Unfaithfully Yours

en
00:00:20 [Classical]
00:01:57 I tell you, you've got nothing
00:01:59 - The plane is perfectly safe.
00:02:01 - It ran a little low on gas when it got
00:02:04 So they had to set down in...
00:02:07 A rooster? Oh, Aroostook.
00:02:10 Aroostook. And where is Aroostook
00:02:15 It's in the general neighborhood
00:02:16 And from this general neighborhood,
00:02:19 how tonight at philharmonic
00:02:23 By "telewision,"I am presuming.
00:02:25 Is it a very bad fog?
00:02:27 - Make him tell me the truth, Hugo.
00:02:30 - Don't worry, honey.
00:02:33 It's... It's more of a mist, really.
00:02:36 - Yes, Max?
00:02:39 - Don't worry, darling.
00:02:41 - [Woman] What is it?
00:02:44 And where is this mudhole,
00:02:47 In the general neighborhood
00:02:50 - [Hugo] What a neighborhood.
00:02:53 - Correction, please.
00:02:55 It turns out it wasn't Antigonish after all.
00:02:57 It was Apohaqui.
00:03:00 - Apohaqui!
00:03:03 In the general neighborhood of Nova Scotia.
00:03:06 [Man]
00:03:08 As a matter of fact, there it is, coming in...
00:03:11 - Hooray!
00:03:13 - What an airline.
00:03:16 - they always come down.
00:03:19 [Bell Dings]
00:03:22 [Hugo] Am I glad to see you, Alfie.
00:03:26 So our concert got to be shoved up.
00:03:30 Did you think of me every night?
00:03:32 Of course I did, my love.
00:03:34 Did you take my picture to bed with you?
00:03:36 Of course I did, my darling.
00:03:38 Are they kidding? If she wasn't my own sister,
00:03:42 Dream of me after you went to sleep?
00:03:44 Every single night, my love.
00:03:47 - Only I... I didn't sleep very well.
00:03:52 Put 'em back on your nose
00:03:54 At least did you get some rest
00:03:57 - Frankly, not a particle.
00:03:59 Then I'm going to take you
00:04:01 put you into a nice hot tub...
00:04:03 I really don't think
00:04:05 Of course, it's better to do it in public
00:04:08 [Woman]
00:04:10 And then I'll wake you up with a nice
00:04:14 I found same Pol Roger '34.
00:04:16 - And then...
00:04:19 make you think of brut champagne.
00:04:22 - With others, you think of prune juice.
00:04:25 You have nothing to laugh at.
00:04:27 So then you'll go down
00:04:30 - Oughtn't that to be time enough, Hugo?
00:04:32 it ain't as if you was
00:04:35 He's a hypnotist. Out of what dogs
00:04:39 Of course it'll be soon enough.
00:04:42 All I do is wave a little wand a little,
00:04:46 A little magic wand, darling,
00:04:50 [Bell Dings]
00:04:53 ["Jingle Bells"]
00:05:00 - [Cranks, Stops]
00:05:04 Don't that drive you nuts, always leaving
00:05:08 [Man]
00:05:12 I suppose I ought to wake him up
00:05:15 Oh, give him a couple of minutes.
00:05:18 Da, da, da, da, da, dee
00:05:21 Da, da, da, dee
00:05:24 - [Piano Continues]
00:05:31 - I'm so sorry.
00:05:35 - Or am I just old-fashioned?
00:05:37 - Extremely sorry. I didn't hear you.
00:05:40 and ask you what to do about
00:05:43 Oh, dear.
00:05:45 Among them a lady reporter who wants
00:05:48 What's she expect me to use,
00:05:50 - She says Stokie uses just his hands.
00:05:53 So large. So white. So free and easy on the draw.
00:05:58 - Here, darling.
00:06:00 She also wants to know why
00:06:02 Because I can actually read music.
00:06:06 - Don't forget to tell her that.
00:06:08 - I'll get you a light.
00:06:10 Also, Mr. Pedasta, your concert master,
00:06:12 the fingering in the fourth, fifth
00:06:16 in the Tannhauser overture.
00:06:19 Oh, dear. The fingering's standard.
00:06:21 He says because it's the Paris version
00:06:24 - Do you want the French fingering?
00:06:26 Tell Mr. Pedasta I'll walk with him
00:06:29 - I've got to get dressed now.
00:06:31 Then there is a citizen
00:06:33 the De Carter Foundation
00:06:36 Well, throw him out.
00:06:39 It should be enjoyed flat on the back
00:06:42 and a bucket of beer in the other
00:06:45 - Oh, Tony, if you repeat one word of this stuff.
00:06:50 You know, the only trouble with you is
00:06:52 I never feel like getting dressed...
00:06:54 I never feel like going out into the world
00:06:58 I think the successful, energetic men must all
00:07:02 Oh. Well, I will now leap
00:07:07 - [Doorbell Buzzes]
00:07:16 Some flowers for Lady de Carter.
00:07:18 - Oh, how nice.
00:07:21 Say... Oh, there you are.
00:07:23 - Give him a dollar, Hugo.
00:07:25 Well, it's only 62 and one-half cents,
00:07:28 - There's 62 and a half cents for you.
00:07:30 I'll pretend it's a dollar.
00:07:32 - [Speaking Foreign Language]
00:07:36 Why don't you grab yourself a look
00:07:39 'Cause it's none of my business.
00:07:42 who was madly in love with her,
00:07:46 and once a year, on the anniversary
00:07:48 sends her this little bunch of snapdragons.
00:07:51 - Or could they be hollyhocks?
00:07:54 - He could've sent himself.
00:07:58 - Oh, I see they came, Sir Alfred.
00:08:01 I tried to get all long-stemmed roses...
00:08:03 but they must have filled out
00:08:05 Oh, these are the flowers that I... Lovely!
00:08:08 That you asked me to send
00:08:10 - Of course.
00:08:14 and wrote instead, "For my love."
00:08:17 Remarkably efficient.
00:08:19 And have this razor honed for me, will you?
00:08:21 - It's duller than one of my brother-in-law's jokes.
00:08:24 - Mr. Henschler is on his way up, by the way.
00:08:27 - He did not inform me.
00:08:30 I mean, just 'cause he's married
00:08:33 - Really, what a bore he is.
00:08:38 Don't be expecting also Mickey Mouse.
00:08:40 I have a few million myself, you know.
00:08:43 You ain't got a hundred million.
00:08:47 That miser. Every fur coat he gives his wife
00:08:52 Every pearl from his aunt.
00:08:55 - Stop. You're breaking my heart.
00:08:59 but do I haunt his hotel constantly
00:09:04 Do I use the vaguest of all relationships...
00:09:06 two strangers who marry sisters,
00:09:09 Mr. August Henschler, sir.
00:09:14 Good morning again, August.
00:09:16 - Well, I, uh...
00:09:20 Or is it really necessary
00:09:22 Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble...
00:09:25 How do you do?
00:09:28 waiting for you in front room
00:09:31 I'll take the razor down to the barbershop.
00:09:33 Now, my dear August,
00:09:37 Thank you.
00:09:40 - At the beginning.
00:09:43 You are no doubt aware, Alfred,
00:09:47 I wasn't aware of it,
00:09:49 - We are brothers-in-law, aren't we?
00:09:51 There's not a blasted thing
00:09:53 Oh? It may come as quite a shook to you
00:09:56 being your brother-in-law
00:09:58 - No?
00:10:00 In the first place, I hate music,
00:10:04 through every confounded soiree
00:10:06 - Soiree.
00:10:08 And in the second place,
00:10:10 that your family made its money out of.
00:10:12 - And in the third place...
00:10:16 It may be, but I prefer mortgages.
00:10:19 the only titles that I have any use for...
00:10:22 are in my vault in
00:10:24 I see. Well, you have
00:10:26 but I am a baronet, I am a bandleader...
00:10:28 and my family's product has
00:10:32 There it is. Now, if I may inquire again
00:10:36 I'll come to the point at once.
00:10:39 and asked me to keep an eye
00:10:41 - Keep an eye on my wife?
00:10:44 that I'd expect you to display
00:10:47 - while taking off, let us say, for Zanzibar.
00:10:50 - I said "if."
00:10:52 What I didn't know, and I don't see
00:10:55 was that my dear mother, who is probably
00:10:58 would wire me the same day asking
00:11:01 - because of a slight indisposition.
00:11:04 I suppose she's related
00:11:06 - So faintly it's hardly worth mentioning.
00:11:08 - I'm sorry anyway.
00:11:10 If it isn't one part of her that's ailing,
00:11:12 And she seems to have so many parts,
00:11:15 However, to return to our muttons...
00:11:18 and I assure you that had it been possible
00:11:21 I don't doubt it for a second. But if it was
00:11:26 Nothing is too much trouble
00:11:28 If you ever want anything done, always ask
00:11:31 Now, you asked me to keep an eye on your wife,
00:11:34 You keep repeating "keep an eye on your wife,"
00:11:38 I don't know that you're leading up to,
00:11:42 Well, you see Alfred, being a little nearsighted,
00:11:45 Nevertheless, I did not fail you.
00:11:47 Again, something's happening
00:11:50 I don't recollect saying anything to you
00:11:54 But if I did say keep an eye on my wife for me,
00:11:58 And if she is, take her to the movies,
00:12:00 But you didn't say that.
00:12:03 Well, supposing I did,
00:12:06 - With detectives.
00:12:10 With detectives!
00:12:13 Control yourself, Alfred. Control yourself. This
00:12:17 You dare to inform me you had
00:12:21 sluicing after my beautiful wife?
00:12:23 I believe it's called "sleuthing."
00:12:26 There's nothing to be so upset about.
00:12:28 You merely had her what?
00:12:31 if I don't regain control of myself
00:12:34 I'll take this candelabrum, and I'll beat that walnut
00:12:38 - I believe they're called.
00:12:41 K-K-Keep cool, Alfred, my sainted aunt!
00:12:44 - Please, Alfred.
00:12:46 little as I ever expected of chivalry
00:12:49 today you've sunk below even yourself.
00:12:51 This is the sewer,
00:12:54 I really think you're exaggerating
00:12:56 I've always used detectives to some extent,
00:12:59 One of my aunts even married one,
00:13:02 Then your whole family is contaminated. No man
00:13:06 I hope every time
00:13:09 you've discovered that you had antlers out to here,
00:13:12 that you came crawling out
00:13:15 your briefcase stuffed with
00:13:19 dishonor dripping from your ears
00:13:22 I forgive your insults on the grounds
00:13:24 I forbid you to forgive me anything
00:13:27 and I may still punch you
00:13:29 Get out of here and never speak to me
00:13:32 where your silence might cause comment
00:13:34 Oh, dear.
00:13:37 I don't imagine that you'd be much interested
00:13:40 - Yes, I would!
00:13:43 - that I, for one...
00:13:45 Now get out of here
00:13:47 I suppose I'll see you at the concert this evening.
00:13:51 I suppose so.
00:13:54 I see.
00:13:59 [Door Opens, Closes]
00:14:09 [Clattering]
00:14:36 What is that supposed to be?
00:14:40 It's supposed to contain flowers.
00:14:43 [Sighs]
00:14:46 Well, I just wonder where we're going
00:14:51 - I wonder if the kitchen would have anything.
00:14:55 - What?
00:14:59 I don't know what I'd be doing here if I didn't.
00:15:02 I don't either.
00:15:04 By the way, you didn't do anything
00:15:08 I mean, like, falling in love with anyone else,
00:15:11 How could I fall in love with anyone else
00:15:16 No man ever had a better answer than that.
00:15:20 Will you meet me at La Lotte's about 1:00
00:15:22 - La Lotte's? What for?
00:15:25 I'd like to buy you a little something.
00:15:27 - But, darling, I have closets full of...
00:15:31 [Sighs]
00:15:34 - I have...
00:15:38 - I'll see you at La Lotte's.
00:15:44 [Classical]
00:15:48 [Surges]
00:16:28 [Ends]
00:16:30 [Alfred] And now, gentlemen, merely to follow
00:16:34 pizzicato con molto vibrato.
00:16:37 Like a dentist chipping out an old filling.
00:16:39 - [Laughing]
00:18:34 [Humming With Melody]
00:18:58 Keep playing, gentlemen.
00:19:00 - Dr. Schultz.
00:19:02 Yours is my favorite instrument
00:19:05 I've been looking at you,
00:19:09 I was afraid of being a little loud, Sir Alfred.
00:19:15 As a small boy I was learned always
00:19:19 Be vulgar, by all means,
00:19:47 [Cymbals Crash]
00:19:50 [Chuckling]
00:19:56 [Laughing]
00:20:08 - [Continues, Faint]
00:20:11 open door, walk through,
00:20:14 [Humming With Melody]
00:20:20 Shh.
00:20:42 [Cymbals Crash]
00:20:51 [Cymbals Crash]
00:20:54 [Cymbals Crash]
00:21:26 [Ends]
00:21:28 Splendid, gentlemen. Splendid.
00:21:31 [Laughing]
00:21:32 Besides which I've got an appointment
00:21:35 - I'll see you later.
00:21:43 [Humming]
00:21:46 This gentleman says
00:21:49 - He's from the hotel.
00:21:52 - You remember me, don't you, Sir Alfred?
00:21:55 You're what's known
00:21:57 That's me.
00:21:59 I suppose so. I shan't enjoy it.
00:22:01 [Sighs]
00:22:03 I'd like to make this alone,
00:22:06 Oh, very well.
00:22:09 - [Man] Beautiful music, sir.
00:22:11 Just beautiful.
00:22:15 Thank you very much, Jules.
00:22:18 Now what do you want?
00:22:20 but I feel extremely unsympathetic
00:22:23 All in the line of duty for me, boss.
00:22:25 Just shows you the kind of service
00:22:28 We don't know just how it got in the hall.
00:22:32 But we found it and saved it for you.
00:22:34 It's a detective's operator's report.
00:22:36 - I glued it together myself.
00:22:40 - You, uh, read it, I presume?
00:22:44 I see. You concluded
00:22:47 and throw the bits into a wastebasket
00:22:50 it's because I wish to keep the papers
00:22:53 Well, we didn't know, Sir Alfred.
00:22:57 and she called me,
00:23:00 Very astute. Do you customarily shove your nose
00:23:04 - Look, boss, as far as I'm concerned...
00:23:07 - Huh?
00:23:09 that you strike on the side of a box.
00:23:11 - Yes, sir.
00:23:13 Yes, sir.
00:23:15 Now get it going well.
00:23:18 Now hold it steady.
00:23:21 - Nix, boss.
00:23:24 Cut it out, boss.
00:23:26 - I hope you don't know any way
00:23:29 Now watch closely.
00:23:31 You see? Now why don't you
00:23:34 There may be
00:23:37 like spying on decent people
00:23:39 and standing on ladders
00:23:42 Look, boss, I'm sorry.
00:23:44 - Look out!
00:23:47 [Groaning]
00:23:51 - You'd better come out, Jules.
00:24:01 [Chattering]
00:24:05 [Alarm Blaring]
00:24:11 [Yelling]
00:24:15 Turn on the water!
00:24:17 I am turning it on.
00:24:19 [No Audible Dialogue]
00:24:37 Watch what you're doing!
00:24:40 - [Siren Blaring]
00:24:44 Bring it over here.
00:24:46 Not over there!
00:24:52 - I've got it!
00:24:57 Wonderful. Beautiful.
00:25:02 Would you take the telephone, please?
00:25:04 - Oh, thank you.
00:25:07 Hello. Hello, sweetie love.
00:25:11 I'm dreadfully sorry.
00:25:13 I'll join you as soon
00:25:15 Darling, I can't hear a thing you're saying
00:25:19 Some silly ass set fire to my dressing room.
00:25:21 Uh, who'd you say set fire to it?
00:25:24 No. He set fire to it himself.
00:25:26 - Insurance.
00:25:28 I said if you see anything pretty,
00:25:30 - But I don't want to buy anything.
00:25:33 It's always nice to have a change.
00:25:37 Are you the party that started this "confloration"?
00:25:39 Yes. Just one minute, Colonel.
00:25:42 There's a nobleman in a white hat
00:25:45 You didn't get in any trouble, did you?
00:25:48 - You didn't get burned?
00:25:50 On the contrary, I'm sloshing wet,
00:25:53 Uh, I'll be with you
00:25:56 Good-bye, my darling.
00:26:03 [Classical]
00:26:08 - Hello, Annie.
00:26:11 Thank you.
00:26:13 [Chattering, Laughing]
00:26:15 - Hello, Louie. Is my bride here?
00:26:19 - [No Audible Dialogue]
00:26:23 - I think I'll have a quick brandy.
00:26:28 - I was in a slight fire.
00:26:31 - Put that on my check, will you?
00:26:33 - [Man] Conduisez monsieur au 44.
00:26:36 - [Man] Sir Alfred.
00:26:41 What are you two doing here?
00:26:44 - We didn't wish to intrude.
00:26:48 Well, why shouldn't they look cute together?
00:26:51 See you later, pretty one.
00:26:54 May I?
00:26:58 Oh. Excuse me.
00:27:01 [Continues]
00:27:05 - So sorry, my darling.
00:27:07 - Thank you so much, Tony, for bringing her.
00:27:10 - Thank you.
00:27:13 And you were awful to buy me those dresses,
00:27:16 Tell me about the fire. Did you burn
00:27:19 Sorry to disappoint you... it was just
00:27:22 I think they broke the leg off a piano.
00:27:24 Why aren't Barbara and August sitting with you?
00:27:27 I haven't the slightest idea.
00:27:30 - They seemed or he seemed?
00:27:32 - What's she got to be cool about?
00:27:35 That's another matter. He may have misunderstood
00:27:39 - ByJove.
00:27:41 Excuse me one second, darling.
00:27:48 Excuse me, Barbara, I'vejust had a...sit down...
00:27:51 Would those people who shall be nameless
00:27:54 of that which I did you know what with
00:27:57 - 'Cause I will not have them around.
00:27:59 If you can figure that out,
00:28:01 Why not forget the whole thing, Alfred,
00:28:05 I will tell them to dispose
00:28:08 I'll tell them myself.
00:28:10 - I suppose you carry them around with you
00:28:13 [Barbara]
00:28:15 The mystery is you're married to a square from
00:28:19 That's no mystery.
00:28:21 - There you are, Alfred, but I still think that...
00:28:25 Thank you.
00:28:27 Well, what's the matter with him?
00:28:34 You weren't challenging August to a duel,
00:28:36 - I saw you passing cards around.
00:28:39 I'll take him by the back of the neck
00:28:41 I've just remembered something I've got to
00:28:45 - Take care of lunch, Tony.
00:28:48 I don't want anything to eat at the moment.
00:28:50 Perhaps you'll have
00:28:52 Of course I will. You're all nervous, darling.
00:28:55 I feel a lot better already.
00:28:58 All right, dearest.
00:29:01 [Car Horn Honking]
00:29:05 [Car Door Closing]
00:29:16 [Buzzer Buzzes]
00:29:19 - You are Mr. Sweeney?
00:29:21 Why not O'Brien?
00:29:23 About business, I suppose.
00:29:27 - Well, what would you call it?
00:29:30 of the rights of decent people...
00:29:32 an assault upon the very privacy
00:29:35 an infamous pursuit
00:29:37 a vile calling, masquerading
00:29:40 but actually sprung
00:29:42 - Look, mister...
00:29:45 - Does that answer your question?
00:29:49 I'm just here to eat my lunch.
00:29:51 I mean, I was trying to eat my lunch
00:29:53 A favor, that's all.
00:29:55 With much of what you got to say...
00:29:57 whatever you are doing,
00:30:00 you should be in Congress...
00:30:03 but what good is that going to do you?
00:30:06 About a blue serge suit,
00:30:09 - But from ethics...
00:30:13 Here he is now climbing. Tell him.
00:30:16 - Good day.
00:30:20 [Buzzer Buzzes]
00:30:22 A gentleman to see you, Ed.
00:30:26 [Buzzer Buzzes]
00:30:29 - You at last are Mr. Sweeney, I trust.
00:30:33 How I've looked forward
00:30:36 I was at your maiden concert in this country...
00:30:42 People said, "What do you want
00:30:44 "What does he know about music?
00:30:46 It takes an Italian or a Russian
00:30:51 But something inside of me said,
00:30:55 - And I did.
00:30:57 And am I glad I did.
00:31:02 I've never missed one of your concerts...
00:31:07 I'm no millionaire, and I can't afford
00:31:11 to South Dakota and places like that.
00:31:14 Here's to the world's greatest living conductor.
00:31:17 This is hardly what
00:31:20 The way you handle Handel, Sir Alfred.
00:31:22 For me there's nobody handles Handel
00:31:26 - Really?
00:31:28 And then there's nobody...
00:31:31 Maybe way down here Arturo... a poor fourth.
00:31:34 That is largely debatable.
00:31:37 And your Delius... delirious.
00:31:40 I usually have my tickets
00:31:42 That change in schedule
00:31:46 I'm bitterly sorry to hear
00:31:48 I live for music.
00:31:51 I had always hoped that music had
00:31:53 quite apart from its obvious
00:31:56 which elevated and purified its disciples...
00:31:59 - lifting them out of professions like this infamy.
00:32:02 - Oh, Sir Alfred...
00:32:04 The flattery of a footpad
00:32:06 [Chuckles]
00:32:08 - You don't mean a footpad.
00:32:11 And now that I know that you like them,
00:32:15 - Don't talk like that.
00:32:18 and poisoning those for me also!
00:32:21 You're just hurt. I can see it.
00:32:23 You read that report,
00:32:26 Aw, we fall for these little dames
00:32:31 when every morning
00:32:35 till one day we find out that youth
00:32:39 - And then...
00:32:41 Aw, don't be sore at me.
00:32:43 I suppose it was me that went down to
00:32:47 wearing only a negligee
00:32:51 I suppose that's the part that bothered you.
00:32:54 It usually is.
00:32:58 3406.
00:33:00 Yeah, I think that was the number.
00:33:02 I got it here someplace if you want it.
00:33:05 But it's only circumstantial evidence.
00:33:07 - Why don't we give her the benefit of the doubt?
00:33:12 Maybe she couldn't open her toothpaste.
00:33:15 so she goes down
00:33:19 Or maybe she seen a mouse in her room,
00:33:23 Aw, of course, that one's kind of thin.
00:33:25 Aw, why don't we give her
00:33:28 Maybe she woke up out of a bad dream,
00:33:31 where she was going,
00:33:33 Are you presuming
00:33:36 Well... Well, you read it, didn't you?
00:33:40 Oh, I thought that's why
00:33:43 Holy Moses.
00:33:46 Uh... Here, sit down someplace.
00:33:51 - Is this the only copy?
00:33:57 You're a wise man. I been through it.
00:34:00 Only I wasn't as smart as you are.
00:34:02 So I lost my piano and my savings...
00:34:05 and a little shack I had down at the beach...
00:34:08 and her.
00:34:11 So what have I got now?
00:34:13 Maybe I shouldn't be saying it,
00:34:17 I'd never have 'em tailed.
00:34:19 I'd never try to find out nothing.
00:34:22 I'd just be grateful for whatever
00:34:26 a year, a week, an hour.
00:34:35 [Buzzer Buzzes]
00:34:50 [Buzzer Buzzes]
00:34:52 For tonight.
00:34:55 - [Door Closes]
00:34:59 Sir Alfred.
00:35:03 I'm sure I would know about it, sweetie, although
00:35:07 - Well, I just thought he might be, that's all.
00:35:11 But wait a minute.
00:35:24 - Oh.
00:35:26 - He seems to have disappeared.
00:35:28 But we're not exactly
00:35:31 Okay.
00:35:36 No, he isn't, sweetie. There's nobody here but
00:35:41 What time do you want us to pick you up?
00:35:43 If he doesn't show up pretty soon,
00:35:48 Wait a minute.
00:35:50 The great man is just coming in now.
00:35:54 Make it about 7.'30, will you, darling?
00:35:56 That is, unless we want to get some
00:35:59 Okay. You do whatever you like.
00:36:02 Oh, and what fur are you going to wear?
00:36:05 Right. Okay, baby. Bye.
00:36:07 Darling, what happened to you?
00:36:11 I finally had to send him
00:36:13 - Really?
00:36:15 I've had your nice sandwich all ready, and...
00:36:18 and the ice all ready for your drink...
00:36:20 and the bed all ready for your nap.
00:36:23 Where have you been?
00:36:26 Girls, hah!
00:36:29 Well, then where have you been, darling?
00:36:33 - I've been to the movies.
00:36:35 I saw a very long picture about a dog...
00:36:38 the moral of which was that
00:36:40 And a companion feature which questioned
00:36:43 - and then concluded it was essential in the ninth.
00:36:46 Also something about "time marching on"
00:36:50 christening something
00:36:52 a lot of people being saved
00:36:54 and a cat which had its kittens
00:36:56 which made ghostly music and frightened
00:37:01 - You feel quite hot.
00:37:05 Well, why didn't you take me to the movies?
00:37:09 Because there are times
00:37:11 This was one of those times.
00:37:14 Well, no, of course not, darling.
00:37:16 - I hate dry white bread.
00:37:20 Oh, would you like me to run
00:37:22 Do I appear to need one?
00:37:25 Well, no, of course you don't, darling. I...
00:37:27 If I decide that I need a nice hot bath,
00:37:30 If I don't, I won't.
00:37:32 Alfred, you're going to make me cry.
00:37:34 Oh, darling, please, eat some
00:37:37 You can't go all day and all night
00:37:40 Thank you for your solicitude.
00:37:43 I hate breast of turkey.
00:37:46 Oh. Oh.
00:37:50 [Crying]
00:38:00 [Crying Continues]
00:38:27 Good evening, Sir Alfred.
00:38:42 [Man]
00:38:56 Sir Alfred.
00:39:13 Was there something, Sir Alfred?
00:39:42 [Clock.' 'Jingle Bells"]
00:39:51 [Cranks, Stops]
00:40:26 [Door Opens]
00:40:31 [Sighs]
00:40:33 And I don't know what's the matter
00:40:36 Will you see if you can close it for me?
00:40:38 Turn around.
00:40:46 [Grunts]
00:40:52 Suck in a little.
00:40:58 [Gasps, Screams]
00:41:00 What's the matter with you?
00:41:02 - I'll have to change into something else.
00:41:05 You aren't suffering from any shortage. The
00:41:09 - What's that to do with me?
00:41:11 I didn't ask you to buy me all these dresses.
00:41:15 You're always saying meet me at so-and-so's
00:41:18 If you're so worried about
00:41:20 there's nothing to stop you
00:41:22 It wouldn't make any difference to me.
00:41:25 - I've sent the women of England plenty!
00:41:28 - I forbid you to speak to your husband in that tone!
00:41:31 - So, you don't dare.
00:41:34 This is certainly going to be
00:41:37 - Maybe I'll go to the movies instead.
00:41:41 And I thought my sister had married the jerk!
00:41:43 Oh... Oh, give me that zipper!
00:41:46 Ohh!
00:41:48 [Door Slams]
00:42:02 [Whistle Blowing]
00:42:06 - [Car Horn Honking]
00:42:10 [No Audible Dialogue]
00:42:14 [Whistle Blowing]
00:42:24 Next aisle over.
00:42:29 Straight ahead, please.
00:42:31 Last aisle over.
00:42:59 It is remarkable how many people
00:43:03 Give me the quiet fireside
00:43:06 - It isn't quite so quiet when you start snoring.
00:43:08 Five and six.
00:43:22 [People Chuckling]
00:43:30 - You ever been in love, Jules?
00:43:33 Hmm.
00:43:35 What would you do if you discovered
00:43:38 this is purely hypothetical, of course...
00:43:40 had, uh...
00:43:43 uh, been untrue to you?
00:43:45 Untrue to me, sir?
00:43:49 First of all,
00:43:51 And in the second place, if she'd wanted
00:43:54 she could've had him easy enough.
00:43:56 - I was awful ugly when I was young, sir.
00:43:59 - Three minutes, Sir Alfred.
00:44:02 [Door Closes]
00:44:04 Look! Look!
00:44:21 - [Orchestra Tuning]
00:44:27 Why don't you be more careful?
00:44:39 Thank you, Jules.
00:44:53 [Applause]
00:45:30 - [Applause Subsides]
00:45:47 [Classical]
00:46:39 ["Jingle Bells"]
00:46:47 [Cranks, Stops]
00:46:55 [Classical Continues]
00:47:14 I, uh, trust you enjoyed the concert.
00:47:17 I thought you were wonderful, darling.
00:47:19 Thank you.
00:47:22 I know it sounds absurd,
00:47:25 that you were watching me conduct
00:47:29 For the last time?
00:47:31 Women get premonitions
00:47:33 such as if their husbands
00:47:36 or even that they are going to, uh,
00:47:39 in refined circles,
00:47:42 Why should I have any thoughts like that?
00:47:44 Well, it could have been the music,
00:47:48 - Very strange things.
00:47:51 You know, after all this
00:47:53 I think you ought to hear something
00:47:56 something a little nearer your age
00:47:59 How would you like to go dancing?
00:48:02 Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful.
00:48:04 Yes. Wouldn't it?
00:48:06 I've got to talk to Hugo about
00:48:09 I might be able to join you later.
00:48:13 Join who later?
00:48:15 Oh, you and whoever's
00:48:18 At my expense, of course.
00:48:20 I insist upon paying.
00:48:22 Oh, I don't think I should like
00:48:25 I can't think of anyone
00:48:28 Think hard.
00:48:30 I am thinking hard, but I...
00:48:36 What about Tony?
00:48:38 Tony?
00:48:40 - Oh, you mean Tony.
00:48:43 Well, why should I want to
00:48:46 I merely suggested Tony because
00:48:51 'cause he's a fine-looking young man
00:48:55 and because, uh, being seen with him...
00:48:57 since it's well known that he is my secretary,
00:49:01 or remarks behind the napkins...
00:49:03 and finally because he has
00:49:06 Oh, but he's such a bore.
00:49:08 Oh, he's obviously not as amusing as I am.
00:49:11 [Laughs]
00:49:13 I'm not asking you
00:49:16 I'm only asking you
00:49:19 Well, if you really want me to.
00:49:21 I really want you to.
00:49:24 I don't suppose there could be
00:49:27 How could there be?
00:49:29 I'll go and call him then.
00:49:31 - Do you know his room number?
00:49:35 I could get it
00:49:39 Oh, yes. Of course.
00:49:42 Now, what will you wear?
00:49:44 Oh, do you think I should change
00:49:47 Tony's a very handsome young man.
00:49:50 - I never noticed it.
00:49:54 Nevertheless, I'd wear something younger,
00:49:59 It's not as though you were
00:50:03 Oh, you mean like that purple one
00:50:08 Yes. Why not the one
00:50:13 Now go and call Tony
00:50:18 15 minutes exactly.
00:50:21 And then put on the purple one
00:50:27 - Run along.
00:50:33 Thank you.
00:50:37 [Classical Continues]
00:51:06 [Classical Continues]
00:51:39 Help. Help.
00:51:43 Help!
00:51:46 Stop! Tony, stop!
00:51:58 [Alfred On Recording]
00:52:01 [Changes To High-pitched Female Voice]
00:52:12 Oh! Oh!
00:52:16 [Groaning]
00:52:18 Help! Murder! Police!
00:52:22 Murder!
00:52:28 [Chuckles]
00:52:31 No, I tell you. It was his own idea.
00:52:38 You're sure you...
00:52:41 Sure it won't be
00:52:43 [Classical Continues]
00:53:02 [Chuckles]
00:53:04 All right, honey.
00:53:06 He said in 15 minutes exactly, but...
00:53:09 Well, that was about five minutes ago.
00:53:12 So if you're in any hurry.
00:53:15 Uh-huh.
00:53:17 Uh-huh.
00:53:19 Mm-hmm!
00:53:21 [Continues]
00:54:14 [Screams]
00:54:16 Oh, forgive me, Alfred.
00:54:19 - [Laughing]
00:54:21 [Screaming]
00:54:23 [Screams]
00:54:26 [Screams]
00:54:30 [Cackling]
00:54:42 [Continues]
00:56:04 [Continues]
00:56:15 - [Knocking]
00:56:19 Good evening.
00:56:21 Ah, there you are, my boy.
00:56:24 Extremely kind and devoted of you
00:56:28 Which I hardly presume amuses you,
00:56:32 [Both Laughing]
00:56:34 You know as I told you
00:56:36 2 4 hours a day and not a minute less
00:56:39 I'm very glad to be of service, Sir Alfred.
00:56:42 I don't doubt it for an instant, my boy.
00:56:44 Maybe I can do something
00:56:48 Darling, Tony's here.
00:56:51 Ah, she didn't hear me.
00:56:53 But you know what women are like
00:56:56 and putting on something extra special
00:56:59 I wish I hadn't got to talk business
00:57:02 However...
00:57:04 Oh, I don't think the barber did
00:57:07 - You did ask him to hone it, didn't you?
00:57:10 - Well, not actually, but...
00:57:14 Naturally. Not at your age.
00:57:16 Isn't there something about
00:57:19 Yes, that's right.
00:57:21 Oh, that's splendid.
00:57:23 No, no, no, no.
00:57:26 Along your hand.
00:57:28 That's right. Hold it firm.
00:57:31 That's fine. Now, run the...
00:57:38 - It cut it.
00:57:41 That must be sharp enough for almost anything.
00:57:43 Now put it away in the case,
00:57:46 I don't want him to cut my throat
00:57:50 - [Laughs]
00:57:52 I must be off.
00:57:54 Maybe I'd just better
00:57:56 Sometimes these girls
00:58:00 - Darling, Tony's waiting.
00:58:34 [Boogie-woogie]
00:58:45 Good night, darling.
00:58:51 Well, now she's playing music.
00:58:54 She's put on a wonderful gown
00:58:56 - Purple... with plumes at the hips.
00:59:01 Yes, I think you'll be quite bowled over
00:59:05 But don't be impatient.
00:59:08 - Good night.
00:59:11 Thank you so much again.
00:59:13 [Boogie-woogie Continues]
00:59:22 Good night.
00:59:27 [Classical Continues]
00:59:29 Thank you.
00:59:35 - Good evening.
00:59:37 Have you seen anything of
00:59:39 - Well, no, I ain't, boss, but, uh...
00:59:51 Good evening.
00:59:53 - Oh, good evening, Sir Alfred.
00:59:55 - I've been expecting my manager, Mr. Hugo Standoff.
00:59:59 - Maizie, have you had any calls?
01:00:02 He should be here by now.
01:00:04 There's been plenty of time.
01:00:09 [Screaming]
01:00:13 Help! Stop!
01:00:16 - [Woman] Number, please.
01:00:19 - Oh! Oh!
01:00:23 Stop! Tony! Oh!
01:00:26 Daphne! Daphne!
01:00:28 - What is it?
01:00:31 It's Lady Daphne.
01:00:33 She said, "Tony, stop! Tony!"
01:00:37 - Do something! Do something!
01:00:39 - What's the matter?
01:00:41 No, Tony! Police! Murder!
01:00:46 [Tony]
01:00:49 Get the police, quick!
01:00:52 There's been a murder!
01:00:54 Oh, Tony.
01:00:57 I tell you. I had nothing to do with it.
01:00:59 - [Swing]
01:01:01 - Yes.
01:01:04 - [Stops]
01:01:08 - Then I ran in here.
01:01:13 What's that on the floor?
01:01:15 Oh, it's the razor.
01:01:18 - Don't touch that. Might have fingerprints on it.
01:01:21 Oh, Tony, Tony. What have you done?
01:01:27 The sentence of the court is
01:01:30 to a lawful prison
01:01:33 No, I didn't do it!
01:01:35 - I didn't do it!
01:01:38 [Classical Continues]
01:01:55 [Laughs]
01:02:32 [Ends]
01:02:37 Bravo!
01:02:39 [Tony]
01:02:43 [Tony]
01:02:57 Hooray!
01:02:59 - Bravo!
01:03:01 [Tony]
01:03:06 - Never.
01:03:09 Never since the "inwention"of that
01:03:13 - Come on, Jules.
01:03:16 has it been played like you just done.
01:03:18 - Don't flatter me.
01:03:20 Compared to the truth,
01:03:23 What did you have in your head?
01:03:26 Armageddon, the final battle of
01:03:31 to bring music like that
01:03:35 You'd be enormously surprised
01:03:38 [Chattering]
01:03:43 [Applause]
01:03:46 Hooray! Hooray!
01:03:49 Oh!
01:03:53 Oh!
01:03:55 - [Applause Continues]
01:04:17 [No Audible Dialogue]
01:04:23 [No Audible Dialogue]
01:04:27 [Applause Subsides]
01:04:32 [Somber Classical]
01:05:12 [Classical Continues]
01:05:37 - Poor baby.
01:05:40 'Cause you know that I know.
01:05:42 You can feel it. It's made you all small
01:05:48 As if we could control our love...
01:05:53 and order it to do our bidding.
01:05:55 I don't know what you're talking about.
01:05:57 Yes, you know what I'm talking about.
01:05:59 'Cause love took you
01:06:02 albeit shyly and reluctantly, into the presence
01:06:07 "See, little Daphne,
01:06:10 "Gaze upon your destiny.
01:06:13 "See how gently the tendrils
01:06:17 "See how respectfully he lowers
01:06:22 But notice the spark that leaps from his skin
01:06:26 Oh, no. No.
01:06:28 I don't blame you, darling.
01:06:30 - You didn't want to.
01:06:33 I'm the one to blame.
01:06:35 Entirely and alone.
01:06:37 I'm deeply ashamed, Daphne,
01:06:40 You? Ashamed?
01:06:43 - I'm the one.
01:06:47 The one who knows the most
01:06:50 He, and he alone, must judge
01:06:53 or failure.
01:06:55 A union between a man of the world...
01:06:59 and a child from Porthole, Michigan...
01:07:02 I suppose was doomed from the start.
01:07:05 Porthaul.
01:07:08 I'll never remember it.
01:07:10 A baby with bows in her hair.
01:07:16 That wonderful night.
01:07:19 - Pity we couldn't keep it up.
01:07:22 Oh, don't cry, my darling.
01:07:25 I couldn't understand music
01:07:27 if I didn't understand
01:07:31 Neither of you has done anything wrong.
01:07:34 Youth belongs to youth.
01:07:37 And beauty... to beauty.
01:07:44 I want you to be rich,
01:07:49 I don't want you
01:07:51 rent or clothing or food.
01:07:58 Any of the unromantic things
01:08:02 [Classical Continues]
01:08:13 That little head was never made to worry.
01:08:18 Nor these little hands to work.
01:08:27 Only to love.
01:08:30 To love so dearly.
01:08:33 [Continues]
01:09:01 - [Ends]
01:09:04 [Audience Shouting]
01:09:12 [Blows]
01:09:21 [Cheering]
01:09:28 Hooray!
01:09:32 Magnificent.
01:09:34 [Man]
01:09:37 Bravo!
01:09:40 - [Applause Increases]
01:09:46 [Daphne]
01:09:51 Darling, I simply couldn't
01:09:53 I had to tell you now how wonderful it is.
01:09:56 - Absolutely wonderful.
01:09:58 Personally, I thought every emotion
01:10:01 - Darling, it was just wonderful.
01:10:04 - If you'll forgive me, I've got a dry shirt waiting.
01:10:08 I've gotJules for that, thank you.
01:10:10 Why... Why, you...
01:10:13 - Oh, come on.
01:10:16 - You look exceptionally pretty tonight.
01:10:19 - I said you look exceptionally pretty tonight.
01:10:22 - Maybe it's the music.
01:10:25 - Oh, there you are.
01:10:28 I don't know what's
01:10:30 Too much temperament.
01:10:33 - You've got it, boy. You don't have to yearn for it.
01:10:42 [Applause]
01:10:45 [Cheering]
01:11:02 [Applause Subsides]
01:11:06 [Dramatic Classical]
01:11:48 [Dramatic Classical Continues]
01:12:08 Well, what is it, Alfred?
01:12:11 First of all, I want to
01:12:13 for being so abrupt with you
01:12:16 but somehow when you happen to be
01:12:19 - that your wife is your secretary's mistress...
01:12:21 - Sir Alfred!
01:12:23 Don't try and hide behind Daphne, Tony.
01:12:26 I... I... I don't know
01:12:28 You know precisely
01:12:31 You've been dreading this moment,
01:12:34 but knowing in your secret hearts
01:12:37 And now the moment's arrived
01:12:41 Knowing that I hold all the cards and that
01:12:47 I thought of killing you, my dear.
01:12:49 I cut your throat with my razor.
01:12:52 - Oh!
01:12:55 and you they burned,
01:12:58 - [Both] Alfred.
01:13:02 Then, such is human idiocy,
01:13:06 Wrote you an enormous check.
01:13:08 Grew maudlin over the necessity
01:13:11 Where and why is this necessity?
01:13:14 What's so precious about the young female?
01:13:17 No, no, Daphne.
01:13:19 You shall have no money, and fate
01:13:23 and how much of a man he is.
01:13:26 - Here we have all the necessary apparatus
01:13:31 Invented by some czarist officers
01:13:34 but much for bravery
01:13:37 The idea is for each of us
01:13:39 aiming it at our own temples
01:13:42 - [Both Gasp]
01:13:49 One only I put back in the cylinder...
01:13:51 which I spin like this...
01:13:53 for the lucky winner.
01:13:55 The odds then are 1 -to-5 for,
01:13:59 Better than I've had in many a casino.
01:14:02 So, you see, Tony, it's not really
01:14:05 and will vouchsafe you a magnificent opportunity
01:14:09 how icy cool in the face of
01:14:13 - No.
01:14:17 And then, as the seducer of my wife
01:14:21 you shall have the honor
01:14:23 of this enthralling little game
01:14:26 - Oh, no.
01:14:27 - Exciting, isn't it?
01:14:30 What a fuss we're making.
01:14:33 No, no. Not at me.
01:14:35 That's right.
01:14:37 with nerves of steel,
01:14:40 Mr. Anthony Windborn,
01:14:43 - Sir Alfred, please, no. Sir Alfred, please!
01:14:47 Can it be that I detect a thread of saffron
01:14:51 Come, come, Tony.
01:14:54 Then watch me closely
01:14:57 I spin the wheel of fortune once more.
01:15:00 You see?
01:15:03 and without any quaverings
01:15:06 I would ask you to notice, Daphne...
01:15:09 And with a simple "Godspeed"
01:15:13 I pull the trigger...
01:15:17 - [No Audible Dialogue]
01:15:32 [Continues]
01:15:43 - [Ends]
01:16:00 [All]
01:16:07 Bravo!
01:16:09 [No Audible Dialogue]
01:16:12 [Cheering Continues]
01:16:28 [No Audible Dialogue]
01:16:47 Anybody there?
01:17:10 [Clock.' 'Jingle Bells"]
01:17:17 [Cranks, Stops]
01:19:42 [Woman]
01:19:47 Number, please.
01:19:52 [Crunching]
01:19:57 [Glass Shards Clink]
01:20:13 Number, please.
01:20:18 Hello. Who is this?
01:20:20 Some jerk on the line.
01:20:30 Number, pl...
01:20:48 [Muffled Snap]
01:21:00 - [Alfred Yelps]
01:21:03 Are you trying to get a number?
01:21:06 - Did you want a number?
01:21:09 What makes you think
01:22:08 Number, please.
01:22:10 I do not want a number!
01:22:42 Ah.
01:23:08 [Crashes]
01:23:26 [Crashing]
01:23:39 [Groans]
01:23:49 [Glass Shards Crunching]
01:24:14 [Sighs]
01:24:58 [Sneezes]
01:25:45 [Sneezes]
01:25:56 [Crunching]
01:27:01 [Phone Ringing]
01:27:09 [Ringing Continues]
01:27:19 [Ringing Continues]
01:27:32 - [Daphne] Hello. Hello?
01:27:34 - Hello, who is this?
01:27:36 - Sounds like a talking dog.
01:27:39 - Oh.
01:27:41 - Well, it sounded like an explosion.
01:27:45 Where do you think I am?
01:27:48 - What happened to you?
01:27:50 Yes, I merely felt a slight...
01:27:53 - Hello, Alfred. We'll be right up.
01:27:56 I don't want you up here. Perhaps you'll be
01:28:00 if she's nothing better to do.
01:28:02 He don't want nobody but you.
01:28:04 - Then take me home quickly, Tony.
01:28:06 We'll take a cab.
01:28:09 Is there any insanity in his family?
01:28:11 I don't know,
01:28:53 [Buttons Clicking]
01:28:59 [Cranks]
01:29:23 [Cranks]
01:29:46 [Feedback]
01:29:56 [Feedback Continues]
01:30:07 [Feedback Continues]
01:30:10 [Feedback Stops]
01:30:27 Help. Help. Oh!
01:30:30 Oh. Oh.
01:30:32 Oh.
01:30:45 Help. Help. Oh! Oh!
01:30:49 - Aaah...
01:31:01 Help. Help. Help!
01:31:05 Murder! Police!
01:31:07 Spare me! Spare me!
01:31:10 Tony, what did I ever do to you?
01:31:13 Tony. Tony!
01:31:15 Help. Help.
01:31:17 Police! Murder!
01:31:29 [Alfred On Recording]
01:31:32 Help. Help.
01:31:36 [Deep, Slow Voice]
01:31:40 Police!
01:31:43 Spare me!
01:31:45 Spare me!
01:31:48 Tony, what did I ever do to you?
01:31:53 Tony. Tony!
01:31:57 [Deep Voice]
01:32:01 - Police!
01:32:05 Alfred, darling.
01:32:09 - Alfred, are you all right?
01:32:11 What are you doing down here on the floor
01:32:15 I was making an experiment.
01:32:18 Without them, there'd be
01:32:20 I think I'm well within my own rights.
01:32:24 They say in England
01:32:26 Of course you're within
01:32:29 Well, you've made kind of
01:32:32 - [Sneezes]
01:32:34 - [Tony Chuckles]
01:32:37 Have you got to be in my house
01:32:40 Please go back to 3406
01:32:42 - Certainly, Sir Alfred. I was only...
01:32:46 - What's he done?
01:32:50 - Well, why shouldn't I side with him?
01:32:55 - Hmm. Craven.
01:32:57 I don't wish to have
01:33:00 - Apart from marrying you, my head's been
01:33:03 Alfred! Oh. Oh.
01:33:07 Alfred. Heavens.
01:33:13 - [Sneezes]
01:33:15 Alfred, what in heaven's name
01:33:17 I mean, even if you are a musician
01:33:20 don't you think that you're carrying things
01:33:24 I mean, you walk out with 2,000 people
01:33:28 and you've completely
01:33:31 now you've probably broken
01:33:37 You have.
01:33:39 By the way, I will not be able to
01:33:42 Why? Who are you taking?
01:33:44 I mean you'll have to be taken
01:33:47 - Taken where?
01:33:49 Who told you I wanted
01:33:52 You're coming down with a heavy cold,
01:33:56 Really. Wouldn't you like to
01:34:00 With Tony?
01:34:02 Have you ever seen Tony dance?
01:34:04 I saw him once with Barbara,
01:34:07 and he pushes you over sideways...
01:34:09 and then he shoves your head back
01:34:12 Why, compared to him,
01:34:14 - I don't need any compliments, thank you.
01:34:17 Besides, the way
01:34:19 I feel about as much like going dancing
01:34:22 All I feel like doing is crying.
01:34:26 How did you happen to use that simile?
01:34:29 What's a simile?
01:34:31 A simile is a...
01:34:34 A simile is a...
01:34:37 Oh, bless you. What you need to do is
01:34:41 Why are you always trying to put me in
01:34:45 Well, would you like
01:34:47 I don't want anything nice and hot.
01:34:50 - You mean perspiring, darling.
01:34:53 If I say I'm sweating, I'm sweating.
01:34:55 Now kindly go into your own room.
01:34:57 - Are you talking to me?
01:35:01 Well, go ahead and disrobe.
01:35:05 Oh, really, Alfred!
01:35:09 Hah!
01:36:48 [Groans]
01:36:59 [Groans]
01:37:10 [Groans]
01:37:20 Darling.
01:37:42 - Darling.
01:37:45 Oh, Alfred.
01:37:47 Nothing of the slightest importance,
01:37:49 Oh, yes, you did too.
01:37:51 - Oh. I'll bandage it for you.
01:37:54 - What'd you say, dear?
01:37:58 Oh, heavens, Alfred.
01:38:01 Here, darling. I'll do it for you.
01:38:05 Darling, you ought to be
01:38:07 I'm being quite careful, thank you.
01:38:09 People get blood poisoning.
01:38:11 - Gently now.
01:38:13 Oh!
01:38:15 - Oh!
01:38:20 There. Does it hurt very much?
01:38:23 - No.
01:38:25 Well, what are you shaving
01:38:28 You'd be enormously surprised...
01:38:30 - Bless you.
01:38:34 Well, if you won't take a bath,
01:39:03 You do like to do little things
01:39:07 Not when you're like this I don't.
01:39:14 I'll forgive you anyway.
01:39:16 Forgive me for what?
01:39:18 You know perfectly well what I'm forgiving you for,
01:39:21 - What?
01:39:24 Well, go ahead and change your mind.
01:39:26 I'll change my mind
01:39:28 If I don't wish to change my mind,
01:39:32 Alfred. What do you want to start
01:39:36 Bills? Hah!
01:39:38 - Can I help you, darling?
01:39:43 If it were possible for once
01:39:45 in the fountain pens in this house
01:39:48 - I know. Like in England.
01:39:50 Try the other one.
01:39:53 That's a bright remark.
01:39:55 Oh. [Gasps] Oh, Alfred.
01:39:58 - [Sighs]
01:40:00 Very well. I will not forgive you.
01:40:03 Suit yourself.
01:40:07 - What's the matter with you?
01:40:10 - What are you going to do with that?
01:40:14 Why, certainly.
01:40:16 I doubt that you played Russian roulette
01:40:20 I most certainly did.
01:40:23 That is Russian bank.
01:40:26 which I can only wish your father
01:40:29 - Where are the...
01:40:32 You're acting like a crocodile
01:40:34 - Where are the bullets for my revolver?
01:40:36 You never seem
01:40:40 Why don't you call Tony and ask him?
01:40:44 And how he does. What devotion.
01:40:46 And how you've thanked him for it tonight.
01:40:49 - Just give me one reason why
01:40:54 - What's his room number?
01:40:57 - How'd you know that?
01:40:59 He's your secretary, isn't he?
01:41:02 - But you've never been there?
01:41:05 - When, may I ask?
01:41:08 - I shouldn't think you would.
01:41:11 - Well, unless you want to help me with it.
01:41:14 You don't look very charmed.
01:41:16 - It happened while you were in England.
01:41:19 He called me up one night, about 1:30,
01:41:22 because she'd told him that she was...
01:41:24 - How was that his business?
01:41:27 - Who is married to who?
01:41:29 - Don't try and change the subject. We're not...
01:41:32 I'm trying to tell you August called me here
01:41:35 because she told him she was...
01:41:38 - Who cares where Barbara is?
01:41:40 - Oh, very well. Where was she?
01:41:43 this awful suspicion
01:41:45 After all, she is my kid sister, and I always hoped
01:41:49 - that she was just trying to be funny.
01:41:52 Anyway, I didn't dare tell August
01:41:54 and I didn't dare call her
01:41:57 because the kind of a man
01:41:59 is the kind of a man who hires detectives
01:42:02 You're describing August
01:42:05 Anyway, I told him that she had been here
01:42:08 Then I threw on a negligee
01:42:10 - Hurried down where?
01:42:13 3406.
01:42:15 3406! Of course!
01:42:17 Well, of course,
01:42:19 The door was open a little, so I marched right in
01:42:24 but there wasn't anybody there,
01:42:27 and I started to leave a lot happier
01:42:30 Then I suddenly realized how terrible it would look
01:42:33 Because Tony's about my age and...
01:42:35 To anybody who didn't understand how
01:42:39 - Well, you know how dumb some people are.
01:42:41 Just before I opened the door
01:42:43 and right there, near the freight elevator, I saw
01:42:48 - A large lumpy man with a face like an orangutan?
01:42:51 - Sweeney, the detective! August's detective!
01:42:55 Anyway, he stood there, and so I waited...
01:42:57 and he waited and we waited...
01:42:59 For 38 minutes!
01:43:02 Well, it felt more like 38 years.
01:43:04 Why, I actually began to feel guilty. I'd never been
01:43:08 You wonderful, wonderful,
01:43:11 - Why? What's so wonderful about that?
01:43:14 Telling you what, my darling?
01:43:17 Will you do me a very great favor?
01:43:19 I'll do anything you like
01:43:22 Will you put on your lowest cut,
01:43:26 with the largest and vulgarest jewels
01:43:28 - I thought you weren't feeling...
01:43:30 to the vulgarest,
01:43:32 and hardest-to-get-into
01:43:35 - But your cold, darling...
01:43:40 I happen to want to celebrate.
01:43:43 I want the whole world to know
01:43:46 in the possession of
01:43:49 I want to swim in champagne and paint the whole
01:43:54 I want everybody to see
01:43:56 always have adored you,
01:44:00 Also how much I hope
01:44:04 But, my darling, I worship you.
01:44:06 - Then put on your most outrageous dress.
01:44:10 - The purple with the plumes at the hips?
01:44:12 It's cut down on one shoulder, and the coq feathers
01:44:17 I know it only too well.
01:44:19 Wear the purple with the plumes
01:44:22 - And let it be a purple lesson to me.
01:44:25 - Shh!
01:44:28 Something so vulgar, so utterly contemptible
01:44:33 I beg of you never to make me tell you.
01:44:35 But of course I won't, my darling.
01:44:38 I know what it's like to be a great man.
01:44:40 That is, I don't really, but...
01:44:42 having so many responsibilities and...
01:44:46 so much tenseness...
01:44:48 watching out for
01:44:51 Shh!
01:44:53 A thousand poets dreamed
01:44:57 Then you were born, my love.