Longest Yard The

en
00:01:35 Hey, sexy.
00:01:36 I love that dress.
00:01:38 Of course you do, Lorenzo.
00:01:41 - Hi, sweetie.
00:01:45 - There you are.
00:01:48 - You've done it again.
00:01:50 Gotta mingle.
00:01:52 Oh, the girls are by the pool.
00:01:54 Well, well, well, Lena. So where's
00:01:59 I didn't know you were
00:02:00 I've never watched a game. I'm just
00:02:05 Well, he's probably just getting out of
00:02:08 - Hi.
00:02:12 Start of the fourth quarter, and Owens
00:02:16 You have got to be kidding me.
00:02:19 Honey, just let me finish the game,
00:02:22 Take me to the movies?
00:02:24 Hello!. There's a huge party
00:02:28 Remember the catering trucks
00:02:30 Oh, shit, I forgot.
00:02:33 I'll tell you what
00:02:37 Football.
00:02:38 Because it's forgotten all about you.
00:02:41 Now, you're going to put this outfit on
00:02:44 drag your drunken ass downstairs
00:02:47 and mingle with my clients
00:02:52 Who am l? Elton John?
00:02:55 - Yes, you are.
00:02:58 No. You're much more
00:03:02 But I tell you what.
00:03:03 If you're not downstairs
00:03:06 I'm gonna throw you out of my bed,
00:03:08 out of my house and out of my life.
00:03:12 Then you're gonna have to
00:03:15 I'm just so mad at you
00:03:21 Gift?
00:03:22 What gift?
00:03:24 It's like a l-love-you gift.
00:03:28 Really?
00:03:30 Paul, I'm so excited.
00:03:32 I can't believe you did this.
00:03:33 - Where'd you put it?
00:03:37 Paul? Paul, what are you doing?
00:03:39 I think we need some
00:03:42 so I'm gonna go take a cruise
00:03:45 Don't you dare take my car,
00:03:48 - I own you!
00:04:13 Somebody please open
00:04:16 - Lena?
00:04:19 What happened to you?
00:04:20 He locked me in the closet
00:04:23 Oh, my God, he is deranged!
00:04:26 He thinks he can mess with me.
00:04:29 91 1.
00:04:33 Oh, man.
00:04:46 Well, well, well. I'll be damned.
00:04:50 So, what did I do wrong?
00:04:53 Nope. Nope.
00:04:55 No, no, no.
00:04:59 Shit happens.
00:05:01 Shit does happen. I mean,
00:05:06 I gotta ask you something.
00:05:10 Actually, they get
00:05:15 It's Paul Crewe.
00:05:16 Another question, though.
00:05:18 Santa Claus. What's he like?
00:05:21 Boy, I hate to arrest a public figure
00:05:24 but, hell, I don't think
00:05:26 endorsement deals to worry about,
00:05:29 Now, listen here, Mr. Frodo.
00:05:35 That was good. I mean, he's good.
00:05:38 Man. I hope you got a lot of money
00:05:41 because that was the most pathetic
00:05:44 Now, step out of the vehicle,
00:05:46 Don't you think I should pull the car
00:05:50 You're slurring your words a bit there,
00:05:53 Absolutely not. Now, could you do me a
00:06:03 Hey, you can finish that one.
00:06:09 We got a 3-94 in progress.
00:06:30 Okay, remain calm.
00:06:32 How you doing? What's up?
00:06:39 What you are watching is live footage
00:06:43 being pursued by police.
00:06:45 We're receiving word now
00:06:48 is former Pittsburgh football star
00:06:51 Crewe, you might remember,
00:06:53 was the only man ever to be indicted
00:06:57 for shaving points
00:06:59 although it was never fully proven.
00:07:04 Yeah!
00:07:11 - Hello.
00:07:14 on my car, or I will slit your throat.
00:07:19 See, that's our problem, sweetie.
00:07:21 You care about this car
00:07:23 And how'd you even know
00:07:26 Because I am watching you on TV,
00:07:31 Once again,
00:07:33 what a worthless piece of shit
00:07:38 Well, I hope they like this.
00:08:00 Hey, Lena!
00:08:02 I think we should start
00:08:08 I think I'm in love.
00:08:13 Good news, boys,
00:08:16 Without question, Crewe's five-year
00:08:20 has been severely violated tonight.
00:08:22 The future of this once-great football
00:08:48 Long way from the big city,
00:08:54 Staying with the times
00:09:03 Ain't she beautiful?
00:09:23 Home sweet home, boy.
00:09:25 Get on your feet.
00:09:31 You're one lucky son of a bitch,
00:09:33 - Is that right?
00:09:35 See, the warden loves his football.
00:09:38 Fact, he was on the winning side
00:09:41 - Well, tell him congratulations.
00:09:47 Welcome to Allenville.
00:09:49 Thank you, sergeant.
00:09:54 - Afternoon, inmate Crewe.
00:09:57 Come on. Warden wants to see you.
00:10:00 Let's do it.
00:10:01 Move it.
00:10:25 I used to play
00:10:27 Down at the University of Miami.
00:10:30 I bet a lot of your old teammates
00:10:32 No inmates from my playing days.
00:10:36 See, we got us a fine
00:10:40 It's like a company softball team.
00:10:43 Now, the warden...
00:10:46 ...he's gonna ask you to help out.
00:10:48 Okay. With what?
00:10:56 That wasn't nice.
00:11:01 When the warden asks you,
00:11:03 what are you gonna say?
00:11:05 Yes?
00:11:16 You're gonna tell him "no."
00:11:19 You're gonna tell the warden
00:11:20 that you want nothing to do
00:11:25 Not in my back yard.
00:11:28 Because the warden
00:11:32 You understand?
00:11:34 Not entirely.
00:11:40 Okay. I feel you, dog. I feel you.
00:11:46 Paul "Wrecking" Crewe.
00:11:49 I don't get to say this
00:11:51 but it's an honor to have you
00:11:54 It's an honor to be
00:11:58 Oh, well, this is Errol Dandridge.
00:12:02 Colonel Sanders
00:12:05 He's my political adviser.
00:12:07 See, I've been approached
00:12:10 wondering if I'd be interested
00:12:14 They see the way I run this prison,
00:12:19 Only with less sodomy, right?
00:12:26 Hopefully none.
00:12:29 Sorry.
00:12:32 Now, there are two things we take very
00:12:36 Prison and football.
00:12:39 We play a little of the latter here.
00:12:41 The warden is too modest to admit
00:12:46 But not good enough.
00:12:48 Five years since
00:12:51 Five years.
00:12:53 Now, I've worked real hard,
00:12:56 called in quite a few favors
00:13:00 Now, why would you go and do that?
00:13:02 Because I am convinced that
00:13:08 I haven't played football in I don't
00:13:12 You wouldn't be playing, Paul.
00:13:16 Anyone who was once the MVP
00:13:18 must have a great deal
00:13:21 Captain, what would you say
00:13:25 giving us the benefit
00:13:28 I think that's a real good idea, warden.
00:13:33 Well, then, it's all settled.
00:13:36 What you say, Paul?
00:13:38 I appreciate the offer,
00:13:45 Now, I can assure you
00:13:48 that your time here will be a whole
00:13:54 I just wanna do my time
00:14:01 If you'll excuse us, Mr. Crewe.
00:14:04 Captain Knauer, you can stay.
00:14:11 Sit down!
00:14:15 I used to love
00:14:20 Thank you very much.
00:14:21 My ex-husband wore the
00:14:27 He didn't fill them out
00:14:31 Special effects. Hollywood.
00:14:35 Oh, I doubt that very seriously.
00:14:38 Well, then get him enthusiastic,
00:14:42 Come on, get up.
00:14:43 How'd it go in there?
00:14:46 Oh, yeah, we're real tight.
00:15:00 Only the finest for you, superstar.
00:15:08 I was just playing.
00:15:16 I ain't gonna forget you, Crewe.
00:15:17 Hey, yo, you owe me money
00:15:20 Better watch yourself, Mr. Football!
00:15:21 Bitch!
00:15:29 Yeah, you better run, woman.
00:15:34 Yo, football.
00:15:36 Take a seat.
00:15:38 Thanks.
00:15:40 You know, I have never seen
00:15:43 and be unanimously hated
00:15:46 - I ain't never seen it.
00:15:49 You could have robbed banks,
00:15:51 stole your grandmama's pension,
00:15:54 But shaving points off a football game?
00:15:57 - You play football?
00:16:00 I suck so bad, they used to pick me
00:16:03 Used to be mad too. It's like, "l can't
00:16:07 - Caretaker.
00:16:10 Whatever your pleasure,
00:16:13 You need weed, you need meth--
00:16:16 I know how you white boys
00:16:19 I mean, me personally, I don't
00:16:21 all depressed about.
00:16:24 And for a small fee,
00:16:28 - Really?
00:16:30 My man Cheeseburger Eddy
00:16:32 Cheeseburger Eddy?
00:16:33 That's right.
00:16:35 Enjoy it, fat man.
00:16:37 What about the love
00:16:39 Well, you're gonna have
00:16:42 on the beautiful part
00:16:44 Hey.
00:16:46 Let's just stick
00:16:48 Oh, they ugly now, but in eight months,
00:16:52 No, thanks.
00:16:53 Now, here's the most important part.
00:16:55 You can't let these guys scare you.
00:16:57 Because if you do that, you gonna
00:17:01 Don't want that.
00:17:10 Hey. Let me take that tray
00:17:12 I ain't done eating yet.
00:17:14 Oh, you're not?
00:17:17 You're dead!
00:17:28 Hornet's Nest!
00:17:42 Everybody stay down.
00:17:43 Stay quiet!
00:17:49 Come on, Crewe, get up.
00:17:52 Get up, superstar.
00:17:54 Yes, sir.
00:17:55 You think you can do anything
00:17:59 Well, you are no different
00:18:01 that calls this place home.
00:18:04 Really? These guys think
00:18:09 Girl, that's your new boo.
00:18:18 You better cut that shit out.
00:18:21 That's gonna cost you.
00:18:23 Looking forward to it.
00:19:18 Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.
00:19:22 Hey, superdick.
00:19:26 Warden's wondering if your stay
00:19:30 How long have I been in here?
00:19:31 One week. Wanna go for two?
00:19:42 How'd you find these guys anyways?
00:19:44 Recruitment, boy.
00:19:45 When college stars don't get drafted,
00:19:49 A job, money, security.
00:19:52 Who drank all the damn Gatorade?!
00:19:55 Damn it!
00:19:57 And apparently steroids.
00:19:59 Look, seems like you got all the talent
00:20:02 Well, now, you might
00:20:05 but there's folks here in the prison
00:20:08 - You, warden?
00:20:11 to schedule the defending
00:20:14 And me? Well, I thought
00:20:17 might have some training-camp tricks,
00:20:21 Give us the competitive edge.
00:20:23 All right. Relatively simple.
00:20:27 A tune-up game?
00:20:28 Yeah. In college, we'd start every
00:20:31 or some slack Division ll team.
00:20:33 Kick the living shit out of them.
00:20:37 You know something, Paul?
00:20:39 - You've just given me an inspiration.
00:20:42 You're gonna assemble a team
00:20:45 And you, Mr. Crewe,
00:20:49 I don't think so.
00:20:50 Let me tell you something.
00:20:51 In my prison, to get along,
00:20:55 I just wanna do my three years
00:20:57 Three years is before
00:21:01 Now, you could be with us
00:21:06 Fine, I'll do it.
00:21:09 Good choice.
00:21:11 But one condition, though.
00:21:14 Gotta promise me to keep
00:21:17 It's a deal.
00:21:18 Now, you got four weeks
00:21:21 What, are we gonna have a half-hour
00:21:24 Oh, I'll make sure my boys allow you
00:21:28 to get your team in shape.
00:21:34 What's this? "Football 'tree-outs."'
00:21:37 What the hell is a "tree-out"?
00:21:39 "Tryout," you half a meatball.
00:21:41 - What's this football thing about, man?
00:21:44 - To play against who?
00:21:47 Now, I don't know about y'all,
00:21:51 to physically assault one of our
00:21:54 Yeah? Well, how the hell
00:21:56 Just show up at the "tree-outs,"
00:22:00 Do the girls get to play?
00:22:02 We're playing footballs,
00:22:05 This is bullshit. Just another chance
00:22:09 Don't you idiots get it? We could get
00:22:12 This is our turn.
00:22:14 We could kill them.
00:22:17 Kill them.
00:22:24 You know MVP
00:22:28 What do you think
00:22:32 And that's the truth.
00:22:36 There ain't no meat loaf
00:22:38 Yo, man, that's my flier, man!
00:22:41 You see? He ran like a little bitch,
00:22:45 Yo, team needs you.
00:22:47 You sh-- You come to the tr--
00:22:55 Crappy field, shit-ass equipment...
00:22:58 Hey, man, at least we got some
00:23:03 Forty-five.
00:23:06 Forty-six.
00:23:09 Forty-seven.
00:23:11 He might make the team.
00:23:12 Well, if we gotta cut him,
00:23:15 Forty-nine.
00:23:18 Fifty.
00:23:19 - All right, man.
00:23:21 Well, well, well.
00:23:23 Oh, no. I never played
00:23:27 So, what happened? You read the flier,
00:23:30 - Oh, I can't read.
00:23:32 Reading's for rich people.
00:23:34 So you know, we're putting together
00:23:38 Will you teach me to football?
00:23:40 Sure we'll teach you to football.
00:23:43 Hey, I'll teach you anything.
00:23:46 Okay.
00:23:50 Down, Shrek. Down!
00:23:53 Okay, bring it in. Whoever's trying out
00:23:57 Can you give a brother
00:23:59 Very good.
00:24:01 For those of you who don't know
00:24:04 I'm gonna be your coach,
00:24:08 You haven't played in years.
00:24:12 - Hit me, I'm open.
00:24:15 That's why.
00:24:17 It slipped. I just ate popcorn.
00:24:19 Question: Any of you gentlemen
00:24:23 - You did? Where?
00:24:25 Are you shitting me?
00:24:28 Kansas State Prison.
00:24:31 Now, I hear they have
00:24:34 Yeah, they do.
00:24:35 Not as soft as the ones
00:24:38 - Really?
00:24:41 For now, I wanna see
00:24:44 We'll grade them
00:24:46 Move it! Hustle, hustle, hustle!
00:24:49 Give these guys sixes.
00:24:52 Good. Good.
00:24:55 Very nice!
00:24:57 - Aren't we missing somebody?
00:25:03 You assholes better not cut me!
00:25:08 Negative two.
00:25:09 All right, go with negative two.
00:25:11 Hey! Somebody bring me
00:25:14 - Let's do this!
00:25:17 Five.
00:25:19 Good. Seven.
00:25:22 Stupid tire! You're a fricking tire!
00:25:24 You think you're better than me?!
00:25:29 Three.
00:25:32 And a half?
00:25:34 Yeah. That's better.
00:25:36 Okay. Good.
00:25:38 Yeah. Hit that bag, man.
00:25:41 Four.
00:25:44 - Five. I don't know.
00:25:46 Come on, Switowski!
00:25:49 Daddy!
00:25:53 Oh, man!
00:25:55 - Look at that.
00:25:57 - I think that's a ten.
00:26:00 I'm sorry. I "brokeded" your toy.
00:26:03 No, that's a good thing. You should
00:26:07 What? What you
00:26:12 Asshole!
00:26:15 Okay, fellas, it's pretty simple.
00:26:18 The rest of you guys block for me.
00:26:20 Okay? On "go." On "go."
00:26:23 Ready? Break!
00:26:28 We'll work on that.
00:26:30 Okay, half speed on this one, guys.
00:26:34 Ready?!
00:26:35 Go!
00:26:44 Stop it!
00:26:51 Stop the violence!
00:26:53 Can't we all get along?
00:27:05 - Hey, Paul.
00:27:07 - Team's looking great.
00:27:09 - So are you.
00:27:11 The blood of the guards is gonna flow
00:27:16 That's good news.
00:27:21 Good job today. You're all starting
00:27:25 See you tomorrow.
00:27:27 - We're gonna suck.
00:27:44 You look like
00:27:46 No offense, my man,
00:27:51 Seasoned?
00:27:52 I'm not asking to play. I'll coach.
00:27:56 Nate Scarborough?
00:27:59 The Heisman Trophy winner
00:28:02 The inmate from cellblock D.
00:28:05 But about a hundred years ago,
00:28:09 yeah, I was a Sooner then.
00:28:12 I heard you were dead.
00:28:14 No, I ain't dead.
00:28:18 Waiting for a chance to get back
00:28:22 Waiting. For this.
00:28:25 Well, coach, as you can see,
00:28:26 we don't exactly have the cream
00:28:29 Well, what are we gonna do?
00:28:32 How'd they get you
00:28:35 They recruited me.
00:28:37 I'll get the strippers.
00:28:42 Well, now, Lindsay, this isn't
00:28:46 This is about giving men
00:28:49 an opportunity
00:28:51 To move beyond
00:28:55 Say what?
00:28:57 What I would do to you.
00:29:11 Yeah. Nice boot, skin man.
00:29:13 Hey, why does he get to be
00:29:15 Let's see what you got.
00:29:17 That's why, you dumb-ass.
00:29:19 Just go do some laps.
00:29:21 I heard you boys needed to see me.
00:29:23 Yeah. I want you to meet Skitchy.
00:29:25 Hey, dog.
00:29:28 They keep all the records
00:29:30 He's been here so long,
00:29:33 That ain't necessarily
00:29:35 I had a parole date in '86.
00:29:39 One punch and it went away.
00:29:41 Twenty extra years for one punch?
00:29:43 Well, unfortunately for him,
00:29:45 just happens to be the warden now.
00:29:47 Oh, shit. Warden Hazen?
00:29:49 "Oh, shit" is right.
00:29:52 Fight in the yard. Send backup.
00:29:55 Right on time.
00:29:57 - Let's do it.
00:30:04 Ain't you guys glad you got
00:30:06 - Hell, yeah.
00:30:15 Hazen has a rating system
00:30:18 What's three stars?
00:30:20 The more prone to violence that the
00:30:25 Five stars is the max.
00:30:26 I didn't know that. Let's see how many
00:30:33 Half a star? That's gotta be a mistake.
00:30:37 You're about as maniacal
00:30:39 Come on, that's not funny, man.
00:30:41 I'm gonna have to stab somebody
00:30:43 Why don't we have a maniacal pillow
00:30:47 Yeah. We can sell it to pay-per-view.
00:30:50 Superstar Versus Half-a-Star.
00:30:53 Why don't you shut up before I slit your
00:30:56 Come on, guys,
00:30:59 How about this guy?
00:31:00 Damn, this fool got the chair
00:31:03 Well, we may not have
00:31:05 but we will definitely
00:31:43 - What's he doing that for?
00:31:47 Hey, Sasquatch!
00:31:50 Not too smart on your part.
00:31:55 Hey.
00:31:58 How's the headbanging coming?
00:32:02 You're bleeding. Just so you know.
00:32:06 People have told me that
00:32:09 so I wanted to see for myself.
00:32:14 I'm gonna take a piss.
00:32:16 You scared him away, dumbshit.
00:32:25 You're kidding. Five-star Torres
00:32:28 No, just Joy Behar.
00:32:29 The good news is she can
00:32:34 Where does she come up
00:32:38 I'm a Star Jones man myself.
00:32:42 That was, like, the furthest thing.
00:32:44 I got married so young, so, I mean,
00:32:45 they weren't pressuring me,
00:32:48 Mr. T orres.
00:32:50 Us convicts are starting up
00:32:52 Not interested.
00:32:54 We're playing the guards.
00:32:57 Walk away.
00:33:00 Good idea.
00:33:01 0 for 2.
00:33:03 You're putting the pressure
00:33:05 Show's over, amigo.
00:33:07 I still got 15 minutes of Joy Behar.
00:33:10 Well, I'm cutting you short.
00:33:15 Hey, white boy.
00:33:19 Cherryhead gonna play?
00:33:22 Yes, he is.
00:33:30 Crewe, don't forget,
00:33:32 Green 40! Hut!
00:33:40 Damn!
00:33:43 Brucie. Brucie. You all right?
00:33:46 I got a bird. His name is Ronnie.
00:33:49 Well, tell Ronnie you got
00:33:55 Wow, no bullshit. Real football?
00:33:59 Full contact.
00:34:01 Captain Knauer is their quarterback?
00:34:04 - Yep.
00:34:07 Yeah. You can either tackle him or hit
00:34:11 I wanna hurt him. Not kill him.
00:34:14 Let's get out of here
00:34:16 All right. We'll see you
00:34:21 Down, set!
00:34:26 Hut! Hut!
00:34:31 Hey!
00:34:33 - Hit me.
00:34:36 Get rid of it!
00:34:39 He didn't get rid of it.
00:34:42 Sacked your ass.
00:34:45 Somebody's gotta get open, guys.
00:34:47 You got hammered by the hammer.
00:34:49 I think I felt it on my leg.
00:34:52 What'd you expect?
00:34:55 What are you talking about?
00:34:57 Switowski? That's one brother.
00:35:00 That's a lonely nigga.
00:35:02 You want some speed,
00:35:13 Hey, yo, check out
00:35:17 I knew you couldn't resist my shit.
00:35:19 I got the shakes
00:35:22 I got the fries that'll cross your eyes.
00:35:25 I got the burgers that'll--
00:35:29 I just got burgers.
00:35:31 I'm all right. Thank you.
00:35:32 Just wanted to talk to you fellas about
00:35:37 The only game we'd play with you is
00:35:39 Slap the Point-Shaving White Boy
00:35:44 Baby-back bitch, baby-back bitch
00:35:48 - That's a big-ass robot.
00:35:55 You gonna help me out here?
00:35:59 Thank you, Half-a-Star.
00:36:02 Just so you know,
00:36:04 That ain't a team.
00:36:07 giving themselves excuses
00:36:10 This guy must be
00:36:13 You risk bringing your ass in the jungle
00:36:17 Yeah, so you'd beat me
00:36:20 - What?
00:36:24 How's this, though? One game.
00:36:26 I beat you, you guys play for the team.
00:36:31 Take that. Take that, Deac.
00:36:33 This fool ain't nothing
00:36:36 - Ball, dog.
00:36:39 Can Crewe play ball?
00:36:41 He's a natural athlete.
00:36:42 So is Greg Louganis, but I bet you
00:36:46 - Game's 1 1. Call your own fouls.
00:36:50 - Come on, come on.
00:36:57 Did I get you?
00:36:59 No, that was clean.
00:37:00 He'll be all right. Call his mama.
00:37:02 - If I foul you, tell me, dog.
00:37:09 Take this f-- Take this foul.
00:37:14 What happened there?
00:37:16 All right.
00:37:17 Get up! Get up, Deac!
00:37:19 Come on, Paul!
00:37:21 - Calm down.
00:37:22 Now, don't stir up
00:37:29 Come on, Deacon!
00:37:35 Did I get you, dog?
00:37:36 Hell, no, baby. That was clean.
00:37:39 I thought he didn't wanna get hurt.
00:37:41 It ain't about getting hurt.
00:37:44 I bet you he's pretty proud right now.
00:38:21 It ain't easy being cheesy!
00:38:31 Did I get you? Did I get you?
00:38:33 - No, I think I'm okay, baby.
00:38:43 That's traveling, bitch.
00:38:55 You keep coming, huh?
00:38:58 Game point, baby.
00:39:08 Foul.
00:39:11 That was a bullshit call!
00:39:16 My court, my ball.
00:39:30 All right, y'all. Let Deac speak!
00:39:34 Nice spanking that ass, dog.
00:39:38 - Now, get stepping.
00:39:44 Y'all got a running back?
00:39:46 Not any good ones.
00:39:48 No disrespect, Deac...
00:39:50 ...but any man that can take
00:39:53 I can't wait to see what he can do
00:39:56 Shit, I'm in.
00:39:59 Man, give me that cheeseburger.
00:40:03 Cheeseburger, he wants to run
00:40:07 Let's do this.
00:40:09 Earl Megget.
00:40:10 Well, we didn't get the whole chocolate
00:40:15 I'll take it.
00:40:19 Let's get this over with, rookie,
00:40:21 Fresh meat, boys! Fresh meat!
00:40:24 Down, set!
00:40:26 Battle, you're a psycho!
00:40:28 Tony, you're a fat shit! Hut!
00:40:38 Holy shit!
00:40:44 Get him!
00:40:54 Ran right out of your shoes, huh?
00:40:57 we can get our new star running back
00:41:00 Yeah. I think I got a cousin
00:41:03 It's cool, man.
00:41:06 - I'll be all right for now.
00:41:08 Get your country ass
00:41:10 That boy got some slave feet,
00:41:14 Defense! Huddle up over there!
00:41:16 Paul. Paul.
00:41:18 Hey, ladies. How's it hanging?
00:41:21 - Tell him.
00:41:23 I just wanted to let you know
00:41:26 And I will be cheering my jailhouse
00:41:30 I appreciate that. Thank you.
00:41:32 Paul.
00:41:34 I appreciate you.
00:41:37 Okay, thanks. I'm glad to know that.
00:41:41 Okay, are you done now?
00:41:42 What's wrong with you? Jealous
00:41:45 I don't know what
00:41:48 Whatever, back freckles.
00:41:50 Oh, yeah, back freckles.
00:41:52 I'm gonna get some water.
00:41:55 That feature interview
00:41:58 I just got off the phone with ESPN2.
00:42:00 They want to televise
00:42:03 Guards, cons, Paul Crewe,
00:42:07 Lots of human interest.
00:42:09 Don't do that in here.
00:42:12 Television.
00:42:15 Dandridge, do you think
00:42:17 with the registered voters
00:42:19 Oh, yes.
00:42:37 The freak is back!
00:42:52 Hey, hey. It's me again.
00:42:56 You know, if I take this half down,
00:43:02 I'm just gonna take this half down.
00:43:07 Don't worry. Don't worry.
00:43:11 It's okay.
00:43:13 You wanna serve?
00:43:16 I'll serve.
00:43:23 Really good news.
00:43:26 You like football?
00:43:28 It's kind of like Ping-Pong.
00:43:29 Only the ball's a little bigger
00:43:34 Just a joke. Stay calm.
00:43:37 Give you a good chance
00:43:40 hurt them like you used to when you
00:43:47 We'd be playing the guards.
00:43:52 I think Papajohn's their safety.
00:44:12 Turley, nobody gets to me.
00:44:19 Hut!
00:44:25 Effective.
00:44:27 - All right.
00:44:33 I don't wanna play no more.
00:44:35 Hey, hey, hey. Switowski,
00:44:38 This is football. Shit happens.
00:44:40 Paul, he brokeded my nose.
00:44:43 Okay. Stop crying.
00:44:45 All right. We can fix this.
00:44:49 Okay. Good, good.
00:44:52 How's it look?
00:44:53 How's it look? It looks-- It looks like--
00:44:57 - Really?
00:45:00 More distinguished.
00:45:03 I love little Michael.
00:45:05 That's great. That's great.
00:45:08 I think he did it on purpose.
00:45:10 No, he didn't.
00:45:14 Okay, maybe he did.
00:45:16 You gotta apologize to him.
00:45:21 Say you're sorry.
00:45:24 Come on. Say it.
00:45:30 He said he's sorry.
00:45:33 Yeah, yeah. We're all impressed.
00:45:37 Looking good, gentlemen.
00:45:40 Good practice, Paul!
00:45:42 - what we've been practicing.
00:45:44 - what we've been practicing.
00:45:46 Come on, let's go. One, two, three.
00:45:48 Give me a...
00:45:52 D, D, give me a I
00:45:55 C, give me a--
00:45:56 All right, all right! I got it.
00:46:00 Don't act like you ain't
00:46:02 - Yeah, you wish, pal.
00:46:04 because your breath
00:46:07 I wouldn't touch her
00:46:09 - What's he talking about?
00:46:24 Run, Forrest, run!
00:46:31 That's how a white man plays guitar.
00:46:37 Captain, he said he had some info.
00:46:39 You guys have "Halo 2."
00:46:44 Focus. Turn the music off!
00:46:46 Yeah, captain.
00:46:48 They're starting to get
00:46:50 But their biggest threat?
00:46:53 - He's good?
00:46:56 He's really, really fast.
00:46:58 I mean, he's so fast,
00:47:03 I got it, he's fast.
00:47:04 Now, why don't you show us your speed
00:47:08 Yes, sir. Here I go. I'm sorry.
00:47:23 Any books
00:47:28 No, sir.
00:47:31 Not much of a reader.
00:47:33 Oh, come on, now, maggot.
00:47:38 You requested this detail.
00:47:44 No. It's the quiet time I like, sir.
00:47:48 Maybe you'd like to read this.
00:47:51 What the hell kind of bullshit
00:47:54 It's historical. Sir.
00:47:56 Now, why would he want to read
00:48:03 Does the N word
00:48:08 No, sir.
00:48:17 Sorry about that.
00:48:19 You mind fetching
00:48:25 No, sir.
00:48:27 Just pick them up.
00:48:32 There you go.
00:48:39 You forgot one.
00:48:48 Bet you'd like to hit us, huh?
00:48:51 Hit you, sir? No.
00:48:56 Y'all my friends.
00:49:02 Pick these up.
00:49:24 Go!
00:49:26 Hit me! I'm open! I'm open!
00:49:33 Come on! We got one week
00:49:35 We can't complete a pass yet.
00:49:37 - Megget can't run the ball every play.
00:49:41 What the hell is he smiling at?
00:49:59 This better be on the up and up.
00:50:02 I guarantee it.
00:50:03 Let's do this shit.
00:50:05 There goes the neighborhood.
00:50:12 Now I'll never get to play.
00:50:40 Did you see that? Did you see that?
00:50:44 Nice.
00:50:45 Okay, we seal off here, seal off here.
00:50:47 - Cheeseburger.
00:50:49 You're just gonna chip this guy...
00:51:08 That stings.
00:51:09 It's nothing a Quarter Pounder
00:51:15 With cheese on it?
00:51:16 Hut!
00:51:42 Man, that boy would catch a cold
00:51:45 - Everything's looking up.
00:51:47 Still got one more
00:52:00 All right, what do you say?
00:52:02 No, I hate that bullshit.
00:52:06 Holy shit, is that Paul Crewe?
00:52:08 How do you like that, boys?
00:52:12 So, what's on your mind, Paul?
00:52:14 Got a problem with inmate Unger.
00:52:17 - Is he on your little squad?
00:52:21 Mr. Crewe, would you mind
00:52:25 That's up to the warden.
00:52:27 - Damn it. All right.
00:52:29 - The flash is ready.
00:52:32 Oh, my bad.
00:52:35 You know, I think you had sex
00:52:39 - Sorry about that.
00:52:41 If she's hot enough to have
00:52:44 I must be doing all right.
00:52:47 Okay, here we go.
00:52:49 - Sergeant Engleheart?
00:52:51 Would you step out
00:52:54 Yes, sir.
00:52:57 - His wife has got the hottest ass.
00:53:00 Just cut to the chase, shall we?
00:53:02 You don't actually think you have
00:53:05 We're gonna get
00:53:07 I know it. You know it.
00:53:11 Your players?
00:53:14 Just when I thought
00:53:17 - What does that mean?
00:53:19 you haven't made or received
00:53:22 You haven't opened so much
00:53:24 What do you give a damn
00:53:27 You never cared about anybody
00:53:30 Well, maybe I finally found
00:53:32 I been yearning for since I'm a baby.
00:53:35 And gosh almighty,
00:53:36 my new family and l
00:53:38 if you got Unger off the field.
00:53:42 Sergeant Engleheart.
00:53:44 Thank you.
00:53:45 Oh, and as for your request...
00:53:49 ...you'll have my answer
00:54:04 Did it rain last night?
00:54:06 Not a drop.
00:54:12 Son of a bitch.
00:54:15 All right, boys.
00:54:20 The warden is trying
00:54:23 He thinks we're gonna
00:54:26 wait for the field to dry,
00:54:28 You know what? Who gives a shit?
00:54:30 Three days till game time.
00:54:33 But let me say this:
00:54:36 That old man flooding this field
00:54:40 The guy is scared.
00:54:43 Scared of you sick,
00:54:48 And you know what?
00:54:51 He should be.
00:54:53 Because I got news for you guys.
00:54:55 We're gonna win this thing.
00:54:58 Did he say "win"?
00:55:00 What's it gonna be, boys?
00:55:03 Do we go back to our cells,
00:55:07 Or do we get ourselves ready
00:55:12 in the history of football?
00:55:15 I'll leave it up to you guys.
00:55:37 Hey. You're part
00:55:40 Get your point-shaving ass in there.
00:55:43 You got it.
00:56:31 I guess that asshole Hazen
00:56:34 - We all convicts, right?
00:56:37 Maybe it's time
00:56:41 Right here. Right here.
00:56:45 Take it, Deac.
00:56:46 Let's see which guards
00:57:08 Yeah!
00:57:47 Shoes, nigga!
00:57:59 Check this out. These be brass
00:58:03 Hut!
00:58:05 That's perfect, Cheeseburger!
00:58:19 Good ball. Good ball.
00:58:24 Okay.
00:58:28 - Who we gonna crush?
00:58:30 - Who we gonna kill?
00:58:32 - Who we gonna kiss?
00:58:34 Gotcha.
00:58:46 Lights out!
00:58:49 Good night, ladies.
00:58:56 - Yo, Crewe!
00:58:59 Check your toilet. There should be
00:59:02 You took a shit in my toilet?
00:59:04 No, that's the surprise
00:59:07 - You got something else.
00:59:10 Well, would you look at this.
00:59:12 A bottle of Ketel One
00:59:16 Now, what would I need two for?
00:59:18 Just shut up
00:59:20 - Man, who taught you to be so cool?
00:59:25 Now, when I get out of here, I don't
00:59:29 I want you to meet her.
00:59:31 Here, look at my girl.
00:59:36 Your mom's beautiful.
00:59:39 And you, you are ugly.
00:59:41 Thank you. Got it.
00:59:44 Here's to...
00:59:47 ...the first friend I've had
00:59:50 Hey, I thought
00:59:52 You are, Switowski. Just finish your
00:59:57 Okay.
00:59:58 And here's to having one of these
01:00:01 sometime in the next
01:00:05 - Yo, Crewe.
01:00:07 You being a ex-football player
01:00:10 I'm sure you got a lot
01:00:12 Well, let's not forget I wasn't
01:00:15 Don't give me that shit.
01:00:17 O.J. chopped his wife's head off
01:00:20 Yeah.
01:00:21 My mama taught me not to kiss
01:00:24 All right. I got one more question
01:00:27 Okay. What is it?
01:00:31 Why'd you shave those points?
01:00:36 Didn't you read the papers?
01:00:39 Yeah. Ain't we all?
01:00:44 Yo, Crewe, what would you say
01:00:46 if I could get you film
01:00:49 I would say that's incredible,
01:00:52 Thanks, gentlemen.
01:00:54 The warden will be done with him
01:00:58 - We can handle him.
01:01:01 Then you're gonna, ma'am.
01:01:08 Nice job.
01:01:12 I can't tell you how much this means
01:01:16 Now Nate can study
01:01:18 Not so fast, sugar bear.
01:01:21 You gotta earn them.
01:01:33 We only got 1 5 minutes,
01:01:35 but, sunshine, we're gonna
01:01:52 One more, please?
01:02:02 Let's go.
01:02:11 - Quiet down. Guys.
01:02:13 Before we watch the guards'
01:02:16 we have a special presentation
01:02:23 What are you talking about?
01:02:26 What's going on?
01:02:32 Now I gotta relive this shit?
01:02:50 Yeah!
01:02:55 You can say this,
01:03:00 You know what they say. Once
01:03:04 Hey, hey, hey. Brucie! Brucie!
01:03:07 because I got something pretty funny
01:03:09 Tony, hit it. You're gonna like this.
01:03:19 - What the hell is this?
01:03:23 - Hi.
01:03:25 Turn this shit off. Turn it off.
01:03:28 No!
01:03:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny.
01:03:47 Nothing happened.
01:03:48 I was showing a little wrestling move.
01:03:50 Knock it off!
01:03:52 Knock it off!
01:03:54 It's time we took a look
01:03:56 before the guards come back.
01:04:00 The first film is the guards' offense
01:04:03 Now, as you can see,
01:04:13 So you're telling me that these animals
01:04:16 - Is that right?
01:04:18 They got all last season.
01:04:21 Seems to me that we ought to
01:04:24 What do you want me to do?
01:04:25 You're the criminal. Be creative.
01:04:28 But on game day, if I so much as--
01:04:34 What are you doing?
01:04:37 I don't know.
01:04:40 and now my nipples are killing me.
01:04:43 Why are we talking about
01:04:45 We're not. Just go do
01:04:47 Guys.
01:04:50 I want Crewe finished.
01:04:53 Yes, sir. You give me the inspiration,
01:04:59 Hut!
01:05:06 Everybody!
01:05:09 Huddle up!
01:05:14 Every day we've been taking shit,
01:05:19 Tomorrow, payback.
01:06:09 - What time is it?
01:06:11 - What time is it?
01:06:13 - What time is it?
01:06:20 Tomorrow, 1 2:00, the bus leaves.
01:06:25 Where the hell is Caretaker?
01:06:29 I don't know.
01:06:58 A gift for you, Mr. Crewe.
01:07:03 How does he listen
01:09:34 We're here deep in the heart
01:09:37 coming to you from a simple
01:09:39 that's been retrofitted
01:09:42 Now, when my man T ravis
01:09:44 "What are you, brain-dead from
01:09:47 It's not going to work."
01:09:48 But the fact of the matter is,
01:09:51 Hot-dog vendors, high-powered rifles,
01:09:55 And apparently so do the fans.
01:10:01 Hey, shitheads! Listen up!
01:10:03 Everybody on their feet
01:10:09 Anthony, wow. You can sit down.
01:10:12 Thank God.
01:10:16 Gentlemen, Texas marshals
01:10:19 to supply us with a dozen
01:10:23 So for those of you thinking
01:10:26 or trying to make a break for it,
01:10:28 you will be shot.
01:10:32 In the head.
01:10:36 Now, let's all go out there
01:10:43 Crewe! I'll see you on the field!
01:10:48 I think he's in love with you.
01:10:51 All right, listen up.
01:10:53 I know it's hard to get psyched for
01:10:58 But somehow that sick,
01:11:01 found a way to get us all fired up
01:11:06 Caretaker's last gift to us.
01:11:08 Battle, I presume this is yours.
01:11:13 I still don't think that's big enough.
01:11:17 - That's it?
01:11:20 Caretaker said he'd find us
01:11:27 I think he found us a name too.
01:11:34 Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
01:11:50 Good afternoon and welcome to a
01:11:55 As today, the semipro
01:11:58 will be taking on the very prisoners
01:12:01 And with this special game, folks,
01:12:05 as I'm joined in the booth
01:12:08 Say hi to the folks, Bob-O.
01:12:11 Chris, we went to a commercial.
01:12:13 This job, Bob,
01:12:17 So when I bring you in,
01:12:22 Unless you don't want to.
01:12:27 And here come the cons,
01:12:29 Ied by former NFL MVP quarterback
01:12:38 Holy shit. Hey, hey, hey.
01:12:41 Well, hello. How are you?
01:12:43 Back away from the girls!
01:12:45 - Hey, now.
01:12:49 What the hell
01:12:51 Hey, I didn't spend 14 years
01:12:54 And there in the
01:12:56 are the good-behavior cons,
01:13:00 ...cheerleaders?
01:13:02 We're the mean machine
01:13:04 We're gonna kick your ass
01:13:07 Hey! Ho!
01:13:13 I didn't do it!
01:13:26 Come on, Batt!
01:13:43 - What's that?
01:13:48 Damn it!
01:13:51 Papajohn's at the 20, the 10.
01:13:59 Sweet dreams, bitch.
01:14:01 That's a 90-yard return.
01:14:03 And I gotta tell you, the cons seem
01:14:07 than tackling the ball carrier.
01:14:09 Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
01:14:15 And here comes the big story
01:14:18 Paul Crewe,
01:14:20 hasn't played since he was banned
01:14:24 Center, shift it! Shift it!
01:14:31 Hey, Sasquatch!
01:14:36 Twenty, hut!
01:14:37 Crewe drops back to pass.
01:14:42 Fumble!
01:14:46 Holy shit!
01:14:50 Goddamn it.
01:14:51 That's gonna be a personal foul
01:14:54 And this is certainly an inauspicious
01:14:57 Come here! All right! You got him.
01:15:01 Let's go! Hold them!
01:15:04 And here comes Knauer and that
01:15:13 Eighty-six.
01:15:14 Back to your cell.
01:15:17 Hut! Hut!
01:15:23 Knauer has Potter wide open.
01:15:29 - Son of a bitch!
01:15:31 the guards are up
01:15:33 This one looks like
01:15:37 Sorry.
01:15:39 What are we celebrating for?!
01:15:42 You guys wanna beat these assholes,
01:15:46 Are you okay? Oh, God,
01:15:50 Jesus, you sound like my mother.
01:15:52 Listen, if you wanna cry,
01:15:57 Get off me! Get back out there
01:16:00 Why are you yelling at me?
01:16:04 Look! A broken leg will heal.
01:16:08 A loss to the Mean Machine
01:16:14 Sorry, guys.
01:16:15 Yeah, yeah. Me too.
01:16:19 All right. Now, let's get started!
01:16:23 Now, get the hell out there! Let's go!
01:16:40 Way to go! Way to go!
01:16:41 There's the first sign of life
01:16:44 Let's see if Paul "Motley" Crewe
01:16:48 Hut!
01:16:49 On first down, Crewe will throw.
01:16:55 That's gotta be pass interference.
01:16:57 But the ref is waving it off.
01:16:59 - What?!
01:17:01 Come on, now. I'm in this hellhole
01:17:04 - Be a man and make a call.
01:17:07 Unsportsmanlike conduct!
01:17:10 What?!
01:17:12 Come on!
01:17:15 This is baby-back bullshit!
01:17:17 - Bullshit, D.
01:17:19 Let's call that one
01:17:22 Blue 42, hut!
01:17:26 The give is to Megget. He spins
01:17:32 He's at the 35. The 40.
01:17:35 He's brought down hard,
01:17:38 What? Oh, come on, man!
01:17:41 - You're not gonna call that?
01:17:43 What you looking at?
01:17:45 Tell it to the parole board, criminal.
01:17:48 I mean, this is absurd.
01:17:50 We can't win with the refs
01:17:53 Listen up. I got an idea
01:17:56 Come on, let's all stay up! Come on!
01:18:00 Down, set!
01:18:02 Red 58.
01:18:03 Cover your man!
01:18:05 Red 58. Hut!
01:18:18 That one hurt my marble sack.
01:18:23 All right!
01:18:24 - You all right?
01:18:26 - What down is it?
01:18:28 - No, no. It would be fourth down.
01:18:34 What do you think?
01:18:38 Underneath! Let's go!
01:18:40 Ref, you gotta get in the game!
01:18:42 Well, I don't quite get this, but on fourth
01:18:47 Down, set!
01:18:49 Red 58.
01:18:50 Red 58. Hut!
01:19:01 You gotta always protect
01:19:07 How about from now on, you call
01:19:10 Sounds good.
01:19:11 Okay. Wet Willie.
01:19:15 Yeah, you like that.
01:19:20 And so the guards will take over
01:19:22 after one of the strangest
01:19:26 Okay, boys. We know who doesn't
01:19:29 Have we got any?
01:19:32 - Yeah!
01:19:36 Come on, Swit, stand them up, baby.
01:19:39 White 50. White 50. Hut, hut, hut!
01:19:43 Knauer, play action.
01:19:48 Switowski is so big, it's like being
01:19:53 This is fun!
01:19:56 Nice to see you smiling, Bob.
01:19:58 Thanks, Chris.
01:20:01 Green 90! Hut!
01:20:03 Third and 5,
01:20:06 He's to the 40,
01:20:09 But look at Turley push the pile.
01:20:11 And now Crewe.
01:20:14 And that's a first down!
01:20:17 And look out. Boy, somebody better
01:20:20 or they're gonna need body bags
01:20:23 Let's go, guys.
01:20:24 Start of the second quarter.
01:20:25 Cons still down by two touchdowns,
01:20:28 Hut!
01:20:32 Crewe with a shovel pass to Megget.
01:20:35 And Megget scrambles
01:20:38 Oh, you fooled me.
01:20:40 - I got you there, didn't l?
01:20:42 You know, Engleheart, you are
01:20:45 You know, Paul, in the midst of all this,
01:20:50 Come on, let's go. Let's go, D.
01:20:52 First and 10 at the guards' 35.
01:20:54 Crewe dumps it over the middle
01:20:57 And he's hammered at the 17 for a
01:21:03 - Hut!
01:21:05 on the scoreboard.
01:21:07 He will throw.
01:21:11 And it's caught by Deacon Moss
01:21:15 All right!
01:21:16 And so there'll be no shutout today,
01:21:21 Quit booing, people.
01:21:24 What the hell's wrong with you?
01:21:28 - Sportsmanship, try it.
01:21:34 Damn.
01:21:35 2:1 1 left in the first half.
01:21:39 And he is a load, at 6'2", 260.
01:21:44 Dunham, breaking tackles.
01:21:46 He refuses to go down.
01:21:49 But he finally does
01:21:54 That's how a white man
01:21:56 If I was on D, I'd crack you square
01:21:59 Yeah, but you ain't on D.
01:22:04 Switowski! Come here.
01:22:06 Do you know what
01:22:12 Yes. Him. Out.
01:22:19 D, D, defense
01:22:22 The cons don't seem to have
01:22:24 who's averaging close to 12 yards
01:22:29 Green 67.
01:22:31 Green 67. Hut!
01:22:36 Oh, what a hit on Dunham
01:22:42 I think I made him shit himself.
01:22:45 - Shit!
01:22:47 I think he just shit himself.
01:22:50 Good Lord.
01:22:54 See? I told you
01:22:58 Yo! I'll make sure I send
01:23:01 And some diapers.
01:23:04 Nineteen seconds.
01:23:07 So you bastards remember
01:23:09 What are you talking about?
01:23:12 Yeah. Let's try some
01:23:17 Come on, D, let's go.
01:23:19 Down, set! Green 88.
01:23:22 Green 88. Hut!
01:23:24 The clock starts to run. Crewe hands
01:23:29 Cheeseburger Eddy's got it.
01:23:31 Go, baby, go!
01:23:33 He laterals to Deacon.
01:23:37 T ackle him!
01:23:39 To Turley.
01:23:41 The clock is running. To Brucie.
01:23:44 Shades of Cal-Stanford.
01:23:46 Back to Crewe.
01:23:48 He tosses to Megget.
01:23:50 T ackle him!
01:23:55 And look at that little Megget run.
01:23:58 Three seconds left.
01:24:01 Yeah! Go!
01:24:03 He could go all the way. Touchdown!
01:24:14 Did you see that?!
01:24:15 Do that sound again.
01:24:18 I like that.
01:24:23 And so, on a miraculous play,
01:24:25 the cons end the first half
01:24:34 Bring it in.
01:24:37 Do you have any idea
01:24:40 This was supposed to be a blowout,
01:24:43 and they're showing you up
01:24:47 The whole nation!
01:24:49 I like it when he's angry.
01:24:54 - I told you!
01:25:03 What in the hell do you think
01:25:06 Playing football, sir.
01:25:09 I didn't say nothing about winning.
01:25:11 We're not winning. Not yet.
01:25:17 You got yourself in quite
01:25:19 - Is that right?
01:25:22 that inmate Unger
01:25:24 for the murder of Caretaker.
01:25:26 - Good.
01:25:29 Only thing is, he claims
01:25:33 Claims you knew all about it.
01:25:35 Hell, he even says
01:25:39 Bullshit.
01:25:40 Captain Knauer says
01:25:45 There's no way
01:25:47 Court?
01:25:50 Hell, boy, in Allenville,
01:25:54 and in your particular case,
01:25:59 What do you want?
01:26:01 I want you to lose.
01:26:03 I can't do that.
01:26:04 Of course you can. After all,
01:26:07 But the men. It's more important
01:26:12 Okay. Suit yourself.
01:26:14 Spend the next 25 years
01:26:20 All right, I'll do it.
01:26:26 But I don't want my guys hurt.
01:26:30 Fine. Right after I get
01:26:34 I tell you what bothers me
01:26:39 That you're not gonna be
01:26:42 getting what you got coming to you.
01:26:47 The only thing coming to me
01:26:52 Mean Machine.
01:26:55 It's cute.
01:26:59 - Let's go, boy!
01:27:01 Captain.
01:27:04 May I have a word?
01:27:05 Don't worry, warden,
01:27:08 I already have.
01:27:10 What? We can win this on our own.
01:27:12 Captain, a man in my position
01:27:17 Now, after you get a comfortable
01:27:21 I want you to inflict as much pain
01:27:24 Do not let up, you hear?
01:27:26 I want those cons to understand
01:27:30 Do I make myself clear?
01:27:31 Oh, yes, sir.
01:27:34 Good.
01:27:35 There's the kickoff, and we're
01:27:45 Megget is finally brought down
01:27:48 where Paul Crewe will take over.
01:27:50 And what a first half he's had.
01:27:52 Here we go! Here we go!
01:27:56 Down, set!
01:27:58 Y 45. Hut!
01:28:01 On first and 10, Crewe will pass.
01:28:04 - He's got Deacon wide open.
01:28:06 Oh, incomplete.
01:28:07 It's okay. Get your head up.
01:28:09 It's all right, man.
01:28:12 Come on, Paulie.
01:28:13 Second and 10 from the 33. Crewe's
01:28:17 - He's open!
01:28:20 But overthrows it.
01:28:24 Look out! He might go.
01:28:27 Say goodbye.
01:28:29 Touchdown!
01:28:32 The first mistake
01:28:39 Short memory, baby.
01:28:43 Defense, let's do this!
01:28:46 8:38 left in the third quarter,
01:28:48 and Crewe has struggled
01:28:50 Hut!
01:28:51 The pitch to Megget.
01:28:56 It's picked up by Lambert.
01:28:58 He's at the 1 5, the 1 0,
01:29:03 Yeah! T ouchdown! Yeah!
01:29:05 Crewe took a shot on that play
01:29:09 Meanwhile, in the end zone, the guards
01:29:13 as they find themselves up
01:29:15 This is simply a different Paul Crewe
01:29:19 There's the old Paul Crewe
01:29:22 What the hell are you
01:29:24 I'm done.
01:29:27 I'm out. That's it.
01:29:30 - Where you hurting?
01:29:32 - Seems okay to me.
01:29:37 If Crewe can't go, I don't know how
01:29:43 The guards will try to keep it away
01:29:47 Fair catch. Fair catch.
01:29:48 As Big Tony calls for the fair catch.
01:29:51 Watch out. That was as late a hit
01:29:57 And even some of the home crowd
01:30:01 Hang in there, partner.
01:30:02 Can of corn. Can of corn,
01:30:09 Yeah, I'd have a hard time
01:30:12 Brucie.
01:30:13 Yeah, coach.
01:30:14 You're the only one that knows
01:30:21 is number 1, Brucie.
01:30:22 All right, all right.
01:30:24 That's his problem.
01:30:27 Right, 32 Flex Dive Motion
01:30:29 Break!
01:30:30 Yeah. It's Brucie's
01:30:33 Okay. Down, set. Hut!
01:30:36 There's the snap and the ball is
01:30:40 I knew I shouldn't
01:30:43 The guards are in command here
01:30:47 Ninety-eight. Hut! Hut!
01:30:50 The give is to Potter.
01:30:53 He's got a man open
01:30:55 He'll throw the flea-flicker!
01:30:57 And he's got it. Touchdown, guards.
01:31:00 And this game is starting
01:31:05 Hey, man, after all Caretaker did,
01:31:10 Don't worry about it.
01:31:11 You haven't changed one damn bit.
01:31:18 All right. Down, set!
01:31:20 Back in at quarterback is Brucie,
01:31:21 who will try to find a handle
01:31:25 Throw it, Brucie!
01:31:27 Oh, shit!
01:31:29 And look out.
01:31:34 What a shot he took!
01:31:37 How much more blood do you want?
01:31:41 I think the cons are just about
01:32:04 Hey, Skitchy,
01:32:07 When you popped the warden,
01:32:10 Was it worth spending
01:32:13 Was it worth it? It was worth
01:32:25 What the hell is he doing?
01:32:30 Paul Crewe must be feeling better,
01:32:34 All right, I missed you guys,
01:32:36 We got a lot of work to do.
01:32:39 Deuce right, 89. Fly on two. Ready?
01:32:44 Break.
01:32:46 As we start the fourth quarter,
01:32:50 Wide left! Tight left!
01:32:53 Black 90. Hut! Hut!
01:32:55 Here comes the blitz,
01:32:58 And Crewe will be sacked
01:33:01 That looked like a message to Crewe
01:33:07 Did you see that, man?
01:33:09 Okay, baby. Jailbreak Blitz. Ready?
01:33:11 We got that out of the way.
01:33:14 - Now we gotta play some football.
01:33:16 Cons need to do something
01:33:18 And that's not it!
01:33:21 And Crewe is leveled!
01:33:23 I don't think he's gonna get up
01:33:26 Nice hit!
01:33:29 But he is. And I don't know how,
01:33:32 All right, punt team!
01:33:33 Keep them off the field!
01:33:36 Dumbshits are going for it!
01:33:38 Come on back, if he wants to get
01:33:41 This is unbelievable.
01:33:43 Fine. You guys don't wanna help me,
01:33:48 Let's go, to the line.
01:33:49 On fourth and 20,
01:33:51 the cons are gonna go for it.
01:33:54 Red 98. Hut! Hut!
01:33:58 Crewe dodges the blitz,
01:34:05 And he's not going down.
01:34:12 He's got the first down.
01:34:14 Time-out!
01:34:16 - Man, oh, man.
01:34:25 Huddle up.
01:34:28 Look.
01:34:30 I'm sure you already know this,
01:34:35 I did throw that game.
01:34:38 I did it.
01:34:40 I was in a bad way
01:34:44 After I did it,
01:34:45 I felt so shitty I wish I would have
01:34:50 Now the warden wants to pin
01:34:55 if I don't throw this game.
01:34:58 So it looks like I'm gonna get
01:35:01 because I ain't doing that
01:35:04 We got a little time left.
01:35:07 I'm begging you.
01:35:20 Okay. Thank you. Now, who are we?
01:35:23 Mean Machine!
01:35:25 Come on, Mean Machine, let's go!
01:35:30 That's great news.
01:35:32 All right. We got ourselves a game.
01:35:35 Brown 65. Hut!
01:35:37 First and 10 from the 30.
01:35:43 Hut!
01:35:46 The give is to Megget. And he fights
01:35:49 One yard, baby. One more yard.
01:35:52 Hut! Hut!
01:35:53 Crewe tries a sneak. Or is it?
01:35:55 He flips it back to Megget.
01:35:57 Megget's got the first down
01:36:07 And Megget is down to the 4-yard
01:36:12 Hut!
01:36:14 Crewe hands it to Turley.
01:36:18 T ackle him!
01:36:25 Touchdown!
01:36:27 That was some rumbling, bumbling
01:36:31 And listen to the crowd
01:36:33 as this underdog con team
01:36:45 Third down and 6. Guards have
01:36:49 Knauer needs a first down
01:36:51 White 50!
01:36:53 White 50!
01:36:55 And look at Battle take off.
01:36:58 He knocks the ball loose!
01:37:01 There's a dogpile in the backfield.
01:37:08 My arm!
01:37:11 The cons recover!
01:37:13 We got the ball! We got the ball!
01:37:17 With just over two minutes left to be
01:37:22 Crewe will start in great field position
01:37:26 And look at this formation.
01:37:30 Shift over! Move!
01:37:31 They're trying to call time-out,
01:37:37 Moss is behind a wall of cons. I
01:37:44 And they'll score!
01:37:50 - Hey! Is that legal?
01:37:53 - Is that a touchdown?
01:37:55 What is going on here? Shit!
01:37:59 And with the extra point,
01:38:09 - Brucie!
01:38:12 I want you to go out there
01:38:14 - I can do it.
01:38:17 Brucie can't kick worth a shit.
01:38:19 I know. Recover the ball.
01:38:22 Jesus Christ, my savior.
01:38:25 I promise to stop cheating on my wife
01:38:29 Back in the game is Brucie,
01:38:31 And it's a horrible kick.
01:38:33 But the ball is tipped!
01:38:35 And the cons have come up with it!
01:38:39 - We got it! One time-out.
01:38:42 That's it, Brucie. Hey, hey!
01:38:47 Give me that.
01:38:49 Damn--
01:38:52 Well, that felt unnecessary.
01:38:54 Cons have enough time
01:38:58 Crewe drops back to pass.
01:39:00 - Watch the pass!
01:39:03 He gets the ball up, but he's leveled.
01:39:06 And Deacon's got it for a first down,
01:39:09 Tick, tick, tick.
01:39:11 Clock's running. Clock's still running!
01:39:14 On the ball!
01:39:16 Goddamn it! Do something!
01:39:18 Hut!
01:39:20 Crewe. He's looking to throw.
01:39:23 Go! Get rid of it! Go! Go!
01:39:26 He pitches it to Megget.
01:39:28 Here we go. Here we go.
01:39:31 - Go, Megget!
01:39:34 He could go all the way!
01:39:37 But he won't!
01:39:38 Goddamn it!
01:39:39 And Megget is hit hard
01:39:42 My knee, man!
01:39:46 You busted your knee for us,
01:39:49 Hey, coach, I need a back!
01:39:51 Just win this shit.
01:39:54 I'm going in.
01:39:56 Coach, you serious?
01:39:57 Yeah, I'm serious.
01:39:59 And look who's
01:40:02 You can do it!
01:40:04 Get that old ass of yours
01:40:08 We gotta win this thing! Come on!
01:40:12 No, no, no. Hey, old man.
01:40:15 Absolutely not.
01:40:17 They've been trying that for years.
01:40:20 - I ain't handing you the ball.
01:40:23 Nate Scarborough, the former
01:40:26 is gonna play tailback,
01:40:28 but he's gotta be in there more
01:40:31 Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
01:40:34 Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
01:40:37 Mean Machine, Mean Machine
01:40:41 Mean Machine!
01:40:43 Mean Machine!
01:40:45 Six seconds left on the clock.
01:40:48 They must score on this play.
01:40:52 Don't let them through!
01:40:55 Down, set!
01:40:57 - Black 99!
01:41:00 Black 99! Hut! Hut!
01:41:02 Black 99! Hut! Hut!
01:41:04 The give is to the big man, Turley.
01:41:06 He's stopped by Lambert
01:41:10 No! Wait!
01:41:13 The ball's picked up
01:41:18 Come on!
01:41:25 Touchdown!
01:41:36 What an amazing comeback, folks!
01:41:38 Taking a play from
01:41:41 The Fumblerooskie.
01:41:42 Easy. Easy.
01:41:44 You still alive, old man?
01:41:47 Never felt better in my life.
01:41:48 You're a sick bastard. Come here.
01:41:51 All right.
01:41:53 And now the cons are a mere
01:41:57 Mean Machine!
01:42:02 Team vote: We go for the win?
01:42:06 Hell, guys, we're convicts.
01:42:10 Unfortunately, that's why
01:42:14 What would Caretaker do?
01:42:17 Give me that blackboard.
01:42:19 Yeah, come on!
01:42:21 Come on.
01:42:24 Are you serious?
01:42:25 I don't know. That play is wack.
01:42:27 It's gonna work.
01:42:30 It's gonna work. Let's go. On the ball.
01:42:32 Come on! Let's go!
01:42:33 Let's go, y'all! Let's go!
01:42:35 I think it's gonna work.
01:42:38 Get them out there.
01:42:42 And wait a minute.
01:42:46 The cons are gonna go for the win.
01:42:48 They're going for it.
01:42:50 Crewe, trying to settle his team
01:42:53 But there seems to be
01:42:55 Come on! Run the play!
01:42:57 Turley! Turley. Over here.
01:43:00 Move your giant ass right here!
01:43:03 Come on, baby. Come on.
01:43:06 The play clock is still running.
01:43:09 Come on, Crewe!
01:43:12 They don't know what we're doing!
01:43:14 Run the play we set up.
01:43:16 I think you're still dizzy from that hit!
01:43:19 The snap is to Deacon.
01:43:21 It's a trick.
01:43:23 He throws it to Crewe.
01:43:49 They did it! Unbelievable!
01:43:51 The cons win!
01:44:06 We win!
01:44:08 Group hug in the shower tonight!
01:44:13 Or not. Or not.
01:44:17 Well, there you have it.
01:44:18 A bunch of ruthless criminals
01:44:21 the men that uphold
01:44:24 Criminals are people too, Chris.
01:44:26 Now, give me your wallet.
01:44:28 What?
01:44:29 Just kidding.
01:44:35 You got a lot of balls, Crewe.
01:44:39 And don't worry, I know you had
01:44:43 And I'll back that up.
01:44:46 Thank you, baby.
01:44:49 Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
01:44:54 You humiliated me. I can't believe
01:45:02 Now, where the hell
01:45:08 He's escaping.
01:45:09 He's escaping.
01:45:10 Officer, shoot that man!
01:45:13 But, sir, there's people.
01:45:16 Shoot him.
01:45:18 Crewe!
01:45:20 Captain, I order you
01:45:26 Shoot him! Fire!
01:45:28 Crewe!
01:45:30 Damn it, I'm giving you an order,
01:45:33 Crewe!
01:45:34 Pull the trigger!
01:45:55 It's the game ball.
01:46:04 Hey.
01:46:09 Why don't you stick this
01:46:14 - You have a nice time, old man?
01:46:17 Yeah? Okay.
01:46:20 Well, the first thing is, we tell the
01:46:23 Oh, I can't wait to see
01:46:33 Great game, sir.
01:46:37 That's a week in the hotbox!
01:46:39 Who gives a shit?