09 |
Hey, Elyse. |
| 00:59:12 |
Throw it back. Come on. |
| 00:59:15 |
What you got? |
| 00:59:24 |
Missed. Sorry. |
| 00:59:27 |
MATT: Hey, if l have to ring the triangle... |
| 00:59:28 |
-you have to throw the football, all right? |
| 00:59:30 |
Draw your arm back. There you go. |
| 00:59:32 |
Shoulder to your target. Right. |
| 00:59:36 |
Come on we're not marching. One foot. |
| 00:59:38 |
-Okay. |
| 00:59:41 |
Draw the ball over your ear... |
| 00:59:43 |
and when you throw it, let it roll |
| 00:59:47 |
Okay. |
| 00:59:48 |
Come on, throw it. |
| 00:59:55 |
See? l taught you something. What? |
| 00:59:57 |
So every time l throw it, |
| 01:00:00 |
That's generally how it works. |
| 01:00:01 |
Like playing fetch with my dog. |
| 01:00:03 |
-Yeah, except l don't lick my own balls. |
| 01:00:07 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 01:00:10 |
Okay, again. |
| 01:00:12 |
Right here. |
| 01:00:14 |
ELYSE: Look, that one looks like a bunny. |
| 01:00:17 |
MATT: No, it doesn't. |
| 01:00:20 |
Maybe a bunny with one nut. |
| 01:00:22 |
-No, that's its tail. |
| 01:00:28 |
-You think we'll win this thing? |
| 01:00:31 |
-lf you write in a bagpipe part. |
| 01:00:35 |
-What? |
| 01:00:39 |
You made me write in a part for you. |
| 01:00:44 |
You wore your kilt. |
| 01:00:47 |
Yeah, Steve showed up with his friends. |
| 01:00:50 |
They gave me so much shit for that. |
| 01:00:52 |
l didn't come out of my room for days. |
| 01:00:55 |
You made it up to him |
| 01:00:58 |
so you could run them up the flagpole. |
| 01:01:01 |
including my training bras. |
| 01:01:06 |
Okay, since we're having |
| 01:01:09 |
l'm sorry about your underwear. |
| 01:01:11 |
And the diary. |
| 01:01:15 |
And all that other shit, too. |
| 01:01:55 |
That's it. |
| 01:01:57 |
-You started it. |
| 01:02:00 |
What? |
| 01:02:01 |
Ive got to go write this down |
| 01:02:04 |
[Elyse humming] |
| 01:02:05 |
Hey. Hey. Hey. |
| 01:02:08 |
Could we do this again tomorrow night? |
| 01:02:10 |
Yeah, sure. Ill see you here at sunset. |
| 01:02:14 |
Hey. |
| 01:02:16 |
Should l bring that Picardo thing? |
| 01:02:18 |
Okay, Ill do a solo for you. |
| 01:02:21 |
[Elyse giggling] |
| 01:02:26 |
[Groaning in pain] |
| 01:02:30 |
-What's up, Ernie? |
| 01:02:50 |
lt was that fugly nurse again. |
| 01:03:07 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:03:08 |
Matt Stifler? |
| 01:03:10 |
-Holy shit, look at you. |
| 01:03:15 |
We practise our routine with the band. |
| 01:03:18 |
l had to come. The school made me. |
| 01:03:21 |
-Does anybody know about this yet? |
| 01:03:26 |
Hey, come on, no pictures. |
| 01:03:29 |
-Holy shit, this is so hilarious. |
| 01:03:31 |
Ladies. No time for fraternizing. |
| 01:03:35 |
Get the bags. |
| 01:03:39 |
What a dork. |
| 01:04:05 |
Girls, that was great. Percussion, take five. |
| 01:04:08 |
Horns, we've got to work on intonation. |
| 01:04:09 |
The final performance is tomorrow, |
| 01:04:13 |
They're so lame. |
| 01:04:15 |
You play the triangle. How cute. |
| 01:04:19 |
No, l don't. Look, l told you... |
| 01:04:22 |
-l had to-- |
| 01:04:24 |
-l don't socialise with bandees. |
| 01:04:27 |
l'm not. Look. |
| 01:04:31 |
Ive been playing them |
| 01:04:34 |
Ive been secretly videotaping them |
| 01:04:38 |
-Really? |
| 01:04:44 |
Okay, come by after dinner. |
| 01:04:46 |
Ill leave my pompoms |
| 01:05:21 |
-You're late. |
| 01:05:27 |
Hold on. Be careful with it. |
| 01:05:37 |
All right, one condition |
| 01:05:40 |
What's that? |
| 01:05:42 |
l want that picture |
| 01:05:56 |
Nobody at school hears |
| 01:05:59 |
l don't want anybody |
| 01:06:02 |
Fine. Like, now can we get on with it? |
| 01:06:03 |
MATT: As soon as you get rid of that picture |
| 01:06:20 |
PATTl: Are you going into town? |
| 01:06:23 |
LAURlE: Besides, they're much hotter here. |
| 01:06:26 |
l know. lt's a great crop this year. |
| 01:06:43 |
-There. Done deal. |
| 01:06:47 |
Stiffmeister Productions... |
| 01:06:49 |
in association with |
| 01:06:53 |
is happy to premier the unedited... |
| 01:06:55 |
unfiltered, and un-fucking-believable |
| 01:07:00 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 01:07:05 |
-Oh, my God. |
| 01:07:31 |
-You're kidding me, right? |
| 01:07:34 |
PATTl: Danielle likes Jimmy, |
| 01:07:38 |
And wait till you hear this. |
| 01:07:39 |
Sheree slept with that big Oscar guy, |
| 01:07:42 |
Said he was amazing. |
| 01:07:44 |
LAURlE: l hooked up with Brandon once. |
| 01:07:47 |
no rhythm, |
| 01:07:49 |
PATTl: Oh, my God. Are you serious? |
| 01:07:50 |
LAURlE: Yeah, he's a preemie. l'm not talking |
| 01:07:55 |
Can you get my back? |
| 01:07:58 |
Sure. |
| 01:07:59 |
Get this. He has one ball. |
| 01:08:03 |
PATTl: No way. |
| 01:08:06 |
Yeah, that why he carries that big stick |
| 01:08:09 |
lt's got his other ball on top. |
| 01:08:14 |
Shit, shit, oh, shit. |
| 01:08:16 |
[Screaming] |
| 01:08:19 |
What is that thing? |
| 01:08:27 |
[Screaming] |
| 01:08:34 |
Let's kill it. |
| 01:08:36 |
-Where'd he go? |
| 01:08:37 |
Look out. |
| 01:09:17 |
This is going into the lake. |
| 01:09:20 |
No one's gonna know |
| 01:09:22 |
'Cause the shit you got us doing on tape.... |
| 01:09:30 |
So we got a contest to win tomorrow. |
| 01:09:33 |
Understand? |
| 01:09:40 |
Did you help him? |
| 01:10:06 |
NELSON: With East Great Falls |
| 01:10:07 |
Beechwood has to win |
| 01:10:10 |
Direct yourselves to the marching field |
| 01:10:14 |
Now, Dr. Choi, Brandon Vandecamp |
| 01:10:17 |
is our best musician by far... |
| 01:10:19 |
and his father, Landon, |
| 01:10:25 |
CHOl: Robards needs talented musicians |
| 01:10:30 |
[Laughter] |
| 01:10:36 |
lpecac. |
| 01:10:40 |
-So how's it going? Are you having fun? |
| 01:10:48 |
How about some lpecac, Vande-cooch? |
| 01:10:53 |
This herbal fucking extract will help you |
| 01:10:58 |
Shit. |
| 01:11:08 |
l told you |
| 01:11:11 |
Some day, you'll thank me, asshole. |
| 01:11:17 |
-Orange? |
| 01:11:20 |
-Damn. |
| 01:11:22 |
l'm feeling grape, dawg. |
| 01:11:27 |
OSCAR: l don't care how many times they |
| 01:11:31 |
JlMMY: That's what l'm talking about. |
| 01:11:35 |
NELSON: Your five-time defending |
| 01:11:38 |
Beechwood Academy. |
| 01:12:11 |
-They're tight. |
| 01:12:14 |
Okay, everybody. |
| 01:12:16 |
lt's no surprise Beechwood is good. |
| 01:12:18 |
But this year is different. |
| 01:12:23 |
We've worked hard, |
| 01:12:26 |
and this is our time, so lets win the cup. |
| 01:12:28 |
Yeah! |
| 01:13:04 |
NELSON: Beechwood Academy. |
| 01:13:05 |
Their music today was composed |
| 01:13:09 |
Brandon Vandecamp. |
| 01:13:11 |
Beat that. |
| 01:13:15 |
NELSON: East Great Falls, |
| 01:13:35 |
ELYSE: Band 10 hut. One, two, ready. |
| 01:13:38 |
Leesy, wait, no. |
| 01:13:40 |
No. Wait. |
| 01:13:51 |
You know, l'm so sorry. |
| 01:13:54 |
Not my shoes. Here we go. |
| 01:14:00 |
Stifler! |
| 01:14:19 |
MACRO: You know, you're like |
| 01:14:21 |
And l don't think those are the shoes |
| 01:14:24 |
You know, the people |
| 01:14:27 |
-really didn't like him very much. |
| 01:14:30 |
But l think you're different. |
| 01:14:32 |
l think people want to like you, Matt. |
| 01:14:49 |
Parting is such sweet sorrow. |
| 01:14:59 |
Mr. Levenstein reports |
| 01:15:04 |
at camp. |
| 01:15:05 |
But he also says that... |
| 01:15:08 |
you bonded with the band briefly. |
| 01:15:15 |
When school starts, |
| 01:15:20 |
Remember, the Shermanator sees it all. |
| 01:15:25 |
Be gone. |
| 01:15:30 |
Did everybody hate my brother? |
| 01:15:43 |
Stardate: August 21, 2005. |
| 01:15:48 |
Some progress made with Stiffy Junior. |
| 01:15:50 |
Behaviour modification evident. |
| 01:15:54 |
Will continue to monitor. |
| 01:15:56 |
Shermanator out. |
| 01:16:09 |
A little "Double-D Sheree" action. |
| 01:16:16 |
Little bit of Dr. Robot. |
| 01:16:19 |
Crazy fucker. |
| 01:17:26 |
Hey, Stifler, where's your instrument? |
| 01:17:28 |
Dude, you're in the wrong uniform. |
| 01:17:29 |
Screw them, dude. They're gonna freak out |
| 01:17:32 |
Look, we thought that if we had |
| 01:17:34 |
then everyone would see |
| 01:17:36 |
l can't. lt's gone. |
| 01:17:39 |
-What? |
| 01:17:43 |
Why? |
| 01:17:45 |
Guess little bro's quitting |
| 01:17:48 |
Are you kidding me? |
| 01:17:53 |
He went fucking bandee on us. |
| 01:18:01 |
[Bell ringing] |
| 01:18:10 |
Hey, what's up, guys? |
| 01:18:12 |
You a dead man, motherfucker. |
| 01:18:15 |
-You, too, little man. |
| 01:18:17 |
Dude, the purple puke was an accident. |
| 01:18:25 |
Hey, that orange shit is janky, yo. |
| 01:18:28 |
Chloe, we never saw Elyse, |
| 01:18:34 |
Matt turned off the computer. |
| 01:18:36 |
So we're just supposed to forgive him now? |
| 01:18:40 |
-He's still an asshole. |
| 01:18:43 |
l am an asshole. |
| 01:18:45 |
l can't take back spying on you... |
| 01:18:47 |
and l can't win that Bandee Cup thing. |
| 01:18:50 |
But l can help someone |
| 01:18:53 |
l'm not asking you to forgive me. |
| 01:18:56 |
Just help me help Elyse. |
| 01:19:09 |
-l got the number. |
| 01:19:11 |
555-0171 . |
| 01:19:16 |
He shouldn't have been dumping lpecac |
| 01:19:19 |
We could've won on our own. |
| 01:19:23 |
l don't even care that he saw me on camera. |
| 01:19:28 |
Honey, this just came for you. |
| 01:19:34 |
lt's from Robards. |
| 01:19:37 |
What's it say? |
| 01:19:40 |
Dr. Choi wants to meet with me? |
| 01:19:59 |
-Okay. |
| 01:20:01 |
-Okay. |
| 01:20:05 |
Bye. |
| 01:20:21 |
Hi. Elyse Houston. |
| 01:20:25 |
l have an appointment with Dr. Choi. |
| 01:20:29 |
-You're not in the book. |
| 01:20:34 |
l have a letter. |
| 01:20:40 |
This letter is, well.... |
| 01:20:43 |
lt's a fake. |
| 01:20:45 |
-This is not Dr. Choi's signature. |
| 01:21:00 |
Stifler. |
| 01:21:05 |
You son of a bitch. |
| 01:21:09 |
What? lt wasn't enough |
| 01:21:13 |
Now you have to set me up here? |
| 01:21:35 |
What's going on here? |
| 01:21:38 |
This is my band. |
| 01:21:40 |
And that's her music. |
| 01:22:38 |
Well... |
| 01:22:39 |
Ive certainly seen some interesting attempts |
| 01:22:43 |
but this is a first. |
| 01:22:46 |
Excellent audition, Miss. Houston. |
| 01:22:52 |
l thought Brandon won. |
| 01:22:53 |
No, Mr. Vandecamp |
| 01:22:57 |
BOY: All right. |
| 01:23:00 |
JlMMY: That's what l'm talking about, yo. |
| 01:23:06 |
Oh, my God, you guys, that was amazing. |
| 01:23:09 |
-Thank you so much. |
| 01:23:13 |
Word. |
| 01:23:16 |
-You planned all this? |
| 01:23:23 |
Come here. |
| 01:23:28 |
Oh, l believe this is yours. |
| 01:23:32 |
You know... |
| 01:23:34 |
Picardo is a brand of piccolo. |
| 01:23:39 |
You really are an asshole sometimes... |
| 01:23:41 |
Stiffy. |
