|
Lower Learning
|
| 00:00:27 |
You can expect highs |
| 00:00:29 |
and unless you're driving |
| 00:00:31 |
get used to the slow-and-go |
| 00:00:34 |
Now onto more troubling news |
| 00:00:36 |
emerging from the Coolidge County |
| 00:00:38 |
Millions of dollars are missing |
| 00:00:40 |
due to the district's sloppy |
| 00:00:42 |
and no one can seem to |
| 00:00:45 |
District Chairwoman Olympia Parpadelle |
| 00:00:47 |
but county insiders blame |
| 00:00:50 |
and a troubling climate |
| 00:00:52 |
at a time when the county's children |
| 00:00:55 |
at the bottom of statewide tests. |
| 00:00:57 |
Moving on to sports, |
| 00:00:59 |
it seems the chimpanzee |
| 00:01:01 |
Saturday's community college |
| 00:01:06 |
Hey, you okay? |
| 00:01:08 |
Yeah. |
| 00:01:10 |
Same shit, different day, huh? |
| 00:01:15 |
Something like that, yeah. |
| 00:01:18 |
Yeah. |
| 00:01:58 |
Here you go. |
| 00:04:31 |
I failed you, Pop. |
| 00:04:36 |
Catherine, the bond market |
| 00:04:40 |
Oh, God, what do the homosexuals |
| 00:04:43 |
Mr. Conroy to see you. |
| 00:04:47 |
Send him in. |
| 00:04:52 |
Jasper Macaveady |
| 00:04:54 |
Jasper Macaveady and |
| 00:04:57 |
Oh, for fuck's sake. |
| 00:05:08 |
Okay. |
| 00:05:23 |
Scotch man, right? |
| 00:05:25 |
No, actually, I don't touch the stuff. |
| 00:05:34 |
Pinot then? |
| 00:05:36 |
Sure. |
| 00:05:42 |
Jasper poured gravy |
| 00:05:47 |
I can see that. |
| 00:05:50 |
Jasper, where did you get gravy |
| 00:05:57 |
Jasper buddy, you know the drill. |
| 00:06:00 |
Go walk the railroad tracks |
| 00:06:04 |
Hey, I don't make the rules. |
| 00:06:08 |
Adelle, I don't know, honey. |
| 00:06:11 |
It will eventually dry, so... |
| 00:06:19 |
I'll call your mom. |
| 00:06:23 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:06:25 |
No no no. I can't hug you. |
| 00:06:28 |
I can't hug you. |
| 00:06:30 |
Plus I'll get gravy |
| 00:06:34 |
So, okay? |
| 00:06:37 |
What do you want? |
| 00:06:41 |
Do you want some grapefruit? |
| 00:07:00 |
Look, Conroy, you know |
| 00:07:02 |
I can't discuss my dealings |
| 00:07:05 |
but if you want those kind of grades |
| 00:07:08 |
it's gonna cost you |
| 00:07:09 |
Gigi Fenstermacher told me |
| 00:07:14 |
Gigi Fenstermacher is a whore. |
| 00:07:17 |
And do you think I served her |
| 00:07:19 |
the 1986 Bouchemal Pinot |
| 00:07:23 |
Let me answer that for you. |
| 00:07:25 |
No, I did not. |
| 00:07:27 |
I'm willing to pay $12,000. |
| 00:07:31 |
Now that's a substantial bribe, |
| 00:07:33 |
I want you to guarantee |
| 00:07:36 |
Well, |
| 00:07:39 |
then I guess when little Julie |
| 00:07:41 |
and she's selling her hot little body |
| 00:07:44 |
I'll have to be the one to tell her |
| 00:07:47 |
killed himself out of shame. |
| 00:07:49 |
That's all I'm prepared to pay, |
| 00:07:52 |
- nothing more. |
| 00:07:55 |
- Bartlett! |
| 00:07:56 |
Playback. |
| 00:08:02 |
I'm willing to pay $12,000. |
| 00:08:05 |
Now that's a substantial |
| 00:08:07 |
I want you to guarantee |
| 00:08:12 |
Hmm, bribing an elementary-school |
| 00:08:15 |
That's a serious crime, Conroy. |
| 00:08:20 |
$15,000. |
| 00:08:22 |
Do it. |
| 00:08:35 |
Me. |
| 00:08:37 |
Me me me me me! |
| 00:08:48 |
Go to the bank, deposit that |
| 00:08:50 |
And wear the red wig this time. |
| 00:08:53 |
It makes your can look smaller. |
| 00:08:55 |
Okay. |
| 00:08:57 |
Harper, Rebecca Seberg |
| 00:08:59 |
from the school board |
| 00:09:02 |
Something about |
| 00:09:06 |
Is everything all right? |
| 00:09:08 |
Peaches and pearls, Melody. |
| 00:09:15 |
Yank my caddy from class, tell him |
| 00:09:23 |
What? |
| 00:09:25 |
That ain't mine. |
| 00:09:27 |
Okay. |
| 00:09:30 |
Say it. |
| 00:09:31 |
It ain't yours. |
| 00:09:35 |
Good girl. |
| 00:09:41 |
This is your principal speaking. |
| 00:09:44 |
that an inspector from the district |
| 00:09:47 |
Carry on as usual. |
| 00:09:49 |
Also, try not to eat the lead-based paint |
| 00:09:52 |
that's flaking off the walls |
| 00:09:54 |
That is called poison. |
| 00:09:56 |
Due to budget cuts, PE clothes |
| 00:09:59 |
And lastly, big thanks |
| 00:10:01 |
shop class is canceled |
| 00:10:04 |
That is all. |
| 00:10:06 |
What? |
| 00:10:09 |
Are we gonna |
| 00:10:12 |
or are we just |
| 00:10:14 |
and watch you mope |
| 00:10:30 |
You know what, Frankie? |
| 00:10:32 |
Why don't you go |
| 00:10:38 |
Yeah, Sarah. |
| 00:10:40 |
Why is Mr. Buchwald |
| 00:10:42 |
You like questions, Sarah? |
| 00:10:45 |
Yeah? Try this one. |
| 00:10:47 |
How do you think you're gonna |
| 00:10:49 |
when you fill out your times tables |
| 00:10:55 |
Mm, |
| 00:10:57 |
you know, |
| 00:10:59 |
when my uncle was my age |
| 00:11:02 |
he walked in on Aunt Sis |
| 00:11:04 |
screwing the tub-and-tile repairman. |
| 00:11:06 |
You know what he did? |
| 00:11:08 |
He hitchhiked all the way |
| 00:11:12 |
to Annapolis, Maryland, |
| 00:11:14 |
He dove into the Chesapeake |
| 00:11:17 |
and he just swam straight out. |
| 00:11:19 |
He just swam |
| 00:11:25 |
Next day the Coast Guard |
| 00:11:32 |
You think you kids |
| 00:11:34 |
Your favorite Saturday-morning |
| 00:11:36 |
is preempted by figure skating? |
| 00:11:38 |
You try to fart and you get |
| 00:11:42 |
Give me a break. |
| 00:11:44 |
Try marriage. |
| 00:11:48 |
Yeah, Sarah, what? |
| 00:11:50 |
Can I go to the bathroom? |
| 00:11:52 |
Sweetie, you can go home |
| 00:11:55 |
Okay. |
| 00:12:02 |
Bye. |
| 00:12:04 |
Whatever. |
| 00:12:19 |
Don't get lazy, Walter. |
| 00:12:21 |
I'd go with the nine iron if I were you. |
| 00:12:24 |
Shut up, Walter. |
| 00:12:43 |
Is everything in place, Maurice? |
| 00:12:44 |
Like a jigsaw puzzle, my brother. |
| 00:12:48 |
And you're absolutely sure |
| 00:12:52 |
Yeah, you got my vote |
| 00:12:56 |
and the inspector's report |
| 00:12:59 |
I'd say the coffin is all but shut |
| 00:13:02 |
on your pathetic excuse |
| 00:13:05 |
Yes, sir, our master plan |
| 00:13:08 |
your parental kickbacks |
| 00:13:10 |
What about |
| 00:13:12 |
Why don't we burn that bridge |
| 00:13:15 |
Don't sweat it. |
| 00:13:17 |
and she's the easiest bribe |
| 00:13:20 |
Good work, Maurice. |
| 00:13:21 |
Thanks, man. |
| 00:13:23 |
Gotta tell you, |
| 00:13:25 |
in no time we're gonna be |
| 00:13:27 |
in fucking Surinam |
| 00:13:30 |
snorting blow |
| 00:13:32 |
Hey, |
| 00:13:36 |
you want to get beer later |
| 00:13:40 |
We could get, like, |
| 00:13:43 |
What do you think, Maurice? |
| 00:13:45 |
No. |
| 00:13:53 |
Later. |
| 00:14:05 |
You're my only friend. |
| 00:14:12 |
Harper. |
| 00:14:13 |
Uh, excuse me, Harper. |
| 00:14:17 |
Hey, you... you have time |
| 00:14:21 |
It has to do |
| 00:14:26 |
Come with me. |
| 00:14:42 |
What do you know? |
| 00:14:44 |
Nothing. |
| 00:14:46 |
Same with the faculty. |
| 00:14:48 |
Here's your brunch, sir. |
| 00:14:52 |
A hard-boiled egg? |
| 00:14:53 |
No, I'm good. |
| 00:15:03 |
It's for the greater good |
| 00:15:05 |
including you, Tommy. |
| 00:15:07 |
Yeah, but I'm the vice principal. |
| 00:15:11 |
I mean, this is something |
| 00:15:16 |
It's a public elementary school, Tom, |
| 00:15:18 |
not some third-rate Montessori. |
| 00:15:21 |
Things get hairy |
| 00:15:25 |
and not enough |
| 00:15:28 |
Okay, vice principal? |
| 00:15:34 |
I like you, Tom. |
| 00:15:39 |
I know your past, Tom. |
| 00:15:43 |
Don't be a hero. |
| 00:16:01 |
Back to class, Sarah. |
| 00:16:23 |
Oh, hey. |
| 00:16:26 |
Yeah, look at you. |
| 00:16:28 |
Rebecca Seberg. |
| 00:16:30 |
Yeah, the inspector. |
| 00:16:32 |
Well, look, do it. |
| 00:16:35 |
I'll tell you what you'll find, though... |
| 00:16:38 |
a school on the brink, |
| 00:16:42 |
Old Yeller, |
| 00:16:45 |
but not a dog. |
| 00:16:48 |
Wow. |
| 00:16:49 |
It's rare to find |
| 00:16:55 |
Sarcasm. |
| 00:16:57 |
You know what that is? |
| 00:17:00 |
Lobstergram, |
| 00:17:02 |
yeah, from Uncle Plimpton |
| 00:17:06 |
Lobsters are |
| 00:17:09 |
arthropods, |
| 00:17:11 |
crustaceans, |
| 00:17:14 |
but for all that |
| 00:17:17 |
literally exoskeleton. |
| 00:17:21 |
I'm not sure |
| 00:17:24 |
And I'm not saying |
| 00:17:31 |
Maybe now there is. |
| 00:17:44 |
Listen, toots, |
| 00:17:46 |
you spend all day in your |
| 00:17:49 |
but this isn't basic training, okay? |
| 00:17:52 |
And I should know. |
| 00:17:55 |
three years ago |
| 00:17:58 |
But the point is, I knew |
| 00:18:01 |
just like I know these kids |
| 00:18:05 |
And a retard's kind of like |
| 00:18:08 |
All they're good for is a laugh |
| 00:18:11 |
and a kickin'. |
| 00:18:15 |
And a kickin'. Got that? |
| 00:18:19 |
I'm gonna look around |
| 00:18:22 |
Boom. Do it. |
| 00:18:29 |
Okay, and lastly, we need a noun. |
| 00:18:32 |
Proxy fight. |
| 00:18:38 |
Here we go. |
| 00:18:43 |
Lately my dad's mistresses |
| 00:18:46 |
are quite alfresco... |
| 00:18:50 |
that's a great word, Calvin, okay... |
| 00:18:53 |
but battle cruisers like that, |
| 00:18:55 |
especially my snuffalupagus |
| 00:18:58 |
kind of booger time... what? |
| 00:19:01 |
Just can't gestate the proxy fight! |
| 00:19:05 |
What? |
| 00:19:07 |
You guys, what did we |
| 00:19:11 |
We are funny. |
| 00:19:13 |
It's nice not to suck. |
| 00:19:16 |
Yeah. Don't I know it, Mernay? |
| 00:19:19 |
What luck not to suck |
| 00:19:20 |
like a duck stuck in the muck! |
| 00:19:23 |
Did you see what I did? |
| 00:19:24 |
I rhymed it. |
| 00:19:29 |
Oh, well. |
| 00:19:31 |
What's wrong, Turner? |
| 00:19:34 |
Well, if I just had |
| 00:19:37 |
then everything |
| 00:19:39 |
But we love you. |
| 00:19:43 |
And I love you, Basil. |
| 00:19:45 |
I love all you guys, honestly, |
| 00:19:48 |
It's just |
| 00:19:51 |
I'm talking about |
| 00:19:53 |
the kind of love that's wet |
| 00:19:57 |
You see, guys, |
| 00:20:00 |
that sometimes it overflows |
| 00:20:04 |
and all the wrong stuff |
| 00:20:10 |
All right, Rinaldo, all right. |
| 00:20:12 |
It's time for you to get hungry, okay? |
| 00:20:14 |
You gotta take this round, |
| 00:20:17 |
12 more rounds after this |
| 00:20:19 |
Sack up, all right? |
| 00:20:45 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:20:48 |
Yeah, come in. |
| 00:21:13 |
I don't want to be alive anymore. |
| 00:21:16 |
Rebecca. |
| 00:21:18 |
Oh my God, Tom. |
| 00:21:20 |
It's not poop. |
| 00:21:27 |
Okay, that's okay. Have a seat. |
| 00:21:29 |
You had a couple of good shots |
| 00:21:30 |
You got anything |
| 00:21:32 |
No? Okay. |
| 00:21:36 |
It's make-or-break time for you. |
| 00:21:40 |
This is about your manhood, okay? |
| 00:21:44 |
If you let a girl beat you now, |
| 00:21:47 |
until your prostate is swollen |
| 00:21:50 |
in some Chinamen-owned Wal-Mart. |
| 00:21:53 |
You know what? Do you want |
| 00:21:56 |
You want to end up eating broccoli |
| 00:21:59 |
every morning for breakfast? |
| 00:22:01 |
that's a negatory, Rinaldo Retanovich. |
| 00:22:04 |
Now I want you to get out there |
| 00:22:07 |
and you punch that girl, okay? |
| 00:22:10 |
I want you to punch her |
| 00:22:14 |
Get up there. |
| 00:22:18 |
Shut us down? |
| 00:22:20 |
But why? |
| 00:22:22 |
Tom, I mean, |
| 00:22:26 |
Well, yeah, but... |
| 00:22:34 |
Oh, you want one? |
| 00:22:36 |
Oh, no no. It's just... |
| 00:22:39 |
have you always smoked? |
| 00:22:42 |
What is this, Salem? |
| 00:22:43 |
Oh, no no, it's just I... |
| 00:22:46 |
Gonna have yourself |
| 00:22:48 |
No, not at all. |
| 00:22:51 |
Look, Tom, everybody knows |
| 00:22:53 |
that your school has |
| 00:22:58 |
Huh-uh. |
| 00:23:01 |
Their scores are lower than ours. |
| 00:23:03 |
And everyone knows |
| 00:23:05 |
Those clouds are laughing at me. |
| 00:23:10 |
Tie me off, bro. |
| 00:23:13 |
I'm sorry, Tom. |
| 00:23:16 |
I think my inspection |
| 00:23:22 |
Perfect. |
| 00:23:24 |
I don't know anymore. |
| 00:23:28 |
I just wish God or whoever |
| 00:23:30 |
would give me |
| 00:23:32 |
show me what to do |
| 00:23:43 |
Wow. |
| 00:23:45 |
You know what, though? |
| 00:23:48 |
This is the story of my life. |
| 00:23:49 |
I mean, in third grade |
| 00:23:52 |
and then the Challenger |
| 00:23:54 |
You'll be fine. |
| 00:23:57 |
This was my second backup career. |
| 00:24:00 |
I've just got |
| 00:24:03 |
I'm finished. |
| 00:24:04 |
Jesus, Tom, |
| 00:24:06 |
You used to be, like, |
| 00:24:09 |
Yeah, well, I've figured out |
| 00:24:11 |
that the world |
| 00:24:14 |
All we can do is try and keep |
| 00:24:17 |
So turn it around. |
| 00:24:19 |
You take the world |
| 00:24:22 |
The world is just |
| 00:24:24 |
one giant hairy ball. |
| 00:24:26 |
It's so unmanageable. |
| 00:24:29 |
Look, the district's closing |
| 00:24:32 |
and something doesn't smell right. |
| 00:24:33 |
It's the gravy. |
| 00:24:35 |
No, it's Billings. |
| 00:24:39 |
Alas, Pangaea was no more. |
| 00:24:42 |
So take cover as continental drift |
| 00:24:44 |
continues to shake things up |
| 00:24:48 |
In conclusion, I hope |
| 00:24:51 |
the phenomenon |
| 00:24:54 |
very moving. |
| 00:25:04 |
Wow, that was really great, Otis. |
| 00:25:08 |
I didn't assign it but, you know, |
| 00:25:13 |
Yes, Sarah. |
| 00:25:15 |
Joanne McVickers has boobs. |
| 00:25:18 |
When you can afford them. |
| 00:25:21 |
Mrs. Buchwald, aren't you gonna |
| 00:25:27 |
Does it really matter, Frankie? |
| 00:25:28 |
I mean, this ain't Rutgers, okay? |
| 00:25:32 |
The only thing I remember |
| 00:25:34 |
is my hymen breaking |
| 00:25:37 |
Maybe if you'd paid more attention |
| 00:25:39 |
your life wouldn't have turned out |
| 00:25:41 |
All right, that's it. |
| 00:25:44 |
Your choice... you can either |
| 00:25:48 |
or I'll handcuff you |
| 00:25:53 |
Just because you're miserable |
| 00:25:55 |
doesn't mean the rest of us |
| 00:26:01 |
What a sad old sack you've become, |
| 00:26:09 |
Look around you, Tom. |
| 00:26:10 |
This isn't a Del Taco shutting down. |
| 00:26:13 |
It's an incubator |
| 00:26:15 |
Whatever happened to respect |
| 00:26:18 |
She just went |
| 00:26:21 |
Bitch! |
| 00:26:24 |
Well, thanks for the pep talk, |
| 00:26:28 |
but sometimes you've just got |
| 00:26:31 |
with all the other crap |
| 00:26:36 |
Wanna...? |
| 00:26:39 |
It's Harper. Leave a message. |
| 00:26:42 |
Hey, Harper, it's Maurice. |
| 00:26:45 |
Hey, man about earlier... |
| 00:26:48 |
I don't even know |
| 00:26:50 |
Honestly, |
| 00:26:52 |
I don't ever |
| 00:26:55 |
I mean, so yeah. |
| 00:26:59 |
Well, you know, I just wanted |
| 00:27:01 |
So I think we're good. |
| 00:27:05 |
So call me back. |
| 00:27:09 |
You don't even have to |
| 00:27:11 |
Cool. |
| 00:27:13 |
Coolio. Holla. |
| 00:27:23 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:27:26 |
All right, all right. |
| 00:28:03 |
Recess! |
| 00:28:05 |
Recess. |
| 00:28:29 |
Not again. |
| 00:28:34 |
Hey, that punk didn't pay you |
| 00:28:37 |
Dang! |
| 00:28:40 |
I'm gonna blow his brains out. |
| 00:28:43 |
What the hell are they doing? |
| 00:28:46 |
Oh, just playing a little drive-by. |
| 00:28:52 |
They took all the rock-climbing walls |
| 00:28:56 |
And you're okay with all this? |
| 00:29:00 |
The school's getting |
| 00:29:07 |
Remember when we had |
| 00:29:10 |
and that douche bag Matt Bonner |
| 00:29:13 |
It was you that said, |
| 00:29:16 |
Go down fighting." |
| 00:29:21 |
I still have that weird click |
| 00:29:24 |
but you were right... |
| 00:29:26 |
in theory or something. |
| 00:29:28 |
The point is, Tom, |
| 00:29:35 |
Sorry, is that...? |
| 00:29:37 |
Pain pills. |
| 00:29:40 |
I have back problems. |
| 00:29:42 |
And the...? |
| 00:29:45 |
It's whiskey, Tom. I have to |
| 00:29:50 |
What, is this Nuremberg? |
| 00:29:52 |
It's not like I'm rendering fat of Jews |
| 00:29:57 |
So? |
| 00:30:01 |
Okay, fine. |
| 00:30:04 |
I'll go speak with the faculty. |
| 00:30:07 |
I don't think it's gonna do |
| 00:30:37 |
It just took me a while |
| 00:30:41 |
Maybe she was a guy, |
| 00:30:43 |
maybe she was a girl, |
| 00:30:44 |
but at the end of the day |
| 00:30:47 |
why am I gonna get so upset |
| 00:30:52 |
Hey, everybody. |
| 00:30:56 |
Hey, you guys, if I can |
| 00:30:59 |
hi! |
| 00:31:02 |
I... I have some bad news |
| 00:31:05 |
to share with everyone. |
| 00:31:07 |
The district |
| 00:31:12 |
Okay, maybe you guys |
| 00:31:15 |
Geraldine Ferraro might shut down, |
| 00:31:19 |
and permanently this time, |
| 00:31:20 |
not like that incident with Diarrhea Teddy |
| 00:31:24 |
That was great. |
| 00:31:26 |
Now look, I don't want to have to |
| 00:31:29 |
Assert yourself? |
| 00:31:33 |
Haven't you figured it out, Tom? |
| 00:31:36 |
You're a figurehead, a veep. |
| 00:31:39 |
You're Spiro fucking Agnew. |
| 00:31:41 |
All hat and no cattle, Tommy. |
| 00:31:42 |
Okay, I'm just trying to help. |
| 00:31:46 |
Well, we don't need your help. |
| 00:31:48 |
What do you think will happen |
| 00:31:50 |
You think we'll lose our jobs? |
| 00:31:52 |
Well, I got tenure, bitch. |
| 00:31:56 |
except for two people... |
| 00:31:58 |
this guy |
| 00:32:01 |
and you, Tom. |
| 00:32:04 |
Keep your nose in the roses |
| 00:32:07 |
You're the smelly stuff? |
| 00:32:10 |
Yeah, I'm the smelliest stuff |
| 00:32:13 |
the smelliest stuff |
| 00:32:16 |
Guess what side of Dixie |
| 00:32:26 |
So that was useless. |
| 00:32:29 |
Are you just gonna stop there? |
| 00:32:33 |
That's a low blow. |
| 00:32:34 |
Maybe it wasn't low enough. |
| 00:32:38 |
Jesus, Rebecca. |
| 00:32:40 |
"Jesus, Rebecca" yourself. |
| 00:32:43 |
What does it take |
| 00:32:46 |
What happened to you that day? |
| 00:32:47 |
I don't want to talk about it. |
| 00:32:56 |
Hey. |
| 00:32:58 |
Thanks for the grapefruit. |
| 00:33:00 |
It was the best ever. |
| 00:33:02 |
Oh, you're welcome, Adelle. |
| 00:33:07 |
I like you. |
| 00:33:10 |
Daddy smells like bourbon. |
| 00:33:12 |
Well, I'm sure that doesn't change |
| 00:33:16 |
Nuh-uh. He wrote a song called |
| 00:33:19 |
"Social Worker, Social Worker, |
| 00:33:24 |
You're not like him. |
| 00:33:27 |
Well, I think you're nice too, Adelle. |
| 00:33:31 |
Whoa whoa whoa. |
| 00:33:34 |
Sorry. |
| 00:33:37 |
she knows we get lawsuits. |
| 00:33:43 |
You set that up, didn't you? |
| 00:33:46 |
No, Tom, songs like that |
| 00:33:53 |
Okay, all right. |
| 00:33:57 |
If this school's going down, |
| 00:34:00 |
I've got nothing to lose. |
| 00:34:02 |
But on one condition... |
| 00:34:05 |
Tom, I'm here to inspect you, |
| 00:34:09 |
I could lose my job. |
| 00:34:13 |
That's exactly why no one else |
| 00:34:15 |
I can't do this alone. |
| 00:34:23 |
Fuck a duck. |
| 00:34:27 |
- I'm in. |
| 00:34:29 |
Okay. Okay. |
| 00:34:31 |
Yeah. |
| 00:34:34 |
Okay. |
| 00:34:35 |
A plan... we need a plan. |
| 00:34:44 |
Right. |
| 00:34:47 |
Well, we've got about five hours |
| 00:34:51 |
so this whole "Cat's Cradle" thing |
| 00:34:58 |
Okay. Okay, here it is: |
| 00:35:01 |
First we rally the faculty. |
| 00:35:04 |
They've got to teach their hearts out |
| 00:35:06 |
- Then we to to stage two. |
| 00:35:08 |
We stage a walkout |
| 00:35:10 |
right at the end of school. |
| 00:35:12 |
How's that gonna help? |
| 00:35:14 |
Because I'm gonna call the media |
| 00:35:16 |
Make the news van show up, |
| 00:35:17 |
splash the kids |
| 00:35:20 |
there's no way they'll shut us down. |
| 00:35:22 |
And all the teachers |
| 00:35:25 |
will change their tune if they know |
| 00:35:30 |
Melody, send it Fowler. |
| 00:35:35 |
Have a seat, Fowler. |
| 00:35:42 |
- I'm innocent, Billings. |
| 00:35:48 |
You know the drill. |
| 00:35:55 |
Do you want to get suspended? |
| 00:36:09 |
What's going on? |
| 00:36:12 |
Are you clearing out of here? |
| 00:36:17 |
You know what, Fowler? |
| 00:36:21 |
I'm feeling felicitous today. |
| 00:36:24 |
Why don't we just both pretend |
| 00:36:31 |
Actually, let's go halfsies. |
| 00:36:34 |
Yeah. |
| 00:36:39 |
People are talking, Frankie. |
| 00:36:44 |
What's that got to do with me? |
| 00:36:47 |
It's Billings, Frankie. |
| 00:36:49 |
Jesus H! |
| 00:36:52 |
I know we've had our differences |
| 00:36:54 |
Yes, Bartlett, we have. |
| 00:36:59 |
And that's it, baby. |
| 00:37:03 |
Oh, Bartlett, you're everything |
| 00:37:07 |
Tell me again about remainders. |
| 00:37:10 |
No, Frankie, no! |
| 00:37:13 |
Bonecracker! |
| 00:37:15 |
Hard to believe |
| 00:37:18 |
We can't let them close the school. |
| 00:37:21 |
I have a wife and kids |
| 00:37:24 |
You do? |
| 00:37:25 |
Not yet, but someday. |
| 00:37:27 |
You have to get word out. |
| 00:37:30 |
Take this. |
| 00:37:32 |
We're all counting on you, Fowler. |
| 00:37:34 |
Forget our past. |
| 00:37:36 |
I'll do what I can, Bartlett, |
| 00:37:38 |
but I'll never forget our past. |
| 00:37:48 |
That's the thing, though, you know? |
| 00:37:51 |
and you give. |
| 00:37:53 |
Take it. They take take take. |
| 00:37:55 |
Even still, we need the ladies. |
| 00:37:58 |
Honest to goodness, |
| 00:38:01 |
God bless 'em, |
| 00:38:03 |
I know I needed Mrs. Buchwald, |
| 00:38:09 |
Maybe you're right. |
| 00:38:11 |
I can't hear you, Mr. Buchwald. |
| 00:38:13 |
I think my brain is bleeding. |
| 00:38:16 |
I want you to listen to me. |
| 00:38:19 |
Are you listening? |
| 00:38:21 |
Do not marry young, |
| 00:38:25 |
'cause right now you're shit. |
| 00:38:30 |
You're a zygote. |
| 00:38:33 |
but out there in the real world |
| 00:38:36 |
Bang. Zero. |
| 00:38:40 |
But in a few years you might |
| 00:38:44 |
A few years more... |
| 00:38:47 |
But what if you're stuck |
| 00:38:50 |
that you shacked up with back when |
| 00:38:53 |
I mean, what the fuck? |
| 00:38:56 |
What the fuck is wrong |
| 00:38:59 |
Does it make any sense to you? |
| 00:39:00 |
No! Thank you! |
| 00:39:04 |
Okay, amigo, good talk. |
| 00:39:06 |
Up you get. |
| 00:39:13 |
Oh! |
| 00:39:18 |
Nurse Gretchen. |
| 00:39:22 |
Nurse Gretchen! |
| 00:39:24 |
Yes, Mr. Abernathy. |
| 00:39:30 |
- Sorry? |
| 00:39:32 |
What did you say? |
| 00:39:35 |
No, you said, "Sorry?" |
| 00:39:38 |
No, you tried to say something |
| 00:39:40 |
And then you said, "What?" |
| 00:39:42 |
So what did you say? |
| 00:39:43 |
No, you said, "Sorry?" |
| 00:39:45 |
And then I said, "You just say |
| 00:39:50 |
I said, "You said, 'What? ' |
| 00:39:52 |
And then now |
| 00:39:54 |
as in, like, what are you talk...? |
| 00:39:57 |
- What? |
| 00:39:59 |
Okay, come on, hon. |
| 00:40:01 |
Um, I have Dip Dip. |
| 00:40:04 |
Yeah, I see that. |
| 00:40:09 |
You have some. |
| 00:40:11 |
No, thank you. |
| 00:40:14 |
I actually think |
| 00:40:16 |
So I'm gonna take him |
| 00:40:19 |
Oh, okay. |
| 00:40:23 |
Yeah, whatevs. |
| 00:40:25 |
I'll just chill. Lates. |
| 00:40:29 |
No bigs. |
| 00:40:47 |
- Oh, darn it all. |
| 00:40:58 |
Hey, Harper, it's Maurice. |
| 00:41:00 |
Um, we got off |
| 00:41:05 |
and I just... I feel like... |
| 00:41:09 |
why aren't you |
| 00:41:11 |
What's...? |
| 00:41:13 |
Why not? |
| 00:41:15 |
I mean, I'm leaving you messages. |
| 00:41:18 |
Usually that elicits |
| 00:41:21 |
So think about it. |
| 00:41:25 |
So we'll turn this corner |
| 00:41:28 |
Now I'll cover the north side. |
| 00:41:30 |
You cover the portables |
| 00:41:32 |
If we round up enough teachers |
| 00:41:35 |
we'll call the news. |
| 00:41:40 |
What? |
| 00:41:41 |
Nothing. It's just |
| 00:41:43 |
I saw a little bit |
| 00:41:46 |
- Tom, what happened that day? |
| 00:41:51 |
Let's not dig up old graves, okay? |
| 00:41:58 |
Let's go save the future. |
| 00:42:03 |
Oh, you precocious little bastards, |
| 00:42:06 |
weaned on your chocolate |
| 00:42:09 |
and your Hannah Montana, |
| 00:42:11 |
dressing as though you want |
| 00:42:14 |
by a professional |
| 00:42:16 |
Oh, shame on the lot of you. |
| 00:42:18 |
What? |
| 00:42:20 |
Old Curt, a word, please. |
| 00:42:26 |
Fine, no more |
| 00:42:28 |
And? |
| 00:42:32 |
And no more giving them |
| 00:42:34 |
so I can sit and read my "Us Weekly" |
| 00:42:37 |
That's the spirit. |
| 00:42:40 |
Bitch. |
| 00:42:50 |
It's time to rally my angels. |
| 00:42:55 |
The periodic table of elements... |
| 00:43:00 |
what you are made of, |
| 00:43:04 |
Okay, hot hands. |
| 00:43:07 |
All right, go for it. |
| 00:43:09 |
School spirit. |
| 00:43:19 |
Salute me. |
| 00:43:28 |
Who told you to do this? |
| 00:43:30 |
Vice Principal Willoman. |
| 00:43:32 |
Yeah, he's trying |
| 00:43:35 |
Oh. Oh. |
| 00:43:38 |
Really? |
| 00:43:40 |
Then what if I told you |
| 00:43:42 |
that your dad makes hot sauce |
| 00:43:44 |
Nuh-uh. Papa works at the mill. |
| 00:43:48 |
Exactly. |
| 00:43:49 |
Vice Principal Willoman |
| 00:43:52 |
Now get back to class! |
| 00:44:16 |
Is this the best you have? |
| 00:44:20 |
Of course it is. |
| 00:44:28 |
Pretty boy... |
| 00:44:35 |
ponytails... |
| 00:44:46 |
fat person... |
| 00:44:53 |
and flute... |
| 00:44:58 |
follow me. |
| 00:45:05 |
You guys want a job? |
| 00:45:08 |
Like, for money? |
| 00:45:09 |
Of course for money. |
| 00:45:11 |
I need you to follow me around |
| 00:45:14 |
playing your little instruments. |
| 00:45:16 |
I don't even think that's legal. |
| 00:45:18 |
Hey, look up here. |
| 00:45:21 |
Shut up. |
| 00:45:23 |
You want five bucks |
| 00:45:26 |
Okay. |
| 00:45:38 |
I also want a Fruitsy Pop. |
| 00:45:44 |
Fruitsy Pops all around. |
| 00:46:07 |
Students and faculty, listen up. |
| 00:46:09 |
This is your principal. |
| 00:46:12 |
that certain subversive elements |
| 00:46:15 |
instigating some kind of |
| 00:46:18 |
Any such attempt will be immediately met |
| 00:46:22 |
with a school-wide lockdown. |
| 00:46:23 |
Everyone will be confined |
| 00:46:25 |
for an indefinite time, |
| 00:46:28 |
Scotty, the TB test was positive. |
| 00:46:30 |
Please leave campus immediately. |
| 00:46:32 |
Donovan sat at the window |
| 00:46:37 |
There was loneliness |
| 00:46:40 |
shrouding him like a shroud. |
| 00:46:42 |
And from the abandoned |
| 00:46:46 |
the faint yet unmistakable sound |
| 00:46:49 |
of a dog raping a cat. |
| 00:46:56 |
Yeah, Zippy. |
| 00:47:00 |
Imelda and I have something |
| 00:47:03 |
Okay, go ahead, Zip. |
| 00:47:06 |
We're pregnant. |
| 00:47:11 |
Well, that is just great. |
| 00:47:16 |
Come on, guys. |
| 00:47:20 |
All right! |
| 00:47:22 |
You guys are gonna need |
| 00:47:28 |
Yes, Nurse Gretchen, please. |
| 00:47:32 |
Hey, wait, what are you doing? |
| 00:47:34 |
No no no. |
| 00:47:36 |
The show goes on. |
| 00:47:38 |
Show must go on. |
| 00:47:41 |
So I have some news. |
| 00:47:44 |
Imelda is not pregnant. |
| 00:47:48 |
Did you kill our baby? |
| 00:47:51 |
No, I didn't kill your baby. |
| 00:47:54 |
There wasn't a baby. |
| 00:47:56 |
Do you guys know |
| 00:48:00 |
You don't, do you? |
| 00:48:05 |
Let's get you guys |
| 00:48:08 |
Come on. |
| 00:48:33 |
Awesome. |
| 00:48:35 |
Thank God you're back. |
| 00:48:40 |
Okay, Laura, let's cut the crap. |
| 00:48:42 |
The school's taking in water |
| 00:48:47 |
but not before |
| 00:48:50 |
We need Vice Principal Willoman. |
| 00:48:56 |
Right, Sally, that's why we read. |
| 00:48:58 |
Nurse Gretchen. |
| 00:49:00 |
Mr. Abernathy, hi. |
| 00:49:02 |
Uh, when is she due? |
| 00:49:04 |
Mr. Abernathy, Imelda isn't pregnant. |
| 00:49:08 |
And I'm not quite sure |
| 00:49:11 |
really understand |
| 00:49:15 |
Oh. |
| 00:49:17 |
Well, maybe they could take |
| 00:49:22 |
Well, I guess that couldn't hurt. |
| 00:49:25 |
Maybe we could all go. |
| 00:49:27 |
Well, I suppose. |
| 00:49:31 |
- Oh, hell yes! Yes! |
| 00:49:34 |
Right? Yes! |
| 00:49:36 |
I'll see you guys later. |
| 00:49:39 |
Oh, I want to do her so bad. |
| 00:49:41 |
I want to do it so hard. |
| 00:50:09 |
You smell that? |
| 00:50:11 |
Asparagus. Putrid. |
| 00:50:14 |
The way a man's piss |
| 00:50:24 |
Flush me. |
| 00:50:26 |
No. Flush yourself. |
| 00:50:28 |
I warned you, Tom. |
| 00:50:31 |
but you had to go |
| 00:50:33 |
Look, I'm not gonna stand by |
| 00:50:37 |
and watch the school |
| 00:50:39 |
Yes, you are. |
| 00:50:44 |
Because I'm the only one |
| 00:50:47 |
You're just a bright-eyed little fluffer |
| 00:50:51 |
But turns out you and I... |
| 00:50:55 |
What are you getting at, Harper? |
| 00:50:58 |
We're both waiting |
| 00:51:01 |
And I can bequeath unto you |
| 00:51:03 |
the magic coins |
| 00:51:08 |
How would you like to be principal |
| 00:51:13 |
Principal? |
| 00:51:14 |
Yeah. |
| 00:51:16 |
This all ends right here and now, Tom. |
| 00:51:21 |
You'll never be the man |
| 00:51:24 |
Yeah yeah. |
| 00:51:29 |
I know what happened that day. |
| 00:51:34 |
Fact is, you don't have the guts |
| 00:51:38 |
So take the bait |
| 00:51:40 |
and flush my goddamn urinal. |
| 00:51:50 |
No. |
| 00:51:52 |
No, I don't think so, Harper. |
| 00:51:56 |
I don't know what you're up to, |
| 00:51:58 |
but it's as crooked |
| 00:52:01 |
The scoliosis girl. |
| 00:52:05 |
Good one. |
| 00:52:08 |
Well, you can't say |
| 00:52:12 |
Now you gotta lie in it. |
| 00:52:14 |
The problem is, |
| 00:52:17 |
out of moldy rainbows |
| 00:52:20 |
I don't know what that means. |
| 00:52:22 |
It's poetry, Tom. |
| 00:52:24 |
You don't have to know what it means. |
| 00:52:29 |
You know what else |
| 00:52:50 |
You just don't listen |
| 00:52:53 |
What are you guys gonna do, |
| 00:52:56 |
No, we're gonna beat you down. |
| 00:53:11 |
Yoo-hoo. |
| 00:53:14 |
- Yeah, come on in. |
| 00:53:16 |
Come on, single file, guys. |
| 00:53:18 |
Remember your buddy. |
| 00:53:21 |
Welcome to "Coital Danger 17: |
| 00:53:25 |
Trouble at the Drive-In." |
| 00:53:29 |
Kids, you already know by now |
| 00:53:33 |
but just how bad? |
| 00:53:35 |
Well, here we see Dingles |
| 00:53:37 |
on his way to a drive-in |
| 00:53:39 |
with his gal-pal Cassandra... |
| 00:53:41 |
I have fruit. |
| 00:53:45 |
To eat. |
| 00:53:47 |
Oh, great. |
| 00:53:54 |
Cassandra is what we call loose... |
| 00:53:58 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:54:02 |
Thank you for saying |
| 00:54:06 |
You're welcome. |
| 00:54:08 |
Thank you. |
| 00:54:10 |
We'll answer that |
| 00:54:13 |
but for now let's get back |
| 00:54:16 |
And there they are |
| 00:54:18 |
to their deplorable fate. |
| 00:54:35 |
AJ? |
| 00:54:38 |
AJ, is that you? |
| 00:54:40 |
Yeah, it's me. |
| 00:54:42 |
AJ, hey, buddy. |
| 00:54:44 |
It's Vice Principal Willoman. |
| 00:54:47 |
No, you're a dirty stranger. |
| 00:54:51 |
What? No, AJ. |
| 00:54:53 |
AJ? |
| 00:54:55 |
AJ, no, I want nothing to do |
| 00:54:57 |
AJ! AJ. |
| 00:55:04 |
Hey. |
| 00:55:05 |
Fondue? |
| 00:55:10 |
I still love her, Dougray. |
| 00:55:14 |
I'm still mad about that woman. |
| 00:55:20 |
Look at my life. |
| 00:55:23 |
My great grandfather invented |
| 00:55:27 |
What the f...? |
| 00:55:30 |
What the fuck have I ever done? |
| 00:55:38 |
It's probably suicide time, huh? |
| 00:55:41 |
Yeah. |
| 00:55:43 |
Damn it. |
| 00:55:46 |
Tom's been missing |
| 00:55:48 |
Keep it together. |
| 00:55:51 |
There's only one person |
| 00:55:53 |
Yes, Laura, |
| 00:55:56 |
you know it as well as I do. |
| 00:56:00 |
He's the only one of us |
| 00:56:03 |
That's true. |
| 00:56:06 |
He once had a fire in his heart... |
| 00:56:09 |
...a fire that saved people |
| 00:56:11 |
by killing other people. |
| 00:56:15 |
And I extinguished |
| 00:56:22 |
I'm such a cunt. |
| 00:56:24 |
Pull yourself together. |
| 00:56:26 |
This big outhouse you call |
| 00:56:30 |
and I'm not about to be bussed |
| 00:56:32 |
so I can be sodomized every day |
| 00:56:35 |
This isn't about your marriage |
| 00:56:38 |
It's about our future. |
| 00:56:40 |
You're right, Frankie. |
| 00:56:43 |
Jesse is the only chance |
| 00:56:46 |
Or, you know, he's the only chance |
| 00:56:50 |
who is really the only chance |
| 00:56:52 |
Then make it happen, lady. |
| 00:56:54 |
Make it happen. |
| 00:57:07 |
Yello. |
| 00:57:09 |
Bueno bueno. |
| 00:57:11 |
It's me, Jesse. |
| 00:57:13 |
Laura, |
| 00:57:16 |
my lover, my everything. |
| 00:57:19 |
Listen, |
| 00:57:21 |
there's no time for pillow talk, |
| 00:57:23 |
You've got to be the man |
| 00:57:26 |
the man |
| 00:57:27 |
mostly always. |
| 00:57:30 |
Jesse, we've got to find Tom. |
| 00:57:32 |
If we don't, the school's a goner, |
| 00:57:35 |
Now you keep this as quiet |
| 00:57:38 |
but we need to break Tom free. |
| 00:57:40 |
And then we've got |
| 00:57:45 |
The fact is, kids, |
| 00:57:47 |
that filthy movies |
| 00:57:50 |
influence your young mind, |
| 00:57:53 |
that will lead to ghastly physical |
| 00:57:56 |
Dingles, watch out! |
| 00:57:59 |
Oh, wowzers. |
| 00:58:01 |
That kiss just cost him |
| 00:58:05 |
low self-esteem and crippling... |
| 00:58:07 |
Is that all true? |
| 00:58:09 |
Yeah. |
| 00:58:15 |
Hey, you. |
| 00:58:20 |
Yes? |
| 00:58:24 |
I was thinking... |
| 00:58:26 |
maybe we should |
| 00:58:29 |
Right now? |
| 00:58:32 |
What about the kids? |
| 00:58:34 |
The kids... they're just as happy |
| 00:58:37 |
And we, just the two of us, |
| 00:58:40 |
we're just sitting back here, |
| 00:58:42 |
yapping and talking, |
| 00:58:44 |
talking and yapping. |
| 00:58:46 |
So I was just thinking, you know, |
| 00:58:49 |
maybe a stroll would do us good. |
| 00:58:54 |
Okay. |
| 00:58:56 |
Yeah? |
| 00:58:57 |
- Sure, yeah. |
| 00:59:00 |
But we gotta make it quick, |
| 00:59:03 |
they made a Slip-N-Slide |
| 00:59:05 |
Okay, yeah. |
| 00:59:15 |
It's Harper. Leave a message. |
| 00:59:18 |
421-555-6231. |
| 00:59:22 |
That is my number. |
| 00:59:27 |
Sagosky, have the special-ed kids |
| 00:59:38 |
Where's that piece-of-ass inspector? |
| 01:00:09 |
Easy does it there. |
| 01:00:12 |
Easy does it like Miss Muffet |
| 01:00:39 |
I never meant to have sex |
| 01:00:43 |
You're a liar, but I forgive you. |
| 01:00:46 |
Come here, Big Daddy. |
| 01:00:49 |
Wrong again, Quincy. |
| 01:00:54 |
Who the hell are you supposed to be? |
| 01:01:06 |
Somebody here knows where |
| 01:01:08 |
and if that somebody |
| 01:01:10 |
that somebody is gonna be squealing |
| 01:01:12 |
that's not only had |
| 01:01:14 |
but also had both its balls |
| 01:01:17 |
before they were cut off first. |
| 01:01:20 |
if you're curious how painful that is, |
| 01:01:22 |
very! |
| 01:01:24 |
I'm gonna count to one. |
| 01:01:34 |
Holy shit. |
| 01:01:37 |
Vice principal is |
| 01:01:40 |
He wants to touch |
| 01:01:50 |
What the hell is that bullshit? |
| 01:01:54 |
Get back to work. |
| 01:02:04 |
Agh! This is fucking impossible! |
| 01:02:08 |
Damn it. |
| 01:02:09 |
It's trying on everyone. |
| 01:02:15 |
Okay, here we go. |
| 01:02:17 |
Keep going, keep going. |
| 01:02:19 |
Okay, don't look. |
| 01:02:21 |
Okay? Okay? |
| 01:02:28 |
Okay, we're here. |
| 01:02:30 |
Oh, it's your classroom. |
| 01:02:33 |
Yeah. |
| 01:02:35 |
I just thought we could... |
| 01:02:37 |
you know, or whatever, |
| 01:02:39 |
just, you know... |
| 01:02:41 |
just connect or something, |
| 01:02:43 |
just talk, |
| 01:02:47 |
You really like turtles, huh? |
| 01:02:50 |
Yeah. That's Marzipan. |
| 01:02:52 |
And that one down there |
| 01:02:56 |
Did you know that after |
| 01:02:58 |
there was an age of turtles? |
| 01:03:00 |
No, I didn't know that. |
| 01:03:02 |
I didn't think so. |
| 01:03:04 |
- This one here is ticklish. |
| 01:03:07 |
Yeah. Watch this. |
| 01:03:09 |
Uh, I think you're hurting him. |
| 01:03:12 |
- No, he likes it. |
| 01:03:14 |
- Yeah, he does. |
| 01:03:18 |
Okay, I think I'm gonna... |
| 01:03:21 |
What? No no no, you can't go. |
| 01:03:23 |
I planned the whole afternoon. |
| 01:03:25 |
I-I-I have this for you. |
| 01:03:27 |
Bear with it |
| 01:03:33 |
I didn't have a whole lot of time |
| 01:03:39 |
"4 Ever or Never," |
| 01:03:41 |
and then there's you and me |
| 01:03:43 |
and Halifax and Marzipan. |
| 01:03:52 |
And then there's that. |
| 01:03:54 |
Um, does that say sweatheart? |
| 01:03:57 |
No, it says sweetheart. |
| 01:04:00 |
I'm kinda sure is says sweatheart. |
| 01:04:09 |
Well, that's awkward. |
| 01:04:11 |
I'm just gonna come out |
| 01:04:14 |
I have major fucking feelings |
| 01:04:18 |
deep down in my loins, |
| 01:04:23 |
And I want to go there. |
| 01:04:26 |
I want to take it |
| 01:04:28 |
where we're feeling each other |
| 01:04:32 |
and we explode. |
| 01:04:36 |
So I don't know |
| 01:04:39 |
but I am fucking awesomely |
| 01:04:43 |
Oh, no, Turner, you're not. |
| 01:04:46 |
Yes, I am. |
| 01:04:48 |
No, you're not. |
| 01:04:50 |
Yeah, I don't think I would have |
| 01:04:54 |
I'm pretty sure I am. |
| 01:04:55 |
I'm pretty sure you're not. |
| 01:04:58 |
I don't know |
| 01:05:03 |
You are sweet, |
| 01:05:06 |
but I gotta get back to class now. |
| 01:05:08 |
Okay? |
| 01:05:21 |
I should have put |
| 01:05:23 |
That was so stupid. |
| 01:05:28 |
Billings has to be stopped, Tom. |
| 01:05:31 |
- Stopped. |
| 01:05:34 |
What is this? |
| 01:05:38 |
- The balance sheet? |
| 01:05:41 |
- The district balance sheet. |
| 01:05:43 |
- then notice how much each school gets. |
| 01:05:46 |
The numbers don't add up. |
| 01:05:48 |
And guess which school |
| 01:05:51 |
Take a fucking guess. |
| 01:05:54 |
Ours. |
| 01:05:56 |
The total is millions more |
| 01:05:59 |
Millions more than the sum. |
| 01:06:01 |
And that difference is the exact budget |
| 01:06:04 |
This motherfucker! |
| 01:06:05 |
- Can you stop? |
| 01:06:07 |
Someone in the district goofed. |
| 01:06:09 |
And Billings saw that we have |
| 01:06:11 |
- The money is just waiting to be plucked. |
| 01:06:14 |
So the school gets closed; |
| 01:06:18 |
Close the doors, |
| 01:06:21 |
stuffs the moolah |
| 01:06:23 |
- What are you doing? |
| 01:06:26 |
I'm calling the local news. |
| 01:06:30 |
Fucking smarter than you know. |
| 01:06:34 |
Uh, relax. |
| 01:06:38 |
Jesus! |
| 01:06:40 |
- What the fuck?! |
| 01:06:43 |
I'm really fucking psyched. |
| 01:06:47 |
- God. |
| 01:06:50 |
The mailbox for... |
| 01:06:52 |
- Harper Billings. |
| 01:06:55 |
No. |
| 01:06:58 |
Oh, fuck. |
| 01:07:01 |
Hello? |
| 01:07:03 |
Wonderful. Thank you. |
| 01:07:05 |
Local news is on the way. |
| 01:07:07 |
Yeah. |
| 01:07:08 |
Wait, where's Rebecca? |
| 01:07:13 |
We're all set, sir. |
| 01:07:21 |
Oh, no. |
| 01:07:25 |
Tom. |
| 01:07:28 |
Tommy. |
| 01:07:31 |
I know you can hear me, Tom. |
| 01:07:33 |
It's useless to go on. |
| 01:07:38 |
I'm not a bad guy, Tom. |
| 01:07:41 |
This is just a bad situation. |
| 01:07:44 |
This isn't cowboys |
| 01:07:47 |
This is |
| 01:07:50 |
No one wants that, Tom... |
| 01:07:53 |
cowboys fighting cowboys. |
| 01:07:56 |
It's un-American. |
| 01:07:58 |
I've got the girl, Tom. |
| 01:08:03 |
Turn yourself in. |
| 01:08:05 |
You fought a good fight. |
| 01:08:11 |
Today's lunch is beef stroganoff |
| 01:08:15 |
Happy birthdays go out |
| 01:08:17 |
and Tom-Tom O'Leary. |
| 01:08:19 |
Soccer's canceled today. |
| 01:08:26 |
Don't you listen to him, Tom. |
| 01:08:30 |
Tommy, we'll storm |
| 01:08:34 |
They'll be totally defenseless, |
| 01:08:37 |
No, guys, Billings is right. |
| 01:08:40 |
We can't win. |
| 01:08:43 |
Listen, remember |
| 01:08:46 |
when I thought I'd never beat |
| 01:08:49 |
Tommy, what did you |
| 01:08:51 |
- What did you say? |
| 01:08:54 |
I said, "Nothing's impossible." |
| 01:08:56 |
You said, "Nothing's |
| 01:08:58 |
im-fucking-possible," man. |
| 01:09:05 |
Nothing is impossible. |
| 01:09:11 |
I am just a simple man. I just want |
| 01:09:15 |
Shut up, you! |
| 01:09:18 |
I want a picture of Walter Cronkite |
| 01:09:22 |
where he's kind of still, |
| 01:09:24 |
and $10,000 |
| 01:09:28 |
in non-sequential |
| 01:09:31 |
I want to be part of |
| 01:09:33 |
What are you gonna do, Daddy? |
| 01:09:36 |
I'm gonna save that man, son. |
| 01:09:37 |
And I'm gonna live with Mallory |
| 01:09:41 |
- That's impossible. |
| 01:09:44 |
Let the man go, son. |
| 01:09:46 |
I have pizza and a 747 |
| 01:09:49 |
on stand-by |
| 01:09:52 |
Yeah. |
| 01:09:54 |
Yeah, okay. |
| 01:10:00 |
You lied to me! |
| 01:10:01 |
- See, Tommy? |
| 01:10:03 |
Nothing is impossible. |
| 01:10:24 |
I got some demands! |
| 01:10:26 |
I want a magical elf |
| 01:10:28 |
and I want a special bag |
| 01:10:30 |
so he can't use |
| 01:10:33 |
This is like the déjà vu. |
| 01:10:35 |
No, please don't kill me. |
| 01:10:37 |
- This is impossible. |
| 01:10:39 |
I saw that Dennis Quaid movie |
| 01:10:41 |
- No, nothing's impossible. |
| 01:10:44 |
And its fire-breathing mouth |
| 01:10:47 |
- Nothing's impossible. |
| 01:10:50 |
I want a Komodo dragon. |
| 01:10:52 |
And I'm gonna ride on its back |
| 01:10:54 |
I want to get one of the Olsen twins |
| 01:10:57 |
and I want a ring. |
| 01:11:01 |
Which twin? |
| 01:11:04 |
or the funky-vintage-cool, |
| 01:11:07 |
I know you. |
| 01:11:10 |
Your father... he's a hero. |
| 01:11:13 |
I am safe! |
| 01:11:15 |
I have a... |
| 01:11:19 |
I have a bean-and-cheese burrito |
| 01:11:21 |
and a Greyhound bus. |
| 01:11:24 |
Yeah? Horseshit. |
| 01:11:30 |
No. |
| 01:11:32 |
No! No! |
| 01:11:42 |
Those were just words, guys. |
| 01:11:45 |
Everything I've ever done |
| 01:11:48 |
I don't know why I thought |
| 01:11:53 |
I'm sorry. |
| 01:12:04 |
Oh, hey hey hey. |
| 01:12:11 |
What? I'm a little nervous. |
| 01:12:15 |
What, is this Gitmo or something? |
| 01:12:17 |
Are you gonna waterboard me? |
| 01:12:25 |
72 seconds. |
| 01:12:31 |
I gave you the benefit of the doubt, |
| 01:12:34 |
All right, Billings, you win. |
| 01:12:38 |
What? |
| 01:12:40 |
What, is that the best |
| 01:12:42 |
Just give me the girl |
| 01:12:45 |
You're born and bred |
| 01:12:47 |
The least you could do is offer me |
| 01:12:50 |
Oh. |
| 01:12:54 |
You've been a bad boy, Tommy. |
| 01:12:56 |
You know what happens |
| 01:13:01 |
They get detention. |
| 01:13:02 |
They get detent... |
| 01:13:05 |
- They get detention. |
| 01:13:08 |
They get detention. |
| 01:13:11 |
They get |
| 01:13:13 |
Okay, we get it. |
| 01:13:17 |
Okay. |
| 01:13:19 |
They get detention. |
| 01:13:21 |
Don't say that again. |
| 01:13:23 |
- They get detention. |
| 01:13:25 |
They get detention. |
| 01:13:27 |
Shut up! Shut up! |
| 01:13:29 |
Shut your fat mouth! |
| 01:13:32 |
They get detention. |
| 01:13:44 |
You guys won't get away with this! |
| 01:13:47 |
- We already did, Tommy. |
| 01:13:52 |
Hey, how long till more coconuts? |
| 01:14:00 |
Thank you. |
| 01:14:07 |
Can I sit here? |
| 01:14:09 |
Sure. |
| 01:14:15 |
Beef stroganoff looks good. |
| 01:14:18 |
Ugh. |
| 01:14:20 |
Frankie, this is ridiculous. |
| 01:14:22 |
Come on home to mama. |
| 01:14:25 |
Maybe you should have |
| 01:14:27 |
before you went poking around |
| 01:14:29 |
It was only numbers, Frankie. |
| 01:14:32 |
You still love me? |
| 01:14:34 |
That's the thing, Carlotta, |
| 01:14:36 |
I still love you as much |
| 01:14:41 |
I'm in for a life of hurt with you, |
| 01:14:44 |
I just know it, |
| 01:14:46 |
but that's a hurt I need |
| 01:14:48 |
like a cowboy craves coffee |
| 01:14:58 |
Sorry, kids, not red balls today. |
| 01:15:03 |
Do you really still have |
| 01:15:12 |
You know, |
| 01:15:15 |
Vice principal |
| 01:15:18 |
You always wanted to follow |
| 01:15:20 |
I did. |
| 01:15:24 |
And a man is dead because of it. |
| 01:15:26 |
He's not dead. |
| 01:15:29 |
Well, he's dead to me. |
| 01:15:31 |
Well, no one ever blamed you for it. |
| 01:15:33 |
You're the only one |
| 01:15:35 |
I'm a failed hostage negotiator |
| 01:15:40 |
I'm washed up, Rebecca. |
| 01:15:43 |
I've been washed up |
| 01:15:54 |
Well, that's not how I see it. |
| 01:15:56 |
I see you as this huge success. |
| 01:15:59 |
You know I always wanted |
| 01:16:01 |
vice or otherwise? |
| 01:16:04 |
No, I didn't know that. |
| 01:16:06 |
It's true. |
| 01:16:09 |
You're a good man |
| 01:16:15 |
You know, I had the biggest |
| 01:16:21 |
Why didn't you ever say anything? |
| 01:16:24 |
Why didn't you? |
| 01:16:28 |
Did you just inhale |
| 01:16:31 |
Yeah. |
| 01:16:36 |
Rebecca, why? |
| 01:16:39 |
I guess I'm running away |
| 01:16:43 |
from myself. |
| 01:16:45 |
Well, maybe you should start |
| 01:16:50 |
for a change. |
| 01:16:52 |
What, is this The Hague? |
| 01:16:55 |
Is this some sort of |
| 01:16:57 |
international tribunal court? |
| 01:17:04 |
Is this The Hague? |
| 01:17:07 |
The school's totally |
| 01:17:09 |
Billings will give you $3 |
| 01:17:13 |
They're passing out |
| 01:17:15 |
There's some sort of dirty bomb |
| 01:17:18 |
The principal's gonna put us |
| 01:17:20 |
My father's gonna go crazy |
| 01:17:24 |
This is so stupid. |
| 01:17:29 |
"Save Tom. |
| 01:17:31 |
I need you to be the man." |
| 01:17:34 |
Fuck this noise! |
| 01:17:39 |
Come on, Jesse, |
| 01:17:42 |
I know those things |
| 01:17:43 |
Remember we used to |
| 01:17:45 |
out of the kid with a leaky bladder |
| 01:17:49 |
Oh, you are gonna shoot me? |
| 01:17:51 |
You're gonna shoot me? |
| 01:17:54 |
What, are you gonna blow me away? |
| 01:17:57 |
Okay, come on. |
| 01:17:59 |
Put it right here, asshole. |
| 01:18:01 |
A real man could shoot this shit. |
| 01:18:06 |
Oh, shit. Jesse. |
| 01:18:16 |
Oh, God. |
| 01:18:20 |
You shot me! |
| 01:18:22 |
Dude, it's just rock salt. |
| 01:18:24 |
How bad is it? How bad is it? |
| 01:18:27 |
Bro, come on. Minor surgery... |
| 01:18:30 |
It's a total outpatient thing. |
| 01:18:47 |
Give me one. |
| 01:18:53 |
Hello. Hey. |
| 01:18:56 |
Nothing to see here, guys. |
| 01:19:00 |
Just a non-event, seriously, |
| 01:19:05 |
a non-event. |
| 01:19:07 |
You guys can just |
| 01:19:10 |
and we'll be good to go, |
| 01:19:13 |
unless you want to grab |
| 01:19:16 |
go bowling. |
| 01:19:19 |
Yeah, get out of here. |
| 01:19:22 |
You've got stuff to do. |
| 01:19:26 |
Bingo. |
| 01:19:32 |
Hey, Jesse. |
| 01:19:35 |
A man has been shot. |
| 01:19:43 |
Sir, we're losing men out there. |
| 01:19:48 |
- Sound it. |
| 01:19:51 |
Sound the alarm. Sound the alarm. |
| 01:19:58 |
No. No no no no, |
| 01:20:01 |
Come on, come on, come on. |
| 01:20:06 |
That's lockdown, people. |
| 01:20:12 |
Three more hours |
| 01:20:16 |
We'll never get out alive! |
| 01:20:39 |
You guys are over there |
| 01:20:47 |
Quiet! |
| 01:20:59 |
So this is what it's come to, huh? |
| 01:21:03 |
Look at you all. |
| 01:21:05 |
You traitors. |
| 01:21:10 |
I built this school |
| 01:21:16 |
I pounded nails like Jesus. |
| 01:21:20 |
I built stairways for our youth |
| 01:21:22 |
to vibrant and rewarding lives. |
| 01:21:25 |
And this is how you repay me? |
| 01:21:26 |
You're welcome. |
| 01:21:30 |
Now let's stop this donnybrook |
| 01:21:33 |
Lay down your weapons, |
| 01:21:36 |
and we can all break bread |
| 01:21:38 |
or suffer wrath at my hands. |
| 01:21:46 |
My flute! |
| 01:21:48 |
My flute! |
| 01:21:50 |
Stupid. |
| 01:21:55 |
You broke that kid's flute. |
| 01:22:01 |
That kid could play the hell |
| 01:22:04 |
What the fuck is wrong with you? |
| 01:22:06 |
Asshole. |
| 01:22:10 |
Everybody, Billings is right. |
| 01:22:13 |
Let's stop this |
| 01:22:17 |
But I want to tell |
| 01:22:21 |
This morning a little girl came to me |
| 01:22:26 |
Hey there, Adelle. |
| 01:22:28 |
She came to me for help. |
| 01:22:31 |
I saw her as a burden. |
| 01:22:34 |
Yeah. |
| 01:22:35 |
And that sort of thing |
| 01:22:38 |
from me, from the rest of you, |
| 01:22:40 |
and yes, from our principal. |
| 01:22:44 |
Have we forgotten about |
| 01:22:46 |
Miss Geraldine Ferraro, |
| 01:22:49 |
one-time female |
| 01:22:54 |
for America? |
| 01:22:56 |
There's a lesson there, I think. |
| 01:22:58 |
Too many of us have forgotten |
| 01:23:02 |
Too many of us are focused |
| 01:23:04 |
instead of the most important thing... |
| 01:23:07 |
the kids. |
| 01:23:09 |
Don't we want to fight |
| 01:23:12 |
Are we just gonna |
| 01:23:15 |
while other people use fear |
| 01:23:19 |
I say we stand up for the most |
| 01:23:24 |
knowledge. |
| 01:23:26 |
Knowledge? |
| 01:23:29 |
How is knowledge |
| 01:23:32 |
Knowledge is power! |
| 01:23:34 |
Oh, really, little boy? |
| 01:23:37 |
and I shot your dad in the face? |
| 01:23:39 |
Hmm? Where's the power then? |
| 01:23:41 |
Is the quadratic equation |
| 01:23:43 |
No no, I doubt it, |
| 01:23:45 |
because you know what? |
| 01:23:47 |
His brains are splattered |
| 01:23:49 |
who... guess what... I could |
| 01:23:52 |
You can all do your peacenik |
| 01:23:54 |
hippie bullshit dance if you want, |
| 01:23:56 |
but soon you're gonna realize |
| 01:23:59 |
Hey! Get back here! |
| 01:24:02 |
Get back here! |
| 01:24:04 |
Don't slide away from me. |
| 01:24:06 |
Hey, let's rally. |
| 01:24:09 |
Buddy up, come on. |
| 01:24:15 |
Melody. |
| 01:24:17 |
You never supported us, Harper. |
| 01:24:20 |
And you squashed my dreams. |
| 01:24:23 |
I wanted to be a novelist. |
| 01:24:25 |
Oh. |
| 01:24:28 |
Oh, well, that's a novel idea. |
| 01:24:31 |
Why don't you sell some novelties |
| 01:24:39 |
That's not mine. |
| 01:24:43 |
Look, I don't agree with anything |
| 01:24:47 |
but it seems kind of gay |
| 01:24:51 |
I gotta go. |
| 01:25:07 |
You suck, Billings. |
| 01:25:22 |
So now what? |
| 01:25:26 |
What in God's name |
| 01:25:29 |
Chairman Parpadelle. |
| 01:25:31 |
Chairwoman, thank you. |
| 01:25:32 |
Why is everyone standing around? |
| 01:25:36 |
Thank God you're here. |
| 01:25:37 |
Principal Billings has been |
| 01:25:40 |
Stealing? Really? |
| 01:25:42 |
And where is Principal Billings? |
| 01:25:44 |
He went to his office. |
| 01:25:46 |
Like a whiny little bitch! |
| 01:25:48 |
- Okay. |
| 01:25:51 |
Look, Mrs. Parpadelle, |
| 01:25:54 |
ma'am, we know you want |
| 01:25:58 |
but we have shown more spirit |
| 01:26:01 |
than we have in the last |
| 01:26:03 |
Spirit and a dollar |
| 01:26:05 |
a diet Sprite and a smile, son. |
| 01:26:07 |
I've heard what you've said. |
| 01:26:10 |
I'll speak to Principal Billings. |
| 01:26:21 |
Something isn't right. |
| 01:26:23 |
I can feel it. |
| 01:26:25 |
Vice Principal, |
| 01:26:28 |
I know someone who can help. |
| 01:26:37 |
The past is the past, Bartlett. |
| 01:26:40 |
We don't need to put it behind us. |
| 01:26:42 |
It's already there. |
| 01:27:01 |
Go go go. |
| 01:27:03 |
Okay, |
| 01:27:06 |
out of my way. |
| 01:27:07 |
Would you please just step to the...? |
| 01:27:10 |
Out of my way! |
| 01:27:14 |
Who the hell are you guys? |
| 01:27:22 |
I don't understand that move. |
| 01:27:24 |
Aren't you guys on the same team? |
| 01:27:27 |
All right, if you're gonna shock me |
| 01:27:29 |
with the cattle prod, do it now. |
| 01:27:33 |
If not, get out the goddamn way, |
| 01:27:44 |
As of 3:00 this afternoon |
| 01:27:46 |
Geraldine Ferraro Elementary will cease |
| 01:27:50 |
- What? |
| 01:27:52 |
Wait wait wait, |
| 01:27:54 |
you can't do that. |
| 01:27:57 |
I just did. |
| 01:27:59 |
This school will no longer be a cancer |
| 01:28:03 |
I'd watch what you say |
| 01:28:07 |
Slander's a serious crime, Tom. |
| 01:28:09 |
You've already screwed up |
| 01:28:12 |
Don't make a habit of it. |
| 01:28:15 |
Forget about this dump. |
| 01:28:25 |
- $30,000. |
| 01:28:28 |
Harper, dear. |
| 01:28:31 |
it's a bargain to get me |
| 01:28:33 |
Shut that off this instant. |
| 01:28:35 |
- 40 thou. |
| 01:28:37 |
- and I get to see that big hog of yours. |
| 01:28:45 |
Your hands are so rough. |
| 01:28:47 |
Okay, now let me see your vag. |
| 01:28:55 |
Fucking embarrassing. |
| 01:28:57 |
It's gross. |
| 01:29:00 |
We got a deal. |
| 01:29:02 |
That's enough. |
| 01:29:05 |
Yeah, it sure is. |
| 01:29:07 |
You disgust me, Miss Parpadelle. |
| 01:29:10 |
Me too. |
| 01:29:11 |
But you should really get that checked out. |
| 01:29:15 |
That's no way to talk |
| 01:29:19 |
Oh, I don't think you are |
| 01:29:23 |
what to do, Miss Parpadelle. |
| 01:29:25 |
Here's what's gonna happen: |
| 01:29:27 |
You're going back to the board. |
| 01:29:30 |
that we are headed |
| 01:29:33 |
and as of tomorrow we will be |
| 01:29:37 |
You're in |
| 01:29:40 |
- Shut up, Harper. |
| 01:29:43 |
And the tape? |
| 01:29:45 |
You do all that |
| 01:29:47 |
and I'll destroy the tape. |
| 01:29:49 |
I'll take the tape. |
| 01:29:53 |
The failed negotiator |
| 01:29:56 |
Touching. |
| 01:29:57 |
And I'm assuming |
| 01:30:00 |
Actually, no, |
| 01:30:03 |
my miserable excuse |
| 01:30:06 |
No no, I think |
| 01:30:09 |
we need someone |
| 01:30:10 |
someone who is smart, |
| 01:30:13 |
and has just been waiting |
| 01:30:15 |
to stand up |
| 01:30:18 |
someone like you, |
| 01:30:21 |
Me? |
| 01:30:24 |
She's just some drug-addled... |
| 01:30:29 |
Is that all? |
| 01:30:30 |
And show us your vag. |
| 01:30:36 |
Okay, maybe that's... |
| 01:30:38 |
And your butthole! |
| 01:30:40 |
We don't need to see that either. |
| 01:30:41 |
And your titties! |
| 01:30:44 |
I'm so sorry. |
| 01:30:48 |
We don't need to see any of that. |
| 01:30:50 |
- We don't want to see... |
| 01:30:53 |
The school remains open. |
| 01:31:07 |
Everybody shut up. |
| 01:31:10 |
Good on you. |
| 01:31:13 |
Are my eyes closed? |
| 01:31:17 |
Are my eyes closed? |
| 01:31:59 |
There are styrofoam peanuts in this. |
| 01:32:08 |
Shit. |
| 01:32:12 |
I think I'm ready for that beer now. |
| 01:32:15 |
I think I'll buy it for you. |
| 01:32:17 |
Come on, let's get out of here. |
| 01:32:24 |
Putting the handy |
| 01:32:26 |
And breaking word on the story |
| 01:32:29 |
A scandal is unfolding |
| 01:32:32 |
involving millions of dollars |
| 01:32:35 |
Police raided Principal Harper Billings's |
| 01:32:38 |
Students and faculty |
| 01:32:40 |
in their fight to save the school |
| 01:32:42 |
and they celebrated with a dance |
| 01:32:45 |
- One... |
| 01:32:48 |
Three! |
| 01:32:55 |
Hey. |
| 01:33:02 |
You were really great out there, Frankie. |
| 01:33:05 |
I know, |
| 01:33:07 |
but that's how you separate a man |
| 01:33:08 |
from a second-grader, right? |
| 01:33:10 |
I have no idea, but it turns me on. |
| 01:33:14 |
Say it slower, girl. |
| 01:33:30 |
Hello, Nurse Gretchen. |
| 01:33:32 |
Hi, Mr. Abernathy. |
| 01:33:34 |
May I have this dance? |
| 01:33:39 |
Sure. |
| 01:33:41 |
Oh, shit. Fuck, yes. |
| 01:33:43 |
Oh. Oh, fuck me, yes. |
| 01:33:45 |
I thought you'd be totally |
| 01:33:47 |
creeped out by me now, so I wasn't sure. |
| 01:33:49 |
Yeah, well, Turner, |
| 01:33:51 |
you are intense, |
| 01:33:53 |
but you've got a lot of heart |
| 01:33:56 |
and your students really love you. |
| 01:33:58 |
I also love my turtles. |
| 01:34:00 |
I know. |
| 01:34:01 |
I love my turtles so much. |
| 01:34:03 |
Okay, why don't we slow it up a bit, |
| 01:34:05 |
take it one step at a time? |
| 01:34:08 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:34:09 |
Whew. |
| 01:34:12 |
Um... |
| 01:34:17 |
Oh. Okay. |
| 01:34:20 |
There. |
| 01:36:55 |
How many years |
| 01:36:57 |
What? |
| 01:36:59 |
God damn it. |
