Touching The Void

en
00:00:43 We climbed 'cause it's fun.
00:00:45 And mainly it was fun.
00:00:47 That's all we ever did.
00:00:48 And we were fairly anarchic
00:00:52 and we didn't give a damn about
00:00:55 and we just wanted to climb
00:00:56 It was just brilliant fun.
00:00:58 And every now and then it went
00:01:35 Got into Peru when I was 25, Simon 21.
00:01:40 But we had done a lot
00:01:53 To climb mountains that have not been
00:01:57 is what my climbing life
00:02:11 A friend of us, who'd done an amazing
00:02:15 had seen this face in the mid-70's.
00:02:19 I think he said it would
00:02:31 It was the last big mountain
00:02:34 that hadn't been climbed.
00:02:38 There's a great unknown there.
00:02:41 What's so compelling is
00:03:18 It was an isolated spot, a 2
00:03:22 The mountains all around seemed very big,
00:03:24 compared to the mountains
00:03:36 We eventually reached a spot,
00:03:39 You couldn't really take the
00:03:44 I guess it would be 7-8 km from
00:03:55 We knew Siula Grande was at
00:04:04 We'd met this lad called Richard Hawking
00:04:09 And I think we said, "Why don't
00:04:12 I think he said that he didn't
00:04:16 I didn't really know
00:04:19 or quite, what I was
00:04:22 We wanted Richard because
00:04:25 if he were at base camp he
00:04:28 I got to know Simon quite well.
00:04:31 I don't know whether it was
00:04:34 or whether it was because he
00:04:38 being a non-climber
00:04:41 But I found it very
00:04:47 I was much more ambitious
00:04:54 Siula Grande meant a lot.
00:04:57 We knew, a number of
00:05:02 If no one had tried, it
00:05:04 It was the the fact that people had
00:05:09 And my feeling was, "Well, we'll
00:05:22 Since the 1970s people
00:05:25 mountains in the great ranges
00:05:31 And essentially, Alpine style
00:05:34 full of all your clothing, your
00:05:38 and you start off from a base camp
00:05:41 you're gonna climb in a single push.
00:05:43 You don't fix the line of
00:05:46 you don't have a set of camps
00:05:51 That's the purest style and that's the style
00:05:59 It's a very committing way of climbing,
00:06:06 If something goes wrong,
00:06:10 There's no rescue, there's no helicopter
00:06:15 There's no margin for error.
00:06:17 If you get badly hurt,
00:06:28 I hadn't seen it from this
00:06:32 I sort of thought, you
00:06:40 Looks harder than I
00:06:43 But I was excited.
00:07:02 Starting doing it was brilliant.
00:07:05 This is what we live for.
00:07:33 I love the actual movement of climbing.
00:07:35 When you're climbing well
00:07:38 It's like a combination
00:07:42 It's that mixture of power and grace.
00:07:50 For me, mountains are the most
00:07:55 When I go into these places I
00:07:58 an amazing sense of
00:08:02 from all of the clutter
00:08:37 I think we surprised ourselves as
00:08:41 and got up to a point where the
00:08:44 and you've got vertical cascades.
00:08:50 We started intricately
00:09:07 The fact, that you are
00:09:09 means that you put an immense amount of
00:09:15 But at some point, you may be thinking,
00:09:18 "For god's sake, Simon, don't fall
00:09:28 The rope can be something that rather
00:09:31 If your mate falls off then all
00:09:34 you're gonna go with him.
00:09:38 If you're gonna do that sort of climbing
00:09:42 wholly on your partner.
00:09:54 I think we were very pleased
00:09:57 We had done a lot of
00:09:59 And we were very confident at
00:10:07 That altitude, you dehydrate enormously.
00:10:11 You have to drink a lot
00:10:14 And the only way you can
00:10:19 Everything is so time-consuming.
00:10:21 To make a single brew at that
00:10:25 You're perhaps looking at an hour
00:10:29 For that reason, we perhaps didn't
00:10:32 but we didn't have an awful lot
00:10:47 There's not a lot of risk
00:10:54 And to put an element of risk back
00:11:01 In that sense, it makes
00:11:11 I've never been that
00:11:13 very very strenuous
00:11:21 Not only is it technically difficult
00:11:23 but your heart is going like
00:12:16 It would now go very cold indeed.
00:12:20 And we were up
00:12:24 Then it started snowing, and it meant
00:12:26 that the whole face was pooring
00:12:43 The snow would actually stick
00:12:46 It would then freeze on top of you,
00:12:59 The last section on the face
00:13:01 was about 100m of the
00:13:06 Completely unstable powder snow.
00:13:10 No anchors at any point.
00:13:13 It was physically very, very
00:13:26 It took us the best part of 5 or
00:13:39 Carried on way after it got dark.
00:13:43 I was getting extremely cold,
00:13:46 while Simon was trying to climb.
00:13:48 I was getting near hypothermic.
00:13:51 You just knew that if you'd
00:13:54 it was gonna go tits up.
00:13:57 So we dug a snow cave.
00:14:16 In the morning, in good weather,
00:14:18 we actually saw what
00:14:29 It was this undeering nightmare of
00:14:32 flutings of the finest powder
00:14:37 meringues, and mushrooms, and
00:14:43 We'd heard about these strange powder
00:14:47 and we've never seen it before.
00:14:50 I don't know the physics that explains why
00:14:55 In the Alps it would just slide off
00:15:04 It is some of the most precarious, unnerving
00:15:18 We were actually scared, that
00:15:21 where we couldn't climb any further up.
00:15:23 Because we knew we wouldn't
00:15:26 not what we've already climbed.
00:15:27 We were climbing ourselves into a trap.
00:15:32 And not only that, we could see this
00:15:45 And so it was with great
00:15:49 we got onto the north
00:15:52 And we vowed that we didn't want to
00:16:05 We were pretty tired, by the
00:16:10 I was knackered. And
00:16:13 "Oh sod it, we've done the face,"
00:16:15 "now I can't really be bothered
00:16:18 And then we thought, "Hang
00:16:23 "we might as well stand on the top"
00:17:40 I don't particularly like summits,
00:17:51 We decided before we even climbed the
00:17:54 the north ridge of the
00:17:56 between the mountain Siula Grande
00:18:00 and then we'd be able to abseil
00:18:10 Already the clouds were coming
00:18:22 We expected this ridge to
00:18:25 quite an easy way to descend.
00:18:27 We were hoping, we would
00:18:29 And it turned out to be very difficult.
00:18:33 It was horrendous.
00:18:35 Vertical on the west side, with the
00:18:39 and on the east side steep
00:18:47 It was a shock. And
00:18:49 It all got a bit out of
00:19:05 Half an hour to an hour after
00:19:08 We were in the wild now,
00:19:21 Then we got like a little break
00:19:24 so I started climbing back up to it.
00:19:37 I didn't know it was the side
00:19:39 it was actually an enormous
00:19:44 and I was walking up over the top of it.
00:20:07 I was left hanging, looking
00:20:12 then fell away from me, down the
00:20:19 I got back up on the ridge
00:20:22 that I'd found the
00:20:24 "I found the ridge, Joe!"
00:20:28 We'd hoped to go down that day,
00:20:31 but by the time it got dark,
00:20:34 Still at 6000m.
00:20:37 And that night, as we made
00:21:00 It was pretty obvious
00:21:02 that we descended the
00:21:05 And I was pretty confident that we'd
00:21:10 I thought at that stage it was pretty
00:21:16 I was ahead of Simon,
00:21:20 and suddenly there was this
00:21:25 I then get on my hands and knees, and
00:21:29 and then lower myself off the ice cliff.
00:21:36 When you hammer the axe in, you listen
00:21:43 Now I was hanging with both axes,
00:21:46 what I wanted to do is now
00:21:48 And I swung, and the pick
00:21:53 just a strange sound.
00:21:57 And I thought, "Well, I'll take
00:22:00 So I just wanted to put bona... dead
00:22:06 And I was about to
00:22:27 The pain is... came
00:22:30 and my knee was very, very very painful
00:22:38 The impact drove my lower leg
00:22:45 As the bone went into my tibia it
00:22:52 and carried on up.
00:23:02 Quite wild, the pain now. I
00:23:10 I just breathed on and it started to
00:23:13 to the west and seeing that we
00:23:16 so I had a height gauge, where we were.
00:23:20 and I just thought, "fuck,
00:23:23 "If I have broken my leg I'm dead."
00:23:45 And then the rope went slack.
00:23:47 I knew that meant that
00:24:04 I couldn't feel any bone under anything.
00:24:07 I brought my hand down,
00:24:10 and the pain had gone down a little bit.
00:24:12 And I thought, maybe I
00:24:15 I'd just torn a ligament or something.
00:24:22 I tried to stand on it
00:24:27 I felt all the bone go, all grating and
00:24:42 The look that he gave
00:24:44 A look of shock and desperation
00:24:48 Lots of things in a single look.
00:24:53 And he said, "Are you ok?"
00:24:55 I think it did occur to me to say,
00:25:00 I think I said, "No,
00:25:06 Immediately, just doom. I
00:25:12 We're gonna be doing well if
00:25:19 It did come into my mind, just thinking,
00:25:21 "If he slips off the side of the
00:25:25 "and leave him and get myself down and
00:25:30 "of trying to deal with him and
00:25:38 He gave me these painkillers which
00:25:41 And he didn't really
00:25:46 It was almost as if he...
00:25:50 He knew, and I knew, that he
00:25:56 He could have said something like
00:25:59 and I'd gone "right, yeah"
00:26:03 'Cause I knew there wasn't any help.
00:26:05 That'd been an easy
00:26:09 I didn't think we really seriously
00:26:22 I couldn't put my finger on it, why
00:26:27 And I started to think "Is one of
00:26:33 Even "If one of them is dead", not
00:26:36 "if one comes back,
00:26:42 It's kind of, quite cold
00:26:43 I would rather have it
00:26:50 I thought, "oh, he's not leaving"
00:26:58 I calmed down a bit and
00:27:02 to think how I was going to
00:27:10 We discussed, between us, what
00:27:13 We thought, well, we got
00:27:16 And if we tie them together we have a
00:27:21 So I tied to one end and
00:27:24 in theory he could lower me down 100m.
00:27:30 To really get anchors to
00:27:33 what I did was cut a bucket in the
00:27:38 And I sort of lay down between his legs.
00:27:43 And Simon started lowering then.
00:27:51 I'd lower him one rope length, 50m,
00:27:54 and then the knot would come
00:27:57 Now the knot would not go
00:28:00 So he would stop me.
00:28:02 I would stand on my
00:28:04 so that I could get
00:28:07 I gave him enough slack to
00:28:10 thread the rope back through the lowering
00:28:14 clip it back to himself and
00:28:25 He'd make himself reasonably secure,
00:28:30 And we'd repeat the process again.
00:28:36 Simon was trying to lower me fast,
00:28:38 and it meant that my foot kept jabbing
00:28:44 Excruciatingly painful.
00:28:46 I can remember feeling angry with
00:28:49 and I was thinking "do it slow",
00:28:51 and I also knew that he had to do
00:28:56 And he was very grim faced,
00:29:02 wondering if he was pissed
00:29:07 I couldn't take too much notice
00:29:11 because we got to go down.
00:29:20 We would dig these holes from
00:29:23 and they would last about the length
00:29:27 And in fact they were
00:29:30 And he was lowering me on a 9mm,
00:29:33 But hands sort of frozen.
00:29:36 What he did was quite extraordinary,
00:29:38 and I've never heard of any single
00:29:56 We were now lowering in a full storm. I
00:29:59 but it would be like -80
00:30:03 I lost a liter of blood in my leg,
00:30:09 It was a point where we should have
00:30:13 got in our sleeping bags and
00:30:18 We couldn't, 'cause we'd run out of gas.
00:30:20 And we just lost control at this point
00:30:24 and risk getting trapped by
00:31:22 It was all starting to look up in many ways
00:31:32 And I started to slowly think,
00:31:34 "maybe after this one we will have
00:31:40 And suddenly all got hard
00:31:43 and it got steeper, going down a
00:31:47 and I just was full of alarm.
00:31:53 I was screaming at Simon to stop as loud
00:32:10 I did notice that more
00:32:14 but didn't really think a lot
00:32:17 "Well, he's going over
00:32:20 When I looked down, and I glimpsed
00:32:26 I was horrified to
00:32:31 And I could clearly see that there was
00:32:35 about 25m below me.
00:32:40 I was trying to get my axes to see if I
00:32:44 I think, almost as I start and try to
00:32:49 And I was thinking, "Christ,
00:32:51 'cause I knew, that there wasn't
00:32:56 And if I couldn't get
00:32:57 he couldn't disconnect the
00:32:59 And I knew all this, and I was
00:33:03 I carried on lowering him, until I
00:33:08 My signal to him, to take
00:33:13 And nothing happened.
00:33:17 And nothing continued to happen.
00:33:46 I knew, that the only way out of
00:34:04 I had two prusik loops. Prusik
00:34:10 And if you use a special twisting knot
00:34:15 and pull on it, and
00:34:17 Clip a snapping to it and then a
00:34:20 And if you got another one, tied
00:34:24 Standing this loop is now higher.
00:34:37 I was trying to hold myself
00:34:40 And then trying to put this knot
00:34:43 and this fiddly bloody rope... it is just
00:34:47 Because my fingers, I just
00:34:50 And I'd be looking and trying to
00:34:53 and getting it round,
00:35:01 My hands were cold, my feet
00:35:09 It was a desperate position, made worse
00:35:13 what Joe was doing, or
00:35:17 I just couldn't figure out why it was taking
00:35:23 there was no sensible
00:35:31 I got one on, and I clipped it to my
00:35:37 And I tried to put the other one on,
00:35:49 And I dropped the bloody
00:35:54 And I knew that I was stuffed then.
00:35:59 I just thought, "Well,
00:36:01 this idea that you can climb a
00:36:03 especially when your hands are
00:36:16 Nothing I can do, and I
00:36:20 And really angry.
00:36:33 There was nothing I could do. I
00:36:37 I was just there, and this went
00:36:42 during which time my position
00:36:45 I was struggling to maintain the,
00:36:51 and the snow was gradually
00:36:57 So my position was getting desperate.
00:37:09 I think psychologically I was beaten.
00:37:13 'Cause there was nothing I could do,
00:37:15 so I just hung on the
00:37:20 And I think I would have died pretty soon,
00:37:38 I was literally going down the
00:37:42 'Cause this soft, sugary snow
00:37:48 I was expecting him to come off,
00:37:53 He was gonna fall about 100m.
00:37:56 50m away from me, he was gonna
00:38:02 And he really didn't know, whether I was
00:38:06 he just didn't know. But he knew, I
00:38:15 Then I remembered that I've got a
00:38:22 I took the decision pretty quickly.
00:38:26 To me, it just seemed like the right
00:38:35 Because there was no way that
00:38:39 sooner or later, I was going
00:38:46 I took the rucksack off, and then
00:38:49 and got the pen knife out.
00:39:08 Boof!
00:39:45 It was an awful night.
00:39:47 My mind was plagued with the
00:39:51 It took a long time to warm myself
00:39:56 Had a very, very cold night.
00:40:03 The overriding memory is just feeling
00:40:07 To the point where I felt I could
00:40:12 I felt that very strongly.
00:40:15 It was quite a strange thing.
00:41:09 I didn't know what had happened.
00:41:10 What I landed on wasn't flat,
00:41:13 And I was sliding, in the dark.
00:41:22 I think I must have
00:41:25 I was pretty surprised to be alive.
00:41:43 The head torch beam just
00:41:46 and the darkness just ate it, just gone.
00:41:50 I felt very unnerved,
00:41:54 If I had landed less than
00:41:58 I would have just gone
00:42:04 I got this ice screw in, pretty quickly.
00:42:15 And then looked around, and thinking,
00:42:18 "Jezus, it's gonna be nearly
00:42:31 My rope was going all the way up,
00:42:35 And I thought, Simon
00:42:41 But I felt sure he was dead.
00:42:45 I just thought, "If I pull on this
00:42:48 Because he would have flown off the
00:42:53 and then, Iying dead
00:42:55 the rope would have come back up
00:42:59 So I thought, if I pull on this
00:43:18 And it just kept coming,
00:43:36 As soon as I saw it,
00:43:48 I thought, "you're gonna die in here".
00:43:53 I had a pleased feeling, that
00:44:01 Simon!
00:44:14 Looking where I was
00:44:18 You don't die of a broken leg.
00:44:32 I think I did turn my head
00:44:50 It was dark, and it began to get to me.
00:45:02 There is something about crevices,
00:45:05 they have a dread feel, not
00:45:17 I could hear the ice cracking,
00:45:25 I turned the light on again,
00:45:42 I felt very, very alone.
00:45:47 And I was very scared.
00:45:52 I was 25, I was fit,
00:45:59 And this was the first trip I've
00:46:04 and it just didn't seem... this
00:46:14 It must have been quite late.
00:46:16 I think that I pretty much was
00:46:24 Fuck. Stupid, stupid...
00:47:04 As a climber you should always be in
00:47:08 So doing that, you could be seen
00:47:35 This is childish. I
00:47:38 I thought,
00:47:43 I'd be tougher than that.
00:48:15 It was getting light, as it was 5 or 6.
00:48:20 And I started screaming
00:48:29 I got myself up, got dressed inside the
00:48:39 Just a horrible feeling of dread.
00:48:41 By this stage, I strongly felt that
00:48:45 And that now I was going to
00:48:53 But rather than just sit here,
00:48:58 "I'll get on with it and
00:49:06 Very quickly, the ground
00:49:08 So I skirted around this
00:49:19 As I abseiled down, I could
00:49:22 which was what I had lowered him over,
00:49:25 so I knew that he'd had
00:49:27 which is the reason he couldn't
00:49:33 And as I went down lower,
00:49:36 that the base of this ice cliff
00:49:42 that's 12m wide and just bottomless
00:49:53 SIMON!
00:49:56 He would have been up with
00:49:57 'Cause I was desperately,
00:50:00 And he would have been. And he would
00:50:05 And he would have wanted to find me.
00:50:07 Now I did stop and pause, and I
00:50:11 and I yelled and yelled, "Joe, Joe".
00:50:15 And I suppose again, with
00:50:19 after I got off the rope, I
00:50:23 into the crevice, to see where he was.
00:50:26 But to be quite honest, the thought
00:50:33 I was just convinced he was dead.
00:50:43 Absolutely convinced, by 10, totally
00:50:49 That no one was coming to get me.
00:50:57 I was brought up as a devout Catholic.
00:51:01 I had long since
00:51:03 I always wondered, if things really hit
00:51:08 turn around and say a few Hail
00:51:15 It never once occurred to me.
00:51:18 It meant that I really don't believe.
00:51:21 And I really do think that when you die,
00:51:25 There's nothing.
00:51:32 And I was thinking, "Could
00:52:21 25 meter of overhanging ice. No way,
00:52:28 I knew that they were both dead. But I
00:52:35 For one thing, I didn't
00:52:38 except for their first
00:52:40 I didn't know their family names,
00:52:44 And I had this bizarre idea, that
00:52:48 they would have just
00:52:51 And I thought, perhaps from the bottom
00:52:57 And set off with the aim
00:53:04 I started to go down
00:53:07 In this stage I was still certain
00:53:12 Crossing a glacier is very
00:53:15 because there are crevices in
00:53:21 Fortunately I managed to find
00:53:24 from when we walked in.
00:53:27 It was only when I got off the glacier,
00:53:33 I was going to get out of it,
00:53:35 I was gonna live.
00:53:50 I can't really describe how
00:53:59 I thought, it would
00:54:05 You gotta make decisions, you
00:54:08 even if they're wrong decisions.
00:54:13 If you don't make
00:54:33 Short of dying on the
00:54:38 lower myself deeper into the crevice.
00:54:42 I didn't what I would find down there.
00:54:45 I was just hoping there might be some
00:54:55 And I really struggled to make that
00:55:10 The other option was
00:55:12 blindly hoping that
00:55:15 and I just knew it wasn't
00:55:44 I didn't want to look down,
00:55:47 I was horrified at the thought
00:56:09 I didn't put a knot
00:56:12 and if there was nothing down there
00:56:15 and then I would fall,
00:56:40 And I thought "Jesus, this is big!"
00:56:53 By this stage I was
00:56:58 staggering back down these
00:57:03 There werre all these sort of
00:57:06 guilt, worry, thinking about how on earth
00:57:12 my friends, to Richard.
00:57:17 The thought did cross my mind that
00:57:21 that would make me look better.
00:57:25 And I did quite think about
00:57:35 Really the only image that sticks
00:57:40 is seeing this figure.
00:57:44 And it was fairly close
00:57:51 But he looked absolutely horrendous.
00:57:54 You wouldn't recognize him.
00:58:00 And I said, "Where is Joe?"
00:58:04 And he just said, "Joe is dead".
00:58:07 I told him the whole story,
00:58:11 I told him the whole
00:58:15 He wasn't in the slightest bit
00:58:23 he took it very well.
00:58:41 I must have lowered myself about 25m from
00:58:53 I was now in what seemed to
00:58:56 that was shaped like a big hourglass.
00:59:00 To the ceiling, was probably about 50m.
00:59:02 I think it's as big as the
00:59:09 I remember looking down, and
00:59:13 And I thought, "this is
00:59:22 About 15m away from me,
00:59:27 Right at the top, there was the
00:59:33 And it was shining, just this
00:59:40 This was the way out
00:59:46 I remember thinking, "Whoo, I can climb that
00:59:52 I crawled across this flat floor, and
01:00:08 Then I heard things
01:00:13 I realized that this wasn't a solid floor,
01:00:21 I was absolutely horrified.
01:00:26 It was suddenly, as if
01:00:32 If I break through, I'll never be
01:00:36 and that was my way out.
01:00:55 Alright, I'm on it, this is solid now.
01:01:05 I started to get my axe in and hop up.
01:01:12 That is extremely painful, as your legs
01:01:20 I was trying to get into a better
01:01:25 But I inevitably went
01:01:30 I feel the displacement
01:01:33 so every hop I nearly faint.
01:01:37 It was just excruciatingly painful.
01:02:33 And it was a bright sunny day.
01:02:36 Wow, the whole world has come back.
01:02:43 I was Iying on the snow, just laughing.
01:02:55 That was the relief of
01:03:32 And I then looked at the
01:03:35 "Well, you haven't even started, mate".
01:03:37 It's kilometers and kilometers
01:04:00 But I think I was contemplating just
01:04:04 having done the most
01:04:08 You come down safe from a climb like
01:04:12 You'd just eat and drink and sleep.
01:04:16 I'd just come out of that, I'd badly
01:04:21 highly dehydrated, I had no food, and
01:04:26 Just no way, just no way
01:04:30 And then it occurred to me that
01:04:37 I started to look at things and think,
01:04:40 "right, if I can get to that
01:04:43 "that's what I'm gonna do".
01:04:46 If I got there in 18 minutes I
01:04:51 and if I'd gotten 22 or 24 minutes, I
01:04:55 and it became obsessive.
01:05:01 I don't know why I did it, I think I knew
01:05:05 and what I had to do was so
01:05:52 I stayed on Simon's tracks, and
01:05:55 and past obvious crevices and stuff.
01:05:57 I thought, "Well, unless I come to a
01:06:01 "these tracks will lead me
01:06:14 All these huge mountains
01:06:19 And they do make you
01:06:22 And you wonder whether there's
01:06:39 It was like somebody
01:06:42 and putting something
01:06:44 and eventually gonna stand on it.
01:07:46 I could see Simon's
01:07:50 They were my lifeline off the glacier.
01:07:54 And I started to get very desperate.
01:08:12 I carried on crawling in the dark, a stupid
01:08:16 But I was frightened and I was
01:08:43 In the morning, it was a bright,
01:08:56 I started quite early,
01:08:58 and every now and then I had to stand
01:09:02 and then sit down again, and shuffle on.
01:09:35 There was one very horrendous
01:09:38 and I got into a maze of them.
01:10:07 I suddenly came to a point where I could
01:10:23 It was probably me, who brought
01:10:28 Partly 'cause I was worried about Simon.
01:10:30 I just felt it was best to get as far away
01:10:37 I didn't want to leave immediately,
01:10:40 I felt I needed a day or two
01:10:45 and to regain some strength.
01:10:54 Spend a long time washing myself.
01:11:03 That felt good, to wash my hair and
01:11:10 get the...
01:11:13 get the remnants, the
01:11:49 I was desperately thirsty, because it
01:11:52 you just can't get enough
01:11:56 And I saw the rocks, I knew how big these
01:12:01 and that was the first time
01:12:04 whether I could get the distance.
01:12:12 I got rid of all my gear.
01:12:29 I knew that I couldn't crawl over these
01:12:33 and that the only way to
01:12:38 I knew I was gonna fall a lot.
01:13:35 I'd fallen virtually every hop,
01:13:37 and it's just like having your leg
01:13:41 looking back where I'd come
01:13:45 and it had taken me ages. And
01:14:01 I can be insanely stubborn.
01:14:04 And I do like to have things my way.
01:14:08 And things were seriously not
01:14:18 I'd look at a rock and then I'd go,
01:14:23 Once I decided I was going to
01:14:27 I bloody well was gonna do it.
01:14:32 And it would help me, because I'd
01:14:35 and I'd be in such pain,
01:14:37 I just couldn't bear the thought
01:14:40 but I'd look at the target and
01:14:54 And I'd think, when I was
01:14:57 "no, you gotta get there. You only got
01:15:03 It seemed like there was a very cold,
01:15:08 "You have to do this, this and
01:15:27 "Come on, keep moving, keep moving"
01:15:37 "Right, get up, and do it again"
01:15:45 It was quite insistent, and quite clear.
01:15:50 It was almost like a voice or a separate
01:15:58 Very uncaring. No sympathy,
01:16:02 no acknowledgement of the fact
01:16:07 It was very, very odd.
01:16:19 That part of me kept saying, "Keep
01:16:24 and the other part of me, my
01:16:29 looking around and absorbing things.
01:16:31 And as the hours went, and
01:16:34 it became weirder and weirder.
01:17:23 So I was very, very, very
01:17:31 And the agonizing thing is, all
01:17:34 are on top of the glacier. And
01:17:38 All the time.
01:17:48 I'd fall over a lot and I'd hear water and
01:18:15 Couldn't find it, couldn't get it.
01:18:17 And it was driving me mad,
01:18:45 I was worried about Simon.
01:18:47 About his health, 'cause his fingertips
01:18:53 And I just felt it wasn't
01:18:58 We just started getting
01:19:08 I did eventually collapse amidst the
01:19:12 My leg was very painful. It was agony.
01:19:16 It was the first night, I
01:19:19 It didn't snow on me, and it didn't
01:19:23 I can remember Iying on my back for
01:19:28 staring at the stars.
01:19:32 At one point I had this weird sensation
01:19:36 for centuries, for lifetimes.
01:19:39 Becoming part of the rocks, and part
01:20:04 The sun came up, and
01:20:07 And I thought it'd be just so nice to
01:20:12 and christ, I got so,
01:20:23 I genuinely believed that I
01:20:26 and I also believed
01:20:28 and I sort of acknowledged it
01:20:36 And it seemed very rational
01:20:38 if you didn't think it
01:20:43 I think that it was that loneliness,
01:20:48 It was there all the time.
01:20:54 I didn't crawl, because
01:20:57 I think I wanted to be
01:21:28 Probably just a symbolic act to
01:21:35 by doing that.
01:22:41 I drank liters and liters of it.
01:22:47 And it was just like putting fuel in,
01:22:50 I could feel myself immediately
01:23:58 I kept wetting myself.
01:23:59 And I can remember actually quite
01:24:09 It was just a slow, steady reduction.
01:24:15 Not just physically.
01:24:18 but you, everything, yourself.
01:24:21 I felt left with nothing.
01:24:24 And I didn't care anymore.
01:24:28 Didn't have any dignity, you didn't care
01:24:33 You just became almost
01:24:47 I was still doing these test 20
01:24:52 And then I saw these footprints.
01:24:57 Then I got convinced, that
01:25:01 They were up above me, and
01:25:04 and I carried on crawling down,
01:25:08 utterly convinced that they
01:25:13 And I can remember thinking, "that is
01:25:19 and I think I persuaded myself
01:25:21 because they didn't want to embarass me
01:25:28 I don't know how long it
01:25:33 I totally believed it, and then
01:25:41 And then I realized that they weren't
01:25:58 It was about 4 o'clock
01:26:04 And I that at the far end of
01:26:08 And from the top of that meringue dam,
01:26:09 I would be able to look down into
01:26:13 In fact, I would be
01:26:17 This was the first time I thought it,
01:26:19 I thought, "I'm gonna make the distance,
01:26:26 Almost as soon I thought it, the next
01:26:30 "Will there be anyone there?"
01:26:34 I thought, "Christ, this is the
01:26:40 and as I worked it out, I thought,
01:26:47 I knew it got dark at six, and thought
01:26:51 and I was trying to do
01:27:00 The rest of that afternoon,
01:27:02 I was plagued by this dreadful
01:27:10 I hadn't paid attention to what
01:27:14 Between leaving at four and getting
01:27:17 the weather had changed.
01:27:20 So when I looked down at the
01:27:29 I listened intently, hoping to hear a
01:27:34 and I didn't hear anything at all.
01:27:44 and I spend a long time, sat
01:27:50 I thought about getting
01:27:54 For some reason it just seemed a
01:27:57 just in a sleeping bag.
01:28:01 I thought, "Well, nice but just keep
01:28:16 I don't know entirely what
01:28:23 I stopped looking at the watch, and
01:28:47 And I think I just got lost.
01:28:50 And I didn't know what
01:28:56 I don't remember thinking of anyone,
01:29:00 anybody I loved or any of that.
01:29:07 I did have one time, when I got
01:29:11 And it was by a band called Boney M.
01:29:14 And I don't really like Boney M's music.
01:29:45 Brown girl in the ring,
01:29:48 there's a brown girl in the ring,
01:29:54 brown girl in the ring,
01:29:58 she looks like a sugar in a plum,
01:30:01 plum, plum!
01:30:03 Show me your motion,
01:30:08 come on show me your motion,
01:30:13 show me your motion,
01:30:15 And it just went on and
01:30:21 I found it very upsetting, 'cause I
01:30:25 And I wanted to think of other things.
01:30:35 I was thinking, "Bloody hell,
01:30:54 I remember sometimes not waking up,
01:30:57 I think I was awake all the time,
01:31:01 and sort of find myself sitting there,
01:31:04 I didn't know where I was.
01:31:07 It was pitch black and snowing, and
01:31:11 or I'd think I was in a public car
01:31:14 and then I'd just drift off again.
01:31:29 I remember smelling something.
01:31:33 It was a really strong smell.
01:31:36 And it acted like a smelling salt,
01:31:44 And I remember being really confused,
01:31:47 It took me ages to to try
01:31:50 I thought it was me.
01:31:53 And very slowly, I worked
01:31:55 "I've crawled through the
01:32:02 And I realized then, that
01:32:15 As I was shouting it, I thought, "This
01:32:24 I'm not capable of going any further.
01:32:33 I made the mistake of having a little
01:32:39 And when I shouted,
01:32:42 I sort of knew I was dead then.
01:32:59 That moment, when no
01:33:13 it was... I lost something.
01:33:20 I lost me.
01:33:26 I woke up, not knowing why.
01:33:29 And was aware of this
01:33:33 I could hear the wind
01:33:36 And started hearing something.
01:33:43 It did slowly dawn on me,
01:33:45 that really the only thing it could be,
01:33:48 would be Joe outside shouting.
01:33:51 But that was completely
01:33:56 and he died 3 or 4 days ago.
01:34:00 And then head it again, much sharper,
01:34:05 and it really sounded like
01:34:13 I can have gotten into a panic,
01:34:16 because Joe's dead.
01:34:19 And then, if he is out there,
01:34:25 it can't be a human being, because,
01:34:28 no human being can possibly go
01:34:38 I was just kind of Iying there,
01:34:42 And then Simon woke up.
01:34:45 "Simon!", it was quite
01:34:50 I knew it was Joe actually,
01:34:55 I was looking around, and then
01:35:03 Of course Simon exploded into action.
01:35:09 Suddenly I heard voices.
01:35:14 Is that you?
01:35:15 I was holding back, because I didn't
01:35:35 And we went back up the stream, right
01:35:39 about maybe 60-80 m outside
01:35:50 I couldn't completely believe
01:35:54 but then it was still a little
01:35:57 because of the eerie night
01:36:02 Absolutely awful state.
01:36:04 It was almost like he was
01:36:08 It was like I had to sort of pinch
01:36:14 that this was really happening.
01:36:17 Help me!
01:36:23 Simon,
01:36:25 he was swearing a lot. Swearing a lot.
01:36:31 Richard, lift him!
01:36:33 Richard, hold him, you
01:36:37 I remember Simon grabbing my shoulders,
01:36:42 and holding me.
01:36:46 I remember that.
01:36:48 That feeling of being held.
01:37:14 He thanked me for trying to
01:37:21 for all that I'd done up to the point,
01:37:26 where I cut the rope,
01:37:29 and he said to me, "I'd
01:37:36 Those were the first
01:37:50 And I remember, before we'd done anything
01:37:54 he said, "Where are my trousers?"
01:37:56 We had to explain, that we burned his
01:38:02 And I think that kind of brought
01:38:06 realizing it was the