|
And Now for Something Completely Different
|
| 00:00:15 |
In this picture |
| 00:00:18 |
None of them can be seen. |
| 00:00:21 |
In this film, |
| 00:00:23 |
how not to be seen. |
| 00:00:27 |
This is Mr. E. R. Bradshaw |
| 00:00:30 |
Blackline Road, London, SE 14. |
| 00:00:33 |
He cannot be seen. |
| 00:00:35 |
Now I'm going to ask him |
| 00:00:37 |
Mr. Bradshaw, |
| 00:00:46 |
This demonstrates |
| 00:00:49 |
In this picture, we cannot see |
| 00:00:53 |
of 13 The Crescent, Belmont. |
| 00:00:56 |
Mrs. Smegma, |
| 00:01:04 |
This is Mr. Nesbitt |
| 00:01:08 |
Mr. Nesbitt, |
| 00:01:15 |
Mr. Nesbitt has learned |
| 00:01:19 |
not to stand up. |
| 00:01:21 |
However, he has chosen |
| 00:01:27 |
Mr. E. W. Lambert of Homely, |
| 00:01:31 |
has presented us with a poser. |
| 00:01:33 |
We do not know |
| 00:01:36 |
But we can soon find out. |
| 00:01:47 |
Yes. It was the middle one. |
| 00:01:51 |
Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Hull... |
| 00:01:53 |
chose a very cunning way |
| 00:01:56 |
When we called at their house, we found |
| 00:02:00 |
However, a neighbor told us |
| 00:02:05 |
And here is the neighbor |
| 00:02:11 |
And here is where he lived. |
| 00:02:14 |
And this is |
| 00:02:32 |
And now for something |
| 00:03:28 |
Oh. Good evening. |
| 00:03:31 |
Ladies and gentlemen... |
| 00:03:33 |
we apologize that the feature was |
| 00:03:38 |
Therefore, |
| 00:03:45 |
In the meantime, we are pleased |
| 00:03:50 |
starring a man |
| 00:04:25 |
And now... And now |
| 00:04:28 |
with a tape recorder |
| 00:04:55 |
And now in stereo |
| 00:05:17 |
Thank you. |
| 00:05:20 |
Will you kindly return |
| 00:05:22 |
We will now be proceeding |
| 00:05:30 |
Darling, you were wonderful. |
| 00:05:31 |
Oh, really? |
| 00:05:34 |
In 1971 the British Empire |
| 00:05:39 |
Foreigners frequented the streets, |
| 00:05:43 |
Not the streets. |
| 00:05:45 |
Anyway, many of these Hungarians went |
| 00:05:50 |
There you are, sir. |
| 00:05:57 |
Good morning, sir. |
| 00:06:00 |
"I will not buy this record. |
| 00:06:04 |
I'm sorry? |
| 00:06:06 |
I will not buy this record. |
| 00:06:10 |
Oh, no, no, no. |
| 00:06:13 |
Tobacconist's. |
| 00:06:17 |
"I will not buy this tobacconist's. |
| 00:06:20 |
No. Tobacco. |
| 00:06:23 |
Cigarettes? |
| 00:06:29 |
- "My hovercraft is full of eels. " |
| 00:06:32 |
"My hovercraft |
| 00:06:36 |
- Ah, matches. |
| 00:06:41 |
- "Do you want... " |
| 00:06:44 |
Want. |
| 00:06:45 |
"Do you want to come back to my place? |
| 00:06:50 |
That'll be |
| 00:06:52 |
"If I said you had a beautiful body, |
| 00:06:57 |
"I am no longer infected. " |
| 00:06:59 |
May I? |
| 00:07:02 |
Costs six shillings. |
| 00:07:13 |
Help! |
| 00:07:30 |
- What's all this. Then? |
| 00:07:34 |
- What? |
| 00:07:35 |
"Drop your panties, Sir Arthur. |
| 00:07:39 |
- Right! |
| 00:07:42 |
The Hungarian gentleman |
| 00:07:45 |
but his information led to the arrest |
| 00:07:49 |
I am. |
| 00:07:50 |
You are hereby charged |
| 00:07:53 |
you did will fully |
| 00:07:56 |
publish an alleged |
| 00:07:59 |
with intent to cause |
| 00:08:02 |
- How do you plead? |
| 00:08:05 |
Mr. York, on the 28th of May... |
| 00:08:08 |
- you published this phrase book. |
| 00:08:11 |
With Your Lordship's permission, |
| 00:08:14 |
The Hungarian phrase meaning, "Can you |
| 00:08:19 |
is here translated |
| 00:08:22 |
"Please fondle my buttocks. " |
| 00:08:28 |
"Please fondle... |
| 00:08:30 |
my buttocks. " |
| 00:08:33 |
Ah, yes. |
| 00:08:35 |
200 yards down |
| 00:08:41 |
Left at lights. |
| 00:09:44 |
Meanwhile, not far away... |
| 00:09:46 |
Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Putey were |
| 00:09:51 |
Next. |
| 00:10:15 |
Oh. Are you the marriage |
| 00:10:19 |
- Yes. Good morning. |
| 00:10:24 |
And... good morning |
| 00:10:30 |
- Name? |
| 00:10:36 |
And what is the name of your... |
| 00:10:41 |
Wait. Don't tell me. |
| 00:10:43 |
It's... It's something |
| 00:10:48 |
Goes with her eyes. |
| 00:10:50 |
It's soft and gentle... |
| 00:10:52 |
warm and yielding. |
| 00:10:55 |
Deeply lyrical, and yet... |
| 00:10:57 |
tender and frightened, |
| 00:11:00 |
It's Dierdre. |
| 00:11:05 |
What a beautiful name. |
| 00:11:09 |
What a beautiful... |
| 00:11:12 |
beautiful name. |
| 00:11:17 |
And what seems to be the trouble |
| 00:11:21 |
It started when we went |
| 00:11:23 |
Dierdre - that's my wife - and I, |
| 00:11:26 |
and I never particularly |
| 00:11:29 |
The very idea of consulting |
| 00:11:32 |
has always been of |
| 00:11:34 |
Although, far be it from me |
| 00:11:38 |
or profession. |
| 00:11:43 |
- Do go on. |
| 00:11:46 |
sharing the interests, |
| 00:11:50 |
Twice a month of an evening, we settle |
| 00:11:53 |
something which Dierdre - |
| 00:11:57 |
and I particularly look forward to |
| 00:12:00 |
I should have said at the start that |
| 00:12:04 |
Although I've kept myself very much |
| 00:12:08 |
It's only been as comparatively recently |
| 00:12:11 |
Well, perhaps "realize" |
| 00:12:14 |
Uh, imagine that, uh, |
| 00:12:19 |
You suspected your wife? |
| 00:12:21 |
Well... |
| 00:12:25 |
frankly, yes. |
| 00:12:27 |
A bit. |
| 00:12:30 |
Her behavior did seem to me- |
| 00:12:32 |
Her behavior did seem to me. |
| 00:12:35 |
to be a little odd. |
| 00:12:38 |
- Odd? |
| 00:12:39 |
I'm not by nature |
| 00:12:42 |
I've got a reputation of an after-dinner |
| 00:12:45 |
I certainly do. |
| 00:12:47 |
And in the area where people know me, |
| 00:12:50 |
- Fine. Would you- |
| 00:12:53 |
It was time to face the facts, |
| 00:12:56 |
or I'd never be able to look myself |
| 00:12:58 |
Would you mind running along for 10- |
| 00:13:03 |
Yes. I'll wait outside, |
| 00:13:09 |
Yes, that-that's perhaps |
| 00:13:12 |
Certainly set my mind at rest |
| 00:13:33 |
Arthur Putey! |
| 00:13:35 |
Are you a man or a mouse? |
| 00:13:39 |
You've been running too long, |
| 00:13:42 |
It's time to stop, time to turn |
| 00:13:47 |
Go back in there, |
| 00:13:49 |
Go back in there |
| 00:13:54 |
Yes! Yes, you're right. |
| 00:13:56 |
This is it, Arthur Putey! |
| 00:13:59 |
This is your moment, |
| 00:14:02 |
At last you're a man! |
| 00:14:10 |
Come out of there. Dierdre! |
| 00:14:12 |
- Go away! |
| 00:14:41 |
Oh, what a lovely little |
| 00:14:53 |
Oh, what a lovely little- |
| 00:15:05 |
- Oh, what a lovely little- |
| 00:15:09 |
This is absolutely disgusting, |
| 00:15:13 |
There. Kill |
| 00:16:11 |
Cut! That's it. We're not going to allow |
| 00:16:15 |
This depraved and degrading spectacle |
| 00:16:18 |
- Do you hear me? Stop it! |
| 00:16:28 |
Evening, squire. |
| 00:16:42 |
You married? |
| 00:16:45 |
- Yes. |
| 00:16:48 |
Is- Is your wife a goer? |
| 00:16:50 |
Eh? Know what I mean? |
| 00:16:53 |
- Know what I mean? Say no more. |
| 00:16:55 |
Your wife, does she go? Eh? |
| 00:17:00 |
- She sometimes goes. |
| 00:17:02 |
Say no more. |
| 00:17:05 |
- I'm afraid I don't quite follow you. |
| 00:17:08 |
That's good. A nod's as good |
| 00:17:12 |
- Look, are you selling something? |
| 00:17:16 |
Know what I mean? |
| 00:17:18 |
Oh, wicked. You're wicked, eh? |
| 00:17:22 |
A nod's as good as a wink |
| 00:17:24 |
- But... |
| 00:17:28 |
- She likes sport, yes. |
| 00:17:32 |
She's very fond of cricket. |
| 00:17:34 |
Who isn't, eh? |
| 00:17:36 |
Knew she would. |
| 00:17:39 |
She's been around a bit. Eh? |
| 00:17:41 |
She's traveled. |
| 00:17:43 |
Oh! Say no more. |
| 00:17:48 |
Know what I mean? |
| 00:17:52 |
Your wife interested in, |
| 00:17:56 |
"Photographs, eh?" |
| 00:18:00 |
- Photography? |
| 00:18:03 |
- Holiday stamps? |
| 00:18:06 |
Swimming costumes. |
| 00:18:09 |
- Candid photography. |
| 00:18:13 |
Oh. Still. |
| 00:18:19 |
Look, are you trying |
| 00:18:24 |
- Yes. |
| 00:18:27 |
Well, I mean, |
| 00:18:29 |
I mean, you know, you've, uh... |
| 00:18:33 |
- What do you mean? |
| 00:18:36 |
You've done it, uh, with a lady. |
| 00:18:39 |
- You've slept with a lady. |
| 00:18:43 |
What's it like? |
| 00:18:45 |
Well, I think it's overrated. |
| 00:18:49 |
Shut up, you! |
| 00:18:52 |
- Good evening, class! |
| 00:18:55 |
- Where's all the others, then? |
| 00:18:58 |
I can see that! |
| 00:19:01 |
- Don't know. |
| 00:19:03 |
Flu! They should eat |
| 00:19:09 |
Right! Now, self-defense! |
| 00:19:12 |
Tonight I shall be carryin' on |
| 00:19:16 |
when I was showin' you how to |
| 00:19:20 |
who attacks you armed |
| 00:19:25 |
- You said we wouldn't do fruit again. |
| 00:19:29 |
We've done fresh fruit |
| 00:19:31 |
What's wrong with fruit? |
| 00:19:35 |
Can't we try something else? |
| 00:19:36 |
Like someone who attacks you |
| 00:19:38 |
Pointed stick? |
| 00:19:42 |
We want to learn how to defend ourselves |
| 00:19:47 |
Gettin' all |
| 00:19:50 |
Fresh fruit not |
| 00:19:54 |
Well, let me tell you |
| 00:19:56 |
When you're walkin' home tonight |
| 00:20:00 |
comes after you with a bunch of |
| 00:20:05 |
Right! |
| 00:20:09 |
When your assailant lunges at you |
| 00:20:13 |
- We done the passion fruit. |
| 00:20:16 |
- We've done the passion fruit. |
| 00:20:20 |
- Whole and segments. |
| 00:20:24 |
- Grapes, passion fruit. |
| 00:20:26 |
- Plums. |
| 00:20:30 |
- How about cherries? |
| 00:20:33 |
- Red and black? |
| 00:20:36 |
All right, then. |
| 00:20:40 |
Bananas. We haven't |
| 00:20:44 |
- No. |
| 00:20:46 |
How to defend yourself |
| 00:20:50 |
Catch. Now, it's quite simple |
| 00:20:55 |
First of all, you force him |
| 00:20:59 |
Then you eat the banana, |
| 00:21:02 |
You have now |
| 00:21:04 |
- Suppose he's got a bunch. |
| 00:21:07 |
- Suppose he's got a pointed stick. |
| 00:21:11 |
Right! Now you, Mr. Apricot. |
| 00:21:13 |
- Harrison. |
| 00:21:16 |
Come at me with that banana. |
| 00:21:18 |
Be as vicious as you like with it. |
| 00:21:22 |
No, no, no! |
| 00:21:25 |
Hold the banana like that. |
| 00:21:28 |
That's better. |
| 00:21:30 |
Good. Right. |
| 00:21:32 |
Come on, man, |
| 00:21:39 |
Next, I eat the banana. |
| 00:21:44 |
Now, I would just like |
| 00:21:47 |
that this film is displaying |
| 00:21:51 |
Now, nobody likes |
| 00:21:55 |
Except, perhaps, |
| 00:21:59 |
Oh, yes, |
| 00:22:01 |
Come to think of it, most people |
| 00:22:03 |
But that's beside the point. I'm warning |
| 00:22:08 |
Right. Now, Director, |
| 00:22:12 |
cut to the next scene. |
| 00:22:14 |
- Director... |
| 00:22:18 |
Wait for itl |
| 00:22:20 |
Director, cut! |
| 00:22:22 |
This is a frightened city. |
| 00:22:25 |
Over these streets, over these houses, |
| 00:22:29 |
An ugly kind of violence is rife, |
| 00:22:36 |
Yes, gangs of old ladies |
| 00:23:02 |
They just come up to you |
| 00:23:04 |
Shove you off the pavement. There's |
| 00:23:09 |
Yeah, sometimes |
| 00:23:12 |
It's not even safe to go out |
| 00:23:17 |
Grannies are no respecter |
| 00:23:21 |
Theirs is a harsh. |
| 00:23:24 |
a tough world, a world in which |
| 00:23:29 |
But what are they in it for, |
| 00:23:32 |
these layabouts in lace? |
| 00:23:34 |
- Oh, the violence. |
| 00:23:37 |
- The free gifts. |
| 00:23:40 |
We like pulling the heads |
| 00:23:43 |
And tea cakes. |
| 00:23:45 |
We have a lot of trouble with grannies. |
| 00:23:49 |
Soon as they get it, |
| 00:23:51 |
on milk, tea, sugar, |
| 00:23:54 |
The whole crux |
| 00:23:57 |
lies in the basic |
| 00:24:00 |
of these senile delinquents |
| 00:24:04 |
They begin to question, uh, |
| 00:24:07 |
They see their sons |
| 00:24:09 |
to become accountants, uh, |
| 00:24:14 |
And they begin to wonder, |
| 00:24:28 |
Another prime target for vandalism |
| 00:24:34 |
But mostly, |
| 00:24:49 |
But there are other kinds |
| 00:24:52 |
other gangs, equally vicious, |
| 00:24:54 |
such as the baby snatchers. |
| 00:25:00 |
Hey What is this? |
| 00:25:03 |
Hey! Help! |
| 00:25:05 |
I left him outside for a few moments |
| 00:25:09 |
When I came back, he was gone. |
| 00:25:12 |
And also vicious gangs |
| 00:25:21 |
Right! Stop that! |
| 00:25:23 |
It's silly. |
| 00:25:26 |
It started off as a nice little idea |
| 00:25:30 |
but now it's just got silly. |
| 00:25:32 |
His hair's too long |
| 00:25:34 |
And you can tell those are not proper |
| 00:25:38 |
You, come with me. |
| 00:25:44 |
Right. Now let's see something decent |
| 00:25:49 |
Squad! Camp it up! |
| 00:25:53 |
Ooh, get her! Whoops! |
| 00:25:55 |
I've got your number, but you |
| 00:26:00 |
I'll scratch your eyes out. |
| 00:26:02 |
Don't come the bigger |
| 00:26:06 |
We all know where you've been, |
| 00:26:10 |
One, two, three, four, |
| 00:26:13 |
Whoops! |
| 00:26:15 |
The maid is just mince |
| 00:26:18 |
Two, three. Ooh! |
| 00:26:22 |
Right! Stop that. Silly. |
| 00:26:24 |
And a bit suspect, I think. |
| 00:26:29 |
Once upon a time... |
| 00:26:31 |
there was an enchanted prince... |
| 00:26:34 |
who ruled the land |
| 00:26:38 |
One day he discovered |
| 00:26:44 |
Foolishly, he ignored it. |
| 00:26:46 |
And three years later, |
| 00:26:50 |
The spot, however, flourished... |
| 00:26:52 |
and soon set out |
| 00:27:28 |
Agnes, did you just see |
| 00:27:31 |
Yes. Black as the ace of spades, |
| 00:27:34 |
Oh, well, |
| 00:27:37 |
Oh, yes. |
| 00:27:58 |
Next, please. |
| 00:28:03 |
One at a time, please. |
| 00:28:06 |
There is only me, sir. |
| 00:28:13 |
So there is. |
| 00:28:17 |
- Seat? |
| 00:28:20 |
So, you want to join |
| 00:28:25 |
Who, me, sir? |
| 00:28:28 |
- Yes, I'd very much like to, sir. |
| 00:28:32 |
And how about you? |
| 00:28:35 |
There is only me, sir. |
| 00:28:43 |
Well, bang goes |
| 00:28:47 |
Now, let me fill you in. |
| 00:28:50 |
and we're going to climb |
| 00:28:54 |
I thought there was |
| 00:29:08 |
Well. That I save a bit of time. |
| 00:29:12 |
Now, the object of |
| 00:29:15 |
is to see if we can find any trace |
| 00:29:18 |
- Last year's expedition? |
| 00:29:21 |
They were going to build a bridge |
| 00:29:29 |
My idea, I'm afraid. |
| 00:29:31 |
I ought to tell you that I have almost |
| 00:29:35 |
But what special qualifications |
| 00:29:37 |
- Well, sir... |
| 00:29:40 |
- There is only me, sir. |
| 00:29:42 |
- Carry on. |
| 00:29:48 |
Mountaineer? |
| 00:29:55 |
Mouse. Moun... |
| 00:29:58 |
Mountaineer: two men skilled |
| 00:30:02 |
By Jove, that'd be useful. |
| 00:30:05 |
Well, you're in. |
| 00:30:08 |
Both of you. |
| 00:30:11 |
Arthur Wilson. |
| 00:30:15 |
Well, look. |
| 00:30:16 |
I'll call you Arthur Wilson One |
| 00:30:19 |
just to avoid confusion. |
| 00:30:21 |
Are you actually leading |
| 00:30:23 |
Yes, we are leading |
| 00:30:26 |
- What routes will you both be following? |
| 00:30:30 |
We'll be leaving on one or other |
| 00:30:33 |
and taking the following routes: |
| 00:30:35 |
from Manchesters, |
| 00:30:38 |
taking the M1.5 |
| 00:30:41 |
then the A25s |
| 00:30:44 |
Thence Africas to Nairobis. |
| 00:30:46 |
We take the south roads out of Nairobis |
| 00:30:51 |
- Does anyone speak Swahili? |
| 00:30:54 |
No. Does anyone in our party |
| 00:30:57 |
- Well, Matron's got a smattering. |
| 00:31:00 |
Good Lord. |
| 00:31:02 |
Apart from them, who else |
| 00:31:05 |
Well, we've got |
| 00:31:08 |
two botanists called Madchen, |
| 00:31:11 |
- Two of them. |
| 00:31:14 |
Two of the Harry Baker quads |
| 00:31:18 |
- And none of these are mountaineers? |
| 00:31:21 |
And we've got a brace of guides |
| 00:31:23 |
because Kilimanjaro |
| 00:31:27 |
Most of it's up, |
| 00:31:30 |
and then it tends |
| 00:31:32 |
But Jimmy's put his heads together |
| 00:31:37 |
Jimmy Blankensoft, Arthur Wilson. |
| 00:31:41 |
Jimmy Blankensoft Two, |
| 00:31:42 |
Arthur Wilson Two, |
| 00:31:44 |
- Carry on, Jimmy. |
| 00:31:48 |
We'll get him up, all right. |
| 00:31:56 |
Well, I'd better describe the route. |
| 00:32:03 |
Quite simple. |
| 00:32:06 |
And then we go on to |
| 00:32:10 |
It's a bit difficult |
| 00:32:16 |
There's a difficult bit 'round here |
| 00:32:19 |
from the end of the mantel-piece |
| 00:32:22 |
It's a bit of a difficult jump. |
| 00:32:25 |
Then you've got the rail up here, |
| 00:32:29 |
There's a terribly easy bit |
| 00:32:33 |
And then we've got... |
| 00:32:37 |
We get down. |
| 00:32:43 |
He'll be leading |
| 00:32:45 |
I'm afraid I shan't be coming |
| 00:32:48 |
'cause I have absolutely no confidence |
| 00:32:54 |
Oh. dear. |
| 00:32:57 |
- What about you? |
| 00:33:00 |
Jolly good. |
| 00:33:04 |
Good Lord! |
| 00:33:32 |
And now for something |
| 00:33:34 |
- Inspector! |
| 00:33:36 |
I was sitting on a park bench |
| 00:33:38 |
When I picked it up, I found my wallet |
| 00:33:43 |
- Did you see anyone? |
| 00:33:48 |
Well, there's very little |
| 00:34:00 |
Do you want to come back |
| 00:34:07 |
Yeah, all right. |
| 00:34:45 |
And so Miss Spume |
| 00:34:47 |
and dreamed |
| 00:34:50 |
unaware of the cruel trick |
| 00:34:54 |
For Miss Spume was |
| 00:34:56 |
of the dreaded international |
| 00:35:00 |
Yes, these fanatical fiends... |
| 00:35:02 |
under the leadership |
| 00:35:06 |
had caught Miss Spume off guard |
| 00:35:13 |
and destroyed her... |
| 00:35:16 |
just as they are ready to go |
| 00:35:19 |
waver in their defense |
| 00:35:31 |
Once again, American defense... |
| 00:35:33 |
proves its effectiveness |
| 00:35:37 |
Using this diagram of a tooth |
| 00:35:40 |
we can see how |
| 00:35:42 |
by eroding away from within. |
| 00:35:49 |
When one country, or tooth... |
| 00:35:51 |
falls victim to international communism, |
| 00:35:56 |
In dentistry, this is known |
| 00:35:59 |
But with American defense, |
| 00:36:04 |
That's why nine out of ten |
| 00:36:09 |
Or Crelm toothpaste |
| 00:36:13 |
The white car represents |
| 00:36:15 |
with the miracle ingredient |
| 00:36:18 |
The not-white car represents |
| 00:36:23 |
Both cars provide 30% protection. |
| 00:36:27 |
At 60% protection, |
| 00:36:32 |
At 90% protection... Wait. |
| 00:36:34 |
The not-white car is out... |
| 00:36:36 |
and Crelm toothpaste goes on |
| 00:36:40 |
Yes. Do like all smart motorists. |
| 00:36:42 |
Choose Crelm toothpaste! |
| 00:36:45 |
Or Shrill petrol, |
| 00:36:49 |
after 6:00 p.m., 9424047. |
| 00:36:51 |
Using this white card |
| 00:36:54 |
and this black card to represent |
| 00:36:59 |
after 6:00 p.m., 9424047... |
| 00:37:01 |
we can see how the engine deposits |
| 00:37:04 |
by the superior forces |
| 00:37:12 |
This is the police. |
| 00:37:14 |
We know you're in there, |
| 00:37:17 |
You'll never take me alive |
| 00:37:19 |
All right, then. Sergeant! |
| 00:37:40 |
Conrad Poohs and His Dancing Teeth. |
| 00:38:29 |
Thank you, thank you, |
| 00:38:33 |
A smile, two fangs |
| 00:38:37 |
And next tonight, |
| 00:38:40 |
here at the Peephole Club |
| 00:38:43 |
we're very proud to welcome... |
| 00:38:45 |
Ken Ewing and His Musical Mice. |
| 00:38:57 |
Thank you, thank you. |
| 00:38:59 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 00:39:02 |
23 white mice... |
| 00:39:05 |
mice which I have |
| 00:39:08 |
over the past few years... |
| 00:39:10 |
to squeak at a selected pitch. |
| 00:39:14 |
This one is "A"- Sharp... |
| 00:39:16 |
and this one is "G". |
| 00:39:19 |
"G", "A"- Sharp. |
| 00:39:22 |
Now, these mice are so arranged |
| 00:39:26 |
that when played |
| 00:39:30 |
they will squeak... |
| 00:39:31 |
"Three Blinded White Mice. " |
| 00:39:34 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 00:39:38 |
"Three Blinded White Mice. " |
| 00:39:40 |
Thank you. |
| 00:39:45 |
- Oh, my God! |
| 00:40:10 |
Ten seconds, studio. |
| 00:40:14 |
Stop him! |
| 00:40:19 |
Hello, and welcome to another |
| 00:40:23 |
And we kick off this evening |
| 00:40:28 |
One of the most prolific film directors |
| 00:40:32 |
is Sir Edward Ross, back in this country |
| 00:40:36 |
to open a season of his films |
| 00:40:39 |
And we are indeed fortunate to have him |
| 00:40:43 |
- Good evening. |
| 00:40:45 |
- You don't mind if I call you Edward? |
| 00:40:47 |
It does seem to worry some people. |
| 00:40:50 |
Some are sensitive, so I do take the |
| 00:40:53 |
- No, that's fine. |
| 00:40:57 |
- I'm sorry to have brought it up. |
| 00:41:00 |
Thank you very much |
| 00:41:03 |
- At times it's more than my job's worth. |
| 00:41:06 |
Makes it hard to establish a rapport, |
| 00:41:10 |
- Quite. |
| 00:41:12 |
Silly little point, |
| 00:41:15 |
Still less said the better. |
| 00:41:19 |
You don't mind if I call you Ted, |
| 00:41:22 |
- No. Everyone calls me Ted. |
| 00:41:24 |
- Because it's much shorter, isn't it? |
| 00:41:27 |
- Much less formal. |
| 00:41:30 |
Splendid. |
| 00:41:32 |
I don't want you bothering with |
| 00:41:38 |
Fine. Where were we? |
| 00:41:41 |
I'm sorry. I don't like |
| 00:41:45 |
- I beg your pardon? |
| 00:41:48 |
Now get on with your interview. |
| 00:41:51 |
- Did I call you Eddie baby? |
| 00:41:54 |
I don't think I did. |
| 00:41:57 |
Yes, you did! |
| 00:42:00 |
I didn't call you Eddie baby, |
| 00:42:02 |
- Don't call me sweetie. |
| 00:42:05 |
- No! |
| 00:42:06 |
- No! |
| 00:42:09 |
No, you may not. |
| 00:42:11 |
- Now get on with it. |
| 00:42:15 |
- Why Frank? |
| 00:42:18 |
President Nixon's got |
| 00:42:21 |
- What is going on? |
| 00:42:24 |
- Little Frannie Boo. |
| 00:42:27 |
Had enough of this. |
| 00:42:30 |
- Tell us about your film, Sir Edward. |
| 00:42:33 |
Tell us about your latest film, |
| 00:42:37 |
- None of this pussycat nonsense? |
| 00:42:41 |
Please. Sir Edward. |
| 00:42:44 |
- My latest film? |
| 00:42:47 |
I first had the idea, funnily enough, |
| 00:42:52 |
Of course, in those days |
| 00:42:55 |
Oh, shut up. |
| 00:42:57 |
- There he is! |
| 00:43:09 |
Stop him! |
| 00:43:12 |
He's a murderer! |
| 00:43:14 |
Come back, you fiend! Fiend! |
| 00:43:17 |
He's a murderer! |
| 00:44:38 |
"The room is full of milkmen... |
| 00:44:42 |
some of whom are... |
| 00:44:46 |
are very old. " |
| 00:44:54 |
This man is Ernest Scribbler... |
| 00:44:57 |
manufacturer of jokes. |
| 00:44:59 |
In a few moments he will think |
| 00:45:03 |
and as a result |
| 00:45:48 |
It was obvious |
| 00:45:51 |
No one could read it and live. |
| 00:45:53 |
Scribbler's mother, alarmed by |
| 00:45:57 |
entered the room and found |
| 00:46:01 |
a suicide note. |
| 00:46:30 |
The war against the Hun |
| 00:46:32 |
and as Britain's brave boys |
| 00:46:35 |
their leaders are on the lookout for |
| 00:46:38 |
the ultimate weapon |
| 00:46:43 |
Here, in this little house in Pinchley, |
| 00:46:47 |
It's a joke so deadly, it could have |
| 00:47:04 |
Tests on Salisbury Plain confirm... |
| 00:47:06 |
the joke's devastating effectiveness |
| 00:47:38 |
Fantastic! |
| 00:47:42 |
All through the winter of '43... |
| 00:47:45 |
we had translators working |
| 00:47:48 |
to try and manufacture |
| 00:47:52 |
They worked on one word each |
| 00:47:56 |
One of them saw two words by mistake and |
| 00:48:00 |
But apart from that, |
| 00:48:03 |
And by January |
| 00:48:06 |
which our troops couldn't understand, |
| 00:48:09 |
So on July the 8th, 1944... |
| 00:48:12 |
the joke was first told |
| 00:48:14 |
in the Ardennes. |
| 00:48:18 |
Squad, tell the joke! |
| 00:48:46 |
In action, it was deadly. |
| 00:49:24 |
The German casualties |
| 00:49:35 |
It was a fantastic success |
| 00:49:38 |
as Britain's great prewar joke, |
| 00:49:41 |
and one which Hitler |
| 00:49:52 |
I would like to apologize |
| 00:49:55 |
of the previous item. |
| 00:49:59 |
And excuse me, please. |
| 00:50:35 |
Fleet Street, please. |
| 00:50:38 |
All right, everybody, |
| 00:50:40 |
Don't lag behind. |
| 00:50:42 |
Remember. Watch out |
| 00:50:48 |
Yes, the killer cars. |
| 00:50:50 |
For years the city had been plagued by |
| 00:50:55 |
In an attempt to eliminate |
| 00:50:57 |
certain fanatical cars,.. |
| 00:51:00 |
had taken the law |
| 00:51:06 |
But the days of the killer cars |
| 00:51:08 |
thanks to the miracle |
| 00:51:27 |
Thank you! |
| 00:51:30 |
But at what cost? |
| 00:51:37 |
Just then as it looked for certain, |
| 00:51:40 |
the earth trembled and the sun |
| 00:51:45 |
Suddenly, swarms of giant |
| 00:51:48 |
and 300 million armored horsemen covered |
| 00:51:52 |
appeared at every street corner |
| 00:51:55 |
in a scene of such |
| 00:51:57 |
that it could never in your life be seen |
| 00:52:00 |
If you'd notice, |
| 00:52:03 |
But just as the monster cat |
| 00:52:06 |
the earth split apart |
| 00:52:55 |
Hello. I wish |
| 00:52:58 |
- Hello. Miss? |
| 00:53:03 |
Oh, I'm sorry. I have a cold. |
| 00:53:08 |
Sorry. |
| 00:53:10 |
Nevermind that, my lad. |
| 00:53:13 |
what I purchased not half an hour ago |
| 00:53:16 |
Oh, yes, the Norwegian blue. |
| 00:53:19 |
I'll tell you what's |
| 00:53:21 |
It's dead. |
| 00:53:24 |
No, it's resting. Look. |
| 00:53:27 |
Look, my lad, I know a dead parrot when |
| 00:53:31 |
No, that's not dead, |
| 00:53:34 |
- Resting? |
| 00:53:36 |
Remarkable bird, the Norwegian blue, |
| 00:53:39 |
The plumage don't enter into it. |
| 00:53:43 |
No, it's resting. |
| 00:53:46 |
All right, then. |
| 00:53:50 |
Hello, Polly! |
| 00:53:53 |
I've got a nice, fresh cuttlefish for |
| 00:53:57 |
- There, he moved. |
| 00:54:00 |
- I didn't. |
| 00:54:02 |
Hello, Polly! |
| 00:54:07 |
Wakey, wakey! |
| 00:54:10 |
Rise and shine. |
| 00:54:13 |
This is your 9:00 alarm call. |
| 00:54:20 |
That's what I call |
| 00:54:23 |
- No, he's stunned. |
| 00:54:26 |
Yeah, you stunned him |
| 00:54:28 |
- Norwegian blues stun easily. |
| 00:54:31 |
That parrot is definitely deceased, |
| 00:54:35 |
you assured me that |
| 00:54:38 |
was due to it being tired |
| 00:54:42 |
Well, he's pining |
| 00:54:48 |
Pinin' for the fjords? |
| 00:54:53 |
Look, why did it fall flat on its back |
| 00:54:56 |
Well, the Norwegian blue prefers |
| 00:55:00 |
Look, I took the liberty of examining |
| 00:55:04 |
the only reason it had been sitting |
| 00:55:08 |
was that it had been |
| 00:55:11 |
Oh, well, of course |
| 00:55:13 |
If I hadn't nailed it there, it would |
| 00:55:17 |
Look here mate. |
| 00:55:20 |
This parrot wouldn't boom |
| 00:55:24 |
It's bleedin' demised. |
| 00:55:27 |
No, it's pining. |
| 00:55:29 |
It's not pining, |
| 00:55:34 |
This parrot is no more. |
| 00:55:36 |
It has ceased to be. |
| 00:55:39 |
It's expired and |
| 00:55:42 |
This is a late parrot! |
| 00:55:46 |
It's a stiff. |
| 00:55:48 |
Bereft of life. |
| 00:55:51 |
If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, |
| 00:55:54 |
It's run down the curtain |
| 00:55:58 |
This is an ex-parrot. |
| 00:56:06 |
Well. I'd better |
| 00:56:08 |
If you want to get anything done in |
| 00:56:10 |
till you're blue in the mouth. |
| 00:56:13 |
Sorry, squire. |
| 00:56:15 |
I see. |
| 00:56:19 |
- I've got a slug. |
| 00:56:24 |
Not really. |
| 00:56:26 |
Well, it's scarcely |
| 00:56:31 |
Listen. I didn't want |
| 00:56:35 |
I wanted to be a lumberjack. |
| 00:56:40 |
Sorry. This is irrelevant. |
| 00:56:42 |
Yes, a lumberjack! |
| 00:56:43 |
Yes, a lumberjack! |
| 00:56:44 |
Leaping from trees as they float down |
| 00:56:49 |
The giant redwood! |
| 00:56:51 |
The larch! |
| 00:56:53 |
The fir! |
| 00:56:57 |
What about my bloody parrot? |
| 00:56:59 |
The smell of fresh-cut timber! |
| 00:57:02 |
The crash of mighty trees. |
| 00:57:04 |
With my best girl |
| 00:57:13 |
I'm a lumberjack |
| 00:57:15 |
I sleep all night |
| 00:57:18 |
He's a lumberjack |
| 00:57:20 |
He sleeps all night |
| 00:57:23 |
I cut down trees |
| 00:57:25 |
I go to the lavatory |
| 00:57:28 |
On Wednesday |
| 00:57:30 |
And have buttered scones for tea |
| 00:57:33 |
He cuts down trees |
| 00:57:35 |
He goes to the lavatory |
| 00:57:38 |
On Wednesday |
| 00:57:40 |
And has buttered scones for tea |
| 00:57:43 |
He's a lumberjack |
| 00:57:45 |
He sleeps all night |
| 00:57:48 |
I cut down trees |
| 00:57:51 |
I like to press wild flowers |
| 00:57:53 |
I put on women's clothing |
| 00:57:56 |
And hang around in bars |
| 00:57:58 |
He cuts down trees |
| 00:58:01 |
He likes to press wild flowers |
| 00:58:03 |
He puts on women's clothing |
| 00:58:06 |
And hangs around in bars |
| 00:58:08 |
He's a lumberjack |
| 00:58:11 |
He sleeps all night |
| 00:58:13 |
I cut down trees |
| 00:58:16 |
Suspenders and a bra |
| 00:58:18 |
I wish I'd been a girlie |
| 00:58:21 |
Just like my dear papa |
| 00:58:24 |
- I cut down trees, I wear high heels |
| 00:58:27 |
Suspenders and a bra |
| 00:58:29 |
I wish I'd been a girlie |
| 00:58:31 |
Just like my dear papa |
| 00:58:35 |
Oh, Brevers! |
| 00:58:36 |
And I thought |
| 00:58:41 |
Oh, you pansy! |
| 00:58:52 |
And now for something |
| 00:59:02 |
Hello, darling. |
| 00:59:04 |
That's all right, darling. |
| 00:59:07 |
- Let's not start worrying about that. |
| 00:59:10 |
Yes. A very good restaurant. |
| 00:59:12 |
- Really? |
| 00:59:14 |
Good evening, madame. |
| 00:59:17 |
May I say what a pleasure it is |
| 00:59:20 |
Thank you. Apparently, |
| 00:59:24 |
If I may recommend, sir, |
| 00:59:27 |
The sauce is one of the chef's |
| 00:59:30 |
- Mmm, that sounds very good. |
| 00:59:32 |
Anyway, darling, |
| 00:59:35 |
See what you want. |
| 00:59:37 |
By the way, I've got a bit of a dirty |
| 00:59:41 |
- I beg your pardon? |
| 00:59:44 |
- Sir, I do apologize. |
| 00:59:48 |
No. I do apologize, sir. |
| 00:59:50 |
I will fetch the headwaiter |
| 00:59:53 |
No, please. |
| 00:59:55 |
Oh no. |
| 00:59:58 |
he will want to apologize |
| 01:00:01 |
I cannot think how this has happened. |
| 01:00:06 |
Well, you certainly |
| 01:00:09 |
Yes, they really |
| 01:00:11 |
This all looks delicious. |
| 01:00:15 |
Excuse me, sir, madame. |
| 01:00:19 |
This is filthy. |
| 01:00:21 |
Find out who washes up and give |
| 01:00:24 |
No! On second thought, |
| 01:00:27 |
- Sack the entire washing-up staff |
| 01:00:30 |
It's quite right that you bring |
| 01:00:34 |
Find the manager and tell him |
| 01:00:38 |
- Please, I don't want to make any fuss. |
| 01:00:41 |
We simply wish to ensure |
| 01:00:43 |
with your complete |
| 01:00:46 |
I'm sure it won't. |
| 01:00:49 |
I know, and I'm sorry. |
| 01:00:54 |
But I know nothing I can say can alter |
| 01:00:58 |
you have been given a dirty, |
| 01:01:02 |
- It wasn't smelly. |
| 01:01:05 |
And obscene and disgusting. |
| 01:01:07 |
- That's enough, Gilberto. |
| 01:01:12 |
Good evening, sir. |
| 01:01:15 |
I'm the manager. |
| 01:01:18 |
- May I sit down? |
| 01:01:23 |
I want to apologize |
| 01:01:28 |
about the fork. |
| 01:01:30 |
No. Really, it was only a tiny piece |
| 01:01:33 |
Oh, you're good, kind, |
| 01:01:38 |
But I can see it. |
| 01:01:42 |
a vast bowl of pus. |
| 01:01:45 |
- Oh, it's not that bad. |
| 01:01:50 |
I can't give you any excuses. |
| 01:01:53 |
I've been meaning to spend |
| 01:01:56 |
but I haven't been well recently and |
| 01:02:01 |
Poor old Mrs. Dalrymple |
| 01:02:03 |
can hardly move |
| 01:02:06 |
And then, of course, |
| 01:02:09 |
But they're good people, |
| 01:02:12 |
and together we were beginning |
| 01:02:16 |
There was light |
| 01:02:18 |
when this... |
| 01:02:21 |
when this happened! |
| 01:02:24 |
- Can I get you some water? |
| 01:02:31 |
You bastards! |
| 01:02:33 |
You mean us? |
| 01:02:35 |
You vicious, |
| 01:02:40 |
Look what you've done to him. |
| 01:02:42 |
He's worked his fingers to the bone |
| 01:02:46 |
And you come in here |
| 01:02:49 |
vicious, heartless quibbling... |
| 01:02:53 |
and you grind him |
| 01:02:58 |
This fine, honorable man... |
| 01:03:02 |
whose boots you |
| 01:03:08 |
Oh, it makes me mad. |
| 01:03:20 |
Easy, Mongo! Easy. |
| 01:03:22 |
Stark, stirring mad. |
| 01:03:25 |
No, Mongo! Oh! |
| 01:03:28 |
They destroyed him! |
| 01:03:30 |
It's the end! The end. |
| 01:03:35 |
He's dead. |
| 01:03:38 |
They killed him! |
| 01:03:40 |
Revenge. |
| 01:03:43 |
No, Mongo! |
| 01:03:46 |
Oh, the wound again. |
| 01:03:49 |
They ruined him! |
| 01:03:57 |
Lucky I didn't tell'em |
| 01:04:39 |
Good morning. |
| 01:04:41 |
Please don't panic. |
| 01:04:44 |
This is a lingerie shop, sir. |
| 01:04:51 |
Fine, fine. |
| 01:04:56 |
Adopt, adapt and improve. |
| 01:05:00 |
- Well, what have you got? |
| 01:05:03 |
suspender belts, tights, bras, |
| 01:05:06 |
socks and garters, sir. |
| 01:05:08 |
Fine. |
| 01:05:13 |
No large quantities |
| 01:05:15 |
No, sir. |
| 01:05:17 |
No piles of cash |
| 01:05:21 |
No, sir. |
| 01:05:23 |
Fine. |
| 01:05:34 |
Just a pair of panties then, |
| 01:05:46 |
And now for something |
| 01:05:53 |
Hey, did you see that? |
| 01:05:57 |
Did you see something |
| 01:06:01 |
What? |
| 01:06:02 |
Somebody went past |
| 01:06:10 |
Another one. |
| 01:06:13 |
Another one just went past, |
| 01:06:17 |
What? |
| 01:06:18 |
Two people have just fallen |
| 01:06:21 |
Fine. |
| 01:06:23 |
Look, two people... three people |
| 01:06:31 |
Must be a board meeting. |
| 01:06:33 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 01:06:35 |
- That was Wilkins of finance. |
| 01:06:39 |
- Wilkins. |
| 01:06:45 |
- That was Wilkins. |
| 01:06:47 |
Bet Parkinson next. |
| 01:06:50 |
- Bet you it won't. |
| 01:06:53 |
- What? |
| 01:06:57 |
- Yeah, all right. |
| 01:07:00 |
Parkinson next. |
| 01:07:05 |
- Come on, Parky! |
| 01:07:08 |
- Come on, Parky! Jump! |
| 01:07:10 |
Dear Sir, I would like to complain |
| 01:07:14 |
about people falling |
| 01:07:16 |
I myself have worked all |
| 01:07:19 |
and have never once... |
| 01:08:29 |
Psst. All clear. |
| 01:08:40 |
Vocational guidance counselor. |
| 01:08:54 |
Ah, Mr. Anchovy. |
| 01:08:58 |
Oh, thank you. Take the weight |
| 01:09:01 |
Yes. |
| 01:09:03 |
Lovely weather |
| 01:09:05 |
Enough of this gay banter. Mr. Anchovy, |
| 01:09:09 |
which job in life |
| 01:09:11 |
- That is correct. |
| 01:09:14 |
of all the interviews and the aptitude |
| 01:09:16 |
and from them we've built up clear |
| 01:09:21 |
and I think I can say |
| 01:09:24 |
that the ideal job for you |
| 01:09:27 |
But I am an accountant. |
| 01:09:29 |
Jolly good. Well, back |
| 01:09:32 |
No, no, |
| 01:09:33 |
I've been an accountant |
| 01:09:36 |
But I want a new job, something |
| 01:09:39 |
But accountancy |
| 01:09:41 |
Exciting? No, it's not. |
| 01:09:44 |
It's dull, dull, dull! |
| 01:09:47 |
My God, it's dull. |
| 01:09:49 |
It's so deadly dull |
| 01:09:52 |
and stuffy and boring |
| 01:09:56 |
I can't stand it any longer. |
| 01:09:59 |
Well, yes, Mr. Anchovy, but, |
| 01:10:02 |
it says that you are |
| 01:10:07 |
Our experts describe you as... |
| 01:10:09 |
"an appallingly dull fellow", |
| 01:10:12 |
"timid, spineless, " |
| 01:10:15 |
"no sense of humor", |
| 01:10:18 |
and "irrepressibly |
| 01:10:20 |
And where as in most professions |
| 01:10:23 |
in accountancy |
| 01:10:26 |
I'm only as awful as this |
| 01:10:29 |
Can't you help me? |
| 01:10:32 |
Any idea of what you want to be? |
| 01:10:34 |
- Yes. Yes, I have. |
| 01:10:37 |
A lion tamer. |
| 01:10:41 |
Yes. Of course, |
| 01:10:44 |
accountancy to lion taming |
| 01:10:47 |
Don't think it'd be better to work your |
| 01:10:51 |
- Or insurance? |
| 01:10:53 |
I want to start immediately. |
| 01:10:55 |
I want to be in there, taming. |
| 01:10:58 |
Yes, but what qualifications |
| 01:11:01 |
- I've got a hat. |
| 01:11:03 |
Yes, a lion taming hat, a hat |
| 01:11:06 |
and it lights up, saying "Lion Tamer" |
| 01:11:10 |
so you can tame them |
| 01:11:12 |
- I see. |
| 01:11:14 |
and you can claim it as reasonable wear |
| 01:11:17 |
under paragraph 335... |
| 01:11:19 |
Yes. I follow. |
| 01:11:22 |
if I now call the service |
| 01:11:25 |
"I've got a 45-year-old accountant |
| 01:11:29 |
their first question is not going to be |
| 01:11:33 |
They're more likely to ask |
| 01:11:37 |
- I've seen'em at the zoo. |
| 01:11:40 |
Little brown, furry creatures with |
| 01:11:44 |
I could tame one of those. |
| 01:11:47 |
Look pretty tame |
| 01:11:49 |
And these lions, |
| 01:11:52 |
Oh, about so high. |
| 01:11:56 |
And do these lions eat ants? |
| 01:11:58 |
Yes, that's right. |
| 01:12:01 |
Well, I'm afraid what you've got hold of |
| 01:12:06 |
- A what? |
| 01:12:09 |
You see a lion, |
| 01:12:12 |
about ten-foot long, |
| 01:12:14 |
with masses of sharp, |
| 01:12:16 |
and nasty, long, |
| 01:12:18 |
It looks like this. |
| 01:12:22 |
- Now. shall I call the circus? |
| 01:12:26 |
I like your idea |
| 01:12:29 |
to lion taming |
| 01:12:31 |
say by insurance |
| 01:12:34 |
- Banking? |
| 01:12:36 |
It's a man's life, isn't it? |
| 01:12:38 |
decisions affecting people's lives, |
| 01:12:42 |
I'll put you in touch |
| 01:12:47 |
Probably. |
| 01:12:49 |
I'd like a couple of days to think |
| 01:12:52 |
Or maybe, maybe a week, |
| 01:12:54 |
But I do want to make this decision. |
| 01:12:58 |
It's sad, isn't it... |
| 01:13:00 |
that this is what |
| 01:13:03 |
The only way that we can fight this |
| 01:13:07 |
I only want to be famous. |
| 01:13:10 |
And so you shall. |
| 01:13:20 |
Cue! |
| 01:13:28 |
Hello, good evening, |
| 01:13:30 |
To start tonight's program, |
| 01:13:34 |
and Mrs. Betty Teal. |
| 01:13:37 |
Hello Mrs. Teal. |
| 01:13:42 |
and is to stop us revealing |
| 01:13:46 |
So, Mrs. Teal, send us $15 |
| 01:13:49 |
and your husband Trevor and your lovely |
| 01:13:52 |
need never know the name |
| 01:14:02 |
Now, a letter, a series |
| 01:14:05 |
and a hotel registration book |
| 01:14:08 |
premature retirement and |
| 01:14:11 |
for a company director |
| 01:14:14 |
He's a Freemason |
| 01:14:16 |
So, Mr. S. of Bromsgrove, |
| 01:14:19 |
to stop us revealing your name, the name |
| 01:14:24 |
the youth organization |
| 01:14:26 |
and the shop where |
| 01:14:35 |
Well, we'll be showing you more of that |
| 01:14:39 |
unless we hear |
| 01:14:42 |
Now it's time for |
| 01:14:45 |
The rules are very simple. |
| 01:14:47 |
We have taken a film which |
| 01:14:49 |
and unpleasant details |
| 01:14:53 |
But the victim may phone me |
| 01:14:56 |
But don't forget, the money increases |
| 01:15:00 |
so the longer you leave it, |
| 01:15:02 |
So, with the clock at $300 this week's |
| 01:15:57 |
He's a very brave man. |
| 01:16:06 |
No, sir. No. |
| 01:16:09 |
I'm sure you didn't, sir. |
| 01:16:11 |
We don't morally censure. |
| 01:16:14 |
And here's the address |
| 01:16:20 |
Thank you, sir. |
| 01:16:25 |
Ah. There you are. |
| 01:16:28 |
Well, that's quite |
| 01:16:30 |
And now... |
| 01:16:35 |
a local civic group reenacts |
| 01:16:40 |
This week, the Townswomen Guild |
| 01:16:44 |
Miss Rita Fairbanks... |
| 01:16:45 |
you organized this representation |
| 01:16:48 |
Why? |
| 01:16:50 |
Weve always been extremely |
| 01:16:53 |
We were the first townswomen's guild |
| 01:16:57 |
and, of course, last year... |
| 01:16:59 |
we did our extremely popular |
| 01:17:03 |
so this year we thought we'd do |
| 01:17:06 |
I can see that you're all ready to go, |
| 01:17:09 |
in your latest venture, |
| 01:17:12 |
Thank you very much |
| 01:17:41 |
Oh, Brian. |
| 01:17:43 |
Oh, Elsbeth. |
| 01:17:55 |
Be gentle with me. |
| 01:18:29 |
Oh, Brian, are you gonna do anything |
| 01:18:34 |
Just one more, dear. |
| 01:18:46 |
Good afternoon, and welcome |
| 01:18:49 |
just as the competitors are |
| 01:18:52 |
on this lovely winter afternoon |
| 01:18:55 |
and very little sign of rain. |
| 01:18:57 |
Looks like we're in for |
| 01:18:59 |
on this, the 127th |
| 01:19:03 |
There's a big crowd here today |
| 01:19:06 |
Vivian Smith Smythe Smith. |
| 01:19:08 |
He's in the Grenadier Guards, |
| 01:19:10 |
Simon Zinc Trumpet Harris. |
| 01:19:12 |
He's an old Italian and married |
| 01:19:15 |
Nigel Incubator Jones. |
| 01:19:18 |
and in his spare time |
| 01:19:20 |
Javais Brookhamster. |
| 01:19:22 |
and his father uses him |
| 01:19:25 |
And finally, Oliver Singen Mollusk, |
| 01:19:28 |
His father was a cabinet minister |
| 01:19:31 |
He's thought by many to be |
| 01:19:33 |
And now the twits are moving |
| 01:19:36 |
and any moment now they'll be |
| 01:19:39 |
I'm afraid they're facing |
| 01:19:41 |
the wrong way at the moment, |
| 01:19:43 |
Any moment now they're going to have the |
| 01:19:48 |
And they're off! |
| 01:19:50 |
No, they're not. They didn't realize |
| 01:19:54 |
I think the starter has explained to |
| 01:19:57 |
And ready again, |
| 01:19:59 |
This time, yes, |
| 01:20:01 |
It's Vivian going for the lead |
| 01:20:05 |
And to the left but, |
| 01:20:07 |
into the first event which is, |
| 01:20:10 |
The twits have to walk along these lines |
| 01:20:13 |
This is Oliver's worst event. |
| 01:20:15 |
Simon's coming through. |
| 01:20:18 |
Oliver's over at the back. Never mind. |
| 01:20:21 |
He's having... |
| 01:20:23 |
We're coming to the second event, |
| 01:20:26 |
Two layers of matchboxes for the twits |
| 01:20:30 |
And Vivian has refused. |
| 01:20:32 |
And now, |
| 01:20:34 |
And Nigel to put the brogue in there! |
| 01:20:38 |
The beggar is down, |
| 01:20:40 |
And here it's Oliver. |
| 01:20:43 |
Oh, if only his father |
| 01:20:45 |
And now it's |
| 01:20:48 |
Simon in the lead and he's done |
| 01:20:51 |
Back to Oliver. |
| 01:20:54 |
He doesn't know when he's beaten. He |
| 01:20:57 |
He has no sort of sensory apparatus |
| 01:21:01 |
And now, it's "Waking the Neighbor". |
| 01:21:04 |
He's slamming that door, and woken |
| 01:21:08 |
The crowd is really excited! |
| 01:21:10 |
And now it's |
| 01:21:12 |
These rabbits have been staked to the |
| 01:21:16 |
as this is only |
| 01:21:19 |
There's mist there which I think is |
| 01:21:23 |
And Javais is using |
| 01:21:25 |
Vivian's going in with a fist, |
| 01:21:28 |
And Oliver |
| 01:21:30 |
What a great twit! |
| 01:21:32 |
And now, it's "Taking the Bras off |
| 01:21:36 |
This is a particularly difficult |
| 01:21:39 |
one of the ones that takes the most time |
| 01:21:42 |
The crowd are getting excited, and I |
| 01:21:46 |
And it's Simon into the lead, |
| 01:21:50 |
And it's the final event now! |
| 01:21:52 |
They have to shoot themselves |
| 01:21:55 |
Simon can't get the bra off his finger |
| 01:21:58 |
Nigel misses! |
| 01:22:01 |
Nigel misses again! |
| 01:22:03 |
Javais is |
| 01:22:06 |
Vivian is there! |
| 01:22:09 |
Simon shoots. |
| 01:22:12 |
Simon has shot Vivian |
| 01:22:15 |
And Simon shoots himself. |
| 01:22:17 |
And Nigel clubs himself |
| 01:22:21 |
And so, the final result: |
| 01:22:23 |
first and upper class |
| 01:22:25 |
Javais Brookhamster of Kensington... |
| 01:22:27 |
runner up, Vivian Smith Smythe Smith |
| 01:22:29 |
and third, Simon Zinc |
