Suburban Girl

en
00:03:00 Hobby of yours?
00:03:02 Let me guess, you're the author?
00:03:04 No. I just... I felt compelled, really.
00:03:10 I mean, you have to admit it's a little unfair.
00:03:12 You know, you have
00:03:14 and not a single copy
00:03:18 New York Times noteworthy
00:03:25 So you're an editor at Gitlin & Stern?
00:03:28 Associate, actually. But yes.
00:03:31 Hopefully, if this book hits,
00:03:34 Then I'll get invited to
00:03:38 And guess who's gonna be my plus one?
00:03:43 You should take this up with Archie Knox,
00:03:45 the editor-in-chief of Stratharen Publishing.
00:03:49 - I know who Archie Knox is.
00:03:51 you know Mr. Knox personally inspects
00:03:55 And if he sees your insignificant book
00:03:58 occupying his author's significant space,
00:04:02 I guarantee you'll spend
00:04:05 editing Teletubby books.
00:04:14 Put those books back!
00:04:37 Why not use a pen?
00:04:41 Maybe then you wouldn't change
00:04:56 You know what? Hell with it. Taxi!
00:04:58 Chloe! I'm here!
00:05:03 - You are totally late.
00:05:05 - I'm sorry, I was totally stuck in traffic.
00:05:08 Do you have any idea what standing in front
00:05:13 You used to love libraries.
00:05:17 I think you had sex in one.
00:05:22 Why are we here?
00:05:23 Because I'll never make full editor
00:05:26 Okay.
00:05:27 And he is one of them.
00:05:30 - That's Archie Knox.
00:05:32 He's a legend in my business.
00:05:34 My Aunt Hilda used to hang out with him
00:05:37 She said that he was so charming,
00:05:40 Makes sense. Dogs follow dogs.
00:05:42 MAN ON MICROPHONE: Okay, everybody.
00:05:46 Mr. Archie Knox.
00:05:48 Mr. Knox has been
00:05:51 Without further ado,
00:05:54 Everybody, Mr. Archie Knox.
00:06:07 Make sure that you read this with food.
00:06:10 - Not on an empty stomach, okay?
00:06:13 Is there anyone special I can make it out to?
00:06:16 Oh, that's okay, you don't have to sign it.
00:06:21 Well, I think that qualifies you
00:06:26 Here you go.
00:06:30 - How about you?
00:06:31 Stop flirting, Mickey.
00:06:35 There he goes again.
00:06:39 You can make it out to Brett.
00:06:41 Let me guess.
00:06:44 Brett Ashley in The Sun Also Rises.
00:06:46 My father's a doctor.
00:06:49 But yes, I was named after that character.
00:06:52 My brother's named Ethan.
00:06:55 After Ethan Frome.
00:06:58 Well, as I always say, better to be named
00:07:03 A tragic, desperate man with an ugly scar
00:07:08 Exactly.
00:07:15 Now, Brett, what are you doing here
00:07:19 I work at Gitlin & Stern.
00:07:20 Really? You know, I knew Jake Gitlin
00:07:23 before they killed each other in a duel.
00:07:25 - That's just industry lore.
00:07:27 If memory serves, they were both on horses
00:07:31 Used copies of Les Misérables as weapons
00:07:36 - I heard it was Brothers Karamazov.
00:07:38 Gitlin and Stern were both Francophiles.
00:07:40 They would never use a Russian novel
00:07:44 - Are you...
00:07:49 I will have the crêpes suzette. Thank you.
00:07:52 She's too young to be having dessert first,
00:07:55 so would you bring her the niçoise salad
00:07:58 Very good, Mr. Knox.
00:08:04 I apologize, that's so rude.
00:08:08 - Is that one of those...
00:08:10 It's reminding me that I should be reading
00:08:17 - You don't have one?
00:08:20 It can fix your whole life.
00:08:23 Two ex-wives and a spiteful daughter
00:08:27 BoysenBerry.
00:08:29 Archie, darling!
00:08:31 Margaret. Margaret,
00:08:33 a rising star at Gitlin & Stern.
00:08:38 Archie.
00:08:39 I'm planning on throwing a party for Mickey
00:08:43 Isn't that a bit premature?
00:08:48 Margaret has predicted
00:08:51 Thirty-six.
00:08:53 Maggie the Greek.
00:08:56 By night, a Park Avenue bookie.
00:08:59 I'll be calling you next month
00:09:02 In the meantime, try to be a good boy
00:09:04 and don't keep the little gazelle up
00:09:08 Come on, darling.
00:09:10 Leon.
00:09:12 Wait, was that really Margaret Paddleford?
00:09:15 No, it was Norman Mailer in a dress.
00:09:24 Have a Twizzler?
00:09:26 Anyway, the author's complaints are making
00:09:30 I mean, he's whining about the cover art,
00:09:32 he's complaining
00:09:34 He even hates his publicity photo,
00:09:37 to make him look like Dorian Gray.
00:09:39 Ask to be taken off the project.
00:09:41 I'm the one who brought the manuscript in.
00:09:43 Malt ball?
00:09:46 I'm a diabetic.
00:09:50 Sorry.
00:09:51 Just standing in this place is making
00:09:56 You were about to offer some advice?
00:09:59 Well, when it comes to writers,
00:10:03 Of course, if that fails,
00:10:05 who would spread the body parts
00:10:11 Serves me right.
00:10:12 My Great Aunt Hilda once told me
00:10:16 is to make people feel imperfect.
00:10:17 Sage advice.
00:10:19 Hilda?
00:10:22 What did you say your last name was?
00:10:24 Eisenberg.
00:10:27 Dear God! You're not related to...
00:10:29 - I'm her grand-niece.
00:10:31 - Yes.
00:10:33 You know, the first time I met her
00:10:38 It was Hemingway's favorite restaurant,
00:10:41 and Hilda got incredibly drunk
00:10:43 and she bet me that she could punt
00:10:46 across the entire length of the dining room,
00:10:50 Won a hell of a lot of pesetas.
00:10:53 - You wrote a book?
00:10:55 Years ago.
00:11:01 Dear Hilda. She was
00:11:06 Let me see your face.
00:11:09 I can see her in your eyes.
00:11:31 This is me.
00:11:33 You live in Hilda's old apartment?
00:11:36 - You've been here?
00:11:41 Her parties were legendary.
00:11:43 Well, she left it in the family
00:11:53 I have a boyfriend.
00:11:56 I have a goldfish.
00:11:58 Well, then...
00:12:02 Is he in there? The boyfriend.
00:12:04 No. Actually, he's...
00:12:07 He's over there.
00:12:09 - Papaya King?
00:12:12 He's finding himself.
00:12:14 Why did he have to travel 3,000 miles
00:12:21 What do I know?
00:12:24 Good night, Pumpkin.
00:12:28 Good night.
00:13:24 - Hey.
00:13:39 Uh-huh.
00:13:41 Uh-huh.
00:13:44 Okay, so what's the cost difference between
00:13:46 a partial ocean view and a full ocean view?
00:13:51 Excuse me?
00:13:54 Let me speak to my boss
00:13:57 Why are you in my office?
00:14:01 I knew no one was gonna tell you,
00:14:04 - Am I fired?
00:14:06 and speak to Faye. She'll explain everything.
00:14:09 - Who's Faye?
00:14:13 Oh, it feels good. The burn.
00:14:41 Can you give me a hand here?
00:14:44 - You must be Katie.
00:14:47 Oh, right. The one with the office.
00:14:50 I'm your new boss, Faye Faulkner.
00:14:56 Yes. That Faulkner.
00:14:59 - What happened to Dorrie?
00:15:04 Metaphorically speaking, of course.
00:15:05 You see, Dorrie was
00:15:08 for something that no longer exists.
00:15:10 A great novelist.
00:15:12 Sorry about your office, by the way.
00:15:13 My assistant Jason needed some privacy
00:15:17 but I'll be sure you get it back
00:15:20 Sure. It's no problem.
00:15:22 In the meantime, just go about your work
00:15:25 until the evaluation process ends, hmm?
00:15:28 Okay.
00:15:34 Oh, wait. One more thing.
00:15:37 Faye Faulkner.
00:15:39 Jean-Claude.
00:15:49 It's a private invitation
00:15:52 Forty off. Enjoy.
00:16:10 - What happened?
00:16:13 Damn it. After I spent a year
00:16:16 Oh, the news gets even worse.
00:16:20 Oh, God, no. My friend worked for Faye
00:16:24 Told me she'd rather work for Al Qaeda.
00:16:27 She's not wearing any underwear.
00:16:31 She probably slept her way over here.
00:16:33 Seaver, not every successful woman
00:16:37 The pretty ones do. The ugly ones can't.
00:16:45 You should see the idiot they put
00:16:48 I'm stuck in this cubicle.
00:16:50 Well, it's just Dorrie was the one
00:16:53 She even thought I could make editor
00:16:56 Now that she's gone every one
00:16:59 ROBERT: Well, let's see what develops
00:17:03 No reason to panic yet. Okay?
00:17:06 - Okay. I love you, Daddy.
00:17:11 Some dude called for you.
00:17:13 What?
00:17:15 One of your calls got misdirected.
00:17:19 or Archie. He left a voice mail.
00:17:34 VOICE MAIL: Mail box 107.
00:17:37 ARCHIE: It's Archie.
00:17:38 You sound hungry
00:17:41 so I decided to cook you dinner tonight.
00:17:44 8:30. 159 East 61st Street.
00:17:48 See you then. Oh, don't forget a chaperone.
00:19:10 Holy shit.
00:19:29 How do I look?
00:19:42 No chaperone?
00:19:44 I switched cars. I think I lost him.
00:19:58 How about a tour?
00:20:11 This is my daughter's room.
00:20:13 - She likes Coltrane?
00:20:20 Who's that?
00:20:22 That's Milan Kundera.
00:20:26 I knew that.
00:20:33 - Master bedroom.
00:20:38 I'll be up soon, darling.
00:20:41 Don't be silly,
00:20:50 And the next day she was gone.
00:20:53 Dorrie was the closest thing
00:20:57 So now you have to take your marching
00:21:02 Well, she's a Brit, but claims to be related
00:21:08 Maybe I should change
00:21:11 Thank you.
00:21:14 You're not drinking?
00:21:17 I'm an alcoholic.
00:21:24 - You're not joking.
00:21:27 I'm sorry.
00:21:30 I did it again.
00:21:38 I'll have three years sober this May.
00:21:42 I'll be three years legal this May.
00:21:49 So...
00:21:52 Who's this On the Road fella of yours?
00:21:55 - Jed.
00:21:58 That's his name? Jed?
00:22:05 Does he make you happy?
00:22:08 Sure.
00:22:11 You know Dante's definition of hell?
00:22:14 Give me a minute.
00:22:16 "Proximity without intimacy."
00:22:20 Dante never said that.
00:22:23 Of course he did.
00:22:26 Didn't he?
00:22:32 Well, I'll be damned.
00:22:36 You're right.
00:22:51 Don't forget this.
00:22:54 What is it?
00:22:56 To answer that question would make this
00:23:03 No, no, wait until you're alone.
00:23:05 It'll be more dramatic that way.
00:23:09 Is this all some sort of experiment?
00:23:11 To see how long it takes
00:23:15 Seduce? Why would I want to do that?
00:23:18 Think about it.
00:23:23 What would be the point of seducing you?
00:23:38 Stop by if you change your mind.
00:23:43 Any time of the night or day.
00:24:21 Surprise!
00:24:23 Ted!
00:24:28 God! When did you get back?
00:24:30 Just a couple of hours ago.
00:24:32 Well, why didn't you tell me?
00:24:36 Well, I wanted to surprise you.
00:24:38 You did.
00:24:40 I had to make sure
00:24:45 God-fearing,
00:24:48 woman
00:24:49 while I was on the front.
00:24:54 Know what I really missed?
00:24:57 Your grilled cheese.
00:26:15 ARCHIE ON VOICE MAIL:
00:26:18 I left a little present for you
00:26:23 Hope you don't mind.
00:26:46 Jed, I...
00:26:47 - I think there's someone else.
00:26:50 There's someone else!
00:26:53 Jesus, B, there's no one else.
00:26:57 Okay, look, I might have hooked up
00:27:00 but I swear it was temporary insanity.
00:27:03 Jed, for once in your life, listen to me.
00:27:06 Okay? I'm telling you
00:27:13 Quit fooling around. I really missed you...
00:27:15 No, you didn't.
00:27:18 In six months I got one postcard.
00:27:22 From Sweden.
00:27:25 Now I know why.
00:27:29 Come on, Brett,
00:27:33 Look how romantic I'm being?
00:27:36 - Come on, give me a chance.
00:27:40 And you know what you did?
00:27:41 You went to Europe without me.
00:27:49 Will you at least put me up for a few weeks?
00:27:56 On the couch.
00:27:59 For me or you?
00:28:11 You ready?
00:28:13 Did Van Gogh have one ear?
00:28:16 I just need to get my bag. I'll be a second.
00:28:21 You're pretty chipper for a girl in mourning.
00:28:24 Mourning? Over Jed?
00:28:26 Give me a little more credit than that.
00:28:27 Oh, really? I thought for sure
00:28:31 Is that the only decent excuse for a visit?
00:28:35 Well, you guys have been together
00:28:38 Six months of which he spent in Europe
00:28:40 suffering from a peculiar form
00:28:43 Yeah.
00:28:44 Why? Don't you think
00:28:47 Well, how I felt about Jed
00:28:52 Even more so now that you two are
00:28:57 You know, I think I've met
00:29:01 That fast, huh?
00:29:03 - He's an editor.
00:29:07 He used to be friendly with Aunt Hilda.
00:29:10 He is really more of a friend, though.
00:29:13 Have I ever told you that you've perfected
00:29:17 Well, the Hippocratic oath is very clear.
00:29:22 Especially to daughters.
00:29:24 So, what else do we absolutely,
00:29:29 - Oh! A pair of Gucci shoes.
00:29:34 Even better.
00:29:37 Now, you promise me that you're gonna
00:29:41 With or without batteries?
00:29:44 - I love you.
00:29:54 What is it, honey?
00:29:56 I just miss you, Daddy. That's all.
00:30:01 I know.
00:30:51 Shut up.
00:31:02 Well, what have we here?
00:31:49 Looky what I got.
00:31:51 A final copy of the Jane Shanning book
00:31:53 No way! I've been reading so much lately,
00:31:57 Hey, guys.
00:32:00 What's the matter?
00:32:02 No acknowledgment.
00:32:05 Six months editing a book on penguins
00:32:09 Don't feel bad.
00:32:11 passed me over for his dental hygienist.
00:32:13 Maybe I can cheer you up. I got tickets
00:32:17 Thanks, but Archie and I are going
00:32:21 What, is he too cheap to pony up
00:32:23 Archie detests the Hamptons.
00:32:25 He says sitting on the LIE is
00:32:30 This is top priority.
00:32:33 Have a terrific weekend.
00:32:37 Especially you. I haven't met you.
00:32:40 It doesn't matter. I like the whole denim,
00:32:45 Oh! I need coffee. Stat.
00:32:50 How's the book?
00:32:53 Faye's giving me everything
00:32:56 Mafia wars, Victorian epics,
00:33:00 If I get a celebrity bio,
00:33:04 Want me to make some calls?
00:33:06 I'm kidding.
00:33:08 - I'm kidding.
00:33:11 I think you're just jealous of my hat.
00:33:32 - Hey, Arch?
00:33:35 - Who were you on the phone with?
00:33:40 You told me that your daughter
00:33:42 I left her a message.
00:33:45 That's not what I mean.
00:33:48 Why today, while peeing in the bathroom
00:33:53 did you suddenly have the urge to call her?
00:33:55 Because it's her birthday.
00:34:00 Maybe you should think
00:34:03 - Already did.
00:34:05 A BoysenBerry.
00:34:10 You know, you never told me, not exactly,
00:34:14 why she won't talk to you.
00:34:19 Bless that girl, I think she would have
00:34:24 The cheating, the drinking,
00:34:29 But there's one thing
00:34:30 And that's that I didn't fight for her love.
00:34:34 I ran.
00:34:36 I think if I had just tried to get custody,
00:34:41 everything would be different now.
00:34:45 Thanks for telling me, Archie.
00:34:50 Number 51, your order's ready.
00:34:53 I'll get the food.
00:35:10 What's the matter, kiddo?
00:35:12 I think I'm having
00:35:18 You want my help?
00:35:20 No.
00:35:22 - Okay.
00:35:27 These are all for Faye?
00:35:29 Mostly.
00:35:31 I've actually read a lot of them.
00:35:32 I just couldn't make a decision
00:35:35 So I re-read them
00:35:38 Now I can't reject anything at all.
00:35:41 Well, it's perfectly natural to doubt your
00:35:47 Let's see what you're reading.
00:35:50 "They did good rowing, Dave and Michelle.
00:35:52 "When she was pregnant with Carl,
00:35:56 "Her body always assailed him
00:35:59 "wanting to possess it and yet repelled.
00:36:02 "Her marbled belly,
00:36:06 "the way they tipped him into revulsion."
00:36:12 You read this whole thing?
00:36:15 Twice?
00:36:17 Including the 50-page description of
00:36:22 It's shit.
00:36:24 It's by a writer who wants to be
00:36:27 - What if he is the next Joyce?
00:36:29 I can't just say that. I mean, Faye wants me
00:36:32 You're an associate.
00:36:36 Okay. I want you to grab a pad, Eisenberg.
00:36:39 I want you to take a memo
00:36:43 This writer wants to be
00:36:47 maybe he is, comma,
00:36:48 but I can't get past the first chapter.
00:36:52 Period.
00:36:54 That's it?
00:36:55 And then what do I do
00:36:57 Tell her that writing reports is not
00:37:01 It's not an efficient use
00:37:06 Next batter.
00:37:09 Secrets Will Rise by Steven Freeberg.
00:37:13 I'll be up all night.
00:37:20 Now, that is sexy.
00:37:22 - Come on!
00:37:59 There's nothing wrong
00:38:20 Alcoholic. Diabetic.
00:38:22 More than twice your age.
00:38:24 And you still are really considering
00:38:27 I know, it's nuts,
00:38:30 but when I'm with him I feel like...
00:38:34 Funnier, smarter, sexier.
00:38:37 So you gonna bring him home
00:38:39 Why not? They can talk
00:38:44 What if he just starts making out
00:38:46 Or has a stroke.
00:38:48 Just keels over in
00:38:51 Don't let her scare you off.
00:38:54 Assuming, of course, you can ignore
00:38:58 Did anyone ask for your opinion?
00:39:00 - No.
00:39:02 Anyway, I have a hunch there's nothing
00:39:07 Well, you know what they say.
00:39:10 - "She wants it even more."
00:40:01 Snooping already?
00:40:05 Who are they?
00:40:07 Every woman I've seriously dated
00:40:12 Collecting them all in one book?
00:40:14 It's a little self-congratulatory,
00:40:16 Lauren, an ex-girlfriend of mine,
00:40:20 I can't ever imagine being secure enough
00:40:24 There's a strange phenomenon here.
00:40:27 As you get older,
00:40:30 Oh.
00:40:31 That's Lauren. Right there.
00:40:34 - That's Lauren Hutton.
00:40:37 Here's Elizabeth's mother. Here.
00:40:40 - Your first wife?
00:40:43 I was a professor, faking my way
00:40:47 And she came into my office one day
00:40:50 but was in love with me nonetheless,
00:40:54 What makes you think I want to hear
00:40:58 First of all, it's not a flock, it's a gaggle.
00:41:01 And second of all, this is my life
00:41:05 I see.
00:41:07 I got you something.
00:41:09 Oh, I hope it's what I want.
00:41:18 You might need these.
00:41:21 Oh, you're so mean.
00:41:24 "Thanks for letting me share your home,
00:41:29 XO.
00:41:30 The two-letter cop-out for those who are
00:41:35 Just open it.
00:41:39 Great Scott!
00:41:43 I've entered the 21st century!
00:41:49 I think it needs a Valium.
00:41:51 I sent you a text message.
00:41:54 - Click the wheel on the right twice.
00:41:56 Yes.
00:42:00 What do I do now?
00:42:01 Read it.
00:42:04 Really?
00:42:12 On the stairs?
00:42:29 - These notes are great.
00:42:32 But the reader's reports you wrote before
00:42:36 Reports don't seem
00:42:45 I guess notes are fine.
00:42:49 Now, I've just completed
00:42:53 And it seems there's a book
00:42:56 Peanut Butter Blues, by Leonard Putterman.
00:42:59 That's a pet project of mine.
00:43:01 That's quite an advance for a story
00:43:05 Arachibutyrophobia.
00:43:07 - I beg your pardon?
00:43:10 Arachnophobia is the fear of spiders.
00:43:13 Arachibutyrophobia is
00:43:16 to the roof of your mouth.
00:43:23 The book could strike a nerve.
00:43:27 Yeah.
00:43:29 Do yourself a favor.
00:43:33 - Understood?
00:43:40 Did Archie tell you to say that?
00:43:49 That's what he used to tell me to say.
00:43:53 "Reports don't seem
00:44:09 You going my way?
00:44:13 Hey, guess who called me today?
00:44:15 - I don't know. Who?
00:44:18 The first time in two years.
00:44:23 - I guess so.
00:44:25 I would get us all tickets to go
00:44:27 - What do you think?
00:44:37 You know, Archie, if you want
00:44:41 maybe you should ask her
00:44:44 Look, I know this is awkward.
00:44:47 But I thought if you would come with us,
00:44:53 maybe I wouldn't bungle the whole evening.
00:44:57 You know what I'm saying?
00:45:01 I don't think that's such a good idea.
00:45:09 Hey.
00:45:14 - I don't get it.
00:45:16 What's wrong with what I'm wearing?
00:45:18 It's... It's perfectly fine.
00:45:22 "Perfectly fine?"
00:45:24 My friend just won the Pulitzer Prize.
00:45:26 Would you indulge me?
00:45:29 I like what I'm wearing.
00:45:31 My father bought me this dress.
00:45:36 He's infantilizing you a bit, just a little bit.
00:45:41 ...asexual.
00:45:44 You'd prefer a crotchless teddy?
00:45:47 Look, that dress says, and very lucidly,
00:45:51 that you're an associate editor
00:45:54 who just got off the bus
00:45:59 Don't make fun of my family.
00:46:00 How could I make fun of people
00:46:02 Archie, why are you picking on me?
00:46:05 - Look at this dress!
00:46:12 Where is Brett?
00:46:14 Where did she go?
00:46:18 I want my Brett back.
00:46:34 Archie, darling, come in, come in!
00:46:37 You remember Brett.
00:46:39 Well, yes, of course. Hello, dear.
00:46:41 Good evening, Miss Paddleford.
00:46:43 Stunning dress!
00:46:45 Perhaps next time
00:46:48 It's so much more appropriate
00:46:51 Archie, you have to come
00:46:54 One of your secret admirers is here
00:46:59 or her life will be empty.
00:47:02 I think she likes you.
00:47:03 Sid, there's someone
00:47:10 - Hey, there.
00:47:11 Can I get you something?
00:47:13 Yeah. I'm looking for a drink that
00:47:17 Coming right up.
00:47:37 - I'm scared.
00:47:39 Now you are among
00:47:43 and Updike and Bellow.
00:47:46 Did you guys know that Pulitzer winners'
00:47:50 Did you know that Mickey used to send
00:47:53 on the eve of the publication of his books?
00:47:56 Did you guys know
00:47:58 - What?
00:48:03 Yeah! No, that's right.
00:48:05 Archie Knox
00:48:09 You know, really, though,
00:48:10 a smashing couple. Sound and Fury.
00:48:13 But what I don't understand is why
00:48:17 Do you think you're channeling the
00:48:22 Better than the spirit of Miss Havisham.
00:48:24 Wasn't it William Blake who said that
00:48:28 eating or drinking?
00:48:30 It was Byron.
00:48:33 Now if you'll all excuse me,
00:48:42 How could you not tell me?
00:48:44 Because I knew how much
00:48:46 and I didn't want to ruin it for you.
00:48:47 Oh! All this time...
00:48:50 All this time she knew and I didn't.
00:48:54 Do you have any idea
00:48:56 - Why are you so...
00:49:01 Okay. What if your CEO got fired
00:49:05 and then you find out
00:49:09 smarter than you, someone
00:49:13 better looking than you, someone
00:49:16 younger than you,
00:49:20 And then you find out
00:49:23 he slept with me.
00:49:25 Wouldn't you feel the least bit threatened?
00:49:30 Oh, sorry, that's right. You're Archie Knox.
00:49:34 Editor-in-chief of Stratharen Publishing!
00:49:38 This man who needs to just be
00:49:41 No, no. To be just.
00:49:45 What does justice have to do with it?
00:49:47 No, no, no, no. You said "to just be."
00:49:50 That's wrong. That's splitting the infinitive.
00:49:54 It's "to be just."
00:49:59 Are you correcting my grammar right now?
00:50:02 I'm trying to make you better.
00:50:05 Oh!
00:50:07 What if I don't want to be better?
00:50:10 Well, then you'll be
00:50:19 Where are you going?
00:50:22 To the bathroom.
00:50:24 No, don't worry.
00:50:27 No, no, seriously. I'm potty trained.
00:50:36 Don't be a fool, Archie.
00:50:50 I feel like a bimbo.
00:50:52 Bimbo is masculine.
00:50:55 Bimba would be more accurate.
00:50:57 Can't we just speak like
00:51:00 What kinds of things do regular people say?
00:51:02 They say things like,
00:51:05 "I'm sorry, babe.
00:51:10 I'm sorry, babe.
00:51:14 Damn right, you should have.
00:51:18 From now on, full disclosure.
00:51:22 I promise.
00:51:23 No more veiled, ironic insults
00:51:27 That's history. From now on,
00:51:36 - Don't stop being you.
00:51:48 So, how'd my performance go over
00:51:51 Oh, you were the talk of the party.
00:51:53 Margaret said nobody's made a splash there
00:51:58 She'd be proud, wouldn't she?
00:52:02 Not as proud as me.
00:52:22 Can't we listen to anything
00:52:26 No talking in the library.
00:52:28 Come on.
00:52:35 For the last time,
00:52:38 and I want Elizabeth to think
00:52:52 I can't take it anymore.
00:52:54 Be honest.
00:52:58 You're hyper-editing.
00:53:01 I know.
00:53:02 You're treating it like
00:53:04 - It is a test.
00:53:08 You ought to be thinking about the author.
00:53:10 - Mr. Putterman?
00:53:13 Arch, I need to know if you think
00:53:18 You have no idea how smart you really are.
00:53:25 Now I can afford to make some promises.
00:53:28 Let's leave here, go home
00:53:34 You can't walk out on Citizen Kane.
00:53:37 That's cinematic blasphemy.
00:53:39 Oh. Well,
00:53:42 take me home, get me naked
00:53:49 - What is with you?
00:53:53 It just must be something you do to me.
00:54:00 Sorry.
00:54:03 Hello? Hi, Daddy.
00:54:07 No, I'm at the movies right now.
00:54:10 Okay. Love you, too. Bye.
00:54:17 You haven't told him about us, have you?
00:54:20 Of course I have.
00:54:26 Brett?
00:54:29 Jed! Hi!
00:54:32 What's the matter?
00:54:37 - Jed, this is Archie.
00:54:40 - It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
00:54:44 I'd like you to meet my new lady, Petal.
00:54:48 It's great to meet you, Petal.
00:54:52 She's much prettier than you said.
00:54:54 You're much prettier than he said.
00:54:57 He's never mentioned you.
00:55:00 That's a great ensemble you got there.
00:55:02 Did you convert to existentialism?
00:55:05 Oh, Petal hooked me up with her stylist
00:55:08 TV show?
00:55:10 I'm on hiatus right now doing a play in
00:55:16 You were born to play that role.
00:55:18 She's taking me to the Emmys next week.
00:55:24 - Well, it was good to see you. We should go.
00:55:27 By the way, promise to tell your
00:55:32 Aren't her parents the greatest?
00:55:35 Yeah. Yeah, they are. Take care.
00:55:42 Daddy, I'm not sure
00:55:45 I feel like I'm getting worse instead of better.
00:55:49 You keep talking about
00:55:52 The real question is, do you enjoy it?
00:55:57 I might hate it.
00:56:00 Well, what about your dream of
00:56:03 Conquering the publishing world?
00:56:05 I can barely conquer my laundry.
00:56:08 Oh, my God.
00:56:10 I didn't even look at the time.
00:56:12 Is everything okay, honey?
00:56:13 - It's totally fine. I love you. Bye.
00:56:27 Hey.
00:56:29 I'm so sorry!
00:56:30 I was working on the Putterman book
00:56:35 Hey. Oh, Archie, come on,
00:56:40 - Where's Elizabeth?
00:56:43 Oh. She's late.
00:56:49 Come on, Brett. Wake up.
00:56:52 She's not coming. She blew me off!
00:56:55 Can't you wrap your little brain
00:56:57 But Archie, did you check your phone?
00:56:59 - She probably left you a message.
00:57:01 We know there's no message.
00:57:03 there was no message from you either.
00:57:05 The difference is that she has me
00:57:08 - I told you, I was working on my book.
00:57:10 You've got to stop and think
00:57:12 that tells people that you don't care,
00:57:15 You have to stop and think about
00:57:17 When you should be thinking about
00:57:19 When you should be thinking about me,
00:57:21 Damn it, Archie, I'm not your daughter!
00:57:25 Yeah, you know what?
00:57:28 But you can't blame me
00:57:41 You're right, I am a shitty father.
00:57:49 What was I thinking?
00:57:56 It was so awful.
00:57:58 He wouldn't speak to me all last night
00:58:00 So, Archie is acting like the
00:58:05 I'm ashamed to admit it,
00:58:07 but I think Archie's starting to make me feel
00:58:10 Do you know that I can't even remember
00:58:13 Or that I watched a movie on Lifetime
00:58:16 - I don't even get proofed anymore.
00:58:21 Thank you.
00:58:23 Is it possible that I've been wrong
00:58:27 That his attraction to me isn't about
00:58:31 but it's really about safety?
00:58:34 He's already lived my life.
00:58:37 There's nothing unexpected about me.
00:58:40 There's no problem that I can bring home
00:58:46 He thinks he has the right answer to.
00:58:49 But it works both ways
00:58:53 I need those answers.
00:58:55 So he's like this cheat sheet for your life?
00:58:57 Is that a good thing?
00:58:59 You really shouldn't pose
00:59:03 Oh, my God. Honey.
00:59:06 Someone is reading your book.
00:59:11 I don't believe it.
00:59:17 Key, please.
00:59:19 Thank you.
00:59:22 Arch! Arch!
00:59:26 Do you know that as we speak,
00:59:28 a woman's eyes are moving over
00:59:33 and my sensible, subtle sentences?
00:59:36 Don't you just love alliteration?
00:59:39 Arch? Do you hear me?
00:59:40 I made a mark on the world.
00:59:43 And I plan to celebrate by poisoning
00:59:47 So come on down
00:59:56 You must be Archie's daughter.
00:59:58 Elizabeth, right?
01:00:04 You have his smile.
01:00:06 His teeth are veneered.
01:00:09 Oh, well...
01:00:12 Maybe I'll see you around sometime.
01:01:00 Arch.
01:01:08 Who is she?
01:01:23 Who is she?
01:01:32 My way out.
01:02:18 So, you dating anyone?
01:02:20 No one special.
01:02:24 Whatever happened to that older guy
01:02:28 - I had to get rid of him.
01:02:32 Probably for the best.
01:02:35 Your brother's down. Alone this time.
01:02:37 I guess he broke up with the cosmetologist.
01:02:40 Why is it "probably for the best?"
01:02:43 What?
01:02:46 When I said I got rid of him,
01:02:50 Why?
01:02:54 I just want to know if there's something
01:02:57 Something I'm unaware of
01:03:01 You know, like a relationship Rosebud.
01:03:04 You finally saw Citizen Kane?
01:03:06 Yeah, Arch...
01:03:08 Stop changing the subject.
01:03:11 Well, yeah... Listen, if it's all the same, I...
01:03:15 I'd just soon buy you a sled.
01:03:30 - Hi, Mom.
01:03:34 - What's the matter?
01:03:38 What do you think? We had it repainted.
01:03:42 - What color is it?
01:03:47 No one can even tell the difference.
01:03:50 It looks much better.
01:04:14 Hey.
01:04:18 Hey, Ethan.
01:04:22 Dad's got cancer.
01:04:28 Well, it was really very easy to hide.
01:04:30 Up until this past month,
01:04:34 Plus I didn't really want it to interfere
01:04:39 You mean, my life.
01:04:42 Because, evidently,
01:04:47 I can't believe you told him first!
01:04:49 What does it matter who found out first?
01:04:51 Because it's not right to keep secrets
01:04:54 You're one to talk.
01:04:58 What's that supposed to mean?
01:05:01 I talked to Jed.
01:05:03 He told me all about this Eddie Albert guy
01:05:06 All right. Let's knock it off, kids, huh?
01:05:08 Dad, how much longer?
01:05:10 We can take it.
01:05:24 I made your favorite, honey.
01:05:30 Dad is dying and the only thing
01:05:34 is alabaster paint and soft-shell crab?
01:05:38 What is wrong with this family?
01:05:41 We gotta eat.
01:06:47 I brought sushi and you're gonna eat it.
01:06:51 So, what can I do to cheer you up, my love?
01:06:56 You could leave.
01:06:58 My newest, brilliant work of creation.
01:07:01 - It's cute.
01:07:03 - Try it on.
01:07:05 - I would love to see it on a regular body.
01:07:09 - Is this your idea of cheering me up?
01:07:12 - I hate sushi!
01:07:14 I saw Archie last night.
01:07:17 You did?
01:07:19 I'll tell you all about it
01:07:24 - How are we friends?
01:07:28 He was having dinner at Balthazar.
01:07:31 - Was he with someone?
01:07:35 The point is, Brett, he's obviously
01:07:39 and, you know,
01:07:41 maybe it's time for you, too, babe.
01:07:44 Honey. Your break-up diet
01:08:05 - Hello?
01:08:09 - Faye?
01:08:11 Binky Urban's having a cocktail party
01:08:14 So I need you to deal with Cas Coyote.
01:08:16 He'll be waiting for you
01:08:18 10:00 tonight?
01:08:20 Yes, he and his best friend, Jack Daniels,
01:08:23 They managed to slip in a few meetings
01:08:25 It's your job to guarantee Gitlin & Stern
01:08:27 the exclusive first look
01:08:30 - Understand?
01:08:32 - I don't think I'm the person...
01:08:33 Then stick a few Vicodin up your ass.
01:08:36 Look, darling.
01:08:37 You're not shagging our favorite ex
01:08:41 Oh, and I won't reimburse you
01:08:43 so no beluga and no Cristal.
01:08:45 That's champagne and caviar,
01:08:48 Thank you.
01:09:14 Excuse me, I'm looking for Cas Coyote.
01:09:25 Mr. Coyote?
01:09:29 Sure, sweetheart.
01:09:33 Oh! No, I'm... I'm Brett Eisenberg.
01:09:37 From Gitlin & Stern.
01:09:40 - Where's Faye?
01:09:43 She's having a little problem with...
01:09:45 With what?
01:09:47 Herpes.
01:09:54 Let's eat.
01:09:57 Two orders of beluga caviar.
01:10:00 WAITER: And for the young lady?
01:10:05 I'll... I'll have a crème brûlée.
01:10:10 So, Mr. Coyote.
01:10:12 Why don't you tell me about the memoir?
01:10:14 What it's about, how you see it?
01:10:17 Basically, I am seeking
01:10:21 an initial print run of half a million
01:10:25 Obviously, I'd want no books
01:10:28 plus a guarantee for a firm sale.
01:10:31 Absolutely. I mean,
01:10:35 Our subsidiary rights department is
01:10:37 considered the best in the business.
01:10:38 And our relationship
01:10:41 We have a direct department that...
01:10:43 CAS: Not a film sale!
01:10:45 A firm sale, firm!
01:10:49 Of course.
01:10:53 She's a flunky, Cas.
01:10:56 to buy us dinner and jerk you off.
01:10:59 Look, it's not my job to negotiate deals.
01:11:02 I help authors find their voice.
01:11:05 - Let's split, honey.
01:11:07 I'm sorry if I upset you.
01:11:10 I'm sorry I was late, honey.
01:11:12 Traffic was a terror.
01:11:15 Hey, Cas Coyote.
01:11:19 Archie Knox!
01:11:21 ARCHIE: I'm flattered you remember me.
01:11:24 Honey, this is the guy who introduced
01:11:27 Your chiropractor?
01:11:29 - Anyway, you mind if I join you?
01:11:33 Congratulations are in order
01:11:36 Looks like you're planning to sign
01:11:39 Well, we haven't actually settled on
01:11:41 Well, you better hurry. You have before you
01:11:46 I've tried to hire her myself for the last
01:11:49 You know why? She says I'm a letch.
01:11:53 Archie, you are a letch!
01:11:56 Something to eat, Mr. Knox?
01:11:59 Well, why don't you just ask Jacques to
01:12:02 Make sure you put this
01:12:04 And cancel
01:12:06 whatever the young lady ordered
01:12:16 Why do you think your Dad didn't tell you
01:12:20 He didn't think I could handle it.
01:12:24 You were right.
01:12:29 He can't stop treating me like a little girl.
01:12:32 Oh, no. He was trying to be noble.
01:12:44 How are you doing on the drinking?
01:12:49 I'm doing pretty good, actually.
01:12:51 I'm taking that pill that makes
01:12:56 went back to AA for a little refresher course.
01:12:58 You know what they give you
01:13:02 A plastic poker chip.
01:13:06 I wonder what they give you
01:13:13 You screwed it all up, Arch.
01:13:17 That's my raison d'etre, baby.
01:13:21 But if it makes you feel better,
01:13:25 And you should see Mickey.
01:13:28 Like his parents got divorced.
01:13:32 Well, the important thing is
01:13:39 Hey.
01:13:41 You want to
01:13:44 sleep over my place?
01:13:47 In the guest room?
01:13:53 I didn't catch that.
01:13:55 Yes.
01:14:10 Go away.
01:14:11 Go away?
01:14:13 Methinks me lady has flipped her lid.
01:14:17 You used to always want my input.
01:14:20 Well, I realized I was relying
01:14:24 I rely on your judgment.
01:14:26 I ask you to look over my work
01:14:29 You don't need my help, though.
01:14:34 Oh, really?
01:14:43 Move the dialog to the bottom of the page.
01:14:45 It will create more suspense
01:14:53 Psst!
01:14:55 You love me. Don't even try to deny it.
01:15:08 - Hi, Dad.
01:15:11 - Well, nice to meet you, Archie.
01:15:28 - Was the crab a little off?
01:15:31 - What vintage were they?
01:15:35 Me, too. It was very crabby. Arch?
01:15:42 Well, I do appreciate the attempt
01:15:46 It was a worthy effort. But let's
01:15:49 cut to the chase, shall we?
01:15:51 Robert, how old are you?
01:15:55 Fifty-seven.
01:15:58 And I'm 50.
01:16:00 So, that makes me younger than Robert.
01:16:05 So, everybody feeling good about that
01:16:09 I am very relieved.
01:16:12 Grow up, Ethan.
01:16:13 How old were you
01:16:20 Brett skipped the third grade.
01:16:26 Well played.
01:16:28 Honey? Why don't you come
01:16:32 - Yeah.
01:16:37 He's very charming.
01:16:40 Very handsome.
01:16:43 Clearly, very successful.
01:16:45 I don't need a recap of his resume.
01:16:49 I want to know if you like him.
01:16:53 What's not to like? He's very charming.
01:16:59 We need more cream.
01:17:14 Can't you find kids your own age
01:17:29 - Take as much time as you need.
01:17:33 But don't forget that I need you, too.
01:17:37 More than I've ever needed anybody before.
01:17:56 Because you may not think so,
01:18:01 From all the rest?
01:18:33 Brett? Honey. Wake up.
01:18:37 What is it? What's wrong?
01:18:39 Honey...
01:18:42 Archie's in the hospital.
01:18:46 His friend Mickey called a little while ago.
01:18:49 They brought him in late last night.
01:18:52 Severe front-to-back abdominal pain,
01:18:56 If I had to guess,
01:19:02 He's a diabetic.
01:19:06 Brett...
01:19:11 Is Archie alcoholic?
01:19:18 Yeah.
01:19:25 Look, you know I don't like
01:19:29 But this is the reason I don't...
01:19:32 That I'm worried about
01:19:38 If Archie isn't going to take care of himself,
01:19:42 someone else will.
01:19:47 I don't want
01:19:52 you to have to spend your life that way.
01:19:57 Where is he?
01:20:00 Manhattan Hospital. Come on, get dressed.
01:20:02 - I'll drive you back to the city.
01:20:06 Well, Mickey didn't exactly sound
01:20:09 He's a Pulitzer Prize-winning author.
01:20:12 Yeah.
01:20:14 And you're Brett Eisenberg, MD.
01:20:19 MD?
01:20:22 My Daughter.
01:20:55 Excuse me.
01:20:58 The Knox suite is right behind you.
01:21:02 Thank you.
01:21:04 Just a minute, miss. Sorry to bug you.
01:21:07 But your father hasn't filled out
01:21:11 - He's not my father.
01:21:14 I said he's not my father!
01:21:16 He's my boyfriend. I have sex with him!
01:21:20 Either way, he eats, right?
01:21:25 Right. Sorry.
01:21:36 He's my boyfriend. I have sex with him!
01:21:41 Great. It's the cast of Cocoon.
01:21:45 - Hi, Mickey.
01:21:47 - Oh, Mickey, your hugging hasn't improved.
01:21:53 - I think I'll go steal some drugs.
01:22:04 What are they feeding you?
01:22:07 I had asked for the antidote to you,
01:22:14 Here.
01:22:17 Am I ordering for two?
01:22:21 I have to get back home.
01:22:23 If you leave, I'm gonna put that in my book.
01:22:26 Oh, no. You are not writing a book about us.
01:22:29 Most women would be flattered.
01:22:31 Being a muse is demeaning.
01:22:33 Did you know that Renoir only used
01:22:37 I told you that.
01:22:40 How's your old man?
01:22:43 Which one?
01:23:01 Were you drinking, Archie?
01:23:04 Is that why you're here?
01:23:12 Actually, I've been drinking all along.
01:23:35 I wish you would have let me come
01:23:37 I could have wiped your tears.
01:23:42 I'll be okay. I promise.
01:23:44 I love you, babe.
01:23:48 I know. Thanks.
01:24:04 Need a push?
01:24:06 No, thanks.
01:24:12 I know I'm not Dad,
01:24:15 but if you ever need to talk to anyone
01:24:18 I could try and manufacture something
01:24:27 The only thing that I can't bear...
01:24:32 It's killing me.
01:24:36 Is the thought that he was worried about me
01:24:41 He wasn't worried.
01:24:44 How do you know?
01:24:47 I was here the morning
01:24:52 I don't understand.
01:24:54 Well, after he hung up the phone, I...
01:24:57 You know, I told him
01:25:01 if that's what he wanted.
01:25:02 Like a dying wish
01:25:06 - That's very comforting.
01:25:12 Anyway, he said, "Thanks,
01:25:17 "but I think Brett can take care of herself."
01:25:24 He really said that?
01:25:27 Oh, yeah. That's straight from the mouth
01:25:31 MD.
01:25:35 MD.
01:25:37 My Dad.
01:25:43 Thanks for offering
01:25:47 Anytime.
01:25:53 I don't think you wanna go.
01:26:47 Why do I feel like I'm about to enter
01:26:51 You're too skinny to play Hedda Gabler.
01:27:14 You look beautiful.
01:27:18 So, how's your mom doing?
01:27:22 She's okay.
01:27:24 Honestly, I think she's relieved.
01:27:27 It was hard for her. Watching him suffer.
01:27:34 Is that for me?
01:27:37 It's the rest of your things.
01:27:42 I hope that means they folded my socks
01:27:45 Definitely.
01:27:52 Do you have
01:27:58 Of course.
01:28:00 Would you take it out?
01:28:18 I don't think you did it right.
01:28:21 Let me try this again.
01:28:34 Read it.
01:28:56 I'm sorry, Archie.
01:29:12 You shouldn't be drinking soda.
01:29:16 - Why not?
01:29:19 No, not why shouldn't I be drinking a soda.
01:29:26 - Are you asking me to explain?
01:29:42 Because when I look at you,
01:29:48 I see a teacher.
01:29:53 But when you look at me,
01:30:00 Because you like to run away.
01:30:06 It's part of who you are.
01:30:12 Because, in the end,
01:30:15 a girl can't grow up until she loses a father
01:30:19 and leaves an Archie.
01:30:29 You'll always have your pick of women.
01:30:35 You know that.
01:30:38 Can't you at least pretend that the idea of
01:30:53 Is this a consolation prize?
01:30:57 No.
01:30:58 Should I open it now?
01:31:00 Maybe you should wait.
01:31:01 You know, it's more dramatic that way.
01:31:18 Does it have a happy ending?
01:31:21 We deserved one.
01:31:34 Goodbye, Archie.
01:31:42 Goodbye, Pumpkin.
01:33:06 - The End -