|
What Happens In Vegas
|
| 00:00:26 |
(GRACE KELLY PLAYING) |
| 00:00:30 |
Do I attract you? |
| 00:00:33 |
Am I too dirty? |
| 00:00:35 |
Do I like what you like? |
| 00:00:38 |
Why don't you like me |
| 00:00:41 |
I try to be like Grace Kelly |
| 00:00:45 |
But all her looks were too sad |
| 00:00:49 |
so I try a little Freddie |
| 00:00:53 |
I've gone identity mad! |
| 00:00:57 |
I could be brown |
| 00:00:59 |
Gotta be everything more |
| 00:01:01 |
Why don't you like me? |
| 00:01:03 |
Why don't you walk out the door? |
| 00:01:05 |
- Here you go, sweetie. |
| 00:01:07 |
I tried banana nut sprout this morning. |
| 00:01:09 |
Thought, you know, |
| 00:01:11 |
thought somebody deserves |
| 00:01:14 |
Yeah. It's good. |
| 00:01:15 |
Okay, so I made |
| 00:01:18 |
I thought maybe we could talk about, |
| 00:01:23 |
Did you just make a plan to make a plan? |
| 00:01:26 |
- Did I just do that again? |
| 00:01:28 |
- Sorry. |
| 00:01:30 |
All right, I'll see you later, okay? |
| 00:01:32 |
- Hey, hey, hey! Love you. |
| 00:01:35 |
- Bye. |
| 00:01:36 |
- Happy birthday! |
| 00:01:41 |
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) |
| 00:01:44 |
Hello, sir. |
| 00:01:46 |
I would. I really would. I just... |
| 00:01:51 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:01:52 |
Unfortunately, I don't have any money. |
| 00:01:53 |
I don't have any cookies. |
| 00:01:58 |
Jack? |
| 00:02:01 |
I need a key. |
| 00:02:09 |
Wow. |
| 00:02:11 |
Wow. That... |
| 00:02:14 |
A key? |
| 00:02:15 |
What? No! I want a key. |
| 00:02:18 |
Like an actual key to your apartment |
| 00:02:20 |
when I'm dressed |
| 00:02:23 |
I don't want to live with you. |
| 00:02:25 |
No offense. |
| 00:02:27 |
And you know I mean this |
| 00:02:29 |
You're not exactly |
| 00:02:33 |
And I pride myself on that. |
| 00:02:36 |
I gotta go. I'll see you next week. |
| 00:02:39 |
Mother of the baby saved from the fire |
| 00:02:44 |
I could be brown |
| 00:02:46 |
I could be violet sky |
| 00:02:48 |
I could be hurtful |
| 00:02:50 |
I could be anything you like |
| 00:02:52 |
Gotta be green |
| 00:02:54 |
Gotta be everything more |
| 00:02:56 |
Why don't you like me? |
| 00:02:58 |
Why don't you walk out the door? |
| 00:02:59 |
I could be brown |
| 00:03:01 |
Gotta be everything more |
| 00:03:03 |
Why don't you like me? |
| 00:03:05 |
Why don't you walk out the door? |
| 00:03:11 |
- McNally. |
| 00:03:14 |
(BELL RINGING) |
| 00:03:15 |
(ALL SHOUTING) |
| 00:03:18 |
(COMMENTATOR CHATTERING ON TV) |
| 00:03:20 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:03:26 |
Not now. |
| 00:03:27 |
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! Here we go! Yeah! |
| 00:03:31 |
That's good form right there. |
| 00:03:34 |
That's a beautiful veneer. Just throw that |
| 00:03:38 |
- All right! |
| 00:03:40 |
- Do you know what time it is? |
| 00:03:43 |
We're in the zone over here. |
| 00:03:45 |
That's how people lose fingers, huh? |
| 00:03:47 |
- You're fired. |
| 00:03:50 |
You are fired! |
| 00:03:54 |
All right. |
| 00:03:56 |
I'll play you for it. You win, I'm out. |
| 00:04:00 |
I win. I get a second chance. |
| 00:04:02 |
It's not a second chance |
| 00:04:13 |
Oh! Nine-seven! Keeping my job! Yeah! |
| 00:04:22 |
Okay. All right. |
| 00:04:23 |
- I'll give you one. |
| 00:04:26 |
You're supposed to be the future boss, |
| 00:04:27 |
but you're too busy |
| 00:04:30 |
At some point, you're gonna have |
| 00:04:33 |
(GRUNTING) |
| 00:04:38 |
- Eight-nine! Unemployment! |
| 00:04:45 |
Nine-nine! Food stamps! Tastes so good. |
| 00:04:51 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:04:53 |
- Okay, that's not even a shot. |
| 00:04:57 |
Ten-nine. This is it, Jack. |
| 00:05:04 |
- You know what? This is ridiculous. |
| 00:05:08 |
You can't handle the pressure. As soon |
| 00:05:16 |
Game over, Jack. |
| 00:05:17 |
Don't get me wrong. |
| 00:05:20 |
- Dad, I am your son. |
| 00:05:26 |
Let's go clean out your desk. |
| 00:05:32 |
Mason has no idea, not an idea at all. |
| 00:05:35 |
- That you're pathetic, or... |
| 00:05:39 |
No. No, I think it's the exact |
| 00:05:43 |
Which is what I am right now. |
| 00:05:45 |
Of course. Okay, lookit! |
| 00:05:47 |
What's that? |
| 00:05:49 |
Vegas? I thought you hated Vegas. |
| 00:05:51 |
I do, but, you know, |
| 00:05:53 |
- because it truly is selfless. |
| 00:05:59 |
Okay, everyone listen! |
| 00:06:02 |
I'm gonna turn on the lights, and that's |
| 00:06:05 |
Oh, that's how a surprise party works! |
| 00:06:08 |
Okay. Everyone, hide! Hide, hide, hide! |
| 00:06:13 |
(SHUSHING) |
| 00:06:16 |
- Hi, sweetie! |
| 00:06:17 |
Welcome home. Happy birthday. |
| 00:06:21 |
- Listen, Joy. We need to talk. |
| 00:06:24 |
No, no, no. I can't, or I'll never do this. |
| 00:06:26 |
Look, there's no easy way to say this. |
| 00:06:28 |
Okay, then don't. Okay? Just think it, |
| 00:06:30 |
and then later, I'll try to figure out |
| 00:06:32 |
Okay? Let's just go inside. |
| 00:06:33 |
No, no, no, no, no, no! |
| 00:06:37 |
You know I have a really important job. |
| 00:06:39 |
- Right? |
| 00:06:40 |
So when I come home, |
| 00:06:43 |
And as of late, it's not. |
| 00:06:46 |
Yes, the sex is great, okay? |
| 00:06:51 |
and I can't tell you how much I appreciate |
| 00:06:55 |
with my butt. |
| 00:06:56 |
(GASPS) |
| 00:06:58 |
But the rest is so exhausting. |
| 00:07:00 |
You're so on all the time, with all the |
| 00:07:05 |
I don't want to marry you, Joy. |
| 00:07:09 |
I'm leaving you. |
| 00:07:12 |
Well, I mean, this is my place, so |
| 00:07:15 |
that has to leave, but... Are you crying? |
| 00:07:21 |
Surprise. |
| 00:07:23 |
- Oh, shitballs. |
| 00:07:26 |
Hey! |
| 00:07:28 |
Hey. Here... |
| 00:07:31 |
Do you have any idea |
| 00:07:32 |
You're my lawyer. |
| 00:07:35 |
Well, the problem with suing your father |
| 00:07:39 |
He'd love it. He'd think we were bonding. |
| 00:07:40 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:07:41 |
Maybe he would be! You don't know. |
| 00:07:45 |
- What am I gonna do about money? |
| 00:07:49 |
- Fascinating. |
| 00:07:52 |
I'm good at stuff. |
| 00:07:53 |
I'll bet you $5 |
| 00:07:56 |
Really? You're on. |
| 00:08:02 |
He doesn't even deserve me. |
| 00:08:03 |
Here's my thought on what we should do |
| 00:08:05 |
- Okay. |
| 00:08:07 |
we get some of my brother's |
| 00:08:08 |
to go over to Mason's house, |
| 00:08:11 |
and when he answers, |
| 00:08:14 |
junkpunch him |
| 00:08:17 |
and then he's gonna keel over. |
| 00:08:18 |
While he's writhing on the ground |
| 00:08:21 |
they'll go, "You know why!" |
| 00:08:24 |
Wow! Did you just think of that? |
| 00:08:27 |
No, I was thinking about it a lot |
| 00:08:30 |
You are a child! |
| 00:08:31 |
(JACK GROANING) |
| 00:08:32 |
- What is that? What is that? |
| 00:08:35 |
Joy, you're gonna need |
| 00:08:37 |
No, I... I'm just... I'm just gonna... |
| 00:08:40 |
I'm just going to wear it |
| 00:08:43 |
You're on fire. Man, you are on fire. |
| 00:08:44 |
This is like... I mean, you're lucky. |
| 00:08:46 |
- I don't feel good. |
| 00:08:49 |
You know what's gonna |
| 00:08:50 |
What? |
| 00:08:51 |
Where's the one place where |
| 00:08:54 |
Community college? |
| 00:08:56 |
Where can you go where |
| 00:08:59 |
and act like a total idiot? |
| 00:09:01 |
I am talking about one place |
| 00:09:06 |
Do not say Vegas. |
| 00:09:07 |
Please say Vegas. |
| 00:09:08 |
- Vegas, baby. |
| 00:09:10 |
- Las Vegas? |
| 00:09:11 |
Swish it around in your mouth a little bit. |
| 00:09:13 |
- Vegas! |
| 00:09:15 |
- Carefree. |
| 00:09:17 |
- Spontaneous. |
| 00:09:19 |
- Vegas! |
| 00:09:21 |
- Vegas! |
| 00:09:23 |
- Vegas! |
| 00:09:24 |
- Vegas! |
| 00:09:31 |
MAN: Hello, Las Vegas! |
| 00:09:38 |
Wow. |
| 00:09:41 |
Vegas. |
| 00:09:43 |
Everyone, I'm so sorry, |
| 00:09:46 |
so just bear with us, please. |
| 00:09:50 |
(LAUGHING) |
| 00:09:53 |
Okay, your fiancé is one lucky guy. |
| 00:09:56 |
I love Vegas! |
| 00:10:00 |
Time to get a big-boy drink. |
| 00:10:03 |
I'll have a vodka and a Scotch. |
| 00:10:13 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:10:14 |
This is where I'm passing out. |
| 00:10:27 |
(ALL SCREAMING) |
| 00:10:34 |
Did we ever tell you |
| 00:10:39 |
My eyes! It burns! |
| 00:10:44 |
My head! |
| 00:10:47 |
My back! |
| 00:10:51 |
My nose! My nose now! |
| 00:11:01 |
Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy! |
| 00:11:04 |
(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING) |
| 00:11:13 |
It's okay! It's okay! They're gay! |
| 00:11:17 |
- What? |
| 00:11:19 |
(GASPING) |
| 00:11:22 |
This... No, no, this is not |
| 00:11:25 |
We just... |
| 00:11:27 |
Let's just go downstairs. |
| 00:11:32 |
- You guys aren't gay? |
| 00:11:35 |
(JOY AND TIPPER SCREAMING) |
| 00:11:39 |
(GIGGLING) |
| 00:11:41 |
- I got this. |
| 00:11:43 |
Just let me handle it, okay? |
| 00:11:47 |
Okay. |
| 00:11:48 |
Curtis. You and I have a problem. |
| 00:11:51 |
I think we both know |
| 00:11:52 |
I complain, and you tell me |
| 00:11:55 |
but we both know that's a big, fat lie, |
| 00:11:57 |
so why don't you just |
| 00:12:00 |
and type in those special codes |
| 00:12:01 |
that you know |
| 00:12:03 |
and find me two rooms that are so nice |
| 00:12:08 |
that it turns my night right back around? |
| 00:12:10 |
She's awfully hostile for a girl named Joy. |
| 00:12:15 |
I'm going to do exactly |
| 00:12:19 |
I'm a little frightened of you. |
| 00:12:21 |
These are penthouse suites. |
| 00:12:22 |
You can't get any higher than that |
| 00:12:24 |
and you're not allowed on the roof, |
| 00:12:34 |
Penthouse suites. |
| 00:12:35 |
- Nice! |
| 00:12:37 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:12:39 |
Well, you're welcome. |
| 00:12:41 |
Now watch and learn. |
| 00:12:44 |
- Hey, buddy. |
| 00:12:46 |
I think you just met my friend back there. |
| 00:12:49 |
Kind of a scary person. |
| 00:12:50 |
Oh, Egyptian cotton. That's nice. |
| 00:12:52 |
I want to apologize for her. |
| 00:12:55 |
we get to enjoy |
| 00:12:57 |
and on week four, the bill arrives. |
| 00:12:59 |
(LAUGHS) I know what you mean. |
| 00:13:01 |
Look, I don't want to push here, |
| 00:13:03 |
but I know that a man in your position |
| 00:13:07 |
(TELEPHONE RINGING) |
| 00:13:10 |
CURTIS: Planet Hollywood. Yeah. |
| 00:13:12 |
(GASPING) |
| 00:13:13 |
HATER: VIP! |
| 00:13:22 |
Hey. So, you're from New York, |
| 00:13:27 |
- We're going to Le Cirque, please! |
| 00:13:32 |
Look, I didn't bring my buddy |
| 00:13:35 |
so he could get his ass kicked. Right? |
| 00:13:37 |
So the least you could do is help me |
| 00:13:39 |
Your buddy wouldn't know a good time |
| 00:13:42 |
Okay, you know what, Stripper? |
| 00:13:46 |
Driver, we'll get out here! Thank you! |
| 00:13:48 |
- Okay, bye! |
| 00:13:49 |
- Use a condom, boys. |
| 00:13:56 |
Oh, come on. One drink. |
| 00:13:58 |
I'm a pretty fun guy. You can ask around. |
| 00:14:01 |
Thanks, but we have dinner reservations. |
| 00:14:03 |
And we have to map out our assault |
| 00:14:07 |
You have a plan to make plans? |
| 00:14:15 |
Excuse me? |
| 00:14:17 |
I bet you look really good |
| 00:14:20 |
- My hair is down. |
| 00:14:24 |
I dare you! |
| 00:14:33 |
Did I invent hip-hop? No. But I was there. |
| 00:14:37 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:14:39 |
- So, Joy. |
| 00:14:41 |
What brings you to Sin City? |
| 00:14:43 |
You know, just being spontaneous, |
| 00:14:46 |
cutting loose, like everyone else. |
| 00:14:48 |
Yeah. Me? Oh, I'm here on business. |
| 00:14:52 |
Big business, actually. I'm... |
| 00:14:55 |
I'm a pretty important guy |
| 00:14:56 |
in my field. |
| 00:14:59 |
Really? |
| 00:15:01 |
No. |
| 00:15:03 |
Actually, |
| 00:15:06 |
I just got fired. So, cheers to that. |
| 00:15:14 |
I just got dumped, so, salud. |
| 00:15:19 |
Did I mention that I got fired |
| 00:15:22 |
Did I mention that I threw |
| 00:15:26 |
and the surprise was that he dumped me |
| 00:15:29 |
while they hid in the closet? |
| 00:15:31 |
Wow. Okay, you win. |
| 00:15:33 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:15:36 |
I saved a baby today. |
| 00:15:39 |
- You know what I mean? I'm not a... |
| 00:15:42 |
This is my lesbian sister. |
| 00:15:45 |
Tell her about your softball team. |
| 00:15:49 |
What do you say we bet 10-to-1, |
| 00:15:52 |
- MAN: Bets are right there. |
| 00:15:55 |
No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't... |
| 00:15:59 |
You roll, princess. |
| 00:16:03 |
All right. Go, 44! 44! |
| 00:16:06 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:16:09 |
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON PA) |
| 00:16:10 |
JOY: This is my party trick. Here it goes. |
| 00:16:12 |
What are you gonna do? |
| 00:16:14 |
(LAUGHING) |
| 00:16:17 |
You know, you were right about me. |
| 00:16:18 |
You just cut it off! |
| 00:16:19 |
It's like you're trying to come in first |
| 00:16:25 |
- It's like Egypt! |
| 00:16:28 |
You never felt good enough, |
| 00:16:32 |
To everyone who's ever been dumped |
| 00:16:35 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:16:36 |
and to everyone who has ever been fired, |
| 00:16:39 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:16:40 |
when I say, "Screw!" you say, "You!" |
| 00:16:43 |
- Screw! |
| 00:16:45 |
- Screw! |
| 00:16:46 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:16:47 |
Yes! |
| 00:16:56 |
I think I just got to the point |
| 00:16:59 |
JOY: Why should you try? |
| 00:17:01 |
I work 80 hours a week |
| 00:17:05 |
I've been so naughty! |
| 00:17:07 |
Out of my way! Out of my way! |
| 00:17:10 |
I'm not usually this honest. |
| 00:17:12 |
I'm usually not this fun. |
| 00:17:14 |
(SCREAMING) |
| 00:17:20 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:17:25 |
The best part is... |
| 00:17:26 |
- We can really talk. |
| 00:17:28 |
Yeah, 'cause you're like the last person |
| 00:17:32 |
Ever! Ever! Ever! |
| 00:17:37 |
JOY: This is gonna be fun! |
| 00:17:53 |
(DOOR OPENS) |
| 00:17:55 |
(DOOR CLOSES) |
| 00:18:05 |
Oh, God. Please be fake. Please be fake. |
| 00:18:09 |
(GASPS) |
| 00:18:11 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:18:21 |
(GASPING) |
| 00:18:33 |
(SCREAMS) |
| 00:18:35 |
No, no, please, please, please! |
| 00:18:38 |
You can't get divorced here, okay? |
| 00:18:41 |
Besides, you don't want a divorce, |
| 00:18:44 |
See, what happens in Vegas, you pay for |
| 00:18:47 |
That's what the thing is. |
| 00:18:48 |
Was there any part of the night, |
| 00:18:50 |
I don't know, maybe, say, the part where |
| 00:18:53 |
that you thought, "Hey, oh my God! |
| 00:18:54 |
"This is a really good time |
| 00:18:57 |
- Seriously? |
| 00:18:58 |
I, like, threw up in my own purse, so... |
| 00:19:03 |
Hey, hey, hey, hey. |
| 00:19:07 |
- Hi! |
| 00:19:09 |
- Morning. |
| 00:19:11 |
Morning, morning, morning. |
| 00:19:13 |
I could use some coffee. |
| 00:19:16 |
Oh, God, yeah. |
| 00:19:19 |
Well, what's mine is yours. |
| 00:19:21 |
(BOTH LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) |
| 00:19:23 |
Here, well, you want to, uh... |
| 00:19:26 |
JACK: Mi coffee es su coffee. |
| 00:19:34 |
- JOY: This is good orange juice. |
| 00:19:37 |
JACK: It's ridiculously good. |
| 00:19:39 |
- I don't usually like pulp. You a fan? |
| 00:19:43 |
- Jack? |
| 00:19:45 |
- Can I talk to you for a second? |
| 00:19:49 |
Yes. Yep. Talk. Sure. |
| 00:19:52 |
They're so cute together! |
| 00:19:53 |
If I could make someone dead |
| 00:20:10 |
- Yo. |
| 00:20:14 |
So! |
| 00:20:18 |
- Great night, huh? |
| 00:20:21 |
I mean, you are a lot of fun, Joy. |
| 00:20:26 |
- I am? |
| 00:20:27 |
A lot of fun. That... I mean, last night was |
| 00:20:31 |
so |
| 00:20:33 |
great. |
| 00:20:35 |
Actually, you know, there was like... |
| 00:20:39 |
I think I know what you mean. |
| 00:20:43 |
Okay, this... |
| 00:20:45 |
There's no easy way to say this, |
| 00:20:47 |
Whoa, whoa. Wait. Are... |
| 00:20:50 |
Are you |
| 00:20:52 |
- dumping me? |
| 00:20:54 |
No! I was coming down here to dump you! |
| 00:20:56 |
- Oh! Jeez... Okay, so we're good! |
| 00:20:58 |
- Okay, disaster averted! |
| 00:21:00 |
- Yeah, no. Bullet dodged! |
| 00:21:03 |
I mean, pooch unscrewed! Free at last! |
| 00:21:05 |
- Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last. |
| 00:21:08 |
- Got it. |
| 00:21:10 |
You just seem like the type of girl |
| 00:21:13 |
and I'm not that... I mean, you... Like... |
| 00:21:15 |
No offense, |
| 00:21:18 |
Like it would take, like, |
| 00:21:22 |
Marriages are an outdated concept... |
| 00:21:26 |
Are you dumping me again? |
| 00:21:28 |
- I'm in a really weird place right now... |
| 00:21:31 |
Because I have news for you, buddy. |
| 00:21:36 |
Okay! Look at that! |
| 00:21:38 |
"Employee handles criticism poorly!" |
| 00:21:42 |
Well, then maybe |
| 00:21:44 |
considering you can't even keep a job |
| 00:21:46 |
You know, the one person who's |
| 00:21:50 |
and even he can't stand you! |
| 00:21:52 |
Look at that. You had to come all the way |
| 00:21:56 |
just to prove that you're not a robot. |
| 00:22:00 |
Oh, I have a feeling, all right! |
| 00:22:02 |
(IMITATING ROBOT) Yeah? |
| 00:22:04 |
"It's called nausea!" |
| 00:22:05 |
- How old are you, five? |
| 00:22:08 |
You know, this is why we'd never work. |
| 00:22:09 |
'Cause I could never, ever be with |
| 00:22:14 |
- Broken? |
| 00:22:15 |
Broken. You know what? |
| 00:22:17 |
No, I don't know you, |
| 00:22:20 |
You know what? |
| 00:22:22 |
How about this? |
| 00:22:27 |
Hey. Hey, hey, hey! |
| 00:22:28 |
- We'll always have Vegas! |
| 00:22:39 |
(JACKPOT ALARM RINGING) |
| 00:22:51 |
(WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS PLAYING) |
| 00:22:52 |
What the... |
| 00:22:53 |
We are the champions, my friends |
| 00:22:58 |
And we'll keep on fighting |
| 00:23:02 |
I'm really, really rich! |
| 00:23:06 |
We are the champions |
| 00:23:07 |
That was my quarter! |
| 00:23:10 |
We are the champions |
| 00:23:13 |
- We did it! |
| 00:23:15 |
No time for losers |
| 00:23:18 |
A big giant check! I'm so happy! |
| 00:23:22 |
I'm really happy! |
| 00:23:24 |
Oh, my God! That was my quarter! |
| 00:23:26 |
(JOY LAUGHING) |
| 00:23:27 |
(JACK LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) |
| 00:23:28 |
Congratulations! |
| 00:23:31 |
What, you think this is all yours? God! |
| 00:23:32 |
Yes, it's mine. I put the quarter |
| 00:23:37 |
My quarter on the machine that I was |
| 00:23:41 |
That's right! Now if you'll excuse me, |
| 00:23:43 |
I have a giant colorful check to deposit! |
| 00:23:47 |
Whatever happened to |
| 00:23:51 |
We're married now, remember? |
| 00:23:59 |
More importantly, Your Honor, my client |
| 00:24:04 |
before they "got married," |
| 00:24:05 |
three and a half of which were spent |
| 00:24:08 |
total inebriation. |
| 00:24:11 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 00:24:12 |
You. Other one. |
| 00:24:14 |
You have any evidence that you both |
| 00:24:18 |
that it's not just a sham? |
| 00:24:19 |
Let me see. |
| 00:24:22 |
Would a note do? |
| 00:24:25 |
It's a start. |
| 00:24:31 |
And then there's a photo. |
| 00:24:36 |
Nice. |
| 00:24:39 |
I didn't know anything about that. |
| 00:24:40 |
There's also |
| 00:24:44 |
- a video. |
| 00:24:47 |
I'm gonna love her, |
| 00:24:50 |
and I'm going to provide for her, |
| 00:24:52 |
- 'cause we're married! |
| 00:24:54 |
(SCREAMING) |
| 00:24:56 |
We're all gonna get laid! |
| 00:24:59 |
Was that you, Cueball? His lawyer? |
| 00:25:02 |
I didn't... I don't have my glasses on. |
| 00:25:07 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 00:25:10 |
I don't like you. |
| 00:25:12 |
I don't like any of you. |
| 00:25:14 |
Your generation, |
| 00:25:18 |
and your "I want it right now." |
| 00:25:20 |
You know, gay people aren't destroying |
| 00:25:23 |
you people are. |
| 00:25:24 |
Marriage is about love and commitment. |
| 00:25:27 |
Listen, I've been married for 25 years |
| 00:25:33 |
and granted, there are days |
| 00:25:35 |
but I don't, because I love her, |
| 00:25:38 |
and that would be illegal. |
| 00:25:40 |
And you know something? |
| 00:25:41 |
but when I said those vows out loud, |
| 00:25:46 |
This guy is such a douche. |
| 00:25:48 |
Before, or should I say if |
| 00:25:51 |
I ever allow either of you |
| 00:25:53 |
I'm going to make sure |
| 00:25:55 |
and I do mean everything, first |
| 00:25:58 |
- Objection, Your Honor. You can't do that. |
| 00:26:00 |
Watch me. Now, do either one of you |
| 00:26:03 |
I don't at the moment, Your Honor, |
| 00:26:06 |
You see, I... |
| 00:26:08 |
My ex-fiancé and I broke up, and... |
| 00:26:10 |
You know, Mrs. Fuller, you're not helping |
| 00:26:14 |
What about you, pretty boy? |
| 00:26:18 |
- Yes. |
| 00:26:21 |
I am freezing the $3 million |
| 00:26:25 |
and sentencing you two |
| 00:26:28 |
And so I can keep an eye on you, |
| 00:26:30 |
I'm ordering you both |
| 00:26:33 |
I want you two to listen to me. |
| 00:26:35 |
You better play by my rules on this, |
| 00:26:41 |
that is so long, |
| 00:26:43 |
that neither one of you |
| 00:26:48 |
All right. Anything... |
| 00:26:51 |
I now pronounce you man and wife! |
| 00:26:59 |
Can he do that? |
| 00:27:00 |
Yeah, he's the judge. |
| 00:27:02 |
And he clearly wants to make an example |
| 00:27:04 |
If you just do what the guy says, |
| 00:27:06 |
he's gonna be forced |
| 00:27:08 |
- In which case... |
| 00:27:10 |
...split... |
| 00:27:11 |
...equally as marital property. |
| 00:27:12 |
You didn't do anything in there! |
| 00:27:14 |
- What? |
| 00:27:15 |
I called her a vixen! I called her a vixen! |
| 00:27:20 |
- So? |
| 00:27:21 |
I can do anything for six months. |
| 00:27:22 |
I can not wear pants for six months. |
| 00:27:26 |
Oh, I am so up to it. |
| 00:27:28 |
And if you're trying to insinuate |
| 00:27:30 |
then you are sorely mistaken, short bus. |
| 00:27:33 |
Whoa! Okay! So it's settled, then. |
| 00:27:35 |
All right. Think of it |
| 00:27:37 |
Be married for six months, |
| 00:27:41 |
- How hard can it be? |
| 00:27:46 |
Excuse me. Out of my way. Thank you. |
| 00:27:51 |
- Oh, Jesus. Here. |
| 00:27:58 |
TIPPER: Smile for the camera. |
| 00:27:59 |
Hi, hubby, it's me. Open up. |
| 00:28:02 |
Hiya! |
| 00:28:04 |
JACK: It's all the way at the top. |
| 00:28:05 |
She's here. |
| 00:28:07 |
(DOOR BUZZING) |
| 00:28:08 |
Okay, don't overdo it, though. |
| 00:28:12 |
Hey! Look what I brought my new hubby! |
| 00:28:16 |
'Cause I want to please him, |
| 00:28:19 |
Hey, look who's being a good wifey, |
| 00:28:24 |
Oh, muffin pants, what a wonderful gift. |
| 00:28:26 |
I'm going to buy you a big box of Tampax |
| 00:28:30 |
'cause that's what good husbands do. |
| 00:28:37 |
Sorry, I can't control myself |
| 00:28:39 |
I just love you so much! |
| 00:28:41 |
Not as much as I love you! |
| 00:28:43 |
(JACK SQUEALING) |
| 00:28:46 |
Shall we, Mrs. Fuller? |
| 00:28:48 |
Oh. Here. Let me get this. |
| 00:28:50 |
- Let me get that. Oh. |
| 00:28:53 |
Slippery. Slippery. |
| 00:29:00 |
What? |
| 00:29:01 |
(GRUNTING) |
| 00:29:03 |
(JOY SCREAMS) |
| 00:29:05 |
Sorry, baby, |
| 00:29:07 |
Welcome home, sweetheart. |
| 00:29:11 |
You literally have a bar |
| 00:29:14 |
It's not so bad. |
| 00:29:15 |
I mean, I would never live here, ever, but... |
| 00:29:18 |
What? I ran |
| 00:29:21 |
I can do this. I can totally do this. |
| 00:29:25 |
(GASPS) |
| 00:29:27 |
JOY: Oh, my God. |
| 00:29:29 |
I can't do this! |
| 00:29:30 |
Don't throw any of that hair away, okay? |
| 00:29:32 |
I'm saving it up |
| 00:29:35 |
like a hat or a sweater. |
| 00:29:37 |
I still haven't decided yet. |
| 00:29:40 |
Do you train monkeys in here? |
| 00:29:42 |
Seriously! It's one thing if you like a guy, |
| 00:29:46 |
but you I don't care for, so clean it up. |
| 00:29:49 |
I'm not here under court order, |
| 00:29:53 |
- Later, buddy. |
| 00:29:56 |
$1.5 million. |
| 00:29:58 |
Here. These are antibacterial. Get to work. |
| 00:30:10 |
That looks like it's gonna be |
| 00:30:12 |
Where's the bedroom? |
| 00:30:15 |
- Uh... It's in there. |
| 00:30:19 |
Yeah. |
| 00:30:22 |
What is this? |
| 00:30:25 |
(SCREAMS) |
| 00:30:28 |
Ooh. That was close. |
| 00:30:33 |
- That stinks. |
| 00:30:35 |
- Oh, God! |
| 00:30:47 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:30:59 |
- Do you need some help? |
| 00:31:02 |
You should probably call somebody. |
| 00:31:04 |
What? |
| 00:31:05 |
- To help you. |
| 00:31:08 |
No. |
| 00:31:21 |
(BLENDER WHIRRING) |
| 00:31:22 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:31:26 |
Smoothies! |
| 00:31:31 |
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) |
| 00:31:33 |
- Hon? |
| 00:31:34 |
If I could just get in there for a sec. |
| 00:31:36 |
I'm almost done. I'll be right out. |
| 00:31:37 |
No, no. "Be right out" |
| 00:31:39 |
Like, be right out right now. |
| 00:31:42 |
I'm almost done! |
| 00:31:44 |
(GROANING) |
| 00:31:48 |
(METALLIC CLATTER) |
| 00:31:54 |
Okay... |
| 00:31:56 |
(JACK EXHALING) |
| 00:31:58 |
Oh, yeah, this is happening. |
| 00:32:01 |
You only have yourself to blame. |
| 00:32:04 |
By the way, it's your day on dishes. |
| 00:32:12 |
(TOILET FLUSHING) |
| 00:32:16 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:32:18 |
JOY: Freak. |
| 00:32:19 |
Where do you get your underwear? |
| 00:32:20 |
- What? |
| 00:32:23 |
Well, it's comfy and supportive, |
| 00:32:27 |
You women. In the beginning it's all, like, |
| 00:32:31 |
As soon as you get married, it's nothing |
| 00:32:35 |
You might as well wear a placard |
| 00:32:36 |
- that says, "We're not having sex, ever." |
| 00:32:39 |
- Ever. |
| 00:32:40 |
What happened to the purple bra |
| 00:32:43 |
I'm going to save that |
| 00:32:46 |
(MOCKING) |
| 00:32:48 |
Well, the grownups have to go |
| 00:32:51 |
- What are you going to do all day? |
| 00:32:55 |
I'd rather do nothing and be happy |
| 00:32:58 |
Words to live by, Yanni. |
| 00:33:00 |
Beat it, worker drone. |
| 00:33:02 |
- Whatever, loser. |
| 00:33:05 |
Or do. Whatever. |
| 00:33:07 |
(YOU SEXY THING PLAYING) |
| 00:33:08 |
I believe in miracles |
| 00:33:10 |
Where you from, |
| 00:33:16 |
I believe in miracles |
| 00:33:17 |
(ALL SHOUTING) |
| 00:33:19 |
since you came along, |
| 00:33:24 |
(EXCLAIMING) |
| 00:33:32 |
(TELEPHONE RINGING) |
| 00:33:36 |
- McNally. |
| 00:33:37 |
- Who is this? |
| 00:33:41 |
Get the Chonger |
| 00:33:42 |
Coming right up! Okay. |
| 00:33:45 |
After 15 years of loyal service, |
| 00:33:49 |
which means that this office |
| 00:33:52 |
So, I'm going to promote one of you skirts |
| 00:33:55 |
And that's not sexual harassment. |
| 00:33:58 |
You're my top guns, girls. Do me proud. |
| 00:34:00 |
Thank you, sir. |
| 00:34:03 |
So! I guess I'll be Maverick |
| 00:34:05 |
Be whoever you want to be, |
| 00:34:09 |
- Excuse me? |
| 00:34:11 |
- What is wrong with you? |
| 00:34:13 |
- Oh, you eat girls! |
| 00:34:16 |
- Makes total sense. |
| 00:34:17 |
- No judgments. |
| 00:34:18 |
Just saying. |
| 00:34:27 |
Ready to do this? |
| 00:34:28 |
Pretend like you don't make me vomit |
| 00:34:33 |
Yes. |
| 00:34:35 |
So, Jack, tell me about yourself. |
| 00:34:40 |
Hobbies. |
| 00:34:42 |
You mean, besides my marriage? |
| 00:34:46 |
My hobbies. |
| 00:34:47 |
Mostly, I just like loving her. |
| 00:34:49 |
It's just so easy. |
| 00:34:54 |
What else? |
| 00:34:56 |
Listening. I love listening |
| 00:35:01 |
In fact, actually, |
| 00:35:05 |
just so I can write it down, |
| 00:35:09 |
What else? |
| 00:35:15 |
Loving her until it hurts. |
| 00:35:18 |
It hurts. |
| 00:35:20 |
That's... I don't know, |
| 00:35:26 |
Joy? |
| 00:35:28 |
I'd have to agree. |
| 00:35:30 |
And I'd have to add, you know, |
| 00:35:33 |
staring at him. |
| 00:35:35 |
Yeah. I mean, I just love watching him be. |
| 00:35:39 |
I love everything about him. |
| 00:35:41 |
Most people would be repulsed, |
| 00:35:43 |
you know, to find his socks |
| 00:35:46 |
sort of down shoved |
| 00:35:49 |
touching them in the middle of the night. |
| 00:35:51 |
They might want to try |
| 00:35:53 |
and try to get the stains |
| 00:35:58 |
Not me. I just... I love it! |
| 00:36:02 |
I just... |
| 00:36:09 |
Her candles smell awesome! |
| 00:36:14 |
You know, I do have a few degrees, |
| 00:36:16 |
and I went to a bunch |
| 00:36:20 |
Anyway, I'm not buying any of the bullshit |
| 00:36:24 |
Now, if you want me to report back |
| 00:36:26 |
that you're both working |
| 00:36:28 |
you're gonna actually have to do that. |
| 00:36:31 |
(LOVE PLAYING) |
| 00:36:34 |
And love |
| 00:36:41 |
Like a summer's day in May |
| 00:36:46 |
I just want it to be love |
| 00:36:52 |
I, I, I, I, I |
| 00:36:59 |
It just gives me tender bliss |
| 00:37:03 |
I just want it to be love |
| 00:37:06 |
Yes, that is the topping I wanted |
| 00:37:09 |
I know that the box said |
| 00:37:11 |
but, you guessed it, |
| 00:37:13 |
what I really wanted |
| 00:37:17 |
Thanks. |
| 00:37:18 |
Uh! Uh! Uh! Love |
| 00:37:22 |
Who can tell me I am lost? |
| 00:37:27 |
I'm just giving you |
| 00:37:32 |
Pay attention. |
| 00:37:37 |
It goes up, |
| 00:37:39 |
and then it goes down. Like that. |
| 00:37:42 |
See that? Isn't that magical? Amazing. |
| 00:37:44 |
Watch one more time. One more time. |
| 00:37:47 |
It goes up, right? And then it goes down. |
| 00:37:51 |
(SPEAKING SPANISH) |
| 00:38:06 |
(JOY SCREAMING) |
| 00:38:07 |
(SPLASHES) |
| 00:38:08 |
(JOY SCREAMING) |
| 00:38:11 |
JOY: No, no, no, no! Why? |
| 00:38:15 |
I really, really need to get in there! |
| 00:38:19 |
Why don't you just use |
| 00:38:22 |
There's no heavy side! |
| 00:38:24 |
- You got the window! |
| 00:38:39 |
- Where's the bathroom door? |
| 00:38:42 |
And all they took was the door. |
| 00:38:46 |
$1.5 million. |
| 00:38:50 |
Marriage is hard! |
| 00:38:52 |
I don't know how people do this. |
| 00:38:55 |
Men and women are not meant to coexist. |
| 00:38:59 |
And I haven't had sex in forever. |
| 00:39:02 |
And I need to have sex, |
| 00:39:04 |
That's a self-esteem booster for me. |
| 00:39:07 |
- I don't know if I can do this, man. |
| 00:39:10 |
'Cause I haven't been sensing that at all. |
| 00:39:12 |
That's why I did a little research. |
| 00:39:14 |
I've been looking through some case law, |
| 00:39:16 |
you know, some precedent |
| 00:39:18 |
And I think I found one. Lafferty v. Holden. |
| 00:39:22 |
You know, Tip, |
| 00:39:25 |
Then we go to plan B. |
| 00:39:26 |
Mother's third marriage |
| 00:39:29 |
club-footed Cuban bartender |
| 00:39:32 |
The court said |
| 00:39:34 |
they had to remain married and prove |
| 00:39:37 |
Mother wasn't going to see a cent of that, |
| 00:39:39 |
but then she proved |
| 00:39:41 |
and the judge ruled in her favor. |
| 00:39:43 |
And gave her all the money. |
| 00:39:46 |
See, the judge said that you had to prove |
| 00:39:49 |
that you were trying |
| 00:39:51 |
But if we can make it seem like she isn't... |
| 00:39:53 |
I don't know |
| 00:39:55 |
- Because you're not a very good lawyer. |
| 00:39:57 |
There should be a law |
| 00:40:00 |
But then again, I wouldn't know about it! |
| 00:40:01 |
So if I can get Jack to end the marriage |
| 00:40:04 |
or cheating on me... |
| 00:40:07 |
Not only would you get out |
| 00:40:08 |
- You will also get the full $3 million. |
| 00:40:12 |
- I love you! I want to kiss you. |
| 00:40:15 |
On your big, beautiful, |
| 00:40:17 |
All right! All right. Okay. |
| 00:40:19 |
- Game on, sister! |
| 00:40:21 |
- Game on. |
| 00:40:24 |
Destroy it. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus! |
| 00:40:26 |
(I WANTA NEW DRUG PLAYING) |
| 00:40:45 |
There are some refinery problems |
| 00:40:47 |
- so let's keep our eye on crude oil. |
| 00:40:50 |
And I just heard a rumor |
| 00:40:51 |
that the platinum futures |
| 00:40:55 |
Yes! |
| 00:40:57 |
Yeah! |
| 00:40:58 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:40:59 |
I mean, really, let's do this mother! |
| 00:41:02 |
Right, guys? I mean, let's buy shit! |
| 00:41:07 |
Do you see that? Do you see that, people? |
| 00:41:09 |
That's exactly the kind of spirit |
| 00:41:12 |
- You go, girl! |
| 00:41:14 |
(CHONG AND JOY EXCLAIM) |
| 00:41:16 |
Oh, my God, seriously, you guys! |
| 00:41:23 |
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| 00:41:29 |
What's happening? What's happening? |
| 00:41:36 |
Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch! |
| 00:41:47 |
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) |
| 00:41:51 |
- Hi. |
| 00:41:52 |
We got locked out of our apartment. |
| 00:41:54 |
Would you mind if we just waited in here |
| 00:41:57 |
He said it would only be a few hours. |
| 00:42:01 |
A few... |
| 00:42:03 |
Sure. |
| 00:42:05 |
- Thank you! |
| 00:42:06 |
Also, we were supposed to have |
| 00:42:09 |
Do you mind if they waited in here, too? |
| 00:42:12 |
I'll jump on that grenade, too, I suppose. |
| 00:42:15 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:42:17 |
- Thank you so much. |
| 00:42:20 |
Welcome to my humble abode. |
| 00:42:23 |
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) |
| 00:42:25 |
Those are probably my friends. |
| 00:42:30 |
- Hi. |
| 00:42:31 |
We're the friends. |
| 00:42:33 |
- You look like the friends. You do. |
| 00:42:36 |
(CELL PHONE RINGS) |
| 00:42:38 |
- Hey. |
| 00:42:40 |
- in my living room. |
| 00:42:42 |
I'm talking about the fact that there are |
| 00:42:46 |
Oh, my God. Okay, there's a pillow fight |
| 00:42:49 |
Oh, my God. Dude, it's a trap. |
| 00:42:53 |
No, it's not! No! This happens! |
| 00:42:55 |
No! It doesn't happen! |
| 00:42:57 |
HATER: Get out of the house! |
| 00:43:00 |
She must have figured out |
| 00:43:02 |
Okay, just because Joy sets a trap |
| 00:43:04 |
doesn't mean we can't play at |
| 00:43:05 |
You call Bear, you call every guy we know. |
| 00:43:07 |
And get some boring stockbroker |
| 00:43:09 |
the kind of guys |
| 00:43:11 |
The more boring, the better. |
| 00:43:12 |
She has no idea |
| 00:43:14 |
(HIPHOP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) |
| 00:43:20 |
JOY: You okay? |
| 00:43:27 |
In here, guys. Yo, Jack, what up? |
| 00:43:37 |
This chick's the reason |
| 00:43:40 |
This chick is the reason |
| 00:43:44 |
- Hey. |
| 00:43:45 |
So, look. This isn't working. |
| 00:43:49 |
- Sluts? I know sluts. |
| 00:43:51 |
Which one of these ugly losers |
| 00:43:56 |
That one. The pink parade over there. |
| 00:43:59 |
That's your wife? |
| 00:44:01 |
Oh, my God, she is so f-ing hot! |
| 00:44:07 |
What is wrong with you? |
| 00:44:11 |
Pick a team. Pick a team. |
| 00:44:13 |
- Come on. |
| 00:44:15 |
Listen up, girls. Do whatever you need |
| 00:44:19 |
Ignore her. |
| 00:44:21 |
Look at every girl in here except for her. |
| 00:44:24 |
Get him drunk. It'll slip right out. |
| 00:44:26 |
ALL: Go! |
| 00:44:35 |
Hi. |
| 00:44:42 |
Oh, I get it. |
| 00:44:44 |
I get what you guys are doing. Okay. |
| 00:44:48 |
Well, I'm going to... |
| 00:44:51 |
Oh, God! |
| 00:44:53 |
If you need anybody to talk to, |
| 00:45:02 |
- Thanks. |
| 00:45:04 |
Get out of here! |
| 00:45:07 |
I'll give her the money! |
| 00:45:08 |
- I'll give her the money! |
| 00:45:09 |
(BANGING ON DOOR) |
| 00:45:11 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:45:12 |
I'm here about a noise complaint! |
| 00:45:13 |
(BOTTLE CLATTERING) |
| 00:45:15 |
Someone called to complain |
| 00:45:19 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 00:45:24 |
- This is the best party ever! |
| 00:45:35 |
I'm arrested! You guys, I'm arrested! |
| 00:45:42 |
Hey. |
| 00:45:43 |
Sorry. I was just trying to find some quiet |
| 00:45:46 |
- from the craziness out there. |
| 00:45:52 |
Sure. |
| 00:45:57 |
Do you really think that I'm dumb enough |
| 00:45:59 |
I think it's only a matter of time, |
| 00:46:01 |
and, yeah, I think you're more |
| 00:46:03 |
Thank you for the vote of confidence. |
| 00:46:05 |
I appreciate that. |
| 00:46:06 |
This must be so hard for you. |
| 00:46:12 |
- What? |
| 00:46:16 |
Okay. I've been in relationships before, |
| 00:46:19 |
Oh, come on, Jack. |
| 00:46:21 |
I know you. |
| 00:46:24 |
You're not exactly serious |
| 00:46:30 |
- Well, this must be hard for you, too. |
| 00:46:33 |
Yeah, being married to me when |
| 00:46:41 |
- I'm not in love with him. |
| 00:46:43 |
Then why are you still wearing the ring |
| 00:46:44 |
Because my current husband |
| 00:46:47 |
out of a vending machine in Vegas. |
| 00:46:49 |
All I know is, if I get dumped on my ass, |
| 00:46:52 |
I'm not wearing the ring |
| 00:46:54 |
- I'm not in love with him, okay? |
| 00:46:57 |
In fact, I'm happy |
| 00:46:59 |
I spent the last four years of my life |
| 00:47:00 |
trying to be |
| 00:47:03 |
and you know what? |
| 00:47:11 |
(CHUCKLES) |
| 00:47:12 |
Okay, that's not what I meant, okay? |
| 00:47:16 |
Hey! Don't worry! |
| 00:47:19 |
Oh, you're such an ass. |
| 00:47:21 |
You know what? It's irrelevant now, |
| 00:47:22 |
because I don't care |
| 00:47:31 |
Wow. Thank you, baby. |
| 00:47:33 |
- That makes me feel so, so, so special. |
| 00:47:37 |
- to do with you, Jack. |
| 00:47:39 |
- because I'm a married man. |
| 00:47:40 |
We don't need to have sex. |
| 00:47:43 |
I'm not going anywhere, |
| 00:47:46 |
Neither am I, |
| 00:47:49 |
- Till death do us part. |
| 00:48:04 |
- It's like she's always there! |
| 00:48:06 |
- Left, right, up, down! |
| 00:48:09 |
- I don't have an ounce of space... |
| 00:48:10 |
...for just me! Just me! |
| 00:48:12 |
- And I swear to God... |
| 00:48:15 |
- The other night, we had this party... |
| 00:48:17 |
...and everywhere I look... |
| 00:48:19 |
...it's just hot tit and ass everywhere! |
| 00:48:21 |
- It's like he doesn't even want... |
| 00:48:24 |
...this marriage to work! |
| 00:48:27 |
All right. You're arguing. |
| 00:48:30 |
Now that felt like a real married couple. |
| 00:48:33 |
You're making progress. |
| 00:48:40 |
What am I doing here? |
| 00:48:52 |
Oh, we could kidnap her |
| 00:48:55 |
- She could stay at my place. |
| 00:48:58 |
We make it look |
| 00:49:00 |
I can have a vial of crabs here |
| 00:49:03 |
First, we give them to you, |
| 00:49:04 |
and then, you know, |
| 00:49:06 |
so it looks like she gave them to you. |
| 00:49:10 |
You really hadn't thought |
| 00:49:13 |
I'll give her the crabs, easily. |
| 00:49:15 |
- No more ideas from you. |
| 00:49:17 |
This is great! |
| 00:49:20 |
Like that! |
| 00:49:21 |
- What are you doing? |
| 00:49:23 |
No, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 00:49:25 |
Stay with me on this one. |
| 00:49:28 |
Huh? |
| 00:49:30 |
God damn it! No, you don't get it! |
| 00:49:38 |
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) |
| 00:49:51 |
Jack, what happened to your face? |
| 00:49:54 |
- I fell. |
| 00:49:57 |
Yeah. |
| 00:50:00 |
I hit my head on a doorknob. |
| 00:50:03 |
A few times. |
| 00:50:04 |
I fall a lot these days. I'm just... |
| 00:50:06 |
I'm so clumsy. |
| 00:50:08 |
Jack, are you sure |
| 00:50:11 |
Sure someone else didn't do this to you? |
| 00:50:17 |
I deserve it. |
| 00:50:19 |
I'm supposed... |
| 00:50:22 |
I'm supposed to line up the hand towels |
| 00:50:25 |
I didn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 00:50:28 |
Then she said, |
| 00:50:30 |
"or I will put you down!" |
| 00:50:36 |
"I'll stick your head in there |
| 00:50:40 |
...look real, but don't, like... |
| 00:50:41 |
- Oh, God! |
| 00:50:44 |
He's gotta make it look real |
| 00:50:46 |
Not that real! |
| 00:50:48 |
(GRUNTING) |
| 00:50:49 |
- Yeah! |
| 00:50:51 |
Hey, come on. Come on. |
| 00:50:53 |
Can we get back to therapy now? |
| 00:50:58 |
Yes. |
| 00:51:00 |
Yes, we can. |
| 00:51:08 |
(TELEPHONE RINGING) |
| 00:51:12 |
JACK ON ANSWERING MACHINE: |
| 00:51:14 |
JOY ON ANSWERING MACHINE: |
| 00:51:16 |
because we're busy loving each other. |
| 00:51:17 |
JACK: And making our marriage work. |
| 00:51:19 |
JACK: Leave a message! |
| 00:51:21 |
(ON ANSWERING MACHINE) |
| 00:51:22 |
from Dr. Twitchell's office. |
| 00:51:24 |
Hello. |
| 00:51:26 |
- Yes, Mrs. Fuller? |
| 00:51:28 |
The doctor needed |
| 00:51:30 |
and she was wondering |
| 00:51:32 |
Do you have anything |
| 00:51:35 |
- The doctor can do 4:00. |
| 00:51:38 |
- That works for me. |
| 00:51:40 |
- Great, see you then. |
| 00:51:43 |
- She totally bought it. |
| 00:51:47 |
- Beautiful. |
| 00:51:51 |
(SINGING) Come on with your come on |
| 00:51:55 |
That's okay, see if I care |
| 00:51:58 |
Blah, blah, blah, blah... |
| 00:52:02 |
Hit me with your best shot |
| 00:52:04 |
Fire away |
| 00:52:06 |
(DOOR CLOSES) |
| 00:52:11 |
Hello? |
| 00:52:13 |
Jack? |
| 00:52:18 |
JACK: Taxi! |
| 00:52:20 |
JACK: Come on, man! Hey! |
| 00:52:26 |
- Hey, hey, hey! |
| 00:52:28 |
Oh, come on! |
| 00:52:32 |
Twitchell... Twitchell... |
| 00:52:35 |
(TELEPHONE RINGS) |
| 00:52:37 |
Dr. Twitchell speaking. |
| 00:52:39 |
- Yes, hi, this is Joy Fuller. |
| 00:52:41 |
Yes. I got a phone call from Annette |
| 00:52:44 |
saying that our session |
| 00:52:46 |
- I just wanted to double-check that. |
| 00:52:50 |
And any absence |
| 00:52:53 |
It is? |
| 00:52:56 |
Asshole! Trying to get me |
| 00:52:59 |
75th and Riverside, and step on it! |
| 00:53:04 |
Okay. |
| 00:53:06 |
(CELL PHONE RINGING) |
| 00:53:09 |
- What? |
| 00:53:11 |
Good luck paying for that cab |
| 00:53:13 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:53:15 |
Only five dollars? |
| 00:53:17 |
You stole my wallet? |
| 00:53:18 |
(TAXI BRAKING) |
| 00:53:20 |
Lost your wallet, huh? Get out. |
| 00:53:24 |
Come on. What do you want? |
| 00:53:26 |
- Show me your breasts. |
| 00:53:28 |
You'd be surprised how often it happens. |
| 00:53:32 |
- Okay, one breast. That's all you get. |
| 00:53:36 |
(TAXI SPEEDING AWAY) |
| 00:53:38 |
(GRUNTS) |
| 00:53:39 |
CAB DRIVER: Nothing like a nice boob. |
| 00:53:42 |
CAB DRIVER: What? I like breasts. Sue me. |
| 00:53:44 |
Is there any way around this? |
| 00:53:46 |
Does it look |
| 00:53:49 |
(JACK LAUGHING) |
| 00:53:51 |
(ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL PLAYING) |
| 00:53:52 |
Go! |
| 00:53:54 |
so 1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me |
| 00:53:56 |
Because you look so fine |
| 00:54:00 |
- How many for 10 of these? |
| 00:54:02 |
- Okay. Here, take five. |
| 00:54:04 |
Now you don't need that money |
| 00:54:07 |
(EXCLAIMS) |
| 00:54:08 |
(CAR ALARM BLARING) |
| 00:54:11 |
I know we |
| 00:54:15 |
Before I let you get away, yeah! |
| 00:54:22 |
TOUR GUIDE: There's Brooklyn. |
| 00:54:26 |
What a day, huh? |
| 00:54:35 |
Is this seat taken? |
| 00:54:38 |
Pardon. Excuse me. Sorry. |
| 00:54:41 |
- You are so immature! |
| 00:54:44 |
Go away! |
| 00:54:45 |
- That really hurt! |
| 00:54:48 |
TOUR GUIDE: And here we are, |
| 00:54:50 |
Yes, isn't it beautiful? |
| 00:54:52 |
Half an hour, people. That's 30 minutes |
| 00:55:00 |
I'll take that! You mind? |
| 00:55:04 |
- WOMAN: What? |
| 00:55:05 |
MAN: Hey! |
| 00:55:08 |
Well I could see |
| 00:55:13 |
But you were with another man, yeah! |
| 00:55:17 |
I know we |
| 00:55:20 |
JOY: Idiot! |
| 00:55:22 |
Before I let you get away, yeah! |
| 00:55:28 |
(BOTH GRUNTING) |
| 00:55:30 |
I said are you gonna be my girl? |
| 00:55:33 |
(BOTH GRUNTING) |
| 00:55:56 |
JACK SR: No, you're wrong. |
| 00:55:58 |
MRS. FULLER: You're remembering |
| 00:56:00 |
JACK SR: No! It was not our first date! |
| 00:56:02 |
You keep thinking that. You always did. |
| 00:56:05 |
JACK SR: It was not! |
| 00:56:06 |
MRS. FULLER: Your memory... |
| 00:56:07 |
JACK SR: Mine? |
| 00:56:09 |
Yes, it's your... |
| 00:56:11 |
Hi, honey! Welcome home! |
| 00:56:13 |
Mom! Dad! |
| 00:56:17 |
What are you doing here? |
| 00:56:18 |
Well, I got a message from your parents, |
| 00:56:20 |
and I thought I'd surprise you |
| 00:56:26 |
You know that I've never |
| 00:56:28 |
No! Really? |
| 00:56:31 |
MRS. FULLER: Why didn't you tell us |
| 00:56:32 |
I know you're still mad at me |
| 00:56:34 |
but you get married and you don't tell us? |
| 00:56:37 |
JACK SR: That is very, very hurtful. |
| 00:56:39 |
- Especially... |
| 00:56:40 |
Especially when it's a catch like Joy here. |
| 00:56:44 |
- What? |
| 00:56:45 |
MRS. FULLER: We're so proud of you, Jack! |
| 00:56:49 |
We didn't think you'd ever settle down. |
| 00:56:50 |
But then we met this wonderful girl. |
| 00:56:55 |
JACK SR: We are very proud of you, Son. |
| 00:56:56 |
- Okay. Love biscuit? |
| 00:56:59 |
Can I speak to you for one second? |
| 00:57:01 |
Of course! |
| 00:57:03 |
He probably just wants |
| 00:57:05 |
We haven't seen each other all day! |
| 00:57:07 |
My God! |
| 00:57:11 |
when your parents are |
| 00:57:14 |
Well, obviously, you haven't |
| 00:57:16 |
No, I was waiting for you to do that. |
| 00:57:19 |
What if we didn't? |
| 00:57:22 |
What would it take for you to just |
| 00:57:28 |
I want the bathroom door back. |
| 00:57:30 |
And I want the toilet seat left the F down. |
| 00:57:34 |
No. |
| 00:57:35 |
- One time up... |
| 00:57:37 |
...and I make the call. |
| 00:57:38 |
- Done. |
| 00:57:40 |
Well, Jack, Sr., you know, it is just so nice |
| 00:57:43 |
to finally meet the man |
| 00:57:47 |
- I tried. |
| 00:57:49 |
Do you know he made this bar |
| 00:57:51 |
Isn't it beautiful? I mean, look. |
| 00:57:53 |
Dovetail's off on the corner. |
| 00:57:57 |
JACK SR: It's off! |
| 00:57:59 |
Well, I think it's great. |
| 00:58:02 |
I actually think that Jack |
| 00:58:04 |
I don't know. |
| 00:58:07 |
Maybe you should try telling Jack |
| 00:58:09 |
then maybe he would actually do it. |
| 00:58:12 |
(ALL LAUGHING) |
| 00:58:15 |
What are you doing on Saturday? |
| 00:58:16 |
You've got to come to Uncle Pat's |
| 00:58:19 |
I would love to. |
| 00:58:22 |
She went after my family! |
| 00:58:23 |
Dude, you're letting this chick |
| 00:58:26 |
Yeah, I know. |
| 00:58:28 |
Now I'm going to figure out |
| 00:58:31 |
You should never let a chick |
| 00:58:33 |
That's why I prefer |
| 00:58:41 |
Yes! |
| 00:58:44 |
Why didn't I think of this before? |
| 00:58:51 |
- Hi. |
| 00:59:00 |
- You're Mason, right? |
| 00:59:02 |
I'm Jack Fuller. I'm a friend of Joy's. |
| 00:59:05 |
- Joy's? |
| 00:59:06 |
I just wanted to give you this back. |
| 00:59:10 |
She threw it in the trash. |
| 00:59:11 |
But, you know, guy code, I couldn't just |
| 00:59:14 |
I mean, you spent, what, like, |
| 00:59:16 |
Actually, thirty grand. |
| 00:59:20 |
I got it. |
| 00:59:23 |
All right. Well, thanks. |
| 00:59:26 |
Okay. |
| 00:59:31 |
Hey, how's she doing? |
| 00:59:37 |
You know, she's good. |
| 00:59:38 |
She's probably put on some weight, |
| 00:59:40 |
From all the emotional eating |
| 00:59:42 |
You really lived up to the billing. |
| 00:59:44 |
Joy told me |
| 00:59:47 |
Oh! Yeah. |
| 00:59:48 |
She said she was trying to be |
| 00:59:52 |
deep down, she never really felt |
| 00:59:57 |
But those insecurities are long gone now. |
| 01:00:00 |
She's really come into her own. |
| 01:00:03 |
I'll tell you what, she not gonna be |
| 01:00:05 |
- It's a feeding frenzy out there! |
| 01:00:08 |
Well, I gotta get going. |
| 01:00:11 |
My Uncle Pat is having a birthday party |
| 01:00:14 |
Joy and I are going. |
| 01:00:15 |
Anyway, I gotta go pick up the present |
| 01:00:19 |
- Her idea! |
| 01:00:20 |
- She's on fire! |
| 01:00:22 |
On fire. |
| 01:00:25 |
Well, thanks again. |
| 01:00:32 |
(HEY MAN NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING |
| 01:00:33 |
Stripper! Hiya! |
| 01:00:34 |
- I so want to junkpunch that guy. |
| 01:00:38 |
- Joy? |
| 01:00:40 |
I'm so glad you could make it. |
| 01:00:42 |
- Hi! This is my girlfriend, Tipper. |
| 01:00:46 |
- Thanks for calling. |
| 01:00:48 |
He's over there, |
| 01:00:51 |
Do you know what it's like |
| 01:00:54 |
And cry your guts out till you got no more |
| 01:00:57 |
Come on, sweetheart. |
| 01:00:59 |
- to meet the whole family. |
| 01:01:02 |
JACK: One, two, three, |
| 01:01:03 |
- Rockets! |
| 01:01:04 |
Who wants sugar? Let's go! |
| 01:01:07 |
What is this, like a five-foot hoagie? |
| 01:01:10 |
- Hi! |
| 01:01:11 |
This is my niece, and BFF, |
| 01:01:16 |
Sammy, this is your Aunt Joy. |
| 01:01:20 |
- Nice to meet you, Sammy. |
| 01:01:23 |
I didn't know you coached Little League. |
| 01:01:24 |
Oh, there's a lot of things you don't know |
| 01:01:27 |
Jack wore a little fedora |
| 01:01:32 |
every day for six months. |
| 01:01:34 |
Who wouldn't want to be Indiana Jones? |
| 01:01:37 |
I agree completely. I mean, |
| 01:01:38 |
Raiders of the Lost Ark may be |
| 01:01:46 |
- I don't think I like what's going on here. |
| 01:01:51 |
She doesn't seem so bad, Uncle Jack. |
| 01:01:54 |
I think you guys should just |
| 01:01:57 |
Make a hundred pretty babies. |
| 01:02:01 |
You told her? |
| 01:02:03 |
Yeah, I don't have secrets from Sammy. |
| 01:02:06 |
Hey man now you're really living |
| 01:02:10 |
Well I just saw the sun rise over the hill |
| 01:02:16 |
But hey man now you're really living |
| 01:02:20 |
Well, ladies, I believe |
| 01:02:24 |
Thank you. |
| 01:02:29 |
People sing |
| 01:02:32 |
Do you know what it's like |
| 01:02:35 |
And cry your guts out till you got no more |
| 01:02:38 |
Hey man now you're really living |
| 01:02:41 |
Joy! |
| 01:02:42 |
Mason. |
| 01:02:44 |
- What are you doing here? |
| 01:02:47 |
- In Brooklyn? |
| 01:02:49 |
Brooklyn. The B.K. Love it here. |
| 01:02:52 |
MASON: Yeah, they're artists. Yeah. |
| 01:02:54 |
Hey, you want to go grab a glass of vino? |
| 01:02:56 |
I can't right now. Sorry. |
| 01:03:00 |
- Okay, all right. Well, maybe next week. |
| 01:03:06 |
Wow! |
| 01:03:08 |
You seem fine. |
| 01:03:12 |
No, I mean, you look great. |
| 01:03:16 |
- Thanks. |
| 01:03:18 |
I... Yeah. |
| 01:03:21 |
- I gotta go. |
| 01:03:23 |
- All right, well, maybe some other time. |
| 01:03:26 |
Good seeing you. |
| 01:03:29 |
Take care. |
| 01:03:36 |
- Oh, my God. You're falling for her. |
| 01:03:38 |
- You're falling for your wife! You idiot! |
| 01:03:41 |
- She's a wily temptress. |
| 01:03:44 |
- Yes! |
| 01:03:45 |
Yes, I did, because that is what she is. |
| 01:03:48 |
And what do wily temptresses do, Jack? |
| 01:03:50 |
They tempt in a wily fashion. |
| 01:03:55 |
Tempt, play, tempt, play. |
| 01:03:59 |
Don't let her play you |
| 01:04:03 |
Keep your eyes on the prize, Jack! |
| 01:04:16 |
Hey, McNally. |
| 01:04:19 |
- Oh... |
| 01:04:20 |
No, I remember when I didn't care |
| 01:04:22 |
I'm sorry, I just had this thing |
| 01:04:26 |
Your husband? You got married? |
| 01:04:28 |
Well, thanks for the invite. |
| 01:04:31 |
Yeah, no, I'm married. |
| 01:04:33 |
No, you didn't. |
| 01:04:36 |
Now, listen, Joy, |
| 01:04:38 |
And the thing that I value most |
| 01:04:42 |
So I'm gonna be honest with you. |
| 01:04:45 |
Now, Chonger is bringing her husband |
| 01:04:48 |
- I think you should bring yours, too. |
| 01:04:53 |
- You can count on it, sir. |
| 01:04:59 |
So let me get this straight. |
| 01:05:00 |
She asked you |
| 01:05:04 |
Yeah. |
| 01:05:05 |
The most important thing |
| 01:05:09 |
Do you believe that? I was like, "No!" |
| 01:05:14 |
'Cause I'm like... I'm like, |
| 01:05:21 |
Jack! You have got |
| 01:05:24 |
pretend to be the perfect husband, |
| 01:05:26 |
when you have them eating |
| 01:05:29 |
you make her sign this. |
| 01:05:33 |
- What's this? |
| 01:05:36 |
relinquishing all the rights to the money. |
| 01:05:39 |
Right? You tell her if she doesn't sign it, |
| 01:05:47 |
Yeah. |
| 01:05:50 |
I mean, that's not, you know... |
| 01:05:51 |
It's not pretty, but we can... |
| 01:05:54 |
I can laminate it. |
| 01:05:59 |
- I don't know. |
| 01:06:03 |
Okay? This is our last shot. |
| 01:06:26 |
- Hey, McNally. |
| 01:06:29 |
So, where's this husband of yours? |
| 01:06:30 |
I just met Chonger's husband. |
| 01:06:33 |
He's a tool, but he's smart. |
| 01:06:35 |
He's... |
| 01:06:37 |
(PEOPLE LAUGHING) |
| 01:06:39 |
So the spaceman says, |
| 01:06:43 |
He's there! |
| 01:06:46 |
I'll just take this to him. |
| 01:06:50 |
Mr. Banger, I just wanted |
| 01:06:52 |
to express to you my gratitude. |
| 01:06:56 |
I'll be seeing you at the... |
| 01:06:58 |
The dining table. |
| 01:07:00 |
- Hey, hey! |
| 01:07:03 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 01:07:04 |
I'm so glad to see you. |
| 01:07:05 |
Muffin, I've been looking |
| 01:07:07 |
This is why everyone |
| 01:07:11 |
Let me introduce you to my friends. |
| 01:07:14 |
Mr. Young. An honor. Hi. |
| 01:07:16 |
And this is the rest of your board, actually. |
| 01:07:19 |
Great people. Wealthy people. |
| 01:07:24 |
So you're the lucky guy. |
| 01:07:26 |
- Hi. Jack Fuller. |
| 01:07:30 |
You're in my seat. |
| 01:07:32 |
Wait, your name is Richard Banger? |
| 01:07:35 |
Your name is Dick Banger. |
| 01:07:37 |
Dick Banger! Dick Banger? |
| 01:07:39 |
You, sir, have just provided us with jokes |
| 01:07:47 |
Well, you must be Jack... off! |
| 01:07:50 |
Jack-Off! Give it to me, baby! |
| 01:07:52 |
- Jack-Off, buddy! |
| 01:07:55 |
McNally, where have you |
| 01:07:57 |
You know, I've just been |
| 01:07:59 |
Well, you gotta learn how to share. |
| 01:08:00 |
All right, everybody, let's sit down. |
| 01:08:05 |
"Jack-Off." How about it? Oh, boy. |
| 01:08:09 |
I don't know what made you change |
| 01:08:13 |
Thank you. |
| 01:08:17 |
- "Jack-Off." I love that. |
| 01:08:24 |
I love that, that you said that. |
| 01:08:29 |
For a moment there, I... |
| 01:08:30 |
I'm so sorry. |
| 01:08:33 |
MAN: Joy, come on over! Joy! |
| 01:08:34 |
(PEOPLE CHEERING) |
| 01:08:36 |
I'm on it! |
| 01:08:38 |
- Yeah! |
| 01:08:43 |
Yeah! Yeah! |
| 01:08:45 |
(ALL CHEERING) |
| 01:08:48 |
(ONE LOVE PLAYING) |
| 01:08:49 |
One looks for happiness |
| 01:08:53 |
One knows that nowadays |
| 01:08:57 |
(CELL PHONE RINGING) |
| 01:08:58 |
One sees a crazy world |
| 01:09:01 |
- Hey. |
| 01:09:03 |
No, not yet. |
| 01:09:04 |
You better not |
| 01:09:05 |
Don't get your panties in a bunch. |
| 01:09:08 |
Got to warm |
| 01:09:10 |
All right, well, call me |
| 01:09:12 |
I'm holding down the fort in the meantime. |
| 01:09:14 |
- Yeah. All right. |
| 01:09:19 |
Lavender. |
| 01:09:21 |
You get on my head. |
| 01:09:25 |
Oh, my God. That is slick. |
| 01:10:05 |
- Can you believe this? |
| 01:10:09 |
I guess I was wrong. |
| 01:10:17 |
What? |
| 01:10:20 |
No, you just... You... |
| 01:10:22 |
I like your hair like that. |
| 01:10:25 |
Thanks. |
| 01:10:27 |
Can I get two shots? |
| 01:10:29 |
You know what? Make it three. |
| 01:10:31 |
Hello, McNally. |
| 01:10:35 |
- Hey, Mr. Banger. |
| 01:10:36 |
Good. |
| 01:10:38 |
Cheers. |
| 01:10:42 |
"Hello, my name is Joy's Bitch." |
| 01:10:48 |
How's it going tonight? |
| 01:10:52 |
That's a good one, McNally. |
| 01:10:55 |
She's very serious at work. |
| 01:10:56 |
You don't know her that well. |
| 01:10:59 |
- I wouldn't lie to you, Big Dick. |
| 01:11:03 |
- Seriously. |
| 01:11:05 |
- more than a good dare. |
| 01:11:07 |
Yeah. You ever see what she can do |
| 01:11:09 |
- Unbelievable. Shocking. |
| 01:11:12 |
I dare you. |
| 01:11:20 |
- I hate you. |
| 01:11:24 |
(EXCLAIMING) |
| 01:11:25 |
Very good! Very good! |
| 01:11:27 |
Terrific! You know, |
| 01:11:30 |
I probably would have promoted you |
| 01:11:38 |
(SINGING) Get down on it |
| 01:11:40 |
- That's a lot. |
| 01:11:47 |
You know what? You shouldn't do that. |
| 01:11:50 |
You've got this, okay? |
| 01:11:53 |
Throw the dice. |
| 01:11:55 |
You've got this. |
| 01:11:59 |
- We need what, a seven? |
| 01:12:01 |
- Okay. |
| 01:12:05 |
DEALER: Seven. |
| 01:12:07 |
Oh, my God! |
| 01:12:08 |
- Thank you. Thank you. |
| 01:12:10 |
We're done. Can we quit? |
| 01:12:13 |
Throw it in there. |
| 01:12:14 |
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 01:12:18 |
(CELL PHONE BEEPING) |
| 01:12:19 |
BANGER: Come on. Don't be afraid. |
| 01:12:23 |
for best team spirit goes to a new face, |
| 01:12:27 |
and one of the funniest son of a bitches |
| 01:12:31 |
And I think you know |
| 01:12:34 |
- Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off! |
| 01:12:39 |
BANGER: Get up here! Come on! |
| 01:12:43 |
Congratulations, Jack-Off. |
| 01:12:47 |
Well, thank you all |
| 01:12:52 |
I have to thank my wife, Joy. |
| 01:13:00 |
she probably never told you all |
| 01:13:09 |
It might come as a surprise |
| 01:13:13 |
that we didn't know each other |
| 01:13:24 |
What can I say? You know? |
| 01:13:28 |
On our wedding night, we were so busy |
| 01:13:33 |
that we never really got a chance |
| 01:13:38 |
so... |
| 01:13:42 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 01:13:44 |
for the first time, |
| 01:13:47 |
(CROWD APPLAUDING) |
| 01:13:53 |
(PLAYING WHAT A FEELING) |
| 01:13:54 |
(SINGING) First, when there's nothing |
| 01:13:58 |
but a slow glowing dream |
| 01:14:03 |
That your fear seems to hide... |
| 01:14:05 |
(GLASSES CLINKING) |
| 01:14:06 |
You hear that? |
| 01:14:08 |
- They're clinking. |
| 01:14:12 |
I think that means they want us to kiss. |
| 01:14:15 |
Well, if that's what the crowd wants... |
| 01:14:19 |
Yeah, but if you're not up for it, |
| 01:14:22 |
In a world made of steel |
| 01:14:26 |
Made of stone |
| 01:14:34 |
Well, I hear the music |
| 01:14:37 |
Close my eyes, feel the rhythm |
| 01:14:42 |
Wrap around |
| 01:14:43 |
Take a hold of my heart |
| 01:14:49 |
What a feeling! |
| 01:14:53 |
Being's believing |
| 01:14:57 |
I can't have it all |
| 01:15:04 |
Take your passion |
| 01:15:08 |
And make it happen |
| 01:15:22 |
All right, look. |
| 01:15:24 |
When's the last time |
| 01:15:27 |
- Really happy? |
| 01:15:29 |
because if you do, I'll just... I'll have to cry. |
| 01:15:35 |
Okay. |
| 01:15:37 |
There was this one day, |
| 01:15:40 |
before the Exchange, before Mason. |
| 01:15:45 |
I was feeling really adventurous, |
| 01:15:49 |
- about 30 miles east of the city. |
| 01:15:52 |
There was this great lighthouse. |
| 01:15:54 |
I mean, it was just right on the beach, |
| 01:15:58 |
- You went there by yourself? |
| 01:16:00 |
You know, I just, like, sat on the beach, |
| 01:16:04 |
listened to the waves, |
| 01:16:09 |
God! I had no concerns, you know? |
| 01:16:13 |
no job stressing me out. |
| 01:16:15 |
I had no one to please but myself. |
| 01:16:19 |
- That's that photo you have. |
| 01:16:23 |
That was a great day. |
| 01:16:43 |
I did take myself out of the game. |
| 01:16:52 |
If you stop betting, |
| 01:16:55 |
you never have to lose. |
| 01:17:10 |
I'd bet on you, Jack. |
| 01:17:26 |
So, long day, huh? |
| 01:17:29 |
Yeah. |
| 01:17:33 |
So, we should probably get to bed. |
| 01:17:38 |
Yep. |
| 01:18:00 |
Can you undo my zipper? |
| 01:18:02 |
- It gets stuck. |
| 01:18:06 |
Absolutely. |
| 01:18:13 |
All right. |
| 01:18:28 |
All right. Okay. There it is. |
| 01:18:35 |
Thanks. |
| 01:19:05 |
Hey, I... These... |
| 01:19:07 |
- I wasn't in your things. |
| 01:19:11 |
I can put them back. |
| 01:19:19 |
Good night, Mr. Fuller. |
| 01:19:21 |
Good night, Mrs. Fuller. |
| 01:19:50 |
(IT'S ALRIGHT PLAYING) |
| 01:19:53 |
It's all right |
| 01:19:57 |
It's all right |
| 01:19:58 |
(GASPS) |
| 01:20:00 |
Everything's all right |
| 01:20:01 |
(CELL PHONE RINGING) |
| 01:20:05 |
It's all right |
| 01:20:07 |
Everything's all right |
| 01:20:16 |
It's okay |
| 01:20:19 |
Okay, I'm on my way. I know. |
| 01:20:23 |
It's almost over. |
| 01:20:24 |
- Joy. Joy! |
| 01:20:28 |
I have to go. |
| 01:20:30 |
- Mason? |
| 01:20:34 |
I can't talk right now. I'm sorry. |
| 01:20:37 |
I want you back, Joy. |
| 01:20:41 |
- What? |
| 01:20:44 |
I see that now. |
| 01:20:45 |
Seeing you the other day, |
| 01:20:49 |
Not that you didn't before, it's just... |
| 01:20:51 |
Sometimes it takes losing something |
| 01:20:54 |
for you to realize what you had. |
| 01:20:57 |
I want to make up |
| 01:21:01 |
This is yours. |
| 01:21:03 |
I gave it to you, and I want you to have it. |
| 01:21:08 |
- Where did you get this? |
| 01:21:12 |
you are good enough for me. |
| 01:21:27 |
I mean that! |
| 01:21:45 |
JUDGE WHOPPER: Court is called to order. |
| 01:21:47 |
Well, lookie here, lookie here! |
| 01:21:51 |
Six months down the road. |
| 01:21:55 |
We'll see. |
| 01:21:56 |
Now, Dr. Twitchell, in your opinion, |
| 01:21:59 |
Jack Fuller and Joy McNally, |
| 01:22:01 |
obey the court order |
| 01:22:04 |
and do you believe they put |
| 01:22:13 |
These two have |
| 01:22:17 |
a lot of issues. |
| 01:22:19 |
A lot of deeply unsettling issues |
| 01:22:23 |
that, as individuals, |
| 01:22:28 |
Seriously. |
| 01:22:30 |
But together, in my honest opinion, |
| 01:22:35 |
they're perfect for each other. |
| 01:22:38 |
It's the real thing. |
| 01:22:40 |
Go figure. |
| 01:22:43 |
Well, thank you, Doctor. |
| 01:22:48 |
Tipper! |
| 01:22:57 |
Hi, Your Honor. |
| 01:22:59 |
Have you lost weight? |
| 01:23:03 |
Gotcha. Let's begin. |
| 01:23:05 |
Although Ms. McNally ran up $25,000 |
| 01:23:11 |
my client recently spent the same amount |
| 01:23:13 |
for materials |
| 01:23:17 |
Therefore, we propose |
| 01:23:20 |
The original $3 million, |
| 01:23:22 |
and $50,000 that's already been spent, |
| 01:23:25 |
that leaves $1.45 million to be divided... |
| 01:23:33 |
equally. |
| 01:23:34 |
Now that's the spirit! |
| 01:23:45 |
No, Your Honor, we do not. |
| 01:23:47 |
(COUGHS) |
| 01:23:48 |
(WHISPERS) Gold-digging whore. |
| 01:23:50 |
My client has advised me that |
| 01:23:55 |
She just wants a divorce. |
| 01:23:58 |
Miss McNally, are you sure? |
| 01:24:03 |
Yes, Your Honor, I am. |
| 01:24:05 |
Well, then I hereby grant the divorce |
| 01:24:10 |
Court adjourned. |
| 01:24:17 |
You win, Jack. |
| 01:24:19 |
I officially want nothing from you. |
| 01:24:28 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:24:30 |
I won a case! Jesus Christ! |
| 01:24:33 |
Dude, we won! |
| 01:24:36 |
I won! |
| 01:24:37 |
Yeah! I'm the law, bitches! |
| 01:24:40 |
I'm a lawyer! |
| 01:24:42 |
HATER: To me! |
| 01:24:44 |
Anybody need a lawyer? |
| 01:24:46 |
(TONIGHT I HAVE TO LEAVE IT PLAYING) |
| 01:24:48 |
And tonight I have to leave it |
| 01:24:52 |
Time heals all wounds. |
| 01:24:56 |
Now that you guys are officially done, |
| 01:25:02 |
Yes, tonight I have to leave it |
| 01:25:04 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 01:25:06 |
Don't you come up to me |
| 01:25:10 |
Yeah, okay. |
| 01:25:11 |
You don't have to answer that right now. |
| 01:25:18 |
MAN: Hey, I have a question. |
| 01:25:21 |
How much does an island cost? |
| 01:25:24 |
And tonight I have to leave it |
| 01:25:27 |
Yes, tonight I have to leave it |
| 01:25:32 |
BANGER: Now we come to the final item |
| 01:25:37 |
Congratulations, McNally. |
| 01:25:41 |
Thank you, sir. I won't let you down. |
| 01:25:50 |
Okay, I think I'm gonna have to |
| 01:25:53 |
Why don't you just give it to Chong, |
| 01:25:56 |
She's good, she deserves it, |
| 01:25:57 |
and besides, |
| 01:26:00 |
- Yes! |
| 01:26:02 |
No, I don't. But I think that's the point. |
| 01:26:07 |
I would rather do nothing and be happy |
| 01:26:10 |
than do something that I don't love. |
| 01:26:26 |
Well, I lost her at happy. |
| 01:26:28 |
I don't know what the hell |
| 01:26:29 |
Well done, Chonger. The job is yours. |
| 01:26:36 |
Thank you. |
| 01:26:38 |
So! Jack made a piece of furniture. |
| 01:26:41 |
He finished it. |
| 01:26:42 |
Okay. Go ahead, Dad. |
| 01:26:44 |
Nothing. It's good. |
| 01:26:45 |
It's really good. I'm proud of you. |
| 01:26:51 |
- Thank you. |
| 01:26:52 |
Here we go. |
| 01:26:53 |
...you royally screwed up |
| 01:26:55 |
It was a big, stupid mistake. Okay? |
| 01:26:59 |
The marriage might have been a mistake, |
| 01:27:01 |
And I think that anybody |
| 01:27:04 |
could tell you that. |
| 01:27:05 |
So why don't you get your head |
| 01:27:09 |
and go do something about it? |
| 01:27:11 |
Or should I tell you not to, |
| 01:27:18 |
- TIPPER: She's gone, man. |
| 01:27:21 |
She, like, lost it. She quit her job, |
| 01:27:26 |
Look, I don't really care much for you, |
| 01:27:28 |
and I want to cut your friend Hater. |
| 01:27:30 |
But for some reason, |
| 01:27:31 |
you're, like, the only man |
| 01:27:34 |
so I wanna tell you where she is, |
| 01:27:38 |
- What do you know? |
| 01:27:41 |
and you wanted to get happy again, |
| 01:27:46 |
What? |
| 01:27:49 |
Thank you. |
| 01:27:53 |
Okay, tell you what. We both go. |
| 01:27:56 |
That way, when she sees us both, |
| 01:27:57 |
she can make up her mind |
| 01:28:00 |
I've loaned you my band saw, |
| 01:28:04 |
Do you even know |
| 01:28:05 |
The keys. Give me the keys. |
| 01:28:07 |
Here. Sorry. |
| 01:28:09 |
Go get your future ex-ex-wife. |
| 01:28:12 |
(I'M NOT OVER PLAYING) |
| 01:28:21 |
What a waste of time |
| 01:28:25 |
But I never missed a beat |
| 01:28:28 |
Can't explain the who or what I was |
| 01:28:32 |
Trying to believe |
| 01:28:35 |
What would you do? |
| 01:28:39 |
What would you do? |
| 01:28:43 |
I once had a grip on everything |
| 01:28:46 |
It feels better to let go |
| 01:28:50 |
I'm not over |
| 01:28:54 |
I'm not over you just yet |
| 01:28:57 |
Cannot hide it |
| 01:29:01 |
You're not that easy to forget |
| 01:29:05 |
I'm not over |
| 01:29:12 |
I'm not over |
| 01:29:38 |
You found me. |
| 01:29:41 |
You left this behind, |
| 01:29:44 |
and I wanted to bring it back to you. |
| 01:29:54 |
Do you know how many lighthouses |
| 01:29:57 |
- How many? |
| 01:29:59 |
- Really? |
| 01:30:02 |
So. |
| 01:30:05 |
Did you come all the way out here |
| 01:30:11 |
I did. So I'm going to get out of here. |
| 01:30:17 |
All right. Here it is. |
| 01:30:19 |
When we were married, I was horrible. |
| 01:30:23 |
Sick. Just wrong. |
| 01:30:28 |
And it's the best time I've ever had. |
| 01:30:34 |
You bet on me, Joy, |
| 01:30:39 |
and you made me want to bet on myself. |
| 01:30:42 |
So don't think about anyone else |
| 01:30:46 |
and just answer this for you. |
| 01:30:57 |
Do you want to be married to me? |
| 01:31:01 |
Again? |
| 01:31:05 |
You know, |
| 01:31:07 |
for so long, I've just... |
| 01:31:11 |
And by not trying to please you, |
| 01:31:17 |
I think I became myself again. |
| 01:31:22 |
I do |
| 01:31:24 |
want to be married to you again. |
| 01:31:55 |
I quit my job. |
| 01:31:57 |
I heard. |
| 01:31:59 |
I have absolutely no idea |
| 01:32:02 |
Well, it's a good thing that I have... |
| 01:32:07 |
Oh, my God! |
| 01:32:10 |
That's right. We hit the jackpot. |
| 01:32:14 |
Yeah, I did. |
| 01:32:21 |
Now, Joy, do you take this young man |
| 01:32:25 |
to be your lawfully wedded husband, |
| 01:32:30 |
Uh-huh. |
| 01:32:31 |
...for richer or for poorer... |
| 01:32:34 |
I do. I take him. |
| 01:32:35 |
WOMAN: Naughty! Naughty! |
| 01:32:37 |
Jack, would you put the ring |
| 01:32:41 |
- Was that the one? |
| 01:32:44 |
You may kiss the bride. |
| 01:32:46 |
(CHEERING) |
| 01:32:47 |
This is the greatest day of my life! |
| 01:32:50 |
- This is the greatest day of my... |
| 01:32:55 |
Oh, my... |
| 01:32:56 |
This is marvelous, simply marvelous. |
| 01:32:58 |
- Bye! Thank you! |
| 01:33:00 |
Have fun, you guys! |
| 01:33:02 |
It's so much fun in there! |
| 01:33:04 |
- JACK: Woman! |
| 01:33:06 |
- JACK: Woman! |
| 01:33:10 |
Hey! |
| 01:33:14 |
(I HATE YOU (MY FRIEND) PLAYING) |
| 01:33:15 |
No one here likes you |
| 01:33:19 |
Go back to your... zoo |
| 01:33:21 |
(SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST |
| 01:33:22 |
And now we're standing face to face |
| 01:33:24 |
(DOORBELL RINGS) |
| 01:33:26 |
Isn't this world a crazy place |
| 01:33:31 |
(GRUNTS) |
| 01:33:35 |
Why? |
| 01:33:36 |
You know why! |
| 01:33:43 |
You know why! |
| 01:33:45 |
No one here likes you |
| 01:33:50 |
Go back to your... zoo |
| 01:33:55 |
I don't know why |
| 01:33:59 |
And I'd love to split them wide |
| 01:34:03 |
I could pretend |
| 01:34:06 |
Can't you understand |
| 01:34:12 |
some call it an obsession |
| 01:34:16 |
And some call it a good hate |
| 01:34:20 |
And I'll just call it pathetic |
| 01:34:24 |
But some totally relate |
| 01:34:29 |
I'd rather go to hell |
| 01:34:33 |
In case you couldn't tell |
| 01:34:37 |
Go ahead, boy, drink your drink |
| 01:34:42 |
Can you learn the words |
| 01:34:46 |
I could pretend |
| 01:34:49 |
Can't you understand |
| 01:35:12 |
some call it an obsession |
| 01:35:16 |
And some call it a good hate |
| 01:35:20 |
And I'll just call it pathetic |
| 01:35:24 |
But some totally relate |
| 01:35:29 |
No one here likes you |
| 01:35:33 |
Go back to your... zoo |
| 01:35:37 |
I could pretend |
| 01:35:40 |
Can't you understand |
| 01:35:46 |
I hate you my friend |
| 01:35:50 |
I hate you my friend |
| 01:38:14 |
(EXHALES) |
| 01:38:15 |
What are you doing later? You know, |
| 01:38:19 |
You know what? |
| 01:38:20 |
Jack was our glue. |
| 01:38:23 |
I feel like the fact that he's gone |
| 01:38:26 |
No, it makes us a little bit just... |
| 01:38:29 |
The opposite of that. |
| 01:38:39 |
You like |
| 01:38:43 |
Subtitles by Leapinlar |
