Super Troopers

en
00:00:59 No, man, I'm just saying'--
00:01:01 the beach property, right...
00:01:03 - Mm-hmm?
00:01:05 the sand and the water?
00:01:06 Nobody owns the water.
00:01:10 What if someone walks
00:01:13 Let's say if you do own it.
00:01:15 No, man, you don't own the beach.
00:01:17 What you own is sand on the beach, man.
00:01:18 Here. Here, man.
00:01:19 What if there's a naked girl on the beach?
00:01:22 That girl's not yours.
00:01:24 What if she breaks her
00:01:26 She could sue me.
00:01:29 Sue me! Sue me!
00:01:32 - Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
00:01:36 Ditch it, man! Ditch it!
00:01:38 - Dude, can you eat it?
00:01:42 Fuck it!
00:01:46 Hey, Mike, um,
00:01:50 - Those are 'shrooms, dude!
00:01:58 Mike, uh...
00:02:00 - I hate to ask, but, uh... for the team?
00:02:04 - No! Throw it out the window!
00:02:06 All right, I'm doin' a drop.
00:02:08 - I'm goin' for a drop.
00:02:12 - It's gone. It's gone.
00:02:14 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
00:02:16 - We're dead!
00:02:18 Windows down! Windows down!
00:02:20 Windows down!
00:02:26 All right, we're cool.
00:02:36 God, did you see that?
00:02:38 It must have been,
00:02:40 or something fuckin' cool.
00:02:42 - We was freakin' out, man.
00:02:47 Mike, you didn't eat both those bags,
00:02:49 Come and get it.
00:02:53 You must have eaten, like,
00:02:58 and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms, man.
00:03:00 Who's the man?
00:03:01 So, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna need
00:03:06 whenever you get a chance.
00:03:08 - Fuck, man.
00:03:15 Is that the same car, man?
00:03:17 - D-- Do I look high?
00:03:32 Here they-- Here they come.
00:03:33 Lick on it.
00:03:36 Be cool, be cool.
00:03:41 License and registration.
00:03:43 Uh, Officer, I know that--
00:03:45 License and registration, please.
00:03:47 The regis--
00:03:55 - You know how fast you were goin'?
00:03:57 - How fast you were goin'?
00:04:01 - Sixty-three.
00:04:05 the speed limit 65?
00:04:07 Yeah, it is.
00:04:10 - Where you boys headed?
00:04:13 C-- Canada. We're goin'
00:04:16 - for some french fries and gravy, sir.
00:04:19 Canada, huh?
00:04:24 - Are you okay?
00:04:28 - Yes, sir?
00:04:30 - Now, did you say, 'Yes, sir'?
00:04:34 - What'd you say, man?
00:04:36 but what, literally, I said
00:04:40 - So you are okay then?
00:04:43 - You smell somethin', Rabbit?
00:04:48 Now hand over that registration.
00:04:50 Yes, sir.
00:04:57 Holy, shit. This is-- This is-- This is--
00:05:01 - Oh, my God.
00:05:04 Am I fucked up or is this fucked up, man?
00:05:09 This shit is fuckin' crazy.
00:05:11 Shit, man. I was just
00:05:14 and put a cap in that pig's ass.
00:05:18 Oh, fuck!
00:05:23 Oh, my God!
00:05:26 Shit!
00:05:34 Fuck!
00:05:39 Pull the vehicle over!
00:05:41 - I'm-- I'm already pulled over, man!
00:05:44 I can't pull over--
00:05:46 He's already pulled over!
00:05:47 He can't pull over any farther!
00:05:52 License and registration, please.
00:05:56 - But I-- I just gave you it, Officer.
00:06:00 You know how fast you were goin'?
00:06:03 - Uh, sixty-five?
00:06:05 I'm freakin' out, man.
00:06:08 You are freakin' out, man.
00:06:13 You want to know why I pulled you over?
00:06:16 - Littering.
00:06:20 - Candy bars!
00:06:24 - And, uh--
00:06:26 Littering and, uh-- Littering and, uh--
00:06:30 Littering and, uh--
00:06:37 Littering and smoking the reefer.
00:06:41 Now to teach you boys a lesson,
00:06:43 and I are gonna stand here...
00:06:44 while you three smoke the whole bag.
00:06:47 Please, no.
00:06:48 - Please, yes--
00:06:50 Mother of God.
00:07:00 Whoo!
00:07:06 We're in high-speed pursuit of a white Miata
00:07:09 headin' southbound on 2-9-4.
00:07:11 Unit 91, come in, 91.
00:07:16 What are you doing out there, 91?
00:07:18 We got a hell-raiser in a white Miata.
00:07:21 Ninety-one, are you there?
00:07:24 Ninety-one, are you there?
00:07:26 Hey, good-lookin'.
00:07:39 - Whoo!
00:07:43 Let's go, 91.
00:08:34 Rabbit, get that gun out!
00:08:39 Aw, Mac, you fucker!
00:08:42 Greetings.
00:08:45 - You guys are too slow.
00:08:50 Mac, now I'm gonna pay you.
00:08:52 it was you the whole time.
00:08:53 Thorny, don't lie in front of the rookie.
00:08:56 It sets a bad example.
00:08:57 - Foster, where are your shoes?
00:08:59 the shoe police now?
00:09:00 I am, and you owe me
00:09:03 Your black magic only works on the rookie.
00:09:05 That's brown magic.
00:09:06 - Pay up.
00:09:09 You'll get your chance,
00:09:11 - Yeah.
00:09:14 - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
00:09:17 Jesus!
00:09:19 Sorry, boys, you're on duty.
00:09:22 - On your tab, Officer Womack?
00:09:25 Unit 23. Come in, 23.
00:09:27 Unit 23. Come in, 23.
00:09:29 Do you need me out there?
00:09:32 - Shut up, Farva.
00:09:34 Listen, we got the Miata.
00:09:36 What about those dopers you picked up?
00:09:39 Do you need my assistance?
00:09:46 The snozberries taste like snozberries.
00:09:55 - Oh, shit!
00:09:57 - Oh, shit!
00:09:59 - Get out of the car, man!
00:10:01 - Hello.
00:10:05 Yeeeee-hoooooo!
00:10:30 One, two, three, do it!
00:10:34 Oh, go, girlfriend.
00:10:38 Come on, Thorny.
00:10:39 It's embarrassing.
00:10:40 Come on, Rabbit.
00:10:42 Oh, Rabbit, he's killing you.
00:10:46 What's the matter, your mama
00:10:48 Come on, Thorn.
00:10:52 - Ohh!
00:10:54 I am all that is man.
00:10:58 - Every time.
00:11:05 See, there you have it.
00:11:08 Open your throat, relax the jaw.
00:11:09 Don't forget to cup the balls.
00:11:12 with those thin little bird lips you got there.
00:11:14 This guy's got these big old powerful lips.
00:11:16 Am I correct, Thorn?
00:11:17 So much of my authority is
00:11:20 Hey, guys.
00:11:27 Wow.
00:11:32 - Uh, do you have any more syrup?
00:11:37 Why couldn't they chug ketchup?
00:11:40 It's a good thing you
00:11:42 I mean,
00:11:47 You get the score of that
00:11:49 - I turned it off just after--
00:11:53 I will have the enchilada platter
00:11:57 - Smy?
00:12:01 I don't get it. Tacos?
00:12:04 They think I'm Mexican.
00:12:07 You're not Mexican?
00:12:09 Another highway cop?
00:12:12 Yeah, if they can figure
00:12:15 Ah, what the fuck?
00:12:18 - Hey, I saw that!
00:12:21 That's it!
00:12:30 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:12:32 - Cut it out, you turkeys!
00:12:37 I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys
00:12:41 they get a little antsy in their pantsy.
00:12:43 You just can't keep them under control.
00:12:45 You should keep these
00:12:48 Let's go.
00:12:52 * A-number one top gun cadets *
00:12:55 * In the name of justice
00:12:59 * Hail to thee dear old Paroon *
00:13:02 - Hail to thee!
00:13:04 - Hail to thee!
00:13:07 Hey, what's up, bone diddlies?
00:13:10 Sing it again, rookie bitch.
00:13:13 Farva.
00:13:15 - Forgot the coffee.
00:13:18 All right, all right.
00:13:22 I got the latest shit list, gentlemen.
00:13:24 It's down to Flagstone,
00:13:28 And if we keep up these low numbers,
00:13:31 we're gonna get the big, ugly ax.
00:13:34 - Who'll bust heads on the highway?
00:13:37 And you better believe
00:13:39 have got a copy of this list,
00:13:42 Who wants cream?
00:13:44 Nobody? Okay, no cream.
00:13:48 Foster, how many tickets
00:13:52 Uh, I don't have my figures
00:13:56 Three.
00:13:56 - I can't make 'em speed.
00:14:00 And grow a goddamn moustache,
00:14:02 I haven't shaved in two weeks.
00:14:03 - I'm growin' mine.
00:14:06 I'll tell you when
00:14:09 Coffee's served!
00:14:09 Oh, no! That's Rabbit's.
00:14:12 - I get it. It's Rabbit's.
00:14:15 Oh, shit!
00:14:18 - Awesome prank, Farva.
00:14:21 - Look, fellas...
00:14:23 Make him look like a dick.
00:14:25 every Thursday night I walk
00:14:30 and they always have my
00:14:33 - I like that.
00:14:35 Oh, hell!
00:14:40 We got 50 miles of highway.
00:14:43 I'll be damned if I'll let
00:14:46 get their hands on it!
00:14:47 Thorny, you're the ranking officer here.
00:14:50 Let's do your jobs
00:14:53 Let's do it. Farva!
00:14:55 Your suspension continues.
00:14:59 Oh, yes.
00:15:02 Oh. Oh, local Smokeys on our turf.
00:15:05 All right, hit it.
00:15:09 See, that's what O'Hagan
00:15:11 Hi. You guys forget what color your car is?
00:15:16 - Bye-bye.
00:15:18 - Bye-bye.
00:15:19 All right,
00:15:21 Cat Game?
00:15:23 Thorny did six...
00:15:24 - but I think you can do ten.
00:15:27 Starting right meow?
00:15:33 - Uh, sorry about that.
00:15:36 hand over your license and registration.
00:15:42 Your registration?
00:15:46 Oh.
00:15:46 Sorry.
00:15:48 There somethin' funny here, boy?
00:15:52 No, no, no.
00:15:54 Well, then, why you laughing,
00:16:00 - All right meow, where were we?
00:16:04 Am I saying 'meow'?
00:16:07 - I-- I-- I thought--
00:16:09 Meow, do you know how
00:16:13 Meow, what is so damn funny?
00:16:15 I could have sworn you said 'meow.'
00:16:17 Do I look like a cat to you, boy?
00:16:21 Am I jumping around all
00:16:24 - No. No.
00:16:26 - No.
00:16:30 Now you stop laughin' right meow.
00:16:33 Yes, sir.
00:16:35 Meow, I'm gonna have to
00:16:38 - But--
00:16:41 It's not so funny meow, is it?
00:16:49 Meow!
00:16:59 Ooo-wee-ooh!
00:17:03 Thanks for washing my car, Rook.
00:17:07 - You know what this is?
00:17:09 Ha! Lucky guess.
00:17:14 to myself.
00:17:21 - Think that's funny, do you?
00:17:24 Also heard something funny
00:17:27 Something about a school bus full of kids?
00:17:30 Oh, you heard that, did ya?
00:17:34 funny story, New Jack.
00:17:35 Back in '74...
00:17:37 the great Charlie Rich was
00:17:40 Then in '75, he had to hand
00:17:43 And you know who that was?
00:17:46 Mr. 'Sunshine on My Goddamn Shoulders,'
00:17:48 John Denver.
00:17:49 - Really?
00:17:52 - Wow!
00:17:54 - Amazing.
00:17:56 Well, I'll be damaged
00:17:58 his cigarette lighter...
00:17:59 and light that award on fire
00:18:03 Do you get it?
00:18:06 So you're saying you'll set
00:18:10 I'm saying when my suspension's up,
00:18:14 Or you'll light my ass on fire?
00:18:24 You wanna go?
00:18:26 Make your first move.
00:18:28 Hey!
00:18:30 but we got a 10-92.
00:18:31 You wanna take this one, Rod?
00:18:33 Hell, yeah!
00:18:33 I bet you do-- Ohh!
00:18:39 Nice wax job, Rook.
00:18:41 - Thank you, sir.
00:18:48 What the hell is this?
00:18:51 How'd the locals beat us here?
00:18:54 Look at this chump.
00:18:58 Take a walk, buddy,
00:19:00 Holy shit!
00:19:05 My Uncle Denny used
00:19:07 Rabbit, put your game face on.
00:19:09 You got it, boss.
00:19:13 - Hey, what the fuck?
00:19:15 Oh, yes.
00:19:20 Oh, man!
00:19:22 Take a walk, sonny.
00:19:23 This investigation is already under control.
00:19:26 Well, now it is.
00:19:27 - Hey!
00:19:28 the crime scene, rodent!
00:19:30 Rabbit. Hey, look at that.
00:19:36 - Quit slappin' me.
00:19:38 my rookie, Grady?
00:19:39 Hey, I'll touch you.
00:19:45 This is the Spurbury Police.
00:19:48 and come outta there!
00:19:54 Get the fuck out of here!
00:20:03 Glamor pet.
00:20:06 Okay. Let's cruise.
00:20:10 Sounds like y'all have a hog problem.
00:20:12 Oh, watch it, Mac.
00:20:13 Mac, I'm serious.
00:20:15 - He's angry? Well, hello.
00:20:20 - Smy, you mark it off.
00:20:23 What's the point? Didn't you guys
00:20:26 Oh, yeah, that's next week.
00:20:33 Your bust. You know there's
00:20:35 Move it, Ramashit!
00:20:37 - Take it up with O'Hagan!
00:20:51 Get off of me!
00:21:02 I'll give you the fat guy for Foster and, uh...
00:21:06 how about that stupid guy for Rabbit?
00:21:08 Well, you're gonna have
00:21:11 They're both kinda fat and stupid.
00:21:13 Get these damn handcuffs
00:21:17 - Cut him loose.
00:21:20 You want to tell me what bug
00:21:24 Yeah, I will tell you.
00:21:26 We are takin' it.
00:21:28 It's highway.
00:21:30 No. No.
00:21:31 This highway is closed.
00:21:37 Aw, fuck it.
00:21:48 Hey, Chief.
00:21:50 What in hell's gotten into you guys?
00:21:53 I told you to be good.
00:21:57 But you go ahead and get into
00:22:00 at a crime scene.
00:22:01 - But they started that fight.
00:22:04 Now they've taken
00:22:07 They want us to blow it.
00:22:10 I mean,
00:22:14 and you give them the investigation.
00:22:16 Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies.
00:22:24 All right,
00:22:29 I guess I just go take a shower then, huh?
00:22:34 Ow!
00:22:41 Strike three!
00:22:44 All right, good cut, Ruthie.
00:22:46 Next batter! Batter up!
00:22:51 But, Thorn,
00:22:53 maybe you could stick around here?
00:22:56 I don't know,
00:22:58 You can always come work in my shop.
00:23:00 Yeah, retired cop goes to work
00:23:04 in her head shop. Too sitcom.
00:23:06 Okay. You better pay
00:23:10 All right, Arlo.
00:23:12 You got it.
00:23:15 - Let's do it.
00:23:27 Whoa!
00:23:30 - Hey, you gotta keep on your toes.
00:23:34 Sorry-ass local cops.
00:23:36 You think you have a nice
00:23:38 based on professional courtesy
00:23:41 The next thing you know,
00:23:44 What? What?
00:23:46 I don't wanna get transferred.
00:23:48 Have to go be a rookie again
00:23:51 Don't worry about it.
00:23:52 If it happens, we'll, uh,
00:23:56 open up a roller disco.
00:23:58 Throw him the heat.
00:24:01 Uh, anybody want a corn dog?
00:24:05 See if they got any chocolate bananas.
00:24:10 Ohh!
00:24:17 Hey, Charlie's Angel.
00:24:19 Hey, congratulations.
00:24:22 person to say that to me.
00:24:24 - Oh. What do I win?
00:24:28 Ahh. There you go.
00:24:30 Hope I don't get brain freeze.
00:24:32 I'm not sure you've got
00:24:35 So, listen, I, um, had a really good
00:24:39 Maybe, uh, I don't know,
00:24:43 All right, all right.
00:24:46 You can slug me back if you want to.
00:24:48 - Really? Okay.
00:24:51 Hold my snow cone.
00:24:56 - Okay.
00:24:58 Hey, what happened over there?
00:25:02 What? Wh-- Why?
00:25:07 How about a little pep, hmm?
00:25:16 From those guys over there.
00:25:20 Assholes.
00:25:22 You want to move that,
00:25:25 - So, about my field time.
00:25:27 thinkin' a lot about that.
00:25:29 I think I might be able
00:25:31 - Pink stick, eat it or lose it.
00:25:36 I mean,
00:25:38 I'm goin' nuts being on
00:25:41 I'd like to get some field work.
00:25:42 Yeah? Why don't you take your radio
00:25:47 Move that gigantic cotton candy!
00:25:50 Goddamn it! How's the view
00:26:01 Hi. I'm looking for Chief Grady.
00:26:04 Grady's not here.
00:26:07 It's kind of important.
00:26:11 Nope.
00:26:12 What do you need?
00:26:14 There are no male officers around?
00:26:17 Just give me the file.
00:26:20 What's this?
00:26:23 So you originally from Vermont or, uh,
00:26:30 You know,
00:26:32 walkin' into the lion's den.
00:26:34 - Oh, I got brass buns.
00:26:39 What are your cells,
00:26:42 Ours are nine by nine.
00:26:45 Listen, you seem like a really nice guy,
00:26:48 but I just don't date cops.
00:26:51 I'm not much of a cop, really.
00:26:54 trapped in a cop's body.
00:26:55 Oh. Well, I hear you can
00:26:58 But then, I guess you'd miss out
00:27:01 you highway guys do.
00:27:02 Yeah, those stories about us
00:27:05 Except for the one about how
00:27:08 and then they flew us down
00:27:11 that one's true.
00:27:11 But, yeah, other than that,
00:27:15 Yeah, well,
00:27:20 All right, it's probably time
00:27:23 - I don't want to get fired too.
00:27:26 I'm gettin' shut down.
00:27:31 In our cells,
00:27:35 Right.
00:27:38 A couple of hyenas.
00:27:40 Well, you know,
00:27:44 - Come in, Radio.
00:27:48 Then don't call me Unit 91, Radio.
00:27:51 - Are you done?
00:27:54 We got a suspicious vehicle.
00:27:57 Tijuana-Gringo-Water-Fiver-Zero.
00:28:01 - Roger. Checking.
00:28:06 Unit 91, that license plate belongs
00:28:12 It does? Oh, my God!
00:28:14 - Very funny, 91.
00:28:21 Whoa! Looks like that truck's planning on
00:28:23 skipping the weigh-in.
00:28:24 Yeah, well, you don't weigh in,
00:28:27 Whoa!
00:28:29 trying to pull him over?
00:28:30 There's no fuckin' way that is happenin'.
00:28:34 - What the hell's he doin'?
00:28:39 Yeah. That's right, doofus.
00:28:45 You, uh, wanna do 'Repeat'?
00:28:49 Do you wanna do 'Repeat'?
00:28:51 No. I've been thinking a lot
00:28:55 I'd like to play it straight this time, okay?
00:28:58 Okay.
00:28:58 - For O'Hagan.
00:29:04 Good morning.
00:29:06 Would you mind stepping
00:29:07 your license and registration?
00:29:08 - Sure. I was just--
00:29:11 Would you mind stepping
00:29:13 your license and registration?
00:29:14 - Yeah. No problem.
00:29:19 No.
00:29:20 Excuse me one second.
00:29:23 Did, uh, I do something wrong, officers...
00:29:26 because I know I wasn't speeding.
00:29:32 - Why didn't you weigh in?
00:29:35 Did I miss that weigh station?
00:29:37 They got me runnin' so many miles...
00:29:39 I just must have dazed out and well--
00:29:41 I'll pull into the next one
00:29:43 What are you pulling back there?
00:29:45 Well, uh,
00:29:48 Why don't we take a look?
00:29:50 Listen, Officers, I'm on a really
00:29:52 Let's go, Mr. Galikanokus.
00:29:55 Well, you heard him.
00:29:59 Mr. Galonukum.
00:30:08 Hop on up.
00:30:10 Okay-silly-dilly-dokey-o.
00:30:13 Yeah, that's true.
00:30:16 Sorry about the light there.
00:30:18 I have a flashlight in the cab.
00:30:21 - Hey! Mr. Galikanokus!
00:30:24 Mr. Galikanokus!
00:30:27 - We should have seen that comin'.
00:30:30 - It is time to stop now, Mac.
00:30:34 time to stop now, Mac?
00:30:39 And that was the second time I got crabs.
00:30:42 - Awesome.
00:30:44 - Hey.
00:30:50 It stinks like sex in here.
00:30:52 What happened?
00:30:55 We got a little distracted by
00:30:58 - Huh. That'll happen.
00:31:01 Well, you did it this time.
00:31:03 Fishin' your car out
00:31:06 Oh, man.
00:31:07 Nah, we just parked it across the street.
00:31:11 All right, listen. Next time
00:31:14 I want you to stop,
00:31:16 and pull your heads out of
00:31:19 Language.
00:31:19 It's easy for you to say.
00:31:22 Yeah.
00:31:23 What's this guy movin'?
00:31:25 Soap, I think.
00:31:37 Reefer.
00:31:41 Whoo-hoo!
00:31:43 We should've built a
00:31:47 - That's a lot of pot.
00:31:50 with the Dead, Rabbit?
00:31:51 - Better lock this shit up, huh, buddy?
00:31:56 Enhance.
00:31:58 Enhance. Enhance.
00:32:03 Just print the damn thing!
00:32:05 All right, what do we know
00:32:09 It's a fake name,
00:32:11 - Bunty Soap?
00:32:14 What, plastic fake?
00:32:16 No, like they don't exist.
00:32:18 So, we got 150 kilos
00:32:21 We got nothin'.
00:32:21 I got a theory, Cap.
00:32:23 These, uh, bales of pot,
00:32:27 sticker on them.
00:32:28 And that dead woman
00:32:30 logo tattooed on her back.
00:32:31 See, a lot of drug dealers
00:32:35 products. Like a brand name.
00:32:36 See! Where'd you learn that,
00:32:40 Shut up, Farva.
00:32:43 Did that bag you pulled off those
00:32:45 Um...
00:32:48 I don't believe it did.
00:32:51 Was there any marijuana
00:32:54 Nope.
00:32:54 A monkey tattoo.
00:32:59 What's the significance
00:33:04 Uh, well, you know those really
00:33:09 No? This is basically
00:33:14 It's this monkey that basically
00:33:17 uh, doing nasty things.
00:33:19 His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh--
00:33:21 No.
00:33:21 It's really funny, Cap.
00:33:25 The monkey has a butler?
00:33:28 Is that what they do in Arabia, Thorny?
00:33:30 How the hell should I know?
00:33:31 All right. Somebody get me
00:33:36 I'll talk to Grady, see if he'll let
00:33:39 All right.
00:33:42 Okay, fellas, let's take it.
00:33:45 - Pull down your pants.
00:33:49 Come on, do it.
00:33:50 John. I'm not interrupting, am I?
00:33:52 Mad Timber!
00:33:53 - No. Come in, come in.
00:33:56 all the way around.
00:33:58 - Could I get in on that?
00:34:02 Excuse me. Good work.
00:34:04 Hey.
00:34:04 You're gonna have a hard time
00:34:06 right, Mr. Mayor?
00:34:07 We got a murder one day,
00:34:10 I'm thinkin' we need
00:34:13 - That'd be a good slogan, wouldn't it?
00:34:15 Tell that to the budget committee.
00:34:17 I just got off the phone
00:34:20 and she's gonna be swinging through here
00:34:21 on her way to Burlington.
00:34:23 Give me a gun, huh,
00:34:26 - Rabbit, run. Gun.
00:34:30 as far as this brawling with
00:34:32 It won't happen again, Bill.
00:34:35 Good.
00:34:37 'Cause when the governor
00:34:40 a little party.
00:34:43 We're gonna let her know
00:34:47 about its law enforcement.
00:34:49 Spread it on!
00:34:54 Come on, Dad!
00:34:56 So what's the deal with you and Bobbi?
00:34:58 Come on, Dad!
00:34:59 You guys are goin' out, but you,
00:35:03 Well, I mean, yeah.
00:35:07 It's sort of a long story,
00:35:10 Well-- Hey, Arlo, does Mom
00:35:15 - Any older boys?
00:35:18 In a minute, all right?
00:35:20 Does she have anyone over
00:35:23 Like Uncle Fred?
00:35:24 Uncle Fred?
00:35:26 He's this crazy bird on TV.
00:35:30 He's crazy.
00:35:32 Oh, right.
00:35:33 Uncle Freddy, he's great.
00:35:35 Okay.
00:35:37 We got one.
00:35:40 You wanna take this one, kid?
00:35:42 - What about you?
00:35:46 - You're okay, right?
00:35:48 - Go on. Make mama proud.
00:35:51 Yeah, Farva, I got a Porsche,
00:35:56 - Eight-Donna-Peanut-Eunuch.
00:36:05 Kill it.
00:36:10 Can I please see your license and registra--
00:36:13 I'm sorry, Officer,
00:36:17 I am so used to driving on the Autobahn.
00:36:20 Uh-- What?
00:36:23 ...Sean Cassidy.
00:36:25 Yummy, yummy.
00:36:31 Nicht?
00:36:34 Do you know why I pulled you over?
00:36:37 We were driving way too fast.
00:36:39 - Ja.
00:36:41 Officer,
00:36:43 because I cannot afford another
00:36:46 Is there maybe something
00:36:50 Or maybe my wife...
00:36:51 could do for you to avoid this dilemma?
00:36:54 Is there maybe something
00:36:59 Or maybe something you would
00:37:03 Uh, 'cause you were doing 90 in a 65.
00:37:07 Perhaps some spanking
00:37:11 Could you hold on a minute?
00:37:36 - Twenty-three, that Porsche is hot.
00:37:50 Rabbit?
00:37:52 - Please, Thorn, not now. No.
00:37:55 - Get over here.
00:37:58 - Ja.
00:38:00 Just one second, huh?
00:38:04 - What?
00:38:07 What? Stolen?
00:38:09 - Shit!
00:38:12 Hold on! Come on, Thorn,
00:38:16 Look, kid, any other day,
00:38:18 and show you how to swing.
00:38:19 But the car's stolen.
00:38:21 Goddamn it!
00:38:23 You got to get over there
00:38:26 Do it!
00:38:29 Cut it out! Do it.
00:38:32 Now turn that off
00:38:35 - This is no problem, hmm?
00:38:39 and spread 'em.
00:38:40 - Ah, now some fun for both of us.
00:38:42 Rabbit, get over there and cuff her.
00:38:46 - Up against the car.
00:38:49 to you, but would you--
00:38:50 would you please put
00:38:52 Now things are getting kinky.
00:38:54 Arlo!
00:38:56 - I love your--
00:38:58 Come in, Farva.
00:38:59 Arlo! Rabbit! Let's go!
00:39:05 Climb up on Uncle Rabbit's lap, Arlo, okay?
00:39:07 I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorn.
00:39:09 Uh, right.
00:39:10 Okay, why don't you just
00:39:17 Ursula, what the fuck?
00:39:20 What about the piece stuck to your shoe?
00:39:23 What about that piece?
00:39:25 Shit!
00:39:27 You know, you might get ahead around here
00:39:29 if you made the extra effort.
00:39:31 Do you want me to wipe your ass?
00:39:33 That's not what I--
00:39:34 Well, around my house,
00:39:39 - I'm not your wife, Smy.
00:39:43 you down a peg or two.
00:39:44 Ooh.
00:39:47 Hi, douche bag.
00:39:51 You know, if you were my wife...
00:39:54 I'd massage your feet every
00:39:57 Nice try.
00:39:59 He strangles her and
00:40:02 What an asshole.
00:40:06 Yeah. 'Jane Doe.' Do you know her?
00:40:09 Oh, we're working on it.
00:40:13 It's called routine police work.
00:40:15 Apparently,
00:40:17 tattooed on her back.
00:40:18 John Chimpo, I'm told.
00:40:26 And those cannabis bags in our truck...
00:40:28 those stickers had the same monkey logo.
00:40:30 So we think there might be
00:40:33 Are you suggesting that
00:40:36 bringing drugs into our town?
00:40:38 Look, I know we don't like each other.
00:40:41 I like you.
00:40:42 Come on! I'm looking
00:40:45 John Chimpo.
00:40:48 Hanson, could you round up,
00:40:52 and, uh, Jerry Giraffe and Arty the Alligator
00:40:55 and bring them in for a lineup.
00:40:57 - Thanks, sweetie.
00:41:01 That's what happens when
00:41:03 with a state trooper.
00:41:04 We show you the funny.
00:41:07 Well, where were we?
00:41:09 Uh, you were laying your best rap on me
00:41:12 and I was resisting.
00:41:13 But you were starting to think about it.
00:41:15 I told you.
00:41:18 Baby, I'm Sizzle Lean.
00:41:19 I scratched your back, Bruce.
00:41:22 Now, either you scratch my back
00:41:26 boot up your ass!
00:41:27 Desperation is a stinky cologne, John.
00:41:31 Let's see. You are an expendable
00:41:36 You have a station full of crappy cops.
00:41:39 I am about this far away
00:41:43 And now, you come in here talking about...
00:41:48 monkey tattoos on some
00:41:51 a goddamn drug conspiracy.
00:41:55 Keep your bags packed, John.
00:41:59 police work, huh?
00:42:00 Uh, John, when you do
00:42:03 talk to me.
00:42:04 I can always use a good meter maid.
00:42:18 Let it roll.
00:43:07 Come and get me, Mac.
00:43:45 - See you later, sucker!
00:43:51 Can't catch the Rabbit.
00:00:08 Out of the car, scumbag!
00:00:10 Well, hello, Shirley.
00:00:13 Come on, Farva, man.
00:00:16 What's Thorny going to say, Rook?
00:00:18 Honestly, Bobbi.
00:00:21 We don't want to leave.
00:00:23 I'll probably just get
00:00:26 It's a nice town.
00:00:27 I don't think it's
00:00:30 He's got a lot of real good friends here.
00:00:32 Who? That creepy kid with the lisp?
00:00:35 Hey. Stop jumping on the bed.
00:00:38 Look, I don't want to go without you.
00:00:41 - Then you should stay here.
00:00:45 Hey, stop jumping on the bed.
00:00:48 Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.
00:00:51 Hey, honey, it's almost Mitternacht, huh?
00:00:54 Uhh. We really should
00:00:58 You don't want us turning into pumpkins.
00:01:04 Thorn, can't they just stay a little longer?
00:01:07 All right.
00:01:11 - I want one. I want one!
00:01:19 - Spurbury Police.
00:01:21 Thank the Lord. It's terrible.
00:01:22 Oh, there's a disgusting
00:01:25 Ma'am, I need you to calm down.
00:01:27 I can't calm down!
00:01:29 - Ma'am, tell me your location.
00:01:33 on 323, uh, Karuna Street.
00:01:37 - That's this address, ma'am.
00:01:39 maybe you can see him.
00:01:40 He's right in front of the building.
00:01:44 Whoo-aaah!
00:01:47 Did you see him?
00:01:49 - He certainly is, ma'am.
00:01:53 to the window again.
00:01:54 Whoo-ooo-ooo!
00:01:57 Oh, the humanity!
00:02:02 Oh, no! I think he's going back again.
00:02:07 Freeze, motherfucker!
00:02:10 Oh, God! Please don't shoot me.
00:02:13 Drop your coat and grab your toes.
00:02:16 - What?
00:02:18 where the wild goose goes.
00:02:20 Oh, this isn't happening.
00:02:25 Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread.
00:02:32 You don't have these at your station?
00:02:37 I don't suppose you got a pair of fresh
00:02:39 underwear I could borrow?
00:02:41 I'm not sure you could fit into my panties.
00:02:51 You know, you can't tell anybody about this.
00:02:53 I already told my mom about you.
00:03:10 - Shit!
00:03:21 Wow! What is this?
00:03:27 Rabbit, you're off the road!
00:03:28 It's a good move, Cap.
00:03:29 Rabbit, you're on radio.
00:03:32 - Wait a minute--
00:03:34 to do about it?
00:03:35 My hands are tied!
00:03:37 Rabbit, you couldn't have
00:03:40 I got a Q-17 request form today.
00:03:43 We have to inventory our equipment.
00:03:45 Which means our balls are
00:03:51 What are you sellin',
00:03:53 - There's a new billboard.
00:03:56 Let me guess.
00:03:59 You just humped the mayor's wife
00:04:01 I'll do you one better,
00:04:04 So I'm walkin' down
00:04:07 minding my own business.
00:04:08 But there's something funny in the air.
00:04:11 I feel like I just gotta
00:04:14 So after I jimmy the door,
00:04:17 Bullshit.
00:04:18 I can see there's something
00:04:21 - So I busted it in.
00:04:23 And just sittin' there
00:04:26 of these mothers.
00:04:27 Let me get this straight.
00:04:31 scaled the fence...
00:04:32 broke into the Winnebago
00:04:36 all on a hunch?
00:04:38 I'll believe that when me shit
00:04:41 rainbow sherbet.
00:04:41 What? Do you think I just grew this weed?
00:04:45 How could you know to
00:04:47 It must have been my sixth--
00:04:51 You know, Rabbit,
00:04:53 know why he does anything.
00:04:54 - Disregard that, Rabbit.
00:04:57 to call in your partner?
00:04:58 So these local mothers
00:05:01 of chiba and don't know it?
00:05:03 Not a clue.
00:05:05 And Grady's walkin'
00:05:08 All right, we got a chance here.
00:05:10 But we got to beat these
00:05:12 Mac, you and Foster
00:05:15 and find out what you can
00:05:18 I'll talk to Grady and play a little hardball.
00:05:21 Thorny, I'm takin' a hard line.
00:05:23 You got to promise me no more bullshit.
00:05:26 Cap, you know I'm cool,
00:05:28 for these white devils.
00:05:29 Well, you're gonna have to.
00:05:31 Now, Rodney, we're under
00:05:36 Remember what we talked about.
00:05:39 count to ten,
00:05:41 Ten deep breaths.
00:05:43 Foster, you're on duty.
00:05:47 Trust me, skipper,
00:05:52 You are awesome.
00:05:55 You are incredible.
00:05:59 Keep goin'.
00:06:00 Uh, and then somebody said,
00:06:03 'Foster,
00:06:06 Hmm. I think you get a star.
00:06:12 Mm. Foster? Wait.
00:06:16 This steering wheel is jabbing my ass.
00:06:19 Oh, right.
00:06:33 Ow! Okay.
00:06:35 In New York City, a guy
00:06:37 two cops have sex in a cage.
00:06:39 Yeah?
00:06:43 Oh.
00:06:45 - Foster?
00:06:48 In our cruisers,
00:06:51 of the back seat.
00:06:54 Oh, fuck it!
00:07:02 Do we look like the two dumbest guys
00:07:04 in the world to you?
00:07:05 Is that why you choose to treat us
00:07:07 with such disrespect?
00:07:08 Look, all I'm sayin', man,
00:07:11 - I don't think so.
00:07:15 Mm, no fuckin' way.
00:07:17 Come on, Mac,
00:07:20 how funny Foster smells.
00:07:21 Oh, look out for Thorny,
00:07:25 Do I really smell?
00:07:26 All right, assholes,
00:07:30 Lock and load, Ramathorn.
00:07:32 We weren't talkin' about you,
00:07:35 Bullshit.
00:07:36 - Truck stop, huh?
00:07:39 But the captain didn't say anything
00:07:40 about going undercover.
00:07:41 Do you think they're gonna tell us anything
00:07:43 if they know we're cops?
00:07:44 Get a job, man!
00:07:47 You should know this.
00:07:48 - I am super.
00:07:51 until they replace the door you,
00:07:55 removed last night.
00:07:56 I told you it was those
00:07:58 Ah, yes, those ballsy little punks
00:08:01 while you were sittin' in the damn thing.
00:08:03 I told you I was in a very deep sleep.
00:08:05 Yeah. You wanna tell that to O'Hagan?
00:08:08 we can borrow his car today.
00:08:13 Do you even know how to drive this thing?
00:08:34 Shit! This rig sucks!
00:08:36 Aha!
00:08:46 Uh, who knew it was a stick?
00:09:00 How about we, uh,
00:09:03 and issue tickets
00:09:07 Only you, Farva,
00:09:12 - And, no, we're not doin' it.
00:09:15 Hey, I came up with a
00:09:18 Oh, yeah?
00:09:19 Get this.
00:09:23 and I'm Rod Farva-- Rod; car Ramrod.
00:09:28 Car Ramrod. You get it?
00:09:30 Yeah, I got it.
00:09:34 Rabbit, I got a Plymouth Voyager...
00:09:35 Say 'Car Ramrod.'
00:09:36 - Say 'Car Ramrod.'
00:09:39 Vermont plates-- Alpha...
00:09:41 God-Mustard-One-Niner-Decade-China.
00:09:45 Check it.
00:09:47 You didn't say it.
00:09:50 Oh, I forgot.
00:09:51 - Oh, yeah.
00:09:53 what game are we playin'?
00:09:54 - What? No games.
00:09:57 Let's play one of those games
00:09:59 You know, Mac and Foster...
00:10:01 did that thing, you know,
00:10:03 pussy the most.'
00:10:04 You know, actually,
00:10:07 say 'meow' ten times.
00:10:10 To the driver.
00:10:14 I realize that doesn't
00:10:16 Who can say 'meow' the most?
00:10:17 You guys are real crazy.
00:10:20 Hey, look out for these guys!
00:10:24 Hell, I can say 'meow.' I can say 'moo.'
00:10:27 For 20 bucks, I'll call the guy
00:10:31 Easy, Rod. Easy, Rod.
00:10:36 License and registration...
00:10:44 - Bruce? John O'Hagan.
00:10:47 I'm glad you called. Listen. I have
00:10:50 and he says that for twenty bananas he'll
00:10:52 provide evidence...
00:10:53 Johnny Chimpo is the pimp
00:10:57 Network whorehouse.
00:10:58 Look, I'm done dickin' around.
00:11:01 on your murder.
00:11:01 Who? Galikanokus?
00:11:04 No, we don't know where he is, but--
00:11:07 Then I don't see how you can
00:11:09 Okay. This is my last offer.
00:11:13 Either you let us in on this investigation...
00:11:15 or I'm gonna embarrass you personally.
00:11:17 Oh, how embarrassed?
00:11:19 Like, naked in a dream embarrassed?
00:11:21 No, no. Embarrassed like back
00:11:25 fuckin' your cousin embarrassed.
00:11:27 She's not my cousin.
00:11:36 Welcome to Dimpus.
00:11:38 Give me a, uh,
00:11:41 Double baco cheeseburger.
00:11:45 - Roger.
00:11:47 - He gonna spit in it now?
00:11:50 that so he makes it good.
00:11:52 Don't spit in that cop's burger.
00:11:55 - Yeah. Thanks.
00:11:58 Give me a, uh, pie.
00:12:01 Do you want me to hold the spit?
00:12:03 Just kidding,
00:12:05 So, do you want to 'Dimpisize' your meal
00:12:08 for a quarter more?
00:12:09 Want me to 'punchisize' your face for free?
00:12:11 Some male figure?
00:12:14 the whole transfer thing.
00:12:15 Oh, Christ.
00:12:18 You know what?
00:12:19 about this later, okay?
00:12:20 Okay. Bye.
00:12:23 - Now don't give me any lip.
00:12:26 look how much more you get.
00:12:27 - I said no!
00:12:30 Hey, listen, guy.
00:12:32 I can handle this, Ramathorn.
00:12:34 - I don't want it!
00:12:38 Gimme a, uh, liter of cola.
00:12:41 - A what?
00:12:45 'Leederacola.' Do we make leederacola?
00:12:48 Will you just order a large, Farva?
00:12:50 I don't want a large Farva.
00:12:53 - I don't know what that is!
00:12:56 for'give me some fuckin' cola before I break
00:12:59 both fuckin' lips.'
00:13:00 All right, all right.
00:13:05 - That look like spit to you?
00:13:07 - That look like spit to you?
00:13:09 Ah, fuck it.
00:13:12 Mm. I feel like a real cop again.
00:13:16 Well, I wouldn't get
00:13:18 it's not gonna last.
00:13:19 Bullshit.
00:13:22 All right, buddy.
00:13:23 We're about to get shut down anyway.
00:13:25 Oh, yeah?
00:13:28 What do you do if you get transferred?
00:13:31 I don't know.
00:13:32 Bobbi doesn't want to leave, and...
00:13:33 I don't want to leave her and Arlo, so--
00:13:35 Yeah, I don't know what
00:13:37 Who gives a shit?
00:13:40 bucks anyway, right?
00:13:41 Are ya? What are you going to do
00:13:43 And you can't say,
00:13:45 I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car.
00:13:47 Ah, good investment.
00:13:48 - But I'd pull you over.
00:13:51 - Oh, I could never catch you?
00:13:54 car's wings, and fly away.
00:13:56 I got a good feelin' about this.
00:14:00 Damn it, you burger punk!
00:14:03 You son of a bitch!
00:14:06 Aah!
00:14:21 Yeah, Burger Boy!
00:14:28 All right, all right, all right.
00:14:30 Cut it out, you guys.
00:14:33 Clear out of here.
00:14:44 I'm sorry about the delousing, Rod.
00:14:47 Standard procedure.
00:14:50 - It's powdered sugar.
00:14:54 - Listen, Rod--
00:14:57 Uh, good. Good.
00:15:00 Say, Rod, what are your plans
00:15:04 We're not gettin' shut down,
00:15:07 Maybe they're drug busters,
00:15:11 Nuh-uh.
00:15:13 Until this little incident.
00:15:15 Listen, Rod.
00:15:18 This whole murder thing,
00:15:21 to break it open...
00:15:23 but O'Hagan just will not
00:15:27 Now I've spoken to the governor myself.
00:15:29 She is gonna shut your station down, son.
00:15:31 It's gonna happen.
00:15:32 Now, I'm gonna have a bigger budget then,
00:15:34 and I could really use...
00:15:36 a good local officer like yourself.
00:15:40 - Could I go now?
00:15:43 Work on exciting cases.
00:15:46 drug dealers together.
00:15:48 Now, the thing is, Rod...
00:15:50 I really need to know about
00:15:53 O'Hagan's making all kinds of threats, and--
00:15:58 Can we make a deal?
00:16:02 I'm all highway.
00:16:13 Let him loose.
00:16:18 Sorry about that, bro.
00:16:32 Hey, Charlie's Angel.
00:16:45 - What's up?
00:16:48 Hey.
00:16:50 Well, we got about, uh,
00:16:52 - Farva went schizoid.
00:16:56 How did the undercover thing go?
00:16:58 Well, not so good.
00:17:00 Turns out, this guy can't drive a semi.
00:17:02 Yeah.
00:17:03 You guys watch that Johnny Chimpo thing?
00:17:05 - Funny, but nothin' there.
00:17:09 Mm, trust me, bro.
00:17:13 Maybe we should take another look.
00:17:48 That's it, you're off the road. Never again.
00:17:51 Sir, no.
00:17:51 - It was not my fault.
00:17:53 school bus.
00:17:54 You know, there was a time
00:17:56 out back and beat you.
00:17:57 Now you got your goddamn unions.
00:17:59 I'm not a pro-union guy.
00:18:00 And you're banned from Dimpus Burger.
00:18:04 Damn it!
00:18:05 Get some rubber gloves.
00:18:07 you're my cleaning lady.
00:18:09 Beat it!
00:18:12 Well, the butler is basically
00:18:16 'Don't let the Great Satan tempt
00:18:19 You must remain true
00:18:23 Cool beans.
00:18:32 So, um, Galikanokus is not the butler?
00:18:35 Well, possibly. But this is,
00:18:40 And so, Captain, you think
00:18:43 with the smugglers?
00:18:44 Rabbit, get this meatball out of here.
00:18:48 You got it, Captain.
00:18:50 We should probably do that.
00:18:52 Back in the cage with
00:18:57 What did you find out at the weigh station?
00:19:00 My cruiser weighs 16,000 kg.
00:19:04 I just got off the phone
00:19:06 the budget committee.
00:19:07 This thing with Farva screwed our pooch.
00:19:09 What?
00:19:09 They can't lump us in
00:19:12 - We're all in the same boat.
00:19:15 cheeky and fun.
00:19:16 Yeah. His shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
00:19:19 Which makes them not
00:19:23 Evil shenanigans.
00:19:24 I swear to God I'll pistol-whip the next guy
00:19:27 that says, 'shenanigans.'
00:19:28 Hey, Farva!
00:19:31 What's the name of that
00:19:33 all the goofy shit on the walls...
00:19:35 - and the mozzarella sticks?
00:19:38 - No! Oh!
00:19:40 Shenanigans, right?
00:19:41 Put those away!
00:19:47 - Hey, Rabbit.
00:19:50 beautiful, big brown lips.'
00:19:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:19:55 Have your fun, boys.
00:19:58 'Cause I'm gonna
00:20:14 Hey! Urs! Ha!
00:20:20 - Hi.
00:20:22 The mayor came down today.
00:20:27 Ah, biker! I'm an idiot.
00:20:31 Boy, you guys just keep
00:20:35 - Heard you got to see Farva naked.
00:20:40 So, Grady thinks he's
00:20:42 Yeah. How do you feel about
00:20:45 Think I'm getting sent to Deer Lick.
00:20:47 Well, I've been thinking about this.
00:20:49 I think I might have an idea.
00:20:53 The governor comes to town on
00:20:56 She's gonna make a big speech
00:20:59 and all of that because of your bust.
00:21:01 She's gonna shut us down.
00:21:03 No! Not if you give her more.
00:21:05 Get the reefer out of the
00:21:08 to her during the party.
00:21:10 - Make a big show of it.
00:21:13 she would love us for it.
00:21:14 - No way she'll shut you down.
00:21:17 in the Winnebago...
00:21:18 which is locked in your impound,
00:21:24 All right.
00:21:27 Five ski masks, a case
00:21:30 - and banana peels, lots of banana--
00:21:33 How about if I just help you get in?
00:21:36 You would do that for me?
00:21:37 Yeah. What the hell.
00:21:41 Like Cagney and Lacey.
00:21:43 Yeah. Well, Cagney and Lacey were women.
00:21:45 - But--
00:21:57 Mac-o!
00:21:59 - So that's it, huh?
00:22:03 is the tops!
00:22:04 Same guys who make our flak jackets.
00:22:07 Now, Rabbit,
00:22:10 before using his equipment in the field?
00:22:12 - Uh, they test it?
00:22:17 How are you shootin' today, Thorn?
00:22:21 - Dead on all morning.
00:22:23 that little fella?
00:22:25 Oh, that little guy? I wouldn't
00:22:27 Good enough for me.
00:22:34 I don't get it.
00:22:36 into the local impound?
00:22:37 There are gonna be cops there.
00:22:39 Wa-hoo!
00:22:41 Most of the local cops will probably already
00:22:44 be at the banquet.
00:22:44 They'll leave, like,
00:22:47 guys at the station.
00:22:48 - How are you feelin' there, Mac?
00:22:51 enough to fuck your mother!
00:22:53 So, what we have to do is distract whoever
00:22:55 they leave there.
00:22:56 Hey, Mac! You still have
00:22:59 Oh, hell, yeah.
00:23:01 Wa-hoo-hoo!
00:23:03 Damn, that's good!
00:23:07 So, if we can get ten minutes, you and I
00:23:09 can get into the impound...
00:23:10 get the reefer,
00:23:12 before she leaves?
00:23:13 - Nice and easy.
00:23:16 - You're up.
00:23:18 - Now, don't get puke on it.
00:23:20 You're gonna feel a little pinch.
00:23:22 Lookin' good, Rabbit!
00:23:25 - Hang on, buddy.
00:23:28 - Hey, Captain.
00:23:31 I invented this gag, Rabbit.
00:23:35 Only in my day,
00:23:37 Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:23:43 And we also used blanks.
00:23:47 You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.
00:23:49 - Thanks, Chief.
00:23:52 Why'd you call me up here?
00:24:01 Good to know you're still battin' for us with
00:24:03 the budget committee, Mayor.
00:24:04 Well, I don't want to mince words, John, but
00:24:06 it doesn't look too good.
00:24:07 Maybe not to the untrained eye.
00:24:10 But if I was a bettin' man,
00:24:13 the governor's mind tonight.
00:24:14 Well, you might want to
00:24:18 and start right now.
00:24:19 - I think she's your only hope.
00:24:22 What is this thing again?
00:24:24 - Uh, it's a drug bust.
00:24:27 - Hello.
00:24:31 - Then why are we here?
00:24:34 well covered, Mr. Mayor.
00:24:35 I think she's got a lot of decisions to make.
00:24:37 - I don't envy her.
00:24:39 I'll be lucky to have a figure
00:24:42 Yeah. That's a good one.
00:24:48 We're sending someone down,
00:24:50 Thanks. You bet.
00:24:51 No, no, no, no.
00:24:53 We're on it. We're on it.
00:24:54 We got it. All right,
00:24:57 I'll tell you what. I'll go down there
00:25:00 - What about me?
00:25:02 got to stay here.
00:25:05 All right, fuck it.
00:25:25 Shit!
00:25:28 Maybe this is the key.
00:25:32 I mean, no offense, bro, but...
00:25:34 when did you become a cop?
00:25:36 None taken, Ramathorn.
00:25:38 Really. How'd you know the key was there?
00:25:41 A gentleman never asks.
00:25:42 A lady never tells.
00:25:46 Oh, yeah!
00:25:48 - Yeah! Yeah!
00:25:54 Is the bear--
00:25:59 - Is the guy--
00:26:00 - Is the guy--
00:26:02 Seems more of a game warden thing to me.
00:26:05 Well, it's illegal, Burton.
00:26:08 Whoo! Oh!
00:26:17 Oh, shit. Look who's here.
00:26:19 I thought you said he wasn't gonna make it.
00:26:21 I tried.
00:26:21 - Glad to see you, Rodney.
00:26:24 How you think I'm doin'?
00:26:27 Mm-hmm.
00:26:27 - Thought you said Bowl-a-rama.
00:26:30 but, um--
00:26:31 Yeah, right!
00:26:33 - Give me six Schlitzes.
00:26:35 - Whatever's free.
00:26:39 Open bar, dude!
00:26:54 Hello down there.
00:27:00 Excuse me.
00:27:02 - Bear-- Bear-fucker!
00:27:06 - Do you need assistance?
00:27:10 Okay.
00:27:14 Let's do this.
00:27:19 Hey, hey, whoa! Whoa!
00:27:24 Mayor Timber, yeah. So I just
00:27:28 that the governor's gonna
00:27:30 For an emergency fund-raiser.
00:27:33 Aw, she's gonna speak
00:27:35 And then we're gonna
00:27:38 Well, thanks for the heads-up.
00:27:40 I'll go check on those guys.
00:27:44 Mac-Attack!
00:27:48 Good one!
00:27:51 Never shit a shitter. Lady
00:27:57 Ramathorn.
00:27:59 What? I don't know.
00:28:05 * Yeah, yeah *
00:28:13 * Well, I got a ticket to ride this rocket *
00:28:16 * Whoo,
00:28:21 * Well, come on, baby, won't you
00:28:23 * 'Cause we're about to get on
00:28:25 * I got a ticket to ride on that rocket *
00:28:42 You weren't kiddin'.
00:28:45 * Whoo-hoo Yeah, hoo-hoo *
00:29:00 Holy shit.
00:29:03 ...and of course, your own local
00:29:07 has made yet another
00:29:11 in our state's War on Drugs.
00:29:15 That's fine police work.
00:29:19 Thank you very much.
00:29:22 goes to my skilled officers,
00:29:25 in that Winnebago.
00:29:26 And, uh,
00:29:28 from that Winnebago...
00:29:30 as a drug 'queenpin'
00:29:34 Lucy Garfield.
00:29:35 Or, as we like to call her
00:29:38 'The Louisville Smuggler.'
00:29:43 There will be no more
00:29:45 through Spurbury on my watch.
00:29:47 You can count on that.
00:29:57 Farva's number one!
00:30:01 Hey! You showed Grady our secret stash?
00:30:04 That was our stash!
00:30:06 - I did not show Grady the stash!
00:30:08 represented a-- a bond
00:30:10 Foster--
00:30:10 - Foster, I had no idea--
00:30:12 you could manipulate me?
00:30:14 No! How could you even say that?
00:30:17 Because you crapped on my heart!
00:30:19 I what on your heart?
00:30:20 What are you gettin' out of this? Is Grady
00:30:23 puttin' you on the road?
00:30:25 No, a-- are you-- You're screwing him too.
00:30:28 - Asshole.
00:30:38 Ursula--
00:30:43 - Oh, Mac.
00:30:46 Fuckin' traitor!
00:30:51 Hey, Mac! Did it work?
00:31:01 Was there ever a moment
00:31:04 - No, why would I?
00:31:06 Why use your head when
00:31:08 cop-on-cop fucky-sucky?
00:31:09 Well, did you tell her anything?
00:31:11 Two cops sleeping together.
00:31:13 they talked about?
00:31:13 I don't know. Doin' it?
00:31:15 Oh, shut up.
00:31:18 Get it through your head,
00:31:19 Fuck you, Mac!
00:31:20 All right, all right.
00:31:22 change anything.
00:31:23 Foster, she played you good.
00:31:25 You should have known better.
00:31:26 Well, I guess they're gonna
00:31:31 But you two are friends,
00:31:33 let this come between you.
00:31:34 Come on now.
00:31:37 - Sorry.
00:31:39 - Hey!
00:31:41 Sorry.
00:31:43 Good, now.
00:31:45 I do.
00:31:46 - I'll have one.
00:31:48 - I do!
00:31:50 in Sherburne, Cap?
00:31:51 - Not for you guys.
00:31:54 - We're like the sons you never had.
00:31:57 I would have smothered you by now.
00:31:59 Smothered me in gravy,
00:32:03 - You put in for a transfer yet?
00:32:05 I applied for a guard job.
00:32:08 - Oh, man.
00:32:17 - To the death of fun.
00:32:26 What's up, dirty dogs?
00:32:29 Guess that's it for the old locker.
00:32:32 She stinks like ass,
00:32:34 I guess you can say that about all my girls.
00:32:36 - What the fuck?
00:32:40 - What are you?
00:32:44 - A local cop?
00:32:47 Why are you wearing that
00:32:50 Look who's talkin', Denim Dan!
00:32:52 You look like the president,
00:32:55 of Levi Strauss.
00:32:56 Where'd you get the Canadian tuxedo?
00:32:58 You ratted us out to Grady.
00:33:01 I'm not even gonna dignify
00:33:05 Hey, I got no hard feelings.
00:33:07 can't fix, right?
00:33:08 Hey, how about one on me, Ramrod?
00:33:12 Excuse me.
00:33:15 Yeah. I'll be right back.
00:33:17 - What the fuck?
00:33:21 out the back and shot him.
00:33:23 - Aye, aye, Captain.
00:33:25 Fellas, we got to get him back.
00:33:28 Nobody wears that uniform in my station.
00:33:30 - Farva's goin' down!
00:33:32 - Grady's goin' down!
00:33:34 All of these fuckers are goin' down!
00:33:36 Yeah!
00:33:39 What?
00:33:57 Welcome to Dimpus Burger.
00:34:00 Hello in there.
00:34:03 - Give me a liter of cola!
00:34:08 You want me to come in there, boy?
00:34:11 - Hello?
00:34:14 Let's pull someone over.
00:34:16 Whoa!
00:34:24 License and registration.
00:34:41 When you gotta go,
00:34:47 We are the Spurbury police!
00:34:53 Whoo! Hoo!
00:35:06 I'm cool. I'm cool.
00:35:11 Grady! Get your ass out here!
00:35:19 - Grady!
00:35:21 like a wienie...
00:35:22 - but I think I should call Ursula.
00:35:24 - You sound like a fuckin' wienie.
00:35:27 Grady? Bruce?
00:35:29 Fuck it, all right.
00:35:31 - He's not home!
00:35:35 This is Officer Rod Farva.
00:35:38 - What're you doin'?
00:35:41 - Come in, Ursula!
00:35:44 - Oh! Oh!
00:35:46 Ursula! Oh, I'm sorry.
00:35:49 Sir, this is a police channel.
00:35:51 - I'm tryin' to apologize here.
00:35:56 If you'd like to have
00:35:58 please go to Channel Five.
00:35:59 All right, Thorny.
00:36:02 Look what I found!
00:36:06 - You go, girl!
00:36:07 - Help me out here, Rabbit.
00:36:09 - I need someone sober.
00:36:12 - And, hit!
00:36:16 So-- So, hey, what's goin' on?
00:36:20 Don't use that boyfriend voice with me.
00:36:22 What are you doing?
00:36:23 Don't use that boyfriend
00:36:25 - Hit!
00:36:27 Now, did you know that Farva
00:36:31 about our plans?
00:36:32 Yeah. I know.
00:36:36 So, I'm sorry.
00:36:37 I don't know.
00:36:40 I love you.
00:36:41 - Listen, Foster--
00:36:46 Listen, Foster? You want
00:36:50 - Yeah!
00:36:52 get 'em really good.
00:36:54 Yeah, let's get 'em good!
00:36:57 Yes, sir.
00:36:57 Okay, I get off work at 10:30.
00:37:00 Meet me at Route 9 and Okeechobee Road,
00:37:01 and don't be late.
00:37:02 - She said, 'Okeechobee.'
00:37:10 She's late.
00:37:15 So, Foster...
00:37:17 is this your usual meeting spot?
00:37:21 No.
00:37:24 - Fuckin' shit!
00:37:26 Let's get him!
00:37:36 Outta the car!
00:37:38 Same shit, different day,
00:37:41 Everybody outta the car!
00:37:44 You're all under arrest
00:37:46 police vehicle.
00:37:47 No, Farva, you are under
00:37:50 and complete fuckhead!
00:37:51 Y-- You don't want to do this, Rod.
00:37:54 catch that truck.
00:37:54 Using what?
00:37:58 Galikanokus is on that truck!
00:38:00 I'll believe that when me shit turns purple...
00:38:03 - and smells like rainbow sherbet.
00:38:06 Farva! You are not stopping me
00:38:10 Get him, Mac!
00:38:13 - I got a job now.
00:38:16 - You're goddamn right I am!
00:38:19 No, Thorny.
00:38:23 Farva, get the coffee.
00:38:26 Farva, clean the cells!
00:38:30 I got my own car, now.
00:38:34 It's what I gotta do!
00:38:36 - You screwed us over.
00:38:41 Okay. Okay, I did!
00:38:45 - I'm sorry, Rodney.
00:38:46 - Oh, Thorny!
00:38:49 Listen, listen.
00:38:52 When we go up there,
00:38:57 But if we're right,
00:39:01 Come on. Team Ramrod!
00:39:08 Will you look at that?
00:39:11 - We got 'em, Cap.
00:39:14 - Oh.
00:39:19 There's Canadian markings on that plane.
00:39:21 Okay, Foster.
00:39:23 in a classic pincer move.
00:39:25 - Mac, I need you to take--
00:39:28 We outflank 'em, and we do,
00:39:31 - Team Ramrod?
00:39:34 - Farva, you're leaning--
00:39:36 Oh! The locals!
00:39:40 Goddamn it, you dipshits!
00:39:43 been in on this bust!
00:39:44 Shh! Rodney! Rodney,
00:39:48 Here we go again-- What the fuck?
00:39:52 Oh, did you see that?
00:39:56 Shh!
00:39:58 Holy shit!
00:40:00 God! We should have known.
00:40:03 So, wait. The local cops are selling
00:40:08 - Assholes!
00:40:09 it's comin' in from Canada.
00:40:10 Canadian grass. Ah!
00:40:13 - Assholes.
00:40:15 The local mothers are
00:40:18 Oh, I guess I'm the asshole.
00:40:23 I'm sorry we didn't wait for you, but--
00:40:25 Listen to me, Foster.
00:40:29 - What, are you guys drunk?
00:40:33 - Your local buddies are runnin' grass!
00:40:35 I know what they're doing.
00:40:39 You know this?
00:40:39 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:40:42 No! They keep me on dispatch.
00:40:45 when I found out about it.
00:40:46 - I was afraid I'd lose my job.
00:40:49 You should have just told us.
00:40:51 Yeah, we used to be cops,
00:40:53 I remember--
00:40:54 No offense,
00:40:56 the less you could screw up.
00:40:57 - Oh.
00:40:59 without getting brought down.
00:41:01 Th-- That's why I helped you find
00:41:03 you guys steal the Winnebago...
00:41:04 and that's why I brought you... here tonight.
00:41:07 - Ah!
00:41:09 you like Foster? Shh!
00:41:10 No, I mean-- I do like Foster, but I--
00:41:12 - But you used him.
00:41:15 But I really like him now.
00:41:16 Ah!
00:41:18 - This is so good--
00:41:22 I hate to break up the 'like-fest,'
00:41:28 But wait! Hey, hey, hey!
00:41:30 Look at yourselves.
00:41:31 You saw what they did to
00:41:34 And you guys are drunk,
00:41:35 Oh, hey, I am sober as a bird.
00:41:38 I am drunk.
00:41:47 - What do you got?
00:41:51 And some string.
00:42:00 Oh, Farva,
00:42:03 - Ugh.
00:42:05 your name written on it.
00:42:08 - Oh!
00:42:10 Chief! Chief Grady!
00:42:14 Farva!
00:42:14 Sorry I missed the call.
00:42:18 What the hell are you doin' here, Farva?
00:42:21 Put that pistol down!
00:42:22 - Qu'est-ce-que c'est ca?
00:42:24 - Chief!
00:42:26 What the fuck is this?
00:42:29 - Grady?
00:42:33 Shoot it!
00:42:44 - That's my car.
00:42:47 - That's my girl!
00:42:49 Smy, Burton, check that out.
00:42:59 - What are ya, drunk?
00:43:03 Let's see what you've got, O'Hagan.
00:43:08 - * Big Bear *
00:43:11 - * Big Bear *
00:43:12 - * Big Bear *
00:43:15 He's Big Bear *
00:43:44 Two-time Navy champion.
00:43:51 - Way to go, Cap.
00:43:57 * Oh, Big Bear *
00:43:58 * Oh, Big Bear *
00:44:01 Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:44:06 - How are ya doin'?
00:44:08 - Hi.
00:44:11 - Hi, John.
00:44:13 Here we go.
00:44:16 'Dear John...
00:44:18 'Congratulations are due to you...
00:44:21 'and your men for your brave, impressive...
00:44:25 'but most of all unorthodox tactics...
00:44:28 'in thwarting the drug-smuggling ring...
00:44:30 and extreme police corruption.'
00:44:32 - Ooh. She loves us.
00:44:35 'I cannot stress enough how proud
00:44:39 'The great state of Vermont could
00:44:43 'As you requested, we have
00:44:47 regarding your unit.'
00:44:49 And we're gonna buy you a tank.
00:44:52 'Due to our tight fiscal situation...
00:44:56 'we regret to inform you that we are still...
00:44:59 'going to have to close your station.
00:45:03 'Good luck in Sherburne, John.
00:45:07 'And give your men my best.
00:45:10 'Sincerely...
00:45:12 Governor Fuckhead.'
00:45:18 I did not see that coming.
00:45:44 I told you to bring the handcart.
00:45:47 - Sorry.
00:45:51 Oh, goddamn, I remember
00:45:54 I think I'm gonna drop a nut!
00:45:57 - Shit.
00:45:59 It's not so bad. Good exercise.
00:46:03 - Cool uniforms.
00:46:06 I'm into that!
00:46:12 Beer!
00:46:15 - Oh, God.
00:46:18 Uh, yeah!
00:46:21 But aren't you guys the Highway Patrol?
00:46:24 Yeah, but our station got shut down, so--
00:46:26 Oh, no shit, man!
00:46:29 Yeah, shit.
00:46:31 Oh, my-- my Dad ordered it.
00:46:35 Keg's here!
00:46:39 Oh, St. Anky's.
00:46:43 - Oh, God. No!
00:46:45 Hey, man. Hey, bro.
00:46:49 No shit?
00:46:51 No shit, man!
00:46:55 All right, all right.
00:46:58 Put it in the rec room, man.
00:47:01 Make room, make room.
00:47:03 so long to get here?
00:47:04 What'd you do?
00:47:06 - I am cool.
00:47:08 Check this out.
00:47:11 put that, um...
00:47:13 over there?
00:47:17 - Move it, move it, move it.
00:47:20 Tap this thing!
00:47:22 Actually, you know what?
00:47:26 Feng Shui if it's, uh,
00:47:29 Definitely. Definitely better over there.
00:47:38 Oh, wait, wait. Guys. Guys.
00:47:41 Man, it's probably better for the flow...
00:47:43 if you put it back over here.
00:47:50 And don't forget to tap that keg, guys.
00:47:55 Okay, okay. Somebody's
00:47:57 and I need to see some I.D.
00:48:01 Look, you know what?
00:48:04 But, uh, Abraham Lincoln
00:48:09 and he never told a lie.
00:48:12 Yeah, actually it was
00:48:15 never told a lie.
00:48:16 You guys drive a hard bargain, but--
00:48:19 Actually, you know what?
00:48:22 Why don't you guys split it?
00:48:25 That was good, man.
00:48:28 Are you ready for the fun part?
00:48:30 Oh, yeah.
00:48:31 'Cause here comes
00:48:34 You're all under arrest!
00:48:40 - Come on back, now.
00:48:53 All this for a noise complaint?
00:48:57 I love acid--
00:49:02 Cops.
00:49:06 What the crap?
00:49:11 - We're in trouble, aren't we?
00:49:13 You're in big trouble.
00:49:15 - We're in trouble, aren't we?
00:49:17 You're in big trouble.
00:49:20 And if you really want to
00:49:23 hit the Adam's apple.
00:49:24 Like this?
00:49:37 * So call off the party quick *
00:49:40 * Find a replacement *
00:49:56 * Get your pink slip
00:49:59 Loser!
00:50:18 Ping! Ping!
00:50:21 Ping! Ping!
00:50:25 Ping!
00:50:27 Farva!
00:50:32 * Let's face it *
00:50:37 * Get your pink slip
00:50:39 * Get your pink slip
00:50:43 * Won't you get a job
00:50:46 * Don't be a fuckin' slob *
00:51:30 * Yeah *
00:51:40 * Yeah *
00:51:46 * Get your pink slip *
00:51:49 * Get your pink slip *
00:51:53 * Quit your day job *
00:51:56 * Quit your day job *
00:51:58 * Quit your day job *
00:52:49 * In the black and blue light *
00:52:51 * Now he's readin' your rights *
00:52:54 * He's a mean dog barkin'
00:52:57 * In the middle of the night *
00:53:00 * Ain't no better you can do *
00:53:02 * After all I'm through
00:53:14 * A trooper with an attitude *
00:53:21 * Said you're pumpin' that light
00:53:26 * And he laughs in your face
00:53:29 * Now you're spreadin' 'em wide *
00:53:32 * Did you walk clean comin' through *
00:53:35 * You got troubles I'm sure
00:54:07 * So he tried to make it clear *
00:54:09 * You're wishin' you weren't here *
00:54:12 * You don't try to make a go
00:54:16 * And they're sellin' the beer *
00:54:18 * The work's still comin' true *
00:54:21 * You got troubles I'm sure
00:54:46 Get out of the car.
00:55:06 That's right.
00:55:09 I'm talkin' to you.
00:55:57 Aah!
00:56:01 - Ah-ha-ha-ha!