Meet Dave

en
00:01:28 Dude, dude, no, I was, like,
00:01:33 And he was all, like, "No, you don't."
00:01:35 And I was all, like,
00:01:38 And then I was, like,
00:01:41 "do you not get?"
00:02:17 Josh? Josh?
00:02:25 Hey! How many times have I told
00:02:28 -Mom !
00:02:30 I'm fine. It wasn't a baseball.
00:02:34 It came from space! It almost hit me!
00:02:37 -A thing came from space?
00:02:40 You have the biggest imagination, mister.
00:02:44 -But...
00:02:45 -I'm glad you're all right.
00:02:47 No buts.
00:02:49 Here. And don't walk over there
00:02:58 Awesome.
00:04:58 Knox. Dooley.
00:04:59 Got a report on some kind of fireball
00:05:03 over on Liberty Island. Check it out.
00:05:06 No way. A fireball. Cool.
00:05:08 Sarge, can't you get
00:05:10 -Come on, we just pulled an all-nighter.
00:05:14 Lay down in my office,
00:05:17 and you can get yourself a nice nap.
00:05:20 Come on, it's gonna be great. A fireball?
00:05:23 Do me a favor, okay?
00:06:19 Oh, my God.
00:06:22 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, are you all right?
00:06:25 Hello? Please don't be dead!
00:06:28 Oh, did you see that?
00:06:30 It kind of looked
00:06:32 I was going for the parking spot!
00:06:35 Oh, Jesus!
00:06:39 Are you all right?
00:06:40 Are you okay? Hello?
00:06:44 Oh, my God, his foot!
00:06:48 Oh, God.
00:06:51 please stay alive, please stay alive.
00:06:58 -Where did he go?
00:07:01 Mr. Guy?
00:08:00 -This will take some time.
00:08:15 All clear.
00:08:31 Repairs underway, sir.
00:08:35 Damage report.
00:08:49 Right Arm, all well.
00:08:51 Left Arm, ready.
00:08:57 -Casualties, Doctor?
00:08:59 Nothing significant, Captain.
00:09:04 Engineering?
00:09:06 Running diagnostics, sir.
00:09:10 Lieutenant Buttocks, what is your status?
00:09:13 Captain, we had a small gas leak.
00:09:22 Well, crew, it seems
00:09:26 Actually, diagnostics
00:09:29 This collision was unexpected,
00:09:33 How long can we operate at full capacity?
00:09:36 Forty-eight Earth hours at most.
00:09:40 -And our tracking computer?
00:09:43 That means we only have
00:09:46 It can be anywhere within 10,000
00:09:51 No. 2, Options?
00:09:54 We could continue on the mission, sir,
00:09:57 The prudent course would be
00:10:00 and repair the ship.
00:10:06 Assemble the crew.
00:10:08 Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for
00:10:16 This is it.
00:10:19 This is the moment
00:10:22 We all know what's at stake.
00:10:24 Our planet is on the verge
00:10:29 The device we sent to this world
00:10:30 has been knocked off course
00:10:35 Once it is found and deployed,
00:10:39 shall power our home world
00:10:43 Without it, our people
00:10:49 I will not permit that to happen.
00:10:52 We must succeed.
00:10:57 -For Nil.
00:10:59 -For Nil.
00:11:01 Back to your posts.
00:11:04 No. 3.
00:11:06 Do we have sufficient
00:11:08 to help communicate with these natives?
00:11:09 Yes. I tapped into their central
00:11:13 What a frivolous name
00:11:15 Well, if you prefer,
00:11:18 Baffling.
00:11:20 -What about...
00:11:22 -Already on it, Captain.
00:11:25 -No. 4, is security prepared?
00:11:29 My team can handle any threat
00:11:32 -Good.
00:11:34 that draining this planet's oceans
00:11:35 would have
00:11:39 We have orders, No. 3.
00:11:43 Agreed.
00:11:45 We should not lament
00:11:49 If the orb has fallen into their hands,
00:11:51 who knows for what nefarious purpose
00:11:54 at this very moment?
00:12:13 Mom, there's a drunk guy
00:12:18 -That's him.
00:12:19 -The guy I just hit with my car.
00:12:22 Oh, I barely clipped that other guy.
00:12:25 Sir, coronal gas readings just spiked.
00:12:26 -The orb must be nearby.
00:12:29 Hello, sir, hi. Hello? Hi, there.
00:12:33 -Hello, sir? Hi, are you all right?
00:12:36 -Because you just ran off.
00:12:38 -Return to the ship.
00:12:40 I'm worried. I really feel terrible
00:12:43 Can I call you an ambulance or something?
00:12:45 Any medical attention for... For your foot?
00:12:51 Your foot.
00:12:53 Our first verbal encounter.
00:12:56 Thank you for your concern.
00:12:58 Thank you for your concern.
00:13:01 It's way too high. More bass!
00:13:04 Thank you for your concern.
00:13:06 Level the frequency.
00:13:08 I'm all better now.
00:13:11 How hard did you hit this guy?
00:13:15 It's time for you to go
00:13:18 Mom...
00:13:19 See how she squeezes the smaller
00:13:23 -Stop! Stop!
00:13:26 -Go on. Goodbye.
00:13:28 Hey, safety first. And if those boys
00:13:30 -I'm calling their parents.
00:13:33 Would you like to come upstairs for
00:13:36 I can help clean you up.
00:13:39 No, thank you. I am fine.
00:13:40 I am in position.
00:13:43 Are you sure?
00:13:46 Okay, but, see, that's not fine.
00:13:48 So, maybe you should come upstairs,
00:13:51 Sir, we cannot let her
00:13:54 Agreed. We will go in long enough
00:13:58 Yes, I will accompany you.
00:14:02 Good.
00:14:06 The thing about my car is,
00:14:08 I mean, I just got it back from the shop,
00:14:09 and I'm seriously considering
00:14:11 because that was just crazy
00:14:13 Oh, sorry, right here! Oh, sorry, right here.
00:14:17 -Hey.
00:14:19 -How you doing?
00:14:20 Good. Good timing.
00:14:23 Three tubes of cerulean blue.
00:14:25 -I just ran out.
00:14:29 Why does he thrust his arm towards us?
00:14:32 Probably best to imitate him.
00:14:35 Hi. Mark Rhodes.
00:14:40 Lefty, huh? Hey.
00:14:50 -All right.
00:14:53 Okay.
00:14:57 -All right.
00:15:02 Okay.
00:15:06 -Thanks again.
00:15:08 -We're going right inside.
00:15:25 Okay, here you go.
00:15:27 Sorry about the mess.
00:15:29 You know, this is sort of
00:15:42 Right Arm. This is unacceptable.
00:15:45 Sorry! The liquid shifts the equilibrium !
00:15:51 -I still seem to be a bit shaken up.
00:16:10 -There, I feel much better now.
00:16:14 Great news. Good.
00:16:15 So then, you don't need to call
00:16:18 because that would be just pointless,
00:16:21 Good. Oh, I'm Gina, by the way.
00:16:26 Gina Morrison.
00:16:28 And you are?
00:16:31 Three?
00:16:33 This is a list of the most common
00:16:36 My name is...
00:16:39 -Ming Chang.
00:16:43 Sorry. Sorry, you just struck me
00:16:47 Which happens to be my other name.
00:16:50 Dave Ming Chang?
00:16:53 Dave Ming Chang.
00:16:55 Dave Ming Chang. All right, well, Dave,
00:16:59 I feel just terrible about this whole thing,
00:17:04 Would you like to join me?
00:17:05 -No, I really have to be going now.
00:17:08 I mean, I sort of have a rule that,
00:17:11 I need to make them breakfast.
00:17:17 That was a joke.
00:17:29 So where are you from?
00:17:31 Yes, of course. I am just a regular
00:17:35 just like you.
00:17:37 I just don't get out that much.
00:17:39 Yeah, judging from your suit,
00:17:44 Note, all-white apparel is not
00:17:48 You late for a Bee Gees concert
00:17:50 The Bee Gees. Barry, Robin and Maurice,
00:17:53 Winning ten Grammy awards
00:17:57 Oh, you can tell by the way I use my walk
00:17:59 I'm a woman's man No time to talk
00:18:03 Stayin'alive
00:18:07 Wow. That's impressive
00:18:10 I'm sorry, I had no idea.
00:18:13 Listen, do you mind
00:18:16 That would be so great. Just a little help.
00:18:17 I'm so used to making breakfast for Josh,
00:18:21 Anyway, he's off to school now.
00:18:23 Yeah, I don't know,
00:18:25 You don't have any kids, do you?
00:18:26 I mean, you don't really seem
00:18:29 Anyway, I just, I try to be there for him,
00:18:31 but I don't really know
00:18:33 I'm just doing the single mom thing,
00:18:37 Oh, my God, I am talking your ear off.
00:18:43 -All is well.
00:18:46 And I can finish this.
00:18:49 Here, you like ketchup?
00:18:51 -Oh, thank you.
00:19:04 Refreshing. I feel much better now.
00:19:11 That's a new one.
00:19:16 Oh, that's our cat, Boris.
00:19:20 Are you?
00:19:21 Cats. Here we go, sir.
00:19:32 Boris, what are you up to?
00:19:37 -Captain.
00:19:39 Yes, my husband was
00:19:43 -I am a captain.
00:19:49 I am a captain of crunch.
00:19:53 -Where is your captain now?
00:19:58 so it's just me and Josh now.
00:20:00 It's been rough sometimes,
00:20:04 There is a strength to this one.
00:20:07 Captain, the orb!
00:20:18 Where was this image captured?
00:20:19 That's Josh at school, the science fair.
00:20:23 See, he thinks it fell from outer space.
00:20:26 -We must locate the boy.
00:20:30 729 East 44th Street.
00:20:33 I really have to be going now.
00:20:36 Okay. You know,
00:20:41 That's the closet.
00:20:50 Sorry about hitting you with my car.
00:20:53 A couple of frat punks get drunk,
00:20:57 stick a rag in their bottle of Stoli,
00:21:00 Suddenly, my morning roll in the hay
00:21:03 I think this is explosive residue.
00:21:08 Don't. Don't do this, Dooley.
00:21:12 I see that wacko X Files gleam in your eye.
00:21:27 That might be the boy, there!
00:21:31 What structure is this?
00:21:32 It appears to be
00:21:43 This is the best they have to offer?
00:21:48 And a slamming home page
00:21:52 Dude, while you're waiting,
00:21:55 Awesome surround-sound headphones.
00:22:00 The sound will blow you away.
00:22:05 Is that insane?
00:22:06 It's like the subwoofers
00:22:12 Damage reports coming in
00:22:14 Sir! Structural integrity weakening!
00:22:25 We have got to get out of here!
00:22:38 The sign clearly indicates, "Do not walk."
00:22:41 And yet, they keep walking
00:22:47 Apparently, chaos
00:22:51 Doctor,
00:22:54 is Two all right?
00:22:57 This is a big planet.
00:22:58 There might be contaminants
00:23:02 I'll keep an eye on it.
00:23:33 Why don't you take a picture?
00:23:41 It's the ice cream man!
00:23:43 Ice cream man, over here!
00:23:45 -Ice cream !
00:23:51 It's this suit again!
00:23:52 How in Nil did we wind up
00:23:55 -We must have missed something.
00:23:58 We carefully studied the only signal
00:24:01 The plane! The plane!
00:24:06 When we enter the boy's school,
00:24:08 we must not draw any
00:24:11 Yes, we must rid ourselves
00:24:14 and replace it with clothing that is
00:24:19 Welcome to Old Navy!
00:24:24 -Any ideas?
00:24:28 Welcome to Old Navy!
00:24:30 -Welcome to Old Navy!
00:24:34 Welcome to Old Navy!
00:24:36 Welcome to Old Navy!
00:24:37 Welcome to Old Navy.
00:24:44 Welcome to Old Navy!
00:24:49 Welcome to Old Navy.
00:24:53 Can I help you find your size?
00:24:56 I am obviously
00:24:59 I just meant are you a small, or...
00:25:08 I believe he simply wants to know
00:25:12 Yes, you can help me find my size.
00:25:15 Welcome to Old Navy.
00:25:19 Crew, prepare for
00:25:31 Come on!
00:25:33 -What the...
00:25:40 I can help you if you'd...
00:25:44 Very...
00:25:46 Yes, this is my size. Welcome to Old Navy!
00:25:55 Excuse me. Do you have a private chamber
00:25:59 Changing room back there behind hoodies.
00:26:02 Welcome to Old Navy.
00:26:29 Sir, we have arrived at the school.
00:26:33 This can't be right.
00:26:35 One singular sensation
00:26:42 Apologies, sir.
00:26:44 Apparently we are on West 44th Street.
00:26:49 One smile
00:26:58 Let's get out of here. Double-time.
00:27:13 -Hey!
00:27:15 -That's mine!
00:27:20 -Whatever it is, it's mine now.
00:27:23 Or what?
00:27:26 Can I help you?
00:27:27 I am here for the fifth-grade classroom.
00:27:30 Okay, all right, you're very late,
00:27:33 It's been a madhouse.
00:27:36 I'm just gonna... I'm gonna have to
00:27:45 Don't say a word. I will mess you up.
00:27:49 Josh Morrison.
00:27:51 What are you doing here?
00:27:54 You would know the sub, loser!
00:27:58 I don't know him !
00:28:01 I am Dave Ming Chang, the sub.
00:28:09 What is your name?
00:28:10 -Smellmy.
00:28:13 Smellmy Buttcrack.
00:28:17 I am sure the other Buttcracks
00:28:20 You don't look like a teacher.
00:28:23 I'm going to report you.
00:28:25 -Vaporize the child at once!
00:28:29 I am indeed your temporary instructor,
00:28:35 Let's teach them something simple,
00:28:51 What the...
00:28:58 The unified field theory. The ultimate
00:29:03 Now you are educated.
00:29:06 -What is your destination?
00:29:09 Here, let me assist you.
00:29:16 -There.
00:29:21 Josh Morrison. Come with me.
00:29:26 What are you doing here?
00:29:31 You have something that is mine.
00:29:32 It is a small spherical device,
00:29:37 How'd you hear about that?
00:29:39 And how can it be yours
00:29:43 Are you an alien?
00:29:45 We've been compromised!
00:29:47 I'm just messing with you.
00:29:51 That's very funny.
00:29:54 Do you know where it is?
00:29:57 Let me guess.
00:30:01 Yes. It is top secret or something.
00:30:04 Will you help us, I mean me, find it?
00:30:09 Look, I don't have it anymore.
00:30:14 Well, we have to get it back.
00:30:16 -Where is this jerk?
00:30:18 Him and his buddies are
00:30:21 -Lead and I will follow.
00:30:39 Such disturbing images.
00:30:43 -Rich isn't here.
00:30:46 No, but sometimes
00:30:49 Everybody on the floor, now!
00:30:51 Empty the register and no one gets hurt.
00:30:55 This planet continues
00:30:59 It deserves its fate.
00:31:01 -I said, on the floor, now!
00:31:05 Gravity prevents me from floating off of it.
00:31:09 Get down now!
00:31:17 Big mistake, man.
00:31:29 Hey, you have forgotten your weapon!
00:31:33 Dave, wait!
00:31:35 That was awesome! I mean, you
00:31:39 I was very fortunate not to be injured.
00:31:42 And the gun.
00:31:46 Do you have, like,
00:31:49 Do you know
00:31:50 If we were to change
00:31:53 Did you see
00:31:55 You see? There's another thing.
00:31:59 -Come on, tell me, what's your secret?
00:32:02 -Oh, yeah? Quick, where are you from?
00:32:06 Where exactly? Give me an address.
00:32:11 The Statue of Liberty.
00:32:12 You live at the Statue of Liberty?
00:32:15 Yes, the Ming Changs have lived at the
00:32:18 Now, let us locate the orb.
00:32:21 Look, I don't know where Rich is now,
00:32:25 We're going to our neighborhood
00:32:28 I'm sure he's gonna be there.
00:32:31 You know, if you want,
00:32:36 Sir, we can't wait until tomorrow.
00:32:39 This child is useless.
00:32:45 I disagree. Without guidance,
00:32:50 Contrary to expectations,
00:32:54 We will stick with him.
00:32:59 Man, you are awesome at this!
00:33:01 It's like you've got
00:33:04 -Are you sure you're not a superhero?
00:33:07 Fine, I give up. I'm just happy to be
00:33:12 Interacting with your mother
00:33:14 Nah, I don't mean to complain. She tries.
00:33:16 It's just that Dad was a lot better.
00:33:19 You know, my dad was a hero in real life.
00:33:22 -He saved, like, a million people one time.
00:33:26 Yeah, we miss him. Especially Mom.
00:33:28 Now she spends all her time
00:33:31 -She cuts off your air supply?
00:33:34 Oh, hey! What are you doing back here?
00:33:38 Some guys with a gun
00:33:40 and Dave stopped them
00:33:42 -It was awesome!
00:33:44 -Mom, Mom.
00:33:45 Mom, I'm fine! It was so cool!
00:33:50 Man, I wish I could do that.
00:33:52 I'm the smallest fifth-grader
00:33:55 -You are not small. You are a giant.
00:34:04 Josh, the most powerful force
00:34:07 often comes from the smallest star.
00:34:16 Dave? Would you like to stay for supper?
00:34:19 Sir, the longer we're in their presence,
00:34:29 Yes, I will stay.
00:34:33 Good.
00:34:35 Although, if you thought
00:34:38 wait till you try my meatloaf.
00:34:41 Meat Loaf?
00:34:51 -What are you looking for?
00:34:53 I'll tell you when I find it.
00:34:55 You know something, Dooley?
00:34:57 Stevie, please just hold the insult.
00:34:59 Please.
00:35:00 Oh, I forgot today
00:35:29 Dave, would you mind
00:35:40 You know, don't worry about it.
00:35:44 This is something I do all the time.
00:35:45 I'm constantly dropping stuff.
00:35:50 "Men Are from Mars,
00:35:53 Yeah, that's my...
00:35:56 I would... My sister got that for me.
00:36:01 She just thinks I need
00:36:03 Tell your sister there is no life on Mars!
00:36:08 Okay.
00:36:15 This rendering. What is it?
00:36:21 That's just something I felt.
00:36:27 -You felt this.
00:36:31 I did. I don't really paint like that anymore.
00:36:34 And why not?
00:36:37 Well, things have changed.
00:36:43 And what is the feeling
00:36:50 Well, how does it make you feel?
00:36:54 Feel?
00:36:59 It makes me feel off-balance.
00:37:04 Off-balance, yeah.
00:37:06 That's... That's close.
00:37:08 I remember when I painted this,
00:37:12 Huge and exciting and crazy,
00:37:15 just love.
00:37:21 How do you know when you feel love?
00:37:28 Oh, I think when you feel love,
00:37:32 you don't need to ask that question.
00:37:37 I see.
00:37:46 Time for me to exit into the night.
00:37:50 Okay.
00:37:51 Well, thank you again
00:37:56 And, yeah, I think tomorrow will be fun.
00:38:00 So am I, Gina Morrison.
00:38:04 Okay.
00:38:07 -Good night, Dave.
00:38:25 Do you mind if I rest here?
00:38:28 Sure.
00:38:30 This appears to be a safe port.
00:38:39 You ain't crazy, are you?
00:38:41 The last guy was here,
00:38:45 What planet?
00:38:48 And the party continues.
00:38:52 Here. Here you go.
00:39:01 Did you see that?
00:39:03 This man has nothing,
00:39:05 yet he offers to share
00:39:11 Why?
00:39:12 It seems they are a more complex species
00:39:26 -Yes?
00:39:29 but I have noted more atypical behavior
00:39:33 Is that so?
00:39:35 Well, I think we all just need
00:40:01 -Dang!
00:40:18 Working rather late, No. 3.
00:40:20 I was just doing
00:40:23 And what have you found?
00:40:25 I stumbled onto an interesting file
00:40:30 Every man, woman and child
00:40:35 It could be helpful in understanding them.
00:40:38 Show me.
00:40:42 You have not changed
00:40:45 I remember the late nights
00:40:48 And the nutritious protein squares
00:40:50 I would not have been able to graduate
00:40:55 And, yet, here you've become
00:41:02 Yes.
00:41:06 Here it is.
00:41:13 What is it you want, Mary?
00:41:15 You want the moon? Just say the word
00:41:18 and I'll throw a lasso around it
00:41:21 Hey, that's a pretty good idea.
00:41:24 I'll take it.
00:41:50 Lasso the moon?
00:41:53 -Physically impossible!
00:42:07 -Good night, Captain.
00:42:13 I must say, sir,
00:42:17 A most confusing place.
00:42:20 I guess I'd better hold on, then.
00:43:11 I want to send this out
00:43:14 and every hospital in the city
00:43:17 This is incredible. Just amazing.
00:43:20 Amazing that two idiots like you
00:43:24 -See? I tried to tell him, Sarge.
00:43:26 It is a fact, a fact, that something
00:43:29 Now, we could be making the biggest
00:43:32 I don't want to hear another word
00:43:36 unless they're jacking some old lady's car.
00:43:41 -You got that?
00:43:43 -That's good aim, Sarge.
00:43:47 -Dooley. What are you doing?
00:43:50 No, it's just a guy
00:43:52 No, wrong. It is an alien,
00:43:54 an alien who shoved his face in the dirt,
00:44:11 Power reserves at 20% , sir.
00:44:16 Then every minute counts.
00:44:20 We must find the boy with the orb.
00:44:55 This is not acceptable!
00:44:59 And here we go, ladies and gentlemen.
00:45:00 Chuck starts off fast out of the gate,
00:45:03 but Earl and Homer are right behind him.
00:45:09 -Come on, Dave, eat!
00:45:13 -What are you doing? Eat it!
00:45:18 -Put it in, come on, now!
00:45:21 You never should have
00:45:24 -What are you doing, Dave? Eat!
00:45:31 Yeah, all right! Yeah! Yeah!
00:45:34 A little heads-up might be nice!
00:45:40 Hey! Can a brother
00:45:45 Look at him go!
00:46:00 Our champion!
00:46:04 Yeah!
00:46:08 Yeah, boy! Yeah!
00:46:13 Well executed, Captain.
00:46:15 Dave, that was amazing!
00:46:19 And here's the grand prize.
00:46:24 We're under attack!
00:46:26 It's the creature from Thanos 7!
00:46:29 You have menaced us
00:46:44 It seems that this is
00:46:50 At ease!
00:46:52 The question is, what are we expected
00:46:58 Give it to her, Captain.
00:47:01 The female. Give it to her.
00:47:07 Silly goose.
00:47:11 You are such a goofball.
00:47:20 For me? Thanks, Dave. That was...
00:47:25 That's very sweet.
00:47:27 Red alert, Captain! Red alert!
00:47:29 We need to dispose of the large quantity
00:47:37 Excuse me.
00:47:39 My colon is impacted.
00:47:45 Okay.
00:48:10 Show-off!
00:48:18 Excuse me! Excuse me, we met yesterday.
00:48:20 -Mark Rhodes.
00:48:24 -Right. The left again.
00:48:40 -So, you here by yourself?
00:48:42 I am accompanying Josh and Gina.
00:48:44 All evening we have been
00:48:47 Look, you and I
00:48:51 and I'm not trying to
00:48:53 If you're serious about Gina,
00:48:55 because she deserves
00:48:58 but if I find out that you're just
00:49:01 and you're using Josh to do it,
00:49:03 you and I
00:49:08 You understand what I'm saying?
00:49:11 Yes, I understand completely,
00:49:15 Does anyone here understand
00:49:17 He's trying to discern if you intend
00:49:20 What an absurd notion!
00:49:22 I intend on becoming Gina's mate?
00:49:26 These primitive creatures
00:49:31 Wait! What's that?
00:49:35 -What do you want, midget?
00:49:38 Oh, really? Why?
00:49:39 Because it's really important
00:49:41 It's the jerk we seek!
00:49:43 Rich, you've gotta give me my rock back!
00:49:45 Boy, it's like
00:49:48 So, Smellmy, we meet again.
00:49:50 Dave.
00:49:58 Stop! You're giving me a wedgie!
00:50:04 Stop! Please put me down, already!
00:50:13 Smellmy, are you crying
00:50:15 or because your undergarments are
00:50:19 I'm telling my mom.
00:50:21 Mom ! Mom !
00:50:26 Dave, that was unbelievable! High-five!
00:50:32 They don't high-five where you're from?
00:50:35 -No, but they should.
00:50:37 What kind of trouble you getting into?
00:50:39 Nothing. Dave was just about
00:50:45 -Come on, Dave.
00:50:47 -You just gotta hit three. Here we go.
00:50:51 Go, Dave! Go, Dave!
00:50:54 Sir, the orb is ours.
00:51:01 It's time to throw it in the ocean
00:51:04 You're absolutely right, Two,
00:51:07 but I really think I can do this.
00:51:13 He looks very serious.
00:51:15 Looking good, looking good.
00:51:17 Here we go. He's gonna do it!
00:51:20 Wind up!
00:51:24 All right, well...
00:51:25 Spectacularly unsuccessful!
00:51:29 I was in the bathroom.
00:51:34 On my command.
00:51:36 -Come on, you can hit it.
00:51:38 Come on. Come on.
00:51:43 Fire!
00:51:47 Incoming!
00:51:53 Engineer, report!
00:51:54 All sensors are down and the sun shields
00:51:59 Sir, we're blacked out.
00:52:07 The sun is exploding in my face!
00:52:11 I still haven't got a pulse.
00:52:14 -Oh, God. Don't watch.
00:52:18 Come on. Give me more juice.
00:52:20 Clear!
00:52:25 Power has been restored.
00:52:27 Oh, thank God!
00:52:32 We'll do an MRI just to be safe.
00:52:34 He's okay. He's okay.
00:52:39 How we doing? I have to warm it up first,
00:52:41 but just to double-check,
00:52:44 -Yes.
00:52:46 'Cause people always forget
00:52:52 This'll just take a second.
00:53:03 I guess I still have a few pennies.
00:53:07 I'm so sorry to have ruined your birthday.
00:53:10 Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag.
00:53:12 -Cat? Where's the cat?
00:53:15 because I'm not really
00:53:18 Well, perhaps you will reconsider
00:53:21 Yeah.
00:53:24 Sir, with all due respect,
00:53:28 They've helped us.
00:53:33 You have become a fool!
00:53:36 Treating these lumbering giants
00:53:39 You've made a mockery
00:53:43 You get out of my face. Now!
00:53:53 Dave?
00:53:55 Dave? Hello?
00:53:57 -Right here.
00:54:00 I am here.
00:54:01 I'm so curious sometimes,
00:54:05 I was just pondering which would be
00:54:08 to commemorate your birthday.
00:54:10 Josh, do you have any suggestions?
00:54:13 I know a great salsa restaurant.
00:54:18 All right, well, sí, amigos, let's go party.
00:54:21 Everyone! We're going to go and party!
00:54:45 Okay, three mojitos, one virgin.
00:54:47 -Thank you.
00:54:49 -Thank you.
00:54:51 -Thank you.
00:54:53 -Cheers.
00:54:55 Thank you.
00:54:58 Now, careful.
00:55:22 This is not acceptable!
00:55:27 Slow down, cowboy.
00:55:32 This is the best!
00:55:34 Cougar46 just added me as a friend.
00:55:38 -Yeah!
00:55:41 He walked out about an hour ago
00:55:44 -Oh, really? Nice-looking? She pretty hot?
00:55:48 -You sure it's him?
00:55:51 Said they were going
00:56:07 You gotta try this.
00:56:09 It's like space travel, only in your head.
00:56:20 I've been having strange feelings
00:56:27 -It seems you are, too?
00:56:30 Now, if you'll excuse me,
00:56:35 Just a second.
00:56:41 Exactly what weapon
00:56:45 Okay, let's talk.
00:56:48 I'm feeling a little busted.
00:56:56 You know, pretty soon
00:56:58 to dance with your mom.
00:56:59 Excuse me while I run to the restroom.
00:57:02 Josh.
00:57:04 I will be going home soon.
00:57:11 What is the matter with you?
00:57:13 When you're gone, everything's just
00:57:18 I'm not like other kids.
00:57:20 I can't even fight for myself.
00:57:23 My dad was a hero.
00:57:25 But me?
00:57:27 I'm just different.
00:57:33 Josh, listen to me.
00:57:36 We would never have been able
00:57:40 Not everyone would have helped us,
00:57:43 Because you are different.
00:57:47 I am very lucky to have a friend like you.
00:57:50 -You're just saying that.
00:57:53 You have helped us greatly.
00:57:58 I did?
00:58:00 Yes. We are saved, Josh.
00:58:16 She thinks she's so hot. She's not hot.
00:58:19 -It's like the size of our moon.
00:58:24 Bad and gorgeous!
00:58:32 Okay, another one. I took the liberty.
00:58:35 I love this song.
00:58:42 Need anything, Captain?
00:58:45 Yes, I may need
00:58:52 Dave, will you do me the honor?
00:58:55 Come on!
00:58:57 It'll be fun.
00:58:58 Yes, yes, I would,
00:59:01 You're gonna love it!
00:59:06 Here, it's really easy.
00:59:10 All hands, stay alert,
00:59:13 -Captain, might I have a word?
00:59:16 There are emotional dangers
00:59:19 We are on the brink of anarchy.
00:59:21 Not now.
00:59:23 All right, crew, everyone,
00:59:26 All together!
00:59:27 Precision!
00:59:29 Right foot! Left foot!
00:59:38 Okay. Here, just follow my lead.
00:59:44 We should be fulfilling our mission,
00:59:47 not leaping around like some sort of idiot,
00:59:53 This captain has become a joke.
00:59:57 This is over the line, sir.
01:00:01 Shake my hips like this! More hips! Hips!
01:00:04 Yes, that's it! More hips!
01:00:07 All right, I'm in.
01:00:11 The dancing stops now.
01:00:15 Here, here. Hand here. Okay?
01:00:18 I need more wiggle in the posterior region!
01:00:21 Captain, if I may?
01:00:24 You think that you can do better?
01:00:26 Nothing personal, sir,
01:00:29 Take charge.
01:00:32 Okay, boys and girls, everybody listen up!
01:00:35 You're gonna give me a basic,
01:00:36 stepping forward with the left
01:00:38 Don't bounce, and do not over think it.
01:00:50 We're gonna put your accoutrements
01:00:53 Drop down.
01:00:59 This is salsa, people. Let's make it spicy!
01:01:04 Follow me!
01:01:22 I knew you were holding out on me.
01:01:26 Come on, come on, girl.
01:01:27 I'm about to show you
01:01:32 It's my birthday!
01:01:34 And dip her, like a cookie in milk.
01:01:37 I feel good. I feel loose.
01:01:39 I feel good. I feel loose. I feel good.
01:01:44 Hey!
01:01:58 Freeze!
01:01:59 -Everybody, stay calm.
01:02:04 Should we power up blasters?
01:02:06 No.
01:02:08 Too many innocent civilians.
01:02:11 Easy, folks, easy.
01:02:13 -Step back, please.
01:02:16 Hey, welcome to Earth.
01:02:38 Greetings.
01:02:44 We don't want to hurt you.
01:02:49 We don't want to hurt you.
01:02:53 We're you're friends.
01:02:54 All we want to know
01:02:58 Oh, for God sake.
01:03:01 Stay calm. They can't prove anything.
01:03:04 What is your purpose here?
01:03:06 What is your purpose here?
01:03:08 -The mystery is what your purpose here is.
01:03:10 I'm trying to do a thing, and you're not
01:03:15 Greetings!
01:03:18 No. 2, what are you doing?
01:03:19 -You can't do this, Two.
01:03:22 We're playing
01:03:26 Seize him !
01:03:30 -You cannot do this, No. 2!
01:03:35 -You brought this on yourself.
01:03:39 You do what you took an oath to do
01:03:42 Stay back, Four.
01:03:44 You'll never get away with this, Two.
01:03:47 Oh, yes, they will.
01:03:51 Three, you're supporting this?
01:03:53 Yes, I see no other way.
01:03:55 That's because there is no other way.
01:03:58 Whoa, who left the speaker on?
01:04:01 Shut that off!
01:04:07 Officer Dooley, can I speak to you outside?
01:04:15 You will regret this.
01:04:18 Something you will never be able to stop.
01:04:20 Looks like I just did.
01:04:26 Attention, crew! As of this moment,
01:04:29 un-Nilian behavior
01:04:33 In fact, it will be punished.
01:04:35 Severely.
01:04:37 A new era has begun,
01:04:40 You know,
01:04:42 -like I've said five times.
01:04:44 -Hey!
01:04:46 Yes. It's been a long night.
01:04:48 -What do they want with him?
01:04:50 He didn't do anything wrong!
01:04:54 Stand and engage blasters!
01:04:57 Sir?
01:05:00 I gave you an order.
01:05:02 Yes, sir.
01:05:04 -Did you not just hear those voices?
01:05:06 Wow, we got a nutjob living
01:05:10 So what are you saying?
01:05:12 Yes, I think we should let him go!
01:05:14 That's the most ridiculous thing
01:05:19 Hey!
01:05:23 Activate heat shields.
01:05:29 -Freeze!
01:05:33 This guy's crazy!
01:05:37 I'm out! Son of a...
01:05:45 Take cover!
01:05:57 You, woman and child,
01:05:59 you have wasted enough time
01:06:03 Dave?
01:06:04 Your undisciplined human frailty
01:06:09 And one other thing,
01:06:11 is both pretentious and sophomoric.
01:06:19 I could do this all day.
01:06:32 Freeze!
01:06:44 Three, find me the fastest route
01:06:48 Three, I...
01:06:51 Guards!
01:06:55 No. 12! Have you been working out?
01:06:59 You can tell?
01:07:01 No.
01:07:06 Yes.
01:07:07 -Thank you, Three.
01:07:10 I did this to stop that lunatic!
01:07:12 -What have I done to hurt you so?
01:07:17 Listen to me. Whatever I have
01:07:19 but right now we have to
01:07:21 -and shut down the ship!
01:07:25 What in Nil is your problem?
01:07:27 Are you all right, Josh?
01:07:28 Mom, I'm fine, but something's wrong.
01:07:32 You have to trust me.
01:07:35 No, Josh, we're not doing that.
01:07:37 -I know you want to protect me.
01:07:39 But Dave is my friend,
01:07:43 -Josh.
01:07:45 something terrible's gonna happen.
01:07:49 I was just making conversation to ease
01:07:52 -Don't. You're making it worse.
01:08:04 No. 3, didn't take you long to betray me.
01:08:08 This is not the answer, Two!
01:08:09 You weren't Nilian enough
01:08:13 -so you left me no choice.
01:08:16 We thought that Earth was not
01:08:19 There's much we've learned
01:08:21 -We must not hurt these people!
01:08:26 And since you two seem to love
01:08:32 have fun living among them.
01:08:38 I have a little tickle in my nose.
01:09:01 -Follow me!
01:09:07 Three, I'm so sorry
01:09:09 Not half as sorry as I am !
01:09:11 Please, we'll have the entire
01:09:15 -This may not be the best spot, sir.
01:09:22 Mother of Nil!
01:09:37 Three!
01:09:42 -I'm coming, Three. Don't move.
01:09:45 Because I can't!
01:09:54 -Are you all right, Three?
01:09:56 All you care about is Gina,
01:09:59 You think that she's fat?
01:10:00 If she wears a size infinity,
01:10:03 then she's fat!
01:10:09 It takes me almost getting run over
01:10:12 I'm practically invisible to you!
01:10:16 Invisible? Quite the opposite.
01:10:19 the ship!
01:10:25 I love New York. Let's go!
01:10:34 Trust me, Three. Jump!
01:10:43 It's working!
01:10:53 You see? Just as I planned!
01:11:07 Look, if we let go
01:11:10 we'll be propelled to the ship.
01:11:12 On three.
01:11:14 One, two, three!
01:11:26 Three.
01:11:29 I asked for you
01:11:32 because you are kind,
01:11:37 more so than anyone
01:11:41 And without you,
01:11:44 I would be nothing.
01:11:48 Why have you never
01:11:52 Because I was too Nilian to express it.
01:11:56 I should have lassoed the moon
01:12:14 But now let's turn the ship around.
01:12:25 We'll never get there at this rate.
01:12:29 I told you. Our power is nearly depleted.
01:12:37 Crew, prepare to hail a cab!
01:12:42 Taxi!
01:12:49 What? An alien cannot
01:12:58 Hey, buddy! This is my cab!
01:13:02 Liberty Island Ferry. Make haste or die.
01:13:08 Yes, every available cop in the city,
01:13:12 I knew it. I knew it, I knew it!
01:13:16 -Look, I'm not convinced he's an alien.
01:13:21 -So what?
01:13:25 -Homeland Security.
01:13:27 They're gonna overreact!
01:13:29 Well, it's obviously not a peace mission!
01:13:32 Get those big slobbery lips away from me!
01:13:34 And while you suckers
01:13:36 he about to go suck your planet dry!
01:13:38 I need somebody
01:13:41 I don't have the extension.
01:13:43 -Are you with Dave?
01:13:44 No, no. I come free with a venti latte.
01:13:47 Of course I'm with Dave, stupid!
01:13:49 -I need... Hey, you got a comment?
01:13:53 I need the extension from you guys
01:13:57 -Do you know where he went?
01:14:00 I need a ride, though.
01:14:03 -Okay.
01:14:05 Okay.
01:14:08 Wait, wait, wait.
01:14:11 Don't be shaking me.
01:14:13 Sorry. I apologize.
01:14:14 Don't be blowing on me!
01:14:17 Slow down. Slow. Wait. Wait, wait.
01:14:20 Wait, it's dark in here. I'm in.
01:14:22 Please, hurry. Dooley, where you going?
01:14:25 Hey, Sarge, you got
01:14:27 Shut up!
01:14:32 -How many tickets you got?
01:14:36 In New York.
01:14:37 This year.
01:14:45 Long live Nil.
01:14:48 Sorry, Earth. Sometimes No. 2 happens!
01:14:54 Captain! Thank goodness you're back.
01:14:55 No. 2's become a raging lunatic.
01:14:57 Not to worry, kind friend.
01:15:04 Welcome, Captain.
01:15:19 Right Arm!
01:15:20 -What the devil is this?
01:15:24 Only the Captain has the code to...
01:15:28 The Captain!
01:15:55 You are in my chair!
01:16:00 Guards!
01:16:01 -Put down your weapons.
01:16:04 Guards, I said seize him !
01:16:09 We all know I am the only one
01:16:17 Is this what you want? This chaos?
01:16:24 We choose our Captain.
01:16:28 This planet rocks. Deal with it.
01:16:35 Get out of my chair.
01:16:42 Captain, the orb is in the water.
01:16:44 The siphoning process
01:16:53 Right Arm, summon the orb.
01:16:55 Captain, the fight
01:16:59 I can re-route booster energy,
01:17:07 Well, Captain, it seems you have a choice.
01:17:10 Save this planet or save yourself.
01:17:15 I choose this planet.
01:17:19 And what of your beloved crew?
01:17:21 Are you willing
01:17:24 Stranded here in a world of behemoths?
01:17:29 I believe it is the right thing to do,
01:17:32 but I cannot
01:17:37 I say we save Earth.
01:17:39 And its moon.
01:17:43 My life began on this planet.
01:17:46 I no longer feel like No. 3.
01:17:50 I am Dave Ming Chang.
01:17:54 I have 443 new friends on MySpace
01:17:58 and a JDate next week
01:18:02 I am Dave Ming Chang.
01:18:07 I am Dave Ming Chang.
01:18:09 -I am Dave Ming Chang.
01:18:13 -I am Dave Ming Chang.
01:18:17 I am Johnny Dazzles, and I am fabulous!
01:18:23 What? Not everybody
01:18:29 You've all gone completely mad!
01:18:31 Take him and put him
01:18:34 in my butt.
01:18:42 Engineer, divert all remaining power
01:19:36 -Way to go, Right Arm !
01:19:46 Dave! Are you okay?
01:19:47 Dave! What is happening?
01:19:52 Thank you, but it is too late.
01:19:54 We are out of power.
01:19:56 We'll never get back now. It is over.
01:20:00 Hands behind your head! Understand?
01:20:04 -No!
01:20:07 You don't need your guns, all right?
01:20:09 We're not gonna hurt anybody.
01:20:10 -We're just gonna talk.
01:20:12 You've seen what that thing can do.
01:20:15 Captain, with no shield and no power,
01:20:18 the projectile from his weapon
01:20:21 We'll take casualties.
01:20:23 He can't move!
01:20:25 -Hands behind your head!
01:20:27 -Josh!
01:20:28 Josh!
01:20:39 We have power. We have been saved.
01:20:42 All hail Josh the hero!
01:20:49 Stay right where you are!
01:20:55 Yeah, if you're trying to freak me out,
01:21:01 All right, that's gonna freak me out a little.
01:21:04 -I do.
01:21:07 -Looks like it.
01:21:08 -Like a really little guy.
01:21:10 What'd I just say?
01:21:13 -Hello.
01:21:15 -There's a little guy in there?
01:21:18 -Yeah.
01:21:21 I apologize to all of you.
01:21:24 It was my second-in-command
01:21:28 and it was he, not I, who performed
01:21:31 Will you put that thing down?
01:21:32 I mean, the guy's an inch tall.
01:21:37 Josh, my friend.
01:21:42 And you taught me the true meaning
01:21:46 Your father would have been proud
01:21:49 Promise me you'll always take pride
01:21:53 -I promise.
01:21:58 Perhaps that's not such a great idea.
01:22:05 -Gina.
01:22:08 You're, you're really tiny.
01:22:10 And I should have known
01:22:12 because no straight man
01:22:14 I think I'm finally able to understand
01:22:21 I feel love.
01:22:27 -Okay, I guess she's not that fat.
01:22:33 Hey! Hey, man!
01:22:37 Yeah! I'm not trying to stay in here!
01:22:41 You squeezing my brain!
01:22:42 -You're gonna make it pop! Stop!
01:22:46 Hey, slow down.
01:22:48 Okay. Easy.
01:22:52 Okay.
01:22:57 Hey! Yeah. Yeah, that, that look good.
01:23:04 Time for us to go home.
01:23:07 -I'll miss you, Dave.
01:23:11 Remember, I'll never be that far away,
01:23:16 good friend.
01:23:28 A little room, please.
01:23:50 What? No!
01:23:59 Dave!
01:24:08 -FBI!
01:24:09 Move, move, move!
01:24:11 -No!
01:24:29 Mom, look!
01:24:36 He's okay.
01:24:54 I didn't think we'd make it out of there.
01:24:56 Good thing you have
01:25:00 We'll have much to explain
01:25:02 We'll find another way to save Nil.
01:25:05 There are plenty of worlds out there
01:25:07 Yes, No. 3.
01:25:09 But what we learned on Earth
01:25:10 is more valuable
01:25:13 And when we do return,
01:25:18 I think you'll be needing more than that.
01:25:25 Yeah, Captain! Get in there, Captain!
01:25:49 Cue the new anthem.