Find Movie

Longest Yard The en
00:01:34	Hey, sexy.
00:01:36	I Iove that dress.
00:01:37	Of course you do, Lorenzo.
00:01:41	- Hi, sweetie.
00:01:45	- There you are.
00:01:47	- You've done it again.
00:01:50	Gotta mingIe.
00:01:52	Oh, the girIs are by the pooI.
00:01:53	WeII, weII, weII, Lena. So where's
00:01:58	I didn't know you were
00:02:00	I've never watched a game. I'm just
00:02:04	WeII, he's probabIy just getting out of
00:02:08	- Hi.
00:02:12	Start of the fourth quarter, and Owens
00:02:16	You have got to be kidding me.
00:02:19	Honey, just Iet me finish the game,
00:02:22	Take me to the movies?
00:02:24	HeIIo! There's a huge party
00:02:27	Remember the catering trucks
00:02:30	Oh, shit, I forgot.
00:02:33	I'II teII you what
00:02:37	FootbaII.
00:02:38	Because it's forgotten aII about you.
00:02:41	Now, you're going to put this outfit on
00:02:44	drag your drunken ass downstairs
00:02:47	and mingIe with my cIients
00:02:52	Who am I? EIton John?
00:02:55	- Yes, you are.
00:02:58	No. You're much more
00:03:02	But I teII you what.
00:03:03	If you're not downstairs
00:03:06	I'm gonna throw you out of my bed,
00:03:08	out of my house and out of my Iife.
00:03:11	Then you're gonna have to
00:03:15	I'm just so mad at you
00:03:20	Gift?
00:03:22	What gift?
00:03:23	It's Iike a I-Iove-you gift.
00:03:28	ReaIIy?
00:03:29	PauI, I'm so excited.
00:03:31	I can't beIieve you did this.
00:03:33	- Where'd you put it?
00:03:37	PauI? PauI, what are you doing?
00:03:39	I think we need some
00:03:41	so I'm gonna go take a cruise
00:03:44	Don't you dare take my car,
00:03:48	- I own you!
00:04:12	Somebody pIease open
00:04:15	- Lena?
00:04:19	What happened to you?
00:04:20	He Iocked me in the cIoset
00:04:23	Oh, my God, he is deranged!
00:04:26	He thinks he can mess with me.
00:04:28	9 1 1.
00:04:33	Oh, man.
00:04:46	WeII, weII, weII. I'II be damned.
00:04:49	So, what did I do wrong?
00:04:53	Nope. Nope.
00:04:55	No, no, no.
00:04:59	Shit happens.
00:05:01	Shit does happen. I mean,
00:05:06	I gotta ask you something.
00:05:10	ActuaIIy, they get
00:05:15	It's PauI Crewe.
00:05:16	Another question, though.
00:05:18	Santa CIaus. What's he Iike?
00:05:21	Boy, I hate to arrest a pubIic figure
00:05:24	but, heII, I don't think
00:05:26	endorsement deaIs to worry about,
00:05:29	Now, Iisten here, Mr. Frodo.
00:05:34	That was good. I mean, he's good.
00:05:38	Man. I hope you got a Iot of money
00:05:41	because that was the most pathetic
00:05:44	Now, step out of the vehicIe,
00:05:45	Don't you think I shouId puII the car
00:05:49	You're sIurring your words a bit there,
00:05:53	AbsoIuteIy not. Now, couId you do me a
00:06:02	Hey, you can finish that one.
00:06:08	We got a 3-94 in progress.
00:06:29	Okay, remain caIm.
00:06:31	How you doing? What's up?
00:06:39	What you are watching is live footage
00:06:43	being pursued by police.
00:06:45	We're receiving word now
00:06:48	is former Pittsburgh football star
00:06:51	Crewe, you might remember,
00:06:53	was the only man ever to be indicted
00:06:56	for shaving points
00:06:59	although it was never fully proven.
00:07:03	Yeah!
00:07:11	- HeIIo.
00:07:13	on my car, or I wiII sIit your throat.
00:07:19	See, that's our probIem, sweetie.
00:07:20	You care about this car
00:07:23	And how'd you even know
00:07:26	Because I am watching you on TV,
00:07:30	Once again,
00:07:32	what a worthIess piece of shit
00:07:38	WeII, I hope they Iike this.
00:08:00	Hey, Lena!
00:08:02	l think we should start
00:08:08	I think I'm in Iove.
00:08:12	Good news, boys,
00:08:16	Without question, Crewe's five-year
00:08:20	has been severely violated tonight.
00:08:22	The future of this once-great football
00:08:48	Long way from the big city,
00:08:54	Staying with the times
00:09:02	Ain't she beautifuI?
00:09:23	Home sweet home, boy.
00:09:25	Get on your feet.
00:09:31	You're one Iucky son of a bitch,
00:09:33	- Is that right?
00:09:35	See, the warden Ioves his footbaII.
00:09:38	Fact, he was on the winning side
00:09:41	- WeII, teII him congratuIations.
00:09:47	WeIcome to AIIenviIIe.
00:09:48	Thank you, sergeant.
00:09:54	- Afternoon, inmate Crewe.
00:09:57	Come on. Warden wants to see you.
00:09:59	Let's do it.
00:10:01	Move it.
00:10:25	I used to pIay
00:10:27	Down at the University of Miami.
00:10:29	I bet a Iot of your oId teammates
00:10:32	No inmates from my pIaying days.
00:10:36	See, we got us a fine
00:10:40	It's Iike a company softbaII team.
00:10:43	Now, the warden...
00:10:46	...he's gonna ask you to heIp out.
00:10:48	Okay. With what?
00:10:56	That wasn't nice.
00:11:00	When the warden asks you,
00:11:03	what are you gonna say?
00:11:05	Yes?
00:11:15	You're gonna teII him ''no.''
00:11:19	You're gonna teII the warden
00:11:20	that you want nothing to do
00:11:25	Not in my back yard.
00:11:28	Because the warden
00:11:32	You understand?
00:11:34	Not entireIy.
00:11:40	Okay. I feeI you, dog. I feeI you.
00:11:46	PauI ''Wrecking'' Crewe.
00:11:49	I don't get to say this
00:11:51	but it's an honor to have you
00:11:54	It's an honor to be
00:11:58	Oh, weII, this is ErroI Dandridge.
00:12:02	CoIoneI Sanders
00:12:05	He's my poIiticaI adviser.
00:12:07	See, I've been approached
00:12:10	wondering if I'd be interested
00:12:13	They see the way I run this prison,
00:12:18	OnIy with Iess sodomy, right?
00:12:26	HopefuIIy none.
00:12:29	Sorry.
00:12:32	Now, there are two things we take very
00:12:36	Prison and footbaII.
00:12:39	We pIay a IittIe of the Iatter here.
00:12:41	The warden is too modest to admit
00:12:45	But not good enough.
00:12:48	Five years since
00:12:51	Five years.
00:12:52	Now, I've worked reaI hard,
00:12:56	caIIed in quite a few favors
00:12:59	Now, why wouId you go and do that?
00:13:01	Because I am convinced that
00:13:07	I haven't pIayed footbaII in I don't
00:13:12	You wouIdn't be pIaying, PauI.
00:13:15	Anyone who was once the MVP
00:13:18	must have a great deaI
00:13:21	Captain, what wouId you say
00:13:25	giving us the benefit
00:13:28	I think that's a reaI good idea, warden.
00:13:33	WeII, then, it's aII settIed.
00:13:35	What you say, PauI?
00:13:37	I appreciate the offer,
00:13:45	Now, I can assure you
00:13:48	that your time here wiII be a whoIe
00:13:54	I just wanna do my time
00:14:01	If you'II excuse us, Mr. Crewe.
00:14:04	Captain Knauer, you can stay.
00:14:10	Sit down!
00:14:15	I used to Iove
00:14:19	Thank you very much.
00:14:21	My ex-husband wore the
00:14:27	He didn't fiII them out
00:14:31	SpeciaI effects. HoIIywood.
00:14:35	Oh, I doubt that very seriousIy.
00:14:38	WeII, then get him enthusiastic,
00:14:42	Come on, get up.
00:14:43	How'd it go in there?
00:14:45	Oh, yeah, we're reaI tight.
00:15:00	OnIy the finest for you, superstar.
00:15:08	I was just pIaying.
00:15:16	I ain't gonna forget you, Crewe.
00:15:17	Hey, yo, you owe me money
00:15:19	Better watch yourseIf, Mr. FootbaII!
00:15:21	Bitch!
00:15:29	Yeah, you better run, woman.
00:15:34	Yo, footbaII.
00:15:36	Take a seat.
00:15:38	Thanks.
00:15:40	You know, I have never seen
00:15:43	and be unanimousIy hated
00:15:46	- I ain't never seen it.
00:15:49	You couId have robbed banks,
00:15:51	stoIe your grandmama's pension,
00:15:54	But shaving points off a footbaII game?
00:15:57	- You pIay footbaII?
00:16:00	I suck so bad, they used to pick me
00:16:03	Used to be mad too. It's Iike, ''I can't
00:16:07	- Caretaker.
00:16:10	Whatever your pIeasure,
00:16:13	You need weed, you need meth--
00:16:16	I know how you white boys
00:16:18	I mean, me personaIIy, I don't
00:16:21	aII depressed about.
00:16:24	And for a smaII fee,
00:16:28	- ReaIIy?
00:16:29	My man Cheeseburger Eddy
00:16:31	Cheeseburger Eddy?
00:16:33	That's right.
00:16:35	Enjoy it, fat man.
00:16:37	What about the Iove
00:16:39	WeII, you're gonna have
00:16:42	on the beautifuI part
00:16:44	Hey.
00:16:46	Let's just stick
00:16:48	Oh, they ugIy now, but in eight months,
00:16:51	No, thanks.
00:16:53	Now, here's the most important part.
00:16:55	You can't Iet these guys scare you.
00:16:57	Because if you do that, you gonna
00:17:00	Don't want that.
00:17:09	Hey. Let me take that tray
00:17:12	I ain't done eating yet.
00:17:14	Oh, you're not?
00:17:16	You're dead!
00:17:28	Hornet's Nest!
00:17:42	Everybody stay down.
00:17:43	Stay quiet!
00:17:49	Come on, Crewe, get up.
00:17:51	Get up, superstar.
00:17:54	Yes, sir.
00:17:55	You think you can do anything
00:17:58	WeII, you are no different
00:18:01	that caIIs this pIace home.
00:18:03	ReaIIy? These guys think
00:18:08	GirI, that's your new boo.
00:18:17	You better cut that shit out.
00:18:20	That's gonna cost you.
00:18:22	Looking forward to it.
00:19:18	Wake up, SIeeping Beauty.
00:19:22	Hey, superdick.
00:19:26	Warden's wondering if your stay
00:19:30	How Iong have I been in here?
00:19:31	One week. Wanna go for two?
00:19:42	How'd you find these guys anyways?
00:19:43	Recruitment, boy.
00:19:45	When coIIege stars don't get drafted,
00:19:48	A job, money, security.
00:19:52	Who drank aII the damn Gatorade?!
00:19:55	Damn it!
00:19:56	And apparentIy steroids.
00:19:59	Look, seems Iike you got aII the taIent
00:20:02	WeII, now, you might
00:20:04	but there's foIks here in the prison
00:20:07	- You, warden?
00:20:11	to scheduIe the defending
00:20:13	And me? WeII, I thought
00:20:16	might have some training-camp tricks,
00:20:20	Give us the competitive edge.
00:20:23	AII right. ReIativeIy simpIe.
00:20:27	A tune-up game?
00:20:28	Yeah. In coIIege, we'd start every
00:20:31	or some sIack Division II team.
00:20:32	Kick the Iiving shit out of them.
00:20:37	You know something, PauI?
00:20:39	- You've just given me an inspiration.
00:20:42	You're gonna assembIe a team
00:20:45	And you, Mr. Crewe,
00:20:48	I don't think so.
00:20:50	Let me teII you something.
00:20:51	In my prison, to get aIong,
00:20:54	I just wanna do my three years
00:20:57	Three years is before
00:21:00	Now, you couId be with us
00:21:06	Fine, I'II do it.
00:21:09	Good choice.
00:21:11	But one condition, though.
00:21:13	Gotta promise me to keep
00:21:16	It's a deaI.
00:21:18	Now, you got four weeks
00:21:20	What, are we gonna have a haIf-hour
00:21:24	Oh, I'II make sure my boys aIIow you
00:21:28	to get your team in shape.
00:21:34	What's this? ''FootbaII 'tree-outs.'''
00:21:37	What the heII is a ''tree-out''?
00:21:39	''Tryout,'' you haIf a meatbaII.
00:21:41	- What's this footbaII thing about, man?
00:21:44	- To pIay against who?
00:21:47	Now, I don't know about y'aII,
00:21:50	to physicaIIy assauIt one of our
00:21:53	Yeah? WeII, how the heII
00:21:56	Just show up at the ''tree-outs,''
00:22:00	Do the girIs get to pIay?
00:22:02	We're pIaying footbaIIs,
00:22:05	This is buIIshit. Just another chance
00:22:08	Don't you idiots get it? We couId get
00:22:12	This is our turn.
00:22:14	We couId kiII them.
00:22:17	KiII them.
00:22:24	You know MVP
00:22:28	What do you think
00:22:32	And that's the truth.
00:22:36	There ain't no meat Ioaf
00:22:38	Yo, man, that's my fIier, man!
00:22:41	You see? He ran Iike a IittIe bitch,
00:22:45	Yo, team needs you.
00:22:47	You sh-- You come to the tr--
00:22:55	Crappy fieId, shit-ass equipment...
00:22:58	Hey, man, at Ieast we got some
00:23:03	Forty-five.
00:23:06	Forty-six.
00:23:09	Forty-seven.
00:23:11	He might make the team.
00:23:12	WeII, if we gotta cut him,
00:23:15	Forty-nine.
00:23:17	Fifty.
00:23:19	- AII right, man.
00:23:20	WeII, weII, weII.
00:23:23	Oh, no. I never pIayed
00:23:26	So, what happened? You read the fIier,
00:23:30	- Oh, I can't read.
00:23:32	Reading's for rich peopIe.
00:23:34	So you know, we're putting together
00:23:38	WiII you teach me to footbaII?
00:23:40	Sure we'II teach you to footbaII.
00:23:42	Hey, I'II teach you anything.
00:23:46	Okay.
00:23:49	Down, Shrek. Down!
00:23:52	Okay, bring it in. Whoever's trying out
00:23:57	Can you give a brother
00:23:59	Very good.
00:24:01	For those of you who don't know
00:24:04	I'm gonna be your coach,
00:24:08	You haven't pIayed in years.
00:24:10	- You're right. Let's see what you got.
00:24:12	- Hit me, I'm open.
00:24:15	That's why.
00:24:17	It sIipped. I just ate popcorn.
00:24:19	Question: Any of you gentIemen
00:24:23	- You did? Where?
00:24:25	Are you shitting me?
00:24:28	Kansas State Prison.
00:24:31	Now, I hear they have
00:24:34	Yeah, they do.
00:24:35	Not as soft as the ones
00:24:38	- ReaIIy?
00:24:41	For now, I wanna see
00:24:44	We'II grade them
00:24:46	Move it! HustIe, hustIe, hustIe!
00:24:49	Give these guys sixes.
00:24:52	Good. Good.
00:24:54	Very nice!
00:24:57	- Aren't we missing somebody?
00:25:03	You asshoIes better not cut me!
00:25:07	Negative two.
00:25:09	AII right, go with negative two.
00:25:11	Hey! Somebody bring me
00:25:14	- Let's do this!
00:25:17	Five.
00:25:19	Good. Seven.
00:25:22	Stupid tire! You're a fricking tire!
00:25:24	You think you're better than me?!
00:25:29	Three.
00:25:32	And a haIf?
00:25:33	Yeah. That's better.
00:25:36	Okay. Good.
00:25:38	Yeah. Hit that bag, man.
00:25:41	Four.
00:25:44	- Five. I don't know.
00:25:46	Come on, Switowski!
00:25:49	Daddy!
00:25:53	Oh, man!
00:25:55	- Look at that.
00:25:57	- I think that's a ten.
00:26:00	I'm sorry. I ''brokeded'' your toy.
00:26:03	No, that's a good thing. You shouId
00:26:07	What? What you
00:26:12	AsshoIe!
00:26:15	Okay, feIIas, it's pretty simpIe.
00:26:18	The rest of you guys bIock for me.
00:26:20	Okay? On ''go.'' On ''go.''
00:26:23	Ready? Break!
00:26:28	We'II work on that.
00:26:30	Okay, haIf speed on this one, guys.
00:26:34	Ready?!
00:26:35	Go!
00:26:43	Stop it!
00:26:51	Stop the vioIence!
00:26:53	Can't we aII get aIong?
00:27:05	- Hey, PauI.
00:27:07	- Team's Iooking great.
00:27:09	- So are you.
00:27:11	The bIood of the guards is gonna fIow
00:27:16	That's good news.
00:27:21	Good job today. You're aII starting
00:27:25	See you tomorrow.
00:27:27	- We're gonna suck.
00:27:44	You Iook Iike
00:27:46	No offense, my man,
00:27:51	Seasoned?
00:27:52	I'm not asking to pIay. I'II coach.
00:27:56	Nate Scarborough?
00:27:59	The Heisman Trophy winner
00:28:02	The inmate from ceIIbIock D.
00:28:05	But about a hundred years ago,
00:28:09	yeah, I was a Sooner then.
00:28:12	I heard you were dead.
00:28:13	No, I ain't dead.
00:28:18	Waiting for a chance to get back
00:28:22	Waiting. For this.
00:28:25	WeII, coach, as you can see,
00:28:26	we don't exactIy have the cream
00:28:29	WeII, what are we gonna do?
00:28:31	How'd they get you
00:28:34	They recruited me.
00:28:37	I'II get the strippers.
00:28:42	Well, now, Lindsay, this isn't
00:28:46	This is about giving men
00:28:49	an opportunity
00:28:51	To move beyond
00:28:54	Say what?
00:28:56	What I wouId do to you.
00:29:11	Yeah. Nice boot, skin man.
00:29:13	Hey, why does he get to be
00:29:15	Let's see what you got.
00:29:17	That's why, you dumb-ass.
00:29:19	Just go do some Iaps.
00:29:21	I heard you boys needed to see me.
00:29:23	Yeah. I want you to meet Skitchy.
00:29:25	Hey, dog.
00:29:28	They keep aII the records
00:29:30	He's been here so Iong,
00:29:33	That ain't necessariIy
00:29:35	I had a paroIe date in '86.
00:29:39	One punch and it went away.
00:29:41	Twenty extra years for one punch?
00:29:42	WeII, unfortunateIy for him,
00:29:45	just happens to be the warden now.
00:29:47	Oh, shit. Warden Hazen?
00:29:49	''Oh, shit'' is right.
00:29:52	Fight in the yard. Send backup.
00:29:55	Right on time.
00:29:57	- Let's do it.
00:30:03	Ain't you guys gIad you got
00:30:06	- HeII, yeah.
00:30:15	Hazen has a rating system
00:30:18	What's three stars?
00:30:19	The more prone to vioIence that the
00:30:24	Five stars is the max.
00:30:26	I didn't know that. Let's see how many
00:30:33	HaIf a star? That's gotta be a mistake.
00:30:37	You're about as maniacaI
00:30:39	Come on, that's not funny, man.
00:30:40	I'm gonna have to stab somebody
00:30:43	Why don't we have a maniacaI piIIow
00:30:47	Yeah. We can seII it to pay-per-view.
00:30:49	Superstar Versus Half-a-Star.
00:30:53	Why don't you shut up before I sIit your
00:30:56	Come on, guys,
00:30:59	How about this guy?
00:31:00	Damn, this fooI got the chair
00:31:03	WeII, we may not have
00:31:05	but we wiII definiteIy
00:31:43	- What's he doing that for?
00:31:46	Hey, Sasquatch!
00:31:50	Not too smart on your part.
00:31:55	Hey.
00:31:58	How's the headbanging coming?
00:32:02	You're bIeeding. Just so you know.
00:32:06	PeopIe have toId me that
00:32:09	so I wanted to see for myseIf.
00:32:14	I'm gonna take a piss.
00:32:16	You scared him away, dumbshit.
00:32:24	You're kidding. Five-star Torres
00:32:28	No, just Joy Behar.
00:32:29	The good news is she can
00:32:34	Where does she come up
00:32:38	I'm a Star Jones man myseIf.
00:32:41	That was, like, the furthest thing.
00:32:43	l got married so young, so, l mean,
00:32:45	they weren't pressuring me,
00:32:48	Mr. Torres.
00:32:49	Us convicts are starting up
00:32:52	Not interested.
00:32:54	We're pIaying the guards.
00:32:57	WaIk away.
00:32:59	Good idea.
00:33:01	0 for 2.
00:33:03	You're putting the pressure
00:33:05	Show's over, amigo.
00:33:07	I stiII got 1 5 minutes of Joy Behar.
00:33:10	WeII, I'm cutting you short.
00:33:15	Hey, white boy.
00:33:19	Cherryhead gonna pIay?
00:33:22	Yes, he is.
00:33:29	Crewe, don't forget,
00:33:32	Green 40! Hut!
00:33:39	Damn!
00:33:42	Brucie. Brucie. You aII right?
00:33:46	I got a bird. His name is Ronnie.
00:33:49	WeII, teII Ronnie you got
00:33:55	Wow, no buIIshit. ReaI footbaII?
00:33:59	FuII contact.
00:34:01	Captain Knauer is their quarterback?
00:34:03	- Yep.
00:34:07	Yeah. You can either tackIe him or hit
00:34:11	I wanna hurt him. Not kiII him.
00:34:14	Let's get out of here
00:34:16	AII right. We'II see you
00:34:21	Down, set!
00:34:26	Hut! Hut!
00:34:31	Hey!
00:34:33	- Hit me.
00:34:36	Get rid of it!
00:34:39	He didn't get rid of it.
00:34:42	Sacked your ass.
00:34:45	Somebody's gotta get open, guys.
00:34:47	You got hammered by the hammer.
00:34:49	I think I feIt it on my Ieg.
00:34:52	What'd you expect?
00:34:54	What are you taIking about?
00:34:57	Switowski? That's one brother.
00:34:59	That's a IoneIy nigga.
00:35:02	You want some speed,
00:35:13	Hey, yo, check out
00:35:17	I knew you couIdn't resist my shit.
00:35:19	I got the shakes
00:35:21	I got the fries that'II cross your eyes.
00:35:24	I got the burgers that'II--
00:35:29	I just got burgers.
00:35:31	I'm aII right. Thank you.
00:35:32	Just wanted to taIk to you feIIas about
00:35:37	The onIy game we'd pIay with you is
00:35:39	SIap the Point-Shaving White Boy
00:35:44	Baby-back bitch, baby-back bitch
00:35:48	- That's a big-ass robot.
00:35:55	You gonna heIp me out here?
00:35:59	Thank you, HaIf-a-Star.
00:36:01	Just so you know,
00:36:04	That ain't a team.
00:36:06	giving themseIves excuses
00:36:10	This guy must be
00:36:13	You risk bringing your ass in the jungIe
00:36:17	Yeah, so you'd beat me
00:36:20	- What?
00:36:23	How's this, though? One game.
00:36:26	I beat you, you guys pIay for the team.
00:36:31	Take that. Take that, Deac.
00:36:33	This fooI ain't nothing
00:36:36	- BaII, dog.
00:36:39	Can Crewe pIay baII?
00:36:41	He's a naturaI athIete.
00:36:42	So is Greg Louganis, but I bet you
00:36:46	- Game's 1 1 . CaII your own fouIs.
00:36:50	- Come on, come on.
00:36:57	Did I get you?
00:36:59	No, that was cIean.
00:37:00	He'II be aII right. CaII his mama.
00:37:02	- If I fouI you, teII me, dog.
00:37:09	Take this f-- Take this fouI.
00:37:14	What happened there?
00:37:16	AII right.
00:37:17	Get up! Get up, Deac!
00:37:19	Come on, PauI!
00:37:20	- CaIm down.
00:37:22	Now, don't stir up
00:37:29	Come on, Deacon!
00:37:35	Did I get you, dog?
00:37:36	HeII, no, baby. That was cIean.
00:37:39	I thought he didn't wanna get hurt.
00:37:41	It ain't about getting hurt.
00:37:43	I bet you he's pretty proud right now.
00:38:21	It ain't easy being cheesy!
00:38:31	Did I get you? Did I get you?
00:38:33	- No, I think I'm okay, baby.
00:38:43	That's traveIing, bitch.
00:38:55	You keep coming, huh?
00:38:58	Game point, baby.
00:39:08	FouI.
00:39:11	That was a buIIshit caII!
00:39:16	My court, my baII.
00:39:29	AII right, y'aII. Let Deac speak!
00:39:34	Nice spanking that ass, dog.
00:39:37	- Now, get stepping.
00:39:44	Y'aII got a running back?
00:39:46	Not any good ones.
00:39:48	No disrespect, Deac...
00:39:50	...but any man that can take
00:39:53	I can't wait to see what he can do
00:39:56	Shit, I'm in.
00:39:58	Man, give me that cheeseburger.
00:40:03	Cheeseburger, he wants to run
00:40:07	Let's do this.
00:40:09	EarI Megget.
00:40:10	WeII, we didn't get the whoIe chocoIate
00:40:15	I'II take it.
00:40:18	Let's get this over with, rookie,
00:40:21	Fresh meat, boys! Fresh meat!
00:40:23	Down, set!
00:40:26	BattIe, you're a psycho!
00:40:27	Tony, you're a fat shit! Hut!
00:40:38	HoIy shit!
00:40:44	Get him!
00:40:53	Ran right out of your shoes, huh?
00:40:57	we can get our new star running back
00:40:59	Yeah. I think I got a cousin
00:41:03	It's cooI, man.
00:41:05	- I'II be aII right for now.
00:41:08	Get your country ass
00:41:10	That boy got some sIave feet,
00:41:14	Defense! HuddIe up over there!
00:41:16	PauI. PauI.
00:41:18	Hey, Iadies. How's it hanging?
00:41:21	- TeII him.
00:41:23	I just wanted to Iet you know
00:41:26	And I wiII be cheering my jaiIhouse
00:41:30	I appreciate that. Thank you.
00:41:32	PauI.
00:41:34	I appreciate you.
00:41:36	Okay, thanks. I'm gIad to know that.
00:41:40	Okay, are you done now?
00:41:42	What's wrong with you? JeaIous
00:41:45	I don't know what
00:41:47	Whatever, back freckIes.
00:41:50	Oh, yeah, back freckIes.
00:41:52	I'm gonna get some water.
00:41:55	That feature interview
00:41:58	I just got off the phone with ESPN2.
00:42:00	They want to teIevise
00:42:03	Guards, cons, PauI Crewe,
00:42:07	Lots of human interest.
00:42:09	Don't do that in here.
00:42:12	TeIevision.
00:42:14	Dandridge, do you think
00:42:17	with the registered voters
00:42:19	Oh, yes.
00:42:37	The freak is back!
00:42:52	Hey, hey. It's me again.
00:42:56	You know, if I take this haIf down,
00:43:01	I'm just gonna take this haIf down.
00:43:07	Don't worry. Don't worry.
00:43:11	It's okay.
00:43:13	You wanna serve?
00:43:16	I'II serve.
00:43:23	ReaIIy good news.
00:43:26	You Iike footbaII?
00:43:28	It's kind of Iike Ping-Pong.
00:43:29	OnIy the baII's a IittIe bigger
00:43:34	Just a joke. Stay caIm.
00:43:37	Give you a good chance
00:43:40	hurt them Iike you used to when you
00:43:46	We'd be pIaying the guards.
00:43:52	I think Papajohn's their safety.
00:44:12	TurIey, nobody gets to me.
00:44:19	Hut!
00:44:25	Effective.
00:44:27	- AII right.
00:44:33	I don't wanna pIay no more.
00:44:35	Hey, hey, hey. Switowski,
00:44:38	This is footbaII. Shit happens.
00:44:40	PauI, he brokeded my nose.
00:44:42	Okay. Stop crying.
00:44:44	AII right. We can fix this.
00:44:48	Okay. Good, good.
00:44:52	How's it Iook?
00:44:53	How's it Iook? It Iooks-- It Iooks Iike--
00:44:57	- ReaIIy?
00:44:59	More distinguished.
00:45:03	I Iove IittIe MichaeI.
00:45:05	That's great. That's great.
00:45:08	I think he did it on purpose.
00:45:10	No, he didn't.
00:45:14	Okay, maybe he did.
00:45:16	You gotta apoIogize to him.
00:45:20	Say you're sorry.
00:45:24	Come on. Say it.
00:45:29	He said he's sorry.
00:45:33	Yeah, yeah. We're aII impressed.
00:45:37	Looking good, gentIemen.
00:45:40	Good practice, PauI!
00:45:42	- what we've been practicing.
00:45:43	- what we've been practicing.
00:45:45	Come on, Iet's go. One, two, three.
00:45:48	Give me a...
00:45:51	D, D, give me a l
00:45:55	C, give me a--
00:45:56	AII right, aII right! I got it.
00:46:00	Don't act Iike you ain't
00:46:02	- Yeah, you wish, paI.
00:46:04	because your breath
00:46:07	I wouIdn't touch her
00:46:09	- What's he taIking about?
00:46:24	Run, Forrest, run!
00:46:31	That's how a white man pIays guitar.
00:46:37	Captain, he said he had some info.
00:46:39	You guys have ''HaIo 2.''
00:46:43	Focus. Turn the music off!
00:46:45	Yeah, captain.
00:46:48	They're starting to get
00:46:50	But their biggest threat?
00:46:53	- He's good?
00:46:56	He's reaIIy, reaIIy fast.
00:46:58	I mean, he's so fast,
00:47:02	I got it, he's fast.
00:47:04	Now, why don't you show us your speed
00:47:08	Yes, sir. Here I go. I'm sorry.
00:47:23	Any books
00:47:28	No, sir.
00:47:31	Not much of a reader.
00:47:33	Oh, come on, now, maggot.
00:47:37	You requested this detaiI.
00:47:43	No. It's the quiet time I Iike, sir.
00:47:48	Maybe you'd Iike to read this.
00:47:51	What the heII kind of buIIshit
00:47:53	It's historicaI. Sir.
00:47:56	Now, why wouId he want to read
00:48:03	Does the N word
00:48:08	No, sir.
00:48:17	Sorry about that.
00:48:19	You mind fetching
00:48:25	No, sir.
00:48:27	Just pick them up.
00:48:32	There you go.
00:48:39	You forgot one.
00:48:48	Bet you'd Iike to hit us, huh?
00:48:50	Hit you, sir? No.
00:48:56	Y'aII my friends.
00:49:02	Pick these up.
00:49:24	Go!
00:49:26	Hit me! I'm open! I'm open!
00:49:33	Come on! We got one week
00:49:35	We can't compIete a pass yet.
00:49:37	- Megget can't run the baII every pIay.
00:49:41	What the heII is he smiIing at?
00:49:59	This better be on the up and up.
00:50:01	I guarantee it.
00:50:03	Let's do this shit.
00:50:05	There goes the neighborhood.
00:50:12	Now I'II never get to pIay.
00:50:40	Did you see that? Did you see that?
00:50:43	Nice.
00:50:45	Okay, we seaI off here, seaI off here.
00:50:47	- Cheeseburger.
00:50:48	You're just gonna chip this guy...
00:51:08	That stings.
00:51:09	It's nothing a Quarter Pounder
00:51:14	With cheese on it?
00:51:16	Hut!
00:51:42	Man, that boy wouId catch a coId
00:51:44	- Everything's Iooking up.
00:51:47	StiII got one more
00:52:00	AII right, what do you say?
00:52:02	No, I hate that buIIshit.
00:52:05	HoIy shit, is that PauI Crewe?
00:52:07	How do you Iike that, boys?
00:52:12	So, what's on your mind, PauI?
00:52:14	Got a probIem with inmate Unger.
00:52:17	- Is he on your IittIe squad?
00:52:21	Mr. Crewe, wouId you mind
00:52:25	That's up to the warden.
00:52:26	- Damn it. AII right.
00:52:29	- The fIash is ready.
00:52:32	Oh, my bad.
00:52:34	You know, I think you had sex
00:52:39	- Sorry about that.
00:52:41	If she's hot enough to have
00:52:44	I must be doing aII right.
00:52:46	Okay, here we go.
00:52:49	- Sergeant EngIeheart?
00:52:51	WouId you step out
00:52:53	Yes, sir.
00:52:57	- His wife has got the hottest ass.
00:53:00	Just cut to the chase, shaII we?
00:53:02	You don't actuaIIy think you have
00:53:05	We're gonna get
00:53:06	I know it. You know it.
00:53:11	Your pIayers?
00:53:14	Just when I thought
00:53:17	- What does that mean?
00:53:19	you haven't made or received
00:53:22	You haven't opened so much
00:53:24	What do you give a damn
00:53:27	You never cared about anybody
00:53:29	WeII, maybe I finaIIy found
00:53:32	I been yearning for since I'm a baby.
00:53:34	And gosh aImighty,
00:53:36	my new famiIy and I
00:53:38	if you got Unger off the fieId.
00:53:42	Sergeant EngIeheart.
00:53:43	Thank you.
00:53:45	Oh, and as for your request...
00:53:49	...you'II have my answer
00:54:04	Did it rain Iast night?
00:54:06	Not a drop.
00:54:12	Son of a bitch.
00:54:14	AII right, boys.
00:54:19	The warden is trying
00:54:23	He thinks we're gonna
00:54:25	wait for the fieId to dry,
00:54:28	You know what? Who gives a shit?
00:54:30	Three days tiII game time.
00:54:33	But Iet me say this:
00:54:36	That oId man fIooding this fieId
00:54:40	The guy is scared.
00:54:43	Scared of you sick,
00:54:48	And you know what?
00:54:51	He shouId be.
00:54:53	Because I got news for you guys.
00:54:55	We're gonna win this thing.
00:54:58	Did he say ''win''?
00:55:00	What's it gonna be, boys?
00:55:03	Do we go back to our ceIIs,
00:55:06	Or do we get ourseIves ready
00:55:12	in the history of footbaII?
00:55:15	I'II Ieave it up to you guys.
00:55:36	Hey. You're part
00:55:40	Get your point-shaving ass in there.
00:55:43	You got it.
00:56:31	I guess that asshoIe Hazen
00:56:34	- We aII convicts, right?
00:56:37	Maybe it's time
00:56:41	Right here. Right here.
00:56:44	Take it, Deac.
00:56:46	Let's see which guards
00:57:08	Yeah!
00:57:47	Shoes, nigga!
00:57:59	Check this out. These be brass
00:58:03	Hut!
00:58:05	That's perfect, Cheeseburger!
00:58:19	Good baII. Good baII.
00:58:24	Okay.
00:58:28	- Who we gonna crush?
00:58:30	- Who we gonna kiII?
00:58:32	- Who we gonna kiss?
00:58:34	Gotcha.
00:58:45	Lights out!
00:58:49	Good night, Iadies.
00:58:56	- Yo, Crewe!
00:58:58	Check your toiIet. There shouId be
00:59:02	You took a shit in my toiIet?
00:59:04	No, that's the surprise
00:59:07	- You got something eIse.
00:59:10	WeII, wouId you Iook at this.
00:59:12	A bottIe of KeteI One
00:59:16	Now, what wouId I need two for?
00:59:18	Just shut up
00:59:20	- Man, who taught you to be so cooI?
00:59:25	Now, when I get out of here, I don't
00:59:29	I want you to meet her.
00:59:31	Here, Iook at my girI.
00:59:36	Your mom's beautifuI.
00:59:38	And you, you are ugIy.
00:59:41	Thank you. Got it.
00:59:44	Here's to...
00:59:47	...the first friend I've had
00:59:50	Hey, I thought
00:59:52	You are, Switowski. Just finish your
00:59:56	Okay.
00:59:58	And here's to having one of these
01:00:01	sometime in the next
01:00:05	- Yo, Crewe.
01:00:07	You being a ex-footbaII pIayer
01:00:10	I'm sure you got a Iot
01:00:12	WeII, Iet's not forget I wasn't
01:00:15	Don't give me that shit.
01:00:16	O.J. chopped his wife's head off
01:00:19	Yeah.
01:00:21	My mama taught me not to kiss
01:00:24	AII right. I got one more question
01:00:27	Okay. What is it?
01:00:31	Why'd you shave those points?
01:00:36	Didn't you read the papers?
01:00:39	Yeah. Ain't we aII?
01:00:44	Yo, Crewe, what wouId you say
01:00:46	if I couId get you fiIm
01:00:49	I wouId say that's incredibIe,
01:00:52	Thanks, gentIemen.
01:00:54	The warden wiII be done with him
01:00:58	- We can handIe him.
01:01:01	Then you're gonna, ma'am.
01:01:08	Nice job.
01:01:12	I can't teII you how much this means
01:01:15	Now Nate can study
01:01:18	Not so fast, sugar bear.
01:01:21	You gotta earn them.
01:01:33	We onIy got 1 5 minutes,
01:01:35	but, sunshine, we're gonna
01:01:52	One more, pIease?
01:02:02	Let's go.
01:02:11	- Quiet down. Guys.
01:02:13	Before we watch the guards'
01:02:16	we have a speciaI presentation
01:02:22	What are you taIking about?
01:02:26	What's going on?
01:02:31	Now I gotta reIive this shit?
01:02:50	Yeah!
01:02:54	You can say this,
01:02:59	You know what they say. Once
01:03:04	Hey, hey, hey. Brucie! Brucie!
01:03:07	because I got something pretty funny
01:03:09	Tony, hit it. You're gonna Iike this.
01:03:19	- What the heII is this?
01:03:23	- Hi.
01:03:25	Turn this shit off. Turn it off.
01:03:27	No!
01:03:34	Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny.
01:03:46	Nothing happened.
01:03:48	I was showing a IittIe wrestIing move.
01:03:50	Knock it off!
01:03:52	Knock it off!
01:03:54	It's time we took a Iook
01:03:56	before the guards come back.
01:03:59	The first fiIm is the guards' offense
01:04:03	Now, as you can see,
01:04:13	So you're teIIing me that these animaIs
01:04:16	- Is that right?
01:04:18	They got aII Iast season.
01:04:21	Seems to me that we ought to
01:04:23	What do you want me to do?
01:04:25	You're the criminaI. Be creative.
01:04:28	But on game day, if I so much as--
01:04:34	What are you doing?
01:04:36	I don't know.
01:04:40	and now my nippIes are kiIIing me.
01:04:42	Why are we taIking about
01:04:44	We're not. Just go do
01:04:47	Guys.
01:04:50	I want Crewe finished.
01:04:53	Yes, sir. You give me the inspiration,
01:04:58	Hut!
01:05:05	Everybody!
01:05:09	HuddIe up!
01:05:14	Every day we've been taking shit,
01:05:19	Tomorrow, payback.
01:06:09	- What time is it?
01:06:11	- What time is it?
01:06:13	- What time is it?
01:06:20	Tomorrow, 1 2:00, the bus Ieaves.
01:06:25	Where the heII is Caretaker?
01:06:29	I don't know.
01:06:58	A gift for you, Mr. Crewe.
01:07:03	How does he Iisten
01:09:34	We're here deep in the heart
01:09:36	coming to you from a simple
01:09:39	that's been retrofitted
01:09:42	Now, when my man Travis
01:09:44	''What are you, brain-dead from
01:09:47	It's not going to work.''
01:09:48	But the fact of the matter is,
01:09:51	Hot-dog vendors, high-powered rifles,
00:00:06	Hey, shitheads! Listen up!
00:00:07	Everybody on their feet
00:00:14	Anthony, wow. You can sit down.
00:00:17	Thank God.
00:00:21	GentIemen, Texas marshaIs
00:00:23	to suppIy us with a dozen
00:00:28	So for those of you thinking
00:00:31	or trying to make a break for it,
00:00:33	you wiII be shot.
00:00:36	In the head.
00:00:41	Now, Iet's aII go out there
00:00:47	Crewe! I'II see you on the fieId!
00:00:53	I think he's in Iove with you.
00:00:56	AII right, Iisten up.
00:00:58	I know it's hard to get psyched for
00:01:03	But somehow that sick,
00:01:05	found a way to get us aII fired up
00:01:11	Caretaker's Iast gift to us.
00:01:13	BattIe, I presume this is yours.
00:01:18	I stiII don't think that's big enough.
00:01:22	- That's it?
00:01:25	Caretaker said he'd find us
00:01:32	I think he found us a name too.
00:01:38	Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
00:01:55	Good afternoon and welcome to a
00:01:59	As today, the semipro
00:02:03	will be taking on the very prisoners
00:02:06	And with this speciaI game, foIks,
00:02:09	as I'm joined in the booth
00:02:13	Say hi to the foIks, Bob-O.
00:02:16	Chris, we went to a commerciaI.
00:02:18	This job, Bob,
00:02:22	So when I bring you in,
00:02:27	UnIess you don't want to.
00:02:32	And here come the cons,
00:02:34	led by former NFL MVP quarterback
00:02:43	HoIy shit. Hey, hey, hey.
00:02:46	WeII, heIIo. How are you?
00:02:48	Back away from the girIs!
00:02:49	- Hey, now.
00:02:53	What the heII
00:02:55	Hey, I didn't spend 1 4 years
00:02:59	And there in the
00:03:01	are the good-behavior cons,
00:03:05	...cheerleaders?
00:03:07	We're the mean machine
00:03:09	We're gonna kick your ass
00:03:12	Hey! Ho!
00:03:18	I didn't do it!
00:03:31	Come on, Batt!
00:03:47	- What's that?
00:03:53	Damn it!
00:03:56	Papajohn's at the 20, the 1 0.
00:04:03	Sweet dreams, bitch.
00:04:06	That's a 90-yard return.
00:04:08	And I gotta teII you, the cons seem
00:04:12	than tackIing the baII carrier.
00:04:14	Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
00:04:20	And here comes the big story
00:04:22	Paul Crewe,
00:04:25	hasn't played since he was banned
00:04:29	Center, shift it! Shift it!
00:04:36	Hey, Sasquatch!
00:04:41	Twenty, hut!
00:04:42	Crewe drops back to pass.
00:04:46	FumbIe!
00:04:51	HoIy shit!
00:04:54	Goddamn it.
00:04:56	That's gonna be a personal foul
00:04:59	And this is certainly an inauspicious
00:05:02	Come here! AII right! You got him.
00:05:05	Let's go! HoId them!
00:05:08	And here comes Knauer and that
00:05:18	Eighty-six.
00:05:19	Back to your ceII.
00:05:22	Hut! Hut!
00:05:28	Knauer has Potter wide open.
00:05:33	- Son of a bitch!
00:05:36	the guards are up
00:05:38	This one Iooks Iike
00:05:42	Sorry.
00:05:43	What are we ceIebrating for?!
00:05:47	You guys wanna beat these asshoIes,
00:05:51	Are you okay? Oh, God,
00:05:55	Jesus, you sound Iike my mother.
00:05:57	Listen, if you wanna cry,
00:06:01	Get off me! Get back out there
00:06:04	Why are you yeIIing at me?
00:06:09	Look! A broken Ieg wiII heaI.
00:06:13	A Ioss to the Mean Machine
00:06:19	Sorry, guys.
00:06:20	Yeah, yeah. Me too.
00:06:23	AII right. Now, Iet's get started!
00:06:28	Now, get the heII out there! Let's go!
00:06:44	Way to go! Way to go!
00:06:46	There's the first sign of life
00:06:49	Let's see if PauI ''MotIey'' Crewe
00:06:53	Hut!
00:06:54	On first down, Crewe will throw.
00:06:59	That's gotta be pass interference.
00:07:02	But the ref is waving it off.
00:07:04	- What?!
00:07:06	Come on, now. I'm in this heIIhoIe
00:07:09	- Be a man and make a caII.
00:07:12	UnsportsmanIike conduct!
00:07:15	What?!
00:07:17	Come on!
00:07:20	This is baby-back buIIshit!
00:07:22	- BuIIshit, D.
00:07:24	Let's caII that one
00:07:27	BIue 42, hut!
00:07:31	The give is to Megget. He spins
00:07:36	He's at the 35. The 40.
00:07:40	He's brought down hard,
00:07:42	What? Oh, come on, man!
00:07:46	- You're not gonna caII that?
00:07:48	What you Iooking at?
00:07:50	TeII it to the paroIe board, criminaI.
00:07:53	I mean, this is absurd.
00:07:55	We can't win with the refs
00:07:57	Listen up. I got an idea
00:08:01	Come on, Iet's aII stay up! Come on!
00:08:05	Down, set!
00:08:07	Red 58.
00:08:08	Cover your man!
00:08:10	Red 58. Hut!
00:08:23	That one hurt my marbIe sack.
00:08:28	AII right!
00:08:29	- You aII right?
00:08:31	- What down is it?
00:08:33	- No, no. It wouId be fourth down.
00:08:39	What do you think?
00:08:43	Underneath! Let's go!
00:08:45	Ref, you gotta get in the game!
00:08:47	Well, l don't quite get this, but on fourth
00:08:52	Down, set!
00:08:53	Red 58.
00:08:55	Red 58. Hut!
00:09:06	You gotta aIways protect
00:09:12	How about from now on, you caII
00:09:15	Sounds good.
00:09:16	Okay. Wet WiIIie.
00:09:20	Yeah, you Iike that.
00:09:25	And so the guards will take over
00:09:27	after one of the strangest
00:09:31	Okay, boys. We know who doesn't
00:09:34	Have we got any?
00:09:37	- Yeah!
00:09:41	Come on, Swit, stand them up, baby.
00:09:44	White 50. White 50. Hut, hut, hut!
00:09:48	Knauer, play action.
00:09:53	Switowski is so big, it's like being
00:09:57	This is fun!
00:10:01	Nice to see you smiIing, Bob.
00:10:03	Thanks, Chris.
00:10:06	Green 90! Hut!
00:10:08	Third and 5,
00:10:10	He's to the 40,
00:10:13	But look at Turley push the pile.
00:10:16	And now Crewe.
00:10:18	And that's a first down!
00:10:22	And look out. Boy, somebody better
00:10:25	or they're gonna need body bags
00:10:27	Let's go, guys.
00:10:29	Start of the second quarter.
00:10:30	Cons still down by two touchdowns,
00:10:33	Hut!
00:10:37	Crewe with a shovel pass to Megget.
00:10:40	And Megget scrambles
00:10:43	Oh, you fooIed me.
00:10:45	- I got you there, didn't I?
00:10:47	You know, EngIeheart, you are
00:10:49	You know, PauI, in the midst of aII this,
00:10:55	Come on, Iet's go. Let's go, D.
00:10:57	First and 1 0 at the guards' 35.
00:10:59	Crewe dumps it over the middle
00:11:02	And he's hammered at the 1 7 for a
00:11:08	- Hut!
00:11:10	on the scoreboard.
00:11:12	He will throw.
00:11:16	And it's caught by Deacon Moss
00:11:20	AII right!
00:11:21	And so there'll be no shutout today,
00:11:26	Quit booing, peopIe.
00:11:29	What the heII's wrong with you?
00:11:33	- Sportsmanship, try it.
00:11:38	Damn.
00:11:40	2:1 1 left in the first half.
00:11:43	And he is a load, at 6'2'', 260.
00:11:49	Dunham, breaking tackles.
00:11:51	He refuses to go down.
00:11:53	But he finally does
00:11:59	That's how a white man
00:12:01	If I was on D, I'd crack you square
00:12:04	Yeah, but you ain't on D.
00:12:08	Switowski! Come here.
00:12:11	Do you know what
00:12:17	Yes. Him. Out.
00:12:23	D, D, defense
00:12:26	The cons don't seem to have
00:12:29	who's averaging close to 1 2 yards
00:12:34	Green 67.
00:12:35	Green 67. Hut!
00:12:41	Oh, what a hit on Dunham
00:12:47	I think I made him shit himseIf.
00:12:50	- Shit!
00:12:52	I think he just shit himseIf.
00:12:55	Good Lord.
00:12:58	See? I toId you
00:13:02	Yo! I'II make sure I send
00:13:05	And some diapers.
00:13:09	Nineteen seconds.
00:13:12	So you bastards remember
00:13:14	What are you taIking about?
00:13:17	Yeah. Let's try some
00:13:22	Come on, D, Iet's go.
00:13:24	Down, set! Green 88.
00:13:27	Green 88. Hut!
00:13:29	The clock starts to run. Crewe hands
00:13:34	Cheeseburger Eddy's got it.
00:13:36	Go, baby, go!
00:13:38	He laterals to Deacon.
00:13:41	TackIe him!
00:13:44	To Turley.
00:13:45	The clock is running. To Brucie.
00:13:48	Shades of Cal-Stanford.
00:13:51	Back to Crewe.
00:13:53	He tosses to Megget.
00:13:55	TackIe him!
00:14:00	And look at that little Megget run.
00:14:03	Three seconds left.
00:14:06	Yeah! Go!
00:14:08	He could go all the way. Touchdown!
00:14:19	Did you see that?!
00:14:20	Do that sound again.
00:14:23	I Iike that.
00:14:28	And so, on a miraculous play,
00:14:30	the cons end the first half
00:14:39	Bring it in.
00:14:42	Do you have any idea
00:14:45	This was supposed to be a bIowout,
00:14:47	and they're showing you up
00:14:52	The whoIe nation!
00:14:54	I Iike it when he's angry.
00:14:58	- I toId you!
00:15:08	What in the heII do you think
00:15:11	PIaying footbaII, sir.
00:15:14	I didn't say nothing about winning.
00:15:16	We're not winning. Not yet.
00:15:21	You got yourseIf in quite
00:15:24	- Is that right?
00:15:27	that inmate Unger
00:15:29	for the murder of Caretaker.
00:15:31	- Good.
00:15:34	OnIy thing is, he cIaims
00:15:37	CIaims you knew aII about it.
00:15:39	HeII, he even says
00:15:44	BuIIshit.
00:15:45	Captain Knauer says
00:15:50	There's no way
00:15:52	Court?
00:15:54	HeII, boy, in AIIenviIIe,
00:15:59	and in your particuIar case,
00:16:04	What do you want?
00:16:06	I want you to Iose.
00:16:07	I can't do that.
00:16:09	Of course you can. After aII,
00:16:12	But the men. It's more important
00:16:17	Okay. Suit yourseIf.
00:16:19	Spend the next 25 years
00:16:25	AII right, I'II do it.
00:16:31	But I don't want my guys hurt.
00:16:35	Fine. Right after I get
00:16:39	I teII you what bothers me
00:16:44	That you're not gonna be
00:16:47	getting what you got coming to you.
00:16:52	The onIy thing coming to me
00:16:57	Mean Machine.
00:17:00	It's cute.
00:17:04	- Let's go, boy!
00:17:06	Captain.
00:17:09	May I have a word?
00:17:10	Don't worry, warden,
00:17:13	I aIready have.
00:17:14	What? We can win this on our own.
00:17:17	Captain, a man in my position
00:17:22	Now, after you get a comfortabIe
00:17:25	I want you to infIict as much pain
00:17:28	Do not Iet up, you hear?
00:17:31	I want those cons to understand
00:17:35	Do I make myseIf cIear?
00:17:36	Oh, yes, sir.
00:17:38	Good.
00:17:40	There's the kickoff, and we're
00:17:49	Megget is finally brought down
00:17:53	where Paul Crewe will take over.
00:17:55	And what a first half he's had.
00:17:57	Here we go! Here we go!
00:18:01	Down, set!
00:18:03	Y 45. Hut!
00:18:06	On first and 1 0, Crewe will pass.
00:18:09	- He's got Deacon wide open.
00:18:11	Oh, incomplete.
00:18:12	It's okay. Get your head up.
00:18:14	It's aII right, man.
00:18:17	Come on, PauIie.
00:18:18	Second and 1 0 from the 33. Crewe's
00:18:22	- He's open!
00:18:24	But overthrows it.
00:18:29	Look out! He might go.
00:18:32	Say goodbye.
00:18:34	Touchdown!
00:18:37	The first mistake
00:18:44	Short memory, baby.
00:18:48	Defense, Iet's do this!
00:18:51	8:38 left in the third quarter,
00:18:52	and Crewe has struggled
00:18:55	Hut!
00:18:56	The pitch to Megget.
00:19:01	lt's picked up by Lambert.
00:19:02	He's at the 1 5, the 1 0,
00:19:07	Yeah! Touchdown! Yeah!
00:19:09	Crewe took a shot on that play
00:19:14	Meanwhile, in the end zone, the guards
00:19:17	as they find themselves up
00:19:20	This is simply a different Paul Crewe
00:19:24	There's the oId PauI Crewe
00:19:27	What the heII are you
00:19:29	I'm done.
00:19:31	I'm out. That's it.
00:19:35	- Where you hurting?
00:19:37	- Seems okay to me.
00:19:42	If Crewe can't go, I don't know how
00:19:48	The guards will try to keep it away
00:19:51	Fair catch. Fair catch.
00:19:53	As Big Tony calls for the fair catch.
00:19:56	Watch out. That was as late a hit
00:20:01	And even some of the home crowd
00:20:05	Hang in there, partner.
00:20:07	Can of corn. Can of corn,
00:20:14	Yeah, I'd have a hard time
00:20:17	Brucie.
00:20:18	Yeah, coach.
00:20:19	You're the onIy one that knows
00:20:23	Coming into the game,
00:20:25	is number 1, Brucie.
00:20:27	AII right, aII right.
00:20:29	That's his probIem.
00:20:31	Right, 32 FIex Dive Motion
00:20:34	Break!
00:20:35	Yeah. It's Brucie's
00:20:38	Okay. Down, set. Hut!
00:20:41	There's the snap and the ball is
00:20:45	I knew I shouIdn't
00:20:48	The guards are in command here
00:20:52	Ninety-eight. Hut! Hut!
00:20:54	The give is to Potter.
00:20:58	He's got a man open
00:21:00	He'll throw the flea-flicker!
00:21:02	And he's got it. Touchdown, guards.
00:21:05	And this game is starting
00:21:10	Hey, man, after aII Caretaker did,
00:21:14	Don't worry about it.
00:21:16	You haven't changed one damn bit.
00:21:23	AII right. Down, set!
00:21:25	Back in at quarterback is Brucie,
00:21:26	who will try to find a handle
00:21:30	Throw it, Brucie!
00:21:32	Oh, shit!
00:21:34	And look out.
00:21:39	What a shot he took!
00:21:42	How much more bIood do you want?
00:21:46	l think the cons are just about
00:22:09	Hey, Skitchy,
00:22:12	When you popped the warden,
00:22:15	Was it worth spending
00:22:18	Was it worth it? It was worth
00:22:30	What the heII is he doing?
00:22:35	PauI Crewe must be feeIing better,
00:22:38	AII right, I missed you guys,
00:22:41	We got a Iot of work to do.
00:22:44	Deuce right, 89. FIy on two. Ready?
00:22:48	Break.
00:22:51	As we start the fourth quarter,
00:22:54	Wide Ieft! Tight Ieft!
00:22:57	BIack 90. Hut! Hut!
00:23:00	Here comes the blitz,
00:23:02	And Crewe will be sacked
00:23:06	That looked like a message to Crewe
00:23:12	Did you see that, man?
00:23:14	Okay, baby. JaiIbreak BIitz. Ready?
00:23:16	We got that out of the way.
00:23:18	- Now we gotta pIay some footbaII.
00:23:21	Cons need to do something
00:23:23	And that's not it!
00:23:26	And Crewe is leveled!
00:23:28	I don't think he's gonna get up
00:23:31	Nice hit!
00:23:34	But he is. And l don't know how,
00:23:37	AII right, punt team!
00:23:38	Keep them off the fieId!
00:23:41	Dumbshits are going for it!
00:23:43	Come on back, if he wants to get
00:23:46	This is unbelievable.
00:23:47	Fine. You guys don't wanna heIp me,
00:23:53	Let's go, to the Iine.
00:23:54	On fourth and 20,
00:23:56	the cons are gonna go for it.
00:23:59	Red 98. Hut! Hut!
00:24:02	Crewe dodges the blitz,
00:24:09	And he's not going down.
00:24:17	He's got the first down.
00:24:19	Time-out!
00:24:21	- Man, oh, man.
00:24:30	HuddIe up.
00:24:33	Look.
00:24:35	I'm sure you aIready know this,
00:24:40	I did throw that game.
00:24:43	I did it.
00:24:45	I was in a bad way
00:24:49	After I did it,
00:24:50	I feIt so shitty I wish I wouId have
00:24:55	Now the warden wants to pin
00:24:59	if I don't throw this game.
00:25:03	So it Iooks Iike I'm gonna get
00:25:06	because I ain't doing that
00:25:09	We got a IittIe time Ieft.
00:25:12	I'm begging you.
00:25:25	Okay. Thank you. Now, who are we?
00:25:28	Mean Machine!
00:25:29	Come on, Mean Machine, Iet's go!
00:25:35	That's great news.
00:25:37	AII right. We got ourseIves a game.
00:25:40	Brown 65. Hut!
00:25:41	First and 1 0 from the 30.
00:25:48	Hut!
00:25:50	The give is to Megget. And he fights
00:25:53	One yard, baby. One more yard.
00:25:56	Hut! Hut!
00:25:58	Crewe tries a sneak. Or is it?
00:26:00	He flips it back to Megget.
00:26:02	Megget's got the first down
00:26:12	And Megget is down to the 4-yard
00:26:16	Hut!
00:26:19	Crewe hands it to Turley.
00:26:22	TackIe him!
00:26:29	Touchdown!
00:26:32	That was some rumbIing, bumbIing
00:26:36	And listen to the crowd
00:26:38	as this underdog con team
00:26:50	Third down and 6. Guards have
00:26:53	Knauer needs a first down
00:26:56	White 50!
00:26:58	White 50!
00:26:59	And look at Battle take off.
00:27:03	He knocks the ball loose!
00:27:06	There's a dogpile in the backfield.
00:27:13	My arm!
00:27:16	The cons recover!
00:27:18	We got the baII! We got the baII!
00:27:22	With just over two minutes Ieft to be
00:27:27	Crewe will start in great field position
00:27:31	And look at this formation.
00:27:35	Shift over! Move!
00:27:36	They're trying to call time-out,
00:27:42	Moss is behind a wall of cons. l
00:27:49	And they'll score!
00:27:55	- Hey! Is that IegaI?
00:27:58	- Is that a touchdown?
00:28:00	What is going on here? Shit!
00:28:03	And with the extra point,
00:28:14	- Brucie!
00:28:17	I want you to go out there
00:28:19	- I can do it.
00:28:22	Brucie can't kick worth a shit.
00:28:24	I know. Recover the baII.
00:28:27	Jesus Christ, my savior.
00:28:30	I promise to stop cheating on my wife
00:28:34	Back in the game is Brucie,
00:28:36	And it's a horrible kick.
00:28:38	But the ball is tipped!
00:28:40	And the cons have come up with it!
00:28:44	- We got it! One time-out.
00:28:47	That's it, Brucie. Hey, hey!
00:28:51	Give me that.
00:28:54	Damn--
00:28:56	WeII, that feIt unnecessary.
00:28:59	Cons have enough time
00:29:03	Crewe drops back to pass.
00:29:05	- Watch the pass!
00:29:08	He gets the ball up, but he's leveled.
00:29:11	And Deacon's got it for a first down,
00:29:14	Tick, tick, tick.
00:29:16	CIock's running. CIock's stiII running!
00:29:19	On the baII!
00:29:20	Goddamn it! Do something!
00:29:23	Hut!
00:29:24	Crewe. He's looking to throw.
00:29:28	Go! Get rid of it! Go! Go!
00:29:31	He pitches it to Megget.
00:29:33	Here we go. Here we go.
00:29:36	- Go, Megget!
00:29:39	He could go all the way!
00:29:41	But he won't!
00:29:43	Goddamn it!
00:29:44	And Megget is hit hard
00:29:47	My knee, man!
00:29:50	You busted your knee for us,
00:29:54	Hey, coach, I need a back!
00:29:56	Just win this shit.
00:29:59	I'm going in.
00:30:00	Coach, you serious?
00:30:02	Yeah, I'm serious.
00:30:04	And look who's
00:30:07	You can do it!
00:30:09	Get that oId ass of yours
00:30:12	We gotta win this thing! Come on!
00:30:17	No, no, no. Hey, oId man.
00:30:20	AbsoIuteIy not.
00:30:22	They've been trying that for years.
00:30:25	- I ain't handing you the baII.
00:30:27	Nate Scarborough, the former
00:30:31	is gonna play tailback,
00:30:33	but he's gotta be in there more
00:30:35	Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
00:30:38	Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
00:30:41	Mean Machine, Mean Machine
00:30:46	Mean Machine!
00:30:47	Mean Machine!
00:30:49	Six seconds left on the clock.
00:30:52	They must score on this play.
00:30:57	Don't Iet them through!
00:31:00	Down, set!
00:31:02	- BIack 99!
00:31:05	BIack 99! Hut! Hut!
00:31:07	BIack 99! Hut! Hut!
00:31:08	The give is to the big man, Turley.
00:31:11	He's stopped by Lambert
00:31:15	No! Wait!
00:31:17	The ball's picked up
00:31:23	Come on!
00:31:30	Touchdown!
00:31:40	What an amazing comeback, folks!
00:31:43	Taking a play from
00:31:45	The FumbIerooskie.
00:31:47	Easy. Easy.
00:31:48	You stiII aIive, oId man?
00:31:51	Never feIt better in my Iife.
00:31:53	You're a sick bastard. Come here.
00:31:56	AII right.
00:31:58	And now the cons are a mere
00:32:02	Mean Machine!
00:32:07	Team vote: We go for the win?
00:32:11	HeII, guys, we're convicts.
00:32:15	UnfortunateIy, that's why
00:32:19	What wouId Caretaker do?
00:32:22	Give me that bIackboard.
00:32:23	Yeah, come on!
00:32:25	Come on.
00:32:29	Are you serious?
00:32:30	I don't know. That pIay is wack.
00:32:32	It's gonna work.
00:32:34	It's gonna work. Let's go. On the baII.
00:32:37	Come on! Let's go!
00:32:38	Let's go, y'aII! Let's go!
00:32:40	I think it's gonna work.
00:32:43	Get them out there.
00:32:47	And wait a minute.
00:32:50	The cons are gonna go for the win.
00:32:52	They're going for it.
00:32:55	Crewe, trying to settle his team
00:32:58	But there seems to be
00:33:00	Come on! Run the pIay!
00:33:02	TurIey! TurIey. Over here.
00:33:05	Move your giant ass right here!
00:33:07	Come on, baby. Come on.
00:33:11	The play clock is still running.
00:33:14	Come on, Crewe!
00:33:17	They don't know what we're doing!
00:33:19	Run the pIay we set up.
00:33:21	I think you're stiII dizzy from that hit!
00:33:24	The snap is to Deacon.
00:33:26	It's a trick.
00:33:28	He throws it to Crewe.
00:33:53	They did it! Unbelievable!
00:33:56	The cons win!
00:34:11	We win!
00:34:12	Group hug in the shower tonight!
00:34:17	Or not. Or not.
00:34:22	Well, there you have it.
00:34:23	A bunch of ruthless criminals
00:34:26	the men that uphold
00:34:28	CriminaIs are peopIe too, Chris.
00:34:30	Now, give me your waIIet.
00:34:32	What?
00:34:34	Just kidding.
00:34:40	You got a Iot of baIIs, Crewe.
00:34:44	And don't worry, I know you had
00:34:48	And I'II back that up.
00:34:51	Thank you, baby.
00:34:54	Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
00:34:59	You humiIiated me. I can't beIieve
00:35:06	Now, where the heII
00:35:12	He's escaping.
00:35:14	He's escaping.
00:35:15	Officer, shoot that man!
00:35:18	But, sir, there's peopIe.
00:35:21	Shoot him.
00:35:23	Crewe!
00:35:25	Captain, I order you
00:35:31	Shoot him! Fire!
00:35:33	Crewe!
00:35:35	Damn it, I'm giving you an order,
00:35:38	Crewe!
00:35:39	PuII the trigger!
00:36:00	It's the game baII.
00:36:09	Hey.
00:36:14	Why don't you stick this
00:36:19	- You have a nice time, oId man?
00:36:22	Yeah? Okay.
00:36:25	WeII, the first thing is, we teII the
00:36:28	Oh, I can't wait to see
00:36:38	Great game, sir.
00:36:42	That's a week in the hotbox!
00:36:44	Who gives a shit?

Longest Yard The