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Tropic Thunder en
00:00:02	Alpa Chino!
00:00:03	We're loaded
00:00:05	I love the pussy, hell, yeah
00:00:07	I love the pussy, hell, yeah
00:00:08	I love that pussy
00:00:11	The wettest pussy, hell, yeah
00:00:13	I'm drinking up
00:00:17	Alpa Chino got that pussy control
00:00:19	Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat.
00:00:21	Pop an ass open!
00:00:22	Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars
00:00:30	In 2013, when the Earth's rotation
00:00:34	The President has declared
00:00:38	I call on my fellow Americans
00:00:40	... the world called on the one man
00:00:48	When it happened again,
00:00:54	And no one saw it coming
00:01:02	Now,
00:01:04	the one man who made a difference
00:01:10	is about to make a difference again.
00:01:16	Only this time, it's different.
00:01:21	Who left the fridge open?
00:01:25	Tugg Speedman.
00:01:27	Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown.
00:01:31	Here we go again.
00:01:35	Again.
00:01:44	Will there be anything else?
00:01:47	Yes, my dear man. More beans.
00:01:52	Granny!
00:01:56	Please!
00:01:58	This summer,
00:02:06	Gross!
00:02:07	- You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
00:02:10	Jeff Portnoy.
00:02:12	Jeff Portnoy.
00:02:14	Jeff Portnoy.
00:02:16	And Jeff Portnoy are
00:02:22	In some countries,
00:02:25	it's considered a compliment.
00:02:27	Letting loose this summer.
00:02:39	In a time where to be different
00:02:59	and to be condemned was to die,
00:03:08	one man chose to question his God.
00:03:16	From Fox Searchlight,
00:03:26	five-time Academy Award winner
00:03:30	and MTV Movie Award
00:03:41	Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's
00:03:47	Satan's Alley.
00:03:53	I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.
00:04:31	In the winter of 1969,
00:04:34	an elite force of the U.S. Army
00:04:37	was sent on a top-secret assignment
00:04:41	The objective,
00:04:44	from a heavily guarded
00:04:48	The mission was considered
00:04:52	Of the 10 men sent, four returned.
00:04:55	Of those four, three wrote books
00:04:59	Of those three, two were published.
00:05:02	Of those two, just one got a movie deal.
00:05:08	This is the story of the men
00:05:24	Whiskey Fire Old Snake
00:05:26	at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner,
00:05:34	Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon
00:05:40	Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne.
00:05:45	All right, lead's going in.
00:05:47	Delivery on five.
00:05:56	This is Zero-Three.
00:05:59	Chalk-Three's taking fire.
00:06:13	Lay that shit down!
00:06:16	Come on!
00:06:19	Come on, you damn dirty heathens!
00:06:23	Fats! Run your motherfucking ass
00:06:25	hold these men off, now!
00:06:27	We're fixing to lift off!
00:06:28	Put some pep in your step, dick!
00:06:31	Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye,
00:06:35	I need fast movers
00:06:39	Boomer, this is Wall-Eye.
00:06:41	- snake and nape on the ready!
00:06:44	Holy shit!
00:06:45	Get on that horn
00:06:47	Jesus Christ!
00:06:48	Listen, you cherry fuck,
00:06:49	you call in that snake and nape
00:06:53	I'd do it myself
00:06:55	I need an answer, Boomer!
00:06:57	Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye!
00:06:59	I copy!
00:07:00	We got beaucoup zips in the zee.
00:07:03	Rock and roll!
00:07:05	What the fuck?
00:07:18	That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!
00:07:21	I think I can put it back in!
00:07:23	We got to get back to the bird.
00:07:25	Lukemeyer's got popped!
00:07:26	This is the last Christmas
00:07:29	Want some? Get some!
00:07:32	Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf!
00:07:35	Don't count him out! That bastard's
00:07:35	Don't count him out! That bastard's
00:07:38	Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
00:07:41	in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP!
00:07:44	Four Leaf is still
00:07:46	Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
00:07:49	Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving.
00:07:51	Dead meat, soldier!
00:07:52	Or do you want to be a hero?
00:07:54	That's just how Brooks
00:07:56	And Meatball's dago ass
00:07:59	Now get your ass up in the Huey, before
00:08:05	Come on, get down, get down!
00:08:06	What am I looking at? What is this?
00:08:09	Come on, let's get, let's go!
00:08:13	Sarge. It's Four Leaf.
00:08:28	No!
00:08:31	You get out of that hole!
00:08:45	You make it home, now.
00:08:54	Survive!
00:09:10	I hope y'all like hamburger meat.
00:09:12	'Cause that's exactly what
00:09:15	and serving up in this whirly bird.
00:09:17	Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!
00:09:25	Peek-a-boo! I see you!
00:09:30	Hold on, Four Leaf!
00:09:34	Oh, shit!
00:09:44	Watch my right!
00:09:48	Fuck you, Charlie!
00:09:55	Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!
00:10:04	No!
00:10:06	No!
00:10:10	- Fats!
00:10:14	Take us over to those men! Shit!
00:10:21	Look at you, man.
00:10:27	I'm cold, Linc.
00:10:30	I can't feel my legs.
00:10:33	Ain't nothing but a thang.
00:10:39	Hey, Linc.
00:10:41	What, man?
00:10:44	Why does man
00:10:46	got to pick up sticks
00:10:51	Instead of using them sticks to
00:10:55	prop a man up?
00:10:57	I'll never know.
00:11:00	Hold my hands,
00:11:02	'cause I got something to...
00:11:04	I got something to say.
00:11:07	Oh, boy.
00:11:13	- You holding 'em?
00:11:18	When we get back to the world,
00:11:21	we gonna put together that three-piece
00:11:25	- Me on stand-up bass.
00:11:29	And me tickling the ivories.
00:11:33	I ain't never been worth a nothing
00:11:37	but I want you to know something.
00:11:41	What, man?
00:11:44	You are my...
00:11:47	You are my brother.
00:12:01	You are my brother.
00:12:07	I am your brother.
00:12:12	I'm sorry. Could we cut?
00:12:14	- What's he saying?
00:12:15	- No. No, no, no, no, no...
00:12:17	We got the jets coming in,
00:12:20	Still rolling.
00:12:21	You know what? No, not still rolling.
00:12:23	- We're cutting.
00:12:25	Hey, what's going on?
00:12:27	This harness is riding up my crack!
00:12:29	- Damien, are we cutting?
00:12:32	Mr. Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?
00:12:34	No! No. I'm not cutting!
00:12:37	Damien, what's the dealy, dude?
00:12:38	Are we gonna blow
00:12:40	Tuk Tuk and Kim
00:12:42	I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!
00:12:43	- Play it through. Still rolling!
00:12:46	That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back.
00:12:48	I need some dudes up here
00:12:51	He's making
00:12:52	I'm trying to put Tiger Balm
00:12:55	Everyone, please shut up.
00:12:56	The jets are coming in.
00:12:58	And go!
00:13:00	Let's do it. You feel it?
00:13:03	- You are my...
00:13:06	We've seen it all, man.
00:13:08	I'm sorry, Damien?
00:13:10	Are you seeing that?
00:13:11	The little froggy on the boom mike?
00:13:15	Donny! What's up, man?
00:13:18	It's been there the whole show.
00:13:19	Yeah, well it's right in my face,
00:13:20	I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel...
00:13:21	It's always the yellow frog that
00:13:24	Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.
00:13:25	No, I didn't pee on her,
00:13:28	The story is this. She was in the way
00:13:30	What the fuck is going on here?
00:13:33	On three, baby. One, two, breathe.
00:13:35	Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
00:13:38	- No countdown?
00:13:39	- Okay.
00:13:40	Just... In your own time.
00:13:42	- Good...
00:13:44	- All right, dude.
00:13:45	Whatever floats your boat, baby.
00:13:48	Erika, get me a VitaminWater!
00:13:51	You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.
00:13:53	Not to get into his thing, but if
00:13:57	- No, it's everyone cry...
00:13:59	- No, no, no, we're crying!
00:14:01	- Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
00:14:03	- Everybody cry...
00:14:05	- You see how agitated he is now?
00:14:07	- Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
00:14:09	This is Falcon One. We have the ridge
00:14:12	Dieter, these jets
00:14:15	They got about 200 pounds
00:14:17	I need to know if we're ready to go.
00:14:20	- You're my... You're my...
00:14:23	See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
00:14:26	Yeah?
00:14:28	I don't know if Four Leaf
00:14:30	Were you crying
00:14:32	No. See, he didn't.
00:14:34	So now we in re-writes, right?
00:14:35	- Where you going?
00:14:37	Action Jackson can't cry.
00:14:39	You know what, Kirk?
00:14:41	What scene? The scene is
00:14:45	- Now it's time to flip the script!
00:14:46	Be here till Chinese New Year
00:14:49	You're tangling me,
00:14:51	You're tangling me, God damn it!
00:14:52	- Kirk, no!
00:14:55	I'm going potty.
00:14:57	Shit! What are you fucking both doing,
00:15:00	We're getting this in a wide shot, right?
00:15:03	Of course we're getting it
00:15:04	What, do you think
00:15:06	Get that fucking food...
00:15:07	Here they come!
00:15:10	- The planes are inbound!
00:15:12	Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks.
00:15:17	That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
00:15:20	Let's go freaking Tet here!
00:15:23	Goddamn shit-picking cock!
00:15:27	That's my shit!
00:15:34	Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
00:15:45	- Sweet.
00:15:49	Bungle in the jungle.
00:15:51	More bad news from the Vietnamese set
00:15:54	where a $4 million explosion
00:15:58	and the camera wasn't even rolling.
00:16:00	Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
00:16:03	the film is already rumored to be
00:16:06	just five days into shooting.
00:16:09	Fingers are pointed at rookie director
00:16:12	who, insiders say,
00:16:15	including flatulent star of the popular
00:16:20	Let me tell you something.
00:16:23	They say that the movie's
00:16:27	and... you! You can't do what I do.
00:16:30	Fresh from his most recent arrest
00:16:34	Portnoy was almost uninsurable.
00:16:37	Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking
00:16:41	I'm so excited, you know what I'm
00:16:44	Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.
00:16:46	But the real heavyweight on the set
00:16:48	is five-time Academy Award winner
00:16:49	Is five-time Academy Award winner
00:16:51	The brilliant Australian
00:16:54	is famous for his total immersion
00:16:58	Well, being an actor is no different
00:16:59	than being a rugby player
00:17:02	save for the fact that my tools
00:17:03	are the mechanisms
00:17:05	Lazarus underwent a controversial
00:17:07	pigmentation alteration procedure
00:17:10	the platoon's African-American
00:17:14	Yeah!
00:17:15	Trying to hold his own onscreen
00:17:17	is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.
00:17:19	Once the highest grossing star
00:17:22	lately his Scorcher films
00:17:25	Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.
00:17:28	You have no real family.
00:17:30	You're on the wrong side of 40.
00:17:35	Somebody close to you said,
00:17:37	"One more flop and it's over."
00:17:41	Somebody said they were close to me?
00:17:44	It's been a tough year for Tugg.
00:17:46	The disappointing buddy comedy
00:17:49	was followed by an ill-advised venture
00:17:53	Simple Jack,
00:17:55	the story of a mentally impaired
00:17:58	was a box office disaster
00:18:00	that many critics called,
00:18:05	I ain't got a good brain.
00:18:10	I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.
00:18:13	You make me happy.
00:18:19	But now the question is,
00:18:24	in what's being called
00:18:26	- war movie never made?
00:18:28	Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.
00:18:30	Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker.
00:18:34	- Rick?
00:18:36	guess who I'm staring at right now.
00:18:37	- What?
00:18:39	on the back cover
00:18:41	holding a cute, cuddly panda
00:18:44	It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
00:18:47	Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?
00:18:49	From Rick.
00:18:50	Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.
00:18:53	All right,
00:18:55	Do not re-gift.
00:18:57	Hey. You see
00:19:00	Yeah, I did.
00:19:03	I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
00:19:07	But right now,
00:19:09	you're like that kid on the playground,
00:19:10	the one who has lice that none
00:19:14	- What do you mean?
00:19:16	and get you back
00:19:18	What?
00:19:20	How did the crying scene go?
00:19:22	Horrible. Lazarus started crying.
00:19:23	Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
00:19:27	Stop right there!
00:19:28	You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.
00:19:30	Who cares how much more talented
00:19:33	If he cries, you cry harder, man.
00:19:36	Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
00:19:38	when you were a kid?
00:19:40	Boom! End of story.
00:19:44	Good gosh.
00:19:45	- What?
00:19:47	- No. The guy didn't come.
00:19:49	For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.
00:19:52	They have digital cable, but,
00:19:54	No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.
00:19:56	It is not okay, Tugg!
00:19:59	And you don't need to explain to me
00:20:02	or clean water, clean sheets,
00:20:06	I mean, I fought for that in your contract.
00:20:09	How's the adoption thing coming,
00:20:11	Not too great.
00:20:17	I feel like all the good ones are gone.
00:20:21	Well, at least you get to choose yours.
00:20:23	I'm stuck with mine.
00:20:27	Tell you what, get back to work,
00:20:30	The Pecker's on a TiVo mission
00:20:33	Work on those tears, my man.
00:20:35	All right. Yeah.
00:20:36	Say it for me one time.
00:20:37	- You make me happy.
00:20:42	- I love you, buddy.
00:20:44	Crisis meeting?
00:20:46	I mean, are we in a crisis?
00:20:48	He's the head of the studio.
00:20:50	He's reaching out.
00:20:52	He just wants a little face-time.
00:20:53	I know, it's just you said
00:20:56	It's Les Grossman.
00:20:59	"Crisis," "explosion,"
00:21:03	These are just words.
00:21:05	Yeah! Yeah!
00:21:07	Keep a secret? A camera truck
00:21:10	Trust me, he's got bigger problems.
00:21:11	Look, he may be able to see me,
00:21:14	- Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello!
00:21:19	- Your feet were on my desk.
00:21:20	I don't know why we don't have...
00:21:22	Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working!
00:21:24	Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
00:21:26	- Hello, Les!
00:21:28	We got you loud and clear here, Les.
00:21:30	I see you. I see you. I see you.
00:21:34	Which one of you fuckfaces
00:21:38	That's me, sir.
00:21:40	It's good to finally meet you at last,
00:21:43	And who here is the key grip?
00:21:49	Hit that director in the face,
00:22:00	Sorry, man.
00:22:08	This is your fault, you limey fuck!
00:22:11	You shit the money-bed, my friend.
00:22:12	- What?
00:22:15	With all due respect, Les Grossman did
00:22:18	- What?
00:22:20	Exactly!
00:22:22	Come on, man.
00:22:24	Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,
00:22:27	but I am dealing
00:22:29	Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry!
00:22:32	You know how you handle an actor?
00:22:35	you pull down their pants
00:22:38	- You spank that ass, Les.
00:22:41	Spanking a child
00:22:45	Fear makes him a man.
00:22:49	I know a place
00:22:54	in the ears hanging from his dog tags.
00:22:58	The real deep shit.
00:23:01	You wanna make this movie right?
00:23:02	You wanna make this movie right?
00:23:03	That's where you take
00:23:08	Who is this guy?
00:23:10	Les, that's Four Leaf.
00:23:12	Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback.
00:23:18	You're a great American.
00:23:22	Now shut the fuck up
00:23:26	- Look, Cockburn.
00:23:27	From now on, my fist
00:23:32	that every time you have a thought,
00:23:33	it's gonna have to tiptoe
00:23:36	Take control of your actors,
00:23:40	Diet Coke!
00:23:59	One week down, two weeks behind,
00:24:01	GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you
00:24:05	Let's party!
00:24:07	Man, you better get your shit straight,
00:24:09	or I'll be on the next NetJet out of here,
00:24:13	- You feel that?
00:24:14	Here comes another.
00:24:17	- Sandusky. Good.
00:24:19	We need to have a cast meeting
00:24:21	- Right now? Awesome.
00:24:23	You actually care, don't you?
00:24:24	Yeah, it's a huge deal for me,
00:24:27	I've spent the past two years of my life
00:24:29	living off residuals from a anti-herpes
00:24:33	I know, you're the only one
00:24:34	the only one who did
00:24:35	Hey, hey, Alpa.
00:24:38	I'm the director. He's...
00:24:40	All right, hold up. Chino?
00:24:42	What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?
00:24:44	This about
00:24:46	No, it's about the film.
00:24:47	Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's
00:24:50	Hey, how you doing, Jeff?
00:24:52	- Who are you?
00:24:58	Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn,
00:25:02	Oh, right, right. I like you.
00:25:04	Man, it's a real honor to be here...
00:25:06	I can tell it's gonna be
00:25:08	I'm really having a good time.
00:25:09	Hey, can you help me out, man?
00:25:11	The grip with the bandana.
00:25:15	There he is, fucker. Dragon!
00:25:19	What the fuck? Oh, buddy!
00:25:21	I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?
00:25:22	I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers
00:25:24	doing the noodle-legs, Damien.
00:25:26	Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing
00:25:30	It's good, I love it, great. But I need to...
00:25:32	V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby.
00:25:35	Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread.
00:25:39	Alpa!
00:25:40	Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.
00:25:42	Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!
00:25:43	Can we call him back?
00:25:49	When we put aside our differences,
00:25:51	we see we're kind of the same.
00:25:55	When we put aside our differences,
00:26:00	we're kind of the same.
00:26:03	Let's be friends.
00:26:05	I know we can do great things together.
00:26:09	That's a quotation from
00:26:14	The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of.
00:26:16	I think it pertains to the journey...
00:26:18	Simple Jack sucked ass!
00:26:20	All right, who said that? It's not funny.
00:26:23	Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?
00:26:32	When the herd loses its way,
00:26:35	the shepherd must kill
00:26:41	- Four Leaf?
00:26:46	- Sit down.
00:26:49	- So, you don't like the hotel?
00:26:59	I'm guessing right about now
00:27:04	with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
00:27:16	What?
00:27:17	You're a riddle
00:27:20	with no cheese to maze through.
00:27:25	Don't you get it?
00:27:26	No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse
00:27:30	I put my story in your limp Brit hands,
00:27:34	and you are not going to fail me.
00:27:38	You think I was just blowing
00:27:41	You must put those boys in the shit.
00:27:45	What? I don't understand.
00:27:47	- You wanna make your movie or not?
00:27:50	All right, you get
00:27:54	We take them out there, and we put
00:27:58	Then you give me
00:28:01	all the smoke bombs, charges,
00:28:06	Then we take those boys up there,
00:28:08	me and Cody,
00:28:12	so those lily-dick actors
00:28:15	and screaming for their mammies.
00:28:17	They'd be begging for a body bag
00:28:23	I could do it.
00:28:25	I could shoot the whole thing
00:28:29	Get them away from their helpers
00:28:32	Put them in the real shit.
00:28:34	- Real shit.
00:28:35	Real fear, real emotion!
00:28:38	- Yes! Yes!
00:28:40	Take them off the fucking grid!
00:29:00	You are no longer actors in a movie!
00:29:03	You are five men in a helicopter!
00:29:08	With three other men!
00:29:15	How long are we gonna be gone,
00:29:17	'Cause I left most of my vitamins
00:29:21	- Save your breath, maggots!
00:29:36	M&M?
00:29:39	M&M?
00:30:00	Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
00:30:02	Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
00:30:04	Move it, maggots, move!
00:30:07	Get out, you wriggly worms!
00:30:10	- It's up too high!
00:30:16	See you in hell!
00:30:29	This is bullshit!
00:30:34	Fucking! Jesus! Dude!
00:30:39	You're sitting on a nest
00:30:41	Congratulations, Fats.
00:30:45	Anybody else care to give away
00:30:49	Cell phones!
00:30:51	What the hell, Damien?
00:30:52	Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
00:30:56	Gentlemen, I've got good news
00:31:00	The studio wants to shut us down.
00:31:03	And the good news.
00:31:06	If you wanna save this movie,
00:31:09	Your objective is to head north
00:31:13	and liberate the POW camp,
00:31:14	at which point Four Leaf
00:31:18	at which point you will rescue him,
00:31:20	at which point
00:31:24	Damn.
00:31:25	Four Leaf,
00:31:27	there's the map, this is the scene list.
00:31:30	Think you can handle it?
00:31:32	We have rigged this entire
00:31:38	And I will be shooting as well,
00:31:41	so that every glorious moment
00:31:46	And believe me, gentlemen,
00:31:49	If it looks real,
00:31:52	You wanted to be actors.
00:31:54	You wanted to occupy
00:31:57	Well, get ready to occupy the skin
00:32:00	surrounded by death,
00:32:04	There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
00:32:09	This radio goes to the chopper
00:32:14	The chopper is God,
00:32:18	You are my chosen disciples.
00:32:21	And no one gets to go home
00:32:24	Put on your war faces, gentlemen.
00:32:28	Now, let's go and make
00:32:32	- Yeah!
00:32:53	Yeah!
00:33:00	Yeah!
00:33:14	Not bad, Cockburn!
00:33:17	Not bad.
00:33:20	Wherever you are!
00:33:24	Wherever he is?
00:33:29	Here we go.
00:33:31	Must be an old French mine.
00:33:33	It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China.
00:33:38	Don't you get it?
00:33:42	That's what all that
00:33:44	He's trying to get us to act good,
00:33:47	He ain't playing God.
00:33:54	That's our objective.
00:34:03	No offense, Kirk,
00:34:06	but I've done a lot more effects-driven
00:34:10	And I think I can spot
00:34:13	a prop head when I see one.
00:34:15	Oh, Jesus.
00:34:18	It's corn syrup, guys.
00:34:24	Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.
00:34:27	Oh, God.
00:34:29	Smoke and mirrors, guys.
00:34:32	Oldest trick in the book.
00:34:36	He getting down now.
00:34:37	Oh, my God!
00:34:41	Whoa, look at me!
00:34:43	You're going to get the shots,
00:34:45	and I'm going to make sure
00:34:48	I'm from London. I direct plays.
00:34:50	Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!
00:35:03	Look, I'm Dave Beckham.
00:35:15	So, we gotta
00:35:17	Blow some sense into these young men.
00:35:20	Hey, I don't want to come off
00:35:23	but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.
00:35:29	Tropic Thunder.
00:35:33	Yeah, I've never been in the military,
00:35:36	but I have lost an appendage
00:35:40	Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.
00:35:43	Yeah.
00:35:45	It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
00:35:47	I don't know what it's called.
00:35:50	I just know the sound it makes
00:35:58	Okay.
00:36:00	Damien, we're go for explosion.
00:36:01	Ready to kick the tires
00:36:04	Damien, we're go for explosion.
00:36:07	Do you copy?
00:36:08	I got an itchy trigger finger here,
00:36:11	All right, you happy now?
00:36:15	Or do you need a formal invitation?
00:36:19	Here. Okay.
00:36:20	"Scene 12, exterior,
00:36:28	"Four Leaf notices
00:36:30	"A dozen guerrilla fighters
00:36:33	"Somewhere a mine explodes."
00:36:37	"I got a bad feeling on this one."
00:36:39	- Yeah.
00:36:41	- I got... Now?
00:36:44	- "I got a bad feeling on this one."
00:36:47	"I got a bad feeling on this one."
00:36:49	- Okay.
00:37:00	I got a bad feeling
00:37:04	Our asses don't get fragged
00:37:07	first thing I'm doing
00:37:09	so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry
00:37:11	on a sweet little mama-san's
00:37:14	Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
00:37:17	He die, he probably die
00:37:20	Zip it, Motown.
00:37:22	Don't you worry, Brooklyn.
00:37:23	You got a lot of days of fucking
00:37:28	Man, I'm thirsty.
00:37:30	Might as well have some of this
00:37:36	Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!
00:37:40	Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,
00:37:42	David Blaine trapdoor
00:37:45	Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
00:37:49	There ain't no goddamn takes,
00:37:53	- You sure?
00:37:55	- Yeah?
00:37:57	Then why are you still in character?
00:38:01	I know, but I don't have to tell you.
00:38:04	You don't know.
00:38:05	Man, I don't drop character
00:38:11	You happy now?
00:38:13	Get down, fool!
00:38:16	Didn't anyone read the script?
00:38:21	- This feels pretty real!
00:38:35	Yeah!
00:38:37	Yeah!
00:38:41	Eat lead!
00:38:44	They're busting caps
00:38:50	This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.
00:38:52	- What do you think?
00:38:56	Fuck you, Charlie!
00:39:01	Big-ass titties!
00:39:08	Look at that, huh?
00:39:15	And cut!
00:39:19	That's the trailer right there.
00:39:21	Yeah!
00:39:22	- What do we do now?
00:39:24	North. Man said to head north.
00:39:26	- Did you see me shooting?
00:39:29	I believed it.
00:39:31	D'ang Kwook River.
00:39:32	I'm betting
00:39:34	and Viet Congs
00:39:37	Sergeant Osiris, get your men.
00:39:41	Real, baby, I'm real.
00:39:44	Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!
00:39:48	Hump it up, gentlemen!
00:39:51	Don't dawdle now!
00:40:17	D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface.
00:40:24	Something's up.
00:40:27	Make sure Damien ain't forgot
00:40:38	Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.
00:40:42	- What are you doing, Jeff?
00:40:45	- I'm eating jellybeans.
00:40:48	No, you can't have
00:40:51	They're mine.
00:40:52	You think
00:40:53	when he doesn't have his jellybeans?
00:40:55	Boundaries, man. Fuck.
00:41:16	Hey. I didn't mean to
00:41:19	It's just, I feel like we really need
00:41:23	It's gonna be tough,
00:41:25	but I think Damien's gonna get
00:41:30	Just wish I had
00:41:32	On Jack. What? Jack?
00:41:36	- Simple Jack.
00:41:39	Simple Jack, yeah.
00:41:42	You did.
00:41:45	Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.
00:41:47	Yeah, it was an intense experience,
00:41:51	I just did the work.
00:41:53	Watched a lot of retarded people.
00:41:58	Watched all the retarded stuff they did.
00:42:00	Then again,
00:42:02	in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.
00:42:05	Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
00:42:08	Thus, we can diagram the source
00:42:12	Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.
00:42:14	You know, there were times
00:42:17	that I actually felt retarded,
00:42:20	- like really retarded.
00:42:21	I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,
00:42:24	- I rode the bus retarded.
00:42:26	In a weird way,
00:42:29	to believe that it was okay
00:42:32	- To be a moron.
00:42:34	- To be moronical.
00:42:36	- An imbecile.
00:42:38	Like the dumbest motherfucker
00:42:41	When I was playing the character.
00:42:42	- When you was the character.
00:42:45	Jack, stupid ass Jack.
00:42:47	Trying to come back from that.
00:42:49	In a weird way it was almost like
00:42:53	into believing that it wasn't retarded,
00:42:56	and by the end of the whole thing,
00:42:58	"Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
00:43:02	- It's just like... Right?
00:43:04	You was farting in bathtubs
00:43:07	Yeah.
00:43:09	But Simple Jack thought he was smart,
00:43:12	or rather, didn't think he was retarded,
00:43:13	so you can't afford to play retarded,
00:43:16	Playing a guy who ain't smart
00:43:19	- that's tricky.
00:43:20	It's like working with mercury.
00:43:24	- Yeah.
00:43:26	- That's what we do, right? Yeah.
00:43:28	Hats off for going there,
00:43:29	especially knowing how
00:43:36	- About what?
00:43:42	Everybody knows
00:43:45	- What do you mean?
00:43:47	Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked
00:43:52	Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
00:43:57	Then you got Tom Hanks,
00:43:59	Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
00:44:01	But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
00:44:04	That ain't retarded.
00:44:05	And he was a goddamn war hero.
00:44:11	You went full retard, man.
00:44:15	Never go full retard.
00:44:17	You don't buy that?
00:44:21	Remember? Went full retard?
00:44:34	Oh, my God! Holy shit!
00:44:38	Good job, turd. You killed the director.
00:44:40	No, that's impossible, man.
00:44:42	I rigged the whole tree line,
00:44:45	- He must have missed his mark.
00:44:46	Yeah, this isn't me.
00:44:48	Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
00:44:51	- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
00:44:53	- You're in trouble.
00:44:56	- We're in a... We're together on this.
00:44:58	You're just gonna run away.
00:45:00	What happened to,
00:45:01	Just wait, just wait! Listen!
00:45:04	- I don't wanna hear it.
00:45:07	I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
00:45:10	This shit will fucking ruin me!
00:45:12	- Just get off me! You're pathetic.
00:45:14	- Get off me!
00:45:19	- What the fuck?
00:45:32	So, what?
00:45:34	Try to stay in character.
00:45:37	This thing's too heavy.
00:45:39	I want the rubber one
00:45:40	Where's the fucking prop guy?
00:45:47	How's it going with that map, chief?
00:45:50	- Can I have a look at it?
00:45:53	Yeah, Damien gave it to me,
00:45:54	Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.
00:45:56	- Yeah.
00:45:58	- I got it.
00:46:00	Thank you.
00:46:01	Letters go one way
00:46:03	Dude, I'm trying to...
00:46:05	- Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.
00:46:07	Is your character dyslexic?
00:46:09	- No, my character's not dyslexic.
00:46:11	I'm tired, I want to go home.
00:46:12	Why, so you can get back and make
00:46:15	It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no... Hey,
00:46:18	- What?
00:46:19	- Yeah, you do.
00:46:21	- I got a diamond toilet.
00:46:23	You're all fucked up, man,
00:46:25	You look like you bumped your head
00:46:26	so I came over to see
00:46:28	- Yeah, why don't you get on point?
00:46:30	...my farts
00:46:31	You still got that shit upside down.
00:46:34	The numbers help, man, the numbers...
00:46:36	The letters go across the top
00:46:38	- Want the map?
00:46:40	Well, you can't have it,
00:46:41	You wish you had my farts,
00:46:45	All right. That's enough.
00:46:49	Everybody's obviously a little bushed
00:46:53	So take a chow break. Chow break!
00:46:57	But stay alert.
00:46:59	Remember, Charlie don't care
00:47:08	All right, that's lunch. Coming back
00:47:11	"Lost in the goddamn jungle."
00:47:12	Captain Simple Jack.
00:47:14	Fuck you.
00:47:24	I fucking hate movies.
00:47:28	This is bullshit.
00:47:41	No! That's my jellybeans! No!
00:47:44	Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!
00:47:49	- Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
00:47:55	God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?
00:47:59	You little piece of shit!
00:48:04	Sanducci. Hold up, man,
00:48:08	I don't really gotta piss.
00:48:10	Bait, I need bait.
00:48:13	You went to boot camp, right?
00:48:17	Yeah, I think so.
00:48:18	I know Speedman
00:48:21	making Planet of the Apes on YouTube
00:48:25	You wanna step on a real landmine?
00:48:28	You wanna get shot
00:48:30	- Keep looking ahead, man.
00:48:34	Trying to get home, man.
00:48:36	Got a big job coming up next year.
00:48:38	- Oh, yeah?
00:48:39	It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes
00:48:42	- Oh, wow!
00:48:43	- That's a classy picture.
00:48:46	Slap a beard on you.
00:48:47	- What's your fucking name?
00:48:49	- Kevin Sandusky.
00:48:52	If I can put that map in your hands,
00:48:56	- Well, yeah, I guess you can.
00:49:03	That smelled just like bologna
00:49:06	Is anyone gonna fucking help me
00:49:09	Why are they even out in the daytime?
00:49:14	I'm gonna level with you, bro.
00:49:24	Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.
00:49:30	He's way out on a limb
00:49:32	and I think he's getting cold feet.
00:49:35	And the men respect you,
00:49:38	and rehearsal.
00:49:41	- Can I count on you, Kyle.
00:49:44	Good.
00:49:46	If you want
00:49:49	- I'll handle the map.
00:49:51	You stick with the program,
00:49:55	I'm thinking there could be
00:49:59	You have that potential.
00:50:03	- Yeah, that's wicked.
00:50:12	There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!
00:50:16	You O.D.'d!
00:50:18	Hold up now, Jeff.
00:50:22	Fucking hell!
00:50:25	What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!
00:50:28	I don't have any more jellybeans.
00:50:38	You land there!
00:50:54	Wow. Look at these ruins.
00:50:59	- Where the hell are we?
00:51:03	That so? How do you know that?
00:51:06	Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.
00:51:08	Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
00:51:13	Enough from the peanut gallery!
00:51:16	No, man. Let me take a look at that map
00:51:18	Why is everybody
00:51:20	'Cause we're tired
00:51:22	Acting like you some one-man GPS!
00:51:24	God damn it! We lost!
00:51:28	Tell him, McClusky.
00:51:31	I don't believe you people.
00:51:34	What do you mean "you people"?
00:51:38	What do you mean, "you people"?
00:51:41	I think what Tugg means is...
00:51:43	No, look at his eyes, man.
00:51:45	...you people, you actors. You people...
00:51:47	I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!
00:51:49	- Hell, no!
00:51:52	Chill! All right? Just chill it.
00:51:56	Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
00:52:00	- "Viet Cong"!
00:52:02	It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S."
00:52:05	You wouldn't say "Chineses."
00:52:08	All right, that's enough
00:52:11	If the machine breaks down,
00:52:14	Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
00:52:16	and then Rambo II,
00:52:18	- Yeah.
00:52:21	- Yeah?
00:52:23	- Really?
00:52:25	I'm not that... I mean,
00:52:27	Come on, dude. You more shredded
00:52:30	- Thanks.
00:52:32	- It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
00:52:33	'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
00:52:36	- You look good.
00:52:38	- What?
00:52:40	There's, like, the pineapple...
00:52:41	- Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
00:52:43	- Hey!
00:52:45	What it is, Sikorski?
00:52:47	That's fucking bullshit!
00:52:50	We just getting a second opinion, doc.
00:52:54	We're going the wrong way!
00:52:55	- Damn!
00:52:56	God! I think we were
00:53:01	and instead we did this.
00:53:04	Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!
00:53:07	Think you can get us back
00:53:11	This is not cool!
00:53:15	Maybe.
00:53:18	This is insane!
00:53:20	Are you really going
00:53:24	We're supposed to be a unit!
00:53:26	Suck my unit!
00:53:28	All right, fine.
00:53:30	- I'll finish it by myself.
00:53:35	Tugg, you have no idea
00:53:37	Yes, I do!
00:53:39	I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk.
00:53:44	"Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks
00:53:48	Suck on that unit, Kirk!
00:54:04	Come on, men. Let's get home.
00:54:45	Hello, Mr. Mantis. You're beautiful.
00:54:52	Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo
00:54:54	where Hollywood
00:54:56	some studios backing Blu-ray Disc,
00:54:59	People thought it would come down to
00:55:01	pixel rate or refresh rate,
00:55:03	What it came down to was
00:55:07	Now, whichever format porno backs
00:55:09	is usually the one
00:55:13	But, you know, Sony,
00:55:16	You talking to me this whole time?
00:55:18	I was talking to whoever
00:55:20	Jesus Christ, man!
00:55:39	Booty Sweat.
00:55:48	Oh, God!
00:55:51	It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
00:55:56	You want my flak jacket?
00:55:58	What, are you insane? It's boiling!
00:56:02	Keep the volume down on that bitching,
00:56:05	I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
00:56:07	- How we doing? We making good time?
00:56:09	but there's no way we make it
00:56:12	All right, fellas,
00:56:15	- Oh, God.
00:56:17	You know,
00:56:19	I was a saucier in San Antone.
00:56:22	I bet I could collar up
00:56:24	Yeah, noodle some crawfish
00:56:29	And maybe some crab apples
00:56:34	Hell, yeah!
00:56:36	That's how we all talk.
00:56:40	Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.
00:56:45	You're Australian! Be Australian!
00:56:54	I get excited about my foods, man.
00:58:22	Die!
00:58:39	No!
00:58:47	Dude, dude, what the hell
00:58:52	I have no idea.
00:58:54	I've never been outside the States.
00:58:57	Wait, what?
00:58:59	Did you make this
00:59:01	Dude, were you
00:59:03	Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.
00:59:06	- Coast Guard.
00:59:08	Oh, my God!
00:59:10	Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
00:59:14	I wrote the book as a tribute!
00:59:17	Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli
00:59:19	You lied
00:59:21	It's like punching the American flag
00:59:24	God, and to think I believed in you!
00:59:26	- I don't wanna be next to you.
00:59:28	Can I be tied to another post? Okay.
00:59:52	- Rick?
00:59:54	I killed one, Rick.
00:59:57	The thing I love most in the world.
00:59:59	Vivica, get off the line now!
01:00:04	A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.
01:00:06	Calm down.
01:00:08	Get your hands on some bleach,
01:00:09	some hydrogen peroxide
01:00:12	No, a panda.
01:00:14	I killed a panda.
01:00:15	Amanda? Come on, dude.
01:00:17	I mean,
01:00:19	No, a panda!
01:00:21	A panda?
01:00:23	A sweet, cuddly,
01:00:25	vicious little panda.
01:00:27	Jesus Christ, Tugg!
01:00:30	It's beautiful here.
01:00:32	You on the set?
01:00:33	I am the set.
01:00:35	All right, man.
01:00:38	Screw TiVo.
01:00:39	I'm way beyond TiVo.
01:00:42	Last I checked,
01:00:44	Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?
01:00:47	It doesn't matter anymore.
01:00:52	I've moved on.
01:00:54	Where have you moved on to?
01:00:56	Another agency?
01:00:59	Who's with you?
01:01:01	It's Nick Stevens, isn't it?
01:01:03	You are still my client, Tugg Speedman!
01:01:07	Jacket's on, I'm out the door!
01:01:09	Tugg?
01:01:14	Please don't fire me.
01:01:16	I did it, I did it!
01:01:17	Vivica, what do I have scheduled
01:01:20	- Two and a Half Men taping.
01:01:24	Cancel it.
01:01:25	And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder
01:01:27	I'm going to Grossman's office,
01:01:30	Okay.
01:01:34	Oh, mama. Thirsty.
01:01:37	He doesn't look too good.
01:01:40	Must drink,
01:01:45	No, no. Don't drink that water!
01:01:47	No, don't!
01:01:48	Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?
01:01:51	Yeah, get him chugging on
01:01:53	That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.
01:01:55	Man, what you coming out
01:01:57	Did you need another revenue stream?
01:01:59	For your information,
01:02:02	currently generates $2 million a year
01:02:04	in charitable contributions
01:02:06	- Hot damn.
01:02:09	Maybe I just knew I had to represent,
01:02:11	because they had one good part
01:02:13	and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
01:02:17	Pump your brakes, kid.
01:02:20	I just wanted to throw another shrimp
01:02:23	That shit ain't funny.
01:02:24	Hey, fellas! It's hot!
01:02:27	I'm just fucking with you,
01:02:28	I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
01:02:30	You know that's a true story?
01:02:33	- You about to cross some fucking lines.
01:02:36	You know what? Fuck that, man!
01:02:37	I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
01:02:44	For 400 years,
01:02:47	that word has kept us down.
01:02:51	What the fuck?
01:02:52	It took a whole lot of trying
01:02:56	Now we up in the big leagues,
01:02:59	getting our turn at bat.
01:03:01	Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.
01:03:05	That's the theme song for
01:03:08	Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
01:03:11	You know what?
01:03:13	I'm gonna tag you back.
01:03:17	Guys! Hey, guys!
01:03:20	Jeff, stay away from that animal.
01:03:25	I'm gonna bite his hide. I need...
01:03:29	I need to wear his stomach skin
01:03:33	Ain't nobody doing nothing
01:03:36	Now, if Mr. Portnoy is feeling
01:03:41	put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!
01:03:45	We got ground to cover!
01:04:15	All right, POW camp, scene 67.
01:04:19	Bring it on, Cockburn!
01:04:29	Maybe he's not, you know,
01:04:32	but I think Renny Harlin's
01:04:33	like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane,
01:04:36	as far as an Andrew Dice Clay
01:04:40	And Cliffhanger.
01:04:43	As far as the whole like,
01:04:46	it's absolutely amazing.
01:04:49	Shut the fuck up!
01:04:55	Who send you here?
01:04:57	Tayback, John, Sergeant,
01:05:02	Serial number 694529987.
01:05:11	Perhaps some hot tea
01:05:14	a little easier.
01:05:20	My leader's not quite as cordial.
01:05:26	Look, what? I just thought you might
01:05:29	- in order to calm your nerves.
01:05:32	United States Army, 694529987.
01:05:38	And here's a little message
01:05:49	Dude, you all right?
01:05:52	Man you totally leaned into that.
01:05:53	I was pulling it back
01:05:56	Hey, it was an accident, man.
01:06:01	Come on, good.
01:06:03	- Let's go.
01:06:05	I rather rot in your V.C. Jail!
01:06:07	I'll never bend to your will!
01:06:11	Now say this
01:06:13	let's do the tea part, okay?
01:06:16	Dude, I hope you're not pissed.
01:06:18	I see moss on both sides of that tree.
01:06:20	Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
01:06:23	My belly really hurts, you guys!
01:06:25	I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.
01:06:27	Let me off, I gotta puke!
01:06:30	All right. All right.
01:06:36	Are you okay, Jeff?
01:06:38	I'm awesome.
01:06:42	Holy shit!
01:06:48	Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.
01:06:55	Man. Now I'm tripping.
01:06:56	That looks like the POW camp
01:07:00	Speedman was right?
01:07:01	I don't think so.
01:07:03	Look at the cooking vats,
01:07:07	Looks like a heroin processing plant.
01:07:10	We were in that chopper for hours.
01:07:11	I don't even think
01:07:14	- Fuck.
01:07:16	No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.
01:07:19	What the fuck is Laos?
01:07:21	It's the Golden Triangle.
01:07:22	Oh, fuck. We're dead.
01:07:24	No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.
01:07:26	Fucking boats, airplanes,
01:07:30	Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle,
01:07:33	This is the Golden Triangle.
01:07:35	It's the world's hard drug superhighway.
01:07:37	How do you know that?
01:07:38	It was a really long trip.
01:07:43	Cut!
01:07:44	Oh, Jesus!
01:07:46	What do you see, man? I'm blocked.
01:07:48	Damien, cut!
01:07:52	Hey, Damien, cut!
01:07:54	They got Speedman.
01:07:56	And it doesn't look good.
01:08:30	I am Tran.
01:08:33	You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.
01:08:36	You are D.E.A. Scum!
01:08:41	Were there some re-writes
01:08:51	Do you want to die?
01:08:53	- Do you?
01:08:54	Please, don't hurt me!
01:09:06	Say that again.
01:09:09	Please, don't hurt me.
01:09:10	No! Like you did before! Say it!
01:09:15	Say it!
01:09:16	Please, don't hurt me!
01:09:35	- What?
01:09:41	You saw Simple Jack?
01:09:43	We love the tale of this man,
01:09:47	We do not have many luxury here.
01:09:49	And Simple Jack is the only movie
01:09:51	You got the VHS.
01:09:55	We've watched it many, many times.
01:09:57	You should've got Oscar.
01:10:03	Well, you know. It's...
01:10:06	Just to be nominated...
01:10:07	You were nominated?
01:10:09	No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.
01:10:10	I'm just saying that to have been
01:10:14	It's just... It's very political.
01:10:16	- Shut up now!
01:10:19	So, are you going to
01:10:23	let me go, or...
01:10:24	No. We'll hold you for ransom.
01:10:27	Much more money now!
01:10:40	He's in a meeting.
01:10:41	Yeah, I know.
01:10:45	I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.
01:10:47	You wanna talk about trouble?
01:10:50	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:10:53	What do you need, Peck?
01:10:55	No, more like what do you need, Les?
01:10:58	Glasses?
01:11:00	What?
01:11:01	So you can read
01:11:04	that guarantees my client,
01:11:06	some form of digital video recorder
01:11:11	- Huh?
01:11:15	Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
01:11:18	before I snap your dick off
01:11:21	No, not you, Helen.
01:11:23	But I will rip your tits off
01:11:27	Perfect.
01:11:28	Hey, Tuggernuts,
01:11:31	I'm standing here with Les Grossman,
01:11:33	and he is dying to tell you
01:11:36	with the TiVo clause from your contract.
01:11:40	We are Flaming Dragon.
01:11:42	Speedman is with us now.
01:11:44	For 50 million, you will get him back.
01:11:48	- Are you gonna get those...
01:11:50	- And how did you get this phone?
01:11:53	Simple Jack belong to us now.
01:11:58	He does, does he?
01:12:00	Let me tell you something, shitbird.
01:12:02	I've never even heard
01:12:05	But if you think
01:12:07	Send $50 million, or you no see
01:12:12	This is Les Grossman. Who is this?
01:12:13	This is Flaming Dragon!
01:12:16	Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface.
01:12:18	First, take a big step back
01:12:25	Now, I don't know what kind of
01:12:28	you're trying to pull here,
01:12:30	So whatever you're thinking,
01:12:32	Otherwise, I'm gonna
01:12:33	and I will rain down an ungodly
01:12:36	You're gonna have to call
01:12:38	and get a fucking binding resolution
01:12:42	I am talking scorched earth,
01:12:45	I will massacre you!
01:12:47	I will fuck you up!
01:12:57	- Could you find out who that was? Go.
01:13:34	You wear these.
01:13:37	Okay.
01:13:39	Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
01:13:44	Put teeth in!
01:13:53	Now do movie.
01:13:55	The whole movie?
01:13:57	I can't. I don't know the whole...
01:13:59	You perform! You perform or die!
01:14:02	Monkey swine!
01:14:06	Pa.
01:14:10	More stupid!
01:14:13	Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?
01:14:20	You saw what I saw.
01:14:22	Tugg Speedman is dead meat
01:14:25	Yeah. We could do something
01:14:27	which is in the other direction!
01:14:28	Ain't right.
01:14:30	What would've happened
01:14:32	if Steve McQueen and them dudes
01:14:36	Well, that's what that movie was about.
01:14:40	I'm trying to agree with you.
01:14:43	Then what are we supposed to do, huh?
01:14:44	'Cause he's cleaning a gun
01:14:48	I'm just like a little boy,
01:14:56	Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
01:14:58	I got an idea.
01:15:01	Crazy's better than nothing.
01:15:04	Back in '98, I did a low-budget
01:15:08	- Sex Camp. Remember it?
01:15:11	Anyway, me and the campers
01:15:15	had to break into the rich girl camp.
01:15:18	So, what we did,
01:15:20	we built a catapult
01:15:23	and they shot us over the wall,
01:15:32	Look,
01:15:33	you guys, we already know the plan.
01:15:35	Are you fucking kidding me?
01:15:38	We do it just like in the book,
01:15:42	The book of Tropic Thunder.
01:15:44	Yeah, did you guys read the book?
01:15:48	The flap, I read the back flap
01:15:51	Well, it's okay.
01:15:55	Cool.
01:15:58	You guys all read the script, right?
01:16:00	I don't read the script, script reads me.
01:16:04	What the hell does that even mean?
01:16:05	What you getting at with the books,
01:16:12	All right. The Wet Offensive.
01:16:15	Osiris and Fats go undercover
01:16:17	Osiris and Fats go undercover
01:16:18	Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
01:16:20	Yeah. But those dudes
01:16:25	Yeah!
01:16:27	And we trained actors, motherfucker.
01:16:30	Time to man up.
01:16:34	Some of us
01:16:37	What do you mean?
01:16:43	Alpa and I's already wearing
01:16:46	- Cool it, Benson.
01:16:49	We gonna scout, get a plan together.
01:16:55	We are Flaming Dragon.
01:17:00	Okay.
01:17:03	Flaming Dragon's
01:17:06	They're responsible
01:17:09	- Huge profit margin.
01:17:13	Would somebody please let me know
01:17:16	Peck! We have it handled.
01:17:17	Please, don't interrupt.
01:17:20	I got it. Got it.
01:17:34	- Les Grossman.
01:17:37	Price now 100 million!
01:17:39	You pay now,
01:17:42	Great. Let me get this down.
01:17:45	100 million.
01:17:47	Wait! I got a better idea.
01:17:50	Instead of 100 million,
01:17:52	how about I send you
01:17:55	Then you kill him! Do your thing!
01:17:57	Go to town, man! Go to town!
01:18:00	- No...
01:18:02	go fuck yourself!
01:18:05	- No.
01:18:09	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:18:12	- I think I could've done that better.
01:18:14	They're gonna kill him!
01:18:19	And?
01:18:22	"And?"
01:18:25	It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.
01:18:31	We'll weep for him, in the press.
01:18:35	Set up a scholarship in his name.
01:18:37	Eventually, and I'm talking way,
01:18:41	we file an insurance claim.
01:18:43	Preferably before
01:18:46	Actually, the claim alone would net us
01:18:52	You can't be serious.
01:18:55	You kick in the door to my house,
01:18:56	all ants in your pants,
01:19:02	for the third runner-up
01:19:07	and you're asking if I'm serious?
01:19:13	Let's face it.
01:19:15	The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher
01:19:20	Speedman is a dying star,
01:19:23	a white dwarf heading for a black hole.
01:19:27	That's physics. It's inevitable.
01:19:29	We've been handed
01:19:33	The universe is talking to us right now.
01:19:37	You just gotta listen.
01:19:52	See, this is the good part, Pecker.
01:19:55	Yeah.
01:19:56	Ask and you shall receive.
01:20:01	- All right.
01:20:05	I know you want the goodies.
01:20:08	Welcome to the goody room.
01:20:10	You paying attention?
01:20:15	That's how you're gonna roll.
01:20:17	No more frequent flier
01:20:21	Yeah!
01:20:22	Playa.
01:20:25	Playa!
01:20:27	Big dick playa.
01:20:28	Swinging past your knees!
01:20:30	Big dick, baby.
01:20:32	Yep.
01:20:36	Or you can grow a conscience
01:20:39	in the next five minutes
01:20:46	Let me get this straight.
01:20:48	You want me
01:20:52	one of my best friends,
01:20:54	die in the jungle, alone,
01:20:59	Yes.
01:21:06	A G5 airplane?
01:21:10	Yes.
01:21:12	And lots of money.
01:21:16	Playa.
01:21:21	Yeah!
01:21:24	Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!
01:21:29	But Mama take care of Jack a lot.
01:21:32	How many more sleeps
01:21:36	Sorry, Jack.
01:21:38	She in heaven now.
01:21:41	Damn! I thought the movie was bad.
01:21:44	She sleep forever.
01:21:47	To the man's credit, he's actually
01:21:51	And now that's added a balance,
01:21:54	I mean, this is Theater 101,
01:21:58	He'll become a naturalist.
01:22:00	- Yeah.
01:22:01	then the...
01:22:06	Told you I'd tag you back.
01:22:10	Can I tell you that I'm sorry
01:22:12	for any offense I might've caused, man?
01:22:15	- I just got caught up in...
01:22:17	I guess so.
01:22:19	Why you still doing this
01:22:22	- Neither do I.
01:22:23	- It's beyond me.
01:22:25	- I am a little confused.
01:22:29	But are we cool?
01:22:31	Not really.
01:22:36	Hey, man.
01:22:38	- How's it going?
01:22:39	Hey, so, if it's no big deal,
01:22:41	I think I'm just gonna hang back here
01:22:44	Watch the stuff.
01:22:46	- Is that cool?
01:22:48	We need you, Jeff.
01:22:50	What are you talking about?
01:22:52	Okay, look, man.
01:22:55	- I got something to tell you.
01:22:59	You know those jellybeans
01:23:02	Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?
01:23:06	- They were drugs.
01:23:09	I get down there near the mother lode,
01:23:14	I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
01:23:20	If you guys wanna make it through
01:23:25	- Are you serious?
01:23:29	And you can, no matter what, you can't
01:23:32	until it is out of my system.
01:23:34	I'm gonna say,
01:23:36	"I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
01:23:37	Don't listen to me!
01:23:41	You got it!
01:23:43	Goodbye, Mama!
01:23:45	Now you can have ice cream in heaven.
01:23:48	I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
01:23:54	But this head movie
01:24:08	Dang.
01:24:13	- They got him on the move!
01:24:16	Okay. That's where they keeping him.
01:24:19	I gotta get cracking on my costume.
01:24:21	Say, are you good
01:24:22	Hell, yeah.
01:24:23	Alpa Chino chinos sold more than
01:24:27	- I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
01:25:02	It's a little twig man Oscar.
01:25:10	I'm going to call you Half Squat.
01:25:15	And you can call me
01:25:18	Papa.
01:25:42	Wow, look at all those stars.
01:25:46	Really makes a guy feel pretty small.
01:25:50	This could be the last time
01:25:53	Man, that's beauty.
01:25:57	Nights like tonight
01:26:00	Hey, you guys.
01:26:04	Don't ignore me!
01:26:05	Stick it out, man.
01:26:09	- Hey, Kirk?
01:26:11	Are you still dating
01:26:14	'Cause I think she's hot.
01:26:16	No, that was just some
01:26:19	Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
01:26:24	Funny, huh?
01:26:26	The circus life 280 days a year
01:26:30	It's hard to find a girl
01:26:35	Not one worth keeping, nohow.
01:26:37	Hey, Radar? Evans?
01:26:39	No, it's Kevin.
01:26:40	Kev, whatever the fuck.
01:26:42	I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three
01:26:44	and there's a role in there for you
01:26:48	Jeff, you're just going to
01:26:51	Your mother's a cankerous whore!
01:26:53	Jesus, man.
01:26:55	Hey, man.
01:26:57	Remember way back when I said
01:27:00	I'm sorry, man.
01:27:03	How about you, man?
01:27:05	You got some little minx waiting for you
01:27:08	Me?
01:27:09	I've barely even had a girlfriend, and...
01:27:13	I was really hoping I'd get laid
01:27:17	but that's not gonna happen.
01:27:20	What about you, Masterblaster?
01:27:21	You got a certain someone you trying
01:27:24	What, Alpa Chino?
01:27:29	No. You missing me, man.
01:27:30	I'm talking about something special.
01:27:32	How about it?
01:27:34	Yeah.
01:27:37	Yeah, there is.
01:27:39	Well? What's the skinny?
01:27:42	No. I mean...
01:27:44	I always wanted to, but I guess
01:27:49	It's... It's complicated.
01:27:51	No! It's simple as pie, man.
01:27:53	You plant your feet in the ground, you
01:27:56	"Hey, baby, you and me's going
01:28:00	- What's her name?
01:28:03	"Listen here, Lance..."
01:28:05	Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
01:28:09	- Did you say "Lance"?
01:28:11	- That sounded like "Lance."
01:28:13	- That's what I said, "Nance."
01:28:15	Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay?
01:28:17	I love the pussy! All right?
01:28:19	Lay your ass back down
01:28:21	When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy
01:28:22	was you thinking of dangling your dice
01:28:26	Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.
01:28:28	- Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
01:28:31	This Hollywood.
01:28:32	How about we all get back to work?
01:28:34	- Okay. Cool.
01:28:35	We got a big day tomorrow.
01:28:41	Alpa, if you untie me,
01:28:46	I told you, for the last time,
01:28:50	I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,
01:28:53	work the pipe and swallow the gravy.
01:28:56	Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.
01:29:05	Okay, so, what's the plan?
01:29:06	Are you gonna talk Vietnamese
01:29:08	No. No. Mandarin Chinese.
01:29:10	Which, from what I can tell,
01:29:11	How the hell do you know Chinese?
01:29:13	Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li.
01:29:17	Prepped for that one by working in
01:29:21	That might be our ride.
01:29:39	The straps are too tight!
01:29:41	Shut your mouth and follow my lead.
01:30:11	The straps are cutting off
01:30:14	Fuck you!
01:30:23	Not the fucking bull again.
01:31:20	Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.
01:31:27	Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!
01:31:39	Okay.
01:31:43	All right.
01:31:44	That looks like it could be
01:31:47	I'm gonna try to find Speedman
01:32:07	I don't know Chinese but it sounds like
01:32:10	Oh, fuck!
01:32:27	Get over here!
01:32:30	- What are you guys doing here?
01:32:32	- He killed Damien.
01:32:34	- He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
01:32:37	What are you talking about?
01:32:40	Sweet. Thank God.
01:32:42	- We busting Speedman out.
01:33:12	I take it y'all are doing
01:33:15	I can give y'all a diversion.
01:33:16	I got enough shit here to light this place
01:34:02	Yes, your farm.
01:34:09	Where is your farm,
01:34:13	American?
01:34:17	My farm?
01:34:20	Oh, shit.
01:34:22	Here's my motherfucking farm!
01:34:25	Yeah!
01:34:32	Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!
01:34:36	Kwan-Lo!
01:34:38	I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
01:34:41	Yeah!
01:34:44	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
01:34:47	Keep your head down on the ground!
01:34:49	Nobody move or I do the little big guy!
01:34:52	That's right,
01:34:55	Now show me where the drugs are.
01:34:58	What the fuck?
01:35:00	That ain't the plan!
01:35:02	Don't judge me!
01:35:07	He's got a real serious problem.
01:35:09	Hey! Hey, you!
01:35:12	Take off your clothes!
01:35:14	Take off your clothes!
01:35:16	What do we do now?
01:35:17	Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.
01:35:19	Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
01:35:22	Y'all heard the man.
01:35:25	Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.
01:35:27	- Door!
01:35:43	I go high, you go low.
01:35:49	Get down. Get down! Get down!
01:35:53	If I see one more head pop up,
01:35:58	Come on, come on!
01:36:00	- Smoke grenade.
01:36:02	Here.
01:36:04	- What's this?
01:36:06	- What's this?
01:36:06	I just know the sound it makes
01:36:09	Don't move, Matchbox,
01:36:13	I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.
01:36:16	I can still see you.
01:36:24	Tugg!
01:36:27	Tugg?
01:36:31	Gotcha.
01:36:33	Roll your shit up, man. We going home.
01:36:36	Home?
01:36:39	But I'm doing five shows a day
01:36:43	Don't you get it? I already am home.
01:36:48	All right, now, dude, you gotta get it...
01:36:51	My son gave this to me.
01:36:53	- That's your stick buddy?
01:36:57	Does he wanna come with us?
01:37:20	Get down! Get down! Get down!
01:37:22	Maybe y'all heard of me.
01:37:27	I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah
01:37:30	They're not your demo, dude.
01:37:31	Come on.
01:37:34	Two BET Awards. Alpa Chino.
01:37:37	Like him in Carlito's Way?
01:37:44	Hey, yo, you know what?
01:37:47	What're you sayin'? Huh?
01:37:49	Devil's Advocate. Dog Day Afternoon.
01:37:54	Cruising. Sea of Love.
01:37:57	Real Al Pacino.
01:38:00	Get the fuck down. That's a whole
01:38:03	What you doing? What you doing?
01:38:07	Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!
01:38:08	On my momma, if you touch that gun...
01:38:15	- Oh, shit, it's on!
01:38:52	- What're you doing?
01:38:54	a Hanoi high-five.
01:39:08	Shadow me, Pinocchio!
01:39:10	Smoke!
01:39:17	Oh, shit!
01:39:24	Jeff, don't!
01:39:26	It doesn't matter what I do.
01:39:28	I'll always be a screw-up.
01:39:31	That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
01:39:35	They only laugh at my farts.
01:39:38	Jeff, we really need to go now!
01:39:40	This is all I deserve!
01:40:02	Laugh at that, you bastards!
01:40:04	Hilarious! Hilarious!
01:40:09	Let's move. We only have 16 hours
01:40:28	Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.
01:40:30	These assholes are gonna be crawling
01:40:36	There. All right, you keep six right here.
01:40:40	Come on, let's go.
01:40:43	Come on, what are you guys doing?
01:40:45	He's on tilt status.
01:40:46	Same thing happened to me when
01:40:51	They found me in an alley in Burbank
01:40:53	trying to re-enter the Earth's
01:40:57	What're you talking about?
01:40:58	Come on, fellas, we really need to go.
01:41:00	Daggomit, Blamtucky,
01:41:11	Give me the flame thrower.
01:41:13	- No, fuck that! Just give me this.
01:41:18	All right. Give me your hooks.
01:41:20	Don't worry,
01:41:21	- Just give me your goddamn hooks.
01:41:24	Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!
01:41:31	Shit! Enough!
01:41:34	Fake shit!
01:41:39	Fuck!
01:41:48	Go get your guys!
01:41:51	I'll take care of these yahoos!
01:41:55	You're gonna focus up now,
01:41:57	- "It's me, Tugg!"
01:42:00	That's right! Now, Tugg who?
01:42:01	- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
01:42:04	I know who I am!
01:42:06	I'm a dude playing a dude
01:42:10	What?
01:42:11	You a dude
01:42:13	Or are you a dude who has no idea
01:42:16	and claims to know what dude he is...
01:42:17	What the fuck
01:42:19	...by playing other dudes?
01:42:20	I know what dude I am!
01:42:22	- You're scared.
01:42:25	Or scared of who?
01:42:26	- Scared of who?
01:42:29	Scared of you.
01:42:35	- Jesus.
01:42:37	The dudes are emerging.
01:42:39	He's right, you know.
01:42:42	I am not
01:42:45	Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.
01:42:51	We gotta roll out.
01:42:53	Nor am I Father O'Malley.
01:42:58	Or Neil Armstrong.
01:43:09	I think I might be nobody.
01:43:12	Wow!
01:43:13	The insecurity level
01:43:17	- Everybody's got issues!
01:43:20	Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.
01:43:23	You're the whole reason
01:43:25	I memorized every single monologue
01:43:27	you ever did
01:43:30	- Really?
01:43:32	I saw Scorcher I
01:43:35	That shit blew me away!
01:43:38	Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.
01:43:41	Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece
01:43:45	We need you! Your men need you!
01:43:53	I'm a rooster illusion.
01:43:55	Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
01:43:56	Let's move. Come on. Come on.
01:44:02	Come on, come on, come on.
01:44:07	Bingo! Move out.
01:44:11	Oh, God.
01:44:14	Just say no to this,
01:44:22	Gotta hold on!
01:44:30	Four Leaf!
01:44:36	You grew hands?
01:44:46	RPG, gentlemen!
01:44:51	Where are you going?
01:44:58	Oh, my God.
01:45:22	My ass!
01:45:27	My ass!
01:45:30	Hey, yo!
01:45:33	We gotta get his cracker ass
01:45:35	Are you still crazy?
01:45:40	It's Sandusky.
01:45:43	- Kevin Sandusky.
01:45:46	You remembered my name.
01:45:48	Alpa, go help Cody.
01:45:50	Portnoy, get Sandusky
01:45:52	- I got him!
01:45:56	Let's get out of here!
01:46:09	Hey, Leaf!
01:46:11	- Leaf!
01:46:12	Hit the plunger
01:46:13	- as soon as they clear the bridge!
01:46:20	Come on! Get in the chopper!
01:46:22	- Come on! Move!
01:46:30	Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!
01:46:31	Are you the special effects guy?
01:46:33	- You God damn right I am.
01:46:36	Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
01:46:37	You don't have to! You don't have to!
01:46:40	No, I can't let you do that, mate.
01:46:41	No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
01:46:44	I know it sounds weird,
01:46:47	You're not doing tofu dinner theater
01:46:49	- Get over here!
01:46:53	Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?
01:46:55	He's my son. He's my boy!
01:46:57	He needs me. I have to go back to him.
01:47:03	You tell the world what happened here.
01:47:05	What happened here?
01:47:07	I don't know, but you need to tell them.
01:47:11	I got this.
01:47:13	Tugg!
01:47:15	You take care of the boys!
01:47:20	Where is he going?
01:47:24	Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
01:47:26	- You've got hands.
01:47:28	- Fuck! You've got hands?
01:47:31	- Come on!
01:47:32	- Come on!
01:47:34	Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
01:47:41	I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
01:47:51	I got this.
01:47:53	Leaf, no!
01:48:39	It's over! He's gone!
01:48:42	Cody! We gotta go!
01:48:46	Look.
01:49:09	Think he's done.
01:49:11	Cover me!
01:49:13	- Come on!
01:49:16	How do we cover him?
01:49:22	All right, game over. Come on, mate.
01:49:26	- You all right, man?
01:49:28	I can't feel my legs.
01:49:30	No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
01:49:34	- No worries.
01:49:35	Come on, we gotta split, man.
01:49:36	- You guys came back for me.
01:49:39	Hey! I want you to know something.
01:49:41	What?
01:49:43	I know who you are.
01:49:47	You're my friend.
01:49:51	You're my brother.
01:49:54	But like a really cool brother, you know?
01:49:57	Like a brother
01:49:58	Don't look now,
01:50:01	Really?
01:50:02	That's the stuff
01:50:04	Jesus, let's go, man!
01:50:05	All right?
01:50:07	All right?
01:50:09	Upsy-daisy.
01:50:12	Come on! Come on! Come on!
01:50:17	Get in! Get in!
01:50:18	Come on! Here we go!
01:50:23	Tuggernuts! I got it!
01:50:28	- Tugger!
01:50:33	What the fuck?
01:50:34	I got the TiVo!
01:50:37	My friend wants a TiVo,
01:50:46	Oh, shit!
01:51:24	And the Oscar goes to...
01:51:29	Yes! Tugg Speedman.
01:51:33	"Tropic Blunder,
01:51:36	"of the Most Expensive
01:51:40	Yeah!
01:51:46	Yeah, you son of a bitch!
01:52:07	Eight Oscars, $400 million
01:52:12	and you saved
01:52:15	I couldn't have done it
01:52:20	Really?
01:52:21	No, dickhead, of course I could.
01:52:23	- A nutless monkey could do your job.
01:52:26	Now, go get drunk
01:52:29	- I would never do that to...
01:52:32	- Yeah?
01:52:33	Very... Okay, there he is.
01:52:36	- There he is. Okay.
01:52:37	All right. We're having a...
01:52:39	Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les.
01:52:41	But seriously,
01:52:44	Good. Thank you, sir.

Tropic Thunder