Surf School

en
00:00:27 Okay. Lacrosse season
00:00:29 And you've already got
00:00:31 So, check this.
00:00:34 There's a club team
00:00:36 that you can play on to stay sharp.
00:00:38 Huh? Huh?
00:00:40 Wow.
00:00:41 Come on, honey,
00:00:44 Yeah... the last 6 months
00:00:47 Come on, honey.
00:00:51 Isn't it just possible to have
00:00:56 Dude. Buy you a surfboard, dude.
00:01:41 Hey, Barney.
00:01:43 Didn't they teach you in Mary-land
00:01:44 not to play with your stick in public?
00:01:46 Yeah, Fred, stop shooting
00:01:48 That dude's like... whoa.
00:01:51 Roach. Roach!
00:01:53 Well, he's got,
00:01:55 Roach!
00:01:56 Little snogger.
00:01:58 Roach, enough!
00:01:59 Yeah, dude.
00:02:01 Whoa. Yeah.
00:02:03 Hey, you want to try a real sport?
00:02:06 Yeah. We use our sticks
00:02:09 Surfing is... god.
00:02:13 Right?
00:02:15 Tyler.
00:02:17 You get in any more trouble,
00:02:18 you're not going to Costa Rica
00:02:21 I'll see you later...
00:02:24 Mary.
00:02:27 Let's go.
00:02:29 What, is it over?
00:02:30 Yeah, it's over.
00:02:37 He sure is good with his stick.
00:02:39 Get your own stick, sweetie.
00:02:42 He's mine.
00:02:47 Hey, yo, yo.
00:02:48 East Coast, what's up?
00:02:50 - Like, uh, Tasmanian devil?
00:02:53 That's cool.
00:02:54 So I heard Tyler and his ass clowns
00:02:58 Oh, yeah. Nice guys.
00:03:00 O, Father who art in heaven,
00:03:02 please show mercy
00:03:03 and allow him to get laid
00:03:06 before he dies of
00:03:09 Larry's the only senior virgin.
00:03:11 The virgin Larry.
00:03:14 Yeah. Watch this.
00:03:17 Get the hell out, man.
00:03:19 Whoa. Ugly little freak.
00:03:22 Ah, and here comes Mary.
00:03:25 Don't you have
00:03:27 Go hug your board, Tyler.
00:03:29 I'm sure if you drilled
00:03:31 you two could be very happy.
00:03:33 Whoa.
00:03:35 I love my board, man.
00:03:36 Totally... hot.
00:03:41 Okay. Fine.
00:03:44 You can have your virgin Larry.
00:03:46 I'm sure you girls will have
00:03:49 while we're partying in Costa Rica.
00:03:56 Roach.
00:04:00 Is it over?
00:04:02 Yeah, Roach, it's over.
00:04:04 Dude.
00:04:07 I hope those ass clowns
00:04:10 Stupid High School
00:04:14 I dreamed about monkeys last night.
00:04:17 They have monkeys in Costa Rica.
00:04:19 I dreamed that, you know, I made
00:04:24 Okay. Larry, you've got to stop
00:04:27 Seriously.
00:04:28 Look, have you been reading
00:04:31 A lot of the pages are stuck together.
00:04:34 Yeah, they do that.
00:04:36 Uh, humidity.
00:04:37 Hey. Who's that?
00:04:40 Oh, that's my boy Mo.
00:04:41 Yeah. Ah, he's cool.
00:04:43 Tyler's always trying to suck up to him,
00:04:46 Yeah?
00:04:48 That's Chika,
00:04:49 the new Japanese exchange student.
00:04:51 Ah, she can't speak a word of English,
00:04:53 but, uh, Mo's waiting on her.
00:04:55 What's up, Taz?
00:04:57 Hey, we got East Coast.
00:05:01 Hey, man, how's that song coming?
00:05:02 This guy, he's... he's incredible.
00:05:04 Not really feeling
00:05:06 I need something to make it pop.
00:05:09 Whoa!
00:05:11 Hey, come on, dude.
00:05:12 Hey, hey.
00:05:14 She's, like, possessed or something.
00:05:16 I call her Po, but her name's Doris.
00:05:19 "Po" for potential.
00:05:22 Telling you, up under that
00:05:26 Yeah? Hey. I'm, uh...
00:05:29 Oh. Don't worry about old East Coast.
00:05:31 He don't really know.
00:05:32 She don't like nobody talking to her.
00:05:36 So I'm hearing the senior trip
00:05:40 What is that?
00:05:42 I mean, come on, this is our class, too.
00:05:45 We can't just sit here while they party
00:05:47 Right?
00:05:48 Uh... yeah, we can.
00:05:50 We ain't going nowhere.
00:06:05 Surf school?
00:06:07 Brothers don't surf.
00:06:09 Look, the senior trip is the second week
00:06:12 So, go down a week early,
00:06:16 pull the biggest upset in history,
00:06:18 and then we party our
00:06:20 East Coast,
00:06:22 Maybe he's right.
00:06:23 I dreamed about that
00:06:27 Larry, you need to be spanking the monkey,
00:06:30 I already found someplace
00:06:33 I mean, come on.
00:06:35 We get one chance at senior year.
00:06:37 I mean, let's go for it.
00:06:39 Hey, man, you know,
00:06:40 East Coast might have something here.
00:06:42 I'll get Chika to go with us
00:06:46 Get my sushi to go.
00:06:47 There you go.
00:06:48 I'm down.
00:06:51 What about the rest of you guys?
00:06:55 Now we're talking.
00:06:58 See you ladies in Costa Rica.
00:07:03 Hi, Doris. Do you like
00:07:07 I got you this pink cap for your trip.
00:07:11 Now, you know,
00:07:14 And you got to be crazy
00:07:15 we gonna let your cute little booty
00:07:17 And that brother
00:07:20 His chopstick better not go near
00:07:24 You understand?
00:07:30 - I promise.
00:07:31 - I shread.
00:07:34 I heard.
00:07:35 You're gonna shread
00:07:37 Now, it's very humid in Costa Rica,
00:07:40 so you are going to have to change
00:07:43 Now, Lawrence,
00:07:45 I know there are going to be lots
00:07:50 What do we think of pretty young girls?
00:07:52 Satan's spawn, Mother.
00:07:54 - Satan's spawn, Mother...
00:07:56 And what else, baby boy?
00:07:57 Beelzebub's bitches.
00:07:59 Yes! And?
00:08:00 Lucifer's lusty lasses?
00:08:01 Yes! And?
00:08:02 Daughters of the Antichrist.
00:08:04 Yes. And?
00:08:05 - The devil's dogs.
00:08:07 Oh, my beautiful Lawrence Horatio Bates,
00:08:12 Home Economics magazine's
00:08:20 Come on, now. You don't need
00:08:26 Uh, yeah. I heard there's this Costa Rican
00:08:38 My dentist recommended that.
00:08:47 Mommy, what's that?
00:08:49 Ah... ah, honey, that's just a toy.
00:08:53 Can I get a toy like that?
00:08:54 You can borrow mine.
00:09:14 Wow. I just saw
00:09:18 Larry, forget about the real monkeys.
00:09:20 You're here to get that monkey
00:09:23 The only word I want to hear
00:09:26 Let's go. Come on.
00:09:27 Man, it's hot.
00:09:30 Hey, Taz, do you want any sunscreen?
00:09:32 No way, man.
00:09:33 Mother says the tropical sun
00:09:37 Man! I feel like myself again
00:09:39 Whoo! Let's go to the beach.
00:09:42 You seen my Ritalin?
00:09:45 Let's go.
00:09:47 What do you guys want to do?
00:09:48 Let's go to the beach.
00:09:50 Rock and roll.
00:09:53 Larry, you, uh, missed a few spots.
00:09:55 Where?
00:09:56 Everywhere.
00:10:16 It's like a brother's buffet.
00:10:18 Oh. Oh, yeah.
00:10:20 Garçon,
00:10:22 I'll have the pink.
00:10:27 Oh. Oh, I could write a song
00:10:30 Yummy.
00:10:34 Hold the phone.
00:10:36 Check, please.
00:10:38 I'll take those three to go.
00:10:43 From what I saw on the Internet,
00:10:46 Larry, there are a ton of monkeys.
00:10:48 Don't even get me started on the chicks.
00:10:54 Okay, guys, just stay calm.
00:10:57 I'm sure there's an explanation.
00:10:59 Look, man, I got your explanation.
00:11:01 See, she got, like, three booties
00:11:07 Okay!
00:11:08 That's right, cowards.
00:11:11 Try to even undress her with your eyes,
00:11:13 and I will cut you
00:11:16 Okay. Take it easy, Tarzan.
00:11:18 - Undress who?
00:11:21 Don't mock me, jocko.
00:11:23 We both know the object
00:11:28 Who?
00:11:30 My little babushka.
00:11:32 Here, kitty cat.
00:11:34 Come on, my little kitty cat.
00:11:36 Look at those buns.
00:11:40 Oh! Hey! Groovy!
00:11:43 The kids are here!
00:11:44 What are you waiting for?
00:11:47 Welcome to commune.
00:11:50 Darling, I'll meet you at check-in.
00:11:54 Very well, my delight.
00:11:56 Now, look.
00:11:58 You tell me that is not art.
00:12:02 Um, yeah.
00:12:05 Go.
00:12:13 I like people.
00:12:15 I am people person.
00:12:24 Check this out.
00:12:27 This is something.
00:12:30 I'm gonna lap you up like cherry soda,
00:12:34 Did you put on that g-string
00:12:36 Lover, I put it on this morning,
00:12:39 East Coast, I can't stay here.
00:12:42 Oh. Relax.
00:12:47 Eventually.
00:12:49 JFK, MLK, RFK.
00:12:52 No, it's John F. Kennedy,
00:12:55 Martin Luther King, Jr.
00:12:56 Greatest heroes of the Sixties?
00:12:58 No. Who?
00:12:59 Come on.
00:13:01 in Ms. Lipschitz's
00:13:03 Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
00:13:06 Yeah, she was cool.
00:13:09 My mom had that on the fridge
00:13:13 Oh. Kids.
00:13:16 Nice to start up close and personal.
00:13:19 I'm Tilly Jones.
00:13:21 And I'm Boris llnayitch Jones.
00:13:24 And I am the eternally stiff
00:13:27 Look at you, honey.
00:13:29 Look how nice you look
00:13:30 Why do you look so nice
00:13:32 Sugarbuns.
00:13:34 I may never get another boner again.
00:13:35 Aw, that's just wrong.
00:13:37 That's it! Who's my champion?
00:13:44 Children in the room.
00:13:49 It's so hard for me
00:13:53 Larry! Larry!
00:13:55 Check it out, Larry.
00:13:57 Hola, senorita.
00:14:06 Thank you, Veronique.
00:14:12 Damn. I heard French chicks
00:14:19 So, what brings you kids
00:14:21 It's kind of our senior trip.
00:14:24 Only, the other seniors
00:14:26 All right.
00:14:28 Yeah.
00:14:29 Well, here at the commune,
00:14:30 we take a personal interest
00:14:32 We believe the spirit of the Sixties
00:14:35 Right on.
00:14:37 Let's see how much you kids really do
00:14:42 Oh, my skirt's a little... short.
00:14:47 Who is this?
00:14:51 That's the dude
00:14:53 Yeah, that's that guy,
00:14:54 that's got courtside tickets
00:14:57 Ding, ding, ding.
00:15:00 No, this, sweetie,
00:15:03 Does Richard Nixon ring a bell?
00:15:06 He was the first President to resign.
00:15:07 It was over Watergate.
00:15:09 Nixon was a symbol of everything
00:15:11 that was wrong with
00:15:14 Flashing peace symbols to the crowd
00:15:17 then dropping bombs on
00:15:19 Aren't we still doing that?
00:15:21 Yeah.
00:15:29 So you are the virgin boy.
00:15:33 Uh... yeah.
00:15:37 You are sacred in our culture.
00:15:41 It is the highest honor for a woman
00:15:44 to be the first with a virgin boy.
00:15:50 Wow. Okay.
00:15:55 Oh, hi, Veronique.
00:15:57 Can't you find a tree to swing from?
00:16:01 I'll see you later, virgin boy.
00:16:14 Thanks, Veronique.
00:16:15 I don't know if you understand English,
00:16:23 Supposed to be
00:16:26 Nah, man, this look like
00:16:28 This is surf school?
00:16:30 I don't see any desks
00:16:33 And where's our teacher?
00:16:35 Aw, man, somebody's wasted him.
00:16:38 No, he's just smashed.
00:16:40 That's it, little dolphin.
00:16:42 Back it up.
00:16:45 Back that blowhole up.
00:16:52 Whoa, whoa. Free Willy.
00:16:54 Hey, Rip! Rip!
00:16:56 Rip! Rip! Wake up!
00:16:58 Hey. Hey.
00:17:00 It's the guys form Laguna, you know?
00:17:01 The ones that sent you the deposit.
00:17:04 Ah. Groovy, man. I can...
00:17:06 I can dig it.
00:17:09 Uh... look.
00:17:12 your mothers told you, but, uh...
00:17:14 I can explain the, uh,
00:17:18 We're not your kids!
00:17:20 We're the guys who sent you
00:17:22 That makes a little more sense.
00:17:25 You, uh...
00:17:28 I take traveler's checks.
00:17:30 You don't get nothing till
00:17:32 Who said pros?
00:17:35 Your ad.
00:17:40 Man, we just wasting our time.
00:17:42 No. He's gonna teach us to surf.
00:17:44 Hey.
00:17:46 Look, you want to drink yourself to death,
00:17:49 But this week,
00:17:52 Okay, hairdo.
00:17:56 I appreciate the incentive.
00:17:59 But you've got to understand that the old
00:18:04 It's got to be, what...
00:18:06 1974? Huh?
00:18:09 '75?
00:18:11 '76?
00:18:14 Well, it can't be 1977.
00:18:17 It's 2005.
00:18:20 Okay. That's not helping.
00:18:24 I should know the date
00:18:28 But... what the hell?
00:18:30 You're here!
00:18:33 Why doesn't old Ripster
00:18:37 Huh?
00:18:38 You guys want to eat?
00:18:40 I'll make some nice
00:18:43 That would be real...
00:18:57 Peace, sister.
00:19:01 I like to sit in corners
00:19:06 The Bell Jar.
00:19:08 I read that once.
00:19:10 It affected me deeply.
00:19:15 Uh, maybe... maybe someday
00:19:16 you'd like to help me
00:19:22 Or... or we could play beauty parlor.
00:19:26 Do each other's nails, hair.
00:19:28 Or not.
00:19:33 Okay. I got to run.
00:19:40 Man, these tropical storms are intense.
00:19:58 We love the rain.
00:20:00 We love to get wet.
00:20:05 Are you American surf boys?
00:20:10 We love American surf boys.
00:20:16 - Bye.
00:20:20 Those chicks were so hot,
00:20:23 They love American surfers.
00:20:28 I can't believe we didn't get into
00:20:31 but I guess we are Barneys.
00:20:33 Not for long.
00:20:35 Please come into my club.
00:20:36 In 4 days, no one.
00:20:38 Please...
00:20:40 El Pescado Muerto.
00:20:43 Does that mean "dead fish"?
00:20:45 El pescado muertol
00:20:47 That is cool, huh?
00:20:50 Ah, no.
00:20:52 You, uh, get any hot chicks here?
00:20:54 Course!
00:20:57 Where is she?
00:20:59 Right there.
00:21:01 Berthita, a smile for the American boys.
00:21:07 Hot, huh?
00:21:09 Okay. Screw this.
00:21:11 No. Hey. Taz?
00:21:13 Guys, we're not going anywhere.
00:21:16 We came here to have the time of
00:21:18 And we're gonna make the party right here
00:21:25 Guys, when we start surfing,
00:21:28 they're gonna see that we're
00:21:29 and I would, uh...
00:21:31 Well, I would guess that they're gonna
00:21:34 You know?
00:21:36 I mean, they're gonna know
00:21:37 obviously the coolest.
00:21:39 The party's gonna come to us.
00:21:41 I don't know about you guys,
00:21:43 but I'm feeling a heck of a lot
00:21:48 Ghost Babe.
00:21:52 Uh, come back.
00:21:54 Come back, Ghost Babe.
00:21:56 Hey, Rip.
00:21:59 It's time for surf school.
00:22:00 Do I know you, man?
00:22:06 Surf school is open, hairdo.
00:22:13 Now, what do you think real surfers
00:22:17 That's easy.
00:22:21 geeks, dorks, wannabes, posers,
00:22:23 Gilligans, weeds,
00:22:25 Darryls, Deweys, Kahuna Tunas...
00:22:27 Okay. That's good.
00:22:29 Very good.
00:22:35 Poindexter, write this down, man.
00:22:39 You may see a wave out there,
00:22:41 but real surfers,
00:22:45 a steakhouse, curly fries.
00:22:47 Pennsylvania pencil cases.
00:22:49 A Mongolian bastard baby.
00:22:51 Delta Burke's asshole.
00:22:54 A Chinese roasted baby koala, man.
00:22:56 An onion bun covered
00:22:59 A flamingo tit, man!
00:23:02 Uh, is there a hyphen in "flamingo tit"?
00:23:03 Shut up, Larry!
00:23:05 Sorry.
00:23:07 Come on, get on your boards!
00:23:10 I want to see you on your... boards.
00:23:14 It's all about touch, Larry.
00:23:16 You've got to feel that wave, man.
00:23:19 You got to reach out there
00:23:22 and touch it like it's your...
00:23:25 Waves are like women.
00:23:28 They got lots of curves,
00:23:30 they're slippery when they're wet,
00:23:32 and if you don't
00:23:34 they're gonna pound you, man.
00:23:36 They got big jugs, right?
00:23:39 You know.
00:23:42 Look. Larry...
00:23:44 if you're gonna rip with the big boys,
00:23:46 you got to learn to understand women.
00:23:48 Uh, not the best advice, Ripster.
00:23:52 Yeah, man. The only booty call
00:23:56 Is that true, Larry?
00:23:58 No. Actually I didn't catch Booty Call.
00:24:00 I had an S.A.T. Review course.
00:24:02 And Mother thinks
00:24:05 Larry, are you a virgin, man?
00:24:08 - Yes.
00:24:11 I haven't seen one of you around here
00:24:13 since "Grinder Teeth" Mary
00:24:16 behind the dumpster
00:24:20 How'd you become
00:24:23 Taz? We, uh...
00:24:27 You won the world championship, 1989,
00:24:29 and you just disappeared.
00:24:32 You Barneys don't know
00:24:36 Ghost Babe.
00:24:37 Dead babe?
00:24:40 Oh, I'm afraid she is quite alive...
00:24:44 to me,
00:24:47 my young understudy.
00:24:49 Was she was, like, hotter
00:24:51 Mm-hmm! Just a few thousand
00:24:58 So there I am, the surf god,
00:25:03 when all of a sudden... pow!
00:25:05 She floats right by me like on a cloud.
00:25:09 And all I can remember is that soft,
00:25:15 It looked like the good Lord himself
00:25:22 Her breasts had perfect alignment...
00:25:26 exactly the same size.
00:25:30 They were nothing short of...
00:25:33 sh-sh-sh... shweet.
00:25:39 Shweet.
00:25:41 Well, we made love
00:25:49 She gave me foot massages.
00:25:55 She brushed my hair.
00:25:59 She made my clothes.
00:26:02 And in between,
00:26:06 make me mai tais...
00:26:09 feed me quarter pounders with cheese
00:26:11 Sounds like a keeper.
00:26:15 How does it end?
00:26:17 Some surfers were hanging
00:26:20 So I walked over and...
00:26:23 And what?
00:26:24 And then they laughed at me.
00:26:29 They had no idea who I was.
00:26:33 I had vanished for...
00:26:37 But why would they laugh at you
00:26:46 No reason, man.
00:26:47 Just, you know, nervous,
00:26:51 - Ghost Babe.
00:27:03 Ohh.
00:27:05 Natural spirit,
00:27:07 Father sun, sister moon,
00:27:11 reach your hand down to us and touch us
00:27:17 Touch our souls deeply.
00:27:20 Boris, I swear, Tilly's off limits.
00:27:22 We accept that. But, uh...
00:27:24 the Swedish chicks?
00:27:26 Swedish girl is caviar of girl.
00:27:31 Go.
00:27:32 Let us feel the warmth.
00:27:36 Larry.
00:27:38 I can just take a peep.
00:27:39 No peep.
00:27:41 No peeping for my boychik.
00:27:44 Thank you for sharing this
00:27:50 We are finished.
00:27:51 Om.
00:27:56 Ready?
00:27:57 - Ja.
00:27:58 We hold hands, ja?
00:27:59 Ja.
00:28:04 Oh, fellas, hi!
00:28:08 Do I look fat in this?
00:28:10 Oh, God! Oh!
00:28:12 I can tell that peeping is happening.
00:28:14 It's okay, Boris.
00:28:16 You're a good boy.
00:28:19 That is why I am so happy
00:28:22 like my father
00:28:25 Do you have father?
00:28:26 No.
00:28:28 Mother says
00:28:34 She like you, Larry.
00:28:38 Can't you find a tree to swing from?
00:28:42 Milk from a virgin cow for my virgin boy.
00:28:54 Gracias.
00:28:56 Mucho gusto.
00:29:00 I will see you at the sing-along.
00:29:03 The sing-along?
00:29:05 Drink that milk.
00:29:07 Good milk.
00:29:09 # Fear's the way we die #
00:29:13 Sometimes you are so scared
00:29:16 # You can make the mountains ring #
00:29:19 # Or make the angels cry #
00:29:22 Why is it that the angels
00:29:25 # Though the bird is on the wing #
00:29:29 # And you may not know why #
00:29:32 Why is it that birds fly?
00:29:34 # Come on, people, now #
00:29:36 # Smile on your brother #
00:29:38 # Everybody get together #
00:29:39 # Try to love one another right now #
00:29:44 One more time.
00:29:46 Just my beautiful, sweet
00:29:50 # Come on, people, now #
00:29:53 # Smile on your brother #
00:29:55 # Everybody get together #
00:29:57 # Try to love one another right now #
00:30:01 - Ja.
00:30:03 Oh! This is my favorite verse.
00:30:06 Who wants to try it?
00:30:08 Who wants to serenade Mama Tilly?
00:30:21 You're loved here.
00:30:34 # If you hear the song I sing #
00:30:41 # You will understand #
00:30:47 # You hold the key to love and fear #
00:30:52 # All in your trembling hand #
00:30:58 # Just one key unlocks them both #
00:31:03 # It's there at your command #
00:31:07 # Come on, people, now #
00:31:09 # Smile on your brother #
00:31:11 # Everybody get together #
00:31:15 # Try to love one another right now #
00:31:32 What about Doris, though?
00:31:33 She was, like, definitely handling
00:31:36 Total potential.
00:31:39 That's what I was trying to tell you about.
00:31:40 Yeah, she was, uh...
00:31:43 Check it out.
00:31:46 The spot, guys.
00:31:51 How sweet.
00:31:52 You ladies must be
00:31:55 Yeah, looks like
00:31:59 Barney goes to Costa Rica.
00:32:01 Do you Gilligans actually think
00:32:04 I know we do.
00:32:06 Whoa.
00:32:09 That dude is...
00:32:13 Shut up, Roach.
00:32:16 Yeah, well, it's all good, bro.
00:32:19 But don't you think it's time you dropped
00:32:22 and come kick it with the real playas?
00:32:24 Come on.
00:32:26 - Play with that.
00:32:30 Total dis, man.
00:32:32 Roach, shut up.
00:32:33 Bam! That's cool, man.
00:32:36 Total dis, man.
00:32:39 Roach, shut up.
00:32:41 Bam!
00:32:42 Yeah.
00:32:44 See you in the water, Tyler.
00:32:45 That's fine.
00:32:47 You losers want more humiliation?
00:32:51 You got it.
00:32:52 At least you brought your own pussy.
00:32:56 You start it, I'll finish it, bro.
00:32:57 Consider it started...
00:33:12 Whoa. Peace, dude.
00:33:18 You good?
00:33:19 Is it over yet, man?
00:33:21 Nah, dude, it's not over.
00:33:25 You guys ready to learn to surf?
00:33:27 Hell, yeah.
00:33:29 You see all the honeys
00:33:32 Well, you're not riding
00:33:34 till you ride this honey right here.
00:33:37 So the only honey you need to be
00:33:39 is that honey right there,
00:33:42 Sauce with those wings, brah?
00:33:44 All right.
00:33:46 You got to crest that wave
00:33:51 Stroke, stroke, stroke.
00:33:53 Come on!
00:33:54 Hey, uh, Rip.
00:33:57 Just got a little warmer over here.
00:33:58 Did Josh just take a piss?
00:33:59 No, that was me, brah.
00:34:02 Well, look at you.
00:34:06 Hey, Larry, you dry humping, man?
00:34:08 You're getting the hang of it, hairdo.
00:34:12 Oh, yeah! Taz!
00:34:14 You shred! You shred... oh!
00:34:16 Oh! Sh-sh-sh... shweet!
00:34:22 ...maybe loosen up your grip a little
00:34:24 And then maybe you get enough
00:34:28 Is that what love looks like?
00:34:30 No, servant boy.
00:34:33 I am the Queen of Siam.
00:34:34 I'm not really sure what that looks like.
00:34:36 Oh, Gonga.
00:34:38 Oh, Gonga, we have company.
00:34:41 Boychik, I've been looking for you.
00:34:43 Let's go.
00:34:45 You know how difficult it is for me
00:34:47 - Go.
00:34:49 He needs you.
00:34:51 Have you, uh, touched a woman?
00:34:55 Like my mom?
00:34:58 You want to...
00:35:01 God, no.
00:35:03 Good. That's good.
00:35:05 I can help you.
00:35:39 Hey, you were amazing last night.
00:35:43 I mean...
00:35:47 it's perfect.
00:35:50 You and Mo could probably team up
00:35:56 You know...
00:35:58 before I moved to Laguna,
00:36:01 I kind of had it made
00:36:04 Me and my boys, we were in the show.
00:36:09 Well...
00:36:11 Not a dick like Tyler, but...
00:36:14 You know, people like
00:36:20 People like you.
00:36:23 I guess I noticed you guys
00:36:28 I guess I didn't really notice.
00:36:31 I spent too much time
00:36:34 worrying about my biceps
00:36:38 Well, I came out here, and...
00:36:42 I know how that feels.
00:36:45 So, uh...
00:36:48 If you ever want to talk...
00:36:53 Well...
00:36:57 you have an amazing voice.
00:37:12 Oh, and, uh...
00:37:14 nice t-shirt.
00:37:23 Check it out.
00:37:24 These European girls,
00:37:26 they're totally cool with their titties.
00:37:28 I'd be cool with their titties, man.
00:37:29 Got to give them some of your lines.
00:37:30 I got to see those hooters.
00:37:32 Calm down, man.
00:37:34 You got to be like a brother.
00:37:36 Let the vibe do all the work.
00:37:43 Love this music.
00:37:46 Ja. Me, too.
00:37:49 Well, then, maybe we should
00:37:51 Yeah, you can sit.
00:37:53 Thank you, Lord.
00:37:56 I think it's really cool the way
00:37:59 free with your bodies.
00:38:01 Yeah, American chicks are all uptight
00:38:03 They won't even show them unless
00:38:05 a full-access web page
00:38:09 The breasts are no big deal.
00:38:12 Ja. We have nipples.
00:38:16 American men seem to get
00:38:20 Well, we're... we're not, uh,
00:38:22 your typical American men.
00:38:24 I mean, we barely
00:38:26 perfect, symmetrical, mouth-watering,
00:38:29 perky...
00:38:32 Um, yeah, we're... we're very European
00:38:36 We, uh... you know.
00:38:38 You could...
00:38:39 and smack them in us...
00:38:42 and I... I wouldn't notice.
00:38:44 Good. We can be free
00:38:54 How's it going, brahs?
00:38:56 Board?
00:38:57 Yeah, man, the board.
00:38:59 I cut it myself.
00:39:04 It's got some tasty curves.
00:39:07 It's kind of firm,
00:39:10 but yet it feels real nice in the hand.
00:39:13 You got to make sure you...
00:39:16 you treat it like a lady.
00:39:18 Stimulate it,
00:39:20 make sure the nipple
00:39:22 - Move the damn board.
00:39:24 You want to be able to caress it
00:39:27 and call it names like...
00:39:30 Hello, Sally.
00:39:34 Hey, you, uh...
00:39:36 you girls want to come
00:39:39 Mahi-mahi?
00:39:41 I'll see you
00:39:46 Thanks.
00:39:47 We go bikini shopping now.
00:39:49 Want to come?
00:39:50 Come on, six pack.
00:39:52 You got to loosen up!
00:39:54 It's like you're blow-drying your hair
00:39:56 It's Kenny G time, man.
00:40:00 Whoa. Great movement.
00:40:04 What kind of conditioner
00:40:06 Do you like?
00:40:08 Oh, yeah.
00:40:09 Hey, you guys want to see
00:40:12 Could you boys spray us?
00:40:14 Spray you?
00:40:16 Ooh, that was a nice one.
00:40:18 You take Helga. I'll take Selga.
00:40:22 Ja.
00:40:28 Come on! Paddle like an altar boy
00:40:32 I love that game American boys
00:40:35 What is it called?
00:40:36 Volleyball?
00:40:37 Strip poker.
00:40:42 That's it, zero body fat.
00:40:50 Oh, yeah, that's my Tazzy.
00:40:53 Ace high.
00:40:58 In the water.
00:41:04 Okay, hairdo. Steady.
00:41:09 They'll think I have a nice ass, right?
00:41:11 I'm not looking, man.
00:41:13 S- shweet!
00:41:15 You fellas believe in fairy tales?
00:41:19 'Cause I think we got a real
00:41:24 My boy Taz,
00:41:28 and I'm not talking about
00:41:30 I'm talking about this cat
00:41:34 And you there, hairdo...
00:41:36 if you could just loosen up
00:41:39 that would be real...
00:41:42 shweet.
00:41:44 My brother...
00:41:49 you are one juicy water wing away
00:41:52 from getting the whole thing.
00:41:54 Larry...
00:41:56 your balls are so dried up,
00:41:58 I can see them swinging off
00:42:03 Boris says he has
00:42:06 Yeah.
00:42:07 Well, he better.
00:42:09 The competition starts tomorrow.
00:42:11 All I want to know is,
00:42:14 is Ghost Babe gonna show up?
00:00:06 Get out of here while I...
00:00:10 ...finish wiping.
00:00:11 Well, you boys, uh...
00:00:14 you want to come by
00:00:18 I hand-make it, put all the little
00:00:21 How about some nice mahi-mahi?
00:00:24 Oh. That's a dingleberry.
00:00:26 Well, as you know,
00:00:28 every revolution requires a secret mission
00:00:32 so Boris and I whipped up
00:00:34 that might even the odds tomorrow.
00:00:39 What is this?
00:00:40 Microscopic crabs.
00:00:42 Kind of tough to focus on your surfing
00:00:45 when you got those cute little critters
00:00:48 In 1971, I put the crabs like that
00:00:52 into the jockstrap of President Nixon.
00:00:54 I was towel boy in racquet club,
00:00:58 and there is famous film of Nixon
00:01:03 and then immediately,
00:01:08 Those are my crabs on his balls.
00:01:12 And on that note...
00:01:14 I'm in!
00:01:19 Start scratching, Tyler.
00:01:21 Nice skid marks, Stoop.
00:01:24 I want you to wear these gloves
00:01:28 because they are clean and simple
00:01:30 and good, and so is Larry.
00:01:31 I will!
00:01:35 Thank you, Mr. Boris.
00:01:36 Now, kiss my pinky.
00:01:44 Foolish girl!
00:01:47 He could never love you.
00:01:51 I will not let you
00:01:57 I've had it with you!
00:02:03 Okay, you little carpet munchers,
00:02:05 I wish I could go with you.
00:02:11 That should do most
00:02:13 Right next to daddy, and what does
00:02:17 It sleeps in daddy's bed.
00:02:18 I can't take this anymore, you guys.
00:02:21 Hey, Boris, what's up with Larry?
00:02:23 Boychik is becoming a man right now.
00:02:27 Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:02:30 We go slowly.
00:02:32 We like to begin with erotic spanking.
00:02:35 Oh, yeah.
00:02:40 Oh, God, your touch feels so good,
00:02:44 almost otherworldly.
00:02:47 Almost like I've waited my
00:02:51 You're my dream come true.
00:02:58 You're a goddess.
00:03:03 Spank it! Spank it! Yeah!
00:03:11 That's right!
00:03:18 Mr. Boris,
00:03:21 She is a pig!
00:03:22 Tell me who is pig.
00:03:28 Yeah! My brothers!
00:03:30 Say hello to your little friend.
00:03:33 Big B, you the man.
00:03:35 Mariana was amazing.
00:03:37 You were amazing, mi amor.
00:03:39 You set me free.
00:03:41 I'm a man.
00:03:43 But, virgin boy, it cannot be.
00:03:46 I have not yet begun the sacred act.
00:03:49 What? Well, then who was the honey
00:03:54 Who is that that you give
00:04:17 I guess you got the itches, too.
00:04:18 Itches?
00:04:22 You skank, who were
00:04:32 Something's burning my balls.
00:04:38 Hey, baby.
00:04:41 You were warned.
00:04:49 Oh, God.
00:04:51 Whoa.
00:04:56 Hola, beautiful people.
00:04:59 I am Roberto Federico Maria Francesca
00:05:04 and welcome
00:05:07 for the 2005 International High School
00:05:13 I just want to say before we get started
00:05:16 that all of you are looking
00:05:18 and I'm so glad that you're all here to
00:05:21 I know.
00:05:22 Hey, Larry.
00:05:24 Heard you had a wild night last night.
00:05:27 She pick the fleas
00:05:30 Keep on scratching, Tyler.
00:05:32 Well, ladies, the final humiliation begins.
00:05:34 Humiliation, man.
00:05:37 Now you better hope
00:05:39 that Larry's new girlfriend has friends.
00:05:43 Oh. It's the old washed-up wino.
00:05:49 I knew a little surfer rebel
00:05:51 - Yeah?
00:05:53 You know what I did to him?
00:05:56 I superglued his nut sac
00:06:02 You know what that
00:06:04 bouncing up and down
00:06:07 One day, you're like a little
00:06:11 The next day, you're an
00:06:17 You know what kind
00:06:19 That's like sitting in a dark corner,
00:06:21 seeing how many onion rings
00:06:25 except you forgot to
00:06:29 Now legend has it,
00:06:33 when the moon's just right,
00:06:36 you can here old Duke
00:06:39 while the mahi-mahi's laughing.
00:06:48 All right, you old wino, enough!
00:06:52 Larry,
00:06:54 it happens to the best of us.
00:06:59 Did I ever tell you, son, that I used to
00:07:02 Adolph Schnitzel!
00:07:05 Oh, that's right.
00:07:07 I think I have a couple
00:07:10 Oh! I'm so crazy today.
00:07:13 I'm on fire.
00:07:15 You better go talk
00:07:23 You know, guys,
00:07:28 planned to say to you guys,
00:07:29 but I think if we learned anything
00:07:33 it's that history is where it's at.
00:07:38 Because I don't know
00:07:40 but I don't want to look back on today
00:07:43 many a years from now...
00:07:46 and be thinking to myself
00:07:49 that I would trade all the days
00:07:52 from this day to that for one chance,
00:07:56 just one chance
00:07:58 to come back here to this beach
00:08:00 and tell these arse clowns
00:08:03 that they may try to take our pride,
00:08:06 but they will never take our spirit!
00:08:11 Yes!
00:08:20 Pretty decent Braveheart there.
00:08:22 Jordan. Jordan, I know you're on an
00:08:25 but I don't think this
00:08:27 I had my first erotic spanking
00:08:30 and everybody
00:08:32 Even their mothers know it.
00:08:40 Oh. We best not disturb him.
00:08:42 Hello, Larry.
00:08:44 Why does he hate me?
00:08:47 Oh, come on, precious pants.
00:08:49 He just needs a little time.
00:08:51 And now our defending champions
00:08:54 from the United States of America,
00:08:56 the country bringing democracy to
00:09:01 ladies and gentlemen, from California's
00:09:05 let's give it up for Tyler Masters!
00:09:13 Larry, you're gonna be my understudy.
00:09:16 If anything happens to any one
00:09:19 you're going in.
00:09:21 If somebody breaks a leg,
00:09:27 I'm talking about someone getting
00:09:31 you're going in there,
00:09:33 - Do you understand me?
00:09:35 - Larry, I don't hear you!
00:09:37 Beautiful boys,
00:09:40 we run our delicious,
00:09:44 Ready, set, blow!
00:09:49 Oh, look at them run,
00:09:52 Oh, beautiful.
00:10:02 Watch and learn, Mary.
00:10:12 It looks like the cute Costa Rican
00:10:14 is giving my beloved homeland
00:10:18 Very beautiful, my brother.
00:10:21 I definitely sense something between those
00:10:24 It does not look like love.
00:10:29 Laguna "Ace" Masters
00:10:32 Oh, he's so beautiful
00:10:38 Now we're only waiting
00:10:41 to shake what his mama gave him.
00:10:43 What is he waiting for?
00:10:45 Don't be shy, baby!
00:10:47 It's okay. I believe in you.
00:10:50 Shweet, shweet, shweet.
00:10:52 Come on, Jordan.
00:10:58 And beautiful Jordan
00:11:01 He's going, going, and gone!
00:11:06 Not so sh-shweet.
00:11:08 Poor baby, life is not fair.
00:11:10 Oh, come on, little hedgehog.
00:11:13 I told you you're the man if anything
00:11:17 If somebody gets sick, you're in, man.
00:11:20 Aw, cheer up,
00:11:23 Hey. You ever play
00:11:33 Yes. It seems very difficult
00:11:37 I hear that they just learned to surf.
00:11:41 They're trying so hard.
00:11:47 Oh, biggity-boy-oh-boy!
00:11:52 Pura vidal
00:11:54 All of you boys were just so...
00:11:56 Oh. What is the word
00:11:57 Beautiful!
00:11:59 Now let's clap for the beautiful boys.
00:12:01 Come on. Hey. I don't see
00:12:04 What's the deal?
00:12:05 When I say clap, you clap, okay?
00:12:07 Simon Says.
00:12:08 All right, all right, all right.
00:12:13 Okay. Let's go, guys.
00:12:16 Now let's check out the scoreboard.
00:12:19 It looks like the very most beautiful
00:12:21 and currently in first place team
00:12:22 is none other than defending champion
00:12:31 Will Laguna Beach A hang on for
00:12:34 Will they look sexy doing it?
00:12:36 Will Batman escape
00:12:39 and run off with his crazy
00:12:41 I don't know.
00:12:43 We'll just have to see
00:12:57 So until tomorrow,
00:12:58 this is Roberto Federico Maria Francesca
00:13:04 saying stay beautiful!
00:13:11 Come on, you guys, huh?
00:13:13 The way I see it,
00:13:15 You can sit around all mopey-faced
00:13:18 like your grandmother just got her ass
00:13:23 or you can hope that tomorrow
00:13:26 a tasty curl out there, all right?
00:13:28 Everybody in, right now.
00:13:31 Come on!
00:13:32 Oh, no, no, no.
00:13:34 We're gonna win this thing.
00:13:36 I'm talking about a big wave.
00:13:39 Come on. Big wave.
00:13:40 Yeah!
00:13:41 Big... wave.
00:13:46 Yeah.
00:13:49 Well, the Laguna Barneys
00:13:52 That's impressive.
00:13:54 So make sure you guys come
00:13:58 Berthita's giving lap dances.
00:14:02 Better than a chimp.
00:14:05 Well, well, well, if it isn't old
00:14:10 Aren't you, uh, running a little late
00:14:15 The old Ripter's got a little
00:14:19 First, you add a little take a hike,
00:14:23 and you blend in a little asshole.
00:14:25 You know what I call it?
00:14:28 Take a hike, asshole.
00:14:37 Let's go, dumb nuts.
00:14:42 The boys will need a special support
00:15:33 Tonight, we have
00:15:35 to celebrate your victory tomorrow!
00:15:38 Yeah, right.
00:15:43 Oh, my God!
00:15:47 It is Doris. What did I tell you?
00:15:51 Wow! It really is you.
00:15:55 What happened?
00:15:56 You guys happened.
00:15:57 I, uh, I figured you guys needed
00:16:01 a little pick-me-up for tomorrow
00:16:04 unless you want to do nude
00:16:07 No, no. No.
00:16:10 What you gonna do?
00:16:12 I'm gonna rock the house,
00:16:14 and then you guys are gonna rock those
00:16:18 Understand?
00:16:20 Come on, Mo.
00:16:23 I'm gonna introduce you guys to someone
00:16:27 my jump-off girl.
00:16:29 Give it up for Doris.
00:16:36 This song is dedicated
00:16:41 The Laguna Beach Bs.
00:16:44 Now some of you guys may think
00:16:48 but I think it stands for...
00:16:52 brilliant and brave...
00:16:57 and ballsy.
00:16:59 This one's for my freaks.
00:17:04 # Love is but a song we sing #
00:17:08 # Fear's the way we die #
00:17:12 # You can make the mountains ring #
00:17:16 # Or make the angels cry #
00:17:21 # Though the bird is on the wing #
00:17:26 # And you may not know why #
00:17:30 # Come on... #
00:17:31 Oh, you really proved your point.
00:17:32 I mean, you're not gonna win,
00:17:36 # Everybody get together #
00:17:38 # Try to love one another right now #
00:17:42 You know, when we get back,
00:17:46 I mean, you're almost finished
00:17:50 # We are but a moment's sunlight #
00:17:53 I mean, you're just new.
00:17:56 Well, I knew.
00:18:01 So what do you say we go for a walk
00:18:03 # Try to love one another right now #
00:18:08 I don't think so.
00:18:11 See, um, I'm gonna go hang out
00:18:15 # Let's get together #
00:18:17 # Try to love one another right now #
00:18:22 # Oh, no #
00:18:32 What?
00:18:40 Doris live in Costa Rica.
00:18:47 You were amazing...
00:18:50 actually.
00:18:55 You know, um, I'm not so amazing.
00:19:01 You see, even if I hadn't of taken
00:19:05 I don't think I would have given you
00:19:11 You would have been just another
00:19:19 Wow.
00:19:21 That's pretty cold.
00:19:24 And, um, what about now?
00:19:31 Well, now I realized how
00:19:39 I realized that the day that you came
00:19:45 You cared,
00:19:49 and I was... I was wrong about you.
00:19:55 You know, I, uh, I respect a woman
00:20:00 who can admit her mistakes,
00:20:04 especially when she looks like you.
00:20:08 Did I say that you weren't shallow?
00:20:10 No.
00:20:13 No. No. I think... I think you said
00:20:16 you're glad you've become wise enough
00:20:22 And, um,
00:20:26 guess what time it is?
00:20:29 Um...
00:20:31 what time is it?
00:20:59 Where are you taking me?
00:21:03 Where every man in this bar
00:21:06 There's no use fighting.
00:21:07 You are ours tonight!
00:21:21 No more. I can't.
00:21:23 Really, I can't.
00:21:24 - You can.
00:21:27 Yeah. Lucky bastard.
00:21:30 Come on.
00:21:31 Really, I can't.
00:21:33 You must!
00:21:40 Oh, my God.
00:21:46 This has been very hard on her.
00:21:49 She's a hot chimp.
00:21:52 That Larry's a big pimp.
00:21:55 You know, Larry, becoming a man
00:22:00 It doesn't?
00:22:02 No. If that was what we needed most,
00:22:05 we could take care of that ourselves.
00:22:09 Oh. I think Taz has that model.
00:22:14 No. See, most American men
00:22:19 The kind of man we want is here.
00:22:24 You are Eagle Scout, ja?
00:22:25 Ja.
00:22:27 You score 1,600 on your S.A.T., ja?
00:22:30 Ja.
00:22:31 Even Home Economic teen of year, ja?
00:22:34 Ja.
00:22:36 This is great man.
00:22:40 I want you to go in there winners today,
00:22:43 boards high, shorts low, big love!
00:22:47 Hope I'm not overdressed.
00:22:50 I could change.
00:22:52 I feel like my IQ has dropped
00:22:55 Your IQ looks amazing in this.
00:22:57 I thought you guys needed at least
00:22:59 So you're the one.
00:23:03 Hola, beautiful people,
00:23:06 and welcome to the second
00:23:09 here at the International High School
00:23:12 Whoa. Doris.
00:23:18 That can't be her.
00:23:20 Oh, that's her, honey.
00:23:25 Hi. I love you.
00:23:28 Hey, Rip.
00:23:30 No. Go away.
00:23:33 I think I'll give you guys some space.
00:23:36 Will Laguna A be able to hold on,
00:23:38 or is an upset brewing in the chunky soup
00:23:43 There's only one way to tell,
00:23:46 are you ready to shred?
00:23:48 That's right!
00:23:53 You know what would
00:23:57 If you thought about me
00:24:00 Whoa.
00:24:03 - Okay, Roach?
00:24:08 Whoa.
00:24:11 Oh, ho!
00:24:13 except its name was Frank.
00:24:15 Whoa. That is a wipe out
00:24:20 And how are you?
00:24:26 Yeah! Taz!
00:24:28 Whoa! It's the little,
00:24:32 It's the 360.
00:24:36 Laguna B is really being beautiful
00:24:41 Bring it home to mama!
00:24:42 It's Taz time, baby!
00:24:44 Big wave!
00:24:47 And the Laguna A's Stoop is up.
00:24:50 - You are my warrior.
00:24:54 I don't like that guy.
00:24:55 He is up, and he is also down!
00:24:59 And look at what we have here.
00:25:01 It's Jordan Sullivan!
00:25:03 It's the new Jordan!
00:25:06 Look at him!
00:25:09 Oh, he's moving so nice,
00:25:11 Oh, shweet, shweet...
00:25:15 sh-sh-shweet.
00:25:18 Laguna B's Jordan Sullivan
00:25:20 plays that powder for big,
00:25:23 Look at him go!
00:25:25 I could cry it's so beautiful!
00:25:27 I am crying.
00:25:31 But for the rest of the competition,
00:25:33 it is wipe-out city today.
00:25:35 Yes. They all fall down.
00:25:38 Only Laguna B is looking very beautiful.
00:25:41 What a beautiful comeback.
00:25:43 I suck at this.
00:25:46 You need to find a sub for me.
00:25:48 Now wait a minute, man.
00:25:50 Nobody gets subbed out
00:25:52 Jordan, if I go back out there,
00:25:55 Well, we need
00:25:59 Wait, wait, wait!
00:26:02 I shred. I shred!
00:26:05 Chika, baby, how'd you get here?
00:26:07 I come to help.
00:26:11 Mo, we don't have
00:26:15 Okay. Okay.
00:26:21 You... got...
00:26:26 a baby... turtle...
00:26:30 in your underpants?
00:26:35 You speak Japanese?
00:26:38 No, man.
00:26:41 I, um, best chick surfer Japan.
00:26:48 Oh, okay.
00:26:51 "I best chick surfer Japan," man.
00:26:58 Yeah, I got that.
00:27:02 So you're telling us you surf?
00:27:03 Wait a minute.
00:27:05 I really shred!
00:27:07 Well, let's get her in there then.
00:27:10 Yeah, man.
00:27:14 Damn, baby!
00:27:17 Hold this, player.
00:27:19 Give me your shirt.
00:27:22 What a joke.
00:27:25 Yeah. Now that's some tasty sushi.
00:27:28 Fresh... ahi.
00:27:31 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very
00:27:34 All right.
00:27:36 Let's go, Chika!
00:27:37 Mr. Mo Peterson from Laguna B
00:27:40 has seemed to have suffered
00:27:43 Oh, my poor chocolate babies.
00:27:46 I have to go over there
00:27:49 But it says here that Mr. Mo Peterson
00:27:52 shall be replaced by a very
00:27:59 I love Asian people, you know?
00:28:00 I find them really beautiful.
00:28:03 I remember my first summer in Bangkok,
00:28:06 but, you know, this is not
00:28:09 this is not the outfit.
00:28:11 Whoa, man.
00:28:14 She can really, really shled.
00:28:16 Look at the way
00:28:18 It's like Godzilla is chasing her.
00:28:21 Do you have a prom date?
00:28:23 Whoa. Prom?
00:28:27 Laguna B's Chika is making chop suey
00:28:32 Let's go, man.
00:28:34 Oh, color me crazy,
00:28:37 a very beautiful contest
00:28:47 Prom.
00:28:53 Doris.
00:28:57 Well, amigos, it comes down
00:28:59 to determine our new champions.
00:29:02 Can Laguna A's hunky captain
00:29:06 And for our underdogs Laguna B,
00:29:08 their beautiful leader Jordan Sullivan
00:29:16 It's all on you, East Coast.
00:29:18 Yeah. Kick some ass out there, man.
00:29:23 Excuse me.
00:29:26 Larry?
00:29:27 I'm ready to rip.
00:29:29 What y'all put up in my boy?
00:29:30 Nothing that wasn't already there.
00:29:33 Listen, guys.
00:29:35 I was everybody's whipping boy
00:29:39 but, see, all along,
00:29:41 Straight A's since first
00:29:45 1,600 on my S.A.T. S,
00:29:47 the Home Economics
00:29:50 and still it took me 17 years
00:29:53 for me to finally accept
00:29:57 Ja. He is.
00:29:58 So welcome to my coming out party.
00:30:00 Surf's up, brahs.
00:30:06 You're the man, Larry.
00:30:08 Thanks, Jordan.
00:30:09 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:30:10 we have a very surprising substitution.
00:30:13 It's so over.
00:30:16 Complete annihilation.
00:30:18 Don't worry about it.
00:30:21 Larry, I know that you are man!
00:30:24 Go. Inhale. Inhale.
00:30:28 Concentrate, Larry.
00:30:31 You're so history, virgin Larry.
00:30:33 Having a little sushi party
00:30:37 You girls in, huh?
00:30:38 A little mahi-mahi?
00:30:40 You know, Tyler, if I'm correct,
00:30:42 the only "A" you've ever gotten
00:30:45 was in ninth grade American literature.
00:30:48 So?
00:30:50 It means that the only reason
00:30:52 was because you forced me to do
00:30:56 - Who?
00:30:59 But most of all, it means that in the past,
00:31:01 your greatest success was totally
00:31:05 See, whether you realize it or not,
00:31:07 that dependence is embedded
00:31:10 What's he doing?
00:31:13 He's playing with his mind.
00:31:15 Deep down, you know
00:31:17 Underneath that cool surfer exterior,
00:31:20 you know the ego-deflating truth.
00:31:23 You can't compete with me.
00:31:25 You never could on land or at sea.
00:31:28 You see, Tyler, you're a complete idiot,
00:31:30 and it's payback time,
00:31:32 and payback is hell.
00:31:36 Please. After you.
00:31:48 Larry, concentrate.
00:31:49 Larry, don't get psyched out.
00:31:52 And Masters takes the first wave.
00:31:54 I don't like that guy.
00:31:57 That guy has eyebrows of Russian.
00:32:00 You little fat bulldog-pig.
00:32:02 What's he doing?
00:32:06 Whoa! Masters plays it
00:32:10 Not very beautiful at all.
00:32:13 I don't think that will impress
00:32:15 even this one, a complete idiot.
00:32:17 You call that surfing, Tyler?
00:32:20 Maybe for dessert, we can play a little
00:32:25 Snap the sponge cake, girls?
00:32:28 So now it's all up to Laguna B's
00:32:32 who appears to be
00:32:38 We're not gonna have sex, are we?
00:32:40 You are a man without sex.
00:32:43 But we will do what you want.
00:32:49 I want...
00:32:54 a rematch at Twister.
00:32:59 And Lawrence Horatio Bates is off.
00:33:02 Oh, my God!
00:33:03 He is amazing!
00:33:07 Larry, concentrate.
00:33:09 Yeah! Ride 'em, Larry!
00:33:15 - Yeah!
00:33:21 That's right.
00:33:24 - Awesome.
00:33:25 Larry shreds?
00:33:27 Yes! Larry shreds!
00:33:30 It is a miracle.
00:33:32 He rides this wave
00:33:34 Shweet!
00:33:36 I'm so crazy over this. Okay.
00:33:38 Big wave!
00:33:40 The judges, who are so pretty,
00:33:42 have tallied the final scores,
00:33:44 so here we go.
00:33:46 I'll tell you the winner.
00:33:48 I'm so nervous,
00:33:49 I can't do it.
00:33:52 And the new 2005 International
00:33:58 is none other than everybody's
00:34:01 Laguna B, baby!
00:34:08 I'm so proud of you, boychik.
00:34:10 I'm proud.
00:34:11 That's right!
00:34:17 Nice ride.
00:34:19 Thanks.
00:34:33 Shweet!
00:34:34 Nice work, man.
00:34:37 Oh, I knew you were
00:34:39 I thought it was you.
00:34:44 So what's up, Larry?
00:34:46 Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, Tazzie.
00:34:48 This is my shizzle.
00:34:50 Yeah. That's cool.
00:35:00 Someone deserves a kiss!
00:35:06 Your brother sucks ass.
00:35:16 It's Taz time, baby.
00:35:40 Another game of Twister?
00:35:44 No, Lawrence.
00:35:46 All day.
00:35:49 All night.
00:35:51 You will be a great man in bed, ja?
00:35:53 Ja.
00:35:57 From virgin to god.
00:36:00 You know, Jordan, I think this trip
00:36:03 I don't need my Ritalin anymore.
00:36:04 I feel...
00:36:06 I feel like a...
00:36:13 Ghost Babe.
00:36:15 I told you.
00:36:18 She appears before champions
00:36:21 and then leads them to ruin, brah.
00:36:23 You're lucky I warned you.
00:36:25 So it actually seemed like you
00:36:28 for a decade, though, right?
00:36:36 Yeah. That's what it seemed like.
00:36:39 I'll see you guys in 2015!
00:36:41 No!
00:36:44 No, little shredder!
00:36:46 No!
00:36:48 You're gonna get poltergeist cock!
00:37:04 I'm gonna miss that horny little devil.
00:37:08 You got a moment, brah?
00:37:10 Oh, yeah.
00:37:11 I'll meet you by the tent.
00:37:13 Okay.
00:37:21 I'm gonna follow that a...
00:37:24 your girlfriend.
00:37:25 I'll be over here, man.
00:37:26 All right, man.
00:37:30 Uh, listen, brah.
00:37:33 There's a...
00:37:36 us... us surfers use
00:37:41 pull you out of rough water.
00:37:43 It's, uh, oma kamawa imiwawa sema.
00:37:51 Wow. That's...
00:37:52 Ah woka miaaa sum kai
00:37:55 sema wa ya da.
00:37:58 Thanks. L...
00:38:01 Ya oh mamai smuma maia.
00:38:04 Oh ai ah neskwa.
00:38:10 Uh, what does that mean?
00:38:14 It means, uh, thanks, brah.
00:38:22 Big wave.
00:38:30 I got to go.
00:38:33 - Ghost Babe!
00:38:40 Thank you for helping me.
00:38:41 Oh. My pleasure, baby.
00:38:44 Thank you for helping them.
00:38:46 Boychik,
00:38:48 I want you to know
00:38:52 and you will always
00:38:55 Thank you, Boris.
00:38:56 By any means necessary,
00:39:00 Sayonara, sweetie.
00:39:02 Right back at you.
00:39:05 My sweet jock,
00:39:07 thank you for coming.
00:39:09 Thank you for making this happen.
00:39:11 Thank you all for restoring our faith
00:39:17 You all have the spirit of
00:39:21 even if you didn't want
00:39:23 You stood up to the man.
00:39:25 You made the world a better place.
00:39:27 - We are so proud of you.
00:39:30 So please, you come back
00:39:32 and you see us real soon,
00:39:34 You come visit us, too.
00:39:36 That will not be possible.
00:39:38 We were a little more destructive
00:39:41 Yeah.
00:39:42 We possibly have
00:39:44 waiting for us, stuff like that.
00:39:46 Big time.
00:39:47 Well, our lips are sealed.
00:39:48 Zip. Bing.
00:40:10 So after this, we get to shag
00:40:17 Cool.
00:40:19 Knock yourself out, shorty.
00:40:25 Ghost Babe.
00:40:32 # Come on, people, now #
00:40:34 # Smile on your brother #
00:40:36 # Everybody get together #
00:40:38 # Try to love one another right... #
00:40:46 # Come on, people, now #
00:40:48 # Smile on your brother #
00:40:50 # Everybody get together #
00:40:52 # Try to love
00:40:56 # Oh, no #
00:40:58 Oh, ja.
00:41:00 And I say...
00:41:02 # Come on, people, now #
00:41:04 # Smile on your brother #
00:41:06 # Everybody get together #
00:41:10 # Try to love one another right now, baby #
00:41:16 What the hell is going on?
00:41:18 # Come on, people, now #
00:41:21 # Smile on your brother #
00:41:22 # Everybody get together #
00:41:25 # Try to love one another right now #
00:41:31 Mark.
00:41:33 I'd just macked my first curly fry
00:41:36 twisted around
00:41:39 a double-bubble, a mack cake,
00:41:40 and a 3-pound thunder blaster
00:41:43 and clinched my first world title.
00:41:49 Little hedgehog, mahi-mahi right here
00:41:53 How about you there,
00:41:56 You like fresh fish?
00:41:59 I form it real sweet like
00:42:06 Hold it.
00:42:08 A little something-something.
00:42:11 You want to get it?
00:42:17 Damn it! I'm sorry.
00:42:20 Marker.
00:42:22 That's it.
00:42:25 Who's my champion?
00:42:46 You guys, it's not a porno.
00:42:49 You liked it, eh?