Sweetest Thing The

en
00:00:28 Christina Walters?
00:00:30 God, I haven't heard that name in ages.
00:00:33 The kind of woman
00:00:36 That's Christina Walters.
00:00:38 We dated briefly,
00:00:43 She's a player. She just likes to have fun.
00:00:47 I met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass.
00:00:50 Totally hit it off. All night long we dance.
00:00:54 At the end of the night, she just splits.
00:00:58 I lay down all that groundwork for nothing.
00:01:02 Lesbian.
00:01:05 She gave me her number. It's been three days.
00:01:08 I saw Swingers. I know how these things work.
00:01:11 Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone.
00:01:14 I stay up nights trying to figure out
00:01:18 Maybe she wanted to call and that's why
00:01:23 "Christina
00:01:27 "Christina"
00:01:30 You know, there ought to be
00:01:35 ...to let us guys know
00:01:40 So we don't waste our time.
00:01:44 Prolonged impotence is very common
00:01:48 Lots of men suffer from it.
00:01:50 They just don't talk about it.
00:01:55 But, even still,
00:01:59 ...she should've called
00:02:02 ...and I would've thanked her for calling-
00:02:05 All right. Okay.
00:02:07 I apologize for saying she was a lesbian.
00:02:10 It's not true.
00:02:12 My male ego got bruised and I lashed out.
00:02:17 I'm not used to being blown off, that's all.
00:02:21 I'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose.
00:02:24 I know deep down inside she's scared
00:02:30 She'll settle down though,
00:02:34 Or woman.
00:02:36 Maybe has a little boxed lunch at the Y.
00:02:39 Jeez, I'm sorry. Did I say it again?
00:02:44 Why don't you shave your head, Christina,
00:02:47 Why don't you go to the Depot.
00:02:58 At least I don't get that dizzy,
00:03:02 Hooray!
00:03:08 Like I said, I'm doing fine.
00:03:10 I am fan-fucking-tastic.
00:03:39 - Christina.
00:03:41 Shake it if you've got it.
00:03:46 Miss Courtney.
00:03:47 Hello, Miss Christina.
00:03:51 Dancing too much. How you doing?
00:03:53 Same thing. How was your day?
00:03:56 Pretty good.
00:03:57 I got a new account designing
00:04:01 They got the right girl, didn't they?
00:04:04 Thank you.
00:04:06 So, what's up?
00:04:07 The usual. Defending the rights
00:04:12 Trying to squeeze every penny
00:04:16 You go get them, woman.
00:04:18 I'll order a pizza and stay in tonight.
00:04:21 Okay, but if we do that,
00:04:25 Girl, I've been shaking my ass
00:04:29 Which track?
00:04:30 Track three. Oh, yeah!
00:04:33 Koochie!
00:04:49 Is your granny here? What's going on?
00:04:52 It's Jane. She loves this song.
00:04:59 Jane, what's up?
00:05:04 He dumped me.
00:05:06 Kevin dumped me.
00:05:08 It was just three days
00:05:12 - Baby.
00:05:15 He will call up tomorrow when he realizes
00:05:20 - He's probably going through that whole-
00:05:22 He says he's been wanting this for six months.
00:05:25 He says he's been dying inside
00:05:31 - Honey.
00:05:34 We're all guilty of it.
00:05:38 It's a classic mistake, sweetheart.
00:05:41 - Yeah.
00:05:44 "Commandment four. "
00:05:46 "True Love: The Ten Commandments. "
00:05:49 "Commandment number four:
00:05:53 "Boundaries are the enemies of love. "
00:05:56 Sweetie, you know what?
00:06:00 Listen to me.
00:06:02 Dating is all about boundaries.
00:06:06 Honey, you have to protect yourself.
00:06:08 We've all had our heart stomped on
00:06:12 ...because we served it to them
00:06:15 A good defense is the best offense.
00:06:18 I am so tired of playing games.
00:06:21 This is not about playing games.
00:06:24 You can't throw yourself out there
00:06:29 That is how you get smacked down.
00:06:30 Do you understand?
00:06:32 Don't go looking for Mr. Right.
00:06:37 And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day...
00:06:42 ...that "now" part is just going to drop away.
00:06:46 Naturally, you know?
00:06:48 Meanwhile, you're just
00:06:51 Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit.
00:06:55 Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out.
00:07:00 We are taking you out.
00:07:03 No.
00:07:07 Oswaldo!
00:07:08 Hey, Christina. Courtney.
00:07:12 - Jane.
00:07:15 - Welcome.
00:07:20 Shut up!
00:07:30 Okay, girls, let's go.
00:07:37 This is it, Jane.
00:07:45 Go, baby!
00:08:36 - Right here, baby.
00:08:42 Look at the shoulder, baby.
00:08:48 What's your name, baby?
00:08:50 Here we go. Circle of love, circle of love!
00:08:58 We're going to go now.
00:09:02 Bye-bye.
00:09:16 My God. It's like Siegfried & Roy or something.
00:09:19 Martinis, ladies.
00:09:22 - Compliments of the gentleman at the bar.
00:09:28 Thank you, Leather Coat Guy.
00:09:32 Cheers.
00:09:36 Leather Coat Guy is looking good.
00:09:38 Shotgun!
00:09:41 Cheater.
00:09:46 What's up?
00:09:49 Nothing. What's up with you?
00:09:53 Nothing.
00:09:56 What's up with you?
00:09:58 Nothing. What's up with you?
00:10:02 Nothing.
00:10:03 You know, I am having the best time.
00:10:07 Are you, sweetie?
00:10:08 My boyfriend dumped me. I'm at this club
00:10:12 - I want to go home.
00:10:16 No. Christina, I can't do this.
00:10:18 Yes, you can. It's really very easy.
00:10:21 Observe.
00:10:25 I just pinched his ass.
00:10:27 I'm sorry. Hi.
00:10:29 - Hi. What's your name?
00:10:32 Peter, this is my friend, Jane.
00:10:36 I don't mean to be rude,
00:10:41 Nice to meet you, though.
00:10:44 - He hated me. I suck.
00:10:47 I'll make sure that you have fun tonight
00:10:52 What did you call me?
00:10:57 You just called me a dick. I heard you.
00:11:00 Because I didn't like the way
00:11:03 I didn't do anything to your friend.
00:11:06 You barely gave her the time of day.
00:11:09 You tried to pawn me off on her
00:11:12 You should be so lucky to even talk
00:11:17 Excuse me.
00:11:18 I wasn't suggesting you get married.
00:11:22 What? Get it on?
00:11:24 You know nothing about me.
00:11:28 What if Jane was the girl of your dreams,
00:11:31 That is the sweetest thing.
00:11:33 I never thought I'd meet her
00:11:36 "Man, I have good woman for you.
00:11:40 "Jane! Dance for the man!"
00:11:43 - Maybe that's your problem.
00:11:45 Maybe if you didn't play it so safe,
00:11:49 ...you might meet a girl you could have fun with.
00:11:52 This brilliant love advice comes
00:11:56 Always in control.
00:12:00 Nice manners, by the way.
00:12:06 Where the hell did that guy... Jane?
00:12:10 What's up with you?
00:12:13 Nothing. What's up with you?
00:12:18 I can't believe he brought that bitch
00:12:20 - This is our bar.
00:12:24 - But is she prettier than me?
00:12:28 Oh, my God, you fucking bitch!
00:12:31 I can't believe you grabbed his ass.
00:12:33 He comes right into my face
00:12:37 ...about how I like to play games
00:12:42 Can you believe him?
00:12:44 - What?
00:12:46 - I've never seen you act like this before.
00:12:50 They're fake.
00:12:51 All bah-jiggity about some guy.
00:12:54 - Bah-jiggity?
00:12:55 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare.
00:12:58 It's cool. It's why I got them.
00:13:00 - I'm not bah-jiggity.
00:13:03 They look real.
00:13:05 Thank you. You can touch it if you want to.
00:13:07 No.
00:13:08 - Touch it. She likes it.
00:13:12 If I'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter,
00:13:17 - Oh, my God.
00:13:19 You've named the puppy.
00:13:21 - I did not.
00:13:23 - I did?
00:13:26 I'm psychic and I knew his name was Peter.
00:13:30 - Knock your socks off.
00:13:33 Un-fucking-believable.
00:13:35 Fuck.
00:13:37 I am so getting a pair.
00:13:39 That's why chicks
00:13:42 It's so obvious that you like this guy.
00:13:46 Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
00:13:49 If you haven't noticed,
00:13:55 See you later.
00:13:58 - What's your problem?
00:14:06 - Hi.
00:14:09 Hey, Peter.
00:14:15 - Eric!
00:14:18 You don't have to do this.
00:14:21 I know, but I want to. I spilled your drink.
00:14:25 Okay.
00:14:26 I want to apologize.
00:14:29 I shouldn't have been impolite to your friend.
00:14:32 My brother is waiting for me
00:14:37 I mean, otherwise, I'd be all over your friend.
00:14:42 I'm the one who should apologize. I was rude.
00:14:45 No, I understand. You were protecting
00:14:50 I thought that was sweet.
00:14:56 Jesus.
00:14:58 - We good now?
00:14:59 Good.
00:15:01 I should get back to my friends.
00:15:04 Okay.
00:15:06 Thanks for the drink.
00:15:08 - Cheers.
00:15:11 - Have a good night.
00:15:21 Can you take this? I'm a total loser.
00:15:25 One more thing.
00:15:27 Should I be upset that my ex-girlfriend
00:15:32 Oh, my God!
00:15:34 - Jane!
00:15:36 - That could have been you.
00:15:40 - Was I really a dick?
00:15:45 We should start over. Why don't I walk by,
00:15:49 - I didn't grab you.
00:15:51 You grabbed me right on the ass.
00:15:53 I don't grab, okay?
00:15:57 Pete!
00:16:00 Excuse me.
00:16:01 Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting.
00:16:04 After-hours party back at the hotel.
00:16:08 Did I mention that we have
00:16:13 She puked on him!
00:16:15 Again? God, she's like a hose.
00:16:19 Or not.
00:16:21 She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick?
00:16:24 - She is hot. Bring her.
00:16:27 Fuck me. You have so much...
00:16:30 You've got to come. Let me tell you why.
00:16:33 You'll never find anyone better than my brother.
00:16:37 That hurts me. Just look at him.
00:16:40 Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now.
00:16:43 He is the shit and that's why
00:16:47 - No.
00:16:48 - No.
00:16:52 'Bye!
00:16:55 Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402.
00:17:00 All right, I'm leaving.
00:17:02 - That's my brother.
00:17:05 Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me.
00:17:08 When is the wedding?
00:17:10 Saturday afternoon up in Somerset.
00:17:14 That's nice.
00:17:16 Peter! It's looking like now.
00:17:19 You're pinching my arm skin.
00:17:22 I better go. But for real this time.
00:17:25 - It was nice to meet you.
00:17:29 Me, too.
00:17:31 Come by the party if you want to.
00:17:33 - Really?
00:17:35 I'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by.
00:17:38 I really hope I see you. But in case
00:17:43 You, too.
00:17:54 Chris, it's Court.
00:17:58 I was checking in to see
00:18:01 If you are, that means you were
00:18:06 ...which therefore means you are a loser.
00:18:11 Thanks, Court.
00:18:13 "I'm a big loser. "
00:18:16 What's up, you bitches and hos and losers?
00:18:27 Too late now.
00:18:38 He was kind of cute.
00:18:44 Funny.
00:18:49 Really funny.
00:18:54 Cute boy.
00:19:19 My God, you're so good at that.
00:19:21 I'd like to do that every hour,
00:19:25 - Of course, go ahead.
00:19:28 Don't worry about returning the favor.
00:19:31 Right.
00:19:32 I'm serious. It's just a bad rumor
00:19:36 I had no idea. I need to tell all my friends.
00:19:40 Please, do.
00:19:49 God, I'm so glad I came back to the hotel room.
00:19:53 Me, too.
00:19:56 I never thought I'd see you again.
00:20:01 - Room service.
00:20:05 - Ice cream?
00:20:09 I had them remove all the calories for you.
00:20:13 You are good.
00:20:15 All right!
00:20:17 I said I wanted to do it to you every hour,
00:20:21 Can I do it again now?
00:20:24 Okay.
00:21:10 San Francisco, California, please,
00:21:20 Great dream.
00:21:23 Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite?
00:21:29 Good. Can I have it? Thanks.
00:21:35 Really?
00:21:36 Already?
00:21:39 Have a great day. Thanks. 'Bye.
00:21:46 What am I even calling for?
00:21:54 Hello? Hey, Court.
00:21:57 Yeah.
00:22:16 - Stop talking shit about me.
00:22:18 Sorry I'm late. I don't want to talk about it.
00:22:23 I'll meet you there. I have to drop something off
00:22:28 Can it wait, please? I'm so hungry right now.
00:22:31 Isn't that Courtney's dress
00:22:34 Yeah.
00:22:35 Why are you bringing it in?
00:22:40 I'm trying to be a good girlfriend.
00:22:45 - I'm really sorry.
00:22:48 - Is that what I think it is?
00:22:50 I'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone.
00:22:53 - That's a lot!
00:22:56 My God! What's this on your skirt?
00:22:59 I am scared enough as it is to go in there.
00:23:03 "Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?"
00:23:10 You know what?
00:23:11 - You guys suck.
00:23:16 - You suck.
00:23:22 No spanky-wanky.
00:23:49 Hey, Jane.
00:23:51 - Hi, Mr. Martin.
00:23:54 - Great. She's good. Everyone's good.
00:23:58 - Everyone's great.
00:24:01 What you got for me today?
00:24:03 Just a dress, but I'll be back for it
00:24:06 - Any stains?
00:24:10 - What's this?
00:24:12 This. Come here.
00:24:15 Stain?
00:24:16 This is going to be a tough one.
00:24:21 I didn't even notice that. I must have spilled
00:24:26 No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think.
00:24:31 If I know what it is, it's easier for me to remove.
00:24:38 The field trip. Come in, children. Come in.
00:24:43 - Fuck.
00:24:46 Hi, Mr. Martin.
00:24:48 On today's field trip,
00:24:56 Jane?
00:24:58 Jane Burns!
00:25:00 Sweetheart, I haven't seen you
00:25:08 - Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin.
00:25:15 As I live and breathe, isn't it...
00:25:20 What a coincidence!
00:25:24 What a stain you got there, little Janie!
00:25:28 So how was it? Was it fun?
00:25:29 Oh, my God, I can't believe I didn't tell you this.
00:25:33 Apparently, one of the guys
00:25:37 ...was out on the balcony,
00:25:41 "Christina! Has anyone seen
00:25:47 Then he jumps off and dies
00:25:52 I don't know! I was going to. I was.
00:25:56 And then I called him at the hotel-
00:25:59 Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second.
00:26:04 - What did he say?
00:26:08 - Why?
00:26:10 Let's just sum this up real quickly.
00:26:14 In the bathroom, we hate him,
00:26:18 Then we throw beer on him.
00:26:20 Then we laugh and we flirt
00:26:23 Then we casually call him at the hotel.
00:26:28 Obsess? I'm not obsessing, okay?
00:26:32 Could all this erratic behavior
00:26:37 - No.
00:26:39 That you regret not going because
00:26:43 No, I don't regret it, and if I had any regrets...
00:26:46 ...it would be this conversation,
00:26:50 - Can we drop it?
00:26:53 I won't mention it again.
00:26:58 Even if I did regret not going to the party...
00:27:02 ...it's not like I can do anything about it now.
00:27:05 Sometimes you just have
00:27:08 - Exactly.
00:27:11 ...if there was regret...
00:27:14 ...I suppose there's always something
00:27:20 You could show up at his brother's wedding,
00:27:23 But that's only if you regretted it,
00:27:26 I just don't regret it.
00:27:31 Honey will you just admit
00:27:34 - Okay, fine I regret not going to this party.
00:27:37 I'm letting it go. I'm over it.
00:27:40 Hi, honey, how did it go?
00:27:44 - Fine. No problem.
00:27:47 Did we have fun last night?
00:27:51 Yes, I did. It was great.
00:27:52 You guys were right,
00:27:55 Good.
00:27:56 So how was he, was he good?
00:27:58 He was very sweet and complimentary.
00:28:02 And very into pleasing me first.
00:28:04 So how was girth?
00:28:07 Averag-ish.
00:28:09 "Averag-ish. " That's good.
00:28:13 What do you mean?
00:28:15 What do we always tell them, no matter what?
00:28:21 Oh, my God, your penis is so big.
00:28:27 Good girl.
00:28:29 Your penis is so thick.
00:28:34 Your penis is just so pretty.
00:28:39 You got a handsome dick!
00:28:45 Your penis, it's so...
00:28:48 ...hard.
00:28:50 Your penis is just so large.
00:28:53 My body is a movie...
00:28:57 ...and your penis is the star!
00:29:04 You're too big to fit in here.
00:29:08 Too big to fit in here.
00:29:11 Too big to fit in here.
00:29:20 "You're too big to fit in here"
00:29:30 Oh, my God.
00:29:31 Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now.
00:29:46 "What a lovely ride
00:29:48 "Your penis is a thrill
00:29:50 "Your penis is a Cadillac
00:29:52 "A giant Coup de Ville
00:29:54 "Your penis packs a wallop
00:29:58 "And when it makes a delivery
00:30:02 - "Nine
00:30:04 "Penis
00:30:05 "You're too big to fit in here
00:30:14 "Your penis is so strong
00:30:18 - "Your penis has got a rhythm
00:30:22 - "Your penis is a dream
00:30:26 "It's oozy and it's green"
00:30:31 Sorry.
00:30:32 "You're too big to fit in here
00:30:40 "You're too big to fit in here
00:30:49 "Your penis is so big
00:30:53 "Your penis is so pretty
00:30:57 "Your penis is so hard
00:31:01 - "My body is a movie
00:31:05 "Starring your penis
00:31:08 "You're too big to fit in here"
00:31:53 - Come on.
00:31:56 We've got three hours before the rehearsal.
00:32:01 - Good shot.
00:32:03 I'll shove that club up your ass, you dicklicker!
00:32:07 - What are you up by, two?
00:32:10 It doesn't get any better than this.
00:32:12 - To the marriage.
00:32:15 - To the bride.
00:32:18 To 50 years with the same woman.
00:32:22 That's really depressing.
00:32:25 Sorry.
00:32:27 Saggy tits.
00:32:29 Be able to use them as a belt by then.
00:32:32 - Or just tuck them in her socks.
00:32:36 God, this marriage is such a big leap.
00:32:42 - But if it's the right woman...
00:32:48 Get up a little. Yes. Fore!
00:32:50 You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me!
00:32:54 You're driving right into them.
00:32:56 I hear John is still AWOL
00:33:00 He showed up, missing an eyebrow,
00:33:05 - I am not an animal!
00:33:10 Speaking of bitches...
00:33:12 ...what was going on with you
00:33:16 - Nothing.
00:33:18 I don't know what you're talking about.
00:33:20 - I think you liked her.
00:33:23 Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me.
00:33:25 Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke.
00:33:34 I could see it in your eyes you liked her.
00:33:40 Nothing I can do about it now.
00:33:42 Should have poked her in the whiskers
00:33:46 What's that, Gramps?
00:33:48 I met this hot young dish...
00:33:51 ...at the World's Fair back in 1940.
00:33:55 Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven.
00:34:00 I bet you really miss Grandma.
00:34:04 Fuck Grandma.
00:34:06 It's Pearl I'm talking about.
00:34:08 She was the love of my life.
00:34:18 Fucking Grandma.
00:34:21 Be nice.
00:34:25 Come on. 7-6.
00:34:30 Fore!
00:34:51 You suck!
00:34:54 Damn it!
00:34:55 - But you smell so minty fresh now.
00:34:59 I need to borrow your black Gucci bag.
00:35:02 It's in the living room.
00:35:04 I don't know where in the living room,
00:35:08 Will you help me find it, please?
00:35:11 Since I'm up now,
00:35:15 ...I'll go and get it.
00:35:19 I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me.
00:35:22 Can you tell me where the bathroom is?
00:35:25 - Behind you.
00:35:32 Thanks.
00:35:34 Oh, my...
00:35:35 ...cock.
00:35:38 Oh, my cock.
00:35:46 Do you have any Advil?
00:35:52 He is so cute. So stupid.
00:35:59 Can I get that purse now, please?
00:36:01 Yes, you can have the purse.
00:36:04 Here's the purse.
00:36:06 Thank you very much.
00:36:12 - Where are you going?
00:36:16 - What wedding? Who's getting married?
00:36:20 Peter?
00:36:21 This Somerset place where they live
00:36:25 ...three hours north, so we have to
00:36:29 - Peter.
00:36:32 I'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding!
00:36:35 What are you talking about? Yesterday,
00:36:41 - I was joking.
00:36:45 Yes, I was.
00:36:47 Fifty percent of what people say
00:36:50 Which means you do want to go,
00:36:54 So by making some sort of joke about it,
00:36:58 ...without being vulnerable.
00:37:00 - Right?
00:37:03 Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00.
00:37:07 Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you.
00:37:11 - That was a nice one.
00:37:26 - Watch the road, sweetie!
00:37:30 Once we get off the 140...
00:37:32 ...we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit.
00:37:36 We'll drive around
00:37:40 Ta-da!
00:37:46 - What is that?
00:37:49 - You don't smell that?
00:37:52 - You're used to it. That's what's scary.
00:37:56 It smells like moldy ass,
00:38:00 Come to think of it,
00:38:03 - You did?
00:38:05 It must be the ass. No, no. Sit down.
00:38:15 - What are you doing?
00:38:18 What is all this crap?
00:38:20 Don't throw out anything I might need.
00:38:24 Where is it coming from? Where?
00:38:29 Maybe it's you.
00:38:33 I have never, ever had any complaints
00:38:38 - You know what? Neither have I.
00:38:42 Bitch.
00:38:46 What?
00:38:47 - What is this?
00:38:49 What is this?
00:38:51 Jesus, I don't know.
00:38:54 What is in here?
00:39:00 No! That is not okay.
00:39:03 It isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig.
00:39:08 There was maggots on that flesh.
00:39:17 I got maggot juice all over me.
00:39:21 Ladies' room.
00:39:23 Ladies' room.
00:39:27 - Someone's in here.
00:39:29 - It might be a while.
00:39:31 Let me put it to you this way:
00:39:33 I had lamb curry last night
00:39:39 Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?
00:39:45 Hello?
00:39:49 Clear?
00:39:54 I feel like I have maggots all over me.
00:39:57 Don't move. You have a maggot right here.
00:40:03 Stop it.
00:40:04 I'm going to pee my pants.
00:40:07 I'll just use the urinal.
00:40:11 You want to hear some poetry?
00:40:13 "There once was a man from Bandoo
00:40:17 "He dreamed of Venus
00:40:19 "And woke up with a handful of goo"
00:40:23 Don't make me laugh!
00:40:25 Darn it. I think I peed on myself.
00:40:29 "Follow the yellow brick road"?
00:40:33 I'm following the yellow brick road.
00:40:41 Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy.
00:40:47 - Oh, my God, it's on my hands!
00:40:53 What you got? What's in your mouth?
00:40:57 What you got in there?
00:41:01 What's in there?
00:41:03 Surprise!
00:41:16 Goddamn it.
00:41:17 How could you not know what a glory hole is?
00:41:20 Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe...
00:41:23 ...I don't usually spend much time
00:41:27 Goddamn. That is the funniest thing
00:41:32 I flew across that room.
00:41:37 I'm glad you find it so fucking amusing, okay?
00:41:41 Could you please have some compassion?
00:41:45 You're not going to go blind.
00:41:49 - Let me look at it.
00:41:54 Let me see. Let me see.
00:41:58 All right.
00:41:59 - Is it okay?
00:42:03 But I think you're pregnant.
00:42:05 Would you please stop it, already?
00:42:11 Re-dress the mannequins
00:42:14 Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here,
00:42:17 Mr. Mooney is off sailing with his boytoy,
00:42:21 Somebody needs to get some.
00:42:34 There's my dirty girl!
00:42:39 It's me, baby. It's me.
00:42:44 - Why are you dressed like that?
00:42:53 You look so cute.
00:42:57 - I'm horny.
00:43:06 - You'll laugh at this one.
00:43:08 You know I said I had to do laundry today,
00:43:12 - I've only got the skanky ones left.
00:43:18 You are so unbelievable.
00:43:24 Is that what I think it is?
00:43:27 - Spring break, 1994, baby.
00:44:05 - Oh, my God! Brain.
00:44:08 You and I are so awesome together.
00:44:11 We're like two peas in a pod.
00:44:13 - Like oil and vinegar-
00:44:16 I can't believe I'm fucking a purple elephant.
00:44:19 What do you mean, she's not here?
00:44:23 Sorry, Mr. Mooney. I'll check upstairs.
00:44:25 I'm gone for one day,
00:44:37 - Are you okay?
00:44:40 - What is going on?
00:44:43 I'm just frantic. I've a million things to do.
00:00:07 "Pised"?
00:00:19 - Where have you been?
00:00:22 Yeah, my aunt Fanny.
00:00:26 - Gallini's.
00:00:29 - Yes, she is.
00:00:34 - Hello?
00:00:38 Sorry, I can't talk right now.
00:00:41 We were wondering:
00:00:50 Shit.
00:01:10 Oh, shit.
00:01:12 I dropped the thingy to my lip gloss.
00:01:16 I'll get it.
00:01:20 It's too far over. I'll get it.
00:01:22 Hold on to it. Keep steering.
00:01:25 I got it. Don't worry.
00:01:29 Beneath the...
00:01:42 Yeah, baby!
00:01:49 - Oh, yeah, right there.
00:01:53 You like that?
00:01:58 Yeah. Let me have some of that.
00:02:01 - Oh, yeah. Don't stop.
00:02:31 I found it. I almost got smothered down there.
00:02:34 Shit.
00:02:36 Are you okay?
00:02:39 - You good?
00:02:44 Let's get on the same page about what we'll say.
00:02:48 Walk up to him and be like, "Peter, is that you?
00:02:52 "My friend Courtney, that hot babe?
00:02:57 "That is unbelievable.
00:03:01 "Freaky. "
00:03:34 Afternoon.
00:03:41 - Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us.
00:03:45 - We don't have time for this.
00:03:49 - Welcome to my store. Can I help you?
00:03:56 You don't like my store, do you?
00:03:59 No, that's not it at all. It's really a lovely store.
00:04:02 We were looking for something...
00:04:05 The next dress store is 20 miles from here.
00:04:09 20 miles away?
00:04:12 - We'll miss the wedding.
00:04:16 I know all about it. I dressed half the guests!
00:04:19 When I was 22...
00:04:22 ...my breastices were, like, right about there.
00:04:26 Nice and perky.
00:04:28 Gravity has taken them to there.
00:04:31 It's like, 22, 28.
00:04:34 22, 28.
00:04:37 Buy some new ones.
00:04:40 Okay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this?
00:04:47 - What is that, though?
00:04:53 - Knock, knock. Are you decent?
00:04:57 You're going to love this stuff. It's our latest line.
00:05:01 If you need other sizes, just holler.
00:05:04 Thank you, Vera.
00:05:07 Excellent.
00:05:09 Jesus.
00:05:11 - Look.
00:05:14 Wait a minute.
00:05:19 Well, you know...
00:06:24 - Thank you so much.
00:06:27 Thanks to your styling, Vera.
00:06:29 Thank you.
00:06:30 Would you like to be on our mailing list?
00:06:33 Sure. Right here?
00:06:40 Just send it there.
00:06:43 That's sweet.
00:06:46 It sure is. Thank you. 'Bye.
00:06:50 - We've got to go.
00:06:53 - Take little steps.
00:06:56 We don't have time, sweetie.
00:07:00 My God!
00:07:05 Oh, my God.
00:07:07 These are the days of our lives.
00:07:11 - This is not discreet.
00:07:15 - We can't walk into a wedding-
00:07:21 I mean, really. Look at all this...
00:07:24 I may as well strap a sign on my ass
00:07:29 I'm not going there wearing this outfit.
00:07:33 - Yes. Let's go home.
00:07:37 We've driven for three and a half hours
00:07:41 - But, no, let's go.
00:07:43 - Really. Let's go.
00:07:47 I'm not reverse psychologing you.
00:07:49 You're so good at it,
00:07:54 All right, maybe a little bit.
00:07:55 - Court, this is crazy. This was really crazy.
00:08:00 I wish there were some sign from God...
00:08:03 ...that you and Peter Donahue
00:08:06 How do you know his last name is Donahue?
00:08:09 Because you're sitting on his face.
00:08:15 - My God, it's him! He's so cute!
00:08:18 Cute? He's adorable!
00:08:20 And look at this.
00:08:23 - He's funny! He's funny, too. See?
00:08:30 Church bells.
00:08:56 What do you think? Bride or groom's side?
00:08:58 I have to go to the bathroom, I think.
00:09:01 - Did you misplace your bladder today?
00:09:06 Go to the bathroom. I'll find seats.
00:09:08 - Could you tell me where the restroom is?
00:09:23 Hello?
00:09:29 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:09:32 Really? Okay.
00:09:37 Are you okay?
00:09:39 - You'll be fine. You'll be okay.
00:09:44 Okay.
00:09:46 - Thank you.
00:09:51 - Judy!
00:09:59 I don't want to go in the deep end.
00:10:06 Flowers!
00:10:10 I look like a magazine bride!
00:10:12 No, you don't. You look really beautiful.
00:10:16 Why don't I feel good?
00:10:20 Well, I'm sure that you're just really nervous.
00:10:23 It's what every girl dreams of, but...
00:10:27 ...how do you know it's real?
00:10:30 I don't know.
00:10:34 But I'm sure the two of you
00:10:38 And if you're not,
00:10:43 - Yeah!
00:10:45 Right. You're so right.
00:10:47 So just get yourself together.
00:10:51 - I look beautiful!
00:10:53 - I look beautiful.
00:10:57 - Now, get off my dress.
00:11:01 I'm getting married!
00:11:09 Hi.
00:11:26 - I bet you miss Grandma.
00:11:32 Where is she?
00:11:49 Turn around.
00:12:02 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus.
00:12:07 Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
00:12:16 Okay, boys. We're on.
00:12:19 - All right. Straight?
00:12:22 - You look nice, too.
00:12:24 A little slap. Slap me.
00:12:28 Don't be gay in God's house.
00:12:36 Shit.
00:12:48 Chris?
00:12:50 - I'm okay.
00:12:53 - What are you doing?
00:12:57 - You all right?
00:13:01 - You okay?
00:13:03 We don't have to lie anymore
00:13:12 No. You cannot lock the door.
00:13:15 Hello!
00:13:22 Oh, please, God.
00:13:28 Suki, sukiI
00:13:35 It's already started.
00:13:46 I bet you miss Grandma.
00:13:49 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
00:13:54 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony...
00:13:57 ...of Judith Katherine Webb...
00:14:00 ...and Peter Donahue.
00:14:02 Peter?
00:14:05 Jesus Christ!
00:14:08 Peter? Shit!
00:14:12 She did it.
00:14:17 This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it?
00:14:22 - Moishe, are you here? No?
00:14:26 Mazel tov.
00:14:27 - Christina?
00:14:29 Shalom!
00:14:35 That's the strangest thing I've ever seen.
00:14:38 There are no Jews in Somerset.
00:14:42 Shit. Shit. Shit.
00:14:45 - Shall we proceed?
00:14:52 Dearly beloved...
00:14:54 ...we are gathered here today...
00:14:57 ...to celebrate the holy matrimony...
00:15:01 ...of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue.
00:15:10 Which is an honorable estate...
00:15:13 ...instituted of God, signifying...
00:15:17 ...unto us the mystical union...
00:15:19 ...that is between Christ...
00:15:23 - ... and...
00:15:24 ...Saint...
00:15:31 - I'm having reservations.
00:15:34 And is commanded...
00:15:36 About this.
00:15:37 - Really?
00:15:42 ...of Saint Paul...
00:15:44 - Me, too.
00:15:46 Yep.
00:15:51 And therefore, is not by any to be entered...
00:15:55 - I mean, I love you.
00:15:59 ...lightly.
00:16:00 Anymore!
00:16:02 - You're ruining it.
00:16:04 We're still friends.
00:16:08 - I don't want to get married.
00:16:12 No. No kiss. I haven't married you yet.
00:16:17 We're not getting married!
00:16:22 Miguel?
00:16:25 Dad!
00:16:27 But we are having the party.
00:16:59 - How you doing?
00:17:01 Yeah, no. I'm okay.
00:17:03 - You owe me $30,000 for this wedding.
00:17:06 - You know what I'm thinking of doing?
00:17:09 I'll cash in the honeymoon tickets,
00:17:14 - I'll rip your face off, peckerhead.
00:17:18 - Sweetie?
00:17:20 - I have a confession to make.
00:17:24 Dad. I met someone.
00:17:28 - You met someone.
00:17:30 Online.
00:17:35 His name is Ricky. I think he's really special.
00:17:37 Fuck it! It's go time! Son of a bitch!
00:17:42 Daddy, stop it!
00:17:58 Refresh my memory.
00:18:04 - Yeah.
00:18:11 I'm such an idiot.
00:18:14 No, you're not.
00:18:16 I meet a guy for two minutes...
00:18:19 ...and I'm chasing after him
00:18:25 Maybe you want someone special for once.
00:18:31 Maybe you were thinking
00:18:39 Are you tired of the game?
00:18:44 Yep.
00:18:48 Let's go home.
00:18:50 Okay.
00:19:09 My God! What's going on?
00:19:12 Excuse me, Officer?
00:19:14 What's going on here?
00:19:15 Twenty years on the force,
00:19:19 - What? Where?
00:19:22 Apartment three.
00:19:25 - That's my apartment!
00:19:29 Poor girl. Never saw it coming.
00:19:32 Excuse me.
00:19:35 - Goddamn dress!
00:19:38 I live here!
00:19:49 - Apparently, they're stuck.
00:19:54 Are you okay?
00:19:56 How are you stuck?
00:19:59 I have a piercing.
00:20:02 - I don't get it. How is she stuck?
00:20:06 How the hell do you know that?
00:20:08 - Honey, I'm going to pull you really gently.
00:20:12 I'm going to pull it. Gently.
00:20:16 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:20:19 We've got the ambulance waiting outside.
00:20:25 She could sing. You could sing, Jane.
00:20:37 Stop it! You're getting me hard again!
00:20:40 Wrong song.
00:20:43 Armageddon.
00:21:01 Come on, try.
00:22:08 What?
00:22:13 She says to him,
00:22:17 It did!
00:22:19 And this sad little tear slowly...
00:22:21 Come on. What do you want from me?
00:22:26 I don't even know why I started talking to her
00:22:30 - You thought I was the shit.
00:22:33 Shithead.
00:22:34 - My God.
00:22:37 They found a donor for my patient.
00:22:42 - Christina, it was great meeting you.
00:22:45 - Jane, it was great meeting you.
00:22:47 So sorry to run off.
00:22:50 It's fine.
00:22:56 - Can I just say, that was so sweet?
00:23:00 - He's so sweet.
00:23:02 He doesn't have any piercings, does he?
00:23:07 I don't know, actually...
00:23:08 ...because I haven't done that with him yet.
00:23:14 - So, you know...
00:23:17 I don't want to talk about it, because I'll jinx it.
00:24:19 - I closed on the Mahalock house today.
00:24:23 You don't need to do a thing.
00:24:26 - What did they say about aluminum siding?
00:24:30 - Really?
00:24:32 Be careful with those fat-free chips.
00:24:35 - You cause anal leakage.
00:24:48 What kind of marketing brainiac
00:24:55 How can they even sell that crap?
00:24:57 - What time is your flight?
00:25:01 I can't believe you're going to Costa Rica.
00:25:04 Your female problems are over with.
00:25:07 - Hope so.
00:25:09 You know what I hear about Costa Rican women?
00:25:11 - For five pesos-
00:25:13 They take your chimichanga and your pequito...
00:25:17 - No, señor.
00:25:20 All I'm saying is,
00:25:26 - You all right, Vera?
00:25:33 - Thank you so much.
00:25:35 Put her down right here.
00:25:38 Since you're going away,
00:25:42 Yes, ma'am. I'd love to. Thank you.
00:25:47 I've been trying to get us off
00:25:50 Relax.
00:25:52 This is the hottest chick in this store
00:26:19 Very strange.
00:26:26 Sweetie, Christina, what's going on?
00:26:33 I came to just eat my cookie
00:26:36 You didn't want to eat the cookies? What?
00:26:39 Just read this.
00:26:43 "Commandment number nine:
00:26:49 Honey, we have gone over this.
00:26:51 You did not know the guy was getting married.
00:26:55 It's all right. He wasn't possible.
00:26:57 Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten.
00:27:01 - "Thou shalt not fear"?
00:27:06 What are you talking about, fear?
00:27:08 What you did was an incredibly brave thing.
00:27:11 You dropped all of your boundaries
00:27:15 More than halfway, you went to Somerset.
00:27:18 Guys, it was just another game. Come on.
00:27:22 If he hadn't been getting married,
00:27:28 That's right.
00:27:31 I would've done the same old thing.
00:27:38 ...froze up.
00:27:44 Give him the wrong phone number.
00:27:46 Hook that fish and just throw him right back.
00:27:52 Jesus.
00:27:57 I'm stuck in a rut.
00:28:03 Big, fat rut.
00:28:08 Guys, I don't want to be that girl anymore.
00:28:12 - I know.
00:28:15 I know. None of us do.
00:28:21 Let's go dancing.
00:28:27 So, any chance?
00:28:29 Of what? No, don't even bother.
00:28:44 - How is it shaking, ladies?
00:28:47 Your body is banging. Your face is-
00:28:50 Neato. Thanks. Neat.
00:28:58 What's going on, hot mama?
00:29:04 Bringing it down. Bringing it up now!
00:29:11 Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey.
00:29:14 The monkey, the monkey, the monkey!
00:29:23 - You're working that monkey.
00:29:26 - You have some original moves.
00:29:30 - Have me met before?
00:29:34 I'm Donny.
00:29:40 Christina.
00:29:42 This is like Sixteen Candles.
00:29:46 I'd love to take you out sometime.
00:29:48 Really? Well, that's nice. I mean...
00:29:53 Give me your card, I'll call you sometime.
00:29:56 Thank you.
00:29:59 You seem like a really nice person.
00:30:01 - Work on the monkey.
00:30:33 Hey, Donny.
00:30:35 - Do you have a pen?
00:30:42 I'm a jerk and I wanted to apologize,
00:30:47 I'll give you my number so that you can call me...
00:30:51 ...because I found out something
00:30:56 It's okay to take a chance.
00:30:58 Love is crazy and that's what love is,
00:31:03 My girlfriend Courtney and I
00:31:08 I went across the state, practically,
00:31:12 I don't even know you, but here I am,
00:31:17 And I know that if I just take a chance
00:31:22 Forget it.
00:31:24 What's a guy got to do to get laid?
00:32:06 - Chris?
00:32:07 Honey?
00:32:12 What?
00:32:17 My God.
00:32:21 What am I going to do?
00:32:23 I think you can handle this one on your own.
00:32:27 It's all good, girl.
00:32:30 Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay.
00:32:43 What are you doing here?
00:32:45 - I came here to apologize to you.
00:32:48 For not telling you I was getting married.
00:32:51 I should have told you that and I didn't.
00:32:54 You're the guy that needs the last fling
00:32:58 No. I'm not that guy.
00:33:00 You spilled my drink and I let you buy me a beer.
00:33:08 We had fun, we talked and that was it.
00:33:11 Right?
00:33:14 Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:33:17 I didn't get married.
00:33:25 - What do you mean?
00:33:32 I hope my... That thing that happened
00:33:37 No, it had nothing to do with that.
00:33:39 We realized we were doing the wrong thing.
00:33:45 But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali.
00:33:48 She really liked you, too.
00:33:54 It was just one of those spontaneous things
00:34:00 It was just, really...
00:34:03 It just got screwed up.
00:34:10 I came here tonight because I wanted to see you.
00:34:13 I thought that maybe...
00:34:18 Well, that night that we met...
00:34:21 ...I thought there was something,
00:34:26 I thought that maybe you might feel that way, too.
00:34:31 Is this a mutual thing?
00:34:34 This is a very stupid thing. I'm stupid.
00:34:37 I should go.
00:34:40 And I'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now.
00:34:43 Thanks. See you. I'm stupid. That's right.
00:34:48 In fact, that's exactly what I wanted to do.
00:34:54 Yes. Gosh, it's going so well.
00:35:18 I'm not going to be afraid.
00:35:27 Peter?
00:35:32 Shit. Peter, wait!
00:35:47 Shit.
00:36:05 Come on!
00:36:08 Are you okay?
00:36:11 Yes.
00:36:14 I don't think I handled that too-
00:36:16 I didn't handle it at all. I'm so sorry.
00:36:20 I wanted to find you so that I could tell you...
00:36:24 ...that I did come to your wedding
00:36:28 ...because the feeling is mutual,
00:36:46 That was weak.
00:36:49 - Weak?
00:36:52 It's okay. You can try again.
00:37:06 You were so much better in my dream.
00:37:09 Hold these.
00:37:15 - I thought this was mutual.
00:37:18 I'm serious. I'll call you, okay?
00:37:22 What? Wait!
00:37:24 Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch.
00:37:26 I'm out of practice! I just woke up!
00:37:30 Unbelievable!
00:37:39 Christina Walters. Yep. I know her.
00:37:42 Bitch. Made my life a living hell.
00:37:46 She tries to pawn me off on her friend.
00:37:49 She hunts me down like a dog
00:37:52 Then, when I try to apologize, she's like:
00:37:55 "I don't know you. You're one of hundreds.
00:38:06 Is that how I sound?
00:38:15 The movie is starting. Let's go!
00:38:46 Fuck Grandma.
00:38:57 Save yourself a buck.
00:39:04 - A girl that you lick.
00:39:06 - That you lick.
00:39:16 Are you all right?
00:39:18 You're watching the credits?
00:39:38 - Chicks freak on this guy.
00:39:51 Copy that.
00:39:59 Is that what you want?
00:40:06 I think there's always time for a movie montage.
00:40:20 I hope you like how sexy I am.
00:40:29 Okay. I'm not going to be afraid.
00:40:37 I'm not.
00:40:41 It's a very bad rumor. It's a rumor. I'm serious.
00:40:46 Crap.
00:40:54 You really got my ass. It's good.
00:41:01 Cut!
00:41:10 - I look beautiful.
00:41:12 - I look beautiful. Thank you.
00:41:22 We can sit here like this all night.
00:41:24 - I bet you miss Grandma.
00:41:36 - I'm not bah-jiggity.
00:41:52 It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus.
00:41:58 I guess a blowjob is out of the question?
00:42:01 That is the sweetest thing.
00:42:03 'Bye!
00:42:11 Well, that was fun.
00:45:44 - It's over. Bye-bye, go home.