Strange Wilderness

en
00:00:23 Now I'd like to show you
00:00:25 Let's have some fun
00:00:28 Michael. Come on, Michael.
00:00:31 You see what a good trainer I am.
00:00:34 I got the wrong end.
00:00:35 Goats are distinguished
00:00:38 a bearded chin,
00:00:43 It's been called the "poor man's cow"
00:00:46 because it yields
00:00:50 Jesus Christ!
00:00:53 God.
00:00:56 It's all right.
00:00:58 Ostriches are a pretty funny bird.
00:01:00 They can't fly but they like to dance.
00:01:03 And they don't really bury their heads
00:01:07 but they do eat stones and shirts.
00:01:09 Look at my dad. He was the king.
00:01:12 I mean, no matter what happened,
00:01:16 He never forgot a line.
00:01:21 My dad was the king.
00:01:24 No doubt.
00:01:31 What was that?
00:01:36 Excuse me.
00:01:37 It was a wildlife show
00:01:41 Yeah, you remember that?
00:01:45 Oh, cool.
00:01:46 Yeah, then he died
00:01:49 then it all went to hell and... I mean,
00:01:55 I don't know. I don't know
00:01:59 I didn't work hard enough or...
00:02:05 No, I quit. Yeah, totally.
00:02:08 What happened to the show?
00:02:10 At first, it was great.
00:02:12 I had a really good crew.
00:02:17 But then...
00:02:22 I don't know, things got a little strange.
00:02:45 All right, people, we're losing light!
00:02:47 We need animals on film.
00:02:52 Cooker! Look, I need the slinger tripod.
00:02:56 And I need a Mercury lens
00:02:58 'cause I'm gonna reverse out
00:03:00 Okay.
00:03:02 It was a nice chat.
00:03:05 - Talk to me, Milas. How we doing?
00:03:08 A couple of more minutes.
00:03:11 Hang on, people. I am picking up
00:03:15 I'm not sure what it is,
00:03:19 Junior, knock it off.
00:03:21 All right, whatever it was, it's gone now.
00:03:24 Pete?
00:03:26 This is my nephew, the kid
00:03:29 He's a little green
00:03:32 but around you guys,
00:03:36 All right, well, hey, any nephew of Milas'
00:03:40 Hey, welcome aboard.
00:03:41 Don't! No.
00:03:43 - You okay?
00:03:45 It's not a good time for me right now.
00:03:47 So, all right. Get into frame.
00:03:50 All righty. Be about right here.
00:03:53 Fred, you got the stuff? Ready?
00:03:56 - This is a bar napkin.
00:03:58 This is it?
00:03:59 Our entire voice-over for our show
00:04:03 Yeah, we wrote it last night
00:04:07 "Bears are large and brown."
00:04:09 All right. Come on.
00:04:12 Not all bears are large.
00:04:18 "Bears derive their name
00:04:23 No. It's the other way around.
00:04:27 Jesus Christ, Fred, come on.
00:04:29 "It is estimated that bears kill
00:04:34 "Attacks by salmon on bears
00:04:40 All right, that's gotta be true, right?
00:04:43 Let's get me standing here.
00:04:46 Four, three, two, one, zero,
00:04:51 Yes, the bear is a fierce animal...
00:04:53 I hear that weird bubbling sound again.
00:04:56 It's not bubbling.
00:04:57 Junior, I said knock it off.
00:05:00 Okay, ready? Keep rolling.
00:05:05 Yes, the bear is a fierce animal,
00:05:09 It is estimated that bears kill
00:05:12 We got fog rolling in, man.
00:05:14 In a year.
00:05:16 It's not fog.
00:05:18 Milas, can you help me out here?
00:05:19 For God's sake, Junior,
00:05:21 Thanks.
00:05:23 All right, let's go.
00:05:26 Yes, the bear is a fierce animal,
00:05:30 It is estimated that bears kill
00:05:36 although attacks by salmon on bear
00:05:40 Cut!
00:05:42 Gaulke, how many times
00:05:46 you can't shoot without a permit?
00:05:48 You've got a $500 fine coming.
00:05:52 Now, pack up your stuff
00:05:54 By the way, this is fire season.
00:05:57 Smokey the Bear says,
00:06:02 Okay. Okay, thank you!
00:06:06 Okay, let's take it from... Let's see...
00:06:09 Let's see, from,
00:06:14 We are cued up. Strange Wilderness,
00:06:18 We have sound speed now.
00:06:20 Three, two, one, push the button, go.
00:06:25 Bears are a proud people,
00:06:27 although they're not people per se,
00:06:30 Bears derived their name
00:06:35 Bears have been known to attack man,
00:06:37 although the fact is that fewer people
00:06:41 than in all of World War I
00:06:45 Brown bears loves fishing...
00:06:48 Brown... Brown bears bloves...
00:06:51 God, why am I having so much trouble
00:06:54 Maybe it's the two B's in "brown bears."
00:06:56 I got it. I'm ready. Okay.
00:06:58 Red bears love fish.
00:07:00 Pete, you're late for your meeting
00:07:03 Deb, we're in the middle
00:07:06 so every fucking thing you say
00:07:09 Oh, right, like you guys ever care
00:07:13 Okay, stop recording.
00:07:15 Turn it...
00:07:17 Turn off everything.
00:07:23 Okay, everything's shut off.
00:07:27 Your meeting with Lawson
00:07:28 was supposed to start 20 minutes ago,
00:07:32 Shit.
00:07:34 Hey, fellas, I was bombed last night
00:07:38 By the way, did you guys notice
00:07:41 'Cause some kind of pebble or rock
00:07:45 and my Johnson swelled up
00:07:46 like a fucking water balloon
00:07:52 Fuck you! You wanna fight?
00:07:54 Here we are. Pull over.
00:07:56 You guys better hustle up.
00:08:00 You guys better hustle up.
00:08:03 Great. I'll tell him you called. Thank you.
00:08:06 Good morning. We have
00:08:09 Sorry we're a little late.
00:08:10 Dude, Sky Pierson.
00:08:12 Hey, Pierson, TJ.
00:08:14 Well, as I live and breathe.
00:08:16 Peter Gaulke
00:08:19 No, no, not Pete and Fred.
00:08:23 Or is that just what they do?
00:08:27 Hey, so what are you guys doing here?
00:08:29 We're talking to Lawson about bringing
00:08:33 It's great, 'cause Lawson's in there
00:08:35 jumping through hoops
00:08:38 It is so much fun
00:08:41 Yeah, it is.
00:08:43 I mean, after all, it's not your fault
00:08:45 that our budget
00:08:48 And you must miss
00:08:54 Yeah.
00:08:56 Yeah, actually it's...
00:08:58 You know what, we've got to go.
00:09:01 Seriously, good luck, dude.
00:09:04 Awesome.
00:09:08 You know, I know he was jiving us
00:09:14 Oh, yeah, you kidding me?
00:09:15 He is the king
00:09:18 All right, come on, let's see Lawson.
00:09:19 - This is it.
00:09:21 All right, let's cut to the chase.
00:09:23 The ratings for Strange Wilderness
00:09:25 have been dropping considerably
00:09:28 Okay, now, when my dad had the show,
00:09:33 and we're on at 3:00 a.m. So...
00:09:35 Pete, let me finish.
00:09:39 Let's take the crappy ratings aside.
00:09:43 The network has taken so much flak
00:09:46 for the perceived irresponsibility’s
00:09:49 I had my assistant
00:09:51 Oh, fun.
00:09:52 Let me tell you something. I am
00:09:57 Many of these animals are... Whoa,
00:10:01 Oh, I can smell a good time
00:10:06 Slice me off a piece and serve it up hot.
00:10:11 Okay.
00:10:14 That's okay, right?
00:10:16 Sad.
00:10:17 Okay? What about this?
00:10:21 Hey, stick around
00:10:22 because when we come back, we're
00:10:31 All right, all the littering aside,
00:10:33 how do you refer
00:10:36 as pygmy people?
00:10:37 That's just wrong!
00:10:39 What? No.
00:10:41 I like all people.
00:10:44 It's Fred who's the racist.
00:10:46 You ought to hear what he says
00:10:49 - Right?
00:10:50 You are so not getting this, are you?
00:10:53 Oh, my God!
00:11:02 I mean, it's...
00:11:04 Luckily we caught it on tape,
00:11:08 You wanted to honor the man
00:11:10 by showing him being killed
00:11:16 All right, what about this?
00:11:26 A guy on fire at a peace rally.
00:11:29 Did you guys ever think
00:11:31 and helping the guy out?
00:11:32 And what was that music playing?
00:11:36 Was that at the rally
00:11:41 What about this?
00:11:51 Now, what the hell is that?
00:11:54 It's the African wilderness.
00:11:59 That's not Africa.
00:12:00 Right, well, not totally.
00:12:03 See, a lot of the women of the bush,
00:12:07 they're not really that good-looking.
00:12:10 So, we got these girls instead.
00:12:13 Stop talking. Please.
00:12:16 You know, ever since your dad died,
00:12:17 the quality of the show
00:12:19 And now with the ratings in the toilet,
00:12:21 there's no reason
00:12:24 Unless something big happens.
00:12:27 Okay, wait. Now, something big.
00:12:30 Well, why are we even discussing it?
00:12:34 The show sucks.
00:12:35 And I am officially, right now, telling you
00:12:38 that two weeks from now
00:12:40 I've given you notice.
00:12:45 All right.
00:12:47 Think. We gotta think.
00:12:51 Cooker, go get us
00:12:53 This is gonna be a long night.
00:12:54 Now, may I interject for a second
00:12:58 What I'm trying to say is that
00:13:01 You're gonna drink coffee tomorrow.
00:13:03 The point is that
00:13:07 sprinting from shantytown
00:13:09 crushing up java beans
00:13:14 Come on, we gotta think.
00:13:15 We gotta come up with some big idea
00:13:19 Now, come on.
00:13:21 You got any ideas?
00:13:24 Yoo-hoo.
00:13:25 Hey.
00:13:27 - Hey. Hey.
00:13:32 What? Sorry.
00:13:34 Dude, what is on your eyes?
00:13:36 Oh, man. Oh, yeah, this is so weird.
00:13:41 It like looks like I have eyeballs
00:13:43 I smoked some weed the other...
00:13:48 I smoked some weed the other night
00:13:51 because I went out right away
00:13:55 to make it look like when I was sleeping
00:13:57 that people would think
00:13:59 Pete, you know
00:14:01 What about a celebrity host?
00:14:03 Yeah. That would be great.
00:14:05 We could get someone really cool,
00:14:07 Oh, yeah. I know where he lives
00:14:10 I know some guys who used
00:14:12 like in a jealous rage.
00:14:14 You remember Fat Johnny?
00:14:16 - Powers.
00:14:18 - Yeah. He's a great guy.
00:14:22 Well, not shower,
00:14:24 - No.
00:14:27 Hey, how about...
00:14:29 Goddamn, I know one thing.
00:14:32 Fuck, yeah. I saw him
00:14:36 I mean, this poor cat
00:14:41 Or maybe it was a lobster he ate.
00:14:43 - Pete.
00:14:45 Bill Calhoun stopped by to see you.
00:14:46 Oh, great. Tell him I'll be right there.
00:14:48 All right, this is good. Come on,
00:14:52 Who the fuck is Jack Nocknuhson?
00:14:58 Hey, Bill.
00:14:59 - Oh, Pete. How you doing?
00:15:03 - Caught you reminiscing, huh?
00:15:05 I can't believe
00:15:07 - Yeah, what is that? 15, 20 years?
00:15:10 Let me tell you something, Pete.
00:15:12 Yeah. So, what brings you
00:15:15 Business.
00:15:18 That's Bigfoot.
00:15:20 - Oh, my God.
00:15:25 Where did you get these?
00:15:26 Ecuador. And I know where he's hiding.
00:15:29 This is great!
00:15:31 Okay, we're gonna go to your cabin,
00:15:33 You just saved Strange Wilderness, Bill.
00:15:35 Not quite so fast on that.
00:15:37 Pete, you know I loved your daddy
00:15:40 but Pierson is willing to give me
00:15:44 - $1,000?
00:15:46 Oh, Bill!
00:15:48 You can't sell the map to Pierson.
00:15:51 I don't know where
00:15:57 Hey, wait.
00:16:01 Yeah.
00:16:02 I'll give you a piece of my show!
00:16:05 Well, no, no. No, no, no.
00:16:08 It's all about net points.
00:16:09 - You're gonna make a fortune. Yeah.
00:16:11 Look, 10% gets the per diem
00:16:15 Let's see,
00:16:18 plus my finder's fee...
00:16:21 Pete, isn't that the TV remote?
00:16:23 Bill, don't change the subject!
00:16:24 The point is you're gonna get 10%,
00:16:29 Look, I wouldn't be doing this
00:16:32 I gotta have 1,000 bucks,
00:16:39 All right. All right. I'll get the money.
00:16:42 I'll have it in a week.
00:16:45 - By God, you got a deal.
00:16:47 I'm glad this is going to you
00:16:51 - Damn. These are great.
00:16:54 - And Bill knows where this is?
00:16:58 This is exactly what we needed. Okay?
00:17:02 Here's the plan.
00:17:04 Okay, we're gonna shoot five wildlife
00:17:06 Then we're gonna pay it off with the first
00:17:11 Pete, I think you just saved the show,
00:17:14 Your dad'd be proud of you, boy.
00:17:17 Yeah, but doggone it, I don't think
00:17:20 - I just can't.
00:17:22 But numb nuts here'll
00:17:24 - I understand. We're gonna miss you.
00:17:28 Now, listen, what about that $1,000
00:17:32 All right. I need everyone to go home,
00:17:35 scrape up as much cash
00:17:37 Think of this as an investment
00:17:40 If this works, we all work.
00:17:42 And, people, this is gonna work.
00:17:49 Hey, Debbie!
00:17:51 Debbie!
00:17:52 I need you to set up interviews
00:17:57 And for the last seven years,
00:18:01 so I don't really have any experience
00:18:05 Never really handled animals before.
00:18:08 But I have handled other things and...
00:18:10 I don't know,
00:18:13 Can we think about it?
00:18:15 Yeah. And not very hard?
00:18:19 You smell of desperation.
00:18:23 Well, I wouldn't smell like desperation
00:18:28 Well, if you want,
00:18:31 push you into a mud puddle,
00:18:33 and then you can keep this
00:18:37 Jesus, man,
00:18:39 I'd shove an exhaust pipe
00:18:41 Yeah, why don't you go
00:18:44 Yeah, you could call it
00:18:47 No job.
00:18:49 Next! Debbie!
00:18:51 I don't want the job.
00:18:54 Next applicant!
00:18:56 No, thank you.
00:18:57 Maybe you can offer the job
00:18:59 You'll have better luck.
00:19:00 Next!
00:19:02 You guys are out of your fucking minds.
00:19:04 Yeah. Yeah. Run back to junior high.
00:19:08 Debbie! Debbie!
00:19:11 You're off-the-chart nuts!
00:19:12 Next!
00:19:13 - You're insane!
00:19:14 - And rude!
00:19:17 - Debbie!
00:19:24 Well, welcome aboard, Whitaker.
00:19:27 Thanks for hiring me, guys.
00:19:29 I just want you to know I'm gonna
00:19:32 to be the best animal handler
00:19:34 I know I don't know a lot about animals,
00:19:37 I feel like I got a handle on, you know,
00:19:40 - Good job.
00:19:43 Okay, take care now.
00:19:45 Well, hello. So, Cheryl, I'm sure this...
00:19:49 Glad you could join us.
00:19:52 - Hi. How are you?
00:19:56 Travel agent.
00:19:57 Yeah. She's gonna...
00:19:59 I'm sorry, Bob did not tell me
00:20:05 Sorry?
00:20:07 Nothing.
00:20:09 Okay.
00:20:11 Okay, the plan is, all right, is to head
00:20:16 and then we'll just make a quick detour
00:20:19 to Bill Calhoun's cabin,
00:20:22 Great. Good job, Cheryl.
00:20:23 Gotta go. Keep on keeping on.
00:20:26 - Oh, yeah.
00:20:30 You know, she seems nice.
00:20:32 Oh, man, halfway through this trip,
00:20:36 - I'll be laying some serious pipe.
00:20:39 - Hi, what's up?
00:20:40 I just felt like I should assure you,
00:20:43 I mean, you guys have been together
00:20:45 You're about to go out
00:20:47 I mean, the last thing you need
00:20:49 to short-circuit the whole process.
00:20:51 Debbie the downer, right?
00:20:53 "Oh, no, can't talk amongst ourselves.
00:20:56 I'm not gonna
00:20:58 Like the whole "laying pipe" thing?
00:21:01 You know, I get it.
00:21:03 You make an announcement like that,
00:21:04 all your friends laugh,
00:21:06 and you make it through another day.
00:21:08 But look, I mean, if you wanna
00:21:12 like the gay kids like to say,
00:21:16 Sorry, I think it's the...
00:21:25 What just happened?
00:21:27 Shit, I don't know.
00:21:29 I'm no longer so sure
00:21:34 Cooker, I thought I told you
00:21:39 Oh, man, it's already in there.
00:21:42 I'm looking right at it! It's not in the RV!
00:21:45 - Oh, this stuff?
00:21:47 Oh, no, yeah,
00:21:52 God damn it.
00:21:55 I got 10 more feet to get in the RV,
00:21:58 All right, yeah, hey...
00:21:59 - I'm sorry. Sorry. Hi.
00:22:03 I forgot what I was gonna say.
00:22:05 - Me too, then. Okay.
00:22:06 Pete. This oil looks a little thick.
00:22:10 Sure.
00:22:13 Okay.
00:22:15 Locked and loaded.
00:22:17 Shit.
00:23:19 Have you guys ever tried to poop
00:23:23 - It's fucking hard.
00:23:27 If you're my stepmom Phyllis,
00:23:34 If you're my new brothers and sisters
00:23:37 Dakota and Breckenridge,
00:23:42 Listen up, world
00:23:46 Hey, Dad, why'd you marry that ho?
00:23:51 Hey, three-letter word for "man."
00:23:55 Dude.
00:23:57 That's four letters. Dud. Dud, maybe.
00:24:01 By the way, isn't that like
00:24:04 What? It's just a cordial.
00:24:07 - Bottle snack.
00:24:10 Don't tell me to turn my music down
00:24:17 Because there's tons
00:24:19 On what the volume of music
00:24:26 Plus, we all know Phyllis has
00:24:32 I don't think it's right for her to tell me
00:24:41 Hey, look, everybody, sea lions!
00:24:47 All right, let's hustle down there
00:24:49 This should be a perfect show
00:24:52 Hey, Danny, get your seal...
00:24:53 Yo, yo, I'm way ahead of you morons.
00:24:56 I'm gonna sneak up
00:24:58 and get you guys angles
00:25:15 Okay, great. Let's go.
00:25:20 En route to Bill Calhoun's cabin,
00:25:24 with some of nature's
00:25:29 No matter how many sea lions
00:25:33 it never seems like enough.
00:25:35 When a shark appears in the area,
00:25:37 sea lions
00:25:40 Luckily, there are no tigers on shore
00:25:43 or he wouldn't know what the fuck to do.
00:25:46 A sea lion's main diet is fish,
00:25:49 of which there are
00:25:51 Here we see the puffer fish.
00:25:53 Our best guess is that this fish inflates
00:25:59 This odd-looking fish
00:26:01 Wait, dude, can I just talk?
00:26:03 Dude, give me the fucking...
00:26:05 - Please, please. Really.
00:26:07 - Why is that pink thong running so fast?
00:26:09 Sorry.
00:26:10 Dude, this is a show about sea lions,
00:26:13 But to get closer
00:26:16 we put our driver, Danny Gutierrez,
00:26:20 Unfortunately, after only a few seconds,
00:26:24 Oh, fuck! Oh, no, no, no!
00:26:28 No, get off him, he's my friend!
00:26:37 Wow. I'm just blown away
00:26:41 Those razor-sharp teeth
00:26:47 It was just so gruesome, you know?
00:26:50 All the thrashing and all the blood...
00:26:56 It's okay. It's okay.
00:26:57 Yeah. No, he's... It's gonna be okay.
00:27:00 I mean, these things happen.
00:27:04 Cheryl,
00:27:07 just thank you for being my friend.
00:27:08 Thanks.
00:27:13 You are such an asshole!
00:27:15 Oh, shit, two funny things at once.
00:27:19 I was trying to help you feel better.
00:27:22 Then you hit me in the head.
00:27:24 It looks like a dinosaur egg.
00:27:26 If that dinosaur hatches,
00:27:29 people are gonna think I'm
00:27:32 And how the fuck do you think
00:27:34 It's fine. It's fine. I'll get over it.
00:27:37 Hey, guys, look at that bug over there.
00:27:41 Oh, yeah.
00:27:43 Hey, break out the equipment.
00:27:45 As long as we're here we might as well
00:27:49 Junior, get over here.
00:27:52 Look at this. This is great.
00:27:55 Get that right there.
00:28:01 Go ahead.
00:28:05 Excuse me!
00:28:06 Gentlemen, hi.
00:28:09 and we were just wondering if you could
00:28:12 until we're finished?
00:28:14 No speak de inglés, buey.
00:28:17 - Are you trying to blackmail us?
00:28:20 Hola, cómo estás? How are you?
00:28:24 I'll stop honking for $100, okay?
00:28:27 Let me handle this.
00:28:38 Is time
00:28:42 to stop de horn from honking,
00:28:47 please?
00:28:55 Let me try a different approach.
00:28:59 No, no, no, no! Slow it down, brother.
00:29:03 I ain't gonna talk, homes.
00:29:04 No, you don't wanna do that,
00:29:06 'cause that's gonna cause
00:29:08 For who,
00:29:10 Actually, it's gonna cause some
00:29:12 - 'Cause see, you're a big, powerful man.
00:29:15 Actually, you're so powerful,
00:29:18 your punch is probably gonna kill him.
00:29:20 And then what?
00:29:22 All right. Well, what about the scratch
00:29:26 I didn't go near your front hood, man.
00:29:28 Yeah, you did, homes. It's right there.
00:29:31 - Yeah, look at it, pussy!
00:29:33 Hey, you too, homes.
00:29:34 Take a look. Lean closer, both of you.
00:29:37 I don't see any scratch.
00:29:40 You just got knocked the fuck out!
00:29:49 Oh, my God.
00:29:50 Hello. We would like
00:29:55 Well, have a seat, and the dentist
00:29:59 I'm sorry. Did you just say, "Have a seat,
00:30:03 "and the dentist will be able to see you
00:30:06 There are a couple of people in front
00:30:11 I'll take a Batman magazine.
00:30:13 Dude, that's a comic book.
00:30:18 I'm sorry about that.
00:30:22 We don't have
00:30:29 I guess we'll wait.
00:30:38 - Fred?
00:30:40 - Go color.
00:30:45 No magazines.
00:30:48 A whole hour to kill.
00:30:51 Hello there.
00:30:55 Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
00:31:00 All right, everybody, listen up.
00:31:03 We're flat busted. We're broke.
00:31:08 Two days on the road
00:31:12 Hey, guys! Check this shit out.
00:31:15 Boosted some nitrous from
00:31:18 I just, like, grabbed it and they were
00:31:21 And I go, "It's cool, man.
00:31:25 Do you know what this shit is worth
00:31:27 This is like $1,000.
00:31:29 - Oh, my God.
00:31:31 You've got to put that back, okay? Fuck!
00:31:34 We cannot afford to get busted
00:31:38 Okay. So most of us think
00:31:42 sell it so we can finance the entire trip,
00:31:46 And deep down inside so does Cheryl,
00:31:49 Let's do it! This is gonna work out!
00:31:52 - Thank you, Cheryl!
00:32:13 Are you guys feeling kind of weird?
00:32:22 All right! How are we feeling?
00:32:45 Oh, my head hurts so bad.
00:32:48 - This nitrous thing's empty.
00:32:51 Well, there goes that thousand dollars
00:32:54 We're broke!
00:33:04 Yeah, this is it. Bill's place.
00:33:18 Where in the hell have you guys been?
00:33:22 Wipe your feet.
00:33:27 Whoa, Bill. Going a little nuts up here?
00:33:31 Somebody's ready for Armageddon.
00:33:33 Look, I tried calling you guys.
00:33:36 - I sold the map.
00:33:39 Well, I had to, to Pierson.
00:33:41 - Pierson?
00:33:42 Oh, my God.
00:33:43 - Why'd you do it? We had a deal!
00:33:46 I didn't think you were coming.
00:33:48 And like I told you back in the office,
00:33:51 Wait, so, he's halfway
00:33:53 - Yeah.
00:33:56 Bill, what did you need the money
00:33:59 Lithium and Darvon, Pete.
00:34:02 I live in a world of paranoia,
00:34:06 I'm sorry, Pete.
00:34:08 It's okay, Bill. It's okay.
00:34:12 Hey, wait a minute.
00:34:14 Hold on a second.
00:34:16 I think I know a way to make
00:34:20 Go out and change clothes and come
00:34:23 - Okay.
00:34:27 All right, here's the deal. I sold
00:34:30 He's got a three-day head start,
00:34:33 So nobody can say I can't give you guys
00:34:36 I'm gonna find you one.
00:34:38 See, at one point or another during the
00:34:41 reading the map
00:34:43 Now all I gotta do is find it
00:34:46 - Hey, did you see that?
00:34:49 That's just me saying goodbye
00:34:52 - Back that up.
00:35:01 What the hell's she doing?
00:35:03 Hey, that's Pierson,
00:35:10 God.
00:35:13 Oh, work it.
00:35:15 Oh, slice me off a piece of that.
00:35:19 Oh, my God. I'll ask for second helpings
00:35:25 Pierson is an asshole!
00:35:27 All right, all bets are off.
00:35:30 and you're gonna find Bigfoot before
00:35:33 - Yeah, we are.
00:35:35 Walk to the camera like a good
00:35:39 Going to camera three.
00:35:41 There it is. There it is.
00:35:45 Bingo!
00:35:46 Pierson may have the map
00:35:49 but that won't be enough.
00:35:50 Thanks.
00:35:51 Because now you have the map and I'm
00:35:55 His name is Gus Hayden.
00:35:57 You are shitting me.
00:36:00 No, no, Pete.
00:36:05 Now, Gus and I
00:36:07 He is the best that ever lived.
00:36:10 Now, if anybody can help you find
00:36:13 it's Gus Hayden.
00:36:15 Now, he normally charges 3,000 bucks
00:36:20 500.
00:36:23 We're at
00:36:27 - 14 bucks.
00:36:29 It's a long story, but,
00:36:32 Well, so am I or I'd loan you the money.
00:36:35 'Cause now you not only gotta find
00:36:38 you gotta find Bigfoot
00:36:41 I don't know
00:36:43 but you gotta promise me one thing.
00:36:45 When you catch up to Pierson, you give
00:36:50 Shit, man. We can't raise 500 bucks.
00:36:54 Sounds like we're screwed.
00:36:56 That's great.
00:36:59 Hey, Pete,
00:37:02 - That's great. I gotta go take a leak.
00:37:05 Look, we'll go into town
00:37:10 Why, what's going on?
00:37:11 Money problems.
00:37:28 Hi there, little guys.
00:37:34 Almost got you, huh?
00:37:36 Hey, where's mama turkey?
00:37:38 Oh, my God!
00:37:43 What's the turkey doing?
00:37:49 Oh, my God!
00:37:53 Oh, my God!
00:37:55 Oh, my God!
00:37:56 Look out!
00:38:02 It's surprising, really.
00:38:03 Now, its gag reflexes
00:38:07 Nurse, I want you to massage
00:38:09 and let's see
00:38:12 - Yes, Doctor.
00:38:14 - Okay, I'll get another angle.
00:38:17 Oh, nice.
00:38:21 Relax, Mr. Turkey. Relax. Relax.
00:38:25 Walk up the beak.
00:38:27 I spit in my hand when I do that.
00:38:30 Oh, Christ. You've got to be kidding me.
00:38:34 Doctor, he has an erection.
00:38:37 You need to stifle your sexual response.
00:38:40 You're only tightening yourself
00:38:43 Doc, the nurse is fucking hot.
00:38:46 Can somebody else
00:38:48 Fuck that, dude.
00:38:49 - Whitaker?
00:38:51 What? You're the animal handler, man.
00:38:53 Bullshit, I was a car mechanic
00:38:56 Now, if you want me to change
00:38:59 but I'm not gonna handle you.
00:39:00 I think a little shot of Demerol
00:39:03 That went right into my dick!
00:39:05 Well, that really
00:39:08 Well, now that the Demerol's probably
00:39:11 it could complicate things.
00:39:13 Here's an idea.
00:39:14 Mr. Gaulke, can you urinate?
00:39:17 That might do it. It might
00:39:20 You want him
00:39:23 Well, I mean,
00:39:26 Doctor, I believe that this young turkey
00:39:30 So, if we could take a snapshot of it
00:39:34 we can maybe threaten
00:39:38 And then he'll be like,
00:39:40 And he'll stop blowing Peter.
00:39:43 Or we could chop his fucking head off.
00:39:47 Holy hell! He did!
00:39:49 He found our turkey!
00:39:51 We've been searching for her
00:39:53 How in the hell
00:39:56 Yeah, it's Maggie, all right.
00:39:57 You know what?
00:39:59 right after we chop her head off.
00:40:01 No, you can't kill it.
00:40:02 This bird is part of an ongoing
00:40:05 Look, there is a $5,000 reward
00:40:08 $5,000? Whoa, hey! Doc, no.
00:40:12 Gentlemen.
00:40:13 Now that we have the map
00:40:14 and we're gonna get five grand
00:40:17 we can go get Gus Hayden, the tracker.
00:40:19 Come on, everyone, jump in.
00:40:22 - Did you just say yank?
00:40:25 I'm gonna be gentle, but firm.
00:40:26 One, two, three.
00:41:04 Fucking Federales, dude.
00:41:05 I got weed on me.
00:41:08 Don't worry, I'll take care of this.
00:41:10 Hold on. Back up here.
00:41:13 Excuse me.
00:41:15 Let us into Mexico, please?
00:41:26 Okay, so, thank you!
00:41:30 Look at that! I guess our RV is tore up.
00:41:33 Well, guess we'll have to take a plane
00:41:35 Oh, well. Come on, let's go.
00:41:36 - Dude, what happened in there, man?
00:41:39 So, come on, let's book.
00:41:41 What, really?
00:41:42 - 'Cause you look really pale.
00:41:44 That's because I wear sun block,
00:41:47 So, come on, let's grab that airplane
00:41:53 - So, what happened in that room?
00:41:56 - Drop what?
00:41:58 Oh, come on! I come in peace, brother.
00:42:01 You guys, the plane's boarding.
00:42:04 Hey guys, I need to tell you something.
00:42:07 What, you're quitting?
00:42:09 No, no, I'm not quitting.
00:42:11 I wanted to thank you guys.
00:42:13 I took this job 'cause I needed it,
00:42:18 I figured a trip into the jungle would
00:42:21 and that's something
00:42:25 My name's Bill W.
00:42:28 - Hey, Bill.
00:42:30 Because of that, I've never really fit in
00:42:33 I want to tell you guys.
00:42:38 And then I did yesterday, and, well,
00:42:43 'Cause we're going to the jungle and
00:42:46 But you guys
00:42:49 And I just want to say that you've
00:42:53 and I wanna say thank you for that.
00:42:54 - That's so sweet.
00:42:56 Whitaker, that is some of the finest
00:43:01 And just hearing them makes me feel
00:43:04 So, fuck it, man. Take a bow.
00:43:10 He was like, "I'm an alcoholic."
00:43:49 Strange Wilderness?
00:43:51 That's us.
00:43:56 Hi, I'm Cheryl.
00:43:58 - It is so nice to meet you.
00:44:00 Yeah, Bill told me
00:44:03 Bill's a good man.
00:44:06 He's upset. That's why he asked me
00:44:09 - That's great. Great.
00:44:11 Pierson's got about
00:44:13 - Oh, no.
00:44:15 We'll find him.
00:44:16 Tell you what, we'll go up to Gus's
00:44:17 and we'll head out from there
00:44:20 - All right.
00:44:22 Dick what?
00:44:25 Just Dick.
00:44:27 Dick?
00:44:29 Dick.
00:44:31 Like Cher, but Dick?
00:44:35 Dick.
00:44:37 He's fucking... Who is this?
00:44:41 Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick.
00:44:47 Gotta have more name than that, Dick.
00:44:49 Nope. Just Dick.
00:44:52 You say, "Dick," I come running.
00:44:57 You come where?
00:45:00 You like your name? You like Dick?
00:45:03 Do you ever let your dog
00:45:06 Yeah, do you like it?
00:45:08 Is your name Dick?
00:45:11 I don't wanna get started off
00:45:14 Does your name ever shrink
00:45:17 Snicker one more time, I'll kick
00:45:20 - Check.
00:45:21 Copy that.
00:45:23 Our trail's about 23 clicks west of here.
00:45:26 Right.
00:45:28 Does your name ever get hard
00:45:29 Shut the fuck up.
00:45:38 On our way to hook up
00:45:42 we encountered many jungle animals,
00:45:46 the monkey.
00:45:48 Monkeys make up over 80%
00:45:53 Hundreds of ants are eaten each year
00:45:57 Researchers believe
00:46:00 if ants were the same size
00:46:03 Wow, look at that.
00:46:07 To a lion,
00:46:11 Over here,
00:46:15 This gazelle is eating a flower.
00:46:17 This lion is eating the gazelle.
00:46:20 But he'll probably spit out the flower.
00:46:23 These giraffes can't quit each other.
00:46:26 I think it would be a good idea to tie
00:46:30 That way, your jeans
00:46:34 These birds are saying howdy
00:46:37 Actually, they're not saying howdy,
00:46:41 If we held a microphone up to the zebra
00:46:44 you know, Mr. Ed or something, it would
00:46:49 "Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
00:46:53 "Did one of you just
00:47:02 All right. We'll walk from here.
00:47:05 All right, let's go, chop-chop.
00:47:08 Stay on the trail. Follow me. Let's go.
00:47:12 Let's go!
00:47:36 All right. You're about to meet the
00:47:49 Welcome to paradise.
00:47:52 I hear we're gonna have a little fun.
00:47:56 I shoved my knife through
00:48:00 Then I grabbed my hand grenade,
00:48:05 And I shoved him back down into the
00:48:10 Hey, Gus.
00:48:11 That was a great Vietnam story.
00:48:13 But I think...
00:48:16 I think you're close to killing him.
00:48:19 Sorry, I forgot about you there, partner.
00:48:22 Anyway, the little gook bit me,
00:48:23 and that's how I got this scar
00:48:27 Cool.
00:48:28 So, Gus, tell us,
00:48:30 We'll break camp at 0600.
00:48:32 I want you all to understand that when
00:48:36 we'll be going into a bad, dark place
00:48:40 where death is about as routine
00:48:42 Well, this crew here?
00:48:45 We've been through some
00:48:48 And I know you got that little scar
00:48:51 but we've gotten a few scars
00:48:55 - Isn't that right, Fred?
00:48:57 I mean, look at this one.
00:49:01 Eight years old. Fell off my bike.
00:49:03 Shit.
00:49:04 Check out this guy. See that?
00:49:07 I was doing some Bondo work
00:49:11 and I was drunk, as usual,
00:49:19 Nasty.
00:49:21 But... Hey, two days sober today, guys.
00:49:25 Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:49:27 Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:49:27 Well, I don't have any scars,
00:49:35 See?
00:49:39 You see this right here?
00:49:42 I was blowing in his face,
00:49:44 Well, now.
00:49:48 About 10 years ago
00:49:49 I was scouting out a location
00:49:53 when I was ambushed
00:49:57 They tied me to a post and did to me
00:50:09 They cut my scrotum with a sharp stick.
00:50:13 My testicles unraveled down
00:50:17 I scooped up my testicles
00:50:20 shoved them back into my sac,
00:50:30 Looks like a quilt. A ball quilt.
00:50:36 Okay, well...
00:50:38 I'd love to sit here
00:50:43 but I'm all out.
00:50:44 I'm tired.
00:50:46 Yeah, you know what? Yeah, yeah.
00:50:48 I'm gonna saw some logs, myself.
00:50:50 - Yeah.
00:50:52 Must have the worst nightmares ever.
00:51:06 Pete.
00:51:08 - Hey!
00:51:10 Dude, that tracker guy left,
00:51:13 Cheryl? Cheryl!
00:51:16 What? She ran off with Gus Hayden?
00:51:18 She's gone, he's gone,
00:51:20 - Hey, you're probably in on it!
00:51:24 He left me just as stranded as you all.
00:51:26 He took my bunker jeep.
00:51:29 - Shit! Why would Cheryl do this to us?
00:51:33 I saw her eyeing that fucking psycho
00:51:36 Shit! Shit! God!
00:51:40 Shit! Shit!
00:51:44 God!
00:51:45 All right, calm down!
00:51:50 Bill, I need you to take an inventory
00:51:55 Okay. We got one sleeping bag,
00:51:58 so I think we're pretty much fucked.
00:52:00 No, I think we're gonna be okay.
00:52:05 What aren't you hearing?
00:52:07 We can't find Bigfoot without a map!
00:52:09 Yeah, but we can't give up, okay?
00:52:12 'Cause my dad wouldn't give up.
00:52:15 I mean, he'd always make it work out.
00:52:20 All right. Okay.
00:52:24 I'm going as far as Temescal,
00:52:27 - Okay.
00:52:31 I don't think anybody's
00:52:34 You know, you should quit now,
00:52:38 Nope. Not on my watch.
00:52:41 Guys?
00:52:42 I don't wanna die.
00:52:43 For the first time in 11 years,
00:52:46 and it's exhilarating.
00:52:49 See, I have so much to live for
00:52:51 I want to find a nice girl
00:52:55 and dance with them in the moonlight
00:52:58 I want to do it all, you know?
00:53:00 Fucking beautiful. Take a bow, man.
00:53:04 He was like, "I'm wearing a blue shirt
00:53:09 I didn't think you were gonna do that!
00:53:11 Okay! Cooker, you need to...
00:53:17 Is that a thong you're wearing?
00:53:19 What the fuck did you say?
00:53:21 Do you have a thong on?
00:53:24 Yeah, I'm wearing a thong.
00:53:27 I'll get the sleeping bag.
00:53:40 Dick, there any snakes in this shit,
00:53:42 Don't worry about fucking snakes.
00:53:48 Fuck you, dude.
00:53:51 Shit, a porcupine.
00:54:10 Hey. Hey!
00:54:12 I think it stopped. I think it stopped.
00:54:17 - Oh, God. This is insane.
00:54:20 No. It's gonna be okay, I think.
00:54:24 Come on, let's just keep moving.
00:54:32 - What the fuck was that?
00:54:44 - Come on.
00:54:46 Guys, guys, guys, just a monkey.
00:54:48 Jesus.
00:54:55 - You guys!
00:54:58 I have been tracking you for hours.
00:55:02 Well, we thought you ran off
00:55:07 You really think I'd do that?
00:55:09 Yeah.
00:55:10 Gross.
00:55:12 I'd wanna fuck even you guys
00:55:16 - Hey.
00:55:18 You guys, I woke up
00:55:20 so I pretended like
00:55:24 and I convinced him to give me this.
00:55:30 The map.
00:55:31 You convinced him?
00:55:35 What'd you have to do?
00:55:38 Just a little something. Okay?
00:55:40 I took one for the team.
00:55:44 I have a map.
00:55:47 - Me, too. I got a map.
00:55:50 I have an atlas.
00:55:51 I have some old Civil War maps
00:55:56 I have a map of the moon.
00:55:59 I got a whole map store.
00:56:02 If we get back to the RV,
00:56:04 Like a hundred pages of maps.
00:56:07 Come here, you guys!
00:56:09 Just kidding. I don't have a map.
00:56:12 I'll tell you, I will be damned.
00:56:17 You know, with that map
00:56:22 just might be able
00:56:25 Yeah!
00:56:26 Dick! Dick! Dick!
00:56:30 - We love Dick!
00:56:32 Yes, we are. First, though,
00:56:48 We're almost there.
00:56:50 Just straight that way.
00:56:53 - Thank you, thank you.
00:56:57 - Cooker, I'm proud of you.
00:57:01 You're the best. You're the best.
00:57:04 Now, I know a secret quick way through
00:57:07 and we can get to the rocky cliffs
00:57:10 Now, here's what you're gonna do.
00:57:13 What the... Oh, God!
00:57:19 Don't come in here! No! Stay out!
00:57:25 Oh, Dick!
00:57:27 Here's another one
00:57:30 Fucking eat all these fucking stupid fish.
00:57:32 We were gonna make it,
00:57:36 - How's it feel to get eaten, fish fuckers?
00:57:39 - How's it feel to get eaten?
00:57:42 You think we'd just let you get away
00:57:46 you sons-of-bitches,
00:57:49 Fuck you! Fuck you!
00:57:52 Hey, wait a minute.
00:57:55 These are the fish that ate Dick, right?
00:57:57 Yeah!
00:57:59 All right, just go with me here.
00:58:01 If Dick is in the fishes,
00:58:06 doesn't that mean we're eating Dick?
00:58:14 What the fuck?
00:58:22 - It's gonna be okay! Come on! Fred.
00:58:25 Not one single thing has gone our way!
00:58:28 And I guarantee you
00:58:32 Come on, Fred!
00:58:35 Come on...
00:58:38 Oh, my God.
00:58:40 You guys have to come with me.
00:58:53 - It's Pierson's team.
00:58:57 Fred. Get over here, Fred.
00:58:59 Mr. Wah I'm So Bummed Out.
00:59:04 I don't think so, buddy!
00:59:08 We came out on top! Come on!
00:59:14 Oh, yeah. Oh, right. This is tragic.
00:59:21 Amen. Okay,
00:59:26 Sweet axe.
00:59:32 Gentle clouds of Nazareth
00:59:37 Massacred in Ecuador
00:59:41 Life's too fucking short
00:59:46 Hey, that's Sky Pierson.
00:59:49 - Oh, my God!
00:59:51 - Hey.
00:59:53 Hi, Sky. Wow, long time no see.
00:59:57 So...
00:59:59 I'm sorry. Sorry about that.
01:00:03 So, what happened here?
01:00:07 Attacked.
01:00:10 Coconga pygmies.
01:00:13 Horrible.
01:00:16 Hey, Sky,
01:00:19 could you feel this?
01:00:21 Dude.
01:00:22 What are you poking him for, man?
01:00:25 His upper half of his body
01:00:30 - Yeah, I know. Jesus Christ. What?
01:00:34 You gonna punch him in the face
01:00:37 Oh, shit. Forgot about that.
01:00:43 It's your call.
01:00:46 Oh, man. I don't know.
01:00:50 It's not like he's in any position
01:00:53 Fred, it has nothing to do with fear.
01:00:55 I mean, don't you think it's a little
01:00:58 He's missing the lower half of his body.
01:01:00 Gaulke.
01:01:03 - Hey, we're back.
01:01:07 Yeah, we're here.
01:01:10 Hey, the cavalry has arrived.
01:01:17 Sky.
01:01:22 Oh, Sky.
01:01:25 Let's go.
01:01:27 Pick up what you can carry,
01:01:29 Let's get the hell out of here.
01:02:08 See, I could've sworn
01:02:11 They're right there on the map.
01:02:12 Well, then, where the hell is the cave?
01:02:16 Hey, does anyone else
01:02:17 like, we've been going in circles
01:02:20 Shit! Shit! Shit! Fucking shit!
01:02:25 Shit!
01:02:29 Fuck! Such a fuck up!
01:02:33 Give me that fucking map!
01:02:36 Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
01:02:38 You said that Bill Calhoun
01:02:42 Yeah, Pierson was holding it
01:02:44 Okay. Bill was using
01:02:47 It's a mirror image. Look at the "N".
01:02:52 Flip the picture.
01:02:55 Cheryl, you are a genius!
01:02:58 Okay, so wait.
01:03:01 So then that means
01:03:05 It's gonna be over, around here.
01:03:18 That's it.
01:03:20 That's the cave. It's gotta be. Map.
01:03:22 See? Turn the map.
01:03:25 Rock formation fits with the hill.
01:03:44 How do we know he's in there?
01:03:46 I can feel him. Okay, come on.
01:03:49 We're gonna move closer,
01:04:06 Oh, my God, I can hear him.
01:04:10 This is probably the most important
01:04:15 and we're gonna chronicle it.
01:04:19 Okay.
01:04:21 Okay, over there. Cross, cross.
01:04:25 This is crazy.
01:04:26 Okay, set up the camera.
01:04:28 Okay, listen up.
01:04:31 I'm gonna do an intro throw announce,
01:04:33 and then we're gonna
01:04:36 and catch this amazing creature
01:04:38 Okay, ready?
01:04:40 Oh, remember. Okay, listen. Junior!
01:04:44 - Listen.
01:04:45 Do not spook him, okay?
01:04:48 He is probably very,
01:04:51 - Okay.
01:04:54 I got sound if you wanna go.
01:04:56 Ready, rolling.
01:04:57 And five, four, three, two, one, zero.
01:05:03 Hi. I'm Peter Gaulke,
01:05:07 Camped here, waiting to film Bigfoot.
01:05:13 That's right, you heard me, Bigfoot.
01:05:15 Animals have long been known
01:05:18 and have been described as stupid,
01:05:27 low beasts, eager to kill, eager to eat,
01:05:32 eager to stampede all...
01:05:37 But is it animals we describe,
01:05:42 Perhaps this Bigfoot creature can
01:05:47 Perhaps his gentle ways can teach us,
01:05:50 that peace and harmony
01:05:56 What?
01:05:58 Oh, fuck!
01:06:26 Hey...
01:06:28 Does anybody remember what that
01:06:35 I think he said, "Huh?"
01:06:41 - No. It was more of a growl.
01:06:45 Actually, you know what?
01:06:47 It was like, "I'm gonna kill you."
01:06:52 - Yeah, no, I did, too. Yeah.
01:06:54 I heard it, too.
01:06:57 - Didn't I?
01:07:00 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:07:02 I've just, you know,
01:07:05 But it was in self-defense, so...
01:07:07 - Oh, yeah.
01:07:09 This mythological beast
01:07:14 Fuck, I was so blind to not see it before.
01:07:17 It was designed by the French
01:07:21 to fuck and eventually
01:07:25 He would've come
01:07:30 You know what?
01:07:31 Like, if a mosquito is buzzing
01:07:34 Like, "Keep on bothering me
01:07:37 "and let me get West Nile Virus?"
01:07:38 No, you fucking smack it, like we did.
01:07:41 Only we did it with guns.
01:07:43 - I don't know, guys. I mean...
01:07:47 Well, I mean...
01:07:50 - Fuck him, right?
01:07:51 That prick deserved to die, right?
01:07:55 You see the way he came at us,
01:07:59 Fucking fuck you, you fuck.
01:08:01 - Yeah!
01:08:05 Fucking cocktease.
01:08:12 But, you know, I've been thinking.
01:08:16 Maybe it's not the best way
01:08:21 You know, actually killing Bigfoot?
01:08:26 Yeah.
01:08:27 Probably not gonna fly
01:08:32 Peter, I have a little idea.
01:08:45 Those sharks
01:08:47 like my leg was a fucking piece of corn
01:08:51 I was yelling at them
01:08:53 "Hey, it's me, Danny-boy!"
01:08:55 But they didn't understand
01:08:57 So I got this fake leg now.
01:08:59 The doc comes in my room,
01:09:01 What the fuck?
01:09:03 It turns out he's talking about
01:09:05 Mahogany, pine, or balsa?
01:09:07 So, that gets me thinking,
01:09:11 "so when I walk up the sidewalk
01:09:15 Okay. All right, listen up, everybody.
01:09:17 We're gonna have him eating out
01:09:21 The television show of the century, huh?
01:09:24 Yeah.
01:09:25 - Bring it.
01:09:27 - High five!
01:09:29 We were all shivering with excitement
01:09:33 for the first ever contact
01:09:37 What we found inside the cave
01:09:40 Apparently, the Bigfoot
01:09:44 and hung himself.
01:09:45 Forced to live like an animal
01:09:49 I imagine any one of us
01:09:52 Unlike that dude on fire
01:09:54 we sprung into action
01:09:57 But it was too late.
01:09:59 It made me feel so crappy.
01:10:02 And so ended our fantastic adventure,
01:10:07 Join us next week
01:10:11 Are you insane?
01:10:13 Did someone drop a safe on your head?
01:10:15 That's the craziest shit I've ever seen!
01:10:18 - Hey, quit shoving me, man!
01:10:20 Man, you've been a dick since day one!
01:10:23 - Yeah? Fuck you!
01:10:26 - Fuck you, Judy.
01:10:27 You know what? This is all because of
01:10:29 about faking Bigfoot's suicide.
01:10:31 You know, I should've never listened...
01:10:34 That's the most un-American thing
01:10:38 Excuse me, could you keep it down?
01:10:39 Hey, sweetheart, we're having
01:10:43 So why don't you keep it down, okay?
01:10:44 Hey, hey, we're in the middle
01:10:47 you turn around to hit on some chick.
01:10:48 Hey, why you all up in my waist, man?
01:10:52 - Why don't you take a leap?
01:10:54 You shouldn't talk to someone like that.
01:10:56 You stone-wasted half-man party punk!
01:11:00 Whoa, seriously, man. Come on,
01:11:04 Fuck you, Cheech.
01:11:08 You stupid fuck. Go buy some sandals.
01:11:12 You want to fight? I'll fight your fight.
01:11:15 I'm fighting tonight.
01:11:18 What you got? What you got?
01:11:24 Throw down, bitch.
01:11:25 Hey, you know what? He's right, Fred!
01:11:27 You suck as a soundman, okay...
01:11:29 All right, that's it. I'm calling security.
01:11:31 Oh, no, honey,
01:11:33 - You understand me?
01:11:53 And that is the whole ridiculous story.
01:11:58 No, I haven't seen anybody in,
01:12:02 You know, things were said.
01:12:04 I think they're a lot better off
01:12:07 I'm such a failure. Oh, shit.
01:12:10 Hey, thanks for listening, okay?
01:12:13 I'll talk to you tomorrow. Great. Bye.
01:12:17 Nobody's home!
01:12:23 Pete.
01:12:24 You know
01:12:27 people know you're home
01:12:30 who the hell would be yelling out
01:12:35 Brought out a smile.
01:12:39 Well, you won't return my calls,
01:12:42 so I thought I'd personally
01:12:46 No, I just couldn't hold it all together.
01:12:50 You know what I've always been
01:12:52 all the times you have
01:12:56 Times were different then. It was easier.
01:12:59 You know something?
01:13:01 Your old man
01:13:03 I loved your dad, you know that,
01:13:05 but he didn't have the tenacity
01:13:09 You were born into a wildlife family.
01:13:12 Like your old man used to say,
01:13:17 Yeah, he used to always say that.
01:13:20 With one good idea
01:13:23 - But it's up to you.
01:13:27 What do you say?
01:13:30 I say, "Let's do it."
01:13:32 - Pete Gaulke's back!
01:13:36 You know what? Thanks, man.
01:13:39 - Hey, do you mind if I tap a bowl first?
01:13:42 You know, because... Where's it?
01:13:44 You know,
01:13:47 and they seem like great ideas
01:13:50 and then I'm sitting here for a while
01:13:53 And then I forget about them,
01:13:56 I mean, I think what I need to do is
01:14:06 Oh, God. That little guy is gonna think
01:14:11 Hey, wait a minute.
01:14:12 What a hell of an idea for a show.
01:14:14 A show about sharks, huh?
01:14:17 - One good idea.
01:14:19 Yeah, buddy!
01:14:21 All right.
01:14:25 Hot Dog Hell, can I help you?
01:14:27 Yeah, I need six hotdogs,
01:14:31 and the best damn soundman
01:14:35 I need Fred Wolf's ass in this car now.
01:14:38 I need Fred Wolf's ass in this car now.
01:14:38 Pete! Holy shit, man. You know what?
01:14:41 I've been going through it in my head.
01:14:42 Fifty different ways
01:14:45 for what I said that day, man.
01:14:46 We're all sorry
01:14:49 Hey, man, the world keeps turning,
01:14:52 Hey, dads may die
01:14:54 but you still have your friends.
01:14:56 That was beautiful, man. Take a bow.
01:15:00 Asshole!
01:15:01 Why are they using such bad language?
01:15:04 Yeah, I called Lawson,
01:15:06 He said, Bigfoot thing
01:15:10 Well, then he never saw R. Kelly's
01:15:14 But he said
01:15:16 he'd put us back on the air.
01:15:22 So get in the fucking car and let's go!
01:15:29 Get in there!
01:15:39 Excuse me. I didn't say... Hey, hey, hey!
01:15:41 Hi, Ed, how are you?
01:15:43 We got a shark episode
01:15:49 Hi, I'm Peter Gaulke
01:15:53 The ocean. Many words
01:15:56 And now you can add one more.
01:15:59 Why? The shark.
01:16:01 It was one year ago today,
01:16:03 that Danny was brutally attacked
01:16:07 by one of these killing machines.
01:16:10 In today's show, we'll be taking
01:16:16 that should be named
01:16:20 Menacing and terrifying,
01:16:22 the shark has been menacing
01:16:27 Sharks can only be found
01:16:30 the Northern
01:16:34 This shark is called a Hammerhead
01:16:39 These sharks
01:16:43 Yes, the shark is a... What the fuck!
01:16:46 Look at that thing's teeth.
01:17:13 Okay, you guys ready?
01:17:15 I've never been more ready
01:17:18 It's like that shark was gnawing on me
01:17:21 - This one's for you, Danny.
01:17:22 Three weeks old.
01:17:25 For you, Danny.
01:17:28 Oh, my God, it's gonna come up.
01:17:30 Give me that shit.
01:17:36 All right, let's do this.
01:17:39 All right, come on. Let's do this.
01:17:42 That's him. That's that same fucker.
01:17:44 There's a fin. I see a fin.
01:17:46 - I see it, too.
01:17:47 We got something for you,
01:17:52 Oh, my God, he's...
01:17:58 That was awesome.
01:18:01 Fuck you, motherfucker!
01:18:10 That did it.
01:18:13 Pete...
01:18:15 Pete, people love shark attacks.
01:18:17 Besides, Pierson's dead,
01:18:20 Besides, Pierson's dead,
01:18:26 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.