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Norbit en
00:00:41	Everyone has their path in life,
00:00:43	and this is more or less
00:00:46	My name is Norbit Albert Rice,
00:00:56	I like to think my parents
00:00:58	but just didn't have the means
00:01:01	I can see them researching
00:01:04	agonizing over their choices,
00:01:06	trying to make sure
00:01:08	was raised in the perfect environment.
00:01:27	Ling Ling! Someone left another one!
00:01:31	Coyotes, go! Get! Back! Back, coyotes!
00:01:34	Get out here! You not eat another baby.
00:01:45	Oh, crap. Another black one.
00:01:50	Can't give these away.
00:01:53	You ugly black one, too.
00:01:57	Nobody ever come and say,
00:02:00	You very ugly baby.
00:02:04	A lot of people think
00:02:07	but the Golden Wonton
00:02:10	We had everything
00:02:14	Here. Play with that.
00:02:19	...a big backyard,
00:02:23	Ling Ling!
00:02:27	Now all their hair gonna fall out again.
00:02:29	You stupid orphan!
00:02:32	Norbit, how you find family with no hair?
00:02:35	Nobody want a bald Norbit!
00:02:37	What the hell wrong
00:02:39	Mr. Wong was a very interesting man.
00:02:42	In addition to his love for children
00:02:46	he had a real passion
00:02:49	It's a whale, ho!
00:02:54	Die, you son-of-a!
00:02:58	Bingo! Right in the blow hole!
00:03:04	Norbit, where you go?
00:03:09	After Marvin Browning got lost
00:03:13	the orphanage started using
00:03:15	Go, Norbit!
00:03:16	My buddy was little Kate.
00:03:18	Go, Norbit! Go, Norbit!
00:03:24	That's okay. You're doing good.
00:03:31	Kate and I were always together.
00:03:36	- Oh, man.
00:03:41	...watching scary movies.
00:03:45	Why, we even pooped together.
00:03:49	And then one day, Kate and I decided
00:03:54	We got married
00:03:57	I now pronounce you my wife.
00:04:01	And I pronounce you my husband.
00:04:05	It's watermelon.
00:04:07	Yours is green apple.
00:04:12	I think it's time for us to kiss now.
00:04:21	And we lived happily ever after
00:04:25	for about two weeks
00:04:33	Bye, Norbit.
00:04:36	I didn't do too much bike riding
00:04:42	When Kate left, there was an
00:04:45	so I was buddyless for a while.
00:04:48	And sometimes I'd get a little sad,
00:04:57	but I never lost hope.
00:04:59	I knew that someday I'd find
00:05:03	All I had to do was just be patient.
00:05:10	- What'd you do that for?
00:05:13	- What are you gonna do about it?
00:05:15	Loser.
00:05:19	Stop it.
00:05:27	Leave him alone.
00:05:28	- Says who?
00:05:33	- Who are you?
00:05:37	- Norbit.
00:05:42	- Why'd you beat those boys up?
00:05:46	- You got a girlfriend, Nesbit?
00:05:50	No.
00:05:52	Well, you do now.
00:05:56	- Okay.
00:06:00	Everything changed
00:06:05	We took care of each other,
00:06:08	and the other kids
00:06:10	I'll take...
00:06:21	- Norbit.
00:06:23	And because of Rasputia,
00:06:27	I had a real family.
00:06:31	Rasputia had three brothers.
00:06:33	Big Black Jack. He was the oldest.
00:06:35	Leg.
00:06:39	Then, there was Blue.
00:06:42	Breasts.
00:06:45	And Earl. He was the baby.
00:06:48	Wing.
00:06:50	They sure loved their little sister,
00:06:52	and so they treated me
00:06:55	Here you go, Norbit.
00:06:58	- What's that?
00:07:04	Bon appetitty.
00:07:06	Bon appetitty.
00:07:09	The Latimores had a reputation
00:07:11	for being the meanest,
00:07:14	but that's just because
00:07:16	They were actually
00:07:20	They ran
00:07:23	and recently, responding to the needs
00:07:26	Yo, Morris.
00:07:27	...had opened a little security business.
00:07:30	It was a surprisingly popular service
00:07:34	Hey, you don't shake me down.
00:07:37	- Is that right?
00:07:39	Get his ass in here.
00:07:48	I'm in.
00:07:50	As time passed,
00:07:56	in high school and as adults.
00:08:02	I started working as a bookkeeper
00:08:06	I'm expecting
00:08:09	so when you answer the phone,
00:08:11	so when you answer the phone,
00:08:12	It was like everything was
00:08:14	Yes.
00:08:16	Of course,
00:08:19	would take the next step
00:08:22	I now pronounce you man and wife.
00:08:28	You may kiss the bride.
00:08:55	Open your mouth.
00:09:00	Go, Rasputia!
00:09:08	It was a storybook wedding,
00:09:11	the beginning of a brand-new chapter.
00:09:15	I knew I would never be lonely again.
00:09:22	Poor Norbit. Man.
00:09:24	Back when I was in the game,
00:09:27	"Hos, ain't no man gonna pay for
00:09:32	You ain't got to worry
00:09:35	'cause he just bought
00:09:38	That's a special cow, too.
00:09:40	That must be
00:09:41	Sing that shit, girl.
00:09:43	Them are not dimples.
00:09:46	Look like an Escalade
00:09:53	It a horror show.
00:09:55	Norbit. What a woman you got.
00:09:59	- Hi, fellows.
00:10:01	- Oh, yeah. Way jealous.
00:10:04	Norbit, let me talk to you for a second.
00:10:08	Look, just so we clear.
00:10:12	If you ever hurt my sister in any way,
00:10:16	make her cry,
00:10:22	I'm coming at you
00:10:26	- You hear me?
00:10:28	I'm talking pain, boy.
00:10:30	Searing, mind-numbing pain.
00:10:34	I understand.
00:10:35	- You understand me?
00:10:37	All right.
00:10:40	- Welcome to the family.
00:10:47	Somebody is take
00:10:55	What y'all looking at?
00:10:59	You better mind your damn business.
00:11:06	Hey, hey! Everyone!
00:11:10	I am Mr. Wong.
00:11:13	I feel it my place to say something,
00:11:18	tell story about Norbit.
00:11:21	I raise Norbit. He like my own child.
00:11:24	And I want to say that
00:11:28	that you... You marry Latimore.
00:11:30	I don't understand it, because
00:11:34	"One day I find the girl of my dreams."
00:11:41	I joke, I joke, I joke.
00:11:43	Why you not know joke
00:11:45	Why you wanna make fight at wedding?
00:11:48	Cool off, before I have to
00:11:53	When Norbit just little boy,
00:11:55	he like to always
00:12:01	And Norbit, when he was just little boy,
00:12:07	- You know, Norbit.
00:12:10	And one day, down by creek,
00:12:14	and poisonous snake jump up
00:12:19	Very close to hole.
00:12:24	Norbit pass out. I think Norbit is dead.
00:12:27	I go to check the boy pulse.
00:12:31	"Okay," I say,
00:12:35	So, I start to think,
00:12:37	"Do I suck poison out of Norbit's ass
00:12:44	I do the most responsible thing.
00:12:48	I say, "Hell to the no!
00:12:52	"Norbit is out of here,
00:12:54	"because it is long time in hell
00:12:56	"before Wong suck poison
00:13:03	But strange, mystical thing
00:13:06	Even though poison is in Norbit,
00:13:09	Norbit get stronger and stronger.
00:13:13	That why I know, Norbit,
00:13:17	You strong like warrior.
00:13:19	That's why I say to you, Norbit,
00:13:23	Even...
00:13:27	So I say to everyone here, and to Norbit,
00:13:30	I wish you much happiness and peace
00:13:34	and lots of bananas for your new gorilla.
00:13:39	I only kidding. To Norbit and Rasputia.
00:13:44	Norbit, you know
00:13:46	If you'd carry me over the threshold
00:13:54	Be delicate, now.
00:14:00	Put your back into it.
00:14:03	Come on, now. Be a man.
00:14:07	Pathetic.
00:14:12	Rasputia, I know we're both nervous
00:14:16	but we can take our time, darling.
00:14:26	Rasputia was so full of love.
00:14:32	Merry Christmas!
00:14:35	Ho, ho, ho!
00:14:37	It was a love that sustained us
00:14:40	Halt!
00:14:44	187. Officer down.
00:14:46	And it's still going strong.
00:14:50	Happy Presidents' Day!
00:14:54	God bless America.
00:14:57	And so, we began our life together,
00:15:02	Morning, Rasputia.
00:15:04	"Morning, Rasputia," my ass.
00:15:06	I tell you what. You better do something
00:15:08	because I ain't gonna be
00:15:09	by no dog on my own property.
00:15:11	I'm sick of it! I'm gonna go out
00:15:13	And then I'm gonna give him
00:15:14	when I start popping pellets
00:15:19	Messing around with you,
00:15:29	God damn it, Norbit.
00:15:30	How many times I got to tell you, when
00:15:33	- I haven't touched your seat.
00:15:37	It looks like it's back
00:15:40	No, you moved it. I can tell, 'cause look,
00:15:42	when I inhale,
00:15:45	You see that?
00:15:47	- That ain't right.
00:15:50	That scientifically prove
00:15:53	- That's not science.
00:15:55	- It's not science.
00:15:58	- I'm just...
00:16:05	Why you think I want to sell
00:16:10	I got a good business.
00:16:11	It practically run itself.
00:16:14	Every man got a price.
00:16:34	And here is my counteroffer.
00:16:46	- Excuse me.
00:16:52	I not like rest of town people.
00:16:56	- You wrong, Wong. Relax, man.
00:17:00	Ling Ling, get my pistol!
00:17:02	That dude is crazy.
00:17:05	I never sell to Latimore! Ever! Ever!
00:17:11	All right! Y'all ready, class?
00:17:15	We gonna perforate!
00:17:19	We gonna percolate!
00:17:21	We gonna palpitate!
00:17:23	All because we wanna master the bate,
00:17:28	Come on, and power-tap the fat.
00:17:31	Hey, you get your skinny ass
00:17:33	One, two, three, four.
00:17:36	One, two, three, four.
00:17:39	I stepped in poo, better wipe it off.
00:17:43	Ride the horse. Ride the horse!
00:17:46	Keep bucking, y'all!
00:17:51	Click clackety clack! Come on, slide!
00:17:55	Here come the cops.
00:17:59	They take me to jail.
00:18:02	Riverdance. Come on, white people.
00:18:06	Riverdance. Come on.
00:18:08	Now, pump, pump, pump, pump,
00:18:10	Pump, pump, pump, pump,
00:18:11	And one, two, three, four, five, six,
00:18:17	And stretch it out.
00:18:20	your whole bilaterals and bisexuals.
00:18:24	Excuse me, Buster?
00:18:26	I think I need
00:18:27	Look at you,
00:18:30	Trick or treat. What's going on?
00:18:32	Well, see, I was born with a trick hip
00:18:35	See, I'm just like licorice. Look.
00:18:38	Goddamn, girl,
00:18:41	- Turn a brother to a werewolf.
00:18:44	You know what?
00:18:48	I could do private lessons
00:18:52	What's that?
00:18:53	Just need you talk to your little brothers
00:18:58	I'm trying to make power-tap
00:19:00	I'm trying to be like Billy Blanks,
00:19:01	but double the money
00:19:03	That's a good idea.
00:19:05	Maybe I will, maybe I will.
00:19:09	Okay. Call me, girl.
00:19:11	- I'll call you.
00:19:18	- Must be Saturday.
00:19:20	Because here come Norbit,
00:19:24	Almost set your watch to him.
00:19:27	Hey, Pope Sweet Jesus
00:19:30	How you guys doing, fellows?
00:19:32	Business is good.
00:19:33	Business is good.
00:19:35	Yes, indeedy.
00:19:36	What do you mean,
00:19:38	The good old days, man,
00:19:40	You know.
00:19:42	- You guys used to pimp?
00:19:43	That's a violation. Still pimping.
00:19:46	- Always. Forever.
00:19:49	Rasputia sent me down here
00:19:51	You guys are open, right?
00:19:52	We always open.
00:19:54	We'll stack that up for you.
00:19:59	- Moniqua!
00:20:01	Can you get King Kong
00:20:04	- Please don't trim the fat.
00:20:06	Please don't trim that fat.
00:20:08	Norbit, while I got your attention,
00:20:10	can I interest you in some new shoes,
00:20:13	How about a bath or a sink?
00:20:15	Hey, don't tell me
00:20:18	It's a perfect fit, man.
00:20:20	Now we selling johns to bitches.
00:20:23	- Beds, bitches, and beyond!
00:20:26	No, thanks, guys.
00:20:27	I got to go do a puppet show
00:20:30	At the orphanage?
00:20:31	That's a nice thing you do
00:20:33	Why don't you take
00:20:35	over there to them little children?
00:20:36	Oh, that's great, guys. That's sweet.
00:20:39	Wait, my puppets! I forgot my puppets!
00:20:42	I got to go. I got to go, guys.
00:20:43	- Where's his puppets?
00:20:51	What's Rasputia doing home so early?
00:20:57	'Sputia?
00:21:03	Oh, yeah, girl.
00:21:04	Come on, girl, that's sweet chocolate!
00:21:05	Okay, you in trouble, now.
00:21:08	I'm Willy Wonka.
00:21:16	That's sweet. Oh, yeah.
00:21:19	Take it with your big old self, girl.
00:21:22	You ain't never had it like this!
00:21:24	Hell, yeah.
00:21:26	Come on, pig in a blanket.
00:21:27	- Now squeal. Squeal! Squeal!
00:21:30	Take it from the back.
00:21:31	Damn, I feel like Willy Wonka,
00:21:36	Hey. How you doing, man?
00:21:42	How's it going, man? How you doing?
00:21:44	I'm Bust-a-move Perkin.
00:21:46	Man, your wife was
00:21:48	Man, she love you.
00:21:50	- You're Rasputia's tap dance teacher.
00:21:55	I was just here
00:21:58	But you're naked.
00:22:00	That's just so she could see
00:22:02	as I go through the various routines.
00:22:03	You see that there?
00:22:09	And you have an...
00:22:10	Oh, man,
00:22:13	You can say the word "dance"
00:22:16	See that? See that there?
00:22:18	'Sputia?
00:22:19	Norbit, Buster's a guest in our home.
00:22:22	How dare you insinuate
00:22:23	Yeah, Orbit!
00:22:25	How dare you insinuate
00:22:28	You know, I am actually offended
00:22:33	And rather than sit here and have
00:22:37	'cause I am a God-fearing man,
00:22:39	I'm'a do like Jesus H. Christ
00:22:44	and I'm gonna turn the other cheek.
00:22:47	Amen.
00:22:53	You happy now?
00:22:55	Rasputia, you cheated on me!
00:22:57	Look, I told your ass
00:22:58	and the next time you say
00:23:00	I'm gonna knock your teeth
00:23:03	Rasputia, we took vows.
00:23:06	Rasputia, we took vows,
00:23:10	It never happened!
00:23:13	Yes, it did!
00:23:15	And that makes you
00:23:25	Hey, Norbit!
00:23:34	Run for your lives!
00:23:38	Bastard! Come here!
00:23:42	Oh, sweet Moses! Oh, my God!
00:23:45	Come here! Come here!
00:23:47	No! Leave me alone!
00:23:48	You ain't nothing
00:23:50	Saddle tramp!
00:23:57	That's what your stupid black ass get!
00:24:00	I hope you broke your ass!
00:24:03	Since you feel like running, Norbit,
00:24:05	why don't you run your ass
00:24:08	and get me a short stack of ribs?
00:24:10	and get me a short stack of ribs?
00:24:11	Extra hot sauce.
00:24:14	All this setting you straight
00:24:25	I'm Little Red Riding Goose,
00:24:28	walking through the forest,
00:24:30	when all at once...
00:24:32	Hello.
00:24:34	- Who are you?
00:24:37	My, what big eyes you have, Pig.
00:24:40	The better to see you with, Goose.
00:24:42	And my, what a big nose you have, Pig.
00:24:46	The better to smell them scrumptious
00:24:49	Hey, let me take a look in there.
00:24:52	Oh, no, you don't.
00:24:56	No, I won't steal your food.
00:24:58	Don't let that pig
00:25:01	Yeah, I'm tired of
00:25:04	Look, I'm tired of
00:25:06	I know you got ribs in that basket.
00:25:08	You better give them up smooth
00:25:09	or I'm gonna break my hoof off
00:25:12	Oh, really? Well, why don't you get up
00:25:15	and go down to the Rib Shak
00:25:17	Or better still,
00:25:20	and tell him to come over
00:25:22	because in addition to being
00:25:24	you're also a saddle tramp,
00:25:27	Norbit! What you doing?
00:25:31	This remind me
00:25:36	I'm sorry. I got a little carried away.
00:25:39	Wow, Norbit,
00:25:44	Oh, come on. You don't remember me?
00:25:50	- Kate. Kate.
00:25:53	Kate! Kate! Oh, God!
00:25:57	Well, can I have a hug?
00:26:02	Norbit.
00:26:05	It just like old times.
00:26:07	Maybe you two go take poop together.
00:26:16	This place has not changed at all.
00:26:19	Oh, yeah. Some of this furniture's
00:26:23	So, how long are
00:26:25	No, I'm not visiting. I'm moving back.
00:26:27	Really? Wow.
00:26:30	I sold my clothing business in Atlanta,
00:26:33	and I'm going to use the money
00:26:36	What?
00:26:38	Mr. Wong's getting older.
00:26:43	You know, it's always been my dream
00:26:48	That's great.
00:26:51	Norbit, look.
00:26:54	That's the tree we got married under.
00:26:59	You know, I've still got my ring.
00:27:03	I ate mine.
00:27:06	I missed you so much when you left.
00:27:10	I missed you, too.
00:27:15	That's my car.
00:27:17	We didn't really get a chance
00:27:21	I'll be back in town on Tuesday.
00:27:26	Yeah, I would love to
00:27:28	- I love lunch.
00:27:30	Lunch, yes. For sure.
00:27:34	I'll see you Tuesday.
00:27:35	I'll see you on Tuesday.
00:27:39	Tuesday.
00:27:41	Tuesday. Tuesday.
00:27:44	Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday,
00:27:48	Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday,
00:27:52	Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday,
00:28:01	Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.
00:28:04	Tuesday, Tuesday...
00:28:07	Say "Tuesday" again
00:28:11	I got it. I'll get it. Tuesday.
00:28:14	Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.
00:28:18	- Buster. How you doing? You look great.
00:28:20	- Oh, thank you, man.
00:28:22	Thank you.
00:28:24	Yeah, I'm on my way out now.
00:28:25	But hey, look,
00:28:28	and there's fresh sheets on the bed.
00:28:30	- All right.
00:28:31	Power-tap.
00:28:32	Very good, very good.
00:28:37	Tuesday.
00:28:42	What's wrong with your boy?
00:28:44	Yeah, I don't know what the hell got
00:28:48	Ready for a little power-tap, huh?
00:28:52	Lord, give me strength.
00:28:55	Hey, Sam, happy Tuesday.
00:28:57	Norbit.
00:28:58	Norbit.
00:28:59	- Hey, Kate. Hi.
00:29:02	Great. I've been looking forward to this
00:29:04	Good.
00:29:05	Hey.
00:29:08	Hey. Who's he?
00:29:09	Norbit, this is my fiancé, Deion Hughes.
00:29:11	How you doing, my man?
00:29:14	- This is your fiancé?
00:29:16	I was just telling Deion that you and I
00:29:19	Now she and I are buddy partners.
00:29:21	Shame on you, man,
00:29:25	And so Deion's got all this experience
00:29:28	so he's going to help me buy
00:29:31	No, wait, wait. No, no.
00:29:33	I mean, you know,
00:29:36	All right? This is her nest egg,
00:29:38	I don't want her
00:29:40	that she might regret later, you know?
00:29:41	She worked too hard for this money,
00:29:44	Deion, you take
00:29:47	It's my job. Stop it.
00:29:50	Okay?
00:29:56	Don't you just love Tuesdays?
00:30:04	Lloyd, just tell me why it has to hurt
00:30:12	What's the matter, boy?
00:30:14	You sensing an earthquake
00:30:24	That's just my...
00:30:26	My wife.
00:30:38	A man needs his own space.
00:30:49	Finally! For the love of Cain.
00:30:59	Moses!
00:31:02	I'll see you suckers
00:31:20	Damn it, Norbit!
00:31:22	don't be messing with my car seat!
00:31:24	Nobody touched your old, stupid seat.
00:31:25	Then how come
00:31:29	Well, you know, Rasputia,
00:31:31	there's a very strong possibility that...
00:31:36	Might be shrinking.
00:31:39	Yeah, you might be right. Been raining
00:31:44	- Oh, yeah? That'll make it shrink.
00:31:54	How you doing?
00:32:00	Don't cha wish your girlfriend
00:32:03	Don't cha wish your girlfriend
00:32:06	Don't cha
00:32:09	Look at that dog over there,
00:32:13	Rasputia, what are you doing?
00:32:15	Shut up!
00:32:17	- Hey, slow down! You're gonna hit him!
00:32:23	- Stop it! No!
00:32:25	Rasputia, don't! No! No! No!
00:32:35	I know what that sound means!
00:32:36	I know what that sound means!
00:32:37	Bark! How you doing!
00:32:39	Lloyd!
00:32:42	Enough is enough.
00:32:44	Now, where in the hell
00:32:47	Lloyd's in the hospital because of you!
00:32:49	Yeah, that's right.
00:32:51	And I'd have put it in the morgue, too,
00:32:54	It threw off my driving skills.
00:32:55	Rasputia, you are a mean, selfish, cold,
00:33:02	- You leaving me?
00:33:05	Well, where the hell
00:33:07	You ain't got no money.
00:33:08	Everything is in my name, the car,
00:33:10	You ain't nothing and you ain't gonna
00:33:13	Norbit, you just can't leave!
00:33:19	With child?
00:33:21	Oh, yes, Norbit, can't you tell?
00:33:26	And my titties is all achy and itchy-like.
00:33:30	Oh, Norbit, we gonna be a family.
00:33:34	Oh, Norbit, come hug me,
00:33:42	Please, Norbit.
00:34:03	I understand, little pony.
00:34:07	I know your pain.
00:34:10	Oh, yes, I know.
00:34:14	Excuse me, snow bunny.
00:34:16	I don't come in your jurisdiction,
00:34:19	Yet here you is all up in mines,
00:34:23	It's just a kissing booth.
00:34:25	Call it what you will,
00:34:29	is taking half.
00:34:32	You work for me now, ho.
00:34:35	Sure.
00:34:37	Let me taste the goods.
00:34:38	Put it on me.
00:34:41	- Greasy.
00:34:43	We back in business.
00:34:47	I wanna be a ho. How do I apply?
00:34:50	Please, Lord Jesus, help me!
00:34:54	- Let me go! Let me go!
00:34:56	Line up with your buddy.
00:34:57	- You got one, sweetie.
00:34:59	Yeah, yeah, you go.
00:35:00	Baby, you know I love you.
00:35:03	It's just that
00:35:05	is the right move financially right now.
00:35:08	Hey, this is not
00:35:10	- I thought you understood that, baby.
00:35:13	But this the call I was telling you...
00:35:16	Let's talk about it
00:35:18	You're not going to stay?
00:35:19	No, very important. Here.
00:35:23	Hello? It's never a bad time for you.
00:35:29	Stop it! Stop!
00:35:30	Norbit!
00:35:32	- Hey.
00:35:36	Hey.
00:35:37	- I didn't know you were gonna be here.
00:35:39	Hey, you know, I just saw Deion leaving.
00:35:42	He had some business to take care of.
00:35:46	So, who are you here with?
00:35:49	My wife.
00:35:54	- Norbit, I didn't know you were married.
00:35:58	- Well, that's wonderful. Really.
00:36:02	So, where is she?
00:36:05	Right over there in the print outfit.
00:36:08	The one talking to the girl by the bench?
00:36:11	No, the one sucking the jelly
00:36:18	Oh, yeah. She's pretty.
00:36:22	That's cherry.
00:36:25	What are my kids doing? Peter! Theo!
00:36:27	I don't want you bothering anyone.
00:36:30	I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
00:36:32	Mrs. Rice?
00:36:35	Oh, I just thought
00:36:37	Who the hell are you?
00:36:39	Kate, this is my wife,
00:36:42	and, Rasputia, this is Kate.
00:36:44	- Nice to meet you.
00:36:46	Kate's an old friend of mine
00:36:48	Latimore, as in Latimore Construction?
00:36:51	Yes, that's right,
00:36:53	That's right. Why?
00:36:54	Well, just that this is perfect,
00:36:56	'cause I was going to come see
00:37:00	I ain't come out here for that.
00:37:01	I'm out here to enjoy these festivities,
00:37:04	You wanna talk business,
00:37:05	over there by the BB guns.
00:37:06	Go over there and talk to him.
00:37:08	Oh, sure, okay.
00:37:10	Well, go on, get.
00:37:13	- Okay.
00:37:19	- Come here.
00:37:22	You thinking about creeping, ain't you?
00:37:24	We're just friends.
00:37:26	What'd I tell you about having friends?
00:37:28	Go over there
00:37:30	It's hot as hell out here.
00:37:32	- Rasputia, you can't drink wine.
00:37:37	- You're with child.
00:37:42	Oh, that was... I had gas. I still got it.
00:37:48	There's your child.
00:37:59	Twins!
00:38:02	Hey! You come back here!
00:38:05	- Oh, my God!
00:38:09	Look, you got one!
00:38:14	Get him. Get him, Big Black.
00:38:17	Are you Big Black Jack?
00:38:20	What it look like?
00:38:21	Oh, well.
00:38:24	Me and my fiancé
00:38:27	Wong's place? He's selling it to you?
00:38:31	Yeah. Why is that surprising?
00:38:33	Miss Thomas, Miss Thomas, let's go.
00:38:35	- Oh, great!
00:38:37	Can we finish this up later?
00:38:40	All right, baby. You go dance now.
00:38:43	The orphanage is in play.
00:38:50	Y'all better give me my hat.
00:38:52	Here, take her hat.
00:38:53	You think I won't come up in here?
00:39:06	You think I'm playing?
00:39:07	Give me the hat right now,
00:39:10	Hey, Norbit, come on!
00:39:12	Oh, no. No, I can't.
00:39:15	- Come on, dance with us.
00:39:18	Don't think I won't kill a child.
00:39:21	Little street urchins.
00:39:25	Okay. That's it.
00:39:36	Dance, Norbit, dance! Come on!
00:39:43	My hat!
00:39:49	It's raining little white women.
00:39:50	My prayers have been answered!
00:39:52	She'd better move,
00:40:06	You little bastards.
00:40:11	Where the hell is Norbit
00:40:14	I'm thirsty as hell.
00:40:25	Oh, hell, no.
00:40:29	Oh, he's lost his mind.
00:40:33	Bitch, that's my wine cooler!
00:40:35	It's my birthday! It's my birthday!
00:40:38	It's your birthday?
00:40:40	Norbit's got moves, everybody! Yeah!
00:40:43	You got him loose, don't you,
00:40:45	I see what you trying to do.
00:40:49	Go, Norbit! Go, Norbit! Go, Norbit!
00:40:53	Go, Norbit!
00:40:54	Go, Norbit! Go, Norbit! Go, Norbit!
00:40:57	Go, Norbit! Go, Norbit!
00:40:59	Go, Norbit! Go, Norbit! Go...
00:41:02	Norbit!
00:41:11	Crooked employees?
00:41:13	Lipstick on your husband's collar?
00:41:15	Find out who you're really dealing with.
00:41:17	Send $29.95
00:41:19	P.O. Box 119, Locust Falls.
00:41:22	Hey, buddy partner.
00:41:23	Hi, Kate. Hi, nice to see you.
00:41:27	I'm good, but how about you
00:41:30	Oh, I'm doing better.
00:41:32	The doctor said if it weren't for
00:41:41	Are you sure you're okay, Norbit?
00:41:45	Oh, well, they're doing some tests.
00:41:51	Well, I don't know about this stuff,
00:41:54	that's kind of high. 120...
00:41:57	Oh, my goodness, 130!
00:41:59	Yeah, maybe the machine's broke.
00:42:15	You Deion Hughes?
00:42:16	Who's asking?
00:42:18	We the Latimores.
00:42:20	Yeah. Latimore Construction.
00:42:22	And we run this town.
00:42:24	Your woman was telling us how y'all
00:42:27	Kate has her plans and I have mine.
00:42:29	Well, it looks like the only plans you got,
00:42:32	I ain't sticking around
00:42:34	I got kids of my own
00:42:36	So, you was just hustling her?
00:42:38	Break it to her gentle for me,
00:42:42	Hold up, player.
00:42:46	That orphanage she buying,
00:42:48	outside of town, zoned commercial.
00:42:51	Even got a liquor license.
00:42:52	Interesting.
00:42:54	It's a perfect place for a titty bar.
00:42:57	- Did you say "titty bar"?
00:42:59	We got it all worked out.
00:43:00	We gonna call it Nipplopolis.
00:43:03	Nipplopolis.
00:43:05	Shit got a ring to it, don't it?
00:43:07	We talking about overpriced,
00:43:10	and fake tig old bitties in abundance.
00:43:13	Ain't gonna be nothing but tax-free,
00:43:15	under-the-table, pure cash money.
00:43:17	That's right.
00:43:18	All you got to do is swing us the deal
00:43:23	And what about Kate?
00:43:24	If you marry her,
00:43:28	Norbit, I really want you
00:43:33	The kids are crazy about you.
00:43:35	- They're good kids.
00:43:38	You know, I'm gonna take them
00:43:41	Why don't you come?
00:43:43	I don't know if I could go for a bike ride.
00:43:47	I never... I didn't really know how, the...
00:43:50	I can't ride a bike still.
00:43:54	You never learned? What?
00:43:56	Well, you left, you know,
00:43:58	and there was nobody
00:44:00	And Wong don't ride.
00:44:02	Okay, we'll do something else.
00:44:05	The kids have been begging me
00:44:07	Oh, I don't know about the water park.
00:44:09	Come on, it's a Saturday.
00:44:11	Yeah, I know, but it's the park
00:44:15	and there's a potential hell to pay
00:44:21	Hey, what are you doing
00:44:24	Well, I'm just going to have to shock you
00:44:27	Hey, come on, Kate.
00:44:29	- Those things are plugged in. It's hot.
00:44:32	No, no clear. No clear. Stop, Kate.
00:44:35	Come on. Yes.
00:44:36	- Yes, yes, yes.
00:44:52	Oh, my God, Deion. This is beautiful.
00:44:57	I just wanted to do something special
00:45:00	Well, I am feeling it.
00:45:04	Let's do it. Let's get married, right away.
00:45:10	- Deion.
00:45:15	You're serious?
00:45:16	- Baby, we belong together.
00:45:20	- I want to. Saturday.
00:45:24	- Thank you.
00:45:47	Norbit!
00:45:48	Hi. Hey. Good morning, Rasputia.
00:45:51	Good morning.
00:45:54	Where the hell you going?
00:45:58	Nowhere special.
00:46:01	- I was just going over to Raging Waters.
00:46:05	Yes. It's this thing
00:46:09	You know, I was at this orphanage
00:46:13	And the people from the orphanage
00:46:14	and now they're taking other orphans
00:46:16	so they asked me to come
00:46:18	so I'm trying to, you know, do my part.
00:46:21	Little Miss Skinny Bitch gonna be there?
00:46:24	You mean Miss Ling Ling?
00:46:26	You know damn well
00:46:28	I'm talking about Miss Thing Thing
00:46:30	Miss Thing Thing from the picnic?
00:46:32	Who are you talking about, sweetheart?
00:46:34	Wait, I think I remember now.
00:46:44	- Something Russian.
00:46:46	Kate! Of course it's Kate. Yes,
00:46:50	I hadn't even thought about it.
00:46:52	I wonder, will Kate be there?
00:46:56	Well, I'm going.
00:46:58	No!
00:47:00	You don't like water parks,
00:47:00	You don't like water parks,
00:47:02	Who don't like water parks? I love them.
00:47:05	except you ain't got to get off the ride
00:47:08	How you doing?
00:47:12	Great.
00:47:16	There you go. Have fun.
00:47:18	There you go, Brian.
00:47:22	All right, kids, everybody please be nice
00:47:26	- Okay.
00:47:29	Kate, I hope you don't mind.
00:47:32	Of course not.
00:47:36	Well, are we gonna stand around here
00:47:40	Excuse me.
00:47:43	Excuse me, ma'am.
00:47:45	What?
00:47:48	Are you wearing bottoms?
00:47:50	Of course I'm wearing bottoms!
00:47:54	Okay. Come on in.
00:47:56	How dare you?
00:48:04	Oh, hell, no.
00:48:14	How you doing!
00:48:22	This ain't like no real beach,
00:48:23	'cause on a real beach you got people
00:48:26	and you can get all kinds of treats
00:48:30	and Mentos and Skittles
00:48:33	You can't get shit here!
00:48:35	Well, you know,
00:48:38	You going?
00:48:40	No, I already ate.
00:48:42	Well, you could have fooled me.
00:48:44	I'm sorry?
00:48:45	I'm just trying to say
00:48:49	See, most men like a woman
00:48:52	You ain't got nothing.
00:48:54	just sitting in that chair
00:48:56	I feel sorry for you.
00:48:58	Well, I just feel that we're all made
00:49:01	Oh, no. Hell, no. I'm a Christian,
00:49:03	and you ain't gonna sit there
00:49:06	You the one that
00:49:08	My Norbit is always telling me
00:49:11	big old good ones
00:49:14	Really?
00:49:15	That's right. And, sister, let me tell you,
00:49:17	I can't keep Norbit off me.
00:49:18	He is the biggest freak
00:49:20	and he be blowing my back out,
00:49:22	trying to put me
00:49:24	I'm thinking about
00:49:26	so I can get
00:49:28	then he'll think I look disgusting
00:49:29	and I can get a rest
00:49:31	because he want it all the time.
00:49:35	But I ain't mad at him, hey.
00:49:37	I'm gonna go on a diet for sure,
00:49:39	Right now I'm gonna get me
00:49:42	How you doing?
00:49:46	Miss Thomas, we're all going off
00:49:50	Slowly. Slowly.
00:49:53	You're gonna break your head in half
00:49:55	Wait for me!
00:49:57	I tell you, it sure is tiring chasing these
00:50:01	Especially for us skinny folk.
00:50:04	What?
00:50:05	Never mind.
00:00:05	Deion and I
00:00:08	What wedding?
00:00:09	Our wedding.
00:00:11	We're going to get married on Saturday.
00:00:16	You're getting married on Saturday?
00:00:17	Yeah, we just figured, "Why wait?"
00:00:25	Well... Congratulations, then.
00:00:30	Thanks.
00:00:31	- Yeah.
00:00:33	Oh, so am I. It's wonderful.
00:00:37	So, there it is, the Leap of Doom.
00:00:40	Yeah, go and have fun.
00:00:42	You go have some fun.
00:00:43	- Okay.
00:00:48	Okay, kids, one at a time.
00:00:54	I guess this is me.
00:01:00	What are you looking at, Norbit?
00:01:03	I was just watching the... Some kids.
00:01:08	I wanted to watch
00:01:10	- Kids, huh?
00:01:12	So, you wanna watch a bitch
00:01:15	Well, I'm gonna show you
00:01:17	Oh, no...
00:01:25	Excuse me, ma'am?
00:01:33	I don't weigh no damn 300 pounds.
00:01:40	That was awesome.
00:01:47	What's that?
00:01:52	It's Rasputia.
00:01:54	I'm gonna show you
00:02:12	I'm sliding, bitches!
00:02:19	Mary, Mother of God.
00:02:21	Slow down! Stop! Stop!
00:02:40	How you doing?
00:02:49	Why does she have to go
00:02:51	Things were going so well.
00:02:56	There it is.
00:02:59	Hey. Sorry about the concussion.
00:03:04	- It's okay.
00:03:05	- It's okay.
00:03:08	And the blood clot.
00:03:12	Nothing.
00:03:18	You know damn well that's your baby.
00:03:20	You know it's yours. Got the same chin.
00:03:24	That baby got the same head as you
00:03:27	Go take the test. Take the test.
00:03:29	You want to hear the test results?
00:03:31	In the case of the little baby...
00:03:33	Well, the test says that is your baby.
00:03:35	How you doing?
00:03:39	Latimore Construction, Norbit speaking.
00:03:41	Hey, Norbit, it's Kate.
00:03:42	Is there any way you can meet me
00:03:45	Yeah, sure.
00:03:46	Great. I'm at McCormick's.
00:03:47	Okay. Fine.
00:03:55	Rasputia, I'm just loaded up
00:03:59	I was wondering, could you run
00:04:02	Now you tell me
00:04:04	running some goddamn permits
00:04:08	You do it.
00:04:09	You do it.
00:04:10	Okay.
00:04:13	- What's the surprise?
00:04:15	Tell me. Hey, no, what are you doing?
00:04:17	- Not till the last second.
00:04:19	- You ready?
00:04:23	I know you don't think
00:04:25	- I think you're gonna get on that.
00:04:28	Come on! Look where you wanna go.
00:04:31	You got it? You got it? You got it?
00:04:34	Watch out for the fence!
00:04:39	And the mailbox.
00:04:42	Rasputia, the painters from
00:04:45	There's vomit everywhere!
00:04:47	You know damn well
00:04:50	- I don't feel safe.
00:04:56	Yeah.
00:05:00	The Portosans at Drummond's
00:05:03	Well, go clean the shit up!
00:05:16	Rasputia?
00:05:32	You do it!
00:05:35	- I got it!
00:05:37	I'm getting it! I'm doing it!
00:05:40	You're doing it! Yeah, but slow down!
00:05:42	- How?
00:05:50	Oh, no. Are you okay?
00:05:52	Yeah. Actually, that was kind of fun.
00:05:56	- Come on.
00:05:59	- Okay?
00:06:04	So, I'm going to Giovanni's tonight
00:06:08	You wanna come? Help me decide?
00:06:11	What about Deion?
00:06:14	I just don't trust him with food.
00:06:17	You know,
00:06:19	It tasted like cheap take-out.
00:06:26	- Well, I'll go.
00:06:27	Well, I just have to go get my dress,
00:06:31	Okay, that's great.
00:06:32	- Perfect, Norbit.
00:06:37	Norbit!
00:06:38	All right. Yeah, Norby.
00:06:40	7:00, don't be late.
00:06:42	You guys are all pervs.
00:06:47	I love it.
00:06:50	What's wrong?
00:06:52	Are you sure we're not rushing things?
00:06:54	I know we're not. I know we're not.
00:07:01	Norbit, that's a date.
00:07:02	No, it's not. She just wants someone...
00:07:05	Are you paying for this encounter
00:07:08	Of course not!
00:07:09	Then that's a date.
00:07:13	Come on, baby.
00:07:18	- Thank you.
00:07:20	All right.
00:07:23	Well, who are you getting all fine for?
00:07:26	Hello, Rasputia. Well, that's nice.
00:07:29	Oh, yeah, right.
00:07:31	Oh, I'm just, you know, being a girl.
00:07:37	My fiancé likes it
00:07:40	Look to me like
00:07:42	You look like
00:07:45	What? No. God. Don't be silly.
00:07:49	You're married. You're here.
00:07:52	I don't do this for my husband.
00:07:53	Girl, I do this
00:07:56	Everybody in this town know that
00:08:00	- You fine, girl! You are fine.
00:08:02	Everybody knows.
00:08:04	But even a delicate flower like me
00:08:07	Or a little lye in her kitchen
00:08:09	How you doing?
00:08:10	Rasputia.
00:08:12	Helga waiting on you, girl,
00:08:14	Here I come, girl.
00:08:15	I got to go, girl. Every now and then
00:08:19	You just make sure
00:08:25	Helga, here I come, girl.
00:08:31	Here we go, dear.
00:08:40	I was looking for Norbit's police whistle.
00:08:43	Go fish.
00:08:45	What's up?
00:08:46	Everything on schedule
00:08:48	I got my own problems, but I'll handle it.
00:08:50	What's this situation
00:08:52	The liquor license on the orphanage.
00:08:54	It won't roll over
00:08:57	not without one of
00:08:59	Yeah, and getting a new license
00:09:02	Yeah, we'd be out of business
00:09:05	You think you can get Kate to sign that?
00:09:06	Hell, no. She's planning on
00:09:09	It'd raise too many suspicions.
00:09:11	All right, smart-ass,
00:09:13	- Yeah.
00:09:19	Norbit.
00:09:22	- Where you going, Norbit?
00:09:25	Guys, I told Rasputia
00:09:29	and she said
00:09:31	so I'm gonna go take care of that.
00:09:32	Forget that.
00:09:33	I can't. No, guys,
00:09:35	- I have to deal with it.
00:09:37	We need you to
00:09:39	Oh, no. I can't do it tonight, guys.
00:09:40	There's an accident waiting to happen.
00:09:42	Norbit, if you don't
00:09:45	we can't start
00:09:47	That's right, punk ass.
00:09:48	Bullshit. I'm going for mine tonight.
00:09:51	Norbit, you better find that Kate Thomas
00:09:53	and get her to sign.
00:09:54	Yeah.
00:09:57	Kate Thomas?
00:09:59	You want me to get these papers
00:10:00	Yeah.
00:10:02	Okay, that's more important.
00:10:03	I'll take care of this for you guys.
00:10:05	- That's what I told you to do.
00:10:08	Okay, I'm gonna go take these to Kate
00:10:09	and take my punk ass to Kate Thomas
00:10:12	Excuse me, pardon me.
00:10:13	- Excuse me. Going through. Hi.
00:10:16	Yes, I am a bitch ass. Excuse me.
00:10:21	Hey, sorry I'm late.
00:10:24	Man, it's time for
00:10:26	All right. But nothing too flashy now.
00:10:29	Class. I don't want no...
00:10:40	Now, that's pimping.
00:10:44	All right, hair's bigger.
00:11:05	Okay. Well, I guess this is it, guys.
00:11:11	Thanks for making me fly.
00:11:13	You fly like a flock of birds, baby.
00:11:16	- You look good.
00:11:18	- Handle this business for us, brother.
00:11:22	- Do the walk, Norbit.
00:11:24	Yeah. Norbit!
00:11:34	Wow, Norbit!
00:11:38	I just picked these
00:11:40	'cause this is just a casual get-together.
00:11:42	Sure. And you put the wires
00:11:47	- Norbit!
00:11:51	You dressed to kill, huh?
00:11:54	Katerina, you look beautiful.
00:12:00	I'm making my specialty just for you.
00:12:02	Hey. Did you make my favorite?
00:12:05	What do you think, huh?
00:12:07	I'm gonna take the flowers,
00:12:11	He's a nice man.
00:12:15	Your favorite?
00:12:16	I guess you and Rasputia
00:12:18	Oh, no. We used to,
00:12:21	because Sam had
00:12:23	and she took it as a personal challenge,
00:12:28	I wanna make a toast.
00:12:30	Oh, sure.
00:12:34	To old friends.
00:12:36	To old friends.
00:12:40	We were buddy partners, all right,
00:12:45	I tell you, you know,
00:12:48	sometimes I think
00:12:53	What do you mean, Norbit?
00:12:55	I was just really young, you know,
00:12:58	and kind of helped me fit in
00:13:05	We had nobody, Norbit.
00:13:06	I mean, who can blame us
00:13:11	Yeah, safe.
00:13:13	Like you and Deion?
00:13:17	Yeah.
00:13:20	I mean,
00:13:28	So, what have you got here?
00:13:30	Those are just construction papers,
00:13:33	permits and stuff that you have to sign.
00:13:38	Kate, can I ask you
00:13:40	Sure, what?
00:13:46	Do you love Deion?
00:13:50	Of course. Yeah.
00:13:56	Otherwise,
00:14:01	Right?
00:14:05	- Got your pizza.
00:14:09	I'm about to disappear up in here
00:14:12	Norbit out draining a swamp
00:14:14	Yeah, he's definitely draining a swamp.
00:14:24	- Why you looking at me like that?
00:14:27	Draining a swamp.
00:14:32	He's out there in the woods,
00:14:38	I don't know nothing.
00:14:41	I don't know nothing, okay?
00:14:49	He's on a date with that fine skinny girl!
00:15:04	It's pain time here! I ain't having this!
00:15:07	Oh, hell, no. And on top of that
00:15:10	Damn it, Norbit!
00:15:16	He got me destroying my shit.
00:15:29	This is it.
00:15:30	It's always so beautiful in here.
00:15:33	Peaceful.
00:15:34	- Hello, Kate, Norbit.
00:15:37	Didn't know anybody was here.
00:15:40	You know, Kate,
00:15:44	I realized we never had
00:15:47	Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:15:49	So, come on up here.
00:15:51	Let me at least show you
00:15:53	- Come on.
00:15:58	Rasputia. You know
00:16:01	The hell with that. Where's Norbit?
00:16:03	I don't see Norbit.
00:16:07	- No.
00:16:08	Then who was eating a turkey ass?
00:16:14	Run! Run! Run!
00:16:18	At which point
00:16:22	You want to practice those?
00:16:24	Well, I hadn't actually gotten to that
00:16:29	You don't even know
00:16:32	Well, what would you say, Norbit?
00:16:36	What would I say?
00:16:39	Norbit!
00:16:46	Don't cha wish your girlfriend
00:16:50	Don't cha wish your girlfriend
00:16:54	Don't cha
00:16:56	What would I say if I was saying vows?
00:16:58	I guess...
00:17:01	Kate,
00:17:04	I think about you all day long.
00:17:07	And when I'm not near you,
00:17:11	all I think about is being near you.
00:17:14	And when you are near me,
00:17:16	I feel like I'm at peace
00:17:21	I know that...
00:17:24	I know I'll never have to
00:17:26	'cause, as long as I have you in my life,
00:17:28	I got everything I ever wanted.
00:17:35	And the only thing
00:17:38	spend the rest of my life making you
00:17:45	Because I love you, Kate.
00:17:50	I love you.
00:17:53	I don't know. Something like that.
00:17:56	And after the vows you would then...
00:18:00	Okay.
00:18:34	Oh, my God.
00:18:35	I'm sorry, I have to go.
00:18:38	I'm sorry.
00:18:48	- Awkward.
00:18:57	Give me that crowbar.
00:19:13	Damn it!
00:19:15	I'm a Christian. You got me
00:19:20	Death do us part, huh? Okay, Norbit.
00:19:23	Look like you done moved up
00:19:25	I'm cursing again.
00:19:27	Pray, bitch, pray.
00:19:28	Our Father, who art in heaven,
00:19:30	Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
00:19:35	Kate, please. Kate, please, I'm sorry.
00:19:37	Kate, please, stop and talk to me.
00:19:39	Please, please, Kate.
00:19:41	I can't, Norbit.
00:19:43	I'm just too confused right now.
00:19:45	I'm sorry. It was all my fault.
00:19:49	No.
00:19:53	I wanted you to.
00:19:57	That's why I'm so confused.
00:20:02	Good night.
00:20:15	She wanted me to.
00:20:25	- Where the papers at, Norbit?
00:20:35	I'd hate to be you right now.
00:20:38	Why?
00:20:40	Go on in the house.
00:20:43	Go on in.
00:20:47	Go ahead, fool. What you waiting for?
00:20:50	Get on in.
00:21:04	Hello?
00:21:09	Chocolate drop, I'm home.
00:21:13	Lollipop?
00:21:17	Mail.
00:21:25	Expecting a letter, Norbit?
00:21:28	You frightened me.
00:21:32	How was your date?
00:21:35	Date?
00:21:37	That was no date. That was just...
00:21:41	I just was over at
00:21:47	That's all. It wasn't a date, though.
00:21:52	Oh, really?
00:22:11	Lloyd. Is that you, Lloyd?
00:22:15	Lloyd, what am I gonna do?
00:22:18	Kill the bitch.
00:22:20	Excuse me? What'd you say?
00:22:22	You heard me. Rub her out.
00:22:28	Hey. Lloyd, you're talking.
00:22:31	She took my legs, Norbit.
00:22:35	You know what it's like to be a dog
00:22:38	I can't raise one up to pee.
00:22:40	Hell, I can't even hump no more, Norbit.
00:22:45	What is this, Norbit?
00:22:50	Some kind of weird, satanic potato art?
00:22:55	What's this?
00:22:56	It looks like the acid
00:22:59	Right!
00:23:00	But this is
00:23:03	And, Norbit, if you ever see her again,
00:23:07	if you ever so much
00:23:10	this is what's gonna happen to her.
00:23:18	How you doing?
00:23:21	You get the picture, Norbit?
00:23:25	Deion, I just think that
00:23:28	It's not you, it's me.
00:23:30	Just if we slow down, I...
00:23:33	Oh, good, you're up.
00:23:35	- Deion, we need to talk.
00:23:38	I was just at Latimore Construction,
00:23:41	and I found this on Big Black's desk.
00:23:44	What is it?
00:23:45	It's a request to renew
00:23:48	and put it in the Latimores' name.
00:23:51	What?
00:23:52	Baby, you signed it yesterday.
00:23:55	No. No, I didn't sign anything.
00:23:59	Just some permits
00:24:02	Well, did you read them?
00:24:05	- No.
00:24:07	I don't get it, though, Deion.
00:24:09	Why would the Latimores
00:24:11	at the orphanage?
00:24:12	Baby, people say
00:24:14	that orphanage for years.
00:24:16	Apparently they want to turn it
00:24:20	Disgusting.
00:24:21	First you gonna clean the basement,
00:24:24	then you gonna go upstairs
00:24:26	We don't even have an attic.
00:24:28	Well, then you build a damn attic, then,
00:24:32	I'm going upstairs to take a bubble bath.
00:24:39	Bitch! You bitch!
00:24:45	Finally.
00:24:47	I needed this.
00:24:51	How you doing?
00:24:57	Good and hot.
00:24:59	Sounds like it's raining outside.
00:25:12	Oh, no.
00:25:14	Kate!
00:25:15	Norbit.
00:25:16	Over here. Over here.
00:25:20	I need to talk to you.
00:25:21	Do you know what was in those papers
00:25:24	Yeah, the construction permits.
00:25:26	No, that's not all.
00:25:32	Norbit.
00:25:34	Hey, just... Just go away, Kate!
00:25:38	What?
00:25:41	You heard what I said!
00:25:44	The Latimores are trying to
00:25:47	Well, why don't you go and find
00:25:52	because I sure as hell don't!
00:25:55	- You don't care?
00:25:59	- And I don't care about you, either!
00:26:02	The only woman I have ever,
00:26:06	was my darling wife, Rasputia!
00:26:12	But last night...
00:26:13	Last night I was just trying to nail you,
00:26:18	But now I realize I don't have to do that!
00:26:20	All I need is my beautiful,
00:26:27	She's all the woman I need, so
00:26:31	you screwy dame! Who needs you?
00:26:35	Damn, Norbit.
00:26:37	Did that skinny little thing
00:26:40	Girl, you just don't get it, do you?
00:26:44	You got her to sign those papers,
00:26:46	Yes, darling.
00:26:49	He been setting you up
00:26:51	from the very first day you got here.
00:26:53	How you doing?
00:26:55	Don't you ever talk to me again!
00:26:59	Kate.
00:27:01	Damn, Norbit,
00:27:03	Don't you ever talk to me again!
00:27:11	Never again!
00:27:45	Hey, Norbit.
00:27:48	Mr. Wong,
00:27:50	I just going for a walk, Norbit.
00:27:54	I live in this neighborhood long time.
00:27:58	Soon I be moving on.
00:28:01	Yes, as I look around this neighborhood,
00:28:03	I realize there
00:28:07	I could make killing.
00:28:09	Why you got suitcase?
00:28:10	I'm getting the H out of here.
00:28:13	What? Leaving town?
00:28:14	I thought you stick around,
00:28:18	She's getting married
00:28:20	so there's no reason
00:28:23	No reason?
00:28:24	No, she won't even see me.
00:28:26	And besides,
00:28:28	Norbit, you listen to me.
00:28:33	I love you like my own child,
00:28:37	Wong once have girl child
00:28:39	When she two years old,
00:28:42	That sort of thing happen in China
00:28:45	Yak very hard to come by.
00:28:46	Oh, yeah, sure. I appreciate that.
00:28:49	You can't run
00:28:52	Black people run fast,
00:28:57	That's kind of racist.
00:28:58	Yes. Wong very racist. I no like black.
00:29:03	But black and Jew love Chinese food.
00:29:06	Always remember two things, Norbit.
00:29:09	One, even though you're very ugly,
00:29:13	you're very strong inside, like warrior.
00:29:16	And two, mail come late on Friday.
00:29:23	Wong Dry Cleaning.
00:29:26	It could have been huge.
00:29:27	You don't even have to clean nothing,
00:29:51	Mr...
00:29:58	I gotta warn Kate.
00:30:08	Hello?
00:30:09	Hello, Kate. Kate, it's Norbit.
00:30:12	- Please don't call me anymore.
00:30:17	Kate?
00:30:31	Going somewhere, Norbit?
00:30:32	No, I was... No.
00:30:35	What did I tell you
00:30:37	I was just going to get some fresh air.
00:30:39	Boy, you ain't going nowhere
00:30:42	We got too much riding on that.
00:30:44	What do you have
00:30:46	Soon as your little friend says, "I do,"
00:30:48	Deion and us is gonna
00:30:52	But what about the little orphans?
00:30:54	Hell, they can come too,
00:30:59	John the Baptist, stop their evil plan.
00:31:03	Get your ass down in the basement.
00:31:05	Get down there!
00:31:12	It's a madhouse! A madhouse!
00:31:34	- Come on, Rasputia! We gonna be late.
00:31:36	I know y'all better stop rushing me.
00:31:38	Beauty takes time.
00:31:41	Oh, no.
00:31:43	You get out the car.
00:31:44	You gonna stay here
00:31:44	You gonna stay here
00:31:46	What? Why I gotta stay?
00:31:48	Because everybody know
00:32:08	Three minutes to show time.
00:32:12	No, I'm ready.
00:32:14	Okay. You look beautiful.
00:32:35	P-O-W-E-R.
00:32:37	T to the A to the mother-stanking P.
00:32:42	Power-tap the fat, move back.
00:33:03	What are the Latimores doing here?
00:33:04	Don't worry. It's your day.
00:33:17	Nuts.
00:33:19	- Tap, tap, tap. Tap it off.
00:33:22	Norbit!
00:33:26	Norbit? Norbit?
00:33:30	Oh, damn. He escaped.
00:33:33	Norbit! Norbit!
00:33:36	Your ass is mine, Norbit!
00:33:47	Yeah.
00:33:53	- Just now? Shit.
00:33:56	Norbit escaped. He gonna be
00:33:58	Hell, no.
00:34:03	- Norbit is coming.
00:34:06	We have to figure out way
00:34:08	Just calm down, Mr. Wong.
00:34:09	I've ruined plenty of weddings
00:34:13	Dearly beloved,
00:34:15	we are gathered here today
00:34:19	Your Honor, I object!
00:34:23	Object? Sir, we've not gotten to
00:34:26	Then I'm objeculating prematurely,
00:34:32	No offense, my brother, but we're just
00:34:35	Oh, well, if you want to
00:34:39	You got to use the big "L".
00:34:42	Lesbians.
00:34:43	No, man.
00:34:46	- Although, late at night.
00:34:47	- Right?
00:34:49	- No, brother, we talking about love.
00:34:52	Love is the engine
00:34:58	side to side,
00:35:03	You understand me? I got this, brother.
00:35:05	I'm not talking about no $20 up in here,
00:35:10	stanky-stanky, hanky-panky.
00:35:12	- No.
00:35:13	I'm talking about good, wholesome,
00:35:15	fortified with
00:35:18	That cost anywhere...
00:35:20	How much it cost?
00:35:21	About $136, Monday through Fridays.
00:35:25	Because of inflation.
00:35:28	Amen!
00:35:40	Where the hell you going, Norbit?
00:35:42	None of your GD beeswax, Rasputia!
00:35:45	Look at you, you old stupid fool.
00:35:47	Oh, yes, I can, because Kate taught me!
00:35:59	Brothers and sisters.
00:36:04	When you buy the ones that say,
00:36:07	turn them inside out
00:36:12	- Can I get an "Amen"?
00:36:14	Now, speaking of ribs and pleasure.
00:36:18	Yes. For a limited time only,
00:36:22	our barbeque, baby back, horseradish,
00:36:25	mustard and
00:36:28	with a slight Jagermeister infusion
00:36:33	with a horseradish
00:36:38	Buy one Pimp Platter,
00:36:41	No, no, no! That's enough talking.
00:36:44	It's time to get back to the wedding.
00:36:46	It ain't never enough talking
00:36:51	- Ain't that right?
00:36:53	Let me hear you say it, people!
00:36:55	Love!
00:36:56	Let me hear you sing it, choir!
00:36:58	Love!
00:37:13	- I'm gonna rip your head off.
00:37:15	- What?
00:37:16	I don't give a damn about no car.
00:37:18	Car!
00:37:21	I'm ready to die!
00:37:25	I'm ready to die.
00:37:26	I ain't gonna let you ruin Nipplopolis
00:37:29	I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die up in here.
00:37:31	Drive the car, God damn it!
00:37:39	What's up, white man?
00:37:43	We gonna change your name to Leroy.
00:38:42	Amen!
00:38:48	That's enough!
00:38:50	That's enough! Enough! Enough!
00:38:53	- Stop the music!
00:38:55	Shut up! You two, shut up!
00:38:58	That's it. This is husband-and-wife time.
00:39:00	Now, let's go. Let's go.
00:39:05	Dearly beloved,
00:39:07	we are gathered here today...
00:39:09	I object!
00:39:10	Oh, for Christ's sake!
00:39:12	- Norbit.
00:39:13	Norbit.
00:39:14	Norbit
00:39:18	This wedding is a sham
00:39:21	Norbit, what are you doing?
00:39:23	I'm being a man
00:39:27	Kate, I love you.
00:39:31	What the hell did you just say?
00:39:35	You heard what I said, strumpet.
00:39:37	That's right. I love you, Kate.
00:39:40	And the last two weeks I spent with you
00:39:43	than my whole entire miserable life
00:39:46	It's over! Norbit Albert Rice
00:39:56	You're dead! Get off me!
00:39:58	Get your hands off me, Black.
00:40:00	What's wrong with you, girl?
00:40:02	You don't talk like that with me.
00:40:03	No, wait!
00:40:04	No, no, wait, baby girl,
00:40:06	Let's just get back to the nuptials.
00:40:07	We just heard condom advice
00:40:10	I think we can survive
00:40:13	Deion is a fake. He's marrying you
00:40:16	What?
00:40:17	Him and the Latimores.
00:40:20	He's been married four times in the
00:40:23	and he cheated the women
00:40:26	Yeah, I heard all about it!
00:40:28	They were gonna try to steal
00:40:31	That's what this whole thing is about!
00:40:32	You crazy! He's got a big crush on you.
00:40:35	Oh, yeah? I'm crazy?
00:40:37	- Yes, you making it up.
00:40:39	This evidence that I have.
00:40:44	This, well...
00:40:46	This used to, before it fell in the pond,
00:40:49	and there was information.
00:40:51	There was people's names
00:40:54	and all kinds of incriminating things.
00:40:57	I fell in the pond, but you can't read it.
00:41:01	That's nice, Norbit. Really nice.
00:41:05	Kate, you have to believe me.
00:41:07	Yeah, yeah, believe him, Kate.
00:41:08	Remember the one that got you to sign
00:41:10	Remember that?
00:41:13	I'm so sorry, Norbit.
00:41:23	Well, well, well, Norbit. You lose again.
00:41:26	Once a loser, always a loser, huh?
00:41:31	Yeah, I thought you'd feel
00:41:36	And that's why I took the liberty
00:41:38	of inviting some of
00:41:42	so maybe they could tell you
00:41:45	Ladies!
00:41:46	Hello, Antoine.
00:41:48	- I've been looking for you.
00:41:51	Antoine? He told me
00:41:54	Who is that ho?
00:41:55	He told me he was gay.
00:41:56	No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with
00:42:01	- You dead, gold digger!
00:42:03	I'm out!
00:42:04	Looks like the wedding's off, bro.
00:42:07	Church!
00:42:10	- God damn it, Norbit!
00:42:11	Get him!
00:42:12	Norbit!
00:42:16	Mother Mary! Jesus! Noah! Christ!
00:42:20	Good.
00:42:36	You going somewhere, Norbit?
00:42:49	- You messed up, boy.
00:42:52	Now you gonna pay. Big time!
00:42:55	Latimore! Keep your fakakta hands
00:42:58	Go back to your shop, Abe,
00:43:01	Hey! You gonna have to kill me, as well!
00:43:04	Yeah, and me, too!
00:43:13	Rasputia!
00:43:17	How you doing?
00:43:20	I kick the shit out of you.
00:43:27	Mind your goddamn business.
00:43:28	Mind your business. Get out of here.
00:43:31	No, you didn't!
00:43:33	Bye-bye.
00:43:40	Bring it, bitches!
00:43:46	Oh, hell to the no.
00:43:47	Mrs. Henderson is tripping, huh?
00:43:51	You crazy little old bitch.
00:44:03	Get out of the way.
00:44:06	His ass is mine.
00:44:08	'Sputia? Rasputia?
00:44:12	You remember "till death do us part,"
00:44:14	No!
00:44:17	Whale, ho!
00:44:20	Did somebody just call me a whale?
00:44:22	Yeah, and a ho!
00:44:29	Bingo! Right in the blow hole!
00:44:36	- Let's get some.
00:44:38	Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
00:44:49	Norbit!
00:44:55	Are you all right?
00:44:56	All right? This is the best I've ever felt
00:45:02	Come here.
00:45:10	Proud of that boy.
00:45:11	Yes. Yes, very proud of Norbit.
00:45:16	I'm sorry I doubted you.
00:45:25	In the end, I guess you could say
00:45:31	Kate and I took over the orphanage
00:45:36	Oh, and we also got married. Again.
00:45:40	I love you, Kate.
00:45:42	Ditto.
00:45:44	And I now pronounce you my wife.
00:45:49	And I pronounce you my husband.
00:45:54	You may kiss the bride.
00:46:01	What you mean, "Ew"? No, "Ew."
00:46:05	Ling Ling.
00:46:12	I now pronounce you man and wife.
00:46:29	As for Rasputia
00:46:32	we never heard from them again.
00:46:34	Rumor has it they settled somewhere
00:46:42	I guess they're living their dream, too.
00:46:45	Say, man, don't you have
00:46:48	Our best girl's coming out right now.
00:46:52	Rasputia!
00:47:05	Hold on, now, Pepe.
00:47:06	Ain't nothing going down there unless

Norbit