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Marley Me en
00:00:36	[Dog Yips, Pants]
00:00:41	[Man Narrating]
00:00:43	of raising your first dog.
00:00:46	Simple joy of walking side by side
00:00:50	throwin' a stick.
00:00:52	Spending some quiet time-
00:01:02	Of course, that wasn't my experience.
00:01:05	- That kid's not even me.
00:01:12	That's me, and that crazy
00:01:16	- the world's worst dog-
00:01:19	- Or so I thought.
00:01:21	But our story begins
00:01:23	Four years before,
00:01:26	which also happened to be the day
00:01:30	in the history of southern Michigan.
00:01:32	Same day our car broke down.
00:01:35	[Whispering]
00:01:39	Ohh!
00:01:41	Wow. So, what do you think-
00:01:43	What do you think that means-
00:01:46	Is that good luck?
00:01:48	I think- I think it's good luck.
00:01:52	- How did I get you?
00:01:55	No, honestly. How did I-
00:01:59	Well, you know...
00:02:02	I get asked that question all the time.
00:02:04	- [Chuckles]
00:02:07	Are you kidding, honey?
00:02:09	You're part of the plan.
00:02:11	- The plan?
00:02:15	Meet an incredibly sweet,
00:02:21	Done. Step two?
00:02:23	- Marry you instead.
00:02:26	Oh, now-And step three-
00:02:29	- No, I don't think I can take any more steps.
00:02:32	- Yeah. What's step three?
00:02:34	- Be gentle.
00:02:37	[Whispering]
00:03:02	Shiny, happy people laughing
00:03:10	Meet me in the crowd
00:03:14	People, people
00:03:18	Throw your love around
00:03:21	Love me, love me
00:03:26	Take it into town
00:03:29	Happy, happy
00:03:33	Put it in the ground
00:03:36	Where the flowers grow
00:03:43	Gold and silver shine
00:03:52	Shiny, happy people
00:03:56	Shiny, happy people
00:03:59	- Thank you.
00:04:02	- Oh, yeah. I got it.
00:04:06	- I'm John Grogan?
00:04:09	who's about to get
00:04:11	for a major metropolitan newspaper.
00:04:15	- Mmm. Mmm.
00:04:18	- You have to. No, baby.
00:04:20	Come on, get out of the car. Get out.
00:04:24	- Now, who am I again?
00:04:28	[Man]
00:04:31	Mitchie. I have a Mitchie.
00:04:34	It's like a Pulitzer,
00:04:37	A Mitchie.
00:04:39	So, tell me-What made you
00:04:42	Kalamazoo Gazette?
00:04:45	Well, as you know, Sebastian
00:04:48	And he w- He was-
00:04:51	He was always saying
00:04:54	and that maybe my wife and I might enjoy it
00:04:58	- Are you a comedian too?
00:05:01	Like your friend over here.
00:05:03	- No.
00:05:07	It's a good thing he knows how to write.
00:05:09	So your wife is Jenny Havens?
00:05:12	Yes. Jenny Grogan-
00:05:15	- She get the job at the Post?
00:05:19	- Why didn't they want you over there?
00:05:22	Jenny's more of a feature writer...
00:05:24	and I'm more of
00:05:26	- I thought this would be a better fit for that.
00:05:28	than the six journalism school graduates
00:05:32	I don't know if I'm better. I-
00:05:34	What I do know is that I have
00:05:37	Ten years ago I was doing bong hits
00:05:41	I never dreamed
00:05:44	and I graduated with honors.
00:05:46	And I never thought I'd get a job
00:05:49	And I certainly never thought
00:05:51	like Jenny Havens
00:05:58	- So?
00:06:01	- [Groans]
00:06:03	- I'm sorry, honey.
00:06:06	they like to call Desert Storm.
00:06:08	- You got the job?
00:06:10	You got the job, baby! Ooh!
00:06:13	John Grogan, I knew it!
00:06:15	I just knew it! Okay, Look.
00:06:17	Watch this. Look.
00:06:19	"Job. Done."
00:06:21	- Okay, so what's next? Lunch?
00:06:24	- House.
00:06:45	[Man On TV]... planes that can
00:06:48	of Iraqi ships and other targets.
00:06:51	Did- Did you get to the quote
00:06:54	- "'If they save even one life"'-
00:06:58	And with that, Jan Dickerson's eyes
00:07:01	- Filled with tears. [Chuckles]
00:07:03	- Or is it too corny?
00:07:05	Is it a little over the top?
00:07:08	Hey, honey, what happened
00:07:11	- That's it. The injured girl's dad's in Kuwait.
00:07:15	- Is that not in there?
00:07:17	Uh-uh. I think they cut that.
00:07:20	They-They spelled your name wrong.
00:07:22	- "John Gorgon."
00:07:26	- Forget it.
00:07:27	Forget it. You know what?
00:07:29	It's got the facts.
00:07:31	- It's a really solid piece.
00:07:34	Well, I mean, I tried to breathe
00:07:37	- Yes.
00:07:41	This idea of voting machines
00:07:44	Well, when you get
00:07:46	- that I talk about what could happen.
00:07:50	- It continues.
00:07:55	But actually, the rest of it...
00:07:57	is really just okay.
00:07:59	- It's actually kind of boring.
00:08:01	- I'm enjoying this.
00:08:05	Wow. They really gave you
00:08:11	Oh, damn. Killed another one.
00:08:14	How am I ever supposed to take care of
00:08:19	- [Elevator Bell Dings]
00:08:21	You bought a house-
00:08:24	What's the matter with a spare room?
00:08:26	It's empty, John, that's what's wrong
00:08:29	[Together]
00:08:31	- I'm just worried that Jenny's at, like, step seven.
00:08:33	She's got her whole life
00:08:36	- according to these steps.
00:08:38	[Mutters] Unbelievable.
00:08:42	- [Groans]
00:08:44	- A parakeet or something?
00:08:48	You got a kid, you're a dad.
00:08:50	- You got a dog, you're a-
00:08:54	- You're still a guy.
00:08:56	- Exactly.
00:08:58	Yeah, but you've stopped
00:09:00	- I've never had a dog.
00:09:03	You walk 'em. You let 'em out
00:09:05	But it doesn't really matter. You're not
00:09:09	- [Editor] Sebastian!
00:09:10	Your travel's been approved.
00:09:13	- Where you goin'?
00:09:15	I got a guy down there says he can
00:09:20	I'm doin' a piece-
00:09:22	I follow a single coca leaf from
00:09:25	That sounds like a good idea.
00:09:28	- Gorman!
00:09:31	Groden. There's a fire
00:09:34	- Methane leak.
00:09:37	Yeah. I want two paragraphs
00:09:41	[Whispering] Methane. Woodward
00:09:47	What kind of dog?
00:09:49	- You remember Caroline?
00:09:52	She was a nursery school teacher.
00:09:54	Anyway, she had
00:09:58	It was a Labradoodle.
00:10:00	Labradoodle? You mean a Labrador.
00:10:03	All right. Get her a Labrador.
00:10:06	Supposed to be just like kids,
00:10:09	Labradoodle? Come on.
00:10:13	[Barking]
00:10:20	This does not smell like an I HOP.
00:10:22	I know. We got a little surprise first.
00:10:25	- Here we go. Now, I want you
00:10:29	- Come on.
00:10:31	- [Muttering]
00:10:33	- You Grogan?
00:10:35	- Expected you an hour ago.
00:10:38	Okay, step up. Sorry.
00:10:40	- Sorry about the mess-
00:10:42	- And the noise and the smell.
00:10:46	Come on.
00:10:48	- Can I look?
00:10:50	- Okay. Okay. Ready?
00:10:52	One, two, three. Go.
00:10:56	[Jenny]
00:10:58	God, they're adorable.
00:11:02	Oh, my- My birthday's
00:11:04	[Woman] That's okay. They can't leave
00:11:07	[Yipping]
00:11:09	- We didn't discuss this.
00:11:13	- [Jenny] Hi, guys.
00:11:16	Family that gave her up didn't
00:11:19	- Are you sure we're ready for this?
00:11:22	you gotta wait three weeks for them to
00:11:25	- I'm not even gonna be here.
00:11:27	- I'll be in Gainesville, covering that trial.
00:11:30	That's okay. It'll give me
00:11:32	- and get a head start on training 'em-
00:11:34	- Get 'em squared away before you get home.
00:11:37	- Well, how are we gonna pick one?
00:11:39	Boys are 275.
00:11:42	Except for that little guy there.
00:11:47	This one? You're so sweet.
00:11:51	- Hello, puppy.
00:11:53	Clearance Puppy likes you.
00:11:56	- Well, that's your guy.
00:11:59	I was gonna pick you anyway.
00:12:01	Don't tell anybody.
00:12:07	- [Brakes Squeal]
00:12:11	- Really wish I didn't have to go.
00:12:13	It's gonna be great.
00:12:16	- Honestly, I'm jealous.
00:12:18	Tax evasion? That's what
00:12:20	Well, it's sexier than speed bumps.
00:12:22	- Okay, you call me the minute you get him home.
00:12:24	- We also have to come up with a name for him.
00:12:28	I'll just call him Clearance Puppy
00:12:30	- Are you gonna be okay?
00:12:33	- I am.
00:12:35	- I know.
00:12:37	- Thank you. I love you. Bye.
00:12:44	How ya doin' there, buddy?
00:12:47	Kind of a big day for you.
00:12:50	Let's listen to the radio.
00:12:53	Awkward silences.
00:12:56	- One love
00:13:00	- Let's get together and
00:13:04	- Feel all right
00:13:08	When you got older.
00:13:10	- The children cryin'
00:13:12	- Sayin' give thanks and praise
00:13:14	That has a nice ring to it.
00:13:16	- Feel all right
00:13:18	It's better if you ride shotgun.
00:13:21	- Because we don't wanna have a car crash-
00:13:24	our first real day together.
00:13:26	Let them all pass all their
00:13:29	Dirty remarks
00:13:31	- Okay, come here. Come here.
00:13:34	It's a big day. You can ride over here.
00:13:37	Maybe it's okay today.
00:13:39	[Police Radio Chatter]
00:13:42	We get pulled over, we explain-
00:13:44	We explain what
00:13:47	To save his own beliefs
00:13:51	- One love-
00:13:53	[Indistinct Conversations]
00:13:55	- What happened?
00:13:58	Again? Good thing I got a watchdog.
00:14:01	Hey, buddy. He's got some teeth.
00:14:04	Oh, yeah.
00:14:06	I'll get him some water.
00:14:08	You're not gonna keep him
00:14:10	I'm gonna keep him in the garage
00:14:13	- Hmm.
00:14:18	No, no, no, no.
00:14:20	You've had enough food, Marley.
00:14:23	You had half a seat belt in the car.
00:14:28	Huh. H-How are you still eating?
00:14:36	I don't understand where
00:14:39	Here's the little box where
00:14:44	Pretty cozy.
00:14:46	- All right. Good night.
00:14:51	You're gonna be okay.
00:14:53	I'm just right inside.
00:14:56	Sleep tight.
00:14:58	[Door Shuts]
00:15:01	[Marley Squealing]
00:15:10	[Squealing Continues]
00:15:13	[Barking, Howling]
00:15:24	[Barking, Howling Continue]
00:15:26	All right.
00:15:30	Come on, Marley.
00:15:32	You're killin' me, you know that?
00:15:37	[Lapping]
00:15:45	[Exhales, Groans]
00:15:50	Oh, we got some cleanin' up
00:15:56	All right.
00:15:57	I'm off to the airport...
00:15:59	and you're gonna ride out
00:16:03	[Thunderclap]
00:16:05	It's just a little thunder.
00:16:12	- [Whining]
00:16:18	[Barking, Squealing]
00:16:26	[Clattering]
00:16:35	- [Grunting] Get in. Here.
00:16:38	- Oh!
00:16:41	- Hi.
00:16:43	- How's my puppy?
00:16:45	A little tired, but trying to stay dry.
00:16:48	- [Chuckles] No, really. How is he?
00:17:01	[Marley Yapping, Squealing]
00:17:05	Do you hear that?
00:17:16	Oh, my God.
00:17:18	Oh, my God. Look at this!
00:17:20	- [Gasps]
00:17:23	- How long did you leave him?
00:17:25	Tops. Did he eat the drywall?
00:17:29	- Oh, that's not right.
00:17:31	That's one little dog did that.
00:17:33	Oh, honey, you're shaking.
00:17:36	- Does thunder scare you, mister?
00:17:39	Oh, ho. Sweet boy.
00:17:42	Oh, look at us.
00:17:46	So I'm in this cave and-
00:17:50	There's, like, nine of them around me.
00:17:52	- What, like AK-47 s?
00:17:55	- And then Escobar comes in and says-
00:17:57	El Padrino-Yeah. He says,
00:18:02	and I think you captured
00:18:06	- Can you believe that?
00:18:09	Man, I wish you
00:18:11	But then who's gonna cover the power
00:18:14	Oh, it's been just crazy.
00:18:17	- Your time will come, amigo.
00:18:21	- That was crazy. Oh, my God.
00:18:24	- Oh, my God!
00:18:26	- Hey.
00:18:28	- Hey, little Marley.
00:18:30	Of course. Here you go.
00:18:31	- He's so cute.
00:18:34	- [Clears Throat]
00:18:38	Sebastian. Viviana.
00:18:40	- Hi. I'm Shannon.
00:18:43	- He's adorable.
00:18:47	- Yeah, it's certainly working for me.
00:18:50	You're so cute. Yes, you are.
00:18:52	I can't let you have the puppy, but
00:18:56	- I'm easy.
00:18:58	And I do tricks.
00:19:00	- [Cooing]
00:19:04	Marley! Marley!
00:19:06	- [Woman] Come back, puppy.
00:19:16	Marley!
00:19:18	Marley. Marley!
00:19:27	- Marley!
00:19:37	- Got him. Thanks.
00:19:40	It's our first week together,
00:19:43	You really shouldn't bring a dog
00:19:47	Okay, can I get the dog back?
00:19:49	Never let him off leash
00:19:51	- Okay.
00:19:53	- where dogs aren't banned.
00:19:55	Cops see anybody peeing or pooping
00:19:58	- [Chuckling]
00:20:03	I'm just very immature.
00:20:05	Calvin!
00:20:09	See? Aren't you glad
00:20:12	See how easy you got it?
00:20:17	[Jenny]
00:20:19	Marley. Marley.
00:20:22	Honey, the dog's got my-
00:20:24	[John]
00:20:27	Marley, you can't go
00:20:33	We're rockin' the suburbs
00:20:36	Around the block
00:20:39	We're rockin' the suburbs
00:20:41	- We part the shades and face some facts
00:20:44	- You too.
00:20:45	- [Barks]
00:20:49	It just seems like
00:20:52	- Like, I don't understand why you thought of me.
00:20:55	Yeah, but I'm a reporter.
00:20:57	John, you get better pay...
00:20:59	you can pick your own hours
00:21:02	- Why are you hesitating?
00:21:05	No, you're hesitating. I'm offering you
00:21:09	I never saw myself as a columnist.
00:21:11	Well, think of it as one of those times
00:21:14	- Okay.
00:21:17	till I get a replacement for Jerry.
00:21:19	Then you can go back to doing
00:21:22	- What were you doing?
00:21:26	- Are you okay with this?
00:21:28	- You don't seem very thrilled.
00:21:30	- We could take away the raise in pay if you like.
00:21:34	All right. Now you're talking.
00:21:37	Oh! Marley. I think
00:21:40	God. He doesn't even heel.
00:21:43	He doesn't walk.
00:21:46	Marley- God.
00:21:48	Marley, stop.
00:21:52	I had to pull him
00:21:54	- Poodles?
00:21:57	I say we give him away to a farm.
00:21:59	Isn't that usually what you do
00:22:03	Well, usually you-
00:22:06	Or you train 'em.
00:22:09	What are you doing?
00:22:12	Arnie gave me a column.
00:22:14	Are you kidding?
00:22:17	Oh, yeah. It's a big honor.
00:22:19	I get to write about zoning laws...
00:22:21	and give my opinion on yard sales.
00:22:23	Whoa. Down, boy.
00:22:26	Well, no, it's just, I don't even read
00:22:30	Now I'm supposed to, you know,
00:22:34	And you got nothin' for Tuesday.
00:22:37	No. I got nothin' for Tuesday.
00:22:39	I bet you're gonna
00:22:43	Now, see, this gives me a little
00:22:47	It's more like-
00:22:48	Look at Marley.
00:22:51	Marley, stop.
00:22:54	Marley, you're incorrigible.
00:22:56	Incorrigible? I don't believe in that word.
00:22:58	Every dog wants to learn.
00:23:00	Hey, come here, baby.
00:23:03	Yes, you're a good girl.
00:23:05	Yes, you are.
00:23:07	'Course, they can't learn
00:23:10	Yeah. Well, I'm pretty
00:23:13	- Marley-
00:23:16	So which of you is gonna be the trainer?
00:23:19	Well, we both thought we would, 'cause
00:23:22	- We're married too. Yeah.
00:23:25	A dog can only have one master.
00:23:27	Which one of you has the most natural
00:23:32	Well, maybe I'll stand
00:23:34	I thought so. Shall we?
00:23:38	- Geez!
00:23:42	Sit. Sit.
00:23:44	- [Whistling]
00:23:46	Okay. Marley- Marley, sit.
00:23:49	This, class, is a classic example of a dog...
00:23:53	who has foolishly been
00:23:56	he is the alpha male of the pack...
00:23:59	and therefore, he can never be a happy animal.
00:24:02	Yeah. He looks pretty miserable.
00:24:05	You, joker, rotate in.
00:24:09	And lose the sunglasses.
00:24:11	Dog likes to be
00:24:13	- Jawohl.
00:24:16	- Okay.
00:24:17	- Yeah.
00:24:18	So. Collar your dogs.
00:24:22	[Woman]
00:24:26	All right, dogs on the left.
00:24:28	On the count of three.
00:24:31	One, two, three. Let's go.
00:24:36	- Very nice. Very good.
00:24:40	- Good.
00:24:42	- Hey!
00:24:44	- Whoa!
00:24:47	All right. All right, class.
00:24:49	Come on. Let's line up again.
00:24:51	Class, it's a simple question
00:24:54	in your own authority.
00:24:56	I shall now demonstrate a simple walk.
00:24:59	- All right?
00:25:02	Mr. Grogan?
00:25:04	- Sorry.
00:25:06	All right, even an unruly dog...
00:25:08	likes to obey his leader.
00:25:11	Marley, heel.
00:25:17	- Yeah.
00:25:18	Marley. Marley!
00:25:21	- [Marley Barking]
00:25:26	Marley.
00:25:34	Careful. Marley, no!
00:25:36	- Marley!
00:25:40	[Groaning]
00:25:43	Aaah! That's it. He is out.
00:25:46	Sorry. Usually he does this with poodles.
00:25:49	That dog is a bad influence on the others.
00:25:53	Now, leg humping is like a virus.
00:25:55	Once it takes hold of the group- No.
00:25:58	- [John] Okay.
00:26:01	It was maybe your hair.
00:26:04	- Reminded him of a poodle.
00:26:09	Right from the beginning
00:26:12	- I know. She really did.
00:26:15	That's why he got kicked out.
00:26:17	You are now the world's worst dog.
00:26:20	You've been kicked out
00:26:22	You know, there is
00:26:25	No, I know. We just-We get a-
00:26:30	No. No, no, no, no, no.
00:26:37	[John]
00:26:39	You'll see. Sex is overrated.
00:26:43	Aw, I can't tell you that,
00:26:47	Poor son of a bitch.
00:26:49	Okay. You wanna come up?
00:26:53	- Marley!
00:26:55	Oh, gosh. It's like he's
00:26:59	I mean, that's what
00:27:01	- He doesn't know what's coming.
00:27:05	- Oh, no, no, no. That makes me nervous.
00:27:08	He's just getting a little air.
00:27:14	- It's like Of Mice and Men.
00:27:17	- No, Marley-
00:27:21	- Oh, my God.
00:27:23	- [Squeaks]
00:27:26	- Pull over.
00:27:29	- Honey, pull over.
00:27:32	[Horns Honking]
00:27:35	- Pull over!
00:27:40	- Jesus.
00:27:44	Hey, get a leash.
00:27:45	- Shut up.
00:27:49	- [Horns Honking]
00:27:58	This is a rough draft, 'cause I'd like
00:28:05	You know, the beginning,
00:28:07	I think we can maybe lose that,
00:28:13	I just reread it, and I didn't think
00:28:16	- I'm gonna go back and do the zoning piece.
00:28:18	What are you apologizing for?
00:28:21	- Really?
00:28:24	The-The getting kicked out
00:28:27	the humping, the great escape-
00:28:29	That's really funny stuff.
00:28:31	It's hysterical stuff.
00:28:33	Run it- the way it is.
00:28:37	Thanks.
00:28:39	Listen. You know what makes it work?
00:28:42	What makes it work is that
00:28:46	- Good.
00:28:49	but could you do
00:28:51	- Sure.
00:28:53	- Okay, great.
00:28:56	Sooner or later,
00:28:59	Hey, good to know.
00:29:23	[John Narrating]
00:29:25	Went for a walk
00:29:27	Took an airboat ride. Wrote a column
00:29:30	Planted an orange tree
00:29:32	Threw sticks for Marley in the park.
00:29:34	Watched him steal some guy's Frisbee.
00:29:38	Gave Marley a bath.
00:29:40	Hoped for inspiration
00:29:42	Got a new shirt.
00:29:45	Got the same old paycheck.
00:29:47	Met his new girlfriend Sasha.
00:29:50	Watched models posing in the surf.
00:29:52	Wrote a column about
00:29:54	Interviewed Gloria and Emilio Estefan
00:29:57	Introduced them to Jenny,
00:29:59	Went shopping at the mall.
00:30:02	Slept like a baby.
00:30:04	Hid the evidence from Jenny.
00:30:08	Helped Jenny make dinner. Overcooked
00:30:11	Proofread Jenny's column.
00:30:14	Went running with Marley
00:30:16	Didn't see him chew through the leash.
00:30:19	Had to call Jenny for a ride.
00:30:21	Wrote a column about gas prices.
00:30:24	Found one tiny orange on our tree.
00:30:27	Found my first gray hair. Found Jenny's
00:30:31	Rescued our new mailman from Marley.
00:30:35	Invited my parents to visit. Took them out
00:30:39	Got into a fight with Dad over the check.
00:30:41	Got into a fight with Jenny
00:30:43	Drove my parents to the airport.
00:30:45	Listened to them complain
00:30:47	Tracked a hurricane
00:30:49	Hid in the bathroom during the hurricane.
00:30:52	Wrote a column about looters.
00:30:55	Wrote a column about the beauty
00:30:57	Watched Marley dig
00:30:59	Spent Christmas with Jen's sister
00:31:03	Left Marley at their house to go to Disney
00:31:06	Saw Jen light up
00:31:08	Got a flat driving home.
00:31:11	Wrote a column about toll booths.
00:31:15	Tied Marley to the table.
00:31:18	- [Clamoring]
00:31:20	Chased Marley and the table.
00:31:23	Wrote a column about Marley
00:31:25	Tried to write a column about
00:31:28	Picked oranges from our tree.
00:31:30	Drove down to Miami for
00:31:34	Brought Marley, who turned out
00:31:36	Tried to stop him from chasing
00:31:39	Tried to stop him from chasing
00:31:41	Wrote a column about the ball game.
00:31:44	Met his new girlfriend.
00:31:46	Went snorkeling with them.
00:31:48	Went to the emergency room.
00:31:51	Went to an Easter egg hunt at Jenny's
00:31:55	Met a doctor who does
00:31:58	Wrote a column about nannies in Boca.
00:32:02	Wrote a column
00:32:04	Came home to find Jenny
00:32:10	Tried to think of reasons
00:32:14	Nada.
00:32:19	Why don't you just
00:32:21	Because although I love him,
00:32:24	Honey, it's been two years.
00:32:26	I know, 'cause I never
00:32:28	We're not gonna be the guys who get
00:32:31	Nope.
00:32:33	Okay. So what's next?
00:32:37	Um, ice cream?
00:32:39	No. I mean on your list.
00:32:41	- My list?
00:32:43	Your little play list that you had when
00:32:46	- It was basically my marching orders.
00:32:48	Your plan. I wanna know
00:32:52	- You really wanna know?
00:32:55	- Well, it's a toss-up between the new roof-
00:33:01	And, uh- and a baby.
00:33:05	[Exhales]
00:33:11	I could live with a few leaks.
00:33:14	- Really?
00:33:17	But you know, a couple leaks
00:33:20	and then that big leak becomes
00:33:23	- That's true.
00:33:26	- before we start-
00:33:29	If we fix too many more things, then
00:33:32	John, are you serious?
00:33:35	Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
00:33:38	- You realize we're not talking
00:33:40	I got that. About halfway
00:33:43	Good metaphor though.
00:33:45	And you're not just saying this 'cause
00:33:49	Honey, come on. I mean,
00:33:51	that's collateral damage
00:33:54	I mean, I'm ready... if you are.
00:33:57	Well, instead of trying
00:33:59	why don't just stop
00:34:04	- Okay, if I'm following you
00:34:07	This is the part-We head back,
00:34:10	Yes, but you'll- It'll have a little
00:34:13	- Yeah, we'll get some candles,
00:34:17	[Sade Playing]
00:34:23	- Honey?
00:34:25	- Did you have kibble today?
00:34:27	Marley, come on. Marley, go.
00:34:29	Honey, he's a dog.
00:34:31	No, no, trust me. He knows,
00:34:34	- Go on, Marley. You have to go.
00:34:37	- Okay. All right.
00:34:44	Good. Good. It's even better
00:34:47	- Thank you.
00:34:49	I like that piece you did
00:34:53	- What'd you call her?
00:34:55	- Is that true- She had her boobs done four times?
00:34:58	Hysterical. And is that true
00:35:02	- You're trying to have a kid?
00:35:05	- 'cause we don't wanna-
00:35:07	- What do you mean?
00:35:10	- Yeah.
00:35:12	- Yeah.
00:35:14	Congratulations. Good work.
00:35:17	"Not trying" trying?
00:35:19	Oh, yeah. 'Course, you'd know that
00:35:22	Hey, all due respect, but does
00:35:25	Come on. I bring Marley out here
00:35:28	on these poor girls,
00:35:31	- How long you been at it?
00:35:34	- What changed your mind?
00:35:37	I'm actually married to someone...
00:35:39	and I care about what she wants.
00:35:42	Well, is it what you want?
00:35:44	Yeah.
00:35:46	- I guess that answers my other question.
00:35:50	I'm about to do a piece
00:35:52	of the domestic drug trade
00:35:54	- You're freelancing for the New York Times?
00:35:57	Yeah, but it's a big story.
00:35:59	Too big for one guy and, uh, I was
00:36:04	Are you kidding me?
00:36:06	- Be a chance for us to work together.
00:36:10	Of course, it will be
00:36:12	I would hope so.
00:36:15	Maybe not the best job for, uh,
00:36:18	Well, that's not necessarily
00:36:23	- [Phone Rings]
00:36:27	- Honey, how are you?
00:36:29	I'm just calling to let you know that
00:36:33	Why don't the two of you get started,
00:36:37	[Chuckling]
00:36:40	But seriously,
00:36:42	[Door Opens]
00:36:46	Hey. We're home.
00:36:49	[Jenny]
00:36:52	You know the baby thing? I've been
00:36:58	You know? Obviously it's not working,
00:37:03	of saying now's
00:37:07	I mean, maybe it's a sign that we're
00:37:12	- I mean, have we really thought this-
00:37:15	I'm pregnant.
00:37:18	- Great.
00:37:20	Wow. Great. Really?
00:37:24	- Yeah.
00:37:25	You were-You were just saying-
00:37:27	No, don't worry.
00:37:29	It sounds so awkward now,
00:37:31	very, you know, idiotic
00:37:35	and I'm really excited.
00:37:37	- Do you want to start over?
00:37:39	- That would be great. Can we?
00:37:41	Good.
00:37:45	- I'm pregnant.
00:37:50	- Yes! [Laughs]
00:37:52	Listen. Don't make
00:37:54	- What?
00:37:57	- where her ankles are gonna swell up.
00:38:01	- She's gonna have blotches all over her face.
00:38:03	She'll be 40 pounds overweight.
00:38:05	- She'll be throwing up all the time.
00:38:08	She's gonna look at you
00:38:10	"You bastard. You did this to me."
00:38:12	What-What happened to the glow?
00:38:15	There's no glow. Get her a gift.
00:38:18	That'll dissipate some of the anger.
00:38:20	Uh, earrings, uh, bracelet-
00:38:22	That's thoughtful.
00:38:24	- Maybe I'll get on it right now.
00:38:28	- All right.
00:38:31	Oh, John.
00:38:34	It's just beautiful.
00:38:36	It's just... beautiful.
00:38:39	Honey, thank you.
00:38:41	You're welcome. I was just
00:38:44	- Yeah?
00:38:46	- "I'm getting this."
00:38:48	- Yeah, well- Do you like it?
00:38:51	Yeah, well, put it on. Or let me put it on.
00:38:54	- Where'd it go?
00:38:56	- You just set it down, I thought.
00:38:58	- Did you drop it?
00:39:00	It didn't just disappear.
00:39:02	Oh, God.
00:39:06	- Marley. No- Marley, spit it out.
00:39:09	[Whispering]
00:39:11	Marley, I have a treat.
00:39:13	Come here.
00:39:16	Stay. Marley, stay.
00:39:19	Good boy. Yeah.
00:39:25	- [Rattles]
00:39:32	Marley!
00:39:34	Come here, Marley.
00:39:38	Geez.
00:39:44	- Marley, drop it.
00:39:46	- Marley.
00:39:53	Marley, you gotta
00:39:57	You know, years ago,
00:40:00	somehow standing in the backyard...
00:40:02	hosing down your crap, looking
00:40:06	ass-kissing gift
00:40:10	Which shows you gotta dream big...
00:40:12	'cause- Oh. Jackpot.
00:40:14	My, that's a lovely necklace. So shiny.
00:40:19	- Yes, it is.
00:40:23	I read your columns every week.
00:40:25	- Oh.
00:40:28	- [Laughs]
00:40:31	The heartbeat'll be very fast-
00:40:34	Is it- Is it too early
00:40:36	I- Not that I care.
00:40:38	Can be male, female-
00:40:42	- [Laughs]
00:40:44	- if I had my druthers, but-
00:40:50	Sometimes you can't hear it, depending
00:40:52	- You're 10 weeks, right?
00:40:55	Hmm. Well, might be
00:40:58	Let's go right to the sonogram.
00:41:01	- Oh, yes.
00:41:04	- That's warm.
00:41:06	- Let's get a good picture for you first, huh?
00:41:09	It'll be right up
00:41:19	Excuse me. I'll be just a minute.
00:41:22	[Door Opens]
00:41:30	[Door Opens]
00:41:32	- Hey, guys.
00:41:34	Let's take a look
00:41:39	All right.
00:41:43	[Typing]
00:41:48	Is there anything in there?
00:41:53	Not what you would expect
00:41:56	I'm not- I'm not quite 10 weeks.
00:41:58	At Monday it's still,
00:42:01	Nine weeks.
00:42:04	There's no heartbeat, Jen.
00:42:09	I'm very, very sorry.
00:42:12	These things-They happen sometimes.
00:42:16	You're young. You have your health.
00:42:18	Couple months,
00:42:20	I'm sorry. All right, I'm gonna-
00:42:23	I'll leave you guys alone for a moment
00:42:26	I'm very sorry.
00:42:30	[Door Opens]
00:42:35	[Door Closes]
00:42:49	Well, in a couple months
00:43:18	You want some tea?
00:43:23	You know what I was thinking-
00:43:27	We still have those tickets
00:43:29	for the honeymoon in Ireland.
00:43:32	We could finally do that.
00:43:38	Jenny?
00:43:47	[Sniffles]
00:43:51	[Weeping]
00:44:19	[Barking]
00:44:23	- Oh, he's... big.
00:44:27	- Now, he just wants to say hello here.
00:44:30	- He loves people.
00:44:32	And you're a dog person, right?
00:44:34	- Actually, I'm-
00:44:37	- Go on, you can say hello.
00:44:38	No, no, don't let him do that.
00:44:40	All you have to do is-
00:44:42	That shouldn't happen all the time.
00:44:44	But here, read this. This'll tell you
00:44:48	- I've got the bags here.
00:44:50	- Thank you. Come on, honey.
00:44:53	- I got it.
00:44:55	- [Jenny] Honey, we're really late.
00:44:57	[Jenny Narrating]
00:44:59	Marley is a spirited dog
00:45:03	We've never left him before,
00:45:05	just as he does when we're at home.
00:45:11	There are just a few things about
00:45:14	- [Barking]
00:45:17	If he looks starved, feed him again.
00:45:21	Now, of course, all of this food
00:45:24	so use the blue pooper scooper,
00:45:28	Don't worry about the color.
00:45:31	Marley is not allowed
00:45:34	so be sure to keep the lid closed...
00:45:36	- and the brick on the lid.
00:45:38	You know, actually,
00:45:40	to just keep the bathroom door
00:45:42	Like most dogs, Marley
00:45:45	so try to take him for a walk or a run
00:45:50	- Marley, let go!
00:45:52	Let go. Let go. Let go.
00:45:55	And be sure to lock the doors
00:45:58	Shoo! Shoo!
00:46:00	But don't worry.
00:46:02	- [Thunder Rumbling]
00:46:04	You can rest easy at night
00:46:07	Thunderstorms are his weak point.
00:46:10	You can give him sedatives
00:46:12	Okay. Here you go. Marley.
00:46:16	He doesn't like them, so push them
00:46:19	Welcome. Welcome.
00:46:23	Now finally, we do not allow Marley
00:46:27	chew on anything except his toys.
00:46:31	Other than that, enjoy him.
00:46:35	We serve tea every day at 4:00,
00:46:40	Oh, and these blankets are woolen.
00:46:44	- So-So they're electric?
00:46:47	My brother died in a fire,
00:46:51	In this room, actually.
00:46:55	Oh, not to worry.
00:46:57	Well, good night to ya both.
00:47:00	- And God bless you.
00:47:02	Thank you. You- Bless you.
00:47:08	- That was just weird.
00:47:12	[Squeaking]
00:47:15	Oh, gosh.
00:47:16	Honey, I- I know that we
00:47:21	But I don't think we're breaking
00:47:25	No, no. I don't-
00:47:27	I don't want to break
00:47:29	This doesn't feel-
00:47:31	you know, handle God watching,
00:47:36	But not- not this little
00:47:40	[Whispering]
00:47:43	- Honey, I can't feel my toes.
00:47:46	I wanna check on that.
00:47:49	[Chuckles]
00:47:51	- [Springs Squeaking]
00:47:53	It's not the bed. It's the shrieks
00:47:58	[Chuckles]
00:48:01	Don't you want to join them?
00:48:05	Really?
00:48:07	Mm-hmm.
00:48:10	We don't have to.
00:48:12	I know, but the idea that it hasn't
00:48:16	[Inhales]
00:48:23	Honey, I missed you.
00:48:29	[Springs Squeaking]
00:48:36	[Marley Barking]
00:48:43	[Barking Continues]
00:48:48	[Whining, Panting]
00:48:51	Marley! Hi, honey.
00:48:53	- Marley.
00:48:55	Come here.
00:48:57	- We missed you so much.
00:48:59	There were 11 thunderstorms
00:49:01	Eleven. And you were right.
00:49:05	Wow. Okay. Yeah. Eleven.
00:49:08	Oh, and just so you know, I am
00:49:11	That is evil with a dog face that is
00:49:15	- Marley.
00:49:19	- [Barks]
00:49:21	[Barking, Howling]
00:49:25	Marley, come on.
00:49:33	Marley, come on.
00:49:38	Marley, come on.
00:49:40	- [Whining]
00:49:41	Can you help me out here?
00:49:44	I got 20 minutes
00:49:48	Jenny?
00:49:50	- Ah, the luck of the Irish.
00:49:53	[Both Laughing]
00:50:44	[Jenny]
00:50:59	[Inhales]
00:51:01	[Inhaling, Exhaling]
00:51:04	Aah. Ooh. Oh, God.
00:51:07	John? Honey. John.
00:51:10	- Yeah?
00:51:12	[Muttering]
00:51:14	Okay, but- Ooh.
00:51:16	- God!
00:51:19	- You okay?
00:51:20	No, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt her.
00:51:21	Try not to scream,
00:51:23	You remembered to install
00:51:26	- They won't let us take the baby home-
00:51:28	- I know that. I'm sorry.
00:51:30	I got it. I got it.
00:51:35	Yeah, come on, Marley.
00:51:38	You can chew through drywall, Marley.
00:51:43	Good. Yeah.
00:51:47	You're gonna stay here.
00:51:49	This bone will keep you busy now.
00:51:51	Hopefully, no thunderstorms.
00:52:12	[Barks]
00:52:17	Who's your daddy? Come here.
00:52:29	Here's the thing.
00:52:31	In about two minutes
00:52:34	and you'd be doing me a really
00:52:40	And I'm gonna try to do the same.
00:52:47	- Are you ready?
00:52:49	Hi. Come here.
00:52:51	Hi, baby. Oh, hi. Hi, sweetie.
00:52:54	Hi, Marley. Oh, come on.
00:52:57	Come here. Okay.
00:53:00	- Marley.
00:53:05	- Mmm. Mmm.
00:53:08	- Just, uh-
00:53:14	Not to be confused with a chew toy.
00:53:17	Although it may look like one.
00:53:19	Say hi. See, honey?
00:00:12	[Jenny]
00:00:14	Well, have Legal call them again
00:00:18	They told me it was on the record.
00:00:20	I don't- Patrick?
00:00:23	You know Marley gets-
00:00:26	Will you just call them
00:00:28	I-I- I'll call you right back.
00:00:30	[Indistinct Conversations]
00:00:50	Those days are over for us, amigo.
00:00:53	We had a good run though.
00:01:08	[Patrick Crying]
00:01:10	[No Audible Dialogue]
00:01:21	Come on, Marley.
00:01:23	I know this is gonna sound crazy...
00:01:25	but what's that thing called
00:01:28	- It starts with an "M."
00:01:30	Mortgage.
00:01:32	Wow. Is it possible
00:01:35	You know what?
00:01:38	No, you won't.
00:01:42	- Yeah. You're right.
00:01:45	I'm just a blessedly sound sleeper.
00:01:48	Honey, I do have to go
00:01:50	Will you watch him then for me?
00:01:52	It'll be my pleasure.
00:01:54	- How long are we talking about?
00:01:59	It's not quite what
00:02:02	I don't know what I expected.
00:02:04	- I never thought Marley
00:02:07	I know, but you know what?
00:02:09	We adjusted to him,
00:02:14	I'm just trying
00:02:18	You mean those, uh-
00:02:20	- Yeah.
00:02:24	- Yeah.
00:02:26	I miss them.
00:02:28	Mmm. They're here.
00:02:30	They're here. They're just really tired.
00:02:33	Mmm?
00:02:35	- [Growling]
00:02:39	- [Woman Screams]
00:02:43	Stay here.
00:02:46	- Call the police.
00:02:50	[Barks]
00:02:53	[Woman Sobbing]
00:02:59	Hey, hey, hey. Are you all right?
00:03:02	He told me not to scream
00:03:06	- But I screamed-
00:03:09	- And he stabbed me.
00:03:12	- Where's your mother?
00:03:14	It's okay. It's not that bad.
00:03:16	Keep your hand placed right here.
00:03:18	Okay. Now, I called the police.
00:03:21	Everything's gonna be okay.
00:03:25	You know, in all the time I've lived here,
00:03:28	- Lisa.
00:03:30	I'm gonna sit right here, Lisa.
00:03:32	You're gonna keep
00:03:35	and we're gonna wait
00:03:38	And they're gonna take care of this.
00:03:40	All right? Okay?
00:03:43	Look at me. It's all right.
00:03:45	It's all right.
00:03:47	[Man] Safest neighborhood?
00:03:48	- In terms of crime, I'd say you're lookin' at Boca.
00:03:51	- Mmm.
00:03:54	- That's the way it is, John.
00:03:59	[John]
00:04:01	You got kids playin' in the street.
00:04:03	What do you guys think? We might
00:04:07	Here we go.
00:04:09	I got you right there.
00:04:13	Stay. Marley, no.
00:04:16	Marley. Marley.
00:04:18	[Woman] And don't you love this kitchen?
00:04:22	My favorite part- the pool. It's-
00:04:28	- Um, why don't we look over here?
00:04:31	- Uh, sure.
00:04:35	Whose dog is that?
00:04:40	Jenny?
00:04:44	Honey?
00:04:47	Jen?
00:04:51	- Hey, you okay?
00:04:54	- I wanna show you something.
00:04:56	It's a house. Now, it's a little pricey...
00:05:00	but I think we can do it.
00:05:03	- Boca?
00:05:05	But I talked to Frank Bennett on the Metro
00:05:08	John, I'm just not sure now
00:05:10	Jen, when do you think is the right time,
00:05:14	- John.
00:05:16	Remember, this was supposed
00:05:19	I know. I know that. I just don't think
00:05:23	- I know, but, honey, we can.
00:05:26	Really?
00:05:30	- Are you sure?
00:05:42	Pretty sure.
00:05:44	- Four for four. Wow.
00:05:47	- Hold on.
00:05:49	- Mm-hmm.
00:05:51	- Uh-huh. Come here.
00:05:53	- [Crying]
00:05:55	Oh, yes. Oh, you're such a good boy.
00:05:57	Another baby.
00:05:59	I know. Honey, I think
00:06:04	You don't have to do that.
00:06:06	I don't want any help.
00:06:09	I just don't-Will you hand me
00:06:11	- Yeah.
00:06:14	that sees their child
00:06:18	- I don't.
00:06:20	I love my work, honey.
00:06:23	When I'm at the office,
00:06:26	And when I'm here,
00:06:30	And I just know that
00:06:33	Well, you're not doing them halfway.
00:06:35	If I have to give up something...
00:06:37	I do not- I do not
00:06:40	[Arnie] Why should I give you a raise?
00:06:43	'Cause I'm doing a good job.
00:06:46	- Is that a question?
00:06:48	Since I took over the column,
00:06:50	So you are doing a good job.
00:06:52	- Yes, if you go by circulation and popularity.
00:06:56	- Why not make it permanent?
00:07:00	Yeah, that's what permanent means.
00:07:03	John, every bozo out there
00:07:07	Everybody in that entire room.
00:07:09	And you've taken the column and
00:07:13	I know you don't want to hear it,
00:07:16	Why you hesitating?
00:07:19	I just have this idea about myself,
00:07:22	Well, sometimes life comes up
00:07:26	You take on a daily column,
00:07:31	[Rock, Mellow]
00:07:35	[Man]
00:07:38	'Cause today I found my friends
00:07:43	They're in my head
00:07:45	I'm so ugly
00:07:47	That's okay 'cause so are you
00:07:51	Broke our mirrors
00:07:54	- Sunday morning
00:07:56	Is every day for all I care
00:08:00	And I'm not scared
00:08:04	In a daze 'cause I found God
00:08:09	[Baby Crying]
00:08:13	I'll start you off with some corn flakes.
00:08:17	No. Marley.
00:08:19	Most important meal of the day.
00:08:22	- There. Take a little-
00:08:24	John, please, just take him for a second.
00:08:28	- It happens every time.
00:08:33	- Down! Marley.
00:08:39	- [Crying Continues]
00:08:42	- I'll do it. I'll do it.
00:08:44	You say spend more time
00:08:46	and then you wanna take over
00:08:49	- I don't want you changing him when you're mad.
00:08:52	- Thank you. Come on.
00:08:54	Hi, baby. Hang on, honey.
00:08:57	I know, baby. I know. I know.
00:09:00	Oh, dear. Come on.
00:09:04	What's the matter?
00:09:06	- Do you want some food? Food? Yeah?
00:09:10	- No. Okay.
00:09:15	Here's an idea. Why don't you stay home
00:09:20	Sorry. I'm tired.
00:09:23	It's postpartum depression.
00:09:27	and they get depressed.
00:09:29	I remember after my fourth kid was born,
00:09:32	my wife would be there
00:09:35	with a meat cleaver in her hand.
00:09:38	I thought she was gonna kill me.
00:09:41	I still do.
00:09:43	Did you get her the gift?
00:09:45	- Yeah.
00:09:49	Okay, Janice, make him look pretty.
00:09:52	He's gonna have this picture next
00:09:56	[Camera Shutter Snaps]
00:10:09	[Baby Crying]
00:10:12	[Barking]
00:10:22	[Barking Continues]
00:10:28	[Mouthing Words]
00:10:36	Patrick, honey, please stop doing that.
00:10:40	- Just eat it, okay?
00:10:42	Remember what we did
00:10:45	Honey, you know what else?
00:10:48	for the curtains in the boys' room.
00:10:50	Okay, well, whatever you want. And then-
00:10:55	I'd really like your help deciding.
00:10:58	[Baby Crying]
00:11:01	No. Let me get him.
00:11:04	Thank you.
00:11:13	Marley, just-
00:11:16	Marley, bad dog!
00:11:20	- Marley, let go! Let go.
00:11:23	Marley. Marley.
00:11:25	Marley! Marley, get back here!
00:11:28	Marley, bad dog!
00:11:30	Marley, get back here! Marley!
00:11:33	See, we were supposed to return these,
00:11:37	- That's okay.
00:11:39	How many times have I told you not to
00:11:42	- I know, but you wouldn't
00:11:46	You also said you would get up early and walk
00:11:50	- I am gonna walk him. I just woke up.
00:11:53	- I'm gonna do it myself. Forget it!
00:11:56	Yes, I'm doing it myself.
00:12:00	You don't get it.
00:12:03	You've got to take it easy.
00:12:07	- So who gets the dog if you guys split up?
00:12:11	- Out of the realm of possibility?
00:12:14	There's nothing she can do? No tantrum
00:12:19	No failure to perform wifely duties
00:12:22	Why do you jump right to splitting up?
00:12:26	- So life is better with Jenny than without her?
00:12:30	Are you wearing a wire?
00:12:33	Jenny, yes, we had a fight,
00:12:36	Come on, buddy. I had a fight
00:12:41	I just wanna know
00:12:43	Oh, wait. There she is.
00:12:46	- Who?
00:12:49	No, I can't be a party to this.
00:12:51	This is gonna be
00:12:54	No, not my son.
00:13:27	[Vehicle Brakes Screech]
00:13:29	[Vehicle Beeping]
00:13:32	[Growls]
00:13:34	- Marley, no. Please, please, Marley.
00:13:37	- [Barking]
00:13:42	[Baby Crying]
00:13:47	[Barking]
00:13:55	Marley! Marley, what are you-
00:13:58	[Barking Continues]
00:14:00	Marley, God, look at-
00:14:04	Why do you ruin everything? Go on!
00:14:08	Patrick! Are you okay? I'm sorry.
00:14:12	- [Barking]
00:14:15	- I want that dog out of here right now.
00:14:17	I'm not kidding.
00:14:19	All right, buddy, looks like
00:14:22	I'm serious. I'm not kidding. I want-
00:14:25	- What did he do?
00:14:28	He's just a horrible,
00:14:30	- Well, that's a little unfair.
00:14:33	is that Conor hasn't slept in two weeks
00:14:37	that Patrick gets
00:14:39	that I can't even think straight.
00:14:41	God forbid there's
00:14:43	- Just don't!
00:14:45	I know that it's been a rough couple of
00:14:48	I understand that.
00:14:51	- And postpartum dep-
00:14:53	I am not depressed.
00:14:57	I'm not angry because of some condition.
00:15:00	I can't even go out
00:15:03	because every babysitter in this
00:15:06	I know that, but you were the one that
00:15:09	- We can get help-
00:15:11	- That makes it hard.
00:15:13	- That's not gonna happen obviously.
00:15:15	- Me keep my voice down?
00:15:18	Everybody gets rid of their dogs.
00:15:20	And I'm just a husband. You gonna
00:15:24	- I've thought about it.
00:15:26	- What do you have to complain about?
00:15:28	- Because you're such a joy to be around?
00:15:31	So nice to walk in the door,
00:15:34	Just a jerk!
00:15:36	[Door Slams]
00:15:39	Stop it! It's your fault.
00:15:43	- You gotta be kidding me?
00:15:46	Just for a couple of days
00:15:52	A couple days will be all right.
00:15:54	You guys know each other.
00:15:56	- Want a beer?
00:16:00	- Yeah.
00:16:03	New York.
00:16:05	The Gray Lady came a-courtin'.
00:16:09	The Times offered you
00:16:12	I gave Arnie my notice last week.
00:16:15	- You didn't say anything.
00:16:18	I just- It all happened so fast,
00:16:24	That's great. The New York Times.
00:16:28	It's what we always dreamed of.
00:16:32	[Sighs]
00:16:34	Well, congratulations.
00:16:38	- Yeah.
00:16:41	- Yeah.
00:16:44	- Shit!
00:16:46	- Two days, John. I'm serious.
00:16:54	Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.
00:16:57	I wasn't, uh, sleeping.
00:17:01	- Where's Marley?
00:17:05	Mm-hmm. I'd love to see that.
00:17:08	Just until I can find
00:17:15	- This is his permanent home, John.
00:17:19	Marley's not going anywhere.
00:17:21	I just got overwhelmed.
00:17:24	- No one tells you how hard this is all gonna be.
00:17:28	All of it:
00:17:32	Marriage, being a parent.
00:17:35	It's the hardest job in the world
00:17:39	Nobody tells you how much
00:17:42	I feel like they do tell you,
00:17:47	or you think, "Ah, they're just miserable."
00:17:54	I've given up so much
00:17:59	But I can't say that because...
00:18:01	I'm a very bad person if I say that.
00:18:06	But I feel it. I really do.
00:18:09	I feel it sometimes. I just-
00:18:13	I just want you to know that.
00:18:16	I do know that.
00:18:19	But I did make a choice.
00:18:23	I made a choice, and even
00:18:28	I don't regret it.
00:18:30	- Are you sure?
00:18:32	'Cause it kinda has like a
00:18:36	I just think these things are gonna happen
00:18:40	- And we'll just do it together.
00:18:46	- Getting rid of Marley is not gonna fix anything.
00:18:52	And getting rid of you
00:18:56	- Can I ask you a favor?
00:18:58	No more kids for a while.
00:19:01	Absolutely. Deal.
00:19:08	[Laughs]
00:19:12	All right, say hello to Colleen.
00:19:15	- Daddy says her name is Whoops.
00:19:17	- Patrick said that.
00:19:20	- Why did you say that?
00:19:23	- It was kind of a secret, guys.
00:19:25	[Water Splashing]
00:19:28	[All Chattering]
00:19:31	The old pro moves back.
00:19:35	Gets an assist from Colleen.
00:19:37	- [Cheering]
00:19:40	Nice shot? Come on. Conor?
00:19:42	- Extraordinary.
00:19:45	- [Phone Rings]
00:19:48	- [Jenny] All right.
00:19:53	- Hello?
00:19:55	Yes, it is.
00:19:57	- Gil Lawford from the Philadelphia Inquirer.
00:20:03	Hi. How are you?
00:20:07	Oh! Hey, who was that on the phone?
00:20:10	The Philadelphia Inquirer.
00:20:12	I sent the editor some clips
00:20:16	- What's a while back?
00:20:21	And he read my stuff.
00:20:24	- How do you kind of have lunch?
00:20:28	Okay.
00:20:30	- But?
00:20:33	I mean, I have an interview.
00:20:35	- As, like, a columnist or-
00:20:39	As a reporter?
00:20:41	I said, "Thank you very much,
00:20:45	[Arnie] "Never have I heard someone
00:20:49	If he doesn't like it here,
00:20:51	That's part of my job
00:20:54	- I'm glad to see a little blood
00:20:57	- There's a recurring theme here.
00:21:01	- That's what I'm up against.
00:21:04	is that you are one of them!
00:21:06	I'm a commentator.
00:21:08	like everything's great,
00:21:11	There's overcrowding, there's crime,
00:21:15	Every time you turn around there's a new
00:21:18	That goes on all over the world.
00:21:22	Nothing's wrong. Everyone wants to think,
00:21:27	That's not it. Maybe-
00:21:30	I don't know. Maybe I'm sick of my column.
00:21:34	I don't- I don't find the things
00:21:38	John. John, you're the comic voice
00:21:42	You're a national treasure,
00:21:44	- Maybe a regional treasure.
00:21:48	- Thank you.
00:21:51	- Take a month off.
00:21:53	- I don't know.
00:21:57	- Then go to someplace where it's painful and sad.
00:22:08	[Exhales]
00:22:11	Oh, 40's gonna be tough, buddy.
00:22:18	But we knew that.
00:22:20	We knew this was when
00:22:23	Try to take us down a dark alley
00:22:26	You got a little more
00:22:30	but makes you look
00:22:34	We both lost a step.
00:22:36	I know.
00:22:39	How does it feel to have
00:22:42	You do everything you wanted to?
00:22:45	No, me neither.
00:22:50	All right. You hot?
00:22:59	You know what? Not today.
00:23:04	You've been on a leash
00:23:07	Go! Go!
00:23:15	I think he got a little bit
00:23:28	Go get it!
00:23:33	[Man]
00:23:36	It's just a change in me
00:23:40	Oh, my, my
00:23:45	Happiness, coming and going
00:23:48	I watch you look at me
00:23:52	I know just where I am
00:23:57	Well, I'm a lucky man
00:24:03	With fire in my hands
00:24:05	- Hey, get your dog!
00:24:14	No! No! Please, God, no!
00:24:16	No! No! No! No.
00:24:21	[Groans]
00:24:24	Come on!
00:24:26	Come here. Come here. That's okay.
00:24:29	Dude, that was not cool.
00:24:33	[Whistles]
00:24:37	[Siren Blips]
00:24:40	Great.
00:24:45	[Woman]
00:24:51	Man, you are the world's worst dog.
00:24:55	You know that? Right?
00:24:57	You were top five
00:24:59	and with this little stunt,
00:25:03	And I take my hat off to you.
00:25:16	[All]
00:25:26	[Scattered Sighs]
00:25:28	[All]
00:25:32	Happy birthday, dear John
00:25:37	Happy birthday to you
00:25:42	- [All Cheering]
00:25:46	You can help me. Hold on.
00:25:51	[All Cheering]
00:25:59	But don't beg, Marley.
00:26:02	It's not good. 'Cause we don't have to.
00:26:07	Tell me the truth.
00:26:11	- Completely. Yes. Thank you.
00:26:14	- I was. You guys got me.
00:26:18	Are you ready for
00:26:20	There's more? I don't need
00:26:28	- [Whispers] Happy birthday.
00:26:31	That was my blessing
00:26:35	That was months ago.
00:26:38	Well, then any other job.
00:26:40	- We'll follow you wherever you wanna go.
00:26:43	But I'm not gonna do that.
00:26:46	We got our friends.
00:26:49	And I got my poker game.
00:26:51	First of all, it's just an interview.
00:26:55	And second of all, honey,
00:26:58	That's right. I was wondering,
00:27:02	- I hired them. [Laughs]
00:27:04	is our life is here
00:27:07	Our life is wherever
00:27:10	- And you're not happy here.
00:27:12	You're not happy doing that column.
00:27:15	- I'm not- I'm not.
00:27:19	I feel it every time you sit an extra five
00:27:23	- I don't do that.
00:27:25	I'm checking on things in the car.
00:27:27	- I just think it's time for a change.
00:27:31	Maybe at 39, but I'm too- I don't know.
00:27:35	- It feels a little late to be making big changes.
00:27:38	- Uh-uh-uh-uh. No.
00:27:41	We're not old, John.
00:27:48	We can still surprise ourselves.
00:27:54	See, most girls would do a swan dive, but
00:28:03	So you ready for your other
00:28:05	Yes.
00:28:07	It's like an embarrassment
00:28:12	They just keep coming.
00:28:22	See, we're not old.
00:28:25	[Water Splashes]
00:28:33	[Arnie]
00:28:43	Just wanna wish you
00:28:46	Thanks. Yeah. It'll be good. I'm gonna
00:28:51	Yeah. There was a good chance that every
00:28:56	- No, no, no. I appreciate it just the same.
00:29:00	a mushy guy would tell you he's proud of you,
00:29:07	Well, I'm glad you're not that guy, sir.
00:29:12	All right. Okay.
00:29:16	Grogan, just for the record,
00:29:19	That's my specialty.
00:29:23	[Man]
00:29:25	By the river
00:29:30	Water running
00:29:32	Through my knees
00:29:37	Oh, mighty river
00:29:40	I would love to be like you
00:29:44	- [Conor] Are we here yet?
00:29:46	- Now?
00:29:48	- Now?
00:29:50	- Now? Are we here yet?
00:29:52	- Are we getting hot or cold?
00:29:55	- Why are we turning into here?
00:29:57	- Whoa!
00:30:02	Okay? Before the pandemonium.
00:30:07	- Here we go.
00:30:17	Marley! Marley, no!
00:30:22	- [Conor] Oh, nice.
00:30:31	Hey, Andy Rooney, if you're knocking off soon,
00:30:34	Okay, I'm ready.
00:30:38	Mark Twain said not to use exclamation points
00:30:42	but sometimes you gotta laugh
00:30:46	It's here! It's here! It's here! It's here!
00:30:50	- It's here! Come on. Come on!
00:30:54	It's here! It's here!
00:30:57	Come on. Look it!
00:31:03	- [Chattering]
00:31:17	Whoa!
00:31:21	- [Barking]
00:31:23	Remember, angels can fly,
00:31:29	Yeah. Now that one's coming.
00:31:31	- Lunch is ready!
00:31:34	- [John] Heading in. Let's go.
00:31:37	- Marley!
00:31:39	Marley, come on. Marley.
00:31:41	You know what, honey?
00:31:45	[Barking]
00:31:48	Thank you.
00:32:11	[Whispering] What are you doing in
00:32:15	Pretty good day.
00:32:18	I mean, the snow. Come on.
00:32:20	All right. Sleep tight.
00:32:30	- [John] Too much color?
00:32:33	I mean, don't get me wrong. It's a good
00:32:37	I want you to tell the story.
00:32:40	- I'm pretty sure I don't mention myself in there-
00:32:44	I still feel you in there.
00:32:46	And all I'm saying
00:32:49	[Inhales]
00:32:54	- Door's always open.
00:32:57	Hut!
00:33:03	Uh-oh. Here comes the old pro.
00:33:07	He shows up for the fourth quarter.
00:33:09	Yeah. Oh, yes!
00:33:12	He catches it. He fends off one guy.
00:33:16	He's running through.
00:33:19	They can't take him down.
00:33:23	Grogan goes down!
00:33:27	- You're home early.
00:33:30	I had to come home and teach these kids
00:33:34	Okay.
00:33:36	- Okay, guys, seriously, dinner's in an hour.
00:33:40	I want you to finish your homework and
00:33:43	- Yeah, take off your shoes!
00:33:45	Got him down. Got him down.
00:33:50	Ow.
00:33:53	My God.
00:33:55	I come home and
00:33:59	Okay.
00:34:03	- Come on.
00:34:06	Nothing's wrong.
00:34:10	Yeah. The football
00:34:15	Let's go.
00:34:17	I don't know. I just don't understand.
00:34:19	A year ago, you couldn't wait
00:34:23	I know. But now I got this guy going through
00:34:28	I gotta admit, sometimes I miss
00:34:31	- What?
00:34:35	You always wanting something
00:34:39	Are you happy?
00:34:42	I mean, none of this
00:34:45	No. No, it wasn't part of the plan.
00:34:48	But it's so much better.
00:34:51	I'm just sort of done making plans.
00:34:55	[Groans]
00:34:58	Hmm, seems like somebody
00:35:02	All right. Marley.
00:35:04	Come on. Come on, boy.
00:35:09	Oh, come on.
00:35:11	Now it's really coming down.
00:35:19	Marley? Marley?
00:35:24	Where'd he go? Marley?
00:35:27	- What's going on?
00:35:29	- He's not coming back.
00:35:33	Well, he couldn't have gone far. Marley?
00:35:37	I'll come with you. Hold on.
00:35:41	- Marley? I don't know where he could have gone.
00:35:44	Well, maybe he went
00:35:48	- I'll check in the woodshed.
00:35:52	Marley?
00:36:00	Marley?
00:36:02	Marley? Oh, Marley.
00:36:08	- Did you see anything?
00:36:16	- I gotta go talk to them.
00:36:21	Wow, it's pouring out there.
00:36:24	- Did you find him?
00:36:26	He's out exploring.
00:36:31	[Grunts]
00:36:34	Bobby says dogs, when they're
00:36:39	That's what his beagle did.
00:36:41	Mmm. Well, you know,
00:36:45	But, uh, not Labs like Marley.
00:36:48	He's just out causing trouble.
00:36:52	Okay, now, you finished
00:36:55	- Yep.
00:36:56	Nope? Well, let's make that a "yep."
00:36:59	Come on now.
00:37:06	Marley! Marley!
00:37:12	[Whistling]
00:37:20	Marley.
00:37:24	Marley. Ah, Marley. You okay?
00:37:28	- [Sighs]
00:37:31	Stay there.
00:37:35	Why did his stomach twist? We don't
00:37:40	Most likely he ate or drank something
00:37:44	I did manage to get a tube
00:37:48	- I think I untwisted it.
00:37:51	For now, he's good.
00:37:54	The problem is that once this happens,
00:37:58	And if it does, I don't know what
00:38:01	He's an older dog. I honestly don't think
00:38:05	Well, we have to make sure
00:38:08	Well, most likely,
00:38:12	Well, we also talked about that maybe
00:38:16	- Right.
00:38:19	We'll monitor that.
00:38:21	I'm just saying you may wanna prepare yourself
00:38:28	Maybe 10%% of dogs
00:38:32	What-What is that number based on?
00:38:35	- What is it based on?
00:38:39	is I bet that number's
00:38:42	- Regular dogs?
00:38:46	I know people probably say that
00:38:49	I'm not sure he really is a dog.
00:38:51	He once ate an answering machine.
00:38:54	He didn't chew it. He ate it. And then digested
00:38:58	Another time, my son had colic and
00:39:03	just stayed right there for nine hours
00:39:06	So I think maybe that
00:39:11	- But not to him.
00:39:14	Let's hope for the best.
00:39:16	I know he's gonna be okay.
00:39:19	I'll see you in the morning.
00:39:38	[Sighs]
00:39:42	- Oh, hi.
00:39:45	They're gonna-They're gonna
00:39:47	But he seemed better when I left.
00:39:50	The vet really seemed on top of it.
00:39:56	- Are you okay?
00:40:00	I'm reading your old columns.
00:40:05	Marley's in so many of them.
00:40:07	You still look at those?
00:40:09	Yeah, I do sometimes.
00:40:14	Even on the crappiest days-
00:40:17	the kids are driving me nuts,
00:40:22	and a hundred other things are wrong-
00:40:25	I always know that I have this.
00:40:29	It's five minutes of you.
00:40:32	Sometimes they're sad
00:40:38	silly or whatever,
00:40:44	And for those five minutes...
00:40:46	you make me feel better.
00:41:02	You should read them.
00:41:07	Might even make a nice book.
00:41:10	- A book?
00:41:23	[Phone Rings]
00:41:28	Hello?
00:41:32	All right. Thank you.
00:41:36	He's coming home.
00:41:39	[Sighs]
00:41:49	Is he there?
00:41:51	Of course he's there.
00:41:55	- How does he know we're coming?
00:42:00	Dogs know stuff like that.
00:42:02	- All dogs?
00:42:05	- Look, there he is! There he is! Marley.
00:42:13	Hi, Marley.
00:42:15	- Marley.
00:42:17	- I missed you at school.
00:42:21	- Okay.
00:42:23	[Barking]
00:42:30	- [John] Eagles?
00:42:33	I guarantee you.
00:42:35	- No.
00:42:38	- Hey. I'll see you tomorrow.
00:42:41	I said to myself, "That sorry
00:42:44	- What are you doing here?
00:42:49	You know what? It doesn't matter.
00:42:52	- It's good to see you.
00:42:55	- So you living in the city somewhere?
00:42:58	- More space for the kids.
00:43:01	Three. Here. Show you a little
00:43:06	- [Laughs] Wow, Jen's holding up.
00:43:09	Thanks, I think.
00:43:12	I see you-you finally
00:43:14	Colleen. She arrived after you left.
00:43:17	- What's with the ladybug getup?
00:43:21	And then we couldn't get her out of
00:43:25	And the reason why Marley
00:43:28	is because the antennas on it-
00:43:30	- Things don't change.
00:43:36	- I wish I didn't have this interview.
00:43:40	Conor's got a soccer game.
00:43:42	All right. Well, one of these days
00:43:45	Yeah, let's do that.
00:43:48	- Well, it was, uh, good to see you.
00:43:52	- Give Jenny my best, okay?
00:43:54	- Oh, uh, here. Here.
00:43:57	That's, uh-That's a great picture, John.
00:44:00	- You did okay.
00:44:03	- You did okay too. I'll see ya.
00:44:07	[Woman]
00:44:10	[Woman #2]
00:44:12	Don't do it to yourself. We're in Philly.
00:44:16	- Sebastian. Nice to meet you.
00:44:24	Hello?
00:44:31	Is anybody home?
00:44:38	Marley. Hey, Marley.
00:44:41	Hey. Hey. Marley. Marley.
00:44:44	Marley.
00:44:47	You didn't hear me, did you?
00:44:49	I just caught you
00:44:53	All right, let's go for a walk.
00:45:09	Come on. Come on.
00:45:13	You're almost to the top.
00:45:15	You know what? Come here.
00:45:17	This is a good spot right here.
00:45:28	I know you're a strong boy,
00:45:33	You know, when it's time.
00:45:36	I don't wanna make
00:45:40	You let me know
00:45:48	All right.
00:45:59	[Jenny]
00:46:02	There he is.
00:46:05	Marley.
00:46:08	Ah, honey, what are you
00:46:11	It's time to head upstairs.
00:46:15	Come on. Can you make it upstairs?
00:46:21	I think he's pretty
00:46:26	- I'll get him a blanket.
00:46:34	Lay down here for a second.
00:46:38	Take a load off.
00:46:42	Yeah. It's actually nice down here.
00:46:47	This might be better.
00:46:53	- It'd be twice a week, 600 words.
00:46:55	You know, everyday stuff.
00:46:59	I don't get it, John. I thought
00:47:02	I know I did, but I think
00:47:04	- I'm a columnist- a good one.
00:47:07	- Your wife's on the phone. She said it's important.
00:47:11	Think about it. Possible?
00:47:15	- Thanks. Hello?
00:47:17	I can't get him to come back inside.
00:47:20	He's just laying out there
00:47:37	- Hey.
00:47:39	Patrick came home.
00:47:42	Dr. Platt said that if he's comfortable,
00:47:48	he's just not getting better.
00:47:53	All right, I'm gonna take him in.
00:47:57	- Is he sick again?
00:48:01	He doesn't feel too good.
00:48:03	But I'm gonna take him into the doctor
00:48:06	It's all right, Marley.
00:48:14	You could take Lamby,
00:48:19	[Jenny]
00:48:21	Here, I'll take it.
00:48:27	Good-bye.
00:48:50	[Sniffling]
00:48:55	[Indistinct]
00:48:58	[Sniffles]
00:49:12	- Okay.
00:49:34	[Door Opens]
00:49:38	I've tried everything I did last time
00:49:42	Not able to get the tube down there.
00:49:45	The stomach is still twisted.
00:49:49	He's not strong enough.
00:50:01	- I like this one the best.
00:50:04	Oh, the mangoes. Yeah.
00:50:07	- [Phone Rings]
00:50:10	[John]
00:50:12	So, it's his stomach again.
00:50:15	- And they could do surgery, but-
00:50:19	[Sighs]
00:50:24	No, no, I think it's a good idea
00:50:27	and be with them.
00:50:30	I'm just gonna-
00:50:41	I love you, John.
00:50:45	I love you.
00:50:52	- All right.
00:50:55	- Okay.
00:50:57	All right. Thanks.
00:51:01	Look what I got for you.
00:51:05	What did Colleen say to you?
00:51:11	You remember chewing up that ear?
00:51:14	Well, it's tough to remember
00:51:18	It all starts to kind of run together.
00:51:23	[Inhales, Exhales]
00:51:25	[Sniffles]
00:51:55	It's okay. You don't have to do anything.
00:52:00	You don't have your usual energy.
00:52:04	You remember how we were
00:52:08	that you're the world's worst dog?
00:52:12	Don't believe it.
00:52:14	Don't believe any
00:52:16	'Cause you know
00:52:20	[Shudders]
00:52:22	You know what made you
00:52:26	is you loved us every day,
00:52:30	That's an amazing thing.
00:52:32	You know how much we love you?
00:52:35	We love you so much.
00:52:38	[Shuddering]
00:52:41	I love you more than anything.
00:52:45	I don't know exactly
00:52:50	but I want you to remember
00:52:54	You're a great dog.
00:53:09	[Dr. Platt]
00:53:12	You ready?
00:53:16	- Yeah, we're ready.
00:53:33	[No Audible Dialogue]
00:55:22	Okay. Get down.
00:55:26	[Grunts]
00:55:31	- He's wrapped in his blanket.
00:55:34	Do you guys wanna read
00:55:39	Mine's a picture of me and Marley...
00:55:41	grasshoppers and ice cream.
00:55:44	Mommy wrote what I said.
00:55:46	"Dear Marley, I will
00:55:52	And these are kisses.
00:55:55	- That's beautiful.
00:55:57	You wanna put it in?
00:56:00	Set it down.
00:56:04	[John]
00:56:06	That's a great picture.
00:56:13	"Dear Marley, I loved you all my life.
00:56:16	"I hope you like heaven
00:56:19	Your brother, Conor Richard Grogan."
00:56:26	[John]
00:56:29	Patrick, do you wanna say something?
00:56:34	[Shudders]
00:56:40	I'd like to give him something.
00:56:49	This necklace.
00:56:53	It's been on quite a journey.
00:57:02	Your dad gave it to me...
00:57:05	to celebrate the beginning
00:57:09	But, you know-
00:57:12	[Voice Cracking]
00:57:15	[Sniffles]
00:57:21	Bye, Clearance Puppy.
00:57:51	[John Narrating]
00:57:53	or big homes or designer clothes.
00:57:56	A waterlogged stick
00:58:00	A dog doesn't care
00:58:02	clever or dull, smart or dumb.
00:58:06	Give 'em your heart
00:58:15	How many people
00:58:18	How many people can make you
00:58:28	How many people can
00:59:02	[Barks]
01:01:04	Subtitles by LeapinLar

Marley Me