Yellowbeard

en
00:02:47 Now I am the richest person in the world.
00:02:51 I am the richest person in the world.
00:02:55 Now I am the richest person in the world.
00:03:00 I am the richest person in the world. I am...
00:03:07 Mi capitán, not another ship in sight.
00:03:11 Yes, King Carlos should be very pleased.
00:03:13 Tell me, who is more important to please...
00:03:17 the King of Spain or God?
00:03:21 Well, God, of course.
00:03:23 And who is God's personal representative
00:03:27 Well, you are, Your Blessed Rectitude.
00:03:30 Well, God wants to keep all of it.
00:03:34 But...
00:03:35 And anybody who dares "buts"
00:03:39 will soon find his head pierced
00:03:42 and will go on to meet God very quickly!
00:03:46 Which is more than anybody
00:03:49 Your Holy Ruthlessness.
00:03:52 Instead, you may bang your head
00:05:15 Congratulations, Captain Yellowbeard.
00:05:18 - I'm glad my plan was a success.
00:05:23 Hands off my treasure, Bosun Moon!
00:05:28 I said hands off!
00:05:31 Do I have to do everything myself?
00:06:33 Come now, don't slow down.
00:06:35 - Step over him.
00:06:37 - Step out of the way.
00:06:42 Over here.
00:06:44 Bloody hell, another one. Bloody witches.
00:06:46 Corpses, corpses, all day long. Never stops.
00:06:50 You know, Gilbert, being a prisoner's
00:06:55 Here we go.
00:06:58 Whimpering poncies.
00:07:01 A few fingernails pulled out,
00:07:04 When they stretched me on a rack
00:07:06 I didn't go around dying all over the place.
00:07:11 Pathetic. Taking the easy way out like that.
00:07:15 How do you mean exactly?
00:07:16 Dying. He'd only been in 15 years.
00:07:19 You won't catch me dying.
00:07:24 Many a man has tried, Captain Yellowbeard.
00:07:28 And soon you will be at large again.
00:07:30 With a hand-picked crew
00:07:33 that have ever stained
00:07:36 It was most unjust I thought,
00:07:40 merely doing your duty.
00:07:42 Twenty years for killing 5,000 dagos
00:07:45 Betrayed by me right-hand man,
00:07:49 But he never found out
00:07:52 No! Nor will he ever.
00:07:55 Where did you hide the treasure, actually?
00:07:58 You won't catch me
00:08:03 What really pisses me off, is...
00:08:06 - What is it now?
00:08:08 I expect that'll be the Queen
00:08:25 - Hello, sugar drawers.
00:08:29 Again? I haven't seen you for 15 years.
00:08:32 What is it this time?
00:08:34 Well, what with you being let out
00:08:37 I thought it was my duty as a wife
00:08:43 Now, do you remember just before
00:08:47 - I was raping you, if that's what you mean.
00:08:50 - Sort of half cuddle, half rape.
00:08:56 Well, I haven't told you this before,
00:09:00 like a gentleman and not a pirate.
00:09:02 Who are you talking about?
00:09:05 - The fruit of your loins, sugar drawers.
00:09:08 I haven't got fruit in my loins.
00:09:12 It means that we have spawned a son.
00:09:15 Done what?
00:09:17 You have just become the father...
00:09:19 of a 20-year-old bouncing boy called Dan.
00:09:24 A son. Takes after me, does he?
00:09:28 Well...
00:09:29 By the time I was 20, I'd killed 500 men.
00:09:33 Well, he's not quite so extroverted as you,
00:09:36 - A thief?
00:09:38 - A rapist?
00:09:41 - Bloody hell. I give up. What is he then?
00:09:44 A gardener? A Yellowbeard gardening?
00:09:50 - What is it now?
00:09:55 So your son's a gardener, eh?
00:10:07 - There you are, Mr. Pew.
00:10:11 - Did you?
00:10:20 Dan's coming.
00:10:24 Reading as usual.
00:10:32 There you are, Dan.
00:10:37 - Got a moment?
00:10:40 Read, read.
00:10:42 Read, read, read.
00:10:45 There's more important things in life
00:10:49 Keep an ear on the bar,
00:10:51 Right.
00:10:53 If there's one thing I've learned in life...
00:10:55 it's that learning things
00:10:58 - And books is the worst.
00:11:01 Last time I read a book, I was raped.
00:11:06 - So let that be a lesson to you.
00:11:11 Well, it's about your father.
00:11:14 What about him?
00:11:17 Well, when I said he was dead...
00:11:19 - I was only trying to cushion the blow.
00:11:24 He's alive.
00:11:26 He's alive and imprisoned as a pirate.
00:11:30 A pirate?
00:11:33 - Like Yellowbeard?
00:11:37 In fact, he is Yellowbeard.
00:11:53 No, thank you, sir.
00:12:05 Commander Clement, Royal Navy.
00:12:22 Welcome, Commander Clement.
00:12:24 Her Majesty's temporary throne room...
00:12:28 - is in the huge withdrawing room.
00:12:39 Lambourn, stop that man
00:12:42 It's imported!
00:12:46 You, come here! You, stop that at once!
00:12:49 That comes special, all the way from Egypt!
00:13:07 Next...
00:13:10 the head of Her Majesty's Secret Service.
00:13:13 Not to be read out loud.
00:13:19 Excuse me. Joking apart.
00:13:23 Royal Navy Commander Clement.
00:13:46 The fat one on the throne is the Queen.
00:13:52 She's not very well today,
00:13:56 And the thin one is Lady Churchill.
00:14:07 - State your business.
00:14:11 while being keenly aware of recent spirals
00:14:15 - humbly submit...
00:14:21 Secret Service.
00:14:24 Charades!
00:14:28 - You're a beekeeper.
00:14:32 - Will it?
00:14:36 The pirate Yellowbeard
00:14:39 and despite years of unpleasantness,
00:14:42 of the treasure he's hidden.
00:14:44 However, I have a detailed plan here.
00:14:47 I doubt if she could manage
00:14:51 Just tell us.
00:14:53 Well, milady, we'd like you to increase
00:14:57 and make straight for the treasure.
00:15:01 A sensible request, I think, Your Majesty.
00:15:09 The beekeeper would like this signed.
00:15:13 Certainly.
00:15:20 - Come on, move it, you ratbag!
00:15:25 - Mr. Yellowbeard.
00:15:28 Quite. Sorry, "Captain" Yellowbeard.
00:15:34 Yes. Twenty years ago today,
00:15:39 Yes, and now I'm due to be released.
00:15:41 Yes. Or rather no.
00:15:44 You see, 20 years ago...
00:15:46 no one was expected
00:15:50 Filthy, horrendous conditions
00:15:54 still exist today.
00:15:56 So the judge who sentenced you
00:16:00 Therefore, Her Majesty
00:16:03 to increase your sentence
00:16:08 I've got him!
00:16:10 Sorry.
00:16:18 - Get off of me!
00:16:21 Stop him! Stop him!
00:16:25 Get over there where you belong!
00:16:29 - Went well with the Commander then, did it?
00:16:34 So I can take it you won't be leaving us
00:16:38 They broke their solemn word.
00:16:41 There's governments for you.
00:16:44 I expect they wanted to know
00:16:47 Yes, and that's something
00:16:50 Well, until you tell them about the treasure...
00:16:54 the only way you're gonna get out of here
00:16:58 - Open the gate!
00:17:02 being the only man in the world
00:17:06 Why don't you share the burden
00:17:13 Gilbert.
00:17:16 Mr. Moon?
00:17:19 - Is that you?
00:17:25 Coming, Captain. Here I come.
00:17:47 Move, you scum.
00:17:58 - Yellowbeard.
00:18:11 I do wish it didn't have to be
00:18:15 What?
00:18:19 I haven't got time for that now!
00:18:22 Well, it's been 20 years
00:18:25 and what do you do?
00:18:30 No. You rush in and hack a hole in the wall.
00:18:34 - Where's the map?
00:18:38 If you say you don't know where it is...
00:18:41 I'll nail your tits to the table!
00:18:47 Oh, dear!
00:18:49 I know where it is.
00:18:51 It's burnt.
00:18:53 You burnt my map?
00:18:55 - But only after I copied it.
00:19:00 - When little Dan came along...
00:19:04 My and probably your son!
00:19:08 When little Dan was two minutes old...
00:19:11 I tattooed it on his head.
00:19:14 - Does he know about this?
00:19:18 That's why I kept him
00:19:22 That may be why he's a bit odd...
00:19:24 with all these books and reading
00:19:28 - Where is he now?
00:19:31 Right. I'll go up there and cut his head off.
00:19:34 Where's my pirating outfit?
00:19:40 Royal Navy here.
00:19:46 Where's Yellowbeard?
00:19:49 Yellowbeard!
00:19:53 Where is Yellowbeard?
00:19:56 He's...
00:19:59 He's...
00:20:02 He's...
00:20:05 He's...
00:20:06 He's...
00:20:09 - gone!
00:20:13 Well...
00:20:15 if he's gone, you must have seen him.
00:20:18 No.
00:20:20 Who's the pretty boy?
00:20:29 Shut up!
00:20:38 And what's this?
00:20:41 That's Lord Lambourn's waistcoat.
00:20:45 He thinks of everybody.
00:20:49 - and needed a change of clothing.
00:20:53 It can't have been you.
00:20:55 The after-play was a bit on the rough side...
00:20:59 but not fatal, dear.
00:21:02 What's this Dan, or whatever you call him,
00:21:06 He looks a little bit
00:21:09 But a bit more like you.
00:21:14 Yellowbeard. A tall, rough man
00:21:35 That's our agent, sir.
00:21:40 Did you see...
00:21:43 - He's blind, you stupid sod!
00:21:48 but I have acute hearing.
00:21:50 I'm not interested in your jewelry,
00:21:54 Yellowbeard...
00:21:56 - was here.
00:21:58 Because he sounded...
00:22:00 about 47...
00:22:03 and his clothing gave off
00:22:08 - of the 80% hessian...
00:22:10 ...whilst the deafening
00:22:13 - indicated a length of not...
00:22:25 - Upstairs.
00:22:35 - Where's Yellowbeard?
00:22:38 Your husband escaped this evening.
00:22:41 Come to think of it,
00:22:46 - but I don't think it was my husband.
00:22:50 Wait a minute.
00:22:54 - These must be his clothes.
00:22:58 Prison has reformed him.
00:23:01 He never bothered to take his clothes off
00:23:04 - Where did he go?
00:23:07 Right, Mansell. Bring those clothes.
00:23:11 - For the dogs.
00:23:28 Yellowbeard?
00:23:35 - Evening, Gilbert.
00:23:38 - I'm all ears.
00:23:41 you didn't tell them everything you heard,
00:23:43 What gentlemen?
00:23:45 I didn't hear you mention
00:23:47 - What map?
00:23:50 The one that any pirate worth his parrot
00:23:55 You're drunk, Gilbert.
00:23:58 My hands will be wandering
00:24:01 if you don't tell me what it is you overheard.
00:24:04 So you can pass the information
00:24:07 so he can find the treasure?
00:24:11 Very well, if those are your conditions.
00:24:13 I was hoping we might see this eye to eye.
00:24:19 I'm afraid you've forced my hand.
00:24:22 Listen up, my hearties! Listen.
00:24:25 This dear old blind man here...
00:24:30 is a government agent! It is true.
00:24:34 It is a lie!
00:24:38 I only told him one thing...
00:24:41 about a treasure!
00:24:44 - Treasure?
00:24:46 - Bolt that door, lads.
00:24:49 - Draw them curtains!
00:24:52 Put them other lights out, lads!
00:25:08 - Where's Yellowbeard?
00:25:11 I was following him,
00:25:15 - if you follow me.
00:25:18 Some stupid blind man.
00:25:21 Well, we've got to follow Yellowbeard,
00:25:25 Do you follow me?
00:25:28 What's going on in there?
00:25:47 Evening. Sounded as though
00:25:52 Squabble?
00:25:54 - They're all dead.
00:25:56 Must have been more of a tiff then.
00:26:01 Squabble, tiff.
00:26:06 Mr. Moon!
00:26:18 I imagine being in the Navy, you must know
00:26:22 - A trifle.
00:26:25 Yes, I once had a rum trifle,
00:26:30 - Indeed.
00:26:31 I was wanting your advice
00:26:35 Now, does one curtsey
00:26:38 or does one go down while speaking?
00:26:42 Oh, dear. That's tricky.
00:26:46 Excuse me, Admiral.
00:26:50 I shan't be a moment. Oh, I say.
00:26:54 Who was that chap who just seized hold
00:26:58 Steady. Steady.
00:27:01 He seems to have taken
00:27:05 Yes.
00:27:08 Not many people do, you know.
00:27:13 And when she does, she does.
00:27:20 - Is your name Dan?
00:27:22 - I need your head, my lad.
00:27:26 So your mother says,
00:27:28 - Never trust a woman or a government.
00:27:31 I haven't got time for idle chitchat!
00:27:34 Well, that makes a change.
00:27:35 Mother seems to disapprove
00:27:38 You're not gonna use it.
00:27:40 I'm gonna use it.
00:27:43 - It'll be cleaner that way.
00:27:46 - What for?
00:27:49 halfway around the world, do I?
00:27:54 Well, you don't need to kill me for it.
00:27:57 What? And have two maps? Bugger off!
00:28:02 Look, if you cut my head off,
00:28:05 - Do what?
00:28:08 Yeah, it would ooze a lot. Heads do.
00:28:11 No, stop! Look! I could help you, Dad.
00:28:14 Everyone will be following you...
00:28:15 - and if they catch you, they'll have the map.
00:28:18 I'll eat it first.
00:28:21 But then you'll have lost it forever.
00:28:22 Look. Wouldn't it be better
00:28:25 What? And take you along?
00:28:26 You're not pirate material!
00:28:30 Hello, Dan. Been doing some gardening?
00:28:34 - I don't believe we've been introduced.
00:28:37 If you're my son, prove it.
00:28:40 - Now hold your horses.
00:28:43 just like a father.
00:28:45 You mean he's beaten you and kicked you
00:28:48 - Yes.
00:28:49 - No.
00:28:52 - What kind of father is that? Kill him!
00:28:55 - All right. I'll do it.
00:28:58 Look, he could be useful.
00:29:00 Yes, I could be useful. I could, I could,
00:29:07 - They followed you here.
00:29:09 - No, quick hide in here.
00:29:11 But I'll kill anyone that gets in the way
00:29:15 We'll take him to Dr. Gilpin's.
00:29:18 - And then kill everybody!
00:29:21 Dad? Him?
00:29:25 No. Mother says he is,
00:29:29 - I'm still my father to you, Son.
00:29:33 You're my father. I don't even know him.
00:29:35 - Lambourn!
00:29:39 - This Dr. Gilpin, is he your father?
00:29:42 I look forward to meeting him.
00:29:45 Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five...
00:29:58 Lady Lambourn.
00:30:01 - Well, he's not even married to her.
00:30:06 Under her command, so to speak.
00:30:10 Now, see here, if you go with him,
00:30:13 You'll never be able to return to England.
00:30:16 But if the government gets the treasure...
00:30:20 they'll only waste it.
00:30:28 There we are.
00:30:31 - That looks nothing like me!
00:30:37 I've got to go with him, my father,
00:30:41 - I've got the map of the island.
00:30:44 It'll be dangerous. Do the boy good...
00:30:46 to get a bit of senseless violence
00:30:49 Will you come with us, too, Doctor?
00:30:51 Why, think of all the new plants
00:30:54 Yeah. What's this?
00:30:56 Stop! That's a precious extract
00:31:00 One drop of it paralyzes a man instantly.
00:31:09 Perhaps it wears off instantly.
00:31:12 No. No.
00:31:14 Possibly ineffective
00:31:18 Well, of course, if we really were...
00:31:20 going on a botanical expedition...
00:31:24 - They're here.
00:31:25 - There's no need to.
00:31:27 - Professor...
00:31:30 - Professor Death!
00:31:32 - Professor Rape!
00:31:34 What about Professor Anthrax?
00:31:36 - Yes.
00:31:39 Bugger off, you evil git!
00:31:42 Evening, Doctor.
00:31:47 Lord Lambourn. And Dan.
00:31:51 - And?
00:31:55 - That's Yellowbeard.
00:32:02 - You've met your father then.
00:32:04 We've got some exciting news.
00:32:07 - You're all going after the treasure!
00:32:10 - No.
00:32:12 Killing plants!
00:32:15 - Chasing butterflies.
00:32:17 Well, I'm entitled to my share.
00:32:19 What with all the lying and cheating
00:32:23 - Don't worry, Mother. You'll get your share.
00:32:29 I'd just like to see
00:32:34 I've always wanted to buy Denmark
00:32:38 Yes, and if you do your job
00:32:41 - that will all come true.
00:32:44 why did you tell me that I was his father?
00:32:48 I didn't.
00:32:50 You were so sure he was,
00:32:53 I think...
00:32:55 we'd better sail for Jamaica at once.
00:32:58 We'll find a ship...
00:33:00 at Portsmouth.
00:33:15 I was only taking what's my due
00:33:18 You should see the mess they made.
00:33:20 - What happened?
00:33:24 Plague?
00:33:25 All sudden like.
00:33:28 Lucky I was out.
00:33:30 - That man's got a sword in him.
00:33:35 - Has Yellowbeard been here?
00:33:39 And Lord Lambourn and Dr. Gilpin.
00:33:42 And my son.
00:33:44 My son, Dan!
00:33:47 All gone, all dead.
00:33:50 - Oh, my!
00:33:53 If they're all dead,
00:33:55 I mean, we're supposed
00:34:05 - Halt! In the name of the law!
00:34:14 All right, Pew, what have you heard?
00:34:23 Little did Yellowbeard surmise...
00:34:26 as he presented himself
00:34:30 that the details of the engagements
00:34:34 by a tall blind man of impressive bearing...
00:34:37 - aquiline features...
00:34:39 Just give us the facts.
00:34:47 - Portsmouth.
00:34:50 Three people.
00:34:53 Lambourn.
00:34:56 Dan.
00:35:00 Dr. Gilpin.
00:35:02 Right, Mansell.
00:35:09 Come on, Mansell.
00:35:12 I think a month or two at sea
00:35:16 Is she going away, too, sir?
00:35:43 That'll do him.
00:35:54 How's that for a squabble, Pew?
00:36:06 Here! Stop! Thief!
00:36:12 Fresh flowers!
00:36:14 Get your lucky heather!
00:36:17 Yoo-hoo, fresh flowers, sir?
00:36:22 Yes.
00:36:27 Fresh heather! Fresh flowers!
00:36:38 I've always been fascinated by the sea.
00:36:42 It has the little...
00:37:08 It's the mouth of the river port, isn't it?
00:37:25 Oh, my God!
00:37:30 Come on.
00:37:36 Harden your knives here.
00:37:39 Can I have three farthings
00:37:42 I beg your pardon?
00:37:43 I said can I have three farthings
00:37:45 No.
00:37:49 Society's to blame.
00:37:53 Harden your knives here.
00:37:57 Excuse me a moment.
00:38:00 Look out! Press gang! Get out! Press gang.
00:38:05 - Get him. Come on.
00:38:07 Come on, get him!
00:38:11 - That's the stuff.
00:38:13 Yes, they persuade drunks and vagrants
00:38:17 - What happens when they sober up?
00:38:21 Okay, get that one in there!
00:38:24 All right, good. He was a bit thin.
00:38:31 I say.
00:38:34 I'll give you three farthings, young lady.
00:38:38 There we are. Oopsy daisy.
00:38:42 A good big one
00:38:50 What's going on, hey?
00:38:57 Just borrowing your jacket, Bosun.
00:39:11 I say, sir. I just saw two naval gentlemen
00:39:16 Where's Yellowbeard? Professor Anthrax.
00:39:20 He can't be far. He'll find us.
00:39:23 Well, I hope he finds us
00:39:26 And it's not long before we sail.
00:39:29 Now, we know it's an island close
00:39:32 But without him to tell us which island,
00:39:39 Now, I'm sure some of you gentlemen
00:39:44 for a well-paid, well-fed adventure holiday...
00:39:49 such as youths dream of...
00:39:51 upon a modern, rat-free, leak-proof ship!
00:39:55 Any volunteers just lie down on the ground
00:40:01 Would you gentlemen be looking for a ship?
00:40:04 - We...
00:40:05 we're lucky enough already
00:40:21 Load them on.
00:40:25 Take them to the ship.
00:40:34 - Come on, kick him out! Come on!
00:40:38 He's thrown her in the water tub!
00:40:48 - Take your hands off of me!
00:40:54 I want these three shackled in the bilges.
00:40:57 Move over!
00:41:00 Come on, old man.
00:41:01 There's no need.
00:41:07 Sign here. I'll make your mark.
00:41:13 - There's your shilling.
00:41:18 Don't do that. Don't do that ever again.
00:41:26 - Get off, lad.
00:41:30 I never noticed that hook
00:41:33 Nor did I, sir.
00:41:35 - He's right-handed, sir.
00:41:48 Quiet!
00:41:59 - Mr. Crisp.
00:42:02 What is that?
00:42:04 - That's my box, sir.
00:42:09 Cabin boy Smith, sir.
00:42:12 - Smith has tits.
00:42:16 Get her off!
00:42:18 Aye, sir.
00:42:23 Wait a minute.
00:42:25 What is that?
00:42:27 It's a crocodile, sir.
00:42:31 What's it for?
00:42:33 Well, each sailor is...
00:42:35 allowed, by tradition, a pet, sir.
00:42:39 One pet per sailor, parrots preferred.
00:42:43 Well, we like clubbed together, as it were,
00:42:48 - That's bigger than three parrots.
00:42:52 Open it up.
00:42:56 Open it up?
00:42:57 Open it up!
00:43:06 The ancient superstition
00:43:10 is now a proven scientific fact.
00:43:15 Nice try, Rosie.
00:43:23 Shouldn't bother, love.
00:44:08 Rattus vulgaris.
00:44:12 - Yeah.
00:44:14 If we paid 300 guineas each for this cabin...
00:44:17 I'm glad we didn't go for the cheaper ones.
00:44:20 I'm sorry to interrupt
00:44:25 On your knees!
00:44:27 And crawl up here on the double!
00:44:33 - All hands present, Mr. Crisp, sir!
00:44:39 Deliver me, O Lord, from the evil man,
00:45:00 My name is Captain Hughes.
00:45:03 These are my officers, Lieutenant Martin,
00:45:08 Lieutenant Crisp,
00:45:13 Mr. Prostitute, who is responsible for...
00:45:18 Nail that man's foot to the deck.
00:45:20 - Aye, sir.
00:45:21 No, I... It's all right. No. I was just joking.
00:45:25 I was just having a...
00:45:34 Now, in fairness to all of you...
00:45:38 I'm honor bound to ask this question.
00:45:42 Is there anyone here who does not wish
00:45:49 Me, sir.
00:45:57 Is there anyone else
00:46:04 Right.
00:46:06 If, by chance, some of you may feel
00:46:10 is a trifle on the harsh side of strict...
00:46:15 let me remind you that it is our duty
00:46:19 Her Majesty's enemies...
00:46:21 the foul...
00:46:22 and most foreign French.
00:46:26 - Here, here.
00:46:27 while the rest of the world will
00:46:31 it is our urgent task...
00:46:35 to push things on a little.
00:46:38 Amen.
00:46:43 Next.
00:46:46 Mr. Martin, Mr. Prostitute...
00:46:50 luncheon duty.
00:47:05 Right, Mr. Beamish,
00:47:07 Aye, aye, sir.
00:47:09 Man the capstan.
00:47:18 - Ready to talk yet, Mrs. Beard?
00:47:21 - Take her away, Mr. Beamish.
00:47:24 Down.
00:47:37 Give them a taste of the lash
00:47:40 - Preventive punishment, that's the principle.
00:47:45 That man yawned.
00:47:48 What, what? Hey! No.
00:47:50 Wait a minute. No. Hey!
00:47:54 Thanks.
00:47:56 - Well done, sir.
00:48:04 Lovely day.
00:48:52 No! No!
00:48:54 No!
00:48:55 Oh, no!
00:48:58 Oh, no!
00:49:00 Oh, what have we here? A laggard?
00:49:07 Oh, it's so hard on a manicure, isn't it?
00:49:12 Not to worry, lad.
00:49:13 You'll get the hang of it.
00:49:24 And third, Your Majesty...
00:49:27 I'm very pleased to report...
00:49:30 that after several very brave...
00:49:32 and very expensive battles...
00:49:36 the pirate Yellowbeard...
00:49:39 is now well and truly...
00:49:42 in our grasp.
00:49:48 Sir, is that, strictly speaking, accurate, sir?
00:49:52 Mansell, that's what
00:49:57 A lie, sir? But that's treason, isn't it?
00:49:59 - Be quiet.
00:50:01 - Now get that off to Her Majesty right away.
00:50:08 How, sir?
00:50:09 By pigeon, Mansell.
00:50:13 Pigeon, sir?
00:50:14 Surely you didn't forget
00:50:31 Come in.
00:50:37 - I think she might be ready to talk now, sir.
00:50:41 I seem to remember something
00:50:46 It must have been that shark
00:50:52 Jolly good, Ensign.
00:50:55 - Thank you, sir.
00:50:58 Shall I meet you in the pump room, sir?
00:51:03 Sit down, Mrs. Beard.
00:51:05 Now, about this island.
00:51:08 A little pigeon, perhaps?
00:51:10 I've just ate some tuna, thank you.
00:51:19 Where did I put that treasure?
00:51:21 No, it's stagger. No, no, no.
00:51:25 Get shot, then fall...
00:51:28 then crawl, crawl...
00:51:30 then stagger, stagger.
00:51:37 Do you know that you have
00:51:39 who are being treated
00:51:42 Really?
00:51:44 I think once the Captain realizes who we are,
00:51:50 Perfect. Let's go.
00:51:52 Well, I can see
00:51:55 And what, pray, might that be?
00:51:59 Right! Let's finish it!
00:52:15 - I'm so sorry, sir.
00:52:20 Interrupting you, sir.
00:52:22 I was only smoking a cigar.
00:52:25 Yes, sir.
00:52:26 I came to tell you that the son of
00:52:31 The son of Yellowbeard the pirate?
00:52:37 Who's that?
00:52:40 That was Mr. Crisp, sir.
00:52:42 Mr. Crisp?
00:52:49 Officers and men of The Lady Edith...
00:52:53 these three people posing as pressees,
00:52:58 foul stowaways.
00:53:00 Stowaways? No!
00:53:02 The perspicacity of Mr. Moon...
00:53:03 has led to the discovery
00:53:08 There's no doubt in my mind
00:53:11 is the son of the evil Yellowbeard.
00:53:15 - Yellowbeard!
00:53:18 dear Mr. Crisp to the deep...
00:53:21 clearly with the purpose
00:53:25 We shall deliver
00:53:31 Set course for Portsmouth.
00:53:34 You know what to do, Mr. Moon.
00:53:54 Mutiny.
00:54:13 Oh, dear, the Captain
00:54:22 We're gonna have to choose a new captain.
00:54:27 Me!
00:54:29 - No. We want Dan!
00:54:34 Or the prostitute.
00:54:39 Dan.
00:54:41 Who? Who? Come on!
00:54:43 - Dan! Dan!
00:54:46 - We want Dan!
00:54:52 It's unanimous, then.
00:54:55 The ship's yours, Captain...
00:54:57 to take where you will.
00:55:06 That's it, that's it.
00:55:11 I hope you don't mind us
00:55:14 No, not at all.
00:55:16 Well, I was only following your lead.
00:55:18 I mean, well, your killing Mr. Crisp
00:55:23 But I only hit him with a bucket,
00:55:27 Oh, yeah.
00:55:29 It's like that, killing.
00:55:33 No hard feelings, Captain Hughes.
00:55:35 Your consideration will be noted.
00:55:38 Now, Bosun, set course for Madagascar.
00:55:45 Yes.
00:55:47 Right!
00:55:49 You heard what the Captain said.
00:55:52 - It's Madagascar.
00:56:01 Set a course for Portsmouth, Mr. Martin.
00:56:03 Aye, aye, sir!
00:56:04 East by northeast, Mr. Prostitute.
00:56:07 Aye, aye, sir.
00:56:28 All's well!
00:57:12 - Ah...
00:57:40 We went 10 degrees west
00:57:44 Did you notice that, Mr. Moon?
00:57:46 Indeed I did, sir.
00:57:48 Our captain didn't bump
00:57:52 No. Didn't leave his cabin, Mr. Moon.
00:57:56 - Did you order a change of course?
00:58:02 I think someone knows where the island is.
00:58:07 See? They're leading us right to it.
00:58:16 Come on, Mrs. Beard.
00:58:20 No. No.
00:58:23 That still doesn't look right.
00:58:26 I don't think you're being as helpful
00:58:30 I'm doing my best.
00:58:32 Perhaps a little more shark treatment?
00:58:39 Nothing in sight, sir.
00:58:43 Nothing, sir!
00:58:44 Talk about clear horizons, this is it.
00:58:47 We've been at sea for weeks without
00:58:50 Ship ahoy!
00:58:56 Look lively, lads. Look lively.
00:59:03 There you are, sir. Nothing again.
00:59:06 Nothing whatsoever.
00:59:12 Behind you, Mansell.
00:59:14 I know you are, sir.
00:59:16 There's a ship behind you.
00:59:20 Good lord, sir! It's The Edith!
00:59:22 Sir?
00:59:30 Of course it's The Edith, Mansell.
00:59:33 But, sir...
00:59:35 it is behind us,
00:59:38 Well, how can we be, sir?
00:59:46 - Strike the colors, Mr. Beamish.
00:59:48 - Hoist the French flag.
00:59:50 - Hard about.
00:59:52 They mustn't know
00:59:54 If we can convince them we're French,
00:59:56 Perhaps then we can return
01:00:01 What sort of ship is it?
01:00:03 Some kind of frigate.
01:00:06 We wouldn't have come across it,
01:00:10 No, no. We wouldn't.
01:00:15 There's a flag.
01:00:18 Stand by to fire.
01:00:20 Oh, dear.
01:00:22 Stand by to hide.
01:00:26 All right, Mansell,
01:00:30 Aye, aye, sir.
01:00:31 Ready? Fire!
01:00:42 - Are you all right, Mansell?
01:00:45 Shit.
01:00:46 What do the fools think they're doing?
01:00:48 We outgun them. We outman them.
01:00:51 I think it might have something to do
01:00:54 All right, then to avoid suspicion,
01:00:58 We'll fire a bit and miss a lot.
01:01:00 Fire!
01:01:08 Lower the guns!
01:01:12 Fire!
01:01:16 Raise the guns!
01:01:17 Fire!
01:01:42 More sail!
01:01:44 More sail!
01:01:54 - Clear the debris!
01:01:57 - Carpenters to action!
01:02:00 Jettison some ballast, Mr. McKenzie.
01:02:02 We must sail as fast as we can
01:02:08 Well done, lad!
01:02:09 This calls for a celebration.
01:02:11 Well done, Captain.
01:02:14 Oh, yes.
01:02:15 No disrespect intended, Your Lordship.
01:02:57 Straight back, head up and thrust.
01:03:01 Well done, Son.
01:03:02 - Straight back, head up and thrust.
01:03:16 Get out, you coward.
01:03:25 - Ebenezer.
01:03:28 - I've been thinking.
01:03:30 Can brandy make you see things?
01:03:34 - If you drink enough of it.
01:03:38 - That island I thought I saw.
01:03:44 - It is an island.
01:03:46 It's beautiful.
01:04:01 - Prepare the longboat, Mr. Tarbuck.
01:04:05 Now, men, a group of us are going
01:04:09 Provisions. Oh, yes. Of course, sir.
01:04:16 Could be a mirage.
01:04:20 If I saw it.
01:04:22 Is it anything like the map on my head?
01:04:24 This is the island.
01:05:12 I gladly moisten your foot with my nostrils,
01:05:20 I have something very nice to show you.
01:05:23 Excellent.
01:05:39 So, explain to me, Señor Verdugo...
01:05:41 the intricacies of this
01:05:46 Triola, I don't think you should see this,
01:05:48 - It's only another torture machine.
01:05:52 - Later, my sweet.
01:05:55 - So, my new confessional.
01:05:57 But first, Your Severity,
01:06:02 is completely surrounded
01:06:06 which will destroy anything thrown into it...
01:06:09 except gold and precious stones.
01:06:13 But flesh and bone and iron...
01:06:17 Observe.
01:06:26 Voilà!
01:06:30 And it doesn't dissolve gold, you say?
01:06:32 No. Not, of course.
01:06:37 Even if they have swallowed their valuables,
01:06:41 there would be no need for
01:06:46 Unless we want one.
01:06:48 Of course, Your Outrageousness.
01:06:57 So this is my new confessional?
01:06:59 Yes, it is. It works this way, Your Ferocity.
01:07:04 The prisoner...
01:07:06 is totally restrained...
01:07:09 by means of this iron banding.
01:07:12 Excellent. Excellent.
01:07:14 But there is more to it than that,
01:07:18 By means of these ratchets
01:07:22 you can place his body
01:07:25 for as long as you want
01:07:30 You can break every bone in his hand...
01:07:34 one at a time.
01:07:36 - And feet?
01:07:38 I love it.
01:07:40 - And the back?
01:07:42 - And slowly crush them and break them?
01:07:46 It is very effective,
01:07:50 People will be even more frightened of me
01:07:53 Oh, yes, definitely, Your Blind Stupidity.
01:07:59 Even you, Señor Verdugo?
01:08:02 Well, of course not me.
01:08:05 I mean, after all, I made it. I designed it.
01:08:09 Well, let's see if it works.
01:08:14 If it does not work,
01:08:30 Well, we could all do
01:08:34 - Mr. Moon, prepare a hunting party.
01:08:38 Why don't you go ahead and forage...
01:08:40 and me and a few of the lads'll stay behind
01:08:44 Very good, Mr. Moon.
01:08:56 There's a beach like this, which ought to be
01:09:01 We'll cover more ground if we separate.
01:09:05 We'll have every gun on that ship ready
01:09:09 Bosun Gilbert.
01:09:12 Aye, aye, Captain Moon.
01:10:59 Bloody murderers.
01:11:17 Unhand me, you heathens.
01:11:25 Percy...
01:11:26 I think I found the tree that
01:11:30 Just stab some under the skin and...
01:11:34 You do what?
01:11:36 Stab some...
01:11:39 Oh, that.
01:11:48 They've captured Dan.
01:11:50 Ebenezer, look.
01:11:53 Who?
01:11:54 Shall we send for reinforcements...
01:11:56 or capture them now?
01:12:03 Wait a minute.
01:12:05 What's that?
01:12:13 Good Lord.
01:12:15 How did he get here?
01:12:16 There's our reinforcement.
01:12:28 Seems to have taken a mild dislike
01:12:59 Come on, men. Let's rescue Captain Dan.
01:13:03 Not likely, mate.
01:13:05 And the treasure.
01:13:06 - Right you are, mate.
01:13:11 - No, no, I can't. Leave me alone.
01:13:13 He'll come back. He'll kill you. You see?
01:13:16 Your Assholiness.
01:13:22 Greetings, Your Vehemence.
01:13:27 Mission accomplished.
01:13:28 By the grace of God and heavenly force...
01:13:30 five heathen souls
01:13:34 Only five?
01:13:37 Was there any money?
01:13:39 On the paltry side, Your Barbarity.
01:13:43 So your mission was as so much fart gas.
01:13:47 Oh, no, Your Offensiveness.
01:13:49 The ship that they came on
01:13:52 Yellowbeard?
01:13:53 Oh, no, no. He is not here.
01:13:55 Just the men
01:13:57 This is one of their officers,
01:14:00 The treasure of Yellowbeard.
01:14:02 Now I am the richest...
01:14:05 You must find out everything he knows.
01:14:08 I have just the thing.
01:14:26 Oh, my head.
01:14:28 And my foot and my back.
01:14:31 Mon Dieu, it works.
01:14:32 You may torture me,
01:14:35 We'll see about that, sailor.
01:14:55 Captain Moon, sir, they've captured Dan,
01:15:00 Excellent.
01:15:02 They're making it easy for us.
01:15:23 Is it too cold for you?
01:15:25 No, I'm all right.
01:15:28 You must tell my father
01:15:32 I'll tell him nothing.
01:15:33 But he only wants it
01:15:36 What kind of God is it
01:15:40 My father's only purpose
01:15:42 to enter heaven more rapidly
01:15:46 Please tell him.
01:15:48 It hurts me to see you hurt.
01:15:50 It hurts me to see you be hurt
01:15:55 I think I love you.
01:15:57 You're right, you do.
01:15:58 And I love you.
01:16:00 And when I am rescued,
01:16:04 But to come with you
01:16:08 - Are you taking the treasure?
01:16:13 Triola, you realize your father may be killed?
01:16:15 Oh, Daddy won't mind.
01:16:18 I must pack my things.
01:16:37 Excuse me, Your Monstrosity.
01:16:39 Our prisoner here must be very importante.
01:16:42 There seems to be
01:16:47 - Could it be their leader?
01:16:50 But there is a man
01:16:53 He would know where the treasure is.
01:16:56 He is the one we must capture.
01:16:59 That would be very difficult, O Berserk One.
01:17:02 He would be the last in the attack
01:17:06 Typical leader for you.
01:17:09 What did you say?
01:17:11 I said, except for you,
01:17:19 That's the answer. Yeah.
01:17:23 We will lure their leader to the front
01:17:27 Yes.
01:17:29 We will pretend to resist
01:17:35 Excuse me,
01:17:41 - Was I?
01:17:43 We all seen you, you silly man.
01:17:46 Excuse me.
01:17:47 Yes, and when the invaders reach
01:17:53 and dispatch all
01:17:58 Magnificent strategy, Your Arrogance.
01:18:00 But it must look realistic.
01:18:03 Anyone caught overacting...
01:18:06 I will personally scare to death.
01:18:10 - Alms for the poor.
01:18:13 Take the donkey.
01:18:14 - My bowl. Where is my bowl?
01:18:19 Hold on, men.
01:18:22 This way.
01:18:25 Welcome to our trap.
01:18:31 Come on, Ebenezer.
01:18:36 Now everyone wait for my signal.
01:19:15 That is pathetic!
01:19:21 - What?
01:19:27 Go back to your position. Go on!
01:19:31 So far, so good.
01:19:34 This way, men.
01:19:55 Vasquez, don't overdo it.
01:20:01 - Alms for the poor.
01:20:06 And you.
01:20:10 Jolly good.
01:20:12 Touché.
01:20:25 Good shot.
01:20:34 Look at this, sir.
01:20:42 This is terrible!
01:20:45 I will have no more bad acting!
01:21:16 - That was great. Bravo.
01:21:18 Bravo.
01:21:24 What do you make of it?
01:21:32 Dead. Entirely.
01:21:38 Release that man.
01:21:41 You have fallen for
01:21:46 Stand up, men. Come on, you guys.
01:21:49 - Up. Up.
01:21:52 just as a precaution.
01:21:54 Well, then, you give me no choice.
01:21:58 give up completely.
01:22:00 Sorry about that. Sorry, sorry, everyone.
01:22:02 I'll go free your friend, then, shall I?
01:22:09 I'm much too fiendish
01:22:13 Your friend, who you value so highly,
01:22:16 - Well, what sort of power?
01:22:19 Well, what sort of power do you have?
01:22:22 My divine right
01:22:25 - That sort of power.
01:22:28 I thought perhaps
01:22:31 As ruler,
01:22:35 I thought this was an atoll.
01:22:38 - Not at all. Not an atoll.
01:22:41 - This is an isthmus.
01:22:44 Silence and obey, or I shall kill your captain.
01:22:49 Yellowbeard.
01:22:55 Father, we thought you were dead.
01:22:56 Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous
01:23:00 How you getting on pirating?
01:23:02 - Well...
01:23:05 One. Two, I think.
01:23:08 You think? You'll never kill anyone
01:23:13 Triola.
01:23:16 I don't think you've met my father.
01:23:17 Been out raping, lad? Nice work, lad.
01:23:21 No, I haven't raped her.
01:23:23 No, you wouldn't have, you poncey little git.
01:23:25 You're not the prawn of my loins.
01:23:28 That's what I liked about her.
01:23:29 She couldn't be your mother.
01:23:33 - What's happened to Daddy?
01:23:36 He's gone to heaven.
01:23:37 Oh, that's nice. He sent all his friends there.
01:23:41 She's yours, is she then, Dan?
01:23:42 Let me have a bit of a prod at her first.
01:23:45 - Father!
01:23:47 Captain Dan. It's Mr...
01:23:53 - Who?
01:23:56 It's Mr. Moon.
01:23:59 Moon? That shithead Moon?
01:24:02 It's time I got rid of him.
01:24:04 Dad, stop. Look, we'll all fight Mr. Moon.
01:24:07 Oh, good. Another battle. Well done, Son.
01:24:10 Dan.
01:24:17 Come on, men. Let's go get our treasure.
01:24:29 So long, mate.
01:24:31 Don't worry. I'll spend your share.
01:24:34 - No, you won't, Mr. Moon.
01:24:40 Yellowbeard!
01:24:41 Moon, you bastard, what betrayed me.
01:24:46 I'm gonna make you eat
01:24:54 I've got a score to settle with you,
01:25:09 Good girl.
01:25:24 Hold your throat on this sword.
01:25:36 He's all yours, lad.
01:26:18 Dan, watch out.
01:26:49 Get going!
01:26:51 Great shot, young lady.
01:27:00 Later, Triola. I must find my father.
01:27:01 You mean Yellowbeard? He went that way.
01:27:08 Well, Commander Clement...
01:27:10 I had high hopes
01:27:14 Just lead me to Yellowbeard's treasure,
01:27:17 - That's all I want.
01:27:19 Well, as I recall...
01:27:23 it should be in that direction.
01:27:25 Let's see, that's stagger, stagger,
01:27:30 No, that's crawl, crawl. Right.
01:27:37 Crawl, sir?
01:27:39 Come on, men.
01:27:41 Right, right.
01:27:47 Stagger, stagger, right and jump.
01:27:51 - And stagger.
01:27:53 - Stagger, stagger, jump.
01:27:58 It's quite good exercise this, really, isn't it?
01:28:01 Get shot, stagger, stagger, stagger...
01:28:05 roll...
01:28:07 stagger, stagger, stagger a little bit, then...
01:28:13 stagger, stagger, crawl, stagger...
01:28:16 stagger, stagger, roll...
01:28:21 and crawl, crawl, crawl...
01:28:24 - stagger, stagger, stagger...
01:28:27 ...stagger, stagger, stagger...
01:28:33 You made me forget where I was,
01:28:36 - What were you doing?
01:28:37 Did I just say stagger or was it crawl?
01:28:40 - I don't know.
01:28:42 But was it crawl to the right,
01:28:45 or crawl, crawl, then to the right,
01:28:49 Oh, bugger me,
01:28:51 like the stupid little twerp that you are.
01:28:53 I was recreating what happened to me
01:28:56 Why didn't you stay with us?
01:28:58 - Because I wanted to betray you.
01:29:01 I had to. Betraying's all part of pirating.
01:29:03 If you don't know that,
01:29:06 - Prawn of my loins, my foot.
01:29:09 You're either born a pirate or not.
01:29:11 It's in the blood, Dan, and it's not in your
01:29:15 All right, I may not be a pirate,
01:29:18 so why don't we
01:29:20 Right.
01:29:26 Right.
01:29:27 Six paces north, left at the rock,
01:29:33 Right, come on, lad.
01:29:35 Give us a hand. Stride, stride, stagger left...
01:29:38 stride, stride, then dig.
01:29:42 Go on, make yourself useful, lad.
01:29:46 You know, the way you was
01:29:48 there may be some pirate blood in you,
01:29:51 Well, I did have a hand
01:29:54 With your head on my shoulders,
01:30:01 - And stagger and jump and jump...
01:30:04 ...and stagger and stagger and jump.
01:30:08 Go on, Dan, use your dagger.
01:30:16 - Look at it all.
01:30:20 - Triola, we're rich.
01:30:25 Congratulations, Father.
01:30:28 But I didn't...
01:30:31 - You are a Yellowbeard.
01:30:36 Killing your father
01:30:42 - Dad, the blood.
01:30:47 That's what I like to hear.
01:30:50 You are my son.
01:31:00 Halt, in the name of the law!
01:31:03 Well done there, lad. Got him at last.
01:31:07 All right, men. Keep your guns on him.
01:31:09 Hello, Dan. Hello, lambchop.
01:31:13 Pity about your dad.
01:31:15 On the other hand, it is the way
01:31:19 Horribly.
01:31:21 Commander Clement, Royal Navy.
01:31:24 - I claim this treasure...
01:31:28 ...in the name of Her Majesty, Queen Anne.
01:31:31 Dan, darling,
01:31:35 You're right. You don't.
01:31:37 Goodbye, Triola.
01:31:39 There's at least two more chests down there.
01:31:42 You'll be a duke now, sir. Won't you, sir?
01:31:46 Duty, Mansell. That's my reward.
01:31:49 Duke, eh?
01:31:51 You've got a lovely bottom, blue eyes.
01:31:55 - I think I love you.
01:31:57 She said you've got a lovely bottom,
01:32:01 - Shut up, Mansell.
01:32:03 - Right, Mansell, clap those people in irons.
01:32:11 You poor dear. You must have suffered.
01:32:14 - Tell me about it.
01:32:28 Sir, I was just thinking...
01:32:32 Her Majesty can have no idea...
01:32:35 how much treasure we've got. Can she, sir?
01:32:38 No, she can't.
01:32:41 - Have one yourself.
01:32:44 Or even where we are.
01:32:48 I say, sir.
01:32:52 Mansell, are you thinking
01:32:56 I'll think whatever you say, sir.
01:33:00 Ever been to the Americas?
01:33:07 Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous
01:33:12 Dan.
01:33:15 I think I love you.
01:33:17 Come on, lad, there's pirating to be done.