Master Of Disguise The

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00:03:10 Many centuries ago...
00:03:12 ...a remarkable family
00:03:15 ...the magical art of disguise.
00:03:18 Down through the ages
00:03:22 ...protecting the world from evil.
00:03:25 This is their story.
00:03:46 Well, stop her!
00:03:52 This is my son.
00:03:56 Most people thought he sold
00:03:59 But as you can see,
00:04:03 Where do you think you're going?
00:04:19 Idiot.
00:04:30 This is a mistake.
00:04:34 That was close.
00:04:45 Too close.
00:04:47 I demand to speak
00:04:52 Frabbrizio, it's time your son
00:04:56 This is no life for my son.
00:04:59 I will never tell him
00:05:14 Frabbrizio decided to keep the family
00:05:19 The boy never knew the truth
00:05:23 ...with anything he could find.
00:05:26 Pistachio, I hope
00:05:29 ...in the mirror with the underwear
00:05:32 That would be crazy, Papa.
00:05:35 Unless I had the shaving-cream beard
00:05:40 This is my grandson Pistachio.
00:05:49 From the beginning,
00:05:53 You slap me, I slap you.
00:05:55 As Pistachio grew up, he couldn't help
00:06:00 Add the copper sulfate.
00:06:03 Add the copper sulfate.
00:06:06 Add just a little bit of luminol.
00:06:11 Add just a little bit of luminol.
00:06:20 But he always had
00:06:26 You think you got muscles now?
00:06:29 Okay.
00:06:34 Why does he have underwear
00:06:37 What he didn't know was that
00:06:43 There's a young lady out here
00:06:46 For me? Fantastico!
00:06:49 Yes! Yes!
00:06:52 A young lady.
00:06:55 Hey, amico!
00:06:57 There's a girl waiting for me!
00:07:00 Mama!
00:07:02 Ask your nice lady friend to come in,
00:07:09 What a grand idea, Mama!
00:07:12 Oh, my sonny-son, handsome son.
00:07:19 Naturally, Pistachio wanted
00:07:30 Sophia. What an unexpected
00:07:35 - "Love-cake"?
00:07:39 I know we had some laughs at the bar
00:07:44 Besides, I have a boyfriend.
00:07:50 Yes.
00:07:52 Something about her
00:07:57 Oh, yes. She will be a great cook.
00:08:01 Papa.
00:08:06 I straighten the menu.
00:08:17 I'm okay. I'm okay.
00:08:20 Excuse, young man.
00:08:21 I notice that you became acquainted
00:08:26 I'm not a sports kid.
00:08:28 Pistachio, do one of your funny voices
00:08:32 What an excellent idea, Bernardo.
00:08:36 I do for you now a scene
00:08:40 You ready? Okay.
00:08:42 Why don't you get away
00:08:45 What you talking about, "Get away
00:08:55 Oh, what a cute little puppy.
00:08:58 I see you like my dog.
00:09:02 I never had a dog.
00:09:04 Well, perhaps your papa
00:09:07 I never had a dad.
00:09:13 Papa deficient, yes.
00:09:15 You can play with The Cuteness
00:09:20 Let me introduce myself.
00:09:24 - My name's Barney Baker.
00:09:28 And now, hungry patrons.
00:09:31 Arrivederci!
00:09:52 Moron, use a tray next time.
00:09:56 Ah, the new waiter, Rex.
00:09:59 So cute in your inexperience.
00:10:01 Watch and learn, my friend.
00:10:15 Yes, I clean. I clean.
00:10:19 Goodbye, gooey sauce.
00:10:25 Cheese? Yes, I give you cheese.
00:10:30 You like, huh? Oh, yes.
00:10:36 Papa.
00:10:39 And finally, we have fresh,
00:10:43 I'll just take the spaghetti.
00:10:46 And do me a favor, buddy.
00:10:56 Am I going too fast for you?
00:11:01 Am I going too fast for you?
00:11:07 - You mocking him?
00:11:09 - You better not be.
00:11:14 - Pistachio, stop it. No mocking.
00:11:19 Why do you let
00:11:23 Listen. You have a problem with my son,
00:11:28 You are not welcome here.
00:11:34 Pistachio, what did I tell you?
00:11:36 Yes, I know, Papa. I'm sorry.
00:11:41 - The mocking's getting worse.
00:11:44 There's so many voices in my head
00:11:47 Listen. You are Pistachio Disguisey,
00:11:52 That is one of the voices.
00:11:55 No. You are my son, you understand?
00:11:59 And I will always be proud of you.
00:12:04 - We should have gone to Burger King.
00:12:09 No, my son.
00:12:13 Yes, destiny is here.
00:12:16 But, Papa, don't preach. I'm in
00:12:23 - You're what?
00:12:35 Excuse, waiter Rex. What are you doing
00:12:39 The tush queen, what are you doing
00:12:44 Look, Pistachios, the silly voices,
00:12:48 ...it was fun for one second, okay?
00:12:51 I never wanted to go out with youse!
00:12:55 Yeah, got it?
00:12:59 I see. I can take a hint.
00:13:02 The message is coming through
00:13:08 - I gotta get back to work, baby.
00:13:11 Goodbye, Pistachios.
00:13:26 Get in the car, huh?
00:13:30 Oh, my little cannoli.
00:13:36 Get in the car now!
00:13:42 Let's go!
00:13:48 Ransacked!
00:13:50 Hello? Police? In my home,
00:13:54 Everything different. Where...?
00:13:56 My name is Pistachio.
00:13:59 Don't call again.
00:14:02 Mama! Papa!
00:14:04 Heavenly Father, show me a sign.
00:14:08 My family is missing,
00:14:12 I don't know what to do. I don't know
00:14:40 Can I help you?
00:14:42 - I came to help you, Pistachio.
00:14:45 Find your mother
00:14:49 My father...
00:14:51 ...your son.
00:14:53 Holy cannoli, you are my sister.
00:14:57 You don't have a sister, pea brain.
00:15:01 Yes, that was my next choice.
00:15:04 It's been 23 years.
00:15:07 That and more will be revealed shortly.
00:15:14 So I come down from the rooftop.
00:15:18 And there's no Mama, no Papa,
00:15:22 - Did you ask Jeeves?
00:15:25 On the roof, did you hear something
00:15:31 Yes, exactly that!
00:15:33 But without the pain on my face.
00:15:37 We have a clue!
00:15:46 Grandpapa?
00:15:50 - I'm looking for my grandfather.
00:15:56 I'm sorry.
00:15:58 It's me, you idiot!
00:16:00 Amazing. You sound like Grandfather.
00:16:03 Fool! I am your grandfather.
00:16:08 I don't...
00:16:15 Latex rubber.
00:16:17 Yes. It's so soft.
00:16:20 Like a soft, fat baby-bottom face.
00:16:24 This is nothing. I'm rusty!
00:16:27 When I'm on the top of my game,
00:16:32 Yes, without the seams.
00:16:36 And the place is so incredibly clean.
00:16:40 So tidy.
00:16:42 Bravo, Grandpa!
00:16:45 Put a clamp on your pastry hole.
00:16:50 - You are a Disguisey.
00:16:55 I'm begging you,
00:16:58 Now, throughout history...
00:17:01 ...the Disguiseys used their skills
00:17:05 ...for the betterment of mankind.
00:17:08 In Europe, they used their power
00:17:12 Now I've got it. It's mine.
00:17:15 The statue is alive!
00:17:18 They were the world's
00:17:21 Sorry, George Washington,
00:17:27 Abraham Lincoln
00:17:30 ...that the Disguiseys had to help him
00:17:36 If you'll excuse me,
00:17:40 Rough crowd.
00:17:44 Let's party! Hit it, boys!
00:17:50 Vote for me,
00:17:58 This is your legacy, Pistachio.
00:18:01 These are your people,
00:18:05 But Papa runs a restaurant.
00:18:07 Your father was the world's
00:18:10 But Papa runs a restaurant.
00:18:13 This is what you are doing. This is
00:18:19 Your parents, despite my objections...
00:18:21 ...insisted on keeping
00:18:25 - That's why we haven't spoken in years.
00:18:33 It is time for you
00:18:37 You mean, we will find
00:18:41 - Impossible. Sorry.
00:18:44 This is the sacred book
00:18:50 Like a Boy Scout handbook?
00:18:52 You cannot compare this book
00:19:01 It's a pop-up!
00:19:05 "If a father and mother are missing...
00:19:08 ...only a son who has become
00:19:12 ...without any direct help
00:19:17 That's one specific farmer.
00:19:20 - Now I must find your father's nest.
00:19:25 Is there a place your father goes
00:19:29 ...that is dark, that is secretive?
00:19:34 Show me this attic.
00:19:38 So, Grandpa...
00:19:40 ...this is the attic.
00:19:42 This is a pretty ordinary attic.
00:19:50 What? What? What? What?
00:19:54 A magic ball.
00:20:38 Behold your father's nest.
00:20:42 Heavens to Betsy.
00:20:44 Yes. I knew he would keep one,
00:20:48 Yes. Just in case.
00:20:49 Now you'll be a Master of Disguise.
00:20:52 Really?
00:20:55 I'm going to be a Master of Disguise
00:20:59 Enough! Your mother and father
00:21:04 Your training begins...
00:21:07 ...now!
00:21:34 Brilliant.
00:21:41 What is happening?
00:21:44 I'm getting bigger.
00:21:46 - I got so fat.
00:22:25 Remember me?
00:22:29 Devlin Bowman?
00:22:32 We both know you were the woman,
00:22:36 Because of you,
00:22:45 Thanks to a potion
00:22:47 ...she thinks she's still at home
00:22:52 Don't we?
00:22:55 Oh, my goodness!
00:22:58 Okay, okay. Stop.
00:23:04 We'll have soup today.
00:23:05 You're right.
00:23:10 - What do you want?
00:23:14 ...become a Master of Disguise again...
00:23:16 ...and help me obtain
00:23:21 You're a sick man, Bowman.
00:23:35 - Are the teeth in?
00:23:38 Good. Here, and here.
00:23:40 There's minimal adhesive spillage.
00:23:44 Good. Now all I have to do
00:23:48 Open sesame. Open sesame.
00:23:53 Stop that!
00:23:55 Buffoon! Clown! Anyone can put
00:24:01 But you said that was the secret power
00:24:06 Not exactly. It's time for you to learn
00:24:11 ...that bonds all Disguiseys,
00:24:14 It is called:
00:24:16 - Energico.
00:24:20 When you learn to tap into Energico,
00:24:26 ...that you never dreamed possible.
00:24:30 You'll be able to act
00:24:33 You will become...
00:24:35 ...another person.
00:24:39 Become another person.
00:24:41 But first, you must repeat the mantra:
00:24:45 Become another person.
00:24:48 - "Become another person." Nothing.
00:24:52 - Become another person.
00:24:54 Become another person.
00:24:57 Become another person.
00:25:00 Good. Who are you now?
00:25:03 The question is, who are you?
00:25:05 I'm Prince Lali Jhamba
00:25:09 ...near Bombay, Calcutta
00:25:13 It is time to test that.
00:25:17 What is it?
00:25:19 That is a big reptile.
00:25:35 Oh, yes.
00:25:40 I'm going to call him Buttercup.
00:25:43 So cute, eh?
00:25:47 Tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle.
00:25:51 Energico.
00:25:53 God help me, I love it.
00:25:56 - Down, boy.
00:26:01 You like the cheese. Go get
00:26:06 Now, sometimes during your travels,
00:26:12 Disguiseys don't believe in hitting
00:26:16 Always hit with an open hand.
00:26:18 Make your point,
00:26:22 - Dignity.
00:26:29 Elbows in, extend.
00:26:32 - Now you try.
00:26:38 Okay, slappy-dummy man.
00:26:41 Well, I think I've got...
00:26:44 Pistachio, no.
00:26:46 Learn to empty your mind.
00:26:50 - Is there a mantra for the hitting?
00:26:56 ...repeat the phrase,
00:27:00 Watch.
00:27:02 Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?
00:27:11 Thanks for letting me
00:27:14 You're Michael Johnson,
00:27:17 - You ready?
00:27:21 Go!
00:27:27 Thanks, guys!
00:27:29 You should read this, Bowman.
00:27:33 You might learn something.
00:27:35 I love having a Master of Disguise
00:27:39 That's it.
00:27:42 Have you forgotten something?
00:27:44 My men are ready to pounce
00:27:48 - No more. Please, stop.
00:28:18 Okay, so you want to play games?
00:28:21 Let's play games.
00:28:26 Who is your daddy?
00:28:29 I'm your daddy. I'm your daddy.
00:28:46 She could be a good wife for you.
00:28:54 Well, am I truly
00:28:58 Not exactly. You're a level-one
00:29:02 Yes! "Level one."
00:29:05 - How many levels are there?
00:29:09 - That's many colored belts.
00:29:16 Listen. It is a Disguisey tradition...
00:29:19 ...at this point in time,
00:29:22 An assistant?
00:29:26 - I was secretary for Jensen and Loeb...
00:29:31 - I beg your pardon?
00:29:35 Get out.
00:29:37 What are you doing here?
00:29:39 History!
00:29:40 Wrong! Take her away.
00:29:42 Get out. Idiot! Get out!
00:29:45 Freak. Get out!
00:29:47 Freak. Get out!
00:29:50 Fifty applicants.
00:29:52 - Fifty losers.
00:29:56 Perhaps my destiny does not come
00:30:03 I'm okay. I'm okay.
00:30:06 You too young for this job. Go home
00:30:11 I don't wear a diaper.
00:30:13 Pistachio. Come see.
00:30:16 I want to see the talking baby.
00:30:20 Brave Barney, good to see you.
00:30:23 - You know this baby?
00:30:25 - I was potty trained when I was 2.
00:30:28 You are the conductor
00:30:32 Barney. Is this the place?
00:30:35 I just came from a yoga class.
00:30:38 Grandpa, this is Barney and...
00:30:41 - I'm his mom, Jennifer. Hi.
00:30:46 Sweetie, go practice your ollies,
00:30:51 Please, come in.
00:30:54 - Measurements.
00:30:58 - It's for a uniform.
00:31:01 It's 35-24-34.
00:31:05 - You said 34?
00:31:12 I don't know if I'm right for this.
00:31:17 I'm sorry, he's only 7.
00:31:22 That is my name.
00:31:25 Well, that's nice.
00:31:27 So okay. What is the job?
00:31:31 I am a Master of Disguise.
00:31:35 Technically,
00:31:39 "Master of Disguise"? I don't get it.
00:31:42 You got a problem with the word
00:31:46 Or the word "of"?
00:31:49 Well, what would I have to do?
00:31:51 What does she have to do?
00:31:54 Not so fast. Answer me this first:
00:31:59 What kind of pressure?
00:32:01 - The kind that makes you cry.
00:32:05 - What's it pay?
00:32:09 Honor, dignity, pride... in its crib.
00:32:12 Actually, I need cash.
00:32:15 This cat has claws.
00:32:18 - Me likey.
00:32:21 But this cat's got no Mama caboose.
00:32:24 You guys know I can hear you, right?
00:32:47 It pays $417 a week,
00:32:50 - I'll take it.
00:32:53 Assistants fall in love
00:32:57 Can you resist Pistachio?
00:33:00 Yes...
00:33:02 ...can you resist me?
00:33:10 So listen to me true, Pistachio.
00:33:13 You are now a level 1.5 apprentice.
00:33:16 Without your help, how will I know
00:33:20 Listen to your Disguisey instincts.
00:33:25 Who, why, where, how would they take
00:33:29 Yes. Who, why, where and why?
00:33:32 No, wrong! Who, why, where and how?
00:33:36 Oh, yes. Who, why, what?
00:33:39 - What and what and what and what?
00:33:44 - Yes. Who, why, where, how?
00:33:49 Yes! Who, why, where, how?
00:33:52 I say, who, why, where, how?
00:33:55 I say, who, why, where, how?
00:33:57 I say, who, why, where, how?
00:34:03 Yeah, you, employee.
00:34:06 My grandson is still raw.
00:34:10 When he becomes another person,
00:34:14 About the dental,
00:34:18 ...do I pay it,
00:34:21 Or do I bill Delta Dental directly?
00:34:25 You sicken me.
00:34:28 I almost forgot.
00:34:32 - Here is your Nest in a Box.
00:34:36 You may need it. It comes with
00:34:45 The Disguisey Ball of Knowledge.
00:34:48 When you are in dire straits and don't
00:34:55 - I won't let you down, master.
00:35:01 Disguisey thing comes with a lot
00:35:05 - So long, master!
00:35:08 All right, now.
00:35:13 Well, I guess we could look around
00:35:18 That's your idea? That's it?
00:35:21 To look around at the spot
00:35:25 Well, that's crazy.
00:35:27 So crazy it just might work.
00:35:32 You know, this could be something.
00:35:42 Please, assistant,
00:35:45 ...while I am
00:35:48 I dated a guy who used to smoke these.
00:35:51 This cigar's from the Turtle Club.
00:35:55 You want to play games?
00:36:00 There we go.
00:36:04 I dated a guy who used
00:36:08 This cigar's from the Turtle Club.
00:36:12 Jennifer, do you remember
00:36:16 ...about the guy you used to date
00:36:20 Yeah.
00:36:22 Yes, my Disguisey instincts
00:36:25 We should pay a visit
00:36:28 It's impossible to get in there.
00:36:33 You make me laugh.
00:36:35 We'll see what's impossible,
00:36:39 Now, quickly...
00:36:41 ...to the nest!
00:36:48 You know, the name the "Turtle Club,"
00:36:53 - You're taking it too literally.
00:36:57 May I help you?
00:37:00 - Not exactly.
00:37:02 But am I not turtley enough
00:37:07 - Is he okay?
00:37:08 He's fine. Turtle.
00:37:11 Turtle.
00:37:13 He's dreamt of this place
00:37:18 Do you think we can go in for a moment?
00:37:24 - Please.
00:37:35 Turtle?
00:37:36 - Not turtle?
00:37:38 Turtle? Not turtle.
00:37:45 Could you tell me,
00:37:48 I recognize that. I made that cigar
00:37:56 - Devlin Bowman.
00:38:04 - Is he okay?
00:38:06 - I'm fine. Turtle.
00:38:10 ...an address or phone number
00:38:13 Are you crazy?
00:38:17 No information.
00:38:22 Terrible turtle harm.
00:38:28 - It's time to go into my shell.
00:38:33 - Shell time coming.
00:38:38 Turtle harm.
00:38:39 The kind of harm that makes you cry out
00:38:44 Hey, baby. Can I buy you a drink?
00:38:47 And maybe some pond water
00:38:53 Very funny.
00:38:57 - Turtle!
00:39:18 I don't really know what to say
00:39:22 - I know, it was like a dream, but real.
00:39:26 Tomorrow we will find out
00:39:30 - This turtle thing...
00:39:38 If I'm going to work tomorrow...
00:39:41 ...l'll need a lift
00:39:45 A boyfriend.
00:39:47 Yes, a boyfriend.
00:39:49 It's getting late.
00:39:52 Okay. Good night, my love-cake.
00:39:55 - "Love-cake"?
00:39:57 - You said "love-cake."
00:39:59 - Your hindquarters are scrawny.
00:40:02 What I was trying to say is that...
00:40:07 ...I have a present for Barney.
00:40:14 - Give this to him, from his dad?
00:40:18 Da-da-da-dat-ltalian guy. Me.
00:40:22 Oh, okay. This is very sweet of you.
00:40:30 - Well, thank you.
00:40:32 Good night.
00:40:34 Sleepy time, she comes.
00:40:45 Thanks for the Liberty Bell.
00:40:49 And remember, that's an action figure,
00:40:56 Sure thing, Governor Ventura. Thanks.
00:40:59 Who'd have thought Governor Ventura...
00:41:02 ...would be the perfect disguise
00:41:07 Me.
00:41:09 My skills were meant for the betterment
00:41:15 Please.
00:41:20 You should see your hair.
00:41:23 You've got serious mask-head.
00:41:41 Pistachio, meet my boyfriend, Trent.
00:41:44 There he is.
00:41:48 How are you?
00:41:51 I forgot my purse. I'll be right back.
00:41:56 Lay off my lady, you freak.
00:41:58 My, you are a touchy-feely guy, Trent.
00:42:04 Saved by the uncoordinated
00:42:07 Grind that curb, buddy. Yeah!
00:42:13 I'm okay. I'm okay.
00:42:14 What a loser.
00:42:16 - Thanks for the pads. They help.
00:42:21 I'll keep trying.
00:42:23 What kind of crap
00:42:27 - Niceness?
00:42:32 You trying to horn in on my action?
00:42:35 You trying to horn in on my action?
00:42:39 - What?
00:42:42 - You mocking me?
00:42:49 But I warn you, Trent.
00:42:51 My slap-practice dummy gets
00:42:54 You want to fight?
00:42:57 First watch the feet. So fast.
00:42:59 Look at my hands. Look at them.
00:43:02 Too fast.
00:43:16 Hey, Barn.
00:43:18 Just keep practicing.
00:43:21 I'm ready.
00:43:29 How come I can't do it and you can?
00:43:34 Baby, I'll see you
00:43:42 He is so good with children, huh?
00:43:50 I'm never gonna find anything
00:43:54 Who's your daddy?
00:43:57 Listen, classmate.com thing.
00:44:00 "To be the world's greatest
00:44:02 ...and possess
00:44:05 ...then store them
00:44:08 What? This guy is crazy.
00:44:12 I can't believe he would write
00:44:17 Yes, we now know the who and the why.
00:44:22 But where do we find a man obsessed
00:44:28 Well, there's this memorabilia
00:44:31 ...with rare toys and stuff.
00:44:35 So you think that Bowman
00:44:39 ...to see these rare items.
00:44:43 That's crazy. So crazy...
00:44:47 ...it just might work.
00:44:54 Pistachio and Jennifer went to the
00:44:58 My grandson decided
00:45:02 Appraise this!
00:45:03 What are you doing?
00:45:08 It appears to be of Tuscan design.
00:45:12 I knew it was old, you fool.
00:45:14 Let me appraise you: You're an idiot.
00:45:20 What is this?
00:45:23 - I think that's him. That's Bowman.
00:45:27 Well, you're a tall drink of water.
00:45:31 - And I just love moisture.
00:45:35 Allow me to introduce myself.
00:45:40 - Gammy Num Num.
00:45:43 Don't be ashamed of your feelings.
00:45:46 Your desires are perfectly normal,
00:45:51 - What desires?
00:45:55 This Girl Scout isn't content
00:46:02 - Run along, Gammy. Run along.
00:46:05 Pushing me. There's pressure.
00:46:07 - Moving me back. Touching.
00:46:10 - What's your name?
00:46:15 Nice to meet you, Barbsie.
00:46:17 - We're never going to make babies.
00:46:20 I'm having South American art dealers
00:46:24 We won't go anywhere
00:46:27 - I'd love it if you'd join us.
00:46:31 No need to bring anything...
00:46:34 ...except that beautiful smile. Ciao.
00:46:37 "Ciao." Did you hear that? Italian.
00:46:41 Fetch! Come on, fetch!
00:46:48 - I'm not comfortable with the new plan.
00:46:53 If you will distract Bowman
00:46:56 ...l'll disguise myself as a...
00:46:58 I'm Master of Disguise.
00:47:00 - I'm sorry...
00:47:02 The job description didn't say anything
00:47:07 "Dating weird old guy."
00:47:13 What? Look.
00:47:15 Look what The Cuteness found.
00:47:20 ...the scary monster say,
00:47:24 ...to level 1.5 apprentice
00:47:28 ...may be required
00:47:33 Well...
00:47:35 There you have it.
00:47:37 Their plan was simple:
00:47:39 Jennifer would sneak into the mansion
00:47:43 ...while Pistachio
00:47:46 Gentlemen, sorry to keep you waiting.
00:47:49 My dear, I'm delighted you came.
00:47:52 Excuse me,
00:47:55 In the main house, down the hall,
00:47:59 - Want me to show you?
00:48:02 - Hurry back.
00:48:04 Nice.
00:48:08 - Lovely woman.
00:48:14 We'll party all night long.
00:48:17 - Have fun. I must speak to someone...
00:48:23 - What is that?
00:48:26 That is a rare shrunken head
00:48:30 ...from the village
00:48:48 I'm telling you,
00:48:51 No way! It looked so real.
00:48:55 I'm very interested in this,
00:48:59 Choking?! Heimlich maneuver.
00:49:01 - I'm not... I'm not... I'm not choking!
00:49:07 - I'm not choking.
00:49:11 He was not choking, and I was doing the
00:49:14 I'm sorry. That's my fault.
00:49:19 ...no maneuver!
00:49:21 No maneuver!
00:49:25 Robin, Ricky, it's him.
00:49:30 Chicken satay?
00:49:31 And get that little stick stuck
00:49:36 - What else you got?
00:49:39 With your attitude,
00:49:42 Now I'll ask you, have you got
00:49:47 I could tell by looking at you,
00:49:50 ...a little wiener and some
00:49:57 Hi!
00:49:59 - I was just looking for the bathroom.
00:50:04 You had lovely furniture
00:50:08 I'll show you.
00:50:10 After you freshen up,
00:50:14 It's lovely out there.
00:50:17 Oh, yeah! Gotta dance.
00:50:44 Who is this guy?
00:50:50 This idiot is ruining my party.
00:51:10 Did you see a dark-haired guy run by?
00:51:15 Dark-haired guy run by, chief?
00:51:18 Dark-haired guy go in the water.
00:51:27 Farewell and adieu...
00:51:30 ...my wee Spanish ladies.
00:51:36 What?
00:51:40 What?
00:51:41 I'm talking about a great white, chief.
00:51:46 Twenty, maybe 25-footer.
00:51:50 There's no shark here.
00:51:52 You sure about that, chief?
00:51:55 You ever seen a shark's eyes, chief?
00:51:58 Kind of like dolls' eyes,
00:52:04 Twenty nine kids go in the water.
00:52:07 Twenty two kids come out of the water.
00:52:10 The ice cream man, he take the rest.
00:52:13 April the 9th, half past 4 p.m.
00:52:17 Wait. Show me your arm.
00:52:20 You want to see my arm, chief?
00:52:28 Stop becoming another person.
00:52:32 It is him!
00:52:36 I run away from the big blue henchies!
00:52:44 - I stepped on a cow pie!
00:52:47 I told you he wasn't here.
00:52:59 Fresh air.
00:53:04 I told you! There he is!
00:53:33 Hello. My name's Constable Mueller
00:53:39 Hello.
00:53:42 I'm here looking
00:53:45 She owes a substantial
00:53:48 ...from her time as an exchange student
00:53:53 I just need to ask her
00:53:56 Not going to bite her. Could I just
00:54:02 Not going to bite.
00:54:08 - Freak.
00:54:10 Don't move.
00:54:12 - Wait right here.
00:54:16 Doesn't sound too promising.
00:54:21 You need to relax. Yes, you do.
00:54:24 God, no. I just...
00:54:29 - You dropped your purse.
00:54:32 Okay.
00:54:34 - Let's see what's in here, shall we?
00:54:38 I had a little cold, so there's
00:54:44 Why don't you come with me, my dear?
00:54:49 Where did you come from?
00:54:52 Suave. Terry Suave's the name.
00:54:56 What do you want?
00:54:57 It's what the British government wants.
00:55:00 And that's a Miss Jennifer Baker...
00:55:06 In regards to Operation Minty Hippo.
00:55:10 Minty Hippo? What is that?
00:55:12 I'd tell you, but it'd be a real
00:55:15 ...I need a Charleston Chew.
00:55:19 - It's time for you to go.
00:55:24 - What?
00:55:26 This is what I want you to do.
00:55:29 - Did you just tell me to shut up?
00:55:34 The muscle. Yes, of course.
00:55:38 You want to get physical?
00:55:40 A blow to the dewy gumbel
00:55:43 Finally, a smack to the didgy dodge.
00:55:48 Listen. It is okay.
00:55:51 I did receive a letter.
00:55:54 She received a letter.
00:55:59 Good day to you, sir.
00:56:05 Follow them.
00:56:15 I believe that Devlin Bowman...
00:56:17 ...has forced my papa to become
00:56:21 ...in order to steal rare treasures
00:56:28 My Disguisey instincts tell me
00:56:34 - My tight blue sweater!
00:56:37 - Trent? Who is this?
00:56:42 Sophia! You, here, with Trent?
00:56:45 Shut up, clown.
00:56:48 - Leave him alone, you bully!
00:56:51 - The slapping time, she comes.
00:56:56 Pistachio, it demoralizes
00:56:59 ...to repeat the phrase,
00:57:02 Yes.
00:57:04 Who's your daddy, Trent?
00:57:09 Who's your daddy?
00:57:15 Having fun now, Trent?
00:57:18 How do you do?
00:57:37 Oh, Pistachio!
00:57:41 Thank you for saving me
00:57:45 Let's go, Jennifer.
00:57:51 Hey, my little waiter friend, Pistac...
00:58:03 Thanks for letting me borrow
00:58:06 No problem, Miss Simpson.
00:58:09 I hope you like them.
00:58:20 Jessica Simpson.
00:58:25 You seem tired, Frabbrizio.
00:58:28 Don't worry.
00:58:29 It's almost over.
00:58:31 You're insane!
00:58:36 - Thoroughly insane.
00:58:54 He's asleep with The Cuteness.
00:58:57 I want to get something off my chest.
00:59:03 ...like the crazy, hairy guy...
00:59:06 ...at that moment,
00:59:09 ...pathetic, insane, absurd...
00:59:13 ...spastic little man.
00:59:16 And now I believe
00:59:22 That's very nice, but not true.
00:59:25 I can't turn mud into oatmeal, or build
00:59:31 But you can find a way to rescue
00:59:37 Yes. Yes, I believe now too.
00:59:41 Your pep talk has transformed me,
00:59:46 You said, "Tiny butter-bottom."
00:59:48 Did I, the future mother of my babies?
00:59:53 You said,
00:59:55 Did I, fat-cat mama
01:00:00 - You said, "Fat-cat"...
01:00:03 It just was the emotion. It just...
01:00:09 My first kiss.
01:00:12 I must apologize,
01:00:16 But perhaps you enjoyed a little bit?
01:00:20 You know what time it is?
01:00:26 No, I don't know.
01:00:31 Time to make a plan.
01:00:33 Ah, yes. Yes.
01:00:36 Back to business.
01:00:40 Okay.
01:00:42 - All right.
01:00:48 - Fresh too. Night.
01:00:50 - Night now.
01:01:04 The Cuteness was on guard.
01:01:06 But he'd be no match
01:01:09 ...who had orders to kidnap Jennifer.
01:01:14 ...as Bowman put the final touches
01:01:20 Grandfather, please, I need your help.
01:01:33 Grandfather,
01:01:37 I'm a prerecorded hologram.
01:01:40 I have not mustered enough Energico
01:01:44 I was hoping you'd be here.
01:01:46 - What you doing here?
01:01:50 - Bowman's cigar.
01:01:54 She's just out buying cigars now.
01:01:56 We have work to do!
01:01:58 I need a disguise to get
01:02:02 - How about if you dress...?
01:02:04 Grandpa, why don't we
01:02:07 Sometimes out of the mouth
01:02:10 All right, but quietly.
01:02:12 You never know who might be listening.
01:02:15 That's crazy. So crazy...
01:02:18 It just might work!
01:02:24 Feast your eyes! Some of the world's
01:02:30 There's Mona Lisa.
01:02:33 A Betsy Ross original.
01:02:36 We got Bruce Willis' hairpiece
01:02:40 One of my prized possessions here,
01:02:44 Yep. One small step for man.
01:02:47 Black MarkEbay has a policy
01:02:52 But in your case, I am curious.
01:02:55 Italy's own Frabbrizio Disguisey.
01:02:58 Okay, so it is the Master of Disguise.
01:03:01 Want to see him?
01:03:10 - So you're gonna auction him off?
01:03:18 - It's you.
01:03:20 I'm going to Krazy Glue this
01:03:24 Then tomorrow, I'll push him over
01:03:29 It's called the perfect crime.
01:03:32 Let me show you the rest of the items.
01:03:35 Mr. Bowman, no cherry pie?
01:03:39 Later, Palmer. Come on.
01:03:43 I don't even know where
01:03:46 Go figure.
01:04:05 These cherries are so ticklish.
01:04:08 And slippery.
01:04:16 The Cuteness, this is dangerous.
01:04:32 It's Cherry Pie Man! Get him!
01:04:49 Jennifer was forced to be
01:04:53 ...as our nation's treasures
01:04:56 The famous "We the People."
01:04:58 Yo, Doug. Check this out.
01:05:05 Did it ever occur to you that this
01:05:12 No matter.
01:05:14 Oh, by the way, Steve,
01:05:17 - Oh, that's great. Thank you, sir.
01:05:21 You're not married!
01:05:27 Pistachio?
01:05:30 Now we got you.
01:05:32 How did you know it was me?
01:05:49 Who's your daddy?
01:06:22 This little dude is slapping
01:06:30 - I set you free!
01:06:34 - Wait! Ninjas!
01:06:39 Anyone who stays gets a raise!
01:06:44 No way! He slap us silly!
01:06:47 You may want to see this.
01:06:49 Smorgasbord.
01:06:56 Mama, look out!
01:07:04 No more caramel corn for me.
01:07:10 - Pistachio.
01:07:14 I wanted to witness
01:07:18 Hey, Disguiseys, it's not over yet.
01:07:21 First you will see who is your daddy.
01:07:26 I was going to throw him off a cliff.
01:07:43 - Papa. Papa!
01:07:46 He must have been pulled
01:07:50 There's a dark side?
01:07:53 - I am Devlin Bowman!
01:07:58 Take off your mask. Let's all go grab
01:08:04 I am Devlin Bowman!
01:08:08 I have a secret underground lair...
01:08:11 ...filled with rare objects!
01:08:15 Because of you Disguiseys...
01:08:18 ...I spent 20 years
01:08:22 I hate you!
01:08:25 - But, Papa...
01:08:27 This is between father and son.
01:08:30 - I am not your papa!
01:08:33 - You are my papa! I swear you are.
01:08:47 - Goodbye, peanut!
01:08:53 - Use the Energico, Pistachio!
01:08:56 Papa Bowman.
01:08:58 I'd put the underwear on my head.
01:09:02 Those were the days. Right?
01:09:05 What are you talking about?
01:09:08 Underwear coming...
01:09:16 His underwear's on his head.
01:09:21 - Take those underwear off your head!
01:09:31 Papa!
01:09:35 Moustache, Papa! Yes!
01:09:38 The nose! Yes!
01:09:42 Get the eye. Another! Yes!
01:09:52 My son.
01:09:54 It's Frabbrizio!
01:09:58 Pull him up!
01:10:02 - The Disguisey tradition.
01:10:05 So we freed Mama.
01:10:07 Jennifer became Mrs. Disguisey.
01:10:11 Finally, Pistachio became
01:10:18 There was one thing left to do.
01:10:22 We had to get the Constitution
01:10:28 Can I get you anything?
01:10:29 What do you get a man
01:10:32 I can't believe it,
01:10:36 What?
01:10:37 Good to see you.
01:10:39 - Mr. President?
01:10:43 ...but you can call me King George.
01:10:50 That was a joke, son.
01:10:52 Mind if we had a picture together?
01:10:55 Take your time. I'm ready.
01:10:59 - Sir?
01:11:01 This is what I want you to do.
01:11:04 It's you!
01:11:05 Yes. Yes, it is me,
01:11:12 - Get him!
01:11:14 - I think I stepped in a cow pie.
01:11:18 Bring on the heat.
01:11:21 I came to get the Constitution back.
01:11:25 And this one's for you, chiefy!
01:11:35 Is he dead?
01:11:40 Bowman, he make the stinky.
01:11:43 - Who's!
01:11:46 Daddy!
01:12:24 Say hello to my little friend.
01:12:33 By the authority
01:12:37 ...page 73 of the pop-up book...
01:12:39 ...I hereby pronounce you wife, son...
01:12:42 ...and Master of Disguise.
01:12:47 Bravo, my son, bravo.
01:12:55 I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
01:12:59 I'd like to spin you
01:13:02 Oh, baby going to cry?
01:13:11 And cut.
01:13:15 - Run, Jennifer, run!
01:13:19 And...
01:13:20 ...action!
01:13:34 I like the juice. You like the juice?
01:13:39 Sometimes that Master of Disguise
01:13:43 Sometimes he don't go away.
01:13:45 Okay, now...
01:13:47 ...the Master of Disguise...
01:13:49 ...can he change into, say...
01:13:53 ...Barbra Streisand?
01:13:57 - Britney Spears?
01:14:02 The Olsen twins?
01:14:16 There's a nice,
01:14:20 ...on the big, bald, mean guy's face.
01:14:25 Hold!
01:14:26 Hold!
01:14:28 Hold!
01:14:29 Unleash hell.
01:15:00 I never knew if I'd see Jenny again.
01:15:04 - I've seen your type before.
01:15:07 I'm Gammy Num Num.
01:15:11 We don't want to go anywhere
01:15:22 You filthy thief!
01:15:25 Take that! And that! And that!
01:15:34 Buttercup says you are a bad man.
01:15:37 I'm not the dummy, he is.
01:15:39 Can you believe how stiff he is?
01:15:55 I don't want any trou-bubbles!
01:16:00 You got a little wiener...
01:16:02 Get the bee out. I won't play games.
01:16:05 - You got a little wiener... Go away.
01:16:09 There's no wiener.
01:16:15 I still have the greatest
01:16:24 There's a dark side?
01:16:32 - What's going on?
01:16:36 Pistachio, come back!
01:16:39 A bottom.
01:16:50 Yes. I see now.
01:16:54 Love is thicker than your behinds.
01:16:59 Look what Daddy made for you.
01:17:02 A little sweater. I knit it last night
01:17:06 My name is Gluteus Maximus.
01:17:10 Why are your arms around
01:17:14 Wait, I screwed it up.
01:17:18 And remember,
01:17:23 No one really had a clue what he
01:17:40 - Now show me some toys.
01:17:44 How about this?
01:17:49 Oopsie-cadabra.
01:18:08 Hello?
01:18:10 What?
01:18:18 Hello?
01:18:29 What?
01:18:31 Who...?
01:18:34 What were you doing
01:18:38 Slap!
01:18:40 Come back here, slapping-dummy man.
01:18:46 You were the one. I'm going
01:18:50 Now, all right, all right.
01:18:54 I just want to talk, okay?
01:18:59 I slap you!
01:19:05 Come back here!
01:19:08 Come back here, slapping-dummy man.
01:19:15 I'll get you, Pistachio.
01:19:17 - Please, slapping-dummy man.
01:19:20 - I didn't mean it.
01:19:23 - I didn't mean it, slapping-dummy man.
01:19:28 So we find a nest,
01:19:32 And then we go to the slapping
01:19:35 But you gave me quite a workout a few
01:19:41 - I love to slap.
01:19:44 What are you people still doing here?
01:19:47 I'm trying to talk. All right? Goodbye.
01:19:51 All right, so anyway...
01:19:53 - Pistachio, I'm sad.
01:19:57 - I want to say goodbye.
01:20:00 - Goodbye.
01:20:08 No more dog food.
01:20:10 Turtle, turtle!