|
Wag the Dog
|
| 00:00:44 |
Another great race today, |
| 00:00:46 |
Who are you gonna |
| 00:00:49 |
Eddie, like my daddy |
| 00:00:51 |
and l live by it... |
| 00:00:54 |
"Never change horses |
| 00:00:56 |
Never change horses. |
| 00:01:02 |
Always stick with a winner. |
| 00:01:05 |
Keep America working. |
| 00:01:08 |
Don't change horses |
| 00:01:11 |
On election day, |
| 00:01:28 |
Can you step this way, |
| 00:01:30 |
Lift your arms, please. |
| 00:01:34 |
That's him. |
| 00:02:53 |
lt's right here. |
| 00:03:05 |
You have a seat here, Connie. |
| 00:03:06 |
He doesn't know anything. |
| 00:03:13 |
John Levy's staff, |
| 00:03:16 |
and Amy Cain, Press. |
| 00:03:23 |
Thank you. |
| 00:03:26 |
-Want some coffee? |
| 00:03:28 |
Gaviston, bring some coffee. |
| 00:03:32 |
You kids in this room... |
| 00:03:36 |
what you hear and say here... |
| 00:03:38 |
if it gets out, you leaked it. |
| 00:03:41 |
Tell them |
| 00:03:42 |
When it broke, the president |
| 00:03:48 |
What's the thing? |
| 00:03:49 |
He had an illegal immigrant |
| 00:03:53 |
You get ahead in the polls, |
| 00:03:56 |
He made a pass |
| 00:04:00 |
A group of Firefly Girls |
| 00:04:02 |
One expressed interest |
| 00:04:05 |
They went in the office |
| 00:04:08 |
lt couldn't have |
| 00:04:10 |
The Secret Service |
| 00:04:12 |
lt's not the illegal |
| 00:04:15 |
The girl's alleging... |
| 00:04:21 |
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. |
| 00:04:24 |
Maybe we could say it was |
| 00:04:27 |
Who's got the story? |
| 00:04:29 |
Don't you want to know |
| 00:04:30 |
What's the difference? |
| 00:04:32 |
lt's a story. |
| 00:04:34 |
How long till it breaks? |
| 00:04:36 |
Front page, |
| 00:04:38 |
That's not good. |
| 00:04:40 |
-Where is he? |
| 00:04:43 |
When is he due back? |
| 00:04:45 |
They're set to leave soon. |
| 00:04:50 |
He stays on the ground |
| 00:04:53 |
Why? |
| 00:04:55 |
You the Press Office? |
| 00:04:57 |
Earn your money. |
| 00:04:58 |
When do we bring him back? |
| 00:05:00 |
l'm gonna need a day. |
| 00:05:03 |
He's sick. |
| 00:05:05 |
Tell the jackals how sick he is. |
| 00:05:07 |
We gotta get that out |
| 00:05:10 |
lssue a bulletin. |
| 00:05:12 |
-Won't hold. |
| 00:05:15 |
lt won't hold a day. |
| 00:05:16 |
lt will. |
| 00:05:18 |
Why is the president in China? |
| 00:05:20 |
-Trade relations. |
| 00:05:22 |
lt's got nothing to do |
| 00:05:24 |
-There is no B-3 bomber. |
| 00:05:28 |
l don't know why |
| 00:05:32 |
l need $20,000. |
| 00:05:35 |
Get me a car and driver. |
| 00:05:37 |
The southwest gate. |
| 00:05:41 |
What? |
| 00:05:43 |
What is it? |
| 00:05:44 |
Campaign commercial. |
| 00:05:47 |
Put it in. |
| 00:05:50 |
What is it? |
| 00:05:52 |
The other side's new commercial. |
| 00:05:54 |
The Neal commercial. |
| 00:05:56 |
We had somebody steal it. |
| 00:05:58 |
This'll be on the air |
| 00:06:01 |
ln the final days |
| 00:06:03 |
has the president |
| 00:06:05 |
Thank heaven for little girls. |
| 00:06:09 |
The presidency is about honor. |
| 00:06:11 |
Thank heaven for little girls. |
| 00:06:15 |
lt's about principles. |
| 00:06:16 |
Without them, |
| 00:06:20 |
lt's about integrity. |
| 00:06:22 |
This tune has got to change. |
| 00:06:24 |
On election day, |
| 00:06:31 |
Oh, boy. |
| 00:06:33 |
Who's gonna take |
| 00:06:35 |
ls there a press conference |
| 00:06:37 |
What do you think? |
| 00:06:39 |
We have to use this |
| 00:06:42 |
l'm gonna need one, two days. |
| 00:06:44 |
Whoever's leaking that stuff |
| 00:06:47 |
"l hope this won't |
| 00:06:50 |
"What B-3 program, |
| 00:06:53 |
"lf the president |
| 00:06:55 |
"before it's fully tested..." |
| 00:06:57 |
"Deploy the B-3 |
| 00:07:00 |
"Why?" |
| 00:07:02 |
"The crisis." |
| 00:07:03 |
-What crisis? |
| 00:07:08 |
Get General Scott |
| 00:07:10 |
and put them |
| 00:07:12 |
He's nervous to talk |
| 00:07:15 |
-But what? |
| 00:07:16 |
There isn't a B-3 bomber. |
| 00:07:18 |
-Where'd you go to school? |
| 00:07:20 |
Then show a little spunk. |
| 00:07:22 |
General Scott, |
| 00:07:24 |
is not in Seattle |
| 00:07:25 |
lt won't prove out. |
| 00:07:27 |
lt doesn't have to prove out. |
| 00:07:30 |
Got less than two weeks |
| 00:07:32 |
What in the world would do that? |
| 00:07:35 |
l'm working on it. |
| 00:07:43 |
Winifred, Mr. Brean. |
| 00:07:46 |
-What's this? |
| 00:07:47 |
l gotta go to L.A. |
| 00:07:50 |
Meet me at National in an hour. |
| 00:07:52 |
We'll go to Chicago |
| 00:07:54 |
See you at National. |
| 00:08:03 |
Tell me this again. |
| 00:08:06 |
We landing? |
| 00:08:09 |
Tell me again. |
| 00:08:10 |
Don't worry. |
| 00:08:13 |
During Reagan's administration, |
| 00:08:17 |
24 hours later, |
| 00:08:19 |
That was their M.O. |
| 00:08:20 |
Change the story, |
| 00:08:22 |
lt's not a new concept. |
| 00:08:23 |
Wake me when we land. |
| 00:08:25 |
Wait. |
| 00:08:27 |
We're not having a war. |
| 00:08:29 |
We're having |
| 00:08:31 |
We cannot afford it. |
| 00:08:33 |
-What'll it cost? |
| 00:08:36 |
Who's gonna find out? |
| 00:08:38 |
Who's gonna tell them? |
| 00:08:40 |
What did they find out |
| 00:08:43 |
One video of one bomb |
| 00:08:46 |
The building could have been |
| 00:08:48 |
-You want us to go to war? |
| 00:08:52 |
With who? |
| 00:08:54 |
l'm working on it. |
| 00:08:58 |
Albania? |
| 00:09:01 |
Why? |
| 00:09:03 |
Why not? |
| 00:09:05 |
-Nothing. |
| 00:09:07 |
They seem shifty, standoffish. |
| 00:09:10 |
Who knows from Albania? |
| 00:09:13 |
What did Albania ever do to us? |
| 00:09:15 |
What did they do for us? |
| 00:09:16 |
This is why we have to |
| 00:09:19 |
You really want to go |
| 00:09:21 |
We don't have a choice. |
| 00:09:24 |
Get your press office |
| 00:09:27 |
lt didn't happen. |
| 00:09:28 |
"There is no report |
| 00:09:31 |
They have to deny it. |
| 00:09:33 |
-lt didn't happen. |
| 00:09:35 |
...news from the president |
| 00:09:38 |
Another sort of news, however... |
| 00:09:40 |
has emerged |
| 00:09:42 |
We turn to Melissa Gardner |
| 00:09:45 |
with this breaking news. |
| 00:09:47 |
Thanks, Richard. |
| 00:09:50 |
accused the president |
| 00:09:53 |
This photo of the president |
| 00:09:55 |
was taken during their tour |
| 00:09:58 |
The girl claims |
| 00:10:00 |
occurred inside the Oval Office. |
| 00:10:03 |
Her attorney says |
| 00:10:05 |
to hold a press conference. |
| 00:10:06 |
Folks in Santa Fe |
| 00:10:09 |
are waiting for a response |
| 00:10:11 |
on these harsh allegations. |
| 00:10:13 |
With the election days away, |
| 00:10:17 |
how much will this scandal |
| 00:10:20 |
Top people, Albanian desk. |
| 00:10:22 |
l don't know, either, |
| 00:10:25 |
Roust them out of bed. |
| 00:10:27 |
Albanian desk, ClA, NSA. |
| 00:10:29 |
l know they're gonna be up |
| 00:10:31 |
l want them up now. |
| 00:10:34 |
General Scott in Seattle? |
| 00:10:35 |
l don't think his trip |
| 00:10:39 |
l'll have to ask you |
| 00:10:42 |
lt'll just be a second. |
| 00:10:44 |
There are no electronics |
| 00:10:46 |
l have to ask you |
| 00:10:48 |
lt'll just take two seconds. |
| 00:10:49 |
We've said flat out |
| 00:10:52 |
l understand. |
| 00:10:54 |
lf it is true, he should, |
| 00:10:57 |
and if it's not true, |
| 00:11:01 |
We are informed he has extended |
| 00:11:04 |
l say on behalf of |
| 00:11:07 |
Face the music, |
| 00:11:10 |
The election's in 11 days. |
| 00:11:12 |
Let the American people decide. |
| 00:11:14 |
"Let the American people |
| 00:11:15 |
Senator Neal, |
| 00:11:18 |
Excuse me, Senator... |
| 00:11:20 |
That's 11 days |
| 00:11:22 |
and the president |
| 00:11:24 |
Seventeen percent. |
| 00:11:26 |
Accusations have surfaced which |
| 00:11:30 |
The White House has announced... |
| 00:11:31 |
in response |
| 00:11:33 |
there will be |
| 00:11:35 |
This is how |
| 00:11:37 |
This is bigger |
| 00:11:43 |
Get me my veggie shake... |
| 00:11:44 |
and remind me |
| 00:11:47 |
to tan the other side. |
| 00:11:49 |
Do l know you? |
| 00:11:52 |
We have mutual friends |
| 00:11:55 |
Yes, as you said, |
| 00:11:58 |
Mr. Motss, l wouldn't-- |
| 00:12:00 |
You wouldn't be here |
| 00:12:03 |
Really, who could say? |
| 00:12:07 |
l like the guy. |
| 00:12:09 |
"For two generations--" |
| 00:12:13 |
"For progress to occur," |
| 00:12:15 |
Two Generations to Agree, yes. |
| 00:12:18 |
That's what he inscribed. |
| 00:12:20 |
That's the title of the book. |
| 00:12:22 |
That's the title? |
| 00:12:25 |
For Progress to Occur |
| 00:12:28 |
That's a terrible title. |
| 00:12:32 |
You're right. |
| 00:12:34 |
For Two Generations to Agree. |
| 00:12:37 |
l never looked at the cover. |
| 00:12:38 |
l just looked |
| 00:12:39 |
When you get the time, |
| 00:12:42 |
John Levy is expected to respond |
| 00:12:45 |
of sexual misconduct |
| 00:12:48 |
This guy is fucked. |
| 00:12:53 |
What one has to do, Mr. Motss, |
| 00:12:57 |
They'll run this man |
| 00:13:00 |
lf we hold the break |
| 00:13:03 |
we got a chance. |
| 00:13:04 |
You can't hold the dam. |
| 00:13:06 |
l don't get |
| 00:13:10 |
...advised him to stay |
| 00:13:14 |
During that time, |
| 00:13:17 |
But he's gotta |
| 00:13:19 |
What is one or two days |
| 00:13:21 |
Look at all those hands. |
| 00:13:23 |
Brer Rabbit |
| 00:13:25 |
Would you comment please |
| 00:13:27 |
that the president's delay... |
| 00:13:30 |
is due to the situation |
| 00:13:33 |
There is... |
| 00:13:36 |
l'm not aware of the situation |
| 00:13:38 |
We've just learned |
| 00:13:40 |
has set up a special Albanian |
| 00:13:44 |
Mr. Sklansky, l am--We have-- |
| 00:13:48 |
Early this morning, |
| 00:13:52 |
ls his trip connected |
| 00:13:55 |
To the best of my knowledge, |
| 00:14:00 |
Mr. Levy, is the situation |
| 00:14:03 |
to the Muslim fundamentalist |
| 00:14:06 |
Now they get it. |
| 00:14:08 |
There you go. |
| 00:14:11 |
...that have |
| 00:14:15 |
How close are you to this? |
| 00:14:17 |
What do you want the kid to say? |
| 00:14:23 |
We will keep you apprised |
| 00:14:26 |
At this time, |
| 00:14:29 |
Have him say... |
| 00:14:32 |
l know we're all concerned |
| 00:14:35 |
l'm sure that our hopes |
| 00:14:40 |
Could you have Levy say... |
| 00:14:42 |
"l know we're all concerned |
| 00:14:44 |
"l'm sure our hopes |
| 00:14:47 |
l want to say l know we are all |
| 00:14:52 |
and our hopes and prayers |
| 00:14:55 |
He didn't phrase it right. |
| 00:14:56 |
He didn't sell the line. |
| 00:15:02 |
You bought yourself one day, |
| 00:15:04 |
All l need |
| 00:15:07 |
This isn't gonna hold |
| 00:15:09 |
-The guy fucked a Girl Scout. |
| 00:15:11 |
He fucked a Firefly Girl. |
| 00:15:14 |
What are you gonna do |
| 00:15:16 |
l'm gonna get my veggie shake. |
| 00:15:18 |
What do you think |
| 00:15:19 |
Nothing. |
| 00:15:22 |
You'd have to have a war. |
| 00:15:28 |
You're kidding. |
| 00:15:35 |
l'm in show business. |
| 00:15:39 |
l'll tell you why. |
| 00:15:42 |
"54, 40, or fight." |
| 00:15:44 |
-lt's a slogan. |
| 00:15:48 |
"Tippecanoe and Tyler, too." |
| 00:15:51 |
They're war slogans. |
| 00:15:52 |
We remember the slogans, |
| 00:15:55 |
You know why? |
| 00:15:56 |
That's show business. |
| 00:15:58 |
Naked girl, covered in napalm. |
| 00:16:00 |
"V" for victory. |
| 00:16:02 |
5 Marines raising the flag, |
| 00:16:06 |
You remember the picture |
| 00:16:08 |
The Gulf War, smart bomb |
| 00:16:11 |
2,500 missions a day, 100 days. |
| 00:16:13 |
One video of one bomb. |
| 00:16:16 |
The American people |
| 00:16:17 |
War is show business. |
| 00:16:20 |
What do you do |
| 00:16:24 |
Why Albania? |
| 00:16:26 |
Why not? |
| 00:16:27 |
They gotta know at some point. |
| 00:16:29 |
Who? |
| 00:16:34 |
The public. |
| 00:16:35 |
They gotta know? |
| 00:16:37 |
Get with it. |
| 00:16:39 |
l read the first draft |
| 00:16:41 |
Says he was killed |
| 00:16:43 |
The Gulf War. |
| 00:16:45 |
The one smart bomb |
| 00:16:47 |
The truth? |
| 00:16:49 |
l was in the building |
| 00:16:51 |
We shot it in a studio |
| 00:16:53 |
1/10 scale model of a building. |
| 00:16:54 |
ls that true? |
| 00:16:56 |
How do we know? |
| 00:16:58 |
All right. |
| 00:16:59 |
You want me to do what? |
| 00:17:02 |
To produce. |
| 00:17:03 |
You want me to produce your war? |
| 00:17:06 |
Not a war. |
| 00:17:08 |
We need a theme, |
| 00:17:10 |
lt's a pageant. |
| 00:17:12 |
lt's like the Oscars. |
| 00:17:14 |
l never won an Oscar. |
| 00:17:16 |
That's a shame, |
| 00:17:18 |
lndeed, l did. |
| 00:17:20 |
You're a writer, |
| 00:17:22 |
You're a director, |
| 00:17:24 |
nobody knows what you do. |
| 00:17:27 |
The producer, |
| 00:17:29 |
You see? |
| 00:17:31 |
They don't know what we do. |
| 00:17:35 |
lf you never won an Oscar... |
| 00:17:37 |
how would you like |
| 00:17:39 |
An ambassadorship? |
| 00:17:42 |
Tell me what you want. |
| 00:17:43 |
l'd just do it |
| 00:17:46 |
You couldn't tell anybody. |
| 00:17:48 |
l'm just kidding. |
| 00:17:50 |
-You couldn't tell anybody. |
| 00:17:53 |
lt's a pageant. |
| 00:17:55 |
That's what it is. |
| 00:17:56 |
The country's at war. |
| 00:17:58 |
lt's Miss America. |
| 00:17:59 |
-Why Albania? |
| 00:18:01 |
What do we have |
| 00:18:03 |
-Freedom. |
| 00:18:05 |
-Oppressed? |
| 00:18:09 |
They want to destroy |
| 00:18:12 |
They want to destroy |
| 00:18:14 |
All right? |
| 00:18:16 |
The president is in China. |
| 00:18:19 |
He is dealing with the dispatch |
| 00:18:23 |
Why? |
| 00:18:27 |
Why? Help me. |
| 00:18:31 |
Geo-politically... |
| 00:18:34 |
We found out they have the bomb. |
| 00:18:41 |
-That's good. |
| 00:18:47 |
The bomb's not there... |
| 00:18:49 |
because they'd have to have |
| 00:18:52 |
They are a bunch of wogs. |
| 00:18:55 |
lt's a suitcase bomb. |
| 00:18:57 |
l didn't know l said that. |
| 00:18:59 |
lt's a suitcase bomb. |
| 00:19:02 |
You can put a bomb |
| 00:19:06 |
That's good. |
| 00:19:08 |
lt's a suitcase bomb. |
| 00:19:11 |
When it's cooking, it's cooking. |
| 00:19:13 |
We're cooking, and it's in... |
| 00:19:18 |
Canada. All right? |
| 00:19:20 |
Albanian terrorists |
| 00:19:23 |
in Canada in an attempt |
| 00:19:27 |
-That's good. |
| 00:19:30 |
l'll tell you why. |
| 00:19:32 |
lt's producing. |
| 00:19:35 |
-lt's really great. |
| 00:19:37 |
Cecil B. De Mille, |
| 00:19:40 |
he needs an elephant. |
| 00:19:42 |
l got the president on the line. |
| 00:19:45 |
One minute. |
| 00:19:48 |
Needs an elephant for a reshoot. |
| 00:19:50 |
Ames here. Yes, sir? |
| 00:19:53 |
You listening? |
| 00:19:55 |
-Nobody's listening. |
| 00:19:57 |
-The suitcase bomb. |
| 00:20:00 |
Please, write it down. |
| 00:20:02 |
The thinking is, terrorism. |
| 00:20:05 |
Act One: |
| 00:20:08 |
The president comes on the air, |
| 00:20:12 |
Know what l need? |
| 00:20:13 |
Get me Johnny Dean, |
| 00:20:17 |
lsn't Johnny Dean in the... |
| 00:20:20 |
Back in Nashville. |
| 00:20:22 |
-Act Two. |
| 00:20:25 |
Don't forget Fad King. |
| 00:20:28 |
We just have to hold |
| 00:20:30 |
lt's a teaser. |
| 00:20:32 |
Absolutely right. |
| 00:20:34 |
Grace. Teaser. |
| 00:20:37 |
They're getting a good reaction |
| 00:20:40 |
Hello, John, you two-bit |
| 00:20:43 |
How the heck are you? |
| 00:20:45 |
Get out. |
| 00:20:51 |
He's got a new wife. |
| 00:20:52 |
He's riding in a pickup truck |
| 00:21:01 |
We need you here yesterday. |
| 00:21:03 |
All right? |
| 00:21:06 |
The president wonders about |
| 00:21:09 |
You can't have a war |
| 00:21:11 |
We could, but it would be dull. |
| 00:21:14 |
How long do we need him? |
| 00:21:15 |
We're done in 11 days. |
| 00:21:17 |
Eleven days. We need you. |
| 00:21:19 |
You want to write a song for us? |
| 00:21:22 |
ls there gonna be a back end? |
| 00:21:25 |
ls there a back end? |
| 00:21:27 |
Back end? |
| 00:21:29 |
Percentage points, money. |
| 00:21:31 |
Count on it. |
| 00:21:32 |
Where is the back end |
| 00:21:35 |
lt's like |
| 00:21:38 |
The hostages. |
| 00:21:40 |
They tied the yellow ribbons |
| 00:21:43 |
But that was |
| 00:21:45 |
That was a put-up job? |
| 00:21:54 |
l want you to get Johnny |
| 00:21:56 |
Fad King on two. |
| 00:21:58 |
He's riding in a pickup truck |
| 00:22:02 |
Are you shitting me? |
| 00:22:04 |
King, got a thing here, |
| 00:22:08 |
Of course there's a back end. |
| 00:22:11 |
-lt can't be a ribbon. |
| 00:22:13 |
AlDS has |
| 00:22:15 |
Fuck ribbons. |
| 00:22:17 |
Canada. |
| 00:22:18 |
all of a sudden transformed |
| 00:22:21 |
like the north wind, |
| 00:22:23 |
l like that. Keep talking. |
| 00:22:25 |
What guards us against Canada? |
| 00:22:27 |
l guard the Canadian border. |
| 00:22:30 |
Mounties guard the border. |
| 00:22:32 |
Stupid fucking hats. |
| 00:22:33 |
Davy Crockett had a hat. |
| 00:22:35 |
You could crush them |
| 00:22:38 |
You can't put a mountie hat |
| 00:22:40 |
You see this? |
| 00:22:43 |
You put me in a room |
| 00:22:47 |
l'm thinking armbands. |
| 00:22:49 |
-Armbands is good. |
| 00:22:53 |
Last year, the number one color |
| 00:22:56 |
-People like green. |
| 00:22:59 |
Hunter green. |
| 00:23:02 |
Not Kelly green. |
| 00:23:04 |
l like it with a hat. |
| 00:23:06 |
-Maybe. |
| 00:23:10 |
Sit on my lap if you love me... |
| 00:23:14 |
but don't put your hand |
| 00:23:17 |
l didn't mean-- |
| 00:23:18 |
We'll take a short nap. |
| 00:23:21 |
l thought you should see it. |
| 00:23:23 |
lt shouldn't be a song. |
| 00:23:25 |
l'm glad that your mama's |
| 00:23:29 |
Don't do a song about it. |
| 00:23:31 |
l thought it was funny. |
| 00:23:32 |
Sit on my lap... |
| 00:23:33 |
l don't think it's appropriate |
| 00:23:37 |
l just meant for you to see it. |
| 00:23:38 |
l guard the Canadian border. |
| 00:23:42 |
The president spent the weekend |
| 00:23:45 |
He wasn't campaigning. |
| 00:23:50 |
Change this. Thank you. |
| 00:23:53 |
Behind the mention of Albania, |
| 00:23:56 |
taking refuge these scant days |
| 00:24:00 |
Young girl in rubble. |
| 00:24:02 |
She was driven from her home |
| 00:24:05 |
lt is her |
| 00:24:08 |
-Or is it she? |
| 00:24:11 |
Can we get her a kitten? |
| 00:24:12 |
Young girl in rubble |
| 00:24:14 |
That's good. |
| 00:24:16 |
This is too static. |
| 00:24:19 |
Young girl running |
| 00:24:22 |
More energy. |
| 00:24:23 |
Time to face |
| 00:24:25 |
to answer |
| 00:24:29 |
-What's this? |
| 00:24:31 |
Girls to play the victim |
| 00:24:36 |
Write this down. |
| 00:24:37 |
Young girl running |
| 00:24:39 |
Grainy hand-held news footage. |
| 00:24:42 |
Send it to everyone. |
| 00:24:43 |
What do you think? |
| 00:24:47 |
What is this again? |
| 00:24:49 |
Young Albanian girl |
| 00:24:52 |
l like this broad here. |
| 00:24:53 |
Where? Too Texan. |
| 00:24:56 |
We're locked into Albania. |
| 00:24:58 |
Albania's hard to rhyme. |
| 00:25:00 |
What are you looking at me for? |
| 00:25:02 |
lt's the name of the country. |
| 00:25:08 |
That rhymes. |
| 00:25:11 |
-John Belushi? |
| 00:25:14 |
Jim Belushi. |
| 00:25:15 |
-Jim Belushi what? |
| 00:25:18 |
Jim Belushi's Albanian? |
| 00:25:19 |
Are you kidding? |
| 00:25:21 |
Know anybody who's eaten |
| 00:25:24 |
-ls there such a thing? |
| 00:25:27 |
-ls there a national dish? |
| 00:25:31 |
Jim Belushi is Albanian. |
| 00:25:49 |
What time is it? |
| 00:25:52 |
3:03. |
| 00:25:54 |
Great idea. |
| 00:25:55 |
To the men and women of |
| 00:25:59 |
Leopard skin. |
| 00:26:00 |
With their berets. |
| 00:26:02 |
How about all black? |
| 00:26:04 |
That's good. |
| 00:26:06 |
Half black, half leopard... |
| 00:26:07 |
wear it on your head. |
| 00:26:09 |
Half black, half leopard... |
| 00:26:12 |
wear it to your bed. |
| 00:26:15 |
Half black, half leopard. |
| 00:26:18 |
l guard... |
| 00:26:21 |
the American dream. |
| 00:26:25 |
l guard... |
| 00:26:27 |
the American dream. |
| 00:26:39 |
Everybody's always |
| 00:26:42 |
lf they're not |
| 00:26:44 |
they're changing something |
| 00:26:46 |
That's why l'm glad |
| 00:26:50 |
Sure we are. |
| 00:26:53 |
You don't want to change |
| 00:26:56 |
Why are they sticking |
| 00:26:58 |
Why are they sticking |
| 00:27:00 |
-Who hires these people? |
| 00:27:03 |
-lt's offensive. |
| 00:27:07 |
New York Times, |
| 00:27:10 |
Times got the Firefly Girl |
| 00:27:13 |
Post on page 12. |
| 00:27:16 |
lt's good. Hello? |
| 00:27:20 |
lt's very important. Listen up. |
| 00:27:21 |
lt's all war. |
| 00:27:25 |
Would you vote for that person |
| 00:27:28 |
-l don't vote. |
| 00:27:30 |
When Major League Baseball |
| 00:27:32 |
l voted for Boog Powell |
| 00:27:34 |
He didn't get in, |
| 00:27:36 |
lt's futile. |
| 00:27:37 |
You've never voted |
| 00:27:40 |
Do you vote? |
| 00:27:41 |
No. l always vote |
| 00:27:44 |
but l never win. |
| 00:27:46 |
Liz, do you vote? |
| 00:27:47 |
l don't vote. |
| 00:27:49 |
Too claustrophobic. |
| 00:27:53 |
lt's about that time. |
| 00:28:04 |
We got the Albanian girl |
| 00:28:08 |
l don't want a dog. |
| 00:28:10 |
l understand that, |
| 00:28:13 |
l need to speak to the president |
| 00:28:16 |
Can't they find me a kitten? |
| 00:28:20 |
Albanian terrorists |
| 00:28:22 |
for their atomic workshop. |
| 00:28:25 |
What if it wasn't Albania? |
| 00:28:27 |
l can get a lot of cash |
| 00:28:30 |
"Give them the boot." |
| 00:28:33 |
The little girl |
| 00:28:36 |
What does she have in her hands? |
| 00:28:39 |
Albania doesn't |
| 00:28:41 |
That's the problem. |
| 00:28:42 |
-We're locked into Albania. |
| 00:28:46 |
The president's going to war |
| 00:28:49 |
Declaring war on Albania? |
| 00:28:51 |
We're not declaring war. |
| 00:28:53 |
We haven't declared war |
| 00:28:55 |
We're going to war. |
| 00:29:00 |
This late-breaking news |
| 00:29:03 |
The president |
| 00:29:05 |
has said he apologizes |
| 00:29:08 |
and he assures |
| 00:29:11 |
for the safety of the men |
| 00:29:13 |
He says that |
| 00:29:16 |
long a staging ground |
| 00:29:19 |
He mentioned a state of war |
| 00:29:23 |
between the United States |
| 00:29:26 |
How many kittens do we have? |
| 00:29:28 |
There ought to be |
| 00:29:30 |
People, let's get started. |
| 00:29:37 |
My name is Stanley Motss. |
| 00:29:39 |
What l would like you to do, |
| 00:29:41 |
Tracy Lime. |
| 00:29:43 |
Stand against that wall, |
| 00:29:45 |
l want you running toward me, |
| 00:29:47 |
-Can we get you anything? |
| 00:29:49 |
How about a cup of tea? |
| 00:29:52 |
You OK? |
| 00:29:54 |
Fine. Let's try one. |
| 00:29:56 |
ls this a national? |
| 00:29:58 |
lt's a direct buy-out. |
| 00:30:00 |
Have your agent-- |
| 00:30:03 |
What is this, a menagerie? |
| 00:30:05 |
l can't wait to put this |
| 00:30:07 |
Can l talk to you for a minute? |
| 00:30:10 |
This is a special kind |
| 00:30:14 |
We have a schnauzer |
| 00:30:17 |
lt's a Lhasa apso. |
| 00:30:19 |
lt couldn't have been simpler. |
| 00:30:21 |
What you got here |
| 00:30:25 |
l just want kittens. |
| 00:30:27 |
Absolutely, sir. |
| 00:30:29 |
l want a kitten. |
| 00:30:32 |
Get rid of the dogs |
| 00:30:35 |
Miss. Excuse me. |
| 00:30:36 |
l have to have you sign |
| 00:30:39 |
My agent would be miffed |
| 00:30:42 |
This doesn't have to do |
| 00:30:43 |
This is your security clearance. |
| 00:30:47 |
Right there. |
| 00:30:51 |
Nice signature. Thank you. |
| 00:30:52 |
Nice meeting you. |
| 00:30:59 |
This is a nice one. |
| 00:31:00 |
That's a cat. |
| 00:31:02 |
They wanted to give options. |
| 00:31:04 |
lt's too confusing. |
| 00:31:08 |
-We'll do it optically. |
| 00:31:10 |
Let's try to shoot one. |
| 00:31:12 |
-Stacey-- |
| 00:31:14 |
l want you to stand over here. |
| 00:31:16 |
Here you go. Right there. |
| 00:31:19 |
These are chips. |
| 00:31:24 |
Hold the bag when you run. |
| 00:31:25 |
lt's for the arm position. |
| 00:31:27 |
Can l hold the kitten? |
| 00:31:29 |
We'll punch it in later. |
| 00:31:30 |
You're gonna punch |
| 00:31:32 |
Why? |
| 00:31:33 |
For a wider set of options. |
| 00:31:35 |
A wider option of what? |
| 00:31:38 |
Of kittens. |
| 00:31:41 |
Sir, all kidding aside, |
| 00:31:45 |
Actually, no. |
| 00:31:47 |
What is it, |
| 00:31:51 |
You can never tell anyone |
| 00:31:53 |
What could they do? |
| 00:31:54 |
They'd come to your house |
| 00:31:57 |
The president. |
| 00:31:59 |
Stop the makeup. |
| 00:32:01 |
-She's not pale enough. |
| 00:32:03 |
They're starting to shoot now... |
| 00:32:05 |
and they're gonna |
| 00:32:09 |
That's right, Mr. President. |
| 00:32:10 |
l don't know how |
| 00:32:12 |
but they know |
| 00:32:19 |
She's not an illegal immigrant, |
| 00:32:21 |
Could l see the contract? |
| 00:32:23 |
Why is it so flat? |
| 00:32:24 |
Because the president cannot |
| 00:32:28 |
-Let's use more spray. |
| 00:32:30 |
Let's keep working! |
| 00:32:32 |
Are we getting there? |
| 00:32:37 |
Good. |
| 00:32:48 |
Gimme some flames. |
| 00:32:53 |
How about some screaming? |
| 00:32:56 |
Screaming's good. |
| 00:32:57 |
Some sound of screaming. |
| 00:33:03 |
What might be good |
| 00:33:06 |
You know. Anne Frank. |
| 00:33:08 |
That's good. |
| 00:33:10 |
Find us the Anne Frank sirens. |
| 00:33:12 |
That's chilling. That's good. |
| 00:33:14 |
That's giving me goose bumps. |
| 00:33:17 |
Find us the ooh-ahhs. |
| 00:33:25 |
We're gonna be back |
| 00:33:27 |
We'll be back tonight. |
| 00:33:29 |
Tonight is... |
| 00:33:31 |
lt seems that Senator Neal |
| 00:33:34 |
lt makes no difference |
| 00:33:36 |
l don't care what he's got. |
| 00:33:41 |
Look at that girl. |
| 00:33:43 |
Doesn't she look Albanian? |
| 00:33:44 |
She looks like she was |
| 00:33:48 |
l got an instinct for casting. |
| 00:33:51 |
We're gonna do it again, |
| 00:33:53 |
-What's her name, Stacey? |
| 00:33:55 |
One more time. |
| 00:33:59 |
Could she be running |
| 00:34:03 |
She's running across |
| 00:34:13 |
-That looks good. |
| 00:34:16 |
Of course, |
| 00:34:18 |
ls it a stream? |
| 00:34:20 |
l think... |
| 00:34:21 |
-A pond? |
| 00:34:24 |
l think it's a calico kitten. |
| 00:34:26 |
She's running across |
| 00:34:29 |
Can we have a calico kitten? |
| 00:34:31 |
Floyd, punch in a calico kitten. |
| 00:34:34 |
l have 19 screens here. |
| 00:34:36 |
l can't see one calico kitten. |
| 00:34:37 |
The thinking is |
| 00:34:49 |
We have a small calico kitten. |
| 00:34:54 |
-What? |
| 00:34:56 |
He wants a white one? |
| 00:34:59 |
Let me talk to him. |
| 00:35:01 |
He's mobilizing the sixth fleet. |
| 00:35:03 |
Can l talk to him? |
| 00:35:05 |
He's mobilizing the sixth fleet. |
| 00:35:08 |
l hate it |
| 00:35:11 |
Can we have a white one? |
| 00:35:13 |
He wants a white one. |
| 00:35:18 |
Thank you. |
| 00:35:29 |
Are we ready yet? |
| 00:35:31 |
How soon can we get this cut? |
| 00:35:34 |
4 or 5 hours. |
| 00:35:36 |
That's good. |
| 00:35:39 |
they can downlink it |
| 00:35:43 |
Makes you glad |
| 00:35:47 |
This just in--a special report |
| 00:35:51 |
We've just received |
| 00:35:52 |
the young Albanian national |
| 00:35:56 |
is attempting to escape |
| 00:35:58 |
in her village. |
| 00:36:04 |
America has seldom witnessed... |
| 00:36:06 |
a more poignant picture |
| 00:36:08 |
Fantastic. |
| 00:36:10 |
They used the same process... |
| 00:36:12 |
with the last |
| 00:36:15 |
lsn't that amazing |
| 00:36:17 |
This is only the beginning. |
| 00:36:19 |
Wait till we get the song. |
| 00:36:21 |
Then you got the song, image, |
| 00:36:23 |
This is only the beginning. |
| 00:36:25 |
We were right. |
| 00:36:28 |
To the beginning. |
| 00:36:30 |
Got your car. |
| 00:36:31 |
l hate it |
| 00:36:34 |
-Did you make the turn OK? |
| 00:36:37 |
l'm sorry. |
| 00:36:39 |
Just fine. l'll stretch out. |
| 00:36:40 |
Good. Just make due. |
| 00:36:43 |
l'll see you in Nashville. |
| 00:36:47 |
Go with the two-tone hat. |
| 00:36:49 |
l don't care. |
| 00:36:52 |
You. You must have had |
| 00:36:55 |
There are unconfirmed reports |
| 00:36:59 |
that things are in motion. |
| 00:37:01 |
What l'm hearing-- |
| 00:37:03 |
"The president |
| 00:37:05 |
"painless, and victorious |
| 00:37:07 |
However, the source |
| 00:37:11 |
All l can tell you is this |
| 00:37:14 |
New York Times, |
| 00:37:16 |
Detroit Register, |
| 00:37:17 |
all in remission. |
| 00:37:20 |
10 days to go. |
| 00:37:23 |
Five a.m. |
| 00:37:24 |
Anything at the airport? |
| 00:37:26 |
The press thought no. |
| 00:37:27 |
Here's what l think. |
| 00:37:29 |
Can you give me the weather |
| 00:37:31 |
Andrews, five a.m. |
| 00:37:33 |
A young Albanian girl... |
| 00:37:35 |
dressed in her...whatever. |
| 00:37:37 |
ls there |
| 00:37:40 |
an Albanian harvest festival, |
| 00:37:42 |
Find me |
| 00:37:45 |
There's gotta be something. |
| 00:37:46 |
Anyway, she gives him |
| 00:37:48 |
telling him this is a sacred |
| 00:37:51 |
given to the man |
| 00:37:54 |
the last sheaf, |
| 00:37:56 |
ls she saying this in Albanian? |
| 00:37:57 |
She's speaking in Albanian... |
| 00:37:58 |
because this is the only way |
| 00:38:01 |
by her sacred, sainted, |
| 00:38:05 |
We're picking them up now. |
| 00:38:06 |
The old lady starts to speak. |
| 00:38:10 |
"You have brought peace |
| 00:38:12 |
The child speaks. |
| 00:38:14 |
A face of innocence, |
| 00:38:16 |
The child says... |
| 00:38:17 |
Are you getting this? |
| 00:38:19 |
The old broad starts to cry. |
| 00:38:22 |
Big Bird shrugs off |
| 00:38:24 |
covers her with his coat, |
| 00:38:26 |
Can you find out if we could |
| 00:38:30 |
How is Big Bird holding up? |
| 00:38:32 |
He's good. |
| 00:38:33 |
He does want to know-- |
| 00:38:36 |
l don't know. |
| 00:38:38 |
No rain tomorrow at Andrews, |
| 00:38:42 |
Then direct the plane to Boca. |
| 00:38:44 |
Connie says |
| 00:38:53 |
What's happening? |
| 00:39:11 |
Can l help you? |
| 00:39:13 |
What's the problem? |
| 00:39:15 |
We're in a rush. |
| 00:39:17 |
Do you know who we are? |
| 00:39:19 |
l'm afraid that's the trouble, |
| 00:39:21 |
ClA. |
| 00:39:30 |
l have this to say... |
| 00:39:41 |
...every American man, |
| 00:39:44 |
What am l gonna do? |
| 00:39:46 |
l have |
| 00:39:47 |
eventually headed |
| 00:39:49 |
Now that the ClA knows, |
| 00:39:52 |
my career, my reputation. |
| 00:39:54 |
Brazen it through. |
| 00:39:56 |
Took you long enough. |
| 00:39:58 |
We found them |
| 00:40:00 |
All right. |
| 00:40:02 |
After l'm done with them, |
| 00:40:05 |
Lug them back to the district |
| 00:40:07 |
let the FBl trip over them? |
| 00:40:09 |
Legal department says you pick. |
| 00:40:11 |
Depends on what we want |
| 00:40:12 |
This is a special report |
| 00:40:15 |
We've just received |
| 00:40:17 |
on the Albanian girl |
| 00:40:19 |
The young girl |
| 00:40:21 |
after hearing |
| 00:40:23 |
Apparently, there was |
| 00:40:29 |
Two things l know to be true... |
| 00:40:32 |
there's no difference between |
| 00:40:35 |
and there is no war. |
| 00:40:37 |
Guess who l am. |
| 00:40:38 |
l would like to point out |
| 00:40:41 |
and taking medication, |
| 00:40:44 |
Quite touching. |
| 00:40:45 |
l also take this opportunity... |
| 00:40:47 |
to suggest that, equally, |
| 00:40:50 |
and l would like |
| 00:40:51 |
We show, and NSA confirms... |
| 00:40:53 |
there are no nuclear devices |
| 00:40:56 |
There are no nuclear devices |
| 00:40:58 |
Albania has no nuclear capacity. |
| 00:41:00 |
Our spy satellites... |
| 00:41:02 |
show no secret |
| 00:41:04 |
in the Albanian hinterland. |
| 00:41:06 |
The border patrol, the FBl, |
| 00:41:09 |
no--repeat-- |
| 00:41:13 |
along our picturesque |
| 00:41:15 |
The Albanian government |
| 00:41:18 |
The world is listening. |
| 00:41:20 |
There is no war. |
| 00:41:21 |
There's a war. |
| 00:41:24 |
Who might you be? |
| 00:41:26 |
-Conrad Brean. |
| 00:41:28 |
Nobody whose name |
| 00:41:32 |
lt's all well, but when the fit |
| 00:41:35 |
somebody has to stay |
| 00:41:37 |
Who might that be? |
| 00:41:38 |
l don't know |
| 00:41:40 |
The spy satellites show it. |
| 00:41:43 |
They show no war. |
| 00:41:44 |
Then what good are they? |
| 00:41:46 |
Why spend a quarter trillion |
| 00:41:49 |
What good are they? |
| 00:41:51 |
Are they useless or just broken? |
| 00:41:52 |
l would like |
| 00:41:54 |
that these medications |
| 00:41:56 |
lf there's no threat, |
| 00:41:59 |
lf there's no threat, |
| 00:42:00 |
You are the threat. |
| 00:42:03 |
l'm the threat? |
| 00:42:04 |
What have l been doing |
| 00:42:06 |
that you haven't been doing? |
| 00:42:08 |
The last 30 years... |
| 00:42:09 |
l have been working to ensure |
| 00:42:11 |
l'm sure that speaks well |
| 00:42:14 |
but if forced to choose between |
| 00:42:17 |
and the security of your job, |
| 00:42:19 |
While you hesitate, |
| 00:42:22 |
that they are one in the same. |
| 00:42:24 |
l'm doing my job. |
| 00:42:27 |
l'm doing my job, too. |
| 00:42:28 |
The constant stress |
| 00:42:30 |
Let me ask you |
| 00:42:33 |
Why do people go to war? |
| 00:42:35 |
l'll play your silly game. |
| 00:42:37 |
To ensure their way of life. |
| 00:42:39 |
-Would you fight to do that? |
| 00:42:41 |
lf you went to war again, |
| 00:42:44 |
Your ability to fight |
| 00:42:46 |
Sweden and Togo? |
| 00:42:47 |
That time has passed. |
| 00:42:49 |
The war of the future |
| 00:42:52 |
lt'll be against |
| 00:42:54 |
who, unbeknownst perhaps to |
| 00:42:57 |
To go to that war, |
| 00:42:59 |
You gotta be alert. |
| 00:43:02 |
because that is the war |
| 00:43:04 |
and if you're not gearing up |
| 00:43:07 |
then the ax will fall. |
| 00:43:09 |
You can call this a drill, |
| 00:43:12 |
call it anything you like, |
| 00:43:15 |
Go to war |
| 00:43:16 |
Chuck, this is your way of life. |
| 00:43:20 |
lf your spy satellites |
| 00:43:22 |
if there ain't no war... |
| 00:43:23 |
then you can go home |
| 00:43:26 |
'cause there ain't no war |
| 00:43:33 |
Thank you. |
| 00:43:35 |
Drive carefully. |
| 00:43:46 |
Nice enough people. |
| 00:43:47 |
They just hadn't |
| 00:43:49 |
You talked us out of there. |
| 00:43:51 |
We got delayed. |
| 00:43:53 |
What? |
| 00:43:54 |
You could talk a dog |
| 00:43:56 |
Thank you. |
| 00:43:58 |
We just got stuck. |
| 00:43:59 |
All systems five-by-five. |
| 00:44:02 |
You saved our bacon. |
| 00:44:04 |
lt was just a... |
| 00:44:06 |
a phenomenal performance. |
| 00:44:08 |
You turned them around. |
| 00:44:12 |
They hadn't thought it through. |
| 00:44:20 |
He's moving across the tarmac. |
| 00:44:25 |
But it appears something |
| 00:44:28 |
and he has stopped moving |
| 00:44:31 |
There's a little girl... |
| 00:44:33 |
trying to speak |
| 00:44:35 |
lt seems she's speaking in-- |
| 00:44:37 |
ls it Albanian? |
| 00:44:38 |
Can we get someone |
| 00:44:41 |
Dan, |
| 00:44:44 |
is that this wheat offering |
| 00:44:48 |
and that it is |
| 00:44:50 |
the first cut of the harvest. |
| 00:44:52 |
l'm not proficient |
| 00:44:54 |
but the old woman |
| 00:44:56 |
as the president |
| 00:44:58 |
lt is quite |
| 00:45:01 |
There comes a time... |
| 00:45:04 |
in the course of human events... |
| 00:45:08 |
when a threat |
| 00:45:12 |
with courage and strength. |
| 00:45:15 |
Our forefathers earned... |
| 00:45:18 |
the right to be free. |
| 00:45:21 |
Now it's time... |
| 00:45:23 |
to guard their dream. |
| 00:45:27 |
We guard... |
| 00:45:30 |
our American borders. |
| 00:45:35 |
We guard... |
| 00:45:37 |
the American dream. |
| 00:45:40 |
We guard our right... |
| 00:45:43 |
to fight for democracy... |
| 00:45:48 |
and keep our country free. |
| 00:45:54 |
We guard... |
| 00:45:57 |
our American spirit. |
| 00:46:02 |
We guard... |
| 00:46:04 |
the American dream. |
| 00:46:18 |
Our country's built... |
| 00:46:22 |
on the rock of liberty. |
| 00:46:25 |
And we, as people... |
| 00:46:28 |
must keep it free. |
| 00:46:30 |
lt is for life... |
| 00:46:33 |
liberty... |
| 00:46:35 |
the pursuit of happiness... |
| 00:46:38 |
Freedom, 'tis of thee. |
| 00:46:45 |
We guard... |
| 00:46:47 |
our American borders. |
| 00:46:51 |
We guard... |
| 00:46:54 |
the American dream. |
| 00:46:58 |
l loved the fat, |
| 00:47:00 |
Thank you. |
| 00:47:01 |
You know why? |
| 00:47:03 |
You got lucky |
| 00:47:05 |
We had to divert |
| 00:47:07 |
You should have come to me. |
| 00:47:10 |
l'm a producer. l make rain. |
| 00:47:11 |
Next time. |
| 00:47:14 |
l have just gotten word... |
| 00:47:15 |
that the situation |
| 00:47:18 |
that it is resolved. |
| 00:47:21 |
The ClA confirms... |
| 00:47:23 |
that our troops |
| 00:47:26 |
and overseas are standing down. |
| 00:47:30 |
l must take this opportunity |
| 00:47:34 |
What does he mean, |
| 00:47:36 |
He just ended the war. |
| 00:47:37 |
He ended the war? |
| 00:47:39 |
Why did he do that? |
| 00:47:40 |
l think the ClA |
| 00:47:42 |
He ended the war? |
| 00:47:46 |
He can't end the war. |
| 00:47:47 |
He's not producing this. |
| 00:47:53 |
This is in bad taste. |
| 00:47:55 |
Can we stop this? |
| 00:47:59 |
Stop. lt's over. |
| 00:48:02 |
Can we stop this? |
| 00:48:04 |
Stop the choir. |
| 00:48:07 |
lt has been quite a week, |
| 00:48:09 |
l can't remember |
| 00:48:11 |
was hit with the flu, a war... |
| 00:48:13 |
and accused of sexual |
| 00:48:16 |
all in the same |
| 00:48:17 |
This, of course, only days |
| 00:48:21 |
We've just received information |
| 00:48:23 |
that confirms the cessation |
| 00:48:27 |
The ClA. |
| 00:48:31 |
l thought they let us out |
| 00:48:33 |
The war's over. |
| 00:48:35 |
lt's over. |
| 00:48:37 |
l have to sell my house. |
| 00:48:38 |
The war is not over. |
| 00:48:41 |
l saw it on TV. |
| 00:48:43 |
That's what you hired me for. |
| 00:48:46 |
The war isn't over |
| 00:48:48 |
This is my picture. |
| 00:48:51 |
You think |
| 00:48:54 |
Try making The Four Horsemen |
| 00:48:56 |
Three of the horsemen died. |
| 00:48:58 |
Hear what he's saying? |
| 00:49:01 |
two weeks before the end |
| 00:49:04 |
This is nothing. |
| 00:49:06 |
This is just Act One, |
| 00:49:09 |
We really do need an Act Two, |
| 00:49:13 |
Act Two. |
| 00:49:14 |
You know what it's like? |
| 00:49:16 |
The Japanese. ln the caves. |
| 00:49:17 |
-Go on. |
| 00:49:20 |
They didn't believe |
| 00:49:22 |
We have a guy |
| 00:49:24 |
We have an American serviceman. |
| 00:49:26 |
A brave American serviceman |
| 00:49:29 |
A hero. |
| 00:49:31 |
l can't believe it. |
| 00:49:33 |
We had a war. |
| 00:49:35 |
You can't have a war |
| 00:49:38 |
lt's like we sent |
| 00:49:39 |
and left out the-- |
| 00:49:41 |
-Fruitcake. |
| 00:49:42 |
Let's work. |
| 00:49:44 |
We got a guy |
| 00:49:46 |
This is terrific. |
| 00:49:49 |
He was left behind, |
| 00:49:51 |
like an old shoe. |
| 00:49:54 |
That's good. |
| 00:49:56 |
What's good? What did l say? |
| 00:49:57 |
-Shoe. |
| 00:49:59 |
lt's just instinct. |
| 00:50:02 |
Get me the Pentagon... |
| 00:50:04 |
a list of people in all |
| 00:50:08 |
"Left behind like an old shoe." |
| 00:50:11 |
l want to talk to Johnny. |
| 00:50:17 |
What is it? |
| 00:50:18 |
The war is over. |
| 00:50:21 |
We're going to need a new song. |
| 00:50:23 |
lt should be a song |
| 00:50:26 |
a black patent shoe... |
| 00:50:28 |
a good old shoe. |
| 00:50:30 |
l was on my way to get drunk. |
| 00:50:33 |
You get drunk, but l need |
| 00:50:37 |
A ballad of loss... |
| 00:50:40 |
-Want to help me? |
| 00:50:42 |
Loss and redemption |
| 00:50:45 |
Shit. |
| 00:50:49 |
l don't know keys. |
| 00:50:51 |
People here are depressed |
| 00:50:55 |
Please give me a new song. |
| 00:50:57 |
l got him. |
| 00:50:59 |
King, Pentagon. |
| 00:51:01 |
Take it. |
| 00:51:03 |
l need a list |
| 00:51:06 |
Bottom of the ninth. |
| 00:51:09 |
They don't know |
| 00:51:12 |
They don't shut down |
| 00:51:14 |
You people gonna be long? |
| 00:51:16 |
Otherwise, |
| 00:51:18 |
l don't know what l'm doing. |
| 00:51:19 |
l think l'm supposed |
| 00:51:22 |
What kind of song? |
| 00:51:23 |
ls there anybody there named... |
| 00:51:26 |
Schumann? |
| 00:51:28 |
-Schuster? |
| 00:51:30 |
l got a great idea. |
| 00:51:33 |
Old shoe, new shoe. |
| 00:51:37 |
Daddy had a hound dog... |
| 00:51:40 |
used to call him Blue. |
| 00:51:45 |
Follow me 'round... |
| 00:51:48 |
stick to me like glue. |
| 00:51:54 |
His favorite thing |
| 00:51:57 |
used to be a good ol' shoe. |
| 00:51:59 |
Wait a minute. |
| 00:52:01 |
You hit that 16-16. |
| 00:52:03 |
Well, l wish l had a woman... |
| 00:52:06 |
who was half as good and true. |
| 00:52:11 |
Anybody here know Morse code? |
| 00:52:14 |
What you gonna do? |
| 00:52:15 |
Give me the fax. |
| 00:52:18 |
Sergeant William Schumann, |
| 00:52:20 |
serial number 2131284262. |
| 00:52:25 |
Good ol' shoe... |
| 00:52:27 |
Here's the deal. |
| 00:52:29 |
Good Ol' Shoe. |
| 00:52:33 |
Whatever you walk in... |
| 00:52:35 |
he will get you through. |
| 00:52:37 |
He's in a sweater... |
| 00:52:40 |
and he's... |
| 00:52:41 |
We drop him behind enemy lines. |
| 00:52:44 |
He's trapped. |
| 00:52:46 |
The sweater. |
| 00:52:48 |
-ln the sweater. |
| 00:52:51 |
ls there a way we can make it |
| 00:52:55 |
with, like, a hiss? |
| 00:53:02 |
With an old label. |
| 00:53:04 |
l see where you're going. |
| 00:53:11 |
Stand up straight and tall... |
| 00:53:13 |
the way he taught you to. |
| 00:53:15 |
l'll write a speech. |
| 00:53:18 |
l'll help you with the speech. |
| 00:53:21 |
The president reveals |
| 00:53:26 |
was trapped behind enemy lines. |
| 00:53:29 |
This is good. |
| 00:53:31 |
Heartfelt. |
| 00:53:33 |
Touching. |
| 00:53:35 |
People will weep. |
| 00:53:38 |
Soul of a good ol' shoe. |
| 00:53:43 |
He might even get to heaven... |
| 00:53:46 |
on the soul of his good ol'... |
| 00:53:49 |
shoe. |
| 00:53:56 |
Here's the president's speech. |
| 00:53:58 |
Put this |
| 00:54:00 |
Folk music section, 1930. |
| 00:54:02 |
Right away, please. |
| 00:54:04 |
Get it in |
| 00:54:08 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:54:10 |
Who's seeing |
| 00:54:14 |
Tonight, you remember some song |
| 00:54:17 |
about a good old shoe. |
| 00:54:18 |
Tonight? |
| 00:54:20 |
You're with him watching |
| 00:54:23 |
What if he's busy? |
| 00:54:24 |
-Lure him. |
| 00:54:27 |
l don't have to be |
| 00:54:30 |
Tell him you've got info |
| 00:54:32 |
it's on your conscience. |
| 00:54:34 |
He'll drop whatever he's doing. |
| 00:54:37 |
This is a shitty business. |
| 00:54:38 |
lt needs no ghost from the grave |
| 00:54:41 |
but, Lord willing, |
| 00:54:43 |
l'm gonna take you |
| 00:54:46 |
Wait till you hear the speech. |
| 00:54:47 |
The 303 speech. Great. |
| 00:54:49 |
Where's that Fad King? |
| 00:54:51 |
l'll get him. |
| 00:54:52 |
Could we go now? |
| 00:54:54 |
A good plan today is better |
| 00:54:56 |
How are they doing |
| 00:54:58 |
They're working on him, |
| 00:55:00 |
Good. lt's working. |
| 00:55:02 |
lt's all happening. |
| 00:55:05 |
lt is in the works. |
| 00:55:08 |
We are being proactive. |
| 00:55:10 |
We are going out with what |
| 00:55:13 |
Get me an update on the army, |
| 00:55:16 |
Get this guy Schumann. |
| 00:55:17 |
Have him standing by. |
| 00:55:19 |
l gotta tell you, |
| 00:55:23 |
Please don't be disconsolate. |
| 00:55:24 |
This is politics at its finest. |
| 00:55:28 |
This is where the rubber |
| 00:55:31 |
We've got a leader |
| 00:55:33 |
to 95 million American homes. |
| 00:55:35 |
He's gonna turn |
| 00:55:36 |
You think this is tough? |
| 00:55:38 |
l was 4 months into production |
| 00:55:41 |
found out l didn't |
| 00:55:43 |
Turn it up. lt's our spot. |
| 00:55:44 |
Tough? This is nothing. |
| 00:55:48 |
Will you look at that shit? |
| 00:55:52 |
'Cause you don't change |
| 00:55:57 |
Don't change horses. |
| 00:55:59 |
This speech is good. |
| 00:56:01 |
We're kinda locked into it, |
| 00:56:05 |
For the future |
| 00:56:07 |
The music. |
| 00:56:13 |
-Pain in the ass. |
| 00:56:17 |
He won't do the speech. |
| 00:56:20 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:56:22 |
What choice does he have? |
| 00:56:24 |
He won't do the speech? |
| 00:56:26 |
He says it's corny. |
| 00:56:27 |
lt's what? lt's corny? |
| 00:56:31 |
Of course it's corny. |
| 00:56:32 |
We wouldn't have him say it |
| 00:56:35 |
lt's not a question. |
| 00:56:36 |
This is the center |
| 00:56:38 |
Don't tell me it's corny. |
| 00:56:40 |
We're locked into the speech, |
| 00:56:42 |
We're locked in. |
| 00:56:43 |
We are playing way past this. |
| 00:56:45 |
We are past this. |
| 00:56:48 |
This is what l need. |
| 00:56:50 |
Get me 30 secretaries |
| 00:56:55 |
l need to see the president. |
| 00:56:57 |
l need 5 minutes. |
| 00:56:59 |
Know what this reminds me of? |
| 00:57:01 |
Years ago, when l first |
| 00:57:04 |
they said, |
| 00:57:05 |
l was from the theater. |
| 00:57:08 |
He thinks it's corny. |
| 00:57:09 |
Don't tell me it's corny. |
| 00:57:11 |
Tell him l'm comin'. |
| 00:57:13 |
My fellow Americans, |
| 00:57:17 |
and l am sure |
| 00:57:20 |
will thank that Supreme Power... |
| 00:57:21 |
whatever we conceive |
| 00:57:25 |
that peace is at hand. |
| 00:57:27 |
The threat of nuclear terrorism |
| 00:57:31 |
Mr. President, l'm using |
| 00:57:34 |
because l think this speech |
| 00:57:40 |
Bear with me. |
| 00:57:43 |
Beautiful. |
| 00:57:45 |
Thank you so much. |
| 00:57:59 |
That was so moving. |
| 00:58:01 |
Thank you so much. |
| 00:58:03 |
Thank you. |
| 00:58:10 |
l felt very much at home |
| 00:58:14 |
Simple quirk of fate. |
| 00:58:15 |
l could have gone this way. |
| 00:58:17 |
lt's all a change in wardrobe. |
| 00:58:19 |
Was it too much? |
| 00:58:21 |
l'll tell you. |
| 00:58:24 |
You did it. |
| 00:58:26 |
You jumped in there... |
| 00:58:28 |
and saved the thing |
| 00:58:29 |
lt wasn't too much? |
| 00:58:31 |
Personally? |
| 00:58:33 |
Maybe it was. |
| 00:58:35 |
The president doesn't |
| 00:58:38 |
lt's like Plato once said. |
| 00:58:39 |
lt doesn't matter |
| 00:58:41 |
as long as you get there. |
| 00:58:42 |
He said that? |
| 00:58:44 |
What is it exactly |
| 00:58:46 |
My fellow Americans, |
| 00:58:49 |
and l'm sure all of us |
| 00:58:53 |
whatever we conceive |
| 00:58:56 |
that peace is at hand. |
| 00:59:03 |
The threat of nuclear terrorism |
| 00:59:06 |
We are in contact |
| 00:59:10 |
who assures me-- |
| 00:59:11 |
and this government |
| 00:59:13 |
his country |
| 00:59:16 |
Know any Latin? |
| 00:59:17 |
l, Claudius. |
| 00:59:19 |
l need a Latin motto |
| 00:59:22 |
The 303 patch. |
| 00:59:24 |
...but by |
| 00:59:28 |
A member was left behind |
| 00:59:32 |
l can only say to those |
| 00:59:36 |
whose members are, |
| 00:59:39 |
gathering to comfort you. |
| 00:59:40 |
To the parents |
| 00:59:43 |
no effort will be spared... |
| 00:59:45 |
to find this brave man |
| 00:59:48 |
We've just received |
| 00:59:52 |
held by a dissident group |
| 00:59:55 |
l don't know how many of you |
| 00:59:58 |
but could you |
| 01:00:01 |
You'll see his sweater is worn. |
| 01:00:05 |
lt has been unraveled in places. |
| 01:00:08 |
Those places |
| 01:00:10 |
and those dots spell out |
| 01:00:14 |
That message is, "Courage, Mom." |
| 01:00:20 |
He got the message through. |
| 01:00:23 |
Not bad for government work. |
| 01:00:25 |
Having a good time? |
| 01:00:27 |
Haven't had this much fun |
| 01:00:29 |
To the men and women |
| 01:00:32 |
to my fellow citizens, |
| 01:00:34 |
l have informed Albania |
| 01:00:38 |
until the safe return |
| 01:00:40 |
l'm told his unit mates gave him |
| 01:00:44 |
Wasn't there a folk song |
| 01:00:48 |
Do you remember that? |
| 01:00:52 |
l don't know. |
| 01:00:55 |
Do you know |
| 01:00:59 |
Thank you, |
| 01:01:01 |
Good night and God bless. |
| 01:01:03 |
Trump that, Senator Neal, |
| 01:01:07 |
As we reported earlier, U.S. |
| 01:01:10 |
remains missing behind |
| 01:01:12 |
lt's all thinking ahead. |
| 01:01:15 |
That's what producing is. |
| 01:01:16 |
lt's like being a plumber. |
| 01:01:19 |
Do your job right, |
| 01:01:22 |
When you fuck up, |
| 01:01:25 |
...symbol of |
| 01:01:27 |
Sergeant William Schumann, |
| 01:01:30 |
Let's line up the president |
| 01:01:32 |
Our job ends on election day. |
| 01:01:34 |
Come on. |
| 01:01:36 |
Just for the symmetry |
| 01:01:39 |
That's right. |
| 01:01:41 |
lf Kissinger can win |
| 01:01:42 |
l wouldn't be surprised |
| 01:01:46 |
But our guy did bring peace. |
| 01:01:49 |
But there wasn't a war. |
| 01:01:51 |
All the greater accomplishment. |
| 01:02:11 |
Where's the money-- |
| 01:02:13 |
where's the tie-in |
| 01:02:16 |
Who pays you for that? |
| 01:02:18 |
You throw away shoes. |
| 01:02:20 |
Buy new ones. |
| 01:02:21 |
We have some powerful |
| 01:02:24 |
at the lnternational Association |
| 01:02:27 |
You guys sure get around. |
| 01:02:28 |
Fad King is my hero. |
| 01:02:31 |
Sure. |
| 01:02:32 |
Attaboy. |
| 01:02:35 |
History, Connie. |
| 01:02:39 |
Those are ratty shoes. |
| 01:02:40 |
That's why |
| 01:02:42 |
You want to try some? |
| 01:02:45 |
Attaboy. |
| 01:02:47 |
Do it again. |
| 01:02:49 |
Go ahead. Have a ball. |
| 01:02:54 |
Watch this. |
| 01:03:00 |
Go on, tell your friends. |
| 01:03:04 |
This is interesting. |
| 01:03:06 |
l have just been handed this. |
| 01:03:10 |
A 1930s recording, part of |
| 01:03:13 |
of the Library of Congress... |
| 01:03:15 |
and a fitting song, |
| 01:03:18 |
Schumann |
| 01:03:20 |
who's been left behind |
| 01:03:31 |
Jim, can l get a word with you? |
| 01:03:33 |
Would you like to comment |
| 01:03:36 |
There is one thing |
| 01:03:39 |
This is to the Albanians |
| 01:03:43 |
l mean this from the bottom |
| 01:03:49 |
l didn't know Jim Belushi |
| 01:03:58 |
The search |
| 01:04:29 |
As soon as we land, |
| 01:04:32 |
Male or female? |
| 01:04:33 |
The White House |
| 01:04:35 |
the Congressional Medal |
| 01:04:36 |
-What about it? |
| 01:04:38 |
Wait a minute. |
| 01:04:40 |
We bring him back tomorrow, |
| 01:04:44 |
l don't want to tell them |
| 01:04:45 |
but why don't they do it |
| 01:04:47 |
Makes more sense, |
| 01:04:49 |
When are you bringing him back? |
| 01:04:51 |
King, show him the thing. |
| 01:04:53 |
-lt's not done yet. |
| 01:04:56 |
Talk about enlarging the market. |
| 01:05:00 |
Here it is. Artist's rendering |
| 01:05:02 |
The memorial? |
| 01:05:04 |
That's the memorial |
| 01:05:06 |
Of the Albanian campaign. |
| 01:05:08 |
-Lovely. |
| 01:05:10 |
This guy made a deal |
| 01:05:12 |
Senator Leahy. |
| 01:05:13 |
You should see the granite |
| 01:05:16 |
Got a site picked out |
| 01:05:18 |
The beauty part is... |
| 01:05:20 |
guess who retains |
| 01:05:22 |
Show him the clock? |
| 01:05:24 |
Got it as a clock. |
| 01:05:25 |
Lovely. |
| 01:05:27 |
-Let's go. |
| 01:05:29 |
Getting him right now. |
| 01:05:31 |
l need his neck size. |
| 01:05:33 |
l think it's 17 1/2. |
| 01:05:34 |
Thinking 17 1/2 |
| 01:05:37 |
l'm an artist, |
| 01:05:39 |
What did he eat |
| 01:05:41 |
Birds, snakes. |
| 01:05:43 |
Bullshit. He ate |
| 01:05:46 |
Pull a string, |
| 01:05:48 |
We call Burger King, |
| 01:05:50 |
We get the Shoe Burger |
| 01:05:52 |
"Behind enemy lines or anytime." |
| 01:05:55 |
That's the slogan. |
| 01:05:56 |
l got the copyright |
| 01:05:59 |
l'm gonna call Nike, |
| 01:06:01 |
We'll have a sneaker-- |
| 01:06:07 |
...a high school |
| 01:06:09 |
between Montgomery Bell |
| 01:06:12 |
Students, during the game... |
| 01:06:13 |
in spontaneous moment |
| 01:06:16 |
threw their tennis shoes |
| 01:06:19 |
just for the Old Shoe. |
| 01:06:21 |
Bring him back. |
| 01:06:23 |
There's no business like it. |
| 01:06:25 |
Demonstrations are springing up |
| 01:06:28 |
as Americans |
| 01:06:31 |
You ought to get them to run |
| 01:06:34 |
lnaugural speech? |
| 01:06:36 |
The White House staff |
| 01:06:38 |
Come on. Let me close out |
| 01:06:42 |
l've come to feel it's my thing. |
| 01:06:45 |
You take a job, and many times, |
| 01:06:50 |
Hell of a ride. |
| 01:06:52 |
lsn't it? |
| 01:06:53 |
You take the bitter |
| 01:06:55 |
or the sweet with the bitter. |
| 01:06:57 |
What's that expression? |
| 01:07:01 |
...feeling good |
| 01:07:05 |
That's why we're voting |
| 01:07:07 |
What do you think? |
| 01:07:08 |
Bob, my mind wasn't |
| 01:07:12 |
Don't go changing horses |
| 01:07:18 |
Absolutely. |
| 01:07:19 |
Who needs surprises these days? |
| 01:07:22 |
For an economy |
| 01:07:24 |
Fucking amateurs. |
| 01:07:27 |
Pity of it is, two more days, |
| 01:07:31 |
Knock wood. |
| 01:07:33 |
Who's gonna know? |
| 01:07:35 |
Who's gonna know what we did? |
| 01:07:38 |
Pride of a job well done, Stan. |
| 01:07:40 |
lt's the pride of a job |
| 01:07:45 |
lt's the gratitude of your party |
| 01:07:49 |
-ls that the thing? |
| 01:07:53 |
Dean City, Oklahoma. |
| 01:07:57 |
Tell 'em to bring |
| 01:07:58 |
We'll bring him back |
| 01:08:01 |
Call the plane. |
| 01:08:04 |
l bet you're good at chess. |
| 01:08:07 |
l would be, l could remember |
| 01:08:10 |
We'll call you. |
| 01:08:13 |
l'll do the same |
| 01:08:18 |
if you have courage, Mom. |
| 01:08:22 |
l can always feel your love. |
| 01:08:27 |
Send, and l'll receive. |
| 01:08:32 |
Units of 303, |
| 01:08:35 |
confirmed early this morning, |
| 01:08:37 |
stormed the mountain hideaway |
| 01:08:41 |
freeing a tired but happy |
| 01:08:44 |
A high White House source |
| 01:08:46 |
that he's expected |
| 01:08:49 |
How's that? |
| 01:08:57 |
When we touch down tomorrow... |
| 01:08:59 |
Big Bird meets Schumann |
| 01:09:00 |
Big mistake. You got to bring |
| 01:09:03 |
Big mistake to reveal |
| 01:09:06 |
How so? |
| 01:09:07 |
Sweetheart, |
| 01:09:10 |
Schumann is Jaws. |
| 01:09:12 |
You have to tease 'em. |
| 01:09:15 |
You don't put Jaws |
| 01:09:18 |
lt's the contract, sweetheart. |
| 01:09:20 |
The contract with the election, |
| 01:09:23 |
is vote for me Tuesday... |
| 01:09:25 |
Wednesday, |
| 01:09:27 |
That's what they're paying |
| 01:09:29 |
Know what l mean? |
| 01:09:31 |
Whatever. |
| 01:09:33 |
Everybody's gotta learn. |
| 01:09:34 |
Any business. |
| 01:09:38 |
You take the fruit |
| 01:09:39 |
hard lessons, mistakes, |
| 01:09:41 |
That's the truth. |
| 01:09:43 |
End of the day, |
| 01:09:45 |
time to go home. |
| 01:09:47 |
You got decades in you now. |
| 01:09:49 |
You got decades left in you. |
| 01:09:51 |
Yeah, but... |
| 01:09:54 |
What could l do to top this? |
| 01:09:57 |
The 37th Psalm. |
| 01:10:01 |
l'll do the same |
| 01:10:06 |
if you have courage, Mom. |
| 01:10:09 |
You see her? |
| 01:10:12 |
We were gonna give her |
| 01:10:14 |
-She cried. |
| 01:10:16 |
-She cried real. |
| 01:10:19 |
Pray for me... |
| 01:10:21 |
and the USA. |
| 01:10:24 |
Pray they never use the bomb. |
| 01:10:29 |
What are you going |
| 01:10:31 |
They owe you big. |
| 01:10:33 |
Ambassador to this or that, |
| 01:10:35 |
Ambassador to what? |
| 01:10:37 |
l don't even like to go |
| 01:10:41 |
That's what l want. |
| 01:10:43 |
That's my reward. |
| 01:10:44 |
That's the payoff. |
| 01:10:46 |
You want to go to the lnaugural? |
| 01:10:48 |
Might if l was asked. |
| 01:11:13 |
This here, Schumann and us... |
| 01:11:15 |
Look at that. |
| 01:11:18 |
This is it. |
| 01:11:22 |
l'm standing with this picture |
| 01:11:25 |
He's become known to Americans |
| 01:11:29 |
This is gonna be a masterpiece. |
| 01:11:31 |
Giving them what they want. |
| 01:11:33 |
...his Group 303 and left behind |
| 01:11:36 |
Here at |
| 01:11:39 |
they prepare for the return |
| 01:11:48 |
Sergeant Schumann, if l may, |
| 01:11:51 |
Sergeant Schumann, l'm Ames. |
| 01:11:53 |
Somebody named Brean? |
| 01:11:55 |
Right here. |
| 01:11:56 |
Sign here for me. |
| 01:12:00 |
Captain, |
| 01:12:02 |
There's heavy weather back east. |
| 01:12:03 |
What do you think? |
| 01:12:05 |
6 to 5 and pick 'em. |
| 01:12:07 |
lf it'll fly, let's fly. |
| 01:12:15 |
A child at the airport |
| 01:12:18 |
runs to Old Shoe, |
| 01:12:21 |
A little dog runs to it. |
| 01:12:24 |
He is a perfect war hero. |
| 01:12:26 |
Perfect. |
| 01:12:28 |
You cast him. |
| 01:12:30 |
All right. Book it up. |
| 01:12:35 |
What's this? |
| 01:12:36 |
Keys to the manacles. |
| 01:12:41 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:12:43 |
Wait. |
| 01:12:52 |
What is the trouble? |
| 01:12:55 |
No trouble at all, ma'am. |
| 01:12:58 |
Then why is he in chains? |
| 01:13:01 |
He's in chains |
| 01:13:04 |
A convict? |
| 01:13:10 |
How you doing? |
| 01:13:25 |
Take a look. |
| 01:13:31 |
When we asked |
| 01:13:34 |
they gave us special prisons. |
| 01:13:36 |
Only a one-word difference. |
| 01:13:38 |
-Has he been in jail long? |
| 01:13:41 |
Does he have much longer |
| 01:13:44 |
What did he do? |
| 01:13:45 |
He raped a nun. |
| 01:13:49 |
-And... |
| 01:13:52 |
Why is there an "and"? |
| 01:13:54 |
He's fine as long |
| 01:13:57 |
And if he doesn't? |
| 01:13:59 |
He's not fine. |
| 01:14:03 |
Up there, Captain. |
| 01:14:07 |
You'd better get us |
| 01:14:14 |
How are ya? |
| 01:14:17 |
Fine. |
| 01:14:29 |
Gonna get me back tomorrow? |
| 01:14:30 |
'Cause, you know, tomorrow |
| 01:14:34 |
l need a readjustment. |
| 01:14:36 |
Beans! |
| 01:14:38 |
We're trying to do this thing. |
| 01:14:40 |
As long as you |
| 01:14:43 |
He's sicker than we thought. |
| 01:14:45 |
Rush him under wraps |
| 01:14:49 |
lf you're gonna keep me out, |
| 01:14:52 |
You know what l mean? |
| 01:14:55 |
Are you very religious? |
| 01:15:01 |
What have you done to me? |
| 01:15:06 |
All combat takes place |
| 01:15:09 |
at the junction |
| 01:15:10 |
What are you going to do? |
| 01:15:12 |
He's fine as long |
| 01:15:14 |
Speaking of that, |
| 01:15:18 |
Get on the phone and get it. |
| 01:15:20 |
You people are looking |
| 01:15:22 |
lf you look at the back story... |
| 01:15:24 |
the guy is coming back |
| 01:15:26 |
of course he's going to be |
| 01:15:30 |
He's gonna need help. |
| 01:15:31 |
Anybody want a beer? |
| 01:15:35 |
l'm gonna need an ambulance. |
| 01:15:37 |
We take him the last moment |
| 01:15:38 |
We land, take him |
| 01:15:42 |
Air Force jet lands, we take |
| 01:15:45 |
What the fuck do l care? |
| 01:15:48 |
Somebody in a hospital gown. |
| 01:15:49 |
You get me back for the beans. |
| 01:15:51 |
'Cause tomorrow's the beans. |
| 01:15:53 |
'Cause this dog |
| 01:15:54 |
He's gonna be fine. |
| 01:15:57 |
Aren't you, William? |
| 01:15:58 |
Speaking of which, |
| 01:16:00 |
l want you standing by |
| 01:16:03 |
A crate of it. lt's... |
| 01:16:07 |
Anti-psychotic. |
| 01:16:09 |
The number is V-- |
| 01:16:13 |
This is nothing. |
| 01:16:14 |
l used to think |
| 01:16:16 |
the stuff l carried. |
| 01:16:17 |
With the beans, you can tell |
| 01:16:23 |
So you don't have to fear it. |
| 01:16:26 |
What kind of stuff? |
| 01:16:31 |
What do you mean, |
| 01:16:36 |
He just wanted to know |
| 01:16:38 |
Did you mean? |
| 01:16:40 |
-l didn't. |
| 01:16:42 |
-He didn't mean anything. |
| 01:16:44 |
He didn't mean anything. |
| 01:16:46 |
Give him another pill. |
| 01:16:47 |
What the fuck do you mean, |
| 01:16:51 |
Pill, William. |
| 01:16:54 |
This is nothing. |
| 01:16:57 |
Try three starlets swacked-out |
| 01:17:00 |
This is nothing. |
| 01:17:02 |
This is a walk in the park. |
| 01:17:07 |
Who are you? |
| 01:17:08 |
Who are you sons of bitches? |
| 01:17:10 |
-Killers! |
| 01:17:12 |
Where are you taking me? |
| 01:17:18 |
Oh, my God! |
| 01:17:24 |
Sergeant Willie Schumann |
| 01:17:26 |
Schumann's plane should be |
| 01:17:28 |
making its final descent |
| 01:17:31 |
The White House reported... |
| 01:17:32 |
he was safely rescued |
| 01:17:36 |
We're still waiting |
| 01:17:38 |
at Andrews Air Force Base. |
| 01:17:39 |
A plane that is due to land. |
| 01:17:43 |
The president is monitoring |
| 01:17:45 |
personally and closely. |
| 01:17:47 |
We will keep you updated |
| 01:17:50 |
Thank you very much. |
| 01:17:51 |
Oh, God. |
| 01:17:55 |
What do we do now, boy producer? |
| 01:17:57 |
Mister win-an-Emmy, |
| 01:17:59 |
save-the-rain-forest, |
| 01:18:02 |
fuckin'-hire-a-convict shithead? |
| 01:18:04 |
What do we do now, liberal, |
| 01:18:08 |
peacenik commie fuck? |
| 01:18:11 |
This is nothing. |
| 01:18:14 |
Producing |
| 01:18:17 |
They pay you day in, |
| 01:18:19 |
so that one day, |
| 01:18:21 |
you can respond, |
| 01:18:24 |
and save the day! |
| 01:18:30 |
Produce this Schumann. |
| 01:18:31 |
Produce him, l say... |
| 01:18:33 |
or, and l don't hesitate |
| 01:18:35 |
rank him as just another |
| 01:18:39 |
This tardy absence of the flight |
| 01:18:43 |
and in that pause, we should |
| 01:18:48 |
Fuck you. |
| 01:18:49 |
Leave it alone. |
| 01:18:51 |
lt destroyed |
| 01:18:54 |
Enough lovemaking. |
| 01:18:57 |
-Where? |
| 01:19:00 |
Come on, pal. |
| 01:19:02 |
ls it time for exercise? |
| 01:19:03 |
lt's my day in the yard. |
| 01:19:05 |
Let's get him to the highway. |
| 01:19:07 |
Think this is tough? |
| 01:19:10 |
This is nothing! Piece of cake! |
| 01:19:12 |
Albanian dissidents... |
| 01:19:14 |
having somehow obtained |
| 01:19:17 |
You had your fortune here. |
| 01:19:19 |
You were ready to throw it away. |
| 01:19:21 |
lf you got a problem, solve it. |
| 01:19:24 |
Someday when they |
| 01:19:28 |
You can't tell this story. |
| 01:19:29 |
-Why not? |
| 01:19:32 |
Of course, l know. |
| 01:19:34 |
Not now. But when |
| 01:19:38 |
Nobody can tell this story, |
| 01:19:43 |
Listen to me. |
| 01:19:47 |
You can't tell this story. |
| 01:19:49 |
You can't tell this story. |
| 01:19:51 |
The deal was you get |
| 01:19:54 |
l used to have a Camaro. |
| 01:19:57 |
What are you going to tell? |
| 01:19:59 |
You would be too if you went |
| 01:20:01 |
He raped a nun. |
| 01:20:03 |
What he went through in Albania. |
| 01:20:04 |
He's doped to the gills. |
| 01:20:06 |
Where's my little pills? |
| 01:20:07 |
Show some compassion. |
| 01:20:08 |
He spent the last 12 years |
| 01:20:11 |
How are we gonna explain that? |
| 01:20:13 |
Explain it? Am l worried? |
| 01:20:15 |
How do we explain that |
| 01:20:17 |
Fuck the world. |
| 01:20:20 |
coked to the gills, and you |
| 01:20:22 |
How do we explain |
| 01:20:25 |
Well, you see, Winifred... |
| 01:20:27 |
this is where |
| 01:20:29 |
His records say he was |
| 01:20:30 |
as they say for all the men |
| 01:20:34 |
as they must |
| 01:20:55 |
l'm on top of it. |
| 01:20:57 |
Not sure whether enemy action... |
| 01:20:59 |
l'm fine. l got it. |
| 01:21:02 |
Stanley, l told you, |
| 01:21:04 |
You do what for a living? |
| 01:21:06 |
Exactly what do you do |
| 01:21:08 |
l lost my wallet. |
| 01:21:12 |
How we doing, boy? |
| 01:21:14 |
Ready to mix it up? |
| 01:21:15 |
ls today laundry day? |
| 01:21:17 |
-What do you do on laundry day? |
| 01:21:20 |
Stand by to copy this. |
| 01:21:23 |
Down safely. |
| 01:21:24 |
Produce this Schumann. |
| 01:21:27 |
Produce him, l say, or, and |
| 01:21:30 |
rank him as just another |
| 01:21:34 |
Sustained minor injuries. |
| 01:21:36 |
Flight crew being investigated |
| 01:21:38 |
Transshipped |
| 01:21:42 |
This deserted runway should be |
| 01:21:45 |
How you doing? |
| 01:21:48 |
Schumann was to return |
| 01:21:51 |
after his safe rescue |
| 01:21:54 |
He looks like me. |
| 01:21:57 |
...deserves an explanation |
| 01:22:00 |
Wait, we are now going |
| 01:22:05 |
l have an update regarding |
| 01:22:07 |
involving Sergeant Schumann. |
| 01:22:09 |
He is down safely |
| 01:22:12 |
We are informed he has sustained |
| 01:22:14 |
which will require his being |
| 01:22:16 |
Bring in the cavalry. |
| 01:22:21 |
Political shitbirds. |
| 01:22:23 |
They don't know |
| 01:22:29 |
Purty. |
| 01:22:32 |
l'm a little concerned |
| 01:22:34 |
-What rig? |
| 01:22:36 |
-What about him? |
| 01:22:44 |
So what? |
| 01:22:45 |
You want Schumann to be |
| 01:22:49 |
We can't have Schumann saved |
| 01:22:52 |
Get on the phone. |
| 01:22:54 |
Get on the phone. |
| 01:23:03 |
Do you have any change? |
| 01:23:06 |
l like the night life, |
| 01:23:12 |
Susie! |
| 01:23:13 |
William? |
| 01:23:15 |
Are you all right? |
| 01:23:20 |
Kickball. |
| 01:23:28 |
Let me talk to him ! |
| 01:23:31 |
What are you doing? |
| 01:23:32 |
l think we should-- |
| 01:23:33 |
Willie, where are you going? |
| 01:23:38 |
Shoester! |
| 01:23:44 |
Let me talk to him. |
| 01:23:48 |
l'll kill that son of a bitch. |
| 01:23:50 |
l have a relationship. |
| 01:23:53 |
Get you anything you want. |
| 01:23:56 |
Will that do it, Shoester? |
| 01:23:59 |
Come on, Shoe! |
| 01:24:03 |
He's dead. |
| 01:24:14 |
Wait a minute. |
| 01:24:15 |
He's not dead. He's alive. |
| 01:24:18 |
Strike that. |
| 01:24:26 |
So close and yet so far. |
| 01:24:28 |
What do you mean? |
| 01:24:30 |
We were this close. |
| 01:24:31 |
This is nothing. |
| 01:24:33 |
This just got big. |
| 01:24:35 |
Big? He's dead. |
| 01:24:37 |
We killed Old Shoe. |
| 01:24:40 |
What is better |
| 01:24:42 |
of a war hero? |
| 01:24:51 |
Ready! |
| 01:24:53 |
Lift! |
| 01:24:54 |
We're gathered here... |
| 01:24:56 |
with a cross to bear. |
| 01:24:59 |
The bravest men... |
| 01:25:03 |
anywhere. |
| 01:25:05 |
That this great land... |
| 01:25:08 |
will remain free. |
| 01:25:12 |
God bless the men... |
| 01:25:13 |
of the 303. |
| 01:25:18 |
Side by side... |
| 01:25:20 |
we know no fear. |
| 01:25:23 |
Our minds are sharp. |
| 01:25:26 |
Our eyes are clear. |
| 01:25:29 |
ln the air, on land... |
| 01:25:32 |
or on the sea... |
| 01:25:35 |
we're the fightin' men... |
| 01:25:38 |
of the 303. |
| 01:25:44 |
Give us this day... |
| 01:25:47 |
our daily bread... |
| 01:25:50 |
and leopard skin... |
| 01:25:54 |
for our head. |
| 01:25:56 |
That we may fight... |
| 01:26:07 |
Coffee? |
| 01:26:08 |
Please. |
| 01:26:09 |
Looking good. |
| 01:26:12 |
Bring it all back home. |
| 01:26:14 |
Lassie barks twice, and it's |
| 01:26:16 |
Hell of a show. |
| 01:26:18 |
Hell of a job. |
| 01:26:19 |
lt's just producing. |
| 01:26:21 |
There's no Academy Award |
| 01:26:24 |
You're kidding. |
| 01:26:27 |
Where do movies come from |
| 01:26:30 |
They come from people like you. |
| 01:26:36 |
You just got to take |
| 01:26:38 |
Job's almost done-- |
| 01:26:40 |
knock on wood. |
| 01:26:42 |
We did a good job. |
| 01:26:44 |
That's our reward. |
| 01:26:46 |
You can't save the world. |
| 01:26:48 |
All you can do is try. |
| 01:26:50 |
Ain't that the truth? |
| 01:26:58 |
As we said, the president-- |
| 01:26:59 |
thrust of the Albanian episode |
| 01:27:02 |
You could say that, Shirley, |
| 01:27:05 |
What would be true, then? |
| 01:27:07 |
You said it earlier, |
| 01:27:09 |
the success |
| 01:27:11 |
As of today, 89% favorable. |
| 01:27:15 |
Based not on the events... |
| 01:27:18 |
but on the spin |
| 01:27:21 |
What's the lesson here? |
| 01:27:24 |
You're right. |
| 01:27:25 |
The show must go on. |
| 01:27:27 |
Proud tradition. |
| 01:27:28 |
l am prouder of this |
| 01:27:32 |
You should be. |
| 01:27:34 |
l want to thank you. |
| 01:27:39 |
You gave me a good opportunity. |
| 01:27:44 |
As we said, the president, |
| 01:27:47 |
and the campaign, many said, |
| 01:27:51 |
Another great race today, |
| 01:27:53 |
Who you going to ride |
| 01:27:55 |
Eddie, like my daddy |
| 01:27:58 |
The message is irrelevant. |
| 01:27:59 |
The main element |
| 01:28:01 |
is that fear is |
| 01:28:04 |
Commercials. |
| 01:28:07 |
The president is a product. |
| 01:28:10 |
He's the President |
| 01:28:13 |
Which we're dealing with today. |
| 01:28:15 |
Commercials. |
| 01:28:18 |
lt's time the American people |
| 01:28:21 |
Now we're going |
| 01:28:24 |
The number is 1-800... |
| 01:28:25 |
Oh, shit. |
| 01:28:37 |
Stanley, what are you doing? |
| 01:28:38 |
What am l doing? |
| 01:28:41 |
l'm going to call somebody. |
| 01:28:44 |
That's very funny. |
| 01:28:45 |
l'm going to get |
| 01:28:47 |
You can't do that. |
| 01:28:49 |
Watch me. |
| 01:28:55 |
You knew the deal |
| 01:28:56 |
Come on. Deals change. |
| 01:28:58 |
Sure it is. |
| 01:29:00 |
Let's rethink |
| 01:29:03 |
l'm talking London. |
| 01:29:05 |
A secret account |
| 01:29:08 |
getting laid whenever you want. |
| 01:29:09 |
Marine guards will salute you. |
| 01:29:11 |
lt's tempting, but l got |
| 01:29:14 |
-Art. |
| 01:29:16 |
You think l did this for money? |
| 01:29:18 |
l did this for credit. |
| 01:29:20 |
You knew |
| 01:29:22 |
l'm not going to stand here... |
| 01:29:23 |
and let two dickheads |
| 01:29:26 |
Listen to me. |
| 01:29:28 |
Are you nuts? |
| 01:29:29 |
Stanley, no fooling. |
| 01:29:30 |
You're playing with your life. |
| 01:29:32 |
Fuck my life. |
| 01:29:33 |
l want the credit. |
| 01:29:35 |
Know what the New York Times |
| 01:29:38 |
They called it |
| 01:29:40 |
but they didn't mention |
| 01:29:41 |
They talked |
| 01:29:44 |
but never talked |
| 01:29:45 |
You know what |
| 01:29:46 |
Now l'm going to stand here... |
| 01:29:48 |
and let some limp-dick |
| 01:29:50 |
take the credit? |
| 01:29:51 |
You can't do it. |
| 01:29:53 |
Don't you tell me that! |
| 01:29:55 |
Don't you ever tell me that! |
| 01:29:57 |
l am the producer! |
| 01:29:59 |
lf l didn't step up, |
| 01:30:01 |
l put this together |
| 01:30:04 |
Look at that. |
| 01:30:05 |
That is a complete |
| 01:30:08 |
and it looks 100% real. |
| 01:30:17 |
lt's the best work |
| 01:30:21 |
because it's so honest. |
| 01:30:31 |
They told me l couldn't |
| 01:30:33 |
from the point of view |
| 01:30:34 |
$450 million domestic. |
| 01:30:36 |
l'm not even talking |
| 01:30:38 |
l made this lame turkey fly. |
| 01:30:40 |
l did it--pure Hollywood. |
| 01:30:43 |
For once in my life, |
| 01:30:47 |
Do you hear me? |
| 01:30:49 |
l want the credit. |
| 01:30:53 |
l'm taking it. |
| 01:30:55 |
Shit. |
| 01:31:11 |
He's coming down. |
| 01:31:13 |
Could l see you a minute? |
| 01:31:19 |
Do you swear to uphold... |
| 01:31:20 |
the duties |
| 01:31:22 |
of a citizen of |
| 01:31:25 |
to defend her |
| 01:31:27 |
to defend her from all enemies, |
| 01:31:30 |
Do you make this pledge |
| 01:31:51 |
Common ground... |
| 01:31:53 |
and family. |
| 01:31:56 |
Let's give thanks... |
| 01:31:58 |
to the 303. |
| 01:32:02 |
Years from now... |
| 01:32:05 |
when we are gone... |
| 01:32:08 |
our children's kids... |
| 01:32:11 |
will hear this song. |
| 01:32:14 |
Think how strong... |
| 01:32:17 |
and proud they'll be. |
| 01:32:20 |
Grandpa fought... |
| 01:32:22 |
for the 303. |
| 01:32:26 |
God bless the men... |
| 01:32:29 |
of the 303. |
| 01:32:38 |
Ten-hut! |
| 01:32:39 |
Present arms! |
| 01:32:51 |
Turning to the Hollywood page... |
| 01:32:54 |
famed film producer |
| 01:32:56 |
died suddenly |
| 01:32:59 |
while sunbathing poolside. |
| 01:33:01 |
Mr. Motss |
| 01:33:05 |
depending on the bio. |
| 01:33:07 |
His credits |
| 01:33:09 |
which America has come |
| 01:33:18 |
This just in. |
| 01:33:19 |
A group calling itself |
| 01:33:22 |
has claimed responsibility |
| 01:33:24 |
of the village of Klos, Albania. |
| 01:33:26 |
The president |
| 01:33:28 |
but General William Scott |
| 01:33:31 |
says he has no doubt we'll |
| 01:33:33 |
back in to finish the job. |
