Road Trip

en
00:00:53 (Man) Welcome to the University
00:00:58 I'm gonna give you a good tour today.
00:01:00 Show you as much as you need to know.
00:01:03 This is the main area
00:01:06 You'll be getting used to this area.
00:01:08 This is sort of where you congregate.
00:01:11 Come in around me. Keep close.
00:01:14 I've had problems
00:01:17 They get lost in the back
00:01:20 It's not pretty. This is the...
00:01:24 By the way, this is the Joseph
00:01:29 It was built, uh...
00:01:32 1600s? It says 1951.
00:01:36 (Sniggering)
00:01:41 That's the address. OK? Wise-ass.
00:01:45 That's the psychology department.
00:01:47 You're expected to volunteer for
00:01:52 Kind of cool.
00:01:54 When it's your turn, remember
00:01:59 and be prepared to receive several
00:02:06 They're watching us right now.
00:02:10 Over there
00:02:12 Most of you speak English already
00:02:16 - How long have you been here?
00:02:19 (All laughing)
00:02:22 You don't seem to know anything.
00:02:26 It's the worst school ever.
00:02:30 Yeah, cool stuff happens.
00:02:32 This university
00:02:35 That's because
00:02:38 (All laughing)
00:02:42 Go ahead, laugh all you want.
00:02:44 But the fact is, this is the setting
00:02:50 OK?
00:02:51 It's about this guy I knew,
00:02:55 and his girlfriend, Tiffany.
00:02:57 It's one of the most
00:03:02 'Josh and Tiffany
00:03:05 'starting from when they were little.
00:03:09 'They did everything as a team.
00:03:12 'When Tiffany was 10,
00:03:15 'Josh stayed in the hospital
00:03:19 'They were best friends.
00:03:21 'What started out as friendship...
00:03:23 'blossomed into some serious French
00:03:28 'They spent so much time together
00:03:33 'They seemed destined
00:03:38 'But after high school, they faced
00:03:44 'a long-distance relationship.
00:03:48 'See, while Josh was enrolled here at
00:03:53 'Tiffany went off to
00:03:57 'But they made a pact,
00:04:01 'to talk every day and maintain
00:04:05 That turned out to be more difficult
00:04:12 Tiffany! Hey, baby.
00:04:15 Oh, my God.
00:04:17 - I never ever came like that before.
00:04:21 Seriously! I had to take
00:04:24 You wanna help me study
00:04:27 Forget tonight. Come over now.
00:04:29 Let's blow this class off.
00:04:42 (Gasps)
00:04:58 (Ringing)
00:05:01 'Tiffany and Carla can't come to the
00:05:06 - (Beep)
00:05:08 Just wonderin' where you are.
00:05:13 Everything's cool, though.
00:05:16 Call me back, OK? OK. Bye.
00:05:24 I just wanted to add something
00:05:28 I haven't talked to you
00:05:31 I'm thinking you don't like me...
00:05:33 Hey, guys.
00:05:35 But I am getting a little worried so
00:05:40 Barry says hi.
00:05:41 So gimme a call
00:05:44 - Call me, OK? Bye.
00:05:50 - What's up, guys?
00:05:52 I was just finishing my tape to Tif.
00:05:55 (Barry) Mitch, what are you doing?
00:06:04 - You gonna feed him?
00:06:07 Mitch needs an evenly distributed
00:06:13 Can I drop a mouse in?
00:06:15 Mitch only eats once a week,
00:06:18 Maybe we could cut a mouse in half,
00:06:21 and we could feed him half now
00:06:25 I don't think so.
00:06:28 What time is it?? Oh, shit!
00:06:31 Do me a favour -
00:06:35 - No problem. Leave it there.
00:06:38 - See you guys later.
00:06:41 Can we please feed him now?
00:06:44 No. If you overfeed him he could die.
00:06:46 So? It'll be worth it.
00:06:51 - Josh, hey.
00:06:54 - What's goin' on?
00:06:56 - Where have you been?
00:06:58 Studying. I'm starting
00:07:02 There's so much reading.
00:07:04 - Right. (Chuckles)
00:07:07 - You going to EL's tonight??
00:07:09 (Josh) I gotta run,
00:07:12 - I'll see you tonight.
00:07:21 So, you have a thing
00:07:24 - It's not your business, Jacob.
00:07:28 - I'm not having this conversation.
00:07:31 You need to stop this.
00:07:34 We've never been a couple,
00:07:39 (Professor) This week
00:07:42 Plato's Dialogues
00:07:45 "The Republic", "Phaedo",
00:07:50 Now, this will all be
00:07:54 so I suggest you read up on it.
00:07:56 Ah, Jacob,
00:08:01 Just a reminder.
00:08:03 The mid-term will cover
00:08:07 as well as
00:08:10 It will be entirely essay form,
00:08:14 I prefer yellow.
00:08:17 OK. OK? Yeah. Thank you, Jacob.
00:08:21 And...see you all next week
00:08:31 - Josh.
00:08:33 I saw you hitting on Beth.
00:08:37 - She's spoken for.
00:08:40 She'll come back to me.
00:08:43 So... Mr Parker.
00:08:45 Do you intend
00:08:49 - Yes, sir.
00:08:52 Because I was
00:08:55 and you need a B on this test
00:08:59 Actually,
00:09:02 He needs a B+.
00:09:04 I got it.
00:09:07 - Just copy off someone.
00:09:10 If I fail this class,
00:09:13 I might lose my financial aid
00:09:16 Well, you're fucked, then.
00:09:18 So come to my party, hook up
00:09:22 I'm not hooking up with anyone.
00:09:27 Invested? Who are you, Charles
00:09:31 I would give my life...
00:09:33 for one evening
00:09:37 I've gone this long without cheating.
00:09:39 You're already cheating!
00:09:41 Any time you pass up sex
00:09:44 The window of opportunity
00:09:47 and take advantage
00:09:52 I gotta make a call.
00:09:55 I'm telling you, you pass this up,
00:09:58 Your dick will never forgive you.
00:10:01 What do you think, man? Don't you
00:10:06 (Squeaky voice)
00:10:09 We've been here two months,
00:10:13 - Stop it.
00:10:16 If something doesn't happen soon,
00:10:19 - Enough.
00:10:21 Carla, it's Josh. Sorry to bother
00:10:25 Tiffany is not here.
00:10:27 She didn't sleep here
00:10:30 And it would be great
00:10:34 - Right.
00:10:36 she'd call you.
00:10:38 Deal with it.
00:10:42 - You bitch!
00:10:48 We've never gone this long
00:10:52 She found someone else,
00:10:55 The clock is ticking. Before you know
00:11:00 # She good-looking
00:11:03 # Yeah, wouldn't give me
00:11:06 # But if my occupation
00:11:09 # We could get together
00:11:13 # And everybody wanna know somebody
00:11:16 # Everyone wants to drop your name
00:11:19 # You need no reservation
00:11:22 # No college education
00:11:33 Oh, yeah! Whoo-hoo!
00:11:36 I should really warn you,
00:11:38 it's been known to affect
00:11:42 and lower your inhibitions.
00:11:44 Good. That's the plan.
00:11:47 No, that-that's...
00:11:50 - You bring cash?
00:11:52 - We've got chicks for sale.
00:11:55 # Hey, now I'm snappy
00:11:59 Trust me. I've been goin'
00:12:03 and I know the key
00:12:06 is experimentation.
00:12:10 Let me show you.
00:12:13 This is an auction. Remember...
00:12:15 you are not buying the girl,
00:12:17 only her company, and sale does not
00:12:21 (Groaning)
00:12:23 (EL) I know. Believe me, I've tried.
00:12:25 Without further ado,
00:12:29 - Laura!
00:12:32 Laura's from Long Island.
00:12:34 She likes the outdoors
00:12:37 - OK, let's start the bidding at $5!
00:12:41 Good God, moneybags,
00:12:44 (Laughter)
00:12:46 - $5.
00:12:49 - 10 bucks.
00:12:52 Who's got 15 bucks
00:12:56 OK, we got 15. Who can beat 15?
00:13:00 Sold...to the captain.
00:13:02 (Applause)
00:13:07 There you are.
00:13:08 - Hey, what's going on?
00:13:11 - You look great.
00:13:13 You're welcome.
00:13:15 Listen, Jacob's here,
00:13:18 Can you go outbid him?
00:13:21 You know what,
00:13:24 You don't understand. He's obsessed.
00:13:29 See? That's fun, right??
00:13:31 OK, PK. Now, I want you two
00:13:37 All right, has anyone seen Beth?
00:13:40 - (Cheering)
00:13:44 Hi.
00:13:47 Can I hear a $5 opening bid?
00:13:49 - $5 right here!
00:13:52 - Seven.
00:13:55 - $10! Going once. Going twice.
00:13:58 - 20.
00:14:01 25. Who can beat 25? Going once.
00:14:04 - Going twice.
00:14:08 - 26, going once.
00:14:10 - OK, can anyone beat $26?
00:14:14 There must be someone
00:14:17 - Me, right here! 30!
00:14:21 (Applause)
00:14:27 You heard me.
00:14:30 Your bid didn't count.
00:14:31 - Why?
00:14:33 - So?
00:14:36 Goodbye.
00:14:38 # On and on until the early morning
00:14:41 # They're rockin' on and on
00:14:46 (Beth giggles)
00:14:48 Thanks for doing that. I owe you one.
00:14:51 - You owe me more than one.
00:14:54 Technically.
00:14:57 Well...
00:14:59 are you ready to collect?
00:15:02 I think so. Yeah.
00:15:08 We're touching.
00:15:12 It's a lot of fun. (Chuckles)
00:15:16 - We're having a good time.
00:15:27 (Romantic music)
00:15:42 Who's Tiffany Henderson?
00:15:44 Just some girl I used to date
00:15:47 But that's over now. She blew me off.
00:15:51 Oh, poor baby.
00:15:54 You must be very hurt.
00:15:57 Do you need some special attention?
00:16:02 Well, I am pretty upset.
00:16:13 Did that help?
00:16:15 That helped a lot.
00:16:25 I have an idea.
00:16:30 What do you say?
00:16:32 Uh, I don't think so.
00:16:34 Come on! It'll be fun.
00:16:36 - I've always wanted to try this.
00:16:39 Yes.
00:16:41 I'm gonna interview you.
00:16:47 Fine.
00:16:49 OK.
00:16:53 - OK, Josh.
00:16:58 What do you look for in a girl??
00:17:03 Um, well, let's see.
00:17:05 She should be smart and funny and...
00:17:13 That's good, too.
00:17:17 Do you feel better yet??
00:17:19 I feel a little bit better.
00:17:24 What else do you look for??
00:17:26 She should be attractive and...
00:17:30 nice and...
00:17:37 Topless. And topless.
00:17:43 And she should kiss me.
00:17:53 What else?
00:17:55 She shouldn't stop kissing me.
00:17:58 Why don't you keep doing that??
00:18:12 # Tiny salmon swimming in a stream
00:18:18 # Tiny salmon
00:18:25 # The mynah bird says
00:18:27 (Caws)
00:18:28 (Caws)
00:18:31 # The chimpanzee says
00:18:34 (Screeches)
00:18:38 # The friendly owl says
00:18:40 (Hoots)
00:18:45 # But the salmon can only say
00:18:48 (Blubbers)
00:18:57 # And it's sad #
00:18:59 (Hums cheerfully)
00:19:04 # Good morning, everyone.
00:19:06 # Good morning, everyone.
00:19:09 # How are you and you and you #
00:19:12 What are you so happy about??
00:19:14 I don't know.
00:19:17 Well, you're bouncing around here.
00:19:21 You do seem
00:19:23 Maybe it's because I had
00:19:27 Twice! And once this morning.
00:19:30 You and Beth?
00:19:32 - Oh, yeah.
00:19:36 No way! You're lying.
00:19:38 I'm not lying.
00:19:40 You can't make out with someone
00:19:44 - That's really uncool.
00:19:46 Forget it. I know you're lying.
00:19:49 You wanna bet??
00:19:52 Great. I'm gonna bet
00:20:02 You videotaped it!
00:20:05 No, no, no, I didn't!
00:20:08 - No way! This is amazing!
00:20:12 - Gimme the tape.
00:20:15 - We're gonna see it sooner or later.
00:20:19 Oh-ho! Oh, no! Oh, no!
00:20:22 Give it to me. No, give it to me.
00:20:25 - EL, no.
00:20:32 OK, listen, seriously.
00:20:36 Oh, yeah.
00:20:39 OK. PK!
00:20:42 Barry, hit the lights.
00:20:45 It's boner time!
00:20:58 'Hey, Tif. It's me
00:21:01 I thought I asked you
00:21:05 Yeah, you did. I mailed it today.
00:21:07 Fast-forward to the horny stuff.
00:21:14 Is this the shit
00:21:18 Oh, my God.
00:21:19 # It's you... #
00:21:22 Oh, fuck!
00:21:24 Oh, my God! No, no, no, no.
00:21:26 Oh, God!
00:21:31 W-wait a second.
00:21:34 Tell me you mailed
00:21:39 Yes!
00:21:41 Shit! Oh, no! Oh, no!
00:21:44 Hey, hey.
00:21:45 Did you make a copy?
00:21:49 If you made a copy,
00:21:51 (Rings)
00:21:52 Don't answer it!
00:21:55 (Answer machine) 'Hey, it's
00:21:59 'Hi, Josh. It's Tiffany.
00:22:02 'Sorry we haven't spoken.
00:22:04 'Listen, my grandfather passed away.
00:22:06 'I've tried calling you
00:22:10 'I didn't want to leave
00:22:14 'but by now you're probably
00:22:17 'Anyway, I'm at my parents'
00:22:21 'She's really a wreck.
00:22:22 'If I don't speak with you,
00:22:25 'I'll be OK. I just need some time.
00:22:29 'Bye. I love you.'
00:22:31 (Dialling tone)
00:22:33 That's not fair.
00:22:36 How come she gets to see the tape
00:22:39 She gets back there Monday.
00:22:43 Get where? Austin?
00:22:46 - That's like 10,000 miles from here.
00:22:49 You wanna drive 1,800 miles
00:22:54 Do you have money for a ticket??
00:22:56 - All right, so we're driving.
00:23:00 What else am I gonna do,
00:23:03 Road trip.
00:23:06 (Behind door) Just a minute. Hold on.
00:23:10 He's probably jackin' off.
00:23:25 What do you guys want??
00:23:27 Kyle, this is an emergency.
00:23:29 Wait. Let me at least
00:23:32 Call your dad?
00:23:35 You're 19 years old,
00:23:39 All you ever do is sit
00:23:42 It's pathetic.
00:23:44 He's trying to say that
00:23:48 Be a risk-taker. Come with us.
00:23:52 You're just saying that
00:23:57 No! No, we've always liked you.
00:24:00 Or just give us the car.
00:24:03 Shut up, all right??
00:24:07 Come on, Kyle. It'll be fun!
00:24:11 Aren't you even curious
00:24:15 No.
00:24:17 OK, we're going to the University
00:24:21 I don't like Massachusetts.
00:24:24 Austin's in Texas.
00:24:28 You've never left this town,
00:24:30 No, not really.
00:24:32 That could turn
00:24:35 OK.
00:24:40 - Can I feed Mitch?
00:24:43 There's a brown box of mice
00:24:46 Give him one tomorrow. Just one.
00:24:48 - I'll feed him a mouse tomorrow.
00:24:51 You can count on me.
00:24:54 You guys do good.
00:24:58 Buckle up your seat belt.
00:25:01 I'll feed the snake,
00:25:05 (Barry) 'So off they went.'
00:25:06 They had 1,800 miles to go,
00:25:10 It was a killer journey and one
00:25:15 The end.
00:25:20 - So we're gonna go look over here.
00:25:25 - What happened with the tape?
00:25:29 Well, um...
00:25:31 Well... Like I said,
00:25:43 # The smoke stack spitting black soot
00:25:51 # The load on the road brings a tear
00:25:56 Since we didn't get to see the tape,
00:25:58 - can you at least describe it??
00:26:01 # The elephant won't forget
00:26:09 # The ringmaster's Telecaster
00:26:14 Admit that Beth is amazing.
00:26:15 I admit it, she's amazing.
00:26:19 I don't know why you feel so guilty.
00:26:24 What are you talking about??
00:26:26 There are these rules that guys have,
00:26:29 an understanding
00:26:32 Take your situation, for example.
00:26:35 It's not cheating.
00:26:37 Not when you're in a different
00:26:42 That makes no sense.
00:26:44 Don't look at me, Kyle.
00:26:47 This is legit. I've read an article.
00:26:49 There's a whole bunch of them,
00:26:52 Say you were sleeping with
00:26:56 it's not cheating
00:27:00 - Ahh.
00:27:01 Or if you're too wasted
00:27:04 It is not cheating.
00:27:06 Because if you
00:27:09 it never really took place.
00:27:11 # Uh-huh
00:27:13 # Whoo-oo... #
00:27:15 OK, I've got one. Ready?
00:27:17 It's OK if you spread peanut butter
00:27:20 and let your dog lick it off.
00:27:23 - Because it's your dog!
00:27:26 - You know, because it's your dog!
00:27:30 # Whoo-oo, uh-huh
00:27:32 # Goddam right, it's a beautiful day
00:27:35 # Uh-huh, goddam right #
00:27:42 Somebody's gonna die tomorrow.
00:27:51 That's right.
00:27:56 And first thing tomorrow morning,
00:27:58 a chosen one
00:28:02 in all its fury.
00:28:04 (Hums gloomy religious chant)
00:28:17 Who are you?
00:28:19 I'm Beth.
00:28:21 Are you here for the feeding?
00:28:23 Excuse me?
00:28:25 You're early. It's not till tomorrow.
00:28:28 You should come back.
00:28:31 It's gonna be a bloodbath.
00:28:33 I think I'll pass.
00:28:36 Have you seen Josh?
00:28:39 He went to visit his girlfriend.
00:28:41 Tiffany?
00:28:43 I thought they broke up.
00:28:45 I mean this girl who's a friend
00:28:53 Where did he go?
00:28:56 Austin?
00:28:59 Austin, Massachusetts?
00:29:02 You mean Boston, Massachusetts?
00:29:05 Yeah, that's what I said. Boston.
00:29:09 The University of Boston
00:29:12 He is such an asshole.
00:29:15 I can't believe
00:29:18 I actually thought he liked me.
00:29:23 - She was topless?
00:29:27 Yeah, they do. OK? This is my story.
00:29:31 - It just doesn't make any...
00:29:38 So this other girl walks up,
00:29:45 I know guys can be jerks.
00:29:47 I guess I just thought
00:29:52 Sweetie, listen to me.
00:29:55 All men are perverted pigs.
00:29:57 All they care about...
00:30:01 - You're so right. I feel so used.
00:30:06 In most men's eyes, we're just flesh.
00:30:09 - It's so sick!
00:30:13 If they had it their way...
00:30:15 God, I don't even want to know
00:30:18 if they had it their way!
00:30:20 (Beth) What am I supposed to do
00:30:23 - Go to Boston and bust his ass.
00:30:25 Confront him
00:30:27 Face to face. You totally should!
00:30:29 Show her what an asshole Josh is,
00:30:33 Hmm...
00:30:38 # I'm freakin' you, baby
00:30:40 # Drivin' you crazy
00:30:42 # I'm freakin' you, baby
00:30:44 # Drivin' you crazy
00:30:46 # I'm freakin' you, baby... #
00:30:48 Ooh! These, too.
00:30:50 # I'm freakin' you, baby
00:30:51 # Drivin' you crazy... #
00:30:53 Kyle, come here for a second.
00:30:55 We're a little
00:30:58 so we need to put this
00:31:01 We'll give you the cash
00:31:07 I can't. It's my dad's.
00:31:11 Hello! This IS an emergency.
00:31:14 We need this stuff.
00:31:18 # I'm freakin' you, baby
00:31:20 # When I get to your place
00:31:24 # I wanna turn up the highs
00:31:30 (Josh) We're in no-man's-land.
00:31:32 We've been on this road
00:31:35 This is gonna save us five hours,
00:31:39 We should go back to the interstate.
00:31:41 - We're not goin' back.
00:31:45 It's a challenge.
00:31:48 If it was easy,
00:31:52 (Josh) Damn it! Fuck!
00:31:55 I give us 20 minutes
00:31:59 If we turn around we'll lose
00:32:02 Turn around? Why? Because of this?
00:32:08 Make it?? You mean jump it??
00:32:11 No. Absolutely not.
00:32:15 It can be done. This incline
00:32:20 The factory weight
00:32:23 Add us, plus cargo...
00:32:24 - No, no.
00:32:28 our trajectory
00:32:31 No way. Absolutely not.
00:32:33 We'll go 60 just to be certain.
00:32:35 (Kyle) We're goin' back.
00:32:38 You sure?
00:32:40 With physics I'm always sure.
00:32:43 I'm driving.
00:32:45 I don't think you guys heard me.
00:32:47 This is my car
00:32:51 Kyle, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope
00:32:55 Look, I can spit across this gap.
00:32:57 (Hawks)
00:33:08 Yeah.
00:33:10 Well...
00:33:12 better make it 75.
00:33:14 - OK. Let's do it.
00:33:17 No, you guys. No.
00:33:21 Kyle, in the car. Come on.
00:33:26 (Revving)
00:33:35 We're PK.
00:33:43 You know we need to hit 60?
00:33:45 - I'm trying. This car sucks.
00:33:48 (All yelling)
00:34:02 (EL) Thank you! Yes!
00:34:04 What did I tell you?
00:34:22 Oh, my God.
00:34:27 Oh, my God!
00:34:28 (Sniffs)
00:34:30 My father is gonna kill me
00:34:34 I only said we'd make it across.
00:34:36 I never said
00:34:39 What the hell are we gonna do now?!
00:34:42 I'm totally screwed!
00:34:44 I don't have time...
00:34:48 Josh, we'll call a tow truck,
00:34:52 We'll lose half a day at most.
00:35:13 (Beth) The minute I think
00:35:17 they just turn around
00:35:20 Just something about Josh,
00:35:24 I feel like we had a connection.
00:35:27 I don't think
00:35:30 You shouldn't! Honey, the last time
00:35:34 and he took off
00:35:37 It was a regular-size van.
00:35:43 So there's no hope, huh?
00:35:46 Oh, there's hope.
00:35:51 (Buzzing)
00:35:55 You can keep that.
00:35:58 (Kyle) God. Crap.
00:36:02 (EL) Listen, guys,
00:36:06 We almost died in that explosion.
00:36:09 - I wish I had died.
00:36:13 Something tells me the people
00:36:18 I must live.
00:36:22 Yeah, right. We all must live.
00:36:24 Before we do that,
00:36:27 (Josh) We shouldn't be going
00:36:34 (Phone)
00:36:35 'Let's just lay
00:36:40 (Phone)
00:36:42 (TV) 'And a whole bunch of colour...'
00:36:50 - (Sighs)
00:36:55 Excuse me.
00:36:58 I'm sorry, do you need to get that??
00:37:01 Do you need something?
00:37:04 Yeah.
00:37:08 But do you have any marijuana
00:37:11 Our car exploded last night
00:37:15 Am I a drug dealer??
00:37:17 No, I am not.
00:37:22 No? OK, that's OK. Thanks.
00:37:25 Is there anything else
00:37:27 Perhaps you'd like an 11-year-old
00:37:32 Or maybe we can off someone
00:37:34 I've got it.
00:37:38 Would you like a fresh towel??
00:37:41 You could roll that up and smoke it.
00:37:44 Dick.
00:37:46 By the way, Cheech,
00:37:48 that credit card
00:37:51 so don't go spending all your cash
00:38:03 Um, Mr Earl Edwards?
00:38:06 I'm sorry, sir.
00:38:09 That's not true. Put it through
00:38:13 I tried three times, sir. If you
00:38:18 Don't give me any attitude.
00:38:20 You go fix
00:38:22 and charge this friggin' card.
00:38:25 We've been coming here for 20 years.
00:38:27 - We've only been open eight years.
00:38:33 (EL) Relax, it's not a big deal.
00:38:35 (Rubin) You don't understand,
00:38:40 You can't rent a car without
00:38:44 So, what are we gonna do?
00:38:48 Tell you what. Stay here.
00:38:50 Take him out
00:38:53 I'll go take care of this.
00:38:56 Earl, Cookie, we have a situation.
00:39:01 The police have found Kyle's car
00:39:06 It's been blown to bits.
00:39:08 We checked with the university -
00:39:13 Mother of God.
00:39:26 - (Woman) Good morning.
00:39:31 Hi. How can I help you?
00:39:36 Yeah, hi. I was sent over here
00:39:40 and I'm afraid I have some bad news.
00:39:44 You seem to be having problems
00:39:48 Engines have rotator splints?
00:39:50 Yeah.
00:39:51 She runs good now, but not for long.
00:39:54 I can have it back to you
00:39:59 Let's see.
00:40:03 - I take it he called you from there?
00:40:08 Five days.
00:40:11 Would you please not feed my dog?
00:40:16 I didn't.
00:40:18 You can't feed
00:40:21 I'd appreciate it
00:40:25 Don't roll your eyes at me.
00:40:42 French toast.
00:40:43 Bacon. Good for you.
00:40:46 - And scrambled eggs.
00:40:48 Excuse me, but this has powdered
00:40:52 I can't have
00:40:55 Oh, I'm sorry,
00:40:59 Tell you what, let me take this back
00:41:03 Is everybody good? OK, great.
00:41:07 Do you know where my possessions are,
00:41:10 - Wait, no. They were in the car.
00:41:36 All right,
00:41:39 - There you go.
00:41:41 (Farts)
00:41:43 Excuse me. And the French toast
00:41:47 - OK, thank you.
00:42:07 French toast, no sugar.
00:42:09 - All right?? Sorry about that.
00:42:14 That's a nice guy.
00:42:25 It's good.
00:42:30 (Tyres squeal)
00:42:38 OK!
00:42:41 I don't wanna know
00:42:43 - I stole it from a blind chick.
00:42:47 What?? I'm gonna give it back.
00:42:50 Probably.
00:42:52 # Going to work, I hate it
00:42:53 # Shakin' that stick
00:42:57 # Doin' that stuff that you do
00:43:00 # Quit messin' me up with your voodoo
00:43:03 # You drive me crazy with that
00:43:06 # Boogie-oogie-oogie-oogie-oogie
00:43:09 # You drive me crazy with that boogie
00:43:11 # Boogie, boogie
00:43:13 # Your lips are hot and spicy
00:43:17 # Servin' up cooked beans and rice
00:43:21 # I feel like
00:43:26 # Makin' love to the gators
00:43:34 Can we please stop soon?
00:43:38 Actually, I don't have to go yet,
00:43:43 OK.
00:43:45 I'm kidding, Kyle. We'll stop.
00:43:48 Jeez, you have to stand up
00:43:52 OK.
00:43:54 What's your deal??
00:43:57 I don't know. I guess it's my dad.
00:44:01 He's, like...strict.
00:44:04 He really is gonna kill me
00:44:08 So you screwed up. Big deal.
00:44:12 He'll get over it.
00:44:19 I really do need
00:44:21 - (EL) We're makin' a pit stop.
00:44:25 (Squeaks)
00:44:26 You're about to experience
00:44:29 exactly what it means to be in
00:44:34 Mitch is going to bite into you.
00:44:38 He's going to squeeze.
00:44:40 He'll actually start digesting you
00:44:45 But don't be scared.
00:44:47 No. No, no.
00:44:49 (Squeaking)
00:44:51 It'll be a quick death.
00:44:55 Be brave.
00:44:58 You'll barely feel it.
00:45:01 Come on.
00:45:05 Come on. You gonna fuckin' eat him?
00:45:19 Josh, wait up a second.
00:45:21 This is supposed to be a road trip.
00:45:25 All we do is drive the whole time.
00:45:29 - No one forced you to come.
00:45:33 And if Tiffany saw that tape,
00:45:36 What is that supposed to mean?
00:45:38 Beth is an angel. She's here
00:45:43 Besides, did Tiffany
00:45:46 I think not.
00:45:48 It's a sign, Josh.
00:45:51 - (Phone)
00:45:54 - 'Professor Anderson? '
00:45:57 Hi, Professor, it's Josh Parker.
00:46:00 Oh, uh...
00:46:02 (Deeper voice) Hello, Josh.
00:46:06 - Well, I was in a car accident.
00:46:10 I'm PK.
00:46:13 All my notes and books
00:46:15 Is it possible to get an extension?
00:46:18 'Maybe take the mid-term
00:46:21 Oh, sure.
00:46:24 How about an extra three days?
00:46:27 - 'Would that work? '
00:46:31 - Are you sure?
00:46:34 I'm marking it down right now.
00:46:36 'That's great, Professor. Thank you.'
00:46:39 OK, goodbye.
00:46:41 Who was that??
00:46:43 Oh, that...that was Josh Parker.
00:46:47 Oh, yeah? What did he want??
00:46:50 He was just confirming
00:46:54 (Siren wails)
00:47:09 It's gonna be OK. I'll find him.
00:47:11 And we'll find whoever did this,
00:47:16 If I had to guess, I'd say somebody
00:47:21 What the hell gives you that idea?
00:47:23 I don't know. It's just a feeling.
00:47:29 - Well??
00:47:32 Good thing is,
00:47:36 No blood or clothing or anything.
00:47:38 And we haven't found
00:48:00 Hi. I'm visiting my friend from home.
00:48:03 But she doesn't know I'm coming.
00:48:06 How nice. How can I help you?
00:48:08 I've never been here before.
00:48:12 What's her name? I can look it up.
00:48:14 Oh, OK. Tiffany Henderson.
00:48:23 Do I know you?
00:48:26 No, you don't.
00:48:30 OK. Who are you?
00:48:32 I'm Beth.
00:48:37 OK.
00:48:47 Um, this is really hard for me,
00:48:50 but it's definitely
00:48:56 Your boyfriend is cheating on you...
00:49:01 We were together Thursday night.
00:49:03 Twice.
00:49:05 And once again Friday morning.
00:49:08 I thought you should know.
00:49:14 (Yelling)
00:49:19 Sorry.
00:49:25 Tiffany! What the hell are you doing?
00:49:28 (Crowd gasps)
00:49:30 - Who's that guy?
00:49:34 THAT's her boyfriend?
00:49:36 Yeah. He's been cheating on her.
00:49:41 (Boyfriend) Baby, I love you!
00:49:43 (Thuds and groans)
00:50:13 I- I'm sorry,
00:50:15 but you have the most beautiful feet.
00:50:20 Ohh... Would you like
00:50:24 No, I would not like a foot massage.
00:50:27 (Louder voice) I would hate
00:50:31 OK. I'm sorry. Relax.
00:50:33 Are there any guys out there
00:50:38 - (Plucks string)
00:50:42 - (Plucks string)
00:50:46 (Plucks string)
00:50:49 - Come on, Mitch.
00:50:51 Eat him.
00:50:54 Please, Mitch. Go get him, boy.
00:50:57 He's right there. Kill him.
00:51:01 Maim him. Bite him.
00:51:04 (Plucks string)
00:51:06 UNLEASH THE FURY!
00:51:17 Wow, this is cool.
00:51:19 I've never been in
00:51:23 Is this gonna work?
00:51:25 Of course it's gonna work.
00:51:30 Hi.
00:51:32 - Hi. Can I help you?
00:51:35 I'm Rubin Carver,
00:51:38 We're just passing through
00:51:42 maybe even a place to crash.
00:51:54 (Alternately) Xi. Chi. Xi, Chi.
00:51:57 Chi.
00:51:58 Hmph.
00:52:01 - (Chattering, dishes clattering)
00:52:13 (Silence)
00:52:21 Ahem. Uh, everyone, this is Rubin.
00:52:25 Apparently, Rubin is our fraternity
00:52:30 These are his friends.
00:52:34 Listen, uh, we've interrupted
00:52:38 Hey, don't be crazy.
00:52:41 There's plenty of food to go around.
00:52:44 You guys are welcome to stay.
00:52:47 (Chattering)
00:53:02 You know, this food's pretty good.
00:53:07 Hey, you do realise
00:53:11 They know you're not a member.
00:53:15 I'm sorry. I don't think
00:53:19 OK, relax. OK?
00:53:22 They're pissed because he lied.
00:53:24 - I say we get out of here.
00:53:27 Someone's got some explaining to do.
00:53:29 - Look what we found in his bag.
00:53:33 No, I've never seen that before!
00:53:36 What are you doin'?
00:53:39 - Whoa, whoa. That is not ours.
00:53:42 OK, hold on, th-there's
00:53:46 Yeah, there is. See, your boy's
00:53:50 Justice!
00:53:56 (Josh) Kyle. Kyle.
00:54:01 Kyle!
00:54:05 There you are. I thought we lost you.
00:54:09 - Am I in the hospital??
00:54:12 They were messin' with us, Kyle.
00:54:15 (All laughing)
00:54:17 Racist??
00:54:21 It was a joke, outtie. A joke!
00:54:24 - (Laughing continues)
00:54:27 Sure, put a Klan hood in my bag.
00:54:29 Yeah. Oh, that's funny.
00:54:32 Whoa.
00:54:34 I need a wine cooler.
00:54:36 - Hey, have mine.
00:54:39 # It's tricky to rock around
00:54:42 # To rock around,
00:54:44 # It's tricky
00:54:48 # It's tricky to rock around
00:54:51 # It's tricky
00:54:54 # I met this good girlie
00:54:58 # Went to her house and busted out
00:55:01 # These girls are really sleazy,
00:55:05 # Spend some time and rock around
00:55:07 # I said it's not that easy
00:55:09 # It's tricky to rock around
00:55:10 # To rock around
00:55:12 # It's tricky, it's tricky
00:55:16 # It's tricky to rock around... #
00:55:21 (Cheering)
00:55:24 # In New York the people talk
00:55:26 # They really hawk but we just walk
00:55:30 # And in the city it's a pity
00:55:32 # Cos we just can't hide
00:55:34 # Tinted windows don't mean nothing,
00:55:38 # It's tricky to rock around
00:55:39 # To rock around
00:55:41 # It's tricky
00:55:45 Isn't he just
00:55:48 Oh, yeah, Kyle's the man!
00:55:50 # Tricky, tricky,
00:56:00 You mean never?? Not even once?
00:56:04 Well... I mean, I've had sex before.
00:56:08 Just, um,
00:56:10 never with a person.
00:56:13 Right.
00:56:16 Well, I think that's kinda cool.
00:56:20 - You do?
00:56:23 I mean, you should hold out.
00:56:29 Wait till you're in love.
00:56:37 I think I love you.
00:56:39 You are so cute.
00:56:43 # Inside each other
00:56:47 # You can see inside me
00:56:50 # Will you come inside me?
00:56:52 # Do you want to ride further up?
00:56:57 # If you can see inside me
00:56:59 # Will you come inside me?
00:57:02 # Do you want to ride... #
00:57:06 I take it you don't have a condom?
00:57:09 Uh... no.
00:57:12 Um, I guess I'm all out.
00:57:15 Well, Lawrence probably has some.
00:57:18 Why don't you try that drawer??
00:57:24 Next to the Old Spice,
00:57:32 Good guess.
00:57:43 You know what??
00:57:45 Um, I don't exactly know
00:57:50 I'm... Oof.
00:57:52 Shhh. Relax, baby.
00:57:59 # Time's a-changing
00:58:01 # More so each year
00:58:04 # But the early mornin'
00:58:08 # Snow the pimp is here
00:58:11 # So let it rain
00:58:14 # And let the guitar rock... #
00:58:17 - Thanks for a great time.
00:58:19 Stay cool.
00:58:21 Hey, Devon.
00:58:29 What's up?
00:58:31 # Well, well, well, well, well
00:58:34 # And I'll be catching them pike
00:58:37 # Like on the 10 pound test, success
00:58:39 # Never 'fess, take a guess
00:58:41 # I'll be the early morning
00:58:45 Let's go, Kyle.
00:58:49 Well, we had a few drinks,
00:58:52 danced a little, and, you know...
00:58:55 No, we don't know.
00:59:01 - (Laughing)
00:59:03 Did you kill a cheetah?
00:59:05 What?? No. These are her underwear.
00:59:10 - (Sniffs)
00:59:14 I boinked her!
00:59:15 Boinked?
00:59:17 Yeah, did you just say
00:59:20 - (All laughing)
00:59:23 I hope you got the boinking
00:59:26 cos we got a lot of driving
00:59:29 Do not get your hopes up
00:59:33 cos we're about the mission at hand.
00:59:35 - Josh.
00:59:38 That sounds like a good plan,
00:59:41 - What little thing?
00:59:46 OK, before you fill out these,
00:59:49 If you qualify, you can
00:59:53 Mm-hmm. Fire away.
00:59:55 Tell the truth, because if you don't
01:00:00 So, first off, have any of you
01:00:05 And that includes marijuana.
01:00:07 (Groans)
01:00:09 (Nurse) PK, next.
01:00:12 Have any of you had sex
01:00:17 Well, I guess I'm out.
01:00:20 Because I had sex last night...
01:00:22 with a girl! (Grunting)
01:00:26 That's nice.
01:00:27 You'll find everything you need
01:00:31 Would you each take a cup.
01:00:34 - PK.
01:00:36 I'd appreciate it if you'd
01:00:40 OK. Uh, thanks.
01:00:42 Cheers.
01:00:47 Excuse me. Do you have anything
01:00:51 I have this thing for Asian chicks,
01:00:55 This isn't Peep World.
01:00:58 - You're gonna have to make do.
01:01:01 You've been more than helpful.
01:01:09 Is something wrong?
01:01:11 Well, no.
01:01:14 But... I just couldn't help
01:01:17 Is there something between us?
01:01:19 I mean, I was thinking
01:01:22 I don't know...
01:01:25 professional assistance?
01:01:30 Do you need some help?
01:01:32 Yes, I do.
01:01:35 (Woman on PA)
01:01:38 'Dr Morris, please dial 1-1-8.'
01:01:43 The moment I saw you out there,
01:01:47 You're not like most of the girls
01:01:51 That's fine. Turn around, drop your
01:01:56 (Chuckling) Oh, my God.
01:01:59 - This is great. Wow. Like this?
01:02:03 (Sighs) I have to admit,
01:02:08 Do those nylons go all the way up,
01:02:12 I'm gonna perform a procedure
01:02:16 It's an anally-induced ejaculation.
01:02:18 Anal??
01:02:20 You're gonna feel strong pressure
01:02:26 Come on, you don't have
01:02:30 I mean, we can just talk...
01:02:33 (Grunts)
01:02:35 (Squeals)
01:02:36 (Grunting)
01:02:43 Stop! OK, keep doin' it. Yaaah!
01:02:45 (EL) Right there! Ahhh!
01:02:49 (Moans)
01:02:53 Oh, my God! Ohhh!
01:02:56 (Sighs)
01:03:00 OK. All done.
01:03:06 (Exhales)
01:03:08 That was awesome!
01:03:13 Wait. Wait. Does that work?
01:03:16 I mean,
01:03:20 Oh, yeah, it works.
01:03:22 It works like a charm.
01:03:26 But back to our story.
01:03:28 'It was Sunday morning
01:03:31 'when things suddenly took
01:03:36 (Barry) I'm a mouse.
01:03:39 Eat me. Eat me. Eat me.
01:03:42 (Sighs) Come on.
01:03:45 You better eat him, Mitch,
01:03:48 (Panting) He's tasty.
01:03:51 He's tasty, Mitch. Oh! Oh!
01:03:54 - (Mouse squeaks)
01:04:03 Mmm! Mmm!
01:04:05 - Mmm! Mmm!
01:04:14 (Gulps) I didn't lie.
01:04:18 You-you told me
01:04:21 - I didn't. I said Austin.
01:04:24 Because of you,
01:04:27 So what?? Besides, wherever he went,
01:04:33 - What do you mean, because of me?
01:04:37 Josh likes you. It's disgusting.
01:04:40 I knew you'd come back.
01:04:43 - What do you want??
01:04:47 - I wasn't with Josh.
01:04:50 Cos Josh won't be back next semester.
01:04:53 He's about to flunk philosophy.
01:04:55 - What are you talking about??
01:05:00 but thanks to
01:05:05 he doesn't.
01:05:07 (Jacob) He's an idiot.
01:05:25 (Groans)
01:05:27 Oh, my God!
01:05:28 # I wanna rock
01:05:34 # Turn it down, you say
01:05:36 # All I gotta say to you
01:05:39 # No, no, no!
01:05:43 # Tell me not to play
01:05:44 # All I gotta say to you
01:05:47 # I say no, no, no, no
01:05:51 # So if you ask me why
01:05:56 # There's only one thing
01:05:59 # I wanna rock! Rock!
01:06:03 # I wanna rock! Rock!
01:06:07 # I want to rock! Rock... #
01:06:13 (Barry) 'That night I set the guys up
01:06:17 'I haven't been there in a long time.
01:06:20 'When I was seven years old
01:06:23 'and wasn't invited back.
01:06:25 'But I hear it's still real nice.'
01:06:27 I'm serious. "Please",
01:06:31 are the only words
01:06:34 What?? I'm great with old people.
01:06:38 Wait a minute.
01:06:41 - Barry's last name is Manilow?
01:06:44 - His name is Barry Manilow?
01:06:48 - (All) Hi!
01:06:51 Oh, look at you boys.
01:06:55 Jack, they're here!
01:06:57 # I see you, baby, shakin' that ass
01:07:01 # Shakin' that ass,
01:07:04 Jack, Barry's friends are here.
01:07:08 - (Dog groans)
01:07:10 - Oh, hey, fellas.
01:07:14 - Hey, how's it going?
01:07:17 - I'll give you guys the full tour.
01:07:20 Careful. Your boner!
01:07:22 Well, what do you want me to do,
01:07:26 (Groans) I'll tell you what, fellas,
01:07:28 we'll start by showin'
01:07:32 (Chuckles) I'll show you
01:07:35 Follow me, boys. The guest room...
01:07:39 Ohhh.
01:07:42 (TV) # Y'all know
01:07:44 # Don't be lookin' at me
01:07:49 # Come on... #
01:07:58 Excuse me.
01:08:01 You remember this kid?
01:08:03 No, sure don't.
01:08:06 (Mutters) Fuckin' airhead.
01:08:11 Let me ask you once more.
01:08:15 Ow. Now that you mention it,
01:08:19 If you loosen my arm,
01:08:22 Use your other arm.
01:08:29 - How many were there?
01:08:32 - (Cracking)
01:08:34 One of 'em was trying to score drugs.
01:08:37 Honey, look. They made two calls to
01:08:51 (Door opens)
01:08:57 (Grandpa) Havin' a smoke?
01:08:59 Uh...yeah, yeah.
01:09:04 (Groans) I can't sleep, either.
01:09:06 Goddam Viagra
01:09:10 (Chuckles) Are you OK?
01:09:13 - You look kinda goofy.
01:09:16 - Come on, out with it.
01:09:21 Well... I almost died two days ago.
01:09:25 - What??
01:09:28 I could be dead right now.
01:09:31 And since that happened,
01:09:35 You know? Like...
01:09:39 What is my reason for living?
01:09:43 Are you gonna
01:09:46 Doobie? Yeah. Yeah, sorry.
01:09:49 Uh, thanks.
01:09:59 You know what your problem is?
01:10:03 You're all brains.
01:10:07 Actually, uh, people have been
01:10:12 In the sixth grade I got so worried
01:10:16 that I was on
01:10:19 And by eighth grade,
01:10:22 And the truth is, weed is the
01:10:28 You know what I mean? Like...
01:10:33 You PK?
01:10:35 Hey, old man.
01:10:38 I got the fuckin' munchies real bad.
01:10:41 (Dog) How 'bout you?
01:10:47 OK, Tiffany,
01:10:52 Look at all this mail you got!
01:10:55 Look how many nice people
01:10:58 You even got a package from Josh.
01:11:01 Really?
01:11:03 Shall we open it
01:11:05 Yeah, come on, Tif. Let's open it.
01:11:09 - (Laughs) It's a tape.
01:11:12 Well, pop it in.
01:11:14 Maybe I should watch this on my own.
01:11:17 Oh, come on.
01:11:21 This'll definitely cheer you up.
01:11:29 (Beth) 'What do you look for
01:11:33 'Well, let's see.
01:11:37 - (Giggling)
01:11:40 'And, uh...
01:11:43 'That's good...that's good, too.'
01:11:45 (Beth) 'What else do you look for?? '
01:11:48 'Um... She should be, uh, attractive.
01:11:52 'And, um, topless.
01:11:55 - 'Uh-huh.'
01:12:12 (Josh) Bye-bye.
01:12:16 - Bye-bye.
01:12:23 Hey, Jack, have that bitch make me
01:12:32 # Amour, amour
01:12:35 # I built a lovin' machine
01:12:38 # I bow all night long
01:12:40 # I built a lovin' machine
01:12:42 # I bow all night long
01:12:45 # I put the two dollar in
01:12:48 # Three on fought frowned
01:12:51 # Grab a hold of my drummer, baby
01:12:54 # Everybody watch out
01:13:00 # Yeah... #
01:13:21 Excuse me. Ahem.
01:13:24 www.episodetwo/spoilers...
01:13:28 back slash...
01:13:32 (Sighs) OK, look.
01:13:34 and they are being very rude.
01:13:37 OK. Call you back.
01:13:40 I'm sorry, but we need your help.
01:13:42 - Do you know Tiffany Henderson?
01:13:45 Well, her grandfather died,
01:13:47 and she asked me
01:13:50 Oh, how sad. Do you have the key?
01:13:55 Well, she didn't bring it to the
01:13:59 Oh, I'm sorry,
01:14:02 Don't worry. Her mail will be here,
01:14:08 It's not like that, you see?
01:14:11 - This is an emergency.
01:14:15 Well, it's not a big deal, but
01:14:20 No one's asking you to do anything
01:14:24 Go have an Eskimo pie.
01:14:26 You guys are gonna have to leave.
01:14:28 We're not leaving without that mail.
01:14:31 Listen to the man before you get
01:14:34 - Come on, let's go.
01:14:37 Jesus!
01:14:40 I think he broke my nose. Oh, God!
01:14:44 Come on, Susie.
01:14:46 - You're a wrestler??
01:14:50 - Let me see it.
01:14:52 All right.
01:14:58 - Who's my bitch?
01:15:03 (Groans)
01:15:05 (Receptionist) That's it. No, no, no!
01:15:13 OK, everyone, freeze!
01:15:16 This here is pepper spray,
01:15:22 (Groaning)
01:15:24 These guys jumped me.
01:15:28 Kyle?
01:15:30 - Dad?
01:15:33 Freeze now! Everybody freeze!
01:15:35 Put your weapon down now!
01:15:37 My son was kidnapped!
01:15:39 Whoa, whoa... Who was kidnapped?
01:15:42 I wasn't kidnapped.
01:15:46 What are you talkin' about??
01:15:50 We all drove down here together.
01:15:52 What??
01:15:54 Then explain to me how
01:15:59 - Well, see...
01:16:02 That's right. Tell him, Kyle.
01:16:04 Uh-huh. Exactly.
01:16:06 Stolen?
01:16:09 What about the damned credit card?
01:16:12 It was inside,
01:16:15 Bullcrap! This is ridiculous! Why
01:16:20 Because I knew you'd get mad! See?
01:16:23 - I'm not mad! You're going with me.
01:16:28 - Tiffany!
01:16:31 - Nothing.
01:16:35 (Beeping)
01:16:36 My girlfriend's pagin' me.
01:16:39 - Good idea.
01:16:42 - He's comin' with me.
01:16:46 I'm going back with these guys.
01:16:48 Shut your mouth and don't talk back.
01:16:50 Why don't YOU shut up?
01:16:52 What the hell did you just say to me?
01:16:55 I said, you shut up.
01:16:57 You've always told me
01:17:00 Well, now I am.
01:17:05 You ungrateful...
01:17:07 (Screaming and shouting)
01:17:11 - What...
01:17:13 Go away! Go away!
01:17:15 - (Alarm ringing)
01:17:18 What was that all about?? I mean,
01:17:22 I just missed you. That's all.
01:17:24 I missed you, too, but it's crazy
01:17:29 What??
01:17:32 I am. But Josh, you have your
01:17:38 This isn't healthy. Besides...
01:17:42 I realised a few things
01:17:45 You did? Like what??
01:17:47 Like, we're in college.
01:17:50 The window of opportunity to go out
01:17:56 is getting smaller by the day.
01:18:00 - It is?
01:18:02 We've been together forever.
01:18:04 I mean...you're pretty much
01:18:08 What do you mean,
01:18:11 Well, I was 14, and you were away
01:18:15 Besides,
01:18:21 I've been thinking a lot
01:18:24 (Phone)
01:18:26 The real reason I drove down...
01:18:29 Hold that thought.
01:18:34 Hello?
01:18:37 Yeah, he's right here.
01:18:39 Who is this?
01:18:41 Hold on.
01:18:43 It's for you. It's Beth.
01:18:48 Who's Beth?
01:18:51 Uh... (Sighs)
01:18:54 Beth? What are you doing?
01:18:57 I'm not sure what's going on between
01:19:02 I'm actually glad you called,
01:19:07 OK, you first.
01:19:09 I can't really talk right now,
01:19:11 but I'll explain everything
01:19:14 'OK? Really. I promise.'
01:19:18 Uh, I- I gotta get going, OK?
01:19:20 - Wait! Do you want to hear mine?
01:19:23 Is it good?
01:19:25 Not really. Jacob lied to you.
01:19:27 There's no extension
01:19:30 What??
01:19:32 'He tried to trick you. If you
01:19:35 Shit!
01:19:37 'She should be smart and funny.'
01:19:41 - 'Aren't you glad I called? '
01:19:44 I'll call you as soon
01:19:48 - Is this for me?
01:19:50 Oh, God, no, no, no! You don't...
01:19:59 What the hell is this?
01:20:01 'I can see myself on TV,
01:20:05 It's Barry.
01:20:06 'Hey, look...
01:20:08 'Look at that. I can see my bum.
01:20:14 Why would you send this to me?
01:20:17 So wait - you guys broke up,
01:20:21 Yeah, pretty much.
01:20:24 Loser! Always have sex with the girl
01:20:29 Everyone knows that!
01:20:30 It's not like that. I've known her
01:20:35 So, what do we do now?
01:20:38 - Wanna smoke some drugs?
01:20:41 My mid-term starts in exactly
01:20:45 Although I'm gonna fail anyway,
01:20:49 - Which class was it??
01:20:52 I can teach you ancient philosophy
01:20:56 You can?
01:20:57 I can teach a monkey in 46 hours.
01:20:59 You just got to find a way
01:21:03 Like, OK...
01:21:06 - Who doesn't??
01:21:08 Socrates was like
01:21:11 He started it all.
01:21:15 # Can you hear us
01:21:18 # Can you hear us
01:21:22 # Life is a cigarette
01:21:26 # You smoke to the end
01:21:29 # But if you rocket the middle bit
01:21:32 # Then you burn all your friends
01:21:36 # The wider your eyes,
01:21:38 # Yes, it's true... #
01:21:41 Oh, what was the 20-Man Battle Royal??
01:21:44 Participation explains predication.
01:21:47 Right.
01:21:49 You know this! You'll be fine.
01:21:53 (Robot beeping)
01:21:59 Freeze, right there! Don't move!
01:22:02 Is this philosophy?
01:22:05 (Police sirens and radios)
01:22:07 If you hear anything, give me a call.
01:22:09 A bomb threat is serious.
01:22:12 - PK.
01:22:15 (Police radios)
01:22:18 (Cop) OK, let's move it.
01:22:20 What's goin' on
01:22:23 False alarm, people.
01:22:26 We're gonna do this thing.
01:22:46 - Josh.
01:22:49 Hey, um...thanks for calling.
01:22:53 Uh, it's been a really weird week.
01:22:58 So, how'd you do?
01:23:01 On the exam? Pretty good, actually.
01:23:04 - You did?
01:23:06 Were you surprised?
01:23:10 You weren't back
01:23:13 so I, uh, called in a bomb threat.
01:23:16 You did that??
01:23:19 (Laughs) That's insane.
01:23:21 I wasn't gonna let Jacob
01:23:24 Besides, I might need you
01:23:28 So I did good, right??
01:23:31 Good?
01:23:32 That's the coolest thing
01:23:51 Mom?
01:23:55 (Panting) I'm so sorry.
01:23:58 Mom?
01:24:00 I got carried away
01:24:02 (Panting)
01:24:06 So, anyway,
01:24:09 He got to stay in college.
01:24:11 'And he and Beth are still together.
01:24:14 'They're still really into
01:24:18 'In fact, they have about 70 hours
01:24:22 It's pretty wild.
01:24:24 I know, because I bought some of it.
01:24:27 That guy Jacob?
01:24:28 'He left school. He went on to become
01:24:33 'He tried organising a mass suicide.
01:24:36 'Only problem is,
01:24:39 'and, well, everyone else
01:24:44 Too bad.
01:24:46 As for Rubin... Remember Rubin?
01:24:48 Remember how he claimed that
01:24:53 (Rubin) The people of Earth need me.
01:24:55 Well, he was right.
01:24:57 Rubin used cross-pollination
01:25:01 that is not only remarkably potent...
01:25:04 but completely undetectable
01:25:07 Oh, my God.
01:25:09 'He was named
01:25:15 As for EL, despite his
01:25:20 he got serious with some girl he met.
01:25:22 And you want me to use two fingers?
01:25:25 'I believe she was pre-med.'
01:25:27 Did I say two? Better make it three.
01:25:31 Then there's Kyle.
01:25:33 'Kyle and his father
01:25:37 Hi, Dad. Merry Christmas.
01:25:39 'He brought his girlfriend home.'
01:25:41 Rhonda, this is my father, Earl.
01:25:44 Dad, this is Rhonda.
01:25:46 Merry Christmas, Dad.
01:25:48 Come here.
01:25:53 That's the end of the tour.
01:25:55 I hope you strongly consider becoming
01:26:00 as we lead future generations
01:26:03 forward into the new century.
01:26:05 Thanks a lot. You were great. Thanks.
01:26:08 - Thank you so much.
01:26:11 I'll see you in the fall.
01:26:15 - OK. Thank you.
01:26:17 I mean, uh, that was...
01:26:20 really great.
01:26:22 Thank you.
01:26:24 Thank you.
01:26:28 Thank you.
01:26:30 Thank you.
01:26:32 (Boy) Mom?
01:26:36 Thank you.
01:26:41 Thank you, Mommy.
01:26:43 I'm pumping your mommy.
01:26:48 (Grunting and moaning)
01:26:54 # Goddam right,
01:26:58 # Goddam right,
01:27:19 # OK, what is it tonight??
01:27:23 # Please, please tell me
01:27:26 # Do you wanna eat, do you
01:27:30 # Just settle down
01:27:34 # I'll give you candy,
01:27:38 # Give you anything you want,
01:27:42 # I'll even let you watch
01:27:46 # Just marry me,
01:27:49 # Oh, hey
01:27:58 # I'm so sick of you tonight
01:28:02 # You never stay awake
01:28:06 # Is something wrong with me,
01:28:09 # I really wish I knew,
01:28:14 # I'll give you candy,
01:28:17 # Give you anything you want,
01:28:21 # I'll even let you watch
01:28:25 # Just marry me,
01:28:28 # Oh, hey
01:28:49 # You've become so distant
01:28:54 # Stop touching me!
01:28:57 # Are you in love with this guy?
01:29:00 # When I was young I learned her game
01:29:04 # When love and happiness
01:29:08 # Now I'm older and I don't play
01:29:13 # I found out the hardest way
01:29:16 # I got wasted, she got mad
01:29:20 # She called me names
01:29:24 # He got crazy and violent, too
01:29:28 # One by one I'll torture you
01:29:32 # I'll give you candy,
01:29:36 # Give you anything you want,
01:29:40 # I'll even let you hear
01:29:44 # I'll give you anything,
01:29:47 # I'll give you anything,
01:29:51 # I'll give you anything,
01:29:56 # Anything
01:30:00 # Anything
01:30:04 # Anything
01:30:07 # I'll give you anything #