Thank You For Smoking

en
00:02:42 Robin Williger.
00:02:44 He is a 15-year-old freshman
00:02:47 He enjoys studying history.
00:02:49 He's on the debate team.
00:02:51 Robin's future looked
00:02:54 but recently he was
00:02:56 a very tough kind of cancer.
00:02:58 Robin tells me he has
00:03:02 and he no longer thinks
00:03:09 Whoo!
00:03:11 And our final guest today
00:03:15 Mr. Naylor is the vice president
00:03:19 Now, they are the tobacco
00:03:23 in Washington, D.C.
00:03:24 and Mr. Naylor is
00:03:45 Few people on this planet know
00:03:47 what it is to be truly despised.
00:03:49 Can you blame them?
00:03:52 I earn a living
00:03:54 that kills 1,200 human beings a day.
00:03:57 1,200 people.
00:03:59 We're talking
00:04:01 of men, women and children.
00:04:04 I mean, there's Attila,
00:04:05 Genghis,
00:04:07 and me,
00:04:08 Nick Naylor,
00:04:09 the face of cigarettes...
00:04:10 the Colonel Sanders of nicotine.
00:04:13 This is where I work,
00:04:15 the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
00:04:17 It was established
00:04:20 you may recognize from C-SPAN.
00:04:21 These guys realized quick
00:04:24 that cigarettes were not addictive,
00:04:25 they better have proof.
00:04:28 This is the man they rely on,
00:04:30 Erhardt Von Grupten Mundt.
00:04:32 They found him in Germany.
00:04:34 I won't go into the details.
00:04:36 He's been testing the link
00:04:37 between nicotine
00:04:38 for 30 years and hasn't found
00:04:42 The man's a genius.
00:04:43 He could disprove gravity.
00:04:45 Then we've got our sharks.
00:04:46 We draft them out
00:04:48 and give them time-shares
00:04:51 It's just like
00:04:52 you know, without all the espionage.
00:04:55 Most importantly,
00:04:58 That's where I come in.
00:05:00 I get paid to talk.
00:05:02 I don't have an MD or law degree.
00:05:06 I have a bachelor's in
00:05:09 You know that guy
00:05:11 I'm him
00:05:13 on crack.
00:05:17 This is obviously a heated issue
00:05:19 and we do have a lot
00:05:23 Nick, do you have a question?
00:05:24 Joan,
00:05:25 how on earth would
00:05:29 off of the loss of this young man?
00:05:32 Now, I hate to think
00:05:34 but, if anything,
00:05:37 It's not only our hope,
00:05:41 to keep Robin alive and smoking.
00:05:43 - That's ludicrous.
00:05:45 Joan, and please,
00:05:47 with the fine, concerned
00:05:50 The Ron Goodes of this world...
00:05:54 want the Robin Willigers to die.
00:05:57 - What?
00:05:58 So that their budgets will go up.
00:06:00 This is nothing less than
00:06:02 and you, sir, ought
00:06:04 I ought to be ashamed of myself?
00:06:06 As a matter of fact,
00:06:09 a $50 million campaign
00:06:12 aimed at persuading kids
00:06:17 Because I think
00:06:19 that there is nothing
00:06:21 than America's children.
00:06:23 All right, now,
00:06:24 we're going to want
00:06:26 but I have to take a short break.
00:06:27 Hang on, a lot more coming.
00:06:32 $50 million?! Are you
00:06:35 Everyone has a boss.
00:06:36 BR just happens
00:06:37 to be mine.
00:06:39 He came from the vending
00:06:41 This made him tough.
00:06:44 The name BR came
00:06:47 The people who know
00:06:50 The deal was five million!
00:06:52 $5 million will get you
00:06:55 It's not going to impress anyone.
00:06:56 That's the idea, Nick.
00:06:57 You'll be thanking me soon.
00:06:58 This'll probably get you great press.
00:06:59 I gotta call the captain
00:07:02 Get your ass back to D.C.
00:07:18 Thank you so much for coming.
00:07:22 Mr. Naylor?
00:07:23 It's your turn.
00:07:24 Ah.
00:07:26 Joey is such a bright young man.
00:07:28 We all look forward
00:07:29 to his coming out
00:07:31 He's a bit shy.
00:07:33 Yeah, he gets that from his mother.
00:07:44 Hey, Joey.
00:07:46 Please don't ruin my childhood.
00:07:49 Come on, Joey. Trust me.
00:07:59 How many of you want to be
00:08:02 Right.
00:08:03 How about...
00:08:05 movie stars?
00:08:08 How about lobbyists?
00:08:09 What's that?
00:08:10 It's kind of like being a movie star.
00:08:12 It's what I do.
00:08:14 What do you talk about?
00:08:15 I speak on behalf of cigarettes.
00:08:17 My mom used to smoke.
00:08:19 She says that cigarettes kill.
00:08:22 Really? Now, is your mommy a doctor?
00:08:24 No.
00:08:25 A scientific researcher of some kind?
00:08:27 No.
00:08:28 Well, she doesn't exactly sound
00:08:29 like a credible expert,
00:08:32 Don't feel bad.
00:08:33 It's okay to listen to your mom.
00:08:35 I mean, it's good to listen
00:08:38 All I'm suggesting
00:08:40 is that there will always
00:08:43 what to do and what to think.
00:08:45 There probably already are
00:08:46 Am I right?
00:08:47 Yes.
00:08:48 I'm here to say
00:08:50 that when someone tries to act
00:08:54 you can respond, "Who says?"
00:08:57 So, cigarettes are good for you?
00:08:59 - No!
00:09:01 That's not what I'm getting at.
00:09:02 My point is that you have
00:09:05 You have to challenge authority.
00:09:07 If your parents told you
00:09:09 would you just take their word for it?
00:09:11 No.
00:09:12 Exactly.
00:09:13 So perhaps instead of acting
00:09:15 when it comes to cigarettes,
00:09:16 you should find out for yourself.
00:09:18 Okay, then.
00:09:19 Thank you, Mr. Naylor,
00:09:31 Every week we meet here at Bert's.
00:09:33 Together, we represent
00:09:35 for the tobacco, alcohol and
00:09:38 We call ourselves the MOD Squad.
00:09:40 All right.
00:09:41 M-O-D, Merchants of Death.
00:09:43 So, my day's ruined.
00:09:45 Why?
00:09:46 Dateline's doing a segment
00:09:47 on fetal alcohol syndrome.
00:09:49 Polly works
00:09:51 A casual drinker
00:09:53 Polly quickly developed
00:09:55 a tolerance usually reserved
00:09:58 In our world, she's the woman
00:10:00 that got the pope
00:10:05 We're gonna get creamed.
00:10:06 Any ideas?
00:10:08 I don't know.
00:10:09 Deformed kids are tough.
00:10:11 I'm lucky my product only makes
00:10:14 You could hug the kids.
00:10:16 They're not going
00:10:18 Who's doing the segment,
00:10:20 Sawyer, probably.
00:10:21 You're fucked.
00:10:22 Why?
00:10:23 Cause she's gonna hug them.
00:10:24 Look, if you see her going in
00:10:26 maybe just box her out,
00:10:29 BobbyJay works for SAFETY,
00:10:31 - the Society for the Advancement of Firearms
00:10:33 and Effective Training for Youth.
00:10:35 You want me to smile?
00:10:39 After watching the footage
00:10:42 BobbyJay, then 17, signed up
00:10:44 so he, too, could shoot
00:10:47 But the National Guard
00:10:49 so BobbyJay ended up
00:10:52 which was almost as good
00:10:55 Only they shoot back.
00:10:57 You know, you can beat
00:10:59 - by sucking on activated charcoal tablets?
00:11:02 Maybe we should change
00:11:04 "If You Must Drink and Drive,
00:11:06 Yeah, but don't the police wonder
00:11:07 why you're sucking on charcoal?
00:11:08 There's no law against charcoal.
00:11:10 - Yet.
00:11:16 Dad, why is the American
00:11:19 Because of our
00:11:24 Joe, you're not writing down
00:11:27 Mm-hmm.
00:11:28 Joey, stop for a second.
00:11:30 What is the subject of your essay?
00:11:32 Why is American government
00:11:35 Your teacher crafted that question?
00:11:36 Yeah. Why?
00:11:38 Well... I'll look past
00:11:41 in syntax for a moment,
00:11:43 and I'll focus more on the core
00:11:45 I mean, "A,"
00:11:46 does America have
00:11:49 And "B," what constitutes
00:11:51 Is it crime, is it poverty, literacy?
00:11:53 Hmm?
00:11:55 And America- definitely not best.
00:11:56 Perhaps not even better than most.
00:11:57 We do have a very
00:11:58 Dad.
00:12:00 I'm sorry.
00:12:03 Are you familiar with the term "B.S."?
00:12:05 Bullshit.
00:12:07 Yes, exactly.
00:12:09 B.S., if I may, is what
00:12:12 your teacher posed are made for.
00:12:14 Because even if America
00:12:16 there'd be no way to prove it.
00:12:17 And how many pages are you writing?
00:12:19 Two pages.
00:12:20 Two pages...
00:12:21 Definitely not in two pages.
00:12:23 So what am I supposed to write?
00:12:25 You can write whatever you want.
00:12:27 Okay.
00:12:29 Write about...
00:12:30 write about America's
00:12:32 to make profit by breaking down
00:12:35 and bringing American jobs
00:12:38 Or how good we are
00:12:40 They're all correct answers.
00:12:42 I can do that?
00:12:44 See, Joey, that's the beauty
00:12:45 'Cause if you argue correctly,
00:12:55 Dad, if I finish
00:12:58 can we stay up all night?
00:13:00 That's a negotiation,
00:13:05 Well, Conway, see you made it.
00:13:08 Yeah, I guess that little
00:13:10 I feel better.
00:13:11 I feel a lot better, too.
00:13:12 As a matter of fact, I never
00:13:15 How about a cigarette?
00:13:34 Is he...?
00:13:35 Yeah.
00:13:38 Hey.
00:13:41 Nick, you still own a watch, don't you?
00:13:45 Jill, I can't help feeling
00:13:46 Joey's getting the wrong idea
00:13:48 It would be great if I could spend
00:13:50 a little more time with him,
00:13:51 To give him a fair
00:13:55 Nick, you had plenty
00:13:57 Now you're his weekend guardian.
00:13:58 Besides, he has Brad.
00:14:01 He still needs his father.
00:14:02 Nick.
00:14:04 You have a second?
00:14:07 Sure, Brad.
00:14:08 Nick, your job
00:14:12 I hope you understand
00:14:14 a real killer.
00:14:16 What are you talking about?
00:14:18 I just hope you're providing
00:14:20 a smoke-free environment
00:14:22 Brad, I'm his father.
00:14:25 You're the guy fucking his mom.
00:14:29 That was unnecessary.
00:14:32 Thank you all.
00:14:35 Tobacco is winning the war.
00:14:38 The war against our children.
00:14:41 They like to use cartoons
00:14:45 Well, now we have
00:14:48 Doctor.
00:14:50 It is my hope that
00:14:53 every cigarette package
00:14:55 sold in America
00:14:58 Perhaps then, cigarettes
00:15:00 appropriately as poison.
00:15:03 I will be holding
00:15:05 to discuss the inclusion
00:15:08 in the next two weeks.
00:15:10 As usual, I extend
00:15:11 to big tobacco.
00:15:14 Perhaps this time they will
00:15:18 And their answers.
00:15:19 Thank you very much.
00:15:25 People, what is going on out there?
00:15:29 I look down this table,
00:15:33 Our numbers are down
00:15:35 Teen smoking-
00:15:37 is falling like a shit from heaven.
00:15:41 We don't sell Tic Tacs,
00:15:43 We sell cigarettes.
00:15:45 And they're cool and available
00:15:49 The job is almost done for us.
00:15:52 This environmentalist
00:15:57 We have to have an answer.
00:16:00 I'm asking you,
00:16:02 when this cocksucker puts
00:16:04 what the fuck are we going to do?
00:16:05 - BR.
00:16:08 If I may.
00:16:09 In 1910,
00:16:12 the U.S. was producing
00:16:14 By 1930,
00:16:16 we were up to 123 billion.
00:16:18 What happened in between?
00:16:20 Three things.
00:16:21 A world war,
00:16:23 dieting... and movies.
00:16:27 Movies?
00:16:28 1927-talking pictures are born.
00:16:31 Suddenly, directors need to give
00:16:33 something to do
00:16:35 Cary Grant, Carole Lombard
00:16:38 Bette Davis- a chimney.
00:16:40 And Bogart-
00:16:41 with him and Lauren Bacall?
00:16:42 Well, yea... not specifically.
00:16:45 Oh, she sort
00:16:46 of shimmies in
00:16:48 19 years old.
00:16:51 Pure sex.
00:16:52 She says,
00:16:53 "Anyone got a match?"
00:16:56 And Bogie throws
00:16:59 and she catches them.
00:17:01 Greatest romance of the century.
00:17:04 How'd it start?
00:17:07 These days when someone
00:17:09 they're either a psychopath
00:17:13 The message Hollywood
00:17:15 is smoking is cool.
00:17:17 We need the cast of Will and Grace
00:17:19 smoking in their living room.
00:17:21 Forrest Gump puffing away
00:17:23 Hugh Grant earning back
00:17:26 by buying her favorite brand-
00:17:31 Most of the actors smoke already.
00:17:34 If they start doing it on-screen,
00:17:37 we can put the sex
00:17:40 Well, it's a thought.
00:17:42 I was hoping for something
00:17:44 but at least you're thinking.
00:17:45 Rest of you people,
00:17:47 against your desks
00:17:48 until something useful comes out.
00:17:50 That was awesome.
00:17:52 Thank you.
00:17:54 Nick, you've been summoned.
00:17:56 Captain wants to see you.
00:17:57 He saw the Joan show.
00:17:58 What'd he think?
00:17:59 Get your ass on the next flight
00:18:05 Most people have this image
00:18:07 of tobacco executives
00:18:09 on private planes,
00:18:11 as they count their money.
00:18:13 Not me.
00:18:15 I like to ride with the people.
00:18:17 Know your clients.
00:18:19 My people cram themselves
00:18:21 pop a Xanax and dream
00:18:23 they can stuff their face
00:18:26 If I can convince just one of
00:18:29 I've paid for my flight-round-trip.
00:18:40 The Captain is the last great
00:18:44 He introduced filters
00:18:46 when cigarettes first got
00:18:49 Later, he founded
00:18:54 The club was founded
00:18:57 so they'd have a place
00:19:03 Here, the Captain is a legend-
00:19:06 a self-made man who started
00:19:09 and ended up with everything...
00:19:12 except, evidently, a son.
00:19:15 Nick, my boy.
00:19:17 You're just in time for mud.
00:19:20 Thank you.
00:19:22 Sit down there. Yeah.
00:19:26 Yeah.
00:19:28 You know the secret
00:19:31 No, sir.
00:19:32 Well, you crush the mint
00:19:35 down onto the ice with your thumb
00:19:38 and you grind it in, see?
00:19:41 And it releases the menthol.
00:19:45 Hmm.
00:19:46 Now you know who taught me that?
00:19:47 No, sir. Who?
00:19:48 Fidel Castro.
00:19:55 Do you remember 1952?
00:19:57 Well, sir, I wasn't alive in 1952.
00:20:00 Good Lord, I was in Korea
00:20:05 Really?
00:20:07 Today they're our best customer.
00:20:10 Next time we won't have to shoot
00:20:12 No, sir.
00:20:14 1952 was the year
00:20:18 nailed us with
00:20:21 As Churchill said,
00:20:24 that was perhaps the end
00:20:26 Tell me,
00:20:30 do you enjoy your current work, Nick?
00:20:32 Yes, sir.
00:20:33 It's challenging...
00:20:34 If you can do tobacco,
00:20:38 Yes, sir, I like that.
00:20:41 You know, Nick, you remind me
00:20:44 just a little bit
00:20:46 Well, thank you, sir.
00:20:49 Like that Joan Lunden show you did.
00:20:51 You could have given up,
00:20:53 but you didn't.
00:20:54 You stayed loyal.
00:20:56 And you gave it
00:21:01 My pleasure.
00:21:07 Now, BR's come under the idea
00:21:10 that we should start bribing
00:21:13 to make the actors smoke on screen.
00:21:17 You know, like in the old days.
00:21:20 Say, that's, uh...
00:21:22 that's a great idea.
00:21:25 Mm-hmm.
00:21:26 Smart man, that BR.
00:21:28 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:21:29 And loyal.
00:21:50 Yes, sir?
00:21:52 Have a seat, Ron.
00:22:04 You, see, Ron, I can't be
00:22:09 That's why I send
00:22:11 to speak on my behalf.
00:22:12 When you're there,
00:22:16 the guy your friends probably like,
00:22:18 you're Senator Finistirre's aide,
00:22:21 and your name really doesn't matter.
00:22:24 So, when
00:22:26 Ron Goode acts
00:22:29 on the Joan Lunden Show,
00:22:32 I am being an asshole
00:22:35 Senator, sir, he sprang on me like...
00:22:37 Where in the hell
00:22:40 He was supposed to be quite reliable.
00:22:42 The Pulmonary Council
00:22:45 Fucking nonprofits.
00:22:51 When you're looking
00:22:54 he should be hopeless.
00:22:55 He should have a wheelchair.
00:22:57 He should have trouble talking.
00:22:59 He should have
00:23:02 he carries around
00:23:03 hopeless.
00:23:05 I apologize, sir, but if it wasn't
00:23:07 - for Nick Naylor...
00:23:10 Don't you even think
00:23:15 The man shills bullshit for a living.
00:23:17 You work for a fucking senator.
00:23:19 A senator who is supposed
00:23:21 Have a little... pride,
00:23:24 It won't happen again, sir,
00:23:31 All right, you're excused.
00:23:40 Sometimes I feel like
00:23:42 a Colombian drug dealer.
00:23:46 The other day, my own granddaughter,
00:23:51 asked me, "Granddaddy, is it true
00:23:55 cigarettes are bad for you?"
00:24:00 We got to do something, Nick.
00:24:03 I think you're our man.
00:24:04 Thank you, sir.
00:24:06 I want you to work
00:24:08 Get out there the next
00:24:11 and report directly to me.
00:24:15 Sir, about the,
00:24:16 the $50 million.
00:24:19 Anti teen-smoking advertising.
00:24:22 Well, shit, I sure hope
00:24:27 I hope.
00:24:40 Nick,
00:24:41 you're family now.
00:24:43 Tobacco takes care of its own, eh?
00:24:46 Thank you, sir.
00:25:00 Mr. Naylor?
00:25:02 Hi.
00:25:03 Hi. Welcome to Tobacco One.
00:25:04 Thank you.
00:25:06 The captain told me to take
00:25:08 So if there is anything
00:25:11 to make your flight
00:25:12 you be sure and let me know now.
00:25:28 BR.
00:25:29 Pleasant flight?
00:25:30 Oh! You could say that.
00:25:32 Came up on the Captain's plane.
00:25:34 Oh, it's quite the way to travel.
00:25:36 I wouldn't know.
00:25:38 No? You never been on Tobacco One
00:25:39 with those seats, that kitchen,
00:25:43 that stewardess, Tiffany?
00:25:44 Haven't had the chance yet.
00:25:46 Oh, well, you really must try it.
00:25:48 It's the only way to travel.
00:25:50 What'd he think of your $50 million
00:25:53 Oh, the $50 million
00:25:55 Yeah.
00:25:56 Yeah, he gave that the go-ahead.
00:25:58 Oh, and he loved your idea
00:25:59 to put cigarettes back into movies.
00:26:00 - That was your idea.
00:26:03 - He must have gotten confused.
00:26:05 Yeah. Well, either way,
00:26:10 Right. Well, get a flight to L.A.
00:26:13 I'll get you a meeting
00:26:14 Who?
00:26:15 Hollywood super agent.
00:26:16 Runs the agency EGO:
00:26:20 This guy is the entertainment business.
00:26:22 And you are cigarettes, BR.
00:26:24 Whatever.
00:26:28 Yeah, but it's not a vacation,
00:26:30 And California is one
00:26:32 states, it's got
00:26:33 the largest number of electoral
00:26:35 I mean, this could be
00:26:38 You know what?
00:26:39 You're not going to
00:26:40 You're probably going
00:26:42 to take him
00:26:44 where a guy with an electronic
00:26:46 that his father is the devil.
00:26:47 That's unfair.
00:26:48 Unfair? What about Virginia?
00:26:50 And what about Virginia?
00:26:51 You took him to a cigarette factory.
00:26:53 No, I took him to a tobacco farm.
00:26:55 That's hardly the same thing.
00:26:56 This conversation's over.
00:27:02 Oh, fuck.
00:27:04 Last week we had another
00:27:07 Of course,
00:27:08 an hour later the Washington Post
00:27:10 is calling me on the phone-
00:27:13 I said to 'em, I says,
00:27:14 "Now if a plane crashes
00:27:18 do you blame the Boeing Corporation?"
00:27:20 Nice.
00:27:21 - That's a good one.
00:27:22 If some booze-besotten drunk
00:27:25 do you go banging on the doors
00:27:27 Tell me you didn't say that.
00:27:28 Mm-hmm.
00:27:30 Have either of you heard of a
00:27:32 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Irish type.
00:27:35 Brown hair, big blue eyes.
00:27:37 Nice skin.
00:27:38 Amazing tits.
00:27:39 Tits? Why are tits relevant?
00:27:42 Hmm, let's see.
00:27:43 World-class tits on a reporter
00:27:46 with privileged information
00:27:49 How about it, Nick?
00:27:51 Don't answer that.
00:27:53 Depends whose tits.
00:27:56 Look, just don't get screwed,
00:27:58 Bobby, I think I can handle
00:28:01 Thank you.
00:28:12 Heather Holloway.
00:28:13 Nick Naylor, big tobacco.
00:28:17 Is this kosher?
00:28:19 Only if I can call you "Heather."
00:28:21 By all means.
00:28:26 So, Mr. Naylor...
00:28:27 - Nick.
00:28:29 Let's start with...
00:28:31 An '82 Margaux.
00:28:33 Okay. Is it good?
00:28:35 Good? It'll make you believe in God.
00:28:52 So what is the focus of your piece?
00:28:55 - You.
00:28:56 You want to know how I live
00:28:58 No. I don't imagine
00:29:02 I want to know how you see yourself.
00:29:05 I'm...
00:29:06 a mediator between two sects
00:29:09 that are trying
00:29:11 Interesting.
00:29:13 My other interviews have pinned
00:29:16 bloodsucker, pimp,
00:29:19 and my personal favorite
00:29:23 Wow, that sounds
00:29:26 Who else should I talk to?
00:29:28 55 million American smokers,
00:29:30 or perhaps
00:29:33 who is constantly being treated
00:29:36 I actually do plan on speaking
00:29:37 Good.
00:29:38 They're fine people,
00:29:40 Nick, why do you do this?
00:29:43 What motivates you?
00:29:51 You really want to know?
00:29:53 Mm-hmm.
00:29:55 Really?
00:29:56 Mm-hmm.
00:29:58 Population control.
00:30:06 You're bad.
00:30:10 Everyone's got a mortgage to pay.
00:30:12 The yuppie Nuremberg defense.
00:30:14 So is a mortgage that much
00:30:18 Well, 99% of everything done
00:30:22 is done to pay a mortgage,
00:30:25 would be a better place
00:30:27 Then why don't you rent?
00:30:29 Mm. Well, I rent as well.
00:30:31 - Really?
00:30:33 My son and his mother
00:30:35 live in my house.
00:30:36 I live in my apartment.
00:30:37 What does Nick Naylor's
00:30:41 I don't know.
00:30:44 It wouldn't make
00:30:46 Can I see it?
00:30:50 You want to see my apartment?
00:30:52 I'd like to see
00:31:02 I know what
00:31:06 This is a bad idea, right?
00:31:11 I mean, come on.
00:31:13 It's not that bad of an idea.
00:31:29 Mom, why can't I go
00:31:30 to California?
00:31:32 Because California's
00:31:36 And besides,
00:31:39 for your father to bring you
00:31:42 Appropriate for who?
00:31:43 What?
00:31:46 Mom, is it possible that
00:31:48 of your failed marriage out on me?
00:31:51 Excuse me?
00:31:53 This California trip seems like
00:31:56 and a chance for me
00:31:59 But if you think it's more important
00:32:01 to use me to channel your frustration
00:32:03 against the man you no longer love,
00:32:05 I'll understand.
00:32:11 How'd you convince her?
00:32:13 It was an argument,
00:32:16 That's my boy.
00:33:04 Nick?
00:33:05 Nick, Jack, Jeff's assistant. Hey.
00:33:08 How was your flight?
00:33:10 It's, like, 2:00 in D.C.
00:33:12 You know what?
00:33:13 Jeff swears by it- in fact,
00:33:15 I'm gonna hook you up
00:33:16 Who's this with you?
00:33:18 You guys ever been to L.A. before?
00:33:19 You want to head back
00:33:21 In fact, we probably should-
00:33:23 We actually had some problems at first
00:33:26 The reflection of the sun was causing
00:33:29 Oh, is everybody all right?
00:33:31 Yeah, they got three-picture deals
00:33:33 - It's a nice building.
00:33:34 Hey, tell Jeff you think so, okay?
00:33:36 'Cause he just put a lot
00:33:39 And you know something?
00:33:43 What's up, Hiroshi?
00:33:44 Keep going- that sand's
00:33:48 All right, come here,
00:33:50 That one right there?
00:33:54 - $7,000 for a fish?
00:33:56 Kind of makes you want
00:33:58 but I guess you kind of have to.
00:33:59 Hey, you see that
00:34:01 Swear to you- $12,000,
00:34:04 It's a Chamberlain- office-warming gift
00:34:08 Generous gift.
00:34:10 Yeah. Right!
00:34:12 Don't get me wrong, Matthew is
00:34:15 and an extremely decent human being,
00:34:16 however, before Jeff
00:34:19 Now he's a name.
00:34:24 Do you hear that?
00:34:30 No.
00:34:32 Exactly.
00:34:43 Hey, Neal.
00:34:45 Neal, I'm gonna impale
00:34:47 and I'm gonna feed her dead body
00:34:50 Aw, Jack, you got me!
00:34:52 That guy!
00:34:54 It's an inside joke.
00:34:56 So, as you can see,
00:34:59 Jeff just really loves Asian shit.
00:35:01 Uh, Candace, is he ready?
00:35:03 - Mm-hmm.
00:35:05 Okay, Joey,
00:35:07 Is there anything I can get
00:35:09 like an orange juice
00:35:12 - No, thanks.
00:35:16 Wow, it's a great office.
00:35:19 Yeah. Jeff basically designed
00:35:21 The architect just made the drawings.
00:35:23 Jack, stop it.
00:35:25 Next you're gonna be telling him
00:35:27 what position I played
00:35:28 Quarterback.
00:35:29 Jeff Megall.
00:35:31 Nick Naylor.
00:35:32 Mr. Naylor's here to see
00:35:34 - into the hands of somebody
00:35:37 - RAVs?
00:35:39 Oh, well, then yes, I guess
00:35:41 Good. I think we can help.
00:35:44 Jeff invented product placement.
00:35:46 I feel I have to ask, uh...
00:35:48 Are you concerned at
00:35:51 about the health element?
00:35:53 I'm not a doctor, I'm a facilitator.
00:35:56 I bring creative people together.
00:35:57 Whatever information there is,
00:35:59 People will decide for themselves.
00:36:01 They should. It's not
00:36:03 It'd be morally presumptuous.
00:36:05 I could learn a lot
00:36:08 Now, what we need is
00:36:10 a real winner.
00:36:11 Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire.
00:36:13 Right, on two packs a day.
00:36:14 Only he can't live
00:36:16 Why not?
00:36:17 The health issue's way too prevalent.
00:36:19 People would constantly
00:36:21 why he's smoking-
00:36:24 How do you feel about the future?
00:36:26 The future?
00:36:28 Yeah, after the health thing's
00:36:30 A world
00:36:31 live together in perfect harmony.
00:36:33 Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie
00:36:35 Message From Sector Six.
00:36:37 All takes place in a space station.
00:36:40 They're actively looking
00:36:42 So cigarettes in space?
00:36:43 It's the final frontier, Nick.
00:36:45 But wouldn't they blow up
00:36:48 Probably.
00:36:50 But it's an easy fix-
00:36:53 "Thank God we invented the..."
00:36:55 whatever device.
00:36:56 Brad Pitt.
00:36:58 Catherine Zeta-Jones.
00:37:00 They've just finished ravishing
00:37:02 each other's bodies
00:37:04 They lie naked, suspended in air
00:37:06 underneath the heavens.
00:37:08 Pitt lights up.
00:37:10 He starts blowing smoke rings
00:37:12 Catherine's naked, flawless body,
00:37:14 as the galaxies go whizzing
00:37:17 Now, tell me that
00:37:20 I'd see that movie.
00:37:21 I'd buy the goddamn DVD.
00:37:22 You know, if the academy
00:37:25 You know,
00:37:27 you guys ought to think
00:37:29 to be released simultaneously
00:37:31 Sector Sixes.
00:37:33 No one's ever done it
00:37:34 Wow.
00:37:35 Well, where do we go from here?
00:37:37 You enjoy the rest of your day
00:37:40 while I find out
00:37:42 Hey, where can I get
00:37:45 You ought to try Nobu's new place.
00:37:47 - He only serves food that's white.
00:37:50 So, you go to an office,
00:37:53 then you go on TV
00:37:56 Then you fly out to L.A.
00:37:57 to talk to some guy who
00:38:00 - What is that?
00:38:03 I know, but did you study to do that?
00:38:06 No. No, I just kind of figured it out.
00:38:09 Then can't anyone just do that?
00:38:11 No, it, uh, requires a...
00:38:15 a moral flexibility
00:38:20 Do I have flexible morals?
00:38:23 Well, let's say
00:38:26 And you were asked
00:38:27 Worse than that- a child murderer.
00:38:29 Now,
00:38:30 the law states that every person
00:38:34 Would you defend them?
00:38:36 I don't know.
00:38:38 - deserves a fair defense.
00:38:39 so do multinational corporations.
00:38:42 So, what happens when you're wrong?
00:38:45 Well, Joey, I'm never wrong.
00:38:47 But you can't always be right.
00:38:48 Well, if it's your job to be right,
00:38:51 But what if you are wrong?
00:38:54 Okay, let's say that
00:38:56 and I'm defending vanilla.
00:38:57 Now, if I were to say to you,
00:39:00 "Vanilla's the best flavor
00:39:03 - "No, chocolate is."
00:39:05 But you can't win that argument.
00:39:07 So, I'll ask you-
00:39:10 is the end-all and be-all
00:39:12 It's the best ice cream;
00:39:15 Oh. So it's all chocolate
00:39:17 Yes, chocolate is all I need.
00:39:18 Well, I need more than chocolate.
00:39:20 And for that matter,
00:39:22 I believe that we need
00:39:24 when it comes to our ice cream,
00:39:26 that is the definition of liberty.
00:39:28 But that's not what
00:39:30 Ah, but that's what
00:39:32 - But... you didn't prove that vanilla's the best.
00:39:35 I proved that you're wrong-
00:39:38 But you still didn't
00:39:39 convince me.
00:39:41 'Cause I'm not after you.
00:39:42 I'm after them.
00:40:01 Hello?
00:40:03 Thought I'd give you a little update.
00:40:05 Jeff. You still at the office?
00:40:07 Do you know what time it is
00:40:10 - No.
00:40:12 It's the future, Nick.
00:40:15 Anyway, for Pitt to smoke,
00:40:16 it's $10 million;
00:40:19 25?! Usually when I buy two
00:40:22 What's the extra five for?
00:40:23 Synergy.
00:40:25 These are not stupid people;
00:40:28 Pitt and Zeta-Jones lighting up
00:40:30 in the bubble suite's
00:40:32 Well, for that kind of money,
00:40:34 my people will expect
00:40:36 Can Brad blow smoke rings?
00:40:38 I don't have that information.
00:40:39 Well, for $25 million,
00:40:41 Oh, one other thing-
00:40:42 the picture
00:40:44 The Sultan of Glutan?
00:40:46 The one who massacred
00:40:48 Aren't they calling him
00:40:51 No, I can't speak to that-
00:40:53 he's been a very reasonable
00:40:55 He's fun. You'll like him.
00:40:56 I better run it by my people.
00:40:58 No problem.
00:40:59 Oh, that's London calling.
00:41:00 7:00 A.M. in the Old Empire.
00:41:02 Jeff, when do you sleep?
00:41:04 Sunday.
00:42:07 - Operator.
00:42:10 - There's a package downstairs for you.
00:42:16 Captain, I'm sitting in front
00:42:19 I don't suppose this is a raise.
00:42:21 Now, Nick, do you know
00:42:25 Yeah, of course.
00:42:27 He's dying.
00:42:30 Not exactly our biggest fan.
00:42:32 Well, the money's for him.
00:42:33 Now, he has a ranch
00:42:36 I want you to bring it to him.
00:42:38 He's a cowboy, sir,
00:42:42 It's not a bribe. No, sir.
00:42:44 You're going out there
00:42:47 You mean we're just going
00:42:50 Well, I think Christ himself
00:42:51 "That's mighty white of you boys."
00:42:54 No gag agreement?
00:42:56 Hopefully, he'll be so damn
00:42:58 he'll... he'll have to shut up.
00:43:11 Hey, kiddo, I got to go do
00:43:14 this afternoon, all right?
00:43:15 Can I come?
00:43:16 No. Not this time.
00:43:18 But I want to see what you do.
00:00:57 What the fuck are you doing here?
00:00:59 Uh... uh...
00:01:02 Do you have a minute?
00:01:09 What do you want?
00:01:11 Dad!
00:01:12 Joey, get back in the car.
00:01:20 Just want to talk.
00:01:23 All right.
00:01:25 Let's talk.
00:01:43 Pearl, we got company.
00:01:48 Mister, you got a lot of nerve
00:01:51 Honey, why don't you show
00:01:58 I'll be right back, tiger.
00:02:16 Saw you on...
00:02:18 Weren't you on that TV show?
00:02:22 Yeah. Yeah, that was me.
00:02:25 You're lucky you made it
00:02:29 Yeah. Tobacco used to be
00:02:31 Now TV is leading the witch hunt.
00:02:35 Strange business.
00:02:37 Last year, after I was diagnosed,
00:02:40 flew east to attend the
00:02:47 Stood up and told them
00:02:49 they ought to cut back
00:02:54 You know what your boss said to me?
00:03:00 He said, "We're certainly sorry
00:03:03 "to hear about your medical problem.
00:03:07 "However, without
00:03:11 "of your medical history,
00:03:14 we can't comment further."
00:03:19 But then they tried to pretend
00:03:21 I never worked for 'em.
00:03:25 Yeah, I got the pay stubs.
00:03:27 But, hell,
00:03:32 I never
00:03:34 Marlboro.
00:03:36 I smoked Kools.
00:03:43 You look like a nice-enough fella.
00:03:46 What are you doing
00:03:50 I'm good at it.
00:03:52 Better at doing this
00:03:54 than I ever was
00:03:55 Aw, hell, son.
00:03:58 I was good at shooting VC.
00:04:00 I didn't make it my career.
00:04:04 I suppose we all
00:04:12 Your dad always bring
00:04:14 No. I live with my mom.
00:04:17 He tell you why he's here today?
00:04:19 He said that your husband
00:04:24 Yeah, well, not anymore.
00:04:28 Hello.
00:04:30 Yeah. Hey, can you hold on a second?
00:04:32 You need anything else,
00:04:36 So I'm standing here
00:04:38 filling up pill bottles...
00:04:40 So you're here to talk me
00:04:48 That what's in that case of yours?
00:04:50 Yeah, basically.
00:04:54 No, not basically.
00:04:56 That's... that's exactly it.
00:05:00 My dignity ain't for sale.
00:05:02 It's not an offer.
00:05:04 Taxes have all been paid.
00:05:05 You get to keep it
00:05:08 The idea is that, somehow,
00:05:10 your guilt will prevent you
00:05:13 Are you supposed to be
00:05:14 telling me all that?
00:05:16 No, sir. Just apologize,
00:05:19 give you the money, and leave.
00:05:21 Why are you telling me this?
00:05:25 Because, this way,
00:05:27 Why would I do that?
00:05:28 Because you're mad.
00:05:30 Damn straight I am.
00:05:31 The first thing you'll do,
00:05:32 is you'll call the L.A. Times,
00:05:34 - Huh?
00:05:36 She does really good
00:05:37 controlled outrage.
00:05:38 Tell them, "No Bonnie, no story."
00:05:39 Watch it on MSNBC.
00:05:40 - Okay.
00:05:42 you open up the case...
00:05:47 and you pour all the cash
00:05:51 - Why?
00:05:52 It'll look more effective that way.
00:05:53 Don't forget to shake
00:05:59 If you can, you know,
00:06:01 Once it's all
00:06:04 tell them what you're
00:06:05 What am I going to do with it?
00:06:06 You're going to donate it.
00:06:07 Yeah. Start the Lorne Lutch
00:06:10 You're going to have
00:06:11 and a 5K.
00:06:14 Wait a minute.
00:06:15 What about my family?
00:06:20 But, Lorne, you can't keep the money.
00:06:22 Why the hell not?
00:06:24 What do you mean?
00:06:25 Denounce us,
00:06:28 I mean, look at it.
00:06:36 I got to think this over.
00:06:37 Lorne, whoa.
00:06:38 News doesn't work that way.
00:06:40 You can't denounce us next week.
00:06:49 I don't suppose I can
00:06:52 No, Lorne. Either you keep
00:06:56 or you... you give it all away.
00:07:09 Dad, how did you know
00:07:11 he would take the money?
00:07:16 You'd have to be crazy
00:07:19 When I saw he wasn't crazy,
00:07:22 Would you have taken it?
00:07:25 If I were him? Sure.
00:07:30 So would I.
00:07:43 I don't think you understand, sir.
00:07:45 He's like a wild animal.
00:07:46 You'll have to be
00:07:48 He has this trick.
00:07:49 Ron, shut up.
00:07:50 I've tangoed with presidents,
00:07:52 I think I can handle Mr. Nick Naylor.
00:07:57 All right, welcome back, kids.
00:07:58 We've got two guests
00:08:00 First, joining us
00:08:02 I must have that tie clip!
00:08:04 ...is the senator from
00:08:07 Please welcome Ortolan Finistirre.
00:08:09 Welcome, Senator.
00:08:10 Good to be here, Dennis.
00:08:12 And, joining us here
00:08:13 he is the chief spokesperson
00:08:15 for the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
00:08:18 Quite an august chamber, might I add?
00:08:19 - Nick Naylor. Nick, welcome.
00:08:21 All right, I understand you were
00:08:24 Didn't make a lot
00:08:26 I will say that I don't think
00:08:27 I'll be getting
00:08:29 to the Finistirre Labor Day Barbecue.
00:08:31 Well, I continue to offer
00:08:34 to join us in Congress
00:08:36 of our new poison label which,
00:08:39 Nick, ready to trek up
00:08:42 before Congress?
00:08:43 Well, I'd love to, Dennis,
00:08:45 is calling for me to be fired.
00:08:47 It's not exactly
00:08:49 Yeah. Bit of a mixed message,
00:08:52 Well, not as mixed as the stance
00:08:54 about the dangers
00:08:56 - Oh, no.
00:08:57 You're a wind-up artist.
00:09:00 He's got a bit of a point there,
00:09:01 Sorry. I just can't
00:09:03 I... I... I'm just tickled by the idea
00:09:05 of the gentleman from Vermont
00:09:07 calling me a hypocrite
00:09:10 in one day, held a press
00:09:12 for the American tobacco fields
00:09:14 then he jumped on a private jet
00:09:16 and flew down to Farm Aid
00:09:19 - Oh, come on.
00:09:22 Care to comment, Senator?
00:09:24 He... I... No.
00:09:26 Eloquent in its brevity.
00:09:28 Emotional issue.
00:09:29 Let's take some phone calls now.
00:09:30 Herndon, Virginia.
00:09:33 Dennis, has anyone ever
00:09:35 to kill someone live on your show?
00:09:37 My demo's been called quirky
00:09:41 we're not skewing
00:09:43 Then it's your lucky day.
00:09:45 Because I'm here to tell
00:09:47 we're going to dispatch
00:09:50 for all the pain and suffering
00:09:57 As I said, emotional issue.
00:10:00 I got to fire a call screener.
00:10:28 Let's go.
00:11:06 This is Nick Naylor
00:11:08 "Don't do drugs, smoke cigarettes."
00:11:12 That's really great.
00:11:13 It's like I'm looking in a mirror.
00:11:15 New idea:
00:11:17 cigarettes for the homeless.
00:11:19 We'll call them "hobos."
00:11:22 Uh, that's awful.
00:11:23 Any better than "Sector Sixes"?
00:11:25 Right.
00:11:27 Oh, my God, Nick, you're on TV.
00:11:31 "Lobbyist on the lookout."
00:11:34 You got to be kidding me.
00:11:38 I want to fuck you
00:11:42 And they call me sick.
00:11:44 Hurry.
00:11:45 Before your segment ends.
00:11:47 All right.
00:11:55 Tell me more about Los Angeles, baby.
00:11:57 Huh?
00:12:02 He says he wants
00:12:04 I said, "Who's paying for it?"
00:12:06 He says the tobacco company's
00:12:07 I said, "I don't need a bodyguard."
00:12:09 I'm a man of the people.
00:12:10 Rock on, Kennedy.
00:12:12 Listen, we're all going to
00:12:14 Did you see the coverage
00:12:16 got themselves over this weekend?
00:12:17 They made it seem like
00:12:19 pregnant women to drink.
00:12:20 I'm surprised I didn't get kidnapped
00:12:22 on my way to work this morning.
00:12:23 I don't think people from
00:12:27 need to worry about
00:12:30 Pardon me?
00:12:32 Look, I mean,
00:12:33 nothing personal,
00:12:35 a little more heat than alcohol.
00:12:38 Oh, this is news.
00:12:39 My product puts away 475,000 a year.
00:12:43 Oh, okay, now 475 is a legit number.
00:12:46 Okay, 435,000.
00:12:47 That's 1,200 a day.
00:12:48 How many alcohol-related deaths
00:12:50 - Well, does that...
00:12:52 That's, what, 270 a day?
00:12:56 Wowee.
00:12:57 270 people, a tragedy.
00:13:00 Excuse me if I don't exactly see
00:13:02 about kidnapping anyone
00:13:03 - Well, you haven't even
00:13:05 - taken into account the number of deaths
00:13:07 - breathe.
00:13:09 11,000.
00:13:11 11,000, are you kidding me?
00:13:14 30 a day.
00:13:16 That's less than passenger car
00:13:17 No terrorist would bother
00:13:33 Okay, look...
00:13:34 I'll say.
00:13:37 I'm sure both of you warrant
00:13:40 Thank you.
00:14:02 Hey... please.
00:14:04 Who are you guys?
00:14:09 And freedom means
00:14:11 And that's really important.
00:14:14 Because otherwise,
00:14:17 And that's why America is
00:14:21 Whoa, hey, hey, hey.
00:14:23 Hey, no need for that,
00:14:26 Whoa, whoa, hey.
00:14:27 Hey, wait.
00:14:28 Can we get a dialogue going here?
00:14:30 Nick, we want you
00:14:33 So many people.
00:14:34 Half a million people a year
00:14:36 That, there's no data
00:14:38 Nick... you're not on TV anymore.
00:14:43 Okay, Joey, it's your turn.
00:14:48 Hey!
00:14:49 Nick, how much do you smoke a day?
00:14:51 Hey, what are you doing?
00:14:52 According to the box,
00:14:55 contains 21 milligrams of nicotine.
00:14:57 That's, like, what?
00:14:58 One pack?
00:14:59 Our industry has been working
00:15:02 Nick! Just listen, all right?
00:15:04 What makes America
00:15:06 The passion that doesn't exist
00:15:08 Says here there are
00:15:10 from those things.
00:15:11 Let's see, "arrhythmia,
00:15:13 "constipation, dyspepsia,
00:15:15 - "nausea...
00:15:17 pharyngitis, sinusitis..."
00:15:19 Sure you can call it capitalism,
00:15:22 a celebration of tariff breakdowns...
00:15:24 "dysmenorrhea..."
00:15:27 I don't even want to know
00:15:29 Hey, look, I guess you could
00:15:31 asking for five million,
00:15:32 But I don't want any money, Nick.
00:15:34 Well, what do you want?
00:15:35 I mean, I'm all ears here.
00:15:36 I have another word for it-
00:15:40 love.
00:15:41 What does any man want?
00:15:43 The love of a woman,
00:15:44 crisp bacon...
00:15:46 an average life span over 80 years.
00:15:51 Oh, Nick...
00:15:55 ...you don't look so good.
00:16:04 If you should smell smoke,
00:16:06 please dial zero for the operator.
00:16:09 Before leaving the room,
00:16:13 Find your nearest
00:16:16 then soak a washcloth
00:16:21 Do not remove your washcloth.
00:16:23 Try at all times to avoid
00:16:27 If necessary, crawl on
00:16:31 to avoid the inhalation of smoke.
00:16:33 Do not be alarmed.
00:16:35 There are still
00:16:37 that link smoking to emphysema.
00:16:47 You woke up.
00:16:49 Perhaps a bad choice of inflection.
00:16:51 Is she implying that I
00:17:06 I was so scared.
00:17:07 Hey, Joey.
00:17:10 What happened?
00:17:11 No nonsmoker
00:17:14 the amount of nicotine
00:17:16 Hate to say it, but...
00:17:18 cigarettes saved your life.
00:17:23 Can I quote you on that, doc?
00:17:25 You're a real trooper, my boy.
00:17:27 Hey, Captain,
00:17:29 where are you?
00:17:31 Winston-Salem General.
00:17:34 Damn heart failing me again.
00:17:36 I thought we could be roommates.
00:17:38 Nick, before
00:17:40 there is one thing.
00:17:41 All right, don't get
00:17:44 You can't smoke.
00:17:50 That's no problem.
00:17:51 I've quit before.
00:17:53 I did during the pregnancy.
00:17:55 How long, you think?
00:17:56 I don't think you understand.
00:17:58 It's a miracle you came
00:18:01 Any smoking- one cigarette-
00:18:02 could put you right back
00:18:04 Your body just can't handle it.
00:18:12 Nick, I don't want to put
00:18:14 but we got a camera crew
00:18:16 If we want to make
00:18:19 You want to unhook me here?
00:18:21 This just goes to prove what
00:18:25 These nicotine patches
00:18:29 Smoking saved my life.
00:18:31 Considering your condition,
00:18:34 before Senator Finistirre's
00:18:36 on the usage of poison labels
00:18:38 Oh, I think now more than ever
00:18:40 it is imperative that I be there.
00:18:42 Nothing will keep me from testifying.
00:18:44 Fucking kidnapping.
00:18:47 I don't understand, sir.
00:18:49 Aren't we considering
00:18:52 Well, he didn't die.
00:18:54 He was almost killed, sir.
00:18:56 That's the point.
00:18:58 Now he looks like a victim,
00:19:02 The way I heard it,
00:19:04 laying in Lincoln's crotch
00:19:06 covered in nicotine patches
00:19:09 - that said...
00:19:12 It was some pretty fucked up shit.
00:19:14 Shh!
00:19:15 How are you feeling?
00:19:17 I don't know.
00:19:20 First time I'm thinking these
00:19:23 You might be right about that.
00:19:25 What are you doing?
00:19:28 It may be small,
00:19:30 One shot, bam.
00:19:31 Listen, Nick is not
00:19:34 Cool.
00:19:35 Yeah, huh?
00:19:36 I mean, uh...
00:19:37 guns are to be treated with
00:19:39 You'll make a great father.
00:19:41 Thanks.
00:19:47 Hey, there he is!
00:19:48 Hey, he's back!
00:19:50 Hey!
00:19:51 Welcome back.
00:19:53 - You okay?
00:19:55 Good, 'cause you're booked on
00:19:57 For once we got public sympathy
00:20:00 We can start our own little
00:20:03 I mean, we couldn't have planned
00:20:05 Oh, maybe next time
00:20:09 Oh. Uh, I heard the, uh...
00:20:11 Heather Holloway article
00:20:14 Really?
00:20:16 Yeah, anything I should be
00:20:17 Uh, yeah, the Cancer Association.
00:20:19 Apparently, they have it in for us.
00:20:21 Fuckers.
00:20:33 What?
00:20:35 I got a call from the paper.
00:20:37 Really?
00:20:40 They wanted the correct spelling
00:20:43 You didn't tell her
00:20:45 Who?
00:20:46 Heather?
00:20:48 No.
00:20:51 I mean, maybe in passing, I...
00:20:54 In passing.
00:20:55 Oh, God, he fucked her.
00:20:57 I tried to warn you.
00:20:58 Hey, he didn't fuck her.
00:21:03 When?
00:21:05 In passing.
00:21:06 Look, she's a really nice girl.
00:21:07 Oh, God.
00:21:08 We're really fucked.
00:21:28 "Nick Naylor,
00:21:31 "would have you believe he
00:21:34 "But really, he's doing it
00:21:38 The MOD squad-meaning,
00:21:42 is comprised of Polly Bailey
00:21:45 and BobbyJay Bliss
00:21:47 of the gun business's
00:21:51 As explained by Naylor,
00:21:55 is to compete for
00:21:57 as they compare strategies
00:21:58 on how to dupe the American people.
00:22:01 The film, Message from Sector Six,
00:22:04 would emphasize the sex appeal
00:22:06 in a way that only floating, nude,
00:22:09 copulating Hollywood stars could.
00:22:12 This did not stop Nick
00:22:16 with a suitcase of cash
00:22:19 of his recent lung cancer diagnosis.
00:22:23 Nick's own son, Joey Naylor,
00:22:27 for the job as he joins his father
00:22:29 on the majority of his trips.
00:22:38 I have Heather Holloway on line one.
00:22:41 Heather.
00:22:42 Hey, Nick, what did you think?
00:22:44 Heather, uh... I...
00:22:45 I mean, there's a lot
00:22:48 that is off the record.
00:22:50 You never said anything
00:22:52 I presumed anything said while
00:22:57 Nick...
00:22:58 If you wanted to talk on a plane
00:23:00 or at a movie or over dinner,
00:23:04 But you wanted to fuck.
00:23:06 That's fine by me.
00:23:07 You used me.
00:23:10 Oh, Nick, come on.
00:23:11 Now we're being children.
00:23:13 Look, we both love our jobs.
00:23:16 I'm just a reporter,
00:23:18 How can you do this to me?
00:23:23 For the mortgage.
00:23:33 Bitch.
00:23:34 Whore.
00:23:35 You should have been
00:23:39 You've destroyed all the good
00:23:42 Well, we'll work up a rebuttal.
00:23:43 Heather Holloway isn't
00:23:46 No, there isn't going
00:23:47 What do you mean?
00:23:48 Don't talk to anyone.
00:23:50 We're pulling you
00:23:52 No, no, no. You can't pull me
00:23:53 All you'll be doing is giving
00:23:55 I'm ready to testify.
00:23:56 Look, Nick, half of my job
00:23:58 Today, that consists
00:23:59 of distancing ourselves
00:24:02 letting you take
00:24:06 Your job relied on your ability
00:24:08 and spin the truth.
00:24:09 I just cannot imagine a way
00:24:11 in which you could have fucked
00:24:12 There's just no way I could
00:24:15 Then I assume you've run this
00:24:17 Captain died this morning.
00:25:17 Mr. Naylor,
00:25:19 Your things are waiting for you
00:25:21 at the information kiosk
00:25:23 Look, if you don't pick your
00:25:24 we're instructed to throw it out.
00:25:28 Mr. Naylor, this is Special
00:25:31 Having not found any leads in
00:25:34 we're going to be
00:25:35 to the local D.C. police,
00:25:36 so please refer to them
00:25:39 for any updates and questions.
00:25:42 Nick, Jack in Jeff Megall's office.
00:25:45 Jeff really enjoyed
00:25:48 and he's just... he's torn up
00:25:51 that you two couldn't find
00:25:53 He's really just... I don't know.
00:25:55 So, listen,
00:25:57 so you drop me a line
00:25:59 Uh... my e-mail is, uh...
00:26:18 Who is it?
00:26:19 It's me, Nick.
00:26:23 Jill, this is a bad time.
00:26:26 Let me in.
00:26:29 No.
00:26:31 I brought someone
00:26:39 Hey, buddy.
00:26:40 Hey, Dad.
00:26:42 Coke in the fridge.
00:26:51 So, this Heather Holloway,
00:26:56 Yes. She's pretty hot.
00:26:59 Don't take it so hard.
00:27:01 A few flaws can be appealing.
00:27:04 Makes you human.
00:27:05 Who wants to be human?
00:27:06 Well, I know one person
00:27:08 who still thinks you're a God.
00:27:27 Why did you tell that reporter
00:27:33 You're too young to understand.
00:27:36 Mom says it's because
00:27:39 and it was all just
00:27:41 before you threw it all away
00:27:43 Well, that's one theory.
00:27:46 Why are you hiding from everyone?
00:27:48 It has something to do with
00:27:54 But it's your job to be
00:27:56 It's more complicated
00:27:59 You're just making it
00:28:01 so that you can feel
00:28:03 Like you always said,
00:28:04 "If you want an easy job,
00:28:08 You're a lobbyist.
00:28:10 Your job is to be right, and
00:28:14 You're the sultan of spin.
00:28:17 "Sultan of spin"?
00:28:18 Mom subscribes to Newsweek.
00:28:21 Who cares what the Brads
00:28:23 of the world think?
00:28:24 He's not my dad.
00:28:27 You are.
00:28:28 And right there,
00:28:32 it all came back in a rush.
00:28:35 Why I do what I do-
00:28:38 protecting the disenfranchised
00:28:40 that have been abandoned
00:28:42 the logger...
00:28:45 the sweatshop foreman...
00:28:47 the oil driller...
00:28:49 the land mine developer...
00:28:52 the baby seal poacher...
00:28:55 Baby seal poacher?
00:28:56 Even I think that's kind of cruel.
00:28:58 All right, you're missing the point.
00:29:00 I must be, because I thought
00:29:02 I'm getting to that.
00:29:03 When?
00:29:05 Look.
00:29:08 The two of you, you're
00:29:12 and the last thing that
00:29:15 would be to hurt you.
00:29:17 And, I can only imagine...
00:29:19 Why are you smiling?
00:29:20 Why is he smiling?
00:29:22 He won a hundred bucks off of you.
00:29:24 I bet Polly you'd spill the beans
00:29:27 That goes against everything
00:29:29 Oh, please! You've ratted us out
00:29:32 Glorious tits.
00:29:34 Only after you created a betting
00:29:36 Do you have any idea the beating
00:29:38 Well, look, I'm sure both of
00:29:41 You know what?
00:29:44 The guys at Safety actually liked
00:29:47 They're gonna have
00:29:48 I'll make sure you get one.
00:29:50 Thank you.
00:29:54 That is disgusting.
00:29:58 It's American.
00:29:59 Can I have a bite?
00:30:01 Mmm.
00:30:03 So I guess this means
00:30:05 you won't be appearing
00:30:08 Hmm. I was kind of looking
00:30:10 It's kind of cool in
00:30:13 More like an Ollie North sort of way.
00:30:16 Finistirre would have
00:30:18 in a House of Parliament, no less.
00:30:20 I could have taken him.
00:30:21 - Yeah.
00:30:23 I don't know.
00:30:24 I'd just like him to feel
00:30:28 humiliation.
00:30:29 Yeah, well, that would be
00:30:31 I mean, he's already a Senator.
00:30:34 I mean, how would you get
00:30:40 Uh-oh.
00:30:48 You're not gonna like this.
00:30:52 Hello.
00:30:53 First of all, I'd like to say
00:30:56 to all the people who
00:30:57 in the recent newspaper article.
00:30:59 Please take comfort in knowing
00:31:01 that I will not rest until
00:31:05 This experience has taught me
00:31:07 having sexual affairs
00:31:09 is just unfair.
00:31:10 It's not unfair to me, mind you,
00:31:12 but to all the people in my life
00:31:16 It was your names, not mine,
00:31:19 from a meaningless affair
00:31:22 in the form of a young
00:31:25 whose name I won't mention
00:31:27 because I have dignity.
00:31:31 Mr. Naylor!
00:31:32 Are you still planning
00:31:34 at tomorrow's subcommittee
00:31:36 I'm glad you asked that question.
00:31:38 There have been wide accusations of me
00:31:40 Let it be known
00:31:42 that unless Senator Finistirre
00:31:43 - to speak, it is my plan
00:31:45 to be in Congress tomorrow
00:31:47 of big tobacco and all those
00:31:49 Thank you very much.
00:32:50 Still feel like Jimmy Stewart?
00:33:04 Good.
00:33:13 Why don't you all go ahead?
00:33:14 This could be a while.
00:33:20 If we could, um... if we could
00:33:28 Gentlemen, ladies.
00:33:31 If I may call this meeting to order.
00:33:34 We'll do everything we can to
00:33:39 so that we can all
00:33:40 The skull and crossbones
00:33:44 Poison.
00:33:45 Thus, the message is quite clear.
00:33:48 Like any other product
00:33:50 if you take it, you will die.
00:33:54 Yes, but isn't this overkill?
00:33:57 Why don't we just use words,
00:34:00 Something that describes the
00:34:04 Well, the American public
00:34:05 by masthead anymore.
00:34:07 They need images.
00:34:08 We've done studies
00:34:11 up to 80% more to imagery
00:34:13 The stats are there.
00:34:15 It's just sad
00:34:17 that the Academy of Tobacco
00:34:19 this type of information earlier.
00:34:21 When you say
00:34:24 you're referring to...
00:34:25 Yes.
00:34:26 to the coalition...
00:34:28 Yes, the coalition.
00:34:29 The big... big tobacco...
00:34:31 ...that is represented by...
00:34:32 By, um...
00:34:34 And specifically
00:34:35 Mr...
00:34:36 Um...
00:34:37 Mr., uh, Nick Naylor.
00:34:39 Nick Naylor?
00:34:40 Thank you very much.
00:34:43 The current use
00:34:44 of words instead of imagery
00:34:45 is an obvious move against
00:34:49 of the United States.
00:34:51 The skull and crossbones
00:34:53 speak loudly in all languages.
00:34:56 By not using it,
00:34:59 they want those who can't
00:35:03 Hmm. Senor Herrera,
00:35:05 could you clarify "they"?
00:35:08 Let it be known,
00:35:09 the public beating
00:35:19 Nick Naylor, please step forward.
00:35:31 You go sit with him.
00:35:42 Please state your name,
00:35:45 My name is Nick Naylor.
00:35:46 I live at 6000
00:35:48 and I am currently unemployed,
00:35:50 but until recently,
00:35:53 of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
00:35:54 Mr. Naylor,
00:35:55 as vice president
00:35:59 of Tobacco Studies,
00:36:01 What did you do?
00:36:02 I informed the public
00:36:06 in the investigation
00:36:08 Mm-hmm,
00:36:09 so far,
00:36:12 in their investigation
00:36:14 Well, many things, actually.
00:36:17 Why, just the other day
00:36:19 that smoking can offset
00:36:22 I'm sure the health
00:36:24 is thrilled.
00:36:25 Mr. Naylor, who provides
00:36:28 for the Academy of Tobacco Studies?
00:36:30 Uh... Conglomerated Tobacco.
00:36:33 That's the cigarette companies.
00:36:35 For the most part, yes.
00:36:37 Do you think that...
00:36:40 might affect their priorities?
00:36:42 No, just as I'm sure
00:36:44 campaign contributions
00:36:46 Ohh.
00:36:49 Senators, Mr. Naylor is not here
00:36:52 of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
00:36:54 We're here to examine
00:36:56 of a warning logo on cigarettes.
00:36:58 Now, Mr. Naylor,
00:36:59 I have to ask you,
00:37:00 do you believe that smoking
00:37:02 can lead to lung cancer and
00:37:06 such as emphysema?
00:37:09 Yes.
00:37:13 In fact, I think you'd be
00:37:14 to find someone
00:37:15 that cigarettes are not
00:37:17 I mean, show of hands,
00:37:20 - that cigarettes aren't dangerous...
00:37:21 There's no need for theatrics.
00:37:25 Sir, I just don't see the point in a warning
00:37:27 The warning symbol
00:37:29 is a reminder, a reminder of the
00:37:32 Well, if we want to remind
00:37:34 why don't we slap
00:37:36 on all Boeing airplanes,
00:37:37 Senator Lothridge?
00:37:39 And all Fords, Senator Dupree?
00:37:40 That is ridiculous.
00:37:42 The death toll from airline
00:37:44 doesn't even skim the surface
00:37:47 They don't even compare.
00:37:48 Oh, this from a senator
00:37:50 I don't follow you, Mr. Naylor.
00:37:52 Well, the real
00:37:54 demonstrated number one killer
00:37:57 and here comes
00:37:58 whose fine state is,
00:38:00 clogging the nation's arteries
00:38:05 If we want to talk numbers,
00:38:08 dying of heart attacks.
00:38:09 Perhaps Vermont cheddar
00:38:10 should come
00:38:12 That is lud...
00:38:14 The great state of Vermont
00:38:15 will not apologize for its cheese.
00:38:17 Mr. Naylor,
00:38:18 we are here to discuss cigarettes.
00:38:20 Not planes, not cars- cigarettes.
00:38:24 Now, as we discussed earlier,
00:38:26 are not for those who know, but
00:38:31 What about the children?
00:38:34 Gentlemen...
00:38:36 it's called education.
00:38:38 It doesn't come off the side
00:38:40 It comes from our teachers,
00:38:41 and more importantly, our parents.
00:38:43 It is the job
00:38:46 to warn their children of all
00:38:50 including cigarettes, so that
00:38:53 they can choose for themselves.
00:38:57 I look at my... son
00:39:00 who...
00:39:02 was kind enough
00:39:03 and I can't help but think
00:39:06 that I am responsible
00:39:08 and his development.
00:39:11 And I'm proud of that.
00:39:12 Well, having
00:39:14 would you condone him smoking?
00:39:16 Well, of course not.
00:39:19 That would be illegal.
00:39:21 Yes, I-I heard you deliver
00:39:23 but enough dancing.
00:39:25 What are you going to do
00:39:29 Come on, Mr. Naylor.
00:39:30 On his 18th birthday, will
00:39:34 Will you spend
00:39:36 like one of your ludicrous
00:39:39 You seem to have a lot to say
00:39:40 about how we
00:39:42 What of your own?
00:39:43 What are you
00:39:45 when he turns 18?
00:39:54 If he really wants a cigarette,
00:40:03 Thank you for your testimony,
00:40:12 I'll meet you outside, okay?
00:40:26 Great.
00:40:28 Well done, my boy.
00:40:29 Were you in the same room as me?
00:40:32 The whole personal choice thing?
00:40:33 They ate that shit up.
00:40:34 Just checked the whip count.
00:40:36 That bill is going down in flames.
00:40:37 Your speech was unorthodox,
00:40:40 You crushed the fucker.
00:40:41 That's good news for you guys.
00:40:43 Oh. Whoa, whoa.
00:40:44 We're still a team, right?
00:40:47 What about damage control?
00:40:51 Look, Nick.
00:40:52 Winston-Salem is ready
00:40:56 to keep you onboard.
00:41:06 Nick, will you continue
00:41:09 Of course he will.
00:41:10 This man here is our general.
00:41:12 We're not just gonna let him retire.
00:41:14 Is that correct, Nick?
00:41:15 You're sticking with tobacco?
00:41:21 Now, I know what
00:41:24 What a great opportunity for me
00:41:26 to teach Joey
00:41:27 a backstabbing boss.
00:41:29 But I actually meant what
00:41:33 Some things
00:41:36 than paying a mortgage.
00:41:38 So I did the only responsible
00:41:40 I turned down the job.
00:41:43 And my timing
00:41:46 Within a few months,
00:41:48 settled
00:41:49 to the tune of $246 billion.
00:41:53 And the Academy
00:41:56 was permanently dismantled.
00:41:58 For the first time in decades,
00:42:00 BR found himself out of work.
00:42:04 Otherwise, not much has changed.
00:42:06 The MOD squad still meets every week.
00:42:08 Nice.
00:42:09 We even added a few new members.
00:42:12 The things I could learn
00:42:15 Right.
00:42:16 Stick around. Stick around.
00:42:17 Senator Finistirre is still
00:42:20 What do you say
00:42:22 you are destroying cinema classics?
00:42:24 Mmm, no. All
00:42:26 is using
00:42:28 to tastefully update
00:42:31 by removing cigarettes.
00:42:32 I believe that if these
00:42:36 they would agree that
00:42:38 But, in essence, aren't
00:42:40 No, I think we're improving history.
00:42:46 Even Heather is still reporting.
00:42:47 The whole town has been evacuated.
00:42:49 They're calling this
00:42:54 Not much changes at all.
00:42:56 And this year's Foggy Bottom
00:43:01 Joey Naylor.
00:43:02 - Yay!
00:43:03 Joey!
00:43:04 Joey!
00:43:05 Joey, Joey!
00:43:06 That's my boy.
00:43:08 Hold it up. Hold it up.
00:43:13 And me?
00:43:15 Well, there's still a place
00:43:18 So, be straight with me.
00:43:20 Is it true?
00:43:23 - It could be.
00:43:25 We know of very few cases.
00:43:27 There's no scientific proof at all.
00:43:28 There was an unfortunate
00:43:29 It's really a complicated situation.
00:43:30 Gentlemen,
00:43:32 practice these words
00:43:34 "Although we are constantly
00:43:37 "currently,
00:43:40 "that links cell phone usage
00:43:42 to brain cancer."
00:43:50 Michael Jordan plays ball.
00:43:52 Charles Manson kills people.
00:43:54 I talk.
00:43:57 Everyone has a talent.