Once Bitten

en
00:03:25 Wake up, sleepyhead. It's sunset.
00:03:34 Board of Education Chairman...
00:03:38 - Good evening, Sebastian.
00:03:56 Austrian peasant.
00:04:03 Early 1700s...
00:04:04 O-positive.
00:04:06 Very nice...
00:04:08 but not vintage, and certainly not virgin.
00:04:11 Virgin blood isn't easy to come by
00:04:14 You're telling me.
00:04:20 How many days left
00:04:24 Little more than a week, Countess.
00:04:28 Not to worry?
00:04:30 How amusing.
00:04:33 You're not the one that has to have
00:04:36 not once, but three times
00:04:41 Not to worry?
00:04:43 Being a vampire in the 20th century
00:04:53 Did we get up on the wrong side
00:05:04 Must be the delegation from below.
00:05:10 You, wipe your feet.
00:05:15 After 120 years,
00:05:21 You're a long way from Covent Garden.
00:05:24 Countess, we've been all over
00:05:27 With nothing to show for it?
00:05:29 Do you realize that it's less than 10 days
00:05:33 Times have changed. When you found me,
00:05:39 Stop being so damned negative.
00:05:42 There must be a virgin out there. Find him!
00:05:45 Unless the Countess gets
00:05:47 you lose your refuge and her protection.
00:05:52 The closest we've come so far
00:05:55 Don't be disgusting.
00:05:57 No more excuses! She's heard them all.
00:06:02 And she wants it now.
00:06:07 Get out there and find me a virgin!
00:06:13 I want to, I really do.
00:06:16 Robin, please!
00:06:18 Mark, we've been through this sex thing
00:06:22 Halfway through it a million times.
00:06:26 It's what people do when they are in love.
00:06:29 It's natural. It's right.
00:06:31 It's not natural for me to do it in a car.
00:06:36 What about an ice-cream truck?
00:07:00 What?
00:07:02 Do you have a creamsicle?
00:07:04 Take a hike! We're closed for renovations.
00:07:30 Jeez.
00:07:31 Sorry. I'll put it in third.
00:07:39 Look, Mark...
00:07:41 I want to. I really do.
00:07:44 But I want it to be special.
00:08:01 Sorry.
00:08:05 Please understand.
00:08:12 Shit.
00:08:56 Based on my broad and varied experience...
00:08:58 I'm telling you,
00:09:01 If they haven't put out in the first six years,
00:09:05 No. She just thinks if it's good, it can wait.
00:09:09 Oh, yeah? Look at me. I'm good. I can't wait.
00:09:16 - You call that well-done? It's still meowing.
00:09:22 I don't know. There's too much pressure
00:09:24 It's like taking a driver's test for manhood.
00:09:28 I don't know.
00:09:29 I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
00:09:32 Right now, I'm as close
00:09:36 That's depressing. Really depressing.
00:09:39 Sometimes I think I should just go out,
00:09:44 Then I could go back to Robin
00:10:00 Now that's a burger!
00:10:04 We should check out
00:10:06 I don't want to do that.
00:10:08 - That's where all the weirdoes are.
00:10:10 Because that's where all the action is.
00:10:13 We might as well.
00:10:16 We live in a sexual wasteland.
00:10:19 What if Robin finds out?
00:10:20 Who's gonna tell her? Not me.
00:10:26 Come on. I wouldn't say nothing.
00:10:28 Not if she got down on her knees and...
00:10:34 Get out!
00:13:27 We'll have three beers, all around.
00:13:35 Watch.
00:13:55 Number 17.
00:14:01 Hi there! Number 17?
00:14:03 I'm Russ and I'm a Sagittarius.
00:14:06 I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners,
00:14:11 Look, I'm a mature person,
00:14:17 She said, "Come on over!"
00:14:20 You got it, honey.
00:14:24 Don't wait up.
00:14:33 Hi there, Russ.
00:14:34 - Hi.
00:14:37 A Sagittarius! Dynamite! I'm a Gemini.
00:14:42 Hey, man, do you know what that means?
00:14:45 Like H2O!
00:14:50 Are you a guy?
00:14:53 Does it matter?
00:14:59 Sissy.
00:15:08 Want to leave now? This place is stupid.
00:15:12 Are you kidding? We haven't scored yet.
00:15:15 Score? Not here, that's for sure.
00:15:18 Look around you.
00:15:20 Yuppie city.
00:15:22 You got it. We don't belong.
00:15:30 Studs "R" Us.
00:15:32 Number four at the bar.
00:15:38 Am I sitting in the middle, wearing a red tie?
00:15:43 She wants you to have a drink with her.
00:15:46 - He'll be right there.
00:15:49 I don't feel good about this.
00:15:51 Come on, go for it. Live dangerously...
00:15:54 stud!
00:15:56 All right. Okay.
00:15:57 Come on.
00:16:17 Go for it!
00:16:42 Hello, tall, dark and handsome.
00:16:47 Me?
00:16:49 Hi.
00:16:51 What's your name?
00:16:53 Mark Kendall.
00:17:01 Can I buy you a drink?
00:17:03 I was hoping
00:17:07 Oh, yeah.
00:17:16 What's your name?
00:17:18 - Just call me "Countess."
00:17:24 That's great. I like that.
00:17:39 Thirty-two.
00:17:43 Do you come here often?
00:17:45 This is my first time.
00:17:48 Beautiful. Great place.
00:17:57 Do you come here a lot?
00:17:59 Whenever I'm on the prowl.
00:18:07 How old are you?
00:18:11 Me? 21.
00:18:14 How old are you?
00:18:16 Older than you think.
00:18:18 That's okay. I look young for my age, too.
00:18:21 People say I could pass for 18.
00:18:32 ...the horse threw me.
00:18:33 Whore! Caught in the act, you pedophile!
00:18:38 Why don't you sit down
00:18:41 Shut up, scumbag!
00:18:45 So...
00:18:46 you're Chester!
00:18:50 I think there's been
00:18:53 I wouldn't sit in the same room
00:18:57 - I'm Jamie...
00:19:00 We just came here to get some girls tonight.
00:19:04 Mark's got an ice-cream truck,
00:19:06 We heard this was
00:19:09 Figures. A kid! A degenerate kid!
00:19:11 Pornographer! I've read your letters!
00:19:17 - I wouldn't.
00:19:19 They can handle it. Don't do anything rash.
00:19:26 - You make me sick.
00:19:28 Filth! That's what this is.
00:19:32 You slime, this is private!
00:19:34 We better get out of here.
00:19:37 How dare you write this filth to my wife!
00:19:39 This is a big misunderstanding.
00:19:42 - This is a big mistake on your part.
00:19:47 Oh, my God!
00:19:52 Don't hang up. It happens all the time.
00:19:56 Let's go.
00:20:10 Neither one of us
00:20:14 Countess! Sir!
00:20:19 Wait, my truck! My ice-cream truck!
00:20:21 I know where it's parked. Give me the key.
00:20:24 You don't want to end up in the slammer.
00:20:35 - Daddy hurt his parts.
00:20:45 Is that a new kind of choke hold?
00:20:51 See, I told you we'd get lucky.
00:21:55 Is there anything you need? Food? Drinks?
00:21:59 A bib?
00:22:02 Thank you, no, Sebastian.
00:22:23 This is a nice house.
00:22:26 Don't see a lot of mansions where I live.
00:22:29 We just moved in.
00:22:30 The previous owner slaughtered his family,
00:22:35 You must've got it cheap.
00:22:36 Except for the cleaning bill.
00:22:39 May I get you a drink?
00:22:40 I have to ask you something.
00:22:42 I was wondering...
00:22:46 Are you a prostitute?
00:22:51 I'm whatever you want me to be.
00:22:54 Good, because I only have $5.
00:23:14 What would you like?
00:23:16 The same as you.
00:23:29 Try this.
00:23:32 I'm gonna slip into something
00:23:35 - I'll be right back.
00:24:11 Okay, Sebastian. Out of the closet.
00:24:16 I came out of the closet centuries ago.
00:24:19 Very amusing. Come on, help me.
00:24:28 Make me lovely.
00:24:30 Have I ever failed you?
00:24:36 - How's my hair?
00:24:40 My eyes?
00:24:42 Bright as Venus.
00:24:44 I'm so excited. It's as if I were young again.
00:24:49 And so you shall be, lovey.
00:25:32 I see you've made yourself at home.
00:25:35 That's very nice.
00:25:37 Did you...
00:25:41 No.
00:25:43 That was done a long time ago in Europe.
00:25:48 Why don't you sit here?
00:25:50 Sure.
00:26:05 What do you do for a living?
00:26:08 I go to school. College.
00:26:12 I'm studying to be an electrical engineer.
00:26:15 Fascinating.
00:26:18 - My field is nuclear physics.
00:26:21 I'm working on the acid rain problem.
00:26:24 I love intelligent men.
00:26:28 I guess they're okay.
00:26:38 This place is great. I mean...
00:26:41 It's beautiful. I mean, the...
00:26:45 Who decorated it, anyway?
00:26:47 I did.
00:26:49 Great.
00:26:51 Pillows, and everything. Nice.
00:26:54 I mean, you know,
00:26:57 and I think that...
00:27:00 I mean, that's... They... You do.
00:27:02 I mean, you do. You're a doer.
00:27:05 I mean, you are a doer.
00:27:10 You're a...
00:27:12 Beautiful dress, too.
00:27:14 I guess you made that yourself.
00:27:16 I bet my mom would love
00:27:19 I mean, my mom, she's great.
00:27:23 I have a picture of my family in my wallet.
00:27:25 You might take a look,
00:27:29 There's some Life Savers
00:28:02 What's he like?
00:28:06 Is he cute?
00:28:07 Kind of a square. Sort of a jock.
00:28:09 Enough!
00:28:11 Our new young recruit
00:28:14 Countess expects you all
00:28:17 and make him feel at home
00:28:21 You got that?
00:28:22 She found a virgin! We're home free.
00:28:27 I remember when I met the Countess.
00:28:29 The day she bit me
00:28:33 There's an inch of dust under there.
00:28:45 How come he rates that deluxe job?
00:28:46 These are the 1980s.
00:28:49 Not the Age of Innocence.
00:28:53 A young man needs plenty of room.
00:28:57 Sunrise in an hour. I suggest that you all...
00:29:01 get an early day.
00:29:19 - Good day, Sebastian.
00:29:23 Good night, Sebastian.
00:29:45 He's still asleep.
00:29:49 How was he?
00:29:51 Delicious.
00:29:52 Are you positive he's a virgin?
00:29:55 I haven't had anything this pure
00:30:01 Just make sure he doesn't slip away.
00:30:04 He won't escape me.
00:30:06 What'll we do with him?
00:30:08 We can't very well
00:30:11 Heavens, no. Let him go home
00:30:14 Tired blood is of no use to me.
00:30:35 Are you feeling better?
00:30:39 Sebastian brought you some orange juice.
00:30:50 Sir.
00:30:54 Thank you.
00:30:58 I'll just go check on the gentleman's truck.
00:31:17 What happened?
00:31:19 Do you remember anything?
00:31:22 Not much.
00:31:25 I had the weirdest dream.
00:31:28 You know those little packets
00:31:31 made out of tin foil, where you
00:31:39 I think I dreamt that I was one of those.
00:31:44 What did happen, anyway?
00:31:51 Let's just say...
00:31:53 you earned your juice.
00:31:56 - I did?
00:31:59 Really? That's great.
00:32:02 I don't believe it. It finally happened.
00:32:05 Did I enjoy it?
00:32:17 We'll be seeing each other again soon?
00:32:22 Yeah.
00:32:26 I have a bit of a problem.
00:32:28 - A problem?
00:32:33 See, I'm sort of committed...
00:32:35 to this really nice girl.
00:32:40 I don't mind.
00:32:41 I've often been the other woman.
00:32:45 That's real unselfish of you.
00:32:47 Tell you what, I'll be in touch.
00:32:53 Later, blood.
00:33:05 Start your day off with a smile.
00:33:09 How sweet of you.
00:33:15 Drive carefully.
00:33:17 Remember, part of you belongs to me now.
00:33:20 I'll see you in your dreams.
00:33:23 Sure thing.
00:34:05 Rare hamburger, please.
00:34:08 Very rare, please.
00:34:12 Can I have one of those uncooked ones?
00:34:23 Right.
00:34:35 Hey, stud.
00:34:39 What happened to you guys Saturday night?
00:34:43 It was a total disaster.
00:34:45 I don't know.
00:34:49 But, hey, how about you?
00:34:53 I don't want to talk about it.
00:34:55 You did it with her, didn't you?
00:34:58 - I guess.
00:35:04 Has it changed you any?
00:35:09 It was all a big mistake. I was so drunk,
00:35:14 Come on! Tell us what happened.
00:35:18 Did you undress her slowly...
00:35:20 first baring her big, luscious magoombas?
00:35:23 Did she have any tattoos
00:35:26 I told you, I don't remember!
00:35:29 If you're so interested in my sexual failures,
00:35:38 Robin, wait a second.
00:35:41 Where'd you find her?
00:35:52 Wait up!
00:35:57 Saturday night,
00:36:00 Hollywood?
00:36:01 It was Russ's stupid idea.
00:36:04 You mean to tell me you went home with
00:36:12 And?
00:36:14 I don't want to talk about it.
00:36:16 You didn't make love to her?
00:36:18 I think so. I don't know.
00:36:20 You think so? You don't know?
00:36:22 I remember she bit the buttons off my shirt.
00:36:25 The next thing I remember,
00:36:28 - Sebastian?
00:36:31 The chauffeur?
00:36:33 Also like the butler, too.
00:36:35 The butler? You mean
00:36:37 No!
00:36:39 I mean, I don't know
00:36:44 I can't believe you'll throw away
00:36:48 with a chauffeur and a butler
00:36:52 But you did, you really did.
00:36:55 You can have your damn ring back!
00:36:58 What am I supposed to do with it?
00:37:00 Use your imagination.
00:37:21 What are you doing?
00:37:23 I'm dissecting this frog.
00:37:26 But you're not a member of this class.
00:37:32 I'm not?
00:37:33 To my knowledge,
00:37:40 You're right.
00:37:45 I'm sorry.
00:37:53 There.
00:37:56 He's still good.
00:38:14 You in here?
00:38:23 Hi.
00:38:31 What are you doing in there?
00:38:33 Taking a nap.
00:38:38 Are you feeling all right?
00:38:40 Sure, I feel fine. Why?
00:38:44 Your mother thinks
00:38:48 You've been awful pale lately.
00:38:50 We know you haven't been sleeping...
00:38:51 because we can hear you
00:38:55 I'm fine. Really.
00:38:57 - Really?
00:38:58 - I am a little tense.
00:39:00 Robin and I
00:39:03 I see. Everything is under control?
00:39:07 Yeah.
00:39:12 We'll see how you feel in a couple of days.
00:39:17 Just get a good night's sleep.
00:39:24 In the bed.
00:39:26 You know...
00:39:27 make your mother feel better.
00:39:35 I'll close the door.
00:42:31 What has Mark done with his hair?
00:42:33 - I think it's cute.
00:42:36 So, you and Mark
00:42:40 I don't believe it.
00:42:42 I thought he was different than other guys.
00:42:45 - You know, more sensitive.
00:42:48 One who isn't afraid to show his emotions
00:42:53 Cracks me up.
00:42:55 Can I talk to you for a second?
00:43:01 I called you 10 times last night.
00:43:05 There's nothing to talk about.
00:43:07 You go out behind my back,
00:43:11 go home with her,
00:43:13 I don't want to talk about that.
00:43:16 That's not fair. I was drunk.
00:43:18 That's exactly what I'm talking about.
00:43:21 You're not the Mark I thought I knew.
00:43:24 Look at your hair, even.
00:43:26 You look like Jerry Lewis.
00:43:28 I thought I looked more like De Niro.
00:43:32 It looks weird.
00:43:34 I'm sorry, okay?
00:43:39 I made a stupid mistake. I'm sorry.
00:43:42 I'm a teenager.
00:43:46 I wouldn't try to hurt you. You know that.
00:43:51 I guess that's why I've been so mad.
00:43:53 It's because I think
00:43:57 - Because I was making you so frustrated.
00:44:02 You were, but you're supposed to.
00:44:06 You're supposed to say no,
00:44:10 You make it sound like the '50s.
00:44:15 I guess I'm an old-fashioned guy.
00:44:19 I really want to do it.
00:44:22 That's what's so funny.
00:44:26 There's no such thing.
00:44:28 I just have to know I'm ready.
00:44:31 And I'll know. And I swear I'll tell you.
00:44:37 God.
00:44:44 Okay, Sebastian, out of the closet. Now.
00:44:48 I thought I heard noises.
00:44:51 In a $100 scarf, perhaps?
00:44:53 You bought it for $49.99.
00:44:59 Do you mind if we don't go
00:45:03 I'm 390 years old.
00:45:05 400, if you're a day.
00:45:08 What's the difference?
00:45:12 You'll feel much more secure when Mark
00:45:17 Life used to be so simple.
00:45:20 All one had to do to get a good meal...
00:45:22 was go out in the field
00:45:25 Remember the look of terror
00:45:28 when you'd swoop down on him?
00:45:32 And plagues.
00:45:34 Whole cities infested with rats.
00:45:37 People respected the power of a vampire.
00:45:43 It's been three days.
00:45:46 Are you suggesting we invade suburbia?
00:45:49 Bowling alleys, RVs...
00:45:53 Chicken McNuggets?
00:46:23 A laundromat?
00:46:25 There's no better place
00:46:28 You can always tell what you're getting into
00:46:33 I swear you guys are insane.
00:46:36 What you know about women would fill
00:46:40 - Oh, yeah? We'll see.
00:46:43 - See you later.
00:46:47 Come on!
00:47:01 Okay, now remember, you ease over...
00:47:04 you check out the hamper...
00:47:07 and then make your move, okay?
00:47:09 All right. Let's go.
00:47:13 - Wait a minute.
00:47:16 What do I do if I get lucky?
00:47:18 - Come on, we've been over this 100 times.
00:47:21 Okay. Do you have enough money
00:47:24 Yeah.
00:47:25 - You do?
00:47:26 - Okay, do you have protection?
00:47:31 You intend to invite four friends?
00:47:34 I didn't know what size I'd need.
00:47:37 Try petite.
00:47:39 Now come on.
00:47:44 Come on, Jamie.
00:47:46 - Maybe we should come back later.
00:47:53 - Hi.
00:47:56 I was wondering if you needed any help...
00:47:58 folding your undergarments or anything?
00:48:07 Hi, there.
00:48:10 I'm Russ and I'm a Sagittarius.
00:48:13 I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners,
00:48:19 I'm a mature person,
00:48:23 So why don't we just skip all the bullshit...
00:48:26 get rid of our inhibitions...
00:48:29 and do what we really want to do?
00:48:32 Sounds good to me.
00:48:35 Why don't we go to your place?
00:48:37 I'll tie you up on your bed.
00:48:40 We can't do it in my bed!
00:48:42 I sleep with my brother,
00:48:46 Maybe next time.
00:49:01 - Jamie?
00:49:10 - So, how'd it go?
00:49:24 - Hi! Can I help you with something?
00:49:27 Something that'll go with a grayish blouse.
00:49:31 Any particular color?
00:49:33 - Something in white.
00:49:37 I think I've got just the thing.
00:49:42 Here.
00:49:44 - How about something like this?
00:49:47 Good. We also have it in yellow,
00:49:50 I like the white.
00:49:51 Why don't you try it on in the dressing
00:49:55 Okay.
00:49:59 What are you doing?
00:50:01 - Shopping.
00:50:03 Know what I'm shopping for?
00:50:05 - No, what?
00:50:11 - What?
00:50:13 I did?
00:50:16 Yeah.
00:50:18 You shouldn't be so sweet.
00:50:22 I kind of like these. What do you think?
00:50:24 Check it out.
00:50:25 They're kind of, you know, black.
00:50:28 That's what I like about them.
00:50:31 All right. Try them on.
00:50:38 I'll get a sweater that'll lighten up
00:50:42 - Okay.
00:50:57 Hello, Mark.
00:51:03 What are you doing here?
00:51:06 I've been here watching you.
00:51:08 I'm always watching you.
00:51:12 Here, try this one. It's really neat.
00:51:17 Baby blue. Wouldn't you know.
00:51:19 Wow! That was quick!
00:51:22 Wait a minute. I see another one.
00:51:23 If it's pink, I'm gonna puke.
00:51:30 Honestly, how can you stand
00:51:33 She's not a little twerp.
00:51:34 I love Robin.
00:51:36 And I love Mark.
00:51:38 Would you just leave me alone?
00:51:40 What're you talking about?
00:51:43 Don't come in. I don't have any pants on!
00:51:46 Stop it!
00:51:48 I've seen you in your shorts before,
00:51:51 Let the little creep in. I don't mind.
00:51:54 I mind.
00:51:57 - Leave me alone!
00:52:00 Boy, you're acting really weird,
00:52:10 Listen...
00:52:12 you got to cool it. I mean it.
00:52:14 You know, you're a very pretty lady.
00:52:18 But it can't go on forever.
00:52:21 Forever is just what I had in mind.
00:52:25 You don't know what's happening,
00:52:28 I know if Robin sees us together,
00:52:32 Don't be such a big baby.
00:52:35 Please don't bite my buttons.
00:52:52 Are you all right?
00:52:59 What happened?
00:53:01 Guess I must have passed out.
00:53:04 Are you sure you're all right?
00:53:07 Has this happened before?
00:53:10 Maybe you should see a doctor.
00:53:12 Yeah.
00:53:17 Let's get out of here.
00:53:18 Countess, did you get
00:53:21 Of course, and I'll get the third one,
00:53:25 She's got a much stronger hold on him
00:53:28 She's young, she's sweet,
00:54:05 My God, it lives.
00:54:07 - What time is it?
00:54:16 - Are you feeling better?
00:54:23 It's a little bright in here, isn't it?
00:54:29 You don't eat right, you know that?
00:54:31 I'm making your favorite breakfast,
00:54:34 Great.
00:54:38 - What happened to your shirt?
00:54:41 The one you wore last night.
00:54:44 That's the second time.
00:54:49 This jogging crap is for the birds.
00:54:51 It's really bad
00:54:54 You should have told me that five years ago.
00:54:56 - Would you like an egg burger, dear?
00:55:03 I'd like to have a little talk with you.
00:55:05 What time is it? I got to go!
00:55:08 - Aren't you going to finish your juice?
00:55:15 See you tonight.
00:55:24 He couldn't be anemic.
00:55:27 Could he?
00:55:38 - Pushup bar.
00:55:55 - Holy shit!
00:56:28 I'm sorry, Father.
00:56:30 - Have a drink.
00:57:01 Father, forgive me,
00:57:05 Last week, I went to a bar in Hollywood...
00:57:09 where I met this strange woman.
00:57:12 She took me to her house...
00:57:16 and I think we had a good time.
00:57:17 But ever since then,
00:57:21 She keeps following me around!
00:57:24 Even in my dreams, she's there...
00:57:25 you know, just sort of
00:57:29 The worst part...
00:57:33 is that I feel like I'm changing.
00:57:36 I do all these funny things.
00:57:39 I frightened a couple of kids
00:57:45 I'm starting to freak out.
00:57:49 You're the only one I can turn to.
00:57:52 - What can I do?
00:58:27 Hello, Mark.
00:59:54 I'm not mad.
00:59:55 I just thought we agreed
00:59:59 If I had known
01:00:02 I'm not dressed like a vampire.
01:00:04 I told you, I couldn't get out
01:00:09 The point is, I just feel silly
01:00:14 If anybody asks, tell them
01:00:18 - Hi, Robin. Hi, Mark.
01:00:22 I love your outfits. Let me take your names
01:00:25 Sure.
01:00:28 Robin Pierce...
01:00:30 Jill, sans Jack.
01:00:36 And Mark Kendall...
01:00:39 vampire.
01:00:40 I'm not wearing a costume.
01:00:45 You nut.
01:01:35 - Pinocchio, you look great.
01:01:39 I was going to be Gandhi,
01:01:42 so now I'm Yul Brynner.
01:01:46 - That's a great vampire...
01:01:51 I gotta get some punch.
01:01:55 - Hi, Mark.
01:05:51 - Damn that girl!
01:05:55 There's more than one way to skin a cat.
01:06:49 Excuse me. May I have your attention
01:06:57 Thank you. I'm pleased to announce...
01:07:00 that the winner
01:07:03 Mark Kendall as a vampire!
01:07:08 I'm not wearing a costume!
01:07:29 - Robin.
01:07:32 I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.
01:07:35 It was just... All those kids were
01:07:40 They were just glad for you that you won.
01:07:43 I know. It's just... I don't know.
01:07:46 It just felt weird for a second.
01:08:02 - Mark! What is it?
01:08:08 Look!
01:08:17 I swear, I wasn't there a minute ago.
01:08:21 It's her. It's that woman.
01:08:24 The one that bit your buttons?
01:08:28 I think she's a vampire,
01:08:32 Turning you into a vampire?
01:08:34 That's why I couldn't see myself.
01:08:38 But you're there. See?
01:08:42 Oh, my God!
01:08:47 Vampires?
01:08:51 Vampires? Did you say...
01:08:54 Yes! Do I have some books on vampires!
01:08:58 Goodness gracious! Just follow me.
01:09:01 You know, it is most unfortunate...
01:09:03 the shocking reputation
01:09:07 You know, most people
01:09:11 on those silly vampire movies.
01:09:14 What is this doing here?
01:09:16 Is there such a thing as a female vampire?
01:09:18 But of course. The result of a vampire bite,
01:09:22 You know, there are even cases
01:09:25 Don't worry about it. The cleaning lady
01:09:29 As I was saying, cat and dog vampires.
01:09:33 a gerbil was bitten in the hind leg...
01:09:35 Could a woman vampire
01:09:38 Like, maybe in Hollywood?
01:09:40 That's the ideal place.
01:09:45 Could one of these lady vampires
01:09:48 You know, like, a teenage guy?
01:09:50 - How old would he be?
01:09:53 I seriously doubt it.
01:09:55 You see, the female vampire
01:09:58 And an 18-year-old boy
01:10:02 Just hypothetically, what if he was a virgin?
01:10:07 Then I think he has a lot bigger problems
01:10:13 If he got bitten, how would you know?
01:10:16 You would then just look for a bite
01:10:21 like this one, piercing the artery.
01:10:25 Apparently, attacks so close
01:10:29 In the case of a virgin,
01:10:32 is what the woman vampire needs
01:10:37 I have over here, somewhere,
01:10:43 Hello?
01:10:46 Goodness gracious.
01:10:51 Wait up! I have to talk to you about Mark.
01:10:54 - What's going on?
01:10:57 - Don't we all?
01:10:59 and what I found out is that Mark
01:11:04 - Like a venereal disease?
01:11:10 But I need you guys to find out for sure.
01:11:15 What do you want us to do?
01:11:17 I need you to check his inner thigh
01:11:24 Sores?
01:11:25 - I don't know.
01:11:27 I thought Mark meant something to you.
01:11:30 If you're really his friends, you'll do this.
01:12:05 All right, we still on for tomorrow night?
01:12:13 I need soap.
01:12:24 The water is too cold!
01:13:05 Now, Jamie, look!
01:13:09 What the hell are you guys doing?
01:13:11 Fags in the shower!
01:13:13 Fag alert!
01:13:22 Great!
01:13:27 This is terrible.
01:13:31 I can't believe this happened.
01:13:33 It's the most humiliating experience
01:13:37 This is awful.
01:13:40 This is the suckiest thing
01:13:43 The whole school thinks we're gay.
01:13:46 Don't be such a twerp.
01:13:50 - No one's gonna think we're gay.
01:13:53 And neither do you. This is it.
01:13:56 We might as well move in together
01:13:59 Who cares what those assholes think?
01:14:08 What were they doing in the showers
01:14:11 They were washing.
01:14:13 We were enacting a prison rape scene.
01:14:34 What was that scene in the shower
01:14:37 That's the thanks I get
01:14:40 You're a big help. Thanks a lot.
01:14:44 Did it ever occur to you guys
01:14:51 - Oh, my God!
01:14:54 - I knew it. We enjoyed it.
01:14:58 No, that's it. We're homos.
01:15:00 No!
01:15:05 What the hell?
01:16:08 Why don't you shoot off a cannon? Jesus.
01:16:15 Be careful.
01:16:18 - My stomach is starting to gurgle.
01:16:24 God! Come on!
01:17:03 I got to go to the bathroom.
01:17:05 - Tough shit.
01:17:14 I think I'm gonna be sick.
01:17:16 Goddamn it, will you forget
01:17:19 I can't! This always happens to me
01:17:26 Wait.
01:17:30 Help!
01:17:35 Are you okay?
01:17:40 Why did you go with that creep?
01:17:44 "I needed you." That's all he said?
01:17:46 I got to go.
01:17:48 The sooner we get her loose,
01:17:50 Work on her feet. Come on!
01:17:56 Sorry.
01:17:57 Mark, you're still a virgin.
01:18:01 She just took your blood from...You know.
01:18:06 Can't I have any privacy?
01:18:09 - I hate this whole thing.
01:18:28 Quiet, please.
01:18:31 Gentlemen and ladies...
01:18:34 welcome to this most auspicious occasion.
01:18:38 And now for the unveiling.
01:19:14 Okay. That's not funny now.
01:19:19 Guys, I mean...
01:19:24 All right. Now I'm angry.
01:19:39 Great.
01:19:40 Dearest Mark...
01:19:42 twice, we have shared a mystical experience.
01:19:48 Tonight, the holy third!
01:19:51 Hear, hear.
01:19:59 Please don't bite the buttons off this jacket.
01:20:01 It belongs to my father.
01:20:06 They'll hardly bother these.
01:20:09 I don't want to be a vampire.
01:20:44 Move away from him! Up against the wall!
01:20:52 Mark, it's me, Robin. Do you remember?
01:20:57 We've known each other forever and ever.
01:20:59 Mark!
01:21:03 I'm the owner of the pants you've been
01:21:07 - Robin?
01:21:11 How would you like your crotch set on fire?
01:21:14 Rough trade.
01:21:17 Stand back!
01:21:18 Put down the cross.
01:21:20 It only works in movies.
01:21:22 Besides, I'm an atheist.
01:21:24 Fire, on the other hand...
01:21:33 Back off!
01:21:36 Come on!
01:21:56 I can be yours, Mark...
01:21:59 forever...
01:22:02 showing you joys
01:22:06 in your most fevered adolescent slumber.
01:22:11 Mark doesn't want you,
01:22:14 He wants me,
01:22:18 So fuck off!
01:22:22 After that virgin!
01:22:24 Come on!
01:22:30 - Run!
01:22:33 They want you, not us. We'll hold them off.
01:22:36 - We will?
01:22:42 See you in school tomorrow.
01:22:51 - Hurry up!
01:22:59 Holy shit.
01:23:18 All right, they're not here.
01:23:19 You come with us.
01:23:41 Hello.
01:23:43 Look what got left behind.
01:23:47 Could one of you please show me
01:23:54 Don't let them get away!
01:24:02 - We'll go back this way.
01:24:04 Trust me, we've got them
01:24:24 After them!
01:24:41 You bungling idiot!
01:24:43 I'm a mature person,
01:24:47 So why don't we just skip all the bullshit...
01:24:50 get rid of our inhibitions,
01:25:28 I could have done that.
01:25:31 I haven't had this much fun since,
01:25:41 So...
01:25:43 what should we do now?
01:26:17 You stay here. We'll go the other way.
01:26:25 Get those doors.
01:26:27 Hurry. Get that one.
01:26:49 Wait a minute!
01:26:51 I have to replace every door
01:26:54 - Can't you at least try the knob first?
01:27:50 You're too late.
01:27:53 You couldn't have.
01:28:03 You could have...
01:28:06 but you didn't have time to enjoy it.
01:28:12 What time is it?
01:28:14 Midnight.
01:28:30 Somebody get a plastic surgeon. Quick!
01:28:34 I need a virgin!
01:28:50 Countess, don't worry.
01:28:52 There are other virgins out there.
01:28:56 Somewhere, in places like Kansas...
01:29:00 Nebraska.
01:29:07 I'll never find another virgin.
01:29:10 Never!
01:29:12 Now, now. I'll take care of you.
01:29:15 There's always tomorrow.
01:29:19 You know, maybe the Countess is right.
01:29:21 It would be better slower.
01:29:25 Let's find out.
01:29:31 I believe I've created a monster.