She s Out Of My League

en
00:00:44 Marnie?
00:00:45 I know we agreed
00:00:48 And I think that was a great idea.
00:00:51 My God.
00:00:52 It gave us both a chance
00:00:57 and meet all sorts of new
00:01:03 You did quite a bit more
00:01:08 A lot more experimenting.
00:01:14 With beakers and... But, obviously,
00:01:19 'Cause the thing is,
00:01:24 But here's the thing, Marnie,
00:01:28 And that's a lot of time off.
00:01:31 And I'm ready for some time on.
00:01:36 I miss you.
00:01:40 I miss us.
00:01:44 I got something for you.
00:01:48 What do you think?
00:01:50 Oh, man!
00:01:55 It's depressing.
00:01:59 It's horrible to watch you like this.
00:02:01 I think this is really pretty.
00:02:05 What the hell is that?
00:02:06 I got it for Valentine's Day,
00:02:10 Look, Stainer, I know
00:02:13 No. No. I hate her. In fact,
00:02:16 I marked that down in my calendar
00:02:19 I'm gonna celebrate it
00:02:22 But instead of eating it, we smash it.
00:02:25 - You deserve a lot better, Kirk.
00:02:27 but I've seen what's out there
00:02:31 When have you been out there?
00:02:33 I went out on four different dates.
00:02:36 With three girls and that guy.
00:02:39 I don't know what his
00:02:42 We had a great conversation.
00:02:45 - Know what your problem is?
00:02:47 - You're a moodle.
00:02:48 A man poodle. Girls,
00:02:51 They want to feed you, they want to
00:02:55 no girl wants to do the moodle.
00:02:58 - No one'd ever fuck a moodle.
00:03:00 - He's right.
00:03:01 if you want to get Marnie back,
00:03:04 that from the second
00:03:06 your life has been
00:03:09 Or you could just be who you are.
00:03:14 Why don't you put your
00:03:21 Yeah!
00:03:30 - "Snatch parade. " Really, Kirk?
00:03:36 I've been raw-doggin' some randoms.
00:03:41 Always using protection.
00:03:44 Double-baggin' it sometimes
00:03:48 no seepage because...
00:03:53 ...gonorrhea, herpes and stuff.
00:03:58 Wow. I am really happy that
00:04:03 But, truthfully, Marnie.
00:04:05 I reallyjust want to give all that up
00:04:11 Kirk? You know I'm with Ron now.
00:04:17 Raw-doggin' some randoms?
00:04:19 Wow, Kirky, sounds like you got
00:04:22 - Yeah.
00:04:26 We're kind of in the middle
00:04:30 Oh, you want to talk? No problem.
00:04:33 - I'll just be in the other room.
00:04:36 Ah, sorry. One more thing.
00:04:41 You know what? I'll find it myself.
00:04:48 - Are you kidding me, Marnie? That guy?
00:04:53 - Well, Ron owns a Pizza Hut.
00:04:57 It's not even a real Pizza Hut!
00:05:01 Working airport security
00:05:04 isn't getting you closer
00:05:06 I... I got you somethin'.
00:05:08 Like, remember that time I made you
00:05:13 I thought applied to our relationship?
00:05:18 Happy Valentine's Day
00:05:22 Hi, honey. Everything OK?
00:05:24 - Yeah.
00:05:29 I think it's an ashtray?
00:05:31 - No, it's for your earrings.
00:05:34 Kirk, please, don't cause a scene.
00:05:38 Jesus, Mom,
00:05:40 - It's OK, Mrs. Kettner.
00:05:44 Kirk. You know that I don't
00:05:48 and you've been really great about
00:05:52 since we broke up.
00:05:54 - I love you.
00:05:57 Just... OK... Let me finish.
00:06:00 I love you like I love... TV.
00:06:07 - I love you like I love pizza.
00:06:10 - No, Dylan!
00:06:12 - Give it to him!
00:06:14 - Fuck you!
00:06:17 - Snap him like a wishbone.
00:06:19 - Yeah! You ain't got shit, you pussy!
00:06:22 Mom! Kirk said he hated me!
00:06:24 OK, let's move out! Movie night!
00:06:27 - Here. I got the brews. Let's go!
00:06:30 - No, thanks.
00:06:33 Yeah, I think I'll pass.
00:06:35 Do you see the words
00:06:37 Chris Tucker, right?
00:06:41 - That's nice.
00:06:44 He's the black guy from Rush Hour.
00:06:45 - Let's go, go, go!
00:06:47 - Mom... Yeah.
00:07:40 Boarding passes and IDs
00:07:44 Let's go!
00:07:45 - Hey.
00:07:47 Boarding passes and IDs where I...
00:07:48 Oh, well, well, well.
00:07:51 Sorry I'm late, Fuller.
00:07:52 - Yeah? You'd better have a good excuse.
00:07:56 You wanna take a second?
00:07:59 - Nope.
00:08:03 Oh, look at this.
00:08:07 Yes, yes.
00:08:10 Yeah, that's so good.
00:08:13 Listen, Mr. Friedman,
00:08:16 So if fake flowers and cheap champagne
00:08:21 then feel free to blow us out.
00:08:24 Thank you, Mr. Friedman. Tomorrow.
00:08:27 Have a nice flight.
00:08:31 Boarding passes and IDs
00:08:35 - Hi.
00:08:37 Hi-lo. Hello!
00:08:39 New York, huh?
00:08:44 Big Apple.
00:08:45 Big Apple City. I get up there a lot,
00:08:51 I play in a band.
00:08:52 - I'm the lead in a band.
00:08:55 Did you get the numbers with...
00:09:01 This is Randy.
00:09:04 - What's up?
00:09:06 - Well, everything checks out.
00:09:11 - Do you need a hand?
00:09:14 Smooth. Go put this back in the trash.
00:09:16 - It's a memo.
00:09:19 - Boarding passes and IDs, please!
00:09:24 - Your shoes.
00:09:28 OK, let's go ahead and strip off
00:09:34 You have any piercings
00:09:38 Anything at all?
00:09:40 All right,
00:09:42 Why don't you step on through,
00:09:45 Thank you.
00:09:48 No, no, no. Not so fast.
00:09:50 I'm gonna have to ask you
00:09:53 - Fuller, why?
00:09:56 You just waved the wand
00:09:59 - No, I did not.
00:10:03 Well, I am keeping an eye on you.
00:10:09 Wow. They let guys like that work here?
00:10:12 Yep!
00:10:14 Yes, they, they,
00:10:17 Thank you for pissing off
00:10:20 Oh, yeah, please, anytime.
00:10:25 - Molly! Your boarding pass.
00:10:32 Kirk.
00:10:35 Flight six-three to JFK, you're
00:10:39 Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check.
00:10:41 Dude! Cut it a little closer,
00:10:43 I think I lost my iPhone.
00:10:46 Well, here, calm down. I'll call it.
00:11:01 - Hello?
00:11:03 I don't know. Might be the guy
00:11:06 I don't know. Might be your
00:11:09 - Patty! Stop it!
00:11:11 Hello? Thank God you have my phone.
00:11:15 I remember you well. What gate
00:11:18 Know what? We're actually
00:11:21 Excuse me. You're not
00:11:24 - It's bad for the plane.
00:11:28 No? So shut the fuck up.
00:11:30 Tell you what, I'll just leave it at
00:11:34 Would you hold on to it for me?
00:11:37 I'm an event planner. I'm having
00:11:40 - We could meet there.
00:11:42 I know where that is. It's actually
00:11:43 - on my way home from work.
00:11:45 - She's talking on her phone.
00:11:50 I have to go.
00:11:51 Tonight's the night, Kirky.
00:11:53 No. I...
00:11:55 where I return some lost property
00:12:00 Come on, man, you gotta be positive.
00:12:02 It's exciting! I mean,
00:12:07 - I can almost smell 'em.
00:12:12 - You know what this reminds me of?
00:12:15 The moment when Aladdin
00:12:18 What?
00:12:20 You're like a street urchin,
00:12:23 OK, so then what does that make you?
00:12:26 I'm the Genie.
00:12:28 Why am I so nervous? This is stupid.
00:12:32 Yeah. Let's go on a magic carpet ride.
00:12:54 No, I think it's good.
00:12:56 - Wendy!
00:12:58 - This party is so amazing.
00:13:01 - Hey. Sorry I'm late.
00:13:06 I had a major laundry disaster. This is
00:13:10 - Do you want me to take it off?
00:13:12 - Just take a tray and circulate.
00:13:21 Hey, excuse me.
00:13:26 - Are you here to arrest her?
00:13:28 What about you?
00:13:30 No. No, I'm, I'm not TSA.
00:13:33 I can get you a mad discount
00:13:36 Molly's my sister. She's... up there.
00:13:41 - Thank you.
00:13:43 Hey!
00:13:49 - Hey.
00:13:52 Hey.
00:13:57 - Oh, this is my friend, Devon.
00:14:04 - Here's your phone.
00:14:06 You... Thank you.
00:14:09 Oh, please. It's no big deal at all.
00:14:13 We're a bit overdressed for this.
00:14:17 - Yeah.
00:14:19 You should stay
00:14:22 Know what? Excuse me one second.
00:14:24 Get a drink, but don't get it
00:14:31 What's up, freckles?
00:14:35 ...your friend's hot.
00:14:40 What'd she just say?
00:14:41 - "I think your friend is hot. "
00:14:49 Seriously, Kirky,
00:14:53 Well, Devon, I would never josh you.
00:14:57 - Yeah?
00:14:59 - Yeah!
00:15:01 - Yeah!
00:15:03 No, you... Devon,
00:15:05 You and I both know
00:15:08 Yeah, you're right. I don't need to.
00:15:10 Know why? 'Cause that girl
00:15:14 Know what? Don't tell Karen about this.
00:15:16 - No.
00:15:18 - Yeah, sure.
00:15:19 I dropped 'em on the floor,
00:15:23 - Good. Thank you.
00:15:25 Suit yourself.
00:15:26 - What the...?
00:15:29 - What the hell are you doing?
00:15:31 I... I...
00:15:33 - What?
00:15:35 - Katie!
00:15:37 This is all my fault.
00:15:39 Can I see your invitation?
00:15:48 Probably not the best thing
00:15:51 True, but we should do
00:15:54 Kirk! Oh, my God.
00:15:58 Patty told me what happened.
00:16:02 My reputation in the arts community may
00:16:08 Know what?
00:16:09 - Are you free tomorrow night?
00:16:12 We handle some of the Penguins events,
00:16:18 - Do you like hockey?
00:16:21 Great. There's two tickets.
00:16:24 Wow, thank you so much.
00:16:26 - And the tickets will be at will call.
00:16:29 - Bye.
00:16:33 - Bye.
00:16:37 Fare thee well, dear princess.
00:16:39 Until our magic carpets alight
00:16:42 for a night of romance... and hockey.
00:16:49 - I'm taking Stainer.
00:16:54 - No. no. no. that's...
00:16:56 She's not into me. There are very few
00:17:01 - This chick does not like me.
00:17:05 I'm not being a... "Laydown Larry?"
00:17:08 It's just like me sayin'
00:17:11 I'm all right with that, too.
00:17:13 You don't want to
00:17:15 No, I am saying that
00:17:18 and that's fine
00:17:21 You don't know that.
00:17:23 - You might go to the moon.
00:17:25 No. This girl is, like, fuckin' hot!
00:17:30 Yeah, but you said that shit
00:17:33 Marnie was kind of a skank.
00:17:35 - Hi.
00:17:36 Marnie. We were just talking about
00:17:41 Marnie, the name... And how it's
00:17:44 Fuck you, Stainer.
00:17:46 You didn't let me finish.
00:17:50 Hey, Kirk, so are you gonna go to
00:17:54 - I don't think so.
00:17:56 me and Ron to come along,
00:17:58 but not if it's gonna be weird for you.
00:18:02 Tickets are non-refundable, and I love
00:18:06 - Yeah, no, you should go. It's fun.
00:18:12 - OK...
00:18:15 OK, so she's taking her new boyfriend
00:18:23 I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
00:18:26 Penguins are facing off
00:18:28 What do you think
00:18:29 - I got the first one.
00:18:31 I got a 20. Four beers, please.
00:18:35 Three?
00:18:37 Two?
00:18:39 - He seemed nice.
00:18:45 - Oh, my God. She's here.
00:18:47 - That chick, from the airport?
00:18:50 Didn't think she was gonna show. Hi!
00:18:52 - Hey. So you got the tickets OK?
00:18:56 - Cool. Oh, you remember Patty.
00:18:58 Hi, there. Of course.
00:19:01 - I just... This is amazing.
00:19:05 Stainer.
00:19:07 I'm sorry?
00:19:09 - Stainer.
00:19:11 - Stainer.
00:19:13 - Right.
00:19:15 Doesn't mean anything,
00:19:19 You look like someone
00:19:21 - What high school? Maybe it was me.
00:19:26 Who brought the good news bear?
00:19:29 OK, should we just
00:19:32 - Yeah, perfect.
00:19:35 - Kirk, that Molly girl's insanely hot.
00:19:38 - So you know what's happening.
00:19:40 She's setting you up with
00:19:41 Perfect for you,
00:19:44 Yeah, well, that's fine.
00:19:47 Patty's not a bitch, she's different.
00:19:51 Yeah, different in that she's a bitch
00:20:00 - Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
00:20:05 - Will! Will!
00:20:09 Come on, Averill,
00:20:12 Yeah, come on, dick!
00:20:14 I'm sorry, the player that
00:20:17 but for some reason he keeps
00:20:20 - with the defensemen.
00:20:22 hanging back 'cause
00:20:27 That is exactly what's happening.
00:20:30 Damn it, Fox, keep your stick down!
00:20:36 - That felt good.
00:20:39 She knows a strange amount
00:20:41 - Yeah, man.
00:20:46 Hey, Mol.
00:20:48 What... Scott Reese knows you?
00:20:52 - A little.
00:20:55 Come on, Reese, pick it up!
00:21:03 - What a save!
00:21:08 - Fuck you, man! Fuck you!
00:21:35 - I'm gonna get some drinks.
00:21:36 - I'm gonna get some beers, guys.
00:21:39 I see what's goin' on.
00:21:43 Turn your attention to the center ice...
00:21:45 - You two stay here. You know, talk.
00:21:54 Hi.
00:21:55 ...Charlie Slaughter from Brookline.
00:21:59 - Ye olde intermission.
00:22:06 Listen, while we have a minute here,
00:22:10 That's why she brought me along, but
00:22:14 No offense taken. I assume that
00:22:19 I was talking about Stainer.
00:22:21 What? What do you think, we're on, like,
00:22:26 - Well, yeah.
00:22:31 - No.
00:22:33 Kirk, Molly's into you.
00:22:42 Yeah! It's effortless.
00:22:46 Listen, Kirk, I love you,
00:22:47 but there's no way on the planet
00:22:50 Why would she bring a friend
00:22:53 Well, Molly brought Patty for you,
00:22:56 OK, now I know you've gone crazy.
00:22:58 You're telling me the hottest chick
00:23:02 and the Hamburglar wasn't into me?
00:23:05 Fuck...
00:23:06 That's a pretty impressive catch, Kirky.
00:23:09 Right. The day that that happens is
00:23:16 - What, did that already happen?
00:23:20 My bad.
00:23:21 Are we gonna talk
00:23:24 All I'm saying is,
00:23:27 I mean, no judgment on Kirky,
00:23:30 - Yo, House Ball!
00:23:33 Yeah, I was up first.
00:23:37 - OK. OK. My bad.
00:23:42 - What is it with you people?
00:23:45 Oh, really? All this noise and shit,
00:23:47 and my best friend is such a distraction
00:23:51 All right, take it easy.
00:23:54 Well, fuckin' roll then.
00:24:04 - Bring it, Brunswick!
00:24:13 You feel strong, tough guy?
00:24:15 - Walk!
00:24:16 - Get off!
00:24:18 - TSA, motherfucker!
00:24:19 He's lucky.
00:24:21 - He's an asshole.
00:24:25 OK, anyway... I love Kirky,
00:24:28 Stainer, that's just dirty pool.
00:24:32 A six? You go ahead and
00:24:35 - but I'm just being honest.
00:24:38 Half a point 'cause
00:24:41 And he's funny, so that's half
00:24:44 Devon's right.
00:24:45 But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point.
00:24:48 - Take a point off.
00:24:50 I don't know. Except the people
00:24:54 - So we're back to a five.
00:24:57 Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard ten.
00:25:00 And that five point disparity,
00:25:03 - Chasm?
00:25:04 Chasm. You can't jump
00:25:07 Where do you get this shit?
00:25:08 Trust me, Kirk.
00:25:11 - Oh, not even you, huh?
00:25:14 Bullshit, you're a six!
00:25:16 - You're an eight.
00:25:19 But I get a one point bump
00:25:21 Stainer, you're in a
00:25:23 - I'm pretty sure that's a deduction.
00:25:28 So that puts me back at a seven.
00:25:29 On a good day,
00:25:32 - What about your crappy car?
00:25:35 I'm expected to have a shitty car.
00:25:36 Is there an artist's exemption
00:25:39 Yeah. It's called
00:25:41 Look it up in the dictionary.
00:25:45 Guys, I think this system's ridiculous.
00:25:47 All right? If someone really loves you,
00:25:51 My God. What, are...
00:25:54 Because nothing you're saying
00:26:04 What?!
00:26:07 Hello? Hello! Hey, Molly.
00:26:10 I'm well, thank you. How are you?
00:26:13 First of all, thank you. Yeah,
00:26:17 Thank you so much. No...
00:26:23 Kirky, what'd she say?
00:26:27 I think she just asked me out.
00:26:30 Yeah! Way to go, Kirkers!
00:26:35 Hey, did she say anything, you know,
00:26:38 - Oh, no.
00:26:43 - Devon, you're on Facebook?
00:26:48 Oh, cool.
00:26:55 Moll, what about this
00:26:58 Katie, that's the most
00:27:02 Wait. You have a date with Kirk?
00:27:07 When do you want the
00:27:09 I don't want it.
00:27:10 No, seriously,
00:27:13 - I'm not gonna need it.
00:27:17 What is your problem with Kirk?
00:27:18 I don't have a problem with Kirk.
00:27:22 Why?
00:27:23 You dated Cam and got hurt, so you
00:27:27 Yeah. Or maybe because
00:27:30 He's great. I just...
00:27:32 You and I know he's not the
00:27:35 Yeah, I know.
00:27:38 Ah, goddamn it.
00:27:44 Way to go. What happened to you?
00:27:48 I got, like, 30 minutes
00:27:51 What do I even say to Molly tonight?
00:27:53 Like, what, do I just talk about
00:27:57 I don't know. You were
00:28:00 Thanks, man. Well, that's because
00:28:04 but now that she's asked me out
00:28:08 Why would she ask me out?
00:28:11 - Are you dying?
00:28:13 You maybe have some
00:28:16 who's trying to
00:28:18 Like Great Expectations.
00:28:21 - Yeah, man.
00:28:22 No, Stainer, I'm not terminally ill.
00:28:26 - Then that's a brain-teaser, isn't it?
00:28:31 - You know, let's go this way.
00:28:34 What?
00:28:36 Nobody. Just some chick
00:28:39 She's a total psycho. Let's go this way.
00:28:41 - It's quicker. Come on.
00:28:46 This place is tremendous.
00:28:49 It's... I'm just trying to think
00:28:53 Is this real silver?
00:28:58 It has this lovely terrace area.
00:29:01 It's open. It's kind of like
00:29:06 - Are you nervous?
00:29:24 So you speak French?
00:29:27 No, barely. I probablyjust asked
00:29:31 That's amazing. Any other
00:29:38 - I'm a lawyer.
00:29:41 I know. I, well, I'm not real...
00:29:44 Oh, I'm sorry, one second. I...
00:29:47 I'll be right back.
00:29:48 Don't know what they were thinking.
00:29:52 Excuse me. Ma'am!
00:29:55 - Thank you.
00:29:57 Oh, no, I don't work there.
00:30:00 - I...
00:30:01 - I'm just returning your sweater.
00:30:04 - Sure. Have a good night.
00:30:09 - Sorry.
00:30:11 - Thank you.
00:30:12 - Evening.
00:30:17 - Evening.
00:30:22 - Cam?
00:30:25 - Hey! I...
00:30:27 - I thought you were still in New York.
00:30:31 - Oh, hi.
00:30:34 - Oh, this is Kirk.
00:30:35 - Oh, hey, buddy. Oh, thank you.
00:30:43 - Can I help you?
00:30:45 I'll take an Armagnac. The lady'll
00:30:48 - Thanks. Her favorite.
00:30:52 - Sorry, friend?
00:31:01 Honest mistake.
00:31:04 - Please.
00:31:08 - Cam, this is Kirk.
00:31:11 Great to meet you, sir.
00:31:15 - No.
00:31:18 That's funny.
00:31:21 - Thank you so much.
00:31:25 Patty and I are working at the
00:31:29 "Liaison guy. " Ouch!
00:31:32 We were more than that, huh?
00:31:39 Well, I'm out.
00:31:42 - See you, honey.
00:31:45 Bye, Cam! He seems great.
00:31:49 - Should we order? OK.
00:31:52 So I was interning at the law firm.
00:31:55 but I just kept thinking...
00:31:58 Is this what I really
00:32:01 And then I volunteered to plan
00:32:06 And so I quit the firm,
00:32:10 Well, you found somethin'
00:32:14 Yeah. Yeah, it is amazing.
00:32:16 Anyway, I'm bored of me.
00:32:18 Oh, me.
00:32:22 Pittsburgh born and bred.
00:32:25 I wanted to go to college, but my dad
00:32:30 So my boy, Stainer,
00:32:34 and the rest is rock 'n' roll history.
00:32:39 So TSA today.
00:32:43 Oh, I don't know.
00:32:46 Some days I'll be at work
00:32:49 and I'll see all those planes
00:32:54 I could really do that, you know.
00:32:57 And it wouldn't matter if it was
00:33:02 I just would really love
00:33:06 Yeah. I know what you mean.
00:33:10 So now you know my big secret.
00:33:13 - You should do that, Kirk.
00:33:16 It was easy for you to say.
00:33:19 No! No! Not at all!
00:33:21 My parents don't even know
00:33:23 - What?
00:33:26 My dad's an old-fashioned guy.
00:33:29 He's all about security
00:33:35 And I guess we have a problem
00:33:42 I would like that
00:33:44 And maybe, maybe, one day it won't be.
00:33:48 Yeah.
00:33:51 - Do you have to get that?
00:33:56 - No, you know what? It's fine.
00:33:59 Yeah.
00:34:01 This is Molly McCleish.
00:34:04 - Please leave a message...
00:34:44 Never been driven home
00:34:46 - No. No, nobody usually is.
00:34:52 - I had a really nice time.
00:34:54 - Yeah.
00:35:01 You're not thinking about Cam, are you?
00:35:04 No. "Cam who?" Is how I feel. No...
00:35:09 I've completely forgotten
00:35:14 and how beautifully moisturized
00:35:19 OK. Well...
00:35:21 Oh, my seat belt is screwed up.
00:35:23 Wait, wait.
00:35:39 - Thank you.
00:35:42 She kissed you.
00:35:48 On purpose?
00:35:50 - Yeah, yeah, man, I know.
00:35:55 I'm not. I'm really nervous.
00:35:57 I mean, it feels like
00:36:00 You know? One of us is gonna die.
00:36:02 What's the next step here?
00:36:05 I'm referring to
00:36:08 She's comin' to lunch
00:36:10 What? Why?
00:36:12 You can't do that, dude.
00:36:15 Well, I... She asked me. I don't know.
00:36:19 That takes care of that.
00:36:21 I mean, 20 minutes with your family
00:36:25 - We're safe.
00:36:29 You know, like, about me?
00:36:40 OK, move it.
00:36:44 - That's what I'm talkin' about.
00:36:46 - That's what I'm talkin' about.
00:37:00 - Hi. I'm Kirk's mom.
00:37:04 - Hi!
00:37:07 - To meet you.
00:37:08 Hi. I'm Molly.
00:37:11 - Yeah. Thanks.
00:37:14 - Right through there.
00:37:17 - Yeah.
00:37:18 - Through there? OK.
00:37:20 - Oh, we don't flush number ones.
00:37:23 Nothing! Jesus Christ, Dad! That's...
00:37:26 - What?
00:37:27 - Though we'd make one exception?
00:37:31 - I...
00:37:33 - She's beautiful.
00:37:35 - Yeah.
00:37:43 - Nailed it.
00:37:45 I was explicitly told
00:37:48 I thought you were
00:37:50 Leroy fired him again.
00:37:52 Whatever. Like that dick
00:37:55 I brought a girl with me,
00:38:00 from the bottom of my heart,
00:38:03 - and I'll do anything you want.
00:38:08 How long was I down there for?
00:38:11 - Nope. Only 58 seconds.
00:38:14 - Hey, there, pirate!
00:38:18 - That means that...
00:38:20 Who wants it? Who wants it?
00:38:24 - I'll show it!
00:38:26 Oh, yeah! Stop it, guys.
00:38:30 - Boner Patrol!
00:38:33 Hi, there. Everybody, this is Molly.
00:38:37 Molly, this is everybody.
00:38:39 That's my brother, Dylan,
00:38:44 and my... Marnie and Ron.
00:38:49 Hey, everybody!
00:38:56 This is when you say, "Hi, Molly. "
00:38:59 - Who are you?
00:39:01 - Why is she here?
00:39:04 - You hit her car or something?
00:39:07 - You his social worker?
00:39:09 - Shit, are we being evicted?
00:39:11 - You a hooker?
00:39:12 - Or a prostitute, I mean?
00:39:14 Kirk and I were having dinner
00:39:16 getting together with his family.
00:39:19 a family dinner,
00:39:22 - I just invited myself along.
00:39:26 - Yeah!
00:39:27 - I don't have a bathing suit.
00:39:30 - Yeah.
00:39:33 - Yeah, underwear is fine.
00:39:35 It's like what they did in the old days.
00:39:37 Underwear would be fine...
00:39:40 ...if I were wearing any.
00:39:49 - Lunch is ready!
00:39:55 Jeez.
00:40:01 - My mom makes awesome meatloaf.
00:40:06 - After you.
00:40:10 What are you, my sponsor? Hit me!
00:40:14 Ron, honey, I never
00:40:16 ...on your sweater vest. It's something!
00:40:19 Here you go.
00:40:20 Dylan, I think if you
00:40:23 - he'll take you back.
00:40:25 - Got a foolproof moneymaker on the way.
00:40:29 I know how to make any car
00:40:32 - Wow.
00:40:34 - No.
00:40:36 Actually, Dylan, according
00:40:39 the film, the Earth
00:40:41 Yep.
00:40:44 What's, what's up... with you?
00:40:48 - What?
00:40:50 Fuck it. You seriously
00:40:52 - Dylan!
00:40:54 If you want to plan an exit strategy
00:40:57 - No, I'm not going anywhere.
00:41:00 - I'm an event planner.
00:41:02 That's a business to get into.
00:41:05 - Thank you, Dylan.
00:41:07 Book a band, blow up balloons, people
00:41:10 - Yeah.
00:41:22 I'm not wearing any underwear.
00:41:28 Hey, Molly. Molly. Check it out.
00:41:31 How much cash
00:41:33 Any of this striking you
00:41:36 We're making conversation.
00:41:38 - Jesus.
00:41:40 A lot of factors affect the cost.
00:41:42 Check it out. We got
00:41:44 We're doin' a NASCAR theme in Vegas.
00:41:46 I'm gonna get this kick-ass dress
00:41:50 like real tight, then Dylan's
00:41:53 with a Home Depot logo on the back.
00:41:57 You've never seen anything like that?
00:41:59 - Should be extensive.
00:42:01 My base fee is 15,000. So 100 people...
00:42:05 I mean, I'd ballpark that
00:42:14 - Fuck you!
00:42:15 - What?!
00:42:17 - Fuck you!
00:42:19 - Fuck you!
00:42:22 That's a lot of
00:42:24 Wait, so you make a
00:42:27 Sometimes.
00:42:28 You got your head on right.
00:42:31 What the hell are you
00:42:33 - Dylan!
00:42:35 - No, hey, whoa, fair question.
00:42:38 - Molly, I am so sorry.
00:42:44 Well, I don't...
00:42:46 No, he makes me laugh.
00:42:52 And I can just be me around him.
00:42:56 - Oh, that's sweet.
00:42:58 Kirk makes you laugh?
00:43:01 Tell us a joke there, Sinbad.
00:43:02 I totally understand
00:43:05 The curse of being
00:43:07 I mean, men are always
00:43:10 expecting us to be
00:43:12 - "Us?"
00:43:15 - What?
00:43:19 we are taking a big family trip
00:43:23 - and I think you two should come.
00:43:26 - Gotta come to Branson.
00:43:29 - You should come!
00:43:31 - They've got shows.
00:43:34 We'll get a ticket.
00:43:35 - Branson's small.
00:43:37 - Shut up, Ron.
00:43:40 - It's your call.
00:43:43 - Hey, hot dog!
00:43:45 All right, relax.
00:43:47 Molly, I think there's
00:43:52 Kirk and I used to be lovers.
00:43:56 If you stay with him long enough
00:43:59 - They're great.
00:44:01 That's mine. It's for my earrings.
00:44:07 Kirk, you look really good.
00:44:10 Thank you. You look really...
00:44:13 - It was fantastic meeting you!
00:44:17 You're so special and God, I just...
00:44:23 - Branson, think about it.
00:44:25 OK?
00:44:28 - She's really great. Later, pirate.
00:44:32 - Let me help you, Mrs. Kettner.
00:44:36 Come on. You're a guest here.
00:44:39 Oh, I don't mind.
00:44:41 Ready? You and me, downstairs,
00:44:43 Man, we're not children anymore.
00:44:46 - Mom!
00:44:49 - We need some girl time.
00:44:51 - So pad up, chickenshit!
00:44:56 Aw, crap.
00:44:58 Come on. Let's do this!
00:45:00 - Let's focus it up.
00:45:06 - That was lucky.
00:45:10 Come on, Dylan, give it to him.
00:45:14 You think you're Mr. Hot Shit now
00:45:17 What? No. Maybe I'm just
00:45:20 - What are you?
00:45:22 Take a look. All these trophies
00:45:25 - First place. First place. MVP.
00:45:29 I never said that. And maybe Molly's
00:45:33 A little? Are you shitting me?
00:45:35 OK, I think we can all agree
00:45:38 Thanks, babe.
00:45:39 This chick of yours
00:45:41 - What? You're an asshole! What?!
00:45:44 This girlfriend of yours
00:45:50 Did you see that, Mom?!
00:45:53 One second! Butterfly!
00:46:06 - I want to have another baby!
00:46:08 OK, boys, it's a tie.
00:46:11 There are no ties in hockey,
00:46:15 - True.
00:46:20 OK, come on, you can do it.
00:46:23 He's got less than nothing.
00:46:25 Come on, Dylan! Get in the zone!
00:46:28 Kirk's just a skinny little loser!
00:46:30 - Jesus, Debbie.
00:46:32 You want to do this? Let's do it.
00:47:10 - Damn it!
00:47:12 - Fuck it!
00:47:15 This floor's all slippery!
00:47:19 - Dylan, hey! Sportsmanship.
00:47:21 - Time out.
00:47:23 from bein' assholes!
00:47:25 Oh, God.
00:47:39 - I'll get us some wine.
00:47:47 - This place is gorgeous!
00:47:51 This kind of reminds me of my place,
00:47:56 This is awesome.
00:47:59 - My God! What the fuck is that?!
00:48:02 I'm watching him
00:48:04 What is he?
00:48:08 Sit down.
00:48:11 Wha... Me or the dog?
00:48:14 You. He doesn't like people standing.
00:48:16 He feels threatened by it.
00:48:19 Hey, angsty, that's...
00:48:28 Thank you.
00:48:53 OK, wait.
00:48:56 I don't want to move too fast.
00:48:57 I... No, sure, no problem. No problem.
00:49:00 No, don't get me wrong.
00:49:04 I can experiment
00:49:10 Yeah, yeah, no, me, too. Me, too.
00:49:13 I... I'm...
00:49:18 and I get really generous.
00:49:23 I am quite the charitable lover.
00:49:49 I got... Can we stop for two secs?
00:49:52 No.
00:50:20 - Honey, you there?
00:50:22 "Dad?!" What the...? Oh, dear God!
00:50:26 Are you in?
00:50:30 - Hey!
00:50:32 - Hey.
00:50:34 - Shit.
00:50:36 We decided to come back early.
00:50:37 Thought we'd come by,
00:50:40 Hope we aren't interrupting.
00:50:42 - Who's your little friend?
00:50:45 - Well, this is Kirk.
00:50:49 Yeah.
00:50:53 - Nope. Nope.
00:50:56 I don't... God, where are my manners?
00:51:01 You guys must be exhausted from
00:51:05 Put your... Put your feet up.
00:51:08 - Thank you.
00:51:10 - That's kind of you.
00:51:13 Really?
00:51:19 So... that's...
00:51:24 Uh, no. Oh, Lord.
00:51:28 Oh, no, Captain Pickles.
00:51:32 Pickles!
00:51:36 - Kirk?
00:51:39 Thank you for having me.
00:51:44 Good night.
00:51:55 Awesome.
00:52:15 Devon, I'll give you 50 dollars
00:52:18 - Seventy-five. Just say "fuck. "
00:52:21 - I'll write it.
00:52:24 - You're gonna what?
00:52:26 That doesn't count!
00:52:28 - Why doesn't it count?
00:52:31 - Hey.
00:52:34 My shift doesn't start
00:52:36 but I was so excited, so I came early.
00:52:40 Yeah, and it was weird. He said he was
00:52:44 Yeah. That ever happened to you?
00:52:46 You're so excited about something
00:52:49 Jesus Christ, you're Fort Knox
00:52:52 I didn't mean to tell 'em, Kirky.
00:52:55 Come on, he couldn't help it.
00:52:59 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:53:01 Thank you very much.
00:53:04 - Hey, guys.
00:53:05 Kirk, can I talk to you for a second?
00:53:09 - In private.
00:53:11 OK. Well,
00:53:14 I think I made a little mistake,
00:53:20 and I really like it,
00:53:23 Just to try it out. You know?
00:53:29 That's really interesting.
00:53:31 No, I don't think so.
00:53:33 But you broke up with Molly.
00:53:36 - She cornered me.
00:53:39 Look, Marnie, I moved on
00:53:42 You're here because some
00:53:45 That's not it! Look, Kirk,
00:53:49 She seems like kind of a bitch.
00:53:51 So I'm just saying that
00:53:55 - like you begged me before...
00:53:57 ...I am even willing to consider
00:54:02 - What? You're still with Ron.
00:54:05 Yeah. I'm not gonna risk
00:54:07 Kirk doesn't know what's good for him.
00:54:09 Look, Kirky. Deep down you know it is
00:54:15 And I just can't stand
00:54:18 So if that makes me
00:54:27 It's embarrassing.
00:54:31 Jesus Christ.
00:54:34 Hey.
00:54:36 Did you just come in your pants again?
00:54:39 You can tell us.
00:54:41 Hey, why would you tell her
00:54:44 'Cause I thought you had.
00:54:45 - No. We're just in a sticky wicket.
00:54:49 Yeah, a rough patch. Rough pumpkins.
00:54:51 - How many times have you called her?
00:54:54 How many times have you
00:54:56 - Seventeen.
00:55:00 - What?
00:55:02 The Tao of Love. You being with Molly
00:55:06 - It's over, man.
00:55:10 Frankly, I'm kinda sick
00:55:12 like you know where I'm comin' from.
00:55:16 - Tina Jordan does.
00:55:20 - She was my Molly.
00:55:24 I didn't want to jinx it.
00:55:27 Yeah, perfect.
00:55:30 Freckled shoulders.
00:55:33 Anyway, two months into it,
00:55:36 I shoulda seen it coming, too,
00:55:40 And I was a six, possibly a seven.
00:55:46 The universe spoke.
00:55:51 That's what that was?
00:55:54 - Yeah. Mono of the heart.
00:55:59 Shut up, Jack!
00:56:00 Dude, forget Stainer. All right?
00:56:04 Why don't you look Kirk in the eyes
00:56:06 and tell him you believe
00:56:09 - Just tell him that.
00:56:10 Kirky, I truly believe that...
00:56:16 I mean, I think anything's possible.
00:56:19 - "Anything is possible?!"
00:56:21 Like, there's a million
00:56:24 - endin' up with beautiful women.
00:56:27 - Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts.
00:56:29 Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear.
00:56:32 Yeah. All recording artists.
00:56:36 Kirk, as soon as you
00:56:39 you can push your meat into
00:56:42 OK, OK. OK.
00:56:46 Never consummated.
00:56:49 - Stephen Hawking and his lady nurse.
00:56:54 - He knows about black holes and shit.
00:56:57 and that girl that
00:56:59 He knows about wine.
00:57:01 Can probably French kiss
00:57:03 - Oh, OK, OK...
00:57:06 - Who?
00:57:09 Beast won Beauty's love, and he wasn't
00:57:13 - Though he did have an amazing voice.
00:57:18 But, yes, that's one.
00:57:20 You know what, Stainer?
00:57:23 Man, you... You guys just sit here
00:57:26 but the truth is,
00:57:29 I'm tired of you guys bustin' my nuggets
00:57:33 It's 'cause she was the right girl!
00:57:36 So, Kirky, let me tell you somethin'.
00:57:39 that's all that matters.
00:57:43 You stand up, you get in front of her.
00:57:47 "Hey, I am Kirk Kettner
00:57:49 and I am right here,
00:57:55 ...right here. Here I am. "
00:58:03 - Somethin' like that.
00:58:06 - Beautiful.
00:58:07 Very... Perfect.
00:58:08 Thank you.
00:58:10 I don't know if you guys remember that.
00:58:18 Look at that.
00:58:42 Oh, there she is.
00:58:46 Listen to me, dude. Gotta go,
00:58:49 - "Hey, I jizzed in my shorts" you know?
00:58:53 No! "That's what I do. OK?
00:58:56 You know, I know I don't know...
00:58:58 I don't know much about this, but
00:59:02 - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
00:59:06 If anything, you paid her
00:59:11 - Yeah.
00:59:13 Here goes nothin'.
00:59:17 Oh, shit, Molly. Six o'clock.
00:59:22 - Hey, Molly.
00:59:25 - Did you get my messages?
00:59:30 What the hell happened the other night?
00:59:33 You act like a freak
00:59:35 you won't get off the couch
00:59:37 when we had a whole conversation
00:59:40 Yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry.
00:59:42 I spent a whole day
00:59:45 and you can't even spend
00:59:48 - I mean, that's a pretty big red flag.
00:59:52 Oh, Kirk, I can't do this here.
00:59:54 - I'm working, and...
01:00:09 I ejaculated in my pants.
01:00:22 We were getting sort of
01:00:28 It's not every day
01:00:32 grinding on top of me,
01:00:36 before I know it, your parents
01:00:39 with just a big friggin'
01:00:48 Right. Sorry. Sorry.
01:01:02 I mean, I'll say this for him.
01:01:05 So thanks for the advice.
01:01:10 Enjoy the air show, boys.
01:01:16 No guy in his right mind
01:01:19 Right?
01:01:21 You should probably go talk to him.
01:01:23 - Yeah.
01:01:27 And... here she comes.
01:01:31 - Kirk!
01:01:32 Yeah.
01:01:34 She told him a joke or somethin'.
01:01:37 They're ki... They're gonna ki...
01:01:41 - You're like Yoda.
01:01:44 Like Sex Yoda.
01:01:48 Trust the system.
01:01:52 - Ah, that went well.
01:01:57 Wow. She sure is somethin', isn't she?
01:02:02 - It's Kirk, right?
01:02:04 Excellent to see you again, sir.
01:02:06 Listen, Kirk.
01:02:08 Yeah, I guess so. See ya.
01:02:12 Listen, Kirk. I understand
01:02:16 have uniquely candid relationships
01:02:20 - am I right?
01:02:22 Don't get me wrong.
01:02:25 What two or more grown men do
01:02:29 hell, it's of no concern to me.
01:02:31 I don't know what Molly's
01:02:34 If she said anything bad,
01:02:37 - Actually, Cam, we haven't...
01:02:41 Cool.
01:02:42 Can I count on you to put in
01:02:45 - Yeah, whatever gets this over with.
01:02:50 - Yeah, yeah, you got it.
01:02:55 - Man, you gays smell good.
01:02:58 This is awesome!
01:03:00 - Stainer.
01:03:03 Wait a minute, dude.
01:03:06 Yep, I think it does.
01:03:09 - Jesus, man. Goddamn it.
01:03:13 By the way, Kirk,
01:03:17 I mean, this one is kinda cute,
01:03:21 Show some pride, pal.
01:03:27 Pittsburgh tower. Foot Long, you are
01:03:36 Roger that, tower. Turn and burn.
01:03:38 Honestly, I'd have sex with that guy.
01:03:43 Yeah, I would.
01:03:53 - Fuck! You're lucky!
01:04:49 So how's your sister doin'?
01:04:50 She turns 21 next week
01:04:54 she still has no sense of direction.
01:04:56 You know? She's coming over for dinner,
01:05:00 but I don't know
01:05:03 So what do you...
01:05:06 She's only 20. She's not 30.
01:05:09 You know? When I was 20,
01:05:14 I mean, look at this kid now.
01:05:17 I'm in TSA. I am livin' the dream.
01:05:22 You're right.
01:05:24 And, I'm sorry, but she's
01:05:28 She's turning 21!
01:05:32 I mean, that's what you do for
01:05:37 I can't believe I never thought of that.
01:05:40 - That's a really good idea.
01:05:42 It's been ten dates and you can't
01:05:46 Listen to me. Things with Molly
01:05:50 You have gotta recover from your little
01:05:55 Gotta get back in that ring.
01:05:56 It's just terrifying, frankly,
01:06:00 the idea of me naked
01:06:04 - in front of her... also naked.
01:06:09 Because you've done
01:06:11 Yeah... I think she likes me.
01:06:13 - She really likes you.
01:06:15 That's cute. Yeah, good. But it's
01:06:19 A girl like Molly, hot as shit,
01:06:25 - Yeah.
01:06:26 - What the hell are you talking about?
01:06:31 - I'm talkin' about this.
01:06:33 - Yeah.
01:06:35 - Oh, jeez!
01:06:37 - Look, guys!
01:06:39 This is fine.
01:06:42 It's kind of
01:06:45 Whatever you do,
01:06:47 I'll bet you Cam's balls
01:06:51 It's just smooth. It's a look that says,
01:06:56 - He is... He just moved.
01:06:59 Just tryin' to help, that's all.
01:07:01 All right, Stainer,
01:07:03 - Yeah, I'm hungry. I gotta go eat.
01:07:07 You hear me? Out.
01:07:32 God.
01:07:35 OK.
01:07:44 Here goes nothin'.
01:07:51 Shoot! Kirky! Kirky!
01:07:54 We shoulda done a hot towel.
01:07:56 You know, like those
01:07:59 - Helps raise the hairs.
01:08:03 Kirk, if you want to abort the mission,
01:08:07 I don't... I can't really
01:08:11 I've shaved approximately
01:08:15 I'll look pretty fuckin' stupid
01:08:18 Did you shave one ball
01:08:20 - or are you workin' top to bottom?
01:08:23 You shut up. I mean, seriously,
01:08:28 I can't do it like my face!
01:08:30 My face doesn't have
01:08:32 If it did, I would grow
01:08:35 Kirk.
01:08:39 Kirk?
01:08:42 - Do you need a hand?
01:08:54 There we go.
01:08:58 So how is this not gay?
01:09:00 I think there's nothing gay about it.
01:09:02 The fact that you're lettin' a straight
01:09:06 I think that makes you
01:09:10 There is some logic in that.
01:09:12 Thank you. You know what?
01:09:15 Can you pick 'em up for me?
01:09:17 There it is.
01:09:22 That's a lot. OK, drop 'em.
01:09:29 Voilà!
01:09:40 Take a look!
01:09:42 What do you think?
01:09:45 Devon!
01:09:47 It looks fucking huge!
01:09:54 My friends wonder why
01:09:58 What can I say?
01:10:03 Well, I don't feel the need
01:10:10 Well, you think maybe I need help
01:10:13 Though I know I'm right, all right
01:10:18 I'm just better off
01:10:20 Not listening to friends advice
01:10:26 When they insist on knowing my bliss
01:10:31 I tell them this
01:10:33 When they want to know
01:10:37 I only smile when I lie
01:10:41 Because your kiss
01:10:43 Your kiss is on my list
01:10:45 Because your kiss
01:10:47 Your kiss I can't resist
01:10:49 Because your kiss is on my list
01:10:52 Of the best things in life
01:10:56 Because your kiss
01:11:05 All right, everybody, give it up
01:11:10 Awesome stuff. They're going to
01:11:14 and maybe some other old favorites
01:11:18 - You're kidding me.
01:11:21 Everybody, let's raise a glass
01:11:26 the coolest party I've ever
01:11:29 Great job, girls.
01:11:35 And now, to the gorgeous
01:11:39 You're 21 years old now.
01:11:42 What else can I say?
01:11:44 - Happy birthday, Katie!
01:11:48 All right, guys, enjoy the party.
01:11:50 - Can you hold this for me?
01:11:52 Better with myjacket off.
01:11:55 What? What am I
01:11:57 OK, now we're gonna
01:11:59 You're totally gonna
01:12:02 I don't know. Maybe.
01:12:04 - Hey.
01:12:07 I think it's time for you
01:12:17 Hey, Devon! Wendy, remember?
01:12:19 No. No, I don't. I... Aw, shoot.
01:12:22 I think this is the first time
01:12:25 - OK.
01:12:27 - I'm Karen.
01:12:29 Nice to meet you.
01:12:33 - That's good. OK, I'm gonna...
01:12:41 What?
01:12:49 - Oh, there's my parents!
01:12:51 Hey! Hey, let's go meet them.
01:12:54 She's with that fuckin' asshole.
01:12:58 - Hi!
01:13:00 - Hey, baby...
01:13:02 - You remember Kirk.
01:13:06 - Oh, this time we...?
01:13:10 Mr. and Mrs. McCleish, from the
01:13:15 The last time we met wasn't exactly
01:13:20 - No, it certainly was not.
01:13:24 - I hear this party was all your idea.
01:13:29 Hey, what line of work are you in, son?
01:13:31 It's kind of a long story.
01:13:34 - Kirk's in aviation.
01:13:36 - Really?
01:13:38 Just like your mother.
01:13:40 I flew choppers back in Nam, Saigon.
01:13:43 He's been pushing Molly
01:13:46 - After she passes the bar.
01:13:49 Hey, now here's a pilot! How are ya?!
01:13:51 - You son of a bitch!
01:13:54 Good to see you.
01:13:56 - Hello, Cam.
01:13:58 - Kirky!
01:14:01 You bet. You know,
01:14:04 - What a pleasant surprise!
01:14:07 - Cam... How's it going?
01:14:10 Have you seen Katie?
01:14:12 - OK. I'm... See you down there.
01:14:15 Nice to see you... sir.
01:14:27 Mind if I join you?
01:14:30 So Mollyjust explained
01:14:34 and I gotta admit I feel like a jackass.
01:14:38 Don't worry about it, man...
01:14:40 It's all good.
01:14:47 - Just joking. I'm just joking.
01:14:51 - Thank you.
01:14:55 Take good care of her.
01:14:57 - Yeah, she's perfect.
01:15:02 Don't really call her that.
01:15:05 And, besides, she's not
01:15:08 What do you mean?
01:15:11 All right, listen.
01:15:16 Don't let it creep you out, OK?
01:15:19 I mean, the first time
01:15:22 Woof! I'll admit it gave me the willies.
01:15:26 But it might not bother you. Who knows?
01:15:28 All right? And even if it does,
01:15:33 and you'll get used to it,
01:15:36 No, no, no, no,
01:15:38 Please, this is...
01:15:42 - Birth defect? What is it?
01:15:47 Somethin' you're gonna
01:15:51 I'm out.
01:15:56 Interesting.
01:16:18 - OK, your turn.
01:16:31 Oh, shit.
01:16:33 I haven't really been hittin'
01:16:38 It's OK.
01:16:50 Holy Moses.
01:17:17 - Interesting.
01:17:20 Nothing. Nothing.
01:17:29 What's wrong?
01:17:31 It's been a while and
01:17:37 - Kirk, please. Your balls are shaved.
01:17:42 It's kind of a new thing I'm trying out.
01:17:45 I feel like I'm eleven.
01:17:47 What if I show you something
01:17:50 - Oh, that would be amazing.
01:17:56 - Promise me you won't laugh.
01:18:00 OK.
01:18:07 What am I looking at?
01:18:16 That's it?
01:18:18 - That's your big defect?
01:18:21 Yeah, no shit
01:18:23 I was expecting some kind of
01:18:28 or a cluster of lumps...
01:18:32 ...or like a little dick that,
01:18:37 This is what... All you got is it's
01:18:42 Who told you I have a defect? Cam?
01:18:46 Well, yeah.
01:18:47 And as far as I can tell that's the
01:18:55 You think I'm too perfect?
01:18:58 So you were hoping there was something
01:19:02 Look at the evidence, Molly.
01:19:05 It's...
01:19:08 I'm unattractive,
01:19:12 I've never been to Europe, I'm not
01:19:16 - I like your Neon.
01:19:20 I'm a five. This is a five. Hard five.
01:19:26 You can't jump more than two points.
01:19:28 It's the Tao of Love.
01:19:30 Even if you were a nine,
01:19:33 - but no, you're a hard ten.
01:19:39 Do you even know how hot you are?
01:19:43 No, you probably think that everybody
01:19:47 and everybody's happy and nice to
01:19:52 with you and all your hot friends
01:19:54 but I hate to break it to you,
01:19:58 OK, Kirk. You clearly have some
01:20:03 You lied about me to your parents
01:20:06 - No, I didn't!
01:20:09 That's like saying the guy who
01:20:15 is in show business.
01:20:19 That's me. I'm that guy.
01:20:21 I'm never gonna be a pilot.
01:20:25 And I'm fine with that, too.
01:20:27 And I was fine with you
01:20:31 That's... I'm so glad
01:20:34 You know what? Maybe you're right.
01:20:38 You know why?
01:20:41 Every time someone walks into a room
01:20:45 deduct a point.
01:20:47 You're a smart and talented guy
01:20:49 deduct a point. How are we doing?
01:20:51 Oh, yeah.
01:20:54 Hoping that I have a defect
01:21:00 Deduct whatever's left.
01:21:03 I'm outta here. Webbed fucking feet.
01:21:07 - Kirk!
01:21:09 - Tell Foot Long I said hi.
01:21:12 - Know why we broke up?
01:21:15 - which one of you was hotter?
01:21:18 exactly like you're behaving right now.
01:21:21 He thought I was perfect,
01:21:24 that I couldn't possibly live up to!
01:21:26 Oh, and one other little thing?
01:21:29 After that I said to myself, "I'm
01:21:32 Wait... "Guys like that?"
01:21:35 - You were gonna date guys like me?
01:21:38 That I asked you out 'cause you're safe?
01:21:40 Keep goin'.
01:21:41 That I thought that a guy
01:21:44 Is that what you want to hear, Kirk?
01:21:49 Yeah, I'm ecstatic.
01:21:54 Kirk!
01:22:18 Fuck.
01:22:40 Six-Delta-Bravo,
01:22:49 - "List. " It's "list. "
01:22:52 - It's "list. "
01:22:54 Why'd it be "list?"
01:22:55 "It's on my list
01:22:57 - Stainer.
01:22:58 - Hey.
01:23:00 Where have you been?
01:23:06 Oh, shit.
01:23:08 So you're all "Branson bound," huh?
01:23:11 Yeah. They were Marnie's idea.
01:23:16 OK, Kirky, let's go.
01:23:17 - OK, I'll see you guys later.
01:23:20 The Branson flight's
01:23:22 I could just meet you down at the gate.
01:23:25 - OK.
01:23:29 - Yeah, let's go.
01:23:31 Wow, so you're really back with Marnie.
01:23:35 Hey, fellas.
01:23:36 Hand it over, dumb-ass. No liquids
01:23:42 Good call. Hey, pirate,
01:23:45 I want to get one of those
01:23:49 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course.
01:23:51 - Here you go.
01:23:52 Yeah, you got it.
01:23:55 Are you kidding me?
01:23:57 This might seem crazy,
01:23:59 - a lot in common, so... Oh, fuck!
01:24:03 You don't have anything in common
01:24:06 Look at me. You OK?
01:24:12 Do you think I really
01:24:17 I don't.
01:24:19 The whole time you told me
01:24:25 So this is my life. I gotta go.
01:24:30 Marnie's waiting for me.
01:24:32 - See ya, guys.
01:24:34 - See you later, Kirky.
01:24:39 What?
01:24:54 Goddamn it. Tina Jordan.
01:24:58 Here.
01:25:05 That's a large Coke,
01:25:09 - Mary J. Blige!
01:25:12 I need to know, right now,
01:25:14 - I have customers.
01:25:17 This is important. I was good to you,
01:25:21 Remember when you got the flu?
01:25:24 Remember?
01:25:26 Remember when I used to run
01:25:30 Remember when I nursed
01:25:33 Little Timothy? He died.
01:25:35 Christ on a corndog.
01:25:39 - Yeah, sure.
01:25:41 Whatever, Wendell. Can I help
01:25:45 I really liked you,
01:25:47 I'm a ten and you're only a six?
01:25:49 - Seven.
01:25:51 But you were all up in my beeswax
01:25:55 But you did dump me! Why don't you just
01:25:59 Wendell, you were
01:26:03 You were just
01:26:06 Oh, shit.
01:26:09 I'm gonna need some
01:26:15 Would you put your seat forward, please?
01:26:18 - Tom fuckin' Wopat, bro. Told you.
01:26:21 - Kirky, look at David Archuleta.
01:26:24 TSA. Excuse me.
01:26:25 - You have no authority.
01:26:28 All right, everybody, listen up! TSA!
01:26:32 He shit his pants.
01:26:34 We have to get him off.
01:26:37 - Jesus Christ. What are you doin'?
01:26:41 We gotta fix it. Just act drunk.
01:26:44 Believe it or not,
01:26:47 - Sir!
01:26:48 I'm gonna have to ask you
01:26:50 I'm gonna have to ask you
01:26:53 - Stainer!
01:26:56 You're gonna get arrested by
01:26:58 They're gonna send you
01:27:00 Yeah. I like Cuba. I like mojitos.
01:27:02 You don't wanna go
01:27:04 - He call us A-holes?
01:27:07 - That guy's got hair in the front.
01:27:09 Sweetheart, remember the baby.
01:27:11 - I'm doin' this for the baby.
01:27:14 - How's this work? Seat belt person!
01:27:17 They are my family.
01:27:20 Marnie is an evil bitch.
01:27:22 Kirk! Hit him!
01:27:25 - At least say something.
01:27:27 OK. I was right about Molly.
01:27:30 - My God.
01:27:32 - You can't settle for a three.
01:27:34 - Arguably a two.
01:27:36 You're the best guy I know. I won't
01:27:38 - Come on.
01:27:40 You're a ten! Kirk, don't do it!
01:27:43 I'm not going! I'm not going!
01:27:44 - OK, this is not good.
01:27:48 Whatever.
01:27:54 Last call for flight four-four-three.
01:27:56 - Damn it!
01:28:03 - Hello?
01:28:04 - Who is this?
01:28:06 How the fuck did you get my number?
01:28:08 - TSA. Moving on...
01:28:11 This better not be where you ask me out
01:28:14 for some kind of flirtation.
01:28:18 No, no, no, you were clear. We're good.
01:28:20 - 'Cause I genuinely hate you also.
01:28:23 Cool. And we're back to talking.
01:28:26 All right. So, Kirk is leaving
01:28:29 Now, I tried to get him off,
01:28:32 Stainer, your screw-up
01:28:35 No, we both screwed up.
01:28:38 They believed us. So now,
01:28:44 Hello? Patty? Goddamn it.
01:28:48 - OK, I'll see what I can do.
01:28:53 Sorry.
01:28:55 I have a ground X-ray one radio check.
01:28:59 EastWest four-three. you're cleared
01:29:03 So, we are seeing the
01:29:07 and on Saturday we're gonna see
01:29:10 - and then on S...
01:29:13 - Excuse me?
01:29:17 Flight attendants,
01:29:20 - Stainer was right.
01:29:22 Yeah, I'm not going
01:29:26 You are my family and I love you,
01:29:32 you're all a bunch
01:29:34 who never support anything I do.
01:29:36 I'm going to go find Molly
01:29:41 So fuck you, Debbie.
01:29:43 Fuck you, Dylan.
01:29:46 Fuck you... businessman. I'm sorry.
01:29:49 And, most of all, fuck you, Marnie.
01:29:54 Yep.
01:29:56 You never deserved me in the
01:30:02 So fuck you all! Yep.
01:30:07 Sir. You need to take your seat.
01:30:10 Don't know if you just heard my speech,
01:30:13 Well, if I reopen that cabin door,
01:30:17 Twenty-five...?
01:30:23 What do you want to do?
01:30:26 Is there another seat I could take?
01:30:28 We're full. Now,
01:30:31 Yep. OK.
01:30:45 Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check.
01:30:48 Gonna be a long flight, eh, pirate?
01:30:59 What's going on?
01:31:01 - Molly, how are you doing?
01:31:04 No, I'm actually asking you.
01:31:13 - You have photo ID, right?
01:31:16 - Where are we going?
01:31:23 We should be on our way shortly,
01:31:34 The white zone is for
01:31:37 You're gonna tell me what's going on?
01:31:39 In ten minutes, Kirk is leaving on
01:31:42 - horrible girl.
01:31:44 - Yes. Let's go.
01:31:46 - with Marnie, I'm not going!
01:31:49 On several occasions.
01:31:52 Know how I made it through
01:31:54 - Plastic underwear?
01:31:56 But also Kirk. You see,
01:31:59 Call myself Stainer,
01:32:02 - What's your point?
01:32:04 But he's like... He's like a spider.
01:32:06 You know? He's more afraid of you
01:32:09 And he also, he has long legs and...
01:32:11 Look. If you want him,
01:32:21 - We're moving. Where is the package?
01:32:23 OK, we couldn't get him off the plane,
01:32:27 Oh, thank you, Stainer!
01:32:30 This is so exciting. Yes!
01:32:34 Oh, shit. Follow me.
01:32:39 - Excuse me!
01:32:41 - Come on!
01:32:43 - Let's keep it moving!
01:32:45 Whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing?
01:32:48 Putting her on a plane, that's what.
01:32:49 Well, unless she has a
01:32:53 Fuller, you have a choice.
01:32:58 If that's how you want to go,
01:33:02 OK? I will rip out your hair,
01:33:06 and I will stab you in the eyes
01:33:09 'Cause I am an insane motherfucker!
01:33:11 You know that from the break room!
01:33:18 Yes!
01:33:21 Please check your seat belts.
01:33:29 Branson!
01:33:31 They've gone. We missed it.
01:33:34 No, no, no. No. No, this is not...
01:33:36 This is supposed to happen.
01:33:40 - Yeah? Talk to Jack.
01:33:44 Dude, done and done.
01:33:47 Yeah, that's how we roll.
01:33:49 Oh, come here, beautiful.
01:34:01 Ladies and gentlemen,
01:34:03 We got some kinda light on up here.
01:34:07 Anyway, we're gonna have to deplane.
01:34:10 Oh, man! What's "deplane" mean?
01:34:14 Come on, Jack. Come on.
01:34:17 Come on, Jack!
01:34:21 That's it! Yeah. Let's go, let's go.
01:34:27 Look, Kirk, I do not know
01:34:29 but I just want to say I forgive you
01:34:34 and we are going to enjoy it!
01:34:37 OK, you got something
01:34:40 And it's over now. We are gonna
01:34:44 Why are you walking so fast?
01:34:48 Kirk! We're solid, baby!
01:34:50 We're... Oh, that is it.
01:34:53 - That is it! Motherfucker!
01:34:59 - Sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry.
01:35:02 - No...
01:35:04 - Excuse me.
01:35:05 Sorry.
01:35:07 I will catch you if it's
01:35:19 - Who is it?
01:35:22 Stainer, you were right, buddy.
01:35:25 I just got off the plane.
01:35:27 That's great, except
01:35:30 What?!
01:35:31 We came to find you. We're at the gate!
01:35:34 All right, I'm comin' to you.
01:35:38 Excuse me! Sorry, sorry!
01:35:45 Oh, God.
01:35:50 Hey, wait! Cart, wait!
01:35:53 What the hell?
01:35:58 - Oh, my God!
01:36:00 Hey!
01:36:02 Would you stop it?!
01:36:08 I think we should see other people!
01:36:18 Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
01:36:22 - You OK?
01:36:24 - Hey.
01:36:26 - What are you doin' here?
01:36:32 I just...
01:36:36 I just knew that I had to come find you.
01:36:38 - I nearly...
01:36:42 That's a good idea.
01:36:45 You are out of shape.
01:36:49 - It's true.
01:36:51 Not what I thought you were gonna say.
01:36:52 You're uncoordinated.
01:36:54 You're not a college graduate,
01:36:56 and your car really is a shitbox.
01:37:00 - That's good.
01:37:05 I did ask you out because I thought
01:37:09 And, yes, I lied to my parents because
01:37:14 I'm sorry.
01:37:17 But I'm here to tell you that
01:37:22 a TSA agent or shovel
01:37:27 Because I missed you.
01:37:30 And I just want us to be together.
01:37:35 - Jesus...
01:37:40 - Shut up, Patty.
01:37:42 I don't remember what the
01:37:49 - I do.
01:37:51 - I will.
01:37:53 I missed you.
01:38:02 Guys, this is...
01:38:04 It's a tale as old as time, you know?
01:38:09 Think she's still not wearin' underwear?
01:38:11 - Just stop it.
01:38:38 Seriously. tell me where we're going!
01:38:40 - Nope.
01:38:42 You won't show me the tickets.
01:38:44 - Just trust me, OK?
01:38:47 Ah, thar she blows!
01:38:50 OK, that is not nearly big enough.
01:39:07 What the hell are you doing?
01:39:09 I've been taking a few lessons lately.
01:39:12 - That's what you've been up to?
01:39:15 I should ask you,
01:39:18 - Yes, I did.
01:39:19 Everything seems to be in order.
01:39:23 - Yes.
01:39:27 Pittsburgh tower,
01:39:31 requesting takeoff clearance
01:39:35 Five-Charlie-Papa.