License to Wed

en
00:00:29 Hey.
00:00:37 Bye!
00:00:41 Bouquet? Bouquet.
00:00:44 Beautiful, isn't it?
00:00:46 But let me tell you the truth.
00:00:48 For a lot of people, marriage is like
00:00:53 It looks like fun when you see
00:00:56 "Hey, I'll give it a try.
00:00:59 Next thing you know, you're stuck.
00:01:02 Full of regret.
00:01:04 Praying, "Please get me
00:01:07 ...if least not my extremities, intact."
00:01:10 But it doesn't have to be
00:01:12 It does not have to be like that.
00:01:15 That's where I come in.
00:01:17 Good marriages are my business.
00:01:20 Meeting the right person
00:01:22 Well, my friends, that is up to you.
00:01:25 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:01:27 -I'll go.
00:01:46 -Hi. I'm Sadie.
00:01:49 From that first, destined meeting...
00:01:52 ...to the sweet innocence
00:02:00 -Are you skipping to second base?
00:02:02 You know why? I'm not a skipper.
00:02:04 Maybe we should take care of first base,
00:02:12 The first kiss.
00:02:14 The first time you say "I love you."
00:02:17 -I love you.
00:02:19 What? A view.
00:02:22 First time you say "I love you,"
00:02:25 I love you.
00:02:29 -I ' m afraid you're not my type.
00:02:39 You seriously didn't think I was
00:02:42 Let's skip to the next thing:
00:02:45 The first time she finds something
00:02:50 -Don't worry, I got the heavy ones.
00:02:53 -Oh, God!
00:02:56 I wonder how much
00:02:59 ...and also how you make your hair
00:03:03 Hey, he was a legend. Okay?
00:03:05 I mean, even at age 9 I knew that.
00:03:09 I'm gonna get a less embarrassing box.
00:03:12 If she doesn't dump your
00:03:15 ...then comes the big one: the proposal.
00:03:29 Sadie...
00:03:30 ...you're a great girl. You are.
00:03:32 And I think it's time that
00:03:34 Lame. That is so lame.
00:03:40 We are so pleased all of you
00:03:44 ...to celebrate our 30 years of marriage.
00:03:48 Cheers.
00:03:52 Cheers.
00:03:54 It is especially gratifying to be
00:03:58 ...and family...
00:04:00 ...and of course,
00:04:04 ...Sadie...
00:04:05 ...and Lindsey...
00:04:07 ...who has moved back home with us...
00:04:11 ...to try and make a new start for herself.
00:04:13 We are...
00:04:15 ...so thrilled with her perseverance.
00:04:19 Thank you for the support, Dad.
00:04:24 And then there's Carlisle, Sadie's best
00:04:28 -What?
00:04:30 ...when they were younger,
00:04:35 I destroyed all the photos.
00:04:37 -Thank you. Very good to know. Thanks.
00:04:41 And our good friends, Don and Gwen...
00:04:43 ...Kwan-Li...
00:04:45 ...Jerry, otis.
00:04:47 Dad...
00:04:49 ...what about...
00:04:50 -What about Ben?
00:04:53 Oh, and of course, there's
00:04:58 But what I really want to do...
00:05:00 ...is thank my beautiful wife...
00:05:03 ...without whom this life
00:05:08 Happy 30th anniversary.
00:05:13 -I love you.
00:05:15 And I hope there are 30 more.
00:05:17 Well, that makes one of us.
00:05:28 Excuse me.
00:05:32 I just wanted to...
00:05:40 Well, I thought since
00:05:43 ...gathered already...
00:05:48 Oh, my God.
00:05:51 Oh, my God.
00:05:52 -Sadie...
00:05:54 ...Wilhelmina Jones.
00:05:58 In front of God and your family...
00:06:03 ...Kwan-Li, and Jerry and otis and...
00:06:11 I just want to know...
00:06:13 ...if you would spend the rest
00:06:19 But I don't...
00:06:20 I don't want to put you
00:06:22 Benjamin Murphy, I would marry you
00:06:27 ...in the middle of a rainstorm, if it meant
00:06:37 Wait a second.
00:06:40 You choose our 30th wedding anniversary
00:06:49 Well...
00:06:51 ...we couldn't be happier.
00:06:53 Oh, my gosh.
00:06:55 I know.
00:06:58 New brother-in-law-to-be, I guess.
00:07:00 -Oh, man. Hey, hello.
00:07:03 -Welcome.
00:07:06 -Welcome to the family, Ben.
00:07:09 -Oh, my baby.
00:07:11 Look at this beautiful ring.
00:07:13 Sadie, Sadie, I was thinking...
00:07:16 I think we should have the wedding
00:07:20 ...the Caribbean.
00:07:21 I have this one thing.
00:07:25 Okay.
00:07:27 I always wanted
00:07:30 Here.
00:07:33 At Saint Augustine's.
00:07:34 It's this fantasy I've had
00:07:38 It's the church where
00:07:40 Where Sadie was christened by
00:07:44 More importantly, it's the church
00:07:48 Her dead grandfather.
00:07:49 Oh, give me a break.
00:07:53 How would you know?
00:07:56 And we all know
00:07:58 Mom!
00:08:00 -Stop.
00:08:02 Babe, you've made me so
00:08:05 You have no idea.
00:08:06 -Great.
00:08:08 Then Saint Augustine's...
00:08:10 -...is the decision.
00:08:14 -You ready?
00:08:16 -Well, where did you last see it?
00:08:19 You know, Ben,
00:08:21 Gotta fix that.
00:08:23 What would you do without me?
00:08:25 You want the short list or the long list?
00:08:28 Oh, and your belt?
00:08:30 -It's a little funny.
00:08:34 Wait a minute.
00:08:35 -We're gonna be really late.
00:08:37 Yeah, we are.
00:08:38 And your point is?
00:08:49 How do I look?
00:08:50 -You look like you've just been--
00:08:53 We're so going to hell, you know that?
00:08:55 -Hey, here's the door Grandpa built.
00:09:15 Don't touch that!
00:09:17 Jesus! You scared me.
00:09:19 Jesus didn't scare you, I did.
00:09:23 -Hi, I'm Sadie--
00:09:26 You have a 10:30 with Reverend Frank.
00:09:28 Yeah. Is he here?
00:09:30 Reverend Frank is everywhere.
00:09:32 Follow me.
00:09:38 "Dear ELLE magazine:
00:09:40 I just found out that my husband
00:09:43 ...is cheating on me with my best friend.
00:09:46 Half of me wants to kill him, the other
00:09:50 What to do? "
00:09:51 Yikes.
00:09:52 What kind of sins are we
00:09:55 -Sarah.
00:09:57 Adultery. Going out for milk
00:10:00 Show me adultery!
00:10:04 Not neat to cheat! okay!
00:10:06 Now, a lot of people ask me:
00:10:08 "What if I'm cheating with a woman
00:10:11 Does that make it all right? "
00:10:13 No, it does not make it all right.
00:10:16 What other sins? Anybody?
00:10:18 Don't hesitate to draw on
00:10:21 -Laurie. Bring it, girl.
00:10:24 Starts with coveting, ends with the clap.
00:10:28 Okay, coveting thy neighbor's wife.
00:10:30 That's why God invented
00:10:35 Good one, Laurie!
00:10:37 Okay, there's one answer left on the board.
00:10:40 Manny.
00:10:44 Make your two moms proud.
00:10:48 Come on, Manny,
00:10:52 While I'm waiting, maybe I'll just
00:10:58 Take a stab at it.
00:11:03 Thou shall not kill?
00:11:05 Boom, Manny!
00:11:09 Show me thou shall not kill!
00:11:12 Oh, good one, Manny!
00:11:15 That's it for today.
00:11:16 Next we're gonna take
00:11:19 We're gonna find out about
00:11:22 So bring at least a dollar...
00:11:23 ...and remember to ask Mom and Dad
00:11:30 I don't know if you remember me,
00:11:33 Sadie Jones?
00:11:35 Little Sadie Jones.
00:11:37 -How you've grown.
00:11:39 And now my Sadie Jones
00:11:42 I am.
00:11:43 I'm sorry I haven't been around
00:11:45 Ten years.
00:11:47 Yeah.
00:11:48 I've just been trying to get
00:11:50 Oh, please.
00:11:51 You go to college,
00:11:54 ...you forget about God.
00:11:56 He doesn't forget about you.
00:12:00 Who are you?
00:12:02 I'm Ben.
00:12:03 -Ben.
00:12:04 So, what do you do,
00:12:10 How are you?
00:12:11 All right, let's get the flock out of here.
00:12:14 So, how long you two been an item?
00:12:16 -About...
00:12:18 Yeah!
00:12:22 It's been teetering there for weeks.
00:12:24 -Cheesy Curl?
00:12:26 Too bad, they're addicting.
00:12:32 -Booked.
00:12:34 Nothing there or there.
00:12:35 I am popular.
00:12:37 Yes, you are.
00:12:40 All full. Not looking good. No.
00:12:44 No, no, no.
00:12:47 -Nope, nope, nope.
00:12:59 Bad news, guys.
00:13:01 -Next available date is in two years.
00:13:04 That's...
00:13:06 -...so long.
00:13:09 Wait.
00:13:11 -Hold on, hold on.
00:13:14 -I think it's--
00:13:16 Yes, there it is.
00:13:18 Three weeks from tomorrow, how is that?
00:13:22 That's a little quick.
00:13:27 Okay, I guess we're getting married
00:13:29 Okay.
00:13:31 -Just like that?
00:13:32 -So it is written, so it shall be done.
00:13:37 Oh, boy.
00:13:39 All right.
00:13:41 One small thing.
00:13:43 Couple years ago I instituted
00:13:47 The course is a prerequisite
00:13:50 ...performed on these grounds.
00:13:53 At the end of the course,
00:13:55 ...or you stop the course before completion,
00:14:00 I'm sorry, but this isn't mandatory, right?
00:14:05 -More than most.
00:14:07 In other words, you have no choice.
00:14:09 With the divorce rate what it is...
00:14:11 50 percent.
00:14:13 Much higher for those
00:14:15 You did say you lived together, right?
00:14:19 I'm sorry, who are you again?
00:14:21 I'm part of the Ministers
00:14:23 Reverend Frank's my mentor.
00:14:25 My little Mensa.
00:14:26 -I can see.
00:14:28 We wanna make sure you
00:14:31 ...because your future happiness
00:14:34 Reverend Frank has a hundred
00:14:36 ...for those that make it
00:14:39 -But what about the people who--?
00:14:42 -We're gonna do it.
00:14:45 -It's awesome.
00:14:46 That's my Sadie.
00:14:48 All right, we have three months of prep
00:14:52 There's only a few rules.
00:14:53 Rule number one:
00:14:56 You have a booklet,
00:14:59 ...with each other at the ceremony.
00:15:02 -That's really cool.
00:15:04 Okay. What's rule number two?
00:15:06 Starting immediately,
00:15:10 I...
00:15:18 Are you serious?
00:15:20 Oh, yeah.
00:15:23 Tomorrow morning,
00:15:25 Be there.
00:15:26 We all remember the 1 1 th Commandment.
00:15:28 I don't.
00:15:30 Thou shall not be late.
00:15:35 We've got a hundred things
00:15:38 I just have to get Carlisle on the phone.
00:15:40 -He was kidding about the no-sex thing?
00:15:44 -We will talk about the no-sex thing later.
00:15:47 No sex?
00:15:49 That's supposed to happen
00:15:52 Joel, I come here...
00:15:53 -...for your compassion.
00:15:56 Congratulations.
00:15:58 Damn it, Joel.
00:16:00 You were supposed to be
00:16:03 Shelly, baby, I'm on the roof.
00:16:05 Remember we said you won't
00:16:07 -You're always on the roof.
00:16:10 -I heard that.
00:16:12 Where did this mud hole
00:16:14 Oh, my God,
00:16:17 This reverend says he wants me to meet
00:16:21 What is that?
00:16:23 You ever done that?
00:16:25 To tell you the truth, I don't remember
00:16:29 It's like a black hole.
00:16:31 All I know is that's my wife...
00:16:33 ...apparently those are my kids...
00:16:35 ...and this, this is my beer.
00:16:38 Everything else is pretty much a blur.
00:16:42 Yeah.
00:16:44 Thank you.
00:16:45 That's why you're my best man.
00:16:48 Two words for your bachelor party:
00:16:50 Strippers and Sizzler.
00:16:53 I like to call it "beef and booty."
00:16:55 I heard that.
00:16:59 Oh, boy.
00:17:06 Please, God, let somebody
00:17:08 Hey. We'll just sneak in the back,
00:17:13 We also ask...
00:17:15 ...that you watch over the Mansbridge
00:17:19 Grant our packers patience
00:17:23 ...with, Lord willing,
00:17:26 ...and dental would be nice.
00:17:33 Look who decided to show.
00:17:38 Choir! Let me hear it!
00:17:41 You're late, you're late
00:17:45 God's on time
00:17:49 But you are very late
00:17:54 It's your first offense.
00:17:57 It happens again, I'm telling the Big Guy.
00:18:01 And I'm not talking about
00:18:05 But seriously...
00:18:07 ...Iet us re-pray.
00:18:11 Sorry for bailing, Lord.
00:18:14 We'd also like to pray for Walter...
00:18:16 ...recently returned from his
00:18:19 Let's hope it's just a heat rash.
00:18:22 -Vivian.
00:18:24 Every week your sermons
00:18:26 It comes from upstairs, Vivian.
00:18:30 It wasn't that good.
00:18:32 -You ready?
00:18:34 I have to go. I have stuff to do...
00:18:36 ...but you guys enjoy
00:18:39 Don't say anything about me
00:18:41 You'll never know so...
00:18:44 Tight.
00:18:45 -Sorry?
00:18:47 -Hi.
00:18:51 You ready? A little one-on-one?
00:18:53 -Yeah.
00:18:55 The name of our team is the Crusaders.
00:18:57 I didn't want to tell the kids about the
00:19:01 Wow, you really meant one-on-one.
00:19:03 Oh, yeah.
00:19:05 -A little hoops?
00:19:07 This ball needs Viagra.
00:19:09 -Play catch?
00:19:11 It's my favorite sport.
00:19:14 Pardon the glove.
00:19:16 -Oh, that's all right.
00:19:18 Okay.
00:19:20 What are you, a little girl's softball league?
00:19:22 Okay. Not a little girl.
00:19:24 -Yeah.
00:19:25 It's nice to be able to chat with you...
00:19:27 ...without all this "I'm a pastor
00:19:31 No, me too. This is great.
00:19:32 Little one-on-one time
00:19:36 Bless you, Benjamin.
00:19:39 -Too hard?
00:19:41 That's a good burn. Right?
00:19:43 Anything that's painful
00:19:46 Not really. You break your leg,
00:19:49 God is just, but God is kind.
00:19:53 That's a nice sentiment.
00:19:56 Thank you.
00:19:58 -Sure.
00:20:00 Why do you love her?
00:20:03 There's just so many reasons, you know?
00:20:05 She's beautiful, inside and out.
00:20:07 So, I'm lucky.
00:20:09 What do you mean by "inside"?
00:20:12 You meant spiritually, right?
00:20:14 Yep. Exactly.
00:20:16 Okay. What else?
00:20:20 She's just smart, you know?
00:20:24 She's probably
00:20:27 Well, let me get this straight, then.
00:20:30 First thing you like about her is her looks.
00:20:33 -...she's a cute control freak.
00:20:36 -I know what you're getting at.
00:20:40 OCD is a--
00:20:42 God!
00:20:45 Oh, my Lord.
00:20:48 -You okay, big fella?
00:20:49 Oh, yeah?
00:20:51 -How you doing--
00:20:52 Let's see that. Come on.
00:20:55 I'm gonna have to heal you.
00:20:57 -No, that's okay.
00:20:59 -I just need Advil.
00:21:02 Stay down. It's healing time.
00:21:04 -What's that mean?
00:21:06 Oh, Lord, surround him
00:21:09 Lord have mercy!
00:21:11 -The power of Christ compels you!
00:21:14 The power of Christ compels you!
00:21:15 -We have got to pray!
00:21:18 -We have got to pray!
00:21:20 We have got to pray to make it
00:21:22 Is that MC Hammer?
00:21:24 -You're healed, right?
00:21:27 -No, it's still bleeding.
00:21:33 Begone, demon spirit!
00:21:35 Begone!
00:21:38 -That's not helping at all.
00:21:41 Lord, take him up upon your wing--
00:21:43 -Wait, take me where?
00:21:46 -Do you believe?
00:21:47 -Believe!
00:21:50 -Oh, it's a miracle! It's a miracle!
00:21:52 You're not healed.
00:21:55 You know what you need?
00:21:58 -Check him out, just see that he's okay.
00:22:02 -Good news, kid. Your nose is fine.
00:22:06 Sorry about that.
00:22:08 -Never works, but what if it had?
00:22:12 -Wouldn't that be crazy?
00:22:15 It was great.
00:22:17 Yes, totally.
00:22:20 Listen, tomorrow night, I was th--
00:22:23 Group counseling for what?
00:22:32 Okay, like we do every week.
00:22:33 Danny, pick up Tenika
00:22:36 Yeah, that's it!
00:22:38 Try and think of it like the first time.
00:22:40 For a lot of you,
00:22:44 Yeah, baby. Come on, Jim.
00:22:46 My back is giving out.
00:22:48 Don't focus on the pain.
00:22:49 Look at the love that
00:22:52 And if that doesn't work,
00:22:55 God, I love potato skins.
00:22:58 A husband will do anything
00:23:00 Yes.
00:23:03 Everybody, I want to introduce you
00:23:06 This is Ben and Sadie.
00:23:09 Ben, why don't you carry Sadie
00:23:12 Come on.
00:23:13 Come on. Yeah, come on.
00:23:17 Yeah, there you go.
00:23:26 Hurry.
00:23:28 -Oh, great.
00:23:55 Got it.
00:24:01 Tonight...
00:24:02 ...we learn how to fight fairly.
00:24:05 Sorry.
00:24:06 What if we've never had a fight before?
00:24:10 -Seriously think I'm gonna puke.
00:24:12 They're young.
00:24:16 Never had a fight,
00:24:18 So please, step up
00:24:21 Come on, get your butts up there!
00:24:23 Let's get this perfect relationship
00:24:26 Put it to the test. okay.
00:24:28 I want you to imagine.
00:24:30 You're driving in the mountains.
00:24:32 But there's a torrential downpour.
00:24:35 That thing with the wipers like this:
00:24:37 You're tired. You're lost.
00:24:39 You're getting cranky.
00:24:41 What was that?
00:24:43 You got a flat tire
00:24:46 Instant argument potential.
00:24:48 What do you do? How do you handle it?
00:24:51 I think we'd probably just call AAA.
00:24:54 Out of cell phone range.
00:24:57 You gotta handle it the old-fashioned way.
00:25:01 You're pissed at each other. Go.
00:25:06 Sorry I didn't see that pothole.
00:25:10 It's okay, honey.
00:25:12 Accidents happen,
00:25:15 -Promise I will.
00:25:17 You guys travel medicated?
00:25:20 That's not what we're looking for.
00:25:22 Janine, why don't you and Jimbo show
00:25:27 Sure.
00:25:32 Hey, jackass!
00:25:34 I told you to take Route 45,
00:25:38 Now it's pissing down outside
00:25:42 Yeah, well, if we hadn't
00:25:45 ...because someone was talking
00:25:50 ...well, then, maybe we wouldn't
00:25:52 You are a sad, sad man.
00:25:55 You will not emasculate me anymore.
00:25:58 -Go to hell!
00:26:01 -Go to hell.
00:26:05 Everybody, Jim and Janine.
00:26:09 We're gonna try something
00:26:11 We're gonna do role reversal.
00:26:15 All right.
00:26:16 Sadie, I want you to be Ben.
00:26:18 Ben, I want you to be Sadie.
00:26:21 Come on, get up! Yeah!
00:26:23 -Oh, gosh.
00:26:25 You're gonna change the tire.
00:26:27 Ben, tire's down here.
00:26:29 You're down in that muck.
00:26:31 The lugs are right here.
00:26:33 They're rusty, they're old, all right?
00:26:38 ...and you're cold, and you really--
00:26:41 Go.
00:26:45 Don't you wish
00:26:47 Then we could just call
00:26:50 -Yeah, I don't know how we got so lost.
00:26:53 Ben, maybe we wouldn't
00:26:56 ...if you had just followed the TripTik
00:27:00 Well, I thought that I was following
00:27:04 Just going with the flow, as usual.
00:27:08 What was that?
00:27:10 I'm just going along for the ride.
00:27:14 Who was? You. As me.
00:27:18 Well, I'm not really sure
00:27:20 ...if people aren't following my
00:27:26 But I love it when you're in charge.
00:27:28 That way I don't have to
00:27:32 Ben, don't you know that that's the only
00:27:36 That's how things get done around here?
00:27:39 I had no idea.
00:27:40 -Thank you.
00:27:42 -He said counter--
00:27:50 Dear Jesus!
00:27:51 -Potato skins down!
00:27:56 Come on, everybody!
00:27:59 Five-second rule!
00:28:02 Janine!
00:28:05 Okay.
00:28:07 ...with balancing
00:28:16 So are you writing your vows later or...?
00:28:19 No, I finished earlier.
00:28:22 Hey, what color white should we
00:28:25 There's ivory...
00:28:27 ...and timid.
00:28:29 Ivory.
00:28:31 I don't know, I kind of feel like it might
00:28:36 All right, well, you know what?
00:28:41 Yeah, you know who else you could ask?
00:28:44 Because he loves giving his opinion.
00:28:46 Why do you say it like that?
00:28:48 I don 't know. Maybe because...
00:28:50 -...he' s just a little bit--
00:28:52 -Yeah.
00:28:57 Ben, he's not intrusive, you know?
00:28:59 ...observing our relationship right now.
00:29:03 -Like a voyeur.
00:29:07 -A little bit.
00:29:12 What was that? What are you doing?
00:29:15 Do you want to walk the midget?
00:29:16 Course I do, but...
00:29:18 ...I don't think we should, because it's
00:29:23 -Are you serious?
00:29:25 -You're actually following that rule?
00:29:27 Because I want to pass the course.
00:29:32 -Yes, I want to pass the course.
00:29:34 So, I also want to play Pickle Me, Tickle Me
00:29:40 Okay?
00:29:42 -Come on.
00:29:45 No one else is gonna know.
00:29:46 I'll know, Ben. I will know.
00:29:50 Just please...
00:29:51 ...Iet's stick to the program for now.
00:29:57 Three weeks never killed anyone.
00:29:59 Really?
00:30:01 Good night.
00:30:07 Good night, Ben.
00:30:17 Okay, I'm a cigar vendor...
00:30:22 -What?
00:30:24 Thank you.
00:30:29 What if I'm not tired?
00:30:31 Yes!
00:30:33 All clear.
00:30:34 -What'd I miss?
00:30:37 -But they're right on schedule.
00:30:41 They remind me of the Anderson couple
00:30:44 Yeah. You know what time it is?
00:30:46 Time to turn up the heat.
00:30:48 It's time to build on the foundation
00:30:51 Remind me never to cross you.
00:31:03 I mean, I'm really glad
00:31:05 I just wish Ben would take it
00:31:08 What about these
00:31:10 No.
00:31:11 No?
00:31:13 I just want to feel some enthusiasm
00:31:18 Sadie, you have so much
00:31:21 Pink.
00:31:24 Flowers by Sadie, Sadie speaking.
00:31:28 Meet where?
00:31:29 I didn't even want to take this course...
00:31:31 ...and now she's following it
00:31:34 Where are the cheerleaders?
00:31:37 Come on, Famaletti! Deny that baseline!
00:31:41 Coach Murphy, you were right
00:31:43 -Get ready, Zach.
00:31:46 I mean, give and take, that's a part of
00:31:50 Give and what?
00:31:51 -Give and take.
00:31:53 Once a woman senses she has control,
00:31:57 Then they'll want control too.
00:32:01 Next thing you know, they'll be running
00:32:05 Do not set dangerous precedents
00:32:12 Hello?
00:32:14 Late for what?
00:32:15 Welcome to Saint Catherine's Maternity,
00:32:20 That's almost 80 babies a week,
00:32:23 Okay, maybe one.
00:32:25 If you're shy, get your tubes tied now
00:32:28 A woman in labor basically
00:32:30 ...while dozens of doctors and nurses
00:32:34 Virginia! Put some gloves
00:32:37 We're not delivering pizzas here.
00:32:38 Labor could last anywhere from
00:32:43 And that's not even counting the nine
00:32:47 Of course, there's always drugs...
00:32:49 ...so you should figure out how
00:32:53 I-- oh, God!
00:32:54 And then be ready to toss
00:32:57 ...when the pain really kicks in.
00:33:01 A woman in labor
00:33:03 Good to know.
00:33:05 Or that.
00:33:06 This way.
00:33:08 You squeamish, Ben?
00:33:10 Little bit, I guess.
00:33:12 You have to figure out if you're
00:33:15 Oh, yeah, of course he will be.
00:33:16 Yes.
00:33:18 Some men are so traumatized
00:33:20 ...they can never look at their wives
00:33:23 Sexually, that is.
00:33:25 Give me some slow, deep breaths.
00:33:28 How many do you want to have?
00:33:29 -Four?
00:33:32 Big push. Big push.
00:33:35 I need an epidural!
00:33:37 Look at her! She's breathing fine!
00:33:41 What about me?
00:33:44 They say for a man to experience
00:33:47 ...you'd have to pull your scrotum
00:33:50 That was incredible.
00:33:51 Glad you feel that way.
00:33:53 Because now the real fun begins.
00:33:56 Welcome to the world of parenting.
00:33:58 -They breathe, they blink, they cry.
00:34:01 Congratulations, you've just had twins.
00:34:08 Look at how their little chests
00:34:11 Yeah. Their creepy little chests.
00:34:14 And you really want four of these things?
00:34:18 I think it'd be nice to have
00:34:21 Yeah. No, no, definitely.
00:34:23 Well, I mean...
00:34:24 ...four might be kind of
00:34:32 Okay, do you want to take that?
00:34:35 No, you can do it. Come on.
00:34:42 Just pat him on the back really gently.
00:34:44 Okay.
00:34:46 Poor little baby.
00:34:47 Little creepy robot baby.
00:34:53 Oh, my God!
00:34:57 -God.
00:35:00 -Here you go.
00:35:01 Hold on, hold on. There you go.
00:35:03 -There's some on his shirt too.
00:35:06 We can't forget to set the alarm for 8...
00:35:08 ...because we're going to Macy's
00:35:11 Wait, we're not bringing these
00:35:14 Come on, can't we just, like,
00:35:17 No, we're so jammed this week,
00:35:25 Look at that. Fell back asleep.
00:35:28 So I did it.
00:35:30 Looks like this parenting thing
00:35:33 See? You're a natural.
00:35:35 Thanks.
00:35:36 Night.
00:35:42 Ben? Ben!
00:35:45 Ben!
00:35:47 Ben!
00:35:48 Okay, I'm coming.
00:35:50 What? Hi.
00:35:52 How many times do I have to knock, man?
00:35:55 -Good.
00:35:57 -Shelly's dad fell off a ladder.
00:35:59 And unfortunately, he's gonna make it.
00:36:02 ...and you are on brat patrol
00:36:04 Thank you. Appreciate it.
00:36:13 Hi.
00:36:15 Which one's the biter?
00:36:18 All you have to do is point the gun at
00:36:22 The computer instantly logs it in our registry
00:36:26 There's no limit to how many
00:36:28 -When in doubt, zap it.
00:36:30 We only have a couple hours so...
00:36:32 Chop-chop. Come on.
00:36:35 Okay. All right. Yep.
00:36:38 Guys, guys, guys,
00:36:40 Hey. All right, that's good.
00:36:43 Now we're going faster.
00:36:46 All right, guys. All right.
00:36:48 The yelling needs to hold off. All right.
00:36:52 Hey, Ben, what do you like better?
00:36:55 The beige or the blue?
00:36:56 - I like the blue. Blue's good.
00:36:59 ...with the placemats.
00:37:01 Or beige. Let's just do beige.
00:37:03 I love beige.
00:37:05 Beige it is.
00:37:16 -Do you like this one?
00:37:18 -All right, let's get this one.
00:37:23 Oh, I just got this text message
00:37:26 I got the wrong dinnerware.
00:37:27 -Do you mean silverware? Can we just go?
00:37:33 -No way. That is not simulated.
00:37:37 Well, why don't you change the diaper...
00:37:39 ...and I'll go get the dinnerware?
00:37:41 -Why don't we think about...
00:37:48 Okay.
00:38:24 Yeah.
00:38:28 Stop! Oh, God!
00:38:30 Stop, stop!
00:38:34 Should we get the 500-thread count?
00:38:37 Oh, I'm trying.
00:38:44 Oh, my God.
00:38:46 Sorry. Ben?
00:38:47 -Give me one, please?
00:38:49 I'm gonna give you one.
00:38:51 -I will help you by getting this one thing--
00:38:55 Guys, guys, guys, it's okay.
00:38:58 -Come here. Come on, come on.
00:39:00 Ben, don't drop him!
00:39:02 Here, take the kids. Come on, come on.
00:39:04 Boys, let's go. Come on.
00:39:06 Hi, I'm looking for some Pima cotton
00:39:09 Something that really seems to breathe.
00:39:12 I can't seem to find them over there
00:39:15 Get off the bed.
00:39:20 Get off the bed.
00:39:22 Enough. okay, enough.
00:39:25 No, no, no.
00:39:28 Just stop. Sorry.
00:39:32 Stop.
00:39:35 Stop it! Stop, you stupid-- Shut up!
00:39:39 Just shut up, shut up, shut up!
00:39:44 -Hey! What the hell are you doing?!
00:39:47 Thank God. I've had a long day.
00:39:49 These are fake. Watch. See?
00:39:54 No, no, no, we're on our way.
00:39:55 We just got a little detained at Macy's.
00:40:00 For being a public nuisance.
00:40:02 It's a long story.
00:40:04 Okay. Bye.
00:40:09 Well, I'll tell you...
00:40:10 ...I'm a lot more prepared for kids now.
00:40:14 Like way more.
00:40:15 Why are there 56 bras on here?
00:40:38 Pour a glass of that for yourself.
00:40:40 All right, I got it. This is it.
00:40:46 I can't believe all these cheeses.
00:40:48 I know.
00:40:51 -There are so many.
00:40:54 That's about as complicated
00:40:57 I think I prefer the nutty
00:41:00 -All right, this is it?
00:41:02 ...and go.
00:41:06 -Oh, my God. Carlisle.
00:41:10 Ben, Carlisle's totally right.
00:41:13 It's so good. You have to try it.
00:41:15 -The white one? Good.
00:41:20 -Hey, everybody.
00:41:23 Every time I hear the word
00:41:26 Praise Gouda.
00:41:30 Look at all of you,
00:41:32 Oh, Lindsey, you look fabulous.
00:41:34 -Oh, thank you.
00:41:39 That bad, huh?
00:41:40 Men are a little too hard to train so...
00:41:43 Thought I'd stop trying
00:41:49 Here I was thinking I was
00:41:51 Maybe not.
00:41:52 -Cute.
00:41:54 ...how honest you are.
00:41:56 -...that easily for a lot of in-laws.
00:41:58 Because I feel like we all
00:42:02 You know what, Ben is a wonderful
00:42:05 Wow, thank you.
00:42:06 Whatever.
00:42:08 ...but nothing more
00:42:11 You know a great way around
00:42:13 -Word association.
00:42:16 It's fun, really. You go around the table...
00:42:18 ...and you pick one word that best
00:42:21 ...then they pick one word
00:42:23 -A give and take, kind of an icebreaker--
00:42:29 That's the spirit, Grandma.
00:42:30 Ben, start with Grandma.
00:42:32 One word to describe Grandma.
00:42:37 That word would be...
00:42:40 ...wisdom.
00:42:42 Excellent.
00:42:43 Grandma. What about Ben?
00:42:46 Peculiar for his age.
00:42:48 Let's just try and stick with one word.
00:42:51 -I'd just say peculiar.
00:42:54 We have a winner.
00:42:57 -No, no, come on. What about Lindsey?
00:43:00 Don't think.
00:43:03 Go for it.
00:43:06 Blond.
00:43:07 -Are you kidding me?
00:43:09 No, gold. No, like you exude gold.
00:43:12 -I didn't say dumb.
00:43:15 Okay. Blond Lindsey.
00:43:17 Oh, my tur-- Okay, awesome!
00:43:22 Assertive.
00:43:24 If you need someone to take the bull
00:43:29 That's a good one.
00:00:04 This is terrific.
00:00:06 There's something new happening now.
00:00:09 -There we go.
00:00:11 He's outgoing.
00:00:12 -Outgoing, like saying "nice."
00:00:16 You're not shedding any light.
00:00:18 -Come on, you can do better than this.
00:00:20 -Let it rip.
00:00:22 -No, don't push me. I'm not gonna--
00:00:24 -Go, come on.
00:00:27 What about pompous?
00:00:29 -I'm a little pompous.
00:00:34 No, I was just kidding.
00:00:35 No. No, no, no.
00:00:40 I just meant somebody likes
00:00:44 Now you're getting interesting.
00:00:45 Pompous dad, back at Ben.
00:00:47 -Here it is.
00:00:50 -How about vanilla?
00:00:52 Called you vanilla.
00:00:54 Could be bland, I'm not sure,
00:00:56 -Back at mom. Come on, Ben.
00:01:01 Stepfordy? Is that an adjective?
00:01:04 Yeah, it just describes, you know:
00:01:06 "Let's just sweep everything under the rug
00:01:10 ...and don't forget the glass of champagne
00:01:13 You're on a roll. Come on.
00:01:14 Do we have any problems here?
00:01:17 ...throw some money at it because we
00:01:26 Can't buy communication like this.
00:01:30 Hey, Ben, I thought you were
00:01:33 Are you making fun of me?
00:01:35 No. No. Course not.
00:01:37 It sounded like you were.
00:01:38 I'm not making fun of you.
00:01:41 ...Iost your mind and embarrassed yourself
00:01:44 No, that's not making fun of anyone.
00:01:49 -Okay.
00:01:52 -Time for a punishment. Come here.
00:01:58 What are you doing?
00:02:00 -What does it look like I'm doing?
00:02:03 Mayday.
00:02:11 Hi. Just in the neighborhood...
00:02:13 ...thought I'd drop by,
00:02:15 Yeah, of course you were.
00:02:17 -Am I interrupting anything?
00:02:20 -Oh, thanks. Yay.
00:02:23 -Hi.
00:02:26 I just wanted to check
00:02:29 ...because after the tasting,
00:02:33 Nope. No tension here.
00:02:36 Can I be frank?
00:02:37 Of course, I'm Frank.
00:02:39 Pardon the pun...
00:02:41 ...but at this stage in the course,
00:02:44 ...a lot of couples resort to sex
00:02:48 I just wanna make sure you're
00:02:51 -Yeah. We are.
00:02:54 Does that make you uncomfortable, Ben?
00:02:57 No, I'm not uncomfortable
00:03:00 Having you in my living room
00:03:03 ...that makes me a little uncomfortable.
00:03:06 The number one rule of a good sex life...
00:03:08 ...is not being so serious.
00:03:10 You know, because...
00:03:12 ...if the humor goes,
00:03:14 ...and then there goes the marriage,
00:03:17 But there is a remedy.
00:03:19 Knowing what your partner likes sexually.
00:03:22 Well, you ask. That's kind of wonderful.
00:03:25 Hey, one little exercise,
00:03:29 Ben.
00:03:30 Look at Sadie
00:03:32 "l like it when..."
00:03:39 -This is ridiculous. I'm not doing it.
00:03:42 I don't wanna talk about it.
00:03:45 I wanna know.
00:03:47 Please.
00:03:51 Sadie.
00:03:53 I really like it when...
00:03:57 ...Reverend Frank doesn't
00:04:00 I'm glad I got that off my chest.
00:04:02 -Okay.
00:04:04 You're not comfortable with this,
00:04:07 -Don't hold back.
00:04:10 ...personally.
00:04:11 That's weird, because I always pictured you
00:04:15 -No, not really. No.
00:04:19 We're out of the ordinary.
00:04:21 Because I remember having sex
00:04:25 -Ouch.
00:04:26 One time, though.
00:04:28 ...but it's more the exception
00:04:30 -I'm talking about, like, real spontaneity.
00:04:33 Like my parents' bathroom?
00:04:35 Oh, yeah, and everyone's
00:04:37 -Exactly. or on the beach.
00:04:40 -At work.
00:04:43 Or maybe at your grandmother's house
00:04:47 Yes! I love it when you get creative.
00:04:49 You have no idea.
00:04:51 What do you like about that?
00:04:53 Okay! That's enough of that!
00:04:55 Ben, come on. This is just an exercise.
00:04:57 -We were talking through it. Yes!
00:04:59 Sadie.
00:05:03 No. No, I see
00:05:05 Maybe we're rushing things a bit.
00:05:07 Maybe I should pencil in
00:05:10 -Okay.
00:05:13 I'll let myself out. I know the way.
00:05:18 -What was that?
00:05:21 Reverend Frank!
00:05:24 So we back on schedule?
00:05:25 He's a reverend.
00:05:28 Well, I can't believe you were
00:05:31 I can't believe the first man to actually ask
00:05:54 Son of a--
00:06:15 Hey, get your butt out the way!
00:06:20 So you're telling me
00:06:22 Yes.
00:06:25 I mean, this guy is sick,
00:06:28 -She's gonna freak out.
00:06:30 You think she's gonna believe her
00:06:33 Of course she will. I have evidence.
00:06:35 Does this bug have his name on it?
00:06:37 No. But--
00:06:39 All right.
00:06:41 We can talk about this later
00:06:43 I'm good. This is about you.
00:06:47 Listen.
00:06:48 The lines of communication
00:06:51 ...between you and your woman.
00:06:54 She trusts him so much
00:06:57 ...and telling her how we need
00:07:00 So I'm supposed to take this lying down?
00:07:03 No. Look, let me make this simple, okay?
00:07:06 We have to punch a hole in Frank's
00:07:10 We have to find his deepest,
00:07:15 Roach coach.
00:07:18 Roach coach!
00:07:48 I'm not doing that. I'm not doing it.
00:07:50 Thrust, thrust.
00:07:54 All right, I know you're gonna find
00:07:58 See, this is just what I gravitate towards.
00:08:00 -Really simple.
00:08:07 Split up?
00:08:10 Come apart.
00:09:11 Excuse me.
00:09:12 Hi. I'm just here to pick up my rings.
00:09:15 -Last name's Murphy.
00:09:19 -Okay, there you go.
00:09:21 Let's take a look.
00:09:23 Oh, wow.
00:09:24 -They're really beauti--
00:09:28 I'm sorry, does that say "Never to fart"?
00:09:31 That's what you wrote
00:09:33 I'm sorry, I wrote "Never to part."
00:09:35 I don't know who would've
00:09:37 -That's ridiculous.
00:09:40 ...and we just engrave whatever is written,
00:09:45 -Yep. "Never to part."
00:09:49 -No, that's a P.
00:09:51 Nope, that's a P. Do you see how
00:09:55 -Judith?
00:09:57 Could you come over here
00:09:59 Thank you. Judith...
00:10:01 -Sure.
00:10:05 -That is an F.
00:10:07 It's a P.
00:10:09 Well, actually, if you look,
00:10:12 There's no gap in the curl.
00:10:15 That's a P. "Never to part."
00:10:16 -Mark, could you just come...
00:10:19 ...a little quick second here?
00:10:21 -And what is that?
00:10:24 Mark, it's not a novelty inscription.
00:10:28 Excuse me.
00:10:30 -It's an F. I do teach penmanship.
00:10:35 -It's pretty clearly an F.
00:10:37 Excuse me, excuse me.
00:10:38 Hi. I'm really sorry
00:10:40 Could I ask you to help us out with
00:10:45 Could we show the normal person?
00:10:47 What would you call the letter between
00:10:53 -What is that?
00:10:55 -I'm sorry, sir? Louder, please?
00:10:57 -F.
00:10:59 -That's right.
00:11:02 I'm getting married in two days.
00:11:04 Thank you.
00:11:07 -That's very nice.
00:11:10 And that's what I wrote.
00:11:11 I need it to say "Never to part,"
00:11:14 So how do we do that?
00:11:17 We could have it tomorrow.
00:11:20 Great.
00:11:22 But there's a $250 rush fee.
00:11:23 So I'm spending $250 on something
00:11:27 And we can guarantee that.
00:11:31 This is ridiculous. There's nothing here.
00:11:34 Oh, come on, man.
00:11:35 If that old lady from
00:11:38 ...then we can find something.
00:11:41 -Are you talking about Angela L--
00:11:46 What is that?
00:11:48 Frank Littleton. That's his address.
00:11:51 But who's Maria Gonzales?
00:12:20 -Hello?
00:12:21 There's no one here by that name.
00:12:23 Is there another name
00:12:26 Eagle, it's Sapphire.
00:12:27 Copy that, Sapphire.
00:12:29 I'm at John the Baptist's house.
00:12:31 -What's he doing?
00:12:34 Dude, you're watching
00:12:36 No, I'm outside.
00:12:38 Then get your butt inside.
00:12:39 -What? Are you nuts? I'm gonna get caught.
00:12:43 You've only got today to blow the lid off.
00:12:45 It's your only chance.
00:12:47 Strike first, strike hard. No mercy.
00:12:58 What the hell am I doing?
00:13:18 Stop!
00:13:51 Maria Gonzales.
00:13:59 I got you, sucker M.C.
00:14:06 Hi.
00:14:09 Wow, look at you...
00:14:11 ...priest dog.
00:14:16 Hi.
00:14:18 I'm gonna--
00:14:19 No. No, no!
00:14:28 That's so gross.
00:14:38 Nicodemus!
00:14:40 Nicodemus!
00:14:42 No, no, no, no!
00:14:44 Nicodemus.
00:14:45 Leave Mr. Socks alone.
00:14:48 Nicodemus! Bad Nicodemus!
00:14:50 These are my Cheesy Curls.
00:14:54 Bad. These are mine.
00:14:57 This is good.
00:15:00 And I'm not even concerned with the fact
00:15:04 -Really?
00:15:07 He's just drawn this little animated truck
00:15:14 You know what?
00:15:16 It's actually better.
00:15:17 Because he's waiting
00:15:19 ...when his mind is completely clear
00:15:25 -Okay, hold on.
00:15:27 Let's just take a second.
00:15:30 Honestly?
00:15:33 Looks a little bit like the inside
00:15:38 What the hell's going on?
00:15:40 But look, no, the rhinest--
00:15:42 -It's beautiful, honestly--
00:15:45 I'm talking about Ben.
00:15:48 You know, I wrote seven pages
00:15:51 ...and all he can muster up for me is some
00:15:56 -That's it?
00:15:59 Lay it on me.
00:16:01 Oh, God.
00:16:03 Please tell me everything's gonna be fine.
00:16:06 What do you want me to say?
00:16:09 Sadie, my marriage failed.
00:16:12 I watch Titanic by myself, alone,
00:16:15 ...stuffing my face
00:16:19 Not the one to give you any tips or advice
00:16:22 ...no matter how desperate you are.
00:16:25 Sorry.
00:16:27 However, I do recall my ex
00:16:33 Really?
00:16:36 That's kind of promising.
00:16:38 Yeah.
00:16:39 It was probably because he was
00:16:41 ...sleeping with our dental hygienist,
00:16:46 Hey, but your hygienist is a guy, right?
00:16:48 Yeah.
00:16:51 You're fine.
00:17:06 Is this a piece of work?
00:17:10 When two people say "l do"...
00:17:11 ...they're putting their lives
00:17:14 Anything less than that
00:17:17 Now, the last test you have to pass...
00:17:19 ...before I certify you
00:17:22 ...is the communication test.
00:17:25 Which is very important...
00:17:27 ...given how poorly we've been doing
00:17:30 Oh, me? Don't worry.
00:17:31 I plan on communicating very well--
00:17:33 Okay, Ben, can you please
00:17:37 -Thank you.
00:17:40 -Sorry, reverend.
00:17:43 To demonstrate how important
00:17:48 -What?
00:17:51 -What are you doing?
00:17:54 You're gonna be Sadie's eyes
00:17:56 -You're insane!
00:18:00 ...and get married tomorrow,
00:18:03 Your call.
00:18:04 -Yeah. Yeah. I can do this.
00:18:09 -What, Ben, you don't think I can do this?
00:18:13 ...what's going on here.
00:18:14 Ben, there's two sets of controls.
00:18:17 I can take over at any time.
00:18:21 What'll it be, Benjamin?
00:18:22 Yeah.
00:18:24 Well, I'm gonna need
00:18:27 First you need to put it in gear.
00:18:28 -Check.
00:18:31 ...onto the street.
00:18:36 Left. Left!
00:18:38 There you are. Right.
00:18:41 Ben, did you see a clipboard back there?
00:18:43 There it is. Least it's warm.
00:18:45 -What--?
00:18:47 You will be graded.
00:18:50 ...consider getting married in Vegas.
00:18:52 You know what?
00:18:54 Maybe you can get an
00:18:57 "Hey, my wife. Yeah."
00:19:03 -Ben, you wanna help your future bride?
00:19:06 How about we take a right?
00:19:08 You might wanna brake.
00:19:12 Sorry. I'm sorry. I just, I got nervous.
00:19:15 That's very good.
00:19:18 More enthusiasm
00:19:19 Oh, my God, I'm having so much fun!
00:19:23 Sarcasm, wicked stepsister
00:19:25 -Point off.
00:19:27 -A right? Now?
00:19:31 It's a one-way street!
00:19:32 Okay, well, then should I pull over?
00:19:34 No, no. Just go straight.
00:19:36 Oh, my-- Jesus. Okay, okay.
00:19:40 -ln about 20 yards we're gonna turn.
00:19:45 Here we go. Turning now!
00:19:48 There's a man.
00:19:52 Look out!
00:19:56 -I'm blind, Ben!
00:19:59 Is that what you do
00:20:01 You're just gonna quit?
00:20:03 I need to count on you, Ben.
00:20:04 Life will hand you stress
00:20:08 -...is not letting it contaminate your partner.
00:20:12 -Where?
00:20:16 Yeah!
00:20:19 I'm pretty sure I'm not learning
00:20:22 -Are we good? Are we good?
00:20:24 Looking good, Hollywood!
00:20:26 -I feel like I'm not getting any guidance.
00:20:30 -Wait, wait. Why would we do that?
00:20:34 Gun it, Sadie.
00:20:40 -I never get this space!
00:20:42 Perfect.
00:20:46 Hello, Jones family. How's it going?
00:20:48 Hello, reverend.
00:20:50 Daughter's a good little driver.
00:20:55 Well, you have the wedding processional.
00:20:59 ...or one couple actually had Captain and
00:21:03 It's your call.
00:21:06 ...I'll start by saying something nice.
00:21:08 Speaking of that, let's give a big
00:21:11 ...to Ben Murphy's parents,
00:21:15 Came all the way from Seattle.
00:21:17 Then I get into a brief message about
00:21:21 ...and that on your honeymoon,
00:21:24 It's an old joke, but sometimes works.
00:21:26 Then we got prayer, hymn, prayer, hymn.
00:21:28 And then we get into the vows.
00:21:31 In my course, the couple
00:21:34 And that in mind, may I have your vows?
00:21:37 Thank you.
00:21:39 Thank you.
00:21:43 -Ben?
00:21:44 Got the vows?
00:21:46 Ben, where are your vows?
00:21:48 Oh, I have them. I just--
00:21:49 I haven't finished them, but I will
00:21:53 Okey-dokey.
00:21:57 After the vows,
00:21:59 -It's true, by the way.
00:22:02 Thinking's good.
00:22:03 -Yes, I wanna think about everything.
00:22:06 I'm guessing these aren't
00:22:08 Okay, because I used to think that we were
00:22:14 ...and now...
00:22:16 -Look at us, Ben.
00:22:18 -Ben, you want two kids, and I want four.
00:22:21 You obviously think my family
00:22:25 -You never take the lead on things, Ben!
00:22:28 I'm not adventurous enough in bed, right?
00:22:31 And I'm not as handsome as Carlisle,
00:22:34 Carlisle has nothing to do with it.
00:22:36 -Carlisle has everything to do with it.
00:22:39 Because he is someone whose opinion
00:22:42 Oh, God. When have l
00:22:46 You just don't have to.
00:22:47 "Carlisle, what crystal should we use?
00:22:49 What brand of cheese is good, Carlisle? "
00:22:53 God, I am so sick of you
00:22:56 -Carlisle's cheese. Explore that, Ben.
00:23:01 Because all you've done is everything
00:23:05 I've worked very hard to create lines
00:23:09 ...to let you know what you're in for.
00:23:12 -You're onto it.
00:23:13 We are discovering
00:23:16 -Really?
00:23:18 -Guys, seriously, space, please.
00:23:21 Okay. Okay. You know what?
00:23:23 I didn't wanna have to do this,
00:23:26 So aside from the fact that
00:23:29 Excuse me, what?
00:23:30 I've mounted an investigation.
00:23:33 One that I think you would be
00:23:35 So Frankie, should I tell them
00:23:40 What do you want me to tell them?
00:23:42 What I want you to tell them
00:23:45 ...and ever-so-intuitive reverend
00:23:50 ...and then subsequently divorced
00:23:54 That's not true.
00:23:56 Reverend Frank has never been
00:24:00 That's what I thought too,
00:24:03 But...
00:24:04 ...Reverend Frank?
00:24:08 It's true.
00:24:09 What?
00:24:10 Oh, it's very true.
00:24:11 How can we trust anything
00:24:15 We have put our relationship
00:24:20 I didn't wanna have to talk about this
00:24:24 ...but enough time has passed
00:24:27 Yes. Please do.
00:24:28 Several years ago, a young woman named
00:24:33 She was a refugee who was
00:24:36 If she was deported back to Guatemala,
00:24:41 So in order for her and her children
00:24:44 ...I agreed to marry her
00:24:48 Once she was legal, we divorced.
00:24:51 She moved to New Mexico with her kids.
00:24:53 A couple of years ago I got a letter
00:24:57 ...that her oldest
00:25:01 He was going to graduate
00:25:05 ...he was going to go
00:25:07 And that is the story of Maria Gonzales.
00:25:12 I keep their pictures in my wallet...
00:25:16 ...to remind me that one person
00:25:20 ...even against insurmountable odds.
00:25:23 That's--
00:25:25 Ben.
00:25:28 If you had just spent half the amount
00:25:33 ...as this stupid little investigation...
00:25:37 ...we would probably be walking
00:25:40 And, no, no...
00:25:43 I can't do it.
00:25:51 -Unbelievable.
00:25:56 Benjamin.
00:25:59 Are you happy now?
00:26:02 It's a painful process.
00:26:04 That's why we do it.
00:26:06 To find the truth, Benjamin.
00:26:08 Sometim--
00:26:12 Why did you punch the reverend?
00:26:16 Nice right hook, but you are going to hell.
00:26:20 I'm sorry. J.C., I'm sorry.
00:26:24 Three weeks.
00:26:28 Man, I haven't seen a right hook like that
00:26:32 I hate this part.
00:26:34 I'll get the bag of frozen peas.
00:26:37 Here we go.
00:27:02 Hi.
00:27:05 I can't believe I was about to marry
00:27:07 That's why we have the course.
00:27:10 It's good that I found out now
00:27:13 ...because that just
00:27:16 I'm sorry, he just, he makes me so mad.
00:27:19 What am I supposed to do now?
00:27:22 -You still have your honeymoon tickets?
00:27:24 Use them.
00:27:25 Go away for a couple of days.
00:27:30 -I don't know.
00:27:33 Get a tan, huh? Trust me.
00:27:40 See you, kiddo.
00:27:43 You know...
00:27:45 ...maybe Ben wasn't the only...
00:27:48 No.
00:27:49 -No, no. What? What?
00:27:59 I mean, it wasn't supposed
00:28:02 Yeah, I feel as bad as you do.
00:28:05 Now she's using her honeymoon
00:28:09 I mean, how is that supposed
00:28:12 Bad. I think.
00:28:16 Three weeks ago, I was the happiest guy
00:28:23 Now I'm just sitting here with you.
00:28:25 Thanks.
00:28:29 No, you know what I mean, I just--
00:28:31 Hey, it's cool.
00:28:33 Look, don't take this the wrong way,
00:28:38 ...but there are plenty of fish in the sea.
00:28:40 And now it's your time to be
00:28:43 ...and get out there
00:28:46 The ocean is yours, man.
00:28:50 That's the stupidest thing
00:28:54 Okay.
00:28:57 You're a bear.
00:28:59 Now jump in that forest...
00:29:00 ...and you gotta tag as many
00:29:03 Joel...
00:29:05 ...you're my best friend, man.
00:29:07 -And I love you. You know that?
00:29:11 But you have got to be
00:29:16 I mean, not only is your
00:29:19 ...it just backfires at every turn.
00:29:22 And now you're talking to me
00:29:26 She's a woman, Joel.
00:29:30 And she's just so beautiful.
00:29:32 And she's loving and...
00:29:36 It was all right there...
00:29:40 ...and I lost it.
00:29:44 And I don't need you telling me
00:29:48 I mean, I don't need anybody
00:29:53 I don't need anyone telling me.
00:29:57 Wait. Where you--
00:30:05 No way.
00:30:11 Whoa! Is that one strike
00:30:14 Two.
00:30:15 Awesome job with the camouflage, guys.
00:30:18 Seriously, you got me.
00:30:19 Who'd have thought you'd be in a van
00:30:22 Just listening to the ball game!
00:30:25 Cubs are off today.
00:30:43 Hey, Gillie.
00:30:44 This guy say he's in love.
00:30:47 Well, see, we were supposed to get married
00:30:52 Oh, no. It's a long story. Just...
00:30:55 Man, you don't have to worry,
00:30:57 It's really a long ride.
00:31:00 Well, what happened was...
00:31:04 It is absolutely beautiful here.
00:31:09 Hey, Mom, you gonna get in your bikini?
00:31:11 Like hell I will.
00:31:21 Talk to her. This is for lovers, man!
00:31:24 Thank you.
00:31:41 It's Ben.
00:31:47 -What?
00:31:49 -I know. What do you want?
00:31:52 Guess what, Ben?
00:31:54 You had your chance. You had an empty
00:31:58 -And that's part of the thing. Listen--
00:32:01 -...I don't wanna talk to you.
00:32:04 Sadie?
00:32:06 How come I could say so much
00:32:09 Can someone please explain that?
00:32:17 Sorry.
00:32:18 I was just clearing my throat.
00:32:20 -John!
00:32:22 A piece of coconut went down
00:32:25 Your daughter's in pain.
00:32:27 -Yes, I'm in pain. And I'm all alone too.
00:32:29 -I'm alone.
00:32:32 Is anyone at all concerned
00:32:35 Oh, of course we are, sweetie.
00:32:38 But relationships are complicated.
00:32:41 -We certainly don't have all the answers.
00:32:45 -You must be doing something right.
00:32:50 Years 1 6 through 1 8 in our marriage were
00:32:55 Okay, but Ben and I couldn't even decide on
00:32:59 ...Iet alone how many kids.
00:33:01 And he couldn't handle that
00:33:04 I don't know if it's our friendship
00:33:07 Really?
00:33:09 Listen, I'm gonna support you here.
00:33:12 But you gotta think about this
00:33:15 How do you think he feels when you're
00:33:18 -I don't go to you all the time.
00:33:22 Just maybe...
00:33:25 ...Ben wants to be with somebody
00:33:29 That's really heartfelt.
00:33:49 -Does this happen all the time?
00:33:51 To go from being so in love to this.
00:33:54 You know, I'm all alone
00:33:57 ...couples in love all over the place.
00:34:01 Well, is it ever what you picture?
00:34:04 Were we the first ones to fail the course?
00:34:07 Who said the course is over?
00:34:11 I don't know what to do.
00:34:14 It'll come to you.
00:34:15 Have faith.
00:34:19 Thank you, Reverend Frank.
00:34:23 Right on schedule.
00:34:24 Hallelujah. Now do you mind?
00:34:28 No smoking on this flight, but you
00:35:20 -Ben?
00:35:22 You picked up.
00:35:24 It's so weird.
00:35:27 You were?
00:35:29 Yeah.
00:35:31 My family said some things
00:35:36 ...me not relying on you and...
00:35:40 ...it got me thinking...
00:35:43 ...about that stupid truck...
00:35:45 ...you drew in your wedding
00:35:47 And I know this is gonna
00:35:55 ...it's why I love you.
00:35:58 You don't always say the right things
00:36:03 ...I know you would jump through
00:36:08 Hey, can you do me a favor?
00:36:12 I think you should come to your window.
00:36:36 I left my vow book at home so...
00:36:39 ...I figured I should write
00:36:43 What do you think?
00:36:54 -I am so sorry. I messed up.
00:36:56 There's so much to say.
00:36:58 I need to stop doing everything myself
00:37:01 No matter what I do,
00:37:04 If I'm ever blindfolded,
00:37:07 I want to have as many kids
00:37:09 Really?
00:37:11 I need to be more decisive.
00:37:13 -About napkins, about--
00:37:16 ...at the end of the day,
00:37:19 Because nothing means
00:37:22 Nothing. I love you.
00:37:25 I love you.
00:37:34 What's going on here?
00:37:38 Reverend Frank?
00:37:42 Reverend Frank is
00:37:45 Thought you two broke up.
00:37:47 We did. We just sort of talked it through.
00:37:51 Seems like we have more faith
00:37:54 Congratulations.
00:37:55 You just passed the course
00:37:59 So how about it?
00:38:00 Do you think we should
00:38:04 I do.
00:38:06 And do you,
00:38:09 ...take Sadie Wilhelmina Jones
00:38:14 -I do.
00:38:22 "Never to fart"?
00:38:24 Oh, my God.
00:38:25 I didn't change it.
00:38:28 -I promise I will.
00:38:29 Bite your tongue, because I wouldn't want
00:38:33 No.
00:38:42 Ready?
00:38:46 By the power vested in me by God...
00:38:49 ...and the Minister of National Security
00:38:54 ...I now pronounce you
00:39:38 You gotta turn. There it is!
00:39:55 Frank, we just wanted to come
00:39:58 -I'm just fulfilling my life's calling.
00:40:00 -We wouldn't have gotten here without you.
00:40:04 You're gonna have a wonderful life.
00:40:06 Excuse me, may I borrow my daughter--
00:40:10 -Yes, please.
00:40:12 -Bye.
00:40:15 Hey, can I ask you a question?
00:40:16 Sure.
00:40:18 When did you know that we were
00:40:20 The moment you told Joel that Sadie wasn't
00:40:25 Besides, anybody who kicks
00:40:29 ...you're A-okay in my book.
00:40:30 Well...
00:40:32 You're starting an incredible journey
00:40:35 Thank you.
00:40:36 And on the honeymoon, act surprised.
00:40:40 I will.
00:40:42 -Take care of yourself, B.
00:40:54 Oh, my God.
00:41:01 -Wait.
00:41:04 I know. I lost-- We broke--
00:41:08 But it's okay if we laugh, right?
00:41:10 It's not okay if we laugh, is it?
00:41:15 -You broke!
00:41:18 We still got a siren. My ride's here.
00:41:20 I like shooting downtown L.A.,
00:41:23 I'll be over here.
00:41:28 Whoa!
00:41:32 That goes for you too, Mr. Simpson.
00:41:39 I thought you'd work so hard!
00:41:42 Just get me a bottle of water
00:41:51 Come on.
00:41:56 People, we can do this.
00:42:00 Ben?
00:42:05 Help out, everybody.
00:42:10 You play cutch?
00:42:13 "Cutch."
00:42:14 Let me walk back and cutch,
00:42:18 That's scary that I could
00:42:20 Oh, my God.
00:42:23 No. Stop.
00:42:28 I'm gonna look like such a rookie,
00:42:32 Cut.
00:42:38 -Yeah!
00:47:46 [ENGLlSH]