|
Miesten Vuoro Steam of Life
|
| 00:00:49 |
Let me do your legs. |
| 00:01:14 |
There we go. |
| 00:01:20 |
Here.... |
| 00:01:33 |
For almost 51 years |
| 00:01:43 |
That's good. |
| 00:01:48 |
Do you want to stay behind, |
| 00:02:35 |
Steam of Life |
| 00:03:49 |
One thing I've noticed, boys, |
| 00:03:53 |
and what women like, |
| 00:03:57 |
Neck, shoulders, legs |
| 00:04:02 |
That's our love story right there. |
| 00:04:06 |
If I skip one part and |
| 00:04:13 |
she will say: |
| 00:04:16 |
Or if I think she's asleep, no: |
| 00:04:20 |
Women are very particular |
| 00:04:25 |
I think they call them G-spots, |
| 00:04:46 |
That's him. |
| 00:04:51 |
They all look alike. |
| 00:04:55 |
He's smiling. |
| 00:04:58 |
So adorable. |
| 00:05:03 |
He's so small and weak, it's great |
| 00:05:08 |
and see him growing every day. |
| 00:05:13 |
I'll always remember the moment |
| 00:05:18 |
and I cut the umbilical cord... |
| 00:05:22 |
And I saw the baby, |
| 00:05:29 |
They're home now |
| 00:05:34 |
helping to |
| 00:05:36 |
Now one dream has come true - |
| 00:05:42 |
and maybe God will give us |
| 00:05:47 |
That's right. |
| 00:06:33 |
It's nice to go to sauna.... |
| 00:06:38 |
You were supposed to eat first! |
| 00:06:42 |
Come on now! |
| 00:06:46 |
Fucking hell, you go to sauna... |
| 00:06:51 |
Cabbage soup! |
| 00:07:28 |
Really insane stories, |
| 00:07:32 |
things you can experience |
| 00:07:35 |
Things like hidden family violence... |
| 00:07:42 |
When you have a stepfather |
| 00:07:48 |
I first realized this |
| 00:07:53 |
We were at the cottage, |
| 00:07:57 |
where the kids always play... |
| 00:08:00 |
He told me that I'm not Kuosmanen, |
| 00:08:05 |
I was seven then, |
| 00:08:09 |
I thought of him as my father. |
| 00:08:14 |
If you think of it, |
| 00:08:21 |
When I got home from school, |
| 00:08:26 |
and tried to look and see |
| 00:08:31 |
You grow numb with it, |
| 00:08:38 |
The most insane thing was |
| 00:08:45 |
and a pillow was held over my face. |
| 00:08:49 |
And the hypocrisy, |
| 00:08:54 |
All was well |
| 00:08:58 |
And the way it stopped for me... |
| 00:09:03 |
I was drunk for the first time - |
| 00:09:08 |
and came home, |
| 00:09:14 |
I grabbed the guy, |
| 00:09:18 |
and I was sporty |
| 00:09:21 |
I had the upper hand, |
| 00:09:27 |
He was screaming for mercy |
| 00:09:31 |
And that was the end of it. |
| 00:09:39 |
There's one more round here. |
| 00:10:01 |
In '89, I had everything |
| 00:10:07 |
I had a daughter, |
| 00:10:11 |
but the child had no mother. |
| 00:10:14 |
I was a construction worker, |
| 00:10:21 |
She started staying over there, |
| 00:10:25 |
Then this person told me I can't come, |
| 00:10:31 |
Was your mother alone |
| 00:10:35 |
My mother is married. |
| 00:10:39 |
They adopted my daughter. |
| 00:10:43 |
My daughter is also |
| 00:10:48 |
That's why I'm up here in the North. |
| 00:10:55 |
I didn't get info about her schooling |
| 00:10:59 |
I had to threaten with lawyers. |
| 00:11:01 |
We tried to negotiate, |
| 00:11:06 |
I lost it totally then. |
| 00:11:13 |
I told them to draw up the papers, |
| 00:11:20 |
That's... |
| 00:11:24 |
That's how we dealt with it. |
| 00:11:37 |
Fuck, it still hurts. |
| 00:11:52 |
More steam. |
| 00:12:01 |
If only I could tell my daughter, |
| 00:12:24 |
It's good that I can tell you. |
| 00:12:49 |
Is it cold? |
| 00:12:52 |
The sun doesn't warm much. |
| 00:13:01 |
You want a beer? |
| 00:13:24 |
It would be nice |
| 00:13:37 |
We could cry together. |
| 00:13:43 |
Would be good for her to know.... |
| 00:14:42 |
In 1983, my life |
| 00:14:48 |
I lost my grasp of things. |
| 00:14:51 |
I drank and got into crime. |
| 00:14:54 |
In the summer of '84, |
| 00:14:59 |
and got one year for it. |
| 00:15:03 |
I drank and drank, |
| 00:15:09 |
I went into prison that summer, - |
| 00:15:12 |
and that started a spiral |
| 00:15:26 |
Once I was crossing the street, - |
| 00:15:31 |
I was high on drugs, |
| 00:15:35 |
and I realized this is a part |
| 00:15:42 |
Then I got an 18-month sentence... |
| 00:15:47 |
I lived alone in my cell, |
| 00:15:51 |
In the corner, there was |
| 00:15:59 |
that served as a mirror there. |
| 00:16:02 |
I remember looking into it - |
| 00:16:05 |
and thinking that I'll kill myself |
| 00:16:09 |
I had this lady friend |
| 00:16:14 |
She came to the prison |
| 00:16:19 |
"Pertti, what happened to your eyes, |
| 00:16:33 |
One prisoner tried to escape - |
| 00:16:37 |
by splitting his gums |
| 00:16:41 |
I had taken amphetamine one night |
| 00:16:47 |
I started working out, |
| 00:16:54 |
and then called the guard: |
| 00:16:57 |
I took a razor blade |
| 00:17:04 |
and let the blood run into a cup - |
| 00:17:08 |
and spread it all over the place |
| 00:17:12 |
That's how they found me, |
| 00:17:17 |
They hooked me up to an IV, |
| 00:17:24 |
The guards caught me, |
| 00:17:31 |
The warden put me into solitary, |
| 00:17:43 |
In the solitary, I was permitted |
| 00:17:51 |
It was a beautiful day, |
| 00:17:56 |
I wore shorts, had a cup of coffee |
| 00:18:00 |
All of a sudden, I saw |
| 00:18:04 |
I thought it was beautiful, |
| 00:18:08 |
The mug was blue |
| 00:18:13 |
It was like summer. |
| 00:18:15 |
So the butterfly landed |
| 00:18:18 |
I hoped it would open its wings, |
| 00:18:22 |
And at that moment, |
| 00:18:25 |
Instantly, |
| 00:18:30 |
was totally cleared. |
| 00:18:43 |
At the end of February 1991, |
| 00:18:50 |
When I walked into the log temple, - |
| 00:18:54 |
I had this insight that the woman |
| 00:18:57 |
And so this Anu Katja Johanna |
| 00:19:02 |
I fell in love with her woolly socks. |
| 00:19:06 |
She curled her toes |
| 00:19:12 |
I looked at her and |
| 00:19:18 |
Once I came back from a run |
| 00:19:25 |
that if Anu is at the front door, |
| 00:19:28 |
I went there, |
| 00:19:32 |
I told her: |
| 00:19:38 |
When I was young, |
| 00:19:41 |
"I want a wife from Kainuu, |
| 00:19:48 |
And my wife has brown eyes |
| 00:19:57 |
When Anu took the pregnancy test |
| 00:20:04 |
and she heard |
| 00:20:10 |
it was just such miracle! |
| 00:20:15 |
After such a life! |
| 00:20:26 |
This kind of basic life, |
| 00:20:33 |
this is the best I know. |
| 00:20:37 |
I've always had |
| 00:20:40 |
Now I have my family |
| 00:23:36 |
I got married during the war - |
| 00:23:39 |
and had two children |
| 00:23:43 |
But then my wife got sick. |
| 00:23:50 |
When she was still alive, |
| 00:23:58 |
I always worried |
| 00:24:03 |
I couldn't always get |
| 00:24:11 |
My eldest son was there |
| 00:24:16 |
"How can you cope with this life |
| 00:24:22 |
But I just had to carry on, - |
| 00:24:25 |
and you get the strength for it |
| 00:24:36 |
It went on for five years |
| 00:24:42 |
Then I was alone. |
| 00:24:46 |
I sat home alone |
| 00:24:50 |
and cooked whenever I wanted, |
| 00:24:56 |
Suddenly I had this hunger |
| 00:25:02 |
I said myself that something |
| 00:25:10 |
My son came to visit and said: |
| 00:25:14 |
"We have to do something, |
| 00:25:22 |
"or else you will go crazy." |
| 00:25:27 |
After my son told me that, |
| 00:25:33 |
and went to |
| 00:25:36 |
I found a nice-looking person there, - |
| 00:25:40 |
I thought she would be nice company |
| 00:25:46 |
I finally approached her - |
| 00:25:50 |
and asked if I could one day |
| 00:25:53 |
She said yes, and soon enough |
| 00:26:01 |
That's how it started |
| 00:26:05 |
hopefully for a long time. |
| 00:26:07 |
We've had great companionship |
| 00:26:12 |
She's a good person |
| 00:26:16 |
and tells me how to do laundry |
| 00:26:21 |
I'm living the best years of my life. |
| 00:26:25 |
Well, her neighbors |
| 00:26:28 |
when they saw another pair of |
| 00:26:32 |
as she doesn't |
| 00:26:36 |
How long have you been together? |
| 00:26:41 |
Both getting older at the same time. |
| 00:27:03 |
The police brought him here |
| 00:27:10 |
They called and asked if there's room |
| 00:27:17 |
I said there's always room |
| 00:27:21 |
That's how our friendship started. |
| 00:27:28 |
We went berry picking |
| 00:27:32 |
At first, we should have picked |
| 00:27:38 |
At one point, |
| 00:27:44 |
so I took some branches |
| 00:27:51 |
so that I could teach him |
| 00:27:58 |
When we had caught fish - |
| 00:28:02 |
we had to negotiate |
| 00:28:06 |
He was going to take all fish. |
| 00:28:15 |
"I will take these |
| 00:28:23 |
Breaking things is important to him. |
| 00:28:29 |
If you give him a car tire, |
| 00:28:41 |
One Saturday, |
| 00:28:46 |
He stayed to eat |
| 00:28:51 |
We sat in the sauna for a while... |
| 00:28:56 |
The doors started banging - |
| 00:29:00 |
and he barged in |
| 00:29:04 |
and came to the benches. |
| 00:29:08 |
I told him I will throw some water |
| 00:29:14 |
As soon as the steam hissed |
| 00:29:23 |
I told him: "No, no don't go yet, |
| 00:29:31 |
But no, he went outside, |
| 00:30:08 |
Right, Juuso. |
| 00:30:10 |
You were only a boy |
| 00:30:15 |
A very little boy... |
| 00:30:18 |
Left without washing, did you? |
| 00:30:23 |
Yes, that's right. |
| 00:30:34 |
The bear has become |
| 00:30:39 |
It's an intelligent animal, |
| 00:30:44 |
And it is a true, |
| 00:30:54 |
Right, another one gone. |
| 00:31:06 |
Juuso! It's broken now! |
| 00:33:53 |
I keep going back |
| 00:33:58 |
We still had snow. |
| 00:34:01 |
There was a spring happening |
| 00:34:07 |
I was playing |
| 00:34:14 |
sledding down the hill, |
| 00:34:18 |
She went on a pony ride. |
| 00:34:26 |
Every time I went to get her, |
| 00:34:29 |
"Daddy, I want to go home with you! |
| 00:34:34 |
I have two cats, she says: |
| 00:34:47 |
It's so wrong. |
| 00:34:50 |
Think about it: You don't see your |
| 00:34:58 |
How long has it been now? |
| 00:35:01 |
Well, how long has it been... |
| 00:35:06 |
I had just received |
| 00:35:10 |
with all the visiting rights. |
| 00:35:13 |
Not as extensive |
| 00:35:18 |
As soon as |
| 00:35:21 |
and the decision was, |
| 00:35:27 |
that the custody was taken |
| 00:35:30 |
Every other weekend |
| 00:35:35 |
Nothing else mattered. |
| 00:35:37 |
As soon as the process was over, |
| 00:35:44 |
We were visiting grandma |
| 00:35:49 |
we played together - |
| 00:35:52 |
when my ex just announced that |
| 00:35:57 |
This is now September, |
| 00:36:02 |
I don't even know |
| 00:36:08 |
The authorities can't do anything |
| 00:36:14 |
I should go to court and get an order |
| 00:36:25 |
And of course, |
| 00:36:30 |
Her godfather, grandmother |
| 00:36:37 |
They keep asking about her |
| 00:36:43 |
Her grandmother is getting old, - |
| 00:36:45 |
she cried |
| 00:36:52 |
I told her I don't know the answer. |
| 00:37:02 |
I don't mind suffering, |
| 00:37:09 |
She's not yet three, - |
| 00:37:12 |
she doesn't have |
| 00:37:16 |
I think my daughter doesn't remember |
| 00:37:23 |
That really hurts. |
| 00:37:35 |
If only I could hold her. |
| 00:37:38 |
If she would run towards me |
| 00:37:43 |
"Let's go home |
| 00:39:14 |
I remember my grandpa, |
| 00:39:19 |
I used to walk to their place |
| 00:39:26 |
Grandma was inside, |
| 00:39:33 |
When grandma was in a bad mood, |
| 00:39:40 |
and ask us: |
| 00:39:44 |
He meant: |
| 00:39:53 |
I asked grandpa how old |
| 00:40:02 |
He thought about it |
| 00:40:07 |
Time passed. |
| 00:40:12 |
and grandma was either |
| 00:40:22 |
Then grandpa got dementia |
| 00:40:27 |
When we visited him, |
| 00:40:36 |
but he wasn't interested. |
| 00:40:41 |
When we spent quiet time with him, |
| 00:40:52 |
where the end of the wood pile was, - |
| 00:40:56 |
had it reached |
| 00:41:02 |
After four years grandpa found out |
| 00:41:12 |
He cried and apologized - |
| 00:41:16 |
for not having chopped enough wood. |
| 00:41:23 |
Afterwards, when I've thought about it, - |
| 00:41:25 |
I realized - |
| 00:41:27 |
that he wanted to chop enough wood - |
| 00:41:30 |
to last until the end of grandmother's life. |
| 00:41:39 |
That's when I realized - |
| 00:41:43 |
how manifold love can be. |
| 00:42:03 |
Pete, the oars are squeaking. |
| 00:42:07 |
I do love boats. |
| 00:42:16 |
When the Frog went a-courting |
| 00:42:20 |
There's only one aha. |
| 00:42:24 |
But where is he going? |
| 00:42:29 |
What else will we take? |
| 00:42:33 |
Sunscreen. |
| 00:42:39 |
If I forget it, what will we do? |
| 00:42:43 |
Then we put yogurt |
| 00:42:46 |
What other clothes shall we take? |
| 00:42:50 |
The bikini. |
| 00:42:56 |
You know. |
| 00:43:00 |
The plane flies high up. |
| 00:43:04 |
Where's the sky? |
| 00:44:00 |
It's getting cloudy. |
| 00:44:03 |
What? |
| 00:44:16 |
You should be honest with others. |
| 00:44:32 |
Have you been the best friend? |
| 00:44:35 |
I have been for a long time, |
| 00:44:38 |
So have I. |
| 00:44:45 |
I've never stolen anything. |
| 00:44:49 |
You have to be honest. |
| 00:44:54 |
My best friend. |
| 00:45:02 |
All's well and in balance. |
| 00:47:05 |
Interesting, this is somehow mild. |
| 00:47:09 |
It has a lot of soul. |
| 00:47:14 |
Light as the touch |
| 00:47:18 |
The touch of a summer virgin. |
| 00:47:22 |
Right after swimming in the sea. |
| 00:47:33 |
I've been to all army saunas |
| 00:47:39 |
from a battalion sauna |
| 00:47:42 |
and in Afghanistan, |
| 00:47:46 |
which differs from a Stockholm sauna |
| 00:48:17 |
How have you recovered |
| 00:48:20 |
I had to work a few weeks - |
| 00:48:25 |
to get myself back |
| 00:48:30 |
I tried to adapt to being back home. |
| 00:48:33 |
Some bad things happened |
| 00:48:38 |
My mother died |
| 00:48:43 |
And you can't really |
| 00:48:48 |
you have to concentrate |
| 00:48:53 |
And you know, |
| 00:48:56 |
I poured all that anxiety |
| 00:49:05 |
What was it like when the Chaplain |
| 00:49:09 |
If I remember correctly, - |
| 00:49:12 |
my then girlfriend just called me |
| 00:49:19 |
and told me to sit down, |
| 00:49:24 |
Well, that was that. |
| 00:49:28 |
The Chief-of-Staff and the Chaplain |
| 00:49:35 |
The Chief immediately |
| 00:49:39 |
for me to be on the next flight home - |
| 00:49:43 |
so that I can go bury my mother. |
| 00:49:47 |
Me and Jari Rankinen went to the chapel |
| 00:50:00 |
Take a moment. |
| 00:50:02 |
We lit a candle |
| 00:50:13 |
I could have hardened myself, |
| 00:50:17 |
and claim that I didn't feel anything. |
| 00:50:20 |
But now that I actually felt something, |
| 00:50:26 |
In a military organization, |
| 00:50:33 |
is not necessarily a strength. |
| 00:50:39 |
You can't show it there. |
| 00:50:43 |
And Finnish men |
| 00:50:55 |
I haven't regretted joining the army. |
| 00:51:00 |
I can't say a bad word. |
| 00:51:05 |
The man and the job |
| 00:51:10 |
Will your son continue |
| 00:51:13 |
Well... I'm happy to say he listens |
| 00:51:19 |
Last week he cut his long hair, |
| 00:51:23 |
But the signs are good. |
| 00:51:27 |
His own words, said with a smile: |
| 00:51:31 |
He has been |
| 00:51:36 |
and thought |
| 00:51:39 |
But we do it with a big heart. |
| 00:51:43 |
Whatever my son decides, |
| 00:51:48 |
If he decides that he won't |
| 00:51:51 |
and it comes from his heart, |
| 00:52:17 |
Happy Independence Day. |
| 00:52:39 |
When they ask children |
| 00:52:44 |
then you feel like saying: |
| 00:52:51 |
Today there was one family |
| 00:52:56 |
Then I wanted to hand out the presents, |
| 00:53:02 |
But you don't want to leave |
| 00:53:09 |
You don't earn your money. |
| 00:53:25 |
Have you noticed |
| 00:53:29 |
they offer you the best chair |
| 00:53:34 |
But I have one family, |
| 00:53:38 |
where Santa gets a servant's chair, |
| 00:53:44 |
A bit like taking some distance. |
| 00:53:46 |
They're so far away |
| 00:53:53 |
Today I had a place |
| 00:53:59 |
They cleared some space there, |
| 00:54:04 |
I couldn't even get in, |
| 00:54:09 |
And usually Santa |
| 00:55:12 |
You know the Suzuki four-wheel drive? |
| 00:55:17 |
How many people does it seat? |
| 00:55:21 |
Well, it takes in... |
| 00:55:24 |
About a dozen people. |
| 00:55:28 |
Well, we were 21 in there. |
| 00:55:35 |
Who drove it? How come? |
| 00:55:40 |
It must have been a tight squeeze. |
| 00:55:46 |
The only ones |
| 00:55:53 |
are me |
| 00:56:01 |
All the others |
| 00:56:05 |
Like my wife last summer. |
| 00:56:11 |
They first knocked on the door |
| 00:56:15 |
Then they rang the doorbell. |
| 00:56:20 |
"Who's at the door now?" |
| 00:56:24 |
When I opened the door, |
| 00:56:30 |
They asked if I was so and so, |
| 00:56:36 |
They said it was about my wife, |
| 00:56:44 |
I said yes, she's my wife. |
| 00:56:47 |
They said: |
| 00:56:52 |
"Our divers have just found her, |
| 00:57:11 |
She's in Hietaniemi, |
| 00:57:15 |
She had a good funeral. |
| 00:57:21 |
I have to take it one day at a time. |
| 00:57:31 |
She was everything to me. |
| 00:57:52 |
I want to break a sweat. |
| 00:58:07 |
OK, go ahead. |
| 00:58:11 |
Are you going to barbecue me? |
| 00:58:26 |
So where to now? |
| 00:58:33 |
Downtown? |
| 00:58:38 |
I've been on the Esplanade, |
| 00:58:45 |
Oh yes. |
| 00:58:50 |
No, I have a sleeping bag. |
| 00:58:55 |
But how do you fit in there? |
| 00:58:59 |
It's not that big. |
| 00:59:03 |
I see, the big one. |
| 00:59:07 |
Per day. So you recommend? |
| 00:59:11 |
Indoor plumbing and everything. |
| 01:00:33 |
So you decided to come here? |
| 01:00:38 |
Matti asked me |
| 01:00:44 |
I had no ties in the South, |
| 01:00:49 |
I had nothing |
| 01:00:59 |
Bit like me, the same thing. |
| 01:01:04 |
A bit similar, yes. |
| 01:01:10 |
And it's good up here. |
| 01:01:16 |
It's about two years ago |
| 01:01:24 |
And it's been going well. |
| 01:01:30 |
Yes, your age helps, |
| 01:01:36 |
Well, not too much. |
| 01:01:41 |
They come and hug me. |
| 01:01:53 |
One time at a work trip, |
| 01:02:04 |
They didn't warn us |
| 01:02:11 |
We were taking a plaster train |
| 01:02:22 |
To the cement factory. |
| 01:02:28 |
There was this guy, |
| 01:02:35 |
He was waving a red flag! |
| 01:02:38 |
I acknowledged it |
| 01:02:42 |
He started running |
| 01:02:52 |
Splash, splash. |
| 01:02:56 |
He didn't get out in time? |
| 01:03:01 |
I see. |
| 01:03:08 |
I still have nightmares about it. |
| 01:03:11 |
It was only about 10 cars away. |
| 01:03:20 |
But their death was... |
| 01:03:28 |
No suffering, |
| 01:03:40 |
Later, I met one's sister |
| 01:03:57 |
Shouldrt have said |
| 01:04:04 |
Sometimes it's good to talk. |
| 01:05:47 |
I don't know if you noticed, - |
| 01:05:50 |
but for years, it was hard to see |
| 01:05:54 |
Yes, I noticed, |
| 01:05:58 |
Understandable, in a way. |
| 01:06:04 |
You can't wish this |
| 01:06:09 |
That one of the twins |
| 01:06:15 |
When I saw other twin families, |
| 01:06:21 |
And I couldn't accept my own feelings. |
| 01:06:28 |
And even today, I don't want |
| 01:06:36 |
But it has changed with time. |
| 01:06:46 |
It's a bit corny, |
| 01:06:51 |
I'm not a superstitious person - |
| 01:06:56 |
but I keep thinking |
| 01:07:02 |
and we got our second child |
| 01:07:06 |
as there was a miscarriage first... |
| 01:07:10 |
And then the second child dies |
| 01:07:16 |
Feels like the figure 2 |
| 01:07:40 |
I had just commented |
| 01:07:43 |
that we are given |
| 01:07:45 |
And boy did we get some. |
| 01:07:48 |
That was a normal Thursday, - |
| 01:07:50 |
I had a coffee meeting |
| 01:07:56 |
I left, Minna and the kids woke up, |
| 01:08:01 |
The meeting took a few hours. |
| 01:08:06 |
I went out to my car - |
| 01:08:09 |
and listened to my messages. |
| 01:08:12 |
I was a bit surprised - |
| 01:08:14 |
at how many messages I had. |
| 01:08:19 |
It was the third message.... |
| 01:08:24 |
A womars voice said: |
| 01:08:28 |
"It's the answering service." |
| 01:08:29 |
"Shall we leave a message?" |
| 01:08:31 |
Another woman says: "Yes." |
| 01:08:33 |
A woman is crying in the background. |
| 01:08:38 |
The message said then: |
| 01:08:40 |
"Please call the health center." |
| 01:08:51 |
My first thought was: |
| 01:08:56 |
"Now it's happening." |
| 01:08:58 |
A strange relief... |
| 01:09:00 |
I don't have to be afraid any more. |
| 01:09:08 |
I called the number. |
| 01:09:13 |
I told who I am, - |
| 01:09:14 |
and they put the call through. |
| 01:09:16 |
And Minna answered. |
| 01:09:20 |
Then I knew Minna is OK. |
| 01:09:23 |
I asked which one or all of them. |
| 01:09:27 |
Minna said it was lida. |
| 01:09:31 |
She told me what happened. |
| 01:09:35 |
I started the car, |
| 01:09:38 |
I thought I'll never get there. |
| 01:09:42 |
During that drive, |
| 01:09:46 |
That she's there, happy and smiling, - |
| 01:09:48 |
thinking how she scared us. |
| 01:09:51 |
The second one was - |
| 01:09:53 |
that she was a vegetable. |
| 01:09:55 |
I realized that if you don't breathe, - |
| 01:09:58 |
the brain damage is immediate. |
| 01:10:03 |
And the third one was: She's dead. |
| 01:10:06 |
The mood went from happy to sad. |
| 01:10:10 |
And then I just screamed. |
| 01:10:12 |
I got to the health care center. |
| 01:10:16 |
Minna is walking towards me. |
| 01:10:20 |
She says that lida is dead. |
| 01:10:29 |
There was bench - |
| 01:10:30 |
and we sat down and cried. |
| 01:10:35 |
Minna asked if I wanted to see lida. |
| 01:10:40 |
Afterwards I realized - |
| 01:10:42 |
I didn't want it at that moment. |
| 01:10:47 |
When we go inside and get to lida... |
| 01:10:53 |
It's strange, a dead child... |
| 01:10:57 |
Does not look like herself at all. |
| 01:11:01 |
I felt like... |
| 01:11:05 |
That when the soul has left - |
| 01:11:07 |
the body looks different. |
| 01:11:10 |
She didn't look like lida. |
| 01:11:18 |
Then they told us after a while |
| 01:11:24 |
and the child should be taken |
| 01:11:29 |
We walked her there. |
| 01:11:31 |
There were piles of laundry |
| 01:11:35 |
There was a little lounge |
| 01:11:40 |
I couldn't bear watching it. |
| 01:11:43 |
That they will put the child |
| 01:11:48 |
An unbearable thought. |
| 01:11:51 |
We went to see lida a few times |
| 01:11:59 |
before she was taken |
| 01:12:04 |
I could never go in there, - |
| 01:12:06 |
I had to ask the staff |
| 01:12:11 |
The thought of darkness and cold |
| 01:12:17 |
She always liked warmth. |
| 01:12:43 |
I always thought that life is ruled |
| 01:12:48 |
and intellect and head. |
| 01:12:52 |
Then you lose your child, |
| 01:12:56 |
it's all pure emotion. |
| 01:13:04 |
Very contradictory emotions, - |
| 01:13:06 |
like when Minna, Roosa and Essi |
| 01:13:14 |
That raises |
| 01:13:19 |
I was angry at myself |
| 01:13:22 |
a man should protect his family. |
| 01:13:25 |
I let down my family. |
| 01:13:29 |
On the other hand, I was jealous |
| 01:13:34 |
I've talked to other fathers |
| 01:13:38 |
about what we have learned |
| 01:13:47 |
What are the options for boys? |
| 01:13:52 |
Being silent and drinking. |
| 01:13:58 |
When you think of the situation, |
| 01:14:02 |
that you don't know how to act |
| 01:14:07 |
You try to look for a norm |
| 01:14:13 |
Later, you realize... |
| 01:14:16 |
I was just looking for a way to act, |
| 01:14:23 |
I had this surreal thought |
| 01:14:28 |
I would want to scream. |
| 01:14:36 |
When I was younger, I thought |
| 01:14:44 |
I don't need help, |
| 01:14:47 |
I'm fed up with it, |
| 01:14:51 |
I want to share things. |
| 01:14:57 |
Only now I understood that |
| 01:15:05 |
Only knowing you are not alone |
| 01:15:22 |
Sweetly the squirrel baby |
| 01:15:30 |
Never reached by hounds |
| 01:15:38 |
Safe in her nest |
| 01:15:48 |
From her cocoon high up |
| 01:15:59 |
After seeing so many fights |
| 01:16:10 |
Is flying over her head |
| 01:16:29 |
Oh to live happily |
| 01:16:39 |
Squirrel nesting forever |
| 01:16:51 |
Hear the song of the woods |
| 01:17:19 |
That's where the furry cutie |
| 01:17:30 |
Birds on the skies |
| 01:17:42 |
Taking her to |
| 01:17:55 |
This film is dedicated to Finnish men |
