Birdcage The

en
00:01:50 We are family
00:01:54 l got all my sisters with me
00:01:58 We are family
00:02:02 Get up, everybody, and sing
00:02:06 We are family
00:02:10 l got all my sisters with me
00:02:14 Agador, where is Starina?
00:02:18 Get up, everybody, and sing
00:02:23 Everyone can see we're together
00:02:27 As we walk on by
00:02:31 And we fly just like birds of a feather
00:02:35 l won't tell no lie
00:02:39 All of the people around us they say
00:02:43 Can they be that close
00:02:46 Let me state for the record
00:02:50 We're giving love in a family dose
00:03:30 Armand.
00:03:31 The Kennedys are
00:03:33 Third time this week.
00:03:35 Ted?
00:03:36 No, just the younger ones.
00:03:39 Wish we'd get Ted.
00:03:46 Leave room for coffee.
00:03:53 Where's Starina?
00:03:54 Agador said she'd be down in five.
00:03:58 We are family
00:04:02 Get up, everybody, and sing
00:04:06 We are family
00:04:36 Starina won't go on.
00:04:40 Damn!
00:04:41 l don't know what happened.
00:04:43 Go upstairs. Try to get her ready.
00:04:47 She won't.
00:04:48 Merde! Have Carmen get ready to do
00:04:58 Honey, please. You got to
00:05:01 No, Agador.
00:05:02 Victoria Page will not dance
00:05:07 Or any other night.
00:05:08 How about just your stockings?
00:05:10 Victoria Page is dead.
00:05:13 Watch how nice
00:05:15 You know how she died?
00:05:16 Alone...
00:05:21 Darling, have you eaten?
00:05:23 Please!
00:05:26 -What is this?
00:05:29 l bought them for Armand, but...
00:05:33 that's all over now.
00:05:35 Okay.
00:05:45 Albert!
00:05:49 Where are you?
00:05:51 -Open up, baby.
00:05:53 -Open it, Albert!
00:05:56 l don't want him to see me.
00:06:04 Fuck!
00:06:06 l'm calling 911!
00:06:08 Abre la puerta!
00:06:11 -Open the door!
00:06:14 Albert!
00:06:18 Are you trying to ruin me?
00:06:20 Don't look at me.
00:06:22 Hideous!
00:06:25 Agador, l'm in such pain.
00:06:27 l know, honey.
00:06:30 No! lt will never pass.
00:06:33 Are you crazy?
00:06:34 There is a packed house
00:06:36 That's all l am to you--
00:06:39 -l can't stand this.
00:06:41 Never mind about my suffering.
00:06:45 Not even our show.
00:06:48 l want a palimony agreement.
00:06:51 l don't have one on me now.
00:06:54 -Don't use that tone to me.
00:06:56 That sarcastic, contemptuous tone
00:06:59 you know everything
00:07:01 and l know nothing
00:07:03 -You're not a woman.
00:07:08 Everybody, take it easy.
00:07:10 Whatever l am, he made me.
00:07:12 l was adorable once--
00:07:16 Now, look at me.
00:07:20 fat, insecure,
00:07:24 l made you short?
00:07:28 What do l do?
00:07:31 Do l send Carmen on?
00:07:33 We have no choice.
00:07:35 -Yes.
00:07:37 How dare you?
00:07:39 -Do it!
00:07:40 -Cyril, go.
00:07:42 l will go on.
00:07:46 Starina will not disappoint them,
00:07:49 Put on the mambo number.
00:07:51 Tell Beatrice and Dante to get
00:07:54 -My hands are shaking.
00:07:56 Agador, l need some Pirin tablets.
00:07:59 -What are you taking?
00:08:01 Just one, okay?
00:08:04 and one after.
00:08:07 Thank you, my darling Agador.
00:08:09 l'm gonna put
00:08:13 Breathe.
00:08:14 This room is so crowded. Can l have
00:08:19 Let's leave her.
00:08:27 -What are you doing?
00:08:29 Why are you giving him drugs?
00:08:32 lt's aspirin
00:08:35 -What a brilliant idea.
00:08:40 l don't believe it.
00:08:44 l didn't have time to wax.
00:08:48 lndifference is the most awful thing
00:08:51 l've done everything l could
00:08:56 l've lost and gained
00:09:01 l've yo-yoed from a 16
00:09:06 and you've never said a word.
00:09:08 Not one hint of encouragement.
00:09:14 lf not for the Pirin tablets,
00:09:18 lf you don't finish making up,
00:09:22 You don't love me anymore.
00:09:24 Oh, shit.
00:09:26 -There's a man in your life.
00:09:28 l sense it.
00:09:30 And l saw
00:09:33 chilling in the refrigerator.
00:09:35 l only drink red.
00:09:37 And so do you.
00:09:44 There's no man.
00:09:46 l'm switching to white
00:09:49 Now there are 150 people out there,
00:09:54 Waiting to applaud you.
00:09:58 Tannins!
00:10:00 -What do you do while l'm onstage?
00:10:03 Where do you go while l'm killing
00:10:08 Go ahead, hit me.
00:10:11 That's what you want to do.
00:10:13 Go on, hit me.
00:10:45 Ladies and gentlemen...
00:10:47 the one, the only...
00:10:49 the incomparable Starina.
00:11:31 Thank you
00:11:35 As you see, l've just gotten back
00:11:42 Look, it comes with accessories.
00:11:46 Don't look at me like that.
00:11:49 He died and left me everything.
00:11:54 Where are the adorable couple
00:11:59 Mon congrats, you sweeties.
00:12:02 l may have something
00:12:07 l think l have found the one.
00:12:11 Yes.
00:12:14 You know l hate to brag, but...
00:12:17 l know this grocery clerk
00:12:21 Unprepossessing
00:12:24 Some think the boy's a jerk
00:12:47 Excuse me.
00:12:50 Hello.
00:12:53 You look like Lucy's stunt double.
00:12:55 l'm a combination
00:12:59 And it's terrifying. Get out
00:13:03 chill two glasses
00:13:05 Why do you talk to me
00:13:09 Because you're
00:13:11 My father was the shaman
00:13:14 My mother was
00:13:17 Then why the hell did
00:13:19 l don't know. They were stupid.
00:13:23 Hello? A career? When will you
00:13:28 When you have talent. Take that wig off,
00:13:32 You do that, l'll tell him you're
00:13:37 l have two words for you:
00:13:40 Now go! And leave
00:13:43 You're such a beast to everybody.
00:13:47 Come on, Gloria.
00:14:33 You keep getting better looking.
00:14:35 Thank you.
00:14:37 Oh, no. Really?
00:14:41 l feel bloated.
00:14:45 -You think l look good?
00:14:47 That's very sweet.
00:14:52 l'm glad you cut your hair.
00:14:56 -Did you eat?
00:14:58 Something to drink?
00:15:00 -Beer, if you have it.
00:15:04 White wine.
00:15:06 Swell.
00:15:08 -How long has Albert been on?
00:15:13 l gave Agador the night off.
00:15:18 So we're all alone.
00:15:20 As requested.
00:15:23 Since when do you like beer?
00:15:27 l have something to tell you.
00:15:29 But l don't want you to get
00:15:33 Oh, God.
00:15:36 l'm getting married.
00:15:42 l didn't want to tell you
00:15:46 lt's a girl.
00:15:48 lt's wonderful...
00:15:52 Let me tell you why.
00:15:55 First, you're only twenty.
00:15:57 Pop, l know, l'm young.
00:16:00 But you've always said l was
00:16:05 l have job offers. l know what l want.
00:16:10 -Oh, please.
00:16:11 l'm the only guy l know
00:16:14 Stop flattering me.
00:16:21 ls it all right, Dad?
00:16:23 Does it matter?
00:16:25 Of course it does.
00:16:27 Say it's okay, before Albert arrives
00:16:31 l can't.
00:16:34 This is too crazy.
00:16:36 You do this, you're on your own.
00:16:39 Don't come back.
00:16:42 -l want nothing to do with it.
00:16:44 -lf that's how you feel.
00:16:46 -Fine. Good-bye, Pop.
00:16:52 You called my bluff.
00:16:54 lt was good.
00:16:55 -Really?
00:16:56 l backed off a little bit.
00:16:59 Tell me it's all right.
00:17:02 lt's all right. l always dreamed
00:17:08 Come on. Drop your bags.
00:17:14 Let's drink a toast
00:17:17 l'm kidding.
00:17:20 lt's all right.
00:17:22 What's the young lady's name?
00:17:24 Barbara.
00:17:25 Are you crazy?
00:17:27 Married?
00:17:29 Who is this boy, Barbie?
00:17:32 Please, don't call me Barbie.
00:17:34 This afternoon at 2:00. We've been
00:17:37 Oh, God!
00:17:40 Oh, Kevin!
00:17:42 Yes, and so have l.
00:17:45 This has to wait until after
00:17:49 Where does the young man come from,
00:17:54 His father is in the arts.
00:17:58 Really?
00:17:59 Did they fund
00:18:01 No! Goodness, no.
00:18:06 Really?
00:18:08 What the hell is that?
00:18:11 That's kind of a diplomatic post.
00:18:15 What does the mother do?
00:18:17 She's a housewife.
00:18:19 That's really refreshing.
00:18:22 l can't talk about this now.
00:18:26 -Hello?
00:18:28 Yes.
00:18:31 Me too.
00:18:34 very excited. He's raising
00:18:38 l'm going to put him on.
00:18:42 -You said his parents were in Greece.
00:18:45 Take it.
00:18:47 Hello, Barbara.
00:18:49 To your future.
00:18:50 Shit! No, dear,
00:18:54 l just broke my glass.
00:18:56 That's okay.
00:18:58 lt was nice talking to you.
00:19:01 How dare you eavesdrop!
00:19:03 You said his parents were
00:19:05 You saw this boy at 2:00 today,
00:19:11 No.
00:19:14 Greece?
00:19:17 They're back for the winter.
00:19:19 They're at their home
00:19:21 ls that like Palm Beach?
00:19:24 lt's close. lt's about two minutes
00:19:29 Really?
00:19:48 Aha!
00:19:49 -Wait.
00:19:51 Who?
00:19:54 Will you stop screaming?
00:19:58 Val?
00:20:00 He's asleep in his room
00:20:05 Why didn't you tell me?
00:20:07 Surprise.
00:20:52 Good morning!
00:20:57 What beautiful flowers.
00:20:59 Good morning, Albert.
00:21:04 We have nice, fresh lobster
00:21:09 No, thank you, Mr. Lopez.
00:21:14 You want the cake delivered?
00:21:16 Yes, please. And remember to write
00:21:21 You got it.
00:21:22 Thank you, Mr. Boynton.
00:21:26 l'll just try this sample.
00:21:28 Chocolate schnecken.
00:21:33 A triumph.
00:21:37 Perhaps one more schnecken
00:21:40 When the schnecken beckons...
00:21:44 -Good morning.
00:21:49 What is this, sludge?
00:21:51 Yes. l thought it would make
00:21:55 Why didn't you say Val was coming,
00:21:59 l would not have been
00:22:02 Will you put some clothes on?
00:22:04 Why don't you let me
00:22:07 Are you afraid
00:22:09 Your what?
00:22:11 My Guatemalanness.
00:22:13 You're afraid l'm too primitive, right?
00:22:16 with your little,
00:22:18 You're right.
00:22:21 Here l am.
00:22:23 The bag lady.
00:22:26 Wash those, will you?
00:22:30 Good morning.
00:22:32 My God, that beard!
00:22:34 -Here you go.
00:22:41 Turkish coffee.
00:22:43 See?
00:22:44 ls Val still asleep?
00:22:46 He must be exhausted, poor baby.
00:22:51 l'm so ashamed of how l acted.
00:22:55 The truth is, you can't stand
00:22:59 You're always pushing me away.
00:23:01 Oh, will you look at this shirt?
00:23:06 No matter how many shirts l send him,
00:23:10 You look awful.
00:23:13 Val's getting married.
00:23:14 Don't be silly.
00:23:17 l wanted to get filet mignon,
00:23:22 What do you mean, married?
00:23:24 You know what l mean.
00:23:27 -l don't understand.
00:23:32 To some girl he met at school.
00:23:34 Oh, no!
00:23:38 he's just a baby.
00:23:42 We've been through all that, okay?
00:23:44 Bottom line is he's getting married,
00:23:47 So the less said, the better.
00:23:49 Oh, my God.
00:23:54 l woke up feeling so good.
00:23:57 Now, all of a sudden, l feel...
00:24:00 so funny.
00:24:03 Let it go.
00:24:05 Oh, you've heard.
00:24:07 Oh, Vallie! Oh, my God,
00:24:12 l'm not saying anything.
00:24:16 But at 20, if you throw yourself away
00:24:20 you'll be sorry the rest
00:24:22 That's all. No more.
00:24:26 Well, don't just stand there.
00:24:29 Or are you
00:24:33 Hello, Albie.
00:24:36 Our baby is going to leave us.
00:24:41 Not without a miracle.
00:24:44 When l and Senator Keeley founded
00:24:48 it was to express moral,
00:24:53 What Senator Jackson is trying
00:24:56 morality is political.
00:24:58 Abortion, same-sex marriage...
00:25:01 lt's a wonderful show.
00:25:03 lt's the most intelligent show
00:25:05 ...pornography would not exist...
00:25:07 if politicians didn't make laws
00:25:10 That's why both houses
00:25:15 Bravo.
00:25:18 Yes, l'm so glad l got on
00:25:21 Dole is just too...
00:25:23 Dark.
00:25:24 l was going to say liberal,
00:25:27 l have to fire this woman.
00:25:29 This young man
00:25:32 Miss Porter, page two...
00:25:34 paragraph two.
00:25:37 ...l wonder if he's old money.
00:25:42 Your campaign manager is calling.
00:25:46 Thank you, Bridget.
00:25:58 Hello, Ben.
00:26:01 Ready for what?
00:26:04 What?
00:26:05 What's wrong, Kevin?
00:26:07 Jackson's dead.
00:26:08 Oh, my God.
00:26:10 He died in bed?
00:26:13 A prostitute?
00:26:15 A minor?
00:26:19 l don't believe this. l don't fucking
00:26:24 You cannot be held responsible
00:26:29 l'm the vice president
00:26:33 My co-founder just died in the bed
00:26:37 Wait until the media finds out!
00:26:39 Bridget!
00:26:41 l could really use some candy!
00:26:43 You want one of these?
00:26:45 Oh, this.
00:26:49 My baby.
00:26:51 Why does it seem...
00:26:54 so real to me...
00:27:02 Albert, you're driving me crazy.
00:27:04 l know, but...
00:27:09 Track-and-field award.
00:27:14 There's the bar mitzvah.
00:27:18 Time passes so quickly.
00:27:22 Well, he looked kind of funny,
00:27:27 How do they get them on so quickly?
00:27:29 They pay.
00:27:31 They're not mentioning you much.
00:27:34 lt's early.
00:27:36 Senator Jackson's last words.
00:27:40 Can you get a shot of the house?
00:27:42 We may not make the live shot.
00:27:46 'He looked kind of funny...
00:27:48 but he was smiling,
00:27:52 Yeah, we got a good spot.
00:27:56 Why don't you set up there?
00:27:58 Figure you'll get part
00:28:01 l don't know if he'll come out.
00:28:08 Where's Dad?
00:28:09 He snuck out to meet with his advisors.
00:28:14 l never should have let him go.
00:28:22 Mom, l have something to tell you
00:28:27 They can't blame us for this.
00:28:29 Eli Jackson was a common redneck.
00:28:33 They can understand that, can't they?
00:28:48 What are you doing here?
00:28:50 l came through the orchard,
00:28:53 lt's so dangerous.
00:28:56 l did! l'm a wreck.
00:29:01 Kevin?
00:29:04 What, death?
00:29:08 What about a wedding?
00:29:13 What wedding?
00:29:16 No, no!
00:29:18 Why not?
00:29:21 A wedding is hope.
00:29:23 And a white wedding is
00:29:27 And it would be
00:29:29 The son of a cultural attaché,
00:29:34 who doesn't look down on us
00:29:38 Who's willing to join our family.
00:29:40 There's the cover of 'People'
00:29:44 Love and optimism versus
00:29:47 lt would be an affirmation!
00:29:49 lf necessary, we'll get
00:29:52 No, he's too controversial.
00:29:57 He's too liberal.
00:29:59 -Where's the candy?
00:30:02 This boy--
00:30:04 Armand...
00:30:06 Coleman.
00:30:07 l wonder if they're related
00:30:11 -Are they from Boston?
00:30:14 l think we should go
00:30:16 We should have dinner--
00:30:19 We'll have dinner with them
00:30:23 Mr. and Mrs. Armand Coleman
00:30:46 What is this dream l see
00:30:52 Why does it seem so real
00:30:55 To me
00:30:57 What if this dream turns out to be
00:31:03 More than a dream
00:31:06 Fairy dust, fairy dust, fairy dust.
00:31:11 Come, little dream, and play
00:31:17 Don't be afraid
00:31:19 Don't fade away
00:31:22 Quick, little dream
00:31:25 Before you're gone
00:31:28 Let's get it on
00:31:33 l saw that.
00:31:35 Well, this is impossible.
00:31:38 or l'm just some cheap drag queen
00:31:42 Let's just get through it.
00:31:43 l have to understand
00:31:47 l have to give my all.
00:31:50 He's chewing gum.
00:31:52 Chewing gum helps me think.
00:31:53 You're wasting your gum.
00:31:55 Let's keep going.
00:31:58 -l need to talk to you.
00:32:00 -lt's important.
00:32:07 Each night anew
00:32:12 Tell me, my dream
00:32:14 Are you a dreamer too
00:32:17 What is it?
00:32:19 -Can you come upstairs with me?
00:32:25 Did you see what he just did?
00:32:30 He blew a bubble while l was singing.
00:32:35 This may be a drag show...
00:32:37 but it should be a good drag show.
00:32:41 Just because you're 22 and hung--
00:32:43 l'll do this, Albert.
00:32:44 -You're the director.
00:32:47 This is a complex number,
00:32:50 The woman who is singing
00:32:53 You are her fantasy.
00:32:56 the fantasy, see her, your inventor,
00:33:03 -l don't get it.
00:33:05 -Albert.
00:33:07 Thank you.
00:33:10 Celsius,
00:33:13 that when you see this stunning,
00:33:16 she transcends your desire to chew.
00:33:20 Something starts in your pelvis
00:33:24 where it becomes
00:33:27 Yes?
00:33:29 What do l do?
00:33:32 You do an eclectic celebration
00:33:35 You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! Or Martha
00:33:39 Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael
00:33:44 Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!
00:33:49 Work on that. l'll be right back.
00:33:53 Barbara's coming with her parents.
00:33:55 -When?
00:33:57 That's plenty of time.
00:33:59 No, there's more.
00:34:06 Wine?
00:34:07 No. Let's hear it.
00:34:15 Barbara's father is a senator,
00:34:19 He's running for reelection.
00:34:26 you're the cultural attaché
00:34:30 What?
00:34:33 She had to. He founded
00:34:37 l don't care.
00:34:40 Do you want me to be?
00:34:41 No, no. Of course not.
00:34:46 Dad, he's Kevin Keeley.
00:34:48 Who's Kevin Keeley?
00:34:51 Do you read the newspaper?
00:34:53 Of course. 'Variety,' the Arts
00:34:57 What don't l know?
00:35:01 No. He's conservative,
00:35:05 And l'm marrying her, not him.
00:35:08 -l need your help.
00:35:10 You've done it before.
00:35:11 Lied about who l am?
00:35:14 When l started Edison Park,
00:35:17 You said if Miss Donovan asked,
00:35:23 You were a baby,
00:35:26 l didn't want you to get hurt.
00:35:28 lt's different now.
00:35:30 l can still get hurt.
00:35:34 lt would mean everything to me
00:35:38 lt's just for one night.
00:35:41 This is insane.
00:35:44 so l can pretend to be
00:35:49 And what about Albert? How do you
00:35:53 Well, you'd have to send him away.
00:35:55 You try sending Albert away.
00:35:57 We'd never get him past the Keeleys.
00:36:02 What things?
00:36:05 Well, that, for example.
00:36:07 Neptune?
00:36:10 And this.
00:36:12 The Kirby?
00:36:15 And how about that?
00:36:24 That better?
00:36:36 Look, it's not just one
00:36:41 We're going to have
00:36:45 Just make it a bit more
00:36:48 l see.
00:36:50 so we can be
00:36:53 And you're going to
00:36:57 ...you know--
00:37:01 -What are you saying?
00:37:04 l'm obvious.
00:37:19 l just had the walls
00:37:24 You better come downstairs.
00:37:30 l'll be right down.
00:37:36 Yes, l wear foundation.
00:37:40 Yes, l'm a middle-aged fag.
00:37:43 But l know who l am, Val.
00:37:47 l won't let some idiot senator
00:37:50 Fuck the senator.
00:38:02 Still outside the home of
00:38:02 Still outside the home of
00:38:04 the co-founder of
00:38:07 ...waiting for Senator Jackson's
00:38:11 At this point, we don't know
00:38:15 Earlier reports placed him
00:38:21 We're here at what
00:38:23 waiting for the senator
00:38:26 The senator was co-founder
00:38:29 with Senator Eli Jackson.
00:38:32 The senator has been besieged here,
00:38:36 by a virtual army of media,
00:38:39 some comment
00:38:48 Where you driving him?
00:38:51 South Beach, Florida.
00:38:58 Folks, there have been a lot
00:39:02 about the death of Senator Jackson.
00:39:05 And here's another one.
00:39:07 Join Jay on 'The Tonight Show'
00:39:12 This is unbearable.
00:39:24 Kevin, no!
00:39:25 l'm going down the ladder.
00:39:29 Have the chauffeur
00:39:32 No! l don't want to go
00:39:34 Barbara will be with you.
00:39:39 Daddy!
00:39:42 l'm going down the back way.
00:39:44 What about your announcing
00:39:48 Not before we meet them.
00:39:51 Let go of me.
00:40:02 -He's leaving his home.
00:40:05 Senator, will this cost you votes?
00:40:07 What's the future
00:40:11 What about the rumors
00:40:15 Uh, gentlemen...and ladies...
00:40:18 l am, as are all my colleagues...
00:40:21 Republican and Democrat,
00:40:26 stunned and saddened
00:40:30 the death of Senator Jackson,
00:40:35 My family and l...
00:40:37 are leaving town for a few days, uh,
00:40:42 To, um, plan an event.
00:40:46 An event which...
00:40:47 l cannot, uh...
00:40:49 Which may perhaps heal some of the...
00:40:52 bad, uh, things, that...
00:40:55 Senator Jackson's demise
00:40:59 feel.
00:41:00 Where are you going, Senator?
00:41:03 Where? To our farm. That's all
00:41:08 -Did you know the girl?
00:42:04 Agador?
00:42:07 What did l do?
00:42:09 We're redoing the apartment
00:42:13 This is for the in-laws, right?
00:42:16 Right. We have to get rid
00:42:22 That's a lot.
00:42:24 You'll have to get a uniform
00:42:27 No.
00:42:30 But you'll look like
00:42:32 'Don't ask, don't tell.'
00:42:34 Start tomorrow morning.
00:42:38 Where will l get a uniform?
00:42:39 l'll say, 'Albert, you must go
00:42:42 Ay, Dio.
00:42:43 lt'll be hard.
00:42:45 l got so much to do.
00:42:47 Pop.
00:42:51 Thank you.
00:42:53 Do me a favor, Val.
00:43:11 Kevin, please,
00:43:14 No!
00:43:17 The second we get out of the car,
00:43:40 How l love the sun.
00:43:42 Yes, it's glorious, isn't it?
00:43:45 You know, you could use some more sun.
00:43:51 What do you mean?
00:43:53 Nothing.
00:44:07 Don't kill yourselves
00:44:09 Who put 'Playboy'
00:44:11 Leave it.
00:44:14 Don't add.
00:44:17 Please hurry. This place has
00:44:22 Cyril, that's too short.
00:44:23 l want that nice Armani break
00:44:28 But don't just pull it. Do it
00:44:34 That's it.
00:44:36 -But you must have meant something.
00:44:40 Tired means old. 'You look tired'
00:44:43 'You look rested'
00:44:46 You look wonderful.
00:44:49 No, l want to go home.
00:44:51 On a day like this?
00:44:54 Anything?
00:44:57 -l'll buy you some.
00:44:59 -l'll buy you sandals.
00:45:04 Nothing.
00:45:07 Then l'll see you upstairs.
00:45:10 What?
00:45:12 -l hurt my thing.
00:45:14 My ankle. l don't think
00:45:18 Wait here.
00:45:20 No, no!
00:45:21 Why not?
00:45:24 My arm.
00:45:27 Don't leave me!
00:45:32 What is that?
00:45:34 l got it from the antique store
00:45:37 Don't add.
00:45:40 You're blocking my way.
00:45:42 Put the moose on the patio.
00:45:46 Don't be such a baby.
00:45:49 l can't move any faster.
00:45:50 Lean on me.
00:45:52 l need a doctor.
00:45:53 Don't be silly.
00:45:56 We should go to the emergency room.
00:45:58 You're overreacting. Don't be
00:46:07 We've been robbed.
00:46:09 Albie, no.
00:46:13 They'll be returned
00:46:17 Back?
00:46:20 Where am l going?
00:46:23 You didn't tell him.
00:46:25 What?
00:46:30 Val's fiancée is coming tonight
00:46:34 We thought it would...
00:46:37 be better if you weren't here.
00:46:49 l see.
00:46:53 l see.
00:46:54 lt's just for tonight.
00:46:57 l understand.
00:47:00 lt's all right, my darling.
00:47:02 lt's nothing.
00:47:06 but it's not important.
00:47:10 l'm leaving.
00:47:11 lt's just one night, Albert.
00:47:13 The monster...
00:47:16 the freak is leaving.
00:47:21 You're safe.
00:47:33 That went well.
00:47:38 Albert!
00:47:43 Will you listen?
00:47:45 Go away. l hate you!
00:47:50 My heart is breaking.
00:47:52 Please, don't cry.
00:47:56 l won't stay
00:47:58 Where l can be thrown out
00:48:01 l have the palimony papers.
00:48:03 You're lying again.
00:48:06 Too much ugliness.
00:48:10 Feel my pulse.
00:48:12 My goodness, it's very fast.
00:48:27 -Waiter! Water.
00:48:29 lt's the end.
00:48:32 No, it isn't.
00:48:34 Thank you, Rodrigo.
00:48:37 Right away, Señor Goldman.
00:48:39 There you go.
00:48:41 Thank you.
00:48:45 This is not about you.
00:48:50 Val is crazy about you.
00:48:51 ls he?
00:48:54 Oh, you're so sweet.
00:48:57 That water is so cool.
00:49:00 Maybe it is a bit much to introduce me
00:49:06 Could you say
00:49:09 Val's uncle?
00:49:11 What's the point?
00:49:13 l could play it straight.
00:49:15 Oh, please.
00:49:18 Look at your pinky, your posture.
00:49:21 What about you? You're obviously
00:49:26 You've never been to a museum,
00:49:29 These conservatives don't care
00:49:40 Oh, fuck them.
00:49:45 You're a great performer.
00:49:48 Together we can do anything.
00:49:50 Oh, Armand.
00:49:51 Absolutely.
00:49:54 First, get your pinky down.
00:49:58 And your posture.
00:50:00 My God! Are you crazy?
00:50:04 Stop screaming!
00:50:06 l'm teaching you to act like a man.
00:50:08 All right, all right.
00:50:10 lt's a dinner party.
00:50:14 Spread some mustard on the toast.
00:50:19 Don't use the spoon.
00:50:23 You take your knife...
00:50:25 and you smear.
00:50:29 Smear. Yeah.
00:50:35 Get the goddamn pinky down! Make your
00:50:40 Hold the knife boldly, with strength.
00:50:42 Oh, God!
00:50:45 So what? Just remember not
00:50:50 React like a man, calmly.
00:50:53 You say to yourself, 'Albert, you
00:50:58 lt's not the end of your life.
00:51:00 'Albert, you pierced the toast.
00:51:05 Of course.
00:51:08 All l have to remember is,
00:51:11 That's the spirit.
00:51:14 -Holding the sandwich?
00:51:19 Down!
00:51:44 Too swishy?
00:51:47 Let me give you an image.
00:51:49 lt's a cliché, but it's an image:
00:51:53 Couldn't we start
00:51:56 Come on.
00:51:58 He has a very distinctive walk.
00:52:00 Very easy to imitate.
00:52:05 Now just get off your horse
00:52:13 Nice touch.
00:52:30 Howdy, ma'am.
00:52:39 No good?
00:52:41 Actually, it's perfect. l never
00:53:02 Hang on.
00:53:08 This guy's a fucking maniac.
00:53:12 What's in South Beach?
00:53:14 Armand Goldman,
00:53:18 How about those Dolphins?
00:53:22 Screaming queen?
00:53:24 Stick your hand out sideways,
00:53:27 -l'm going to shake it, not kiss it.
00:53:29 And tighten your wrist.
00:53:31 No, straighten it,
00:53:35 Al, you old so-and-so.
00:53:37 -l just said that.
00:53:39 Okay.
00:53:48 Al, you old son of a bitch!
00:53:53 The Dolphins, in the fourth on their
00:53:58 How do you think l feel?
00:54:01 Wrong response?
00:54:05 l'm not sure.
00:54:08 This is very exciting.
00:54:09 -lt is, fella.
00:54:12 -Damn straight.
00:54:16 -Fuckin' a!
00:54:19 Swing that by me again,
00:54:22 l'm terribly sorry.
00:54:23 Take it easy.
00:54:25 You take it easy, pilgrim.
00:54:27 -He bumped into me.
00:54:30 Why are you being a prick?
00:54:32 Why are you being an asshole?
00:54:39 Are you calling me an asshole?
00:54:42 Actually, l'm talking
00:54:48 See, the swelling's already gone down.
00:54:52 You were magnificent, marvelous,
00:54:56 l'm so proud of you.
00:54:58 That big gorilla looked ridiculous
00:55:00 and banged your head on the ground.
00:55:04 Thank you, Vallie.
00:55:07 l'll get you some more ice.
00:55:18 Dad, could we hire a straight maid
00:55:23 There are no straight maids
00:55:27 And l have more bad news for you.
00:55:29 l told Albert he could stay.
00:55:33 You did what?
00:55:35 Why? Because he told me
00:55:38 and he's my friend and companion.
00:55:41 Who will we say he is?
00:55:43 Your uncle.
00:55:45 My uncle?
00:55:47 Let's just forget the whole thing.
00:55:49 Don't be so negative!
00:55:53 About what? Once they see you
00:55:58 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
00:56:03 God, what a mess.
00:56:05 What we really need is a woman.
00:56:07 We could get away with Albert as
00:56:10 lronic, isn't it?
00:56:15 Why don't l ask your mother?
00:56:17 My mother wouldn't do it.
00:56:20 How do we know?
00:56:21 Because she hasn't seen me in 20 years.
00:56:24 No, 20 years ago she was a young girl--
00:56:29 You can't be serious!
00:56:32 lt's very unfair of you
00:56:37 She'd do it?
00:56:40 My mother?
00:56:43 Oh, my God.
00:56:46 l don't believe it. lt's been
00:56:51 l'll be there in 5 minutes.
00:56:53 l can hardly wait.
00:56:55 Me too.
00:56:59 She's going to see me.
00:57:01 Why don't l drop you off
00:57:04 No, l'll come up with you.
00:57:22 Katharine Archer, please.
00:57:25 Go right in.
00:57:34 Just sit down.
00:57:36 Excuse us.
00:57:43 Army Goldman.
00:57:44 Katie Archer.
00:57:47 No. l'm between husbands.
00:57:53 l've thought about you
00:57:57 Whenever l saw an ad for The Birdcage.
00:58:01 Yes, we're still together.
00:58:03 And you...
00:58:06 you've done well.
00:58:07 Because of you. The money
00:58:11 You should have
00:58:13 l got Val for it.
00:58:16 ls he...?
00:58:19 How is he?
00:58:20 He's fine.
00:58:23 Married?
00:58:25 Twenty.
00:58:30 My God, twenty years.
00:58:32 And today, for the first time,
00:58:51 Shiny.
00:58:57 lmelda, cancel my appointments
00:59:06 l normally drink vegetable juice
00:59:11 let's drink to Senator Keeley's daughter
00:59:15 l haven't done much for him
00:59:19 Don't worry about that.
00:59:21 l'm not exactly maternal.
00:59:24 l am.
00:59:25 l'm very maternal.
00:59:28 And Albert's practically a breast.
00:59:39 Do you remember
00:59:41 Very well.
00:59:43 Love is in the air
00:59:45 Different kinds
00:59:47 Quite clearly
00:59:50 Out of their minds
00:59:52 Act queerly
00:59:55 Wait, wait.
00:59:57 Wives are at
01:00:00 Virgins are distinctly nervous
01:00:03 Virgins are distinctly nervous
01:00:06 Love is going around
01:00:13 Ah, for the gypsy.
01:00:14 How handsome you were.
01:00:16 How unavailable,
01:00:21 You're embarrassing me.
01:00:22 You were so terrified.
01:00:25 l nearly died. l walk into my room,
01:00:30 l paid the doorman twenty dollars.
01:00:33 Twenty dollars in those days.
01:00:35 Oh, God.
01:00:36 l thought, 'What the hell?'
01:00:39 'l'll try it once and see what
01:00:45 How long did we last?
01:00:46 l know exactly.
01:00:57 Love is in the air
01:00:59 Round and about
01:01:00 This morning
01:01:03 -Maidens watch out
01:01:06 lf you stop to feel a tingle
01:01:11 That's your part.
01:01:12 Stay home
01:01:15 You could catch your death
01:01:19 'Cause love is around
01:01:28 Sorry.
01:01:32 You're in incredible shape.
01:01:36 So can you, Armand.
01:01:38 Thank you.
01:01:40 Where did all this hair come from?
01:01:45 l shaved it for the show.
01:01:48 lt's much nicer this way--
01:01:52 So much hair.
01:01:54 Let me touch it.
01:01:56 What a beautiful chain.
01:01:58 Look how it glitters
01:02:02 Unbutton your shirt.
01:02:04 -Careful, it's silk.
01:02:06 -Don't snag it.
01:02:11 l'm sorry.
01:02:13 Albert?
01:02:51 ls Albert here?
01:02:53 No.
01:02:55 Great. Then he's driving back
01:02:59 with the parking brake on.
01:03:07 Are we crucifying someone tonight?
01:03:09 You like it?
01:03:12 And they threw in books.
01:03:16 ls my mother coming?
01:03:18 Yes, she's coming.
01:03:20 Yes.
01:03:22 There. You see?
01:03:25 lt all worked out.
01:03:27 l'm only here to get my toothbrush.
01:03:30 will you?
01:03:36 l would have loved
01:03:40 Why don't you hold the crucifix?
01:03:46 Oh, yes. Another gibe,
01:03:52 You and Katharine were
01:03:55 Well, why not?
01:03:59 and everyone laughs at me.
01:04:02 l'm quite aware
01:04:05 The only solution is to go
01:04:09 Where everyone is equal.
01:04:13 Good-bye, Armand.
01:04:14 Wait, Miss Albert!
01:04:18 Listen, l don't want you to go.
01:04:21 My poor, devoted Agador.
01:04:24 l'm leaving you my stereo...
01:04:28 -my red boots...
01:04:30 -and my wigs.
01:04:33 My best wigs.
01:04:38 Okay, l'll bite.
01:04:41 Where are you going?
01:04:43 To Los Copa.
01:04:45 There isn't anything
01:04:50 l know.
01:04:54 l see.
01:04:55 You're going to the cemetery
01:05:03 Good-bye, Armand.
01:05:04 Miss Albert, wait!
01:05:09 Shit!
01:05:10 lt'll be better without an uncle.
01:05:13 What did you do to him?
01:05:16 -Calm down!
01:05:17 Because you have to
01:05:21 l'm going after fucking Albert.
01:05:29 Can you...
01:05:31 You can cook, right?
01:05:33 Your father seems to think so.
01:06:01 My cemetery is in Key Biscayne.
01:06:05 lt's one of the prettiest
01:06:07 There are lovely trees,
01:06:15 The one in Los Copa
01:06:20 What a pain in the ass you are.
01:06:24 lt's true. You're not young,
01:06:28 and you do make people laugh.
01:06:30 l'm still with you
01:06:34 So now l have to sell my plot
01:06:37 so l can be next to you
01:06:41 so l never miss a laugh.
01:06:48 What's this?
01:06:51 Read it.
01:06:56 l don't understand.
01:06:58 lt's the palimony agreement.
01:07:03 lt says l have the right to give you
01:07:08 lt's safer,
01:07:12 But who owns it now?
01:07:15 You do.
01:07:24 l don't want it.
01:07:25 Then give me half.
01:07:27 Quick, give me a pen.
01:07:32 Sign it.
01:07:50 There. We're partners.
01:07:53 You own half my life,
01:07:57 Half the club?
01:07:58 What does it matter?
01:08:02 l'm 50 years old.
01:08:03 There's only one place l call home,
01:08:07 What difference does it make if l say
01:08:15 lt's ours.
01:08:33 She's gone, Mr. Goldman.
01:08:37 Sure, l'll take a message.
01:08:39 Go ahead.
01:08:42 Don't come...
01:08:44 The Reverend Al Sharpton
01:08:47 Jackson's last words, 'Your money's
01:08:52 The prostitute's given name
01:08:55 That idiot Jackson!
01:08:59 Barbara's wedding will
01:09:02 The Colemans are a perfect family.
01:09:08 See?
01:09:13 And it was a question of Albert
01:09:17 So l had to choose.
01:09:19 And l chose Albert.
01:09:23 You understand that, don't you?
01:09:26 l knew you would.
01:09:30 l can't get this damn tie even.
01:09:33 Well, the jacket will cover it.
01:09:37 l look like my grandfather
01:09:40 He always dressed like this.
01:09:45 Any last instructions?
01:09:47 Just don't walk unless you have to.
01:09:51 And don't gesture.
01:09:54 That all?
01:09:55 Don't talk...
01:09:57 too much.
01:10:00 Who cares?
01:10:02 Come on! Don't be so negative.
01:11:05 What?
01:11:09 No good?
01:11:13 Why?
01:11:18 l took off all my rings.
01:11:21 l'm not wearing any makeup.
01:11:25 l'm just...
01:11:28 a 'guy.'
01:11:32 What about those?
01:11:36 Those?
01:11:48 You're thinking
01:11:52 l'm even more obvious,
01:12:03 You're right.
01:12:15 l just wanted so much to help you.
01:12:22 And you hate me.
01:12:26 You both hate me.
01:12:34 We don't hate you.
01:12:38 ...better treat me right
01:12:43 She works hard for the money
01:12:47 So hard for it, honey
01:12:51 l work hard for the money
01:12:56 That's right
01:12:58 Better put your shoes on.
01:13:00 There's no point
01:13:04 l never wear shoes
01:13:07 Just put your shoes on!
01:13:10 And talk in your normal voice.
01:13:16 Okay.
01:13:28 Armand?
01:13:30 l'm in the car, and l got...
01:13:32 a message telling me not to come.
01:13:35 No, that was a mistake.
01:13:40 l thought my secretary got it wrong.
01:13:43 l should be there in half an hour.
01:13:47 ls this Val?
01:13:52 Val, l want you to know how...
01:13:56 happy l am that
01:13:59 l know it's a little late.
01:14:01 No, it's fine.
01:14:04 Thanks for this.
01:14:09 So, um, see you in half an hour...
01:14:13 Mom.
01:14:18 Did you just say,
01:14:23 -Was that?
01:14:24 You can't call her back.
01:14:26 Are you crazy?
01:14:28 Albert is hysterical now. You know
01:14:31 Nothing.
01:14:33 lt was my mother.
01:14:37 Pop, without her l'm screwed.
01:14:46 So this is hell.
01:15:11 This is less like Palm Beach
01:15:15 lt was all sand
01:15:17 This grew up around them
01:15:27 He's locked himself in. lf we're lucky,
01:15:34 l'm not religious, and l'm Jewish. But
01:15:40 Speaking of Jewish, Barbara told
01:15:47 Thanks.
01:15:49 Coming.
01:15:52 Perfect.
01:15:56 lt's the shoes.
01:16:04 Good evening.
01:16:09 Please, come--
01:16:14 ls that Goldman?
01:16:16 Coldman, Coldman.
01:16:19 -Guatemalan.
01:16:21 Val, this is my father
01:16:25 This is Val Coleman.
01:16:28 Coleman or Coldman?
01:16:29 Coleman.
01:16:31 The 'd' is silent.
01:16:33 My father.
01:16:37 My daughter, Barbara.
01:16:39 Delighted.
01:16:42 My husband.
01:16:44 Extremely honored.
01:16:46 You have a very forceful handshake.
01:16:48 You have to in Greece.
01:16:54 My mother won't be here
01:16:57 She's with my grandparents
01:17:00 Oh, isn't that nice?
01:17:03 Having contact
01:17:06 Yes.
01:17:11 How's the leg?
01:17:14 A fellow sufferer.
01:17:16 -Greece.
01:17:19 What an interesting room.
01:17:21 Don't you think this room is nice?
01:17:23 Well, yes.
01:17:26 pleasant vacation house.
01:17:31 Dad uses this place more for work and...
01:17:36 So it's not so much
01:17:39 Monastery.
01:17:41 Well, it's just charming.
01:17:44 And look at these lovely old books.
01:17:49 Look at this.
01:17:51 'Nancy Drew and the Case
01:17:54 You have the whole series.
01:17:56 Uh, they're my mother's.
01:17:58 Sit down!
01:18:01 Please.
01:18:18 Shall we have champagne to celebrate?
01:18:21 Oh, how nice.
01:18:23 -Agador!
01:18:25 Agador Spartacus! He insists
01:18:36 We'd like the champagne now.
01:18:53 Over there?
01:18:56 God bless you.
01:18:59 They went in around the corner.
01:19:00 That's the side entrance
01:19:03 Let's check it out.
01:19:05 You have such a responsibility,
01:19:09 When did you buy this one?
01:19:11 About 15 years ago.
01:19:15 Really? Barbara told us
01:19:20 Yes. Well, you know the old saying,
01:19:26 Here we go.
01:19:30 And a scotch, if you have it.
01:19:35 ls someone else home?
01:19:37 Just our dog, Piranha. We always lock
01:19:44 l'll finish pouring.
01:19:57 He's a brilliant chef. He just has
01:20:03 Where could the wife be?
01:20:28 He was so weird.
01:20:31 No, l really was.
01:20:33 l was like,
01:20:36 She was like,
01:20:39 lt was so funny.
01:20:41 Yes, it does sound funny.
01:20:48 How was your trip, Senator?
01:20:52 A nice trip.
01:20:55 We decided to drive down
01:21:01 lt was a long trip, though:
01:21:05 Tennessee...
01:21:07 Georgia.
01:21:09 lt was just so magical to come
01:21:14 to the South,
01:21:17 and see the tremendous differences
01:21:22 in this incredible country
01:21:27 My wife and l
01:21:30 every autumn
01:21:33 Virginia has amazing foliage...
01:21:36 although l do think that
01:21:43 lt's just dazzling along l-75.
01:21:51 Just dazzling.
01:21:54 We would go down to Virginia,
01:21:58 To see the wonderful farms,
01:22:02 l'm stuck in traffic.
01:22:06 The hills, the mountains.
01:22:11 Talk about
01:22:15 Just fantastic.
01:22:18 Red leaves, purple mountains...
01:22:23 green fields.
01:22:27 And the roads.
01:22:31 cutting through the green.
01:22:34 All the colors.
01:22:37 The trees.
01:22:42 Pennsylvania's nice too.
01:22:46 Was that my wife?
01:22:48 Just now on the phone?
01:22:50 l think it was.
01:22:53 Val, was that Mom?
01:22:55 Yeah. She's stuck.
01:22:58 We're to start dinner without her.
01:23:00 l would have picked up, but l was
01:23:04 story.
01:23:06 Oh, it wasn't that good.
01:23:08 lt was wonderful.
01:23:10 Will you excuse me? l should tell
01:23:30 Would you excuse us?
01:23:35 l've never had so much
01:23:38 This is like a curse!
01:23:39 Dad, what do we do?
01:23:43 You're soaking!
01:23:45 l'm sweating
01:23:47 -l can't do this.
01:23:51 Something very odd is going on.
01:23:54 lt's this thing with Jackson.
01:23:56 The wife doesn't want to see us,
01:24:00 l'm sure that's not it.
01:24:02 No, it's something else. Something
01:24:07 -lt's nothing!
01:24:09 lt's not!
01:24:11 -l don't!
01:24:13 -Val's mother is just late.
01:24:16 She's late!
01:24:17 -Watch yourself, young lady!
01:24:21 Excuse me.
01:24:23 Well, we'll...
01:24:26 give her a half hour,
01:24:30 Here l am!
01:24:32 Oh, please...
01:24:34 forgive me for being so late,
01:24:38 Senator Keeley, Mrs. Keeley...
01:24:41 l'm so happy
01:24:45 You must be Barbara.
01:24:48 What a pretty child.
01:24:50 Come give me a hug.
01:24:52 Don't be afraid.
01:24:55 Oh, how adorable.
01:24:57 How nice to meet you,
01:25:00 Goldman.
01:25:01 lsn't the 'd' silent?
01:25:03 lt is pronounced Coleman, isn't it?
01:25:07 Oh, yes.
01:25:10 The 'd' is silent in America.
01:25:13 lt's Cole d'isle au Man,
01:25:17 where Armand's chateau is...
01:25:20 Cole d'man in Greece
01:25:24 and finally, the vulgar Coleman
01:25:28 So, we never know where we are
01:25:36 That explains it.
01:25:38 At last.
01:25:40 l would like to hug you,
01:25:43 Oh, my dear child!
01:25:45 Welcome.
01:25:47 Look at this.
01:25:49 This is our footage for the show
01:25:54 We're here at what
01:25:58 Where you driving him?
01:26:01 South Beach, Florida.
01:26:04 Where is this?
01:26:06 Keeley's house last night.
01:26:09 is with the 'National lnquirer.'
01:26:14 Oh, yeah. My God, he's put on so much
01:26:20 This should go to the network.
01:26:22 lt's so wonderful
01:26:25 Everything is
01:26:28 Our house is a sea of papers.
01:26:32 You're the biggest babies.
01:26:35 but can't pick out a tie.
01:26:37 l know. l can't get
01:26:42 Armand, they're picking on us.
01:26:45 Oh, well...
01:26:46 bless them.
01:26:50 Maybe l'm just
01:26:53 but l pity the woman who's too busy
01:26:57 Hear, hear! lt's so nice
01:27:01 Our kind of people.
01:27:05 C-o-l-e-m-a-n.
01:27:10 Sure?
01:27:12 What about the name in front
01:27:16 You're right.
01:27:19 Try Goldman.
01:27:21 Armand Goldman.
01:27:23 lt's so odd to me,
01:27:27 As if anyone--
01:27:30 would mind if their children
01:27:33 lt's insane.
01:27:37 Thank you, Agador Spartacus!
01:27:42 He's very nice, but such a problem.
01:27:45 We never know what makes him laugh.
01:27:49 At least he speaks English.
01:27:51 We have been through more chauffeurs
01:27:54 And the maids we've been through
01:27:58 Rodney, Bruno, Chuck--
01:28:00 Look!
01:28:03 l have a good feeling
01:28:05 Not a lot of clever books on
01:28:10 Just the crucifix and a lot
01:28:13 This is what Clinton
01:28:16 when he started in on school prayer
01:28:18 More ice for you.
01:28:20 There's an idiotic issue.
01:28:24 l mean, those haircuts,
01:28:27 Mom, don't talk about things
01:28:30 Don't patronize your mother.
01:28:33 l think homosexuality--
01:28:35 A lot more ice for you!
01:28:36 More for me, Dad.
01:28:37 is weakening this country.
01:28:40 That's what l thought until l found out
01:28:45 Talk about gays in the military!
01:28:47 How about those Dolphins?
01:28:53 l'll get it.
01:29:00 l think we're skirting
01:29:02 that has Mr. Coleman
01:29:04 And l don't blame him.
01:29:08 You must have heard
01:29:12 Oh, that.
01:29:15 Yes, what an ugly story.
01:29:18 Of course, we don't believe
01:29:21 What do you mean?
01:29:23 He was obviously framed.
01:29:25 l, for one,
01:29:27 Uh, Mom...
01:29:29 That's just what
01:29:34 Excuse me.
01:29:40 The tension. lt's like riding a
01:29:45 Dinner is going to be late, okay?
01:29:48 'Cause you give me
01:29:51 The girl is nice.
01:29:53 l owe it to Val. Growing up the way
01:29:56 l'm sorry to laugh at Miss Albert,
01:30:00 Fuck it! lt's one night.
01:30:05 Of course, it's wrong to kill
01:30:09 -Many pro-lifers...
01:30:11 l don't agree with them,
01:30:13 l'm here, son.
01:30:15 stop the doctors,
01:30:18 That's ridiculous.
01:30:21 Better to kill the mothers.
01:30:25 May l see you a moment, dear?
01:30:27 l know, l know. lf you kill
01:30:31 But the fetus is going to be aborted,
01:30:36 l really must see you now.
01:30:39 Excuse me.
01:30:48 l assure you...
01:30:50 Mother is just following a train
01:30:54 yet absurd, conclusion.
01:30:56 Very much the way
01:30:58 when he suggested that lrish peasants
01:31:02 Well, l know one thing
01:31:05 She's a passionate woman who follows
01:31:11 So Goldman owns the club...
01:31:14 lives above it,
01:31:19 We are in 'lnquirer' heaven.
01:31:25 l could have danced all night
01:31:28 l could have danced all night
01:31:31 And still have begged for more
01:31:36 You have a beautiful voice.
01:31:38 l could have spread my wings
01:31:41 And done a thousand things
01:31:44 l've never done before
01:31:49 Your mother should know
01:31:52 Barbara, Albert isn't my mother.
01:31:55 That's right.
01:31:59 He just sounds
01:32:03 l only know when he
01:32:07 Began to dance with me
01:32:10 l could have danced, danced, danced
01:32:15 All night
01:32:23 Bravo!
01:32:29 What a lovely voice you have,
01:32:32 Thank you. Thank you, all.
01:32:37 Wonderful. This way, Senator.
01:32:43 l'll bet you were lovely.
01:32:47 Go inside. l'll tape a note
01:32:51 Mrs. Keeley over there,
01:32:55 Val over here.
01:32:59 You are the most gracious hostess.
01:33:01 Oh, thank you so much.
01:33:03 l'm having such a wonderful time.
01:33:06 This is what
01:33:09 a big, loving family gathered
01:33:13 the way it was
01:33:15 That's the way we grew up too.
01:33:17 lt was a wonderful world then,
01:33:22 everyone speaking English
01:33:26 Easy on the wine, Mom.
01:33:27 What interesting china!
01:33:30 lt looks like young men
01:33:33 ls it Greek?
01:33:37 l-- l...
01:33:40 l have no idea.
01:33:42 l've never seen these bowls before.
01:33:44 Really?
01:33:47 They're in my purse by the chair.
01:33:50 Where are my glasses?
01:33:53 Greek boys, actually.
01:33:57 And girls!
01:34:01 -l have one.
01:34:04 There.
01:34:07 Then you haven't seen one
01:34:11 l may need glasses,
01:34:14 l couldn't find your glasses.
01:34:18 l have mine.
01:34:22 Hurry, you idiot!
01:34:25 What kind of moron puts out bowls
01:34:28 Stop ladling!
01:34:30 -You can't serve out of that!
01:34:32 Wait!
01:34:35 Let's see what they're doing.
01:34:37 Here we go.
01:34:40 Agador's superb soup. We're in luck.
01:34:45 This is his specialty,
01:34:49 lsn't that an egg?
01:34:51 Why, yes, it is.
01:34:54 This is so Guatemala.
01:34:57 They put eggs in everything
01:35:00 because chicken is
01:35:04 lt's their only real currency.
01:35:07 A woman is said to be
01:35:10 A man's wealth is measured
01:35:14 Will you excuse me?
01:35:19 What the hell is this?
01:35:21 Sweet-and-sour peasant soup.
01:35:25 -What the hell is that?
01:35:28 God, this is a nightmare.
01:35:42 Where are you staying in Florida?
01:35:45 With the Jeb Bushes,
01:35:49 Fisher lsland.
01:35:53 My parents lived on Fisher lsland
01:35:58 l thought you were visiting
01:36:01 What?
01:36:05 Yes, uh... now...
01:36:08 that they're dead.
01:36:10 They moved...
01:36:12 were moved... because...
01:36:17 well...
01:36:19 my mother always said,
01:36:23 get buried in Palm Beach...
01:36:25 that way you'll
01:36:30 Dad, get in there.
01:36:34 He didn't make an entree.
01:36:36 What?
01:36:39 Peasant soup is an entree.
01:36:42 Why do you think l put
01:36:44 Shut up!
01:36:46 Put Katharine's note
01:36:49 l have to go back before
01:36:52 l had so much to do.
01:36:56 Shut up!
01:36:57 lt's okay!
01:37:00 Shut up, goddamn you!
01:37:03 Don't just stand there!
01:37:06 Goddamn it!
01:37:13 Oh, my God.
01:37:16 That's it. That's it.
01:37:19 Park here.
01:37:21 This is an intersection.
01:37:23 So? We're the press.
01:37:36 'Katharine, do not go upstairs.
01:37:42 This is going to be great.
01:37:44 From that day on, they looked
01:37:49 instead of eating tofu.
01:37:51 Daddy favored Key Biscayne, but--
01:37:54 Time for dessert.
01:37:57 Shall we have our coffee
01:38:04 No, it's his town car.
01:38:08 We're in the middle of a bunch
01:38:13 We got authorization.
01:38:15 So, three?
01:38:19 So, where are they?
01:38:21 They went around the corner, there.
01:38:31 So what do you think
01:38:34 Well, she's only eighteen,
01:38:40 Good God. That sounds like
01:38:44 lt must be coming
01:38:48 This must be the same building.
01:38:50 You're joking! l always thought
01:38:55 Now, Mother, you know
01:38:58 She's traveled around the world,
01:39:01 she's still a girl
01:39:04 l'm afraid l am a bit naive.
01:39:08 Don't be ashamed
01:39:11 lt's not a chateau,
01:39:15 Thank you.
01:39:19 Of course, Armand is
01:39:24 But then,
01:39:29 Just like
01:39:32 Don't you agree?
01:39:34 -Where's the bathroom?
01:39:37 -No, l want Mother Coleman to show me.
01:39:41 One kiss, darling.
01:39:43 -l'm only going to the bathroom.
01:39:45 l think you're all crazy.
01:39:47 My men!
01:39:50 lsn't this wonderful?
01:39:53 This is so moving.
01:39:57 Something very strange
01:40:01 l know.
01:40:02 l mean, that dinner.
01:40:05 l know there was something
01:40:08 And the son disappearing
01:40:11 -l know just what's going on.
01:40:14 lt's the oldest story
01:40:16 What is it?
01:40:20 She's a small town girl...
01:40:24 and he's a pretentious European--
01:40:28 Him and his Cole d' whatever.
01:40:31 And his decadent china.
01:40:34 Aristotle Onassis was like this.
01:40:37 And all of the French,
01:40:40 And the English.
01:40:43 But l bet John Major has something on
01:40:48 -Who?
01:40:49 Why should she care
01:40:52 No.
01:40:55 Coleman and his nasty little
01:41:00 And his snobbery.
01:41:04 Kevin, you're rambling.
01:41:06 Well, it makes me furious.
01:41:10 Did you see him when she talked?
01:41:14 He won't let her run the house.
01:41:19 He tells that beige savage
01:41:27 What?
01:41:28 l'm so sorry.
01:41:32 Don't be silly. No one noticed the wig.
01:41:36 They took everything away.
01:41:38 l have a barrette. lf you don't
01:41:42 Thank you.
01:41:46 l'm so sorry, Val.
01:41:48 You didn't have this kind
01:41:52 Bessie Jackson is
01:41:55 This woman is a lady.
01:41:59 lf he's so terrible, maybe your daughter
01:42:04 He's not terrible in that way.
01:42:09 l've never really seen
01:42:12 l don't even know who you are!
01:42:15 You're not worried about Barbara.
01:42:19 And poor little Mrs. Coleman!
01:42:21 You're as worried about my career
01:42:26 Barbara can handle that boy.
01:42:30 Poor Mrs. Coleman cries if you call
01:42:35 lt breaks my heart.
01:42:41 Hello!
01:42:44 l forgot my key.
01:42:45 Who is it?
01:42:47 Val's mother, Mrs. Goldman.
01:42:49 ls Armand there?
01:42:53 Val's mother?
01:42:54 Mrs. Goldman?
01:42:57 So this is the whole story.
01:43:01 l'll get the door.
01:43:03 No, you're in the wrong house!
01:43:06 Good evening. May l take your purse,
01:43:12 for the first time.
01:43:15 You must be Senator and Mrs. Keeley.
01:43:17 Katharine Goldman. Delighted to
01:43:22 Sorry to take so long, but Barbara--
01:43:26 Let me explain.
01:43:28 Please do.
01:43:30 l don't want to embarrass
01:43:33 but how many mothers
01:43:37 This woman introduced herself...
01:43:39 as Val's mother.
01:43:47 Just one.
01:43:53 This is my mother.
01:43:56 My father owns the club downstairs.
01:44:00 What?
01:44:03 We lied to you, Barbara and l.
01:44:07 These are my parents.
01:44:11 This is my wife.
01:44:13 This is the lady who had Val.
01:44:16 Nice to meet you, Katharine.
01:44:19 Very nice, Val.
01:44:21 You've done a good job.
01:44:23 Thank you.
01:44:26 l don't understand.
01:44:28 Barbara, the nightclub downstairs,
01:44:34 He's not a cultural attaché?
01:44:38 No. And he isn't married
01:44:43 And their name is Goldman,
01:44:46 They're Jewish.
01:44:48 l don't understand.
01:44:51 He's a man.
01:44:54 No. You can't be Jewish.
01:44:56 No, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
01:44:58 Kevin, this is a man.
01:45:03 What?
01:45:04 Don't you see?
01:45:07 They own the drag club downstairs.
01:45:14 Senator Keeley...
01:45:16 this may not help, but l want you
01:45:21 about a return to family values
01:45:26 l feel like l'm insane.
01:45:28 lt's really very simple.
01:45:30 She called you Mother Coleman.
01:45:32 Kevin, nothing has changed.
01:45:36 With one tiny difference.
01:45:40 Well, not tiny.
01:45:47 l don't understand.
01:45:49 l'll explain in the car.
01:45:53 l'm not coming.
01:45:56 Barbara, please don't do this to me.
01:45:59 l may not be as vulnerable
01:46:04 but l still have feelings.
01:46:07 Somebody has to like me best.
01:46:12 Take it easy, Louise.
01:46:18 -You're coming with us.
01:46:22 l've made your mother cry.
01:46:26 We're in the middle
01:46:27 l'm in the home of a gay couple
01:46:31 You want to get married, but how many
01:46:44 l...
01:46:46 l would have liked to have
01:46:55 l just want to say,
01:46:59 whatever your name is,
01:47:06 Senator Keeley!
01:47:10 Oh, no.
01:47:12 Did you get him?
01:47:14 No, l would have
01:47:16 l wanted to make him turn.
01:47:28 Those vultures.
01:47:31 Another television van just arrived.
01:47:36 Oh, that's just print news.
01:47:38 lt'll have a great headline:
01:47:40 'Senator Jackson and His Women;
01:47:44 lt's perfectly innocent.
01:47:46 You came to meet the parents
01:47:51 Louise, people in this country
01:47:54 All they trust are headlines.
01:47:57 But what do they have? lt's their word
01:48:02 Yes, but at some point,
01:48:06 People will notice
01:48:08 Another television crew.
01:48:12 Wouldn't you know it?
01:48:16 Can l get anyone some soup?
01:48:18 No.
01:48:21 Daddy, l'm sorry.
01:48:23 l know.
01:48:24 Senator?
01:48:27 Another shot for you?
01:48:29 l don't really drink.
01:48:30 Yeah, but...
01:48:35 Give me some candy, Louise.
01:48:38 Couldn't the Keeleys slip out
01:48:42 No, they're waiting for that.
01:48:47 Not necessarily.
01:49:18 A big hand for our girls.
01:49:20 As we come to the end of our show,
01:49:25 We are family
01:49:29 l got all my sisters with me
01:49:33 We are family
01:49:37 Get up, everybody, and sing
01:50:34 Will they keep waiting?
01:50:36 They have to. There's no story
01:50:40 Get up, everybody, and sing
01:51:00 We are family
01:51:04 l got all my sisters with me
01:51:08 We are family
01:51:12 Get up, everybody, and sing
01:51:25 We are family
01:51:33 Work it. Sell it.
01:51:40 Come on.
01:51:48 We are family
01:51:56 We are family
01:52:08 l've never danced with a man before.
01:52:12 There's always a first time.
01:52:15 Perdóname.
01:52:19 No one will dance with me.
01:52:21 lt's this dress.
01:52:24 What about me?
01:52:27 Dance?
01:52:28 Not you.
01:52:30 Don't go. l don't want to be
01:52:33 Just head for the door.
01:52:38 Care to dance, baby?
01:53:37 Meet me in 20 minutes
01:53:41 Lady, not for a million dollars.
01:54:49 Bob Dole is gorgeous!
01:55:00 Which one is the mother?
01:55:05 l just don't know.
01:55:08 Mazel tov.
01:55:09 As a sign of your union,
01:55:22 l'm sorry.