Miss March

en
00:00:47 [Boy]
00:00:49 The floor is hot lava.
00:00:54 We gotta get to Craig's room
00:00:57 - What's the treasure?
00:01:00 It cost him,
00:01:03 Whoa.
00:01:06 Did you know that in
00:01:09 Michael Jordan
00:01:12 Yeah. But you know
00:01:15 Yeah. Scottie Pippen.
00:01:18 Where's the card?
00:01:24 He's got the Michael Jordan rookie card
00:01:27 It's not in mint condition,
00:01:32 Oh, my God.
00:01:34 Your brother's
00:01:38 What's a Playboy?
00:01:41 What?
00:01:43 Look. Dude, I think you r brother
00:01:47 Shut up.
00:01:50 [Both Groaning]
00:01:54 Is that what girls
00:01:56 They look so weird.
00:01:58 How do they pee?
00:02:00 It must come out of those.
00:02:02 Gross.
00:02:04 Oh, my God.
00:02:06 Look at that one.
00:02:08 Tucker, you just stepped
00:02:11 ♪ Give me some
00:02:16 ♪ Give me some
00:02:20 Oh, my God.
00:02:23 Look at the ass on that thing.
00:02:26 Hello.
00:02:29 You could bounce a quarter off
00:02:32 Tucker, stop it.
00:02:36 Her mom's
00:02:38 Oh, man. I want her to
00:02:42 Oh, my God.
00:02:45 ♪ Give me some of that
00:02:48 [Gasps]
00:02:50 Jenny's tits are the exact
00:02:53 - I don't care.
00:02:57 That's amazing.
00:03:00 Hi, Stacy.
00:03:02 Hi, Sheila.
00:03:04 Set the time and place.
00:03:07 Sheila!
00:03:09 Thank you.
00:03:11 Now she's gonna tell her,
00:03:14 Relax. Your girlfriend's
00:03:18 Hey, Candace.
00:03:20 Heard you
00:03:26 What the fuck
00:03:29 Nothing.
00:03:32 [Grunting, Groaning]
00:03:34 [All Laughing]
00:03:36 Candace, uh, sorry.
00:03:39 I just I don't dig
00:03:41 [Groaning Continues]
00:03:43 I have epilepsy,
00:03:45 I'm not handicapped.
00:03:47 Tucker, if you so much as
00:03:52 my brother will kill you.
00:03:54 He's a firefighter,
00:03:56 Deal. Deal. Deal.
00:03:59 [Laughing Continues]
00:04:02 Geez. What a bitch.
00:04:06 - What was that?
00:04:14 [Whistle Blows]
00:04:16 Man, why do you
00:04:21 Tucker, I have told you.
00:04:26 I do them because I believe in them,
00:04:30 I wish my brother
00:04:33 [Engine Starts]
00:04:39 [Crowd Murmuring]
00:04:43 And now I'd like
00:04:48 a young couple
00:04:53 Let's give a nice, warm
00:04:58 to Eugene and Cindi.
00:05:01 [Smattering Of Applause]
00:05:03 Come on!
00:05:08 Hey, gang.
00:05:10 We're here today to talk to you
00:05:14 Now, I know at your age
00:05:18 are out there having sex.
00:05:20 [All Giggling]
00:05:22 have been in a relationship
00:05:25 and we've decided to
00:05:28 That's right, Eugene.
00:05:29 We have a happy,
00:05:32 and we don't
00:05:35 I'd like to tell you guys
00:05:38 This is a true story
00:05:42 [Cindi]
00:05:46 Then one night, he and his
00:05:51 decided to go
00:05:54 It was Craig's first time
00:05:56 and he thought,
00:05:59 He thought they were sharing
00:06:02 But what she was sharing
00:06:04 [All Gasping, Murmuring]
00:06:07 Then she got pregnant,
00:06:11 the baby came out a crackhead.
00:06:13 [Gasping, Murmuring
00:06:15 The once-happy couple
00:06:17 Craig had to drop out of
00:06:20 the child support payments
00:06:22 But it didn't stop there.
00:06:25 One afternoon while my mother
00:06:29 Because he was a crackhead.
00:06:32 My mother and little nephew
00:06:35 and the grief from that,
00:06:38 which put an enormous
00:06:41 drove him insane.
00:06:43 Today Eugene's brother
00:06:46 doing nothing
00:06:49 [Gasping, Screaming]
00:06:51 that he had sex.
00:06:53 [Gasping]
00:06:55 Here, buddy.
00:06:58 [Eugene]
00:07:00 This
00:07:02 [Audience Screaming]
00:07:21 [Beeping]
00:07:23 [Cell Phone Ringing]
00:07:28 - Hey.
00:07:36 - Hey.
00:07:39 Are your parents asleep?
00:07:42 Hey, so Tucker told me about
00:07:45 I think we should totally go.
00:07:47 You want to go to a party
00:07:51 Yeah. I mean, that's-
00:07:54 Eugene, did you think about
00:07:58 Uh, yeah, you know,
00:08:01 But, like, I think I need
00:08:05 like a month
00:08:08 'cause there's, like,
00:08:10 Eugene, I love you.
00:08:14 - I think we're ready.
00:08:17 Oh, will you stop talking
00:08:21 My younger sister has sex
00:08:25 Cindi, I can't believe
00:08:28 What about the seminar?
00:08:32 I don't think
00:08:35 You have to wait
00:08:38 But, Eugene,
00:08:41 And if I'm not yours, then I
00:08:48 I'm gonna go to bed.
00:08:50 I'll call you tomorrow.
00:08:54 Cindi, wait.
00:08:59 I'll have sex with you
00:09:02 You promise?
00:09:05 I promise I'll have sex with you
00:09:08 I love you, Eugene.
00:09:10 I love you, Cindi.
00:09:16 [No Audible Dialogue]
00:09:21 [Cell Phone Rings]
00:09:23 Hello?
00:09:25 Five hours till you're chode deep.
00:09:27 Yes, I know that.
00:09:29 Are you psyched?
00:09:31 Yes, I'm very psyched.
00:09:33 Did you
00:09:36 You gotta shave your cock.
00:09:39 Really?
00:09:42 You have to. You gonna have
00:09:45 I'm not
00:09:47 - Oh, my God.
00:09:50 Eugene, no,
00:09:53 Look, man, I've already slept
00:09:57 - That's great, Tucker.
00:10:00 And I've only been having sex
00:10:03 Do you know
00:10:05 That means in 10 years,
00:10:08 Did you get the limo?
00:10:11 Horsedick.MPEG's got it.
00:10:15 - Who is Horsedick.MPEG?
00:10:19 - Phil's M.C. name is Horsedick?
00:10:22 Dot-MPEG.
00:10:24 Dude, you are so white.
00:10:27 This is gonna be the best
00:10:30 Look, I'm not even sure
00:10:34 Do you have any tips on
00:10:38 and everything
00:10:40 Shave your cock.
00:10:42 Yeah.
00:10:45 ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
00:10:48 [Loud Laughter]
00:10:51 [Stereo: Rapping]
00:10:55 Man, I ain't seen this
00:10:59 I didn't know they let people
00:11:03 ♪♪ [Continues]
00:11:06 You're stupid!
00:11:09 No, Crystal's
00:11:11 I also didn't know
00:11:15 Well, they're gonna
00:11:18 I'm about to sign me
00:11:21 Horsedick's got a song
00:11:25 The Internet.
00:11:27 You know how many motherfuckers
00:11:30 I know a lot do.
00:11:32 Half of them! I'm talkin'
00:11:36 And now my shit is up there.
00:11:41 Um, hey, Horsedick?
00:11:43 - Dot-MPEG!
00:11:46 Sorry.
00:11:48 Would you mind turning the music
00:11:51 You can't turn
00:11:54 This is my shit.
00:11:57 [Whispers]
00:11:59 - ♪ I'm gon' fuck a white bitch ♪
00:12:03 - ♪♪ [Continues]
00:12:06 ♪♪ [Bass Thumping]
00:12:12 ♪ I'm gon' fuck a white bitch
00:12:16 ♪♪ [Bass Thumping]
00:12:24 Hi, Cindi.
00:12:26 Hi.
00:12:28 That's some ride
00:12:31 Thank you.
00:12:34 So, there won't be any drinking
00:12:38 No, sir.
00:12:40 Let me get a picture
00:12:43 ♪♪ [Bass Continues Thumping]
00:12:46 Oh, Horsedick,
00:12:52 Hey, Daddy.
00:12:55 [Laughing Continues]
00:12:59 Come here, motherfucker.
00:13:02 ♪♪ [Continues]
00:13:05 Yeah!
00:13:08 [Cheering, Laughing]
00:13:13 ♪♪ [Continues]
00:13:18 Whoo!
00:13:24 ♪♪ [Rock]
00:13:38 I'm sorry.
00:13:40 I'm sure this is not
00:13:44 Hey, everybody!
00:13:46 Denise is so wasted,
00:13:52 I'm gonna go get the keys
00:13:56 Aaah!
00:13:59 Meet me upstairs
00:14:02 Sure.
00:14:09 Dude! Where's Cindi?
00:14:11 Shouldn't you be
00:14:15 She just went upstairs.
00:14:18 Tucker, I'm just
00:14:21 "Dealing with this"?
00:14:24 You're going upstairs to have sex!
00:14:27 And yeah, she may not be the
00:14:32 What? She's a seven?
00:14:34 Look, you've already
00:14:37 So you can go and trudge
00:14:40 or you can go enjoy yourself
00:14:44 I know, I know.
00:14:46 Look, most guys end up losing
00:14:50 You're lucky enough to have it be
00:14:54 You're right.
00:14:57 And that means
00:15:00 Thank you, Tucker.
00:15:04 All right. I'm gonna do it.
00:15:06 I'm gonna do it.
00:15:08 I'm gonna do it now.
00:15:10 I'm gonna have sex.
00:15:12 Oh, my God, I'm nervous.
00:15:16 [Tucker Groaning]
00:15:19 A little whiskey
00:15:22 You should probably have one more
00:15:25 'cause you'll explode
00:15:28 - Gotta numb the senses.
00:15:34 Whoo!
00:15:37 Go for it, Eugene.
00:15:40 Yeah. Good luck to me
00:15:47 The next time you see me,
00:15:51 Go get 'em, Eugene- Wait!
00:15:58 Eugene!
00:16:06 Whoa. Punked.
00:16:20 [Monitor Beeping]
00:16:26 [Tucker]
00:16:30 I have an idea.
00:16:33 And... wake up!
00:16:34 - [Screams]
00:16:37 - What the fuck
00:16:42 [Screaming]
00:16:45 - You probably can't move yet.
00:16:48 Why can't I move
00:16:50 Because you haven't used
00:16:54 Tucker, what's happening?
00:16:57 You fell down the stairs after prom
00:17:00 Then I saved your life,
00:17:03 [Gasps]
00:17:06 -Juanita,
00:17:09 - I told you
00:17:13 - What the fuck is going on?
00:17:16 [Shrieking]
00:17:19 Oh! You're pooping!
00:17:28 Your body is in
00:17:31 but you're in surprisingly
00:17:36 You've healed from
00:17:39 so all that you'll need
00:17:42 What about my face?
00:17:45 Yes, well, your nose
00:17:48 and the frontal palate
00:17:52 But we've set most of that.
00:17:54 [Chuckles]
00:17:59 But you'll find over time...
00:18:01 that your muscle strength will return,
00:18:04 - [Exhales]
00:18:08 That's why you pooped.
00:18:10 [Chuckles]
00:18:12 Yeah, you did. A lot.
00:18:17 Lots of poop.
00:18:19 Like, almost four years
00:18:23 Should call you Poopy Pants.
00:18:25 Mr. Poopy Pants.
00:18:29 Sorry. Anyway,
00:18:33 I'm sure you and your friend
00:18:38 - Oh, and, Tucker,
00:18:42 I like your style.
00:18:48 [Softly]
00:18:51 I can't believe
00:18:54 Yeah. You gotta watch
00:18:57 It doesn't feel
00:19:00 I feel like just five seconds ago
00:19:03 and going upstairs
00:19:06 Wait a minute.
00:19:09 Where's my Dad?
00:19:13 What? He left me in the hospital?
00:19:16 Well, dude, you were a vegetable.
00:19:18 Besides, he still
00:19:20 What about Cindi?
00:19:23 Well, give me your cell phone.
00:19:27 She left me too?
00:19:30 Then how come you're still here?
00:19:32 'Cause we're homeys, dude.
00:19:34 I can't believe she would
00:19:36 She was around for a little while,
00:19:38 but then she got into college
00:19:42 I mean, it took me four years
00:19:45 I tried to look her up
00:19:48 but she dropped out
00:19:54 Tucker, I appreciate you
00:19:57 But I think right now
00:20:00 Okay, man.
00:20:02 I'll check on you tomorrow.
00:20:04 Besides, I got a date
00:20:07 Wait. You have a girlfriend?
00:20:09 Well, I'm not the kind of guy...
00:20:11 that gets chained down
00:20:13 but lately
00:20:16 That crazy handicapped chick?
00:20:18 Hey. Epilepsy, dude.
00:20:20 Plus, it's kind of hot.
00:20:23 Nice.
00:20:26 [Tucker]
00:20:29 Okay, looking good.
00:20:32 Bobby, you wanna sit up
00:20:35 Sit up straight, sweetie.
00:20:37 Everybody say,
00:20:41 [All]
00:20:43 That was great.
00:20:45 I'm gonna try one more,
00:20:51 All right, let's see.
00:20:53 Let's brush
00:20:57 Bring out Mommy's pretty neck.
00:20:59 That's good.
00:21:01 Let's have a couple wisps
00:21:05 That's good. That looks great.
00:21:08 And here, position
00:21:12 That's good. That's good.
00:21:14 Like that, and-
00:21:17 - Okay, that's enough
00:21:20 All right,
00:21:23 It's gonna be good.
00:21:27 [Mommy]
00:21:31 Do not run away.
00:21:34 Mr. Biederman
00:21:36 He brings his family in for
00:21:40 He's crazy. I think he does drugs.
00:21:42 Well, he said
00:21:45 He said you handed her
00:21:48 What the "H", bro?
00:21:50 Sweet. New Playboy.
00:21:52 How many times have I told you
00:21:55 Why doesn't anybody
00:21:58 Oh, my God.
00:22:00 What?
00:22:02 Pack your bags, Eugene.
00:22:04 No, no, no.
00:22:07 I found Cindi.
00:22:09 Right there.
00:22:12 [Grunting, Groaning]
00:22:14 Mierda.
00:22:18 I can't believe Cindi
00:22:20 She's changed, man.
00:22:23 The girl next door is now
00:22:25 Oh, my God. It says one of her likes
00:22:29 Calm down. That could
00:22:31 Tucker, do you think that
00:22:35 Let's see.
00:22:40 No, afraid not.
00:22:42 - Oh, my God.
00:22:45 How is this perfect?
00:22:47 This Saturday is Playboy's
00:22:50 So?
00:22:52 So, this Saturday
00:22:55 are gonna be at
00:22:57 mingling with guests,
00:23:01 - Yeah, but, Tucker-
00:23:04 What are the odds
00:23:06 as you're getting
00:23:08 I guess.
00:23:10 This is true love speaking.
00:23:13 It's telling us to go
00:23:16 Yeah, but, Tucker,
00:23:18 You're getting a little
00:23:21 So the party's Saturday night.
00:23:25 It's Thursday today,
00:23:28 Think you can do it?
00:23:31 I can try.
00:23:33 We're going to
00:23:35 Yeah!
00:24:16 [Intercom Beeps]
00:24:18 [Juanita]
00:24:24 Dad?
00:24:26 Hey, sport.
00:24:28 I can't tell you
00:24:32 That's great.
00:24:35 Um, it's been weird here.
00:24:38 This actually works out great,
00:24:42 In a few weeks?
00:24:44 That's right, buddy.
00:24:46 Oh, wait a minute.
00:24:49 You know what? It's Japan.
00:24:52 [Beeps]
00:24:54 [Dad Speaking Japanese]
00:24:57 Oh, shit.
00:25:00 [Clicking, Dial Tone]
00:25:11 Whoa.
00:25:13 Wow. This is the nicest place
00:25:18 Yeah. They don't even
00:25:21 Sir, may I help you?
00:25:22 Yeah, we'll take a plate
00:25:26 - Two Jägers.
00:25:30 - Wanna get your picture
00:25:37 Come on, closer.
00:25:39 - And-
00:25:42 - Awesome.
00:25:45 [Clicking]
00:25:47 So, Tucker, I got you
00:25:50 - [Groaning]
00:25:53 I know how you feel
00:25:56 That we did each other
00:25:59 Yes, that we did each other
00:26:03 This is just a little something
00:26:06 - Thank you.
00:26:13 Is there a check?
00:26:15 No, there's no check.
00:26:23 You got me the Black Billiard.
00:26:26 This is just like the pipe
00:26:29 I know.
00:26:34 Candace, you're, like,
00:26:39 So, where are we
00:26:41 Don't you worry about it, babe.
00:26:44 Tonight is gonna be awesome.
00:26:52 [Screams]
00:26:54 What was that? Who is that?
00:26:58 What the fuck?
00:27:01 - Tucker?
00:27:04 What are you talking about?
00:27:07 We're not leaving
00:27:09 I'm not ready!
00:27:13 [Juanita]
00:27:16 Tucker, what the fuck
00:27:18 We have to get out of town.
00:27:21 - Get out of town?
00:27:23 - Detour, Eugene.
00:27:27 You're a dead man,
00:27:31 - Mister!
00:27:33 Ah! Jesus! Oww!
00:27:36 There's a ramp right there!
00:27:39 Hey, hey, take it easy.
00:27:41 Oww!
00:27:43 Tucker,
00:27:45 If I take a shit in your car,
00:27:50 Stop!
00:27:52 ¡Policía!
00:27:55 - Good-bye, Juanita.
00:28:04 [Siren Blasts]
00:28:06 ¡Pendejo!
00:28:09 [Tucker Groaning]
00:28:14 Okay, Tucker,
00:28:17 - I got to get rid of this cell
00:28:20 What's going on? Slow down
00:28:23 - I had a problem with Candace.
00:28:25 What kind of problem?
00:28:27 Well, it was
00:28:29 of when Candace and I
00:28:31 Okay.
00:28:35 So we got tanked at
00:28:39 Then we poured some Maker's into
00:28:43 It was pretty sweet.
00:28:45 Everything was going great.
00:28:49 Come into the living room.
00:28:52 Oh, Tucker, that's so sweet.
00:28:54 What is it?
00:28:57 [Candace]
00:28:59 A stripper pole.
00:29:01 A stripper pole?
00:29:03 Happy 13 months boning.
00:29:06 Tucker.
00:29:08 Do a sexy strip dance
00:29:13 [Stammering]
00:29:15 Miss January of this year...
00:29:17 said that 90% of the reason
00:29:20 is because people don't
00:29:22 We're in
00:29:25 - [Clicks]
00:29:29 Huh? Come on, give it a spin.
00:29:33 Come on.
00:29:36 Yeah, there you go.
00:29:44 ♪♪ [Continues]
00:29:56 ♪ I love myself
00:29:59 - ♪ When I'm feeling' down
00:30:04 ♪ I search myself
00:30:07 ♪ I forget myself
00:30:12 - [Groans]
00:30:16 So anyway, then she kind of
00:30:19 ♪ Anybody else ♪
00:30:20 ♪ When I think about you
00:30:25 You look so awesome
00:30:28 Then she started to,
00:30:31 She was whipping
00:30:35 ♪♪ [Continues]
00:30:47 Okay.
00:30:49 Then she started
00:30:53 Yeah, I know what you mean.
00:30:56 ♪♪ [Continues]
00:31:02 Oh, that feels good.
00:31:04 Oh, that's great.
00:31:07 Oh, that's awesome.
00:31:09 [Tucker]
00:31:12 Hey, check it out.
00:31:16 [Screaming]
00:31:18 You're biting!
00:31:23 You're biting! Candace!
00:31:27 I don't know. Candace must just
00:31:29 Tucker, that was probably
00:31:31 Don't make jokes, man.
00:31:34 I didn't know what to do,
00:31:39 and I stabbed her in the face!
00:31:41 - Oh, my God!
00:31:43 I didn't know what to do.
00:31:45 So you stabbed her?
00:31:49 Oh, my God!
00:31:51 No wonder she looked
00:31:54 Okay, that's terrible,
00:31:57 - [Gasps]
00:32:00 - Oh, no! Her brother!
00:32:04 [Yells]
00:32:06 Have you ever
00:32:08 - [Truck Horn Blasting]
00:32:12 They must have put
00:32:17 - [Grunts]
00:32:27 [Screaming Continues]
00:32:31 Roll up your window!
00:32:43 - What's he gonna do now?
00:32:50 Tucker, do something!
00:33:00 [Truck Horn Blasting]
00:33:07 [Laughs]
00:33:09 Can't turn
00:33:23 ♪♪ [Radio: Hip-hop]
00:33:25 Okay, Tucker, have you put
00:33:29 The Playboy Mansion is on
00:33:33 Well, the country is,
00:33:35 Each state is roughly
00:33:39 We're moving
00:33:41 We should be there
00:33:44 Okay, well, not one part
00:33:47 Have you thought about how we're gonna
00:33:50 [Gasps]
00:33:52 ♪♪ [Singing Along]
00:33:55 ♪♪ [Continues]
00:33:58 - Dot-MPEG.
00:34:01 - Did he change his lyrics?
00:34:05 Wait a minute.
00:34:07 Yeah, man. He blew up.
00:34:10 They even play his song
00:34:13 I'm asleep for four years.
00:34:15 My dad moves out of town,
00:34:19 Yep. It's kind of like
00:34:21 Yeah, it's exactly like
00:34:25 [Radio: Announcer]
00:34:28 Horsedick.MPEG with the track
00:34:31 off his multi-platinum CD
00:34:32 Pick it up
00:34:35 Wait a minute.
00:34:39 then he could get into
00:34:42 Oh, yeah.
00:34:52 [Gasps]
00:34:56 He lives in Chicago.
00:34:59 He'd be totally down
00:35:01 Good idea, Tucker.
00:35:04 Okay. Well, at least
00:35:08 That's our plan.
00:35:11 Dot-MPEG.
00:35:13 All points bulletin.
00:35:15 Be on the lookout
00:35:18 White male, six foot five.
00:35:22 Last seen April 17.
00:35:24 I just can't believe
00:35:27 Dude, firemen
00:35:29 It's their job.
00:35:32 I guess that makes sense.
00:35:34 Trust me, dude.
00:35:38 Hey, Tucker, I don't
00:35:41 Can you get me like a shirt,
00:35:45 Sure, no sweat.
00:35:48 Wh- No!
00:35:50 I have atrophy!
00:36:19 Ridiculous.
00:36:22 [Groaning, Grunting]
00:36:41 ♪♪ [Country]
00:36:44 Whoa.
00:36:47 Hugh.
00:37:08 [Grunting]
00:37:18 [Shrieking]
00:37:25 [Gasping]
00:37:27 [Shrieking Resumes]
00:37:34 [Line Ringing]
00:37:36 [Line Clicks]
00:37:38 [Answering Machine]
00:37:40 I can't come to the phone right
00:37:45 Leave a message.
00:37:48 Uh, h-hi, Candace.
00:37:52 That's a-
00:37:55 Um, look,
00:37:57 I-I just wanted to call
00:38:02 Um, I want you to know
00:38:07 and I realize
00:38:11 a little...
00:38:13 cross.
00:38:15 And I may have
00:38:19 But...
00:38:22 My brain just shuts down
00:38:29 Anyway, I just-
00:38:32 I hope this doesn't get
00:38:37 [Machine Clicking]
00:38:39 because I really like
00:38:44 I mean, not like we're
00:38:48 By the way,
00:38:51 Because- weird.
00:38:53 I mean,
00:38:56 Um, anyway, I guess
00:39:00 I forgive you.
00:39:02 I just hope...
00:39:04 you're not gonna be
00:39:07 Okay, bye.
00:39:20 Well, I think
00:39:23 Why is your dress all wet?
00:39:26 Give me my clothes.
00:39:36 ♪♪ [Radio: Hip-hop]
00:39:40 Really?
00:39:43 That shirt's awesome, man.
00:39:47 I'm getting pretty tired.
00:39:50 Do you want to get
00:39:53 I ate, like, 10 packets of those
00:39:57 You can get
00:40:00 All right, just wake me
00:40:04 And, Tucker,
00:40:06 thank you for everything.
00:40:10 No problem, dude.
00:40:12 [Horn Honking]
00:40:14 Whoa! Sorry.
00:40:17 Just watch the road.
00:40:19 Will do.
00:40:22 Good night.
00:40:37 [Woman]
00:40:39 - Want to party?
00:40:42 I got tired of waiting for you,
00:40:48 - No! Cindi!
00:40:51 - Why couldn't you
00:40:55 You've turned me
00:40:58 This is a venereal disease,
00:41:01 and I have
00:41:04 - No!
00:41:06 Just like your brother!
00:41:09 No!
00:41:11 [Thunderclap]
00:41:14 ♪♪ [Radio: Country]
00:41:19 What state are we in?
00:41:23 Hey! Tucker!
00:41:26 [Screaming]
00:41:28 Sorry about that.
00:41:30 I started drinking all this NyQuil
00:41:35 - There's clothes in this bag
00:41:37 But I feel good to go now.
00:41:40 Tucker, you can't drive
00:41:44 I got some sleep in the car.
00:41:47 We could go get
00:41:50 be in Chicago in a couple hours,
00:41:53 Tucker, it's 4:00
00:41:55 The stupid fucking mansion
00:41:58 The stupid what-ing mansion?
00:42:01 Oh, God.
00:42:03 That mansion is a historical
00:42:05 where some of the greatest minds
00:42:09 And watch naked ladies
00:42:12 [Gasps]
00:42:15 I need to give you
00:42:18 You're gonna give me
00:42:21 Yeah. I've had a subscription
00:42:25 God, you're right, Tucker.
00:42:29 Okay.
00:42:31 Here, put this on.
00:42:33 Ow. I don't wanna.
00:42:35 Put it on.
00:42:37 This is a bathrobe.
00:42:42 It's the western equivalent
00:42:44 There's a stain on mine.
00:42:46 It signifies both power and leisure.
00:42:49 Say that with me-
00:42:51 power and leisure.
00:42:54 Say it.
00:42:57 Power and leisure.
00:42:59 Good. Now, lesson two.
00:43:00 When you get to the mansion
00:43:03 you can't just walk up to her
00:43:06 [Laughs]
00:43:09 You have to engage her in
00:43:12 Find out who she is.
00:43:14 Ask her questions like
00:43:16 or what's her most
00:43:21 This is a pipe.
00:43:23 Smoking a pipe is the equivalent
00:43:31 Tucker!
00:43:44 This usually
00:43:47 [Horn Blasting]
00:43:51 Uh-oh, dude,
00:44:16 They know about Candace!
00:44:21 - [Yelling]
00:44:25 We must be
00:44:29 You're a dead man,
00:44:33 [Both Shriek]
00:44:36 [Shrieking Continues]
00:44:58 How's that atrophy coming?
00:45:06 Are you still mad?
00:45:14 Hey, do you want to
00:45:17 Well, how much money
00:45:19 Because we just spent 75 bucks
00:45:24 Let's see. I've got... seven dollars.
00:45:28 Do you have any money?
00:45:30 No, I don't have any money.
00:45:33 I've been in a coma
00:45:37 Okay. Seven bucks.
00:45:39 Seven bucks should be enough
00:45:48 ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
00:45:53 Are you mad?
00:45:56 What kind of fuckin' idiot goes
00:46:00 Well, to be fair, dude,
00:46:04 and you're the one
00:46:07 You had to buy clothes for me
00:46:10 and I wanted the motel
00:46:13 But then wait!
00:46:17 And then you pissed off firemen
00:46:22 I think you're overreacting
00:46:26 I am trying to reclaim my life
00:46:30 This is all some dumb excuse
00:46:33 so you can finally rub up on
00:46:40 Rub up? Strippers?
00:46:44 We talked about this
00:46:46 and I will not allow that
00:46:50 in my car!
00:46:52 Oh, look! Horsedick.
00:46:54 ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
00:47:21 [Phone Rings]
00:47:24 Speak.
00:47:26 They've been spotted
00:47:31 [Horsedick]
00:47:35 ♪ You know who it is ♪
00:47:37 [Laughing, Growling]
00:47:40 ♪ Suck my dick
00:47:47 ♪ Suck upon my dick
00:47:50 ♪ Suck my dick
00:47:57 ♪ Suck upon my dick
00:48:00 [Women]
00:48:02 Yeah. Quit singin'-
00:48:05 and suck my dick!
00:48:08 You know, these lyrics
00:48:11 Shut up, Eugene.
00:48:13 I wish Candace were here.
00:48:17 Tucker, if Candace
00:48:20 Oh, yeah. I forgot.
00:48:22 ♪ Suck my dick
00:48:25 ♪ Suck my dick
00:48:28 ♪ Suck upon my dick
00:48:30 ♪ Suck my dick
00:48:35 ♪ Suck my dick
00:48:38 ♪ Suck upon my dick
00:48:41 Bitch!
00:48:43 ♪ Suck my dick
00:48:47 [Choked Up]
00:48:49 [Man On Bullhorn]
00:48:52 Great job, Horsedick.MPEG.
00:48:54 You think they're gonna
00:48:56 Yo, Horsedick.
00:48:58 You know these dudes, man?
00:49:00 Hell, yeah!
00:49:04 What up, brother?
00:49:07 - How you feel, man?
00:49:10 - Of course. Any time.
00:49:13 Oh, the Stairmaster.
00:49:17 I heard you was all
00:49:19 Yeah, I was in a coma
00:49:23 I see you've
00:49:25 Thanks, bro. Man, my last CD
00:49:29 - Motherfuckers got killed!
00:49:32 Thank God.
00:49:36 - We just came
00:49:38 Dude.
00:49:40 Oh, and we were wondering
00:49:43 - Most definitely.
00:49:46 Wow, Horsedick.
00:49:51 Anything for my bro, man.
00:49:54 See? I told you Horsedick
00:49:57 We're gonna have you back
00:50:03 Finally have sex?
00:50:08 Are you tellin' me you're-
00:50:11 Do you mean to tell me
00:50:14 Never?
00:50:17 I was going to in high school,
00:50:20 Crystal! Janine!
00:50:22 Get your asses in here
00:50:26 - Oh, no, Horsedick.
00:50:29 Dot-MPEG, yes.
00:50:31 I'm saving myself, uh,
00:50:34 who's gonna be
00:50:36 so thank you,
00:50:41 - I'll have sex with those girls.
00:50:44 I gotta take a shit.
00:50:46 - You okay with just Crystal?
00:50:49 Come on, baby.
00:50:51 ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
00:50:56 You and me gonna have a long talk.
00:50:59 We gonna smoke this here,
00:51:04 exactly what
00:51:06 Thank you again, Horsedick.MPEG,
00:51:10 Look here, man.
00:51:11 This is a party bus.
00:51:14 There's only one rule on a party bus-
00:51:18 So you're either gonna
00:51:22 We out of toilet paper!
00:51:32 [Man Singing: R&B]
00:51:34 ♪ Know that I'm a better man ♪
00:51:39 ♪ So now you can know my name ♪
00:51:41 ♪ Girl, you gotta bounce that ♪
00:51:44 ♪ Nonstop to the break of dawn ♪
00:51:46 ♪ Know that I'm a better man ♪
00:51:49 ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
00:51:52 I gotta warn you,
00:51:54 this could take
00:51:56 ♪ Sittin' on the pillow
00:51:59 ♪ See-through panties
00:52:02 ♪ Look so good ♪
00:52:08 I don't understand it.
00:52:13 It's, like, I knew her.
00:52:15 You know, like,
00:52:18 Then you wake up,
00:52:25 This bitch one time...
00:52:28 tore my heart out, man,
00:52:31 - Oh, Horsedick.
00:52:34 Dot-MPEG.
00:52:37 You know, I think
00:52:43 I don't even know
00:52:46 What was we
00:52:49 ♪ Take that off♪
00:52:51 - You like this?
00:52:59 You want this?
00:53:01 Uh, yeah. Yeah.
00:53:03 Then come and get it.
00:53:07 [Screams]
00:53:13 Goddamn! Hey, Charlie!
00:53:20 Crazy-ass bus driver.
00:53:23 ♪ Girl, you gotta bounce that ♪
00:53:27 ♪ So now you can know my name ♪
00:53:30 ♪ Know that I'm a better man ♪
00:53:33 ♪ So now you can know my name ♪
00:53:35 ♪ Girl, you gotta bounce that ♪
00:53:39 ♪ Nonstop to the break of dawn ♪♪
00:53:42 She said the most...
00:53:47 mean, hurtful things...
00:53:50 to people,
00:53:54 and they laughed at me.
00:53:56 And it was-
00:53:58 So that's why, you know,
00:54:02 Cut through bitches
00:54:03 No emotional attachment.
00:54:06 - Huh? What?
00:54:09 Good. Real-
00:54:14 - I gotta go to bed.
00:54:18 He's tired!
00:54:29 When you give something
00:54:32 they don't do nothin'
00:54:36 That's why I don't give 'em
00:54:41 'Cause they can't
00:54:45 You'll see tomorrow
00:54:48 We'll run a train on, like, seven,
00:54:53 Ain't a Playmate there
00:54:55 Wait a minute. What?
00:54:57 All of them, dog.
00:54:59 Okay. Horsedick, you couldn't
00:55:02 - I mean, that's crazy.
00:55:06 Miss February on my dick.
00:55:08 - Miss March?
00:55:11 Cindi Whitehall.
00:55:13 Man, I had that bitch screamin'
00:55:16 She was chompin' down on my dick
00:55:19 and she was
00:55:26 [Pooping]
00:55:30 What the fuck?
00:55:39 Get the fuck back here,
00:55:41 I hope you get V.D.
00:55:44 Cindi would never
00:55:49 [Cries]
00:55:53 You all right, man?
00:55:55 She slept with him.
00:55:57 She slept with a shallow,
00:56:04 How could she do that?
00:56:08 I don't even know
00:56:11 She's not gone, man.
00:56:16 She's still Cindi.
00:56:18 But we had something special.
00:56:24 You wouldn't understand, Tucker.
00:56:26 Come on, man.
00:56:29 We got a long way
00:56:31 [Sobbing]
00:56:40 Man, I wish Candace
00:56:43 Really? Again?
00:56:46 She's trying to kill you.
00:56:48 Yeah. She has a car though.
00:56:51 We have 12 hours
00:56:55 Hey!
00:56:59 People are assholes.
00:57:02 Someone will stop.
00:57:05 No, they don't.
00:57:08 I am living proof
00:57:12 [Russian Accent]
00:57:16 Here is the deal. I am Katja.
00:57:21 Your... girlfriend?
00:57:24 Yes. We're lesbians.
00:57:28 No. No. No.
00:57:30 We're driving to Los Angeles,
00:57:33 that we can't keep our hands
00:57:36 We have to make out
00:57:39 Oh.
00:57:41 So we need you boys to drive
00:57:44 so we can get crazy
00:57:46 and make love and suck
00:57:50 Can you boys do that?
00:57:54 Yeah. Yeah.
00:58:03 [Moaning]
00:58:08 [Screaming, Moaning]
00:58:11 Katja.
00:58:14 Oh. Right there. Katja!
00:58:19 [Laughing]
00:58:29 [Moaning, Squealing]
00:58:33 Whoa! Aah!
00:58:37 [Groaning]
00:58:41 Is there going
00:58:46 You almost make me bite
00:58:49 Oh, sweet God.
00:58:52 [Moans]
00:58:54 [Moaning, Grunting]
00:59:00 [Vonka, Indistinct]
00:59:07 [Moaning Continues]
00:59:14 Thirty miles to Los Angeles.
00:59:21 Is this going to happen
00:59:25 No. No. I got it.
00:59:31 ♪♪ [Woman Singing Country]
00:59:34 Ain't seen shit in here.
00:59:38 [Cell Phone Rings]
00:59:42 [Rick]
00:59:45 Los Angeles. Of course.
00:59:48 Yeah, but the trail
00:59:51 No, it doesn't.
00:59:53 You tell your men I know
00:59:57 ♪♪ [Man Singing Rock]
01:00:04 [Vonka Laughing]
01:00:06 [Screaming]
01:00:11 You know, lesbians, I didn't want
01:00:14 but the car is really starting
01:00:17 Oh, yeah!
01:00:21 10228 Charring Cross Road,
01:00:28 What's up, boys and girls?
01:00:30 and we're at Playboy's
01:00:35 I heard Horsedick.MPEG
01:00:40 Wow. I can't believe
01:00:44 My God. We're 20 minutes late.
01:00:49 Look. I think right there
01:00:53 Oh, no.
01:00:55 Oh, man. We are way out of our league.
01:00:58 We need
01:01:01 [Panting]
01:01:12 Hey there, everybody.
01:01:15 Just here
01:01:20 Pretty good.
01:01:23 - Those are our-
01:01:26 Whoo!
01:01:29 That didn't work.
01:01:33 [Gasps]
01:01:36 [Siren Wailing]
01:01:38 [Screaming]
01:01:42 Wait a minute.
01:01:45 Sure there is.
01:01:48 He's around here
01:01:53 Cover the rear, gentlemen.
01:01:57 Go on, move, move!
01:01:59 Eugene.
01:02:01 I think I have a plan.
01:02:04 Follow me.
01:02:09 I'm afraid.
01:02:12 Sorry about this, fellas.
01:02:14 We're just dumb firemen
01:02:18 ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
01:02:24 [Man]
01:02:28 ♪ Show me how to do this ♪
01:02:31 ♪ Get your body movin' ♪
01:02:36 ♪ You like how I do it ♪
01:02:39 ♪Just sittin' here
01:02:42 ♪ Thinking
01:02:45 All right, boys!
01:02:50 We have word
01:02:59 Uh-uh. You gotta go to
01:03:02 [Grunting]
01:03:08 Damn. Bitch is crazy.
01:03:14 Okay. First things first.
01:03:16 Gotta get rid of these outfits
01:03:18 What? Tucker,
01:03:21 I can't work like this.
01:03:25 People hate firemen.
01:03:29 I'm gonna go mingle.
01:03:32 Okay. Fine. Do me a favor
01:03:35 Okay. Good luck.
01:03:46 Hey, ladies.
01:03:49 I'm from South Carolina.
01:03:57 [Glass Shatters]
01:04:02 Hey, gorgeous.
01:04:06 - My hobbies?
01:04:08 What are your turn-ons?
01:04:10 Shit. Where's my pepper spray?
01:04:16 Ugh.
01:04:26 Hey, girl of my dreams.
01:04:28 Ugh!
01:04:30 ♪♪ [Woman Singing, Indistinct]
01:04:33 Hey! All right. MILF.
01:04:37 I'm 25.
01:04:40 Fuck off.
01:04:51 Sara Jean Underwood,
01:04:54 Playmate of the Year,
01:04:56 - That's me.
01:05:01 - Aw. Why, thank you.
01:05:03 And who is this little guy?
01:05:05 Oh, this is Puddles, and he's a rescue.
01:05:09 Oh, no way.
01:05:11 - You do?
01:05:14 Some loser lost his jerk Labrador...
01:05:16 'cause I caught him going
01:05:19 And you sent
01:05:23 - Big time.
01:05:25 No. I know.
01:05:28 Because they put dogs
01:05:31 They were gonna put Puddles
01:05:35 So I took him home with me
01:05:38 Whoa. That's so weird.
01:05:40 It is?
01:05:43 I mean, I just-
01:05:46 could nurse dogs.
01:05:50 I'm not literally
01:05:52 Oh! I thought
01:05:55 I'm sorry. I was-
01:06:00 [Puddles Whimpering]
01:06:05 especially with modern times.
01:06:07 And I've seen that
01:06:10 You've seen a lot of that
01:06:12 Yeah. I mean-
01:06:14 Some girls will even have s-
01:06:19 Not that that's good at all,
01:06:23 Unless you do that,
01:06:27 I'm sorry, Tucker.
01:06:30 I-I'm sorry.
01:06:33 especially when I'm
01:06:36 I'm always blowing
01:06:39 Can we just start over?
01:06:42 Can I get you
01:06:44 That's sweet, Tucker,
01:06:46 He has to go to the bathroom
01:06:49 No, that's really
01:06:51 I insist.
01:06:53 Please?
01:06:56 Okay, Tucker. You win.
01:06:59 You won't regret this,
01:07:02 Bring him right back!
01:07:06 [Gasps] Oh, my God!
01:07:12 - Is it yours?
01:07:14 - What is his name?
01:07:16 Oh, my God!
01:07:19 I love men with dogs.
01:07:21 Really?
01:07:23 My last boyfriend hated dogs.
01:07:26 [Laughing]
01:07:29 And that's just when I knew
01:07:31 I mean, look at his little paws!
01:07:34 Yeah,
01:07:37 Oh. Oh, uh-
01:07:40 Mmm. What?
01:07:44 - Nothing.
01:07:49 [Laughs]
01:07:53 [Laughs]
01:07:56 [Both Laughing]
01:07:59 This tastes like shit!
01:08:01 I mean, the other one
01:08:04 - It tasted like-
01:08:07 [Laughing]
01:08:11 Okay. Here's the plan.
01:08:15 You're gonna go find me
01:08:17 And then we're gonna
01:08:20 And make sure you bring him!
01:08:23 Okay. Bye.
01:08:32 [Horsedick.MPEG]
01:08:34 I'm, like, that's cool.
01:08:36 Then this little motherfucker...
01:08:40 hits me... and poops
01:08:43 Man, I hate poop.
01:08:45 I'm hopin' those little shits
01:08:48 Gonna kill that little bitch.
01:08:52 I'm-a just gonna hold
01:08:55 That's what's up, man.
01:08:58 That's what's up.
01:09:02 [Whining]
01:09:04 Come on, Puddles. Come on.
01:09:07 What's the matter?
01:09:10 Here we go. Here we go.
01:09:13 Puddles, go to the bathroom.
01:09:15 [Sighs]
01:09:17 Maybe you're empty.
01:09:19 Um- No. Here we go.
01:09:23 Little beer.
01:09:26 - Little bit of-
01:09:29 [Gasps]
01:09:35 What the shit?
01:09:37 Oh! Sorry.
01:09:40 Um, no. No, thank you.
01:09:42 Actually, yeah.
01:09:46 Oh, my God.
01:09:49 We have a 2-14!
01:09:52 Oh, good.
01:09:55 Nothing. Never mind.
01:09:59 [Tucker]
01:10:02 "Oh, my God, this is the best sex
01:10:07 And I'm, like,
01:10:12 Isn't that weird?
01:10:14 Isn't-
01:10:24 [Woman Laughs]
01:10:41 The Grotto.
01:10:48 Um, excuse me, sir.
01:10:52 - What you want
01:10:55 - Or I was her boyfriend,
01:10:59 No, no, no.
01:11:01 I came across the country
01:11:14 Cindi. Cindi!
01:11:17 No, Cindi!
01:11:20 - Eugene?
01:11:24 Cindi!
01:11:27 Oh! Candace!
01:11:30 Good to see you.
01:11:32 I was worried sick.
01:11:35 Uh, how are you?
01:11:38 Your face looks-
01:11:42 Comin' along.
01:11:45 By the way,
01:11:48 Did I ever tell you that,
01:11:51 - You get back here, Tucker Cleigh!
01:11:56 Ow! Let me go! Ow!
01:11:58 Ow!
01:12:01 I need to talk to Cindi!
01:12:06 [Man Grunts]
01:12:08 Quick!
01:12:10 Fan out!
01:12:17 Check on this floor!
01:12:21 Come on, boys.
01:12:28 Lesbians! Help me
01:12:31 Where are the bedrooms?
01:12:33 Vonka and I thought of
01:12:36 There's bedrooms
01:12:39 There are?
01:12:42 - Yeah. But it's locked.
01:13:00 [Clicking]
01:13:02 [Clinks]
01:13:11 Okay. Come on.
01:13:18 [Laughing]
01:13:20 Good idea, lesbians!
01:13:23 Lesbians! Lesbians!
01:13:30 [Chuckles, Satisfied Laugh]
01:13:34 ♪♪ [Light Jazz]
01:13:38 What seems to be
01:13:42 Oh, my God!
01:13:44 I can't look. I can't look.
01:13:47 - Oh! Oh! I can't- Oh, my God!
01:13:51 Oh! Tucker Cleigh, sir.
01:13:55 And I am
01:13:57 I try to apply
01:14:02 Oh, yeah?
01:14:05 - Good! Great. Awesome.
01:14:09 The party's outside.
01:14:18 Something wrong?
01:14:23 Well, yeah, actually.
01:14:28 Things haven't been going
01:14:33 I mean, I'm here
01:14:36 and- [Sighs]
01:14:41 I don't get it.
01:14:44 Have a seat, son.
01:14:50 Eugene?
01:14:52 Cindi.
01:14:54 Oh, my God! I can't believe this!
01:14:57 When did you wake up?
01:15:01 How did you find me?
01:15:05 What does that mean?
01:15:08 What?
01:15:10 Where have you been?
01:15:13 Been working.
01:15:15 Working as what? A whore?
01:15:19 Stop that! I know him.
01:15:22 Sorry, miss. It just really
01:15:27 What?
01:15:28 Eugene, how could you say
01:15:31 You left me!
01:15:33 You left me
01:15:36 Eugene, you were in a coma
01:15:38 Yeah! I was in a coma,
01:15:42 What are you talking about?
01:15:45 You're posing naked
01:15:48 Eugene.
01:15:51 100? 200?
01:15:56 Ow! Ah.
01:15:59 Just imagine
01:16:03 if you woke up one morning,
01:16:06 and everyone that
01:16:09 and your dad
01:16:11 and the one person
01:16:14 is out flashing her tits
01:16:17 and blowing
01:16:21 So, you- you have
01:16:23 Yeah, and she's great.
01:16:27 Most girls want to kill me
01:16:30 and it took her
01:16:32 Then what's the problem?
01:16:35 She is great. It's just-
01:16:38 I can't get settled down yet.
01:16:42 Tucker, it's the quality,
01:16:46 of the relationships
01:16:49 But you're dating
01:16:55 Here. Look at this.
01:16:59 Oh! Gross!
01:17:02 - That's Gertrude VonBrauer.
01:17:06 - It's dead.
01:17:08 Gertrude was
01:17:10 Our childhood friendship
01:17:14 [Gasps]
01:17:16 Tucker, yes.
01:17:18 Gertrude VonBrauer
01:17:21 But she's, like,
01:17:24 the worst-looking person
01:17:28 Give me back
01:17:37 Gertrude died
01:17:39 Oh, thank God.
01:17:44 Tucker, the point
01:17:46 is that when you find
01:17:49 you have to
01:17:51 Now, I've known
01:17:54 and I've had a phenomenal sex life.
01:17:57 But I'd trade it all in
01:18:01 with this young 18-year-old girl
01:18:04 Who's busted.
01:18:06 Tucker, there's a bunny...
01:18:10 deep down inside
01:18:14 They're just not bunnies
01:18:18 No, they're not.
01:18:20 But if you can see
01:18:23 then you're on to something,
01:18:27 I think I get it.
01:18:29 I was trying to turn my girlfriend
01:18:34 and that's why
01:18:36 and I stabbed her
01:18:39 But if I just realized
01:18:42 then none of these firemen
01:18:47 I gotta be honest with you.
01:18:50 Okay, Mr. Hefner.
01:18:53 No problem, son.
01:18:56 Look, I've said
01:18:59 There's nothing else to do.
01:19:01 Things will never
01:19:05 about you
01:19:09 I don't even know
01:19:12 Closure, I think.
01:19:15 Eugene, everything I've done
01:19:20 Oh, yeah, right.
01:19:23 Thanks for that.
01:19:25 Eugene, where do you think
01:19:28 - What money?
01:19:32 Your dad didn't think
01:19:35 and he was gonna have you moved
01:19:39 where they basically
01:19:43 I sent whatever money
01:19:45 from part-time waitressing
01:19:47 but it never really
01:19:49 Then I started making
01:19:52 and had you moved
01:19:57 Tucker never told you any of this?
01:20:03 No. He never did.
01:20:07 Okay. Hef's orders:
01:20:11 Let me go!
01:20:14 Ow!
01:20:16 Eugene!
01:20:18 I met Hef. He talked to me.
01:20:21 - How could you,
01:20:25 You fucking brought me
01:20:28 when you knew Cindi
01:20:30 Wait. She was at the hospital
01:20:32 Don't play dumb with me!
01:20:36 How could you not know that?
01:20:38 Mister's girlfriend
01:20:41 Juanita,
01:20:45 The mister's girlfriend
01:20:47 Go away, Juanita.
01:20:49 What an angel that young
01:20:51 for paying all
01:20:53 I've never seen more devotion
01:20:57 Juanita, I'm trying
01:21:00 No!
01:21:01 You let me think Cindi
01:21:04 But wait a minute.
01:21:07 then she obviously
01:21:09 - You should be excited.
01:21:11 Candace!
01:21:14 [Gasps]
01:21:17 Put him down!
01:21:22 You are gonna die
01:21:25 - Yeah!
01:21:28 I-
01:21:30 There goes that
01:21:34 Eugene.
01:21:37 Dot-MPEG! Dot-M PEG!
01:21:40 I was just telling
01:21:44 I was gonna rip it off
01:21:46 No.
01:21:49 All right, men.
01:21:52 [Firemen]
01:21:55 [Gasps]
01:21:58 I shall now bathe my steel
01:22:02 Wait, wait, wait, wait,
01:22:05 Before you kill me,
01:22:09 Candace, I know you're mad,
01:22:15 But I just wanted to say
01:22:18 See, I was just
01:22:21 and I realized something-
01:22:23 You're my busted girl
01:22:27 We both hate the same music
01:22:31 And you like me
01:22:34 So the least I can do
01:22:38 - My faults?
01:22:43 - You stabbed me!
01:22:46 And you have this really stupid
01:22:49 When you have epilepsy,
01:22:53 - See? That's stupid.
01:22:55 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
01:22:57 The point I'm trying to make
01:23:00 I like you anyway.
01:23:03 Look, I always hoped
01:23:06 I'd already have this crazy,
01:23:09 But now I realize that
01:23:12 once you find someone
01:23:14 And when I'm with you,
01:23:16 none of the other chicks
01:23:20 Candace,
01:23:22 you're the last person
01:23:26 And if your weird brain thing
01:23:29 then so be it.
01:23:32 I'll never stab you again.
01:23:42 I love you, Tucker Cleigh.
01:23:49 Goddamn it!
01:23:51 I need to talk to Cindi.
01:23:54 Well, that was real sweet.
01:23:57 How you gonna get out
01:24:01 Horsedick, you gotta let me go.
01:24:04 Why don't you
01:24:07 and I will make sure
01:24:10 [Laughing]
01:24:14 You know what, Phil?
01:24:17 That kind of thing
01:24:20 but not now, 'cause I had
01:24:24 She's not just some trophy.
01:24:27 And a guy like you,
01:24:29 You wouldn't even know
01:24:32 I'll say he wouldn't.
01:24:35 Cindi! Wh-What's up, baby?
01:24:38 Horsedick
01:24:41 - What? What is she
01:24:44 Hey, let's go back up
01:24:47 There's a D.J.
01:24:49 Horsedick
01:24:51 Bitch! You promised.
01:24:54 - What?
01:24:56 He has to pee through a straw.
01:24:59 [Crowd Groaning]
01:25:01 Hey, everybody go
01:25:04 Come on!
01:25:07 - What about
01:25:10 What about
01:25:12 You know what?
01:25:16 Why you wanna see that?
01:25:18 Never thought I'd say this-
01:25:22 I ain't showin' you shit, man.
01:25:25 What you doin'?
01:25:27 [Gasping]
01:25:36 It ain't my fault.
01:25:38 Oh, man!
01:25:46 Cindi. Cindi.
01:25:48 Cindi. Listen, I'm sorry.
01:25:51 And what happened
01:25:54 What's important is right now.
01:25:59 I just think that-
01:26:04 Okay.
01:26:06 Okay. I just have a question.
01:26:10 I call the hospital
01:26:14 On, uh, Wednesday.
01:26:16 And you just
01:26:21 Tucker's idea.
01:26:22 Yeah.
01:26:25 We've really gotta
01:26:35 No. This one's okay.
01:26:52 Let 'em in.
01:26:56 Let 'em in, damn it.
01:27:04 ♪♪ [Rock]
01:27:06 Mmm.
01:27:08 Okay.
01:27:10 Bye. Bye.
01:27:17 So, Candace, huh?
01:27:21 She's somethin' else, all right.
01:27:23 So you guys are like-
01:27:25 Yeah. Candace thinks that we
01:27:28 You know, really try
01:27:30 That's a great idea,
01:27:32 That is a great idea.
01:27:36 And I'm gonna see if Hef can
01:27:40 Hey, that's awesome.
01:27:42 So, what about
01:27:44 I don't know, but, uh,
01:27:48 Yeah?
01:27:50 Cool.
01:27:52 You don't have a dick.
01:27:56 She's upstairs waiting
01:27:59 No!
01:28:02 Your first time is going to be
01:28:06 at the Playboy Mansion?
01:28:08 Yes.
01:28:10 Um, I feel ready. I feel ready.
01:28:15 Congratulations.
01:28:16 A toast.
01:28:18 To new beginnings.
01:28:24 [Grunts]
01:28:25 Whoo!
01:28:27 You're probably gonna
01:28:29 Oh, yeah?
01:28:32 All right, everybody,
01:28:35 to have sex...
01:28:37 with my girlfriend!
01:28:39 [Hooting, Cheering]
01:28:42 [Eugene]
01:28:44 Yeah?
01:28:46 That's good,
01:28:49 Oh, you're doing
01:28:51 Does it feel good?
01:28:53 Okay.
01:28:56 Eugene, be careful.
01:28:58 ♪ Give me some of your
01:29:03 ♪ Give me some
01:29:08 During my time
01:29:10 I discovered a groundbreaking
01:29:13 of reinstating consciousness
01:29:16 It has proven itself
01:29:19 [Monitor Beeping]
01:29:25 [Monitor Beeping Faster]
01:29:29 [Chuckles]
01:29:36 [Beeping Faster]
01:29:39 I swear
01:29:57 You're a dead man,
01:30:00 ♪ Give me some of your
01:30:04 ♪ Give me some
01:30:34 ♪ Give me some of your
01:30:39 ♪ Give me some
01:30:48 ♪♪ [Ends]
01:30:50 ♪ Homeys, it's the art of war
01:30:54 ♪ But when you see
01:30:56 ♪ Next thing
01:31:01 ♪ 'Cause it's the art of war
01:31:04 ♪ And if you want my bread
01:31:07 ♪ Save poppin' jags
01:31:10 ♪ That's a hurtin' plan ♪
01:31:12 ♪ We're in that cool
01:31:14 ♪ Go for my dome
01:31:17 ♪ As the rain falls
01:31:19 ♪ King, queen, prince, jokers
01:31:23 ♪ Drop culture
01:31:25 ♪ Can't come close to
01:31:28 ♪ Maybe some kosher
01:31:33 ♪ Then natural
01:31:36 ♪ I don't needs
01:31:39 ♪ Double 'em at the gate
01:31:41 ♪ Or the sorrow
01:31:44 ♪ See ya ♪
01:31:46 ♪ No fight dogs
01:31:50 ♪ C-L-A-double S-I C ♪
01:31:52 ♪ You want war
01:31:54 ♪ Homeys, it's the art of war
01:31:58 ♪ But when you see
01:32:01 ♪ Next thing is
01:32:05 ♪ 'Cause it's the art of war
01:32:09 ♪ And if you want my bread
01:32:12 ♪ Save poppin' jags
01:32:15 ♪ That's a hurtin' plan ♪
01:32:16 ♪ It's the good motivation
01:32:20 ♪ Mo' cribs, mo' whips
01:32:22 ♪ It's just the way
01:32:24 ♪ Life is a bitch
01:32:27 ♪ Don't take no
01:32:29 ♪ I'm a dog
01:32:31 ♪ No signs
01:32:33 ♪ Trying to run
01:32:35 ♪ Got this pretty lady
01:32:38 ♪ You gotta smirk
01:32:40 ♪ Bet you hit the dirt when
01:32:43 ♪ No lies
01:32:46 ♪ Seen you flyin'
01:32:49 ♪ Now I don't care
01:32:51 ♪ Try to take mine
01:32:54 ♪ 'Cause you know I'm alive
01:32:57 ♪ You can't take
01:32:59 ♪ This is, homeys
01:33:01 ♪ And I don't know
01:33:03 ♪ But when you see
01:33:06 ♪ Next thing
01:33:10 ♪ 'Cause it's the art of war
01:33:14 ♪ And if you want my bread
01:33:16 ♪ Save poppin' jags
01:33:19 ♪ That's a hurtin' plan ♪♪
01:33:24 Miss.March.2009.720p.BluRay.DTS.x264-CtrlHD