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You Don t Mess With The Zohan en
00:02:11	You don't mess with the Zohan!
00:02:31	Come disco.
00:02:33	No, no, no.
00:02:35	Danny, come on, go disco.
00:02:37	Oh, okay. Disco!
00:02:40	Danny, that looks good. You're gonna
00:02:45	So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,
00:02:49	No, no, no. I making dagim.
00:02:51	A real man, he can disco
00:02:54	So let's go.
00:03:00	Go, go.
00:03:03	I get the hummus for you.
00:03:06	And for you.
00:03:11	Little for me, eh?
00:03:18	No.
00:03:22	No.
00:03:24	Kapara, what is going on?
00:03:26	Just some bullshit-uchen.
00:03:29	Let's go!
00:03:30	Hey, I'm on vacation here.
00:03:34	You promised me time off.
00:03:42	Are they gonna hurt him?
00:03:45	No one can hurt the Zohan.
00:03:49	- Bye, Zohan.
00:04:13	The terrorist known as Phantom...
00:04:15	...was spotted yesterday at a
00:04:18	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:18	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:19	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:19	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:19	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:20	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:21	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:22	NAME: PHANTOM
00:04:24	He may be have been trying to
00:04:27	We believe he's being kept in a safe
00:04:31	How is we lose Phantom?
00:04:32	Didn't I capture Phantom
00:04:35	What, you didn't hear
00:04:37	What trade?
00:04:41	Zohan, we gave back the Phantom.
00:04:43	No!
00:04:46	What do you mean,
00:04:48	Zohan, relax.
00:04:50	It was a good trade.
00:04:53	That's all we got
00:04:56	Come on, we got hosed here.
00:04:59	They threw in a spy
00:05:01	Come on, Zohan,
00:05:04	Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev.
00:05:06	Ze'ev.
00:05:08	He got caught, for God's sake.
00:05:11	Our plan is to enter the building from
00:05:16	...with an additional 12 men
00:05:19	Unfortunately, there is a high
00:05:23	...including property and loss of life,
00:05:26	Okay, here we go.
00:05:28	Excuse me?
00:05:30	Come on, is it not safer
00:05:33	...with minimal coverage
00:05:35	...instead of blowing up
00:05:38	Well, who would do that?
00:05:39	Oh, "who would do that?"
00:05:41	You know you were
00:05:43	Zohan, why you say this?
00:05:45	I just laid out an entire plan
00:05:48	Come on, Yaron,
00:05:50	All this talk of civilian casualties,
00:05:54	- But I'm not even asking you to do it.
00:05:58	Give me Avi and Koby as watch,
00:06:02	Well, thank you. You didn't have to.
00:06:04	Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah.
00:06:08	Have some Fizzy Bubblech.
00:06:10	"Kiwi watermelon"? Yeah, is good.
00:06:56	"Avalon. "
00:07:18	Chunky cuts.
00:07:21	Zohan, what are you doing?
00:07:23	I know, I was watching television.
00:07:25	Well, if you want to have fun with us,
00:07:28	- Good with the sticky, you should do it.
00:07:31	I am going to dinner with my parents.
00:07:34	- All right, all right.
00:07:39	You don't giggle at the Zohan.
00:07:40	You hear me?
00:07:43	You never giggle at the Zohan.
00:07:51	What's the matter, tatele?
00:07:52	You haven't touched
00:07:57	What would you think if I tell you...
00:08:00	...I want to leaving the army,
00:08:03	Why would you do that?
00:08:08	You can't leave,
00:08:11	Besides, you are too old
00:08:13	Stay in the army, play it safe.
00:08:16	There's other things I can do
00:08:19	You don't war.
00:08:21	- I was in the real war.
00:08:24	1967.
00:08:26	We were surrounded on all sides,
00:08:30	- And in six days, we...
00:08:32	You won. I'm sorry,
00:08:35	...that lasted all of six days...
00:08:37	Six days and five hours.
00:08:44	Dad, I've done so much
00:08:48	They've been fighting for 2000 years.
00:08:53	All of my friends served
00:08:57	Why can't I move on?
00:08:59	Something more creative.
00:09:02	Creative, what?
00:09:04	You've caught so many terrorists,
00:09:07	You're like Rembrandt
00:09:09	What will you do?
00:09:12	Maybe go to America.
00:09:14	What, and haggle over
00:09:17	Wait a minute, Ya'acov.
00:09:19	Uncle Levi will set you up
00:09:22	You make money, sow your
00:09:25	No, I don't want to do
00:09:29	Then how will you make money?
00:09:32	I don't want to say.
00:09:34	Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,
00:09:38	Come, Zohanele.
00:09:44	I want to cut...
00:09:47	...and style hair.
00:09:57	You... You fagala?
00:10:00	He's fag... Faga...
00:10:06	I like hair. It's pleasant,
00:10:09	Well, you're only digging
00:10:15	Hello, down there!
00:10:20	Maybe he wants Vaseline.
00:10:24	Yes, it's so funny.
00:10:54	I just want to make people
00:11:11	You know the Phantom will try to run,
00:11:14	- Zohan, now!
00:11:34	The Zohan.
00:11:45	Freeze!
00:11:58	I get it, I get it,
00:12:11	So we are the bad ones.
00:12:12	I'd love to sit and discuss this
00:12:16	I'm just saying.
00:12:20	We settled here
00:12:23	Good point.
00:12:24	None of my ancestors ever stepped
00:12:28	Hey, don't walk away!
00:12:31	Come out, come out,
00:12:33	Hello, jackass.
00:12:38	You think you can oppress my people,
00:12:43	But I will never disappear.
00:12:46	No one can catch Phantom!
00:12:57	So let's go.
00:13:15	Very good.
00:13:47	Sorry. It's for the cause.
00:14:03	Zohan.
00:14:08	Zohan, bring it.
00:14:27	Why you do this? I feel no pain.
00:14:29	No, no, no. I feel no pain.
00:14:32	- I feel no pain. This is too much...
00:14:36	I have told you in other fights.
00:14:38	No, no, no. I kill you right now.
00:14:45	Look, look, look.
00:14:51	The pirana,
00:14:55	Is good, is good.
00:14:57	Is very nice. Yes, yes.
00:14:59	Fizzy Bubblech for me.
00:15:06	You like what you see?
00:15:11	Time to die.
00:15:12	So let's go.
00:15:23	Okay, game over.
00:15:45	Yeah!
00:15:49	I kill!
00:15:51	I kill the Zohan!
00:15:54	Zohan is dead.
00:15:59	The Phantom!
00:16:33	Cutting the hair,
00:16:36	Instead of shooting it.
00:16:39	That's why I had to fake to die.
00:16:41	I could have captured Phantom again,
00:16:45	I love my country,
00:16:50	It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco.
00:16:52	Coco, you bite him back.
00:16:54	Soon you are both having worms,
00:17:02	I understand. The pills.
00:17:04	Your parents think
00:17:06	Sleep.
00:17:15	It's all about not getting recognized.
00:17:18	I know how great I looked
00:17:20	but I'll make this work for me,
00:17:38	Rise and shine, guys.
00:17:41	Is nice, huh?
00:17:43	It's the Avalon.
00:17:45	It says I care about the way I look,
00:17:51	Oh, you like this?
00:17:53	Who wants to go next, guys?
00:17:56	Yes. Yes.
00:18:02	Oh, where are my two little babies?
00:18:06	Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.
00:18:10	Mr. Scrappy. Coco.
00:18:14	Who gave you permission
00:18:16	Who did? Answer me.
00:18:17	Scrappy, was it you?
00:18:20	You're always the instigator.
00:18:22	Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.
00:18:33	Take me to the Paul Mitchell
00:18:37	- First time in New York?
00:18:39	So, what brings you here?
00:18:41	I have a dream.
00:18:43	I had a dream too.
00:18:45	What dream you have?
00:18:46	My dream was to come to America...
00:18:48	...and make enough money
00:18:52	...so that we all could enjoy
00:18:54	- This is good dream.
00:18:56	- Is dream come true?
00:18:59	Me brothers and sisters
00:19:01	But I love the Chinese food here.
00:20:15	- Hey, you forgot these.
00:20:27	Good morning for you.
00:20:31	And who are you?
00:20:34	Scrappy Coco.
00:20:38	He isn't in right now.
00:20:40	That's good. So I will wait, then.
00:20:45	You know what? I'll take
00:20:48	You know,
00:20:51	Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,
00:20:54	- I am the best.
00:20:57	All of this. The cutting, the styling,
00:21:01	I wanna know who cuts your hair.
00:21:03	Oh, you like this, eh?
00:21:04	This is the Avalon,
00:21:07	I haven't seen that style
00:21:12	Sister, are you this Laura?
00:21:16	You tell Paul Mitchell,
00:21:23	If I find out he was here...
00:21:26	...or you are keeping him
00:21:29	...I will destroy you.
00:21:31	Believe me this.
00:21:53	NAME: SCARLETT KEH
00:21:53	NAME: SCARLETT KEH
00:21:53	NAME: SCARLETT KEH
00:21:54	NAME: SCARLETT KEH
00:21:55	NAME: SCARLETT KEH
00:22:29	What the hell was this, champ?
00:22:32	This asshole cut me off,
00:22:34	With all due respect,
00:22:37	You came like a madman.
00:22:40	I mean, somebody could've died.
00:22:44	Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.
00:22:47	You do not want to be
00:22:50	Look, stay out of my business,
00:22:52	"Mustafa"? This is not my name.
00:22:56	Whatever.
00:22:58	Apple who?
00:22:59	My friend, if I were you,
00:23:02	Avoid the pain.
00:23:03	Listen, go back to your goddamned
00:23:08	- Look what I've got. It's right here.
00:23:10	- I've got it.
00:23:12	I never work at pretzel stand.
00:23:17	Was that your feet?
00:23:20	Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.
00:23:23	Here comes the double foot.
00:23:25	This is good.
00:23:27	Smell it, smell it, smell it.
00:23:30	- That's for you.
00:23:32	You said you wanted pretzel?
00:23:37	Okay, I'm good.
00:23:38	Beautiful.
00:23:40	You want some chickens?
00:23:42	No, no, no. I fix for you.
00:23:50	It's all b'seder.
00:23:51	What are you, bionic?
00:23:54	No, no, no. I only like the girls.
00:23:58	Thanks, anyways.
00:24:04	This is ridiculous traffic.
00:24:07	Anyway, George insisted
00:24:11	- I always get midnight shift.
00:24:14	I no sleep,
00:24:16	Are you even watching the road?
00:24:19	Be nice. He could be a terrorist.
00:24:23	- Why Hamdi no get no midnight?
00:24:32	- Hey, that was amazing.
00:24:35	Where are you from, anyway?
00:24:37	Where am I from?
00:24:39	Australia.
00:24:40	Really?
00:24:43	No, no, no. Similar accents.
00:24:45	- Kangaroo. You see?
00:24:49	This is ridiculous. We're getting out.
00:24:52	- Come on, dear.
00:24:56	- You want me to get you home?
00:24:59	You've done enough.
00:25:01	Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?
00:25:05	Oh, you know you're boning me.
00:25:09	It's you.
00:25:13	- What is happening?
00:25:15	It's bullshaklaga.
00:25:16	- We have to go.
00:25:18	- I'll run you.
00:25:20	This is legal?
00:25:26	Scrappy, have another kneidlach.
00:25:30	You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.
00:25:31	It reminds me of my mother's cooking
00:25:35	Really?
00:25:39	Yes, no, no, no.
00:25:42	...half Mount Everest.
00:25:45	So this is what you're hearing.
00:25:48	Well, Australia,
00:25:52	...since they got rid of the apartheid.
00:25:54	Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.
00:25:57	So, Scrappy,
00:26:01	I will be working
00:26:04	...as soon as I find out
00:26:07	Oh, Mom, Scrappy
00:26:10	- Really?
00:26:11	Well, actually,
00:26:13	...that just opened up upstairs.
00:26:16	Nice light, not huge.
00:26:19	And they redid the kitchen very well.
00:26:22	- This could be good.
00:26:25	Could be good.
00:26:37	Hey, Mom,
00:26:39	- That's very good.
00:26:42	What? What's the matter?
00:26:43	What's the matter? That's my mom.
00:26:46	- It's okay, Michael.
00:26:48	She's very beautiful.
00:26:49	Michael, I haven't made sticky
00:26:51	- What do you want from me?
00:26:54	- Or dead?
00:26:56	You do... What's he doing now?
00:26:58	Why'd that happen?
00:27:01	It's okay. Let me talk to him.
00:27:02	Oh, I can't get up.
00:27:04	No, no. You'll feel your legs again
00:27:09	Michael.
00:27:10	Come on, this is nothing
00:27:13	Me sexing your mother.
00:27:15	It's beautiful. It's natural.
00:27:19	No, I didn't bring you home
00:27:22	Why not, huh?
00:27:25	Did you see her? Did you look at her?
00:27:27	I don't think
00:27:30	Michael, her face
00:27:33	You did not see?
00:27:35	She was glowing.
00:27:37	Patches. What are you...?
00:27:39	Michael, come on.
00:27:40	They'll be plenty of time
00:27:43	Tonight, I take you to disco, huh?
00:27:45	No, why would I wanna go
00:27:48	Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!
00:27:51	You could use a little stank.
00:27:53	Yes, you need your penachim
00:27:56	Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.
00:27:59	Disco, disco.
00:28:02	Come on, you get to disco.
00:28:04	- All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.
00:28:06	I do your mother one more time,
00:28:09	- Wha...?
00:28:11	Oh, yes.
00:28:18	Hey. Look at this.
00:28:21	This is what you need, man,
00:28:24	How many times a day do you
00:28:28	How many times a day?
00:28:32	It was at tennis camp.
00:28:35	You're too picky, Michael.
00:28:38	Every weed in the desert
00:28:42	Look at this. This a big one, eh?
00:28:45	But look at the tits.
00:28:49	Your mother, she has huge poopeh.
00:28:53	I mean, very wide.
00:28:56	But what I see are two big, strong legs
00:29:01	So who wants to get some
00:29:05	- I wanna get some poontachen?
00:29:13	It's good for you. Nice spinning.
00:29:18	This is what I'm talking about.
00:29:21	- I ain't playing this corny shit.
00:29:23	I need to set the
00:29:25	Get out,
00:29:38	- Disco, disco.
00:29:40	- Disco, disco.
00:29:55	Yes, hello. Hello.
00:29:57	Hey, Zohan.
00:30:00	Who you looking for?
00:30:02	It's okay, no one can hear me
00:30:05	Can you believe the poontachat
00:30:07	I'm not Zohan.
00:30:11	What?
00:30:14	They all think you dead in Israel.
00:30:18	Tell what?
00:30:20	Zohan, it's okay.
00:30:24	The way you took out
00:30:28	And when you made Melami Benazir
00:30:33	I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.
00:30:35	So, what the fachma
00:30:38	Come with me.
00:30:40	Look, I couldn't take
00:30:42	- What's it all for?
00:30:45	If I could blow a terrorist
00:30:47	...this is all I would do.
00:30:50	- This is exaggeration.
00:30:53	You made Palami Habdallah's poodle
00:30:57	- You gotta show me how you did that.
00:31:01	So tell me the truth.
00:31:04	I no want to tell you.
00:31:06	What? What? Come on.
00:31:08	You are the best, Zohan.
00:31:16	I want to be hairdresser.
00:31:20	You a fagala?
00:31:22	I can't believe it.
00:31:24	A great warrior, but also a fagala
00:31:27	No, no, no. I like hair.
00:31:31	Come on, man, I get you real job.
00:31:33	You come by my shop tomorrow.
00:31:36	Israeli electronics. Are you crazy?
00:31:39	- Everyone will recognize me.
00:31:43	You have silly haircut now.
00:31:44	- I have what haircut?
00:31:46	- You say I look silly?
00:31:49	- You said this.
00:31:53	I don't need your job.
00:31:54	I get my own job on my own
00:32:00	You ever cut a sister's hair before?
00:32:03	Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,
00:32:07	I'm good at this.
00:32:08	Have you ever worked
00:32:14	This is what you do.
00:32:16	No more. This creature slayed.
00:32:18	It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.
00:32:23	Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.
00:32:25	And we finish him.
00:32:28	You back away, I take hold of him.
00:32:32	Go!
00:32:35	This is hair. This is hair.
00:32:39	Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh?
00:32:44	A big part of our job here
00:32:48	Of course, of course.
00:32:49	For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,
00:32:53	- I can imagine.
00:32:56	Get away from me.
00:32:58	Let me go.
00:33:00	Young man, look what I found here.
00:33:04	A nice balloon.
00:33:06	Do you want it? It's right here.
00:33:09	You shouldn't jump around...
00:33:11	...when this nice womars
00:33:14	If you move, she could slip and
00:33:19	There's no way to stitch the jugular.
00:33:21	All of your blood will be on the floor
00:33:25	I've seen this. I've done this.
00:33:39	Well, then, at least it's a good time to
00:33:47	When I was your age
00:33:50	Maybe you should grow up.
00:34:19	I promise you you won't regret.
00:34:22	And come back.
00:34:25	"Fujigawa"? I don't know that brand.
00:34:28	It's not really Fujigawa.
00:34:31	- Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...
00:34:35	- Four-hundred fifty.
00:34:38	No, no, no. What you going to believe,
00:34:44	Hello, Going Out of Business.
00:34:47	Sony, yes. Three hundred.
00:34:49	Come in, yes. Very good, very good.
00:34:54	Hi. I represent the new owner
00:34:57	Good for you. Want a birthday cake?
00:34:59	Yamaha is very good.
00:35:01	Did you receive our letter
00:35:03	- This I don't know.
00:35:06	No, no, no. This is too much.
00:35:08	Eighty-five hundred
00:35:10	- This isn't negotiable. We can get...
00:35:13	We both go home happy.
00:35:14	- I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.
00:35:17	You come back when you
00:35:19	- Sir, you don't understand.
00:35:21	What you still here for? You like me?
00:35:25	Thank you very much.
00:35:30	Hey, look who's here.
00:35:34	Come on, not so loud.
00:35:35	Don't worry, Zohan.
00:35:39	Yosi. This is good man.
00:35:43	- Scrappy Coco.
00:35:46	Cooking Who-co?
00:35:48	Yes, yes.
00:35:49	So you're going out of business?
00:35:51	No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.
00:35:55	Yeah, so you look me up, man.
00:35:59	I come for job.
00:36:03	Job. So you not big hairstyle?
00:36:07	It's not really happening for me
00:36:13	So I am here. So let's go.
00:36:19	No. No job.
00:36:21	What do you mean?
00:36:23	I can no let you do this.
00:36:27	No, so I do this for now.
00:36:30	Is no now.
00:36:32	Once you start in electronics store,
00:36:40	Look at Ephraim. You see?
00:36:42	I don't see nothing wrong with that.
00:36:44	Ephraim came to America...
00:36:47	...to be racing car driver.
00:36:51	But he let slip away.
00:36:53	I can hear it. Look. Check your ear.
00:36:57	Pinchas wanted to be
00:37:02	No. Is resistant, no proof.
00:37:06	But the store kept pulling him back.
00:37:10	Maybe you swimming with the watch.
00:37:12	- I'm not swimming...
00:37:15	Yosi wanted to be a hand model.
00:37:20	What, you don't like this? Look at this.
00:37:23	But he got too comfortable here.
00:37:25	Press this button, it's free HBO.
00:37:28	The electronics store
00:37:34	And I won't let the Zohan
00:37:41	You are a real mensch, Oori.
00:37:46	You the mensch.
00:37:49	Come.
00:37:50	What? What's this?
00:37:52	You may not go for this,
00:37:56	- Yes?
00:37:58	- Is good place?
00:38:02	Is on Palestinian side of street.
00:38:04	Palestinian?
00:38:06	No, no, no.
00:38:09	Here nobody care.
00:38:10	First off, no one kill me anywhere.
00:38:13	But Palestinian, no.
00:38:16	I've done enough
00:38:18	I just want job for the Zohan.
00:38:20	And it kills me
00:38:23	...getting his buttochim kissed
00:38:26	Buttochim kissed? What's this?
00:38:28	He have business.
00:38:30	He buy wives.
00:38:33	Him?
00:38:35	They say his ugly face everywhere.
00:38:39	Everyone is running
00:38:42	For the food the heroes eat
00:38:46	Kubeh, sambouesk,
00:38:49	You never know who you'll meet
00:38:51	You are going to get spoiled.
00:39:01	Phantom Muchentuchen!
00:39:04	Oh, yeah!
00:39:05	This month,
00:39:08	...and get action figures from
00:39:14	Unbelievable.
00:39:16	This animal gets to live his dream.
00:39:22	I can no work Palestinian, no.
00:39:26	Yes, you can.
00:39:28	Is your dream to cut hair.
00:39:32	I want hair. But I'm scared.
00:39:35	Is America.
00:39:38	You never done something
00:39:44	So you don't want to talk, huh?
00:40:07	I can do this.
00:40:20	Disco, disco, good, good.
00:40:22	Disco, disco, good, good.
00:40:24	Disco, disco, good, good.
00:40:26	Disco, disco, good, good.
00:40:27	Disco, disco, good, good.
00:40:31	So you have never cut hair before.
00:40:34	I have cut my own hair
00:40:38	I have the Paul Mitchell book,
00:40:42	But you have no training
00:40:44	Would you hire someone
00:40:49	In what?
00:40:50	Can anyone here do this?
00:41:00	Okay. I have never seen that.
00:41:03	That is very nice,
00:41:06	No hands.
00:41:09	Besides, I have no openings.
00:41:10	If anything, I need to scale back...
00:41:12	...since they just raised my rent
00:41:15	Out of nowhere, some guy with a tie
00:41:20	Stop it!
00:41:22	I only wish to learn.
00:41:25	I will do whatever it takes.
00:41:30	Fine. You can sweep up hair
00:41:34	- You won't be...
00:41:36	No, no, no.
00:41:40	That could be a while.
00:41:42	I will wait turn. You will see.
00:41:44	I will get nighttime job for money.
00:41:48	Soon the whole world
00:42:00	Zohan.
00:42:02	- Carmen Electra has the best tits now.
00:42:04	Oh, my God.
00:42:09	They're so perky.
00:42:11	You know, leave it to her
00:42:14	It's always first class with that one.
00:42:17	You know you don't have to catch
00:42:20	Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.
00:42:25	As you were.
00:42:40	Yes. I got this.
00:42:43	"Did you see
00:42:45	I think she is even more vivacious
00:42:49	Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.
00:42:53	Michael!
00:42:57	What? What is...?
00:42:58	Oh, Scrappy needs to practice
00:43:01	Can we do this another time? I have
00:43:05	Michael, I want to practice now.
00:43:07	I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.
00:43:10	Oh, honey.
00:43:39	- Got it.
00:43:41	So you're making her silky smooth,
00:43:43	- Framing her face?
00:43:47	This is smart.
00:43:48	A nice layered style
00:43:52	...is good for a bigger woman
00:43:54	- Coco.
00:43:56	...and brings it toward the titzim.
00:43:58	Coco.
00:44:00	I need to speak to you.
00:44:03	In private.
00:44:06	Private. A secret?
00:44:08	They will never get it out of me,
00:44:11	Coco, Claude is trying to work.
00:44:14	Yes. He's very good.
00:44:16	So I am ready to cut hair today.
00:44:19	No. Let's not go.
00:44:21	But I am the best.
00:44:22	Don't tell me you're the best.
00:44:24	- I have the desire, the stamina.
00:44:27	I run this place for five years.
00:44:29	I think I know when you are ready
00:44:32	Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two.
00:44:35	No, no, no.
00:44:37	I do not touch this
00:44:42	Out of respect for the working.
00:44:44	No, you don't eat where you shit.
00:44:47	Or shit where you eat.
00:44:51	The smell is bad.
00:44:55	This is called a comb.
00:44:59	- With the fingers?
00:45:03	- Scrappy.
00:45:07	I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.
00:45:08	- Okay. All right.
00:45:11	- Take him where he wants to go.
00:45:13	- Good luck.
00:45:15	- Your limousine has arrived, sir.
00:45:19	Thank you, Big Mac.
00:45:21	I am really late for a hotel opening
00:45:25	I understand, sir. I know the
00:45:29	- We will not let them stop us.
00:45:37	I'm not in much of a hurry.
00:45:42	Oh, no.
00:45:47	You want some coffee back there?
00:45:49	No!
00:45:51	I will lose them.
00:45:53	Nobody is following us.
00:46:01	Oh, shit!
00:46:17	Have a good time, sir.
00:46:22	Debbie, you did a good job.
00:46:26	You look very bangable,
00:46:30	Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you...
00:46:32	...when you first came in,
00:46:37	There was nothing attractive.
00:46:38	But now, I must say,
00:46:43	- It could break these any...
00:46:46	We are talking shop.
00:46:49	No. No.
00:46:52	- Look, Coco...
00:46:54	You need to calm down now, okay?
00:46:56	I don't think these customers
00:46:59	Nobody say this.
00:47:00	Coco, remember,
00:47:07	I have betrayed my salon.
00:47:14	He's trying to kill himself.
00:47:15	- Scrappy.
00:47:17	No, no. Just... Just...
00:47:20	Easy on the ladies.
00:47:23	I didn't mind.
00:47:31	Take care, Mrs. Paulson.
00:47:33	She did not mind.
00:47:38	Let me disinfect the scissors...
00:47:42	...so someone else
00:47:48	I'll just clean up.
00:47:55	Rafaela's Salon.
00:47:57	What? No.
00:48:02	Debbie, she quit.
00:48:04	- What?
00:48:06	Claude, did you know about this?
00:48:09	I should have told you.
00:48:10	She's been looking for a new job
00:48:14	Then why you no say nothing,
00:48:18	Don't worry,
00:48:22	You're a good guy, habibi.
00:48:30	So let's go.
00:48:32	Scrappy, I have enough problems
00:48:38	I not the problem. I the solution. I fix.
00:48:40	But if you screw up...
00:48:43	I can't afford a screwup right now.
00:48:45	No, no, no. I no screw up.
00:48:49	Yeah, but you push and push.
00:48:52	I have to care about salon.
00:48:53	- No, no, no.
00:48:55	You care about you. And don't fight
00:49:02	Mrs. Skitzer,
00:49:07	Would you care to wait for Claude?
00:49:12	Does he do hair?
00:49:15	He's not a regular.
00:49:19	Well, that's fine.
00:49:23	She say...
00:49:30	Okay.
00:49:32	You will not regret this decision.
00:49:41	Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair.
00:49:44	Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.
00:49:48	- Oh, thank you.
00:49:51	Sexy woman like you
00:49:54	Me, sexy? Sure.
00:49:56	Don't be humble.
00:49:57	You've got the ass and tits
00:50:02	And everyone else knows this too,
00:50:06	Yes.
00:50:07	Let me get your earring off.
00:51:59	I love it.
00:52:00	Of course you do.
00:52:05	All right, Scrappy.
00:52:09	If they want you.
00:52:16	Thank you.
00:52:17	I'll get to you all soon as I'm
00:52:22	That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer?
00:52:24	Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes.
00:52:47	So who's next?
00:53:24	Come on, Scrappy!
00:53:28	Thank you, dear.
00:53:31	- It's a lot of speakers.
00:53:38	It's orgasmic.
00:53:41	Oh, my God.
00:53:43	Oh, yes!
00:54:00	Grab it, Scrappy!
00:54:11	For you. Yes.
00:54:18	I give this to you.
00:54:29	- No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.
00:54:32	I'll give you stock options.
00:54:36	No, my loyalty is to here.
00:54:44	I heard about this place
00:54:47	You have to ask for Scrappy.
00:54:50	Yes, is the primary
00:54:53	Excuse me?
00:54:54	Hello, I am calling
00:54:57	Are you between the ages
00:55:00	We're trying to talk here.
00:55:02	Have you ordered from catalogue
00:55:04	Could you get off the phone
00:55:06	Hey, what's the matter?
00:55:09	This is your job.
00:55:11	This is job also.
00:55:12	This is not Iraq.
00:55:13	I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq.
00:55:15	And you're not getting a tip.
00:55:17	And you are a stupid cow.
00:55:19	Jeez.
00:55:20	- And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.
00:55:23	- I'll see you later.
00:55:26	I like this, the red hair.
00:55:28	I bet she has a pumpkin patch
00:55:31	I don't know.
00:55:33	- Did you tap her tuchus?
00:55:35	Why don't you go after
00:55:39	They all want you, believe me.
00:55:41	Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.
00:55:43	I'm telling you,
00:55:46	Come with me.
00:55:49	Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you?
00:55:53	Yes, please. Thanks.
00:55:56	Watch.
00:56:00	You see? She's going with it.
00:56:04	Yep.
00:56:05	- She has a free shoulder. Come join.
00:56:09	Mrs. Haynes,
00:56:12	Claude, come. Keep her warm.
00:56:14	Go ahead. Yes.
00:56:17	And gently move.
00:56:22	All you want to do is let her know
00:56:24	Now look away
00:56:27	We're not doing this.
00:56:29	- Same rhythm.
00:56:31	Push. Push. Push.
00:56:35	Oh, you're pushing harder.
00:56:40	I am trying to make money
00:56:44	Would you say you read Spiegel
00:56:46	Would you just get us
00:56:48	We're gonna miss our appointment.
00:56:50	I curse you, and I curse your hair.
00:56:54	What is big deal
00:57:00	They get worse every year.
00:57:08	Okay, we'll take them to the truck.
00:57:17	Did you throw this shoe at me,
00:57:22	No?
00:57:23	Sure looks like it was you.
00:57:30	Then who threw it?
00:57:36	Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.
00:57:42	Nobody spits on me.
00:57:49	Thank you for the goat, my friend.
00:57:52	Yes.
00:57:54	Goat?
00:57:56	Goat.
00:57:58	Goat!
00:58:01	Goat!
00:58:04	Goat.
00:58:07	I said, "Can we have the receipt?"
00:58:11	Yes. Die in hell.
00:58:18	Welcome.
00:58:22	We'll color your hair Bling-Bling
00:58:26	You know what else they go for?
00:58:28	The... I don't know what you have,
00:58:32	This...
00:58:35	It's enormous. Scary. I mean:
00:58:38	What?
00:58:40	I have the biggest. It's the biggest.
00:58:42	Take a look at this.
00:58:44	Look.
00:58:49	- It's not that big.
00:58:51	No, no, no. The bush.
00:58:53	The bush is the biggest.
00:58:55	And the girls like this
00:58:59	It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.
00:59:04	So, what do you want I do?
00:59:06	Wait. I conference you.
00:59:10	Hello?
00:59:11	Nasi, emergency meeting.
00:59:14	- Hello, Nasi.
00:59:16	Can you believe
00:59:19	Yes. Why Mets do this?
00:59:23	This is serious. We meet!
00:59:26	I explain why is emergency.
00:59:29	This is not just man
00:59:34	- Zohan Dvir.
00:59:37	Everyone think Phantom kill him.
00:59:40	Phantom not kill him.
00:59:41	We will capture,
00:59:45	We will be heroes.
00:59:47	But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. We
00:59:51	Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.
00:59:54	- Leave it to the pros.
00:59:56	Hezbollah shmezbollah.
00:59:58	Hezbollah will take all the credit.
01:00:02	Why not let Phantom capture him?
01:00:04	Screw Phantom. He hero already.
01:00:08	Where's my chain
01:00:13	Salim, don't make this
01:00:16	This is about me.
01:00:17	And about him.
01:00:19	And about my goat!
01:00:22	Come on, let's go!
01:00:24	This is nice,
01:00:28	The park, the people,
01:00:32	Well, you're always downtown.
01:00:34	You should see
01:00:36	Yes, yes, this is good.
01:00:38	The talking is good...
01:00:40	...to get to know each other
01:00:43	Oh, no, no, no.
01:00:47	I just wanted to thank you
01:00:50	- This isn't a date.
01:00:53	I feel you have helped me so much...
01:00:57	The right thing to do
01:00:59	...my schtitzel will come out
01:01:03	Look, why don't we
01:01:06	No, no, no. This is what we do.
01:01:10	Hey, look, softball.
01:01:12	- You like softball?
01:01:15	What is softball? Teach me how to.
01:01:19	I learned softball
01:01:22	When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.
01:01:25	Yeah, how long you move here ago?
01:01:27	Just a few years ago.
01:01:29	I couldn't take it there anymore.
01:01:34	Yes, especially yours.
01:01:36	Why you say this? You don't know.
01:01:39	No, no, I don't. I read this.
01:01:41	The Australian-Tibet media
01:01:46	Look, both sides crazy.
01:01:50	My own family...
01:01:52	My brother...
01:01:54	...if he knew I work cross street
01:01:59	- Really?
01:02:03	They just want to fight and fight.
01:02:06	Nobody will win this way.
01:02:10	When will it end, eh? Yes.
01:02:15	Okay, so you must be thirsty, no?
01:02:20	Here.
01:02:22	Where you get this?
01:02:24	This? From specialty shop
01:02:26	This Middle Eastern drink.
01:02:30	No, no, no. It looks pretty good.
01:02:33	Oh, try, try. It's very good.
01:02:41	It's not for me.
01:02:42	No? Really?
01:02:47	This is his shop.
01:02:50	Here is photo for compare.
01:02:52	For how long this take?
01:02:56	Make sure you ask him
01:03:00	And about the prize goat
01:03:06	Look in his eyes when you
01:03:10	- You know, I just got haircut.
01:03:13	Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefner
01:03:21	Okay, okay,
01:03:27	"Jorge Posada," where are you?
01:03:31	That's me.
01:03:34	Okay, good-looking guy,
01:03:37	You know, you look like
01:03:41	No, no.
01:03:43	So I guessing you're looking for
01:03:47	- Well...
01:03:50	You don't want to
01:03:53	We will talk about this over there.
01:03:55	Okay, Scrappy, I wait.
01:04:00	Is not like I have a shoe to throw.
01:04:04	Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.
01:04:06	I don't have time to go watch
01:04:11	- What?
01:04:14	Listen, my friend...
01:04:15	...you want to talk, it's good,
01:04:19	First I have to cut and bang
01:04:21	- That's right.
01:04:27	Well, I'm ready for it.
01:04:29	Oh, dear.
01:04:33	I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.
01:04:38	Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.
01:04:41	I don't know what the problem is.
01:04:45	Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.
01:04:49	The screwing
01:04:52	You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse.
01:04:56	An angel with a magic throat.
01:04:59	Oh, Scrappy!
01:05:03	No, that could work.
01:05:06	Let's see what we got.
01:05:08	And we're still nothing.
01:05:23	Well?
01:05:24	He was very cool.
01:05:26	Idiot. What did he say?
01:05:29	He think I have nice curls
01:05:33	- But was it him?
01:05:37	But hard to know.
01:05:38	I tell you this: he didn't seem to care
01:05:44	Soup. The goat fetched soup.
01:05:49	Soup? This makes no sense.
01:05:51	Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.
01:05:54	The goat fetched soup?
01:05:58	Go to hell.
01:06:01	You said it was urgent?
01:06:02	It's an emergency.
01:06:07	Yes, yes.
01:06:09	Well, that's not a real problem.
01:06:14	No, not the bush.
01:06:16	No, inside the bush.
01:06:20	- I see.
01:06:22	Maybe it needs some more oxygen.
01:06:28	So the Palestinian says to the priest:
01:06:31	"Okay, but let's skip the bath. "
01:06:35	Why, are they not clean?
01:06:37	No, is good joke.
01:06:40	Honey, are you all right?
01:06:43	What is this stuff? I mean, I took one
01:06:48	Is Fizzy Bubblech.
01:06:51	I don't wanna get used to it.
01:06:55	- All right, that's it for me. I'm done.
01:06:59	Is everything all right?
01:07:00	- Is it about the pee-pee?
01:07:03	- The pee-pee?
01:07:05	Really?
01:07:09	- Mom. What...?
01:07:12	The last few days.
01:07:14	Of course. It's ever since
01:07:18	Your hog is telling you something.
01:07:23	The one?
01:07:26	Is this possible?
01:07:27	Of course it's possible, man.
01:07:30	All the beaverim in the world
01:07:35	Why should Scrappy care
01:07:38	He's from Australia and Tibet.
01:07:41	- No, no, no.
01:07:45	Exactly.
01:07:46	What was that, a motor boat?
01:07:48	You know, Scrappy...
01:07:49	...a special woman is special
01:07:55	Listen to your hog.
01:07:58	Someone special.
01:08:01	Maybe is good.
01:08:03	It's good? It's terrific!
01:08:06	I mean, you know,
01:08:09	...but Scrappy is in love.
01:08:12	Thank you for your support.
01:08:14	- Is a good boy.
01:08:15	This is fun. Let's celebrate.
01:08:18	Let's cat-sack, huh? Throw it to me.
01:08:21	- Got you.
01:08:27	Take it, Michael.
01:08:33	Look at you.
01:08:38	I wanna try it.
01:08:47	Is good.
01:08:51	Welcome to Hezbollah phone line.
01:08:53	For membership information,
01:08:56	For negotiation update, press two.
01:08:58	For bonus mile information,
01:09:01	For terrorist supplies, press four.
01:09:06	We have currently suspended
01:09:09	...as we are engaged
01:09:12	We will resume service as soon as
01:09:18	Great.
01:09:21	Come on. Just think of a bomb.
01:09:23	They say you can make bomb from
01:09:28	Yes, okay.
01:09:33	Just think of chemicals.
01:09:34	Chemicals, like in science class.
01:09:37	Yes.
01:09:44	Who remembers this stuff?
01:09:50	Hello.
01:09:51	Well, can I help you fellas
01:09:54	Yes, do you have...
01:10:00	..."liquid nitrogen. "
01:10:06	You need what?
01:10:07	Liquid nitrogen.
01:10:14	Yeah. Well, I suppose
01:10:18	Now, just a moment.
01:10:25	- This is it?
01:10:30	This works?
01:10:32	Oh, it works quite well. Yes.
01:10:35	You use?
01:10:36	From time to time. Sure.
01:10:44	We'll take 12.
01:10:47	Look, you can turn off the water...
01:10:50	...but we will find a way
01:10:53	Oh, you like when I spray you,
01:10:55	Where's the $14,000?
01:10:57	I have your rent right here.
01:11:01	We don't wanna get rid of you.
01:11:03	Mr. Walbridge would actually like to
01:11:08	You mean the one you want to destroy
01:11:11	It is not our intent
01:11:14	I'll take the community, Pancake.
01:11:19	My name is Gray, and I'll be back.
01:11:23	Nice to meet you, Pancake.
01:11:28	Why Pancake?
01:11:30	Just for fun.
01:11:32	You were amazing right there.
01:11:37	Oh, my God.
01:11:38	What?
01:11:41	I have one.
01:11:43	What?
01:11:44	I have zikpah.
01:11:47	Look at it.
01:11:49	It is you.
01:11:53	Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.
01:11:58	You are the special one.
01:12:01	I will only be stiff for you.
01:12:06	Who is Steve?
01:12:08	Stiff, with an F.
01:12:13	- Stiff. Stiff.
01:12:16	Okay...
01:12:18	...I know you meant that
01:12:22	The best of ways.
01:12:23	...so thank you.
01:12:26	Thank you.
01:12:29	Is crazy.
01:12:31	This has never happened.
01:12:34	One woman...
01:12:36	...one zikpah...
01:12:39	...one life.
01:13:04	You see his face?
01:13:07	Salim, this is not bomb.
01:13:09	What you mean "not bomb"?
01:13:11	It's grade A liquid nitrogen.
01:13:13	Guys, I really need to go home.
01:13:15	Inaz have a soccer match
01:13:18	- I am hero.
01:13:22	Well, just go with it.
01:13:25	I scraped some off the window.
01:13:28	Maybe you know what is?
01:13:35	It's Neosporin, it's nothing.
01:13:42	We're beginning to think
01:13:45	The Scrappy.
01:13:47	You mean like a competing salon?
01:13:51	Don't be afraid, honey.
01:13:54	Well, I...
01:13:57	Yeah, lick this.
01:14:00	Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that.
01:14:02	Close with the brenski.
01:14:07	Come on, get some saliva
01:14:09	- She likes it, huh?
01:14:12	Okay.
01:14:13	I could look for clues. It's my shift
01:14:16	The what?
01:14:18	Oh, it's the community
01:14:21	You know, people in the neighborhood
01:14:25	We kick some ass.
01:14:26	Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Coco
01:14:30	- I bet he'd be good at this.
01:14:33	What? For clues.
01:14:35	I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,
01:14:40	Maybe I can manage one night.
01:14:42	Maybe you can pretzel some people.
01:14:44	- Thank you for getting the hummus.
01:14:48	Where's Patches?
01:14:50	Patches.
01:14:55	I'm terrified right now.
01:14:58	"Shitting my pants" doesn't
01:15:01	I wish I was shitting my pants.
01:15:03	It's just a patrol.
01:15:05	What if something goes down?
01:15:06	I don't know if I'd have the courage
01:15:09	What if something goes down and I didn't
01:15:12	I would have to live with that.
01:15:15	Much happier.
01:15:21	- Let's go.
01:15:23	No. No time.
01:15:24	No, no. No. It's good.
01:15:29	Drop the paint.
01:15:32	Get out of here, Ahab,
01:15:35	- Maybe we should let him finish.
01:15:38	What you cut my eyes out with?
01:15:44	My blade, camel jockey.
01:15:45	My friend, the beating I give you
01:15:49	...is much less than the beating
01:15:57	What are you laughing at?
01:15:59	That was just with everyone.
01:16:13	They had it coming to them, right?
01:16:14	Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah.
01:16:17	- Okay, you take it from here.
01:16:21	Everything's gonna be okay.
01:16:26	What you gotta say about that, huh?
01:16:32	You're telling me
01:16:35	...some neighborhood
01:16:38	We can't even put a scare
01:16:41	The main guy who got in the way...
01:16:43	...is the same one who's bringing
01:16:46	My aunt goes there.
01:16:48	She says besides the sex,
01:16:51	Don't talk to me about that dump.
01:16:54	I've got a huge,
01:16:58	...and it's staring
01:17:01	I want it staring at the Supercuts.
01:17:03	Now, has anyone made any headway
01:17:09	I spoke to the manager of Going
01:17:13	I stated our price
01:17:15	...and he offered me two-thirds less
01:17:19	The people at Everything Must Go
01:17:21	They offered me a Blu-ray disc
01:17:25	What's hummus?
01:17:26	It's a very tasty...
01:17:28	...diarrhea-like substance.
01:17:30	Grant Walbridge has a vision.
01:17:33	A vision for Lower Manattan
01:17:37	...with its own 300-foot
01:17:40	You know, you're lucky I have
01:17:44	...with a perfectly proportioned
01:17:48	...or I'd be furious.
01:17:50	She is smoking, sir.
01:17:52	I'd pay
01:17:54	Let me in on that.
01:17:56	Well, thank you.
01:17:57	But if you bitches
01:18:04	...I will find other people
01:18:07	However, whenever.
01:18:11	Walbridge!
01:18:23	This is where I find them.
01:18:25	But I don't know if it's same people
01:18:28	But you caught them writing this crap,
01:18:34	- You don't mess with the Zohan.
01:18:37	- Disco.
01:18:38	- Good.
01:18:40	Why did you do this
01:18:42	Why you blame the Israelis?
01:18:44	We come to work,
01:18:46	No, no, no.
01:18:49	I do community watch.
01:18:52	Not Israeli? Who else would write
01:18:55	Oh, I don't know,
01:19:00	- You see what he says?
01:19:02	Come on, come on.
01:19:06	Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,
01:19:11	You know, we were so close to peace
01:19:15	Bush, he see the big picture.
01:19:17	Bush no want peace,
01:19:19	What about Bush's wife?
01:19:23	I would do this. I would do this.
01:19:25	- Yes, yes.
01:19:30	The big legs.
01:19:31	Yeah, she look strict,
01:19:34	- Yes, discipline.
01:19:37	I like Chelsea.
01:19:39	You're crazy.
01:19:41	She has beautiful legs.
01:19:44	If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.
01:19:48	This is what happens
01:19:50	No, no, no, wife of McCain!
01:19:52	She has the ass,
01:19:57	I understand my assistant
01:20:01	He told us. You wanna get
01:20:04	...so you can build
01:20:07	Sir, I just wanna thank you
01:20:11	I mean, it's a gift to mess with the Jews
01:20:15	I mean, it's like...
01:20:17	- It's like...
01:20:20	It's like Christmas in July.
01:20:22	Right now
01:20:25	...a black peoples' parade
01:20:28	...but we can move that.
01:20:30	Well, I'm not really quite sure
01:20:34	That's easy, it's just a phone call.
01:20:37	Well, we'll be calling back
01:20:41	Can I just say that I don't like
01:20:45	We built this country
01:20:47	Now they're trying to tell me how many
01:20:51	They're trying to tell me
01:20:55	...in the shed behind my house.
01:20:57	- Right, by God.
01:21:00	You and Mel Gibson.
01:21:05	Mel Gibson. Not too shabby.
01:21:11	Welcome to Hezbollah
01:21:13	All lines are busy now.
01:21:14	Your call will be received
01:21:21	Come on with this.
01:21:23	Well, he probably hang
01:21:26	Okay, but which?
01:21:29	Probably in Amman.
01:21:30	In downtown
01:21:39	What's the area code of Amman?
01:22:23	Hello. Phantom Muchentuchen.
01:22:24	Yes. I want speak Phantom.
01:22:27	What say? No English.
01:22:29	Idiot.
01:22:31	Want speak to Phantom.
01:22:34	No, no, no. Phantom not here.
01:22:37	Yeah, yeah, I know.
01:22:40	But what about for poonibaba?
01:22:42	No, no, poonibaba at store
01:22:46	Oh, okay. So you have number
01:22:48	You call information.
01:22:50	You don't have number
01:22:55	It's somewhere. I don't know.
01:22:57	Come on, get number! I calling from
01:23:03	Salim, the kids.
01:23:05	When she is grown up
01:23:09	Hello.
01:23:13	I find the Zohan.
01:23:17	I kill the Zohan.
01:23:18	No, you did not.
01:23:21	I prove. I send you picture on cell.
01:23:25	Okay. Bring this.
01:23:27	I am bringing.
01:23:34	You see?
01:23:35	But the hairstyle, it is hideous.
01:23:39	This is same Zohan.
01:23:40	What he thinking? He look like guy
01:23:44	Look, this is same Zohan.
01:23:46	Everybody think you big hero.
01:23:50	Okay, okay, okay!
01:23:53	I want muchentuchen
01:23:55	No.
01:23:57	But if I tell,
01:23:59	So you not give any incentive.
01:24:03	Okay. I want 50 percent
01:24:06	- Phantom & Salim Muchentuchen.
01:24:10	- Twenty-five percent.
01:24:12	I want yogurt shop attached to store,
01:24:15	Okay.
01:24:16	- I get profits from store.
01:24:18	- Some profits.
01:24:20	I get free yogurt
01:24:23	Okay. Within reason.
01:24:25	And I want some of your wives.
01:24:27	How many wives you want?
01:24:28	- Twenty.
01:24:30	- I sleep with one wife.
01:24:32	She give one pee-pee touch.
01:24:34	Okay.
01:24:53	My friends, look what I do.
01:24:56	This Walbridge guy's
01:24:59	...so he give me 20 tickets
01:25:02	Very nice. Hassan, you see this?
01:25:07	This is where you're going to be
01:25:10	Yes? No, you're gonna give it up
01:25:16	Excuse us.
01:25:19	I have to show you this.
01:25:21	Listen to Fatima Zaad's
01:25:24	"A hall of fame terrorist
01:25:28	...and not for the muchentuchen. "
01:25:31	- Phantom's coming to the City?
01:25:34	"He's coming to hacky sack
01:25:38	...who says he cuts hair,
01:25:44	He's ruined everything.
01:25:45	Why you say? You the Zohan.
01:25:48	He come to hacky sack,
01:25:50	No, I don't care.
01:25:53	Get new woman to love
01:25:56	Now my life's followed me here.
01:26:07	Maybe Phantom no care anymore.
01:27:05	You're an Israeli counterterrorist?
01:27:08	- I knew it.
01:27:09	Well, the Israeli part.
01:27:14	How is Dalia going to forgive me?
01:27:17	I'm liar.
01:27:18	She Palestinian, I'm no Australian.
01:27:21	You know, Scrappy...
01:27:24	- if there's one thing I've learned
01:27:28	...with Jewish men, Puerto Rican men,
01:27:33	...you can't have secrets
01:27:37	You tell her the truth
01:27:42	...everything will work out just fine.
01:27:45	I like this.
01:27:52	I am sorry I not tell you the truth before
01:27:56	But believe me,
01:28:01	I know you're not from
01:28:04	I see how you look
01:28:07	Then why you like this? Is it because
01:28:11	Come on, tell me in my face.
01:28:12	Zohan, you're not just Israel.
01:28:16	You Israel.
01:28:18	But you say hate is stupid.
01:28:20	That's why you run to America, to get
01:28:25	I was even thinking
01:28:28	...I go out and get us
01:28:30	We move in together,
01:28:33	...make the children,
01:28:36	Zohan, I can't.
01:28:39	I have open mind,
01:28:43	No, no, no. I no do this anymore.
01:28:45	You put the fork in the fat lady,
01:28:48	She's had enough to eat.
01:28:50	It doesn't matter.
01:28:53	You don't know my family.
01:28:55	Or maybe you do.
01:28:57	What does this mean?
01:29:00	Just leave.
01:29:02	Please, it can't be.
01:29:08	Maybe is for best.
01:29:11	You deserve a safe life.
01:29:16	But know...
01:29:19	...you will always be my special one.
01:29:34	- Zohan.
01:29:39	I got you a gift.
01:29:40	A gift.
01:29:46	They come out with new book?
01:29:49	Yes. They do it
01:29:54	Just a slight update from yours.
01:30:02	No feathering?
01:30:04	Or scrunching?
01:30:06	Where's the style?
01:30:08	But I know this is nice gesture.
01:30:14	Goodbye, Zohan.
01:30:16	Goodbye.
01:30:25	Goodbye.
01:30:52	I'm sorry it didn't work out.
01:30:54	Me too.
01:30:55	You still go to Hacky Sack?
01:30:57	Yes, it's better I find him
01:31:00	I got your back.
01:31:03	No, no, no. I handle this alone.
01:31:16	Hello? Let's go.
01:31:36	Go. Go, go, go.
01:32:04	Ladies and gentlemen,
01:32:08	...and your Lebanese Trees!
01:32:24	Fizzy Bubblech.
01:32:39	What's with the cheers?
01:32:42	Yeah, people used to boo
01:32:44	I wasn't a terrorist.
01:32:46	You were pretty bad.
01:32:50	I brought this great event
01:32:55	...that New York City...
01:32:57	...loves its foreign immigrant-types
01:33:02	My hot girlfriend and I
01:33:07	...whether you're white, or brown,
01:33:13	And here to sing
01:33:17	...a superstar we all love:
01:33:20	Mariah Carey!
01:33:48	Goal!
01:33:50	And disco break!
01:34:07	Disco, disco, good, good!
01:34:11	Disco, disco, good, good!
01:34:17	Okay, Mariah. Couple more.
01:34:19	This one's from Sheik Fayalah
01:34:22	He wants you to write
01:34:25	Okay, this again?
01:34:26	- I know.
01:34:27	MC, there's a Mr. Phantom
01:34:30	Who's Phantom,
01:34:32	- Because I don't know who that is.
01:34:36	Whatever. Okay.
01:34:40	Miss Mariah Carey.
01:34:43	It is a pleasure to meet you.
01:34:46	Thank you. Nice to meet you.
01:34:50	Miss Carey, your high notes
01:34:54	...like a Scud missile
01:34:59	- Thank you. That's really nice.
01:35:01	So you know I'm not dead.
01:35:05	Oh, I sorry I startle.
01:35:07	I was not startle. I saw a bee.
01:35:11	There's a bee? I'm allergic.
01:35:14	No, no, no. Look.
01:35:16	Mariah, believe me, there's no bee.
01:35:19	I'm allergic. You know I'm allergic.
01:35:21	No, no, no. The bee... Forget the bee.
01:35:26	It was a black wasp.
01:35:28	- promising me
01:35:31	There was no bee. He says the bee...
01:35:32	...so he can look more like a person
01:35:36	- Are you sure?
01:35:38	I beg your cleavage's pardon.
01:35:40	We will be out of your bouncy hair
01:35:44	I was going to kill you tomorrow...
01:35:47	...but I guess jackass
01:35:54	Do y'all want us to leave?
01:35:56	- No, no, no.
01:35:57	- We are not even here.
01:36:02	I came here to the States to
01:36:05	...but I guess
01:36:08	Oh, Zohan does not want
01:36:12	Scared of bees, huh?
01:36:14	Now I'm afraid of the bees?
01:36:17	What? You're the one that
01:36:20	Your hair. Your hair does not
01:36:23	You don't like this hair?
01:36:26	Everyone else
01:36:27	I like the 'fro better.
01:36:30	Hang on, I'm getting a call.
01:36:33	Michael, what is?
01:36:34	Zohan? We have a problem here.
01:36:37	- Where you get that?
01:36:40	- It has Bluetooth?
01:36:42	I can never figure that
01:36:45	Oh, no, it's very simple.
01:36:48	- Tell her. Phantom will tell you.
01:36:51	- Mac.
01:36:53	The record company does.
01:36:56	Please, add me as a friend.
01:36:59	Sure, yeah, yeah.
01:37:01	Sure, as Huge Boner.
01:37:04	Michael, what is?
01:37:05	There's a bunch of guys and they are
01:37:14	No. Stay where you are.
01:37:16	Yeah, we'll stay up here.
01:37:18	- What? Where you go?
01:37:20	- Mariah, I love the newest album.
01:37:47	The Zohan.
01:37:53	My pita shop.
01:37:56	They burned it down.
01:38:11	Why you do this?
01:38:12	We no do this. We at Hacky Sack
01:38:15	And I wish that we should do this,
01:38:21	Across street!
01:38:22	- Waleed, Waleed. Look, Waleed!
01:38:25	You people ruined my store.
01:38:34	What I miss?
01:38:37	The Israeli burned down my store!
01:38:40	No, no, no.
01:38:41	I save store.
01:38:43	Then I kill the Zohan.
01:38:48	Phantom, kick its ass.
01:38:51	Jab it to the right.
01:38:52	Stick and move, Phantom.
01:38:55	He can't do this alone.
01:39:01	Don't back down. Kick its ass.
01:39:26	Phantom.
01:39:31	Why you help me?
01:39:33	Because I'm through with this.
01:39:37	I no more fight.
01:39:39	You do whatever you want,
01:39:44	It's trick, huh?
01:39:46	No.
01:39:50	- Fight back.
01:39:52	- Fight back!
01:39:57	Fight back, Zohan.
01:39:58	Fight him back. What are you doing?
01:40:03	No.
01:40:04	This is not fun for anybody.
01:40:07	Why you not fight back?
01:40:09	Because he know better.
01:40:13	Sister?
01:40:14	When you gonna grow up, Fatoush?
01:40:16	Fatoush?
01:40:18	No, no, no Fatoush.
01:40:21	Is Phantom now.
01:40:24	Is my man, Fatoush.
01:40:27	You're my woman?
01:40:29	You Phantom's sister?
01:40:30	You tapping the Zohan?
01:40:33	You settle for a pee-pee touch?
01:40:35	I wouldn't say "settle. "
01:40:38	Fatoush is talking.
01:40:41	Yes. I am Phantom's sister.
01:40:46	And, no, Fatoush,
01:40:50	But I think I love him.
01:40:56	This is good.
01:40:57	Of course you love me.
01:41:04	Brother, here in America
01:41:07	We just people trying to get jobs
01:41:11	...selling crappy stereo equipment.
01:41:14	- Hey. Is Sony guts.
01:41:16	The point is, we are thousands
01:41:21	...and we live together just fine.
01:41:24	We do.
01:41:27	We do.
01:41:28	Come on, people.
01:41:34	- I resent.
01:41:36	What? What do you resent?
01:41:37	People don't like us.
01:41:39	Come on, is not easy for us.
01:41:42	- Why?
01:41:47	We do look alike.
01:41:50	Waleed looks Mexican, to be honest.
01:41:54	Yeah, he do.
01:41:57	You know, ever since
01:41:59	...everyone think we are terrorists.
01:42:01	Look, Bashir, no offense...
01:42:03	...but if you sat next to me on a plane,
01:42:09	He's right.
01:42:11	But how could I not hate
01:42:16	I am sorry about your goat.
01:42:19	He was a good goat.
01:42:24	- Really?
01:42:27	Did you rub his chin?
01:42:30	Like this?
01:42:32	Yes, sometimes for hours.
01:42:36	He make the face?
01:42:38	Oh, the face. The face.
01:42:41	That's it, that's it.
01:42:44	As long as he was happy.
01:42:48	Is good. Very happy.
01:42:52	Holy shichumetz.
01:42:54	I see what is.
01:42:59	Those are cool. Who make this?
01:43:02	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:03	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:03	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:04	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:05	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:05	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:06	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:07	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:07	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:08	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:09	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:10	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:11	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:11	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:12	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:13	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:14	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:14	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:15	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:17	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:17	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:18	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:19	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:20	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:21	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:22	NAME: JAMES T. O'SKANLON
01:43:28	You see this? Bastard landlord.
01:43:31	He tell us go to Hacky Sack...
01:43:33	...so he can make it look like
01:43:36	To make us look like we enemies.
01:43:38	This the real enemy.
01:43:41	I thought the whole place
01:43:43	Oh, we're waiting on them, sir.
01:43:45	We're drawing them closer,
01:43:53	Aharon, get weapons from truck.
01:43:54	No, no, no.
01:43:57	- I do this alone.
01:43:59	- We do this together.
01:44:01	No, no, no. Listen.
01:44:05	Let it go.
01:44:07	Don't "big guy" me, big guy.
01:44:09	Look, you think I didn't want
01:44:12	- Is no pressure here.
01:44:14	Listen, all I ever wanted since high
01:44:20	- What?
01:44:23	Tell me, what is?
01:44:27	And sell shoes.
01:44:29	I love shoes.
01:44:30	No. That's great. I love to cut hair.
01:44:34	There is nothing wrong with that.
01:44:36	- Tell my parents.
01:44:38	- They don't understand.
01:44:41	- Never do. They think they're clever...
01:44:45	- Yes. Okay, we go.
01:44:47	Come on, let's go.
01:44:48	Soup's on, boys.
01:44:50	Hell, yeah!
01:44:57	What kind of shoes you like?
01:44:58	You know, Rockport, Ferragamo,
01:45:07	You should maybe try
01:45:10	No, no, no.
01:45:12	You stylist,
01:45:14	Oh, yes, but I'm looking
01:45:18	Try mine. It's Kenneth Cole.
01:45:21	Square toe.
01:45:24	It is nice.
01:45:25	This is a fashion
01:45:29	Yes. Hey, to be honest,
01:45:31	- Let me measure.
01:45:34	I'm ready for you.
01:45:37	Okay, checking the width.
01:45:39	Triple E.
01:45:41	This is a big foot, huh?
01:45:43	You win again.
01:45:44	Is not a competition.
01:45:46	I do need to cut my nails.
01:45:48	We don't know
01:45:50	It's apparently between
01:45:53	- Let's get some insight.
01:45:57	Is the landlord, the Walbridge guy.
01:46:00	Excuse me.
01:46:03	Damn it!
01:46:04	Mariah Carey, I love you. I love you.
01:46:07	I find you, Mariah.
01:46:11	I love you too, horny little man.
01:46:19	Zohan. He has a bomb.
01:46:23	- And puppies.
01:46:26	I'm gonna blow up this block.
01:46:27	I'm gonna blow you up,
01:46:31	...and we all going to hell together,
01:46:34	We have no time. We have to make
01:46:37	- You mean the sound?
01:46:41	But Arab and Jews have not made
01:46:45	- Now is time, my friend.
01:46:48	You can't do nothing about it,
01:46:57	No, no, no. Let me take the melody,
01:47:00	- Yes. Okay, okay.
01:47:28	Well, hello, stranger.
01:47:31	Care for some chips?
01:47:36	Puppies!
01:47:37	That dog is incredibly cute.
01:47:40	Barry Manilow
01:47:47	Listen, I'm Grant Walbridge.
01:47:58	Keep it together. Keep it together.
01:48:04	No!
01:48:07	My life is ruined.
01:48:10	They were perfect.
01:48:11	The ratio.
01:48:13	Why?
01:48:17	No, no, no. Stop.
01:48:22	What the heck are you doing?
01:48:26	Sorry. Sorry. I got excited.
01:48:29	Okay, we fix.
01:48:33	It's fine. Yes, it's fine.
01:48:36	It's all b'seder.
01:48:50	Goat rides! Everybody, goat ride.
01:48:53	The most wonderful goat
01:49:00	You come. Come, come. Come on.
01:49:09	I'm almost done.
01:49:12	- I love it.
01:49:14	I had fun shampooing your hair...
01:49:17	...but I'd rather be licking it off
01:49:20	I knew he had it in him.
01:49:22	Yeah, he sounds like his mother.
01:49:25	Maybe I'll bleach your nipples
01:49:28	- Oh, now he's gone too far.
01:49:32	Zohan?
01:49:34	Of course, motek.
01:49:37	...this is the kind of bootachem
01:49:41	Hello, Zohan.
01:49:44	So this is where you work?
01:49:50	Yes, Abba.
01:49:52	And this is your Palestinian wife?
01:49:57	Yes, Abba.
01:50:01	Does she know you're a fagala?
01:50:05	I see. This is because...
01:50:06	Congratulations.
01:50:08	Now, cut my hair.
01:50:10	Yes. Yes. Yes.
01:50:12	I love it. Please.

You Don t Mess With The Zohan