My Last 5 Girlfriends

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00:00:05 Hello, and a very good morning to you.
00:00:09 - It's me, Jo Good, and Paul Ross.
00:00:11 with the sun shining outside as
00:00:15 - you look gorgeous this morning.
00:00:17 - You said a bit of sun.
00:00:20 is going over Waterloo Bridge.
00:00:24 you see the London Eye,
00:00:27 The great thing is it's better to be on
00:00:30 because Waterloo Bridge is the most
00:00:34 But on Waterloo, you see good things.
00:00:37 Stay at the cheap place next door
00:00:40 - You save money, get a better view.
00:00:42 What a lovely city we live in.
00:00:52 Dear Wendy, Olive,
00:00:55 Rhona, Natalie and Gemma:
00:01:00 I hope you're all very happy.
00:01:02 Did that sound sarcastic?
00:01:05 What you've collectively done to me...
00:01:13 What you've collectively
00:01:27 What you've collectively done to me
00:01:31 Four years ago, I was happy to believe
00:01:35 You might have heard of it.
00:01:39 But thanks to the five of you,
00:01:42 a myth specifically concocted
00:01:44 to bring me as much pain
00:01:49 Wendy.
00:01:52 Were you ever really
00:01:55 Or was I just understudying for Alex
00:01:56 while you and him
00:01:59 Olive.
00:02:01 Almost everything I told you was a lie.
00:02:05 I'm sorry about that.
00:02:07 Rhona. Who did you think I was?
00:02:10 If I was that wrong for you,
00:02:12 paying more attention at the start.
00:02:15 Natalie.
00:02:17 OK, so I got myself out of that one,
00:02:20 Orjust someone?
00:02:22 And Gemma.
00:02:25 What should I say to you?
00:02:27 I suppose I should forgive you.
00:02:30 This is a suicide note, after all.
00:02:33 OK, I forgive you.
00:02:37 But I don't want that
00:02:40 I'm sure you'll all find someone.
00:02:43 You might even think you're in love.
00:02:47 We're all just playing out scenes
00:02:50 The only difference is our stories
00:02:54 When real people
00:02:57 no music swells, no credits roll.
00:03:00 They just get to the end of the beach,
00:03:03 have a row and walk back to the car.
00:03:06 And that's depressing.
00:03:09 In fact, after reading this you might
00:03:13 And that's the one thing
00:03:16 Bye, then.
00:03:19 Duncan.
00:06:18 Sorry, but I think my belt
00:06:23 Sorry. I thought this seat
00:06:27 No, that's normal.
00:06:31 Sorry, that's just what?
00:06:34 Economy. That's just being in...
00:06:37 - It doesn't matter, wasn't very funny.
00:06:41 Sorry. I'm a bit slow sometimes.
00:06:48 I'm only in economy because
00:06:51 - Me, too.
00:06:55 - Sorry, what?
00:06:58 You've got no idea
00:07:00 Not really.
00:07:02 Sorry, you must think you've got
00:07:05 - I promise I'll shut up now.
00:07:09 What is it? Graphic...?
00:07:11 Graphica. It's just a work thing.
00:07:14 And I just assumed that you were
00:07:17 Which is, of course, ridiculous.
00:07:19 And a little bit arrogant.
00:07:21 I have this tendency to think other
00:07:23 so I am gonna stop talking
00:07:26 No, that's quite all right. It's OK.
00:07:29 No, I...
00:07:34 Of all the people I could have sat
00:07:40 I couldn't accept that meeting her
00:07:42 had merely been a coincidence.
00:07:45 Had heavenly forces been subtly
00:07:48 so that we would one day meet
00:07:52 Or was it just down to chance?
00:07:54 - Johnny?
00:07:56 OK. Well, between Charles De Gaulle
00:07:59 there are two national airlines.
00:08:01 And they were running that morning
00:08:04 So the odds: one in six.
00:08:07 I'd actually planned to get
00:08:10 But somehow, a bottle
00:08:13 wasting a valuable ten minutes.
00:08:15 By the time the hotel clerk
00:08:18 cleared my credit card and
00:08:22 Then because of some ridiculous
00:08:26 by the time I got to the airport,
00:08:29 I couldn't be bothered waiting for the
00:08:33 - Would you like some lunch, madam?
00:08:36 - And you, sir?
00:08:38 - We have sandwiches if you'd like.
00:08:40 Go on. Take them.
00:08:42 - Thank you. Thanks.
00:08:47 - Are you sure I'm not depriving you?
00:08:50 Thank you.
00:08:56 - I love airline food.
00:09:00 I don't know, it sort of...
00:09:05 My mum used to have
00:09:08 and anything I wouldn't eat,
00:09:11 and pretend we were going on holiday.
00:09:14 - Did it work?
00:09:16 It's kind of...
00:09:19 No. Not really.
00:09:24 Collecting what?
00:09:28 - No, it's nothing.
00:09:32 Not anymore.
00:09:34 So how many have you got?
00:09:39 About a hundred?
00:09:40 Blimey! You must have travelled a lot!
00:09:43 It was my dad, mainly.
00:09:46 They were sort of like postcards.
00:09:48 and draw pictures on them.
00:09:52 - Sweet.
00:09:53 Well, it did make me want to travel.
00:09:55 He'd write reviews
00:09:57 I always wanted to know
00:09:59 So you're working your way
00:10:02 Sort of. I suppose I'm about halfway.
00:10:05 That's so great. I wish
00:10:08 Something to devote myself to.
00:10:13 I'm Wendy, by the way.
00:10:16 For the next 33 minutes,
00:10:18 Wendy gave me her mini biography.
00:10:21 Wendy had been in Paris
00:10:27 She worked as a graphic designer
00:10:35 She was born in Blackpool...
00:10:43 ...but moved to Wiltshire as a child.
00:10:49 She did fine art at Camberwell...
00:10:57 ...and now lives alone
00:11:14 The whole place
00:11:17 I really shouldn't have bought it.
00:11:20 But it was one of those rash decisions.
00:11:24 Well, one of those
00:11:26 Soon my life would be full of...
00:11:29 I need to see you now.
00:11:31 - ... and...
00:11:34 Despite incredible odds,
00:11:38 Didn't that prove that these things
00:11:41 That God is running some kind
00:11:47 Have you given up hope of ever
00:11:51 Well, don't despair.
00:11:54 At Divine Dating, we have hundreds
00:11:58 standing by to meet
00:12:02 I never thought I'd find her.
00:12:04 A friend introduced me to Divine Dating,
00:12:07 Now, I just think of the future
00:12:10 The three of us, remember?
00:12:12 Oh, yes, the three of us!
00:12:14 Divine Dating.
00:12:16 'Cause one day,
00:12:19 And that means you!
00:12:23 It has to be something like that
00:12:24 because otherwise people are just
00:12:28 Let me look.
00:12:30 - It's very kind of you.
00:12:33 were meant to be together.
00:12:35 I mean, just look at the evidence.
00:12:37 We were both born at around midnight
00:12:39 in the same month
00:12:42 Both of us tried to learn the clarinet.
00:12:45 We were both in school productions
00:12:48 We both have two large freckles
00:12:52 and a cavity in the same rear molar.
00:12:55 And both of us
00:12:58 We even own the same edition
00:13:02 I was convinced that I was always
00:13:05 and not just any other girl.
00:13:07 I was meant to fall in love
00:13:10 that way of combing her hair,
00:13:13 That despite odds of 0.313 per cent,
00:13:18 I was sure that I was put
00:13:28 I love being with you.
00:13:31 So, what's the problem?
00:13:34 It just wouldn't be fair on Alex.
00:13:37 I thought you said
00:13:39 I know, but...
00:13:41 He should be devastated.
00:13:46 You're wonderful.
00:13:48 I want to spend
00:13:50 Stop! Don't, I can't.
00:13:54 It's gonna be painful
00:13:56 The longer you leave it,
00:13:59 - I know.
00:14:01 that you don't love him any more.
00:14:04 It's just that Alex has had so much
00:14:08 - This'll just destroy him.
00:14:11 it's only gonna make things worse.
00:14:14 I don't know
00:14:22 What does that mean?
00:14:24 I don't know.
00:14:28 No. Come on, Wendy.
00:14:31 You either love him or you don't.
00:14:35 Yeah, I do love him.
00:14:37 Yes, but do you love him
00:14:45 Wendy?
00:14:52 Wendy?
00:14:59 So how did this happen?
00:15:02 I need to see you now.
00:15:04 - And...
00:15:07 Was this the same person that
00:15:10 Yeah, I'm sort of with this guy.
00:15:12 Sort of. But it's been pretty ropy
00:15:17 And two weeks later...
00:15:19 That's it. It's over.
00:15:21 It really is all over.
00:15:23 At what point did that become this?
00:15:26 - So you didn't tell him?
00:15:29 It's kind of obvious.
00:15:31 He's not stupid.
00:15:34 When did the rot set in?
00:15:35 When did Alex start to seem
00:15:38 Was it the night
00:15:40 - She's a bit dizzy.
00:15:44 Was it my lack of enthusiasm
00:15:48 Maybe I was too clingy.
00:15:50 - Hiya!
00:15:52 Or just too laid back.
00:15:54 Hey! Come on, it's starting!
00:15:58 Quick.
00:15:59 Or maybe I never really stood
00:17:53 Would you like some wine?
00:17:56 I don't mind. Do you?
00:17:58 Whatever you want.
00:18:00 - Either way is fine by me.
00:18:08 So should we have it or not?
00:18:11 Well, I don't think I'll have any.
00:18:13 After five dates with Olive,
00:18:15 I still knew almost nothing about her.
00:18:18 What kind of books do you like?
00:18:20 I like James Joyce, Henry James,
00:18:25 I developed new personalities.
00:18:28 - Do you like your job?
00:18:31 Personalities based
00:18:34 she might like.
00:18:36 What do you like to do
00:18:38 I run Saturday mornings,
00:18:42 Right.
00:18:43 But I couldn't tell who she was.
00:18:47 I think there's nothing wrong
00:18:49 - And the next...
00:18:52 Had she liked any of the places
00:18:55 Did she like me?
00:18:59 Do you think two people
00:19:02 - In most cases.
00:19:06 In parts.
00:19:08 Have you ever been truly, truly in love?
00:19:13 It felt like it,
00:19:16 - So, what's your favourite colour?
00:19:21 Dessert, madam?
00:19:24 What do you think,
00:19:27 I just love chocolate, don't you?
00:19:29 I can't understand people
00:19:32 - That one, please.
00:19:37 Well, it's only
00:19:39 It shouldn't be too much of a problem.
00:19:41 You'll have to give him
00:19:47 Perfect.
00:19:49 Did Olive like me any more
00:19:53 I mean, why had I been
00:19:57 Exactly.
00:19:59 It had nothing to do with her interest
00:20:14 When I originally told Olive...
00:20:16 - It's all right. I'll drop you home.
00:20:19 - I better get off then.
00:20:21 But with a quarter of a mile to go
00:20:25 it seemed monumental.
00:20:28 At some point, one of us
00:20:32 - But the risks were high.
00:20:34 Everything would change.
00:20:38 - and coded speech.
00:20:42 truly in love?
00:20:44 But how to go about it.
00:20:46 Maybe I should propose
00:20:50 Orjust leap straight in.
00:21:02 In the end, the double chocolate cake
00:21:26 It's one of the world's
00:21:30 Highest drops, the most loops.
00:21:36 It's supposed to represent the
00:21:40 Let me tell you, most people
00:21:43 Why are they in shoes?
00:21:58 As my next girlfriend's influence
00:22:01 one thing was clear:
00:22:05 And to begin with,
00:22:08 she added to my life.
00:22:11 we would have to deal with the fact
00:22:15 I'm back!
00:22:18 I've got to show you
00:22:20 I could have bought the whole shop.
00:22:24 You should have seen
00:22:26 I'm going to wear them every day.
00:22:31 Don't you just love them?
00:22:46 A fine leather caresses the ankle.
00:22:49 The heel gives a perfect balance
00:22:51 between functionality and style.
00:22:54 This upturned toe
00:22:56 of lengthening and flattering the leg.
00:22:59 And I'm loving these pin tucks that
00:23:03 making this a beautiful shoe.
00:23:06 Yeah, and you forgot to mention,
00:23:14 How could this person,
00:23:16 feeling so in touch with,
00:23:18 be in such raptures about
00:23:22 If I'm honest, other differences
00:23:27 Why did Rhona insist
00:23:30 Why did she always
00:23:33 Excuse me?
00:23:35 Why did she never have
00:23:39 Why did she find
00:23:43 Why did we have to have sex
00:23:48 And why-oh-why
00:24:03 It was like Rhona
00:24:06 but one or two of the players
00:24:15 - Do you fancy going to a club?
00:24:21 No, you're right, let's go to a club.
00:24:25 Those shoes came
00:24:28 and the need to gently accommodate
00:24:32 Unfortunately, that isn't what happened.
00:24:38 - You don't like them?
00:24:43 Why not?
00:24:44 I just don't like that kind of shoe.
00:24:47 - It looks like a pelican.
00:24:51 - No, it's not.
00:24:53 Look at the heel and the bow.
00:24:54 I think you're on your own
00:24:58 You don't know anything about fashion.
00:25:00 That may be, but I know a horrible shoe
00:25:03 It's not horrible. You're jealous
00:25:06 I'm trying to tell you how I feel.
00:25:08 I really don't think they're suitable
00:25:10 Well, that's great. 'Cause that's
00:25:15 - Well, so wear them.
00:25:19 - Why not?
00:25:22 you told me I looked like
00:25:24 Why did I have to tell her?
00:25:29 - Haven't you got any milk?
00:25:32 - Hang on a second.
00:25:34 I noticed Mr. Paul, our local newsagent,
00:25:37 was wearing thick grey socks
00:25:40 They were spectacularly ugly.
00:25:42 But did I say...
00:25:44 You're not gonna keep wearing
00:25:46 - Why not?
00:25:48 and frankly rather offensive.
00:25:50 Of course I didn't,
00:25:53 So why did I spare his feelings
00:25:57 I suppose we could have just politely
00:26:00 But you see, I didn't want
00:26:05 Good night, dear.
00:26:08 Good night.
00:26:10 Why can't you keep
00:26:12 Because I care about you, Rhona.
00:26:14 Someone has to tell you when you've
00:26:17 Anyway, why do you care
00:26:20 Because I want you to like them.
00:26:24 and now you're telling me
00:26:27 Why does everything I do
00:26:30 Come on, don't throw that one at me.
00:26:32 Yes, it is.
00:26:35 I like almost everything else.
00:26:37 So why can't you forget
00:26:41 - Because you deserve better.
00:26:44 - Maybe I deserve better than you.
00:26:47 I'll spare you the full melodrama.
00:26:50 Suffice to say, she didn't
00:26:53 because we never went to the party.
00:26:54 In fact, we never went
00:27:00 I know what you mean, pal.
00:27:03 - I should have lied.
00:27:06 Hardcore. Keep it real.
00:27:08 - Would you have lied?
00:28:25 Excuse the mess.
00:28:28 The rest of the flat's
00:28:31 This is where I really live.
00:28:33 And meet Guppy, my first love.
00:29:18 Oh! Your shoes.
00:29:58 - What?
00:30:01 - What do you mean?
00:30:04 - I can't help thinking.
00:30:08 I'm trying to, but all sorts of stuff's
00:30:11 Look, mate, take my advice.
00:30:15 Do you think I'd be able to do this
00:30:23 - I know, but it's all a bit...
00:30:26 - Yeah, a little bit too easy?
00:30:29 And if this was so easy for you,
00:30:32 I don't want to think about that,
00:30:34 - Well, then you've got to stop.
00:30:37 Yeah, you got to stop immediately,
00:30:40 far too much to continue
00:30:43 - Really?
00:30:45 Just enjoy it.
00:30:48 - Thanks, Guppy.
00:31:17 When did a fire alarm go off
00:31:19 in an inappropriate moment
00:31:22 It may be in the middle
00:31:36 You can leave some
00:31:39 It has been nearly six months now.
00:31:47 To begin with, my old leather bag
00:31:53 God! What have you got in there?
00:31:56 But eventually it began to symbolise
00:31:59 to keep my relationship
00:32:02 As soon as I let it go,
00:32:05 and my toothbrush would take up
00:32:09 Every morning I would re-pack it
00:32:13 we would ever see each other.
00:32:16 It's all right.
00:32:19 Your toothbrush doesn't.
00:32:21 And this inevitably led on
00:32:24 And I had very definite
00:32:28 You just need to be
00:32:32 I just need time to adjust.
00:32:34 The truth was it felt like Natalie and I
00:32:38 and frankly I found that
00:32:42 - She now freely used my...
00:32:44 - And my...
00:32:46 ...in general conversation.
00:32:48 I acquired Natalie's need
00:32:52 She copied my way
00:32:56 I took to wandering round things
00:32:59 And she acquired a taste
00:33:04 We even developed our own secret
00:33:10 A language of mutual references
00:33:17 I did a bit of a ming last night.
00:33:21 But all these common incidents, like the
00:33:25 I always keep a gun in my bag.
00:33:27 Look, there's that accountant!
00:33:30 ...created our own little world
00:33:36 And soon my old leather bag
00:33:39 to prevent us dissolving into one.
00:33:41 Don't you think we should
00:33:46 He's not an accountant.
00:33:48 A Ming vase?
00:33:51 - Maybe he just smells.
00:33:53 - over six months ago, so what is it?
00:33:55 The answer's got to be
00:33:59 - Hiya!
00:34:01 Don't worry. I'm running behind myself.
00:34:04 - Hi.
00:34:07 Thank you.
00:34:09 I would have loved
00:34:11 I don't have the concentration.
00:34:14 Have you done anything
00:34:16 Doubt it. Unless you've been to
00:34:19 - Which one?
00:34:22 No! I love Chew Chew!
00:34:25 - You didn't?
00:34:27 - Have you been to the toilet?
00:34:30 And it has the great big shiny...
00:34:32 Well, that's not me either.
00:34:34 But the corridor
00:34:39 Well, that's me.
00:34:41 I'm hoping they have a fire.
00:34:44 - I'll start one next time I'm there.
00:34:48 No problem.
00:34:51 All right, so I fell in love with Gemma
00:34:55 Watching her talk,
00:34:57 messing about in the kitchen,
00:35:00 I began to consider alternative
00:35:04 - Hiya!
00:35:07 It's fine. I'm running behind
00:35:10 In city streets or busy restaurants,
00:35:12 I'm often aware of the millions
00:35:15 to remain a mystery to me.
00:35:18 Seeing these women fills me with regret.
00:35:21 It normally only takes me 20 minutes,
00:35:25 I want to be back in Colchester
00:35:27 If I don't book my ticket now,
00:35:30 She's looking much better now.
00:35:34 I would feel momentarily sad
00:35:36 that I would never get to hear
00:35:41 What was it about Gemma that evoked
00:35:46 Feelings that my love for Natalie
00:35:51 So did you fall in love with her?
00:35:55 - What?
00:35:58 - Who?
00:36:00 Of course not.
00:36:03 - She's just your type.
00:36:06 So, what was I feeling so guilty about?
00:36:08 Had my feelings
00:36:11 Is something wrong?
00:36:15 - I like you less.
00:36:18 - No, not that much.
00:36:21 Today? I should say six and a half.
00:36:24 No, six and three-quarters, perhaps.
00:36:28 I'd say about minus three.
00:36:30 Although it might have been
00:36:34 Often I couldn't tell whether
00:36:37 had anything to do with her at all.
00:36:41 Was I furious with Natalie for making a
00:36:45 Or did it have more to do
00:36:48 for Tooting Bec tube station?
00:36:51 Wankers!
00:36:55 Or was I still disturbed by a comment
00:37:01 You can't spend forever
00:37:04 - You've got to get on with your life.
00:37:06 Natalie and I were a perfect match,
00:37:11 That mysterious, indefinable spark
00:37:14 just wasn't there.
00:37:16 To stabilise our feelings
00:37:18 we would often project
00:37:21 imagining we were a couple of oldies
00:37:25 Or find houses we both liked
00:37:34 We tried to make ourselves believe
00:37:41 A future that deep down both of us
00:37:56 And so in a pattern that we've
00:38:00 another ride representing
00:38:04 - comes to an end.
00:38:10 Are you getting on?
00:38:14 Yeah, OK.
00:38:20 Which brings us
00:38:24 An area devoted to
00:38:26 a rather difficult period
00:38:44 This landscape represents Duncan's life
00:38:47 in the second half of this year.
00:38:49 A bleak and barren time,
00:38:52 devoid of any companionship
00:38:56 Six months of take-away pizzas
00:39:00 Perhaps some of you might like
00:39:02 to take a quiet moment of reflection.
00:39:05 It's something that many of our guests
00:39:25 But let's not dwell here for too long,
00:39:27 as an area of the park devoted
00:39:31 is just around the corner.
00:39:32 And who could have guessed
00:39:59 Visitors of Duncanworld.
00:40:02 Today I have the great pleasure of
00:40:13 Higher, faster, more exciting than
00:40:22 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
00:40:25 I give you...
00:40:28 ...the Gemma.
00:41:10 Hey! Excuse me!
00:41:13 The alarm's gone off.
00:41:15 - I paid for everything in my bag.
00:41:17 But I need to check your bags.
00:41:22 There, you see? Socks.
00:41:25 - Still got the tag. Got a receipt?
00:41:28 You saying you didn't pay for 'em?
00:41:30 I'm saying I didn't
00:41:32 I paid for my food, I literally
00:41:35 I'm not gonna have time
00:41:37 Why are you losing control? I'm
00:41:40 - You're joking, aren't you?
00:41:45 Are you all right?
00:41:48 - I think so.
00:41:51 Come on. You don't seriously think
00:41:54 - So sorry. I don't mean to be rude.
00:41:57 - Your party about six months ago.
00:42:01 First of all, what would she want
00:42:05 I don't know, sir.
00:42:07 How do you know that? Gemma,
00:42:10 - Do you have a boyfriend?
00:42:12 No. So we're all just wasting our time.
00:42:17 - So how are you?
00:42:23 - Where's your car?
00:42:29 - Are you still designing fire exits?
00:42:32 Yeah, I'm your biggest fan.
00:42:34 Your emergency corridor
00:42:37 Really? They let me do
00:42:39 - I'm designing a health centre.
00:42:42 I really thought
00:42:44 Do you think? Thanks very much.
00:42:49 - Isn't all this a bit premature?
00:42:53 - She might not be very interested.
00:42:56 Mere details, friends.
00:42:57 Yeah, what's to say that you won't make
00:43:00 exactly the same mistakes as before?
00:43:03 - Yeah.
00:43:04 But this time
00:43:07 I'm going into it
00:43:09 - I'm not going to let this one go.
00:43:12 I'm gonna pay attention
00:43:15 I'll anticipate the problems. I'm gonna
00:43:22 Do you think? I just found people
00:43:25 during an emergency evacuation.
00:43:28 - to appreciate the craftsmanship.
00:43:33 - Please don't tell me this is it.
00:43:37 - I love my little car.
00:43:40 It's just not much of a getaway vehicle.
00:43:43 If you're gonna plan
00:43:45 you really ought to think
00:43:48 - Where were you headed?
00:43:51 - Where?
00:43:54 Where's your shopping?
00:43:58 They didn't have what I wanted.
00:44:00 Which was?
00:44:03 An avocado.
00:44:11 What, like this one?
00:44:15 You put those socks in my bag,
00:44:20 Is that important? Really?
00:44:24 Surely, the most important thing
00:44:29 Blimey, you're forward.
00:44:31 Not really, I'm just desperate.
00:44:36 And this time it was different.
00:44:39 T- minus ten, nine, eight,
00:44:42 seven, six, five,
00:44:45 four, three,
00:44:47 two, one.
00:44:50 We have lift-off.
00:44:53 This was someone I could imagine
00:45:00 We seemed able to accommodate
00:45:11 And there wasn't some old relationship
00:45:14 ready to be re-started.
00:45:23 I was walking past Jigsaw today.
00:45:27 There's this really nice jumper
00:45:30 - Great.
00:45:33 - Why are you telling me?
00:45:37 I was walking past Bang & Olufsen
00:45:39 - But it's not your birthday, is it?
00:45:43 You are such an idiot.
00:45:56 I picked up the jumper
00:45:59 But as I was filling out
00:46:02 that this was my first non-intimidating
00:46:05 that I loved her. I had wanted
00:46:12 I love you.
00:46:17 You see,
00:46:19 People can talk problems into existence.
00:46:22 Problems that aren't even there
00:46:30 When I was 12 years old,
00:46:33 I fell madly in love with this boy
00:46:37 called Giles.
00:46:46 We ended up walking
00:46:50 Do you want to sit down?
00:46:58 It was like the first time
00:47:01 that I'd held a boy's hand.
00:47:04 I got really emotional,
00:47:07 and for some reason,
00:47:11 This is the best thing
00:47:20 Which turned out to be a big mistake.
00:47:24 Gemma loves Giles! Gemma loves Giles!
00:47:39 I don't trust words.
00:47:41 They always spoil things.
00:48:29 Maybe a pullover
00:48:32 A message in knitwear code.
00:48:37 But even if I told her,
00:48:40 Come to think of it,
00:48:43 If I told Gemma
00:48:46 a red car
00:48:47 or a bunch of daffodils,
00:48:49 then I know she would understand.
00:48:52 More or less.
00:48:53 Naturally, our perceptions
00:48:56 But love is so ambiguous that it could
00:49:00 Some people would
00:49:03 if they had not heard of love.
00:49:04 He could be right.
00:49:06 Who's to say there's any such thing
00:49:08 For instance, the Manu tribe of New
00:49:12 And the Chinese traditionally
00:49:15 for romantic love in their culture.
00:49:17 Nevertheless, the manager
00:49:20 was delighted to take our booking.
00:49:22 Maybe the feeling in my stomach
00:49:25 but a viral infection.
00:49:27 Or food poisoning.
00:49:29 Or a coronary attack.
00:49:34 S.M. Greenfield, in an article
00:49:37 writes that love is kept alive
00:49:40 only in order to...
00:49:41 Motivate individuals where there is
00:49:47 to occupy the positions
00:49:49 husband-wife and wife-mother
00:49:52 and form nuclear families
00:49:55 not only for reproduction
00:49:59 but also to maintain
00:50:02 for distributing consumer goods
00:50:05 and in general,
00:50:08 in proper working order,
00:50:10 and thus maintaining it
00:50:17 In the end, I decided that a card
00:50:20 on a bicycle wasn't the best place
00:50:23 I would do it properly.
00:50:25 I would tell her myself.
00:50:29 Oh, God, I feel so much better.
00:50:32 I must have been starving.
00:50:36 Why?
00:50:37 Because I have this thing
00:50:40 They always remind me of death
00:50:45 - Know where I was this time last year?
00:50:48 Being taken out to dinner
00:50:51 It was, like, awful.
00:50:53 I kept having
00:50:56 I was so upset that it was my birthday
00:50:59 and the only one who'd invited me out
00:51:02 who couldn't stop telling me she didn't
00:51:05 didn't have a man in her life.
00:51:08 It's probably not a bad thing
00:51:14 There was my chance.
00:51:17 - Too corny to say...
00:51:19 The words had lost their power,
00:51:22 - I love you.
00:51:25 I love you.
00:51:26 But I was determined to say something,
00:51:29 so I cowardly turned
00:51:32 Until, at quarter to 12,
00:51:34 I found myself staring at a
00:51:38 And for some reason it seemed to
00:51:40 how I felt about Gemma.
00:51:42 I've something
00:51:44 OK.
00:51:46 It's very important.
00:51:50 Yes?
00:51:53 Are you ready?
00:51:56 Yeah.
00:52:00 I marshmallow you.
00:52:07 That's the sweetest thing anyone
00:52:09 I think she understood.
00:52:12 By the way,
00:52:18 But I should have got the purple one.
00:52:37 The thing about declaring
00:52:39 is from that point on,
00:52:44 For me, everything
00:52:48 For Gemma...
00:53:01 Isn't it wonderful?
00:53:03 - Isn't it?
00:53:05 Shush, don't spoil it.
00:53:07 No, you're right, it is wonderful.
00:53:10 I couldn't have imagined
00:53:12 It seems cut off from everything, like
00:53:16 I could spend the rest of my life here.
00:53:19 So could I.
00:53:21 We could live here together.
00:53:23 I'd tend to the goats,
00:53:26 we'd write books, paint and...
00:53:31 Are you all right?
00:53:33 Yeah.
00:53:35 I am now.
00:53:38 I just got this terrible pain
00:53:41 it was like an awful throbbing
00:53:48 It's probably nothing.
00:53:54 - No! Shit!
00:53:57 No, Duncan! You're not gonna
00:54:00 - I know, but I'll empathise.
00:54:03 I better go inside and lie down.
00:54:05 It's probably just the height
00:54:09 I'll go inside.
00:54:13 In actual fact,
00:54:18 She seemed incapable
00:54:21 as they happened.
00:54:24 A couple of weeks ago,
00:54:25 we'd spent the afternoon
00:54:28 Our friends were there, the food was
00:54:32 But for some reason,
00:54:35 - Are you cold?
00:54:41 Have you seen my shoes?
00:54:43 Yes!
00:54:46 We'd both been looking forward
00:54:49 - On the way home, she'd told me...
00:54:54 But at the time,
00:54:56 It was like she could only enjoy things
00:55:15 I don't know what it is, Will.
00:55:18 I just can't quite
00:55:20 Don't worry.
00:55:23 I just feel like something is wrong.
00:55:26 but since we came back from Spain,
00:55:28 I don't just mean in the bedroom.
00:55:31 Like?
00:55:33 Nothing I can put my finger on directly.
00:55:37 She likes a different cereal from me.
00:55:40 But because I spend
00:55:42 she usually buys the cereal I like
00:55:47 Then all of a sudden last week
00:55:50 It's far too expensive.
00:55:52 I don't want to come to any
00:55:54 - Hey!
00:55:56 - are yours then, Will?
00:55:59 Don't be so modest.
00:56:03 I love the way
00:56:06 Why can't you do more stuff like that?
00:56:08 Well, my work is more structural.
00:56:13 Well I think Will's work is great.
00:56:16 - I'm so glad I've seen it.
00:56:19 No, I am so impressed.
00:56:21 Your work is exactly
00:56:24 It's such a pity that more architects
00:56:28 - I imagine it can't be easy.
00:56:31 But I've always been taught
00:56:35 I work on projects that emit
00:56:38 Yeah, I think I see what you mean.
00:56:41 I was working on a project
00:56:44 there you can really get a sense of what
00:56:47 of stone as well as some steel
00:56:50 about working with the landscape
00:56:52 - Don't you think we better be...?
00:56:55 It seems to be winding down.
00:57:01 - Maybe we should go for a drink.
00:57:03 - Come on.
00:57:05 Will, do you fancy a drink?
00:57:08 OK.
00:57:10 That's it then.
00:57:13 I'm pretty tired, to be honest.
00:57:15 OK. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then.
00:57:18 I know this amazing bar in the West End.
00:57:21 - I've heard of it.
00:57:24 It has these huge screens
00:57:26 - So... will I see you later then?
00:57:30 Don't worry, I'll call you
00:57:33 Anyway, as I was saying...
00:57:36 Of course, I had no problem
00:57:39 for a drink without me.
00:57:42 No problem at all.
00:57:44 I was absolutely fine with it.
00:57:49 Hi, it's me. I can't get to the phone.
00:57:52 Completely OK.
00:57:58 Over the moon, in fact.
00:58:06 Hi, it's me. I can't get to the phone.
00:58:16 I was just glad that my best friend
00:58:18 were getting on so well.
00:58:29 Really, really well.
00:58:36 Hi, it's me. I can't get to the phone.
00:58:41 People can talk problems
00:58:44 Problems that aren't
00:58:46 You can drop me anywhere
00:58:49 - Will this do?
00:58:52 Well, thanks. That was lovely.
00:58:54 It was, wasn't it?
00:58:57 I should get going, Will.
00:59:00 Sure. OK. I'll see you around.
00:59:04 Bye.
00:59:23 Hi, it's me. I can't get to the phone.
00:59:48 Hiya.
00:59:51 Gemma's alibi went like this:
00:59:53 She'd gone to that bar in Soho
00:59:56 By which time,
00:59:59 So she decided that it would be easier
01:00:02 than travel all the way back
01:00:04 - Hi.
01:00:07 It's OK.
01:00:08 She stayed the night
01:00:11 She had wanted to call me,
01:00:13 After all, had I not said...
01:00:15 I'm pretty tired, to be honest.
01:00:17 All perfectly feasible.
01:00:20 But then she blew it.
01:00:26 Why are you making that face?
01:00:30 It's the one you like, isn't it?
01:00:34 Why had Gemma gone to all the trouble
01:00:38 What was she feeling so guilty about?
01:00:40 After all, I thought
01:00:42 It's far too expensive.
01:00:44 Surely, this proved she was covering up.
01:00:47 - The polygraph's clean.
01:00:50 - She'll walk.
01:00:53 - Circumstantial, my friend.
01:00:55 I just know it, though.
01:00:57 The whole thing's airtight.
01:01:00 You must be able to do something.
01:01:03 Sounds to me like you want her
01:01:05 - Of course not.
01:01:08 - Maybe you're looking for a way out.
01:01:10 Perhaps you don't love her any more,
01:01:13 - That right, Duncan?
01:01:14 - Are you not man enough to tell her?
01:01:17 - I thought not.
01:01:18 I'm not trying to break it up.
01:01:20 Then what's the problem? The lady
01:01:24 She's trying to make things up.
01:01:26 - You make her feel worse.
01:01:29 - What kind of animal are you?
01:01:31 - I made a mistake!
01:01:35 So, what should I do?
01:01:39 You need us to tell you?
01:01:50 Don't, not now.
01:01:53 I said once already, not now!
01:02:05 Right then, I knew it.
01:02:08 If I didn't act quickly, I'd lose her.
01:02:14 Look what I got today.
01:02:23 I had planned the perfect weekend.
01:02:26 A first-class trip to Paris.
01:02:30 Our own chauffeur on standby
01:02:33 An executive suite
01:02:37 with all the comforts and amenities
01:02:41 It even had a balcony
01:02:44 I pulled every string I could
01:02:47 at a three-star Michelin restaurant.
01:02:49 I somehow managed to get
01:02:53 I even booked a twilight trip
01:02:56 with music, champagne, the works.
01:03:01 And do you know what?
01:03:03 From the minute we arrived, I knew
01:03:11 Have you got the key?
01:03:15 No, you said you had it.
01:03:17 No, I didn't. I don't have the key.
01:03:20 I haven't locked us out. I just shut
01:03:24 because the key wasn't where I left it.
01:03:26 That was really silly of you
01:03:28 - So we're locked out, thanks to you.
01:03:31 For God's sake, stop blaming me for the
01:03:34 I had nothing to do with the key.
01:03:49 I'm sorry. I did have it all along.
01:03:53 That's it.
01:03:56 Duncan.
01:03:58 Duncan! Don't be so silly.
01:04:02 Duncan. Duncan!
01:04:04 Childish, I know,
01:04:07 I'd put up with so many of Gemma's.
01:04:11 Successful sulking, a guide.
01:04:14 One, the sulk must be sparked
01:04:18 the more trivial the better.
01:04:21 Two, the punishment
01:04:23 must be disproportionately large
01:04:25 in relation to the original offence.
01:04:27 Three, beware of
01:04:30 and therefore not allowing sufficient
01:04:35 Four, the sulk should never be about
01:04:39 For example, for...
01:04:40 I am angry at you for accusing me
01:04:42 ...read...
01:04:44 I am angry at you
01:04:46 Five, the sulk should be
01:04:50 the sulker has to be talked out
01:05:11 So? Are you gonna
01:05:16 Come on. You know I hate
01:05:22 Anyway, we're on holiday. We're
01:05:32 OK.
01:05:37 We were on our best behaviour
01:05:40 In fact, if you had watched the scene
01:05:43 we would have seemed like
01:05:46 Little would you know, however,
01:05:48 entered a dark new phase,
01:05:50 a phase called romantic terrorism.
01:05:54 You see, my sulk had been
01:05:57 to force Gemma to love me.
01:05:59 Dialogue had failed.
01:06:05 Is something wrong?
01:06:07 No. Should there be?
01:06:10 I just thought you might
01:06:13 - About what things?
01:06:16 - You mean about you.
01:06:21 I had to break the deadlock
01:06:25 So on the way back to the airport,
01:06:28 we met at the hotel. It was just
01:06:32 But she called my bluff
01:06:35 There will be no negotiation
01:06:39 She wouldn't allow me
01:07:05 I may have scored a minor victory
01:07:08 but it was a hollow victory
01:07:09 because the romantic terrorist
01:07:12 You must love me.
01:07:14 I will force you to love me by sulking
01:07:18 But if you force me,
01:07:21 and therefore never genuine love.
01:07:24 OK, let her go.
01:07:46 Are you all right?
01:07:50 You're too good for me.
01:07:55 What?
01:07:58 I said you're too good for me.
01:08:03 What?
01:08:06 Why?
01:08:09 Because you are.
01:08:14 What are you saying this for, Gemma?
01:08:20 I don't know.
01:08:23 If anything,
01:08:26 You're always the one to make
01:08:31 - You're just more self-deprecating...
01:08:33 - Why?
01:08:46 You've what?
01:08:49 I've been seeing Will, OK?
01:08:53 What does seeing mean?
01:08:55 For God's sake!
01:08:58 Would madam like a beverage
01:09:00 - No, thank you.
01:09:02 - I'm all right.
01:09:04 No, thank you.
01:09:07 I can't believe this.
01:09:10 Tell me it's a joke.
01:09:12 A terrible, horrible joke.
01:09:15 When?
01:09:17 How could you?
01:09:18 I'm sorry. I really am.
01:09:21 I'm just...
01:09:23 I'm sorry.
01:09:34 Gemma, please don't cry.
01:09:39 We can talk about this.
01:09:44 Here, take this handkerchief.
01:09:48 It'll be OK. It will, I promise.
01:09:51 Ladies and gentlemen, I've just
01:09:54 as we will be landing shortly.
01:09:57 Let me take this opportunity to thank
01:10:01 We hope you've had
01:10:04 and will choose to fly with us again
01:11:54 I'm sorry for offering you
01:11:57 I'm sorry for ruining our trip to Paris.
01:11:59 I am sorry for the melodrama of it all.
01:12:02 You were so sweet to me.
01:12:05 That's what made me cry all the more.
01:12:07 Other men would have told me
01:12:09 And that's what made it
01:12:13 There is still
01:12:15 But I realise I cannot continue
01:12:19 It would be unfair.
01:12:21 I will miss you.
01:12:23 Nothing can take away
01:12:25 I simply don't wish
01:12:28 And I couldn't bear for it
01:12:30 I don't know where I will go from here.
01:12:32 I'll probably spend time on my own
01:12:36 Don't blame Will, don't be unfair.
01:12:39 He was only a symptom,
01:12:42 Excuse this messy letter.
01:12:44 Its confusion will probably be
01:12:48 Forgive me, you were too good
01:12:51 All my love, Gemma.
01:13:12 It seemed to be
01:13:15 - Of course, people will say...
01:13:17 Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off.
01:13:20 - People drift apart.
01:13:22 You'll find somebody really,
01:13:26 It's like a bus. One is going,
01:13:29 But this was important. This wasn't
01:13:33 My suicide would show
01:13:36 that love is a deadly serious matter!
01:13:40 A martyr to love.
01:13:42 - Is there something wrong?
01:13:45 Oh, God, yes!
01:14:02 All right, so it didn't end like that.
01:14:07 I had actually only taken
01:14:11 Which was lucky
01:14:12 because it suddenly dawned on me
01:14:27 All I'd wanted to do was make a point.
01:14:29 But why make such a scene if you're
01:14:32 If you don't get to see the reactions
01:14:36 Commit suicide and you're too dead
01:14:44 And the award goes jointly
01:14:48 for the Hackney Health Centre.
01:15:04 My work partner, Will,
01:15:08 can't be here this evening
01:15:10 because he ran off with my girlfriend.
01:15:16 No, he really did.
01:15:24 Thank you!
01:15:26 For months,
01:15:28 Anything could trigger it.
01:15:31 A pile of cushions.
01:15:35 Rain on Hammersmith Bridge.
01:15:37 Some days I would convince myself
01:15:41 That any moment I could pick up
01:15:46 - Hello.
01:15:51 I would make myself forget
01:15:53 with another man in Battersea.
01:16:08 But then I'd find her hairbrush
01:16:11 and the horrible reality
01:16:18 Then one day I drove past that
01:16:22 It was a good minute and a half
01:16:25 Gemma was beginning to fade.
01:16:28 I became able to think of this area
01:16:32 but as Islington again.
01:16:39 I threw myself into work.
01:16:42 Obviously, this is...
01:16:43 How refreshing to think
01:16:46 about what I wanted.
01:16:48 This is the future of urban living.
01:16:50 No longer did I have to worry about
01:16:55 Or what time she had to be
01:17:01 In fact, who needed
01:17:03 Hadn't it just brought me
01:17:06 After all, I'm not the first one
01:17:11 There's been centuries of analysts,
01:17:13 preachers,
01:17:15 gurus
01:17:16 and writers who've tried.
01:17:18 And did they find a solution?
01:17:19 An answer to the misery
01:17:25 So one day I decided.
01:17:29 I wasn't going
01:17:31 I didn't understand the rules
01:18:10 Hi.
01:18:12 And then I met Angela.