Sex And Death 101

en
00:02:36 Who the hell's Roderick Blank?
00:02:39 [Narrating]
00:02:43 You ever see a guy
00:02:45 looking so happy and content
00:02:47 and turn his face
00:02:50 I'm sorry. That April morning,
00:02:52 I couldn't help it.
00:02:54 I had what I thought
00:02:56 excellent job,
00:02:58 excellent life.
00:03:00 If only I hadn't let Trixie
00:03:02 What would you say if I broke out
00:03:05 You know how this good mood thing
00:03:08 And yet... you persist.
00:03:11 [laughs]
00:03:13 Stop! Or we're never gonna
00:03:16 - [beep]
00:03:19 "'Re: Bachelor Party Stripper Crisis."
00:03:23 Have I told you how grateful I am
00:03:25 Delete! Delete!
00:03:27 Men like Lester are the reason
00:03:30 [Narrating]
00:03:33 Other woman had lost all appeal.
00:03:35 One in particular.
00:03:38 They called her Death Nell,
00:03:40 even though, technically,
00:03:42 Different hairstyles,
00:03:44 different spray-painted messages.
00:03:47 - [rasping]
00:03:51 The same comatose result.
00:03:53 [thud]
00:03:55 It was all we could
00:03:57 Five dates leading
00:04:00 and ending in endless slumber.
00:04:03 She was the worst thing
00:04:04 and the best thing
00:04:06 in quite some time.
00:04:08 Needless to say, I had
00:04:11 to be getting out of the game.
00:04:14 For every guy or gal,
00:04:17 when you say, it’s time.
00:04:21 Meet Fiona Wormwood,
00:04:24 Stop staring, perv.
00:04:26 [Roderick narrating]
00:04:30 She was not the sweetest girl in the world.
00:04:32 Just, I-- I like-- okay.
00:04:33 But when it comes to
00:04:35 the rest of your life with,
00:04:38 There.
00:04:39 Your married friends
00:04:44 -They tell you...
00:04:46 Your parents tell you...
00:04:48 - Son, it's time.
00:04:51 The whole damn universe tells you.
00:04:58 Don't make me the villain.
00:05:00 I told your sister
00:05:01 exactly how many pounds
00:05:03 to fit into that bridesmaid's dress.
00:05:05 Enough.
00:05:09 [Roderick narrating]
00:05:11 [Trixie] Okay, if you can
00:05:13 Thank you.
00:05:15 I mean The Matador!
00:05:18 It looks like two all-beef patties,
00:05:20 lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions
00:05:23 Boss.
00:05:24 Hey, that's very special sauce--
00:05:26 [Narrating]
00:05:29 I like to tell reporters,
00:05:31 "It's always been
00:05:32 in a fast-food restaurant."
00:05:34 [chuckles]
00:05:35 Our place was different.
00:05:38 The plan was simple.
00:05:40 Swallow up the food names,
00:05:42 Starbuck the decor.
00:05:43 [chuckles]
00:05:45 One Swallow Cornucopia to go!
00:05:48 Have a startling and unique day.
00:05:50 You, too.
00:05:52 Please, Trixie, tell me that was
00:05:55 - No, there's one more.
00:05:57 - Hold on.
00:05:58 Doesn't say who it's from.
00:06:00 - [clicking mouse]
00:06:01 I don't know.
00:06:02 I'm getting, like, a virus vibe here.
00:06:06 Okay! It's your life.
00:06:10 Oh, that's weird.
00:06:13 It's a list of names.
00:06:14 Must be more wedding bullshit.
00:06:16 Well, they're all women's names.
00:06:18 Number one-- does the name
00:06:21 Patricia Francini?
00:06:22 Whoa, I haven't heard that name in...
00:06:24 Patty and I were co-captains
00:06:27 her main claim
00:06:29 in classic backseat drive-in fashion,
00:06:31 she took my virginity.
00:06:33 Clan of the Cave Bear
00:06:36 Drive-in's now a Staples.
00:06:37 What did you say this list was?
00:06:39 I didn't, unless Allison Bradbury
00:06:40 is the second girl
00:06:43 - Whoa.
00:06:45 Are you saying this is a list of
00:06:48 - Who's number three?
00:06:50 Well, that would be Debbie Roberts.
00:06:51 No, wait. She was four.
00:06:54 Who was the spooky
00:06:57 I had to drive her home,
00:07:00 Daisy Milos Ross?
00:07:02 - Yes! Crazy Daisy!
00:07:04 Milos-- what? Ross?
00:07:07 Who sent this?
00:07:08 Is this some...
00:07:09 pre-bachelor party trick,
00:07:10 of all the girls I've loved before?
00:07:12 But who would know
00:07:15 Damn, Roderick, this is
00:07:18 Well, thanks.
00:07:19 I don't know if I'd
00:07:22 I guess some guys might be impressed
00:07:24 but I racked up most of those numbers
00:07:27 Uh, Sparky?
00:07:29 There's more than 29 wild oats
00:07:32 Trix. T. Now, it's not like
00:07:36 that keeps track
00:07:37 [laughs]
00:07:38 Every guy is one
00:07:40 Stop! The ever-delightful
00:07:42 soon to be Fiona Blank,
00:07:45 But, dude, the list keeps going.
00:07:47 Closing out at...
00:07:50 a hundred and one.
00:07:51 That's impossible.
00:07:53 Wait. April Fool's Day today, isn't it?
00:07:55 That was yesterday.
00:07:57 Hmm...
00:07:59 One of the guys.
00:08:00 Zack, Chico, Lester--
00:08:02 Especially Lester.
00:08:03 What better way to mess with me
00:08:05 than by sending me the names of
00:08:06 all the women I've had sex with?
00:08:08 Teasing me
00:08:11 72 more tantalizing
00:08:13 Symbolize all the fine trim you'll be sacrificing
00:08:15 once you get married.
00:08:16 Exactly. Yes.
00:08:18 - Hmm.
00:08:19 Mm-hmm.
00:08:20 You sure you don't have
00:08:23 I mean, according to the list,
00:08:25 - [clicking mouse]
00:08:29 Followed by Cynthia Rose.
00:08:33 Followed by--
00:08:34 Well, whoever did this
00:08:36 Print it.
00:08:37 [speaking Japanese]
00:08:39 Sayonara!
00:08:41 - [door closes]
00:08:42 [Narrating]
00:08:44 The last goddamn e-mail.
00:08:47 The list.
00:08:48 Every woman I ever,
00:08:52 [Trixie on phone]
00:08:55 - [beep]
00:08:57 Oh, did I remember to warn you
00:08:59 that you're gonna be kidnapped
00:09:01 [door opens]
00:09:02 [screaming, whooping]
00:09:09 Whoa!
00:09:10 Hey, Roderick.
00:09:12 [men chattering]
00:09:14 - Ready to party, Rod?
00:09:16 No one said anything about
00:09:18 - Lester.
00:09:19 This is my house.
00:09:21 Fiona gave us permission.
00:09:22 Oh, you're insane.
00:09:25 - Interesting e-mail today.
00:09:27 Worry not.
00:09:29 Oh, no. Not the stripper crisis.
00:09:30 The, uh, kooky one. The list.
00:09:33 - What list?
00:09:35 - What are you talking about?
00:09:37 - Names.
00:09:39 Turn that up!
00:09:41 Rule six.
00:09:42 No ham radio operating.
00:09:45 - Get it? Breasts?
00:09:47 No ham radio operating.
00:09:49 Rule seven.
00:09:52 - [Man] Checking the oil?
00:09:54 Vagina!
00:09:55 No checking the oil.
00:09:57 - And I loved the touch of adding to the list
00:10:01 the names of women
00:10:03 - No cotton candy.
00:10:05 Oh. Yeah. "What list?"
00:10:07 Hey! You two jokers
00:10:09 Show Precious some respect!
00:10:11 This is a bachelor party.
00:10:12 It ain't fun and games.
00:10:14 Who wants to play
00:10:16 - [men hoot]
00:10:18 [man snoring]
00:10:29 [rowdy yelling]
00:10:41 - [music stops]
00:10:43 - [smooch]
00:10:45 Goodbye!
00:10:46 ** [rock]
00:10:53 [vomiting]
00:10:58 Mm. You call this decadence?
00:11:01 Bro, it was you!
00:11:03 If only women knew.
00:11:05 The best commercial for marriage.
00:11:09 Cream for your coffee?
00:11:10 Mm! Uh, no thanks. Carbs.
00:11:17 You laughing at the old coot?
00:11:18 Yeah, I'm sorry. I am.
00:11:20 Hey, what about you?
00:11:21 You're walking around
00:11:23 obsessing about
00:11:25 Well, it's actually
00:11:27 I was fine until this morning.
00:11:28 I got this crazy list of women--
00:11:29 No! No! No!
00:11:32 You don't wanna see it.
00:11:33 Hell, you probably sent it
00:11:36 If you're looking for a way out...
00:11:38 Rod, you'll find it.
00:11:40 No, it-- it's nothing like that.
00:11:42 Stop looking.
00:11:44 Hang in here for another hour.
00:11:45 Get married next week.
00:11:47 Reinvent the tater tot! Make a lot
00:11:49 - Say, "Thanks, Zack."
00:11:52 - Mm-hmm.
00:11:54 Yo! Groom.
00:11:56 - Grand finale.
00:11:58 Don't worry.
00:12:01 [loud yammering]
00:12:02 Yikes.
00:12:03 How's that for
00:12:06 - [drunken laughter]
00:12:07 - [Precious giggling] Oh, yeah! Yeah!
00:12:10 - [Rod moans]
00:12:12 [Roderick]
00:12:13 Oh, yeah! Harder!
00:12:16 [giggling]
00:12:18 - Fuck me!
00:12:21 Wow. He's a good-looking kid.
00:12:22 He's gonna break a lot of hearts.
00:12:23 - Yes! Yes!
00:12:26 - Yes!
00:12:28 So are you planning on
00:12:30 Well, definitely. Yeah.
00:12:31 But you know, right now, we can't even
00:12:33 Whoa! Precious,
00:12:35 - to cross the line of--
00:12:37 - Whoa!
00:12:38 - Oh, gosh.
00:12:40 I'm so sorry.
00:12:41 I honestly thought
00:12:43 all that "men can be feminists, too" stuff.
00:12:46 Can you blame me for the confusion?
00:12:48 Well, just because I'm giving you
00:12:49 a standing ovation, my darling,
00:12:51 doesn't mean that we
00:12:53 - I think we better--
00:12:55 That's what I'm talking about.
00:12:57 Hey, I don't want you to take
00:13:00 I just-- you know.
00:13:01 Goddamn, what kind
00:13:04 Your fiancée is lucky.
00:13:05 She's got one of the good ones.
00:13:07 I wish I was more into
00:13:09 but, um--
00:13:10 two broke Latin husbands, and--
00:13:12 Jesus, stop me.
00:13:14 Anyway, man, gracias.
00:13:16 Gracias?
00:13:18 Um, Precious, your real name
00:13:21 wouldn't happen to be Carlotta...
00:13:24 - [squish]
00:13:27 How did y--
00:13:28 Who told you that?
00:13:30 Um, I think your bodyguard
00:13:33 Like that asshole
00:13:36 So, you staying back there, or...
00:13:41 [softly]
00:13:44 - [Roderick narrating] Carlotta Valdes.
00:13:46 Number 30.
00:13:48 This was more than
00:13:51 more than a loyalty test.
00:13:54 This was sex.
00:13:56 And I had a print-out.
00:13:59 I was in the throes of
00:14:02 in possession of
00:14:05 that promised
00:14:08 And yet, did it
00:14:10 rather impassioned soliloquy
00:14:12 To settle down?
00:14:14 Right then, I nobly revowed
00:14:17 my eternal resistance
00:14:19 Remember how freaked out you were
00:14:21 the centerfold was
00:14:25 Ah, yes, the...
00:14:26 central trauma of
00:14:30 Look at this baby.
00:14:32 - And I mean baby.
00:14:34 Born in 1984. 1984.
00:14:39 My life was, like, done by '84.
00:14:41 - What are her turn-ons?
00:14:45 Pudding, air hockey,
00:14:48 [sputters]
00:14:51 [snickers]
00:14:53 I do like air hockey.
00:14:55 "Cynthia Rose is
00:14:57 who's confident, successful,
00:15:01 Well, zero out of three ain't bad.
00:15:04 What did you say her name was?
00:15:06 [turning pages]
00:15:08 Cynthia Rose.
00:15:11 Nice.
00:15:14 Oh...
00:15:16 Thank you.
00:15:18 Dude, you're not
00:15:20 [footsteps]
00:15:27 You look like a Carl.
00:15:30 You talking to me?
00:15:32 You ever fantasize
00:15:35 Escaping this land,
00:15:37 this magical land
00:15:40 where all the girls
00:15:43 to pull off their panties,
00:15:48 Must be kind of frustrating.
00:15:50 Look, if you don't like
00:15:52 pssht!
00:15:56 Found this on
00:15:59 It's a unique color.
00:16:02 Kinda like the one
00:16:06 Wait. Uh...
00:16:08 [sighs heavily]
00:16:10 - Okay?
00:16:11 And you could say that
00:16:13 - because--
00:16:15 Don't get me wrong.
00:16:17 I think it's kinda hot.
00:16:20 I mean, how would I know
00:16:23 if I wasn't watching you?
00:16:26 Wha-- You've been
00:16:29 Mm-hmm.
00:16:31 Oh. That is hot.
00:16:34 Wait, I c--
00:16:35 I can't tell if you're playing
00:16:37 some feminazi mindfuck game on me
00:16:39 or if you're really trying to seduce me.
00:16:42 Well, Carl, why don't we go back
00:16:49 Pussy is da' bomb. No?
00:16:53 This is a joke, right?
00:16:57 Ten seconds on
00:17:02 - Come on! I--
00:17:04 - This stuff only happens in the movies--
00:17:07 I'm the only one
00:17:10 Get out of here.
00:17:11 Are you gay?
00:17:13 Are you impotent?
00:17:17 Or are you just chicken?
00:17:34 Honey?
00:17:35 Sweetie, look.
00:17:37 Your tuxedo.
00:17:45 - Rod?
00:17:47 time after all.
00:17:49 Don't worry, I didn't cancel
00:17:51 I'm not an asshole.
00:17:53 I needed to figure things out.
00:17:56 Of course, I didn't
00:17:58 Cynthia "Miss April" Rose.
00:18:01 I stuck to the basics.
00:18:04 "It's not you, it's me."
00:18:07 "I don't want to get married
00:18:09 I think I even threw in
00:18:12 Fiona took it well... too well.
00:18:17 I think my sweetie has
00:18:20 You're nervous.
00:18:22 I'd be scared if you weren't.
00:18:23 It's more than that, Fi.
00:18:24 I said, I think my sweetie
00:18:29 You're nervous.
00:18:30 I'd be scared if you weren't.
00:18:31 I'm being honest.
00:18:33 We're getting married
00:18:34 We are past the point of honesty.
00:18:37 We have a goddamn church booked.
00:18:39 Deposits...
00:18:41 orchids.
00:18:43 And you drop this
00:18:44 before I'm about
00:18:46 to go away with the girls
00:18:48 you goddamn son of a--
00:18:52 Orchids...
00:18:54 [crying]
00:18:57 [Narrating]
00:19:00 but to break the heart of another
00:19:02 was too much for me.
00:19:05 I told Fiona what
00:19:07 and provided
00:19:11 That's when I saw it.
00:19:15 No, not that.
00:19:17 This.
00:19:18 Pardon my fucking French,
00:19:21 but we're talking about
00:19:23 Fucking a fucking
00:19:26 And believe me, I will.
00:19:28 Last fling like this, I'll never have to look
00:19:32 Right?
00:19:47 Back of the line, bro.
00:19:51 [chattering]
00:19:54 [Man]
00:19:57 [bell jingles]
00:20:00 Get out of the way,
00:20:05 - Don't push! Get out of my way!
00:20:06 [men chattering]
00:20:09 [Man]
00:20:10 [Man #2]
00:20:12 [Man]
00:20:13 [chattering]
00:20:15 [whistles]
00:20:16 [camera beeps]
00:20:27 Fiona.
00:20:31 Hey, Fi...
00:20:33 you're probably
00:20:35 I just wanted to apologize
00:20:38 I don't know what's
00:20:40 - I just--
00:20:42 [imitating static]
00:20:43 Bad connection. Yeah.
00:20:47 The geeks are revolting.
00:20:49 My name's Cynthia Rose.
00:20:51 - You can call me Cyn.
00:20:53 - [bells jingle]
00:20:54 [tires screeching]
00:20:56 The guy was so serious.
00:20:58 "You must be
00:20:59 I was like,
00:21:02 they're not my S.A.T. scores."
00:21:03 So, I thought if I flashed him
00:21:05 but who knew the whole store
00:21:08 I'm sorry, I forgot.
00:21:09 How long did you say
00:21:11 [laughs]
00:21:13 [Narrating]
00:21:15 cocktails became dinner,
00:21:20 You guessed it.
00:21:23 Air hockey.
00:21:25 Darn it!
00:21:26 I thought your centerfold
00:21:28 said air hockey was your game.
00:21:29 Are you always this
00:21:32 Well, it's only two
00:21:35 I can't believe
00:21:37 I'm getting married
00:21:40 My fiancée is doing this
00:21:44 Wait a minute,
00:21:45 Yep.
00:21:46 Well, why didn't you say so?
00:21:48 That changes everything!
00:21:51 How would you like
00:21:52 A favor?
00:21:56 Don't worry.
00:22:00 [Trixie]
00:22:02 You know this is the most
00:22:04 Trix, I'm sure there's some
00:22:09 I'm not going to
00:22:11 - [snaps]
00:22:14 [Roderick narrating]
00:22:15 a presentable man
00:22:18 The favor would last
00:22:21 Meeting another father
00:22:24 felt more like cheating
00:22:26 But as paper beats rock,
00:22:30 Desire beats everything.
00:22:32 [Cynthia]
00:22:34 and the next day, the centerfold
00:22:37 It was like
00:22:39 with this apron that--
00:22:40 Don't abuse the word "family.”
00:22:42 You know as well as I do,
00:22:43 they're just making you
00:22:45 in your own exploitation.
00:22:46 Well, that's better than
00:22:48 in my own exploitation.
00:22:50 You asked me what makes a man,
00:22:53 [Roderick narrating]
00:22:56 But there was no stopping Victor Rose III.
00:22:59 Yes, her father
00:23:01 entrepreneur extraordinaire.
00:23:04 Getting to have sex tonight
00:23:05 was going to be more complicated
00:23:06 than I could ever imagine.
00:23:07 My parents believed in tradition,
00:23:09 honor, dignity, faith, and free trade,
00:23:12 and separate bedrooms for couples
00:23:17 A toast to the fiery Rose family.
00:23:20 - [woman groaning]
00:23:22 Sorry, Roderick.
00:23:24 Every family has
00:23:26 and Granny C just happens to be
00:23:28 really old and really scary.
00:23:30 Stop! Mother deserves
00:23:32 not to be treated like a leper.
00:23:33 Despite her grotesque skin disease.
00:23:37 [high-pitched moaning]
00:23:40 Dessert, Roderick?
00:23:43 [knocking]
00:23:44 [Roderick]
00:23:45 [Cynthia]
00:23:50 [mimicking Victor]
00:23:52 [snickers]
00:23:53 Oh. Uh...
00:23:56 You asked if I was decent.
00:23:58 Yes, my roommate in college
00:24:02 It plays better with you.
00:24:03 Lots.
00:24:04 Believe it or not,
00:24:07 Great.
00:24:08 That old bear down the hall
00:24:10 is going to be simply crushed
00:24:12 You know, your father
00:24:14 about the separate bedroom edict.
00:24:17 The greater the danger,
00:24:20 That's what I say.
00:24:22 Give me five minutes.
00:24:24 I'm two doors down to the left.
00:24:27 Some guys have this annoying habit
00:24:29 if they're boinking me too hard.
00:24:32 Don't ask and don't stop.
00:24:36 Foreplay's for losers.
00:24:39 Hmm.
00:24:41 Better make that three minutes.
00:24:43 Yeah.
00:24:51 - [puts on condom]
00:25:22 - [moaning softly]
00:25:25 [both moaning louder]
00:25:27 Oh...yes.
00:25:33 [Victor]
00:25:46 Ooh, who died?
00:25:49 It's all right, Roderick.
00:25:51 Mother prayed for
00:25:54 She's at peace now.
00:25:57 She can keep my son company.
00:25:59 Say hello to Vic, Jr., Mommy!
00:26:01 Cyn. Sir, I'm so sorry.
00:26:06 - You must really--
00:26:08 She was ancient
00:26:10 What was with you last night?
00:26:12 Why didn't you come?
00:26:14 Come?
00:26:15 With your father
00:26:16 didn't really leave a lot of time
00:26:18 for either one of us
00:26:20 You know, as they say,
00:26:22 if at first you don't succeed,
00:26:23 try, try again.
00:26:25 What are you talking about?
00:26:26 Why didn't you come to my room?
00:26:27 I didn't see you at all.
00:26:29 I guess it was
00:26:30 Mother had the strangest,
00:26:31 sweetest, little smile on her face.
00:26:33 I'm convinced that her last moments
00:26:35 on this mortal coil
00:26:39 When you said
00:26:41 did you mean
00:26:43 What are you talking--
00:26:45 I don't know, I guess
00:26:51 Granny C happens to be
00:26:54 C. as in Cynthia,
00:26:57 as in number 31 on your list,
00:26:59 as in there's more than one, dipshit!
00:27:02 You fucked my mother!
00:27:04 [screaming]
00:27:08 - [slams door]
00:27:17 [screaming, crying]
00:27:21 And if you were to put
00:27:24 [screaming]
00:27:25 [Narrating]
00:27:28 Okay, not everything.
00:27:29 Not anything.
00:27:31 What woman, a week
00:27:32 wants to hear about
00:27:35 Not to mention, I mean
00:27:37 her future husband's involvement
00:27:38 with an 88-year-oId Ieper.
00:27:40 I was sure Fiona would
00:27:43 - Honey, I'm home!
00:27:46 I never liked this couch.
00:27:48 Fi?
00:27:57 Fiona, what have you done?
00:27:58 - Why are you--
00:28:04 I don't understand.
00:28:06 I want to make you my wife.
00:28:08 It's like you've got
00:28:12 like you're thinking about
00:28:14 you plan to sleep with
00:28:16 Hundreds?
00:28:18 70 at most.
00:28:19 Keep going.
00:28:22 You're the guy
00:28:25 - You never forget Valentine's Day.
00:28:28 You always have the right,
00:28:31 even if you don't mean it.
00:28:36 You're not some evil,
00:28:39 So who are you?
00:28:42 I am someone that will
00:28:44 Oh.
00:28:47 It's not an oral exam.
00:28:52 I'm going to get up
00:28:56 I'm going to walk to the door.
00:28:58 [sighs]
00:29:01 Do I want you to stop me?
00:29:04 Yes.
00:29:07 Just as my hand is on the knob,
00:29:13 I want you to tackle me
00:29:15 and hold me and tell me
00:29:20 while tears stream
00:29:24 But you better mean it, Rod.
00:29:27 Because right now,
00:29:30 you're just one
00:29:31 I've ever made.
00:29:34 But if you convince me to stay,
00:29:37 and you can't back it up
00:29:43 then you will be a true villain.
00:29:56 - Good call, buddy!
00:29:58 You made the right
00:29:59 but it's not like
00:30:01 Whoo!
00:30:04 [snorts]
00:30:07 Okay, what's happening?
00:30:10 Where am I?
00:30:12 Who are you people?
00:30:14 Hello, Mr. Blank.
00:30:16 I'm Alpha, he's Beta,
00:30:18 and that's Fred.
00:30:20 [Beta]
00:30:23 This isn't a dream,
00:30:24 and it isn't a dream
00:30:27 You're not going
00:30:28 and I'm your gardener
00:30:31 This is about the list, isn't it?
00:30:33 [scoffs]
00:30:36 You must be freaking out.
00:30:38 Seriously, what number
00:30:40 Down, Fred.
00:30:43 Mr. Blank...
00:30:46 some people you don't know
00:30:48 found some things you don't know
00:30:49 in a place you don't know.
00:30:51 And these things have been
00:30:55 One that apparently
00:30:58 A thing that knows everything,
00:30:59 like a computer, a supercomputer.
00:31:06 I prefer the word "machine."
00:31:08 Now, this machine will take
00:31:12 and I wouldn't go as far
00:31:14 but it is...oraclesque.
00:31:18 Last week, it sent out
00:31:22 answers to questions nobody asked--
00:31:24 not us, not the e-mail recipients.
00:31:27 Almost everyone received nothing more
00:31:31 day, month, year.
00:31:35 You're very lucky you didn't
00:31:37 It was the day
00:31:40 But then there's you.
00:31:44 Yes, a few of the e-mails
00:31:45 drew an unnatural
00:31:47 Well, yeah, but yours
00:31:52 A list of everyone you're
00:31:55 Oh man, this other poor dick
00:31:58 One name!
00:32:00 The wife that he lost
00:32:03 What a sap!
00:32:04 - Fred--
00:32:05 [Beta]
00:32:08 Mr. Blank, I think you know
00:32:13 If people were to find out
00:32:15 it would cause panic
00:32:17 You're threatening me?
00:32:19 Not to be a smart-ass.
00:32:24 If your little oracle is for real,
00:32:27 then I can't die
00:32:29 the last lady on the list.
00:32:33 Grand to finally
00:32:35 The door is at
00:32:37 Yeah, and if you
00:32:40 drop in any time, bro.
00:32:44 Can't believe
00:32:46 But you do,
00:32:49 You've been guaranteed
00:32:52 That should be enough for you.
00:32:54 Lose the list.
00:32:55 Burn it, bury it,
00:32:58 If you let the list in your life,
00:33:00 it will infect
00:33:05 Bye-bye.
00:33:15 [chatter]
00:33:20 [bike bell rings]
00:33:23 I like him.
00:33:25 He seems sensible.
00:33:28 Hey, hey, uh, almighty, all-knowing guys?
00:33:31 You just confirmed the validity
00:33:36 Okay? So, a list like that,
00:33:41 It gets used.
00:33:42 And I mean, it gets, like,
00:33:47 "French-New Wave,
00:33:49 I can't believe they could afford
00:33:52 [laughing]
00:33:54 He's just--
00:33:56 He's going to fuck a lot.
00:34:08 ** [New Wave]
00:34:12 [sighs]
00:34:26 * I'm surrounded softly *
00:34:30 * By the beat *
00:34:35 * Still dumbfounded *
00:34:36 * By the intolerable heat *
00:34:42 * You came close to me *
00:34:47 * And you danced *
00:34:51 * It came close to *
00:34:54 * Being my last *
00:34:59 * I'll take what's mine *
00:35:02 * Before I regret it *
00:35:07 I'm saving that seat
00:35:09 What's your name?
00:35:10 Kathleen, Mr. Manners.
00:35:13 - That's a shame.
00:35:15 Oh, I said, it's a nice name.
00:35:18 Roderick Blank.
00:35:20 Ooh, first and last names,
00:35:22 - Well...
00:35:24 Here's my standing up friend
00:35:29 This is the guy who took your seat.
00:35:31 Greta Sampsa, now that's
00:35:34 What would you like?
00:35:35 A slow, nasty fuck
00:35:37 Would you like that
00:35:39 Bacardi.
00:35:42 [laughs]
00:35:43 Did you know I was
00:35:45 Maybe, maybe not.
00:35:49 * I'll take what's mine before I... *
00:35:54 This your only piece of ID?
00:35:55 You swear you're
00:35:57 anyone else in your family?
00:35:58 Listen, you're cute and I'm drunk,
00:36:00 and my plane is grounded
00:36:02 but if you want to--
00:36:03 * I'll take what's mine *
00:36:06 * Before I... *
00:36:15 Noreen!
00:36:22 Leslie and Yuca!
00:36:27 - Here you go.
00:36:28 Enjoy.
00:36:32 [Bill]
00:36:33 * You're having my sex *
00:36:34 * You're sleeping with my wife *
00:36:36 * You're having my kids
00:36:40 * You're writing my book *
00:36:41 * You're starring in my film *
00:36:43 * You have the number one
00:36:49 * We could be such
00:36:52 * If you let me in *
00:36:56 * The higher the gates,
00:36:59 * Please let this poor boy sin *
00:37:02 * You're having my sex *
00:37:04 * You're sleeping with my wife *
00:37:06 * You're having my kids
00:37:09 * You're writing my book *
00:37:11 * You're starring in my film *
00:37:13 [Narrating] I'd say that
00:37:17 But if you have to say
00:37:19 it can't possibly be true.
00:37:21 I thought I was above
00:37:23 high-five,
00:37:26 I was above nothing.
00:37:30 The list was life.
00:37:32 Have a startling and unique day,
00:37:34 - Mr. Blank.
00:37:38 Wait a second,
00:37:41 Swallows is the case study
00:37:44 I thought I'd get some first-hand experience
00:37:46 and make a little money
00:37:47 Very little money.
00:37:48 That's fascinating...
00:37:51 Alexis.
00:37:53 Alexis de Large.
00:37:55 Wait a minute.
00:37:56 How did you know my last name?
00:37:58 Yeah, yeah!
00:38:00 That's the way you like it.
00:38:01 [Man] Well, yes, I find
00:38:03 really brings out the flavor.
00:38:06 Pull my hair.
00:38:07 [Man]
00:38:08 Up to the window.
00:38:10 [gasping]
00:38:11 Have a startling
00:38:16 [Man] Is it too late
00:38:24 [Roderick narrating]
00:38:25 I went from number 29
00:38:28 Maybe I was moving too fast.
00:38:30 But then, I guess
00:38:33 I crossed out the names,
00:38:36 Their stare, my stare.
00:38:40 We think if we exchange
00:38:43 the meaning will kick in later.
00:38:45 But does it?
00:38:47 One or both of you
00:38:49 "It's just sex."
00:38:51 But is it?
00:38:52 [beeps]
00:38:53 [Woman] You think sending me
00:38:55 - is going to make me--
00:38:57 [Woman #2]
00:38:58 - is going to make me forget that you cheat--
00:39:01 [Woman #3]
00:39:02 I overheard a waitress say
00:39:04 [beeps]
00:39:06 [Zack]
00:39:07 Stop having hot sex.
00:39:08 Get your ass up to the house
00:39:11 It is my boy Max's birthday.
00:39:13 Or my son Kyle. Be here!
00:39:15 [beeps]
00:39:25 [Narrating]
00:39:26 there had been a chill
00:39:29 You'd have thought
00:39:32 But now they kind of
00:39:39 The ladies' man.
00:39:43 Lizzie is an amazing
00:39:47 I mean, what she's done with that clinic.
00:39:49 The way she's raised
00:39:51 Yeah, yeah, my wife's
00:39:53 Now, this stewardess,
00:39:54 "Come on my ass"
00:39:58 Oh, Roderick's definition
00:40:00 is a little different than ours.
00:40:02 Why raise them
00:40:04 Ooh!
00:40:05 Lizzie, how many times
00:40:07 I didn't know
00:40:08 Besides, she's 19-- and a half.
00:40:12 And I found her to be
00:40:15 [women grousing]
00:40:16 - Rod!
00:40:19 [Narrating]
00:40:22 kids, families.
00:40:24 It was not just a world
00:40:26 it was a world
00:40:29 What's life without experiencing
00:40:31 the wonder of a child?
00:40:34 - [Boy] I named my hamster Dog.
00:40:37 And when I get a dog, I'm going
00:40:41 - [chuckles]
00:40:50 You about ready?
00:40:53 - Yeah.
00:40:59 You know,
00:41:00 I should lower the old periscope
00:41:02 hold out for someone special.
00:41:03 Special?
00:41:05 If the subject is
00:41:07 then you can listen
00:41:09 Come on.
00:41:10 You're hitting baskets
00:41:12 This is no time
00:41:14 Hey. I'm Bob.
00:41:16 - Rod, is it?
00:41:18 My apologies, I just--
00:41:21 your good fortune with
00:41:23 I'm hoping it'll rub off.
00:41:25 And why is that, kind sir?
00:41:27 Oh, funny story.
00:41:29 One morning
00:41:31 I came to work, and right there
00:41:34 a day, a month and a year.
00:41:36 A date. Today's date.
00:41:38 I'm utterly convinced
00:41:41 The night that
00:41:44 - [sotto voce] You had to ask him.
00:41:45 as to procure lodgings
00:41:47 at the Hotel Taboo.
00:41:50 Kind of spicy.
00:41:51 Wait.
00:41:54 You received an unexplained date
00:41:57 Yeah.
00:41:58 Your next drink's on me.
00:42:01 Oh, how very kind of you.
00:42:10 ** [woman vocalizing]
00:42:18 ** [rock]
00:42:20 Oh...
00:42:30 I'd like to be the meat
00:42:33 So out of your league
00:42:40 * I need two girls *
00:42:43 * If I can't have you *
00:42:45 - Holy lesbo.
00:42:47 Is that Bambi and Thumper?
00:42:49 * I need two girls *
00:42:51 * If I can't have you *
00:42:53 All right, Trix, they're all yours.
00:42:55 I'm out.
00:42:56 - [Trixie laughs]
00:42:58 What league are we
00:42:59 You don't know Bambi Kidd
00:43:02 The Euro-Prague rock superstar
00:43:04 and the British astronaut?
00:43:06 Rod! The Blog!
00:43:08 The reality show.
00:43:10 The daily streaming video.
00:43:12 They are the Beyond-Ultimate
00:43:15 They go from town to town,
00:43:17 mm, raising awareness
00:43:20 by empowering young women...
00:43:21 and then seducing them.
00:43:23 I'm hoping for an autograph.
00:43:27 Or a three-way.
00:43:29 Oh, back off,
00:43:31 [Roderick narrating] My friends,
00:43:35 It's not about pretending
00:43:39 It's all about just knowing.
00:43:42 I know, easy for me to say.
00:43:47 Bambi and Thumper, was it?
00:43:52 Bambi and Thumper.
00:43:55 W-Why are they staring at you?
00:43:58 Oh, you've got to be kidding.
00:43:59 Don't tell me one of them
00:44:01 - That list of fucking--
00:44:13 [Narrating]
00:44:16 I always knew just knowing
00:44:18 beats any gift, tactic,
00:44:22 no matter what
00:44:24 * If I can't have you *
00:44:29 * One that I can love *
00:44:31 * To have and to hold *
00:44:33 * One for at the club *
00:44:34 Wish me luck.
00:44:37 I may be coming in late tomorrow.
00:44:40 Rod?
00:44:49 Hey, Rod! Hey!
00:44:52 Hey, I found her!
00:44:54 She's the one!
00:44:55 Can you-- What a night!
00:45:00 [sighs]
00:45:02 Hey, have you thought any more
00:45:06 I mean, yours are nice,
00:45:08 Really, really nice,
00:45:10 but is there really
00:45:12 - Let's just enjoy this moment.
00:45:17 Just, you know, with my position
00:45:19 I get a 40% discount on
00:45:21 - [spraying]
00:45:22 Seriously, enjoy the moment.
00:45:25 Okay. You win.
00:45:27 - [laughs, sighs]
00:45:29 "My wounds are deeper
00:45:32 "My wounds are deeper
00:45:36 "My wounds are deeper
00:45:40 "My wounds are deeper
00:45:45 Drink?
00:45:48 Don't mind if I do.
00:45:54 Is the gentleman surprised
00:45:57 No, the gentleman is not.
00:45:59 Oh! Did you hear that,
00:46:01 He's very cocky.
00:46:03 Accent on the cock, Miss Wint.
00:46:06 [chuckles]
00:46:10 Boy, my assistant
00:46:11 That is so sweet.
00:46:14 Man-guy, just sign the confidentiality
00:46:19 Now.
00:46:20 The kind sir does understand
00:46:23 a vegan doesn't tell her friends
00:46:26 that she just wolfed down
00:46:29 [swing squeaks]
00:46:31 Yes, the kind sir
00:46:36 Bottoms up.
00:47:24 - [woman screams]
00:47:26 [laughs]
00:47:28 Looks like everyone's having
00:47:31 So what do you say
00:47:33 I may need a little
00:47:34 And I'd like you to meet
00:47:37 I was thinking, I'm from, uh--
00:47:41 Oh, my God!
00:47:43 - Does that come off?
00:47:45 Wh-- why would you do that?
00:47:46 I put this room
00:47:47 What are you trying to do,
00:47:49 who's going around...
00:47:52 Oh, dear.
00:47:55 What can I say, Bob?
00:47:57 Some dreams are
00:48:00 Well, I must say,
00:48:03 uh-- I didn't say it--
00:48:05 cunning woman, you are.
00:48:08 That's what I was--
00:48:10 [Bambi, in next room]
00:48:12 Don't tell me you
00:48:14 I know when you're faking it,
00:48:16 - No...
00:48:20 You said you wouldn't
00:48:22 [yelping, grunting]
00:48:23 Okay. Maybe fight
00:48:25 This is not about sex!
00:48:28 Real intimacy!
00:48:30 That's it.
00:48:31 Keep the camera rolling!
00:48:33 - Cameras? Rolling?
00:48:34 Oh, no, no. No, this is crazy.
00:48:37 Well, you did know the confidentiality
00:48:40 Haven't you seen our show?
00:48:42 Don't you change
00:48:45 [Thumper laughing]
00:48:49 - [glass shatters]
00:48:50 Help me, somebody!
00:48:53 I think they're kind of having
00:48:54 some problems of
00:48:57 Please! Just tell me
00:48:58 Why don't you sleep on it, Bob?
00:49:01 Take forever, if you have to.
00:49:03 Don't. Please. Please.
00:49:04 Please wait. Just wait. Wait.
00:49:06 I-- This is not fair.
00:49:07 It's not like I hit you,
00:49:09 or openly exploited you in--
00:49:12 Oh, this is the breast
00:49:14 Look, I'm just
00:49:15 I keep the books! Please!
00:49:18 All I need to know is, why?
00:49:21 Why do men always
00:49:23 Did you think women get to have
00:49:26 I want everyone on red alert here.
00:49:28 Although you do bring up
00:49:32 I mean, you're not
00:49:34 or the Parkside Peeper.
00:49:36 Or even that captain
00:49:38 Whoap!
00:49:40 [thud]
00:49:43 Bob?
00:49:44 Oh...Bob.
00:49:48 - [car drives by]
00:49:53 Guess it was just your time.
00:49:55 - [Bambi and Thumper struggling, yelping]
00:49:58 [groans]
00:49:59 [screaming, shattering]
00:50:02 Oh, yeah...
00:50:04 What a night.
00:50:06 - [whimper]
00:50:16 What time do you have to
00:50:19 Trixie?
00:50:21 Hey, I'm sorry about last night.
00:50:23 If it makes you feel any better,
00:50:24 it was the most
00:50:27 Okay, well, it wasn't all bad, but...
00:50:29 I'm sorry. It's always been a fantasy
00:50:31 You know, lesbians,
00:50:35 Okay, maybe not astronauts.
00:50:36 But you know, sexy female
00:50:39 You're giving the finger
00:50:41 - [screaming, struggling]
00:50:43 I lied about 'em
00:50:45 The list. Damn it!
00:50:47 Don't get me wrong,
00:50:49 whether or not
00:50:50 you're not gonna say
00:50:52 it's-- it's like...
00:50:55 watching a tape
00:50:57 and you know your team wins.
00:50:58 It's not unenjoyable,
00:50:59 but can it really compare
00:51:02 and they're going for it
00:51:03 - And you don't know if--
00:51:05 aren't my thing.
00:51:07 But it sounds like you're going for
00:51:09 "The thrill of the pursuit
00:51:10 is more exciting than the conquest."
00:51:12 I can't help it!
00:51:13 I mean, I see the name,
00:51:14 I want to find her and meet her,
00:51:16 so I can cross her out,
00:51:19 I'm not in control
00:51:21 That may be true.
00:51:23 But you're not
00:51:24 You're meddling with
00:51:28 I mean, my God.
00:51:32 - [laughing]
00:51:39 Ah. Whew.
00:51:40 [chuckling]
00:51:42 You got scared
00:51:44 - Oh, you were more scared.
00:51:47 Trixie?
00:51:48 What if I were meant
00:51:50 no matter what?
00:51:52 What if you were meant
00:51:54 and calm the heck down?
00:51:56 You know...
00:51:58 if we bury the list, guess what?
00:52:02 You were meant to bury the list.
00:52:05 Live your life.
00:52:06 Whatever happens, happens.
00:52:10 [grunting]
00:52:12 You know, it's a sheet
00:52:15 - Sheet of paper, not a body!
00:52:20 Yeah. It's time.
00:52:23 - Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:52:25 Breathe, Roderick!
00:52:26 Yeah! Breathe!
00:52:29 Yes, I have deleted
00:52:31 on my hard drive.
00:52:32 But remember, oh weak one, we are
00:52:35 If you wuss out, we will dig it up.
00:52:37 - Wait. One more name?
00:52:39 - Please?
00:52:42 Couple of letters
00:52:45 Dr. Mir--
00:52:47 Please, one more letter.
00:52:49 What's that gonna make?
00:52:53 Don't grab it!
00:52:55 Mir-- Mir--
00:52:56 - One more letter!
00:52:58 We're ready!
00:52:59 [struggling, whooping]
00:53:02 I'm starting to take
00:53:04 I think she's
00:53:06 It's not gonna happen, Beta.
00:53:07 You can't bury
00:53:12 [sighs] Death Nell took
00:53:15 - Hm?
00:53:17 When a serial killer
00:53:19 We-- Like we don't have
00:53:22 I thought she only did comas!
00:53:23 Not last night.
00:53:25 But on the side of the bright,
00:53:26 home base says the machine
00:53:29 No way he's really doing it!
00:53:31 -Ready?
00:53:33 Way to go, Roderick.
00:53:37 Way to go.
00:53:42 [Zack]
00:53:43 They crossed into our territory.
00:53:45 We could lose this.
00:53:46 I know. Isn't it exciting?
00:53:49 [Zack]
00:53:51 it's gonna leave a bad
00:53:52 That's what your boyfriend
00:53:54 - Hey...
00:53:56 Ugh. Anything that
00:53:59 I'm sorry, Skippy.
00:54:00 But Daddy's gotta see
00:54:03 What?
00:54:04 I saw this freak in a parking lot
00:54:06 try to shove a bottle opener
00:54:08 just to get an
00:54:10 Are you talking about
00:54:12 - Oh...
00:54:14 if I went near that place again.
00:54:15 - She is so pretty.
00:54:18 But not in like a, "I'm a model,
00:54:19 don't fucking look at me" way.
00:54:20 - And she's just so smart and funny.
00:54:23 And you know what I love about her?
00:54:26 - The way she cracks her neck.
00:54:27 - What about that silver anklet of hers?
00:54:30 You know, if you can't
00:54:31 you should try the gym
00:54:33 or Trader Joe's on Thursday.
00:54:35 - Well, I do like Trader Joe's.
00:54:36 It's all on the
00:54:38 Yeah, it's a website.
00:54:39 It's put together by one of these
00:54:42 Oh, thank God
00:54:45 Ladies, we've got
00:54:47 Enough talking about
00:54:49 Especially the almighty
00:54:54 Dr. Mir--
00:54:58 Is he smirking?
00:55:00 You're smirking.
00:55:01 [Roderick]
00:55:02 - [crowd roars]
00:55:04 [all yelling at once]
00:55:05 I told you!
00:55:07 Yes! Oh, yes!
00:55:09 [laughing]
00:55:11 [sighing]
00:55:13 Phew. Perfecto.
00:55:15 I can still make Miranda's
00:55:17 She orders a...
00:55:18 [in unison]
00:55:20 I could use some caffeine myself.
00:55:22 No, you're not getting anywhere
00:55:25 Fine. I'll go to Deitrich's, then.
00:55:26 I got work to do, anyway.
00:55:27 Please, Rod.
00:55:28 Just this one time,
00:55:30 - [squish]
00:55:32 - Oh, diarrhea! Yes!
00:55:39 [cracking]
00:55:54 [clears throat]
00:56:17 You always carry
00:56:17 This little guy?
00:56:21 I quit my job today because
00:56:24 Not-so-great day.
00:56:26 [sets down opener]
00:56:30 Why were you staring at me?
00:56:31 Oh, don't worry, Doc.
00:56:34 If I were, I'd be at Starbucks
00:56:37 You've seen the website.
00:56:39 No. I've--
00:56:41 I've heard about you.
00:56:42 Really. Well, you missed out.
00:56:45 It's quite good.
00:56:47 It's got great graphics,
00:56:50 It's obviously caused me
00:56:54 [deep breath]
00:56:58 You're not gonna use
00:57:01 [mouths word]
00:57:16 [chuckles]
00:57:16 Okay. The bottle opener,
00:57:19 But the spoon?
00:57:21 A place like this,
00:57:24 a fork, a spoon,
00:57:26 Now the knife,
00:57:28 they all get used.
00:57:29 Most cafe items,
00:57:32 But that little guy, he gets thrown
00:57:35 over and over,
00:57:38 Without a sense of worth.
00:57:41 Not only compassionate
00:57:43 but inanimate objects as well.
00:57:44 There's gonna be some fun
00:57:49 You're doing it again.
00:57:52 That funny, charming
00:57:59 It's not unpleasant.
00:58:00 [chuckles]
00:58:02 But you should know that I...recently got out
00:58:06 of a very bad relationship, so I'm--
00:58:08 Yeah, I just got out of
00:58:12 I promise I won't
00:58:14 as long as you promise you won't
00:58:20 Oh, I promise.
00:58:28 Favorite Vonnegut.
00:58:30 [Both]
00:58:32 Favorite Dylan.
00:58:34 [Both]
00:58:38 Funniest movie ever made.
00:58:41 - Some Like It Hot.
00:58:43 Oh. Guys in dresses.
00:58:44 That's really reinventing
00:58:47 A woman who likes
00:58:49 [Miranda]
00:58:50 [Roderick]
00:58:52 [laughing]
00:58:54 [Roderick narrating]
00:58:56 feelings came flooding back.
00:58:58 So then came wish three.
00:59:00 I said I wanted
00:59:02 [laughing]
00:59:04 Sure, I had the whole
00:59:07 from my peek at the list, to clue me
00:59:10 But this would be
00:59:12 More than a mere
00:59:16 This would be love.
00:59:18 Why rush the sex?
00:59:20 - Okay.
00:59:22 and take back
00:59:24 And this poor bastard
00:59:26 - probably hasn't been pushed in months.
00:59:28 It's tr-- you know what?
00:59:30 You know, you say you've been looking
00:59:32 How about all these
00:59:34 The spoon that never gets used.
00:59:37 The missing sock that
00:59:40 The multi-CD player that
00:59:43 seconds before proudly finishing
00:59:45 a five-disc shuffle.
00:59:48 [chuckles]
00:59:50 That's so it.
00:59:51 Yes, it is.
00:59:54 Roderick...
00:59:58 I've been looking
01:00:07 You're the best!
01:00:09 Come on. Get out.
01:00:12 [Roderick narrating]
01:00:15 But there's nothing
01:00:17 coming after a delicious
01:00:19 Compliments to the chef.
01:00:22 - Hmm.
01:00:26 - Yup. I was back in the kitchen.
01:00:29 And the chef thinks
01:00:33 Oh, I'm sorry.
01:00:35 - No, no, no, no. It's okay.
01:00:37 Just relax. It's okay--
01:00:38 - No, Roderick.
01:00:41 [sighs]
01:00:43 I adore you.
01:00:45 I do.
01:00:47 I'm just...
01:00:49 screwed up about sex.
01:00:51 Ah, it's okay--
01:00:52 I mean, you're handsome.
01:00:54 Devilishly so,
01:00:56 [both laughing]
01:00:57 It's just... you so remind me
01:01:01 of the guy my mom went out with,
01:01:03 after the divorce, Rockin' Randy.
01:01:05 He ran the surf shop.
01:01:06 And he was a cross
01:01:10 from The Flintstones.
01:01:12 Listen, okay, look.
01:01:14 I'm not saying nothing's
01:01:16 I'm not saying that. I'm just--
01:01:20 I'm just saying
01:01:23 it's just gonna happen.
01:01:24 - [whispers] Yeah.
01:01:26 Yeah.
01:01:28 Really, why worry about it?
01:01:32 You're the best.
01:01:34 I'm gonna clean up.
01:01:37 You can pick out another DVD.
01:01:40 Something funny.
01:01:46 [wind blowing]
01:01:50 [Narrating]
01:01:52 that's when the madness set in.
01:01:54 Thanks.
01:01:56 So Miranda and I went to
01:01:59 Oh, she said the coolest thing.
01:02:02 - If Marcelo were alive--
01:02:07 What is with that question?
01:02:09 Have you fucked her yet?
01:02:10 Have you fucked her yet?
01:02:12 Son...
01:02:14 have you fucked her yet?
01:02:15 [Man]
01:02:16 - [beeps]
01:02:18 [answering machine
01:02:25 Let me tell you something.
01:02:26 Miranda and I are building
01:02:30 Excuse me for still believing
01:02:32 more than a sloppy
01:02:35 Miranda, we need
01:02:38 - I--
01:02:41 - Shit, shit, shit.
01:02:43 Hide me.
01:02:44 Sure.
01:02:46 There's
01:02:48 No, no, right--
01:02:49 Oh, no, I got it.
01:02:51 I met him at this Halloween
01:02:55 I can't believe
01:02:56 I was wasted.
01:02:57 Halloween, two weeks
01:03:00 [Miranda] I told you,
01:03:02 Screwed up about sex?
01:03:05 It's more like you're screwing.
01:03:06 That's funny.
01:03:08 Come on, let's go
01:03:11 Bam-Bam.
01:03:17 [Narrating]
01:03:18 if a woman didn't have
01:03:22 because it wasn't like she was having sex
01:03:26 Where is that whore-bitch
01:03:29 I chose to remember
01:03:32 The way Miranda
01:03:33 like you were the only
01:03:35 That time she read
01:03:38 [neck cracks]
01:03:42 It's wonderful, just wonderful.
01:03:47 [Roderick narrating] But then there was
01:03:49 How was that salad for you?
01:03:51 Oh...
01:03:52 [neck cracks]
01:03:54 Wonderful, just wonderful.
01:04:04 And in conclusion, yeah,
01:04:08 but I refuse to live in a society
01:04:10 that has reduced the world
01:04:13 "Have you fucked her yet?"
01:04:14 [Both]
01:04:18 I don't even think
01:04:20 [all laughing]
01:04:22 [belches]
01:04:27 - Oh...
01:04:29 Wonderful, just wonderful.
01:04:32 What the fuck?
01:04:37 I'm not saying nothing's
01:04:54 Doctor...
01:04:56 Mir-- hah!
01:04:57 That's what I'm talking about.
01:04:59 Yes, Dr. Mirabella Stone!
01:05:02 No! No!
01:05:05 No!
01:05:16 [buzzer]
01:05:18 Don't mock me.
01:05:19 Miranda told me
01:05:21 of a bad relationship.
01:05:22 And no one has ever had sex
01:05:25 Oh, we're moving way too fast,
01:05:28 I'm not feeling well.
01:05:31 If someone wants
01:05:32 they'll have sex with you.
01:05:34 The rest is just dinner theater.
01:05:36 So that's it. The machine.
01:05:39 Oh, no, the machine is much--
01:05:41 Sure. The wall has a connection.
01:05:45 Thing's going to be
01:05:46 Oh, come on, cheer up,
01:05:50 I mean, look on the side
01:05:51 Even if you went down
01:05:55 The remaining 34 chicks
01:05:58 would be renting jet skis
01:06:01 and party with you
01:06:03 I don't like it.
01:06:06 I want Miranda!
01:06:08 I've been a good
01:06:10 There was a little weirdness
01:06:11 but I went with the flow.
01:06:13 I sabotaged a wedding,
01:06:15 I toyed with a lot
01:06:17 including my own,
01:06:21 I care now.
01:06:23 I have found someone
01:06:25 down to my marrow.
01:06:27 And if you think that
01:06:30 You know, you know--
01:06:31 sometimes love is stronger than--
01:06:33 No, it's not!
01:06:44 I was so proud of you when you...
01:06:46 were burying the list in the backyard.
01:06:48 Horoscopes, psychics,
01:06:52 coming attractions that
01:06:55 Why must you people
01:06:58 That's a good point, Alpha, sir.
01:07:00 Remember when you said
01:07:02 That could mean that there's
01:07:05 something that
01:07:06 Stop thinking about
01:07:08 It's progress.
01:07:09 There's nothing
01:07:12 Science and technology
01:07:15 - [high-pitched tone]
01:07:17 Excuse me.
01:07:21 Oh, my God.
01:07:24 The solution's been right
01:07:26 What, what is it?
01:07:28 Blow jobs.
01:07:29 Blow jobs!
01:07:31 All right, sex is work.
01:07:34 Is she having a good time?
01:07:36 You got to think
01:07:38 but with a blow job,
01:07:40 every now and then touch
01:07:42 if you think she's getting tentative.
01:07:44 I mean, seriously, if someone
01:07:47 or just a blow job on a stick,
01:07:49 I'll take blow job
01:07:50 No, you people--
01:07:53 I've given my heart to Miranda.
01:07:55 I want to cradle her
01:07:57 I want to make the kind of love
01:07:59 as though you're one
01:08:01 You really think
01:08:04 Death Nell has just put to sleep
01:08:08 an entire fraternity in Fresno.
01:08:10 Eight members.
01:08:11 Death Nell?
01:08:13 What do you guys do
01:08:14 It's the double-digit rule.
01:08:16 When a serial killer hits ten victims,
01:08:18 No, I'm still getting details.
01:08:21 Apparently...
01:08:24 Well, apparently it was
01:08:26 that was acquitted last year
01:08:27 for manufacturing
01:08:29 [all hooting]
01:08:40 [Alpha]
01:08:46 Is that amusing to you, Roderick?
01:08:47 No, I'm just checking
01:08:49 The almighty machine's rep's
01:08:52 [beeps]
01:08:53 [Miranda] They love the concepts,
01:08:56 they-- they're going
01:08:58 Rod, I owe you so, so, much!
01:09:02 There's no way
01:09:04 Okay? So I'm going
01:09:06 8:00 sharp, ready for action.
01:09:10 I so love you.
01:09:13 You're a very lucky man to have
01:09:16 but unfortunately--
01:09:17 It's in her voice!
01:09:19 You don't even need
01:09:21 She doesn't think of you in--
01:09:23 [sighs]
01:09:26 I'm certain that some
01:09:29 will occur this evening.
01:09:31 Your penis going into her vagina
01:09:34 [chuckles]
01:09:37 But have a lovely evening.
01:09:40 Gentlemen, I'd love
01:09:41 but I got a date with a lady.
01:09:56 I don't think he's even seen her naked.
01:10:00 [knocking at door]
01:10:06 Hey!
01:10:07 Author!
01:10:08 Author!
01:10:10 Thank you.
01:10:12 I'm so sorry I'm late,
01:10:15 It's been crazy.
01:10:17 But I told everyone that
01:10:19 - It's my treat, for once.
01:10:20 I thought tonight
01:10:22 I made pesto.
01:10:26 You did.
01:10:28 That's so sweet,
01:10:31 We're celebrating!
01:10:32 My brother and the two Jessicas,
01:10:34 but you know what,
01:10:36 - Hey, hey, just relax.
01:10:38 Let's just hang for a bit,
01:10:39 you know, a little pre-party.
01:10:42 Dude, I thought
01:10:48 No?
01:10:52 Miranda, I know you once said
01:10:55 but that was before
01:10:58 That was before I loaded
01:11:01 - Before--
01:11:04 women are like these giant
01:11:09 where every time you do
01:11:11 they get a little redder,
01:11:14 and a little redder,
01:11:15 and when you hit the top,
01:11:17 That is not funny!
01:11:19 Shit!
01:11:20 Okay, I'm sorry.
01:11:21 All right, just slip on down here,
01:11:24 just do a little clean-up.
01:11:29 Hey, what are the five
01:11:32 - I wanna be--
01:11:40 You know, it's like
01:11:45 Just? Just.
01:11:48 Do you know how
01:11:51 to make one real friend
01:11:56 I would die for you.
01:11:59 Who do you think
01:12:02 My insane parents?
01:12:05 "To Roderick Blank, my friend."
01:12:12 [sighs]
01:12:18 Nice celebration.
01:12:24 - [gasps]
01:12:25 [crunch]
01:12:32 Oh, Miranda.
01:12:35 Man, that is one tough break.
01:12:36 Girlfriend finds out her little book's
01:12:38 getting published and then...
01:12:41 It's terrible.
01:12:45 Not my girlfriend.
01:12:49 For what it's worth, from our end,
01:12:51 we're satisfied the death
01:12:53 [whispers]
01:12:55 Excuse me, officer,
01:12:56 I wanted to give
01:12:58 - to say goodbye to his girlfriend.
01:13:01 Can I be alone with her?
01:13:08 Miranda.
01:13:10 Oh, precious Miranda.
01:13:15 You know, I never wanted this.
01:13:18 I-I only wanted--
01:13:21 They said that we could never,
01:13:23 never ever be together.
01:13:27 But hey,
01:13:30 we're gonna have the last laugh,
01:13:32 are we not, my love?
01:13:44 [Narrating]
01:13:48 maybe this is where
01:13:50 Yes, I know,
01:13:53 This is sad,
01:13:56 this is disgusting,
01:13:59 but aren't all revolutions?
01:14:03 We have to stand up to the list.
01:14:06 Stand up to the machine.
01:14:08 Stand up to fate.
01:14:12 Stand up, soldier.
01:14:14 Oh, come on, stand up.
01:14:58 Oh, let it out, Mr. Blank.
01:15:01 It's okay. Let it out.
01:15:05 You poor, sweet man.
01:15:08 You poor, sweet, handsome man.
01:15:22 Oh, shh...
01:15:25 It's okay.
01:15:46 [Narrating]
01:15:48 Believe me, I'd hoped it was
01:15:53 If it makes you feel any better,
01:15:54 my tale has a satisfying ending.
01:15:57 But this isn't it.
01:16:00 It's only number 67.
01:16:55 [Crowd]
01:16:58 three, two, one,
01:17:03 [champagne cork popping]
01:17:13 Nobody has said
01:17:15 Thank you. Roderick Blank.
01:17:17 Ester Fenchel.
01:17:19 But your friends call you Terry.
01:17:21 [laughs]
01:17:23 because that's
01:17:26 Nice tie.
01:17:28 - [champagne cork popping]
01:17:33 Just leave the bottle.
01:17:36 Gentlemen, I give you the Matador.
01:17:42 Oh! No!
01:17:44 [Narrating]
01:17:47 and eating and starving.
01:17:50 I was told to take some time off,
01:17:53 to get away from it all for a while.
01:17:55 But there was no escape.
01:17:58 I had noticed a lot
01:18:00 and Italian names on the list,
01:18:02 so I dutifully booked
01:18:04 Hearing of all
01:18:07 my friends concluded
01:18:08 the greatest vacation
01:18:12 I'm glad they enjoyed it.
01:18:31 [clears throat]
01:18:35 Good evening.
01:18:36 You have to fuck me,
01:18:39 No dinner.
01:18:42 Let me give you directions.
01:18:43 [Woman]
01:18:46 [beeps]
01:18:49 [phone twittering]
01:18:51 Hello.
01:18:52 Oh, star 69.
01:18:56 I'm sorry.
01:18:58 Your mother picked up?
01:19:00 -Yes.
01:19:02 [laughing]
01:19:04 Why are you laughing?
01:19:06 [Narrating]
01:19:08 I had tried to defy the list.
01:19:10 But once again,
01:19:11 the list knew what it was doing,
01:19:14 what I was doing.
01:19:16 But guess what.
01:19:17 I was about to meet a woman
01:19:18 that was the answer
01:19:22 - Hope?
01:19:24 Roderick?
01:19:30 I've been trying for years
01:19:34 You did it in five seconds.
01:19:38 Name your poison.
01:19:40 [Narrating]
01:19:42 of a best-selling self-help book.
01:19:44 I found her to be
01:19:47 and a little old.
01:19:49 So I wasn't attracted
01:19:51 It's not like I was going to get out
01:19:54 So, to her surprise,
01:19:57 figuring we'd eventually
01:20:00 and I could move on.
01:20:02 But a funny thing happened.
01:20:05 Hope listened.
01:20:07 Hope guided.
01:20:10 Hope was literature
01:20:13 chess after ten months
01:20:16 You're a chapter 17.
01:20:18 May she spring eternal--
01:20:19 As for my friends,
01:20:22 Hope was an Earth-mother goddess,
01:20:24 put down here to save
01:20:26 If you let her go,
01:20:29 You know, you strike me
01:20:31 who would make fun
01:20:33 anniversary celebration.
01:20:36 You've changed me.
01:20:38 You've healed me.
01:20:45 That's a really
01:20:47 Thank you.
01:20:49 You know, I've got
01:20:52 next week in Vermont.
01:20:54 I'm thinking maybe
01:20:56 They've got a terrific
01:20:59 Oh, my God.
01:21:00 We could just sleep late,
01:21:01 on the day I don't
01:21:04 But you could just
01:21:07 You can walk around naked
01:21:08 There's nobody there,
01:21:12 [Narrating]
01:21:14 into thin air like that.
01:21:16 It took a couple of weeks.
01:21:18 How could being the answer
01:21:19 not be enough?
01:21:21 If a friend of mine had
01:21:23 I'd be so proud of him.
01:21:25 Guess that's the problem.
01:21:26 I'd be proud,
01:21:28 And a man would rather have
01:21:30 than another man's respect.
01:21:32 Man, hate to say
01:21:37 Okay.
01:21:39 So, maybe Hope wasn't
01:21:42 you've ever been with,
01:21:43 but Roderick,
01:21:45 Us married guys are taking a lot
01:21:48 It seems that you broke some
01:21:50 "messing with the feelings
01:21:52 I thought we agreed we weren't
01:21:56 No, we agreed we wouldn't use
01:21:58 - Of course it's an intervention.
01:22:01 Poor Rod, still under the illusion
01:22:02 that out there walking around
01:22:04 is the perfect girl, just for him.
01:22:06 [Announcer]
01:22:09 The woman known to
01:22:10 has apparently left
01:22:12 at the site of her latest attack.
01:22:15 It is the break in the case
01:22:16 investigators have been hoping
01:22:19 And now, Channel Nine gives you
01:22:22 at this dramatic license.
01:22:25 If you're just joining us,
01:22:26 Death Nell seduced and sedated
01:22:28 misogynist shock jock D.J. Harry Hunt
01:22:31 during a commercial break
01:22:33 on his morning drive-time program.
01:22:34 I appreciate everyone's
01:22:37 I, um...
01:22:39 Hello?
01:22:40 Hey, Trixie, turn that up.
01:22:42 Did they really catch
01:22:45 No, and the word's
01:22:48 - Can we go in closer on that license--
01:22:51 I'm gonna bet that
01:22:53 This is some intervention.
01:22:56 Gillian De Raisx.
01:22:58 That name again, folks,
01:23:01 Death Nell is Gillian De Raisx.
01:23:05 [Narrating]
01:23:08 It was a name that sounded familiar.
01:23:10 And when a name sounded
01:23:16 Okay, this wasn't happening.
01:23:20 I know what you're thinking.
01:23:21 Surely I would have memorized
01:23:24 Not to put too fine
01:23:28 No one wants to think about
01:23:30 because the last name
01:23:35 What did you say to him?
01:23:48 [laughing]
01:23:50 Fred!
01:23:51 Oh, man, it's kind of funny.
01:23:53 It's not like she's the next one.
01:23:55 She may not be the next one,
01:23:57 but she sure as hell is the last one.
01:23:58 Hey, there's got to be
01:24:01 whose name is Gillian De aisx.
01:24:02 With her last name
01:24:05 - I don't think so.
01:24:06 Gillian de Raisx may not be
01:24:11 As you can see,
01:24:13 on the one known as Death Nell.
01:24:15 The timelines have been
01:24:17 Oh, great.
01:24:25 More coordinates.
01:24:26 At this rate, I'd say
01:24:29 by the end of March,
01:24:31 where Gillian de Raisx is staying
01:24:33 at the precise moment
01:24:34 Now, I'm assuming,
01:24:37 that you can hold off from
01:24:39 - Twenty.
01:24:40 Twenty different women
01:24:42 Hey, I've had sex with three women
01:24:45 none if you don't count paying for it.
01:24:47 I could live off 20 women.
01:24:49 Now, we can tell you
01:24:52 but you have to go beyond that now.
01:24:55 You have to take your mind
01:24:59 Read a book you've
01:25:01 I find model airplanes
01:25:03 but ultimately rewarding--
01:25:04 Model airplanes are great,
01:25:05 but I got to go back
01:25:07 Fred. Not constructive.
01:25:10 How do you feel about biking?
01:25:12 [chuckle]
01:25:13 I can't believe these are
01:25:15 I've become a part of.
01:25:18 He's still in torment.
01:25:19 One what?
01:25:20 Ah, yes, yes.
01:25:22 Our aforementioned Oracle,
01:25:25 while rather erratic
01:25:29 has come up with the answers
01:25:32 to some of our culture's
01:25:35 And I think we can
01:25:37 Any of the biggies?
01:25:39 Okay, uh, who killed
01:25:42 - You're kidding.
01:25:44 Let me see.
01:25:45 How about who really shot JFK?
01:25:47 Oh, pick another one.
01:25:49 It takes, like, 20 minutes to print out.
01:25:50 Okay, life on other planets.
01:25:51 How many planets
01:25:52 - [Alpha] Eleven.
01:25:55 That's it. How many
01:25:57 Wait a sec.
01:25:59 Cut it out. You only get one.
01:26:01 Please.
01:26:03 You don't want to be in L.A.
01:26:05 Beta, enough.
01:26:13 There are 20 human shields
01:26:16 Be conservative.
01:26:18 Don't use up any of them
01:26:23 And remember...
01:26:26 a new realm of existence.
01:26:29 A new realm of existence.
01:26:32 No sex...
01:26:35 no death.
01:26:37 Good luck.
01:26:39 ** ['60s rock]
01:26:56 * On my own again *
01:26:59 * Oh, oh *
01:27:00 * On my own again *
01:27:03 * Oh, oh *
01:27:05 * On the move again *
01:27:11 [sigh]
01:27:24 * I need to be *
01:27:26 * On my own again *
01:27:28 * I want to be *
01:27:30 * On my own again *
01:27:32 Yay!
01:27:33 Whoo!
01:27:35 [crash]
01:27:36 [crash]
01:27:37 [Lester, reading]
01:27:40 letters in your magazine
01:27:45 "My best friend was cycling upstate
01:27:47 "when his bike hit a pothole,
01:27:49 "sending him head over heels.
01:27:51 "Lucky for my buddy,
01:27:53 "up to an 'Up With Jesus'
01:27:55 "and the students of
01:27:59 "lifted his dazed, bruised body
01:28:01 "and put it in the middle
01:28:03 "He thought they were
01:28:06 "Instead, they helped themselves.
01:28:09 "Among the girls of the bus,
01:28:10 "there had been much talk
01:28:13 "of not having lost one's virginity.
01:28:16 "My friend's appearance
01:28:17 "was taken as a sign.
01:28:19 "A pact was made.
01:28:21 "Everyone's virginity must go,
01:28:23 "and he would be the chosen vessel.
01:28:26 "All virgins.
01:28:28 "All 18-year-olds.
01:28:30 "Uniforms.
01:28:32 "Nineteen 18-year-old
01:28:37 Straws were drawn,
01:28:42 Fuck. Fuck!
01:28:45 Fuck.
01:28:50 Fuck, fuck, fuck.
01:28:53 Fuck, fuckity,
01:28:59 Fuck.
01:29:01 Fuck. Fuck!
01:29:05 "It was a day my friend
01:29:09 Any changes
01:29:11 Please stop. I can't take it.
01:29:15 I'm curious.
01:29:20 Sorry. Never mind. Wow!
01:29:21 - The ultimate male perversion.
01:29:23 You can die now.
01:29:25 Well, that seems
01:29:37 Have I told you all
01:29:40 I'm getting married.
01:29:41 The lucky gal's name
01:29:43 I hope you can all
01:29:45 Ethel Walters?
01:29:47 Do we know her?
01:29:48 I don't know. Do you?
01:29:49 I really need to get in touch
01:29:52 Does the name ring a bell
01:29:54 Maybe you should
01:29:56 Hey, you know what?
01:29:58 Where was the driver
01:30:00 Because I get that
01:30:01 was on another bus,
01:30:04 they let the second group of girls
01:30:05 The driver, yeah.
01:30:08 I don't seem to r--
01:30:11 That's funny. The driver...
01:30:13 There's a whole lot of action
01:30:16 Figure I'd get myself a piece.
01:30:18 Now, now, you relax.
01:30:19 You skinny little white girls
01:30:22 Fuck!
01:30:26 [knocking]
01:30:30 You can't have sex with me!
01:30:31 Roderick, it's me, Trixie.
01:30:33 I'm not going to rape you.
01:30:35 - You know that.
01:30:37 Get up, you big baby.
01:30:40 Got one word for you:
01:30:42 You are going to Australia.
01:30:43 Your flight leaves in the morning,
01:30:46 You don't get it. I can't escape.
01:30:48 She'll rent a jet ski,
01:30:51 I was on the Net all night.
01:30:53 I found another Gillian de Raisx.
01:30:54 Oh, yeah, that spells
01:30:56 Yes, with a silent X.
01:30:59 She's a marine biologist
01:31:06 Oh, this picture.
01:31:07 Which one's the walrus?
01:31:10 She's big-boned
01:31:11 with a healthy appetite
01:31:14 What is-- What is that
01:31:16 It's a rash
01:31:17 from her exploration
01:31:20 - Ooh.
01:31:21 Roderick,
01:31:23 you'd rather die than have sex
01:31:25 with an overweight woman
01:31:28 But it's--
01:31:29 it's not that slight.
01:31:31 Trixie, I'm sure she's a great--
01:31:34 I got you some books
01:31:36 I have underlined some
01:31:39 So help me, if you
01:31:41 and seduce this Sheila--
01:31:42 Well, I do like dolphins.
01:31:45 Trixie.
01:31:48 No matter what happens,
01:31:50 thank you for being there.
01:31:52 You're a true pal.
01:31:56 It's good to be a lesbian, isn't it?
01:31:58 Send me a postcard, jerk.
01:32:02 With a koala on it.
01:32:22 * Doot-doo doot-doo
01:32:24 * Doot-doo doot-doo
01:32:27 * Doot-doo doot-doo
01:32:30 * Doo-doo-doo-doo
01:32:33 * Doot-doo doot-doo
01:32:36 [whistling]
01:32:37 * Doo-doo-doo-doo *
01:32:39 * Doot-doo doot-doo
01:32:41 - * Doo-doo-doo-doo *
01:32:42 [phone twitters]
01:32:46 [twitter]
01:32:50 [twitter]
01:32:53 [beep]
01:32:54 Please don't pork me.
01:32:56 [Fred, laughing]
01:32:59 Listen, the Almighty Oracle
01:33:03 We have confirmation
01:33:05 that Death Nell
01:33:07 at the Mayfair Hotel.
01:33:09 [sigh]
01:33:10 I've entered her room.
01:33:11 Mr. A's not here
01:33:14 but her things
01:33:16 Friends, I've got chills.
01:33:20 Fred, Beta, you guys--
01:33:22 Wait. It's April Fool's Day,
01:33:24 [Alpha]
01:33:25 - officially April 2.
01:33:28 Yes, Roderick.
01:33:29 We have quite
01:33:32 planned for the nasty minx.
01:33:33 Oh.
01:33:35 Oh, this is--
01:33:38 You don't know
01:33:42 And I have found the loophole
01:33:44 of all loopholes.
01:33:45 It's not blow jobs,
01:33:47 and it's not hand jobs.
01:33:48 It's exes.
01:33:50 It's ex,
01:33:53 I want-- just-- listen.
01:33:54 Check the names on the list.
01:33:56 Do any names appear twice?
01:33:58 Any doubles? All right, no.
01:34:00 - Then don't tell me...
01:34:02 that you've never hooked up
01:34:05 for a little, uh, you know,
01:34:07 No, you're right.
01:34:10 every time I came
01:34:12 And she's only listed once.
01:34:14 And whenever I travel
01:34:16 I always stop in on Diana Scott.
01:34:18 We're going to get you
01:34:20 I'm talking about
01:34:23 Go back to Hope, number 80.
01:34:25 What you had was real.
01:34:27 Yes. There's Hope.
01:34:29 I've had so many wonderful,
01:34:32 I've never really been
01:34:34 Uhh! Don't listen to Beta.
01:34:36 Do not listen to him.
01:34:37 He hates boners
01:34:39 What you have to do is you got
01:34:42 and you got to hook up
01:34:45 numbers 81 through 99,
01:34:47 and maybe give 84 a pass
01:34:50 - And you just get-- get--
01:34:53 Yes. It's right there.
01:34:57 Get one of them to change
01:35:00 And you perfect--
01:35:01 [Alpha]
01:35:05 [sighs] The theories
01:35:07 But Roderick, be cool.
01:35:09 Gillian will be
01:35:11 and our organization--
01:35:13 well, we don't believe
01:35:17 So I want you
01:35:18 and do not, I repeat,
01:35:20 do not leave your house.
01:35:23 Okay.
01:35:24 Call you when she's dead.
01:35:25 All right. I'll be here.
01:35:28 Thank you. Good-bye.
01:35:29 [beep]
01:35:31 Ohh...
01:35:40 [sighs]
01:36:47 [Narrating] Did you really think
01:36:50 Did you want me to?
01:36:53 I know I promised you
01:36:55 but there will be
01:36:57 to Fiona, Hope,
01:36:59 There will be no chasing a cab,
01:37:02 no stopping a wedding,
01:37:03 no tearful reconciliations
01:37:07 and no morning flights
01:37:12 To escape the sins of
01:37:16 would feel so, so wrong.
01:37:19 Yes, my true destiny
01:37:21 was staying in a hotel downtown.
01:37:24 I was going out with
01:37:28 No God or Machine
01:37:32 And that felt so,
01:37:34 so right.
01:37:42 You live by the sword,
01:37:47 One sexual position left.
01:37:50 Call it the karma sutra.
01:37:54 The end is coming.
01:37:56 And coming is the end.
01:37:59 We've checked all
01:38:00 Okay, you know what?
01:38:02 My name is not Fred.
01:38:04 - It-- just go. In.
01:38:12 Excuse me.
01:38:13 Miss Death? Nell?
01:38:16 Or do you prefer Gillian?
01:38:18 I'm not afraid
01:38:20 [women laughing]
01:38:23 Death Nell's alive
01:38:25 [mocking laughter]
01:38:26 Look at him!
01:38:28 Aww!
01:38:33 Oh, where you going?
01:38:36 [hooting, mocking]
01:38:47 [panting]
01:38:50 Whew...
01:38:51 [Gillian] Well, you caused
01:38:55 Is there something
01:38:57 Tell you? No. I, uh--
01:39:03 Oh.
01:39:05 Hi.
01:39:08 Agents.
01:39:09 There's agents staked out
01:39:13 In your room.
01:39:15 Thanks.
01:39:19 You know I'm not innocent, right?
01:39:21 Yeah.
01:39:26 Can I-- Can I join...
01:39:43 [menus slam]
01:39:51 Wow.
01:39:53 This, uh, place is amazing.
01:39:55 You know, I'm kind of
01:39:57 I've never heard of it.
01:39:58 Yeah, I just discovered it
01:40:01 There are not a lot of places
01:40:04 Yeah.
01:40:06 - Do-- You know, I--
01:40:09 [clears throat]
01:40:10 - You go.
01:40:13 You know, this is--
01:40:17 I've never had
01:40:20 Some guys will do
01:40:22 [laughing]
01:40:26 Uh-oh.
01:40:35 This has a...
01:40:36 a grape aftertaste.
01:40:39 And you do realize that
01:40:41 I can't guarantee when or--
01:40:45 or even if you'll wake up.
01:40:48 Yeah. No, I understand.
01:40:50 [silverware clatters]
01:40:56 [sighs]
01:40:58 You mind if I ask you--
01:40:59 you tell me
01:41:01 but, uh...
01:41:05 You know, in the larger sense?
01:41:08 It's not like I'm gonna
01:41:10 for an indefinitely
01:41:12 [chuckles]
01:41:16 I don't know.
01:41:18 I don't--
01:41:20 I'm not gonna talk
01:41:22 You know?
01:41:25 My childhood wasn't any better
01:41:29 Oh, well, okay.
01:41:31 But, uh-- but I escaped.
01:41:35 That's where I studied
01:41:38 Obviously better
01:41:41 No, I wouldn't say that.
01:41:43 I really enjoy your writing.
01:41:45 [stammers softly]
01:41:50 You're right,
01:41:53 I mean, I've only read the stuff
01:41:55 after each incident.
01:41:57 But what was it you spray-painted
01:42:00 "My ecstasy, your annihilation."
01:42:02 [Both]
01:42:06 - That's good.
01:42:08 But where was I?
01:42:11 Before I could graduate,
01:42:17 My husband was this, uh--
01:42:19 [deep breath]
01:42:21 everything a girl's
01:42:23 You know. I was his--
01:42:26 He was my Prince Charming.
01:42:31 Can I try some of your kale?
01:42:33 - Trade you for that cherry tomato.
01:42:44 You don't have to go on
01:42:47 No...
01:42:49 It actually feels good
01:42:55 But when I said
01:42:59 I wasn't being metaphorical.
01:43:03 [Death Nell]
01:43:04 a new princess costume
01:43:07 "This way, I won't cheat,"
01:43:08 was the charming way he put it.
01:43:11 At first, it was...fun?
01:43:13 But then it wasn't.
01:43:16 It got rough, and I--
01:43:17 [police sirens]
01:43:24 [sirens retreat]
01:43:32 Did he hit you?
01:43:34 Aw...
01:43:36 You know, I've put
01:43:39 When you're handing out
01:43:42 [clears throat]
01:43:44 Yeah, he hit me.
01:43:46 And pretty much
01:43:48 you could come up with.
01:43:50 But nothing above the neck.
01:43:52 The Princess and the Pirate.
01:43:54 The Princess and the Viking.
01:43:56 The Princess and
01:44:00 Occasionally, he'd mix it up
01:44:01 and we'd do
01:44:04 as if the Nazis won.
01:44:07 You know,
01:44:09 He was my husband.
01:44:10 I did not complain.
01:44:14 Although, why anyone
01:44:17 Julie Andrews
01:44:19 As far as questions go,
01:44:22 [laughs]
01:44:24 It did improve my poetry, though.
01:44:26 It gave me a lot of good
01:44:29 God, you're a good listener, man.
01:44:31 You really are.
01:44:34 Oh, God-- oh.
01:44:35 Then came Valentine's Day.
01:44:38 Oh, that was on a good one.
01:44:42 My hopeless situation,
01:44:45 But all in iambic
01:44:52 - And then...
01:44:55 F--
01:45:00 [thud, clatter, crack]
01:45:12 [thud]
01:45:13 I should have
01:45:15 They tried everything.
01:45:18 They thought
01:45:21 And that's when
01:45:23 [birds chirping]
01:45:53 I had become my own
01:45:56 But there was much work
01:45:59 Battles to be fought,
01:46:01 wars to be won.
01:46:06 You can pretty much
01:46:09 Costumes, chemistry, poetry,
01:46:12 mutually degrading sexuality,
01:46:15 comas, "men suck."
01:46:18 I don't know how much longer
01:46:20 It's not like I can't afford it.
01:46:22 I mean, my husband
01:46:25 Victor R-- wow.
01:46:27 Small world.
01:46:28 I kind of had a one-night stand
01:46:31 Granny C?
01:46:33 My story's not
01:46:35 but, uh, exactly a year ago,
01:46:37 I received a list of everyone
01:46:39 and ever would have sex with.
01:46:41 [stuttering]
01:46:44 I-- I think we should
01:46:47 Raspberry tart?
01:46:51 You think I'm lying?
01:46:54 - You think I'm insane.
01:46:55 No. I--
01:46:57 And believe me,
01:47:00 But Bambi and Thumper.
01:47:04 The Beyond-Ultimate
01:47:06 - [laughing]
01:47:10 Ohhh, fuck.
01:47:15 [whispers]
01:47:20 You know, uh--
01:47:22 I'd like to think that I--
01:47:24 I put something
01:47:26 into the atmosphere.
01:47:27 You know?
01:47:30 Just the whole idea of a...
01:47:32 a woman being able
01:47:36 for being bad, or...
01:47:39 for no reason at all.
01:47:43 [whispers]
01:47:44 well, women have
01:47:46 the anytime, anywhere
01:47:50 forever, so...
01:47:52 God, I thought...
01:47:55 it was time to make the men
01:47:56 shake in their boots
01:47:59 I guess...
01:48:02 that's how I--
01:48:05 I-- I am gone--
01:48:08 No, that's okay.
01:48:10 We're all gone.
01:48:13 So many games, names.
01:48:17 Who did you love?
01:48:18 And who did you really love?
01:48:21 Did you break their heart?
01:48:23 Or did they break yours? Or--
01:48:26 You know there's some
01:48:30 And all you're left with is...
01:48:33 [sighs heavily]
01:48:34 exhaustion.
01:48:41 I always liked that word.
01:48:46 Oh, and "depleted,"
01:48:49 "dissipated," and "spent."
01:48:53 Those are good ones.
01:48:55 But "exhaustion..."
01:48:58 sounds like what it is.
01:49:03 And what better cure than sleep?
01:49:06 Lots of sleep.
01:49:10 [paper tears]
01:49:11 I'll get this.
01:49:13 I insist.
01:49:17 Roderick.
01:49:24 Do you mind?
01:49:27 What, do you want me
01:49:29 in case the first one
01:49:31 No!
01:49:33 [whispering stutter]
01:49:35 I was just thinking,
01:49:40 while I'm putting one
01:49:43 put one...
01:49:47 Oh.
01:49:49 You--
01:49:52 Yeah.
01:49:53 You know, I'm not gonna lie.
01:49:54 I'm a little flattered.
01:49:58 You should be.
01:50:02 Go back to my room?
01:50:04 Oh, no, no, no.
01:50:05 Not that room.
01:50:08 A different room.
01:50:14 Yeah.
01:50:25 [bells jingle]
01:50:55 [birds chirping]
01:51:00 [Roderick narrating]
01:51:01 The end of my story.
01:51:04 Well, one of my stories.
01:51:07 Mommy! Daddy!
01:51:08 I found a totato for the picnic!
01:51:11 - A totato!
01:51:13 Boy, you really are
01:51:16 - That's--
01:51:18 I think I know what
01:51:21 - Make some totato soup!
01:51:22 Buddy, what do you think?
01:51:25 [Roderick narrating]
01:51:27 how I met my wife.
01:51:28 [chuckles, murmurs]
01:51:31 Of how I learned that sometimes,
01:51:33 what seem to be answers
01:51:37 The Machine's list
01:51:39 the what, the where,
01:51:42 is never as important as the why.
01:51:45 And the why's not all
01:51:47 * I want to unmake every bed *
01:51:52 * That I laid down on *
01:51:57 * Give back everything I've won *
01:52:05 * Good days *
01:52:07 * There'll be *
01:52:09 * Bad days *
01:52:14 * I want to unread every book *
01:52:18 * That my eyes laid on *
01:52:22 [Roderick narrating]
01:52:25 sometimes the best
01:52:26 is press the reset button.
01:52:29 * I want to unsing every song *
01:52:34 * Unwrite every line *
01:52:39 [Roderick narrating]
01:52:42 I dare not add an adjective--
01:52:44 mature, content, happy.
01:52:48 "I am" is good enough for now.
01:52:52 Life is a lot like death.
01:52:55 It happens to everyone,
01:52:58 The meaning of it all?
01:53:00 Honestly?
01:53:02 Who gives a fuck?
01:53:24 * I want to unsew every seam *
01:53:29 * Unwind every clock *
01:53:34 * Unbreathe every
01:53:43 * I want to unset every sun *
01:53:47 * That my eyes fell on *
01:53:52 * Till I give back all I've won *
01:54:01 * Good days *
01:54:03 * There'll be *
01:54:05 * Bad days *
01:54:10 * Good days *
01:54:13 * There'll be *
01:54:15 * Bad days *
01:54:19 * Good days *
01:54:22 * There'll be *
01:54:24 * Bad days *
01:54:29 * Good days *
01:54:31 * There'll be *
01:54:33 * Bad days *
01:57:16 Subtitled by J.R. Media Services, Inc.