When Evil Calls

en
00:00:57 Come out, come out,
00:01:07 Gugenheim.
00:01:10 Gugenheim!
00:01:11 When we get a hold of you,
00:01:13 we're gonna kick the shit out of you,
00:01:14 Gugenheim?
00:01:17 What kind of fucking
00:01:21 I didn't mean to scare you.
00:01:23 Calm down, cool your boots.
00:01:25 Don't be scared,
00:01:28 Those...
00:01:31 bullies chased you
00:01:34 Come in.
00:01:37 I don't bite...
00:01:39 much.
00:01:49 I'll bet you wish that you were popular,
00:01:52 Yeah.
00:01:54 I used to as a kid.
00:01:56 Let me tell you, it's not all
00:02:03 Don't actually believe me,
00:02:05 Let me tell you something
00:02:08 You see, because for 20 long,
00:02:12 I tidied up after you
00:02:17 And boy, oh, boy, have I fucking seen
00:02:20 Oh, yes.
00:02:24 Nothing quite as strange
00:02:30 Oh, yeah.
00:02:33 Maybe then, Gugenheim,
00:02:34 you wouldn't be in such
00:02:39 I suppose it started on a day like...
00:02:43 any other day, really.
00:03:15 Hey, I was looking for you everywhere.
00:03:18 Why didn't you wait for me?
00:03:22 You go on ahead.
00:03:25 Daniel!
00:03:37 Who the hell are you?
00:03:40 You're the Headmaster's daughter.
00:04:01 Freak.
00:04:22 I wish I was popular.
00:04:29 Who's that?
00:04:58 You want a balloon?
00:05:09 Gimme, gimme.
00:06:00 I wish to be popular.
00:06:06 At any cost?
00:06:40 You don't believe me,
00:06:47 Oh, Samantha.
00:06:49 Well, what happened to Samantha
00:06:53 a sequence of events that would...
00:06:55 change everything that she believed in,
00:07:00 of a tiny little wish.
00:07:06 Cheers.
00:07:11 It was the very next day...
00:07:33 Hey, you all right?
00:07:40 Maybe with a bit of make-up,
00:07:42 you can look really hot.
00:08:28 Be careful with that.
00:08:29 If you spill it on your skin,
00:09:01 You are pretty.
00:09:05 Pretty fucking ugly!
00:09:23 Help me.
00:09:32 Wait.
00:09:33 We need some help!
00:09:39 Now that's what I call a bad trip.
00:09:44 See, well, I'm sorry,
00:09:46 bad trip, trip bad, acid bad,
00:09:47 trip bad, bad.
00:09:49 You know what?
00:09:52 It's all right.
00:09:54 Anyway, now, that's not the end.
00:09:57 Now, Victoria we'll get back to later on.
00:10:05 Well, you see,
00:10:10 get the text was Neville.
00:10:15 Now, Neville...
00:10:17 he was covered all over his face
00:10:19 by these spots and boils
00:10:21 Every time he'd smile,
00:10:23 one would burst.
00:10:24 It was fucking disgusting.
00:10:26 Disgusting!
00:10:27 Now let me tell you.
00:10:37 Hey, Samantha.
00:10:38 Hey, Sam.
00:10:42 It's Sam.
00:10:50 Hello, Pizza Boy.
00:10:53 Looks like some
00:10:56 Did anyone order a margarita?
00:11:00 You just bought yourself a detention, Miss.
00:11:02 Usual time, usual place.
00:11:07 You're dead meat, crater face.
00:12:03 No, please!
00:12:06 Please!
00:13:18 Ah, shit!
00:13:26 It looked like those rats
00:13:29 had a little tale of their own to tell.
00:13:32 Rats, tail, you see.
00:13:35 For fuck's sake,
00:13:37 into the spirit of things?
00:13:38 Fucking hard work,
00:13:39 Where was I?
00:13:41 That Kirsty was a...
00:13:43 really nasty piece
00:13:44 Neville, of course,
00:13:47 Now, there was this little fleshy fat, fat,
00:13:50 fat, funky chunker.
00:13:53 He was just dying
00:13:56 Oh, you're gonna get the "dying" pun
00:13:59 once I've told you the story.
00:14:01 It's not fucking rocket science.
00:14:03 Use your imagination, for fuck's sake.
00:15:03 Fat Boy.
00:15:07 Hey, darling.
00:15:09 When's the last time
00:15:15 I'll join you.
00:15:57 Now, that is one fatty
00:16:01 who is now a little flatty.
00:16:11 It's lovely, that is.
00:16:14 Oh, yeah. Where was I?
00:16:18 Now, it was
00:16:22 that Detective Ringwald
00:16:27 Cheers.
00:17:04 You're so sexy.
00:17:40 Good morning, sir.
00:17:43 How are you today?
00:17:49 Good.
00:17:52 I've arranged to meet
00:17:56 The Headmaster.
00:18:08 All right.
00:18:12 Hello, I'm Detective Nelson.
00:18:13 Detective.
00:18:15 This is the Headmaster.
00:18:17 Headmaster, this is
00:18:19 Detective.
00:18:34 He says something is very wrong here.
00:18:38 Surely he doesn't...
00:18:43 Surely you don't suspect foul play?
00:18:45 There's nothing going on
00:18:48 that we can't handle in house.
00:18:50 Now, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me...
00:18:53 I must get on.
00:18:59 What does that mean?
00:19:01 Thank you for your time.
00:19:11 Nutter.
00:19:17 Yo, Molly?
00:19:18 Shut up, Molly.
00:19:20 Come here, you.
00:19:21 What are you doing, kissing my Molly?
00:19:22 Come here, you.
00:19:24 You fucking asshole.
00:19:26 You kissing my girl, yeah?
00:19:35 You see, Kenny...
00:19:37 just wasn't woman enough for Molly.
00:19:39 Now, see,
00:19:45 Now, if the thought
00:19:51 gets you all hot under the collar,
00:19:53 you wait until the next story.
00:19:59 It's gonna have you... dribbling.
00:20:58 Shouldn't you be in class?
00:21:02 Right!
00:21:04 Come on!
00:21:09 Outrageous!
00:21:12 Look at me when
00:21:15 You can't just go screaming
00:21:18 He gets very upset.
00:21:20 He's actually a rather sensitive man.
00:21:23 Aren't you, Mike?
00:21:27 So, are you going to tell me
00:21:29 what this is all about?
00:21:35 I can wait.
00:21:39 Here's your father.
00:21:41 Perhaps you'd like to tell him.
00:21:44 Martin.
00:21:51 All was laid bare in that tale.
00:21:58 I mean Martin was one kid...
00:22:00 who learned the naked truth.
00:22:02 You got to be very careful
00:22:05 Charlie.
00:22:06 Now, Charlie wanted
00:22:11 The thing that you can't cheat...
00:22:15 is death.
00:22:55 Ross.
00:22:58 Let me copy you.
00:23:03 Mr. Parker, I'm watching you.
00:23:27 Pathogens and disease,
00:23:29 I forgot to revise that.
00:23:33 The best I'll be able to get is a B.
00:23:35 My parents will kill me.
00:23:38 I can't get a B.
00:23:39 It's unfeasible.
00:24:10 Hold on.
00:24:16 It's my fault.
00:24:19 I made the wish.
00:24:20 I asked to see into his brain.
00:24:29 Quoi?
00:24:31 Quoi?
00:24:37 How is it your fault, son?
00:24:39 He's just suffering from shock, that's all.
00:24:46 Now, that's really got to hurt.
00:24:52 Oh, yeah, remember...
00:24:54 Victoria?
00:24:56 Well, now.
00:24:58 Victoria got offered a wish
00:25:01 she could hardly refuse.
00:25:31 I wish... I was beautiful.
00:25:37 You're beautiful to me.
00:26:04 Mrs. Hooper!
00:26:33 Now, Detective.
00:26:36 I'm not an expert at jigsaw puzzles.
00:26:41 Can you give me a hand?
00:27:11 ...ad Dominum et Spiritus santi.
00:27:14 She is at peace now.
00:27:22 She looks so beautiful.
00:27:28 She does.
00:27:36 Now Victoria really is
00:27:40 Dead gorgeous.
00:27:42 See what I did there?
00:27:46 Now, of course,
00:27:49 who also wasn't very happy
00:27:53 But her...
00:27:54 chances of survival
00:27:57 as her weight
00:27:59 due to the very real danger
00:28:04 of dieting.
00:30:27 Looks like that Hilary gave her right arm
00:30:31 to lose some weight.
00:30:32 That bitch was really...
00:30:35 cut down to size, wasn't she?
00:30:41 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:30:43 Are you feeling a bit peckish?
00:30:46 Would you like a sandwich?
00:30:49 Don't be shy.
00:30:54 Tuck in.
00:30:55 Oh, you're enjoying that,
00:30:58 Yeah, well I got another tale...
00:31:03 for you to chew on.
00:31:21 Good day, sir.
00:31:22 I gotcha.
00:31:26 Nice to see you looking well.
00:31:33 Okay.
00:31:37 This way.
00:31:44 Close the school, eh?
00:31:46 Yes, sir, yes.
00:31:48 Are you insane?
00:31:51 That kind of publicité
00:31:53 could ruin a place
00:31:55 And on what grounds, raison,
00:31:58 do you expect me to do it?
00:32:01 What? What grounds?
00:32:04 Yes, I can read.
00:32:06 That's just pure clumsiness.
00:32:08 Students, let me tell you,
00:32:09 are always killing
00:32:12 It's good for their health,
00:32:14 All right, all right.
00:32:15 That's a wrap. Okay.
00:32:21 He said, "Have a nice day."
00:32:22 Au revoirl Tell him.
00:32:44 Molly, Molly, Molly.
00:32:47 You look good enough to eat.
00:33:07 I wish I looked good enough to eat.
00:33:47 You look good enough to eat.
00:33:52 If I ate shit.
00:34:17 What are you doing?
00:34:19 I think...
00:35:13 At this point,
00:35:18 Ferme ta gueulel
00:35:31 Get to class.
00:35:35 Move!
00:35:42 See, school dinners have
00:35:48 But then again, you see,
00:35:51 Now, Alice is not
00:35:54 as being particularly good-looking.
00:35:55 In fact, Gugenheim,
00:35:58 But her boyfriend thought that bigger
00:36:01 was gonna be better.
00:36:03 So he decided...
00:36:06 on some rather drastic surgery.
00:36:25 Oh, my God.
00:36:33 I wish my girlfriend had massive breasts.
00:36:36 You know, like massive breasts.
00:36:39 What, like mine?
00:36:43 Oh, hiya, um...
00:36:48 Watcha doing?
00:36:49 Just talking about you, actually.
00:36:51 Yeah?
00:36:53 Nothing.
00:36:57 Fine, whatever.
00:37:06 Can anyone tell me how to calculate
00:37:08 the surface area of a circle?
00:37:10 Anyone?
00:37:11 We have been over
00:37:14 I don't know why you have
00:37:16 (2pi)r.
00:37:17 It's not difficult.
00:37:21 This is very basic,
00:37:22 and you should
00:37:24 It's very boring.
00:37:28 If we increase surface area
00:37:31 the diameter doubles.
00:37:34 It's not good enough
00:37:36 It's really not good enough.
00:37:49 Does someone want
00:37:59 Lovely.
00:38:01 It looks like Alice's boyfriend...
00:38:04 you're gonna love this...
00:38:06 got more than he bra-gained for.
00:38:14 Fuckin' boom... boom...
00:38:16 bargained for!
00:38:21 Fuck, you know?
00:38:23 I'm on fire.
00:38:24 Really, I'm on fire.
00:38:25 I'm on fire.
00:38:28 Anyway...
00:38:31 Clear the sinuses.
00:38:32 Samantha...
00:38:34 oh, no, she was doing fine.
00:38:35 She was doing absolutely fine.
00:38:36 In fact...
00:38:39 that very night was the night
00:38:41 she introduced Daniel to her parents.
00:39:13 Daniel.
00:39:16 Can I just say how...
00:39:18 surprised I am
00:39:21 To be honest,
00:39:23 we don't usually
00:39:26 friends.
00:39:27 Do we?
00:39:30 You're kidding me.
00:39:32 Samantha's the most
00:39:42 So, what have you two
00:39:56 Hey, I got a text today
00:40:01 Samantha.
00:40:03 Sorry, Dad.
00:40:05 Sounds terribly exciting.
00:40:07 And can I just guess
00:40:09 what it is you wished for?
00:40:13 I wished that my stepdad wasn't dead.
00:40:18 He passed away last year.
00:40:25 I'll get it.
00:40:52 Who is it at the door?
00:40:55 It's no one.
00:41:00 Are you all right, Samantha?
00:41:01 I'm good.
00:41:03 Is Daniel home?
00:41:16 Do we have some plastic bags and a saw?
00:41:26 I'm not being funny,
00:41:29 from beyond the gravy.
00:41:33 Anyway, you know.
00:41:35 Daniel's father was
00:41:37 In fact, he was practically...
00:41:40 practically decomposing.
00:41:44 From one roast to another.
00:42:22 You really want to be hot?
00:42:24 Try this.
00:42:34 Watch out!
00:43:21 Made... wish.
00:43:22 Came... true.
00:43:36 Hey.
00:43:37 A party this weekend.
00:43:39 You will be there, won't you?
00:43:43 Lt'll be a total flop without you there.
00:43:54 It seems to me that the detective
00:43:59 There was something
00:44:02 that ignited something
00:44:04 in the booze-rattled brain
00:44:07 Where was I?
00:44:09 Oh, yeah.
00:44:11 I'm back in the library.
00:44:12 Now.
00:44:14 Sally thought that Mark
00:44:18 But what I think is
00:44:20 she was about to stop seeing him...
00:44:23 permanently.
00:45:00 ...than you do with Mrs. Snuggles?
00:45:02 No, I love you more.
00:45:06 Oh, I really love you.
00:45:09 Oh, I love you, too.
00:45:10 No, I love you more.
00:45:14 I love you more.
00:45:21 Mark!
00:45:30 I think he loves me more.
00:45:40 You know,
00:45:42 If I could have one wish,
00:45:44 it would be that I never
00:45:46 Linda.
00:46:24 Linda.
00:46:40 I'll bet she didn't see that one coming.
00:46:44 And the school was in absolute chaos.
00:46:47 The clown's terror-iffic
00:46:52 But Detective Ringwald
00:46:56 was on the case.
00:46:59 An important lead
00:47:02 to Samantha's part
00:47:07 Yet, well, you know,
00:47:09 I'm not the best sort
00:47:11 but I'm actually trying
00:47:14 Sorry. Got something else
00:47:15 Well, go back outside and get
00:47:18 No! I thought not.
00:47:20 and you might
00:47:25 Now, where was I?
00:47:28 Oh, yeah.
00:47:59 Okay!
00:48:41 Here, here, here!
00:48:51 Ah, oui.
00:48:53 Ah, oui, oui, oui,
00:49:48 "It is common practice
00:49:51 "for evil djinnis to use such devices
00:49:53 as mobile phones and emails
00:49:56 "The initial wisher, or summoner,
00:50:00 "is granted their wish...
00:50:04 "in return for forwarding
00:50:06 "through chain letters,
00:50:08 "where they can wreak their mayhem.
00:50:10 "The only way to stop the djinni
00:50:13 "to retract their wish,
00:50:15 to the state they were previously."
00:50:17 A text message that is killing people.
00:50:20 Yes!
00:50:21 Don't you think that's just a little bit
00:50:25 Just a little bit far-fetched?
00:50:43 I just wished... people could see...
00:50:46 how beautiful I was on the inside.
00:50:52 - Oh, God.
00:50:59 Well, it appears that beauty
00:51:03 I want to be fair.
00:51:07 to make a wish like that, didn't it?
00:51:11 Now, moving on swiftly
00:51:13 The teenage crush.
00:51:16 That age-old die-lemma.
00:51:27 This is bloody disgraceful!
00:51:29 Fail! Jennifer!
00:51:31 And a fail for you, too.
00:51:34 chew gum in my class
00:51:36 This is abysmal!
00:51:38 I waste my entire weekend
00:51:42 Will you spell drivel for me, Linnet?
00:51:44 I doubt it.
00:51:46 No, silly me.
00:51:47 You're only taking English "A" level
00:51:49 in three months' time.
00:51:50 Why should you be able to spell?
00:51:53 You can't bloody write English.
00:51:54 Half of you can hardly
00:51:56 Well, I tell you, I'm bloody furious.
00:52:01 It's not funny!
00:52:03 None of this is funny!
00:52:14 Mr. Dale.
00:52:17 I wondered if I could talk to you a little.
00:52:21 You see, I seem to be
00:52:26 with verb positioning?
00:52:29 I just don't seem to know
00:52:30 where to put it... in front,
00:52:34 or... behind?
00:52:37 Now, Carol, please.
00:52:39 While you're a pupil of mine,
00:52:43 And I would appreciate it
00:52:46 Really.
00:52:51 Mike.
00:52:52 Ah, Miss Nibb.
00:52:57 A spot of human biology?
00:52:59 Oh, yes. Oh, yes!
00:53:03 I wish I was old now.
00:53:42 Who's there?
00:53:46 Carol, is that you?
00:54:02 Please help me!
00:54:08 Now, this young girl
00:54:11 made a pass on Mr. Dale...
00:54:14 Naughty, naughty...
00:54:16 but ended up needing
00:54:20 A bus pass, that is.
00:54:27 As for Samantha,
00:54:29 poor love, you know her
00:54:33 So hold on to your trousers
00:54:36 'cause it's full scream ahead...
00:54:39 for my next tale.
00:56:12 No!
00:56:20 I have to stop this.
00:56:22 I've got to call the police
00:57:00 Do I really want to go back
00:57:18 Hello?
00:57:23 Daniel.
00:57:27 What are you doing
00:57:36 Yeah.
00:57:38 Same here.
00:57:42 Yes, I wish come true for me.
00:57:46 Okay, I guess I've got to run.
00:57:49 My parents will be wondering
00:57:50 in the middle of the night.
00:57:55 Yeah.
00:57:57 See you.
00:58:06 You'll have to be strong.
00:58:16 It's too late.
00:58:40 Seems to me like Samantha's
00:58:44 I mean, is this freakish, funny man
00:58:48 or...
00:58:50 will Samantha seize the day?
00:58:56 Meanwhile, Molly and Kirsty
00:59:00 are just beginning to get close.
00:59:04 I mean, is there anything that can tear
00:59:08 these star-crossed lovers apart?
00:59:10 I wonder.
01:01:17 I wish me and Molly were
01:01:31 Hello.
01:01:47 I'm sorry.
01:02:18 I think these two girls found out that love...
01:02:21 love can be
01:02:27 You see, but...
01:02:29 an eternity or two together
01:02:32 of their relationship.
01:02:37 Now, here's another twist
01:02:42 Linda, you see, of course,
01:02:44 can't actually see anything.
01:02:47 But her "eye-fright" is
01:02:50 because her boyfriend is
01:02:54 Don't blink...
01:02:56 or you'll miss it.
01:03:25 See you tomorrow.
01:03:29 Well, I certainly won't be seeing you.
01:03:48 Good morning.
01:03:59 I can see.
01:04:17 You okay?
01:04:53 You've got one last wish to make.
01:04:57 Don't make me go back to being a geek.
01:04:59 No.
01:05:12 He says you've got to
01:05:15 There you go.
01:05:30 That's it?
01:06:08 I think that her eyes
01:06:15 What's that?
01:06:17 You want to go to the loo?
01:06:19 You're having
01:06:20 You sit down.
01:06:26 Sit down.
01:06:27 Samantha... Well, she's got
01:06:31 stop clowning about.
01:06:34 So pop your ass in a pew
01:06:36 and pay attention.
01:06:38 I'm nearly done.
01:07:24 Hello!
01:07:26 Please!
01:07:32 Yes, yes. What? Who?
01:07:37 Now? Yes! A big hand
01:07:40 for the most popular boy
01:07:45 Yes, the couple you voted this year's
01:07:52 Well done.
01:08:12 No!
01:09:05 Do you really want to go back to being
01:09:10 Do you really want
01:09:13 unpopular? Hmm?
01:09:15 I wish...
01:09:17 I had never met you!
01:09:39 - Hey.
01:09:42 Who are you?
01:09:44 Who are you?
01:09:47 You. What are you doing here?
01:09:50 What are you doing in my room?
01:09:52 Job done.
01:09:57 Au revoir, poulette.
01:10:27 Freak.
01:11:08 What? Ahem.
01:11:10 There you go, kid.
01:11:13 That's my story.
01:11:17 Careful what you
01:11:30 Fuckin' hell.
01:11:34 Right. Well, I guess those kids outside
01:11:36 would have gone by now,
01:11:39 Go on. Jog on. Fuck off.
01:11:41 Bye.