|
Zolotoy Telyonok The Golden Calf
|
| 00:00:13 |
Ilya Ilf and Eugene Petrov |
| 00:00:22 |
THE LITTLE GOLDEN CALF |
| 00:00:30 |
It was long ago... |
| 00:00:32 |
Very long ago... |
| 00:00:34 |
Very... |
| 00:02:39 |
No, this is not Rio de Janeiro. |
| 00:02:43 |
This is much worse. |
| 00:03:05 |
Look up and down |
| 00:03:10 |
CHARACTERS |
| 00:03:12 |
1. "ANTELOPIANS" : |
| 00:03:15 |
Ostap BENDER |
| 00:03:18 |
His aids and associates: |
| 00:03:20 |
Shura BALAGANOV, |
| 00:03:22 |
Mikhail PANIKOVSKY, |
| 00:03:25 |
Adam KOZLEVICH. |
| 00:03:28 |
2. "HERCULEANS" : |
| 00:03:30 |
Alexander KOREIKO |
| 00:03:32 |
Comrade POLYKHAEV |
| 00:03:35 |
BERLAGA |
| 00:03:37 |
Yegor SKUMBRIEVICH |
| 00:03:40 |
3. UNORGANIZED MINORITIES: |
| 00:03:42 |
SINITSKY |
| 00:03:45 |
Zosya SINITSKAYA |
| 00:04:21 |
PLACE: U.S.S.R. |
| 00:04:48 |
Out of pants. |
| 00:05:25 |
Poor Yorick! |
| 00:05:26 |
Citizen! It is forbidden to touch anything here! |
| 00:05:35 |
- By the way, what's the name of this city? |
| 00:05:48 |
Arbatov! Now I see. |
| 00:05:53 |
No, This is not Rio de Janeiro. |
| 00:06:00 |
Whom do you want, comrade? |
| 00:06:02 |
Private. |
| 00:06:05 |
Hello! |
| 00:06:09 |
Hi! |
| 00:06:11 |
Hi, don't you recognize me? |
| 00:06:15 |
No, I don't. |
| 00:06:17 |
And yet many people think that I am |
| 00:06:21 |
I also resemble my farther. |
| 00:06:25 |
The whole point is in the father. |
| 00:06:30 |
I am the son of Lieutenant Schmidt. |
| 00:06:35 |
Don't you remember? |
| 00:06:38 |
Yes, yes. Very glad you dropped in, |
| 00:06:47 |
We get lost in work. |
| 00:06:52 |
- I suppose you're from Moscow? |
| 00:06:57 |
Our churches are remarkable. |
| 00:07:04 |
Tell me, and do you yourself remember |
| 00:07:10 |
Dimly. |
| 00:07:12 |
In those heroic times I was |
| 00:07:18 |
- Excuse me, but what is your name? |
| 00:07:26 |
And... your patronymic? |
| 00:07:33 |
Nowadays many people don't know |
| 00:07:38 |
The pernicious NEP! |
| 00:07:40 |
The old enthusiasm is lacking. |
| 00:07:47 |
I came to your city quite by accident,.. |
| 00:07:50 |
...got into difficulties on the way, |
| 00:07:53 |
Don't worry, comrade Schmidt. |
| 00:07:57 |
You did very well not to have gone |
| 00:08:02 |
I need only 50 rubles. |
| 00:08:04 |
We are limited by the narrow frames |
| 00:08:09 |
That's all I can give. |
| 00:08:25 |
Who's in charge here? |
| 00:08:31 |
Everyone's waiting. |
| 00:08:40 |
Everyone's waiting. |
| 00:08:43 |
Come in, comrade. |
| 00:08:47 |
Calm down, comrades! |
| 00:08:52 |
Son of the hero of the revolution, |
| 00:09:01 |
But the comrade sitting there,.. |
| 00:09:04 |
...is the son of the great, unforgettable hero |
| 00:09:14 |
It happens. |
| 00:09:17 |
It doesn't look good... |
| 00:09:22 |
Vasya! |
| 00:09:29 |
Vasia! Don't you recognize me? |
| 00:09:38 |
Shut up! Don't you recognize your brother Nick? |
| 00:09:44 |
Of course I recognize my brother Nick! |
| 00:09:51 |
Nick! I recognize him. |
| 00:09:53 |
You're so grown up! |
| 00:09:59 |
Ochakov! Ochakov! |
| 00:10:01 |
When did you come from Mariupol? |
| 00:10:05 |
Yes, I lived there - at her. |
| 00:10:09 |
Why did you write me so rarely? |
| 00:10:12 |
- I was busy. And why didn't you write? |
| 00:10:16 |
I sent you registered letters. |
| 00:10:20 |
I have piles of receipts. |
| 00:10:30 |
By the way, speaking of childhood. |
| 00:10:32 |
When I was a child I used to kill guys like you |
| 00:10:36 |
- Why? - Such are the implacable laws of life. |
| 00:10:43 |
What made you come to the private office? |
| 00:10:47 |
- I thought... |
| 00:10:50 |
What is your name, Thinker? |
| 00:10:53 |
Jean Jacques Rousseau? |
| 00:11:00 |
Well, I forgive you. You may live. |
| 00:11:05 |
We're brothers, and kinship has its obligations. |
| 00:11:09 |
- Permit me to learn your original surname. |
| 00:11:14 |
I'm not asking about your profession, |
| 00:11:17 |
I'm sure it must be something intellectual. |
| 00:11:19 |
- Have you been tried many times this year? |
| 00:11:22 |
No man should come to trial. |
| 00:11:27 |
I'm sure your mother made you familiar |
| 00:11:32 |
It is moreover an aimless waste |
| 00:11:36 |
Look, do you see that man in a straw hat? |
| 00:11:41 |
I see. What of it? |
| 00:11:45 |
- That is Panikovsky, a son of Lieutenant Schmidt. |
| 00:11:51 |
This is getting funny. |
| 00:12:05 |
Lieutenant Schmidt had three sons. |
| 00:12:18 |
- He must be warned. |
| 00:12:34 |
Have you ever seen a bull fight in Spain? |
| 00:12:38 |
Come, let's watch. |
| 00:13:03 |
- General retreat. |
| 00:13:09 |
Hats off! Bare your head. |
| 00:13:17 |
The body of the deceased |
| 00:13:24 |
O, my God! First came out the widow. |
| 00:13:26 |
After a short civil ceremony... |
| 00:13:30 |
...the body of the deceased... |
| 00:13:35 |
...was interred! |
| 00:13:53 |
What a sod! There were 69 of us, |
| 00:13:57 |
We divided the whole country into districts, |
| 00:14:02 |
He got Mordovia. |
| 00:14:06 |
He's trespassing my district for a long time, |
| 00:14:13 |
So then Balaganov, you are a fop. |
| 00:14:16 |
Yes, a fop. Don't be offended. |
| 00:14:19 |
...that you occupy under the sun. |
| 00:14:20 |
- Go to the devil! |
| 00:14:23 |
- Are you member? |
| 00:14:25 |
I'm a member of the Trade Union of Proletarians |
| 00:14:31 |
But you yourself are a son of Lieutenant Schmidt! |
| 00:14:34 |
You are a fop. And the son of a fop. |
| 00:14:39 |
Don't be a child! What occurred |
| 00:14:44 |
A gentlemen in search of a ten-spot. |
| 00:14:47 |
And what sort of a profession it is. |
| 00:14:51 |
I'll grant you one year, All right two! |
| 00:14:53 |
Then your auburn locks will be noticed |
| 00:14:57 |
What am I to do then? |
| 00:15:01 |
You must think. |
| 00:15:05 |
Hey, let's ride! |
| 00:15:12 |
Fare is reduced by 10-12% |
| 00:15:22 |
Bear in mind that for every vitamin you receive |
| 00:15:30 |
I see that you are in love with money |
| 00:15:32 |
Tell me, what sum would appeal to you? |
| 00:15:35 |
- Five thousand. |
| 00:15:38 |
A year. |
| 00:15:41 |
In that case, our ways part right here. |
| 00:15:43 |
I need 500 thousand, and, if possible, |
| 00:15:47 |
Wouldn't you take it in installments? |
| 00:15:57 |
I shouldn't mind taking it in installments,.. |
| 00:15:59 |
...but I need it all immediately. |
| 00:16:05 |
Why do you need so much money? |
| 00:16:08 |
As a matter of fact, I need more. |
| 00:16:11 |
I want to go away, Comrade Shura,.. |
| 00:16:14 |
...very far away,.. |
| 00:16:16 |
...to Rio de Janeiro. |
| 00:16:21 |
Have you relatives there? |
| 00:16:25 |
Why? Do I look like a man |
| 00:16:30 |
I have no kinsmen, |
| 00:16:36 |
I had a father once who was a Turkish subject, |
| 00:16:42 |
Ever since I was a child |
| 00:16:45 |
I see. |
| 00:16:46 |
You, of course, are not aware |
| 00:16:49 |
This is a clipping from Soviet Encyclopedia. |
| 00:16:53 |
See what it says here about Rio de Janeiro. |
| 00:16:56 |
Population 1 360 000 |
| 00:17:01 |
...in the wealth of stores |
| 00:17:05 |
...its main streets rival |
| 00:17:08 |
Can you imagine that, Shura? |
| 00:17:11 |
Mulattoes, millionaires, export coffee! |
| 00:17:15 |
A Charleston entitled 'My Girl Has A Little Thing'... |
| 00:17:19 |
But what's the use of talking? |
| 00:17:23 |
One and a half million people, |
| 00:17:28 |
- But where will you get 500 thousand? |
| 00:17:31 |
Wherever you like. |
| 00:17:32 |
Show me a rich man |
| 00:17:37 |
What! |
| 00:17:43 |
Murder? |
| 00:17:49 |
Do you know, Shura, |
| 00:17:52 |
Note this: Ostap Bender never killed anyone. |
| 00:17:57 |
He has been killed. That happened. |
| 00:18:02 |
I'm no cherub, of course. |
| 00:18:04 |
But I respect the Criminal Code. |
| 00:18:07 |
But how do you propose |
| 00:18:09 |
That's not the point. |
| 00:18:12 |
I personally have 400 comparatively |
| 00:18:15 |
The point is that nowadays rich people |
| 00:18:18 |
And yet they exist! |
| 00:18:22 |
As long as any type of coinage |
| 00:18:24 |
...then there must be people |
| 00:18:27 |
There are very wealthy people. |
| 00:18:29 |
But do you know them? |
| 00:18:31 |
Can you give me the name and address |
| 00:18:36 |
Even the Commissariat of Finance |
| 00:18:41 |
...cannot find a Soviet millionaire. |
| 00:18:45 |
And yet the millionaire may be sitting |
| 00:18:49 |
That is what hurts! |
| 00:18:53 |
I know such a millionaire. |
| 00:18:56 |
Word of honor, Monsieur Bender... |
| 00:19:00 |
Go on, go on. |
| 00:19:02 |
I apply only on Saturdays. |
| 00:19:07 |
Listen, Shura, if you have definitely decided |
| 00:19:10 |
...don't call me monsieur but citoyen, |
| 00:19:13 |
By the way, what is your millionaire's address? |
| 00:19:16 |
He lives in Chernomorsk. |
| 00:19:18 |
Why, of course, just as I thought. |
| 00:19:21 |
There even in pre-revolution days they... |
| 00:19:24 |
...called a man with 10 thousand a millionaire. |
| 00:19:28 |
No, that's nonsense! |
| 00:19:29 |
But no, let me tell you. |
| 00:19:33 |
This is a genuine millionaire. |
| 00:19:37 |
Not long ago... |
| 00:19:39 |
I had the occasion to spend some time |
| 00:19:45 |
What did you say was the name |
| 00:19:47 |
- Koreiko. |
| 00:19:50 |
Have I any gray hair? |
| 00:19:52 |
- No, sir! - There will be! |
| 00:19:55 |
You, too, will become gray, Balaganov! |
| 00:19:57 |
Why? How did you put it --... |
| 00:19:59 |
...he'll bring it himself |
| 00:20:01 |
For me on a little saucer. |
| 00:20:03 |
But how about Rio de Janeiro? |
| 00:20:07 |
Rio de Janeiro is the delicate dream |
| 00:20:09 |
Don't you touch it with your dirty paws. |
| 00:20:11 |
Now, back to bosoms, |
| 00:20:14 |
The troops must arrive in Chernomorsk. |
| 00:20:16 |
Service uniforms. |
| 00:20:18 |
Bugle 'advance'! |
| 00:20:20 |
I will command the parade! |
| 00:20:24 |
"We're born to build reality from fair tale, |
| 00:20:46 |
You're listening to 'Comintern Radio' |
| 00:20:53 |
Here is the latest news |
| 00:20:56 |
An airplane 'Wings of the Soviets' |
| 00:20:59 |
...Moscow-Berlin-Paris-Rome- |
| 00:21:12 |
...'College of Northern Peoples' is reorganized |
| 00:21:20 |
...the first in the world... |
| 00:21:27 |
Twins of domestic leather haberdashery! |
| 00:21:39 |
...the first all-union convention |
| 00:21:53 |
...French Prime-minister Poincare has resigned... |
| 00:22:30 |
An original construction. |
| 00:22:34 |
Hi, how are you! |
| 00:22:35 |
Do you see, what can be made |
| 00:22:38 |
A slight adaptation -- and you would have |
| 00:22:45 |
Go away! |
| 00:22:46 |
What do you mean 'Go away'? |
| 00:22:48 |
Why then did you brand your threshing machine |
| 00:22:53 |
My friend and I desire to make a business journey. |
| 00:22:59 |
- Citizen-gentleman, please! |
| 00:23:04 |
You cannot go far in this carriage of the past. |
| 00:23:07 |
If you please. Where may I take you? |
| 00:23:09 |
This time, nowhere. There is no money. |
| 00:23:12 |
Can't do anything about it. Sheer poverty. |
| 00:23:15 |
Never mind, get in! |
| 00:23:18 |
Why such sacrifices? |
| 00:23:20 |
Promise only not to drink vodka, |
| 00:23:24 |
What makes you think that |
| 00:23:26 |
- Get in! Hey, let's ride! |
| 00:23:35 |
- Where? |
| 00:23:37 |
Where?! |
| 00:23:39 |
Merely 1000 km southward. |
| 00:23:45 |
In Chernomorsk antiques are appreciated |
| 00:23:48 |
While in Arbatov you have nothing to lose |
| 00:23:52 |
You'll not go hungry on the road; |
| 00:23:55 |
In a word - the gasoline is yours, |
| 00:24:31 |
Participants of the auto race have been greeted |
| 00:24:37 |
What auto race? |
| 00:24:40 |
You should read newspapers, Shura. |
| 00:24:43 |
Sometimes they reveal that |
| 00:24:46 |
We are located in the line of auto race |
| 00:24:50 |
For a period of time we'll be |
| 00:24:54 |
That's Panikovsky running! Panikovsky! |
| 00:25:25 |
- Stop! Stop! |
| 00:25:29 |
- Save me! - God will help you. |
| 00:25:33 |
Don't. He'll know better next time |
| 00:25:36 |
Take me! I'll be good! |
| 00:25:40 |
- Drop that bird! - I can't do it! |
| 00:25:57 |
- Adam! What do you call your wagon? |
| 00:26:00 |
That's a hell of a rotten name! |
| 00:26:02 |
An automobile, like a battleship, |
| 00:26:06 |
Your Lauren-Dietrich is distinguished |
| 00:26:09 |
...and a noble beauty of line. |
| 00:26:11 |
Therefore I propose that we give |
| 00:26:15 |
Any objections? Unanimous! |
| 00:26:18 |
The session continues. |
| 00:27:09 |
- Greetings! |
| 00:27:30 |
Comrade Koreiko, how much is 836 by 423? |
| 00:27:40 |
353,628 |
| 00:27:46 |
Phenomenon! |
| 00:27:47 |
Another man in his place |
| 00:27:50 |
but he is just an idiot. |
| 00:27:52 |
He'll sit here the rest of his life |
| 00:27:59 |
A church with a village to the starboard, sir! |
| 00:28:03 |
For 5 minutes. Behind us are first-class machines. |
| 00:28:08 |
- How about the gasoline? |
| 00:28:10 |
- Shall we respond to greetings? |
| 00:28:15 |
I forbid you to open your mouths. |
| 00:28:21 |
The Udoyevites themselves |
| 00:28:39 |
The sweet burden of fame... |
| 00:28:45 |
Greetings to participants of the auto race! |
| 00:28:48 |
- Out of gasoline. |
| 00:28:52 |
Our agenda includes rally, |
| 00:28:57 |
Could we switch it? |
| 00:29:00 |
People arrived already. |
| 00:29:03 |
Let's cancel lunch, then. |
| 00:29:04 |
We'll take the lunch packed. |
| 00:29:07 |
Also, give them a barrel of aviation gasoline. |
| 00:29:10 |
The rally has to be very short. |
| 00:29:14 |
- How are the other machines? |
| 00:29:17 |
...the enthusiasm of the population -- |
| 00:29:19 |
Are you in the commander's car? |
| 00:29:22 |
I took Kleptunov out of the race. |
| 00:29:24 |
And Professor Pessochnikov -- |
| 00:29:28 |
And the woman writer -- Vera Cruz? |
| 00:29:31 |
- And Nezhinsky. Is he also with you? |
| 00:29:37 |
- Are you in the Studebaker? |
| 00:29:41 |
...but until now it has been called |
| 00:29:44 |
But there are no Lauren-Dietrichs in the race. |
| 00:29:48 |
I read about two Packards, two Fiats |
| 00:29:54 |
Go to devil's mother with your Studebaker! |
| 00:29:56 |
Who is this Studebaker? |
| 00:29:59 |
Is Stidebaker your father? |
| 00:30:00 |
Why do you annoy a fellow like this? |
| 00:30:03 |
...that at the last moment a Lauren-Dietrich |
| 00:30:06 |
...and still he bothers me! |
| 00:30:08 |
Experts! Such experts should be shot! |
| 00:30:30 |
I rejoice in the opportunity... |
| 00:30:32 |
...to violate the patriarchal peace |
| 00:30:35 |
...with an automobile siren. |
| 00:30:38 |
The automobile, comrades, is not a luxury |
| 00:30:44 |
The automobile is vehicle of internal combustion! |
| 00:30:51 |
The automobile is also vehicle of the culture! |
| 00:30:57 |
We must work for the uninterrupted production |
| 00:31:01 |
The iron steed comes to take the place |
| 00:31:07 |
Use automobile, comrades. Everybody! |
| 00:31:12 |
Let's race against aimlessness, slovenliness... |
| 00:31:17 |
...and bureaucracy! |
| 00:31:21 |
After a bite to eat |
| 00:31:25 |
Purchase auto club lottery tickets! |
| 00:31:30 |
Improve the roads! |
| 00:31:41 |
City of Gryazhsk |
| 00:31:42 |
Welcome! |
| 00:31:43 |
Hip, hip, hurrah! |
| 00:31:44 |
The iron horse!.. |
| 00:31:45 |
Thanks!.. |
| 00:31:49 |
City of Novozaytsev |
| 00:31:50 |
Brave motorists! |
| 00:31:51 |
Hurrah! |
| 00:31:51 |
Join auto club! |
| 00:31:52 |
Thanks! |
| 00:32:01 |
City of B.Pogost |
| 00:32:01 |
Welcome! |
| 00:32:02 |
Hurrah! |
| 00:32:03 |
Thanks! |
| 00:32:10 |
City of Luchansk |
| 00:32:16 |
Comrades! I believe in automotive future |
| 00:32:24 |
In a short while ... |
| 00:32:27 |
...one of every three-- |
| 00:32:32 |
...become a motorist. |
| 00:32:34 |
Straight like an arrow |
| 00:32:42 |
I recall an old French joke... |
| 00:32:45 |
Remove the photographer! |
| 00:32:50 |
Comrades, I'll respond to your questions later. |
| 00:32:55 |
A Frenchman returns home from a business trip |
| 00:32:59 |
...finds his young wife... |
| 00:33:04 |
Join auto club, comrades! |
| 00:33:11 |
These are crooks! At them, boys! |
| 00:33:20 |
Stop! When I catch up with you |
| 00:33:23 |
Stop! Can't you see that we've lost our chief? |
| 00:34:17 |
Mommy! |
| 00:34:18 |
Faster, Adam! |
| 00:34:21 |
Full speed ahead! |
| 00:34:35 |
Help! |
| 00:35:00 |
I'm coming, greybeard. I'm coming. |
| 00:35:12 |
"She is coming"! Did you hear it, Alexander |
| 00:35:18 |
A man is late and "she is coming". |
| 00:35:21 |
Here is the main course and then I have to run. |
| 00:35:25 |
They are awaiting me in "The Youth News". |
| 00:35:31 |
This puzzle is tough to solve. |
| 00:35:39 |
What the hell is "sation"? |
| 00:35:43 |
A challenge, indeed... Especially the goat. |
| 00:35:54 |
How are you, Alexander Ivanovich! |
| 00:35:59 |
What about the "industrialization"? |
| 00:36:02 |
Thanks God, I have the beginning! |
| 00:36:04 |
"Hindus"..."three"..."Ali"... Still struggling |
| 00:36:15 |
Do not serve extra plates, Zosya |
| 00:36:20 |
- Beginning today I'm your only patron. |
| 00:36:24 |
Bomze is on vacation |
| 00:36:27 |
...so that from worry |
| 00:36:30 |
I hope it's not for long, isn't it? |
| 00:36:32 |
I forgot to tell you, Zosya - things are not good. |
| 00:36:36 |
- Your scholarship is our only hope. |
| 00:36:42 |
I'm rushing to "The Youth News". |
| 00:36:48 |
Oh! My puzzle. |
| 00:36:55 |
Yes, that's the way it goes, |
| 00:37:01 |
Have you heard the news? |
| 00:37:05 |
He is a native of Chernomorsk, they say. |
| 00:37:14 |
That's how I live -- in loneliness -- |
| 00:37:22 |
What's that? Not knowing what? |
| 00:37:25 |
Without knowing a woman's attachment. |
| 00:37:31 |
I'd like to tell you... |
| 00:37:37 |
Just to show how it happens in life... |
| 00:37:40 |
There is a man whom I know, an old man... |
| 00:37:43 |
Not exactly old but no longer young... |
| 00:37:45 |
And not exactly no longer young, but... |
| 00:37:49 |
...simply time flies, the years pass. |
| 00:37:56 |
And all this, in his words, |
| 00:38:00 |
About matrimony, for instance. |
| 00:38:03 |
He is an utterly harmless man. |
| 00:38:10 |
He could even be loved. |
| 00:38:13 |
He is not a fop like others,.. |
| 00:38:17 |
...and he doesn't like |
| 00:38:19 |
Honestly and sincerely... |
| 00:38:22 |
Why shouldn't some girl marry him? |
| 00:38:28 |
Do you really think that pilot Sevriugov |
| 00:38:35 |
Time really does go horribly fast. |
| 00:38:38 |
Not so long ago I was 19,.. |
| 00:38:40 |
...but now I'm already 20... |
| 00:38:42 |
...and in another year I'll be 21... |
| 00:38:46 |
What a coincidence! A friend just told me |
| 00:38:54 |
She said that he was a good |
| 00:38:59 |
But precisely at this time, |
| 00:39:03 |
-- what, she does not yet know herself. |
| 00:39:06 |
Generally speaking, for the present |
| 00:39:12 |
Besides, what sort of life |
| 00:39:15 |
She is a seeker,.. |
| 00:39:16 |
...while he, if one is to speak honestly, |
| 00:39:21 |
Am I right? |
| 00:39:27 |
All in all, she does not love him yet. |
| 00:39:34 |
- We'll still be friends, won't we? |
| 00:39:46 |
They're holding up the pay. |
| 00:39:50 |
We even complained to the trade union. |
| 00:39:53 |
I want to go to a cinema. |
| 00:40:01 |
- I didn't know that you smoke? |
| 00:40:07 |
Zosya! |
| 00:40:09 |
I have two passes to a cinema. |
| 00:40:14 |
I'll go, OK? |
| 00:41:50 |
Gimme million, gimme million! |
| 00:41:52 |
What? What's the matter. |
| 00:42:00 |
Let him gimme million. |
| 00:42:03 |
Gimme million, just one million! |
| 00:42:05 |
Go away! |
| 00:42:10 |
- One, just one million! |
| 00:42:12 |
- Gimme million and I'll go away. |
| 00:42:16 |
You have many tiny millions! |
| 00:42:20 |
Ha has many millions and I have none. |
| 00:42:23 |
I follow him for half an hour already. |
| 00:42:52 |
Comrade Koreiko! |
| 00:42:54 |
[LOAD ORANGES BARRELS BROTHERS KARAMAZOV] |
| 00:42:59 |
Could you help us, how much is 47 306 by 251? |
| 00:43:05 |
No, I don't know. May be... initially... |
| 00:43:08 |
What happened. You don't feel well? |
| 00:43:14 |
No, it's simply... I'll be fine, fine. |
| 00:43:20 |
I'll personally hand this to comrade Koreiko. |
| 00:43:26 |
You have wonderful relatives. |
| 00:43:33 |
A postman brought this |
| 00:43:49 |
"Capitalist Sharks" |
| 00:43:56 |
Most important of all is to create confusion |
| 00:44:00 |
He must lose all peace of mind. |
| 00:44:08 |
In the final analysis, it is the incomprehensible |
| 00:44:15 |
I am convinced that my last telegram, |
| 00:44:19 |
...produced a disastrous impression |
| 00:44:24 |
The defendant must be educated to the idea |
| 00:44:27 |
He must be morally disarmed. |
| 00:44:29 |
His reactionary instinct for private property |
| 00:44:36 |
Assistant Panikovsky! |
| 00:44:38 |
You were told to meet the defendant to-day... |
| 00:44:43 |
...and again ask him for a million, |
| 00:44:47 |
- As soon as he saw me, he crossed the street. |
| 00:44:52 |
The defendant is becoming nervous |
| 00:44:57 |
He is now passing from stupid perplexity |
| 00:45:01 |
- Don't make a cult from eating! |
| 00:45:04 |
He jumps up in the middle of the night |
| 00:45:08 |
Just a little more, the final brush-stroke, |
| 00:45:14 |
He will creep tearfully to the sideboard... |
| 00:45:17 |
...and take out a little plate with a blue what? |
| 00:45:22 |
-Border. |
| 00:45:41 |
Enough gaiety! |
| 00:45:45 |
The little plate of money is still |
| 00:45:48 |
...if it exists at all -- this magic little plate! |
| 00:45:50 |
It exists, Commander! |
| 00:45:53 |
We may consider the preparatory work finished. |
| 00:45:58 |
Presently we shall go and touch an udder |
| 00:46:04 |
The udder will be touched by you, Shura |
| 00:46:08 |
Great blind man |
| 00:46:12 |
Kefir is very good for the heart. |
| 00:46:23 |
Believe me, Shura. Mere theft. |
| 00:46:28 |
Mere robbery. |
| 00:46:29 |
- Mere theft. |
| 00:46:32 |
- You are a pathetic nonentity. |
| 00:46:36 |
- Who's the chief? |
| 00:46:41 |
You? |
| 00:46:42 |
Yes, I. |
| 00:46:43 |
You? |
| 00:46:45 |
And who else could it be? |
| 00:46:49 |
- And who do you think you are? |
| 00:46:59 |
Did you see it? Everybody saw it! |
| 00:47:08 |
Citizen, this is a dairy cafeteria, |
| 00:47:11 |
What will I do to him! You'll see a sea of blood! |
| 00:47:16 |
- Now watch what I... |
| 00:47:20 |
Sit down! Watch your manners, Shura? |
| 00:47:25 |
You convinced me. You are the chief, |
| 00:47:32 |
- Why not rob him? Is it so difficult? |
| 00:47:37 |
Koreiko walks in the street at night... |
| 00:47:41 |
I come up on his left hand, |
| 00:47:44 |
It's dark, very dark! |
| 00:47:45 |
I push him from the left, |
| 00:47:49 |
The fool stops and says: "Bully!" to me. |
| 00:47:53 |
"Who's a bully?" I ask. |
| 00:47:57 |
Here I swing at his jaw... |
| 00:48:02 |
No, we can't beat him! |
| 00:48:05 |
That's just the point -- |
| 00:48:10 |
Bender doesn't permit it. |
| 00:48:12 |
I know it... Bender, Bender! |
| 00:48:20 |
OK, go to Kiev and that's it. |
| 00:48:23 |
Why? |
| 00:48:24 |
Go to Kiev... |
| 00:48:27 |
...and that's it. |
| 00:48:28 |
What do you mean -- Kiev? |
| 00:48:29 |
Go to Kiev and ask what Panikovsky was |
| 00:48:32 |
I insist upon your asking... |
| 00:48:39 |
...and they will tell you that before the Revolution |
| 00:48:45 |
If it were not for the Revolution,... |
| 00:48:48 |
...would I ever descend |
| 00:48:56 |
Why, I was a wealthy man! |
| 00:49:01 |
...nickel-plated samovar on my table. |
| 00:49:04 |
- And how did I make my living, you'll ask? |
| 00:49:08 |
Blue glasses and a little stick - |
| 00:49:13 |
Why did you quit this business? |
| 00:49:16 |
The Revolution! |
| 00:49:17 |
Prior to it I used to pay the policeman |
| 00:49:25 |
...and no one touched me. |
| 00:49:26 |
The policeman even saw to it |
| 00:49:30 |
He was a fine man! |
| 00:49:35 |
Such a crystal soul. |
| 00:49:36 |
I met him the other day. |
| 00:49:39 |
But nowadays |
| 00:49:42 |
The police! I know them better then you. |
| 00:49:50 |
I hate them! |
| 00:49:55 |
Oh, how I hate them. |
| 00:49:57 |
And so in my old age, |
| 00:50:06 |
Take my hand, Shura. Take it! |
| 00:50:10 |
For this special business... |
| 00:50:13 |
I could resort to my old glasses and stick... |
| 00:50:17 |
...and you'll see for yourself |
| 00:50:22 |
- Where is a men's room? |
| 00:50:25 |
Mere theft... mere theft. |
| 00:51:13 |
Yield to this poor blind man! |
| 00:51:17 |
I'm sorry thousand times! |
| 00:51:21 |
I'm sorry thousand times! |
| 00:51:41 |
I'm sorry thousand times! |
| 00:51:49 |
Thank you. Thank you very much. |
| 00:52:19 |
- Idiot! Can't you see the auto-bus! |
| 00:52:52 |
Panikovsky's being beaten! |
| 00:52:56 |
Already? |
| 00:52:58 |
Rather soon. |
| 00:53:00 |
Panikovsky's being beaten! |
| 00:53:02 |
Near "Hercules"! Around the corner! |
| 00:53:09 |
Why do you bellow |
| 00:53:12 |
How long have they been beating him? |
| 00:53:15 |
- About five minutes. |
| 00:53:18 |
There's a silly old man for you! |
| 00:53:19 |
Let's have a look. |
| 00:53:30 |
Pardon... another pardon. |
| 00:53:33 |
Didn't you lose a permit for jam |
| 00:53:35 |
Run along quickly. |
| 00:53:40 |
Madam, your child is crying in the bus. |
| 00:53:44 |
Let me through, disfranchised kulak! |
| 00:53:49 |
This one? |
| 00:53:51 |
Calm down, comrades. I shall ask the witnesses |
| 00:54:01 |
Where are the witnesses? |
| 00:54:14 |
Display your apprehension. |
| 00:54:18 |
Where are witnesses, after all? |
| 00:54:22 |
There is no place for hooligans in our city. |
| 00:54:26 |
Are you a witness? Give me your phone. |
| 00:54:30 |
- Who's a witness? You? |
| 00:54:34 |
Come with me... |
| 00:54:42 |
Another great blind man has been discovered! |
| 00:54:44 |
Homer, Milton and Panikovsky! |
| 00:54:52 |
And as for Balaganov! |
| 00:54:53 |
Like a sailor from a wrecked ship! |
| 00:54:56 |
- While he himself... Hell, I'm likely to fire you! |
| 00:55:01 |
You are a pathetic nonentity. |
| 00:55:05 |
Don't you dare to touch me! |
| 00:55:10 |
You're a fine pair of bunglers! |
| 00:55:17 |
No, Ostap Ibrahimovich! You'll see! |
| 00:55:21 |
Under the cover of nocturnal darkness. |
| 00:55:23 |
My honest and most honorable word. |
| 00:55:40 |
Over my dead body! |
| 00:55:42 |
Under the cover of nocturnal darkness. |
| 00:55:59 |
- How warm it is! Don't you swim at night? |
| 00:56:05 |
Well then, will you wait for me here? |
| 00:57:06 |
May I have a light? |
| 00:57:09 |
I don't smoke. |
| 00:57:13 |
Is that so? Can you tell me what time it is? |
| 00:57:17 |
About twelve. |
| 00:57:23 |
- Hands up! |
| 00:57:24 |
I said "hands up". |
| 00:57:32 |
Why are you beating me? |
| 00:57:39 |
I'll show you what time it is. |
| 00:57:45 |
Kick him! Kick him! |
| 00:58:12 |
I dropped it accidentally. It's nothing. |
| 00:58:15 |
What a wonderful night! |
| 00:59:21 |
- Who do you think you are? |
| 00:59:43 |
I think I disturbed you. It seems to me |
| 00:59:49 |
Oh, it was money you were dividing? |
| 00:59:51 |
Pray, continue -- it's interesting. |
| 00:59:57 |
I shall watch. |
| 01:00:03 |
I wanted it done honestly and fairly. |
| 01:00:08 |
You, Ostap Ibrahimovich,.. |
| 01:00:09 |
...him,.. |
| 01:00:11 |
...Kozlevich... |
| 01:00:12 |
...and me. |
| 01:00:15 |
10 thousand? Good. Mr.Koreiko's salary |
| 01:00:24 |
Now let Panikovsky divide. |
| 01:00:26 |
He seems to have his own opinion |
| 01:00:32 |
I do have my own opinion. |
| 01:00:38 |
As if I've never divided the money. |
| 01:00:44 |
As if this is real money, just 10 thousand. |
| 01:00:51 |
To me. To Ostap Ibrahimovich. |
| 01:01:06 |
I'm leaving. Right now. |
| 01:01:12 |
To me. To him. To me. |
| 01:01:23 |
So? |
| 01:01:27 |
You and I get 4 thousand apiece. |
| 01:01:30 |
And Balaganov two. |
| 01:01:36 |
But Kozlevich? |
| 01:01:38 |
Why give anything to Kozlevich? |
| 01:01:40 |
Who is this Kozlevich that |
| 01:01:42 |
We don't know any Kozlevich! |
| 01:01:44 |
Have you finished? - Yes. |
| 01:01:46 |
What has Kozlevich-Shmazlevich to do with it? |
| 01:01:48 |
And now I shall show you |
| 01:01:50 |
- Honestly and fairly? |
| 01:02:05 |
Stop joking, Bender! |
| 01:02:08 |
Let's divide it fairly. |
| 01:02:10 |
I have no desire to jest with you |
| 01:02:13 |
What did we work for then? |
| 01:02:20 |
We tried -- me and Michael Samuelievich. |
| 01:02:25 |
To you, seeing that you are the favorite son |
| 01:02:31 |
...that we didn't come here for 10 thousand. |
| 01:02:38 |
Why did you send us then? |
| 01:02:41 |
- The point is, Shura... |
| 01:02:43 |
Who do you think you are? |
| 01:02:48 |
...that I'm not a bandit. |
| 01:02:52 |
I'm a high-principled fighter for currency. |
| 01:02:56 |
This was merely a test. |
| 01:02:57 |
Consider: a clerk with a salary of 46 rubles |
| 01:03:02 |
This presents us with great opportunities. |
| 01:03:06 |
Tomorrow I shall return the 10 thousand |
| 01:03:12 |
And precisely here will come his downfall. |
| 01:03:17 |
Being a wise man, he'll understand |
| 01:03:23 |
...and for fear of losing all |
| 01:03:28 |
And at this point, Shura, there will appear |
| 01:03:32 |
Border... You're right! |
| 01:03:42 |
- Why are you crying? |
| 01:03:51 |
I haven't had a bath for a year! |
| 01:03:56 |
Girls don't like me. |
| 01:04:00 |
I refer you to the Universal League of Sexual Reform. |
| 01:04:04 |
Perhaps there they will help you. |
| 01:04:06 |
- Nobody loves me! |
| 01:04:13 |
Girls don't love the like of you. |
| 01:04:16 |
They love young, long-legged, |
| 01:04:20 |
When you die no one will write |
| 01:04:23 |
"Another comrade has killed himself with work." |
| 01:04:26 |
Or ''Death tore comrade N away from our rangs" |
| 01:04:31 |
And no beautiful widow with Persian eyes |
| 01:04:39 |
And no weeping children will ask, |
| 01:04:46 |
Don't talk like that! I'll outlive all of you! |
| 01:04:51 |
Panikovsky will yet sell and buy you all! |
| 01:04:55 |
You had better tell me |
| 01:05:00 |
I'm asking you for the last time. |
| 01:05:15 |
I want to. |
| 01:05:17 |
Citizen Koreiko? |
| 01:05:20 |
Yes. |
| 01:05:25 |
Alexander Ivanovich? |
| 01:05:28 |
Quite so. |
| 01:05:35 |
Please, be seated. |
| 01:05:42 |
- I've come to you on an errand. |
| 01:05:51 |
- We want to please you |
| 01:06:14 |
I don't smoke. |
| 01:06:26 |
Exactly 10 thousand. Count'em if you want. |
| 01:06:30 |
- Will you please signed a receipt for it? |
| 01:06:34 |
You are mistaken, comrade. |
| 01:06:39 |
You were robbed yesterday evening, |
| 01:06:43 |
No one robbed me. |
| 01:06:46 |
Yesterday evening by the sea! |
| 01:06:51 |
The robbers were arrested! |
| 01:06:54 |
So help me God, nobody robbed me. |
| 01:07:01 |
Sorry, I'm have to go to work now. |
| 01:07:08 |
What do you mean, work! What work. |
| 01:07:12 |
The case is solved. You'll get the money. |
| 01:07:15 |
What do you think? |
| 01:07:22 |
Quite right. |
| 01:07:29 |
Exactly. |
| 01:07:31 |
- So you have no complaints to make? - No. |
| 01:07:35 |
Not in the least. I'm a very healthy man. |
| 01:07:39 |
- And you are not tormented by nightmares? |
| 01:07:43 |
So long, then. |
| 01:07:45 |
Don't forget your police cap. |
| 01:07:49 |
I could only beg you not to eat too many pickles |
| 01:07:58 |
You're an interesting man, Alexander Ivanovich. |
| 01:08:06 |
Remarkable! Such luck -- and still at liberty! |
| 01:08:22 |
Well? |
| 01:08:27 |
The plate? |
| 01:08:35 |
You'll ruin you health with so much liquid. |
| 01:09:02 |
I get it! |
| 01:09:07 |
What's inside if it's not a secret? |
| 01:09:12 |
My little pigeons! Everything is inside this: |
| 01:09:24 |
Palms, girls, Blue Expresses, |
| 01:09:30 |
...a scarcely worn dinner jacket, a Japanese valet,.. |
| 01:09:35 |
...platinum teeth, socks without holes, |
| 01:09:40 |
...and, what is more important, the power, |
| 01:09:46 |
...from money. |
| 01:09:51 |
Stop your cruel jokes! |
| 01:09:54 |
Back to business, boys. |
| 01:09:57 |
The defendant does have money. |
| 01:10:03 |
This is a private investigation of citizen Koreiko. |
| 01:10:07 |
..."we need legal status, legal status and, once again, |
| 01:10:13 |
At any rate, we must become a part of |
| 01:10:17 |
What office employees? What vivid mass? |
| 01:10:27 |
Comrades, let's sit down. |
| 01:10:32 |
- When else, Ostap Ibrahimovich? |
| 01:10:37 |
The money will be deposited to the bank account |
| 01:10:46 |
- That's it, Shura. |
| 01:10:50 |
- This is the end. |
| 01:10:56 |
...of part one, only! |
| 01:11:00 |
Gentlemen of the jury! |
| 01:11:08 |
Ilya Ilf and Eugene Petrov |
| 01:11:15 |
Part Two |
| 01:11:21 |
Office for the Collection of |
| 01:11:24 |
Closed for Lunch |
| 01:11:48 |
Closed! The collection of hoofs |
| 01:11:52 |
I also have a right |
| 01:11:57 |
My name is Funt! |
| 01:12:02 |
And do you suppose that is sufficient to justify |
| 01:12:07 |
Here, you're laughing, |
| 01:12:15 |
I am 90 years old. |
| 01:12:18 |
You have an office. |
| 01:12:25 |
Yes, yes. An office. Go on, go on! |
| 01:12:39 |
Old guy, indeed. |
| 01:12:42 |
Well, what do you want? |
| 01:12:46 |
Do you see these trousers? |
| 01:12:52 |
There was a time when I put them on |
| 01:12:56 |
Now I wear them every day. |
| 01:13:02 |
- Don't you need a chairman? |
| 01:13:06 |
An official one -- in a word, |
| 01:13:09 |
I'm the chief myself. |
| 01:13:12 |
In other words, you expect to do time yourself? |
| 01:13:17 |
Why didn't you say so in the first place? |
| 01:13:22 |
I'm Funt! All my life I've done time for others! |
| 01:13:28 |
- Oh, so you are a professional figure-head! |
| 01:13:34 |
I've done time at the time of Alexander II, |
| 01:13:38 |
...at the time of Alexander III, |
| 01:13:41 |
...at the time of Nicholas II, the Bloody. |
| 01:13:44 |
At the time of Kerensky I also did time. |
| 01:13:46 |
At the time of Military Communism,.. |
| 01:13:49 |
There was no work for me. |
| 01:13:51 |
But how I did time in the days of the NEP! |
| 01:14:00 |
Right away you can see that he is |
| 01:14:05 |
There are few of his kind left now, |
| 01:14:11 |
During 4 years I had less than |
| 01:14:15 |
- And now I cannot recognize our Chernomorsk. |
| 01:14:20 |
Where is private capital? |
| 01:14:23 |
Where are the joint stock companies |
| 01:14:28 |
Where are they all? Monstrous! |
| 01:14:35 |
Well,.. |
| 01:14:37 |
...now when you've finished,.. |
| 01:14:40 |
...tell me, don't you know a fellow |
| 01:14:46 |
Don't know him. |
| 01:14:49 |
And did you ever have |
| 01:14:51 |
"Hercules"? Well, of course I have! |
| 01:14:54 |
Several private joint stock companies |
| 01:14:58 |
- Who in particular? |
| 01:15:05 |
"Intensifier" received a large advance of money... |
| 01:15:09 |
...for the purpose of doing something |
| 01:15:12 |
-- the substitute-chairman was not supposed |
| 01:15:14 |
...and immediately it crashed. |
| 01:15:20 |
But who got it? |
| 01:15:24 |
Who can tell. |
| 01:15:26 |
This man has a head on him! |
| 01:15:30 |
I would not put my finger |
| 01:15:36 |
Who was this man? Try to recall. |
| 01:15:38 |
Funt does not know it. |
| 01:15:41 |
All I had to do was do my time. |
| 01:15:46 |
I've done time at the time of Alexander II,.. |
| 01:15:48 |
...of Alexander III,.. |
| 01:15:49 |
...of Nicholas Romanov,.. |
| 01:15:51 |
...of Alexandre Kerensky,.. |
| 01:15:52 |
...during NEP, after NEP. |
| 01:15:57 |
I did time under Tsarizm,.. |
| 01:15:58 |
... and under Socialism,.. |
| 01:16:00 |
...and under the Hetman... |
| 01:16:01 |
...and now I'm between jobs. |
| 01:16:03 |
But didn't you see |
| 01:16:06 |
...about the business of advances? |
| 01:16:09 |
- Any name? |
| 01:16:16 |
But I'm waisting my valuable time on you. |
| 01:16:24 |
My price is not high: 120 rubles a month at liberty |
| 01:16:28 |
...a 100% increase for damages. |
| 01:16:30 |
I suppose we can give you the job. |
| 01:16:33 |
Make out your application |
| 01:16:36 |
My table will be over there. |
| 01:16:37 |
And you, comrade hoof-specialist, |
| 01:16:44 |
The document is mandatory! |
| 01:16:50 |
On your knees! |
| 01:16:53 |
Stand up. |
| 01:16:55 |
Approach. |
| 01:16:58 |
I've heard a lot of interesting stories about you |
| 01:17:05 |
You're goner, Berlaga, but let's talk. |
| 01:17:17 |
- Be truthful. |
| 01:17:21 |
Tell us about you colleague Skumbrievich. |
| 01:17:27 |
I'm fascinated by his artistic image. |
| 01:17:41 |
He was born in 1891. |
| 01:17:45 |
Our short-term relationship |
| 01:17:48 |
...that he is an honest man. |
| 01:18:19 |
This is surely the place to look for him. |
| 01:18:21 |
If they say that he is attending |
| 01:18:25 |
...then he must be here. |
| 01:18:27 |
Granted that our department |
| 01:18:32 |
There are all sorts of deficiencies. |
| 01:18:35 |
But such as exist in "Hercules"! |
| 01:18:41 |
I love instant photography! |
| 01:19:12 |
Look! This is his stuff. |
| 01:19:18 |
Citizen Skumbrievich! Zhorik! |
| 01:19:27 |
He has evidently swum far away. |
| 01:19:32 |
I have no intention |
| 01:19:35 |
I shall have to act |
| 01:19:45 |
Hey dude, let me have a look. |
| 01:20:02 |
Over there, behind the buoy. |
| 01:20:11 |
Balaganov! Undress and get Berlaga ready! |
| 01:20:42 |
Comrade Skumbrievich! Just one inquiry. |
| 01:20:48 |
Who authorized advances for "Intensifier"? |
| 01:20:52 |
- Those that you took... |
| 01:20:54 |
Then who took them? |
| 01:21:08 |
Shura! Launch Berlaga! |
| 01:21:17 |
Dude, gimme a drink. |
| 01:21:35 |
Witness for the prosecution, name the amount |
| 01:21:45 |
Do not dip! |
| 01:21:49 |
Everybody to the surface! |
| 01:21:57 |
Face-to-face testimony continues. |
| 01:22:20 |
Our Skumbrievich has confessed. |
| 01:22:28 |
Squealed, did he, the viper? |
| 01:22:31 |
I didn't do it in the interests of verity, |
| 01:22:51 |
Here I sense the hand of Koreiko. |
| 01:22:59 |
Funding of advances was authorized |
| 01:23:04 |
...him personally? |
| 01:23:07 |
Polykhaev. |
| 01:23:27 |
As I said, it did not take long. |
| 01:23:36 |
What will happen now? I will perish! |
| 01:23:46 |
How can I be calm? I have a wife, children |
| 01:23:54 |
I did not hide anything. Word of honor! |
| 01:24:04 |
Can I live in peace? Can I? |
| 01:24:08 |
Man can have complete peace |
| 01:24:12 |
Any life insurance agent can tell you that. |
| 01:24:19 |
Comrades! Personally, |
| 01:24:22 |
But the government |
| 01:24:33 |
Somehow I have stopped believing in Bender. |
| 01:24:38 |
Well, well, Nobody asked your opinion. |
| 01:24:41 |
No seriously! I greatly respect Ostap Ibrahimovich. |
| 01:24:46 |
What is he spending our money for? Just think. |
| 01:24:50 |
Why all this foolish office? |
| 01:24:54 |
And the ink well for 200 rubles! |
| 01:25:03 |
I respect Bender very much but... |
| 01:25:09 |
...he is an ass. |
| 01:25:11 |
He's a pathetic, insignificant person! |
| 01:25:13 |
After all, Bender made a man out of you. |
| 01:25:19 |
Do you remember how you ran |
| 01:25:22 |
Now you have a job, receive a salary, |
| 01:25:26 |
I don't want to be member of society! |
| 01:25:30 |
He started all these silly investigations... |
| 01:25:32 |
...when we can get the money to-day |
| 01:25:34 |
Why, I ask you, did he go to the Caucasus? |
| 01:25:37 |
He says he went on business. |
| 01:25:42 |
I don't believe him. |
| 01:25:44 |
Panikovsky doesn't have to believe everything! |
| 01:25:49 |
Yesterday I secretly penetrated into Koreiko's room. |
| 01:25:51 |
Of course I did not find any money there,.. |
| 01:25:53 |
...but I discovered something better:.. |
| 01:25:57 |
...dumbbells, |
| 01:26:10 |
I have discovered the secret of those dumbbells! |
| 01:26:13 |
What kind of a secret can it be? |
| 01:26:17 |
Shura, you know how I respect you. |
| 01:26:20 |
But you are an ass too. |
| 01:26:34 |
Those are gold dumbbells! |
| 01:26:37 |
Together, 120 pounds of 24K gold. |
| 01:26:45 |
I stood there before those dumbbells |
| 01:26:48 |
What a scoundrel this Koreiko! |
| 01:26:56 |
I'll get myself some gold teeth, |
| 01:26:59 |
My honest, honorable word! I'll get married! |
| 01:27:05 |
Do you think I would have told you this secret |
| 01:27:11 |
But I'm a sick old man, |
| 01:27:14 |
And I appeal to you as to a kinsman. |
| 01:27:17 |
I'm not Bender; I'm honest, Shura! |
| 01:27:21 |
But suppose they aren't gold? |
| 01:27:24 |
Just look at him! |
| 01:27:27 |
Well then, what are they, according to you? |
| 01:27:31 |
Now it's all clear. |
| 01:27:36 |
Pay for the kefir, Shura. |
| 01:27:57 |
There is a watchmaker of my acquaintance. |
| 01:28:03 |
Not as in the government store |
| 01:28:23 |
The author! |
| 01:28:29 |
What fair share. |
| 01:28:34 |
He's writing again! |
| 01:28:37 |
But where will we saw off |
| 01:28:39 |
- Did you think about it? |
| 01:28:41 |
So why are we standing here like madmen? |
| 01:29:11 |
And there's no one who can |
| 01:29:20 |
Now I will not take less then a million,.. |
| 01:29:24 |
...or the good mulattoes |
| 01:30:03 |
I will command the parade! |
| 01:30:50 |
Who's there? |
| 01:30:53 |
Telegram. |
| 01:31:15 |
What's the matter? |
| 01:31:18 |
Lift it off. |
| 01:31:29 |
Now go, lift mine. |
| 01:31:32 |
This is precise scale -- from a drug store. |
| 01:32:23 |
I'm dying of boredom. |
| 01:32:26 |
I've been only talking to you |
| 01:32:29 |
...as if I had known you all my life. |
| 01:32:32 |
With such a disagreeable character |
| 01:32:34 |
But here a millionaire should be |
| 01:32:36 |
- You are insane. |
| 01:32:40 |
I'm the son of a Turkish citizen, |
| 01:32:43 |
Janissaries know no pity, |
| 01:32:46 |
...for children, or for underground |
| 01:32:50 |
Go away, citizen. It's already almost 3 o'clock. |
| 01:32:55 |
What the hell do you want with me, anyway? |
| 01:32:57 |
I want you to fall in love with me,.. |
| 01:32:59 |
...and as a token of your regard, |
| 01:33:09 |
I have told you a thousand times, |
| 01:33:13 |
You understand? |
| 01:33:14 |
Well, then, get out! |
| 01:33:18 |
You'll never lodge any complaints against me. |
| 01:33:22 |
Let's get serious. |
| 01:33:24 |
See this folder. |
| 01:33:29 |
But let's come to an agreement: no excesses. |
| 01:33:34 |
Otherwise I'll be in a very foolish situation. |
| 01:33:37 |
The fruits of long conscientious labor will perish. |
| 01:33:39 |
So. Here is a folder. |
| 01:33:45 |
First you come to me with some mysterious money. |
| 01:33:49 |
Then you invent some case. |
| 01:33:51 |
I's simply ridiculous! |
| 01:33:52 |
Will you buy it? It is at a rate of only |
| 01:34:01 |
What information are you talking about? |
| 01:34:04 |
The most interesting. Information concerning |
| 01:34:07 |
...which is so radically different from your first -- |
| 01:34:12 |
Your first life is known to everybody. |
| 01:34:16 |
But of your second life from 4 to 10,.. |
| 01:34:21 |
only I'm informed. |
| 01:34:24 |
Have you estimated |
| 01:34:28 |
You know, you are not descended |
| 01:34:32 |
You are descended from a cow. |
| 01:34:36 |
I repeat: the folder is being offered for a million. |
| 01:34:40 |
Show me the case. |
| 01:34:42 |
Don't bother. I'll command the parade! |
| 01:34:54 |
I don't understand what you want of me. |
| 01:35:01 |
Let's begin on that basis, which, |
| 01:35:09 |
Gentlemen of the Jury! |
| 01:35:15 |
My defendant was born... |
| 01:35:24 |
In those days little Sasha had not yet |
| 01:35:28 |
Further goes the rosy adolescence. |
| 01:35:34 |
The first important enterprises |
| 01:35:39 |
trade in government medicaments at the time |
| 01:35:43 |
...and work in the Supplies Department, |
| 01:35:48 |
..and the supplies directed |
| 01:35:51 |
All these facts, gentlemen of the jury, interest us |
| 01:35:58 |
We shall omit some pages... |
| 01:36:00 |
Those with weak nerves should leave the audience. |
| 01:36:07 |
Not altogether devoid of curiosity... |
| 01:36:09 |
...was the appearance of my defendant |
| 01:36:15 |
Just look at him... |
| 01:36:45 |
I can't make it out. |
| 01:36:52 |
No, this is not gold! |
| 01:36:57 |
Go on sawing, Shura! Go on. |
| 01:37:11 |
Don't come to me with this iron. |
| 01:37:26 |
Don't press my psyche! |
| 01:37:33 |
You're interfering with business! |
| 01:37:36 |
Where... where are you going, mammy? |
| 01:37:41 |
Gentlemen of the jury! |
| 01:37:46 |
And as you see, the ice is breaking. |
| 01:37:51 |
The defendant has attempted to kill me. |
| 01:37:56 |
He merely wanted to find out |
| 01:38:01 |
Inside of me is an honorable |
| 01:38:08 |
...excellent lungs, and a gall bladder |
| 01:38:10 |
I request that this fact be entered into the protocol. |
| 01:38:15 |
It's no longer a secret |
| 01:38:18 |
I shall never obtain that which |
| 01:38:24 |
...obtained from the Polish beauty Inga Zaiac. |
| 01:38:27 |
He did obtain her love. |
| 01:38:29 |
You may consider the serenade over. |
| 01:38:32 |
I'm addressing you as one juridical party |
| 01:38:43 |
I beg the court's permission |
| 01:38:47 |
Did not the defendant have extra-official duties |
| 01:38:53 |
He did not? |
| 01:38:58 |
Also not? |
| 01:38:59 |
And with Herculean Polykhaev? |
| 01:39:04 |
I'm tired and hungry! |
| 01:39:09 |
Tell me, don't you happen to have... |
| 01:39:11 |
...a cold meat ball stored away on your bosom? |
| 01:39:13 |
No? |
| 01:39:15 |
Surprising poverty if one takes into consideration |
| 01:39:17 |
...which you, with the aid of Polykhayev, |
| 01:39:24 |
Yes, gentlemen of the jury, |
| 01:39:31 |
That has been proven. |
| 01:39:35 |
What punishment does he deserve? |
| 01:39:43 |
Bad luck, Alexander Ivanovich. |
| 01:39:47 |
However, I shall permit myself to plead |
| 01:39:54 |
...that the defendant buy my folder |
| 01:40:08 |
It's dawn. Ah, how quickly the night passed |
| 01:40:14 |
When you came in the guise of a Kiev investigator, |
| 01:40:22 |
To my regret, I was mistaken. |
| 01:40:28 |
Anything might happen, to quote the Polish beauty |
| 01:40:39 |
Well, now I understand the role of that idiot beggar. |
| 01:40:43 |
But the dumbbells? |
| 01:40:46 |
- What dumbbells? |
| 01:40:50 |
I did not steal any dumbbells. |
| 01:40:54 |
Generally speaking, you pulled |
| 01:40:57 |
Quite possible. I'm no angel. |
| 01:41:00 |
However, we're talking too much. The mulattoes |
| 01:41:06 |
Yes, the money. |
| 01:41:11 |
The folder is a good one. |
| 01:41:14 |
But a million is an excessively large figure. |
| 01:41:18 |
Au revoir. |
| 01:41:21 |
According to my estimates, you've got 8-9 millions. |
| 01:41:26 |
A splendid carriage with bars will call for you. |
| 01:41:28 |
That's no way to do business |
| 01:41:30 |
That may be so. But I'm not a financier. |
| 01:41:34 |
I'm an independent artist and a cold philosopher. |
| 01:41:37 |
By what right should you receive this money... |
| 01:41:41 |
I didn't only earn it, but I have even suffered! |
| 01:41:45 |
After having examined your past |
| 01:41:52 |
- Isn't that alone worth a million rubles -- |
| 01:41:55 |
It's worth it, it's worth it. |
| 01:41:57 |
You wouldn't be haunted |
| 01:42:01 |
Don't be afraid. |
| 01:42:02 |
Well then, shall we go to the corn bin? |
| 01:42:11 |
- Please. |
| 01:42:37 |
You're much better than |
| 01:42:40 |
Indeed, one should part with money |
| 01:42:42 |
A million is not too much for a good man. |
| 01:42:55 |
Citizens, you are in a poison gas zone! |
| 01:43:20 |
Scabby old fellows! |
| 01:43:25 |
Citizen defendant, what are these tricks? |
| 01:43:38 |
Citizen! You are poisoned. |
| 01:43:47 |
Citizen! You're poisoned by the gas. |
| 01:43:54 |
Boys, tell my deceased father, |
| 01:43:59 |
...that his favorite son, |
| 01:44:03 |
...has died the death of the brave |
| 01:44:06 |
"Sleep, fighting eagles! Nightingale, |
| 01:44:10 |
How to defend yourself against |
| 01:44:18 |
Is it possible at all? |
| 01:44:37 |
... the choking, the tear-producing, |
| 01:44:40 |
...the festering, the irritating... |
| 01:44:55 |
...Chlorpicrin, Bromidic Benzyl, |
| 01:45:01 |
You're pathetic nonentities! |
| 01:45:07 |
You'll have to answer for this. |
| 01:45:10 |
Commander! |
| 01:45:14 |
Stop. You are poisoned aren't you?. |
| 01:45:22 |
Not a word about dumbbells. |
| 01:45:34 |
Where have you been? |
| 01:45:38 |
Well, swan-brothers, |
| 01:45:42 |
So help me God, |
| 01:45:47 |
My honest, honorable word! |
| 01:45:53 |
Don't you see that these are Balaganov's tricks. |
| 01:45:56 |
And you believe him? |
| 01:45:59 |
Do you suppose I would have taken |
| 01:46:10 |
So it was you who took the dumbbells! |
| 01:46:15 |
Panikovsky said that they were made of gold. |
| 01:46:46 |
And how does it go with the defendant? |
| 01:46:48 |
Fine, but for the fact that |
| 01:46:56 |
- Do you see the young lady sitting there? |
| 01:47:01 |
- She's the one with whom Koreiko used to walk. |
| 01:47:06 |
So, that is Zosya Sinitskaya! |
| 01:47:10 |
Well now, really! |
| 01:47:18 |
Are you the girl who lived near Marcelle |
| 01:47:23 |
In what year? |
| 01:47:24 |
Then, it must've been another woman. |
| 01:47:30 |
Do you know what you comb is made of? |
| 01:47:33 |
It's made of horns'n'hoofs. |
| 01:47:36 |
I'm interested in technology. |
| 01:47:40 |
During a reconstruction - privately speaking - |
| 01:47:42 |
everything is decided by technology. |
| 01:47:45 |
but liberal art and philology... |
| 01:47:47 |
Do you like Byron? |
| 01:47:48 |
Oh my God, what a woman! |
| 01:48:20 |
By the way, meet Panikovsky, |
| 01:48:30 |
- Shura Schmidt. |
| 01:48:58 |
- What were you talking to her about? |
| 01:49:02 |
- Well, you roughnecks, let's get back to business. |
| 01:49:07 |
We must find the defendant. |
| 01:49:11 |
8 trains with far destinations had already departed |
| 01:49:15 |
After all, there's nothing terrible about it. |
| 01:49:18 |
In China it would be rather difficult to find the man. |
| 01:49:23 |
We have only 160 million, and so it is 3 times |
| 01:49:28 |
All we need is money, |
| 01:49:33 |
Next morning... |
| 01:49:37 |
This is all that remains of 10 thousand. |
| 01:49:41 |
And I thought we had a balance of about $7000. |
| 01:49:46 |
Everything was so fine! |
| 01:49:50 |
Life was smiling at us. |
| 01:49:53 |
And suddenly...I understand! |
| 01:49:59 |
A bureaucratic apparatus |
| 01:50:05 |
Let's divide the money. |
| 01:50:13 |
- And Kozlevich? |
| 01:50:19 |
We'll keep this money for a rainy day |
| 01:50:23 |
...when we're all get scurvy. |
| 01:50:26 |
What is to be done? |
| 01:50:29 |
What do you mean by "what"? |
| 01:50:32 |
The inkstand will be bought by any establishment, |
| 01:50:36 |
And the typewriter, and the hole puncher, |
| 01:50:41 |
All of that can be sold... |
| 01:50:48 |
This is simply criminal! |
| 01:50:49 |
Through the entire campaign they have |
| 01:50:53 |
They'll face the court for this! |
| 01:51:08 |
The office is dead. |
| 01:51:40 |
Shura, do you have cash? |
| 01:51:44 |
I've one ruble. Why? |
| 01:51:45 |
Give it me. |
| 01:51:49 |
Thanks. |
| 01:52:05 |
What is it? What are you doing? |
| 01:52:08 |
You'll take these flowers to Zosya Sinitskaya. |
| 01:52:10 |
This was our last money! |
| 01:52:13 |
- Why all this pretension? |
| 01:52:16 |
I have a big heart, like a calf. |
| 01:52:20 |
And anyway, this isn't money. |
| 01:52:23 |
And we have none... Go, Shura. |
| 01:52:28 |
Bender is mad! He is simply ruining us! |
| 01:52:35 |
It's warm and dark here,.. |
| 01:52:39 |
...like between the palms of two hands. |
| 01:53:04 |
Why did you fall in love with me? |
| 01:53:06 |
You are lovely and wonderful. |
| 01:53:10 |
You are better then anyone else in the world. |
| 01:53:19 |
Do you remember I was telling you about Koreiko? |
| 01:53:23 |
You know -- the fellow who proposed to me? |
| 01:53:30 |
Do you remember I told you |
| 01:53:35 |
Just imagine! To-day I received a letter from him. |
| 01:53:44 |
What? |
| 01:53:46 |
- Are you jealous? |
| 01:53:52 |
What does that dull fellow write you? |
| 01:53:55 |
He's not a bit dull. |
| 01:53:58 |
He's merely a poor, very unhappy man. |
| 01:54:02 |
Why did you get up, Ostap? |
| 01:54:09 |
Seriously, I don't love him at all. |
| 01:54:12 |
He wants me to come to him. |
| 01:54:15 |
Where? Where does he want you to come? |
| 01:54:19 |
No, I shan't tell you! |
| 01:54:22 |
I'm merely curious to know |
| 01:54:25 |
He is now working on the construction |
| 01:54:29 |
Upon my word, you are too curious. |
| 01:54:33 |
You make me laugh, Zosya! |
| 01:54:40 |
I simply want to know on which part of |
| 01:54:46 |
He has a job as a switchman |
| 01:54:52 |
That is its only name. As a matter of fact, |
| 01:55:00 |
This train lays down the rails |
| 01:55:05 |
And another such little city |
| 01:55:09 |
Then there will be an official union. |
| 01:55:13 |
All sorts of things are in the desert, |
| 01:55:17 |
Isn't it interesting? |
| 01:55:25 |
It's cold. It's cold here, Zosya. |
| 01:55:39 |
It's very late. It's time to go. |
| 01:55:44 |
And anyway... let us go. |
| 01:55:48 |
Aren't you going to see me home? |
| 01:55:53 |
What? Oh, home! You see, I... |
| 01:56:02 |
- Don't go! |
| 01:56:05 |
And don't come to me any more,.. |
| 01:56:10 |
...do you hear? |
| 01:56:12 |
Wait! |
| 01:56:25 |
Lovely and wonderful! |
| 01:56:41 |
No, this is not Rio de Janeiro. |
| 01:57:01 |
In a day... |
| 01:57:16 |
...two... |
| 01:57:32 |
...three... |
| 01:58:21 |
Adam, we must go. The course is due East. |
| 01:58:36 |
The antelope was a faithful machine,.. |
| 01:58:38 |
...but there are many other machines in the world. |
| 01:58:41 |
Soon you will be able to select any one you like. |
| 01:58:45 |
A new car! How will we name it? |
| 01:58:54 |
Life is beautiful, in spite of its drawbacks! |
| 01:58:59 |
Where is Panikovsky? |
| 01:59:22 |
- Come, come. We have far to go. |
| 01:59:27 |
Pathetic, insignificant people! |
| 01:59:32 |
Don't whine, old man. |
| 01:59:34 |
Golden jaws await you. |
| 01:59:36 |
A fat little widow... |
| 01:59:38 |
...and a whole reservoir of kefir. |
| 01:59:40 |
- Onward! |
| 01:59:46 |
I'll buy a little sailor suit for Balaganov |
| 01:59:51 |
And our driver will receive a new machine. |
| 01:59:57 |
- "Lincoln"? "Studebaker"? |
| 02:00:04 |
Bender! You don't know how I respect you! |
| 02:00:09 |
You don't know what a goose is. |
| 02:00:14 |
- Oh, how I love that bird! |
| 02:00:20 |
I kill a goose like a toreador, with a single blow! |
| 02:00:23 |
When I attack a goose, it's an opera!..."Carmen"! |
| 02:00:31 |
It's an opera!.. |
| 02:00:33 |
A wing!.. |
| 02:00:34 |
The neck!.. |
| 02:00:37 |
The drumstick!... |
| 02:01:00 |
The old man is impossible. |
| 02:01:04 |
Shura!.. Shura!.. |
| 02:01:08 |
Shura, go and bring that malingerer here. |
| 02:01:18 |
[ Car Exchange ] |
| 02:01:35 |
I was frequently unjust to the deceased. |
| 02:01:39 |
Was the deceased a moral person? |
| 02:01:42 |
No, he was not a moral person. |
| 02:01:48 |
He was an ex-blindman, usurper and goose-thief. |
| 02:01:56 |
He devoted all his powers to the task |
| 02:02:00 |
But society did not want him |
| 02:02:03 |
[ Here Lies Mikhail Panikovsky |
| 02:02:05 |
...and he could not endure this contradiction in views |
| 02:02:10 |
And therefore he died. |
| 02:02:13 |
That's all. |
| 02:02:20 |
Say something, Shura. |
| 02:02:24 |
Comrades! |
| 02:02:26 |
The international situation... |
| 02:02:29 |
Our response to Chamberlain... |
| 02:02:32 |
Rest in peace. |
| 02:02:35 |
And to think that I beat him for the dumbbells! |
| 02:02:40 |
And even before that, I fought with him! |
| 02:03:04 |
Onward! We have to go! |
| 02:03:16 |
Why did you stop? |
| 02:03:19 |
The nearest station is 20 miles away. |
| 02:03:22 |
Then we'll move toward the east. |
| 02:03:27 |
Well? |
| 02:03:32 |
I will not go. Don't be offended, |
| 02:03:38 |
I don't know where we ought to go. |
| 02:03:42 |
I shall remain. |
| 02:03:43 |
This is just what I wanted to tell you... |
| 02:03:46 |
I have no faith. |
| 02:03:47 |
As you wish. What are you going to do? |
| 02:03:52 |
I'll become again on of the children |
| 02:03:54 |
I'll put the Antelope together. |
| 02:03:59 |
I'll find her, look over her and fix her up. |
| 02:04:55 |
The northern and the southern parts of |
| 02:06:24 |
The rally is over. |
| 02:06:27 |
The dinner for the builders and guests is served. |
| 02:07:07 |
Hey, you, there on the schooner! |
| 02:07:12 |
Why don't you pull out the whole suitcase? |
| 02:07:14 |
Anything else? |
| 02:08:00 |
Where are we going to split our money? |
| 02:08:33 |
Station Khatsepetovka! |
| 02:08:38 |
By the way, I have entirely forgotten |
| 02:08:41 |
Perhaps you intend to cut my throat... |
| 02:08:44 |
...to chop in parts and ship them |
| 02:08:49 |
Also ferment my head in a barrel of cabbage... |
| 02:08:52 |
I want you to know I'm opposed to it. |
| 02:08:58 |
You need not check it. |
| 02:09:02 |
I conduct business with the efficiency of a bank. |
| 02:09:06 |
What a good folder it was. |
| 02:09:11 |
I wish I can keep it but I need money. |
| 02:10:05 |
And so I'm a millionaire! |
| 02:10:10 |
Then, make me a movie star. |
| 02:10:12 |
The dreams of an idiot have come true! |
| 02:10:40 |
Let's go! |
| 02:10:42 |
Stop! |
| 02:10:47 |
Let's fly, Alexander Ivanovich! |
| 02:10:53 |
Stop! Don't rush. |
| 02:10:59 |
We are passengers. Two tickets! |
| 02:11:05 |
Do you have first class? |
| 02:11:10 |
We accept no passengers. |
| 02:11:13 |
Wait. I'm buying the airplane! |
| 02:11:31 |
- Did you see it? |
| 02:12:04 |
Wake up! And so came day six. |
| 02:12:11 |
I'm Emir Dynamite! |
| 02:12:15 |
...I'll rouse some tribes to rebellion. |
| 02:12:17 |
Upon my word! I'll declare a djihad. |
| 02:12:22 |
There's always a cause. |
| 02:12:23 |
Why did the Danes torture their Prince Hamlet? |
| 02:12:27 |
I'll buy rifles from the English -- |
| 02:12:31 |
Can you imagine the invasion of tribes in Denmark? |
| 02:12:35 |
I shall ride on a white camel at the head of all! |
| 02:12:43 |
There is no Panikovsky! |
| 02:12:50 |
Wake up, Alexander Ivanovich. |
| 02:13:21 |
Here is a little city |
| 02:13:25 |
I was here 5 years ago... |
| 02:13:28 |
...and gave anti-abortion lectures. |
| 02:13:31 |
There used to be a pair of saloons |
| 02:13:36 |
But this is not Rio de Janeiro. |
| 02:13:40 |
I'm going to the railroad station right away. |
| 02:13:50 |
I've had enough. I'm going to the station |
| 02:13:56 |
...and get a job somewhere. |
| 02:13:59 |
Good accountants are now in demand. |
| 02:14:57 |
- Allow me? |
| 02:15:06 |
And those are souvenirs for your services. |
| 02:15:09 |
Must be a foreigner. |
| 02:15:46 |
Arise, Count! |
| 02:15:53 |
Ochakov? ... I will not do it again. ... |
| 02:16:03 |
Do you recognize me? |
| 02:16:09 |
- Commander! |
| 02:16:14 |
You're brown! |
| 02:16:18 |
Yes, I've become brown. |
| 02:16:23 |
The ring finger of my hand is adorned |
| 02:16:30 |
Well, what are your attainments? |
| 02:16:34 |
So,so. Mostly little things. |
| 02:16:49 |
Tell me honestly, Shura, how much money |
| 02:16:54 |
100 rubles. |
| 02:16:55 |
But no! Not just for to-day, but in general. |
| 02:17:03 |
So that you will live well in the world. |
| 02:17:06 |
For a total happiness? |
| 02:17:12 |
6 thousand and 4 hundred. |
| 02:17:16 |
Very well. |
| 02:17:25 |
Here's 50 thousand. |
| 02:17:35 |
- Was it really on a little plate? |
| 02:17:38 |
Yes, with a blue border. |
| 02:17:41 |
The defendant brought it in his teeth. |
| 02:17:44 |
..before I agreed to accept it. |
| 02:17:47 |
Now I am in command of the parade! I feel fine. |
| 02:17:52 |
But what about Rio de Engineiro? |
| 02:17:56 |
The devil take it! |
| 02:17:58 |
There is no Rio de Janeiro! |
| 02:18:01 |
And there is no America! |
| 02:18:03 |
And there is no Europe! |
| 02:18:06 |
There is nothing over there. |
| 02:18:07 |
The waves of the Atlantic Ocean |
| 02:18:12 |
[*Ostap means former border point |
| 02:18:15 |
A certain doctor explained everything to me. |
| 02:18:17 |
The rest of the world is a myth |
| 02:18:20 |
He who goes abroad never returns! |
| 02:18:23 |
It's simply a circus! |
| 02:18:26 |
What a fine time I'll have now! |
| 02:18:35 |
Poor Panikovsky! |
| 02:18:39 |
I propose to honor the memory |
| 02:18:53 |
- Sit down. |
| 02:18:57 |
And Kozlevich... |
| 02:19:00 |
He actually put the "Antelope" together |
| 02:19:07 |
He sent me a letter. |
| 02:19:09 |
Wrote that he was fine but out of money. |
| 02:19:17 |
Asked me to send him an oil pipe |
| 02:19:22 |
He's a good old man. |
| 02:19:26 |
Now I'll run out |
| 02:19:29 |
Don't bother. I'll buy him a new machine. |
| 02:19:31 |
As for you, we'll have to get you some more clothes. |
| 02:19:37 |
Let's go to the Grand Hotel. |
| 02:19:39 |
I've reserved a room |
| 02:19:43 |
And what do you think is conductor's name? |
| 02:19:45 |
It's a circus! |
| 02:19:46 |
I'll put you in an elementary school. |
| 02:19:54 |
You'll become a real man. |
| 02:20:00 |
Hey, old man, how much? |
| 02:20:03 |
Beat it. That is the carriage of the past. |
| 02:20:08 |
My bet there's no taxi. |
| 02:20:16 |
Shura, mind your pockets! |
| 02:20:46 |
I've been robbed! |
| 02:20:48 |
Hold him! |
| 02:20:50 |
There he is! |
| 02:20:54 |
Bandit! Finger! Thief! |
| 02:21:00 |
There was a powder box |
| 02:21:04 |
Hold him! |
| 02:21:08 |
There was also my trade union id. |
| 02:21:16 |
Don't let him go. |
| 02:21:24 |
How did it happen? |
| 02:21:30 |
Swear to God. I did not want to... |
| 02:21:41 |
I'll show you -- mechanically! |
| 02:21:52 |
Goodbye, Commander! |
| 02:21:56 |
It was an accident. |
| 02:22:00 |
In a train to Chernomorsk... |
| 02:22:41 |
They've cremated homeless boy. |
| 02:22:45 |
Furnace opens -- what they hear? |
| 02:22:56 |
Peter, called the Great (poor Pete!) |
| 02:22:59 |
Just a snake and one old nag, |
| 02:23:12 |
The Seer has come! |
| 02:23:14 |
Favorite of Rabindranath Tagore. |
| 02:23:21 |
... Iokanaan Marusidze. |
| 02:23:25 |
Performance of Sherlock Holmes experiments. |
| 02:23:29 |
The invisible hen. |
| 02:23:32 |
The prophet Samuel answers all questions. |
| 02:23:35 |
The materialization of spirits |
| 02:23:39 |
... elephants. |
| 02:23:44 |
What's going on here, citizens? |
| 02:23:49 |
Get out, all of you, citizens from the 'hard' car! |
| 02:23:57 |
Otherwise, I'll go to the chief! |
| 02:24:00 |
These are guests. |
| 02:24:04 |
We're returning from our summer factory practice. |
| 02:24:06 |
It's against the rules. |
| 02:24:09 |
What the matter with you, papa. |
| 02:24:10 |
Passengers ought not to be lynched |
| 02:24:13 |
You must be more hospitable. |
| 02:24:19 |
A remarkable thing. This morning |
| 02:24:23 |
...but now we feel as if |
| 02:24:31 |
According to the laws of hospitality! |
| 02:24:33 |
That's how it should've been done in the first place! |
| 02:24:36 |
This zwieback is removed by one step |
| 02:24:39 |
And this step has already been taken. |
| 02:24:43 |
Come to our polytechnicum! |
| 02:24:47 |
You'll live like a god! |
| 02:24:50 |
We have a table with stewed fruits every day. |
| 02:24:53 |
I've already graduated from a liberal art school. |
| 02:24:57 |
What are you doing now? |
| 02:25:00 |
- Work along what line? |
| 02:25:05 |
Accountant? |
| 02:25:06 |
Cash messenger? |
| 02:25:07 |
Bank clerk? |
| 02:25:09 |
No, Raya, I have no job. |
| 02:25:14 |
I'm a millionaire. |
| 02:25:18 |
- How many millions have you? |
| 02:25:21 |
Not much! Not much! |
| 02:25:24 |
It's enough for me. |
| 02:25:40 |
Wow! |
| 02:25:48 |
Everything is in place. |
| 02:25:52 |
One million minus some change. |
| 02:25:58 |
Great! |
| 02:26:01 |
That's how it is, Sasha. |
| 02:26:03 |
I live like a god, or like a demi-god, |
| 02:26:08 |
- How much do we owe for the tea? |
| 02:26:12 |
How many did we drink, comrades? |
| 02:26:17 |
I'll go check our luggage. |
| 02:26:23 |
I also have to check my stuff. |
| 02:26:30 |
When did they all run to? |
| 02:26:36 |
- Why did you devils suddenly become sad? |
| 02:26:39 |
Where are you going? |
| 02:26:43 |
I have a marvelous Volga bass! |
| 02:26:49 |
- Where did they all run to? |
| 02:26:52 |
Wait. I was joking! |
| 02:26:54 |
I'm the director of a symphonic orchestra! |
| 02:26:56 |
Believe me! I'm the son of Lieutenant Schmidt! |
| 02:26:59 |
My farther is a Turkish subject... |
| 02:27:32 |
I have deceived you, Adam. |
| 02:27:34 |
I cannot present you with |
| 02:27:37 |
...not even a "Buick". |
| 02:27:38 |
The government does not regard me as a purchaser. |
| 02:27:40 |
They want to know how I earned the money. |
| 02:27:44 |
The only thing I can do is to buy you |
| 02:27:47 |
My "Lauren-Dietrich" is a good machine. |
| 02:27:52 |
I have brought you the pipe. |
| 02:27:58 |
With this I wouldn't need any "Buicks". |
| 02:28:07 |
Do you know, Adam, here's a bit of news. |
| 02:28:11 |
A column of air, weighing 214 kilos,.. |
| 02:28:13 |
...presses upon every citizen, |
| 02:28:17 |
- No, But why? |
| 02:28:22 |
And recently I have found it extremely oppressive. |
| 02:28:25 |
Think of it! 214 kilos! |
| 02:28:29 |
I don't sleep well. |
| 02:28:32 |
What? |
| 02:28:33 |
Nothing. I'm listening. |
| 02:28:37 |
I feel very bad. |
| 02:28:39 |
Nobody loves me, |
| 02:28:42 |
By the way, let's honor his memory by rising. |
| 02:28:53 |
Let's drive. |
| 02:29:03 |
Let's drive. |
| 02:29:04 |
Drive where? |
| 02:29:05 |
Wherever. |
| 02:29:07 |
Yesterday in the street an old woman stopped me... |
| 02:29:10 |
...and asked me to buy an everlasting wick |
| 02:29:14 |
I don't need an everlasting wick! |
| 02:29:16 |
I don't want to live forever. |
| 02:29:21 |
I have all the banal symptoms of being in love: |
| 02:29:23 |
absence of appetite, sleeplessness, |
| 02:29:28 |
Listen to what I wrote last night... |
| 02:29:31 |
...by the guttering light of an electric lamp: |
| 02:29:36 |
I recollect a wondrous instant; |
| 02:29:42 |
beloved, like a passing shadow, |
| 02:29:47 |
Good, isn't it? |
| 02:29:49 |
Talented! |
| 02:29:52 |
And only a dawn did I remember that |
| 02:29:57 |
Such a blow delivered by the classic! |
| 02:30:00 |
Have you called on her... on Zosya Viktorovna? |
| 02:30:05 |
I shan't go. |
| 02:30:09 |
I sent her 350 rubles worth of telegrams |
| 02:30:13 |
...and did not receive even |
| 02:30:15 |
i did it! I! With whom |
| 02:30:20 |
...and even a woman dentist, |
| 02:30:22 |
No, Adam, I will not go! Good-by. |
| 02:30:26 |
Where are you going? |
| 02:31:04 |
Wrap it. |
| 02:31:29 |
Thanks. |
| 02:31:50 |
[To the People's Commissar of Finance. Valuable.] |
| 02:33:24 |
Zosya... |
| 02:33:27 |
I have arrived: |
| 02:33:43 |
Do you know, Zosya, every man |
| 02:33:47 |
...of a column of atmosphere |
| 02:33:52 |
What a lugubrious lover! |
| 02:33:53 |
Indeed, I'm a typical Eugene Onegin,.. |
| 02:33:56 |
...and, at the same time, |
| 02:33:58 |
A fine knight you are! |
| 02:33:59 |
Don't be angry, Zosya. |
| 02:34:04 |
It seems to me that it presses upon me |
| 02:34:07 |
This is because I love you. |
| 02:34:09 |
And besides, |
| 02:34:11 |
That's another reason. |
| 02:34:12 |
Also it's because you lie |
| 02:34:15 |
That is not a lie. It is a law of physics. |
| 02:34:19 |
And yet, perhaps there really is no column,.. |
| 02:34:22 |
...and all this is only my imagination. |
| 02:34:27 |
I am 33 years old. |
| 02:34:30 |
But what have I done until now? |
| 02:34:31 |
I have created no religion. |
| 02:34:32 |
I have wasted my disciples. |
| 02:34:34 |
I have not brought the dead Panikovsky to life, |
| 02:34:37 |
and only you... |
| 02:34:39 |
Well, good-by. I'm going to the restaurant. |
| 02:34:42 |
I'm also going to dine. I'll eat some shchi |
| 02:34:45 |
- The restaurant is only for students. |
| 02:34:49 |
- Let me introduce you. |
| 02:34:56 |
Bender-Zadunaisky. |
| 02:34:58 |
What! Are you also Zadunaisky? |
| 02:35:01 |
You, too, are no longer Sinitskaya. |
| 02:35:04 |
I am Sinitskaya-Femidi. |
| 02:35:07 |
For 25 days already. |
| 02:35:15 |
I like your husband. |
| 02:35:18 |
I like him myself. |
| 02:35:28 |
It happens sometimes |
| 02:35:30 |
...as you have imagined |
| 02:35:35 |
...and life proves to be coarse |
| 02:35:47 |
In this sailor's borshch |
| 02:35:56 |
What are you line of work? |
| 02:35:59 |
I'm secretary of the art-collective |
| 02:36:07 |
A representative of a collective. |
| 02:36:11 |
However I shall no longer interfere |
| 02:36:17 |
...which are indispensable to health. |
| 02:36:20 |
The girl was stolen! |
| 02:36:24 |
The representative of the collective... |
| 02:36:25 |
...stole from the private millionaire... |
| 02:36:32 |
Here is another Apostle Paul for you! |
| 02:36:38 |
Accursed Seventh Day Adventist! |
| 02:36:42 |
Goody-goody, son of a bitch! |
| 02:36:45 |
I shall hang myself. |
| 02:36:47 |
Such a Tolstoian deserves to be killed. |
| 02:37:02 |
I only...to inquire. My mother!.. Uncle! |
| 02:37:11 |
My I have my parcel back. Just for a minute. |
| 02:37:21 |
Comrade, we never give parcels back. |
| 02:37:25 |
What! Have you sent it already? |
| 02:37:30 |
We never give parcels back. |
| 02:37:37 |
But it is my parcel. Do you understand? |
| 02:37:43 |
You see, I forgot to put in a jar of preserves. |
| 02:37:47 |
My uncle will be frightfully disappointed. |
| 02:37:49 |
We never give parcels back. Comrade. |
| 02:37:56 |
- It won't hurt your uncle any. |
| 02:38:00 |
"My uncle is so well respected" [A.Pushkin] |
| 02:38:05 |
Impoverished childhood in Kremenchug! |
| 02:38:07 |
The uncle weaned me... using a woman. |
| 02:38:12 |
I ask you as a public-spirited citizen! |
| 02:38:15 |
Where can I find it now? |
| 02:38:17 |
Over there. |
| 02:38:18 |
There are 3 tones of parcels over there. |
| 02:38:20 |
My uncle! |
| 02:38:24 |
He will not survive this. |
| 02:38:31 |
OK. We are not animals, not leopards. |
| 02:38:50 |
- Never do it again! |
| 02:39:03 |
Enough of psychological excesses! |
| 02:39:06 |
Enough of suffering and self-torture! |
| 02:39:09 |
It's high time to begin |
| 02:39:12 |
To Rio de Janeiro. |
| 02:39:14 |
Epilogue. |
| 02:39:26 |
Throughout the winter the great schemer |
| 02:39:32 |
He had bought US dollars with their portraits |
| 02:39:42 |
gold watches... |
| 02:39:47 |
cigarette cases... |
| 02:39:51 |
wedding rings... |
| 02:39:54 |
diamonds... |
| 02:39:59 |
and other precious articles. |
| 02:40:04 |
His fur coat weighed a ton. |
| 02:40:08 |
He was opressed by gold - |
| 02:40:14 |
His back itched under the watches. |
| 02:40:22 |
This remarkable load... |
| 02:40:23 |
...was to secure an easy, |
| 02:40:31 |
for the commander |
| 02:40:41 |
In Rio de Janeiro. |
| 02:40:53 |
I greet you, seigneurs! |
| 02:41:01 |
Bonjour, my friends! |
| 02:41:08 |
But, but! Hands off! |
| 02:41:11 |
Souvenirs from Paris! |
| 02:41:13 |
They'll put color |
| 02:41:18 |
Bracelet! |
| 02:41:25 |
I shall complain about you to the large Khuruldan! |
| 02:41:28 |
This is for you, gentlemen. |
| 02:41:36 |
Oh. what treatment! |
| 02:41:42 |
Move over! |
| 02:41:59 |
Exploiters of hardworking people! |
| 02:42:11 |
Accursed Siguranza! |
| 02:42:29 |
The ice is breaking! |
| 02:42:53 |
The ice is braking, gentlemen of the jury! |
| 02:43:32 |
No ovations are necessary. |
| 02:43:36 |
I did not become a Count of Monte Cristo. |
| 02:43:40 |
I shall have to qualify as a superintendent! |
| 02:43:52 |
This is the end. |
| 02:43:57 |
The end. |
| 02:43:58 |
English subtitles by monty-Z-dog (2009) |
| 02:43:59 |
Subtitles are based on translation |
