Night at the Museum

en
00:03:16 Hey, watch it.
00:03:33 Oh, come on.
00:03:43 Hey, Mike!
00:03:45 -Hey, Larry.
00:03:47 Have you seen Nicky?
00:03:49 I'm pretty sure he went with Erica.
00:03:52 Parent Career Day.
00:04:00 -Hey.
00:04:03 -You all right?
00:04:07 Why didn't anybody tell me
00:04:09 What do you mean?
00:04:13 Oh, okay, I guess he forgot.
00:04:15 There he is. How are you, Larry?
00:04:18 Good. How are you doing, Don?
00:04:21 Good.
00:04:23 Can you believe this weather?
00:04:26 Chilly, right? Chilly, chilly,
00:04:33 Leave me alone. Hey, why don't I go tell
00:04:37 Great. Great, that's great.
00:04:42 Wow, your fiance really manages
00:04:45 -Stop it.
00:04:46 What? No, it's like he's...
00:04:50 ...the Batman of stockbrokers.
00:04:51 -Bond trader.
00:04:55 Hey, how's it going with that virtual-reality
00:04:59 Getting there, still waiting for
00:05:02 It's not easy,
00:05:06 Hey, do you think Nick
00:05:09 Oh, no, Larry.
00:05:14 I didn't...
00:05:15 ...get evicted. I didn't get evicted, no.
00:05:19 -No, I didn't get evicted yet. It's like--
00:05:22 I don't know how much more
00:05:24 Every couple months, it's a new career,
00:05:27 If it wasn't for Nicky, I wouldn't
00:05:30 It's just, it's too much instability.
00:05:33 I'm trying to figure things out
00:05:40 You know...
00:05:43 ...I don't think that Nicky
00:05:46 -What?
00:05:50 Hey, Dad.
00:05:52 -Hey, ready to carve it up?
00:06:00 All right, good!
00:06:08 -What are you doing?
00:06:12 -You okay?
00:06:15 Listen. Their left defenseman
00:06:18 So you go left side, you got
00:06:21 -Cool, thanks.
00:06:23 We're good here. We're good.
00:06:29 Game on!
00:06:32 I'm good.
00:06:33 I'm telling you,
00:06:36 Thinking the NHL
00:06:39 I don't really wanna be
00:06:44 -All right. What do you wanna be?
00:06:48 A bond trader?
00:06:50 Yeah, it's what Don does.
00:06:55 That's cool.
00:06:56 So you wanna dress up
00:06:59 Like an automaton robot?
00:07:03 Trust me, you can't play hockey
00:07:06 Well, he's got a pretty big office.
00:07:09 That's not the point.
00:07:12 I still like it,
00:07:15 Your fallback?
00:07:17 Wait a minute. You're too young
00:07:20 And also, where did you ever
00:07:23 Mom was talking to Don
00:07:26 She called them schemes?
00:07:28 She said it was time
00:07:34 Are you really moving again?
00:07:39 I don't know. We'll see. I mean...
00:07:42 ...there's some pretty cool places
00:07:44 -Yeah.
00:07:47 Hey, Nicky, look at me.
00:07:50 Look at me, man.
00:07:53 I know that things have been kind of
00:07:56 ...and that's been hard for you.
00:07:58 But I really feel like my moment's coming
00:08:01 ...everything's just gonna come together,
00:08:04 What if you're wrong...
00:08:06 ...and you're just an ordinary guy
00:08:15 All right, well....
00:08:20 You know what,
00:08:24 All right? Come on,
00:08:34 Mr. Daley, I can honestly say,
00:08:37 ...I've never seen a resume
00:08:41 All right.
00:08:44 That wasn't a compliment.
00:08:47 It says here you were the CEO...
00:08:49 ...of Snaptime lndustries.
00:08:51 Care to elaborate on that?
00:08:53 Sure. Well, that was the umbrella
00:08:58 You know, you snap, the lights come on.
00:09:02 Didn't they already make that?
00:09:06 No, no, that's the Clapper,
00:09:10 ...stole a bit of our thunder.
00:09:11 Personally, I don't really see
00:09:15 You know, whatever, but...
00:09:18 ...apparently there is a significant portion
00:09:23 -...snapping.
00:09:28 Debatable.
00:09:30 I can't help you.
00:09:32 Debbie?
00:09:34 Can I call you Debbie? Because...
00:09:36 ...I felt a connection
00:09:38 ...and I don't know,
00:09:41 I didn't feel a connection.
00:09:46 Look.
00:09:49 I need a job tomorrow, okay?
00:09:53 If I don't have one....
00:09:55 Well, I just need it, okay?
00:09:58 Well, I don't know.
00:10:00 I might have one thing.
00:10:03 They've turned down everyone
00:10:07 Great.
00:10:09 --who knows?
00:10:13 You might get lucky.
00:10:48 -Excuse me. Hi.
00:10:50 I'm Larry Daley. I've got a job interview
00:10:56 -Right. He should still be in his office.
00:10:59 -I'm Rebecca Hutman. I'm a docent here.
00:11:02 -Let me point you in the right direction.
00:11:08 Teddy Roosevelt, right?
00:11:10 -Yes, a great visionary.
00:11:13 He was our 4th president, right?
00:11:16 -Twenty-sixth.
00:11:18 Please don't touch the exhibits!
00:11:21 Riffraff.
00:11:23 Miss Hutman.
00:11:26 I mean, this is a museum, not a....
00:11:31 Do you know what "museum" means?
00:11:34 It doesn't mean,
00:11:37 Can I touch its leg? " No!
00:11:40 Work it out, please.
00:11:42 -Will do, sir.
00:11:46 Dr. McPhee, the museum director.
00:11:48 Seems like a fun guy.
00:11:50 Control your young, please. Can we?
00:12:04 Hello? Just kidding.
00:12:08 Hi. I'm Larry Daley.
00:12:12 Mr. Fredricks was my father.
00:12:14 I am Cecil. Good to meet you, Larry.
00:12:18 I like that. Tells a lot about a man.
00:12:25 Let's talk turkey here.
00:12:30 The museum is losing money,
00:12:34 I guess kids today don't care about
00:12:39 So they're downsizing,
00:12:43 ...myself and the other two night guards.
00:12:45 They want to replace us
00:12:47 -Oh, sorry.
00:12:51 I'd like you to meet
00:12:55 Reginald? Gus?
00:12:57 Where is he? I'll beat him with my fist!
00:13:02 Gus, this is Larry Daley, the kid who
00:13:07 Night guard?
00:13:08 No, the lady at the agency said
00:13:12 Most important position
00:13:15 He looks like a weirdie.
00:13:17 Wonderful guard, terrible people skills.
00:13:20 Now, listen, lunch box.
00:13:24 I once went nine rounds
00:13:27 You never fought John L. Sullivan
00:13:30 Gentlemen, we have
00:13:33 He's got an excellent resume,
00:13:35 ...and I say let's give him a shot.
00:13:38 Hang on a sec. I think I might wanna
00:13:42 Do you want the job or not, snack shack?
00:13:48 -No, no, I want the job--
00:13:53 Larry, meet me up on the second floor.
00:13:55 I'll slip into my orthopedics and
00:13:59 Not fun getting old, my friend. Go on.
00:14:09 You really think he's the one?
00:14:13 Oh, yes.
00:14:15 He's the one.
00:14:30 Gotta keep it moving, Larry.
00:14:34 This is the Diorama Room.
00:14:37 Oh, yeah.
00:14:40 I remember these little guys. Cute.
00:14:47 Cecil!
00:14:52 Hey, Cecil!
00:15:07 -Did I get you good?
00:15:10 You got me.
00:15:15 Seriously, though, no fooling around
00:15:21 All right, then. As you can see,
00:15:26 On the left there is your Attila the Hun.
00:15:31 And here we have our Easter lsland head.
00:15:36 Hey, Cecil.
00:15:39 And this, of course,
00:15:44 Ah, yes.
00:15:47 Monkeys. I love monkeys.
00:15:52 -Yeah.
00:15:54 Yeah, we call him Dexter.
00:15:58 ...ball of fun, aren't you, Dexter?
00:16:04 Moving on.
00:16:08 And, finally, this is the temple
00:16:15 And in that tomb right down there,
00:16:20 Neat.
00:16:21 And hanging on the wall behind him...
00:16:23 ...was his most prized possession,
00:16:29 Twenty-four-carat gold.
00:16:32 Very cool.
00:16:34 It is indeed, Larry.
00:16:37 Very cool.
00:16:43 All right. Report here at 5 tomorrow.
00:16:47 Okay, 5. I'll be here.
00:16:49 Moving on.
00:16:53 Hey, it's me. So I got a job.
00:16:56 Larry, that's great. What is it?
00:16:59 It's a job...
00:17:02 ...at the Museum of Natural History.
00:17:05 Yeah, so you can tell Nicky
00:17:08 Larry, this is good news.
00:17:10 Yeah, no, definitely.
00:17:12 -Okay.
00:17:24 Larry?
00:17:26 Your keys. Your torch.
00:17:29 -Right.
00:17:32 It can get a little spooky
00:17:34 ...so you might wanna
00:17:38 All right, flashlight, keys.
00:17:44 The instruction manual.
00:17:46 Instructions.
00:17:47 You start with one, two, three....
00:17:51 Four?
00:17:52 Are you cracking wise?
00:17:54 I ought to punch you
00:17:57 Leave him alone, Gus.
00:18:00 Yeah, yeah, I got it.
00:18:03 -You better get it!
00:18:05 Larry, do them in order,
00:18:09 And the most important thing of all
00:18:14 Out?
00:18:16 Good luck, son.
00:18:17 -Night, Gus.
00:18:20 Moving on.
00:18:57 Hello?
00:18:58 Hello!
00:19:00 Check!
00:19:02 Check.
00:19:05 I am Larry.
00:19:09 Check! Larry! Larry.
00:19:18 Monday! Monday! Monday!
00:19:21 Monster Truck Rally.
00:20:44 Cecil?
00:20:49 Okay, very funny, Cecil!
00:20:54 What is this, like a
00:21:05 This is weird.
00:21:16 Cecil?
00:22:07 Come on. Revolve. Revolve!
00:22:25 -Name, please?
00:22:28 -...Fredricks!
00:22:32 -Hello.
00:22:34 Larry. Yes, how can I help you?
00:22:36 The dinosaur-- The dinosaur is alive!
00:22:39 I'm having a little trouble
00:22:42 Tequila.
00:22:43 The dinosaur's alive!
00:22:45 What do I do?
00:22:47 Read the instructions.
00:22:52 Okay, I got them!
00:22:54 -I'll see you tomorrow.
00:23:06 What bone?
00:24:05 Fetch?
00:24:11 Play fetch?
00:24:36 No way.
00:24:48 -Dum-dum.
00:24:50 -You give me gum-gum.
00:24:53 You new dum-dum.
00:24:58 Okay, you know what?
00:25:00 And my name isn't dum-dum,
00:25:02 No, your name dum-dum.
00:25:06 Oh, you in trouble, dum-dum.
00:25:09 You'd better run-run
00:25:16 See you later, dum-dum.
00:25:54 What is happening?
00:26:36 Hey.
00:26:39 How you doing?
00:26:43 Are you...?
00:26:46 You're...
00:26:48 ..."Sakagahwahwaya"?
00:26:50 You're "Sakagawaya"?
00:26:52 Oh, Sakagawea. You're Sakagawea?
00:26:55 The glass. I can't...
00:26:58 ...hear you.
00:27:00 You can't...? You can't hear me?
00:27:04 Excuse me.
00:27:06 Right, so that's Lewis and Clark
00:27:10 You seem-- I'm Larry.
00:27:12 What's going on? What's--?
00:27:18 Huns. I gotta--
00:28:07 Hey. Hi.
00:28:09 Tin Man. Hey. Hi. How you doing?
00:28:11 I'm new. It says I'm supposed to
00:28:16 You're Galileo? No?
00:28:41 Okay....
00:28:43 Hey, I'm the....
00:28:46 Hi. I'm the new guy
00:28:52 If it's cool with you
00:28:56 ...and be out of your hair, okay?
00:29:55 "Double-check your belt.
00:29:59 Monkey.
00:30:03 Hey. Hey there. Hi.
00:30:08 No, no, no. Come back. Come back.
00:30:11 Dewey? Is that your name, Dewey?
00:30:13 No, no, no. What's--? Dewey?
00:30:17 Hey, Dexter,
00:30:19 I just want to lock up.
00:30:22 Yes. Oh, good. Come to Papa.
00:30:24 Oh, thank you. Can I have those keys?
00:30:29 That's okay. Oh, thank you.
00:30:31 Oh, no, no, no. It's okay.
00:30:56 Bad monkey. Stop that.
00:30:58 That's not right. Are you done?
00:31:03 Do you have an issue with me?
00:31:06 Because if I have a problem with somebody,
00:31:09 And also-- Let me tell you something.
00:31:13 Hey. Dexter, that's not funny.
00:31:16 Dexter. Give--
00:31:20 Don't. I know what you're thinking.
00:31:24 Not-- Dexter, I need those.
00:31:26 Don't encourage him. You think
00:31:29 You three guys-- What, he's the ringleader,
00:31:33 Yeah, no. Don't do it, okay?
00:31:35 Lookit-- You!
00:31:49 Oh, this is not happening.
00:32:00 Oh, man.
00:32:28 What are you guys doing?
00:32:31 I can't feel my lip.
00:32:34 Oh, shit.
00:32:39 Man.
00:33:05 Hey. Hey.
00:33:09 Hey, stop that.
00:33:16 Hog-tie him, boys.
00:33:19 -Get him, that big old Bocephus of a man.
00:33:23 Cinch him up good.
00:33:26 Hey. Hey, stop that.
00:33:32 Every night, year after year...
00:33:34 ...one of you guards
00:33:38 Well, I hereby say, sir, enough!
00:33:43 Fire up the iron horse, boys.
00:33:53 -Hey, blondie?
00:33:56 All right, Jedediah. Stop the train, please.
00:33:58 -That's a big no-can-do, Cracker Jack.
00:34:02 -Somebody's gotta pay.
00:34:04 I don't know. Just pay. Now, stop whining
00:34:14 Seriously, stop the train.
00:34:16 -All right, stop the train.
00:34:19 Now full speed ahead and ram him!
00:34:21 Split his head like a watermelon!
00:34:25 For crying out loud.
00:34:27 All right, that's enough.
00:34:28 We got a breach.
00:34:39 I got him. I got him. I got him, guys.
00:34:48 -Oh, my....
00:34:52 Octavius, hold on. This ain't your fight.
00:34:56 Hey, little guy. Jed? Yeah.
00:34:59 Sorry, look. I just-- I'm not a giant.
00:35:02 Don't talk down to me.
00:35:04 I'm not a giant, guys. All right?
00:35:07 We may be small,
00:35:12 ...metaphorically speaking.
00:35:14 Don't take that wrong.
00:35:16 Silence! The Roman Empire
00:35:19 -Don't you do it, son.
00:35:22 -Octavius.
00:35:24 -Unleash hell!
00:35:38 Climb aboard, boy.
00:35:40 Take the hand, son.
00:35:44 Onboard.
00:35:47 That's right. You better run, boy.
00:35:51 That mustachioed horseman ain't always
00:35:59 -Thank you.
00:36:00 Theodore Roosevelt,
00:36:02 ...of these United States of America
00:36:05 Okay. I'm Larry Daley,
00:36:13 Pleasure to me you, Lawrence Daley.
00:36:17 The hunt is afoot.
00:36:20 Hunt's afoot.
00:36:22 Excuse me, Mr. President.
00:36:26 -Yes, but just one question.
00:36:28 Okay, why? Is it just some, like,
00:36:33 Not at all. Self-reliance
00:36:36 A man must look inward to find
00:36:41 I don't really know how to put this,
00:36:44 ...but isn't everything in this museum
00:36:48 -...dead?
00:36:51 -Yeah.
00:36:56 Yell all you want, pharaoh.
00:36:58 You've been in there 54 years.
00:37:03 There's the source of all this commotion.
00:37:05 The Tablet of Ahkmenrah.
00:37:09 Arrived here in 1952
00:37:14 On that night,
00:37:20 And every night since.
00:37:27 So everything in the museum
00:37:31 Exactly.
00:37:33 And I'm supposed to do what?
00:37:36 You're the night watchman, Lawrence.
00:37:43 -Come on, lad.
00:37:46 Nothing's impossible.
00:37:49 Hence the 20-foot jackal staring at you.
00:37:52 Your job is to make sure that everyone
00:37:56 ...because if the sun rises
00:37:58 ...we turn to dust.
00:38:01 -You turn to dust?
00:38:04 -Really?
00:38:06 Now, it's almost dawn.
00:38:09 But mark my words, it's the last time
00:38:14 Yeah. I mean-- I mean, I guess. I don't....
00:38:17 Stop babbling, boy! Yes or no?
00:38:21 -Yes.
00:38:23 Let's ride.
00:38:35 All right.
00:38:47 What are you looking at?
00:38:51 I'm tracking, dear boy.
00:38:54 Man's got to track.
00:38:58 See you tomorrow night.
00:39:00 Actually, I gotta be honest.
00:39:03 What? You've only just begun.
00:39:06 Yeah, well, this is not exactly what l--
00:39:08 -Lawrence?
00:39:10 What did you do
00:39:12 Well, I've done a lot of different things.
00:39:16 Did you give up on that as well?
00:39:18 No, I just hit a few roadblocks.
00:39:22 -Lawrence.
00:39:23 Some men are born great.
00:39:29 For you, this is that very moment.
00:40:00 Bully. Got you, boy.
00:40:02 Yeah. You got me.
00:40:07 Say hello to your little friend.
00:40:11 -What are you doing?
00:40:13 I don't like to be manhandled.
00:40:16 -Just calm down, Jed.
00:40:19 -lt makes me feel small and powerless.
00:40:23 I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye.
00:40:28 Yeah, keep shooting.
00:40:30 Now you know my shame.
00:40:33 Jedediah's impotent rage.
00:40:39 This ain't over.
00:40:41 I don't wanna hear it, okay?
00:40:43 Duck!
00:40:49 The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
00:40:51 This is not worth 1 1.50 an hour.
00:40:53 Look, the giant's scared.
00:41:34 Hello.
00:41:36 Larry?
00:41:40 Larry?
00:41:46 Oh, don't do that.
00:41:50 Really? I thought you liked surprises.
00:41:53 ...with the fact everything in
00:41:56 That little sweetheart.
00:41:58 We wanted to tell you.
00:42:01 -You have any idea what I've been through?
00:42:03 -You have any idea what I've been through?
00:42:07 I don't know if what happened last night
00:42:11 I just need a regular job that
00:42:15 So thank you very much
00:42:19 -...and I will be seeing you.
00:42:27 -Dad?
00:42:30 Hey, buddy.
00:42:32 Oh, Erica had to be in court early,
00:42:37 But he wanted to swing by,
00:42:40 It's so awesome
00:42:43 Hey, Niko, you wanna take
00:42:46 Maybe your dad will give you a VlP tour.
00:42:48 You know what?
00:42:50 Yeah, but Nicky, I promise,
00:42:55 -Deal.
00:42:57 -Bye, Dad.
00:42:59 -Love you.
00:43:01 Bye, now. All right.
00:43:33 Hey, Larry.
00:43:34 So I was thinking
00:43:37 I'm glad you came around.
00:43:39 You. New night guard, here, now.
00:43:50 -What's up?
00:43:53 Oh, well, take a walk with me
00:43:57 Come on.
00:44:00 So would you kindly do me the favor
00:44:08 Okay. I'm guessing--
00:44:11 And I'm just spitballing here,
00:44:16 ...and climbed over into the Wild West.
00:44:18 And the cowboy knows Roman dude
00:44:21 ...so he rounded up a posse
00:44:25 "Let's all laugh at me,
00:44:28 "No" is the answer.
00:44:31 Sarcasm back at you,
00:44:35 I wasn't laughing. Pretending to laugh...
00:44:37 ...if that's what you want,
00:44:41 Do you?
00:44:44 No.
00:44:46 I don't want--
00:44:48 No, you don't,
00:44:52 Nothing funny about Little Bighorn.
00:44:57 No. I find it about as funny
00:45:02 It's not funny. Okay? And I will not
00:45:08 If I'm not clear, tell me.
00:45:13 Am I clear?
00:45:15 -Yeah.
00:45:21 Hey, Cecil?
00:45:24 You got an extra copy
00:45:27 Oh, no. I'm afraid not, Larry.
00:45:31 Read some books.
00:45:34 Helped me a lot when I first started out.
00:45:38 This museum was originally dedicated
00:45:42 ...President Theodore Roosevelt.
00:45:43 He absolutely loved history and believed
00:45:48 ...the better prepared you are
00:45:52 Okay, kids. Who can tell me
00:45:56 Very good. The Hall of African Mammals.
00:45:58 Right here we have the king of the jungle,
00:46:02 Up ahead is one of my favorite creatures
00:46:06 A highly intelligent primate
00:46:15 Excuse me?
00:46:17 I just thought that was....
00:46:20 I just was laughing in agreement.
00:46:25 Happy monkey.
00:46:28 All right, kids. This way.
00:46:35 Let me tell you something.
00:46:38 You might have them fooled,
00:46:41 Can't get past me.
00:46:45 There's a storm coming.
00:46:49 One of the most famous trackers
00:46:53 ...who led Lewis and Clark on
00:46:56 You guys have heard the saying,
00:47:00 And yet they wrote--
00:47:02 -Yes, Mr. Daley?
00:47:06 Was she deaf? No. She was not.
00:47:10 Yeah, because-- Just-- She does seem
00:47:15 That's because she's a statue.
00:47:19 Kids, could you give me one sec?
00:47:25 -What are you doing?
00:47:28 I wanted to learn a little bit more
00:47:31 Actually, I've got a bunch of questions.
00:47:33 Maybe when you have a break,
00:47:36 A cup of coffee?
00:47:37 Yeah, I mean, just purely a, you know...
00:47:40 ...colleague-to-colleague,
00:47:45 I finish in 20 minutes.
00:47:47 -Thank you.
00:47:49 -And have a good rest of your--
00:47:53 It was incredible what she did.
00:47:54 She literally led these men
00:47:58 ...all with her newborn baby on her back.
00:48:01 Wow, you are quite
00:48:04 -Sakagawean.
00:48:06 Yeah. I should be, I've been writing
00:48:11 You've been working on one paper
00:48:15 Actually, it's more like a 900-page book.
00:48:19 So, what's your story? Have you
00:48:24 -Oh, I didn't mean to--
00:48:28 No, I'm divorced
00:48:32 ...so I needed to find
00:48:36 Got it. So, what can I tell you
00:48:39 Okay, Attila the Hun.
00:48:42 Attila was considered the only
00:48:46 " Known as the 'Scourge of God'...
00:48:49 ...Attila and his Huns would often
00:48:55 Attila was famous
00:48:58 He surrounded himself with a phalanx
00:49:02 ...who advised and mystified him
00:49:58 Larry?
00:50:00 Just wanted to say good luck, son.
00:50:02 And goodbye.
00:50:04 If you're ever in Boca, look us up.
00:50:06 Wait, you guys are going out of town?
00:50:10 Smart fellow like you? You'll be fine.
00:50:12 Yeah. We'll just be a phone call away.
00:50:17 You fellas go ahead.
00:50:21 I need a moment.
00:50:23 He's very emotional.
00:51:24 Go crazy, big guy.
00:51:31 Hey, guys.
00:51:33 Quest for fire...
00:51:36 ...over. Knock yourselves out.
00:51:41 Morning, dum-dum.
00:51:42 Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum.
00:51:46 Yes, I did, fathead.
00:52:10 What's that?
00:52:17 Sorry.
00:52:19 Heave.
00:52:21 Heave. Heave.
00:52:25 Hey, what's going on over here?
00:52:27 We expand or we die.
00:52:30 Heave.
00:52:32 -Heave.
00:52:34 ...you blow this anthill to kingdom come.
00:52:38 -And a one and a two--
00:52:42 No, no. You blow a hole in your mountain,
00:52:45 Step aside, Gigantor. We got us a railroad
00:52:50 Okay, first of all, enough with
00:52:54 -I'm just trying to close up shop.
00:52:59 Yeah. What are you doing?
00:53:03 What's it look like we're doing?
00:53:06 You can't fight it and neither can l.
00:53:10 -Yeah, use it all.
00:53:13 Listen, "Octavus"? You gotta stop that.
00:53:15 It's Octavius, mary.
00:53:18 Okay, you know what? Fine. Great.
00:53:21 -You cannot do this. I am a Roman general.
00:53:24 -I have rights.
00:53:25 -Hey, no! Put me down!
00:53:28 You can't stop progress!
00:53:29 We're gonna have a little talk, okay?
00:53:32 I told you, I don't like to be manhandled.
00:53:35 No, I will manhandle you, Jedediah.
00:53:39 What is your problem, huh?
00:53:42 Look, we're men. We fight, okay?
00:53:44 It's kind of how we pass the time.
00:53:46 You're, like, a giant. A freak, if you will.
00:53:50 You got the whole room to run around in.
00:53:55 -What, you mean...?
00:53:59 What, and just roam free?
00:54:02 Yeah. Yeah, I might,
00:54:04 That means no fireballs,
00:54:08 You have my word, my liege.
00:54:09 Yeah, no problemo, Gigantor.
00:54:12 My name's Larry, first of all. Okay, Jed?
00:54:16 So I call you Jed.
00:54:19 What's that supposed to mean?
00:54:21 -"Hey, Teeny." How does that sound?
00:54:26 "Gigantor" makes me feel
00:54:29 I don't. I just call you Larry.
00:54:32 Don't be a kiss-ass, okay?
00:54:34 Look, I'm trusting you guys, all right?
00:54:36 If you don't do what I say,
00:54:40 Locked up. Take a look.
00:54:42 -Do they look happy?
00:54:47 They look sad.
00:54:48 They can't do what they wanna do.
00:54:51 ...have a little bit of leash here.
00:54:55 I gotta run. You guys play nice, okay?
00:55:01 Hey, how's that gum treating you,
00:55:03 Good.
00:55:08 Oh, hey, Dexter.
00:55:12 Yeah?
00:55:15 All right.
00:55:23 What's that? You got my keys?
00:55:28 I don't think so.
00:55:31 Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one
00:55:36 Those are baby keys for a little baby.
00:55:38 Have fun with your baby keys,
00:55:40 Tomorrow I'll bring you a little baby diapy
00:55:44 I'll give you a tickle
00:55:46 While you cry all night long
00:55:52 I told you there was a storm coming.
00:56:01 -Hey, Teddy.
00:56:03 You impertinent pup.
00:56:06 -You look like a man on a mission.
00:56:18 -You...?
00:56:20 -You checking her out?
00:56:24 Checking her out.
00:56:27 No, no, no. I'm just-- I mean
00:56:31 -Beautiful?
00:56:37 -Rather handsome woman, I suppose.
00:56:40 I don't know,
00:56:43 -lndeed. Bless you, lad.
00:56:46 -Carry on.
00:57:06 I....
00:57:55 Hey, hi.
00:57:57 No! It's okay!
00:58:01 No?
00:58:05 Right. I don't know what that means...
00:58:07 ...and I know that you and I got off
00:58:13 ...a little birdie told me
00:58:19 ...magic.
00:58:20 -Magic?
00:58:24 Sorcery.
00:58:26 Ah, sorcer--
00:58:27 Yes. Illusion.
00:58:30 Everybody likes magic.
00:58:32 And flowers. People like flowers.
00:58:36 There you go. Those are for you.
00:58:38 You know what else people like?
00:58:41 The almighty dollar, right?
00:58:46 ...disappear.
00:58:50 At least that's what l...
00:58:53 ...hear.
00:58:56 No wonder you can't understand me.
00:59:03 Check this out. Anybody need a hanky?
00:59:06 Well, I wouldn't suggest this little
00:59:11 ...of vanishing...
00:59:15 ...into thin air!
00:59:18 No, no. Don't. That defeats the-- Don't!
00:59:38 Not the limbs. Guys, please,
00:59:59 Cortes, right?
01:00:17 How?
01:00:20 You! Don't even think about it.
01:00:24 Dexter!
01:00:36 Come on, guys!
01:01:03 Hey, guys!
01:01:09 Hey, guys. Hey, guys!
01:01:13 Sorry. What's going on?
01:01:15 I thought we had a deal.
01:01:17 We will never coexist
01:01:19 We're past words, Laredo.
01:01:21 Now it's time to let Smith & Wesson
01:01:25 Those guns don't even work.
01:01:26 They don't? Take a look at this.
01:01:31 Dexter!
01:02:22 Why?
01:02:30 Ho! Dexter.
01:02:40 End of the line, cool breeze.
01:02:44 End of the line.
01:03:03 I am not playing games here.
01:03:09 Just hand them over.
01:03:16 Easy. That's it, Dexter.
01:03:19 Nice and easy, Dex. That's it.
01:03:43 Good Lord, Lawrence!
01:03:46 Teddy, this guy's been pushing me,
01:03:50 Poppycock. This little creature is
01:03:53 Without him, there's no us.
01:03:55 Are you rabid?
01:03:57 Wipe that off.
01:03:59 You have to deal with this creature
01:04:02 May I have the keys, dear friend?
01:04:05 Thank you. Lawrence?
01:04:10 Well, you know what?
01:04:11 You seem to know what you're doing,
01:04:15 No, no. My dear boy, you can't put up
01:04:18 The museum is on the verge
01:04:20 I tried! I came back tonight,
01:04:22 Tried? That was one night. I didn't build
01:04:25 That's great, but I'm dealing with
01:04:29 Some men are born great, Lawrence--
01:04:31 Yeah, I know. Others have
01:04:33 You hit me with that chestnut
01:04:35 The thing is, not everyone is great.
01:04:38 That's the problem.
01:04:41 No, you're not, Lawrence.
01:04:44 Every journey begins with a footstep.
01:04:45 Teach the inhabitants to get along,
01:04:49 That means a lot coming from a guy
01:04:52 ...spying on a girl he's never even
01:04:55 I was going to make contact.
01:04:59 I'm done, all right?
01:05:05 No, Rexy! No!
01:05:40 Oh, no.
01:06:45 All right.
01:06:56 No one comes here anymore. Besides,
01:07:00 I'm telling you,
01:07:03 -Mr. Daley?
01:07:07 -Foam.
01:07:09 In the Neanderthal display.
01:07:10 There was an incident last night
01:07:13 I was on my way to go clean it up.
01:07:15 Okay, don't bother. You're fired.
01:07:19 I don't think we're getting a tour today.
01:07:22 Your dad just got canned, dude.
01:07:25 Excuse me?
01:07:28 Mr. McPhee?
01:07:30 Excuse me, Mr. McPhee?
01:07:32 Can I talk to you about this, please?
01:07:34 -Sir?
01:07:36 I know I screwed up, but I finally
01:07:39 -You obviously don't.
01:07:42 -Really, Mr. McPhee--
01:07:45 Dr. McPhee.
01:07:48 Can you please give me one more night?
01:07:53 -One more night.
01:07:55 And if anything is the tiniest...
01:08:00 ...after your shift:
01:08:03 Because....
01:08:08 -Got it.
01:08:10 Fool me once, shame on you.
01:08:18 Shame on me. Fool me--
01:08:22 -You.
01:08:24 -Take it or leave it.
01:08:32 -Hey.
01:08:33 -What's wrong?
01:08:39 Hey, buddy. What's going on?
01:08:42 You got fired.
01:08:44 What are you talking about?
01:08:48 I came to the museum this morning.
01:08:53 Why didn't you tell me?
01:08:56 We just had a little misunderstanding.
01:08:58 Why?
01:09:01 It's hard to explain.
01:09:05 You know what? Let me show you.
01:09:08 -Show me what?
01:09:11 Larry?
01:09:12 Can I talk to you for a second?
01:09:18 Am I in trouble?
01:09:19 Larry, what are you doing?
01:09:21 I just wanna show him what I do.
01:09:24 I love that you wanna share that
01:09:27 ...I don't think Nicky has any room
01:09:32 He won't be disappointed.
01:09:34 Larry.
01:09:36 He won't be disappointed.
01:09:44 Listen, hang out in the security
01:09:47 Then I'm gonna come get you.
01:10:09 Hey, miss? I'm gonna have to ask you
01:10:13 -Hey there.
01:10:16 -Good place to think, huh?
01:10:20 So no big plans tonight?
01:10:22 Yeah, no, I'm not really
01:10:26 I prefer hanging out with people
01:10:29 It's the live ones that throw me.
01:10:30 That's cool. Seriously though,
01:10:34 -Seriously?
01:10:37 We're sort of locking everything up.
01:10:39 You're really taking your job seriously.
01:10:43 You know, once I clip on the tie,
01:10:46 -I get it.
01:10:48 How's that dissertation coming?
01:10:51 I've hit a dead end. I mean,
01:10:54 I'm never gonna know
01:10:57 So I think it's time that I move on
01:11:02 I'll let you get back to work.
01:11:05 -Good night, Larry.
01:11:09 Night.
01:11:18 Hey.
01:11:21 Rebecca!
01:11:25 -Hey, Rebecca.
01:11:27 Hey. Listen, I don't think you should
01:11:31 Okay. Why?
01:11:33 All right, look, this is gonna
01:11:36 I mean, it's gonna sound, like,
01:11:39 -Okay.
01:11:41 -I can handle it.
01:11:44 You know how they say in certain
01:11:48 -Yeah.
01:11:52 ...it actually does.
01:11:55 What are you talking about?
01:12:01 Everything in this museum
01:12:09 -Really?
01:12:12 You know that tablet?
01:12:15 It actually brings things to life.
01:12:18 Since the '50s, every night
01:12:21 Teddy Roosevelt told me. Seriously.
01:12:26 -What is he?
01:12:28 A capuchin. Right. The capuchin.
01:12:32 And Sakagawea is in her case,
01:12:36 ...just listening to Lewis and Clark
01:12:38 So if you really wanna get inside
01:12:42 ...I can hook that up.
01:12:46 That's cool.
01:12:47 Yeah, it's cool. It's freaking awesome.
01:12:54 Make fun of the history geek.
01:12:56 -No. Rebecca!
01:13:01 No, I'm not making fun of you.
01:13:15 -Here you go. Best seat in the house.
01:13:18 If I told you, you'd think I'm crazy.
01:13:20 -What?
01:13:24 -Okay, you like Tyrannosaurus Rex?
01:13:27 Yeah? Well, I call him Rexy.
01:13:29 And he's about to come to life,
01:13:36 ...five, four, three, two....
01:13:48 -Dad?
01:13:50 Say hello to Rexy!
01:13:55 Dad, are you okay?
01:13:58 This is weird.
01:14:00 Guys! Come on!
01:14:03 Sundown!
01:14:07 Hey, T.R., come on, rise and shine.
01:14:10 Come on, my kid is here.
01:14:13 Texas? Texas! Come on!
01:14:16 Get on, Texas! Get up.
01:14:18 Just stop, okay?
01:14:20 No, Nicky, I'm telling you,
01:14:24 Called the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.
01:14:26 -Now there's a tablet?
01:14:29 Come on, Dad.
01:14:32 Come on.
01:14:38 -It's gone.
01:14:40 The tablet. I think somebody stole it.
01:14:44 Yeah, right.
01:14:46 I'm not kidding, Nicky.
01:14:52 Nicky?
01:14:55 Hey, Nicky!
01:14:58 Hey! Hey, Nicky! Where are you going?
01:15:01 -Home.
01:15:09 Come on.
01:15:19 You guys shouldn't be here.
01:15:22 Give us the tablet, son.
01:15:23 Wait a minute, Nicky.
01:15:25 We're not gonna hurt you.
01:15:28 I'm sorry to tell you this, son,
01:15:31 He got fired this morning.
01:15:34 Dad? I thought you said
01:15:37 I did. They're lying,
01:15:40 Turn the middle piece,
01:15:42 That is museum property, son.
01:15:44 Nicky, trust me. Just turn it.
01:15:47 -Give us the tablet!
01:15:49 Trust me.
01:16:13 Nick? Run. Now.
01:16:16 Get back here, kid!
01:16:20 Bad idea, Larry.
01:16:23 You wanna dance, hot dog?
01:16:25 Gus, you're an old man.
01:16:30 You see, Larry, a few years into
01:16:34 ...like everything else in this museum,
01:16:38 Sundown to sunrise,
01:16:43 Okay. Did not see that coming.
01:16:45 Gave us an energy boost.
01:16:47 We love the nightlife, Larry.
01:16:50 So when we found out
01:16:52 ...we had to steal the tablet.
01:16:53 Everyone knows you need the money.
01:16:56 Add the stuff we planted
01:16:58 ...pretty obvious you committed
01:17:00 Take care of that cut.
01:17:02 Come on, guys, let's go find that kid.
01:17:06 -Sweet dreams, cupcake!
01:17:08 Pile driver!
01:17:10 Let's get our tablet.
01:17:38 Thank you very much.
01:17:40 Nicky!
01:17:44 Just in time, Larry.
01:17:48 Sleep tight, hotshot.
01:17:52 Let's grab everything we can fence.
01:17:54 I don't know about you,
01:18:07 Teddy! Teddy, if you're out there,
01:18:13 Someone call my name?
01:18:16 Theodore Roosevelt, at your service.
01:18:18 Teddy, can you get us out of here?
01:18:20 Can't do it, man. This is your moment.
01:18:23 Will you save the lectures, please?
01:18:25 I didn't build the Panama Canal,
01:18:29 I need some help. Come on.
01:18:30 Actually...
01:18:34 ...I never did any of those things.
01:18:39 I was made in a mannequin factory
01:18:42 I never shot a wild beast.
01:18:44 I'm not even brave enough to tell
01:18:47 But you...
01:18:49 ...you gotta finish the job this time.
01:18:55 I'm made of wax, Larry.
01:18:58 What are you made of?
01:19:04 -Wait! That's all you got for me?
01:19:20 That's it. Come on.
01:19:22 Duck!
01:19:25 Go over there!
01:19:47 Hey. Hi. How you doing?
01:19:51 ...but your guys there? Your jackal guys?
01:19:53 Do you think you could ask them
01:19:56 We're not trying to hurt you, they think
01:20:05 Thank you. Nicky.
01:20:08 Thank you.
01:20:17 Dad?
01:20:30 You would not believe how stuffy
01:20:35 -How come you speak English?
01:20:38 You went to Cambridge?
01:20:39 I was on display
01:20:43 I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king
01:20:45 ...ruler of the land of my fathers.
01:20:49 I am Larry...
01:20:52 ...son of Milton...
01:20:54 ...and this is my son, Nick.
01:20:58 And we hail from Brooklyn.
01:21:01 Well, I do. I mean, he comes out and
01:21:04 ...and every other weekend.
01:21:06 That was the custody agreement
01:21:11 Larry, Nick, guardians of Brooklyn...
01:21:15 ...I am forever in your debt.
01:21:17 Now bestow the tablet upon me...
01:21:20 ...so that I may assume command
01:21:23 Oh, yes. Okay, the tablet. I would...
01:21:26 ...love to bestow it upon you,
01:21:30 ...have it.
01:21:39 Thanks, guys. Don't worry.
01:21:42 Thank you.
01:21:59 What is that?
01:22:01 Huns.
01:22:04 I gotta deal with this guy.
01:22:43 Pardon me, Larry. I speak Hun.
01:22:53 He says that he wants to rip you apart.
01:22:55 All right. Again with the ripping.
01:22:58 I get it. Ripping for you....
01:23:01 And I think maybe that's because
01:23:06 In here.
01:23:08 Somebody ripped little...
01:23:10 ...baby Attila a long time ago,
01:23:14 They ripped something out,
01:23:20 They ripped the love.
01:23:22 They ripped the love right out of you,
01:23:25 A little baby all alone in a tent...
01:23:30 ...whose daddy went off...
01:23:33 ...to pillage some town...
01:23:36 ...or go and plunder somewhere,
01:23:39 But who was left alone?
01:23:44 You.
01:23:51 Let it out. Let it go.
01:24:16 It's okay. It's okay.
01:24:21 You're next.
01:24:27 Good. That's good. Just breathe.
01:24:34 -Larry Daley.
01:24:39 Good. Yes.
01:24:41 Yeah. Okay. Good, good.
01:24:45 All right!
01:24:52 Guys! Come on!
01:24:57 Quiet!
01:25:13 My dum-dum want to speak.
01:25:15 Thank you.
01:25:17 Now, this here's King Ahkmenrah.
01:25:20 His tablet is what brings you to life
01:25:23 And those old night watchmen?
01:25:26 Now, we need to find those guards
01:25:29 ...and we need to do it before morning.
01:25:31 Civil War guys,
01:25:36 My explorer friend
01:25:39 -It's Columbus.
01:25:43 There's no nameplate, so....
01:25:46 ...and do a sweep from lnvertebrates
01:25:49 Jed and Octavius, their van's parked
01:25:52 Whoa, whoa, whoa, no!
01:25:55 Romans work alone.
01:25:58 -That didn't hurt. Don't be a baby.
01:26:00 Come on.
01:26:02 That was much harder!
01:26:04 Guys, come on!
01:26:06 Jed, Octavius.
01:26:08 Take away the fact you were born
01:26:11 ...you guys aren't that different.
01:26:13 You're both great leaders.
01:26:15 You just want what's best
01:26:18 -Yeah.
01:26:19 Civil War dudes.
01:26:23 You guys are brothers, for God's sakes.
01:26:28 North wins. Slavery's bad. Sorry.
01:26:32 Don't wanna burst your bubble.
01:26:39 ...and NASCAR, so just chill!
01:26:43 Look, without that tablet,
01:26:47 ...this whole coming-to-life-at-night thing,
01:26:51 Now, I don't wanna let that happen,
01:26:55 We can get this done,
01:26:58 So who's with me?
01:27:01 Yeah.
01:27:03 -Who's with me?
01:27:05 -Yeah!
01:27:08 All right! Now, let's do this, people!
01:27:13 And animals!
01:27:17 And weird, faceless puppet creatures.
01:27:43 Come on! Follow me, boys!
01:27:45 Geronimo!
01:27:59 Oh, jeez.
01:28:15 Now, boys, we can do this the easy way
01:28:24 I guess it's gonna be the hard way.
01:28:31 Right, men, we're almost there.
01:28:54 Save yourself!
01:28:57 I ain't quitting you!
01:29:01 Gus?
01:29:05 Reginald?
01:29:06 Fellas, where are you?
01:29:10 Guys?
01:29:22 That's what I'm talking about.
01:29:25 Loving the teamwork!
01:29:47 They've vanished.
01:29:51 I know someone who can help. Come on.
01:29:54 Watch out!
01:30:03 Hey, Sakagawea, or wea. Listen,
01:30:07 You think you can track the guys
01:30:10 He went east
01:30:15 You're amazing. How can you tell that?
01:30:22 He left the wagon...
01:30:24 ...and went back.
01:30:26 He went back?
01:30:29 Why would he go back?
01:30:34 Get out of the way!
01:30:43 You saved me.
01:30:45 You're worth saving, my dear.
01:30:49 -That's problematic.
01:30:52 Larry, relax. I'm wax.
01:30:55 You gotta do something.
01:30:57 -Half the museum's running amuck outside.
01:31:03 Come on, Ockie!
01:31:11 At your service, Gigantor!
01:31:13 How can we be of assistance, my liege?
01:31:15 Just give me a second, guys.
01:31:22 Rexy?
01:31:25 Here, boy.
01:31:26 Teddy, I need a horse.
01:31:29 Do it, man.
01:31:45 -Come on, boy! Let me hear you yell!
01:31:49 Just living the dream, baby!
01:31:51 I'm loving this!
01:31:57 Pull the stagecoach over now!
01:32:02 Can I make this turn up here?
01:32:05 I'll take that as a yes. Hang on!
01:32:15 I can't hold it!
01:32:30 Come on, Tex, let's finish this.
01:32:33 Come on!
01:32:40 Give me the tablet, Cecil!
01:32:42 Can't do it, son.
01:32:46 Pull over!
01:32:48 It ain't gonna happen. Moving on.
01:32:52 Last chance, Cecil.
01:32:55 They can't be stopped, Larry.
01:32:57 Don't you know your history?
01:32:59 These are money carriers. They were trained
01:33:04 Really? You mean a word like...
01:33:07 ..." Dakota"?
01:33:14 Come on, Tex.
01:33:19 I read up on my history.
01:33:22 Oh, and by the way...
01:33:23 ...don't ever talk to me like that
01:33:28 Moving on.
01:33:34 -Hey, Huns.
01:33:36 ...take him back.
01:33:41 Oh, and no limb ripping, okay?
01:33:58 Hey, boy. Wait, wait, hold the phone.
01:34:00 What's makeekaka mean?
01:34:05 The year was 1909. I was going up
01:34:09 And our river guide was a brilliant Pygmy
01:34:21 There we are.
01:34:26 -Oh, boy.
01:34:28 I gotta get you guys
01:34:32 How?
01:34:36 Ahkmenrah, I'm gonna need your help.
01:34:38 This is your tablet. You know
01:35:09 Come on. There's somebody
01:35:15 What I'm saying is, for the type of money
01:35:18 ...he ought to be bringing home
01:35:22 You know what I mean?
01:35:42 Now, who they gonna get
01:35:45 -lnuit.
01:35:46 One terracotta soldier.
01:35:48 -Vikings.
01:35:50 -Alpaca.
01:35:52 -Llama.
01:35:53 Viking guys.
01:35:55 Do me a favor. Your fellows
01:35:58 ...in Petrified Wood. Go clean that up.
01:36:00 Okay? Thank you.
01:36:03 -He's back.
01:36:06 Hey, hey, Moose.
01:36:09 I told you, you can't come through
01:36:11 So you and your caribou buddy
01:36:15 -Lawrence!
01:36:18 Great to see you in one piece.
01:36:20 Sakagawea, a little hot wax,
01:36:22 Larry?
01:36:29 I told you I wasn't making fun of you.
01:36:31 -I know.
01:36:35 Oh, my God.
01:36:39 Wanna meet her?
01:36:43 -Yeah?
01:36:44 Okay, come on.
01:36:45 Excuse me. President Roosevelt,
01:36:49 -An honor.
01:36:51 And this is Sakagawea.
01:36:53 -Wea.
01:36:54 Wea.
01:36:56 I think she has a few questions
01:37:00 You rock. I am a big fan.
01:37:04 What would you like to know?
01:37:07 Well, I mean,
01:37:21 -One Buddha.
01:37:25 Two zebras.
01:37:28 -Right. Check.
01:37:31 Hey, Dex, so look.
01:37:36 -Lawrence!
01:37:37 -You saw what he did just then!
01:37:40 -I am.
01:37:42 I am!
01:37:44 Good.
01:37:46 Well, they're all here.
01:37:48 Well done. Everyone's in.
01:37:50 Yeah, well...
01:37:51 ...not everyone.
01:37:54 We lost a couple of good, little men
01:37:58 With great victory comes great sacrifice.
01:38:03 Yeah.
01:38:07 Dad, look.
01:38:15 Bully!
01:38:38 You ain't getting rid of us that easy.
01:39:00 Until tomorrow evening, Lawrence?
01:39:03 Yeah. I don't know about that, Teddy.
01:39:06 It's gonna be tough
01:39:08 Well, if that's indeed the case...
01:39:10 ...then it's farewell, my friend.
01:39:14 Nick?
01:39:17 Your father's a great man.
01:39:19 I know.
01:39:27 Told you.
01:39:32 All right. Good night.
01:39:34 No, Lawrence. Good day.
01:39:42 Hey, Teddy?
01:39:57 Thanks.
01:40:12 You're watching New York 1.
01:40:17 Thanks for joining us.
01:40:20 But it's not the snow
01:40:22 It's what's in the snow. There are
01:40:27 Here's the remarkable video. These appear
01:40:31 ...and they lead straight
01:40:34 Authorities have found what appear to be
01:40:39 Neanderthals atop the museum roof.
01:40:43 You be the judge,
01:40:45 The folks at the Natural History Museum
01:40:52 Any explanation at all?
01:40:58 No. Got nothing.
01:41:00 Good.
01:41:01 I'll take your keys and your flashlight.
01:41:22 Folks, this way.
01:42:22 My name is Nick Daley.
01:42:26 He's the night watchman
01:42:34 Hey, how's it going? Well, Nicky said it:
01:42:36 I'm the night watchman
01:42:39 Let me tell you something:
01:42:44 How many of you guys
01:43:08 Goal!
01:43:38 Hey, it's getting late.
01:43:41 Nope.
01:43:49 Let's ride.
01:44:28 It was nice of Larry not to rat us out,
01:44:31 We're night watchmen, not janitors!
01:44:35 Gentlemen, you're doing a terrific job.
01:44:36 I'll gonna catch a few Z's.
01:44:38 You ain't going nowhere.
01:44:40 Start mopping, hot dog.
01:44:47 Over here.
01:44:50 Ripped & Fixed By Geniuses Group