|
Life Of Brian
|
| 00:01:40 |
- Who are you? |
| 00:01:43 |
- What? |
| 00:01:46 |
Well, what are you doing creeping around |
| 00:01:49 |
That doesn't sound |
| 00:01:52 |
- We are astrologers. |
| 00:01:55 |
Is this some kind of joke? |
| 00:01:58 |
We wish to praise the infant. |
| 00:02:00 |
We must pay homage to him. |
| 00:02:02 |
Homage? You're drunk! |
| 00:02:05 |
Out the door! Out! Bashing me with |
| 00:02:09 |
- Come on, out! |
| 00:02:12 |
- Go and praise someone else's brat. |
| 00:02:15 |
Led by a bottle, |
| 00:02:17 |
We must see him. |
| 00:02:20 |
- Out! |
| 00:02:22 |
Well, why didn't you say? |
| 00:02:25 |
Sorry the place |
| 00:02:29 |
- Well, what is myrrh anyway? |
| 00:02:32 |
A balm? What are you giving him |
| 00:02:36 |
- What? |
| 00:02:40 |
- No, it isn't. |
| 00:02:42 |
- It's great big and |
| 00:02:45 |
Well, there is an animal |
| 00:02:49 |
So you're astrologers, are you? |
| 00:02:53 |
- Hmm? |
| 00:02:55 |
- Well, Capricorn. |
| 00:03:00 |
He is the Son of God, |
| 00:03:02 |
King of the Jews! |
| 00:03:04 |
- That's Capricorn, is it? |
| 00:03:08 |
Oh, I was gonna say, otherwise |
| 00:03:11 |
- By what name are you calling him? |
| 00:03:14 |
We worship you, O Brian, |
| 00:03:19 |
Praise unto you, Brian, and |
| 00:03:25 |
- You do a lot of this, then? |
| 00:03:27 |
- This praising. |
| 00:03:29 |
Well, if you're |
| 00:03:32 |
And thanks a lot for |
| 00:03:35 |
But don't worry too much |
| 00:03:38 |
Thank you. |
| 00:03:42 |
Well, weren't they nice? |
| 00:03:45 |
Out of their bloody minds, |
| 00:03:48 |
Here! Here! |
| 00:03:51 |
That That's mine! |
| 00:04:07 |
- Shut up! |
| 00:04:18 |
Brian |
| 00:04:20 |
The babe they called Brian |
| 00:04:25 |
He grew |
| 00:04:28 |
Grew, grew and grew |
| 00:04:31 |
Grew up to be |
| 00:04:34 |
Grew up to be |
| 00:04:38 |
A boy called Brian |
| 00:04:41 |
A boy called Brian |
| 00:04:46 |
He had arms and legs |
| 00:04:50 |
And hands and feet |
| 00:04:53 |
This boy |
| 00:04:55 |
Whose name was Brian |
| 00:05:00 |
And he grew |
| 00:05:03 |
Grew, grew and grew |
| 00:05:06 |
Grew up to be |
| 00:05:09 |
Yes, he grew up to be |
| 00:05:13 |
A teenager called Brian |
| 00:05:16 |
A teenager called Brian |
| 00:05:20 |
And his face became spotty |
| 00:05:23 |
Yes, his face became spotty |
| 00:05:27 |
And his voice |
| 00:05:31 |
And things started to grow |
| 00:05:34 |
On young Brian and show |
| 00:05:37 |
He was certainly no |
| 00:05:41 |
No girl named Brian |
| 00:05:45 |
Not a girl named Brian |
| 00:05:56 |
And he started to shave |
| 00:05:59 |
And have one off the wrist |
| 00:06:02 |
And want to see girls |
| 00:06:06 |
And go out and get pissed |
| 00:06:09 |
A man called Brian |
| 00:06:13 |
This man called Brian |
| 00:06:16 |
The man they called Brian |
| 00:06:24 |
This man called |
| 00:06:28 |
Bri |
| 00:06:37 |
- Aah! |
| 00:07:19 |
How blessed are those who know |
| 00:07:23 |
How blessed are the sorrowful. |
| 00:07:30 |
How blessed are those |
| 00:07:34 |
They shall have the earth |
| 00:07:39 |
How blessed are those |
| 00:07:43 |
to see right prevail. |
| 00:07:46 |
They shall be satisfied. |
| 00:07:50 |
How blessed are those |
| 00:07:54 |
They shall see God. |
| 00:07:56 |
- Speak up! |
| 00:07:59 |
Well, I can't hear a thing. |
| 00:08:04 |
- Shhh! |
| 00:08:07 |
- Oh, come on, Brian. |
| 00:08:11 |
Don't pick your nose. |
| 00:08:13 |
I wasn't picking my nose. |
| 00:08:16 |
You was picking it |
| 00:08:18 |
- I wasn't. |
| 00:08:21 |
Do you mind? |
| 00:08:24 |
Don't you "do you mind" me! |
| 00:08:27 |
Well, go and talk to him somewhere else. |
| 00:08:31 |
Don't you swear at my wife. |
| 00:08:33 |
I was only asking her to shut up so |
| 00:08:36 |
- Don't you call my husband "Big Nose." |
| 00:08:40 |
Could you be quiet, please? |
| 00:08:42 |
I was too busy |
| 00:08:44 |
I think it was, |
| 00:08:47 |
What's so special |
| 00:08:50 |
Well, obviously, it's not meant |
| 00:08:53 |
It refers to any manufacturers |
| 00:08:56 |
See, if you hadn't been going on, |
| 00:08:59 |
Hey! Say that once more, |
| 00:09:02 |
Better keep listening. Might be a bit |
| 00:09:05 |
Oh, lay off him. |
| 00:09:07 |
Oh, you're not so bad |
| 00:09:09 |
Where are you two from, |
| 00:09:11 |
One more time, mate, I'll |
| 00:09:14 |
Language! |
| 00:09:18 |
I wasn't gonna pick my nose. |
| 00:09:21 |
- Hear that? "Blessed are the Greek." |
| 00:09:24 |
Well, apparently |
| 00:09:26 |
- Did anyone catch his name? |
| 00:09:29 |
I'll thump him |
| 00:09:32 |
- Oh, shut up, Big Nose. |
| 00:09:35 |
- I really will slug you so hard |
| 00:09:39 |
"Blessed are the meek"! |
| 00:09:42 |
I'm glad they're getting something, |
| 00:09:45 |
Listen, I'm only telling the truth. |
| 00:09:49 |
Hey, your nose gonna be three foot wide |
| 00:09:54 |
- Shhh! |
| 00:09:57 |
Oh. Right. |
| 00:09:59 |
Oh, do pipe down. |
| 00:10:02 |
Silly bitch. |
| 00:10:09 |
Oh, come on. |
| 00:10:12 |
All right. |
| 00:10:16 |
Blessed is just about anyone with |
| 00:10:20 |
Well, what Jesus fails to appreciate |
| 00:10:25 |
Yes, yes. Absolutely, Reg. |
| 00:10:29 |
Oh, come on, Brian. They're gonna |
| 00:10:34 |
All right. |
| 00:10:37 |
- That's disgusting. |
| 00:10:40 |
It's the chap with a big nose's fault. |
| 00:10:45 |
Oh, I hate wearing these beards. |
| 00:10:47 |
Why aren't women allowed |
| 00:10:50 |
It's written, that's why. |
| 00:10:52 |
Beard, madame? |
| 00:10:54 |
Oh, look, I haven't got time |
| 00:10:57 |
He's not well again. |
| 00:10:59 |
- Stone, sir? |
| 00:11:01 |
No, they got them up there, |
| 00:11:04 |
Oh, not like these, sir. |
| 00:11:06 |
Feel the quality of that. |
| 00:11:09 |
Well, all right. We'll have two |
| 00:11:13 |
- Can I have a flat one, Mum? |
| 00:11:15 |
- Sorry. Dad. |
| 00:11:17 |
Two points, two flats |
| 00:11:20 |
Packet of gravel. Should be |
| 00:11:22 |
- Who? |
| 00:11:24 |
- Oh, good. |
| 00:11:45 |
Matthias, son |
| 00:11:48 |
- Do I say yes? Yes. |
| 00:11:50 |
You have been found guilty |
| 00:11:54 |
of uttering |
| 00:11:57 |
- And so as a blasphemer... |
| 00:12:01 |
you are to be stoned to death. |
| 00:12:03 |
- Look, I'd had a lovely supper, |
| 00:12:07 |
and all I said to my wife was, |
| 00:12:09 |
"That piece of halibut |
| 00:12:12 |
- Blasphemy! He said it again! |
| 00:12:15 |
- Did you hear him? |
| 00:12:20 |
Really! |
| 00:12:25 |
Are there any women |
| 00:12:33 |
Very well. By virtue |
| 00:12:38 |
Ow! Lay off! |
| 00:12:41 |
Come on! |
| 00:12:44 |
Who threw that stone? |
| 00:12:47 |
She did! She did! |
| 00:12:49 |
He did! He did! |
| 00:12:51 |
Sorry. I thought |
| 00:12:54 |
- Go to the back. |
| 00:12:57 |
Always one, isn't there? |
| 00:13:01 |
Look, I don't think it ought to be |
| 00:13:05 |
- You're only making it |
| 00:13:09 |
Making it worse? |
| 00:13:12 |
- Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah! |
| 00:13:15 |
I'm warning you, if you say |
| 00:13:19 |
Right. |
| 00:13:22 |
Come on. |
| 00:13:27 |
Him, him, him. |
| 00:13:29 |
- Was it you? |
| 00:13:31 |
- Right |
| 00:13:37 |
Stop! Will you stop that? |
| 00:13:40 |
Stop it! Now, look! |
| 00:13:45 |
until I blow this whistle. |
| 00:13:47 |
Do you understand? Even and I want |
| 00:13:52 |
Even if they do say "Jehovah." |
| 00:14:01 |
Good shot! Bravo! |
| 00:14:14 |
- Have I got a big nose, Mum? |
| 00:14:18 |
- I wasn't! |
| 00:14:22 |
"Will the girls like this? |
| 00:14:24 |
Is it too big? |
| 00:14:27 |
Here you are, mate. |
| 00:14:29 |
- Bless you, sir. |
| 00:14:32 |
- Alms for a leper. |
| 00:14:35 |
Bloody donkey owners. |
| 00:14:38 |
Never have any change. |
| 00:14:41 |
- Spare a talent for an old exleper? |
| 00:14:44 |
Spare a talent |
| 00:14:47 |
A talent? |
| 00:14:50 |
- Half a talent, then. |
| 00:14:52 |
- Come on, Big Nose, let's haggle. |
| 00:14:54 |
You open at one shekel. |
| 00:14:58 |
- No. |
| 00:15:00 |
- Go away! |
| 00:15:02 |
- Leave him alone! |
| 00:15:05 |
Look, he's not giving you |
| 00:15:13 |
- All right. Half a shekel |
| 00:15:18 |
Sixteen years behind the bell, |
| 00:15:21 |
- Well, what happened? |
| 00:15:23 |
- Cured? |
| 00:15:26 |
- Well, who cured you? |
| 00:15:29 |
I was hopping along, |
| 00:15:31 |
All of a sudden, |
| 00:15:34 |
One minute, |
| 00:15:36 |
next minute, |
| 00:15:38 |
"You're cured, mate." |
| 00:15:40 |
Well, why don't you go and tell him |
| 00:15:44 |
I could do that, sir. |
| 00:15:47 |
I was gonna ask him if he'd |
| 00:15:51 |
You know, something beggable but not |
| 00:15:54 |
Brian! Come and clean |
| 00:15:57 |
- There you are. |
| 00:16:00 |
Half a denary? |
| 00:16:03 |
There's no pleasing |
| 00:16:05 |
That's just |
| 00:16:19 |
- Oh! |
| 00:16:22 |
Oh, uh, hello, officer. |
| 00:16:25 |
I'll be with you in a few |
| 00:16:29 |
- What's he doing here? |
| 00:16:33 |
- Bloody Romans! |
| 00:16:35 |
If it wasn't for him, |
| 00:16:38 |
- And don't you forget it. |
| 00:16:41 |
- Well, that's not entirely true. |
| 00:16:45 |
- Well, you know you were |
| 00:16:49 |
Yes. Well, there's a reason |
| 00:16:52 |
What is it? |
| 00:16:54 |
Well, I suppose I should've |
| 00:16:57 |
- What? |
| 00:17:01 |
your father |
| 00:17:04 |
- Well, I never thought he was. |
| 00:17:07 |
He was a Roman, Brian. |
| 00:17:09 |
He was a centurion |
| 00:17:12 |
- You mean you were raped? |
| 00:17:17 |
- Who was it? |
| 00:17:21 |
Promised me |
| 00:17:23 |
I was to be taken to Rome, |
| 00:17:26 |
slaves, asses' milk, |
| 00:17:28 |
as much gold as I could eat. |
| 00:17:31 |
Then he, having his way |
| 00:17:33 |
- Vroom, like a rat out of an aqueduct! |
| 00:17:37 |
Yeah, so next time you go on |
| 00:17:40 |
don't forget |
| 00:17:42 |
I'm not a Roman, Mum! |
| 00:17:45 |
I'm a kike, a Yid, |
| 00:17:48 |
I'm kosher, Mum! I'm a Red Sea |
| 00:17:57 |
Sex, sex, sex. That's all |
| 00:18:00 |
Well, how are you, |
| 00:18:21 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 00:18:25 |
is between... |
| 00:18:27 |
Frank Goliath, |
| 00:18:31 |
and Boris Mineburg. |
| 00:18:37 |
Larks' tongues. |
| 00:18:41 |
Chaffinch brains. |
| 00:18:45 |
Wolf's nipple chips. Get 'em |
| 00:18:48 |
Dromedary pretzels, only half a denar. |
| 00:18:52 |
I do feel, Reg, that any |
| 00:18:56 |
must reflect such a divergence |
| 00:19:00 |
- Oh, great. Francis? |
| 00:19:04 |
provided the movement |
| 00:19:06 |
- that it is the inalienable |
| 00:19:08 |
or woman |
| 00:19:10 |
- Or herself. |
| 00:19:12 |
- Agreed. |
| 00:19:13 |
- Or sister. |
| 00:19:15 |
- Where was I? |
| 00:19:17 |
- I think you finished. |
| 00:19:20 |
Furthermore, it is |
| 00:19:23 |
- Or woman. |
| 00:19:26 |
Women have a perfect right |
| 00:19:30 |
Why are you always on |
| 00:19:32 |
I want to be one. |
| 00:19:36 |
- What? |
| 00:19:39 |
From now on, I want you all |
| 00:19:44 |
- What? |
| 00:19:47 |
Well, why do you want |
| 00:19:51 |
I want to have babies. |
| 00:19:54 |
You want to have babies? |
| 00:19:56 |
It's every man's right |
| 00:19:59 |
- But you can't have babies. |
| 00:20:02 |
I'm not oppressing you. |
| 00:20:05 |
Where is the fetus |
| 00:20:08 |
You're gonna keep it |
| 00:20:13 |
Here, I've got an idea. |
| 00:20:15 |
Suppose you agree that |
| 00:20:18 |
not having a womb which is |
| 00:20:21 |
but that he can have |
| 00:20:24 |
Good idea, Judith. |
| 00:20:27 |
for your right to have |
| 00:20:29 |
- Sister. Sorry. |
| 00:20:32 |
- What? |
| 00:20:35 |
when he can't have babies? |
| 00:20:39 |
It is symbolic of our |
| 00:20:44 |
Symbolic of his struggle |
| 00:20:55 |
It's dangerous out there. |
| 00:21:19 |
Larks' tongues. Otters' noses. |
| 00:21:23 |
- Got any nuts? |
| 00:21:26 |
- I've got wrens' livers, |
| 00:21:29 |
- Otters' noses? |
| 00:21:32 |
- Why don't you sell proper food? |
| 00:21:35 |
Yeah, and not those rich, |
| 00:21:38 |
Well, don't blame me. |
| 00:21:41 |
All right. |
| 00:21:43 |
- Make it two. Thanks, Reg. |
| 00:21:46 |
- Are you the Judean People's Front? |
| 00:21:49 |
- What? |
| 00:21:52 |
We're the People's Front of Judea! |
| 00:21:55 |
- Judean People's Front! |
| 00:22:01 |
- Can I join your group? |
| 00:22:04 |
I didn't want to sell |
| 00:22:07 |
- I hate the Romans as much as anybody! |
| 00:22:11 |
- Are you sure? |
| 00:22:16 |
Listen, if you wanted |
| 00:22:19 |
you'd have to really |
| 00:22:22 |
- I do. |
| 00:22:25 |
A lot. |
| 00:22:29 |
Right. You're in. |
| 00:22:32 |
Listen. The only people |
| 00:22:35 |
are the fuckin' |
| 00:22:37 |
- Yeah! |
| 00:22:39 |
- And the Judean Popular People's Front. |
| 00:22:42 |
- And the People's Front of Judea. |
| 00:22:44 |
- What? |
| 00:22:47 |
We're the People's Front of Judea! |
| 00:22:50 |
Oh. I thought we were |
| 00:22:53 |
People's Front! |
| 00:22:55 |
- What happened to the Popular Front? |
| 00:23:02 |
Splitter! |
| 00:23:10 |
Oh! I think I'm about |
| 00:23:15 |
- Absolutely dreadful. |
| 00:23:30 |
Brother! Haha! |
| 00:23:35 |
Brian. Brian Cohen. |
| 00:23:38 |
We may have a little job |
| 00:24:36 |
What's this, then? |
| 00:24:40 |
"People called Romanes, |
| 00:24:43 |
Ilt says "Romans, go home." |
| 00:24:46 |
No, it doesn't. |
| 00:24:50 |
- Come on! |
| 00:24:52 |
- Goes like? |
| 00:24:54 |
- Vocative plural of "annus" is? |
| 00:24:56 |
- "Romani." |
| 00:24:59 |
- "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? |
| 00:25:02 |
Conjugate the verb "to go." |
| 00:25:04 |
"lre, eo, is, it, |
| 00:25:07 |
So "eunt" is? |
| 00:25:10 |
Third person plural, |
| 00:25:12 |
But "Romans, go home" is |
| 00:25:17 |
- The imperative. |
| 00:25:19 |
Um, oh, oh, "i." |
| 00:25:21 |
- How many Romans? |
| 00:25:24 |
- "lte." |
| 00:25:27 |
- "Domus"? Nominative? |
| 00:25:30 |
"Go home." This is motion |
| 00:25:34 |
Dative! |
| 00:25:36 |
No, not dative! |
| 00:25:39 |
Accusative, accusative! |
| 00:25:41 |
- "Domum," sir. "Ad domum." |
| 00:25:45 |
- Locative, sir. |
| 00:25:47 |
- "Domum." |
| 00:25:49 |
- "Um." |
| 00:25:51 |
- Understand? |
| 00:25:53 |
Now, write it out 100 times. |
| 00:25:54 |
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. |
| 00:25:56 |
Hail Caesar. If it's not done |
| 00:25:59 |
Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. |
| 00:26:23 |
Finished! |
| 00:26:28 |
Right. Now, |
| 00:26:56 |
Hey, bloody Romans! |
| 00:27:32 |
We're gettin' in through the |
| 00:27:35 |
up through into the main |
| 00:27:38 |
and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. |
| 00:27:41 |
Having grabbed his wife, we inform |
| 00:27:45 |
and forthwith issue our demands. |
| 00:27:47 |
- Any questions? |
| 00:27:50 |
We're giving Pilate |
| 00:27:52 |
the entire apparatus of |
| 00:27:55 |
and if he doesn't agree |
| 00:27:57 |
- Cut her head off? |
| 00:28:00 |
Send them back |
| 00:28:03 |
And, of course, we point out |
| 00:28:06 |
full responsibility |
| 00:28:09 |
and that we shall not submit |
| 00:28:12 |
No blackmail! |
| 00:28:14 |
They bled us white, the bastards. |
| 00:28:18 |
And not just from us. From our fathers |
| 00:28:22 |
And from our fathers' fathers' fathers. |
| 00:28:24 |
- And from our fathers' |
| 00:28:28 |
And what have they ever |
| 00:28:34 |
- The aqueduct. |
| 00:28:36 |
The aqueduct. |
| 00:28:38 |
Oh, yeah, yeah. |
| 00:28:41 |
And the sanitation. |
| 00:28:43 |
Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. |
| 00:28:47 |
Yeah, I'll grant you, |
| 00:28:51 |
- And the roads. |
| 00:28:54 |
I mean, the roads go |
| 00:28:56 |
But apart from the sanitation, |
| 00:28:59 |
- lrrigation. |
| 00:29:01 |
- Education. |
| 00:29:04 |
- And the wine. |
| 00:29:07 |
Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, |
| 00:29:10 |
- Public baths. |
| 00:29:14 |
Yeah, they certainly keep order. |
| 00:29:20 |
All right, but apart from |
| 00:29:23 |
education, wine, public order, |
| 00:29:26 |
the fresh water system |
| 00:29:29 |
what have the Romans |
| 00:29:32 |
- Brought peace. |
| 00:29:47 |
I'm a poor man. |
| 00:29:50 |
My legs are old and bent. |
| 00:29:52 |
It's all right, Matthias. |
| 00:29:54 |
It's all clear. |
| 00:30:04 |
Well, where's Reg? |
| 00:30:07 |
Oh, Reg. Reg, Judith. |
| 00:30:10 |
- What went wrong? |
| 00:30:14 |
- Did he finish the slogan? |
| 00:30:17 |
in letters ten foot high, |
| 00:30:21 |
Oh, great. Great. |
| 00:30:24 |
We We need doers |
| 00:30:27 |
but before you join us, know this: |
| 00:30:30 |
There is not one of us who |
| 00:30:32 |
to rid this country of |
| 00:30:35 |
- Oh, yeah, there's one. |
| 00:30:38 |
But otherwise, we're solid. |
| 00:30:41 |
Yes. |
| 00:30:43 |
From now on you shall be called |
| 00:30:48 |
Tell him about the raid |
| 00:30:51 |
Right. |
| 00:30:54 |
Now, this is the palace |
| 00:30:57 |
Our commando unit will approach |
| 00:31:00 |
and make our way |
| 00:31:04 |
If questioned, we are sewage workers |
| 00:31:08 |
Reg, our glorious leader |
| 00:31:11 |
will be coordinating consultant |
| 00:31:15 |
though he himself will not be taking |
| 00:31:18 |
as he has a bad back. |
| 00:31:20 |
- Aren't you going to come with us? |
| 00:31:22 |
Oh, yes, solidarity, Reg. |
| 00:31:25 |
Once in the sewer, |
| 00:31:28 |
There is a Roman feast later |
| 00:31:32 |
And don't wear |
| 00:31:35 |
Turning left here, we enter the |
| 00:31:38 |
and from there proceed |
| 00:31:41 |
This has just been retiled. So, |
| 00:31:46 |
We will now be directly beneath |
| 00:31:50 |
This is the moment for Habbakuk |
| 00:32:53 |
Shhh. Shhh. |
| 00:33:12 |
Campaign for Free Galilee. |
| 00:33:15 |
Oh, uh, People's Front |
| 00:33:18 |
- Oh. |
| 00:33:21 |
We're gonna kidnap Pilate's wife, |
| 00:33:24 |
- So are we. That's our plan. |
| 00:33:27 |
- We were here first. |
| 00:33:30 |
- We thought of it first. |
| 00:33:32 |
Yes, a couple of years ago. |
| 00:33:35 |
Come on. You got all your demands |
| 00:33:37 |
- Of course we have. |
| 00:33:39 |
- Well, I'm not telling you. |
| 00:33:42 |
That's not the point. |
| 00:33:45 |
- Did not! |
| 00:33:47 |
You bastards, we've been |
| 00:33:50 |
Well, tough pity for you, |
| 00:33:54 |
Brothers, we should |
| 00:33:57 |
- We mustn't fight each other. |
| 00:34:01 |
Surely, we should be united |
| 00:34:04 |
The Judean People's Front! |
| 00:34:07 |
No, no, the Romans! |
| 00:34:09 |
Oh, yeah, yeah. |
| 00:34:12 |
Yeah, he's right. |
| 00:34:21 |
- Right. Where were we? |
| 00:34:47 |
Brothers! |
| 00:35:19 |
What |
| 00:35:51 |
You lucky bastard. |
| 00:35:53 |
Who's that? |
| 00:35:55 |
You lucky, lucky bastard. |
| 00:35:57 |
What? |
| 00:36:00 |
- What do you mean? |
| 00:36:04 |
Slipped him a few shekels? |
| 00:36:07 |
Oh, what wouldn't I give |
| 00:36:11 |
I sometimes hang awake at night |
| 00:36:16 |
Well, it's not exactly friendly. |
| 00:36:19 |
Manacles? |
| 00:36:22 |
My idea of heaven is to be |
| 00:36:25 |
just for a few hours. |
| 00:36:27 |
They must think the sun shines |
| 00:36:32 |
Oh, lay off me! |
| 00:36:34 |
You've had a hard time? |
| 00:36:37 |
They only hung me the right way |
| 00:36:40 |
All right, all right. |
| 00:36:43 |
They must think |
| 00:36:47 |
- What will they do to me? |
| 00:36:51 |
- Crucifixion? |
| 00:36:54 |
Get away with crucifixion? |
| 00:36:56 |
- Best thing the Romans ever did for us. |
| 00:36:59 |
Oh, yeah, if we didn't have crucifixion, |
| 00:37:02 |
- Guard! |
| 00:37:05 |
- Guard! |
| 00:37:09 |
What do you want? |
| 00:37:11 |
- I want you to move me to another cell. |
| 00:37:14 |
- Aah! |
| 00:37:17 |
- Shut up, you! |
| 00:37:23 |
Now take my case. |
| 00:37:27 |
Every night, they take me down for |
| 00:37:30 |
which I regard as very fair |
| 00:37:33 |
And if nothing else, it's |
| 00:37:38 |
and it's taught me that you'll |
| 00:37:42 |
unless you're prepared to do |
| 00:37:46 |
Oh, shut up! |
| 00:37:49 |
- Here. |
| 00:37:52 |
- Me? |
| 00:37:54 |
Pilate? What's he want |
| 00:37:56 |
I think he wants to know which way up |
| 00:37:59 |
Nice one, centurion. Like it. |
| 00:38:03 |
- Shut up! |
| 00:38:07 |
Terrific race, the Romans. |
| 00:38:28 |
- Hail Caesar. |
| 00:38:30 |
- Only one survivor, sir. |
| 00:38:34 |
- What's that? |
| 00:38:37 |
Oh. |
| 00:38:42 |
Now, what is |
| 00:38:46 |
- Brian, sir. |
| 00:38:49 |
No, no. Brian. |
| 00:38:51 |
- Aah! |
| 00:38:53 |
The little rascal |
| 00:38:56 |
- Has what, sir? |
| 00:38:58 |
Yes, he did, sir. |
| 00:39:01 |
No, no. "Spiwit," "bwavado," |
| 00:39:05 |
Oh, uh, about 11, sir. |
| 00:39:10 |
So, you dare to "waid" us? |
| 00:39:14 |
To what, sir? |
| 00:39:16 |
"Stwike" him, centurion, |
| 00:39:18 |
- Aah! |
| 00:39:22 |
- What? |
| 00:39:24 |
Oh, yes, "thwow" him |
| 00:39:27 |
- Aah! |
| 00:39:32 |
I'm not Jewish. |
| 00:39:34 |
- A "Woman"? |
| 00:39:37 |
Aah! |
| 00:39:40 |
So, your father was |
| 00:39:45 |
He was a centurion |
| 00:39:48 |
Really? |
| 00:39:52 |
- "Naughtius Maximus." |
| 00:39:59 |
Centurion, do you have |
| 00:40:03 |
Well, no, sir. |
| 00:40:05 |
Well, you sound very sure. |
| 00:40:08 |
Well, no, sir. |
| 00:40:12 |
Like, uh, "Sillius Soddus" |
| 00:40:18 |
What's funny |
| 00:40:22 |
Well, it's a joke name, sir. |
| 00:40:26 |
I have a very great |
| 00:40:32 |
Silence! |
| 00:40:35 |
You will find yourself |
| 00:40:38 |
with "wotten" behavior like that. |
| 00:40:40 |
Can I go now, sir? |
| 00:40:44 |
Wait till Biggus Dickus |
| 00:40:46 |
- "Wight"! Take him away! |
| 00:40:50 |
- Oh, sir, he |
| 00:40:53 |
Yes, sir. |
| 00:41:00 |
I will not have my friends |
| 00:41:07 |
Anyone else feel like |
| 00:41:12 |
when I mention my "fwiend," |
| 00:41:15 |
- Biggus... |
| 00:41:19 |
- Dickus? |
| 00:41:24 |
What about you? |
| 00:41:31 |
when I say the name... |
| 00:41:34 |
Biggus... Dickus? |
| 00:41:58 |
He has a wife, you know? |
| 00:42:02 |
You know what she's called? |
| 00:42:07 |
She's called "lncontinentia." |
| 00:42:13 |
- "lncontinentia Buttocks." |
| 00:42:16 |
Shut up! |
| 00:42:18 |
I've had enough of this |
| 00:42:21 |
- Silence! Quiet! |
| 00:42:25 |
Seize him! Seize him! |
| 00:42:43 |
Hmm? Hmm. |
| 00:44:27 |
Oh, you lucky bastard. |
| 00:44:45 |
And the bezan |
| 00:44:48 |
And the eyes thereof red with |
| 00:44:53 |
And the whore of Babylon... |
| 00:44:56 |
shall ride forth |
| 00:44:59 |
And throughout the lands |
| 00:45:04 |
The demon shall bear |
| 00:45:09 |
Ninebladed not two |
| 00:45:13 |
which he will wield on all wretched |
| 00:45:18 |
And the whoring shall be |
| 00:45:22 |
There shall in that time |
| 00:45:28 |
um, and there shall be a great confusion |
| 00:45:32 |
And nobody will really know |
| 00:45:36 |
those little things... |
| 00:45:38 |
with the sort of raffia work |
| 00:45:41 |
At this time, a friend |
| 00:45:46 |
and the young shall not know |
| 00:45:50 |
the things possessed |
| 00:45:53 |
that their fathers put there |
| 00:45:56 |
Yea, it is written |
| 00:46:00 |
in that time |
| 00:46:12 |
How much, quick? |
| 00:46:15 |
- Oh, uh, 20 shekels. |
| 00:46:18 |
- What? |
| 00:46:20 |
- Wait a minute. |
| 00:46:22 |
- We're supposed to haggle. |
| 00:46:24 |
- What do you mean, no? |
| 00:46:26 |
- Well, give it back, then. |
| 00:46:29 |
- Burt, this bloke won't haggle. |
| 00:46:32 |
All right. |
| 00:46:35 |
- I want 20 for that. |
| 00:46:37 |
- Are you telling me |
| 00:46:40 |
- Feel the quality. |
| 00:46:44 |
- No, no, no. Do it properly. |
| 00:46:46 |
- Haggle properly. This isn't worth 19. |
| 00:46:49 |
Oh, dear, oh, dear. |
| 00:46:52 |
- All right, I'll give you ten. |
| 00:46:54 |
Ten? Are you |
| 00:46:57 |
Me with a poor, dying |
| 00:47:00 |
- All right, I'll give you 11. |
| 00:47:02 |
Did I hear you right? Eleven? |
| 00:47:07 |
- Seventeen? |
| 00:47:10 |
- Eighteen. |
| 00:47:12 |
- All right, I'll give you 14. |
| 00:47:15 |
- That's what you told me to say! |
| 00:47:18 |
Oh, tell me |
| 00:47:20 |
- Offer me 14. |
| 00:47:22 |
- He's offering me 14 for this! |
| 00:47:25 |
Seventeen. My last word. I won't take |
| 00:47:29 |
- Sixteen. |
| 00:47:30 |
Nice to do business with you. |
| 00:47:33 |
- I'll throw you in this as well. |
| 00:47:36 |
- Burt. |
| 00:47:38 |
- Now, where's the 16 you owe me? |
| 00:47:41 |
- Right. That's four I owe you, then. |
| 00:47:44 |
- I've got it here somewhere. |
| 00:47:46 |
Four? For this gourd? |
| 00:47:49 |
Look at it! It's worth ten |
| 00:47:52 |
- You gave it to me for nothing. |
| 00:47:55 |
All right, all right. |
| 00:47:59 |
No, no, no, no. |
| 00:48:02 |
You're supposed to argue. |
| 00:48:08 |
Oh, well. |
| 00:48:12 |
- Daniel. |
| 00:48:14 |
- Job. |
| 00:48:16 |
- Joshua. |
| 00:48:18 |
- Judges. |
| 00:48:20 |
- And Brian. |
| 00:48:23 |
I now propose that all seven |
| 00:48:28 |
be now entered in the minutes |
| 00:48:31 |
- I second that, Reg. |
| 00:48:35 |
Siblings, let us not |
| 00:48:39 |
One total catastrophe like this... |
| 00:48:42 |
is just the beginning! |
| 00:48:44 |
Their glorious deaths |
| 00:48:47 |
Look out! |
| 00:49:00 |
Hello? |
| 00:49:02 |
Matthias? |
| 00:49:04 |
- Reg? |
| 00:49:08 |
Reg, it's me, Brian. |
| 00:49:10 |
Get off! |
| 00:49:12 |
- Stan! |
| 00:49:14 |
- Yeah, piss off. |
| 00:49:19 |
Oh, shit! |
| 00:49:22 |
Coming. |
| 00:49:28 |
Yea, verily at that time it is |
| 00:49:32 |
a man shall strike his donkey |
| 00:49:40 |
My eyes are dim. |
| 00:49:43 |
- Are you Matthias? |
| 00:49:46 |
We have reason to believe |
| 00:49:49 |
a member of the terrorist organization, |
| 00:49:52 |
Me? No. |
| 00:49:55 |
I have no time |
| 00:49:57 |
My legs are grey. |
| 00:49:59 |
My eyes are old and bent. |
| 00:50:01 |
Quiet! |
| 00:50:03 |
Guards, search the house. |
| 00:50:16 |
You know the penalty |
| 00:50:19 |
for harboring |
| 00:50:21 |
- No. |
| 00:50:23 |
Oh. |
| 00:50:25 |
- Nasty, eh? |
| 00:50:29 |
What do you mean, |
| 00:50:31 |
Well, you could be stabbed. |
| 00:50:34 |
Stabbed? Takes a second. |
| 00:50:37 |
It's a slow, horrible death. |
| 00:50:40 |
Well, at least it gets you |
| 00:50:44 |
You're weird. |
| 00:50:53 |
No, sir. |
| 00:50:57 |
Well, don't worry. |
| 00:51:01 |
- Big Nose. |
| 00:51:06 |
Whew, that was lucky. |
| 00:51:12 |
I'm sorry, Reg. |
| 00:51:14 |
Oh, it's all right. |
| 00:51:17 |
He's sorry he led the Fifth Legion |
| 00:51:19 |
Well, that's all right, |
| 00:51:22 |
Have a scone. |
| 00:51:26 |
You stupid, birdbrained, |
| 00:51:37 |
- My legs are old and bent. |
| 00:51:40 |
My ears are grizzled. Yes? |
| 00:51:42 |
There's one place |
| 00:51:45 |
- I'm just a poor old man. |
| 00:51:50 |
My nose is knackered. |
| 00:51:52 |
Have you ever seen |
| 00:51:54 |
Crucifixion's a doddle. |
| 00:51:56 |
Don't keep saying that. |
| 00:52:04 |
Found this spoon, sir. |
| 00:52:06 |
Well done, sergeant. |
| 00:52:09 |
We'll be back, oddball. |
| 00:52:15 |
Open up! |
| 00:52:17 |
You haven't given us |
| 00:52:32 |
- ln that time |
| 00:52:36 |
- Holes from every bitch |
| 00:52:44 |
Don't pass judgement |
| 00:52:47 |
or you might |
| 00:52:49 |
- What? |
| 00:52:53 |
or else you might |
| 00:52:56 |
- Who, me? |
| 00:52:58 |
- Thank you very much. |
| 00:53:01 |
- That's a nice gourd. |
| 00:53:03 |
- How much do you want for the gourd? |
| 00:53:06 |
- Have it? |
| 00:53:09 |
- Don't you want to haggle? |
| 00:53:11 |
- What's wrong with it? |
| 00:53:13 |
- Consider the lilies? |
| 00:53:16 |
- What birds? |
| 00:53:18 |
- Why? |
| 00:53:21 |
- Who? |
| 00:53:23 |
Have the birds got jobs? |
| 00:53:25 |
- What's the matter with him? |
| 00:53:29 |
The point is, the birds, |
| 00:53:32 |
- Well, good luck to 'em. |
| 00:53:35 |
Okay. And you're much more |
| 00:53:39 |
So what are you worrying about? |
| 00:53:41 |
I'm worrying about what |
| 00:53:44 |
I haven't got anything |
| 00:53:46 |
- Consider the lilies. |
| 00:53:49 |
- Give the flowers a chance. |
| 00:53:52 |
- It's yours. |
| 00:53:55 |
Look, there was this man, |
| 00:53:57 |
What were they called? |
| 00:54:00 |
I don't know. |
| 00:54:02 |
- You don't know? |
| 00:54:05 |
He doesn't know |
| 00:54:07 |
- They were called Simon and Adrian. |
| 00:54:11 |
It really doesn't matter. The point is, |
| 00:54:14 |
- He's making it up as he goes along. |
| 00:54:17 |
And he gave them |
| 00:54:19 |
- Oh, he's terrible. |
| 00:54:22 |
- There were two or three. |
| 00:54:31 |
Now hear this! |
| 00:54:34 |
- Three. |
| 00:54:36 |
- For they shall inhibit their girth. |
| 00:54:40 |
- And to them only shall be given |
| 00:54:43 |
to them only... |
| 00:54:46 |
shall be given |
| 00:54:52 |
- What? |
| 00:54:54 |
- Shall be given what? |
| 00:54:57 |
- What were you going to say? |
| 00:54:59 |
- Yes, you were going to say something. |
| 00:55:02 |
- Tell us before you go. |
| 00:55:05 |
- No, you don't. |
| 00:55:07 |
- Won't say! |
| 00:55:10 |
- Must be, otherwise he'd tell us. |
| 00:55:13 |
- Leave me alone. |
| 00:55:15 |
- ls it the secret of eternal life? |
| 00:55:17 |
If I knew the secret |
| 00:55:20 |
- Leave me alone! |
| 00:55:23 |
- We were here first. |
| 00:55:26 |
- Go away! |
| 00:55:28 |
- ls that his gourd? |
| 00:55:31 |
This is his gourd. |
| 00:55:34 |
- Ten! |
| 00:55:37 |
We will carry it |
| 00:55:40 |
- Master? |
| 00:55:44 |
- He's been taken up. |
| 00:55:46 |
He's been taken up! |
| 00:55:48 |
- Nineteen! |
| 00:56:17 |
Look! Oh! Oh! |
| 00:56:20 |
He has given us a sign. |
| 00:56:22 |
He has given us his shoe! |
| 00:56:24 |
The shoe is the sign. |
| 00:56:27 |
- What? |
| 00:56:31 |
For this is his sign that all |
| 00:56:35 |
- Yes! |
| 00:56:38 |
that we must gather shoes |
| 00:56:41 |
Cast off the shoes. |
| 00:56:44 |
No, let us gather shoes |
| 00:56:47 |
No, it is a sign that, like him, we must |
| 00:56:51 |
but of the face and head. |
| 00:56:53 |
- Give me your shoe! |
| 00:56:56 |
Follow the gourd, |
| 00:57:00 |
- The gourd! |
| 00:57:03 |
- It is a shoe! |
| 00:57:06 |
- No, it isn't! |
| 00:57:09 |
- Put it on! |
| 00:57:11 |
Take the shoes |
| 00:57:19 |
Come back! Stop! |
| 00:57:22 |
Let us Let us pray. |
| 00:57:26 |
Yea, he cometh to us... |
| 00:57:29 |
Iike the seeds of the grain. |
| 00:57:54 |
Master! Master! |
| 00:58:20 |
Hey! ls there |
| 00:58:24 |
Is there another path |
| 00:58:26 |
Please, please help me. |
| 00:58:33 |
Oh, my foot! Oh |
| 00:58:37 |
- Shhh. |
| 00:58:40 |
- I'm sorry. |
| 00:58:44 |
- I'm sorry. Shhh. |
| 00:58:46 |
Eighteen years of total silence, |
| 00:58:49 |
- What? |
| 00:58:52 |
Not a single, recognizable, |
| 00:58:56 |
Could you be quiet |
| 00:58:59 |
It doesn't matter now. |
| 00:59:02 |
For the last 18 years, |
| 00:59:04 |
and sing and scream |
| 00:59:07 |
- Shhh. Shhh. |
| 00:59:09 |
Hava nagila, hava nagila |
| 00:59:13 |
Hava nagila |
| 00:59:15 |
Oh, I'm alive! I'm alive! |
| 00:59:19 |
I'm alive! I'm alive! |
| 00:59:22 |
Hava nagila |
| 00:59:27 |
Master! Master! Master! |
| 00:59:31 |
- Master! |
| 00:59:34 |
- His shoe led us to him! |
| 00:59:39 |
Speak! Speak to us, master. |
| 00:59:42 |
Go away! |
| 00:59:44 |
A blessing! A blessing! |
| 00:59:47 |
How shall we go away, master? |
| 00:59:49 |
Oh, just go away |
| 00:59:52 |
Give us a sign! |
| 00:59:54 |
He has given us a sign! |
| 00:59:57 |
I didn't bring you here. |
| 01:00:00 |
Oh, it's still a good sign |
| 01:00:03 |
Master, your people |
| 01:00:06 |
They are weary |
| 01:00:09 |
It's not my fault |
| 01:00:11 |
There is no food |
| 01:00:13 |
What about the juniper |
| 01:00:17 |
A miracle! A miracle! |
| 01:00:20 |
He has made the bush |
| 01:00:25 |
They've brought forth |
| 01:00:27 |
Of course! They're juniper bushes! |
| 01:00:31 |
Show us another miracle. |
| 01:00:33 |
Do not tempt him, shallow ones! |
| 01:00:35 |
Is not the miracle of |
| 01:00:39 |
I say, those |
| 01:00:41 |
- They are a gift from God. |
| 01:00:45 |
I say, get off those bushes. |
| 01:00:50 |
Lord, I am affected |
| 01:00:55 |
I'm healed! |
| 01:00:58 |
I didn't touch him! |
| 01:01:00 |
I was blind, |
| 01:01:03 |
A miracle! A miracle! |
| 01:01:06 |
- Tell them to stop it. |
| 01:01:09 |
I hadn't said a word |
| 01:01:13 |
A miracle! |
| 01:01:17 |
He hurt my foot! |
| 01:01:18 |
- Hurt my foot! |
| 01:01:22 |
- Hail Messiah! |
| 01:01:26 |
I say you are, Lord, and I should know. |
| 01:01:29 |
Hail Messiah! |
| 01:01:32 |
I'm not the Messiah! |
| 01:01:35 |
I'm not the Messiah! |
| 01:01:38 |
Only the true Messiah |
| 01:01:42 |
What? Well, what sort of chance |
| 01:01:46 |
All right, |
| 01:01:48 |
He is! |
| 01:01:52 |
Now, fuck off! |
| 01:02:02 |
How shall we |
| 01:02:04 |
Just leave me alone! |
| 01:02:06 |
You told these people |
| 01:02:09 |
You break my bloody foot, |
| 01:02:12 |
and then you try to clean up |
| 01:02:15 |
- Lay off! |
| 01:02:19 |
- No, he's not. |
| 01:02:22 |
- An unbeliever! |
| 01:02:29 |
- Seize him! |
| 01:02:32 |
Leave him alone! |
| 01:02:35 |
Leave him alone. |
| 01:02:37 |
Let him go! Please! |
| 01:02:44 |
- Brian? |
| 01:02:52 |
Cockadoodledoo! |
| 01:03:33 |
Look! There he is! |
| 01:03:41 |
Brian! |
| 01:03:46 |
- Brian! |
| 01:03:48 |
Shhh. |
| 01:03:52 |
- Hello, Mother. |
| 01:03:55 |
What are all those people |
| 01:03:57 |
- Well, I |
| 01:04:00 |
I think they must have |
| 01:04:03 |
Popped by? |
| 01:04:06 |
There's a multitude out there! |
| 01:04:08 |
They started following me yesterday. |
| 01:04:10 |
Well, they can stop |
| 01:04:13 |
Now, stop following my son! |
| 01:04:16 |
You ought to be |
| 01:04:19 |
The Messiah! The Messiah! |
| 01:04:24 |
- The who? |
| 01:04:26 |
There's no messiah in here. |
| 01:04:29 |
There's a mess, all right, |
| 01:04:32 |
Brian! Brian! |
| 01:04:35 |
Right, my lad. |
| 01:04:37 |
- Nothing, Mum. |
| 01:04:39 |
Well, they think |
| 01:04:41 |
What have you |
| 01:04:44 |
- Nothing. I only |
| 01:04:46 |
- I can explain. |
| 01:04:50 |
- Your son is a born leader. |
| 01:04:52 |
Those people out there are following him |
| 01:04:56 |
They believe he can give them hope |
| 01:04:59 |
a new world, |
| 01:05:04 |
- Who's that? |
| 01:05:06 |
That's Judith, Mum. |
| 01:05:09 |
Hmm. Aaah! |
| 01:05:13 |
- Ohhh! |
| 01:05:17 |
Messiah! |
| 01:05:20 |
Now, you listen here. |
| 01:05:23 |
He's a very naughty boy. |
| 01:05:27 |
- Who are you? |
| 01:05:31 |
Behold his mother! |
| 01:05:35 |
Hail to thee, |
| 01:05:39 |
Blessed art thou! |
| 01:05:44 |
All praise to thee, |
| 01:05:47 |
Well, now don't think |
| 01:05:51 |
He's not coming out, |
| 01:05:55 |
- Now, shove off! |
| 01:05:58 |
- Did you hear what I said? |
| 01:06:03 |
Oh, I see. |
| 01:06:06 |
- Yes! |
| 01:06:09 |
You can see him for one minute, |
| 01:06:13 |
- Do you understand? |
| 01:06:16 |
- Promise? |
| 01:06:20 |
All right, here he is, then. |
| 01:06:24 |
- But, Mum, Judith. |
| 01:06:27 |
I don't really want to. |
| 01:06:29 |
Brian! Brian! |
| 01:06:36 |
- Good morning. |
| 01:06:39 |
No, no. Please. |
| 01:06:44 |
I've got one or two |
| 01:06:47 |
Tell us! |
| 01:06:50 |
Look, you've |
| 01:06:53 |
You don't need to follow me. |
| 01:06:56 |
You don't need |
| 01:06:59 |
You've got to think |
| 01:07:01 |
You're all individuals. |
| 01:07:04 |
Yes, we're all individuals! |
| 01:07:08 |
You're all different. |
| 01:07:10 |
Yes, we're all different! |
| 01:07:13 |
- I'm not. |
| 01:07:16 |
You've all got to work it |
| 01:07:19 |
Yes, we've got to work it |
| 01:07:24 |
Exactly. |
| 01:07:26 |
Tell us more! |
| 01:07:28 |
No! That's the point! |
| 01:07:33 |
Otherwise Ow! |
| 01:07:35 |
That's enough. |
| 01:07:37 |
Ooh, that wasn't a minute! |
| 01:07:42 |
- Oh, yes it was! |
| 01:07:46 |
Now, stop that! |
| 01:07:49 |
- Excuse me? |
| 01:07:51 |
- Are you a virgin? |
| 01:07:56 |
Well, if it's not a personal |
| 01:08:00 |
If it's not |
| 01:08:03 |
How much more personal |
| 01:08:06 |
Now, piss off! |
| 01:08:09 |
- She is. |
| 01:08:16 |
- Morning, Savior. |
| 01:08:29 |
Lay your hands |
| 01:08:31 |
Now, don't jostle |
| 01:08:34 |
Don't push that baby |
| 01:08:38 |
I say, could you just |
| 01:08:42 |
You'll have to wait, |
| 01:08:44 |
We've got |
| 01:08:46 |
The lepers are queuing. |
| 01:08:49 |
My brotheronlaw |
| 01:08:51 |
Brian, can I introduce |
| 01:08:56 |
- Don't push! |
| 01:09:01 |
Those possessed by devils, |
| 01:09:06 |
Incurables, you'll just |
| 01:09:09 |
Um, women taken in sin, line up |
| 01:09:14 |
Brian? Brian, |
| 01:09:19 |
You weren't so bad yourself. |
| 01:09:21 |
No. What you said just now. |
| 01:09:24 |
What? |
| 01:09:26 |
We don't any leaders. |
| 01:09:28 |
- Reg has been dominating us |
| 01:09:31 |
- It needed saying, |
| 01:09:35 |
It's our revolution. |
| 01:09:38 |
- I think. I think |
| 01:09:41 |
- The revolution is in your hands! |
| 01:09:44 |
No, that's not |
| 01:09:46 |
You're fuckin' nicked, |
| 01:09:50 |
Right. |
| 01:09:57 |
Stop it. |
| 01:10:02 |
Well, "Bwian," you've given us |
| 01:10:08 |
But this time, I "guawantee" |
| 01:10:11 |
Guard, do we have any |
| 01:10:16 |
139, sir. Special celebration. |
| 01:10:20 |
Right. Now we have 140. |
| 01:10:24 |
- Hail Caesar! |
| 01:10:28 |
- Hail. |
| 01:10:31 |
Permission |
| 01:10:33 |
Disperse them? |
| 01:10:37 |
I know, sir, but |
| 01:10:39 |
My "addwess" is one of |
| 01:10:41 |
My "fwiend" Biggus Dickus has |
| 01:10:43 |
- Hail Caesar. |
| 01:10:47 |
You're not |
| 01:10:50 |
Are you not thinking of giving it |
| 01:10:54 |
Give it a miss? |
| 01:10:56 |
Well, it's just that they're in |
| 01:10:59 |
"Weally," "centuwion," I'm "surpwised" |
| 01:11:02 |
"wattled" by |
| 01:11:05 |
- Uh, a bit thundery, sir. |
| 01:11:08 |
I'm a Roman! |
| 01:11:11 |
And "cwucify" him well. |
| 01:11:14 |
Biggus. |
| 01:11:17 |
- Il really wouldn't, sir. |
| 01:11:20 |
Let me come with you, |
| 01:11:22 |
I may be of "thome" "athistance" |
| 01:11:26 |
Right. Now item four: |
| 01:11:31 |
- Uh, Francis, you've been |
| 01:11:34 |
Well, quite frankly, siblings, |
| 01:11:37 |
unless we can smash the Roman Empire |
| 01:11:40 |
- Twelve months, yeah? |
| 01:11:42 |
And let's face it, as empires |
| 01:11:46 |
so we gotta get up off our asses |
| 01:11:50 |
- Hear! Hear! |
| 01:11:53 |
- And we need action now! |
| 01:11:56 |
You're right. We could |
| 01:11:58 |
talkin', passin' resolutions, |
| 01:12:01 |
It's not gonna shift |
| 01:12:04 |
So let's just stop gabbin' on about it. |
| 01:12:07 |
- And it's gettin' us nowhere. |
| 01:12:09 |
I agree. This is a complete |
| 01:12:13 |
- They've arrested Brian! |
| 01:12:16 |
They dragged him off! |
| 01:12:18 |
Right! This calls |
| 01:12:22 |
- What? |
| 01:12:24 |
- Right. |
| 01:12:25 |
Completely new motion. |
| 01:12:28 |
that there be |
| 01:12:30 |
- Once the vote has been taken. |
| 01:12:33 |
- You can't act on a resolution |
| 01:12:37 |
- Right! ln the light of fresh |
| 01:12:42 |
Reg, for God's sake! |
| 01:12:46 |
All you've got to do |
| 01:12:49 |
and try to stop the Romans |
| 01:12:52 |
It's happening, Reg! |
| 01:12:56 |
Can't you understand? |
| 01:12:59 |
Oh! |
| 01:13:02 |
- Ooh. Ooh. Yup. |
| 01:13:05 |
A little ego trip |
| 01:13:08 |
- What? |
| 01:13:10 |
Uh, read that back, |
| 01:13:25 |
Next? Crucifixion? |
| 01:13:28 |
- Yes. |
| 01:13:30 |
Out of the door, |
| 01:13:34 |
Next? Crucifixion? |
| 01:13:36 |
- Yes. |
| 01:13:38 |
Out of the door, |
| 01:13:41 |
Next? Crucifixion? |
| 01:13:43 |
- Uh, no, freedom. |
| 01:13:46 |
Uh, freedom for me. |
| 01:13:48 |
so I could go free |
| 01:13:51 |
Oh. Well, that's jolly good. |
| 01:13:54 |
No, I'm only pulling your leg. |
| 01:13:57 |
Oh, I see. |
| 01:14:00 |
- Well, out of the door |
| 01:14:02 |
one cross each, |
| 01:14:04 |
Line on the left. Yes, thank you. |
| 01:14:06 |
- Crucifixion? Good. |
| 01:14:22 |
People of "Jewusalem," |
| 01:14:27 |
"Wome" is your "fwiend." |
| 01:14:35 |
To "pwove" our "fwiendship," |
| 01:14:39 |
to "welease" a "wandewer" |
| 01:14:47 |
Whom would you |
| 01:14:51 |
- "Welease" "Woger"! |
| 01:14:55 |
"Welease" "Woger"! |
| 01:15:01 |
"Vewy" well, |
| 01:15:09 |
Sir, uh, we don't |
| 01:15:12 |
- What? |
| 01:15:14 |
Ah. We have no "Woger." |
| 01:15:21 |
Well, what about |
| 01:15:23 |
Yeah! Release "Wodewick"! |
| 01:15:28 |
"Centuwion," |
| 01:15:34 |
Just some, |
| 01:15:38 |
Are they... "wagging" me? |
| 01:15:43 |
- Oh, no, sir. |
| 01:15:46 |
"Vewy" well. |
| 01:15:51 |
- Sir, we don't have a Roderick, either. |
| 01:15:53 |
- No "Woger," no "Wodewick." |
| 01:15:56 |
Who is this "Wog" Who is |
| 01:16:01 |
- He's a "wobber"! |
| 01:16:04 |
- And a "wapist"! |
| 01:16:07 |
And a pickpocket! |
| 01:16:09 |
- Yeah Shh! Shh! |
| 01:16:12 |
- He sounds a "notowious" "cwiminal." |
| 01:16:16 |
Do we have anyone |
| 01:16:19 |
- Oh, yes, sir. We got a Samson, sir. |
| 01:16:22 |
Samson the Sadducee Strangler, sir. |
| 01:16:26 |
Uh, several seditious scribes |
| 01:16:29 |
- Uh, 67 |
| 01:16:33 |
- Oh, no |
| 01:16:35 |
Citizens, we have |
| 01:16:40 |
Silus the Assyrian Assassin |
| 01:16:43 |
- Several seditious scribes |
| 01:16:47 |
Next. |
| 01:16:49 |
- Crucifixion? |
| 01:16:51 |
Good. Out of the door, |
| 01:16:55 |
- Jailer |
| 01:16:57 |
Just a moment, would you? |
| 01:17:01 |
What? |
| 01:17:03 |
Uh, how many |
| 01:17:06 |
- What? |
| 01:17:09 |
spespspespspspspeak up |
| 01:17:14 |
- He'sHe'sHe's He's de |
| 01:17:17 |
He's deaf He's deaf |
| 01:17:20 |
Oh, yes. |
| 01:17:22 |
Uh, how many |
| 01:17:29 |
- Oh, dear. |
| 01:17:32 |
ninetyf ninetyf |
| 01:17:36 |
ninetysix, sir. |
| 01:17:38 |
It's such a senseless waste |
| 01:17:41 |
NNNNo, sir. |
| 01:17:43 |
NNot with these bbastards, sir. |
| 01:17:47 |
CC N |
| 01:17:50 |
CCCru |
| 01:17:52 |
CCrucifixion's |
| 01:17:56 |
I don't think you can say it's |
| 01:17:58 |
Oh, it's not as nnnana |
| 01:18:03 |
not as nasty as something |
| 01:18:06 |
- Yeah. Now, crucifixion? |
| 01:18:10 |
- Well |
| 01:18:14 |
- What? |
| 01:18:16 |
HHe's de He's de |
| 01:18:20 |
- He's deaf and mad, sir. |
| 01:18:25 |
- BBloody Pilate's pet, sir. |
| 01:18:28 |
Get a move on, Big Nose. There's people |
| 01:18:32 |
- Could I see a lawyer or someone? |
| 01:18:34 |
- Um, do, do you have a lawyer? |
| 01:18:37 |
How about a retrial? |
| 01:18:40 |
- Shut up, you! |
| 01:18:43 |
- I'm sorry. Bit of a hurry. |
| 01:18:45 |
Can you go straight out? |
| 01:18:59 |
Was it something I said? |
| 01:19:01 |
- Silence! |
| 01:19:07 |
This man commands |
| 01:19:16 |
He "wanks" as high |
| 01:19:21 |
Crucifixion party. |
| 01:19:27 |
Morning. Now, we will be on |
| 01:19:32 |
so let's not |
| 01:19:34 |
Keep in a straight line, three lengths |
| 01:19:37 |
and a good, steady pace. |
| 01:19:39 |
Crosses over |
| 01:19:41 |
and if you keep your backs |
| 01:19:44 |
- you'll be there in no time. |
| 01:19:46 |
All right, centurion. |
| 01:19:48 |
Crucifixion party |
| 01:19:52 |
Crucifixion party, |
| 01:20:03 |
You lucky bastards! |
| 01:20:06 |
You lucky, jammy bastards! |
| 01:20:19 |
Let me shoulder |
| 01:20:21 |
Oh, thank you. |
| 01:20:25 |
- HHey! Hey! |
| 01:20:28 |
- Uh, it's not my cross. |
| 01:20:34 |
He had you there, mate, didn't he? |
| 01:20:38 |
- All right. |
| 01:20:41 |
I'm gonna give you |
| 01:20:44 |
This time I want to hear |
| 01:20:47 |
no "Weginalds," |
| 01:20:50 |
no "Wudolph |
| 01:20:54 |
No Spencer Tracys! |
| 01:20:58 |
- Release Brian! |
| 01:21:01 |
"Welease" "Bwian"! |
| 01:21:06 |
"Vewy" well. That's it. |
| 01:21:09 |
- Sir, we, uh, we have got a Brian, sir. |
| 01:21:11 |
Uh, you just sent him |
| 01:21:14 |
Wait, wait. |
| 01:21:17 |
- Well, go and "wepwieve" him, |
| 01:21:22 |
"Vewy" well. |
| 01:21:25 |
I shall... "welease" "Bwian"! |
| 01:21:32 |
- Get a move on, there! |
| 01:21:35 |
- Or you'll be in trouble. |
| 01:21:37 |
You mean I might have to give up |
| 01:21:41 |
- Shut up! |
| 01:21:43 |
I wouldn't have nothing to do. |
| 01:21:50 |
Are they gone? |
| 01:21:53 |
WWe've got lumps of it |
| 01:21:57 |
- What? |
| 01:22:00 |
He's ma |
| 01:22:03 |
He's mm |
| 01:22:06 |
- He's mad, sir. |
| 01:22:10 |
Oh, ye N |
| 01:22:12 |
- I n Uh, I n NNNN |
| 01:22:17 |
- NNNN |
| 01:22:20 |
Yes, sir. |
| 01:22:23 |
- Anyway, get on with the story. |
| 01:22:26 |
Right. |
| 01:22:28 |
That's the motion to get on with it, |
| 01:22:30 |
I propose we go without further ado. |
| 01:22:33 |
- Let's just go. |
| 01:22:47 |
Oh, no! |
| 01:22:51 |
- Bloody Romans! |
| 01:22:54 |
There's still |
| 01:22:57 |
Up you go, Big Nose. |
| 01:23:00 |
- I'll get you for this, you bastard. |
| 01:23:03 |
- Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face. |
| 01:23:06 |
I warn you, I'm gonna punch you |
| 01:23:10 |
Shut up, you Jewish turd! |
| 01:23:13 |
Who are you calling Jewish? |
| 01:23:16 |
- I'm a Samaritan! |
| 01:23:18 |
This is supposed |
| 01:23:20 |
It doesn't matter. |
| 01:23:24 |
It may not matter to you, Roman, |
| 01:23:28 |
- Oh, rather! |
| 01:23:31 |
we're entitled to be crucified |
| 01:23:34 |
Pharisees separate |
| 01:23:37 |
- And Swedish separate from Welsh! |
| 01:23:40 |
All right, all right, all right. |
| 01:23:44 |
Hands up all those who don't |
| 01:23:49 |
- Right. Next! |
| 01:23:52 |
- Uh, look. It's not my cross. |
| 01:23:55 |
Um, it's not my cross. |
| 01:23:58 |
Just lie down. |
| 01:24:00 |
No, of course. Look. |
| 01:24:02 |
Look. We've had a busy day. |
| 01:24:06 |
- ls he Jewish? |
| 01:24:08 |
We don't want any more |
| 01:24:11 |
Belt up! |
| 01:24:14 |
Yeah, yeah, |
| 01:24:17 |
You don't have to do this. |
| 01:24:19 |
I like orders. |
| 01:24:44 |
See? Not so bad, |
| 01:24:47 |
You being rescued, then, |
| 01:24:49 |
It's a bit late for that now, |
| 01:24:51 |
Oh, now, now. We've got |
| 01:24:54 |
Plenty of time. |
| 01:24:56 |
- Oh? |
| 01:24:59 |
if he can keep off the tail |
| 01:25:02 |
- Oh? |
| 01:25:04 |
Up and down like the Assyrian Empire. |
| 01:25:10 |
Hello. |
| 01:25:13 |
Reg! |
| 01:25:15 |
- Hello, Sibling Brian. |
| 01:25:18 |
Well, I think I should point out |
| 01:25:23 |
However, I have been asked to read |
| 01:25:26 |
on behalf of the movement. |
| 01:25:28 |
"We the People's Front of Judea |
| 01:25:31 |
"do hereby convey our sincere |
| 01:25:35 |
to you, Brian, on this, |
| 01:25:39 |
What? |
| 01:25:41 |
"in the continuing struggle |
| 01:25:44 |
"from the hands of the Roman |
| 01:25:47 |
"excluding those concerned with |
| 01:25:50 |
"education, viniculture and any |
| 01:25:53 |
"to the welfare of Jews of |
| 01:25:58 |
Signed, on behalf |
| 01:26:00 |
And I'd just like to add, |
| 01:26:04 |
for what you're doing |
| 01:26:06 |
and what must be, after all, |
| 01:26:09 |
- Reg, wwhat are you going to |
| 01:26:16 |
Well done, Brian. |
| 01:26:18 |
Terrific work, Brian. |
| 01:26:26 |
Right. And |
| 01:26:28 |
For he's a jolly good fellow |
| 01:26:30 |
For he's a jolly good fellow |
| 01:26:32 |
For he's a jolly good fellow |
| 01:26:35 |
And so say all of us |
| 01:26:38 |
And so say all of |
| 01:26:43 |
You bastards! |
| 01:26:45 |
- You bastards! |
| 01:26:50 |
- I have an order for his release. |
| 01:26:54 |
- Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth. |
| 01:26:56 |
- Yeah, Ill'm Brian of Nazareth. |
| 01:26:58 |
- I'm Brian of Nazareth! |
| 01:27:01 |
- I'm Brian! |
| 01:27:05 |
- I'm Brian! |
| 01:27:08 |
- I'm Brian! |
| 01:27:11 |
Take him away |
| 01:27:13 |
No, I'm only joking. I'm not |
| 01:27:18 |
I was only It was a joke. |
| 01:27:21 |
It's a joke! I'm not him! |
| 01:27:26 |
Bloody Romans. |
| 01:27:38 |
The Judean People's Front! |
| 01:27:40 |
The Judean People's Front! |
| 01:27:44 |
Forward all! |
| 01:27:50 |
- Come on! |
| 01:27:53 |
- The Judean People's Front! |
| 01:28:02 |
We are the Judean People's Front |
| 01:28:08 |
Suicide Squad, attack! |
| 01:28:20 |
That showed them. |
| 01:28:25 |
- You silly sods. |
| 01:28:29 |
Brian! Brian! Brian! |
| 01:28:33 |
- Judith! |
| 01:28:37 |
Reg has explained it all to me. |
| 01:28:41 |
Thank you, Brian. |
| 01:28:43 |
I'll, I'll never forget you. |
| 01:28:54 |
So there you are! |
| 01:28:57 |
I might have known |
| 01:28:59 |
To think of all the love and |
| 01:29:03 |
Well, if that's how you treat |
| 01:29:06 |
in the autumn years |
| 01:29:09 |
all I can say is, |
| 01:29:12 |
See if I care. |
| 01:29:15 |
Mum! |
| 01:29:17 |
- Mum! |
| 01:29:27 |
Cheer up, Brian. |
| 01:29:31 |
Some things in life are bad. |
| 01:29:34 |
They can really make you mad. |
| 01:29:36 |
Other things just |
| 01:29:40 |
When you're chewing |
| 01:29:43 |
Don't grumble |
| 01:29:47 |
And this'll help things |
| 01:29:51 |
And |
| 01:29:53 |
Always look |
| 01:30:01 |
Always look |
| 01:30:09 |
lf life seems jolly rotten |
| 01:30:13 |
And that's to laugh and smile |
| 01:30:17 |
When you're feeling in the dumps |
| 01:30:19 |
Don't be silly chumps |
| 01:30:21 |
Just purse your lips and |
| 01:30:25 |
And always look |
| 01:30:33 |
Always look |
| 01:30:41 |
For life is quite absurd |
| 01:30:43 |
And death's the final word |
| 01:30:45 |
You must always face |
| 01:30:49 |
Forget about your sin |
| 01:30:51 |
Give the audience a grin |
| 01:30:53 |
Enjoy it, it's |
| 01:30:56 |
So always look |
| 01:31:05 |
Just before you draw |
| 01:31:13 |
Life's a piece of shit |
| 01:31:17 |
Life's a laugh and |
| 01:31:21 |
You'll see it's all a show |
| 01:31:25 |
Just remember that |
| 01:31:28 |
And always look |
| 01:31:37 |
Always look |
| 01:31:42 |
- Come on, Brian. Cheer up. |
| 01:31:45 |
Always look |
| 01:31:53 |
Always look |
| 01:31:58 |
Worse things happen |
| 01:32:01 |
Always look |
| 01:32:05 |
What have you got to lose? |
| 01:32:07 |
You go back to nothing. |
| 01:32:10 |
- Nothing! |
| 01:32:14 |
Nothing will come from nothing. |
| 01:32:17 |
- Always look on |
| 01:32:19 |
- The bright side of life |
| 01:32:22 |
See? It's the end of the film. |
| 01:32:26 |
Always look |
| 01:32:30 |
Who do you think pays for all |
| 01:32:33 |
Always look |
| 01:32:37 |
I told him. I said to him, "Bernie, |
| 01:32:41 |
Always look |
