|
Sex Drive Sexdrive
|
| 00:00:05 |
Hello, my name is Sean Anders. |
| 00:00:11 |
Hi, John. I didn't see you there. |
| 00:00:14 |
-This is John Morris. |
| 00:00:19 |
-Welcome to the unrated... |
| 00:00:22 |
...edition of... |
| 00:00:23 |
-... Sex Drive. |
| 00:00:25 |
How many times has this happened to you? |
| 00:00:28 |
You purchase an unrated DVD to view |
| 00:00:32 |
Only to find that you got the same |
| 00:00:36 |
and maybe an additional tit or two. |
| 00:00:39 |
-What a jip. |
| 00:00:41 |
Not this time. |
| 00:00:42 |
That's right, John. |
| 00:00:46 |
the viewer, |
| 00:00:49 |
a genuinely wacky, zany |
| 00:00:53 |
-We promise... |
| 00:00:56 |
Bare tits like these. |
| 00:01:00 |
These tits are good. |
| 00:01:03 |
Plus, more cock, like this. |
| 00:01:07 |
That's good cock, John. |
| 00:01:09 |
That's right, John, and that's not all, |
| 00:01:13 |
takes and other bullshit |
| 00:01:18 |
And this means a lower standard |
| 00:01:21 |
-the viewer. |
| 00:01:22 |
So, if you've never seen Sex Drive before, |
| 00:01:26 |
do not watch this version first. |
| 00:01:29 |
Watch the real theatrical version |
| 00:01:33 |
Why? |
| 00:01:34 |
Yes, because this version |
| 00:01:46 |
Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice you. |
| 00:01:50 |
Mine's one my... It's on my back. |
| 00:01:52 |
But actually I have a town car outside |
| 00:02:03 |
All right. |
| 00:02:26 |
We open up against Michigan |
| 00:02:30 |
Coach's got me hitting the bench |
| 00:02:38 |
Shit. How much is a lot? |
| 00:02:42 |
One... No, two. |
| 00:02:50 |
I'm putting up three hundy. |
| 00:03:01 |
Well, let's see, Tasty. |
| 00:03:09 |
Wow! |
| 00:03:11 |
Um... |
| 00:03:14 |
Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen... |
| 00:03:18 |
No, stop it, stop it. |
| 00:03:19 |
Don't be so fucking desperate. |
| 00:03:25 |
Don't be a pussy. |
| 00:03:30 |
Yeah. |
| 00:03:32 |
Not bad. |
| 00:03:35 |
I've seen better. |
| 00:03:41 |
Yeah, whatever. |
| 00:03:44 |
Coach's got us running two-a-days, |
| 00:04:12 |
Miss Tasty? How did you get here? |
| 00:04:17 |
Shh! |
| 00:05:37 |
Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20, |
| 00:05:40 |
so if you want a ride to work |
| 00:05:42 |
-Okay, I'll be right down. |
| 00:05:44 |
-All right. |
| 00:05:46 |
-Just give me a minute. |
| 00:05:48 |
-Just... |
| 00:05:52 |
Now, ball bag. |
| 00:06:01 |
Hey... |
| 00:06:02 |
-Ow! Cut it out. |
| 00:06:04 |
Shut up! I'm trying to sleep. |
| 00:06:07 |
Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep. |
| 00:06:11 |
-You, get your ass up. |
| 00:06:14 |
What're you doing under there, huh? |
| 00:06:15 |
What're you doing? |
| 00:06:19 |
Come on, get up. What are you hiding? |
| 00:06:21 |
You got a big fattie under there, don't you? |
| 00:06:23 |
Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too. |
| 00:06:28 |
Your little brother's sleeping |
| 00:06:32 |
Good. My boys are all here. |
| 00:06:34 |
-Dad, Ian's free... |
| 00:06:36 |
Your pop's got a bombshell to drop, |
| 00:06:39 |
Last night, |
| 00:06:43 |
Show them, Karen. |
| 00:06:48 |
I'm so happy. |
| 00:06:52 |
Hey, way to go! |
| 00:06:54 |
Ian, you wanna get off your duff |
| 00:06:58 |
Um... |
| 00:06:59 |
-Yeah, Ian, come on. You're being rude. |
| 00:07:04 |
-Damn it, Ian, get up... |
| 00:07:08 |
We have to give him time |
| 00:07:15 |
Karen? |
| 00:07:16 |
Karen? Karen, honey? |
| 00:07:18 |
Sweetheart? |
| 00:07:20 |
What smells like jizz? |
| 00:07:27 |
Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo! |
| 00:07:40 |
Come on, get in. Get in! |
| 00:07:51 |
You suck! |
| 00:07:55 |
Okay, seriously. |
| 00:08:03 |
Never go down |
| 00:08:09 |
Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question, |
| 00:08:13 |
-You queer? |
| 00:08:15 |
-God damn it! I knew it! |
| 00:08:18 |
Exactly. If someone asks you |
| 00:08:20 |
you just deny it, straight off. |
| 00:08:24 |
Rex, I'm not gay. |
| 00:08:25 |
-Dad thinks you're gay. |
| 00:08:27 |
-You're breaking the old man's heart. |
| 00:08:31 |
Ian, you're 18, |
| 00:08:34 |
That's how people wind up getting gay, |
| 00:08:37 |
I don't think that's really how it happens. |
| 00:08:39 |
Is that not how it happens? |
| 00:08:41 |
Fucking cock expert. Cockspert. |
| 00:08:44 |
Hey, what do you like better, |
| 00:08:46 |
-That's gross. |
| 00:08:49 |
It's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want |
| 00:08:53 |
and Wednesdays and Thursdays |
| 00:08:57 |
-I don't know why you're talking about it. |
| 00:08:59 |
That's a tough one. |
| 00:09:02 |
No, you are. You keep talking about it. |
| 00:09:05 |
Why're you smiling at me? I'm serious. |
| 00:09:06 |
Don't fucking smile at me. You know |
| 00:09:09 |
What does it taste like? |
| 00:09:11 |
Like, right when you take your mouth off |
| 00:09:14 |
like you can almost see your reflection |
| 00:09:17 |
Smack you in the face with it a little bit. |
| 00:09:19 |
-You don't like that? |
| 00:09:22 |
Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff, |
| 00:09:29 |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 00:09:30 |
Look, every guy's got a fantasy |
| 00:09:32 |
but you got to bury that shit way down. |
| 00:09:36 |
There is... |
| 00:09:40 |
All right, I'm listening. |
| 00:09:43 |
On the... Online. |
| 00:09:46 |
What? For fuck's sake, Ian, |
| 00:09:50 |
She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude |
| 00:09:54 |
But you'd love that, wouldn't you? |
| 00:10:12 |
Hey, Ian. Try not to come home any gayer |
| 00:10:18 |
Seriously, though. You're a fag. |
| 00:10:21 |
Hey, don't look at me like that. |
| 00:10:34 |
Hey |
| 00:10:38 |
What's your favorite song? |
| 00:10:42 |
Maybe we could hum along |
| 00:10:46 |
Well, I think you're smart, |
| 00:10:53 |
Tell me your name, |
| 00:11:04 |
Got you where I want you |
| 00:11:08 |
Yeah |
| 00:11:18 |
-Hey, Becca. How are you? |
| 00:11:24 |
Hey, Becca. |
| 00:11:28 |
-Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno. |
| 00:11:32 |
-I'm not gross. I didn't say anything. |
| 00:11:39 |
-No, Becca, I did it yesterday. |
| 00:11:45 |
I love you so much. |
| 00:11:48 |
Hello. This is a coupon for six free... |
| 00:11:54 |
-Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen. |
| 00:11:55 |
You're welcome. Sorry. |
| 00:11:58 |
Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is? |
| 00:12:01 |
-It's just past the movie theater. |
| 00:12:09 |
Yeah, real funny. |
| 00:12:15 |
Free donuts, free coupons. |
| 00:12:17 |
Felicia. How's it fitting, hon? |
| 00:12:31 |
Well, you look nice. |
| 00:12:36 |
You know, sweetie, |
| 00:12:38 |
before my wedding. |
| 00:12:39 |
Darren and I already discussed them, |
| 00:12:42 |
I mean, he's a dentist, |
| 00:12:46 |
Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors? |
| 00:12:48 |
Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie? |
| 00:12:51 |
Oh, no. I was just hoping |
| 00:12:54 |
My husband killed himself last Christmas. |
| 00:12:59 |
I am so sorry. I was just... |
| 00:13:02 |
Hello. This is a coupon |
| 00:13:13 |
Oh, my God! You look so hot in that. |
| 00:13:19 |
Hey, sweetheart, listen. |
| 00:13:22 |
but your whole trying too hard thing, |
| 00:13:24 |
it's just coming across as needy, |
| 00:13:27 |
And I think you're better than that, |
| 00:13:29 |
-But all I was saying was that... |
| 00:13:34 |
I mean, Christ, |
| 00:13:36 |
He's 18 years old. |
| 00:13:40 |
Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry, |
| 00:13:47 |
Well, it's official, Lance, |
| 00:13:50 |
What? You're telling me |
| 00:13:53 |
No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever. |
| 00:13:56 |
All right. Let me give you some advice, |
| 00:13:59 |
Don't ever get married. |
| 00:14:02 |
And whatever you do, man, |
| 00:14:05 |
Nice. Always classy. |
| 00:14:08 |
Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like... |
| 00:14:16 |
Hey, sir. I've got something yummy |
| 00:14:22 |
Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry! |
| 00:14:32 |
-Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened? |
| 00:14:36 |
Is there a cock and balls |
| 00:14:38 |
-Like a little tree trunk. |
| 00:14:42 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:14:47 |
-Whoa. You look pretty. |
| 00:14:51 |
What? I'm just saying, |
| 00:14:55 |
Ian, why do you got to work the mouth |
| 00:14:57 |
-Yeah, Ian. |
| 00:15:01 |
Hey, that girl you work with, Becca, |
| 00:15:04 |
-Yeah, I asked her. She said no. |
| 00:15:08 |
That's what you say about everyone. |
| 00:15:11 |
She made you wear |
| 00:15:13 |
-You know, I don't mind... |
| 00:15:16 |
she'd be two knuckles deep right now |
| 00:15:19 |
Ian, do not listen to him. |
| 00:15:20 |
Okay, girls want a nice guy |
| 00:15:23 |
-Really? |
| 00:15:25 |
Look, all I'm saying is |
| 00:15:27 |
-Everybody wants... |
| 00:15:29 |
Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like |
| 00:15:33 |
-That shit does not work. |
| 00:15:37 |
No, it doesn't. |
| 00:15:43 |
Felicia! |
| 00:15:45 |
Balls! I got to go. |
| 00:15:49 |
-Pretty cousin? |
| 00:15:52 |
-She's still super hot. |
| 00:15:56 |
So what happened with Becca? |
| 00:15:57 |
You been doing like I told you, |
| 00:15:59 |
Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick. |
| 00:16:04 |
I mean, you know, |
| 00:16:06 |
your whole being-a-dick thing |
| 00:16:10 |
-And I get it, but I just... |
| 00:16:12 |
I don't think I could do that for real. |
| 00:16:13 |
Dude, sure you can. |
| 00:16:16 |
You just got to stop worrying |
| 00:16:19 |
I mean, okay, |
| 00:16:22 |
You think they care |
| 00:16:24 |
They could give a fuck. |
| 00:16:26 |
-What's up? What's up? |
| 00:16:29 |
Hi. I'm collecting for |
| 00:16:32 |
-Would you like to help? |
| 00:16:34 |
-We don't have any money. |
| 00:16:37 |
You wanna party? |
| 00:16:39 |
Um... I'm kind of working right now. |
| 00:16:41 |
-When are you done? |
| 00:16:43 |
I have a church thing tonight. |
| 00:16:45 |
-Kick ass, we'll come. |
| 00:16:47 |
Is there gonna be |
| 00:16:49 |
Those guys are total nards. |
| 00:16:52 |
That's just 'cause they don't know |
| 00:16:54 |
But they're ability to open |
| 00:16:56 |
-Do you wear thong underpants? |
| 00:16:59 |
-What color bra are you wearing? |
| 00:17:01 |
Are you into me? |
| 00:17:03 |
-Where do you live? |
| 00:17:04 |
-Where do you live? |
| 00:17:06 |
-Do you want us to come over? |
| 00:17:08 |
We've been to a motel. |
| 00:17:14 |
-Fuck off, donut. |
| 00:17:19 |
What the fuck is this all about? |
| 00:17:21 |
I broke the key off of our locker. |
| 00:17:25 |
Stow that shit in the trunk. |
| 00:17:33 |
You suck. |
| 00:17:39 |
Becca? Hey. |
| 00:17:41 |
Wow, I didn't know |
| 00:17:45 |
Cool. I didn't even know |
| 00:17:50 |
-Yeah, I do. |
| 00:17:53 |
-So... |
| 00:17:56 |
I broke my key off |
| 00:18:00 |
Anyway, so this is great. |
| 00:18:04 |
Now, the party, it doesn't start |
| 00:18:05 |
-for a few hours. |
| 00:18:12 |
-Dylan? |
| 00:18:14 |
-My 14-year-old brother Dylan? |
| 00:18:17 |
-Nice underpants, Ian. |
| 00:18:22 |
You know he's 14, right? |
| 00:18:42 |
Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous. |
| 00:18:56 |
-Hey, congrats. Good to see you. |
| 00:19:03 |
Is this the plan? |
| 00:19:14 |
Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here. |
| 00:19:18 |
-Are you smoking cigars now? |
| 00:19:22 |
-Hey, Lance. Tight party. |
| 00:19:25 |
You can see |
| 00:19:27 |
Now, I'll be with you |
| 00:19:30 |
-Thank you. |
| 00:19:31 |
-Don't apologize to her. |
| 00:19:33 |
Don't apologize to me. |
| 00:19:40 |
Hey, I'm gonna go see |
| 00:19:41 |
No, dude, forget Felicia, okay? |
| 00:19:44 |
I know you guys are BFF and all that shit, |
| 00:19:46 |
but tonight's about getting that dick |
| 00:19:48 |
Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart, |
| 00:19:50 |
Come here, we're not done. Get in here. |
| 00:19:53 |
-You know my boy Ian? |
| 00:19:57 |
-You used to be on my paper route. |
| 00:20:01 |
Fucking A your mom likes Ian. Look at him. |
| 00:20:07 |
You know what else? |
| 00:20:09 |
Ian is a bust-ass virgin. |
| 00:20:14 |
I'm so sorry. |
| 00:20:16 |
Don't let that deter you from fucking him. |
| 00:20:25 |
Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked. |
| 00:20:28 |
and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine, |
| 00:20:30 |
-Are you gonna go to college? |
| 00:20:33 |
It's a great party school. |
| 00:20:34 |
You know, I read that they have |
| 00:20:40 |
I don't know if that's |
| 00:20:42 |
Because it's really high elevation, |
| 00:20:50 |
Planets. |
| 00:20:52 |
Wow! A little tip action there. |
| 00:20:56 |
I'm not saying that |
| 00:20:59 |
You can just stick with my finger |
| 00:21:04 |
You're really good at that. |
| 00:21:12 |
-Ian! Dude! |
| 00:21:14 |
Hello. Hello? |
| 00:21:17 |
-Hey! |
| 00:21:20 |
-What are you doing in there, man? |
| 00:21:24 |
-I asked you first. |
| 00:21:27 |
No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt, |
| 00:21:31 |
-I thought you had, like, a girl in there. |
| 00:21:36 |
So, okay. |
| 00:21:39 |
to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend? |
| 00:21:41 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 00:21:43 |
Okay. Awesome. |
| 00:21:44 |
'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts, |
| 00:21:49 |
you think, like, maybe I could hang |
| 00:21:53 |
Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something. |
| 00:21:55 |
Oh, my God! Thank you so much. |
| 00:22:03 |
-Okay. |
| 00:22:06 |
-Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay. |
| 00:22:11 |
Hey, Dibits, fuck off. |
| 00:22:16 |
Okay, so I... Oh my God, this is so lame. |
| 00:22:19 |
-Look at you acting like such a girl. |
| 00:22:26 |
I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy. |
| 00:22:31 |
Yeah? Well, who is it? |
| 00:22:33 |
Come on, you know me better than anyone. |
| 00:22:36 |
Come on, guess. |
| 00:22:40 |
Um... |
| 00:22:42 |
I think I know. |
| 00:22:52 |
I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you. |
| 00:23:01 |
-You're my best friend. |
| 00:23:05 |
That's why it's funny that we would kiss, |
| 00:23:11 |
So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero? |
| 00:23:15 |
Um... Nobody. |
| 00:23:18 |
-Nobody? |
| 00:23:22 |
-That is funny. |
| 00:23:25 |
-That is so funny. |
| 00:23:28 |
Oh! I... |
| 00:23:30 |
-You got... |
| 00:23:31 |
-All right. So... |
| 00:23:33 |
Okay. |
| 00:23:40 |
Harsh. |
| 00:23:53 |
Well, come on, Ian. |
| 00:23:56 |
You know what? I'm good. I'm just gonna... |
| 00:23:58 |
Ian, come on, baby. Don't be shy. |
| 00:24:01 |
No, thanks. It looks like |
| 00:24:05 |
Sure you don't want to |
| 00:24:08 |
No, thanks, man. |
| 00:24:10 |
It looks like you fellows |
| 00:24:13 |
So I'm just gonna skedaddle. |
| 00:24:17 |
Lindsay, say hi to your mom. |
| 00:24:20 |
All right. See you later, buddy. |
| 00:24:29 |
Ian. Dude, where you going? |
| 00:24:34 |
Shit. |
| 00:24:43 |
Hey, Goldie, scoot over. |
| 00:24:52 |
-Hey, babe, you wanna party? |
| 00:24:55 |
You should pee on us. |
| 00:24:57 |
Why don't you take a picture, Ian? |
| 00:24:59 |
Yeah, and post it on |
| 00:25:01 |
Backslash-we-rule! |
| 00:25:03 |
Where'd you come up with that? |
| 00:25:05 |
-Hey, can I ask you guys a question? |
| 00:25:11 |
-Can I ask you another question? |
| 00:25:13 |
-What's up? What's up? |
| 00:25:15 |
Nice hair. It'll look even better in my crotch. |
| 00:25:21 |
-Dude, where you going? |
| 00:25:24 |
What's going on? |
| 00:25:27 |
-I'm... All right, all right. |
| 00:25:33 |
Where do you guys get the confidence to, |
| 00:25:37 |
-'Cause we're the shit. |
| 00:25:44 |
-So where's Felicia? |
| 00:25:48 |
-She's in... |
| 00:25:52 |
We're just friends. |
| 00:25:54 |
-I'm uncircumcised. |
| 00:25:56 |
-I'm into you and I'm hard. |
| 00:25:58 |
-Hey, I was born to fertilize. |
| 00:26:01 |
-I'm a firefighter. |
| 00:26:04 |
Wait, I thought you took her to prom. |
| 00:26:06 |
Yeah, |
| 00:26:13 |
You should bang her. We would. |
| 00:26:16 |
Dude, we would bang her so hard. |
| 00:26:17 |
We would take that ass and just... |
| 00:26:23 |
Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you |
| 00:26:25 |
Yeah. Hard. |
| 00:26:26 |
-With our dicks! |
| 00:26:29 |
You could see them from space! |
| 00:26:32 |
-What's up? |
| 00:26:36 |
You don't. Okay. |
| 00:26:44 |
I'll call you from nationals. |
| 00:26:49 |
-Say it. |
| 00:26:56 |
-Bye, sexy. |
| 00:27:00 |
-You want to smell my finger? |
| 00:27:09 |
Are you sure you got the right hole? |
| 00:27:19 |
Kids. |
| 00:27:27 |
Awesome. |
| 00:27:34 |
Hmm... '69. |
| 00:27:44 |
Whoa. |
| 00:27:54 |
Don't puss out. Be cool. |
| 00:27:59 |
I don't know. |
| 00:28:01 |
That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit! |
| 00:28:10 |
Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this. |
| 00:28:25 |
Holy buckets. |
| 00:28:28 |
She wants me to give her the D. |
| 00:28:32 |
Well, honey |
| 00:28:33 |
What ya got, Mr. Mans? |
| 00:28:34 |
I got a lot of money |
| 00:28:35 |
I don't see no keys in my hands |
| 00:28:37 |
I just wanna nasty girl |
| 00:28:42 |
Now tell me, is that nasty girl you? |
| 00:28:44 |
Do you like what you see? |
| 00:28:45 |
Could you be my nasty girl |
| 00:28:52 |
I can love you long time |
| 00:29:08 |
I like 'em all in shapes and sizes |
| 00:29:12 |
And it don't make no difference to me |
| 00:29:15 |
If you're short, tall, big or small |
| 00:29:20 |
Chances are you'll suit me to a T |
| 00:29:31 |
Love beef. |
| 00:29:36 |
Terry, phone call. |
| 00:29:42 |
Dude, weren't you in my gym class? |
| 00:29:45 |
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan. |
| 00:29:52 |
Right. Whatever, scrotch. |
| 00:29:56 |
Russ, man, check it out. |
| 00:30:01 |
You want these gift-wrapped, Egan? |
| 00:30:08 |
Just ring it up, man. |
| 00:30:10 |
Karen, let me have that for you. |
| 00:30:13 |
Dad, what did you do with my helmet? |
| 00:30:35 |
Ian, honey, |
| 00:30:43 |
I'll just leave these here for you. |
| 00:30:46 |
I'll get them later. |
| 00:30:48 |
There's $40 in the cow for fun money, |
| 00:30:52 |
so be safe and sorry I didn't knock. |
| 00:30:57 |
Anytime. It's your home now. |
| 00:31:02 |
Oh, dear. |
| 00:31:07 |
-Dude. |
| 00:31:09 |
What is going on with you? |
| 00:31:13 |
-How did you know that? |
| 00:31:19 |
Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago. |
| 00:31:21 |
What's the deal? Dude. |
| 00:31:24 |
She wants me to meet her tonight |
| 00:31:27 |
This is a fucking written invitation |
| 00:31:31 |
Oh, Jesus. |
| 00:31:33 |
Seriously, dude, pack your shit. |
| 00:31:35 |
No. Stop it. Put these back. |
| 00:31:37 |
This is the type of girl who has... |
| 00:31:39 |
She has it shaved into a landing strip. |
| 00:31:42 |
I can't deal with a landing strip. |
| 00:31:44 |
Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean, |
| 00:31:46 |
There could be a little Hitler |
| 00:31:52 |
But I'm guessing this chick is baby fresh. |
| 00:31:56 |
You know, she doesn't even want me. |
| 00:32:01 |
I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine. |
| 00:32:05 |
I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes. |
| 00:32:07 |
Tasty's probably a guy, anyway. |
| 00:32:10 |
Maybe. But what if she's not? |
| 00:32:13 |
You know, I mean, look, you've already |
| 00:32:17 |
We just need one thing. |
| 00:32:24 |
Ian, just look at this. |
| 00:32:28 |
she's gonna drop an egg right there |
| 00:32:31 |
Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this. |
| 00:32:34 |
Here. Strap that end down. Tight. |
| 00:32:38 |
-The cord's too short. |
| 00:32:45 |
-All right. Thanks, little brother. |
| 00:32:48 |
-Hey, Ian. |
| 00:32:50 |
Did I hear something |
| 00:32:52 |
No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you. |
| 00:32:56 |
You sure? |
| 00:32:58 |
You're my little brother, Ian. |
| 00:33:04 |
Okay. |
| 00:33:06 |
Could I use The Judge this weekend? |
| 00:33:14 |
Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive |
| 00:33:22 |
-Let's go, Dad. |
| 00:33:24 |
You should take his car just on principle. |
| 00:33:26 |
What do you want me to do, you know? |
| 00:33:28 |
I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it, |
| 00:33:31 |
What are you doing? |
| 00:33:36 |
No. Lance, no! Put it back. |
| 00:33:39 |
Come here, we're gonna have a talk. |
| 00:33:42 |
She's only nine short hours away, okay? |
| 00:33:44 |
We're gonna head down there tonight |
| 00:33:47 |
Ian's gonna treat it like it's meat |
| 00:33:50 |
With his dick instead of a hammer. |
| 00:33:52 |
You can pound it till it bleeds. |
| 00:33:54 |
Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's mess, |
| 00:33:59 |
-What're you doing? |
| 00:34:02 |
Who's gonna pound on it? Say it. |
| 00:34:05 |
We're back tomorrow |
| 00:34:07 |
Now, listen, these girls at Madison are |
| 00:34:11 |
I need you ready for that. |
| 00:34:13 |
Wait! Put it... Put it back. |
| 00:34:16 |
Back here. |
| 00:34:33 |
For God's sake. You two rump rangers |
| 00:34:53 |
Shit. |
| 00:35:10 |
-Shit! |
| 00:35:12 |
I told her she could stay here this weekend. |
| 00:35:15 |
Dude, what the hell? |
| 00:35:19 |
I thought me and... |
| 00:35:22 |
-Are you bitching out on me? |
| 00:35:25 |
-No. |
| 00:35:26 |
Good. Well, then where are we going? |
| 00:35:30 |
Um... Knoxville, Tennessee. |
| 00:35:34 |
Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom. |
| 00:35:35 |
Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome. |
| 00:35:39 |
Dude, what the fuck? |
| 00:35:41 |
-I don't want her along. |
| 00:35:43 |
You don't want to bring Yoko |
| 00:35:45 |
Yeah, no shit. |
| 00:35:47 |
No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a... |
| 00:35:50 |
Okay, twat blocking. |
| 00:35:52 |
Professor. |
| 00:35:53 |
When will you |
| 00:35:54 |
No, tomorrow. |
| 00:35:56 |
-When? |
| 00:35:59 |
You guys |
| 00:36:02 |
So, what's in Tennessee? |
| 00:36:04 |
My grandma has got some cancer. |
| 00:36:08 |
-Grammy K? |
| 00:36:10 |
She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time. |
| 00:36:14 |
It's, you know... I mean, what is it called? |
| 00:36:16 |
-It's foot cancer. |
| 00:36:18 |
She'll be hopping around in no time. |
| 00:36:21 |
So what's she doing in Tennessee? |
| 00:36:24 |
Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass |
| 00:36:28 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:36:32 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:36:35 |
you should totally check it out. |
| 00:36:41 |
I would. |
| 00:36:45 |
So you want I-80 East and then |
| 00:36:50 |
-So how's it feel? |
| 00:36:53 |
I don't know, breaking the rules, |
| 00:36:58 |
It feels pretty good. |
| 00:36:59 |
I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw |
| 00:37:02 |
I'm in the prime of my life |
| 00:37:08 |
Let's make some music, make some money |
| 00:37:18 |
This is our decision |
| 00:37:22 |
We've got the vision |
| 00:37:30 |
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah |
| 00:37:36 |
This dude wants to race. |
| 00:37:40 |
Let's go, ladies. |
| 00:37:41 |
Lance! Cut it out! |
| 00:37:44 |
Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve |
| 00:37:48 |
I refuse to be embarrassed by a car |
| 00:37:51 |
I am not racing in my brother's car. |
| 00:37:54 |
Holy shit. |
| 00:37:57 |
What the hell is that? |
| 00:38:01 |
Looks like a Nachos BellGrande. |
| 00:38:03 |
And a chalupa! |
| 00:38:05 |
Medium Coke! |
| 00:38:08 |
Go right! |
| 00:38:09 |
Turn the wipers on! |
| 00:38:11 |
They're not working! |
| 00:38:13 |
Please, don't yell at me. |
| 00:38:17 |
-Winnebago! |
| 00:38:19 |
Winnebago! Winnebago! |
| 00:38:28 |
Oh, my God, are you all right? |
| 00:38:35 |
Yeah, nobody offer to help. |
| 00:38:46 |
-Are you all right? |
| 00:38:52 |
You know what might make you feel better? |
| 00:39:12 |
Hey. You okay in there? |
| 00:39:18 |
God damn! My back teeth are snorkeling. |
| 00:39:28 |
Sweet relief. |
| 00:39:33 |
You got the shy bladder? |
| 00:39:36 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:39:39 |
Paruresis. That's what they call it. |
| 00:39:43 |
Let me tell you something. |
| 00:39:46 |
It's Ian. |
| 00:39:47 |
Let me tell you something, Ian. |
| 00:39:55 |
You can do it, Ian. You can do it. |
| 00:40:05 |
Go running down by your sister. |
| 00:40:07 |
Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump. |
| 00:40:11 |
Yeah? You move your meat, |
| 00:40:16 |
Logan, do not eat that. |
| 00:40:21 |
Damn. |
| 00:40:23 |
Listen, Reba. |
| 00:40:25 |
If you value the rest of your teeth, |
| 00:40:35 |
So I tells my daddy, "You know what? |
| 00:40:38 |
"Not you, not Angie," |
| 00:40:42 |
"And sure as hell not this bladder of mine. " |
| 00:40:44 |
Well, he looked at me, |
| 00:40:46 |
Ian. Where you going? Don't give up. |
| 00:40:53 |
Jesus. I've been pissing for an hour. |
| 00:41:01 |
-Another one for the collection. |
| 00:41:07 |
What? |
| 00:41:14 |
It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry. |
| 00:41:17 |
Lance, what are you doing? |
| 00:41:19 |
Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, |
| 00:41:21 |
because I'm just trying to show |
| 00:41:25 |
And my dick. |
| 00:41:29 |
It's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall. |
| 00:41:32 |
You know why? |
| 00:41:35 |
Love will keep us alive. Just like that song. |
| 00:41:39 |
That's our song now. |
| 00:41:45 |
Don Henley's words represent our love. |
| 00:41:54 |
What have you got? |
| 00:41:56 |
Hey, kid, where you from? |
| 00:42:00 |
-I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago. |
| 00:42:06 |
-No, we're just friends. We're amigos. |
| 00:42:12 |
She's pretty. Marry that girl. |
| 00:42:15 |
See my lady and I here, |
| 00:42:19 |
And I tell you she was gorgeous. |
| 00:42:21 |
The first day I saw her, |
| 00:42:25 |
And you know what? It happened. |
| 00:42:27 |
I tell you, |
| 00:42:31 |
Made lots of money. |
| 00:42:33 |
I fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady |
| 00:42:39 |
Boy, those were the best six bucks |
| 00:42:45 |
You kids want to help yourself |
| 00:42:48 |
-Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple? |
| 00:42:55 |
Say, the boys still hanging? |
| 00:42:58 |
-You ever had a peppermint fatty? |
| 00:43:02 |
See how that shoe fits. |
| 00:43:07 |
Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this? |
| 00:43:12 |
You know that thing, |
| 00:43:15 |
You know, and it's all good after that? |
| 00:43:18 |
I feel like that |
| 00:43:21 |
It actually says Purple Soda. |
| 00:43:29 |
Bad boy. |
| 00:43:35 |
You like him, don't you? |
| 00:43:40 |
-What? Who? |
| 00:43:45 |
Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot. |
| 00:43:50 |
I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever. |
| 00:43:57 |
Brandy! |
| 00:44:01 |
Brandy! Shit. |
| 00:44:06 |
-Howdy. |
| 00:44:08 |
Mr. McBroom. Ma'am. |
| 00:44:22 |
-You ever hear of a rolling brown-out? |
| 00:44:30 |
You bleach that. |
| 00:44:32 |
Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown! |
| 00:44:36 |
What're you gonna do? Hit a girl? |
| 00:44:39 |
No, but I'm gonna |
| 00:44:43 |
There you go. There you go. |
| 00:44:46 |
Hey! |
| 00:44:48 |
I have to go to church. |
| 00:44:50 |
Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door! |
| 00:44:59 |
All right, this is not what it looks like. |
| 00:45:03 |
Purple Soda! |
| 00:45:13 |
Wiener! |
| 00:45:18 |
Ow! |
| 00:45:42 |
There you are. |
| 00:45:45 |
Come on, come on. |
| 00:45:55 |
Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch! |
| 00:46:07 |
Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy! |
| 00:46:11 |
I'm gonna ask you this just one time. |
| 00:46:15 |
Hey, hold on! |
| 00:46:18 |
Come on, man, she's not worth it. |
| 00:46:20 |
She's just gonna shit all over you. |
| 00:46:23 |
-She touch your butthole? |
| 00:46:26 |
-Let's see! |
| 00:46:29 |
I'm gay as hell. |
| 00:46:33 |
Eat bat, dickhead! |
| 00:46:37 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:46:40 |
Ian just killed that guy. |
| 00:46:41 |
Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. |
| 00:46:44 |
Look, I have my insurance card. |
| 00:46:47 |
I couldn't see you through the corn. |
| 00:46:54 |
Where the hell's the road? |
| 00:46:56 |
I told you we didn't have time for this, |
| 00:46:58 |
-but all you care about is your stupid dick. |
| 00:47:00 |
And you leave us out there |
| 00:47:02 |
-Ian. |
| 00:47:04 |
Ian, Ian, whip a shitty! |
| 00:47:05 |
Motherfucker! |
| 00:47:18 |
Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that! |
| 00:47:21 |
Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving. |
| 00:47:25 |
Where the hell are we? |
| 00:47:27 |
-They're in my pants. |
| 00:47:30 |
In the trailer. |
| 00:47:34 |
Mmm-hmm. Great. |
| 00:47:37 |
Shit. I got gum in my bush. |
| 00:47:45 |
Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can |
| 00:47:47 |
-Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker. |
| 00:47:53 |
No, no, no. |
| 00:47:56 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:48:00 |
Hey! Thanks for the lift, man. |
| 00:48:04 |
Not one car. Can you believe it? |
| 00:48:06 |
-Listen, sir, we didn't... |
| 00:48:09 |
-Guy, you're not wearing any pants. |
| 00:48:13 |
Right on. |
| 00:48:14 |
Let's go. We better go. |
| 00:48:17 |
Hey, you got my stuff. |
| 00:48:21 |
Hey, real quick, guys, |
| 00:48:25 |
-I'm 25 years old. |
| 00:48:39 |
I got nothing. There's no bars. |
| 00:48:44 |
Got any in the trunk? |
| 00:48:46 |
Hey, sweetheart, men are talking. |
| 00:48:48 |
Yeah, thanks, |
| 00:48:51 |
-and you just piss in the radiator. |
| 00:48:54 |
Yeah. |
| 00:48:57 |
Oh, God! Damn it! |
| 00:49:01 |
-Are you okay? |
| 00:49:03 |
That's a lesson learned. |
| 00:49:07 |
You can watch, |
| 00:49:09 |
Wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen |
| 00:49:13 |
-Do you hear that? There's a ringing. |
| 00:49:17 |
What? There's ants down here. FYl. |
| 00:49:22 |
All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it. |
| 00:49:28 |
Okay. Go away. |
| 00:49:32 |
Dude, seriously? Still? |
| 00:49:37 |
You're a grown man. |
| 00:49:46 |
Flowing river, gentle stream. |
| 00:49:50 |
-Yo, stage fright, how're we doing? |
| 00:49:55 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:50:01 |
-Why? |
| 00:50:05 |
I'm sorry. I just took a squirt |
| 00:50:10 |
You want me to shit in it? |
| 00:50:13 |
-We'll get back to you on that one. |
| 00:50:17 |
-I'm telling you, I could shit right now. |
| 00:50:22 |
Our new friend's got nothing left |
| 00:50:29 |
What? |
| 00:50:34 |
No. Guys, come on. |
| 00:50:39 |
Every drop helps so much. |
| 00:50:44 |
Hey, look what I found in my bag. |
| 00:50:48 |
Thank God. |
| 00:50:50 |
-No! |
| 00:50:57 |
You all just wait 20 minutes |
| 00:51:03 |
Could be ten. |
| 00:51:05 |
Fine, fine. Okay. |
| 00:51:09 |
I swear to God it will be |
| 00:51:20 |
Shit. |
| 00:51:36 |
You kids need some help? |
| 00:51:44 |
Hi. |
| 00:51:52 |
Are you okay? |
| 00:51:53 |
Yeah, I'm great. |
| 00:51:57 |
Try it. |
| 00:52:04 |
All set? |
| 00:52:05 |
Look, I'm sorry, sir, |
| 00:52:10 |
I'm gonna say this once. |
| 00:52:12 |
You unlock this fucking car, |
| 00:52:17 |
I'll stake you all to the ground, |
| 00:52:19 |
cut you open and let the dogs get at you. |
| 00:52:24 |
Oh, yeah? |
| 00:52:28 |
Bye-bye. |
| 00:52:35 |
Shit, shit, shit, shit. |
| 00:52:37 |
What happened? |
| 00:52:43 |
Uh-oh. |
| 00:52:44 |
That didn't work out like you planned, |
| 00:52:47 |
You know what? Mostly I'm disappointed. |
| 00:52:52 |
I know, I'm sorry. |
| 00:52:53 |
And you're a dick. |
| 00:52:56 |
You're a dick. You know what, ma'am? |
| 00:53:05 |
-Here's that pee you ordered. |
| 00:53:09 |
-There you go, Tex. |
| 00:53:13 |
Quick car wash? |
| 00:53:15 |
-God! |
| 00:53:17 |
It smells like beef jerky. You know? |
| 00:53:22 |
It's just got like that sour sweetness. |
| 00:53:27 |
How can nobody go down a road |
| 00:53:30 |
Why did they even make this stupid road? |
| 00:53:31 |
It's so hot out here. |
| 00:53:34 |
Ow! |
| 00:53:38 |
Oh, my God, your head. |
| 00:53:43 |
Yes. It hurts. |
| 00:53:47 |
-What is that? |
| 00:53:54 |
Wow. |
| 00:54:08 |
That is so beautiful. |
| 00:54:20 |
Need some help? |
| 00:54:22 |
-Yeah, but no offense... |
| 00:54:27 |
so I wouldn't know anything |
| 00:54:31 |
455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi, |
| 00:54:34 |
Weird, that thing must have fallen |
| 00:54:37 |
Well, good luck with the future ride, |
| 00:54:43 |
Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on. |
| 00:54:45 |
Wow! |
| 00:54:47 |
Okay. |
| 00:54:48 |
What are you doing? Whoa, whoa. |
| 00:54:52 |
-What? |
| 00:54:53 |
You don't know how far we have to walk. |
| 00:54:56 |
You know what? You're probably right. |
| 00:54:59 |
But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? |
| 00:55:02 |
I should. |
| 00:55:06 |
I can't believe you just did that. |
| 00:55:08 |
So he met this chick on the Internet, |
| 00:55:11 |
The Internet? |
| 00:55:13 |
Yeah, it's like a series of computers |
| 00:55:17 |
Computers? |
| 00:55:20 |
A computer is like a big calculator, |
| 00:55:24 |
I'm just busting your balls, man. |
| 00:55:29 |
-Okay. |
| 00:55:31 |
Yeah, that ska band from Delaware. |
| 00:55:34 |
No, it means "run wild. " It's an Amish |
| 00:55:38 |
we can go live like you heathens |
| 00:55:41 |
You go nuts, party for months or years |
| 00:55:46 |
and then it's back to the Stone Age. |
| 00:55:49 |
But if you're on Rumspringa, |
| 00:55:51 |
Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore. |
| 00:55:54 |
I probably shouldn't even be |
| 00:55:56 |
I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw. |
| 00:55:59 |
-Sometimes I just miss the world. |
| 00:56:03 |
You know, I miss sarcasm. |
| 00:56:06 |
Oh. |
| 00:56:07 |
And gambling. Went to Vegas once. |
| 00:56:14 |
Have a lot of nice memories there. |
| 00:56:17 |
-I hear that. |
| 00:56:19 |
Buttfucking. |
| 00:56:22 |
Wait, are we talking about dudes? |
| 00:56:25 |
-No. |
| 00:56:28 |
I mean, unless that's what you're into, |
| 00:56:32 |
-It's not. |
| 00:56:34 |
No. |
| 00:56:36 |
-Not into dudes. |
| 00:56:39 |
-How old are you? |
| 00:56:43 |
How old are you? |
| 00:56:50 |
This is gonna happen. |
| 00:56:54 |
It's gonna happen |
| 00:56:57 |
So I kind of want you to fight it. |
| 00:57:01 |
Cut. |
| 00:57:02 |
-All right. Now you. |
| 00:57:05 |
Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever. |
| 00:57:08 |
Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country |
| 00:57:11 |
To visit your grandma? Whoa! |
| 00:57:15 |
So anyway, we're there and she's like... |
| 00:57:19 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:57:21 |
Like, she won't stop crying. |
| 00:57:22 |
-That's the funniest thing, too. |
| 00:57:24 |
I know, I was with this stripper in Vegas, |
| 00:57:28 |
So she's like, "Yeah, I want it, I want it. " |
| 00:57:33 |
And I was like, |
| 00:57:35 |
"What're you crying about?" She's like, |
| 00:57:39 |
And I'm like, |
| 00:57:44 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:57:46 |
And then coercing my load |
| 00:57:50 |
Vegas in general is just... Good times. |
| 00:57:55 |
You can get a blowjob for $10. |
| 00:57:57 |
Or for free if you meet the right girl |
| 00:58:02 |
"What is this blowjob that you speak of?" |
| 00:58:05 |
"Your techno music beguiles me. " |
| 00:58:09 |
Let me put it in your butt. |
| 00:58:11 |
You know, when you cut your foot on |
| 00:58:13 |
-don't think I'm gonna carry you. |
| 00:58:15 |
-I was born barefoot. |
| 00:58:20 |
Hey! Stop! |
| 00:58:27 |
Have a nice walk, shit-birds. |
| 00:58:32 |
Oh! |
| 00:58:37 |
Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel. |
| 00:58:40 |
What up, English? |
| 00:58:50 |
There's no service out here. |
| 00:58:53 |
-I can't even tell her I'll be late. |
| 00:58:56 |
You don't want to come off as desperate. |
| 00:58:58 |
I'm driving nine hours. |
| 00:59:01 |
-We had shit to do. |
| 00:59:06 |
You blew your head gasket. |
| 00:59:08 |
-Shit. |
| 00:59:11 |
-Really? |
| 00:59:13 |
-Yeah? |
| 00:59:15 |
but it's an impressive thing. |
| 00:59:16 |
-Yeah. We'll fix it. |
| 00:59:18 |
Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? |
| 00:59:22 |
-Wow. |
| 00:59:24 |
-Thank you. |
| 00:59:26 |
That's what you say |
| 00:59:29 |
You know, there's a pretty big shindig |
| 00:59:31 |
if you guys want to hang there |
| 00:59:34 |
Take it easy while we do all this for you. |
| 00:59:40 |
-Does he have an attitude? |
| 00:59:44 |
Okay. |
| 00:59:46 |
Just relax, man. |
| 00:59:50 |
You're gonna party with the Amish. |
| 00:59:52 |
Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be |
| 00:59:58 |
What's up, man? |
| 00:59:59 |
-Hey. |
| 01:00:07 |
When I'm home alone |
| 01:00:12 |
-This is insane! |
| 01:00:17 |
Signing off, "I'm all right in bed, |
| 01:00:24 |
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen |
| 01:00:30 |
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen |
| 01:00:36 |
The kid was all right, but it went to his head |
| 01:00:49 |
Thank you, guys, very, very, very much. |
| 01:01:10 |
Dude. Don't even bother. |
| 01:01:14 |
What do you know about girls? |
| 01:01:19 |
I'm gonna go check on the car. |
| 01:01:27 |
Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance. |
| 01:01:29 |
-Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize. |
| 01:01:39 |
Fine. |
| 01:01:52 |
So at this point, |
| 01:01:54 |
but I'm still apprehensive |
| 01:01:56 |
'cause he is just staring at me. |
| 01:01:58 |
Whoa! Hey, what is this? |
| 01:02:03 |
Ian, do you know anything |
| 01:02:06 |
I don't care, okay? |
| 01:02:10 |
-put them back in there. I don't want... |
| 01:02:13 |
Do you know any breathing exercises? |
| 01:02:15 |
Because you are right on the verge |
| 01:02:17 |
You don't know my brother, okay? He's |
| 01:02:22 |
What? He's gonna what? With what? |
| 01:02:25 |
Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early, |
| 01:02:30 |
stand in line, change a 10, |
| 01:02:32 |
find my ass and just fuck it |
| 01:02:51 |
Yeah, witness sucks! |
| 01:02:55 |
We've got to get that guy laid tonight. |
| 01:02:58 |
Is your sister still a slut? |
| 01:03:25 |
Check it out. It's totally working. |
| 01:03:30 |
You're the best wing-man ever. |
| 01:03:32 |
She's in, she's in. Watch this. |
| 01:03:45 |
Rumspringa! Whoo! |
| 01:03:50 |
-I took a wicked digger. |
| 01:03:52 |
I think you may have had a little too much |
| 01:03:55 |
Maybe you should shut your face hole |
| 01:04:03 |
-First day of Rumspringa? |
| 01:04:09 |
-Uh-oh! |
| 01:04:14 |
Hey. |
| 01:04:17 |
-All right. Okay. You good? All right. |
| 01:04:23 |
Don't let her step in it. |
| 01:04:26 |
I love you guys 'cause you're awesome. |
| 01:04:30 |
'Cause you're awesome. |
| 01:04:33 |
Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off. |
| 01:04:37 |
What? What's wrong with you? |
| 01:04:40 |
-Yeah, what's your problem, bitch? |
| 01:04:44 |
Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off. |
| 01:04:47 |
-It's Lance, right? |
| 01:04:49 |
I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl |
| 01:04:51 |
Wrong. |
| 01:04:52 |
Come on, Leesh, just drop |
| 01:04:55 |
You know. It's okay. You're into Lance. |
| 01:05:01 |
-God, I'm such an idiot. |
| 01:05:06 |
Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance. |
| 01:05:12 |
Just promise me |
| 01:05:16 |
What is wrong with us? |
| 01:05:22 |
-No. No. |
| 01:05:24 |
Come on, we're young, and we're Amish, |
| 01:05:29 |
Rumspringa! |
| 01:05:58 |
Ian, you little cock-sucker! |
| 01:06:39 |
Ah! |
| 01:06:40 |
Leesh, you're so stubborn. |
| 01:06:43 |
They are fine. All right? |
| 01:06:47 |
Hey. What's the plan? |
| 01:06:50 |
I might as well find a phone and call Rex |
| 01:06:54 |
-so he can get on with killing me. |
| 01:06:58 |
Yeah, dude. You been putting off |
| 01:07:02 |
-It's about time you visited Grandma. |
| 01:07:05 |
Lance, you know, |
| 01:07:10 |
Dude, I really can't stress enough how |
| 01:07:15 |
You know, I visit my grandma sometimes |
| 01:07:19 |
and it is always a pleasure. |
| 01:07:22 |
What am I supposed to do? |
| 01:07:24 |
Our transportation is all over the floor |
| 01:07:26 |
Hey, Mary! |
| 01:07:30 |
Hi. |
| 01:07:34 |
Wow, you look beautiful. |
| 01:07:38 |
Oh, please. |
| 01:07:39 |
I mean, seriously, you wearing that, |
| 01:07:45 |
So I had the best time with you last night. |
| 01:07:48 |
Yeah, me, too. |
| 01:07:49 |
So you got my number. |
| 01:07:53 |
No. |
| 01:07:56 |
"No. " You're funny. |
| 01:07:59 |
I mean, Lance, I really like you, |
| 01:08:06 |
-So... |
| 01:08:14 |
Sorry. |
| 01:08:41 |
You fixed it? |
| 01:08:42 |
Yeah, we hit a few snags, |
| 01:08:46 |
Man, I don't even... |
| 01:08:49 |
You know, I don't really have much... |
| 01:08:51 |
Oh, no, we're good. We're good. |
| 01:08:53 |
I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor, |
| 01:08:57 |
Man, you're too... Here, thanks. |
| 01:09:01 |
-You're welcome. |
| 01:09:02 |
It is. You know, I mean, |
| 01:09:04 |
if you felt the need to reciprocate |
| 01:09:08 |
I mean, there's a lot of chores |
| 01:09:10 |
Yeah, no, the only thing about that is |
| 01:09:15 |
Yeah, but, I mean, |
| 01:09:17 |
-We could hit you on our way back through. |
| 01:09:19 |
Yeah, you should. |
| 01:09:22 |
I mean, you got a smooth-running |
| 01:09:27 |
-Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good? |
| 01:09:32 |
I mean, we fixed your car for free, |
| 01:09:34 |
So I'd say that makes us dead square. |
| 01:09:38 |
We'll come back. I promise. |
| 01:09:39 |
-I'm looking forward to that. |
| 01:09:43 |
Okay. We'll all hold our breath |
| 01:09:45 |
On three, guys. Three, two... |
| 01:09:58 |
My stomach's killing me. |
| 01:10:02 |
You know, I really feel sorry for Mary |
| 01:10:04 |
because her lifestyle is keeping her |
| 01:10:08 |
And that's no way to live. |
| 01:10:10 |
Lance, don't you know your little theory of |
| 01:10:14 |
That's all she is. Ian, gas station. |
| 01:10:17 |
No. Felicia, this is different okay, |
| 01:10:22 |
You know, I'm a butterfly now |
| 01:10:24 |
Because when I'm with her, |
| 01:10:29 |
And if you don't believe that, |
| 01:10:53 |
Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian. |
| 01:10:56 |
'Cause you're a big, giant pussy. |
| 01:10:58 |
I'm gonna lift up this door |
| 01:11:02 |
is gonna be sitting right there |
| 01:11:05 |
or I'm gonna have the fucking |
| 01:11:25 |
Want some of this? |
| 01:11:32 |
He took my fucking baby. |
| 01:11:36 |
Cocksucker! |
| 01:11:41 |
Shit! |
| 01:11:43 |
Hey, Knievel, what say you get |
| 01:11:46 |
Hey! Hey! |
| 01:12:08 |
All ocupado, sport? |
| 01:12:15 |
Sounds like |
| 01:12:24 |
Gents. |
| 01:12:26 |
Well, looks like we're up. |
| 01:12:38 |
Oh! |
| 01:12:40 |
Am I getting a signal? |
| 01:12:44 |
Tasty, I got sidetracked last night. |
| 01:12:48 |
I had to party with some new homies. |
| 01:12:54 |
Tonight, 8:00 p. m. at Big Boy. |
| 01:13:00 |
I'm worth the wait. |
| 01:13:06 |
Yes! |
| 01:13:15 |
No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you! |
| 01:13:23 |
Hello? Little buddy? Hello. |
| 01:13:28 |
Spooner. Spooner. Spooner. |
| 01:13:32 |
-Was that you screaming in there? |
| 01:13:36 |
-Where's Felicia? |
| 01:14:04 |
Can you believe |
| 01:14:07 |
But, man, where am I ever gonna find |
| 01:14:14 |
You like it? |
| 01:14:20 |
-What about Felicia? |
| 01:14:26 |
-She's into you. |
| 01:14:30 |
What is that? |
| 01:14:33 |
Felicia's awesome, |
| 01:14:35 |
but the obvious statement to make here |
| 01:14:39 |
-What? No, I... |
| 01:14:43 |
-This bombshell. Come on. |
| 01:14:48 |
Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter. |
| 01:14:53 |
Okay, but you do know |
| 01:14:57 |
-Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know. |
| 01:15:02 |
There's no maybe. Okay? |
| 01:15:06 |
but never. Never fucking ever. You know? |
| 01:15:12 |
Because you guys are friends. |
| 01:15:13 |
You know what every girl |
| 01:15:18 |
I wasn't friends with any of them. |
| 01:15:20 |
And usually they have awesome tits, |
| 01:15:25 |
Sometimes you get that bronze medal, |
| 01:15:28 |
Real simple. |
| 01:15:31 |
Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins, |
| 01:15:35 |
Why don't you step up |
| 01:15:39 |
We're not... She's not my girlfriend. |
| 01:15:41 |
-What about your other girlfriend there? |
| 01:16:02 |
All right, come on, Ian. You can do it. |
| 01:16:04 |
Come on, you're almost there! |
| 01:16:07 |
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE.: |
| 01:16:10 |
-That was awesome. |
| 01:16:13 |
We had one of these at Cub Scout camp. |
| 01:16:15 |
Yeah, you think you're hot shit? |
| 01:16:19 |
-Lolly? |
| 01:16:26 |
Hey, hey, hey, ass. |
| 01:16:31 |
Hey. What's your secret? |
| 01:16:33 |
You just... |
| 01:16:36 |
-No coaching. |
| 01:16:39 |
No coaching there, Lombardi. |
| 01:16:43 |
No coaching. |
| 01:16:46 |
Cheese and rice! |
| 01:16:49 |
Oh! |
| 01:16:51 |
-Thanks. I'm Sandy. |
| 01:16:55 |
-Hi. |
| 01:17:00 |
-Consolation prize? |
| 01:17:04 |
You know, my dance team's performing |
| 01:17:07 |
You guys should come watch. |
| 01:17:09 |
-Actually, we were just about to go. |
| 01:17:12 |
Great. See you. |
| 01:17:14 |
Dude, that girl reeks of sex. |
| 01:17:17 |
-Really? |
| 01:17:19 |
Hey, Harry Potter, |
| 01:17:24 |
What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres? |
| 01:17:28 |
That's right. I'm not afraid to hit a lady. |
| 01:17:33 |
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me |
| 01:17:37 |
Why don't they just let me live? |
| 01:17:41 |
I don't need permission |
| 01:17:42 |
-Do we really have time for... |
| 01:17:44 |
You have to stop doing that to him. |
| 01:17:46 |
-Doing what? |
| 01:17:48 |
I'm not twat... Doing that. |
| 01:18:00 |
Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers! |
| 01:18:06 |
Come on, girls, |
| 01:18:11 |
-Ian. |
| 01:18:12 |
Get up there. Come on. |
| 01:18:14 |
Come on! |
| 01:18:16 |
KAT.: In the back! In the back! |
| 01:18:18 |
Yeah! |
| 01:18:24 |
Come on, two more, two more! |
| 01:18:28 |
Yeah! |
| 01:18:32 |
Dude, turn around. |
| 01:18:42 |
Look at this fine crop |
| 01:18:49 |
But before we get down to business, |
| 01:18:52 |
there's a young woman here |
| 01:18:53 |
who would like to share her story |
| 01:18:56 |
-Kristy, you ready, baby? |
| 01:19:03 |
So, last year I was at a dance |
| 01:19:08 |
He wanted to go to his car. |
| 01:19:10 |
So I did. |
| 01:19:12 |
So we were both naked in the back seat |
| 01:19:42 |
MAN IMITATING SOUL SINGER.: Yeah! |
| 01:19:57 |
Daddy likes that! |
| 01:20:01 |
Excuse me! |
| 01:20:02 |
Excuse me! |
| 01:20:18 |
This courageous young lady pours |
| 01:20:24 |
It's time for you to pledge. Right now! |
| 01:20:27 |
Boy, you need this more than anybody. |
| 01:20:31 |
Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain. |
| 01:20:34 |
I can't believe you took |
| 01:20:39 |
It's classic. |
| 01:20:40 |
Look, I didn't even know what she was |
| 01:20:44 |
-Ian! Hey! |
| 01:20:45 |
I am so proud of you! |
| 01:20:48 |
Get away from me. Is that what you do? |
| 01:20:50 |
You go out and you lure little dorks like me |
| 01:20:53 |
Ian, it's not like that at all. |
| 01:20:55 |
Just go away. Now. |
| 01:21:01 |
-I would've eaten your asshole, you know. |
| 01:21:05 |
-Oh, man. |
| 01:21:06 |
You can keep your stupid |
| 01:21:11 |
-You are dead, psycho-virgin! |
| 01:21:14 |
Whoa, whoa, whoa! |
| 01:21:19 |
Hey, are you sure you want to get |
| 01:21:24 |
Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like. |
| 01:21:27 |
-Thank you. |
| 01:21:41 |
Fine, okay, you were right. |
| 01:21:45 |
and I never should've tossed my shoes. |
| 01:21:48 |
No, come on. |
| 01:21:54 |
I do. That's premium Felicia. |
| 01:21:58 |
Felicia Alpine. |
| 01:22:01 |
Oh. |
| 01:22:03 |
-So what'd you do to her? |
| 01:22:07 |
Smack her around a little bit? |
| 01:22:08 |
She gets out of line, you pop her one? |
| 01:22:10 |
-No. No, sir, I... |
| 01:22:14 |
We have fun. |
| 01:22:17 |
-He didn't, though, did he? |
| 01:22:19 |
Blink twice if you feel you're in danger. |
| 01:22:23 |
Be back in a couple minutes. |
| 01:22:25 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:22:26 |
Hands to yourself, O.J. |
| 01:22:30 |
Ian, you know the other night |
| 01:22:37 |
-Was I there? |
| 01:22:41 |
Here. |
| 01:22:47 |
I mean, you know the only reason is |
| 01:22:54 |
Totally, I mean friendship is awesome. |
| 01:22:59 |
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. |
| 01:23:11 |
-You won't. |
| 01:23:18 |
-What are you thinking about? |
| 01:23:26 |
You got a little loogie. |
| 01:23:30 |
I'm gonna go see if Lance... |
| 01:23:32 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:23:33 |
Go. Go. |
| 01:23:47 |
Um, I'll take these as well. |
| 01:23:55 |
They're not for me. They're not. |
| 01:24:08 |
-Heads up. |
| 01:24:13 |
I'm thinking maybe we head back home. |
| 01:24:15 |
What? Why? |
| 01:24:17 |
Well, Felicia and I were talking in there, |
| 01:24:20 |
-and we kind of had a moment. |
| 01:24:24 |
-Yeah. |
| 01:24:26 |
Fuck you. We've talked about this. |
| 01:24:29 |
Look, we're almost there, |
| 01:24:32 |
We're going to Knoxville, |
| 01:24:36 |
No, I'm not. I'm not. |
| 01:24:38 |
No, I'm gonna text Tasty, |
| 01:24:41 |
-Ian, get in this car. |
| 01:24:45 |
Shit, where's my phone? |
| 01:24:50 |
You have my phone. I didn't know... |
| 01:24:55 |
Mmm! A message came in. |
| 01:24:56 |
Your grandma says she's really excited |
| 01:24:59 |
And something about her hot, |
| 01:25:01 |
Must be the cancer talking. |
| 01:25:04 |
All right. Good deal. |
| 01:25:11 |
All I've got is frustration, frustration |
| 01:25:15 |
I hate this vacation |
| 01:25:19 |
So, give up, give up |
| 01:25:23 |
I've got to get away from here |
| 01:25:26 |
Frustration, frustration |
| 01:25:31 |
Ian, you're going the wrong way. |
| 01:25:34 |
-We're going home. |
| 01:25:37 |
Please, do not turn around |
| 01:25:40 |
-Yeah, no shit. |
| 01:25:42 |
This is going to be hilarious. |
| 01:25:43 |
A hundred bucks says she has a wiener. |
| 01:25:46 |
Look, I said we're going home. |
| 01:25:49 |
I knew you'd find some way |
| 01:25:51 |
Me? You two are fucking scheming |
| 01:25:54 |
-No, we're not. |
| 01:25:57 |
You drove halfway across the country. |
| 01:25:58 |
This must be what you want to do. |
| 01:26:01 |
- Fucking A, chicken shit. |
| 01:26:04 |
I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch, |
| 01:26:07 |
I'll be that guy. Is that what you want? |
| 01:26:08 |
-Be that guy! That guy rules. |
| 01:26:10 |
-That would make me so happy. |
| 01:26:14 |
Watch out, Ian! Fuck! |
| 01:26:19 |
Whoo! |
| 01:26:22 |
-You like that? |
| 01:26:24 |
Holy shit, Ian. |
| 01:26:27 |
-Oh, man, it's this douche again. |
| 01:26:34 |
-Hold on to your pantyhose. |
| 01:26:36 |
but otherwise, this is awesome. |
| 01:26:42 |
-You're losing him. |
| 01:26:47 |
-Jesus, Ian! Not so close. |
| 01:26:55 |
No way, man! You're dead. |
| 01:26:59 |
Sorry. He's all right. |
| 01:27:02 |
This guy's fucking dangerous! |
| 01:27:10 |
Where is he? Talk to me, dudes. |
| 01:27:12 |
Right up our ass. He's in our ass. |
| 01:27:19 |
-He's tagging out. |
| 01:27:22 |
Ian, look out! |
| 01:27:29 |
Oh! Oh! |
| 01:27:31 |
God damn it. |
| 01:27:34 |
What were you doing, man? Shit. |
| 01:27:39 |
Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault. |
| 01:27:42 |
Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault. |
| 01:27:45 |
Now, come on, man, |
| 01:27:46 |
We gotta go find Ms. Tasty. |
| 01:27:48 |
He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna |
| 01:27:54 |
Okay. You're right. |
| 01:27:58 |
We gotta help him. |
| 01:28:02 |
Ian, look at him. |
| 01:28:09 |
You may want to cover your eyes, |
| 01:28:12 |
-What the fuck are you doing? |
| 01:28:15 |
They don't make little wheelchairs for him. |
| 01:28:19 |
Fuck you, Lance. |
| 01:28:24 |
I'll do it. |
| 01:28:34 |
I'm sorry. |
| 01:28:40 |
All possums go to heaven. |
| 01:28:43 |
Uh... Ian. It... I think it's still... |
| 01:28:50 |
Shit. |
| 01:28:58 |
Oh, no. |
| 01:29:01 |
Ian, I'm so sorry, it's... |
| 01:29:04 |
Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it! |
| 01:29:11 |
-He's really hanging in there. |
| 01:29:17 |
You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby |
| 01:29:21 |
I can't believe she had a fucking baby. |
| 01:29:30 |
How was I supposed to know |
| 01:29:32 |
You know, the vet said there's actually |
| 01:29:35 |
You better hope so, mister. Get in. |
| 01:29:39 |
Lock up cell B. |
| 01:29:47 |
We are in jail. |
| 01:29:57 |
Okay, listen, you have got to be cool, |
| 01:30:00 |
they're gonna fuck with us. |
| 01:30:02 |
Hey! Hey, ladies. |
| 01:30:04 |
Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down |
| 01:30:07 |
How about you just chill out, man? |
| 01:30:11 |
-All right. We good? |
| 01:30:25 |
-Excuse me. |
| 01:30:32 |
You should've seen the look in his eyes. |
| 01:30:35 |
His heart was breaking |
| 01:30:38 |
Shit, that boy Ian don't seem |
| 01:30:43 |
Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some |
| 01:30:47 |
I think that's real sweet. |
| 01:30:49 |
Well, I say this Lance, |
| 01:30:53 |
The only way you can keep his kind around |
| 01:30:57 |
But he got no respect for bitches. |
| 01:31:00 |
Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches. |
| 01:31:06 |
You love Ian, don't you, baby? |
| 01:31:11 |
Well, it's just we've been best friends |
| 01:31:16 |
and I don't know, he's the only person |
| 01:31:20 |
You give your heart to that boy, |
| 01:31:23 |
and you can toss that "friendship" right out |
| 01:31:28 |
When I was a girl, my best friend was |
| 01:31:35 |
We used to stay up all night just talking |
| 01:31:42 |
Then one day I got it into my head |
| 01:31:46 |
So I tell him I love him. |
| 01:31:49 |
What happened? |
| 01:31:54 |
We dated for a few weeks. |
| 01:31:57 |
Then he met a gal over in Wofford. |
| 01:32:01 |
We still talk from time to time. |
| 01:32:04 |
But it was never the same between us. |
| 01:32:14 |
Baby. Come here. |
| 01:32:22 |
You know you need a hug. |
| 01:32:27 |
Cuddle up. |
| 01:32:33 |
Dude. |
| 01:32:35 |
-What? |
| 01:32:41 |
Yeah, I am. |
| 01:32:43 |
-And that guy's looking right at your dick. |
| 01:32:49 |
-Look at you. You're a new man. |
| 01:32:52 |
Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly, |
| 01:32:57 |
you got arrested, you got in a prison fight. |
| 01:33:01 |
See Duane, he was there. |
| 01:33:03 |
And I mean, you really beat |
| 01:33:06 |
That's got to count for something. |
| 01:33:07 |
And now you're in here in jail pissing |
| 01:33:12 |
I mean, there's only one thing left. |
| 01:33:13 |
Yeah, well, that's out. |
| 01:33:18 |
Dude, when we get out of here, |
| 01:33:20 |
She'll think that's bad-ass, |
| 01:33:24 |
Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted. |
| 01:33:27 |
Really? |
| 01:33:29 |
-Time to go. |
| 01:33:33 |
-What? |
| 01:33:35 |
Oh. |
| 01:33:38 |
All right, this is it for us, Duane, |
| 01:33:41 |
but, you know, back to what we were |
| 01:33:43 |
I don't give a shit what Denise says, |
| 01:33:45 |
I think there's still room for somebody |
| 01:33:47 |
So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy. |
| 01:33:59 |
Hey. |
| 01:34:02 |
Mary! |
| 01:34:08 |
Wait. Wait. How did you find me? |
| 01:34:10 |
Well, I called your cell phone, |
| 01:34:13 |
-That's awesome. Okay. |
| 01:34:21 |
I mean, there's a number of charges, |
| 01:34:22 |
but the most prominent ones |
| 01:34:24 |
and the assaulting the officer. |
| 01:34:26 |
But it's not nearly as bad |
| 01:34:29 |
-Okay. |
| 01:34:34 |
-Teddy. |
| 01:34:35 |
-You guys got my stuff? |
| 01:34:38 |
All right. |
| 01:34:39 |
-Your daughter still selling those cookies? |
| 01:34:41 |
You find me that wallet, I'll buy one. |
| 01:34:43 |
-That'd be nice of you. |
| 01:34:46 |
I'm just fucking with you. |
| 01:35:16 |
You can't know, oh, no |
| 01:35:20 |
How much I think about you, no |
| 01:35:26 |
It's making my head spin |
| 01:35:33 |
Looking at you |
| 01:35:36 |
And we both know what we want |
| 01:35:43 |
So close to giving in |
| 01:35:47 |
Ian, don't do this. No, |
| 01:35:54 |
Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin. |
| 01:35:56 |
So what if you're a virgin? |
| 01:36:01 |
No, Felicia, it's not about the sex. |
| 01:36:07 |
I'm the only virgin I know. |
| 01:36:11 |
so everyone can just stop |
| 01:36:14 |
Look, I know you don't approve, |
| 01:36:17 |
I'm not going home a virgin. |
| 01:36:19 |
Then, sport, fuck me. |
| 01:36:23 |
What? |
| 01:36:26 |
Sport, fuck me and not some stranger. |
| 01:36:30 |
We're friends so you know |
| 01:36:33 |
crabs or genital warts |
| 01:36:38 |
Wow, Leesh. That's hot! |
| 01:36:43 |
You know what? |
| 01:36:45 |
I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever |
| 01:36:50 |
-I'm not talking about pity-sex. |
| 01:36:53 |
I don't know. Sex. |
| 01:36:57 |
It doesn't have to mean anything. |
| 01:37:03 |
Ah! |
| 01:37:04 |
Leesh, you know what? |
| 01:37:08 |
I'm sorry, I just can't do it. |
| 01:37:10 |
I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to |
| 01:37:14 |
I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up |
| 01:37:17 |
and you're gonna cry to because |
| 01:37:22 |
And maybe I'm just being selfish here, |
| 01:37:26 |
Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door, |
| 01:37:30 |
with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully |
| 01:37:37 |
Unless you've got something better |
| 01:37:57 |
That's what I thought. |
| 01:38:28 |
Cyclops. |
| 01:38:33 |
-How'd you find me? |
| 01:38:42 |
Come here. |
| 01:38:43 |
Burn that mother down, y'all |
| 01:38:47 |
Burn, baby, burn |
| 01:38:48 |
Disco inferno |
| 01:38:50 |
Burn, baby, burn |
| 01:38:52 |
Burn that mother down |
| 01:38:53 |
Come on, Rex, wait. The girl... |
| 01:38:56 |
She's right across the street, Rex. |
| 01:38:59 |
Like I give a shit! |
| 01:39:14 |
Get your shit, queer-bait! |
| 01:39:16 |
Okay. Okay, fine. |
| 01:39:18 |
Now! |
| 01:39:20 |
It probably wouldn't have changed |
| 01:39:22 |
all these feelings |
| 01:39:27 |
What are you talking about? |
| 01:39:29 |
I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings, |
| 01:39:35 |
curiosity about men. |
| 01:39:42 |
Oh, shit, Ian! |
| 01:39:45 |
I think you might be right. |
| 01:39:51 |
God damn it. Fuck! |
| 01:39:56 |
But I just haven't had |
| 01:40:00 |
No way! No way my little brother's |
| 01:40:10 |
All right, you take the car, |
| 01:40:14 |
and you go bang the female woman |
| 01:40:17 |
You've got one hour! |
| 01:40:20 |
-Ian. |
| 01:40:24 |
Fill up the tank, would you, buddy? |
| 01:40:26 |
-Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks. |
| 01:40:51 |
Hey, man. You looking for somebody? |
| 01:40:59 |
Ms. Tasty. |
| 01:41:01 |
MS.Ian? |
| 01:41:09 |
Oh, my gosh! Hey. |
| 01:41:12 |
I was sure you were standing me up. |
| 01:41:16 |
-But here you are. Look at you. |
| 01:41:21 |
You look a little different than your picture. |
| 01:41:24 |
Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight |
| 01:41:29 |
Well, you're mighty cute, |
| 01:41:34 |
Why don't you take me for a ride? |
| 01:41:42 |
So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name? |
| 01:41:47 |
-How about I tell you after? |
| 01:41:55 |
Works for me. |
| 01:42:04 |
... below the ocean |
| 01:42:12 |
She may be |
| 01:42:14 |
Way down below the ocean... |
| 01:42:17 |
-No, Mary, wait. |
| 01:42:20 |
-What's wrong? |
| 01:42:24 |
Nothing, I just... I really like you, |
| 01:42:31 |
and I don't want to ruin this. You know? |
| 01:42:37 |
But, hey, maybe you could come |
| 01:42:42 |
-and take it a little... |
| 01:42:44 |
Lance, it doesn't work like that. |
| 01:42:51 |
And, I mean, if I don't go back, |
| 01:42:56 |
I could never see my family again. |
| 01:43:00 |
-This Amish thing is a real motherfucker. |
| 01:43:13 |
-Ian. |
| 01:43:15 |
I think we should take our clothes off. |
| 01:43:19 |
Wow. Really? Right here? |
| 01:43:21 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:43:22 |
No one's around for miles. Come on. |
| 01:43:26 |
Okay. |
| 01:43:36 |
-What do you think? |
| 01:43:41 |
That is one of the better sets |
| 01:43:47 |
I appreciate your honesty. |
| 01:43:50 |
They're nice. |
| 01:43:52 |
Really? |
| 01:43:54 |
You're fit. |
| 01:43:57 |
-You're so sweet. |
| 01:44:02 |
I think we should |
| 01:44:06 |
Yeah, maybe we should. |
| 01:44:09 |
-I don't play football! |
| 01:44:14 |
I... I really don't. |
| 01:44:17 |
I mean, I got all that stuff |
| 01:44:19 |
which is a show. It's also a movie |
| 01:44:22 |
-I don't know if you saw it, but... |
| 01:44:24 |
What? You think everything in my profile's |
| 01:44:30 |
Now, come on, take your clothes off. |
| 01:44:35 |
Look, there's this girl... |
| 01:44:41 |
Ian, this can be our little secret. |
| 01:44:47 |
Now come here. |
| 01:45:02 |
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you. |
| 01:45:07 |
I'm kissing you, |
| 01:45:13 |
No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say. |
| 01:45:18 |
Oh, no, no, no. |
| 01:45:22 |
It's not a reflection of... |
| 01:45:27 |
You're laughing. |
| 01:45:29 |
Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole! |
| 01:45:33 |
Look, I'm sorry, okay. |
| 01:45:36 |
and I'll give you a ride home, |
| 01:45:41 |
What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh? |
| 01:45:44 |
What're you, a Gap model? |
| 01:45:48 |
-Do you have any jacks? |
| 01:45:52 |
-I win. |
| 01:45:56 |
Yup. |
| 01:46:01 |
-All right, just take your shirt off. |
| 01:46:07 |
You were right, Ian. '69 Judge. |
| 01:46:14 |
-Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car! |
| 01:46:22 |
Fuckface! |
| 01:46:26 |
Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit. |
| 01:46:30 |
Oh, Bobby, |
| 01:46:34 |
-Love you so much. |
| 01:46:37 |
Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you |
| 01:46:41 |
You know, I mean, I do got a gun. |
| 01:46:43 |
-Oh, baby, you know they're only for you. |
| 01:46:48 |
Now, listen. I got another car coming |
| 01:46:52 |
-Got it. |
| 01:46:53 |
-and get this goat over to Luis. |
| 01:46:57 |
And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent! |
| 01:47:04 |
-I fucking told you. |
| 01:47:11 |
And if you do good, |
| 01:47:16 |
Really? |
| 01:47:20 |
You mean the thing I like well? |
| 01:47:28 |
Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking |
| 01:47:32 |
The pepper grinder. |
| 01:47:38 |
Pepper grinder! |
| 01:47:41 |
Pepper grinder! Yeah. |
| 01:47:52 |
Hi. |
| 01:47:59 |
-Hey, boys. You finally made it. |
| 01:48:03 |
What's up? What's up? |
| 01:48:05 |
-Damn, you're hot as fuck. |
| 01:48:08 |
-We brought beers and rubbers. |
| 01:48:13 |
-It's not a marathon. |
| 01:48:14 |
-Bang. Yeah. |
| 01:48:31 |
You Felicia? |
| 01:48:35 |
I'm Bobby Jo. |
| 01:48:38 |
Hi. |
| 01:48:49 |
I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. |
| 01:48:55 |
Oh, yeah! More of that. |
| 01:48:59 |
So, wait, you do want to party? |
| 01:49:05 |
With us? |
| 01:49:06 |
Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party. |
| 01:49:22 |
Fuck! I can't fucking believe this. |
| 01:49:29 |
Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker! |
| 01:49:34 |
-Who the fuck are you? |
| 01:49:39 |
Okay, my bad. |
| 01:49:43 |
Now, I thought you were someone else, |
| 01:49:45 |
You done fouled up my ride, |
| 01:49:51 |
Fuck that shit. |
| 01:49:53 |
Here you go. Pulls to the left. |
| 01:49:57 |
What the fuck, dumb-ass? |
| 01:50:03 |
Oh, shit! |
| 01:50:06 |
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! |
| 01:50:13 |
Hey, highlights, back it up. |
| 01:50:16 |
Bite my dick, asshole! |
| 01:50:23 |
Ow! What the fuck you do that for? |
| 01:50:27 |
-Lance? What the fuck is going on? |
| 01:50:31 |
Hey, guy. How'd you... |
| 01:50:34 |
-Found your computer maps, douche-bag! |
| 01:50:38 |
Hey, hey, hey, hey. |
| 01:50:39 |
Boat show, |
| 01:50:42 |
I don't need no trouble right now. |
| 01:50:43 |
Let's go. Bring it in. |
| 01:50:46 |
-Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that? |
| 01:50:50 |
-That! |
| 01:50:53 |
She was hiding in the back seat, |
| 01:50:56 |
Fuck! She heard everything then. |
| 01:50:58 |
-Hello! |
| 01:51:03 |
Come on, darling. |
| 01:51:05 |
-Shut up! |
| 01:51:07 |
-Get down! |
| 01:51:10 |
-All right, all right. |
| 01:51:25 |
Stop shooting our car. |
| 01:51:33 |
Please! No! |
| 01:51:41 |
-All right. Get back, man. |
| 01:51:44 |
Everybody just be cool. |
| 01:51:47 |
-Felicia, you okay? |
| 01:51:50 |
Ian, give me the goddamn gun |
| 01:51:53 |
-Rex, I got this. |
| 01:51:54 |
God damn it, Rex, I got this! |
| 01:51:59 |
Ease it back, man. |
| 01:52:04 |
Hands where I can see them. |
| 01:52:07 |
-Ian, dude, you're working the mouth. |
| 01:52:11 |
Okay. All right, sorry. |
| 01:52:15 |
I mean that. I don't say it enough. |
| 01:52:17 |
-Tasty and you... |
| 01:52:21 |
Ian... Over there. Slowly. |
| 01:52:25 |
All right, you, corn-fed, you can |
| 01:52:30 |
-Dude! What the fuck? |
| 01:52:33 |
-Not exactly. I mean, it was... |
| 01:52:36 |
All right. All right, fair enough. |
| 01:52:43 |
-Oh, shit! |
| 01:52:50 |
What a punch. |
| 01:52:55 |
You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude. |
| 01:52:57 |
-Yeah, you got a little... |
| 01:53:03 |
Stop it! I'm warning you! |
| 01:53:05 |
Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one. |
| 01:53:10 |
Whoa! |
| 01:53:13 |
-Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude. |
| 01:53:16 |
Suck his cock, Ian. |
| 01:53:18 |
-You serious? |
| 01:53:23 |
I don't think you got the plums, boy. |
| 01:53:28 |
God! |
| 01:53:35 |
Oh, fuck. |
| 01:53:37 |
Okay. Okay. |
| 01:53:41 |
Anybody can shoot someone |
| 01:53:45 |
-Give me the gun! |
| 01:53:51 |
Don't move, asshole, |
| 01:53:54 |
Okay. |
| 01:53:57 |
Holy shit, Ian. Right on! |
| 01:54:00 |
Where do you think you're going, cunt? |
| 01:54:03 |
Cat fight! |
| 01:54:07 |
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore |
| 01:54:10 |
Damn you, whore! |
| 01:54:12 |
I've forgotten what I started fighting for |
| 01:54:13 |
Fuck you! |
| 01:54:17 |
And if I have to crawl upon the floor |
| 01:54:22 |
Come crashing through your door |
| 01:54:26 |
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore |
| 01:54:32 |
Drop the weapon, donut man! |
| 01:54:35 |
Okay, put your hands on your head! |
| 01:54:38 |
-Both hands, asshole! |
| 01:54:42 |
-Who said that? Who said that? |
| 01:54:48 |
Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir. |
| 01:54:55 |
The big Mexican won't go down! |
| 01:55:00 |
-Holy shit. |
| 01:55:01 |
Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay? |
| 01:55:04 |
He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief. |
| 01:55:09 |
Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt. |
| 01:55:21 |
Anything else? |
| 01:55:24 |
Oh, yeah, |
| 01:55:27 |
and he has a chop shop |
| 01:55:31 |
-Thanks. |
| 01:55:34 |
-Yeah, you mentioned that. |
| 01:55:37 |
The boy did have some plums. |
| 01:55:43 |
Hey, this is Rick. |
| 01:55:46 |
-Hi. I'm Mary. |
| 01:55:48 |
That's a weird little dude you got there. |
| 01:55:50 |
Are you guys hungry? |
| 01:55:56 |
Thank you for coming for me. |
| 01:56:00 |
What were you doing in the back seat? |
| 01:56:03 |
Nothing. I was... |
| 01:56:06 |
-You were stalking me. |
| 01:56:12 |
Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little. |
| 01:56:17 |
I just... I knew you were gonna do |
| 01:56:20 |
Felicia. Why can't you just say it? |
| 01:56:29 |
-Why can't you? |
| 01:56:41 |
Fine. I'll say it. |
| 01:56:50 |
-You love me. |
| 01:56:55 |
You love me, too, then. |
| 01:57:03 |
Life is beautiful |
| 01:57:11 |
But it's complicated |
| 01:57:15 |
Thank God. |
| 01:57:17 |
We barely make it |
| 01:57:33 |
You fucking heifer. |
| 01:57:49 |
-You fixed it! |
| 01:57:51 |
Don't lean on it. |
| 01:57:55 |
I guess you get to live. |
| 01:57:57 |
-You guys are amazing. |
| 01:58:00 |
Let's talk seriously for a second. |
| 01:58:02 |
I figure with the parts and labor, |
| 01:58:09 |
Oh. Um... |
| 01:58:11 |
-It's just a round number. |
| 01:58:18 |
I don't know what to... |
| 01:58:20 |
I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man. |
| 01:58:23 |
-Wait, I mean, you're serious? |
| 01:58:27 |
-You sure? |
| 01:58:29 |
-Thank you, man. |
| 01:58:30 |
fixing other people's shit for free. |
| 01:58:35 |
Yeah. |
| 01:58:42 |
-Hey. |
| 01:58:44 |
-Dude, we got to go. |
| 01:58:49 |
You go on ahead. |
| 01:58:53 |
Dude, what are you talking about? |
| 01:58:54 |
I don't know, a little hard work, |
| 01:58:59 |
It's a man's life. |
| 01:59:01 |
-Sounds pretty good, you know. |
| 01:59:02 |
Come on, Lance. Get serious. |
| 01:59:09 |
Come here. |
| 01:59:12 |
I gotta tell you, I'm impressed. |
| 01:59:15 |
You held out for a good one, |
| 01:59:19 |
And you fucking made it happen. |
| 01:59:22 |
But, please, I'm begging you, |
| 01:59:27 |
-All right. |
| 01:59:30 |
-Lance, I got it. |
| 01:59:34 |
Yeah. |
| 01:59:37 |
Okay. I think you might. |
| 01:59:40 |
-See you. |
| 01:59:48 |
Well, no, no, me, I never worry |
| 01:59:52 |
Because, me, I never try |
| 01:59:56 |
And I never care to hold onto |
| 02:00:21 |
-Are you sure you're ready? |
| 02:00:27 |
All right, well, come on, take them off. |
| 02:00:42 |
Let's do it. |
| 02:00:49 |
Yeah! |
| 02:00:51 |
Oh, shit! |
| 02:00:54 |
What the fuck! |
| 02:00:56 |
Give me that fucking shoe... |
| 02:00:58 |
You know what? Fuck you! |
| 02:01:01 |
IAN.: A few weeks later, |
| 02:01:04 |
But this time, |
| 02:01:10 |
And Rex did make my life hell for a while. |
| 02:01:14 |
But that Thanksgiving, |
| 02:01:15 |
we finally found out |
| 02:01:19 |
I'm gay! And, so, that's it. |
| 02:01:25 |
IAN.: By Christmas, |
| 02:01:28 |
And Rex is actually |
| 02:01:31 |
Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot |
| 02:01:34 |
Karen and I want you to have this, |
| 02:01:36 |
-Merry Christmas. |
| 02:01:41 |
A juicer. |
| 02:01:42 |
Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome. |
| 02:01:48 |
Wow! |
| 02:01:53 |
Thank you, thank you. |
| 02:01:55 |
IAN.: Dylan knocked up Becca |
| 02:02:00 |
Let's see, what else? |
| 02:02:03 |
Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend. |
| 02:02:08 |
And on New Year's Eve, |
| 02:02:11 |
Again? |
| 02:02:14 |
Damn, yes. |
| 02:02:18 |
-Felicia, you want to do this? |
| 02:02:29 |
Oh, that was awesome! |
| 02:03:11 |
-Hey, boys. You get some rest? |
| 02:03:15 |
-A pleasure. |
| 02:03:17 |
-Appreciate it. |
| 02:03:19 |
-Yeah, no worries. |
| 02:03:23 |
Yeah, what do you guys typically... |
| 02:03:25 |
I assume you get compensated |
| 02:03:28 |
-Must be a good living. |
| 02:03:31 |
Yeah, you know, I... |
| 02:03:33 |
what you'd lose if this bus |
| 02:03:37 |
if you couldn't have gotten to your shows, |
| 02:03:38 |
I imagine all those weeping teenage girls |
| 02:03:43 |
Could we send you some pictures? |
| 02:03:46 |
-Some autographed photos? |
| 02:03:49 |
Yeah, we've got a lot of use |
| 02:03:51 |
There is a lot of work |
| 02:03:53 |
-You guys are some strapping young lads. |
| 02:03:59 |
-Yeah. |
| 02:04:02 |
I'm just saying, |
| 02:04:04 |
-we spent all night on the bus... |
| 02:04:06 |
I mean, that was a lot of work. |
| 02:04:07 |
We could maybe try |
| 02:04:09 |
or like I said, |
| 02:04:12 |
City folk are always trying to solve things |
| 02:04:14 |
It's the spirit of the community |
| 02:04:16 |
Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy. |
| 02:04:19 |
Keep him safe on the road. |
| 02:04:22 |
Help him to aspire |
| 02:04:25 |
-Help him to... |
| 02:04:26 |
-Okay, thanks, man. |
| 02:04:28 |
-Amen. |
| 02:04:30 |
All right, boys. |
| 02:04:32 |
I loved your penis on the Internet, |
| 02:04:35 |
-Fucking asshole! |
| 02:04:53 |
Say my name and his in the same breath |
| 02:04:57 |
I dare you to say they taste the same |
| 02:05:01 |
Let the leaves fall off in the summer |
| 02:05:05 |
And let December glow feel flames |
| 02:05:08 |
Brace myself and let go |
| 02:05:11 |
Start it over again in Mexico |
| 02:05:15 |
These friends, they don't love you |
| 02:05:19 |
They just love the hotel suites, now |
| 02:05:23 |
I don't care what you think |
| 02:05:26 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:05:30 |
The best of us can find happiness |
| 02:05:33 |
In misery |
| 02:05:36 |
Said, I don't care what you think |
| 02:05:40 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:05:44 |
The best of us can find happiness |
| 02:05:47 |
In misery |
| 02:05:55 |
Oh, take a chance, |
| 02:05:59 |
I'm not a chance, |
| 02:06:02 |
Pull a breath like another cigarette |
| 02:06:04 |
Palms up, I'm trading 'em |
| 02:06:08 |
Trading 'em |
| 02:06:10 |
I'm the oracle in my chest |
| 02:06:13 |
Let the guitar scream like a fascist |
| 02:06:16 |
Sweat it out, shut your mouth |
| 02:06:18 |
Free love on the streets |
| 02:06:20 |
But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now |
| 02:06:24 |
I don't care what you think |
| 02:06:27 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:06:31 |
The best of us can find happiness |
| 02:06:34 |
In misery |
| 02:06:37 |
Said, I don't care what you think |
| 02:06:41 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:06:45 |
The best of us can find happiness |
| 02:06:48 |
In misery |
| 02:07:03 |
Said I don't care just what you think |
| 02:07:06 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:07:10 |
Said I don't care just what you think |
| 02:07:13 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:07:17 |
Said I don't care, I don't care |
| 02:07:21 |
Said I don't care, I don't care |
| 02:07:24 |
Said I don't care, I don't care |
| 02:07:31 |
No, I don't |
| 02:07:32 |
I don't care, I don't care |
| 02:07:35 |
I don't care |
| 02:07:39 |
I don't care what you think |
| 02:07:42 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:07:46 |
The best of us can find happiness |
| 02:07:49 |
In misery |
| 02:07:53 |
Said I don't care what you think |
| 02:07:56 |
As long as it's about me |
| 02:08:00 |
The best of us can find happiness |
| 02:08:04 |
In misery |
| 02:09:02 |
Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor. |
| 02:09:06 |
You know in all the teen unrated DVDs, |
| 02:09:08 |
you never really get to see |
| 02:09:12 |
Well, that is gonna change today. |
| 02:09:16 |
That's right. Take a seat, |
| 02:09:18 |
maybe close the door |
| 02:09:21 |
Get all ready. Looks good. |
| 02:09:25 |
Here we go. |
| 02:09:30 |
Suckers! |
| 02:09:33 |
This is serious matter. |
| 02:09:36 |
Run for your life. |
| 02:09:37 |
Oh, shit! You know what? |
| 02:09:41 |
All right. We'll shoot another. Cut. |
