Scary Movie 4

en
00:00:42 Oh!
00:00:44 Ow!
00:00:49 Help! Help!
00:00:52 Am I dead?
00:00:53 You're not dead.
00:00:56 You've been taken
00:00:58 Kobe? Who is that?
00:01:05 Dr. Phil?
00:01:08 I don't know. I was doing a show
00:01:12 and suddenly, I woke up here.
00:01:13 Man, those kids
00:01:18 Hello, gentlemen.
00:01:20 You don't know me,
00:01:22 You both play games
00:01:25 but, today, you play a game
00:01:28 Right now, you are both
00:01:32 You have 120 seconds to reach
00:01:35 or you die.
00:01:37 Oh, my God!
00:01:39 Let the game begin.
00:01:42 There!
00:01:51 Hit the metal arm
00:01:54 There.
00:02:05 Damn it!
00:02:09 Sorry.
00:02:10 Shaquille, I'm not angry at you...
00:02:14 but we are one minute
00:02:17 Just shut out the "No" voice.
00:02:19 Own your success.
00:02:25 Oh!
00:02:28 Just make the damn basket!
00:02:34 What the hell was that for?
00:02:36 You hurt my feelings.
00:02:37 Your feelings?
00:02:40 Everybody with their feelings!
00:02:43 "I'm obese."
00:02:46 Just shut up!
00:02:47 Why can't I fix anyone?
00:02:49 I'm so dumb and worthless!
00:02:54 Hey, hey! Pull yourself together.
00:02:57 Not exactly.
00:03:00 - What?
00:03:04 I'm not even a psychologist.
00:03:06 I'm... an electrician.
00:03:09 I failed you, Shaq.
00:03:21 - Booyah!
00:03:26 30 seconds left!
00:03:30 This will never work.
00:03:33 Of course- he wants us
00:03:37 You go first.
00:03:39 Bullshit.
00:03:41 Yeah.
00:03:43 You're probably not man enough.
00:03:45 I guess your mama was right.
00:03:49 Never!
00:03:51 Who's the coward now, Mama?
00:03:54 Candy from a baby.
00:04:00 - Oh, my God!
00:04:04 - What's wrong?
00:04:10 Motherfu-
00:04:24 No one believed
00:04:26 in the early years
00:04:29 that our world was being
00:04:31 the way a man with a microscope
00:04:35 in a drop of water.
00:04:58 Yet across the gulf of space
00:05:01 a terrible evil prepared
00:05:04 upon an unsuspecting human race.
00:05:21 You're up early.
00:05:25 Come on.
00:05:29 Please.
00:05:52 Hello? Hello?
00:05:56 Tom! Oh!
00:06:00 I know you missed me.
00:06:04 I wanted to come by to thank you
00:06:06 This isn't a good time.
00:06:10 I just need something to keep me busy
00:06:13 He just turned 11.
00:06:15 I enrolled him in military
00:06:16 It's supposed to be
00:06:19 Boy, kids, you know,
00:06:22 So I heard
00:06:24 Knowing you,
00:06:27 "Quixotic."
00:06:28 90 points!
00:06:43 Oh, you know, your work with
00:06:47 I mean, they have
00:06:50 and we have so much
00:06:53 You know, ultimately, they...
00:06:56 only... older.
00:06:58 Anyway, I'm hoping that
00:07:02 keep my mind off of...
00:07:05 I'm sure you have memories, too.
00:07:10 Sometimes, I wake up in
00:07:12 wondering where he is,
00:07:15 I know you miss him, too,
00:07:19 I'm rattling on, but if you
00:07:21 they just well up inside of you
00:07:25 The harder you try,
00:07:28 till you just can't
00:07:30 Oh!
00:07:31 Like you're carrying around
00:07:34 Sometimes your problems
00:07:39 - And then what do you say to yourself?
00:07:42 Yes, you can turn to religion
00:07:45 but in the end,
00:07:48 Maybe that's why
00:07:50 I'm just- I'm so in tune
00:07:54 I guess I've always had
00:07:59 Oh, my-
00:08:26 Ryan, go home.
00:08:29 Come on, I need the overtime.
00:08:32 Don't worry. Okay?
00:08:34 I'm wide-
00:08:38 Ryan! What are you doing?
00:08:44 That was gold bullion-
00:08:49 No, not the monkeys!
00:08:56 They're loose!
00:09:03 Damn it, Tom!
00:09:05 Aw, come on, Ed.
00:09:07 Oh, yeah?
00:09:10 As soon as the going gets tough,
00:09:13 You're right. I quit.
00:09:16 Ah, you don't get it, do you?
00:09:17 You could be the best,
00:09:20 - I don't know.
00:09:23 What can I tell you, Ed?
00:09:26 Maybe I just don't have what it takes.
00:09:28 What are you talking about?
00:09:32 Aw, come on. That was easy.
00:09:42 Tom Ryan.
00:09:45 Well, I spend every waking minute
00:09:49 God, I hate my job.
00:09:56 Yo, Tom! Where you been?
00:09:58 Mahalik.
00:09:59 Yo, C.J.,
00:10:01 We used to work together
00:10:03 Ya-hi! Ya-hi! Ya-hi!
00:10:05 - Hey, Tom. How's the family, man?
00:10:07 - Your lovely wife- how could I forget?
00:10:10 Yeah, I know.
00:10:13 - What?
00:10:14 You guys talking about Marilyn?
00:10:18 My pops introduced me to her.
00:10:20 Ever since the divorce,
00:10:22 Half the time I walk around
00:10:24 Yo, don't joke about zombies.
00:10:26 Yo, you know Nashawn,
00:10:29 Yeah.
00:10:30 She told me that she heard a zombie
00:10:33 The next morning,
00:10:35 - Uh-
00:10:37 How in the hell
00:10:39 'Cause nobody knows where you are
00:10:42 Guys, I'm trying to ask-
00:10:43 So you telling me that you can appear
00:10:46 No, man. You can't appear
00:10:49 - The bitch ain't David Copperfield!
00:10:51 Mmm. No, no.
00:10:52 But you can't be gone from one place
00:10:55 So when you turn up,
00:10:57 And when you're missing,
00:10:59 Unless... you a zombie.
00:11:02 Damn!
00:11:03 Hey, that's some plausible shit right there.
00:11:06 - I'm gonna put that on MySpace.
00:11:09 Hey, Tom.
00:11:11 You know what you need to do, man?
00:11:14 - You need to take a break.
00:11:17 No, no. He's right, man. You should
00:11:21 Me and Mahalik, we found
00:11:24 Yeah. A great spot.
00:11:33 Hey. You cold?
00:11:38 - L-Little bit.
00:11:48 Hey. Look, man, um-
00:11:50 I'm not on the down-low
00:11:52 Oh, that's cool, man.
00:11:59 - Hey, what you doing?
00:12:01 I'm just trying to grab some nuts.
00:12:11 C.J., what are you doin'?
00:12:13 - I just wanna eat some peanuts.
00:12:16 See? Peanuts.
00:13:17 Ooh, baby.
00:13:33 Yeah...
00:13:35 Yeah.
00:13:38 Black cod.
00:13:40 Damn.
00:13:42 Tom, you don't-
00:13:45 Hopefully, this doesn't
00:13:47 Why would you do that,
00:14:01 Late again, Tom.
00:14:04 - Hey, Marilyn.
00:14:07 It's all I can afford right now. You took
00:14:11 No, actually, the judge
00:14:13 You're now officially known
00:14:17 I'm sure your new husband is pleased.
00:14:20 He's a good man.
00:14:23 You never cared
00:14:25 Hey, that's not true.
00:14:27 Kids!
00:14:30 Dad?
00:14:37 - Hi, Dad.
00:14:39 How's it going there,
00:14:43 It's locked.
00:14:48 Hey! Let me help you
00:14:49 - I should do that.
00:14:51 - I honestly don't mind.
00:14:53 Fine. You take it.
00:14:55 I'll see you on Tuesday.
00:14:57 Hey, Marilyn.
00:14:59 That's a good look for you,
00:15:03 I'm not pregnant!
00:15:06 I didn't meant to-
00:15:09 If you want to make things right,
00:15:12 You're right. Those kids
00:15:15 Well, the kids... and my car.
00:15:17 Ow!
00:15:23 Mr. Koji, looks like we need
00:15:27 Again?
00:15:28 Every day we don't have someone looking
00:15:32 - What happened to last girl?
00:15:35 Holy shit!
00:15:38 Someone put a towel under her
00:15:40 It's the Norris house, Mr. Koji.
00:15:44 There no such thing as a curse.
00:15:46 Don't be ridiculous.
00:15:48 Those just old wives' tales.
00:15:50 I need someone there today
00:15:57 Hello. I'm Cindy Campbell.
00:15:59 I'm looking for a job
00:16:03 I was recommended by a family friend,
00:16:05 Oh, my God!
00:16:08 Don't mind her.
00:16:10 You my new best employee.
00:16:14 Oh, it's so fast. I don't know.
00:16:16 Oh, trust me.
00:16:18 Come on, I show you.
00:16:33 Come! Come!
00:16:45 Mr. Koji?
00:16:50 Hello?
00:17:03 Oh, my God! Oh!
00:17:06 Okay, oh.
00:17:07 - Oh, let's get you up and-
00:17:09 Okay, come on.
00:17:12 - Oh, I'm sorry.
00:17:15 I see you've met Mrs. Norris-
00:17:17 Yes, I was just trying
00:17:19 I was afraid
00:17:21 You know, when I came in,
00:17:24 Of course, of course. I help.
00:17:26 Mrs. Norris,
00:17:30 Yes, I'm very happy
00:17:34 See? This job perfect for you.
00:17:38 Right this way.
00:17:40 So, what do you think?
00:17:42 I don't know. There's something
00:17:48 - A presence.
00:17:51 - Nothing wrong with this house.
00:17:53 I always dreamt I would live
00:17:56 but I guess that's all just in the...
00:18:01 past.
00:18:02 Who wants to see upstairs?
00:18:05 It's a nice neighborhood
00:18:08 There are hardwood floors throughout.
00:18:12 Big backyard goes back 100 feet.
00:18:21 And in here is the bathroom.
00:18:23 Very big, very...
00:18:26 nice.
00:18:28 It is nice.
00:18:30 It seems like
00:18:32 but I just can't shake
00:18:35 Evil? That crazy talk.
00:18:42 Do you know anything about
00:18:45 People? No, nothing about people.
00:18:48 Mr. Koji, did something strange
00:18:52 Strange? Don't be silly.
00:18:53 This house perfectly normal.
00:18:55 I'm sure you're right, and yet...
00:19:02 Mr. Koji?
00:19:04 That was me...
00:19:08 Very, very enthusiastic!
00:19:11 We offer medical and dental
00:19:16 I'm hoping...
00:19:20 Maybe get in a whole week!
00:19:22 You put in for this job...
00:19:24 we got wonderful opportunities for you.
00:19:26 Mr. Koji, is there something
00:19:35 I was... dirty.
00:19:40 So... the job?
00:19:44 I'll take it.
00:19:50 Get your glove!
00:19:53 Robbie, come on.
00:19:56 That's not how you're going
00:19:59 Look, Rach, this is guy stuff.
00:20:02 You got to trust me.
00:20:05 All right, Robbie, you ready
00:20:18 Yeah, maybe, one day,
00:20:22 All right,
00:20:25 but you have no idea
00:20:28 Well, when you start,
00:20:41 You okay?
00:20:42 My eyes! My eyes!
00:20:48 Oh, much... better.
00:20:53 - I'm so sorry.
00:20:55 I've taken balls
00:20:57 Hi. I'm Cindy Campbell,
00:21:00 Tom, Tom Ryan.
00:21:02 You, uh, live here
00:21:05 Well, I'm-I'm taking care
00:21:07 but... yes, for the first time
00:21:11 I know that feeling.
00:21:13 - It wasn't always that way.
00:21:16 You thought you'd found
00:21:19 Yes.
00:21:21 And then one day
00:21:23 and find your so-called soul mate
00:21:26 Well, not a complete stranger-
00:21:31 Sound familiar?
00:21:34 No, not at all.
00:21:37 But I do know what it's like
00:21:39 and the worst part is
00:21:42 - Alone?
00:21:45 Common.
00:21:47 - We're already finishing each other's-
00:21:51 Sentences.
00:21:54 Well... maybe all we really need
00:21:59 I'd like that.
00:22:01 Well, I better get back
00:22:04 It's time to put her catheter in,
00:22:06 I've got to scrub
00:22:08 and I've got to lance her boils.
00:22:10 I've got to open her up
00:22:43 ...empty the colostomy bag and...
00:22:45 Mop up the drool.
00:22:47 That's wonderful.
00:22:49 - I'll see you around?
00:22:52 Okay.
00:22:56 Okay, Mrs. Norris,
00:24:03 Whoa... Oh! Ow!
00:24:22 Mrs. Norris?
00:24:24 Have you noticed anything
00:24:27 - Yes! Yes!
00:24:30 Yes!
00:24:31 Oh, you're probably right.
00:24:36 Just relax now.
00:24:38 Here we go. Okay.
00:24:41 Oh, you poor thing.
00:24:44 I'm here to take care of you.
00:24:47 You know, I think you and I
00:24:51 I do. That's right. Just relax.
00:24:55 Let's get in those ears.
00:24:57 Okay. All right.
00:25:00 That's right.
00:25:06 Okay.
00:25:08 You love this, don't you?
00:25:11 It's nice and warm.
00:25:15 Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!
00:25:18 I'm so sorry!
00:26:39 Robbie!
00:26:42 Come on!
00:26:44 Let's toss the old pigskin!
00:26:53 Ooh.
00:26:55 I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there.
00:26:58 It's okay.
00:27:01 Thank God.
00:27:04 What's wrong?
00:27:07 Oh, nothing. It's just-
00:27:09 There's something
00:27:11 Last night, I saw a face.
00:27:14 - Did it have a nose?
00:27:16 That does sound like a face.
00:27:18 And then there was
00:27:22 and this horrible thing
00:27:24 I can't go through
00:27:26 Oh, I get it.
00:27:29 You still love him, don't you?
00:27:33 Wait! You don't understand.
00:27:36 It's painful to talk about,
00:27:42 I was married once.
00:27:44 - Get out the way, bitch!
00:27:48 Shut your ass up, snow ho!
00:27:53 Well... actually, married twice.
00:27:58 My husband and I
00:28:00 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:28:06 Stay loose, Cindy.
00:28:11 Always think, where's
00:28:14 After 20 fights, I was undefeated.
00:28:17 Only one fighter stood
00:28:19 You got this chick.
00:28:21 Tiffany Stone!
00:28:29 Cindy, listen to me.
00:28:30 I know you're scared, but I believe in you.
00:28:33 And if I do win, George, then will you
00:28:36 Yes. I promise.
00:28:38 Okay. Now just stick with the jab
00:28:41 Watch your footwork.
00:28:43 Let's go!
00:28:54 Whoa, whoa! You do that one more time,
00:29:01 I got it, I got it!
00:29:11 I can't take it anymore!
00:29:24 And that's when I lost my cool
00:29:26 and made the biggest mistake
00:29:28 Cindy, no!
00:29:31 Ooh, a nickel!
00:29:40 No!
00:30:23 Get out of the way!
00:30:25 George!
00:30:28 No!
00:30:31 If I hadn't have thrown that punch,
00:30:35 - I blame myself for it all.
00:30:37 But, Cindy, the past is the past.
00:30:41 Maybe you ought to think
00:30:44 If I'm ever going to love again...
00:30:46 it has to be with somebody
00:30:49 Well, I don't have a great track record
00:30:52 I have.
00:30:56 Uh... that's not really important.
00:30:59 What matters is
00:31:01 Oh.
00:31:04 - I should go.
00:31:08 Maybe I'm just not meant
00:31:13 but something about you
00:31:35 - What's happening?
00:31:40 Why is the sky so dark?
00:31:43 Why is the wind moving
00:31:47 Why don't any of us have driers?
00:31:49 I've never seen clouds
00:32:02 - You okay?
00:32:04 - Can you believe that thunder?
00:32:06 That storm is so fierce.
00:32:09 - I haven't either.
00:32:11 That last one sounded really close.
00:32:15 Don't worry- lightning never
00:32:20 - Where's Rachel?
00:32:27 Oh, there you are.
00:32:37 Okay. That's it. We're fine.
00:32:40 That last bolt of lightning
00:32:42 Giant turd.
00:32:45 Yes, the... lightning.
00:32:49 I'll go look for Robbie.
00:32:55 Turn it again,
00:32:57 I don't know what's going on.
00:33:00 Start!
00:33:03 Go!
00:33:07 My bowels have stopped moving!
00:33:11 - How's it going, Marvin?
00:33:14 - Try changing the solenoid.
00:33:17 Death to America!
00:33:21 Aw, shit!
00:33:44 Run!
00:34:35 Beautiful outfit!
00:34:38 Thanks.
00:34:41 - Where's your ride, G?
00:35:00 Hello?
00:35:04 "Haro"?
00:35:07 Hibachi. Benihana. Teriyaki.
00:35:09 Nagasaki. Okinawa.
00:35:13 Karate. Judo. Sumo. Samurai.
00:35:17 Nissan. Honda. Mitsubishi. Subaru.
00:35:21 Hara-kiri. Tsunami.
00:35:24 Yamaha. Nikon. Casio. Aiwa.
00:35:30 Minolta. Hitachi. Seiko. Toshiba.
00:35:34 Buddha! Shitake kimono!
00:35:37 Tempura. Sushi. Sashimi!
00:35:41 Fujitsu!
00:35:50 I can't read that.
00:35:52 That's better.
00:36:00 Let's go, honey!
00:36:03 Robbie, Dad's home!
00:36:09 What is it?
00:36:11 Death.
00:36:25 - Dad, talk to me. What's happening?
00:36:28 Alien attack!
00:36:30 Well, actually,
00:36:33 Fill this up with food.
00:36:37 My ass!
00:36:44 Penis.
00:36:46 We gotta go.
00:36:53 - Cindy!
00:36:55 - Run for it!
00:36:57 Someone's out there, somebody
00:37:01 - Oh, you wouldn't understand.
00:37:03 - Come with me.
00:37:07 I... guess this is good-bye.
00:37:10 When this is all over, promise me that
00:37:13 that you won't give up
00:37:16 - Alive?
00:37:19 I promise.
00:37:24 Good-bye, Cindy.
00:37:31 Hey, wait!
00:37:32 A solenoid... for luck.
00:37:47 Marvin!
00:37:49 Yeah, I got one
00:37:52 - Get in.
00:37:54 Because you're my responsibility now,
00:37:58 Ow!
00:38:01 - Hey. Hey!
00:38:04 Hey! What are you doing?
00:38:06 - Get in the car, Marvin.
00:38:09 Get in the car, Marvin,
00:38:12 Okay, fine.
00:38:17 - No, wait for me to-
00:38:20 - Why are you reaching at the same time?
00:38:22 - All right, on three.
00:38:24 One, two, three, open the door!
00:38:26 - Okay, on three.
00:38:29 Three.
00:38:31 - Don't do that. You're trying to annoy me.
00:38:33 I'm going on three. One, two-
00:38:35 Don't count when I count.
00:38:37 - What's the matter with you?
00:38:39 - If you look at me I lose count.
00:38:41 - One, two, three!
00:38:43 - Don't do it the same time.
00:38:46 - You go on "four." Can you count?
00:38:47 - So on your "three" or my "four"?
00:38:50 - I'm tryin' to get in the car.
00:38:52 You said, "three." So are you doin' it
00:38:55 - For Christ's sake!
00:38:57 If the count is "three,"
00:38:58 - Now it's "four."
00:39:00 You gave me "four" first
00:39:02 - But I have to count to "three" first.
00:39:04 - Just let me say "three."
00:39:06 - You want the black man to wait again?
00:39:08 - That's what I've been doin'.
00:39:11 Why would you reach for it when
00:39:13 Do I still go on "four"?
00:39:15 When I say "three,"
00:39:17 You got all the time in the world!
00:39:19 You can go home, watch television
00:39:23 - Fine.
00:39:24 No. No "one." I'm out.
00:39:27 I'll take the next one.
00:39:30 - Jesus.
00:39:35 Seriously, I'd rather be dead.
00:39:39 GIRL
00:39:41 "She fed and took care
00:39:43 "But one day, the duck got loose
00:39:48 "The duck ran down the road
00:39:50 until he found a pond."
00:39:52 Mr. President,
00:39:56 the planet is under attack by aliens.
00:39:58 Oh. Okay.
00:40:00 "The duck went back"-
00:40:02 Sir? They've already wiped out
00:40:05 If nothing is done,
00:40:07 I see. Well, I'll handle that
00:40:10 But right now, I need to find out
00:40:13 Sir, with each passing moment,
00:40:17 The people are gonna die
00:40:19 but this duck still has
00:40:22 I've read the story before, Mr. President.
00:40:27 The duck dies.
00:40:30 My God!
00:40:33 Mr. President, the aliens?
00:40:36 You mean, right now all of these
00:40:40 Kids! Kids, please!
00:40:43 It's not as bad as it seems.
00:40:46 They didn't die alone. I'm sure they
00:40:51 Even Santa Claus?
00:40:53 No, of course not.
00:41:00 Just like the Tooth Fairy,
00:41:03 Easter Bunny-
00:41:07 The female orgasm.
00:41:09 Wait and see what happens
00:41:13 What's wrong? Your parents
00:41:16 I can give them a little advice,
00:41:19 Oh, I forgot.
00:41:22 All right now, let's go on to
00:41:25 "Stiltzkin," sir.
00:41:28 I just don't get kids.
00:41:30 - Remind me to sign that abortion bill.
00:41:46 You may leave
00:41:47 or the gaping hole
00:41:50 We realize you have
00:41:52 and we appreciate
00:41:55 - Thank you.
00:42:00 Hey! That's mine! I found it!
00:42:04 - Cindy?
00:42:07 Oh, my God.
00:42:10 Yeah, too long.
00:42:13 I thought you were dead.
00:42:15 Oh, I thought
00:42:17 What are you doing here?
00:42:19 No, I'm trying to get a good story.
00:42:21 I'm a reporter now.
00:42:24 Wow, you're really doing
00:42:26 I was on assignment.
00:42:30 Here's Detroit.
00:42:33 And here's Detroit after the attack.
00:42:38 Oh, my God.
00:42:40 The attack was devastating.
00:42:43 It's over, Cindy.
00:42:46 No, no. There's still hope.
00:42:48 I have reason to believe that there's
00:42:51 maybe even a way for us to fight back.
00:42:54 Come on.
00:42:57 Maybe. But how are
00:43:00 None of these cars work.
00:43:02 Wait. See if this works.
00:43:07 Hey! I got the last working car
00:43:10 This is our road, bitches! Ha-ha!
00:43:18 You're right, Cindy.
00:43:20 I-
00:43:32 Look at all the injured.
00:43:34 It's so sad.
00:43:37 Big-ass rat, man!
00:43:39 Oh! That sewer took forever to fix!
00:43:41 Man, I'm gonna need
00:43:44 What the hell happened here?
00:43:50 - Zombies!
00:43:54 Let's go!
00:43:57 Don't let 'em bite you!
00:43:59 Good news!
00:44:02 Grandma?
00:44:05 Die, Grandma! Die! Die!
00:44:08 - I loved you! I loved you!
00:44:12 Look what they did
00:44:14 Whoa!
00:44:19 That woman raised me from birth.
00:44:29 Hey, he's got a car. He's got a car.
00:44:31 Give us the car and the keys!
00:44:33 This isn't my car.
00:44:37 It's not my car. Don't worry, kids.
00:44:41 There's no possible way they can-
00:44:43 Pull the robot out of chocolate.
00:44:48 - Daddy!
00:44:55 Whoa!
00:44:58 Why?
00:45:01 Well.
00:45:03 Get back! Get back!
00:45:10 Gimme the gun.
00:45:12 What do I do about him?
00:45:14 I don't want the car.
00:45:17 No way I'm giving up the gun.
00:45:19 So, you need a gun,
00:45:23 - What do you want?
00:45:26 Okay. Let's all switch on three.
00:45:29 One, two, three.
00:45:34 Is this right?
00:45:36 I don't think so.
00:45:41 Dad, they're taking the car.
00:45:44 Yes, well, uh, let's keep going.
00:45:48 What?
00:45:51 Yeah, that's right. I'm giving up.
00:45:53 You want a hero?
00:45:56 Why?
00:45:59 Let's go.
00:46:02 Now, let me get this straight:
00:46:05 The girl hugged the duck,
00:46:09 Mr. President,
00:46:11 Get me Homer Landsquiddy.
00:46:13 You mean, "Homeland Security."
00:46:17 Sir, this woman was an eyewitness
00:46:20 - What can you tell us?
00:46:22 The clothing was burned off
00:46:25 There were naked people
00:46:28 - Were you naked?
00:46:30 Thank God.
00:46:32 Get her a souvenir.
00:46:54 Lil' Kim-
00:46:59 Look out-
00:47:02 R. Kelly, don't pee on me!
00:47:06 My lovely lady lumps!
00:47:08 Where are we?
00:47:10 I'm not sure,
00:47:13 It's supposed to be near mile 62.
00:47:17 Is something wrong?
00:47:19 No, it's just...
00:47:21 I met this guy,
00:47:24 Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.
00:47:26 What's his name?
00:47:30 Tom Ryan.
00:47:31 Yeah, did him.
00:47:35 No... No.
00:47:38 But he is the kind of guy that I'd like
00:47:46 Cindy! Look!
00:47:56 What is this place?
00:47:58 I don't know, but the boy's father's
00:48:01 We'll have to sneak our way in.
00:48:03 But we're not gonna
00:48:05 - Brenda, look.
00:48:36 Ezekiel?
00:48:38 Ezekiel, where are you?
00:48:46 Ezekiel,
00:48:50 No cheating.
00:49:15 That's him!
00:49:17 He's cute.
00:49:22 Friends, friends. Do not fear the noise
00:49:27 There is a gentle truce
00:49:29 and the creatures
00:49:32 Now, who would like to say grace?
00:49:34 Ooh!
00:49:36 Ah, Ezekiel.
00:49:39 Pee-pee.
00:49:41 Pee-pee vagina.
00:49:46 Amen.
00:49:56 Father?
00:49:59 Holly.
00:50:01 For what purpose
00:50:04 the celebration
00:50:08 of Mordecai and Hoss?
00:50:11 The guards caught
00:50:19 Who are you?
00:50:21 I must speak with you.
00:50:24 Don't be ridiculous.
00:50:26 - I have no son.
00:50:28 I know who you are.
00:50:31 - I was young. I needed the work.
00:50:34 At Mrs. Norris's house.
00:50:36 I didn't know whose house it was.
00:50:38 They drugged me.
00:50:41 You're outsiders.
00:50:51 The question of the outsiders
00:50:54 But first, Martha,
00:50:58 Nathaniel Winston
00:51:01 have informed me
00:51:03 He intends to have sex with her
00:51:06 She intends to put up a mild fight
00:51:16 Amos, something does trouble you?
00:51:21 We now have a majority
00:51:25 instead of “I am."
00:51:27 - I'm for that.
00:51:31 Silence!
00:51:33 We have more important matters
00:51:35 I fear that the presence
00:51:39 will attract those of whom
00:51:42 If you talk about those
00:51:46 have you not spoken of that
00:51:48 about which we do not talk?
00:51:50 Do not speak of that
00:51:53 we talk of not speaking...
00:52:07 Elder Hale. We should welcome
00:52:11 Jeremiah, ought not
00:52:14 I am sorry, Elder Hale...
00:52:17 but sometimes my tongue wiggles
00:52:23 This is a problem with which
00:52:27 Maybe I could help him in a room
00:52:31 Or you can all watch.
00:52:34 Silence.
00:52:40 After this, how about you take
00:52:45 and slide it up in my place
00:52:47 Silence!
00:52:49 The elders will consult.
00:53:00 Ah. Much better.
00:53:35 I'm not in my house, am I?
00:53:39 No.
00:53:44 Outsiders, we have decided
00:53:49 so that you'll be safe from
00:53:52 Or don't.
00:53:54 Speak.
00:53:56 But now that you are
00:53:59 understand this:
00:54:01 You may never leave.
00:54:03 No! No!
00:54:07 How did your son die?
00:54:09 - The fate of the world is at stake.
00:54:12 Was it you? Did you kill him?
00:54:14 This is some shit
00:54:16 - I'm for that.
00:54:21 This village isn't
00:54:27 Just hours after
00:54:30 world leaders have gathered
00:54:34 In this, mankind's darkest hour...
00:54:37 the human race has turned, as one...
00:54:39 to the wisdom and leadership
00:54:41 of the President
00:54:44 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:54:48 Go get 'em, tiger.
00:54:50 They mean you, sir.
00:54:52 Oh, yes, of course.
00:55:03 So... an Indian, a Frenchman
00:55:07 The pilot says,
00:55:11 So the Pope lifts up
00:55:14 "Shut up, stupid.
00:55:18 The Israeli asked the Japanese guy
00:55:20 but the Japanese man says,
00:55:23 You're the one who sold me
00:55:26 What's the difference between
00:55:29 The Belgian drinks wine,
00:55:37 But, on a serious note,
00:55:42 "un"...because the Earth
00:55:45 I'm happy to report that we may
00:55:48 My military advisers
00:55:50 have managed
00:55:52 They have captured one
00:55:56 As you know, the heat ray destroys the body,
00:56:00 Our engineers have managed to reverse
00:56:03 in the hopes that it can now
00:56:07 the alien invaders.
00:56:13 Well, where was I?
00:56:16 Ah, yes. We expect that the
00:56:19 to this reconfigured weapon.
00:56:24 People, please! Please!
00:56:27 Please, people. Now, I know that this
00:56:33 but I believe that deep down
00:56:36 is our best chance.
00:56:38 Let me give you a demonstration.
00:56:40 Now let's see if this thing
00:56:45 Uh... it's not a very pretty sight.
00:56:48 Everything's loose
00:56:50 Look at this little pink thing.
00:56:59 Someone get some lubricant,
00:57:02 There.
00:57:17 Harper. Good God,
00:57:20 Have you no shame?
00:57:24 - Sir, you're naked, too.
00:57:26 - I thought this was a wrinkly leather coat.
00:57:29 - These aren't buttons?
00:57:31 I've been pulling this thing
00:57:33 Mr. President, please.
00:57:35 There goes that duck again.
00:57:43 Yo, man, you see this red weed?
00:57:45 Nope.
00:57:47 Dad, how much further till Mom's?
00:57:49 I don't know.
00:57:51 I'm not sure how much longer
00:57:54 I've been walking
00:57:57 - Then who the hell is-
00:58:00 Stay close, Rachel.
00:58:03 Dad, look!
00:58:06 Hey! Hey! You guys!
00:58:09 Robbie! Oh, no.
00:58:13 Don't move. For God's sake,
00:58:16 Hey! Hey, you guys!
00:58:21 Awesome!
00:58:23 - Wait!
00:58:26 No!
00:58:29 Kick ass.
00:58:31 Robbie!
00:58:33 - Yes!
00:58:35 Hey, look at that guy.
00:58:41 Robbie! Robbie!
00:58:50 Rachel! Rachel!
00:58:52 Little girl, are you alone?
00:58:55 You need to come with me.
00:58:57 I'll keep you safe, right, kids?
00:58:59 Uh-uh.
00:59:01 - Do you have a little brother?
00:59:06 Run away, kids!
00:59:09 Toward the tripod,
00:59:10 Don't go! I've got a Ferris wheel
00:59:13 and a big, soft bed
00:59:20 No, please!
00:59:22 Not my real face!
00:59:24 Not my real face!
00:59:25 No!
00:59:33 Over here.
00:59:35 Follow me to safety.
00:59:38 - Ow!
00:59:41 - I don't know about this.
00:59:44 All right. Yeah.
01:00:12 That's it.
01:00:15 Oh, Brenda.
01:00:16 Yes! You did it!
01:00:21 You have learned quickly
01:00:24 Are you sure you have not
01:00:27 Well, we don't call it churning
01:00:37 Pee-pee vagina.
01:00:53 Quick! Into the cellar.
01:00:55 No!
01:00:58 This is the cellar.
01:01:01 Damn it!
01:01:05 Quick!
01:01:27 Boogedy-boogedy-boogedy.
01:01:30 Boogedy-boogedy-boogedy-boogedy.
01:01:32 Hey! You're not monsters.
01:01:37 Old Lady Henderson?
01:01:39 And Pig-Face Joe!
01:01:46 What happened?
01:01:48 It is Henry.
01:01:50 He has suffered a heart attack
01:01:52 brought on by this knife.
01:01:56 Who did this?
01:01:58 It was... Ezekiel.
01:02:02 Henry, you need a hospital.
01:02:04 It's not too late.
01:02:06 Perhaps you could start by
01:02:12 Do not be concerned for him,
01:02:14 We have sent our most qualified
01:02:31 I am so dead.
01:02:33 Please, leave me alone
01:02:35 I have much to tell them.
01:02:40 Listen carefully to me.
01:02:43 I am not long for this world.
01:02:45 - Pussy.
01:02:47 What? 50 Cent got shot nine times.
01:02:51 Tell me, Henry, who killed the boy?
01:02:54 No, I loved him and his mother
01:02:58 I should have been with him
01:03:00 It was horrible.
01:03:02 What happened?
01:03:04 They went to a boxing match.
01:03:06 It was a women's
01:03:10 And there was
01:03:13 Oh, my God.
01:03:26 Only in America!
01:03:33 All this time, I've been
01:03:36 when it was me, Brenda.
01:03:38 It was all my fault.
01:03:40 Henry, your son told me
01:03:42 I would know how
01:03:44 And he was right.
01:03:47 All you have to do is-
01:03:54 Who the hell
01:03:56 His brother, the sheriff.
01:04:01 Fuckin' "A."
01:04:09 There you go, sweetie.
01:04:11 We're gonna die, aren't we?
01:04:13 Hey, nothing's gonna happen to you.
01:04:18 - You've lost Robbie.
01:04:21 None of that matters right now.
01:04:26 Try and get some sleep, okay?
01:04:29 Sing me
01:04:33 I don't know that one.
01:04:35 Sing me "Hushabye Mountain"?
01:04:38 I'm sorry, Rachel,
01:05:17 Hey. Come on in.
01:05:19 Have a seat.
01:05:22 - The name's Oliver.
01:05:27 I found this place.
01:05:30 Along with two freshly killed
01:05:33 who "owned" the place.
01:05:37 - Are you afraid?
01:05:39 I'm not.
01:05:42 I used to drive an ambulance
01:05:44 but, apparently, I wasn't
01:05:48 It seems I was killing more people
01:05:50 Something about that siren
01:05:53 Wham! Carnage.
01:05:57 But this is different.
01:05:59 No, it's an extermination.
01:06:02 It's no more of a war than there's a war
01:06:04 or dragons and wolves...
01:06:07 or men riding dragons,
01:06:11 Damn it, Tom. Can't you understand
01:06:15 These aliens must have a weakness.
01:06:17 I heard that the Japs killed
01:06:20 Kikkoman.
01:06:23 Right, yeah. Low sodium.
01:06:25 What I'm trying to say, Tom, is that you
01:06:28 It's us that should be coming up
01:06:30 Of course, we'll have to
01:06:32 but it'll be worth it.
01:06:34 Cool breeze. No sunblock. Worms.
01:06:36 When we build our own tripods,
01:06:39 I gotta show ya something.
01:06:44 We'll tunnel up from behind
01:06:52 Wish we had some shovels,
01:07:04 Dad.
01:08:12 Daddy!
01:08:15 Rachel!
01:08:19 Rachel! Rachel!
01:08:32 What's the secret, Brenda?
01:08:37 Oh, please!
01:08:48 Cindy!
01:09:08 Help! Help!
01:09:12 I promised I'd find you, didn't I?
01:09:29 Where are we?
01:09:32 Some kind of basket
01:09:35 Jesus!
01:09:37 I know, it's horrible.
01:09:40 What are the aliens
01:09:42 I don't know,
01:09:44 young, old, rich, poor, Chingy.
01:09:58 - Daddy!
01:10:00 - No!
01:10:03 Tom!
01:10:15 Am I dead?
01:10:18 You're not dead.
01:10:30 - Brenda!
01:10:32 Hey... could be worse.
01:10:38 - You want to switch?
01:10:41 Brenda, look!
01:10:44 I don't believe it!
01:10:52 Hello, humans.
01:10:57 Where's Rachel? What have
01:10:59 All in good time, Tom.
01:11:03 The devices you wear
01:11:07 The switch on the wall
01:11:12 But where is the key?
01:11:13 I'll give you a hint, Cindy.
01:11:16 Let the game begin.
01:11:18 I... I don't get it.
01:11:22 Okay...
01:11:34 You want me to... cut something?
01:11:37 That should be obvious, yes.
01:11:43 No.
01:11:46 No!
01:11:55 Zoltar, get in here!
01:12:03 Fake eye.
01:12:05 Bad bar fight in '96.
01:12:11 Oh.
01:12:16 Oh... oh, I hope this doesn't
01:12:20 Of course not.
01:12:29 Is it too late
01:12:31 Silence!
01:12:36 - Rachel!
01:12:37 - Robbie!
01:12:44 The only thing keeping
01:12:48 Well, we had a good run.
01:12:54 Ha! You weren't expecting that,
01:12:57 On the contrary,
01:13:06 I call it..."the nutcracker."
01:13:08 Why?
01:13:10 Of course.
01:13:19 Tempura. Sushi. Sashimi!
01:13:28 Oh, my- Oh, my gosh.
01:13:30 Of course. Follow the blood.
01:13:34 You're the little boy's real father!
01:13:36 Where did you even meet her?
01:13:38 It was spring break in Cabo. So what?
01:13:41 I blended in.
01:13:43 What's this?
01:13:47 Enjoy your purple nurple, Tom.
01:13:52 Please, your son
01:13:55 His soul walks the Earth because
01:13:57 No. I have crossed a galaxy
01:14:00 But it's my fault.
01:14:02 Oh, I don't think so.
01:14:06 Hey, Cindy!
01:14:09 I'm gonna give a shout out
01:14:14 Have you lost your mind?
01:14:15 No one... bitch slaps... Brenda!
01:14:18 Zoltar, help!
01:14:20 Oh, oh!
01:14:24 I know you hold a grudge against humanity
01:14:27 Oh, wet willy!
01:14:30 Killing us won't bring
01:14:33 No. You will all pay
01:14:36 Besides,
01:14:39 When the trap closes on you,
01:14:42 Your children will be saved...
01:14:45 but you will suffer a terrible death.
01:14:47 Can you hang on
01:14:50 You have 60 seconds.
01:14:54 - No.
01:14:59 It's okay to let go, Dad.
01:15:01 All you ever had to do
01:15:05 And show me what it means
01:15:07 And show me
01:15:11 We forgive you, Dad.
01:15:24 The spikes- they stopped!
01:15:29 - Kids!
01:15:36 Are you... sparing our lives?
01:15:39 Anyone can hold a grudge...
01:15:41 but it takes real courage to forgive.
01:15:43 - The invasion is over.
01:15:47 And I guess I'm sorry or something.
01:15:51 Like you mean it.
01:15:52 Okay.
01:15:54 I'm sorry for killing millions of people.
01:15:57 Wait... where's Brenda?
01:16:02 What?
01:16:04 We're at peace now.
01:16:08 Come on, Brenda. Let's go.
01:16:11 Bye, Zoltar!
01:16:17 Tell me you didn't catch something.
01:16:19 Nah, it's cool.
01:16:24 We are so fucked.
01:16:42 Mommy!
01:16:49 Thank you.
01:16:52 Hey, look, kids- Grandpa.
01:16:56 No, that's my new husband.
01:17:04 Oh, I think it's romantic-
01:17:13 And so, love triumphed in the end...
01:17:17 and the invaders were destroyed.
01:17:19 For this world, our world...
01:17:22 is the world of man.
01:17:24 We have earned the right
01:17:27 and as long as we love,
01:17:31 Each of our enemies has failed
01:17:35 each has been undone
01:17:40 Among all worlds,
01:17:44 we stand above, we stand alone.
01:17:47 None can threaten our existence,
01:17:52 And why?
01:17:54 Of all the qualities
01:17:57 it is love that is
01:18:00 and because of love, mankind-
01:18:07 Thank you.
01:18:10 We have got a very special man
01:18:14 That's right- he's in the building!
01:18:17 Put your hands together
01:18:23 - Yes!
01:18:34 Whoo!
01:18:41 - Wow.
01:18:44 Okay.
01:18:50 - So, you're in love.
01:18:58 He's lost it.
01:19:01 Yeah!
01:19:09 - You are adorable when you are in love.
01:19:12 - Tell us all about her.
01:19:15 So it's complicated.
01:19:17 Yeah, you were saying
01:19:19 Shut up!
01:19:30 - Ow!
01:19:33 - I'm insane!
01:19:35 - You're happy?
01:19:37 Whoa!
01:19:42 Tom. Okay, you've got balls.
01:19:46 Yeah!
01:19:50 Shoe!
01:19:57 I love Cindy Campbell!
01:19:59 I can jump on things!
01:20:03 Whoa!
01:20:08 Wowee-wowee-wowee-wowee-wowee!
01:20:12 Wowee- wowee-wowee-wowee!
01:20:14 Ya-ha! Whoa!
01:20:21 Okay, um, Tom...
01:20:23 I know she's here.
01:20:26 - Cindy! Cindy!
01:20:28 - Let's bring her out right now!
01:20:42 Oh, God! God!
01:20:45 Oh, God!