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Big Daddy en
00:00:40	- Hello?
00:00:43	No. Hey, man. I was exercising.
00:00:46	- Bullshit You were sleeping
00:00:49	This kid won't stop lying to me
00:00:52	Yeah, okay, Dad
00:00:56	Found a job yet, where
00:00:59	I've been looking
00:01:01	Looking won't pay the rent
00:01:03	All the money I won
00:01:05	is kicking ass
00:01:08	- Don't blow it on worthless crap
00:01:12	You should spend it on your bar exam
00:01:15	You're the lawyer
00:01:17	I got too much other shit going on
00:01:21	I don't know what happened to you
00:01:23	How're things going with
00:01:26	Things are going fine.
00:01:28	Shit!
00:01:29	I gotta go.
00:01:30	Shit! You turned off
00:01:33	No! I mean, yes, I did,
00:01:37	I shouldn't have stayed here.
00:01:40	Why are you going to work?
00:01:43	I'm not going to work. I'm going to
00:01:47	That's how a party planner
00:01:51	Meet with me. I'll order in
00:01:54	I am sick of Cozy's.
00:01:58	The delivery guy's your best friend.
00:02:00	He happens to be pretty damn nice.
00:02:02	This is a rough patch in my life.
00:02:04	Syracuse is 0 and 3.
00:02:08	Medical problems?
00:02:09	A cab runs over your foot two years ago.
00:02:13	First of all, that cab was huge.
00:02:15	And a jury decided that one night
00:02:19	- So there you go.
00:02:21	Why are you being
00:02:23	You refuse to move on
00:02:26	I'd like to have a family someday.
00:02:28	I need someone I can rely on,
00:02:31	You need a father figure?
00:02:35	You know what? I'm gonna go to
00:02:39	- I'll be back on Wednesday.
00:02:45	I had call for delivery, but it was
00:02:49	Come back later.
00:02:52	You're going down, sucker.
00:02:53	We'll see about that.
00:02:54	Okay. Peace, out.
00:02:57	You're going to Syracuse?
00:02:59	I need time to think and so do you.
00:03:01	Think about what?
00:03:02	Your life and why I should
00:03:05	All right.
00:03:06	While you're at it,
00:03:09	I got a real job!
00:03:17	Patrick Ewing, nice shot.
00:03:20	- Hey, Sonny.
00:03:23	I'm out the door. Hey, pal.
00:03:26	- Where you going?
00:03:28	You wanna take me with you?
00:03:29	All right, I guess.
00:03:32	Hold onto your money.
00:03:34	Okay, take care, Sonny.
00:03:36	See you.
00:03:37	Cadillac, I love it.
00:03:58	Surprise!
00:04:00	Just ignore him.
00:04:02	It's only Sonny. It's only Sonny.
00:04:05	Yeah, it's only me. It's only me.
00:04:08	- What's going on?
00:04:11	She didn't tell me.
00:04:14	She knew you'd ruin the surprise.
00:04:16	No, I wouldn't.
00:04:20	Hey, surprise.
00:04:21	Surprise.
00:04:25	What's going on?
00:04:30	We wasted the good surprise on you.
00:04:32	All right.
00:04:40	Is this your handiwork?
00:04:41	I guess.
00:04:43	See you in three hours.
00:04:45	Good to see you stiffs.
00:04:48	Last three weeks have been crazy.
00:04:52	I'm sleeping in the office.
00:04:55	Honey, it was a great surprise.
00:04:59	No, you weren't!
00:05:02	Need some help?
00:05:04	- Honey, your sister's here.
00:05:06	I hate Sonny.
00:05:08	My client's out $7 million. All we
00:05:12	Maybe you can sue under
00:05:16	I gotta get back to the office.
00:05:19	Mikey, a pleasure.
00:05:20	- I'll see you at home.
00:05:25	I'll walk you out.
00:05:28	I gotta admit, I'm still
00:05:31	Why? They're gay.
00:05:34	I know, but they were like
00:05:38	They're still like our brothers.
00:05:42	What are you doing after this?
00:05:46	Remember when Dad had that barbecue
00:05:50	...so he and Mom went into the
00:05:52	...100 hamburgers with one frying pan?
00:05:56	You're not gonna let a little rain
00:06:13	That relationship's lasted longer
00:06:16	Look at his eyes. He's bored.
00:06:20	Hey, excuse me. Everybody!
00:06:23	I'm sorry. I wanted to thank you
00:06:26	I guess I should say...
00:06:30	I'm getting it.
00:06:31	Tomorrow I'm leaving for China to
00:06:36	Me, the same guy who once shaved
00:06:40	Prove it!
00:06:44	Just kidding.
00:06:45	But I am real glad you're all here
00:06:49	...I'm gonna do what I never thought
00:06:52	You're not proposing, are you?
00:06:57	Yeah, pal, I am.
00:06:58	Well, think about it, you know?
00:07:01	God, Sonny, shut up!
00:07:06	Anyway, will you?
00:07:10	Yeah.
00:07:14	Good call on the two weeks.
00:07:25	Sonny, what was that all about?
00:07:27	Congratulations. You and
00:07:30	Don't call her that.
00:07:32	You wanna tell your children you met
00:07:36	Sonny, that was five years ago.
00:07:39	...and my fiancée, so from now on...
00:07:41	...Dr. Big Boobs McGee.
00:07:43	- Congratulations.
00:07:45	I just...
00:07:48	...got shit going on.
00:07:50	What's the matter?
00:07:51	Vanessa's gonna break up with me...
00:07:53	...and I don't know how
00:07:56	She's getting older.
00:07:58	Career, stable relationship, a family.
00:08:02	That's how they get.
00:08:03	I want things to go back
00:08:06	When we were at Syracuse,
00:08:09	- That was nice.
00:08:11	Tommy and Phil showered separately.
00:08:14	Those were the days.
00:08:16	- What're you doing?
00:08:18	...Vanessa will realize
00:08:21	You're going to the putt.
00:08:22	Remember, the roof breaks
00:08:27	Yes! That's what I'm talk...
00:08:29	Good God!
00:08:30	That can't be good.
00:08:37	Where's Kevin?
00:08:38	He already left. I guess
00:08:42	- Why are you here?
00:08:46	Then what, you gonna go to
00:08:48	You guys talk about whose ass
00:08:52	At least I can fit my ass
00:08:55	Speaking of fatty, whose is this?
00:08:57	- I don't know.
00:09:00	"We wasted the good surprise on you."
00:09:06	Lady gave me $5 to bring him here.
00:09:08	- What do you mean?
00:09:11	Are you selling raffle tickets?
00:09:19	Oh, boy.
00:09:23	- Kevin Gerrity.
00:09:26	What's up?
00:09:27	There's a kid here.
00:09:28	What kind of kid?
00:09:29	If this note is true, it's your kid.
00:09:32	What do you mean?
00:09:35	I'm having a tough time
00:09:37	...but it says, "Dear Kevin:
00:09:40	I hope you understand why
00:09:43	but he needs your help
00:09:47	- This is ridiculous.
00:09:49	Who's this?
00:09:51	This is my friend.
00:09:53	- Is that Kevin on the phone?
00:09:59	What's your name?
00:10:01	Is he all right?
00:10:03	He doesn't like you.
00:10:05	You're such a dick.
00:10:06	That was your girlfriend.
00:10:09	Who sent that note?
00:10:11	"Jan."
00:10:12	Jan...
00:10:15	- Where's he from?
00:10:17	Buffalo.
00:10:18	I've never even been to Buffalo.
00:10:20	Maybe it's a mistake.
00:10:22	Is this like the time
00:10:25	I swear, he's right here.
00:10:28	I'm coming home.
00:10:30	Hang on. It says...
00:10:32	..."If you won't take responsibility
00:10:36	Yes, Uncle Remus,
00:10:39	That's terrific
00:10:41	Here's a number for a guy...
00:10:43	at City Social Service
00:10:46	- I'll come home
00:10:48	Are you sure?
00:10:49	Yeah, don't worry.
00:10:52	Hooters. Hooters. Hooters!
00:10:54	- All right. Thanks a lot.
00:10:58	I'm gonna make another phone call.
00:11:01	You want to come and sit down, pal?
00:11:06	Or you can stand there.
00:11:12	Social Services
00:11:15	We'll be open tomorrow at 8 am
00:11:18	Columbus Day.
00:11:22	Boy, I don't know what to tell you.
00:11:24	Everything's gonna get
00:11:26	Can you be a tough little guy
00:11:30	Great.
00:11:31	Do I need to get you a bottle
00:11:35	What do you eat?
00:11:36	Food.
00:11:38	Yeah? I eat food too.
00:11:40	What? Come on.
00:11:45	You need me to hold your hand?
00:11:47	On Mondays, I go to Central Park
00:11:51	- You into that?
00:11:54	Watch. This guy's humming.
00:11:56	He's going down, he's going down,
00:12:01	How old are you, anyways?
00:12:03	Five.
00:12:05	You wear a diaper?
00:12:09	You wipe your own ass then?
00:12:11	You do? Good job. That's cool.
00:12:14	Come on, fall down. Fall down. Yes!
00:12:17	You suck. You suck!
00:12:20	Check this out.
00:12:35	My God!
00:12:36	There's a stick there.
00:12:39	All right now, what way
00:12:42	This Columbo, he pretends
00:12:45	...but he's really smart as a tack.
00:12:47	Oh, yeah, he is.
00:12:48	You put the vane on down there
00:12:52	I wipe my own ass.
00:12:55	Me too.
00:12:59	So, Mr. Ass Wiper,
00:13:02	Scuba Steve.
00:13:04	Does he ever take his flippers off?
00:13:06	What if he goes bowling?
00:13:08	They don't make him wear bowling shoes?
00:13:11	Really?
00:13:12	I had a doll like that at one time.
00:13:14	But my cat, he bite his head off.
00:13:17	What cat would do that?
00:13:18	You calling me a liar?
00:13:20	Hey, take it easy.
00:13:23	Anyways...
00:13:24	...Jets are playing tonight.
00:13:26	We're gonna go to the Blarney Stone.
00:13:29	I've got more deliveries.
00:13:30	Maybe you can also finish
00:13:33	Right there.
00:13:39	Let's crank up the Styx
00:13:41	No music during the game.
00:13:43	- It's halftime. Relax, Mr. Herlihy.
00:13:46	What are you doing in here, cutie?
00:13:48	Watching football.
00:13:50	- Who do you want to win?
00:13:54	Have fun.
00:13:57	Too bad you don't like girls.
00:14:01	- I'm thirsty.
00:14:03	Are you allowed soda?
00:14:05	I don't know.
00:14:06	My mom always said
00:14:09	...but you'll lose them
00:14:11	- Can we get two root beers?
00:14:14	When I graduated law school, we met
00:14:20	Who would meet you?
00:14:22	My friends, Vanessa.
00:14:24	Vanessa always rooted against the team
00:14:28	But everybody's so busy with
00:14:32	Like I'm not busy?
00:14:34	Shut up or I'll smack you
00:14:37	Last Monday was a fluke.
00:14:44	Anytime.
00:14:47	He drinks a lot of soda.
00:14:53	I'm telling you, buddy. Vanessa,
00:14:57	I'm not getting any handsomer.
00:14:59	Every day I get a little bit older
00:15:02	Fatter?
00:15:03	At your age I could eat anything.
00:15:07	Now, I have a chocolate shake,
00:15:11	- Enjoy the metabolism while you got it.
00:15:16	Good God, it's 2:30 in the morning.
00:15:20	Anyways, I had fun today.
00:15:24	Yeah, you're all right.
00:15:26	Have a good one.
00:15:31	Could I have a night-light?
00:15:33	Night-light? I think I can
00:15:45	Let's see here.
00:15:48	There you go, all right?
00:15:53	Are you my dad?
00:15:57	No, I'm not, but...
00:15:59	...that Dad and Mom thing
00:16:04	You just go to sleep.
00:16:08	- Good night.
00:16:24	Go get the can, okay?
00:16:26	Go! Go! Go!
00:16:31	I'm thinking about keeping the kid.
00:16:36	Remember when we went to
00:16:39	...and you wanted that puppy,
00:16:43	...cleaning it
00:16:45	This is kind of like that,
00:16:48	I mean, I'm glad you had fun and all,
00:16:51	I gotta do something big.
00:16:55	You think that since women get pregnant
00:16:59	...why can't a guy adopt a kid
00:17:02	I didn't think of it like that.
00:17:06	Sounds nuts to me, pal.
00:17:09	You're right.
00:17:17	Arthur Brooks speaking.
00:17:19	How you doing?
00:17:21	Right on, Mr. Gerrity
00:17:22	We were expecting you.
00:17:24	Do you still got a foster family
00:17:27	Yes, we do.
00:17:28	I've decided to
00:17:31	Way to sleep on it, pal.
00:17:33	You two want to get married,
00:17:36	When parents take the responsibility,
00:17:40	I'm psyched about it too
00:17:42	So that's it.
00:17:43	Yep. Good luck
00:17:46	My son.
00:17:51	Goddamn stick!
00:17:53	That's my boy.
00:18:08	Go back to sleep.
00:18:11	Well, I'm going back to sleep.
00:18:15	I wet my bed.
00:18:34	Oh, God.
00:18:36	That's a shitload of piss.
00:18:52	There you go, all right?
00:18:54	No more wetness.
00:18:57	Sleep, all right? Just try to sleep.
00:19:31	Sit still!
00:19:33	Lay!
00:19:42	All right! I'm up!
00:19:43	It smells like urine in this joint.
00:19:48	What're you doing there, boy?
00:19:50	Making cereal.
00:19:51	Oh, yeah? Why don't you
00:19:59	Or don't pour me a bowl. Either way.
00:20:01	I got it. I got it.
00:20:05	We can fix this.
00:20:08	It's not a big deal.
00:20:10	Look. See?
00:20:12	See how quick it goes away?
00:20:15	Crybaby, come on.
00:20:17	Don't worry about it, boy.
00:20:20	Scuba Steve, damn you!
00:20:24	You think that's funny,
00:20:31	There's a bright side to being up
00:20:34	I haven't been up for that
00:20:38	Tie your shoes, we'll go. Hurry.
00:20:41	It's like 12 blocks from here,
00:20:48	Do you need help with that?
00:20:50	I can do it.
00:20:53	Let me do it.
00:20:58	You loop it, you swoop it and you pull.
00:21:01	You loop it, you swoop it, you pull.
00:21:04	Good. Let's go. We're in a hurry.
00:21:07	It's different for your generation.
00:21:09	You've always had
00:21:11	I have?
00:21:13	When I was born, all we had were
00:21:16	Maybe the fish sandwich. I'm not sure.
00:21:19	What are you doing?
00:21:21	Oh, yeah, the hand-holding thing.
00:21:24	My dad took us to McDonald's
00:21:28	Everybody was baffled.
00:21:32	I have to go to the bathroom.
00:21:33	We're gonna be there
00:21:36	I gotta go now.
00:21:37	Didn't you pee enough in bed?
00:21:40	We only got nine minutes
00:21:43	But I gotta go to the bathroom.
00:21:46	All right, let's go.
00:21:48	Can my kid use the bathroom
00:21:51	Customers only.
00:21:52	He's just a kid.
00:21:54	That's not my problem.
00:21:56	It's not your problem? All right.
00:21:58	Come on.
00:22:02	Here you are.
00:22:06	I can't do it.
00:22:08	What do you mean,
00:22:10	I'm scared. Could you do it too?
00:22:15	All right.
00:22:19	Here we go.
00:22:21	And we're off.
00:22:25	That's not too difficult, right?
00:22:27	And we're both losing weight.
00:22:30	Good job. We're gonna miss
00:22:33	Put it away.
00:22:38	- Thanks, anyways.
00:22:41	Move your ass there, pee-boy.
00:22:43	We only got five minutes,
00:22:47	Come on. We're almost there.
00:22:49	Hey, mister. Why are you
00:22:52	This is where I live.
00:22:54	We gotta get going.
00:22:55	Why?
00:22:56	In retrospect, I made some
00:22:59	- We gotta get going.
00:23:01	This was during the
00:23:04	...but for me, it was more
00:23:08	- We're gonna miss breakfast.
00:23:10	I never thought about that.
00:23:12	I was never Mr. Popularity
00:23:14	...and I watched Fantasia a lot.
00:23:17	- One day it clicked.
00:23:19	If you end it,
00:23:21	How about a Sausage McMuffin
00:23:23	You got a deal.
00:23:26	Look, look. He fell asleep.
00:23:29	Let's go.
00:23:34	Sausage McMuffin.
00:23:37	Pardon me, sir.
00:23:38	How you doing?
00:23:40	What can I get for you?
00:23:41	- What do you want?
00:23:43	They don't got Cheerios.
00:23:46	Lasagna.
00:23:47	What's the matter?
00:23:50	Sorry. We stopped serving breakfast.
00:23:52	We're four seconds late.
00:23:54	You're 30 minutes and four seconds late.
00:23:58	Horseshit!
00:24:02	Don't cry. Sorry.
00:24:03	I was cursing at the lady, not you.
00:24:05	Nice parenting.
00:24:07	Thanks. Are you my therapist?
00:24:09	Do you want a Happy Meal?
00:24:11	You got a Happy Meal?
00:24:13	Will somebody
00:24:15	Relax.
00:24:16	Where's my Egg McMuffin?
00:24:18	Breakfast is over at 10:30.
00:24:20	- Really? I thought it was 11.
00:24:24	Total mind blower.
00:24:26	Will you just relax? Here.
00:24:28	What do you want me to do?
00:24:30	You're gonna meet Vanessa tonight.
00:24:34	You wanna see me get hurt?
00:24:37	All right.
00:24:43	You think that's funny?
00:24:46	Good. No more crying.
00:24:48	Are you okay?
00:24:49	Next time, kill me.
00:25:06	Let's do it, Rangers.
00:25:08	- Rangers against
00:25:10	And at this stage
00:25:12	it's as close as you can get
00:25:16	Or they'll fall behind...
00:25:17	How you doing?
00:25:18	How you doing?
00:25:20	You like hockey?
00:25:21	You like hockey?
00:25:23	This is a big, important game.
00:25:24	This is a big, important game.
00:25:26	Cut the crap.
00:25:27	Cut the crap.
00:25:30	I'm serious. Don't do that.
00:25:32	I'm serious. Don't do that.
00:25:34	How much wood would a woodchuck chuck,
00:25:38	That's what I thought. Shut up.
00:25:42	Don't you take naps?
00:25:43	Sometimes.
00:25:44	Go take a nap.
00:25:46	I'm too hungry to sleep.
00:25:48	You want some food?
00:26:02	Having a kid is great...
00:26:05	...as long as his eyes are closed
00:26:31	He's taken down! Penalty shot!
00:26:38	How you doing? You sleepwalking?
00:26:40	Why don't you go back sleepy?
00:26:42	Keep napping. What's this?
00:26:44	Kangaroo song.
00:26:45	That's terrific. And we'll watch this
00:26:49	But after my nap,
00:26:53	It's overtime, and there's
00:26:57	It happens every 10 years...
00:26:58	Kangaroo song. Kangaroo song!
00:27:03	All right!
00:27:06	God! You were normal yesterday.
00:27:20	I can't take this.
00:27:22	Come and play
00:27:25	What do you say?
00:27:27	Douche-bag kangaroo.
00:27:32	Are you all hopped out?
00:27:37	I don't know what to do.
00:27:40	I think she's back.
00:27:43	Get your coat. Clean up.
00:27:46	Oh, God. You don't
00:27:50	- Do you swear?
00:27:54	How come you're not going?
00:27:55	I don't have to go. Only you and
00:27:59	Let's hurry it up, all right?
00:28:04	He'll write your name on the wall.
00:28:08	Let's go. Let's go.
00:28:11	Why do I need to meet this lady?
00:28:13	- Now it is your problem.
00:28:15	She's that lady I was
00:28:18	She's gonna be a big part
00:28:20	I'm scared. What if she's not nice?
00:28:23	Look.
00:28:25	See these right here?
00:28:29	If you're afraid, put them on
00:28:31	Really? Nobody can see me?
00:28:33	Put them on.
00:28:38	Sonny, I'm right here.
00:28:40	Oh, the glasses. I couldn't see you.
00:28:42	Keep those on. No one can notice you
00:28:46	- Okay.
00:28:50	I'm still right here.
00:28:52	Okay, all right, the glasses.
00:28:59	Welcome back.
00:29:00	Who's that?
00:29:01	Who's who? He's invisible.
00:29:05	Can I come in?
00:29:07	Sure.
00:29:08	Any invisible people out here...
00:29:10	...feel free to come in, okay?
00:29:15	Sonny, I don't really know
00:29:18	- We should talk...
00:29:21	So I did it.
00:29:22	Just because I don't have a job
00:29:26	Instead of saying that,
00:29:28	- Before you say anything...
00:29:31	He took his sunglasses off.
00:29:32	He wants you to see him.
00:29:35	Julian, come here.
00:29:37	Come here, pal.
00:29:39	Vanessa...
00:29:40	...I want you to meet Julian, my son.
00:29:44	Our son. I adopted him.
00:29:47	I don't know what to say.
00:29:49	Don't say anything.
00:29:54	Is someone in the bathroom?
00:29:58	Why is the door shut?
00:29:59	I don't know.
00:30:00	You don't?
00:30:03	I don't know.
00:30:07	I can't believe this.
00:30:11	Open up.
00:30:14	Open the door!
00:30:16	- Is everything okay?
00:30:20	I'm sorry. I was freaking out there.
00:30:22	- I'm Sonny.
00:30:24	I had an attack of paranoia. I thought
00:30:28	I am.
00:30:30	What's that?
00:30:32	I am.
00:30:33	That's what I was trying to tell you
00:30:37	- This old guy?
00:30:39	He's already achieved so much...
00:30:41	...and yet he's still goal-oriented
00:30:44	And he has a five-year plan.
00:30:45	What is it? "Don't die"?
00:30:48	I can't believe this. We got
00:30:52	You surprising me with a kid
00:30:55	...wasn't what I wanted.
00:30:57	You wanted me to be more responsible.
00:31:01	You remind me of my grandson.
00:31:05	Hey, Old Man River, zip it
00:31:08	- I'd like to see you try it.
00:31:10	How'd you misconstrue
00:31:12	I don't know.
00:31:15	Deep down you must've known
00:31:19	You made the biggest mistake
00:31:21	I know you'll be missing me
00:31:24	...that big, white, wrinkly...
00:31:26	...body on top of you...
00:31:28	...with his loose skin...
00:31:30	...and old balls.
00:31:32	Gross.
00:31:41	Excuse me. How you doing?
00:31:44	I got an emergency problem.
00:31:47	I'll go get him for you.
00:31:49	Stay where I can see you.
00:31:52	Mr. Gerrity?
00:31:54	- Arthur Brooks.
00:31:57	I didn't tell you to come here, did I?
00:31:59	I was gonna mail you
00:32:01	It's like the opposite of that.
00:32:03	Look, I can't manage this kid.
00:32:06	I ain't a good father.
00:32:09	Mistake?
00:32:10	I had a mother lined up for him...
00:32:12	...but she's banging
00:32:15	The kid won't stop
00:32:17	He's like a cocker spaniel.
00:32:20	He'd be better off
00:32:23	Well, she passed away last night,
00:32:26	She had cancer. She must have sensed
00:32:30	She wanted her son to be with
00:32:36	Loop.
00:32:38	Pull.
00:32:39	If you don't wanna take care
00:32:41	...we'll take him. But he'll have to
00:32:45	Group home? Like an orphanage?
00:32:47	We don't call them that.
00:32:51	Look, I did it.
00:32:54	You did do it.
00:32:55	Congratulations, kid.
00:32:57	I showed him that.
00:32:59	Why don't you go back over there, okay?
00:33:02	- I'll call the Heatherton Home...
00:33:04	I'll hang onto the kid
00:33:08	I don't know. I gotta watch out
00:33:11	You said yourself you were a bogus dad.
00:33:14	He's better off with me
00:33:16	I don't wanna put him in a home
00:33:19	Why don't we pretend you
00:33:22	I'll give you a shout
00:33:25	- That's good.
00:33:26	Just don't make me regret this.
00:33:29	Where are we going now?
00:33:30	I gotta make a phone call.
00:33:39	- This is a collect call from:
00:33:42	- To accept charges, say, "Yes"
00:33:45	Dad, how's it going?
00:33:47	Not too bad. Your mother got
00:33:51	- I got some interesting news.
00:33:54	Kind of adopted a kid.
00:33:56	What do you mean?
00:33:57	I'm talking about
00:34:00	Who the hell would give you a kid?
00:34:02	Social Services.
00:34:04	You idiot. You better give
00:34:06	His mother's...
00:34:08	Hang on.
00:34:09	Go play with them pigeons, buddy.
00:34:11	I tried to give him back.
00:34:15	I need your help.
00:34:16	I'm in a bad way Vanessa dumped me
00:34:20	You're damn right.
00:34:22	The kid is always around.
00:34:24	He never leaves me alone.
00:34:26	You'd think he'd want some privacy.
00:34:29	Give that kid back before
00:34:32	I appreciate that.
00:34:34	He's better off living in a dumpster.
00:34:36	I'll be a better father than you!
00:34:38	Impossible!
00:34:40	Yeah? No, I care about you
00:34:49	Let's eat.
00:34:52	The Vanessa thing did not work out.
00:34:54	She lost her damn mind.
00:34:59	I know when you first got here, you
00:35:03	But I don't think
00:35:05	Why?
00:35:07	I don't know.
00:35:08	But, buddy, real dads
00:35:11	I got one and he's
00:35:13	He tells me what to do. He never lets
00:35:17	A lot of dads are like that.
00:35:21	Look at this guy.
00:35:22	He was probably a nice boy like you.
00:35:26	Who won the Jets game?
00:35:28	Who cares?
00:35:29	Let it go.
00:35:31	What do you mean?
00:35:33	You know.
00:35:34	You're a loser.
00:35:35	You're mad at your dad, not at me!
00:35:38	I am. I am. I hate my father.
00:35:41	I don't want it to be like that.
00:35:45	You even like your name?
00:35:47	I guess.
00:35:48	You guess? Shouldn't you like
00:35:50	It'll be your name
00:35:53	What do you want?
00:35:56	Frankenstein.
00:35:58	I can deal with that.
00:36:01	Frankenstein, you gonna play
00:36:03	Go ahead. From now on, you do
00:36:06	I'll show you some cool shit
00:36:09	That's what it's all about.
00:36:12	Stay in front of it.
00:36:14	It's coming right at you.
00:36:17	Okay. All right.
00:36:18	You're picking your head up.
00:36:22	Is this okay?
00:36:23	That's what you wanna wear?
00:36:26	That's okay with me then.
00:36:28	Good luck walking down the street.
00:36:32	Way to block it. Stay with it.
00:36:33	You're the next Willie Randolph.
00:36:45	Chief Jay Strongbow
00:36:48	Put your arm under here.
00:36:50	Lift this arm, okay? Slide under
00:36:54	Let me show you. Watch.
00:36:56	Throw him into the ropes
00:36:59	Get him. Get him. Lock him up.
00:37:01	Lock wrists.
00:37:03	You bring him down slow.
00:37:05	Apply pressure.
00:37:07	He's going to sleep now.
00:37:11	See, he's out.
00:37:23	Wake up.
00:37:30	You'll be the only kid your age
00:37:33	Go have some fun. Shoot a few
00:37:40	You like that?
00:37:46	Sonny, Sonny, come here!
00:37:47	What is it? What's the matter?
00:37:55	Let me have that.
00:37:57	Go to your room. I think.
00:38:01	It's gonna be fun. You nervous?
00:38:03	No? You're excited, aren't you?
00:38:06	Let's go. Up, up, up.
00:38:10	Here comes some candy.
00:38:14	How you doing?
00:38:16	Happy Halloween!
00:38:23	Do the right thing, buddy.
00:38:25	We want some candy!
00:38:31	Hang on right here for a second.
00:38:48	Yeah, that's it.
00:38:50	Yeah, CDs. You like that?
00:38:54	He's not happy. What else you got?
00:38:58	Okay, that's good. Trick-or-treat.
00:39:02	Say, "Happy Halloween."
00:39:04	Thank you.
00:39:07	Next year, be prepared, moron.
00:39:12	What's with the cummerbund?
00:39:14	I let him wear whatever he wants.
00:39:16	Those boots are the best.
00:39:17	I think they're Kevin's.
00:39:19	I'll have a hot dog with
00:39:23	Frankenstein, what do you want?
00:39:24	Thirty packets of ketchup.
00:39:26	All right. Thirty packets of ketchup.
00:39:30	Nice cut, pal.
00:39:33	Frankenstein.
00:39:35	Do that thing I taught you
00:39:43	It took him 20 minutes to learn that.
00:39:47	- And he loves ketchup.
00:39:49	This is a whole new school
00:39:51	You give him options, not orders.
00:39:55	You're a pioneer.
00:39:56	- So you two just chill out all day?
00:39:59	Hung out on the monkey bars.
00:40:03	I can't even do one
00:40:05	They're not scrawny. They're nice.
00:40:08	What do you wanna do tomorrow?
00:40:10	I wanna go to school.
00:40:12	I don't force him, he makes
00:40:16	We'll enroll you on Monday.
00:40:19	Do the thing again.
00:40:27	That one touched the ground.
00:40:30	That was awesome!
00:40:31	Good job.
00:40:36	Help me! Help me!
00:40:40	Please help me.
00:40:42	This isn't a big problem.
00:40:45	We'll find your parents.
00:40:47	- What's your name?
00:40:50	There you are.
00:40:52	There you are. Are you okay, buddy?
00:40:54	I turn my head and he disappeared.
00:40:57	Don't you ever do that to me again.
00:41:00	Thank you for being sweet
00:41:02	You're welcome, Sonny.
00:41:05	I think my sister, Corinne,
00:41:09	Your sister's Corinne? That sucks.
00:41:11	Yeah, I'm up from D.C.
00:41:14	...where we wasted
00:41:17	Sorry about that.
00:41:19	So, what, you have a son now?
00:41:20	I'm not his dad.
00:41:24	...until Social Services
00:41:26	At which point,
00:41:29	...to initiate conversations
00:41:32	Yeah, that's correct.
00:41:36	Good job, buddy!
00:41:38	He's peeing on his own.
00:41:39	Keep it flowing! That's it!
00:41:41	Go! Go!
00:41:44	So does Corinne's sister have a name?
00:41:47	It's Layla.
00:41:48	Layla? I like your song.
00:41:51	Could you do me a favor?
00:41:52	Could you hang out with me?
00:41:54	He'll think he's a failure
00:41:57	I really can't.
00:41:59	I have a ton of work to do.
00:42:01	I see. Hang on a second.
00:42:03	Come here.
00:42:08	Layla, if you don't come over
00:42:12	...there's a good chance
00:42:17	P-P-P-Please don't do this to me.
00:42:20	- That is so cheap.
00:42:29	So I'm working in a tollbooth now.
00:42:32	I originally wanted to be
00:42:34	...but I'm not very good-looking,
00:42:37	I'm sorry to hear that.
00:42:39	I'm all right. I'm recovering.
00:42:41	This is my favorite part
00:42:44	If I can't have you
00:42:47	Better keep it down low.
00:42:51	Too late.
00:42:53	Okay. Just hang out a little bit.
00:42:55	I'll be right back.
00:42:59	- What are you doing?
00:43:03	What do you mean?
00:43:04	I can't go to sleep
00:43:07	I didn't know that.
00:43:10	Go to sleep now, all right?
00:43:11	What'd we learn about girls?
00:43:13	Initiating the conversation
00:43:17	Bingo. Now sleep, okay?
00:43:26	I gave him NyQuil.
00:43:29	This is Styx. They've been
00:43:34	You're kidding me.
00:43:35	No, I can't help it.
00:43:38	My friends make fun of me.
00:43:40	My friends make fun of me too.
00:43:43	Tommy Shaw, when I was 16,
00:43:46	...and he reached down,
00:43:48	I did the robot voice for "Mr. Roboto."
00:43:51	Really?
00:43:52	No, I made that up. I'm sorry.
00:43:54	That would've been cool, right?
00:43:56	My cousin's friends
00:43:58	...so when they come to town,
00:44:00	...and they tell us stories
00:44:03	Really?
00:44:03	No, I made that up again too.
00:44:07	You're not attracted to, like,
00:44:12	Yeah, I don't like them either.
00:44:16	I can't sleep.
00:44:21	He can't sleep.
00:44:23	So the rabbit ran across the street...
00:44:27	...because he thought
00:44:30	But when he got across the street...
00:44:33	...it turned out they weren't carrots,
00:44:36	Peanuts?
00:44:39	The peanuts belonged to a squirrel...
00:44:41	...who had taken them home
00:44:45	And then the rabbit
00:44:48	..."Carrots, peanuts,
00:44:51	So he asked the squirrel
00:44:54	And the squirrel said, "Of course."
00:44:56	And the rabbit was very happy
00:45:02	And so was the squirrel.
00:45:04	And the rabbit thought the squirrel
00:45:07	And nice eyes also.
00:45:10	And the squirrel thought the rabbit
00:45:13	And then, the rabbit
00:45:17	...and asked the squirrel
00:45:19	...just the littlest squirrel kiss.
00:45:23	And the squirrel thought
00:45:27	...in her busy squirrel life
00:45:30	...even though this particular rabbit
00:45:34	And the rabbit got shut down, did he?
00:45:38	That's all right.
00:45:42	...Scuba Steve could get
00:45:45	...so somebody's getting some action.
00:45:54	Good night, Scuba Steve.
00:45:57	Good night, Frankenstein.
00:46:00	Good night, Sonny.
00:46:02	Good night, Layla.
00:46:06	Don't get caught with any girls.
00:46:08	It's your first day. Take it slow.
00:46:11	I'll meet you after school
00:46:14	You're not staying?
00:46:15	No, I gotta go get you
00:46:18	I don't like these kids.
00:46:20	I don't either,
00:46:25	How's this?
00:46:28	Here are the magic sunglasses.
00:46:31	You put them on
00:46:36	I lost you.
00:46:37	I don't know where you are.
00:46:40	Oh, there you go.
00:46:43	You go inside and make some friends.
00:46:46	Oh, yeah, that's a good hug.
00:46:48	All right. Go inside.
00:46:54	Hi, I like your hat.
00:46:56	What's your name?
00:47:09	- Might as well...
00:47:13	- Might as well...
00:47:15	Mr. Gerrity, this is Arthur Brooks
00:47:20	We may have found
00:47:22	Give me a call back
00:47:25	so we can set up a meeting Bye
00:47:38	Sierra Club Legal Department.
00:47:39	Can I speak to Layla Maloney?
00:47:41	Layla, line four.
00:47:46	You're a lawyer?
00:47:48	What are you doing?
00:47:49	Waiting for Julian so I can have
00:47:53	- What are you doing?
00:47:55	I gotta do my laundry
00:47:57	I was gonna do my laundry today too.
00:48:00	There's a place nearby,
00:48:03	I know that place.
00:48:06	Maybe. I gotta go.
00:48:18	I bought tickets,
00:48:21	Maybe it was a mistake
00:48:22	That's nice, but you don't know
00:48:26	It's hard to know what's going down...
00:48:28	...when you're in an office
00:48:32	You're not gonna tell me
00:48:34	No. You're a big boy.
00:48:36	It's cool you only work
00:48:39	These are the cutest things
00:48:42	I know.
00:48:43	I have them in yellow.
00:48:47	It's great what you're doing
00:48:50	Yeah, well, I got him.
00:48:52	I read an article that said...
00:48:53	...the most important influences
00:48:57	They said that?
00:48:58	Just hope he's not hanging out with
00:49:05	I'm kidding.
00:49:07	I know. I know.
00:49:10	Man, this Yoo-hoo is good.
00:49:13	Smoking dope.
00:49:15	I ain't going to rat you out.
00:49:17	Puffing the cheeba.
00:49:18	Go by the seesaw, smoke a J.
00:49:22	I have a bellybutton.
00:49:24	You have a bellybutton?
00:49:27	And we all love Yoo-hoo.
00:49:30	What's rum?
00:49:31	You don't know?
00:49:32	Rumpelstiltskin?
00:49:35	RumpelstiItskin's a good man.
00:49:39	Stay clean. Stay focused.
00:49:41	Frankenstein,
00:49:45	Why are you scratching so much?
00:49:47	I have ecza...
00:49:49	Eczema? Gross.
00:49:51	How do I make it stop itching?
00:49:53	I don't know. You scratch it.
00:49:55	SpaghettiO's. Do you like
00:50:00	Dented cans are half price.
00:50:02	Microsoft went down three points.
00:50:07	Here, give it a shot.
00:50:10	That's it, boy.
00:50:12	Put it in there. Feels good.
00:50:14	Hi, Sonny.
00:50:16	His name's Frankenstein.
00:50:18	Hi, Frankenstein. Remember me?
00:50:20	Help me. I'm lost.
00:50:23	You don't gotta do that.
00:50:24	You guys wear the same size
00:50:27	I heard you did laundry
00:50:30	She said we did laundry?
00:50:31	Where I'm from, it's called
00:50:36	I got eczema.
00:50:37	Well, then you shouldn't scratch it.
00:50:40	Don't tell him what to do.
00:50:42	- Scratch.
00:50:44	- Thank you.
00:50:46	You know about kids?
00:50:49	It's not doctor stuff. It's common
00:50:53	This is something
00:51:00	- What the hell is he doing?
00:51:03	Microsoft went down three points.
00:51:06	That's good.
00:51:08	Stay away from the frozen-food section.
00:51:19	Isn't Little Italy the greatest?
00:51:21	I like it. Everyone always tells me
00:51:26	That's all right.
00:51:27	But you gotta respect a place where
00:51:35	Last time, he was with
00:51:41	I went to Coney Island today
00:51:44	You gotta take a look at this.
00:51:46	We had a blast together.
00:51:50	He's so happy.
00:51:51	He is such a good boy.
00:51:53	If I have a kid of my own,
00:51:57	Is he picking your nose?
00:51:59	Yeah, he was picking his own all day...
00:52:01	...so I figured he could borrow mine.
00:52:04	He must be miserable
00:52:06	No, he's in good hands.
00:52:09	Look at Brad's body.
00:52:12	- What?
00:52:18	I got two queens, two jacks
00:52:20	- I win.
00:52:22	I got a two, a four, a ten,
00:52:26	I don't understand.
00:52:28	- Because I win.
00:52:30	I win.
00:52:31	I'll get it!
00:52:35	- What's up?
00:52:37	He's in China. Who are you?
00:52:39	Arthur Brooks, New York City
00:52:43	Chinatown. He loves those egg rolls.
00:52:46	I've tried contacting him several times
00:52:50	I'm concerned.
00:52:51	Ixnay on the ketchupnay.
00:52:53	- Have him call me.
00:52:56	My body's definitely better than his.
00:52:58	Without question.
00:53:04	It took you a long time to pencil me in.
00:53:08	I know. I'm excited.
00:53:09	You're excited.
00:53:13	I guess ever since
00:53:17	See, my mom got married really young
00:53:21	So when my dad took off...
00:53:23	...she wasn't left
00:53:26	And I think that's when I decided...
00:53:29	...that I never wanted to end up
00:53:32	That's actually a good reason
00:53:35	I guess I feel like I gotta kick ass
00:53:38	You kick that ass during the day,
00:53:43	The Best of Times
00:53:49	Are when I'm alone with you
00:53:55	Some rain, some shine
00:54:07	Two guys you were best friends with in
00:54:11	Is that strange for you?
00:54:13	No. Nothing changed, really.
00:54:15	They watch a different kind
00:54:21	My God! This is Corinne's place?
00:54:23	If the girls at Hooters
00:54:25	- Do you want your ass kicked?
00:54:34	You're afraid to get involved
00:54:38	...when I'm not with you, I'm thinking
00:54:42	Maybe.
00:54:43	Maybe we should try a kiss out.
00:54:46	We owe it to ourselves to see
00:54:51	I'm not sure.
00:54:52	Me either. It's just that
00:54:55	Ever since then,
00:54:58	..."I got a kiss the first night.
00:55:02	- He said that?
00:55:04	Let's just give it a shot
00:55:07	All right?
00:55:15	Oh, my God!
00:55:18	Gross!
00:55:19	Did I witness the first kiss?
00:55:21	Yeah, you did.
00:55:24	Layla, you didn't actually
00:55:27	I don't know. I'm going upstairs.
00:55:30	Wash your mouth out. He's dirty.
00:55:32	And he's poor.
00:55:34	What do you got in the bag, Corinne?
00:55:38	Shut up.
00:55:39	You have a good sleep.
00:55:41	Pleasant Hooters.
00:55:47	Come on, come on!
00:55:49	This is where we hang our jackets.
00:55:51	This is my hook.
00:55:52	That's a capertillar.
00:55:53	A caterpillar.
00:55:55	- That's right, a capertillar.
00:55:58	- Staying clean, pal?
00:56:00	You drink the booze, you lose.
00:56:04	I'm Julian's teacher, Ms. Foote.
00:56:07	- You his father?
00:56:09	Do you have some time to go over some
00:56:13	Sure.
00:56:14	Go take a walk, pal.
00:56:16	Julian has been displaying
00:56:19	He spilled glue on the floor
00:56:23	He covered it with newspaper.
00:56:25	And then one of our students wore
00:56:29	And Julian tripped him with a stick.
00:56:32	I've never...
00:56:36	Julian found it hilarious.
00:56:38	I like him to express himself freely.
00:56:40	I've really never seen
00:56:47	Your boy's making the least progress
00:56:50	Frankly, his personal hygiene
00:56:54	He's the smelly kid in class?
00:56:58	What's wrong with me?
00:56:59	I've had some smelly ones before.
00:57:01	But your son is by far the smelliest.
00:57:04	All right, I got you.
00:57:07	Start by paying more attention
00:57:10	The class is giving a presentation
00:57:13	Julian has drawn the part of Benjamin
00:57:18	Do what you can to help.
00:57:19	I will turn this all around.
00:57:22	Thank you very much.
00:57:23	Stinky, let's go.
00:57:26	Did he call him "Stinky"?
00:57:31	Wow, I didn't know this
00:57:33	Yes, his teeth were made of wool.
00:57:36	Wood.
00:57:38	I sorry. I mix up "D" and "L."
00:57:40	Well, get it right.
00:57:43	Turn that game off, pal.
00:57:45	I got four guys left.
00:57:46	Let's study a little bit.
00:57:48	I don't wanna study.
00:57:49	Give me that.
00:57:51	- You just killed me.
00:57:54	You can't tell me what to do.
00:57:56	Really? Let's take a vote.
00:58:01	Who doesn't?
00:58:04	It's a tie. That guy doesn't count.
00:58:09	I know. He was just joking around.
00:58:12	Can you hang out here a little bit?
00:58:15	No problem.
00:58:18	Would you like
00:58:21	We'll hop, hop, hop, hop
00:58:23	What do you say
00:58:26	Get the door.
00:58:34	Hi, Julian. How you doing?
00:58:36	I'm Scuba Sam.
00:58:38	Scuba Steve's father.
00:58:40	You see, my boy...
00:58:41	...needs to take a bath.
00:58:43	The only problem is...
00:58:45	...he's afraid to bathe alone.
00:58:47	So I was wondering...
00:58:49	...if maybe you could keep him company
00:58:53	Terrific.
00:58:54	And after the bath, you have to try
00:58:57	Because if you wanna be a member of
00:59:02	I could be in the Scuba Squad?
00:59:04	Well, sure. All you have to do
00:59:08	And don't tell a soul
00:59:11	...because then everybody will
00:59:13	And one more thing...
00:59:15	...be nice to the delivery guy,
00:59:18	It's not his fault he can't read.
00:59:21	Take care.
00:59:26	He told me to watch his boat for him.
00:59:30	...talk to you about
00:59:33	I have no idea what
00:59:38	How come I have to wear
00:59:41	I don't know the rules...
00:59:42	...with little kids and grownups
00:59:49	The good news is you're not
00:59:52	I read something interesting.
00:59:56	...bifocals? That's pretty cool.
00:59:58	What are they?
00:59:59	I'll show you in that book. It might
01:00:04	We'll make this a regular thing.
01:00:06	Bathing and studying
01:00:09	Put your head back.
01:00:12	"Oh, boy. When I was a little girl,
01:00:17	Can you still have fun?
01:00:18	Yeah, but after you study.
01:00:20	In fact, we gotta get you
01:00:23	We'll go to Barney's.
01:00:25	Not that Barney.
01:00:38	All right, one at a time.
01:00:39	That's one.
01:00:41	Two.
01:00:44	See? Urinals are good too.
01:01:07	"Electricity."
01:01:08	Very good.
01:01:09	"Constitution."
01:01:11	That's it.
01:01:12	"Philadelphia."
01:01:14	Smart. Good.
01:01:17	"Fish"?
01:01:20	"Pony"?
01:01:23	"Hip..."
01:01:25	"Hiphop..."
01:01:27	"Hipopynonamous"?
01:01:30	Damn you! You gave him the easy ones!
01:01:36	- Thanks!
01:01:41	Slow down.
01:01:42	You owe me a Sausage McMuffin.
01:01:52	There's a pole there.
01:02:02	My name is Alexander Hamilton.
01:02:04	I was the first secretary
01:02:07	I owned a bank and a newspaper.
01:02:10	Aaron Bird shot me.
01:02:16	Hi, my name is Benjamin Franklin.
01:02:19	I was a writer, a diplomat...
01:02:21	...an inventor and a statesman...
01:02:24	...although I only went to school
01:02:29	I wrote many books and invented
01:02:37	The Declaration of Independence
01:02:43	Who will be the first to sign?
01:02:44	- How about you, John Hancock?
01:02:52	- Look at my man stand strong.
01:03:00	What are your cards?
01:03:01	I got a six, a five, a jack,
01:03:06	I win.
01:03:07	What do you mean?
01:03:08	I had a hand just like that.
01:03:11	Because I win.
01:03:12	This is bullshit!
01:03:13	All right. Take it easy, man.
01:03:15	Every time it's different cards.
01:03:17	So what? Relax. He's a kid.
01:03:19	There should be same set of rules,
01:03:22	He's gotta learn how to lose too.
01:03:25	- Hello, Mr. Koufax.
01:03:27	I was gonna give you a buzz.
01:03:30	You just called me Mr. Koufax,
01:03:33	It is your name, isn't it?
01:03:35	You held yourself out
01:03:38	...to gain custody of young Julian.
01:03:40	Big problem in this state.
01:03:42	I've delivered to you before.
01:03:43	You always order
01:03:47	The real Kevin Gerrity
01:03:49	Save it, Mr. Koufax.
01:03:51	He has to come with me
01:03:54	Take out your handcuffs.
01:03:55	I don't have any,
01:03:59	Listen, Sonny, I would like to help...
01:04:01	...but my status in your country
01:04:05	It's okay.
01:04:06	I'm Audi.
01:04:07	Julian, you're gonna have to
01:04:12	One second, pal.
01:04:16	Would you just give me a second
01:04:20	Take a second.
01:04:29	You don't want me here anymore?
01:04:31	No, that's not it, pal.
01:04:33	You just gotta go away
01:04:36	How long am I going away for?
01:04:38	I don't wanna lie to you.
01:04:42	I don't think we're gonna...
01:04:45	...be seeing each other anymore.
01:04:48	I screwed up, pal. I'm so sorry.
01:04:52	Come here.
01:04:54	Put your coat on.
01:05:00	It's not your fault, okay?
01:05:03	- I don't wanna go.
01:05:05	But you have to,
01:05:10	Please don't make me go.
01:05:13	I'm sorry, but I don't know
01:05:15	I won't play
01:05:18	Come on.
01:05:20	Just go. You gotta go.
01:05:21	You gotta go.
01:05:24	I don't wanna go. I promise...
01:05:27	...I'm sorry. I don't even
01:05:30	I know, pal. That's not it.
01:05:32	But I wipe my own ass!
01:05:37	I know.
01:05:57	- Layla, they took the kid.
01:05:59	Social Services.
01:06:02	You said this was just temporary.
01:06:04	I can't have it be temporary.
01:06:07	Okay, what can we do?
01:06:08	I filed to get custody based
01:06:12	Tommy knew a clerk, so they fast-tracked
01:06:16	- This Tuesday?
01:06:18	I gotta go to Washington
01:06:21	Can you get somebody else?
01:06:23	I'm sorry, Sonny.
01:06:25	We don't even know where
01:06:28	Sonny, this is exactly why
01:06:32	I had things going the way I wanted.
01:06:34	Then at the park, you and this kid
01:06:38	...and it's screwing up everything
01:06:41	You think I planned on a kid
01:06:44	But I fell in love with him.
01:06:47	So now my plans have changed.
01:07:42	All rise.
01:07:50	We're here to determine
01:07:54	...also known as Julian Gerrity,
01:07:57	Representing New York City?
01:07:59	Ted Castellucci.
01:08:00	Arthur Brooks, Social Services.
01:08:02	And representing Sonny Koufax?
01:08:04	Phillip D'Amato.
01:08:06	Thomas Grayton.
01:08:07	Plus, I'll pretty much
01:08:10	Anyone else?
01:08:11	Layla Maloney, Your Honor.
01:08:17	Does this mean that you love me?
01:08:19	Something like that.
01:08:21	First witness.
01:08:23	Koufax is a good egg.
01:08:26	But he fights like a girl.
01:08:28	You like that?
01:08:29	I'm right here, miss.
01:08:31	What are you gonna do about it?
01:08:35	Are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy?
01:08:37	I had a few chardonnays. What of it?
01:08:40	Get off the stand.
01:08:42	You got it.
01:08:43	I've got a few problems.
01:08:45	Off to a good start.
01:08:47	Mr. Koufax is a really cool guy.
01:08:52	My dad was a military man.
01:08:54	Guess I wasn't such a "good soldier."
01:08:57	When I was 35, he attempted to give me
01:09:02	I broke his arm,
01:09:05	I'd rather live on the streets
01:09:14	Anyway, I think Mr. Koufax should be
01:09:19	If O.J. can get away with murder,
01:09:25	This guy knows what I'm talking about.
01:09:29	No more questions.
01:09:34	How long have you delivered food
01:09:37	I deliver food for six years.
01:09:38	Plus, I'm stripper.
01:09:41	I see. And in your experience,
01:09:46	Oh, yes. They make terrific pair.
01:09:48	They went together like
01:09:53	Lamb and tuna fish?
01:09:55	Spaghetti and meatball?
01:09:58	Yes, considering we're in America.
01:10:01	If you don't like spaghetti
01:10:03	I'll come give you a crew cut.
01:10:05	Let's see your clippers.
01:10:07	Not my problem your dad was sick.
01:10:11	Stop yelling at me!
01:10:15	Order! Order! Order!
01:10:18	Am I in the right room?
01:10:19	Who the hell are you?
01:10:21	I'm Mr. Koufax's co-counsel.
01:10:22	He has enough co-counsels.
01:10:24	Well...
01:10:27	...one more won't hurt.
01:10:29	Let's get on with it.
01:10:30	Mr. Koufax is simply parading
01:10:33	Can't they find someone
01:10:36	What were Julian
01:10:38	Shopping.
01:10:39	Did he appear to be
01:10:42	He certainly did.
01:10:44	And how long have you
01:10:46	Since the day I met him.
01:10:48	For the record, where did you work
01:10:52	Hooters.
01:10:55	No further questions.
01:10:58	Asshole.
01:10:59	Next witness.
01:11:01	We'd like to call Julian McGrath.
01:11:17	If it's okay with you,
01:11:20	This is just you and me talking...
01:11:22	...so don't pay attention to
01:11:24	Can you tell me how old you are?
01:11:28	Your Honor, one second.
01:11:42	That's better, huh?
01:11:44	Can you tell me
01:11:46	Five.
01:11:47	What's your birthday?
01:11:49	July 15th.
01:11:50	Where were you born?
01:11:52	Toronto.
01:11:53	Toronto? I thought you were
01:11:56	I moved to Buffalo with my mommy.
01:11:58	For the past six weeks, you've been
01:12:03	Did you and Sonny have fun?
01:12:06	What kind of things would you do?
01:12:08	He taught me how to do the sleeper hold
01:12:12	That's nice.
01:12:14	Anything else?
01:12:15	He taught me how to pee on a building.
01:12:18	Really?
01:12:22	And he taught me that Styx was
01:12:27	They only caught a bad rap...
01:12:29	...because most critics
01:12:35	I think we'd all agree with that.
01:12:39	Before you came here, do you remember
01:12:43	That she loved me and I was gonna
01:12:47	If your mother could pick anyone
01:12:50	...who would she pick?
01:12:51	Sonny.
01:12:54	Thank you, Julian.
01:12:55	You can step down now.
01:13:01	That went good, don't you think?
01:13:03	I don't know.
01:13:06	Mr. Koufax, anyone else?
01:13:13	I'd like to call upon myself,
01:13:16	Awesome.
01:13:17	Which of your esteemed co-counsels
01:13:22	My father, Lenny Koufax.
01:13:24	What?
01:13:26	Forget it, Sonny.
01:13:27	What is going on?
01:13:29	Nobody in this world thinks I shouldn't
01:13:33	He also happens to be
01:13:37	If I can make a believer out of him,
01:13:41	This court is after the truth, not
01:13:46	You want my opinion?
01:13:48	I withdraw my objection.
01:13:55	This is a big mistake.
01:13:57	I only came today to make sure
01:14:01	That was nice of you. Thank you.
01:14:03	To do what I think is right here.
01:14:06	Cut your fingernails.
01:14:08	Okay, Dad.
01:14:10	This case is simple.
01:14:12	It is absurd to think that Sonny Koufax
01:14:17	- Objection!
01:14:19	Sorry, Mr. Koufax.
01:14:21	First of all, how did...
01:14:23	...this sweet little boy, Julian,
01:14:28	I told Social Services
01:14:32	- Of course, you are not Kevin Gerrity.
01:14:34	- So you lied.
01:14:36	Like the time I found a bag of pot
01:14:39	...and you said you thought
01:14:44	Remember when I told you Aunt Fay
01:14:47	...and I wanted you to
01:14:50	And you said that you had
01:14:52	That's right.
01:14:53	I'm curious. Just what were those
01:14:59	Jethro Tull had a reunion concert
01:15:05	What happened to Aunt Fay
01:15:08	She died.
01:15:10	Yes, she did.
01:15:12	Did you happen to make it
01:15:16	Why not?
01:15:17	I went to Jones Beach,
01:15:21	Hell, yes!
01:15:23	Some role model.
01:15:26	Your Honor...
01:15:28	...my son doesn't have health insurance.
01:15:30	He doesn't know how to boil an egg.
01:15:33	He filed for social security
01:15:37	He is a drain on the economy,
01:15:40	...and most of all, on me!
01:15:44	Your Honor...
01:15:45	...to give this young man...
01:15:48	...custody over another life
01:15:52	...it's insane.
01:16:01	I love you.
01:16:03	What?
01:16:04	Don't be scared. It's all right.
01:16:06	I'm not scared.
01:16:08	If I get custody of Julian,
01:16:11	That scares you because you think
01:16:15	Sonny, it's more than a chance.
01:16:19	You're wrong, Dad.
01:16:20	You can be scared that I might get
01:16:25	...or break my legs skiing.
01:16:27	But don't be scared about me
01:16:31	I love this kid too much.
01:16:33	I love him as much as
01:16:35	I'm gonna give him advice
01:16:38	...and I'll be there
01:16:40	I'll fly to New York to be
01:16:43	...even if I disagree with
01:16:47	But, Sonny, you work in a tollbooth.
01:16:50	Don't worry about money.
01:16:51	I am in love with a beautiful girl
01:16:55	She'll be my sugar mama.
01:16:58	I gotta get me one of those.
01:17:01	I know this is the right thing
01:17:04	...just so he won't feel
01:17:07	That's why you're here right now,
01:17:11	...to be a good father.
01:17:14	And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.
01:17:21	Hello, Dad?
01:17:23	Yeah, I just wanted to say I love you.
01:17:25	Hi, Mom? Could you put Dad
01:17:32	Can I borrow that when you're done?
01:17:35	Your Honor...
01:17:37	...my son deserves this kid.
01:17:51	I love you too, sir.
01:17:54	Mr. Koufax...
01:17:56	...the fact is
01:17:59	Not only shouldn't you get custody...
01:18:01	...but since you obtained him
01:18:04	...you should be in jail.
01:18:06	Bailiff, remand him until
01:18:10	Wait. You can't take him away.
01:18:13	As that boy's father,
01:18:18	Oh, God. Corinne, I'm sorry.
01:18:21	Six years ago, Joe Carter...
01:18:23	Joe Carter?
01:18:25	Toronto and the Phillies.
01:18:27	Mitch Williams...
01:18:31	There was a girl.
01:18:33	Oh, God.
01:18:34	I'm an idiot. I was so hammered.
01:18:37	Chicken wings, Molson 3-0.
01:18:40	Hell, yes.
01:18:41	You remember?
01:18:46	That was before he met you.
01:18:50	I'm sorry, Corinne.
01:18:52	I know this changes everything,
01:18:57	Mr. Castellucci.
01:19:00	Pending a blood test, I...
01:19:03	Whatever.
01:19:04	The court grants custody to Kevin
01:19:13	I want you to be my dad, Sonny.
01:19:17	I know. I do too, pal.
01:19:19	But I'm not sure that can happen
01:19:23	Because it seems you
01:19:26	But I'll tell you what I can do.
01:19:28	I can be your friend, no matter what.
01:19:32	I'll always be your friend.
01:19:34	I'll always be your family.
01:19:37	I promise.
01:19:38	The kid's good at tying his shoes.
01:19:40	He's not great at it,
01:19:43	- I'll teach him bunny ears.
01:19:45	Make bunny ears,
01:19:48	I go with this loop, swoop
01:19:52	- I don't know that.
01:19:54	I swear to God it's working.
01:19:56	All right.
01:19:58	Go with the bunny ears thing.
01:20:02	It's important, when you eat
01:20:05	...you never order BLT.
01:20:07	You must trust me.
01:20:10	Hey, guys.
01:20:11	I'm gonna leave you
01:20:14	He's a good man.
01:20:17	So you two have fun
01:20:20	All right?
01:20:21	- Quit scaring the kid for a minute.
01:20:24	Bye, pal.
01:20:30	I went to China.
01:20:33	It's in Asia, which is...
01:20:34	...by Europe.
01:20:42	Did you move the bench?
01:20:44	That's pretty funny.
01:20:47	You know what I got?
01:20:51	Wanna try one?
01:20:58	That's my foot!
01:21:21	You're nice man.
01:21:23	I've got Spice Channel.
01:21:28	Let's make this quick.
01:21:31	Holy shit. Sonny Koufax
01:21:33	I'm working on a big case.
01:21:41	Surprise!
01:21:45	Did you just waste
01:21:50	Hi, Corinne.
01:21:51	- Happy birthday.
01:21:54	Hey, you guys. How are you?
01:21:55	Happy birthday, Daddy.
01:21:59	How you doing, cutie?
01:22:00	Sonny, I beat you so bad
01:22:03	From now on, I have to
01:22:06	I stopped that months ago.
01:22:08	That's because you suck.
01:22:10	Corinne, put a tank top on
01:22:13	- What is he talking about, Mommy?
01:22:17	- Happy birthday, Sonny.
01:22:20	It's a clock radio.
01:22:21	- Thanks for telling me.
01:22:24	I got deliveries.
01:22:25	Hang out with us. We'll have fun.
01:22:27	No, I can't stay.
01:22:30	There you go. Come on,
01:22:33	Hey, you! Still missing
01:22:36	Can we get some fries?
01:22:39	Vanessa.
01:22:41	You're a Hooters girl?
01:22:43	What happened to Sid's five-year plan?
01:22:50	How you doing?
01:22:52	- Maybe it's a 10-year plan.
01:22:56	I think it is.
01:22:58	Come on. I bet they're nice.
01:23:03	You're not supposed to say "balls."
01:29:14	Subtitles by

Big Daddy