Shrek the Third

en
00:00:53 Onward, Chauncey!
00:00:55 To the highest room
00:00:58 ...where my princess awaits rescue
00:01:14 This is worse than "Love Letters".
00:01:18 Me, too.
00:01:21 Whoa there, Chauncey!
00:01:25 Hark! The brave Prince Charming
00:01:28 Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay
00:01:33 ...then take my place as rightful king.
00:01:36 What did she say?
00:01:41 It's Shrek!
00:01:43 Whoo, Shrek, yeah!
00:01:47 Prepare, foul beast...
00:01:49 ...to enter into a world of pain
00:01:54 Happy birthday to thee
00:01:57 Do you mind?
00:01:58 Do you mind? Boring!
00:02:06 Prepare, foul beast...
00:02:17 Someday you'll be sorry.
00:02:20 We already are!
00:02:47 Mommy...
00:02:53 You're right. I can't let this happen.
00:02:57 I can't!
00:03:00 I am the rightful King of Far Far Away.
00:03:03 And I promise you this, Mother...
00:03:06 ...I will restore dignity to my throne.
00:03:13 And this time,
00:03:14 no one will stand in my way.
00:03:36 Good morning.
00:03:38 Good morning.
00:03:42 Morning breath.
00:03:43 I know. Isn't it wonderful?
00:03:47 Good morning, good morning
00:03:49 The sun is shining through
00:03:52 Good morning, good morning
00:03:54 And you!
00:04:00 They grow up so fast.
00:04:02 Not fast enough.
00:04:06 You'll be filling in
00:04:09 Several functions
00:04:12 Great! Let's get started.
00:04:16 Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving!
00:04:19 You need to get a pair ofjammies.
00:04:29 I got some sleep and I needed it
00:04:32 Not a lot, just a little bit
00:04:35 Someone's always
00:04:38 It's a crying shame
00:04:42 It's a royal pain in the neck
00:04:44 I knight thee.
00:05:08 If you're filling in for a king,
00:05:11 Can somebody come in
00:05:16 I will see what I can do.
00:05:39 Yeah, wow.
00:05:41 Is this really necessary?
00:05:45 Quite necessary, Fiona.
00:05:46 - I'm Shrek, you twit.
00:05:49 This isn't a rehearsal, peoples.
00:05:53 Smiles, everyone! Smiles!
00:05:55 I don't know how much longer
00:05:59 I'm sorry, but can you
00:06:02 It's just until Dad gets better.
00:06:06 Shrek?
00:06:09 You look handsome.
00:06:10 Come here, you.
00:06:27 My butt is itching up a storm and
00:06:32 Hey, you! Come here. What's your name?
00:06:35 Fiddlesworth, sir.
00:06:38 Perfect.
00:06:42 Ladies and gentlemen...
00:06:44 ...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek!
00:06:52 Ahh! You've got it.
00:06:54 A little to the left.
00:06:56 That's it! That's good.
00:06:59 Oh, yeah! Scratch
00:07:02 Shrek!
00:07:08 My eye!
00:07:09 What are you doing?
00:07:17 Fiona!
00:07:21 - Are you okay?
00:07:28 Shrimp! My favorite!
00:07:41 - That's it! We're leaving!
00:07:44 Calm down? Who do you think
00:07:49 I'm not cut out for this, Fiona,
00:07:57 I think that went well.
00:07:58 Donkey!
00:07:59 Come on, Shrek!
00:08:02 Some people just don't
00:08:14 Just think. A couple more days
00:08:19 ...in our vermin-filled shack
00:08:22 ...and filled with the stench
00:08:25 You had me at "vermin-filled".
00:08:29 And, um... maybe even the pitter-patter
00:08:34 That's right, the swamp rats
00:08:37 Uh, no.
00:08:39 What I'm thinking of is a little bigger
00:08:42 Donkey?
00:08:44 No, Shrek. What if, theoretically...
00:08:48 ...they were little ogre feet?
00:08:57 Honey, let's be rational about this.
00:09:01 Have you seen a baby lately?
00:09:03 They just eat and poop, and they cry...
00:09:06 ...then they cry when they poop
00:09:10 Now, imagine an ogre baby.
00:09:13 They extra-cry and they extra-poop.
00:09:17 Shrek, don't you ever think
00:09:21 Right now, you're my family.
00:09:28 Somebody better be dying.
00:09:32 I'm dying.
00:09:37 Harold?
00:09:40 Don't forget
00:09:43 Of course, darling.
00:09:47 Fiona.
00:09:48 Yes, Daddy?
00:09:50 I know I made many mistakes with you.
00:09:54 It's okay.
00:09:55 But your love for Shrek has...
00:09:58 ...taught me much.
00:10:02 My dear boy...
00:10:04 ...I am proud to call you my son.
00:10:07 And I'm proud to call you my frog...
00:10:11 ...King dad-in-law.
00:10:13 Now there is a matter
00:10:29 The Frog King... is dead.
00:10:40 Put your hat back on, fool.
00:10:42 Shrek...
00:10:44 ...please come hither.
00:10:50 Yeah, Dad?
00:10:51 This kingdom needs a new king.
00:10:56 You and Fiona
00:11:02 Next in line. You see, Dad,
00:11:06 Even on your deathbed,
00:11:13 Come on, Dad. An ogre as king?
00:11:17 That's not such a good idea.
00:11:20 There must be somebody else. Anybody!
00:11:23 Aside from you, there is
00:11:29 Really? Who is he, Dad?
00:11:32 His name is...
00:11:35 ...is...
00:11:37 What's his name?
00:11:38 ...is...
00:11:42 Daddy!
00:12:00 His name is Arthur.
00:12:02 Arthur?
00:12:08 I know you'll do...
00:12:11 ...what's right.
00:12:17 Harold?
00:12:19 Dad? Dad!
00:12:22 Dad?
00:12:23 Do your thing, man.
00:12:55 When you were young and your heart
00:12:59 Was an open book
00:13:03 You used to say live and let live
00:13:07 You know you did, you know you did
00:13:12 But if this ever changing world
00:13:17 Makes you give in and cry
00:13:24 Say live and let die
00:13:30 Live and let die
00:14:08 Hey, lady
00:14:13 Cursing at your life
00:14:16 You're a discontented mother
00:14:20 And a regimented wife
00:14:48 What does a prince
00:14:53 Ah, Mabel!
00:14:55 Why they call you an ugly stepsister,
00:15:00 Where's Doris? Taking the night off?
00:15:03 She's not welcome here,
00:15:09 What do you want, Charming?
00:15:11 Not much. Just a chance at redemption.
00:15:17 And a Fuzzy Navel.
00:15:18 And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends!
00:15:26 We're not your friends.
00:15:30 You don't belong here.
00:15:32 You're absolutely right,
00:15:36 Do a number on his face.
00:15:38 Wait, wait, wait!
00:15:43 Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs
00:15:47 Oh, what's it to you?
00:15:48 They left you the unfairest of them all.
00:15:50 Now here you are,
00:15:55 How does that feel?
00:16:02 Pretty unfair.
00:16:04 And you!
00:16:06 Your star puppet abandons the show
00:16:12 I hate that little wooden puppet.
00:16:14 And Hook.
00:16:16 Need I say more?
00:16:21 - And you, Frumpypigskin!
00:16:24 Where's that firstborn
00:16:29 Mabel. Remember how you
00:16:33 ...into that tiny glass slipper?
00:16:38 Cinderella is
00:16:42 ...eating bonbons, cavorting with
00:16:47 ...that has ever done you wrong!
00:16:49 Once upon a time, someone decided
00:16:54 But there are
00:16:57 ...and our side has not been told!
00:17:00 So who will join me? Who wants
00:17:05 Who wants their...
00:17:07 ..."happily ever after"?
00:17:27 This way, gents.
00:17:40 It's out of my hands, senorita. The
00:17:45 But I will never forget you.
00:17:49 As are you.
00:17:52 And, uh, you.
00:17:54 I don't know you, but I'd like to.
00:17:59 I got to go!
00:18:02 I don't wanna leave you either.
00:18:03 But you know how Shrek is.
00:18:07 But don't worry. I'll send you
00:18:12 Be strong, babies.
00:18:13 Coco, Peanut, listen to your mama.
00:18:16 Bananas, no roasting marshmallows
00:18:22 That's my special boy!
00:18:24 Come here, all of you!
00:18:33 Shrek?
00:18:36 Maybe you should just stay and be King.
00:18:40 Come on. There's no way
00:18:44 That's why your cousin Arthur
00:18:47 It's not that. You see...
00:18:50 And if he gives me trouble,
00:18:54 Here's persuasion... and here's reason.
00:19:00 Fiona...
00:19:01 ...soon it's just going to be you, me...
00:19:05 ...and our swamp.
00:19:08 It's not going to be just you and me.
00:19:12 All aboard!
00:19:15 It will be. I promise.
00:19:19 I love you.
00:19:27 That's lovely.
00:19:29 Bye-bye, babies!
00:19:38 Shrek!
00:19:41 - Wait!
00:19:43 I'm... I'm...
00:19:49 I love you, too, honey!
00:19:51 No! I said I'm...
00:19:56 You're what?
00:19:58 I said I'm pregnant!
00:20:05 What was that?
00:20:06 You're going to be a father!
00:20:11 That's great!
00:20:13 Really? I'm glad you think so!
00:20:16 I love you!
00:20:18 Yeah!
00:20:20 Me, too! You!
00:20:26 I'm going to be an uncle!
00:20:30 And you, my friend, are royally...
00:21:12 Home.
00:21:25 Shrek!
00:21:29 Fiona!
00:21:34 Fiona?
00:21:55 Oh, no.
00:21:59 Better out than in, I always say.
00:22:12 No, no, no!
00:22:15 It's okay. It's gonna be all right.
00:22:23 Stop! Hey, wait!
00:23:15 Donkey. Donkey!
00:23:16 Wake up!
00:23:20 Dada!
00:23:24 Shrek! Are you okay?
00:23:27 I can't believe I'm going to be
00:23:33 Allow me to explain. When a man
00:23:37 ...a powerful urge sweeps over him.
00:23:40 I know how it happened.
00:23:43 I just can't believe it.
00:23:48 How does it happen?
00:23:57 And the cat's in the cradle
00:24:03 Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon
00:24:05 When you coming home, son?
00:24:08 But we'll get together then, Dad.
00:24:11 Donkey! Can you just cut to the part
00:24:13 where you're supposed
00:24:16 You know I love Fiona, boss. Right?
00:24:19 What I am talking about
00:24:23 ...an ice cold pitcher of mojitos
00:24:29 Don't listen to him!
00:24:31 Having a baby
00:24:33 It's not my life I'm worried
00:24:38 When have you ever heard the phrase
00:24:42 ...or "as nurturing as an ogre"...
00:24:45 ...or "You'll love
00:24:50 Okay. I get it.
00:24:51 It's not going to be easy.
00:24:55 That's true.
00:24:57 I'm doomed.
00:24:58 You'll be fine.
00:25:01 You're finished.
00:25:05 Uh, with yourjourney.
00:25:16 "Wor-ces-ters-shiree"?
00:25:21 It's Worcestershire.
00:25:22 Like the sauce?
00:25:24 It's spicy!
00:25:29 They must be expecting us.
00:25:37 What in the shista-shire
00:25:40 Well, my stomach aches and my palms
00:25:45 High school?
00:25:47 Ready? Okay!
00:25:48 Wherefore art thou headed, to the top?
00:25:51 Yeah, we think so, we think so! And
00:25:55 Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not!
00:26:03 All right, Mr. Percival,
00:26:10 For lo, bro, don't burn
00:26:14 I'm feeling nauseous from memories
00:26:18 How did you receive wedgies when you are
00:26:22 Let's just say some things
00:26:25 So I was all like, "I'd rather get
00:26:30 - Oh, totally.
00:26:32 - Totally ew-eth.
00:26:36 I just altered my character level
00:26:39 Hi. We're looking for someone named...
00:26:42 Who rolled a +9 dork spell and
00:26:48 I know you're busy not fitting in, but
00:26:53 He's over there.
00:27:14 There is no sweeter taste
00:27:21 Strong, handsome, face of a leader.
00:27:24 Does Arthur look like a king or what?
00:27:29 Sorry.
00:27:31 Did you say you were looking for Arthur?
00:27:34 That information is
00:27:36 It's top secret!
00:27:38 Now, gentlemen, let's away.
00:27:44 Greetings, Your Majesty.
00:27:46 This is your lucky day.
00:27:48 What are you supposed to be?
00:27:50 Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun
00:27:55 Giant mutant... You made a funny.
00:27:59 Unhand me, monster!
00:28:01 Stop squirming, Arthur.
00:28:03 I'm not Arthur.
00:28:07 I am Lancelot.
00:28:10 That dork over there is Arthur.
00:28:19 This is, like, totally embarrassing...
00:28:21 ...but Tiffany thinkest
00:28:24 She thought perchance thou would
00:28:27 Excuse me?
00:28:29 Like, whatever. She's into college guys
00:28:36 Oh, Arthur...
00:28:38 ...come out, come out, wherever you are!
00:28:44 You better run,
00:28:47 The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers
00:28:56 Hold it.
00:28:58 We're here for the mascot contest.
00:29:05 We're here for the mascot contest, too.
00:29:08 This is a costume?
00:29:11 Worked on it all night long.
00:29:14 Looks pretty real to me.
00:29:16 If he were real, could I do this?
00:29:20 Or this?
00:29:23 If it were real, that would have been
00:29:28 - Now watch this!
00:29:32 Thank you to Professor Primbottom
00:29:35 ...on "just say nay".
00:29:38 And now, without further ado, let's give
00:29:42 ...to the winner
00:29:47 ...ogre?
00:29:50 That's right. I'm the new mascot.
00:29:52 So let's really try and beat
00:29:56 ...whatever it is they're doing!
00:30:03 This is all a bit unorthodox...
00:30:06 Where can I find Arthur Pendragon?
00:30:12 Hey, wait...
00:30:17 Classic.
00:30:19 You should be ashamed of yourself!
00:30:21 I didn't do it. They did.
00:30:28 Please don't eat me.
00:30:30 Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!
00:30:33 I'm not here to eat him!
00:30:38 Time to pack up
00:30:40 You're the new King of Far Far Away.
00:30:43 What?
00:30:46 Artie a king?
00:30:55 Burn.
00:31:00 Is this for real?
00:31:01 Absolutely. Clean out your locker, kid.
00:31:05 So, wait... I'm really the only heir?
00:31:09 The one and only.
00:31:12 Give me a second.
00:31:16 My good people...
00:31:18 ...there's a lesson here for all of us.
00:31:21 Next time you're about to dunk a kid's
00:31:25 "Hey, maybe this guy has feelings.
00:31:28 Maybe I should cut him some slack.
00:31:31 'Cause maybe... just maybe...
00:31:34 ...this guy's gonna turn out to be,
00:31:38 Maybe his first royal decree will be to
00:31:43 I'm looking at you, jousting team!
00:31:47 And Guin? Oh, Guin.
00:31:51 I've always loved you.
00:31:54 Good friends, it breaks my heart, but...
00:31:57 ...enjoy your stay here in prison
00:32:00 Okay, let's not overdo it.
00:32:02 I'm building my city, people...
00:32:05 You just overdid it.
00:32:16 Look at you!
00:32:18 You look darling.
00:32:20 Just precious. Look at her.
00:32:22 Any cravings since you got pregnant?
00:32:25 No. Not at all.
00:32:28 Do you smell ham?
00:32:30 It's present time!
00:32:35 Fiona, please open mine first.
00:32:39 "Congratulations on your new
00:32:44 "Hopefully this helps.
00:32:48 - Look at that!
00:32:52 It's for the poopies.
00:32:54 Wait... babies poop?
00:32:56 Everyone poops, Beauty.
00:32:57 Fiona!
00:32:59 We all chipped in
00:33:03 Ta-da!
00:33:05 You know the baby will love it,
00:33:08 Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you.
00:33:12 Who's this one from?
00:33:13 I got you the biggest one,
00:33:16 "Have one on me. Love, Snow White. "
00:33:22 What is it?
00:33:24 He's a live-in babysitter.
00:33:25 Where's the baby?
00:33:27 You're too kind, Snow,
00:33:31 It's nothing. I have six more at home.
00:33:33 - What does he do?
00:33:35 - Feeding.
00:33:37 So, what are
00:33:40 Work on your marriage.
00:33:42 Thanks, Rapunzel.
00:33:46 Come on now, Fiona.
00:33:51 You're tired all the time.
00:33:53 You start letting yourself go.
00:33:55 Stretch marks.
00:33:56 Say goodbye to romance.
00:34:00 I'm sorry, but how many
00:34:03 She's right!
00:34:05 A baby will only strengthen the love
00:34:10 How did Shrek react when you told him?
00:34:14 When he first found out, Shrek said...
00:34:30 Onward, my new friends!
00:34:40 Now... bombs away!
00:34:58 Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan.
00:35:01 - His name's not Peter.
00:35:22 Enough pillaging! To the castle!
00:35:45 You go! Take care of the baby!
00:35:46 Everybody stay calm! We're going to die!
00:35:54 Everyone in! Now!
00:35:56 Come on! Put some back into it!
00:36:01 We don't have time. Now go!
00:36:03 Quickly, ladies!
00:36:07 We'll hold them off as long as we can!
00:36:24 Where are Shrek and Fiona?
00:36:27 The name doesn't ring a bell.
00:36:29 No bell.
00:36:31 I suggest you freaks cooperate...
00:36:35 ...with the new King of Far Far Away!
00:36:37 The only thing you're ever gonna
00:36:41 - Hook!
00:36:44 Avast, ye cookie.
00:36:48 Start talking.
00:36:54 - Gingy!
00:36:56 Settle down now.
00:37:11 On the good ship Lollipop
00:37:15 It's a sweet trip to the candy shop
00:37:18 You!
00:37:20 You can't lie.
00:37:23 So tell me, puppet... where is Shrek?
00:37:29 Well... I don't know where he's not.
00:37:33 You don't know where Shrek is?
00:37:35 It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume...
00:37:38 ...that I couldn't exactly not say that
00:37:42 So you do know where he is!
00:37:44 On the contrary,
00:37:46 not definitely rejecting the idea
00:37:49 that in no way,
00:37:52 Stop it!
00:37:54 ...I do not know where he shouldn't be.
00:37:56 If that indeed wasn't where he isn't.
00:37:58 Even if he wasn't not where
00:38:02 On the good ship Lollipop
00:38:05 Enough! Shrek went off
00:38:12 He's bringing back the next heir?
00:38:14 No!
00:38:17 Hook! Get rid of this new "King".
00:38:20 But bring Shrek to me.
00:38:22 I have something special
00:38:25 He'll never fall for your tricks!
00:38:29 Oh, boy.
00:38:41 I can't believe it. Me, a king?
00:38:44 I knew I came from royalty, but...
00:38:47 ...I figured everyone forgot about me.
00:38:49 Oh, no. In fact the King
00:38:53 Really? Wow.
00:38:57 But I know it's not all fun and games.
00:38:59 It really is
00:39:03 Sure, you have to knight a few heroes,
00:39:06 By the way, make sure you hit the boat
00:39:11 Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle.
00:39:14 Well, I've heard
00:39:17 This is going to be huge.
00:39:20 Parties, princesses,
00:39:25 You'll be living in the lap of luxury.
00:39:28 The finest chefs
00:39:30 And fortunately,
00:39:33 What do they do?
00:39:35 Taste the food before the King eats,
00:39:40 - Poisoned?
00:39:43 Don't worry. Your bodyguards
00:39:46 All of them willing
00:39:49 to lay down their lives
00:39:52 Really?
00:39:53 The whole kingdom will look
00:39:57 Make sure they don't die of famine!
00:39:59 - Or plague.
00:40:01 The coughing, the groaning,
00:40:05 Festering sores!
00:40:10 What did I say?
00:40:12 We don't want Artie
00:40:15 Artie?
00:40:20 There goes my hip!
00:40:22 Artie! What are you doing?
00:40:26 What does it look like?!
00:40:31 This really isn't up to you.
00:40:34 I don't know anything about being king!
00:40:37 You'll learn on the job!
00:40:40 Sorry, but I'm going back.
00:40:43 Back to what? Being a loser?
00:40:49 Now look what you did!
00:40:51 Look what I did?
00:40:56 Shrek!
00:41:10 Land ho!
00:41:25 How humiliating.
00:41:28 Oh, nice going, Your Highness.
00:41:31 Now it's "Your Highness"?
00:41:34 If you think this is getting you
00:41:37 We're heading back to Far Far Away
00:41:41 ...and you're going to be a father!
00:41:44 What?
00:41:46 You just said "father".
00:41:48 King! You're going to be king!
00:41:51 "You're going to be king!" Yeah, right.
00:41:55 Where are you going?
00:41:57 Far Far Away... from you!
00:41:59 Get back here, young man!
00:42:03 Boss? I don't think he's coming back.
00:42:06 Maybe it's for the best.
00:42:09 When did you plan to tell him
00:42:12 Come on. Why would I do that?
00:42:15 Besides, he'll be ten times
00:42:19 Then change your tactics
00:42:25 You're right, Donkey.
00:42:29 What about this?
00:42:31 - Shrek!
00:42:36 Still...
00:42:54 Listen, Artie.
00:42:57 If you think this whole mad scene
00:43:02 I'm not trying to get up in your grill
00:43:06 But what I am screamin' is, yo...
00:43:08 ...check out this
00:43:12 If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying
00:43:14 ain't straight trippin',
00:43:17 You're getting on my last nerve. "
00:43:20 And then I'll know it's...
00:43:24 Help!
00:43:25 I've been kidnapped by a monster
00:43:29 - Artie, wait.
00:43:34 Greetings, cosmic children
00:43:38 Welcome to my serenity circle.
00:43:40 Please leave any bad vibes
00:43:44 Now prepare to...
00:43:52 I knew I should have got that warranty!
00:43:58 Mr. Merlin?
00:43:59 You know this guy?
00:44:01 Yeah. He was the school magic teacher,
00:44:05 Technically, I was merely a victim
00:44:09 At the request of my therapist,
00:44:11 and the school authorities, I retired
00:44:15 to discover my divine purpose.
00:44:18 Can I interest anyone
00:44:22 Uh, no.
00:44:23 Sure you don't want to try
00:44:29 It's organic.
00:44:31 Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in.
00:44:34 We need directions to Far Far Away.
00:44:37 "We"? Who said I was going with you?
00:44:39 I did. People are counting on you,
00:44:44 If the job's so great, you do it.
00:44:46 Understand this, kid. No more
00:44:51 That was your Mr. Nice Guy?
00:44:53 Yeah, and I'm going to miss him.
00:44:55 Why don't you go terrorize a village
00:45:00 Was that a crack about ogres? You get
00:45:05 ...before I kick it there!
00:45:09 I could tell you, but since you're
00:45:11 in the midst
00:45:13 it would be karmically irresponsible.
00:45:16 Self-destructive?
00:45:20 Most definitely, but only after you
00:45:23 take the journey to your soul!
00:45:26 I don't think so.
00:45:27 It's either that
00:45:33 All right. Journey to the soul.
00:45:37 Now, all of you,
00:45:39 look into the Fire of Truth
00:45:41 and tell me what you see.
00:45:47 Ooh, charades!
00:45:49 Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte
00:45:54 Okay, monster... go for it.
00:46:05 I see a rainbow pony.
00:46:07 Excellent work! Now the boy.
00:46:09 This is lame.
00:46:11 You're lame! Now just go for it.
00:46:15 Okay.
00:46:17 There's a baby bird and a father bird
00:46:22 Yes! Stay with it!
00:46:24 The dad just flew away. Why did
00:46:29 It's trying to fly,
00:46:33 It's going to fall!
00:46:40 Proper head case you are.
00:46:48 Okay, I get it. The bird's me.
00:47:05 Look, Artie, um...
00:47:12 Just thought I'd help set the mood...
00:47:15 ...for your big heart-to-heart chat.
00:47:26 I know what it's like
00:47:32 Even ogres get scared.
00:47:35 You know... once in a while.
00:47:40 I know you want me
00:47:44 I'm not cut out for it,
00:47:48 Even my own dad knew
00:47:50 He dumped me at that school
00:47:54 ...and I never heard from him again.
00:47:58 My dad wasn't really
00:48:03 I doubt he was worse than mine.
00:48:06 Oh, yeah?
00:48:07 My father was an ogre.
00:48:12 I guess I should have realized it.
00:48:14 He bathed me in barbecue sauce and
00:48:20 I guess that's pretty bad.
00:48:25 It may be hard to believe,
00:48:28 what, with my obvious charm
00:48:31 but people used
00:48:34 And for a long time, I believed them.
00:48:40 But after a while,
00:48:42 you learn to ignore
00:48:45 and just trust who you are.
00:48:50 You know... you're okay, Shrek.
00:48:54 You just need to do a little less
00:48:59 Thanks, Artie.
00:49:01 The soap's because
00:49:05 Yeah... I got that.
00:49:12 This place is filthy!
00:49:15 I feel like a hobo.
00:49:18 I'm sorry, but this
00:49:21 Everything's always about you.
00:49:25 Maybe itjust bothers you
00:49:29 You mean in that rigged election?
00:49:32 Give me a break. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel...
00:49:35 ...let down thy golden extensions!"
00:49:38 Ladies, let go of your petty complaints
00:49:46 So I guess the plan is
00:49:49 in this stinkhole until we rot.
00:49:51 No, we get inside and find out
00:49:55 I know he's a jerk and everything,
00:49:58 but that Charming
00:50:03 That's it!
00:50:32 Come on! This way!
00:50:35 Rapunzel, wait!
00:50:45 Charming, let go of her.
00:50:47 But why would I want to do that?
00:50:56 What?
00:50:57 Say hello, ladies,
00:51:06 Rapunzel, how could you?
00:51:08 Jealous much?
00:51:10 Soon you'll be back
00:51:13 scrubbing floors
00:51:16 That is, if I let you last the week.
00:51:21 Pookie, you promised not to hurt them.
00:51:24 Not here, kitten whiskers.
00:51:29 Now forgive us.
00:51:32 Shrek will be back soon,
00:51:35 Sorry?!
00:51:37 Don't you realize once Shrek
00:51:41 ...he's doomed?
00:52:22 Look out! They got a piano!
00:52:24 Kill them all... except the fat one.
00:52:28 King Charming has something special
00:52:32 King Charming?
00:52:33 Attack!
00:52:41 Artie, duck!
00:52:57 Ready the plank!
00:53:13 - Shrek!
00:53:34 Cowards!
00:53:36 What has Charming done with Fiona?
00:53:38 She's going to get what's coming to her.
00:53:42 And there ain't nothing
00:53:47 - We've got to save her.
00:53:50 Get yourself back
00:53:53 No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea.
00:53:56 I am a buzzing bee.
00:53:59 Mr. Merlin?
00:54:02 ...I mean us, back to Far Far Away.
00:54:06 Forget it. I don't have that kind
00:54:09 How about a hug?
00:54:13 Please. I know you can do it.
00:54:16 I said forget it!
00:54:17 But...
00:54:26 What's with you?
00:54:29 It's just so hard, you know?
00:54:33 They need to get back,
00:54:37 'Cause there's a really bad man.
00:54:40 It's just so hard!
00:54:42 Take it easy.
00:54:44 No! I don't think you understand!
00:54:48 There's a mean person doing
00:54:52 Have a heart, old man.
00:54:54 They really need your help to get back.
00:55:02 Okay.
00:55:04 I'll go get my things.
00:55:09 Piece of cake.
00:55:10 Well, well. You want eggs with that ham?
00:55:14 I am a little rusty, so there
00:55:17 - Side effects?
00:55:19 Whatever it is, no matter
00:55:23 it will wear off eventually. I think.
00:55:28 - Oops.
00:55:30 If Artie trusts him,
00:55:35 Even if his robe doesn't cover...
00:55:37 Alacritious expeditious...
00:55:39 ...a- zoomy-zoom-zoom!
00:55:42 Let's help our friends get back...
00:55:48 ...soon!
00:55:56 It worked!
00:56:07 I haven't been on a trip
00:56:10 Donkey?
00:56:12 What? Is something in my teeth?
00:56:17 Oh, no! I've been abracadabra-ed into
00:56:24 At least you don't look
00:56:28 You should think about going on a diet!
00:56:31 You should get yourself a pair of pants.
00:56:37 So you two think this is funny?
00:56:42 I'm really sorry, guys.
00:56:44 Don't be. You got us back, kid.
00:56:52 How in the Hans Christian Andersen
00:56:54 am I supposed to parade around
00:56:57 Hey, hey, hey!
00:57:01 They were made in Madrid
00:57:05 You'll learn to control that.
00:57:10 Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort
00:57:21 Watch it. I'm walking here
00:57:26 Pinocchio!
00:57:28 Shrek! Help me!
00:57:30 - What happened?
00:57:34 Fiona and the Princesses got away.
00:57:38 She's what?! What?!
00:57:42 Puss! Loan me five bucks.
00:57:43 You heard him. Help the brother out.
00:57:46 Do you see any pockets on me?
00:57:48 Hold on a second.
00:57:52 I had no idea, really. I... I swear.
00:57:58 Quick! Where is Fiona?
00:58:00 Charming has her locked away
00:58:04 He's probably getting ready
00:58:07 Wait, Pinocchio! What show?
00:58:14 "It's a Happily Ever After After All".
00:58:17 "Shrek's final performance"?
00:58:19 Shrek! You didn't tell us
00:58:24 I guess I've been so busy
00:58:27 The ogre! Get him!
00:58:30 Don't worry, jefe. I got this.
00:58:39 Uck! Kill it!
00:58:42 Look. Don't you know who
00:58:47 We're dealing with amateurs.
00:58:49 He's a star, people! Hello?
00:58:54 I'm going to lose it!
00:58:55 Is everything ready? You did get
00:58:59 Breakfast croissant stuffed
00:59:03 And I hope you have the saffron corn
00:59:06 Our client cannot get
00:59:09 withoutjalapeno honey butter!
00:59:11 I just lost it.
00:59:13 They should talk to Nancy
00:59:16 Oh, we will have much to say
00:59:21 "With this sword, I do... " No. "With... "
00:59:25 "With this sword, I do smote thee!"
00:59:29 Is "smote" the right word? "Smoot"?
00:59:32 I don't think that's a word.
00:59:34 Maybe I should just "smite" him.
00:59:40 Shrek attacks me.
00:59:43 "Now the kingdom will get the happily
00:59:48 Blah, blah, blah. Oh,
00:59:54 Who told you to stop dancing?!
00:59:56 Wink and turn.
00:59:57 What are you laying around for?
01:00:09 Our happily ever after
01:00:13 And I assure you...
01:00:15 ...the people of this kingdom
01:00:21 ...we've had to wait.
01:00:24 Break a leg.
01:00:26 On second thought,
01:00:29 Thank goodness. I was afraid
01:00:33 Where's Fiona?
01:00:35 Don't worry. She and the others
01:00:48 Let me guess. Arthur.
01:00:52 It's Artie, actually.
01:00:55 This boy is supposed to be
01:01:02 How pathetic.
01:01:03 Stand still, so I won't make a mess.
01:01:06 Charming, stop! I'm here now.
01:01:10 This isn't about him.
01:01:12 Then who's it about?
01:01:18 You weren't really next in line
01:01:22 I was.
01:01:24 But you said the King
01:01:27 Not exactly.
01:01:29 What does that mean?
01:01:31 I said whatever I had to say, all right?
01:01:33 I wasn't right for the job,
01:01:37 And you fit the bill. So just go!
01:01:44 You were playing me the whole time.
01:01:46 You catch on real fast, kid.
01:01:48 Maybe you're not
01:01:58 You know, for a minute...
01:02:00 ...I actually thought...
01:02:02 That he cared about you? He's an ogre.
01:02:06 What did you expect?
01:02:18 You really do have a way
01:02:34 Leave me out with the waste
01:02:38 This is not what I do
01:02:41 It's the wrong time
01:02:45 She's pulling me through
01:02:48 It's a small crime
01:02:51 And I got no excuse
01:02:54 And is that all right, yeah?
01:02:58 Is that all right with you?
01:03:01 Is that all right, yeah?
01:03:06 If I give my gun away when it's loaded?
01:03:12 If you don't shoot it
01:03:20 Is that all right?
01:03:23 Is that all right with you?
01:03:26 No.
01:03:27 No.
01:03:28 Had we stayed put like I suggested,
01:03:30 we'd be sipping tea
01:03:32 Yeah, heart-shaped cups.
01:03:34 And eating crumpets
01:03:37 Yeah, loganberries.
01:03:39 - Shut up, Cindy.
01:03:41 - No, you shut up.
01:03:44 Who cares who's "running the kingdom"?
01:03:47 - I care.
01:03:54 I have your badge number, tin can!
01:03:57 - Donkey?
01:03:59 Puss?
01:04:00 I am Puss, stuck here
01:04:04 And I'm me!
01:04:05 But you're...
01:04:07 Everything's fruity in the loops,
01:04:09 we went to high school,
01:04:11 and we got bippity-boppity-booped
01:04:14 You poor sweet things.
01:04:17 I don't get it.
01:04:18 The cat turned into a little horse
01:04:22 Who dat?
01:04:23 Where's Shrek?
01:04:25 Charming has him. He plans to kill Shrek
01:04:30 All right, everyone.
01:04:34 You're right.
01:04:43 What are you doing?
01:04:45 Waiting to be rescued.
01:04:46 You've got to be kidding me.
01:04:48 What else can we do? We're just four...
01:04:51 ...I mean three, super-hot princesses...
01:04:55 ...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre
01:05:00 Excuse me. Old lady coming through.
01:05:12 Mom!
01:05:14 You didn't think you got your fighting
01:05:19 Excuse me. There's still one more.
01:05:32 Why don't you just lie down?
01:05:37 Okay, girls, from here on out...
01:05:40 ...we take care of business ourselves.
01:05:59 The Far Far Away Theatre at the
01:06:04 ..."It's A Happily Ever After
01:06:06 Enjoy your evening
01:06:09 Oi! No food or beverages in the theater!
01:06:26 Places, everyone!
01:06:33 Easy!
01:06:34 Sorry. I was showing off
01:06:39 It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day.
01:06:46 Well, she's got your eye.
01:06:50 Who would have thought a monster like
01:07:36 Little birdies, take wing
01:07:40 Flitting down from the trees they appear
01:07:43 And to chirp in my ear
01:07:47 All because I sing
01:08:19 Move it! Go!
01:08:27 My babies!
01:08:30 Help!
01:09:16 Hey, how's it goin'?
01:09:29 C to the K. The coast is clear.
01:09:31 Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite!
01:09:34 I thought we agreed to use the name
01:09:38 I recall it was Team Awesome.
01:09:40 I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
01:09:42 Okay! From henceforth,
01:09:44 we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome
01:09:49 Ach de liebe! There is some strange
01:09:54 Artie!
01:09:55 Wait, wait!
01:09:57 Where is the fire, senor?
01:09:59 Please. Don't act so innocent.
01:10:01 You both knew what was going on
01:10:05 It's not like it seems.
01:10:07 It's not? I think it seems pretty clear.
01:10:10 He was using me. That's all.
01:10:13 Using you? You really don't get it.
01:10:15 Shrek only said
01:10:19 Charming was going to kill you, Artie!
01:10:34 Cue the spot!
01:10:40 I wait alone up here
01:10:42 I'm trapped another day
01:10:45 Locked up here, please set me free
01:10:48 My new life I almost see
01:10:52 A castle, you and me
01:10:54 Yes, a castle, you and me
01:11:02 Cherubs!
01:11:07 Tis I, Tis I
01:11:11 Princess, my love
01:11:12 At last you shall be freed
01:11:15 And brave
01:11:18 With speed! With might!
01:11:24 - Through the blistering desert
01:11:28 - Across the stormiest sea
01:11:31 Facing creatures so vile
01:11:34 Foul!
01:11:35 So you can gaze upon me!
01:11:40 I knew you'd come for me
01:11:43 And now we finally meet
01:11:47 I knew you'd wait
01:11:48 And from my plate of love you'd eat
01:12:13 Who is this terribly ugly fiend
01:12:16 Will Charming fight or flee?
01:12:18 Please rescue me!
01:12:19 From this monstrosity!
01:12:21 Fear thee not, honey lamb!
01:12:27 Oh, boy.
01:12:29 You are about to enter a world of pain
01:12:33 With which you are not familiar!
01:12:41 It can't be any more painful
01:12:49 "Prepare, foul beast. "
01:12:53 Prepare, foul beast, your time is done!
01:12:56 Could you kill me and then sing?
01:13:01 Be quiet!
01:13:03 I'm just having fun with you.
01:13:07 Thank you.
01:13:08 Do they come in men's sizes?
01:13:13 Now that be funny!
01:13:15 Enough!
01:13:20 Now you'll finally
01:13:24 ...to have everything you worked for...
01:13:27 ...everything that's precious to you,
01:13:31 Now you'll know how I felt.
01:13:42 Sausage roll!
01:14:01 Pray for mercy from Puss!
01:14:04 And Donkey!
01:14:06 D
01:14:18 Hi, honey.
01:14:19 Sorry we're late. You okay?
01:14:22 Much better, now that you're here.
01:14:27 So, Charming, you want to let me out of
01:14:33 Ooh, that sounds fun.
01:14:53 No! Let go of me!
01:14:55 You will not ruin things
01:15:03 Everybody, stop!
01:15:07 Oh, what is it now?!
01:15:09 Artie?
01:15:20 Who thinks we need
01:15:27 You mean you want to be villains
01:15:31 But we are villains!
01:15:35 You never wish
01:15:37 Easy for you to say. You're not
01:15:41 You morons! Don't listen to him! Attack!
01:15:44 What Steve means is
01:15:47 when the whole world's against you.
01:15:49 Right. Thanks, Ed.
01:15:51 Fair enough. You're right.
01:15:55 But you know...
01:15:56 ...a good friend once told me...
01:16:00 ...just because people treat you
01:16:05 ...orjust some loser...
01:16:08 ...doesn't mean you are one.
01:16:13 What matters most
01:16:17 If there's something you really want,
01:16:22 ...the only person standing
01:16:26 - Me?
01:16:28 No, no, no!
01:16:29 What I mean is each of you...
01:16:32 ...is standing in your own way.
01:16:38 I always wanted to play the flute.
01:16:41 I'd like to open up a spa... in France!
01:16:45 I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful.
01:17:38 A new era finally begins!
01:17:43 Now all of you...
01:17:46 ...bow before your King!
01:17:54 You need to work on your aim.
01:17:59 This was supposed to be
01:18:02 Well, you need to keep looking...
01:18:07 ...because I'm not giving up mine.
01:18:14 Mommy?
01:18:26 It's yours if you want it.
01:18:29 But this time it's your choice.
01:18:54 Author!
01:18:55 Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!
01:19:03 Excuse me. That's my seat.
01:19:07 Okay, Senor Hocusy-Pocusy, the time
01:19:12 Though I have been enjoying
01:19:15 Please say you didn't.
01:19:16 All right! Look.
01:19:18 You'll feel a pinch and possibly
01:19:22 ...but this should do the trick.
01:19:28 - Are you?
01:19:31 - And I am not you!
01:19:35 Oops.
01:19:38 Ah, never mind.
01:19:43 What did I tell you?
01:19:48 Well, for what it's worth,
01:19:53 I have something
01:20:21 Finally.
01:20:29 Dada.
01:20:33 Was I wrong about the world?
01:20:37 I smell Shrek Junior!
01:20:40 Where else could a creep like me
01:20:43 Meet such a pretty face
01:20:45 Meeting every day with the rising sun
01:20:52 Looking up, it's looking like
01:20:55 My losing streak is done
01:20:59 Peek-a-boo!
01:21:00 Peek-a-boo!
01:21:05 A bouncy, bouncy, boy!
01:21:07 Used to always feel like
01:21:10 Wished that I was dressed better
01:21:13 Where's the baby?
01:21:15 Never had a lot of luck
01:21:29 Meeting every day with the rising sun
01:21:36 Looking up, it's looking like
01:21:38 My losing streak is done
01:21:43 My losing streak is done
01:21:57 Well... what shall we do now?
01:22:15 I got it.
01:22:24 Puss and Donkey, baby!
01:22:28 I want to thank you for letting me
01:22:33 Again!
01:22:34 Look at my hips!
01:22:36 I want to thank you for letting me
01:22:41 Again!
01:22:48 - Break it down!
01:22:50 Stiff all in the collar
01:22:54 Fluffy in the face
01:22:58 Chit chat chatter trying
01:23:02 Stuffy in the place
01:23:07 Thank you for the par-tay
01:23:11 But I could never stay
01:23:13 I'm sorry.
01:23:15 I got many things on my mind
01:23:19 But the word's in the way
01:23:22 And I want to thank you for letting me
01:23:27 Again
01:23:30 Different strokes for different folks
01:23:32 Thank you for letting me be myself
01:23:36 Again
01:23:39 Break it down!
01:23:42 Puss and Donkey, baby!
01:23:45 Puss and Donkey, baby!
01:23:48 Dance to the music
01:23:52 All night long
01:23:57 Everyday people
01:24:01 Sing a simple song
01:24:05 Mama's so happy
01:24:09 Mama start to cry
01:24:13 Papa's still singing
01:24:17 You can make it if you try
01:24:22 Thank you for letting me be myself
01:24:26 Again
01:24:30 Thank you for letting me be myself
01:24:34 Again
01:24:36 Come on, Donkey. Do something right!
01:24:39 Put the hoofs together!
01:24:42 Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your
01:24:47 Thank you for letting me be myself
01:24:51 Again
01:24:54 I want to thank you for letting me
01:24:59 Again
01:25:00 Thank you, thank you, thank you.
01:25:03 Want to thank you
01:25:07 Because I just want to be my...
01:25:10 Can I, can I thank you!
01:25:13 YeS! YeS!